July 02, 2004

Serious question...

Who are you who came here early this morning from Calgary, Alberta, Canada?
It's not Paul, that much I know.

In fact, there's only one person that I have personal knowledge of who lives there. I'm not sayin' he's the only person who lives there, just the only one I know of at all. Plus, most of my Canada hits are Paul.

Even if ya ain't who I get all panty-puddled over, which isn't easy, cause I don't wear them either hope, you did remind me it's been a while, soooo...

and...

furthermore...

Besides which...

So, always remember and never forget...

Unnerstaaaand?
(Me either, but I loooove this guy. Can ya tell?)

Oh, and Bret? Just because it's been over two months since my birthday doesn't mean ya still can't use that cell phone number, ya know....

Update @ 8:05am...
HA! see, Pissed-off Bill? I am NOT the only one. Just take a peek in the comments...

Posted by: Stevie at 06:18 AM | Comments (12) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

July 01, 2004

Dis gonna (hopefully) be a looong, wonderful night...

I popped in over to Jett's new place, as I'm wont to do every doggone day, even when she's "off the air" and these days, aside from being richly rewarded for my sterling talent in being able to click a mouse and get there AND there being CONTENT again, I'm also about to submerse myself in her archives. (Now, that's a run-on sentence...)

I'm there, I'm-a readin' and she gives a link to a past story. I not only read that post, I read all of 'em that were there. This woman is fuckin' incredible. She pulls me in like an undertow or something. She, again, made me laugh out loud at some things, cheer like a maniac about others (way to tell off a tailgatin' asshole!) and cry with others (I bet Baxter KNEW it wasn't personal. And, so did Cathy...).

I don't see any archive links on her site, but I did what she did and 'Googled' her blog's name and viola! There's stuff from Blogspot and Geocities and I'mina be here a while, I can tell.

Of course, it's making making dinner take waaaay too long, but.... feh. That IS why God made Juan Valdez who invented coffee or whatever, right?

Right this minute, I'm gonna go get a shower, finish dinner, get a pot o'coffee made, stick in a movie I know so well I can ignore it (no, I CAN'T just sit here in silence- perish the thought... ew), get a deck or two of smokes and READ and LEARN and LOVE JETT even more (if possible) when I get done.

SO... if ya's don't hear from me for a while, don't send a search party... I'm fine.
I'll be over at Jett's place, sitting in her attic, marvelling over her talent, life, attitude... HER.

She is awesome.

Posted by: Stevie at 09:30 PM | Comments (14) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Oops...

Here I am thinkin' that my 'one year ago, I started typing and, except for bathroom breaks and sleeping sometimes, I ain't even slowed DOWN yet' date is in a day or two... wrong.

I was searching around in my Yahoo mail folders to see whether or not I had become a member (yet) of Scroff's place and I saw my *whispers* Xanga site sign-in info, sooo.... *rolling eyes*... Jesus.

It appears that I actually started doing this stuff on June 3rd of last year, HOWEVER... that mess is a blog only by the most ambiguous definition of the word, so, I'm wondering if I oughta, instead, use the day I started at Blogspot (which I see is July 6th-that's where that date came from)... a place I spent a coupla months or so not being able to do a friggin' link correctly. A place where I swear I was keeping Mumwop the Monster (who used to "eat" scrap paper on the Cap't. Noah show here in the Philly area) fed 'cause my posts got 'eaten' quite often. Yet, the place I first had REAL comments and actually GOT comments. I dunno. Blogspot drove me nuts.

Of course, I fully remember and could never forget the date I started at Munuviana, with the ever-so-cool MT, people and Paul... September 13th, 2003.

Okay... just did a little more pokin' around and NOW I understand what I did...
I utterly ignored the Xanga shit in my own head and was going by the day I started at Blogspot... July 6th. Got it. Makes sense, too. My hand to GOD, I cannot figure out how to, or WHAT to link to so you guys can laugh til ya's puke at the mess at Xanga. Hell, I don't even see the name of the damned thing and I can't remember if it was Xfire or not. Somehow, "BrainFarts" and "Nuckin' Futz" are both ringing faint bells in my head, but... I've obviously blocked it out, like most people do with traumatic, horrific things. (Which is about what Xanga was and probably still is... makin' people sign up to comment... sheesh.)

Anyhoo... if ya go to the Blogspot incarnation, you can get to those archives and all. Some day, we're (me and Paul, not me and the mouse in my pocket, by the way) are gonna try to bring the BS archives over here. (Hmmm. 'BS'. Blogspot or BullShit?... I can't tell...)

I also can't tell (anymore) if I've been doing this for a year yet, or not, cause what I'm doin' now ain't even CLOSE to what the hell I was doing at Xanga, fer Pete's sake. Or Blogspot, either, for that matter.

I got it. Even though the first date is already gone, we can still use it and July 6th as 'practice party' dates for the real thing on September 13th of this year.

In the meantime, here's a link to where I get taken by going to Xanga. God knows, it's probably a 'user' page and may not show y'all what I see, but, if it doesn't work, I guess you could just go to Xanga and try looking up Stevie_Rave_On, my name over there. It displays as "Stevie_Rave_On's Xanga site", but I already know that don't mean shit as far as anybody actually being able to FIND the stupid shit.

Anyhow... it's been a year, it's about to be a year and it'll be a real year again in September.

And I'm still nuts.
Hmmmmm.

Posted by: Stevie at 04:51 PM | Comments (18) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Pretty, pretty...

I changed my Moz "theme" to walnut and I like it, I like it. Makes Xfire look brand-new and kick ass all over again.

Cool.

Posted by: Stevie at 01:11 AM | Comments (14) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

June 30, 2004

Probably not safe for work...

This is cute.

They blur the boobs, yet somehow manage to miss the "whole point"... ('hole' and a (sorta) 'point'-y thing that goes in it..). think about it, if you're at work. If you're safe, click the link.

What it is, is a shot of CNN FOX (I stand corrected at 12:30 am, 7/1... sorry and thank you, Scroff!) running a promo for an upcoming show about (a word you can find with the letters that spell 'cornpone'. Right there... the middle four. Unscramble 'em... there ya go...) about that and they blur out the boobs, while not even realizing there's a... um.... 'sizable coupling' going on at the other end of that chick's body. I don't know how they missed it, fer fuck's sake. (No, no pun intended. Too easy...) Her knees are only drawn up to her got-damned CHIN!

Found at your friendly neighborhood FARK.

Posted by: Stevie at 05:36 PM | Comments (13) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Whoa.

This is cool as shit, but- God help me- I think I recognize numbers 8 and 10.
8 is W.C. Fields and 10 is Sam Kinnison.

Right?

Posted by: Stevie at 03:01 PM | Comments (13) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

See?

Take the quiz: "Which Random Irish Gaelic Phrase Are You? "

Go n-eithe na peisteoga thu
Go n-eithe na peisteoga thu - 'May the worms eat you.'You're one sick bastard. When you die, you're going to to a very warm place. That is, if you don't already run it.

Found at LeeAnn's.

Posted by: Stevie at 01:27 PM | Comments (13) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

I've said it before and I'mina say it again...

My insurance agent, Julie, is the coolest person... Jesus.

Even though George is the only one driving right now (soon, damn it... soon), it's usually on me to handle the paperwork end of things. Calling Van's, for instance. Van's is one of the many, many places around here to get tags and insurance and shit. When we first moved here, someone told me about Van's when I was changing all my shit to Pa. The girls who work there are knowledgable, nice and friendly. The dude who owns it, though... *shudder* He could make a MENSA member feel like a drooling idiot, let alone me. Shiiit.

Then, there's the Commonwealth itself. I don't really enjoy dealing with them much, either, let alone for somebody else's crap, ya know?

BUT... when it comes to, of all things, my car insurance, I'll beat yer ass to be able to be the one who gets to do it because of Julie. She is just awesome, I swear.

The last thing that got "done" with the insurance, George "handled"... sigh. I kinda knew I was gonna end up involved. All he had to do was fax a freakin' letter to Julie, stating that he wanted to re-arrange the cars on the insurance policy and how. He faxed it. The agency called for clarification because all I wrote down (yes, I...) was the VINs without year, make and model. (I THOUGHT Julie was gonna get it...) Anyhoo, he got a call asking for more info and, first off, didn't ask for Julie, like I told him to. Then, he and the (obviously 'remedial', seeing as to how I had to about draw pictures of the cars for her) agent got too deep into things about which cars are in whose records and accomplished exactly nothing.

Men.

Aaaanyway, in the meantime, Julie called and left me a message just to make sure I knew a small payment is due and by when, so we can get this shit done with. I called her back to discuss it and wound up talking to her about that, among other things, for 12 minutes and change. (My cell tells ya how long each call was...)

We could possibly end up with a new blogger outta this.

That'd be so cool. Hell, she'd probably have an endless font of inspiration for posts just from the insane things people say and do with insurance and claims and stuff. Like badly worded explanations of car accidents and shit. ("I had to swerve several times before I hit him." comes immediately to mind. And, something about a guy saying he "looked at his mother-in-law, then drove off the cliff", or some damned thing.)

Or office things, anonymously of course, about the nutjob clients (*waving*) she has...

Besides any of that, however, she's just so sweet and funny, she'd have a good blog no matter what she wrote about. Just gotta make sure to warn her half to death about being strictly anonymous about it if she does mention job stuff. Don't need to lose her to that stupid, corporate "got a blog?... got no job" mentality. Matter of fact, I sooo don't want to lose her as my agent, I already have it in mind to follow her to whatever agency she may ever move to. If she's in this Commonwealth, she's my insurance agent. Period.

Posted by: Stevie at 12:05 PM | Comments (14) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Okay, so if that Bush/Pope picture made ya laugh....

...like it did me, ya might wanna go here and take a peek.

Best to not be trying to consume any liquids, by the way. (And, why is it that coffee feels hotter comin' out yer nose than it does when ya swallow it, anyway?)

Posted by: Stevie at 08:50 AM | Comments (11) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

1 Well I'll be...

Big Thanks, Stevie. Just noticed this... the ol' lady pointed it out (that's how self involved I am) very cool. I'll have to add you to the honor roll

Posted by: scroff at July 01, 2004 01:54 PM (oxjur)

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June 29, 2004

In my brain...

1. Lounge::Lizard, specifically Bill Murray on SNL, back when it was excellent.

2. Photograph::That 70's song... "All I've got is a photograph and I realize you're not comin' back anymore..." Is that the song title, too? I think it is.

3. Catacomb::Catabrush, fulla hair, probably.

4. Crucifix::Mainlinin' religion. (Which is exactly what I think some of those "holy-roller" fruit loops do, by the way...)

5. Fire drill::Chinese

6. Tube::Steak, sock and "Always Somethin' There to Remind Me" (by The Tubes) all spring to mind at once.

7. Dropped::my boobs

8. LTD::No, no... that's LSD, ya trippin' dipshit.

9. Panther:ead-ant, dead-ant, dead-ant dead-ant dead-ant, dead-ant dead aaaant, wha wha wha wha... (that last part is a sax, by the way.)

10. Formica::Who'sa Mica and-a WHAT'S for heem? Second thought is the "Brady Bunch Movie" because Mike(a) says he designed the whole house, including "every piece of Formica" and no, they ain't sellin' it. (Yeah, even though there's 6 kids in two bedrooms and no freakin' toilet in a house with 9 people livin' in it. What kinda dork-meister architect would design a house with those specs and that size family, anyway? Cheese and Rice Krispies.)
    

Scary in here, ain't it?
Found here, the home of my new psychologist now that both Dr. Hartley and Dr. Katz are off the air... damn it.

Posted by: Stevie at 11:17 PM | Comments (20) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

1 Hmmm. I might be mistaken, but I'm pretty sure Photograph was done by Def Leppard in the early 80's. On the albumn High and Dry (Could be wrong about the albumn though, brain is foggy and I dont feel like web searching it)

Posted by: Drew at June 30, 2004 12:44 AM (Mh9EI)

2 Do you have before and after for #7?

They SAY science is Important!

Posted by: wesley J. at June 30, 2004 01:16 AM (nS8z2)

3 I love Def Leppard, but... lol, ain't no way they did the song I was hearing. (lmao at the idea of them doing this song...) What was playing in my head was definitely a 70's, kinda "tinkley", bouncy, "light" kinda melody. I kept thinking Ringo Starr or maybe George Harrison... then I went ahead and actually checked (making me THINK this early in the am...jeez) and it's really both of them. I stuck "Photograph lyrics" in the Yahoo search bar and it's waaaay down there, under Def Leppard and Weezer. Number 18, in fact. (Daaaamn. Now I wanna hear "Pour Some Sugar on Me" and "Love Bites" and I gots no idea where the "hearing-impaired big cat" tape even is... crap.)
(And, their drummer is fuckin' HEROIC, isn't he? Jesus. That dude gets more done with one arm than LOTS of fully-abled people I can think of.)

And, Wes, Honey... yer just gonna hafta take my word for it. I tend not to "photograph" tragedies... at least not the ones that involve me, anyway. (lmao) I haven't worn a bra since.... (hurting my brain, trying to remember) sometime in the 80's. I took it off one day, sling-shotted it into the corner and there it stayed. Stupid, uncomfortable things...
Of course, now that I've got another horse, riding at anything faster than a walk makes me wonder if I wasn't a little too hasty, there... *snerk*

Posted by: Stevie at June 30, 2004 09:19 AM (mLUJL)

4 'Photograph' is on the Pyromania album....

Posted by: Mad Mikey at June 30, 2004 10:45 AM (NmR1a)

5 Is it a cover of the one by Ringo and George?

Posted by: Stevie at June 30, 2004 12:54 PM (v7Vry)

6 nothing ventured!

Heh!

Posted by: wesley J. at July 01, 2004 01:23 AM (nS8z2)

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Oh, poop on Snopes...

I found this "post-able" too, but for a vastly different reason.

This made me laugh out loud... for several minutes, numerous times, since I found it yesterday over here... no over he- shit. I can't remember WHERE I found it now and I've looked in all the places I remember being, so if ya recognize this and you've posted it lately, let me know so I can pass on credit where it's due, okay?
(Sorry. Major "blonde-moment"....)

Anyhoo...

(And, if this is a photoshopped fake, just let me revel in my giggly ignorance this time, okay... *grin*)

Update 6/30 @ 8:30am:
DADGUMMIT! I knew it was somewhere! I even poked around here for a while, thinking this was right, but I didn't see it that time... lol. Here it is, in it's home there... Thank you, Michele. (For both- posting it and reminding me where I found it...)

Posted by: Stevie at 07:12 PM | Comments (16) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Okay, Jack, you got it...

Just got an email from my buddy, Jack. I know it's probably one of those "chain emails" but, this time, since it's from Jack AND since it is wicked-cool, I'm posting it in it's entirety...

Pass it on, please.

This is eerie...and something to think about since America is typically represented by an eagle. Saddam should have read up on his Muslim passages. The following verse is from the Quran, (the Islamic Bible)...

Quran (9:11) -- For it is written that a son of Arabia would awaken a fearsome Eagle. The wrath of the Eagle would be felt throughout the lands of Allah and lo, while some of the people trembled in despair still more rejoiced; for the wrath of the Eagle cleansed the lands of Allah; and there was peace.

(Note the verse number!!!!!)

I wish everyone of voting age could read this. Send to as many as you can!!

Pray For And Be Proud Of Our Troops

God Bless America

Posted by: Stevie at 08:00 AM | Comments (19) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Awwww, y'all are so sweet...

I was having an "I must suck reeeeeally bad" day the other day. There was more than just one thing making me feel that way. With the exception of the "horse thang", everything has been or is being resolved.

The only thing that was buggin' me about this, Xfire, was the gaping maw of silence. Warn't nobody sayin' nuttin' about nuttin'.

Let's put it this way... I just hadda go alllll the way back to the 13th to come up with as many comments as there are under the post "Am I done already?", and 4 of those are ME... lol. That is sad.... (In keeping with "full disclosure", I feel compelled to add that Mad Mikey is right up there with me, as 4 of the remaining comments were his. And, since I just worked it out and I'm sure there must be at least ONE other person wondering, the rest of the breakdown goes thusly: Terry left two comments and the following all left one; Donnie, my Eric, Paul, Pril, Amy, Pam, Kenna, Mad William, Jane, Cait and my "other" Eric. Remember now, this is since the 13th... and it includes the post AFTER "Am I done already?", which didn't get any, either.... *rolling eyes* *and giggling*)

So, I was feeling a little... pathetic. I probably shouldn't have been, but.... Siiigh. I suppose it'd help to explain two dominant features of my personality that pertains to this stuff.

First of all, it drives me beyond bugfuck when yer trying to have a conversation with a person who takes AGES to respond. In the course of daily life, when dealing with random nimrods in person, it comes across as calculated or maybe fabricated when someone has to stop and think (so hard) about what to say. It doesn't bother me that bad when it's not someone I have to deal with all the time, but when it is, it makes me nearly homicidal. Just ask George. That dude has gone literally HOURS before answering a simple question. Makes me nuts(er). My brain fires so fuckin' fast that I say shit I probably shouldn't, but hell, at least ya KNOW it's the truth. It comes out too quickly to be anything else....

The other aspect is weird. It's a defense I came up with in high school against stupid boys who'd say they'd call, then didn't. Especially boyFRIENDS. Gawd, that used to piss me right off. Soooo, after about the second time I was left waiting by the phone for some asswit to call, I said "To hell wit' dis shit..." and started just disabling the phone after they didn't call when they were supposed to. Then, I still wasn't hearing the damned thing ring, but at least it was MY doing, not theirs.

Smart, hey? *rolling eyes, again*

It's stuck with me, though. It's also mutated into other aspects of my life... obviously.

After I wrote that post, I started wondering if I really am retarded, because who, with any brain function, bitches about a dwindling audience (and hardly any comments) TO a dwindling audience? I kept asking myself "Who's even gonna see it, ya frickin' knothead?"

Well, Rob did. (Have I mentioned lately that I love that guy? I do. He is awesome...) That was all it took, too. Just Rob seeing it. Now, tons of people have seen it and I have an unprecidented number of comments on one post that not one of came from me... (did that make sense?). Twenty comments, and they're all from other people. I'm still amazed. Probably will be for some time to come...

So, mostly what I've been wanting to say is "Thank you" with a hug to each person who commented. I've emailed everyone back that I could, but there were three or so people so far, who didn't use real email addys and I wanna make sure they know I appreciate it, too. "OldGeek", Jim and Mark... kisses on youse, too, okay?

In the meantime, I've 'rolled two new blogs I've found from all this and have about 42 new bookmarks, too. One place I've stumbled upon, however, just creeps me right out.

If you're a young, beautiful blonde woman from Vancouver, BC, ya might wanna make it a point to stay as far away from this dude as ya possibly can. Does he not look just like Eric Robert's version of Paul Schnider in "Star 80"? *shudder*
What is with this dude's lips? There's one shot of him where his lips make Mick Jagger's look positively demure by comparison. Somebody needs to tell him the "pimp" look is OUT and to lose that cheesy-assed excuse for a moustach. He's got absolutely beautiful eyes, but... it doesn't help at all.

Anyhoot... you guys are all so completely cool... Thank you again.
And, Rob?
You've got some great karma headed your way, if I have any influence on such things.
{{{HUG!}}} (I just had give you one back.)

Peace

Posted by: Stevie at 04:54 AM | Comments (14) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

June 27, 2004

See, Ricky-poo? This is what I spend all night IM-ing about... your butt... (my brain is soooo bent it's almost scary)(and is it any wonder why?)...

srv200163: Can it be? Is you really on?

TBT: YEA... WHY IS THAT SUCH A SURPRISE?

TBT: SORRY 'BOUT THE CPAS

TBT: shit... key stuck

srv200163: Mostly cuz it's me hoping for it and because, usually, when ya are on it says something else, like "away" or "not at my desk" or whatever and this time, it just shows ya as on....

srv200163: The CPA's? What'd they do, add wrong?

srv200163: (rotflmao)

TBT: fucking accountants

srv200163: Yeah man... *dying laughing now*

srv200163: Christ, I think I just dislodged my liver....

TBT: ummm.. you shouldn't be laughing with your liver... that might be the problem

srv200163: Okay... makes sense. That bacon and those onions all over it could become disengaged and float to my brain or something... medically speaking... right?

srv200163: Like a tasty embolism...

TBT: wait'll ya get a whiff when that embolism burps though.... whoa!

srv200163: Jesus.... lol

srv200163: Can't be any worse than Eric.

srv200163: That boy farted in MY CHAIR earlier and, my hand to God, I looked out the window cuz I thought it was a HARLEY!

srv200163: Then, I noticed he was levitating from it (and giggle-gagging) and KNEW what it was.

srv200163: Then, I climbed out said window...

TBT: good choice

srv200163: Hell... ONLY choice...

TBT: did you climb? or fall?

srv200163: Got blown out it is closest to the truth.... jeez... I swear I do NOT understand how such a cute little hiney can make such noxious odors....

TBT: it's called stealth bombing... takes decades of practice

TBT: sounds like he's an ace

srv200163: Yeah, but ain't they supposed to be silent?

srv200163: This one woulda made a Harley sound like a sewing machine...

TBT: nawwww... undetectable getting to the target... but once there, the explosion's horrendous.

srv200163: Ah yes... the sonic boom.

srv200163: Then comes the fallout... birds falling out of the sky feathers smoldering, squirrels falling outta trees berift of any fur, flowers wilting, people choking... got it.

srv200163: Sorta like the polar opposite of Agent Orange.

TBT: you forgot the peeling wallpaper

srv200163: We bottle this shit (no pun intended) and send it to Iraq or wherever, we'd win in no time, but we'd hafta evacuate our own guys, first...

*a few minutes later*

TBT: have you read any harry potter?

srv200163: Noooo... I've always thought they were kid books, more or less...

srv200163: Eric loves the movies, tho...

TBT: oh no.... there great.... anyway... Hagrid talks like I spell

srv200163: Cool... sometimes I write like Yoda speaks...

TBT: (Rowling actually spells his 'teh's')

srv200163: She spells 'the', teh?

srv200163: Too?

srv200163: (Or does she just have a really hard time with 'h-i-s'?)

*silence*

srv200163: Aw, c'mon!!! This is comedy GOLD, Dude!!!!

*silence*

srv200163: spit, spit... tap, tap... This thing on?

TBT: **scritching head**

TBT: ahhhhh.... Ok.... yes.... marvellously funny.... yes .... splendid!... har har & all that.

srv200163:*emoticon sticking out it's tongue*

Posted by: Stevie at 02:26 AM | Comments (10) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

June 26, 2004

Am I done already?

It hasn't even been a year yet. It'll BE a year in a coupla weeks. If I'm even here for it, that is.

I've never been in this solely for hits and comments, but damn. I think even I might have to admit that this is starting to hurt now. My usual number of people stopping by is around 60 a day, give or take a couple. I hardly ever got any feedback with that many.

Now that I've dropped (like a ROCK) to about 30 a day, I feel very... pessimistic about all this, now.

Jesus Christ, if yer own Dad and finacee don't comment anymore, that's says something not good, doesn't it? (It screams "You suck, you nagging, boring bitch!", quite frankly...)

It's okay, in a way, though. I am rather used to being ignored, it's just that I can do THAT to myself and it doesn't hurt near as much when it's me doing it, but this is.... not me doing it.

Between this, the fact that not one additional horse has gotten here yet and I doubt any will now, and the 18 year old cunt whose had the undeserved ability to threaten my 'everything' by inserting herself in Eric's rectum, I'm kinda feeling... not so wonderful very often these days. (Bluntly, I've found myself back to the "waiting for the sweet peace of death" mindset lately... Hell, it's GOT TO hurt less than this, ya know?)

I just read some other blog author say that everything is 'seaonal' or cyclical in blogging. I can grasp that concept very well, thanks to the Byrds and that irritating ditty of theirs, "Turn, Turn, Turn", which, by the way, the stupid preacher quoted at my mom's Mom's funeral... weirdo. I nudged my Dad and asked if I could then do my somber recitation of Lynyrd Skynyrd's "Sweet Home Alabama". But, noooooooooo.

Anyway... I kinda know I suck in the first place, hence the need to spill my heart to a blog instead of a live person. For me, it was purely because I'd bored everybody to death with my head-shit and I needed feedback. Still do.

But, such a tremendous amount of mute denial is killing me. Every time I check my mail and there's nothing except Yahoo weather alerts and random bullshit, it knocks me down a few more inches and I never did have much more than just my head up outta the shit of life and I'm back in up to my nose, now.

In personal relationships, I've always had this one rule... if ya want out or ya want me gone just SAY SO. I'll go. Just don't fuck around, playing mind-games, hurting me, pushing me away every way except with the truth. Just tell me. I'll go. But, just treat me like a creature with feelings, instead of a used papertowel, okay? Have the guts to say what ya want. I'll do it.

People can't seem to do that very well. They don't seem to be able to believe I'll go away. So, they ignore me or are "too busy" til I get the hint and go. I kinda feel like that's what's going on here.

I never expected to be like Rob. I never WANTED to be like Glenn Reynolds. (Hell, being beat on the head til I was as dry and boring as Ryenolds would HURT, ya know?) I just wanted to find a way to ask "Is it me, or what?" type questions and get a few different perspectives or ideas... That too much to hope for, is it? Seems to be.

Worst part is, I've done this "honest" all the way. I've not done anything to manipulate my numbers or become a hit-whore, because the stupid numbers aren't important, really. I don't even know HOW to do any of that shit.

So, it's 100% purely ME that is so uninspired, boring... whatever, that my blog is dying. Yeah, okay... got it. Same ol', same ol', ya know?

I've never wanted to matter to the whole world. Hell, I don't even have enough ego to think of that concept and do anything but laugh... I just wanted to have a little home, a place where I could go, be me and not end up feeling like I do now for doing that.

Frankly, the way I feel about THIS right now is that if I never did another post after this one, nobody would even notice, let alone care a whit. And, believe me, if I don't ever post publicly again, I won't be here to look either.

Nothing like being able to watch yer own funeral and nobody comes...

Any-fuckin' way... Writing does help me, even when it's like what I wrote is invisible. Therefore, I'll keep writing. I'll just keep it all in draft. Actually, I'm thinking about putting all of Xfire to draft. No sense leaving it out there for spammers to shit on, ya know? Then, as soon as I realize that even though writing is helping me, but I'm truly not worth even the efforts of the act of writing to heal me, I'll stop doing that, too.

Then, Pixy can have this space for someone else. Like Mad Mikey, whom I'm trying to get a Munu blog and have been for over a week, so far. (Mikey... quit paying for comments and shit, Honey. Pixy seems agreeable to having you as a Munu, he just so backed up running all this it may take a coupla days...)

"People ask me, Hank, why do ya drink, why do you roll smoke..."

Survival.

It shuts off the "yousuck, yousuck, yousuck" part of my brain.
It's also the one of the three "constants" in my life. Pain is number one, which necessitates the other two... that and rock and roll. I've got Stevie Ray cued up and I've got the "shut up, nobody wants to hear it anyway, not even me" shit, sooo...

I'm outta here.

Posted by: Stevie at 06:31 PM | Comments (32) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

1 Hey, solly! I been disposing of body parts in my crawl space. That hot, heavy work.

You still Numba One Babe, Dolly. Nella forget! I send you some nice lambchop. From crawl space. You be mo bettah byum bye.

Luvvums. And write! We talk salad dressing, Dolly!

Posted by: Velociman at June 26, 2004 10:52 PM (CzA79)

2 Don't look at your sitemeter stats... they only count about half the hits... even if they are working... I noticed my sitemeter has been down the past couple of weeks too for sonme reason... if your have your cPanel set up at MuNu, it will give you more accurate visitor counts.

Posted by: Madfish Willie at June 26, 2004 11:58 PM (eYi52)

3 I have THREE (3) hit counters and they all provide different traffic stats. Just know that you are being read and that blogging wanes and waxes. I went from 300 a day for a week to 20 a day. That's depressing. But don't worry. It'll pick back up.

Posted by: DeoDuce at June 27, 2004 12:16 AM (Opypb)

4 No, no, no.
Keep on bloggin'.
If you must feel self pity, express it here, as necessary. What higher aspiration can there be than Being Yourself For The World - or at least Thirty (30) people(AUDIENCE! OO! OOOO!) to see? I love audiences.
Even audiences of one.
(as a roar goes up from the crowd)
Thank you! Thank you!!

Posted by: Kv at June 27, 2004 12:25 AM (m7lKF)

5 DON'T YOU DARE QUIT!

Posted by: TC-LeatherPenguin at June 27, 2004 03:08 AM (kiH79)

6 Acidman sent me. I read the post above. You ain't near as effed-up, or lonesome, or etc., as I am. I don't have a blog, so no one else knows that. Hell, all anyone knows about any of us bloviating in this medium is what he chooses to believe about what we admit. You sound ok to me, maybe a little bit morose and grumpy, that is, normal, for a grownup.

Posted by: Justthisguy at June 27, 2004 03:44 AM (rDqPx)

7 Hi
Acidman sent me over; I'm just getting in to the blogging world. Any audience is great, but even if there are none (which is unlikely), expressing yourself with words soothes the soul sometimes. Don't stop!

Posted by: Michele at June 27, 2004 07:24 AM (oopqz)

8 Stevie, my dear - If you promise not to stop and not make this threat again, I will come to PA and muck your stalls for a week. Do not get so down on yourself ... how could I face Rob, (who led me to you), and tell him I couldn't fix this? Listen to the folks above me. Love, Terry

Posted by: Terry Reynolds at June 27, 2004 09:49 AM (EkqT5)

9 Uh, Stevie?

Sorry I haven't commented before. But as a complete stranger who's had no personal interaction with you at all...

I like your stuff. I hope you write more.

Posted by: Richard Riley at June 27, 2004 01:16 PM (0JCZ8)

10 I haven't ever comment on your writings before, either, but I do read and I do empathize and I do want you to continue!! How's that for a run-on sentence??
Don't quit. I'd miss ya!

Angie

Posted by: Angie at June 27, 2004 04:05 PM (JLJ5N)

11 Nah. Just keep bloggin'. I started it for me only and it stays that way. Yeah, I've watched my hit meter go as high as 200 a day for a while, then crash to 10 - 20 a day. So what. I just keep on, keepin'on. This week I'm back up to 50 - 60. My biggest return offender is google. (never leaves comments either)
Just keep being you.
BTW, got this link from Acidman's site. I think he likes your writing.

Posted by: Wichi Dude at June 27, 2004 07:03 PM (OyVIp)

12 Acidman says to come over here and give you a hug, so here is a virtual hug .... (You can't see it because it's virtual, see, ...errr, it's virtually as good as a hug,... oh,heck, see why some people just read your site and don't post comments, they're like me and get easily confused,... not that I'm easily confused, you understand, it actually takes a lot of work to get me confused,... oh, heck, Cheer up and keep on keeping on.

Posted by: oldgeek at June 27, 2004 08:00 PM (Niv4w)

13 Hi, Acidman sent me too. I hope whatever you do makes you feel better.

BTW, the "for everything there is a season" routine is actually biblical.

Posted by: Jim Gwyn at June 27, 2004 08:29 PM (jQT+B)

14 Commenting on your blog is difficult, it's not like you post topics that people find it easy to argue about. Nor do you often write posts that everyone links.
I seldom see your blog, every time I do I wonder why. It's there, I could, perhaps it's because I invest so much time on the Milblogs. My old unit is in contact, after all. Yet every time I drop in I'm glad I did.
Anyhow, I believe you're better than you think. Maybe you ought to start a nice blogwar with somebody. We could all choose up sides and hurl invectives and act like children and just have all kinds of fun.
Oh, and Stevie? Ease up a little on talking about how much you suck. You'll get all kinds of uninvited marriage proposals and a visit from Bill Clinton.

Posted by: Peter at June 28, 2004 01:14 AM (My8fB)

15 Girl, I feel ya. I've felt the same way many, many times. But! The feeling fades and things start to feel normal again, every time. I've considered quitting blogging altogether, especially because lately it feels as if I'm posting the same thing day after day - whining, bitching, moaning...and who the hell wants to hear that?? Well...who cares who wants to hear it?! I write it anyway because it's my blog, dammit, and I'll say what I want and if people don't read then people don't read. "Big Deal" as my dad would say. Sometimes, taking a few days off and ignoring my blog altogether is just what I need to make things feel right again.

And, it probably goes w/out saying but I'll say it anyway - I, your virtual little sister, would miss you deeply and wonder what the hell happened to you if you were gone more than a few days. I would send you so much email, you'd think I'd started my own SPAM business.

Love you!

Posted by: Amy Vegas at June 28, 2004 09:41 AM (lBFdX)

16 Another from acidman's site. Here have a {{{{{ HUG }}}}
Stay with it. Writing like anything else worth doing takes time. Never have enough quality blogs

Posted by: Fred at June 28, 2004 12:53 PM (BIwsj)

17 Stevie, I read your blog as often as I can. Please don't put yourself down like that. You are loved!! {{{Hugs}}}

Posted by: Jaydee at June 28, 2004 08:30 PM (ocNaL)

18 I don't pay much attention to the SiteMeter. My webhost counts twice as many hits, for one thing, and secondly, it's easy to get disheartened when SiteMeter says that people visit your page for zero seconds. I only read the blogs on my "heavy rotation" section of my blogroll, and even then, I don't get around as often as I like. Your blog is first and foremost for you; the rest of us are along for the ride and following your journey, even if we aren't always speaking up and giving you that much-deserved pat on the back every now and again. But that doesn't mean we aren't thinking of you and visiting you whenever we can!

Posted by: dawn at June 28, 2004 09:27 PM (Zgn4s)

19 Pappy loves ya, Stevie! Hang in there.

Posted by: Acidman at June 28, 2004 10:16 PM (MdHRM)

20 Hell, I'd be HAPPY with 20 hits a day! Not many people get into what I write about.

Posted by: Drew at June 28, 2004 10:28 PM (Mh9EI)

Hide Comments | Add Comment

June 25, 2004

My head hurts...

Wish I could say...

"That is all."

But, I'd be lying.

Posted by: Stevie at 05:30 AM | Comments (12) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

June 24, 2004

Halle-fuckin'-lujah!!!!

She's back!!!

I honestly wondered, several thousand times, if I'd really live long enough to see this day.

I know EXACTLY how Joey Coyle feels when he realizes he's found 1.2 million, now.
You know... when he keeps screaming "WOW!!!!"?

Yep.
Exactly.

Posted by: Stevie at 09:30 PM | Comments (14) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

June 23, 2004

Alright, this is getting annoying, now...

I seem to "fall off-line" every half hour or so.
Nice job, ya buncha jackoffs.

Honestly...

In the meantime, I do feel somewhat better, after having gotten to read
Gut Rumbles and Snow, so far.
Hmmm... wonder what that says that they were my first two stops? They couldn't be in more similar a situation regarding ex's, yet more vastly different as people.
And, I just happen to have "Billy Jack" running on the TV.
(Briefly, to me, Rob is kind of like Billy Jack. Tough, strong, morally correct in what he stands for, persecuted by narrow-minded ignorant asswipes... you know what I mean. And, by the same token, Snow makes ME feel like Billy Jack when it comes to our reactions to her ex. She's pacifist, like Jean in the movie, and I'm instantly thrown into "maim" mode when it comes to him ("X")... that dork.)

My favorite of Billy's lines to quote is the speech before the ass-kicking in the ice cream parlor, but the words I belive the most, the one I FEEL the most are the ones he says to Jean, outside the school, after Martin was murdered. Jean is pleading with him not to seek revenge for Martin. She says they can go someplace else, someplace where "it doesn't have to be like this..."

Billy says:
"Oh really? Well, tell me, where is that place? In what remote corner of this country, no- of the entire Goddamned planet is there such a place where men really care about another and really love each other? Now, you tell me where such a place is and I promise you, I'll never hurt another human being for as long as I live. JUST ONE PLACE!!!! (No reply.)
...That's what I thought."

Anyhow...

Posted by: Stevie at 07:33 PM | Comments (15) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Verizon sucks...

Verizon sucks. Verizon sucks. Verizon sucks. Verizon sucks.

I fuckin' HATE Verizon right now, can ya tell?

Motherfuckers.

Supposed to have this shit done YESTERDAY... not done even YET.
Had to bring the dogs in so the Verizon losers could get to a particular pole. Allegedly.
What I really hadda have the dogs in the house for was for them to stand around bullshitting with each other, people here walking down the driveway and when that wasn't enough of a goddamned delay, they started calling still MORE people on their fuckin' cell phones. All this, with the dogs in the house, unbeknownst to me at first (went to bed around 6:00am, got up at noon).

So, basically, I have trash strung from one end of the house to the other, shit in the goddamned livingroom, piss everywhere, just so the fuckin' loser assholes can stand around and do jack SHIT!!!!

I fuckin' HATE Verizon.

And, God better HELP that asshole truck driver who ripped the wires down and left in the first place. I see his ass here again and it'll be the last time. I don't care, right this second, what kinda ass I make outta myself. I WILL humiliate the fuck outta that jerkoff.

Christ, I am LIVID!

Think I'm fulla shit?
Try paying yer fuckin' BILL in the lackadasical, unproductive, LAZY-ASSED way these dickheads WORK and see what happens.

Or, maybe send 'em a payment that's covered in trash, shit and piss and see what they have to say about THAT.

I wish unmeasurable amounts of trash, shit and piss on these men. And, fer fuck's sake am I EVER using THAT word lightly....

Posted by: Stevie at 04:03 PM | Comments (26) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

1 Stevie: slap a SRV CD on that stereo and crank the know up to 10 then let 'er rip!
{{{{{{HUG}}}}}}}

Posted by: Mad Mikey at June 26, 2004 09:01 PM (A2agL)

2 Verizon Online DSL Sales CSC-Tampa - aka DS-Hell


My best description of the DSL Tampa Sales office operation is: a complete Cluster-Fuck of ongoing problems and issues of epic proportions, directly under the control of (mis) Management from every level and their ongoing comedy of completely avoidable errors. Its even been compared to a Shakespearian-like tragedy where everybody involved needlessly suffers deep and permanent grief and losses. I have never seen such piss-poor judgment and operation skills when it comes to the decisions that are made and the way it wastes company money, pisses off, frustrates and churns customers and truly erodes the inner most soul of its best employees. After several years of having the misfortune of being employed here, I feel compelled to tell of my DS-Hell experience. It is only right and just, that the public and corporate get a senior Rep’s first-hand account of the day-to-day operations of this illegal abortion of an office. Please understand, this is NOT an employee gripe against the company, but a loud wake up call for anybody in Management who touches this thing that it is in dire need of a complete major process overhaul, as our survival is clearly at stake.
As you read on, you will truly be in awe of just how utterly fucked up and out of control this ENTIRE operation is. Things are so bad that a class action lawsuit by more than 10,000 completely pissed off customers was filed in January of 2001. You can see the details of the case by going to: www.cmht.com/casewatch/cases/cwverizon.htm. Many of the problems were caused by the complete lack of foresight by upper Management of keeping up with the cable companies in the “broadband race”. Both this and the somewhat delayed 2001 merge of Bell Atlantic and GTE left Verizon way behind and thus scrambling to catch up. This “rush” is partial cause of the present day turmoil that exists. You will truly be with your mouth agape in disbelief, as I cite several examples of the Cluster-Fuck in motion, it’s core and how it’s mass and gravity continue to grow unchecked at an alarming rate to this day.
Let me briefly cite exactly what’s at the core of the fore mentioned Cluster-Fuck and then further explain the examples:

1) The complete misdirection of inbound calls to the DSL Voice Portal (IVRU) system that is both known and documented by Management and their utter disregard and refusal to correct them.

2) A long history of inadequate, slow, poorly designed and error-prone ordering software, (Oasis, OLO, and SSP) as well as ongoing miscommunications to customers, once again under the complete auspices of truly incompetent and hands-off, lame-ass IT Management and their departments.

3) Escalating, outrageously high sales quotas on both DSL, dial-up and way over-priced Linksys Routers that are not ethically obtainable within normal 8 hr. workdays and ongoing IVRU issues. Unjustifiable and wasteful ongoing mandatory overtime, mostly due to above-mentioned #1 and below-mentioned #4.

4) A long history of extremely high employee turnover due to above-mentioned #’s 1-3, as well as other obscene “needs of the business” management policies. This too is documented in HR records. And now the “contractor-only” hiring policy.

Now, let’s take a deeper look into the above issues one at a time:

The IVRU DSL Voice Portal has an extensive, notorious history of frustrating both customers and employees alike to the point of near insanity. No one is spared the wrath of its relentless torture. It has always been completely inadequate at first, properly screening, and qualifying the caller and then routing them to the proper office that is best equipped to handle their type of call request. To make matters worse, it is now ALL voice response prompts, which means an even higher possibility of being misdirected. For example, a person with less than perfect English or diction can be routed to the completely wrong dept/office, depending upon how the system’s “voice recognition” interprets the caller’s voice input. So if you speak like The Elephant Man, talk ghetto, or like a true redneck, this system will swallow you whole and then shit you out to the wrong department; most likely into Sales. There are many days when our Reps. take 20-30 calls in a row that are not sales-related. Truly guys, a major fuck-up and a 4-star money-waster here!! Think about this: a properly designed IVRU should first get the customer to a main menu of basic choices, then further qualify and screen the call based upon the callers input. BY PROPER DESIGN, it should NOT let the customer GET to the WRONG place. That is its only fucking purpose!! When you let someone advance aimlessly thru the system by pressing the “0” key and they wind up in a residential DSL fucking Sales queue looking to get the balance of their home phone bill or to renew their Verizon Wireless Free-Up card; you have a problem Houston. Although the majority of the misdirects are external, many are also from other internal sources (other Verizon offices) that also need to be re-educated on the what/when before they transfer a customer to Sales. Historically, these people have proven to be as capable in their job function as Stevie Wonder being your tour guide during a blackout. Customers also complain DAILY about the difficulty of wading through the treacherous array of voice prompts and how much they hate to have to call in to us for anything.
Clearly, through both input from the different depts. and proper flow-charting design, we could both better serve the customers and employees alike, while saving a butt-load of money by both first completely re-vamping and then ongoing tweaking of the ENTIRE IVRU. Once again, Management at ALL levels refuses to do this. Any local manager with a grade school diploma could easily see this by doing regular call observations and then take the appropriate action to get it corrected. Over the years, they have wasted a shit load of money by hiring external companies to “determine if there is an IVRU problem”, only to come to the abundantly obvious conclusion that we are literally SLAMMED with butt loads of misdirected garbage calls. This has also been documented in a corporate-wide Service Alert in 2003. Contrary to the mental hand-job of outright lies they tell you, they can fix the problem and they fucking know it!! It is a relatively easy and inexpensive fix as well!! It will likely be key to our future survival. It is truly fucking amazing that we are a multi-billion dollar, global Telecommunications company and we can’t properly operate an IVRU?? What a complete and total fucking embarrassment!! At the present time, through the use of internal documented call tracking by multiple Reps., we receive 60%-70% mis-directs in the sales queue. An additional 10% or more are calls that are NOT DSL QUALIFIED or don’t have Verizon local phone service and should have never made it thru the IVRU to the Sales queue in the first place!! Now your total is nearing 70%-80% misdirects!! This means that if the IVRU did it’s job, we could operate the center with 50%-70% or less of the present head-count, not to mention eliminating mandatory overtime and restoring employee morale and dignity back to the office. The annual cost savings could easily be in to the several hundred thousand + dollars range as well. Why does this shameless charade go on and on when the “fix” is SO easy?? Just a glimpse within one section of the core of the impenetrable cluster. Everyday that they wait just pisses more and more money away. As a long term stockholder and veteran employee, I am truly appalled at Management’s indifference approach to the issue.

IT and ordering systems issues and other miscues have plagued the entire Verizon Online division since day one. It all started with a an ordering system called Oasis- more commonly known as “SLO-ASIS” by every poor soul that’s ever had to fucking use it. This IT ordering tool abortion used to take 15-20 minutes to complete one fucking simple DSL sales order and STILL had one of the highest rate of provisioning errors (order fallout) known to mankind. Many customer orders did not complete or got hung up with some error and the Loop Qualification was inaccurate. NX1.7, (the West former GTE ordering tool) although a much quicker and easier system for the Rep. to use, has not fared much better with the order fallout. As you can imagine, this just increases pissed off customers and churn, as well as calls to and from every damn department to get the problems corrected and the customer their service. To make matters worse, this piece of shit would periodically “clock” for extended lengths of time, or go down more than a Cajun whore during Mardi Gras for any reason at any time during the business day. There were days when you literally sat there at you desk waiting on SLO-ASIS, (like watching paint dry) wondering what the fuck you did in your miserable life to possibly deserve this kind of shit. Worse, yet, how the fuck could they possibly let this go on day after fucking day?? Another SLO-ASIS “loophole” issue involved sinister scumbag Reps. canceling your orders that were in progress, then replacing them with their own orders to get sales credit, once again leaving both you as a Rep. and customers with that “just raped”, not so fresh feeling. Not to mention their regular routine of “slamming” customers by the shit load!! These felon-like maggots openly laughed at and even bragged about their defiant acts of both company sales guidelines and ethics policies. Worse yet, local management looked the other way, as the more sales they got, the bigger their bonuses were and the better they looked to their direct reports. Although a few e-mails were sent out reminding of “proper sales guidelines”, most were either ignored or deleted upon receipt, as there was never any real threat of disciplinary action against the offenders. You then get to repeatedly re-live the emotional trauma of your rape, by watching in awe as these same thieving pieces of putrid shit get awarded “sales performance” prizes ranging from hundreds of dollars in American Express Gift Checks, to Las Vegas trips as well as fucking Jet Skis and 4-Wheeler ATVs costing over $5,000.00 each!! As a Rep, it’s like living a total fucking Freddy Kruger nightmare!! You try your hardest to make your sales honestly and truly help the customer. You endure the Vietnam P.O.W. camp-like emotional torture of relentless irates and misdirects that you can’t help. You apologize your ass off to customers daily, knowing that there’s gotta be a better fucking way to get this shit done right the first fucking time!! Does anybody in Management give a rat’s ass about any of this shit?? Obviously NOT!!
Finally, after years of administering punishing pain and torture to both customers and employees alike, Management realized that SLO-ASIS needed to be dumped like yesterday’s retched turd (summer, 2003) and gave us OLO, or commonly known as the 1-Step Tool. This next IT blunder was faster at taking orders, but gave more order errors and fallout (as it had to update into SLO-ASIS) then its slow predecessor and pissed off even more customers and Reps. In Jan. 2004, as they slowly transitioned towards the mid-April, 2004 release of SSP, both these systems were hosed regularly if not daily. I can clearly remember in mid Jan. of 2004, when the fucking Einstein-like genius of IT took down SLO-ASIS from 8:45 A.M. ‘til mid afternoon on 9 consecutive business days. This means that during the busiest times of the day when you needed to use the system most, you were completely hosed. Does this make any business sense to anyone, anywhere?? And remember, they’re not just crippling our one office. This system is used by other Verizon Online Depts., like Billing and Tech Support as well as Verizon local CSSC Reps. in every state that was former Bell Atlantic territory from Maine to West Virginia!! This affected literally thousands of employees. Don’t you think that in most normal companies, they would schedule this shit to be done after business hours?? Not these fucking lame ass retards!! How dare we ask them to come in on weekends or nights to get the upgrades done!! Once again Management watched it go on all day, every fucking day!! And do you know what the Management solution was?? Our Section Manager (on her way to the snack machine) would waddle through the floor with her farm animal size ass barking out commands to take “paper orders”. Way to go lady!! You ARE a modern day genius and a living fucking legend!! Problem there, is that she doesn’t give us “down time” to put the paper orders in!! And unless you come in at 7:00 A.M. on you own time you can’t use the system anyway, so you’re condemned to trying to squeeze your “paper orders” into the system during the day, either between calls, while you’re on hold with other departments or on your breaks. By comparison, a dental root canal procedure would be more pleasant.
As of mid April of 2004 we started to use the latest IT ordering problem child called SSP. Although SSP is very fast and helps the Rep. get the orders in quickly, it still hoses way too many orders. Worse yet, it leaves fallout orders in a “Pending” status for weeks, or months until ultimately the customer calls in irate and wants to know where the hell their order is. There was a period in May 2004 where we left over 4,000+ customers in limbo, hanging by their genitals in this “pending” queue. Once again, in true Management fashion, they send out a scripted service alert telling us to let the customer know that the orders will be completed as soon as possible, with no “service ready” date and that an offline team, with no ETA, is working the orders. How completely fucking weak and ambiguous is THAT?? To compound this insanity, literally fucking thousands of our customers have had their DSL service “disconnected in error”(for no apparent reason), due to some sort of internal system fuck up, that the retards at IT have not resolved yet to this day!! Is it any wonder why we have incredibly high customer churn and the American public fucking hates Verizon like Osama Bin Laden?? As of today, the “pending” problem still is a major issue and SSP clocks way too much and gives a shit load of error messages, once again thwarting both the sales and provisioning processes. I still have orders pending for weeks, if not months after submitting these to IT to be corrected!! Clearly, this entire ordering platform was never thoroughly and correctly beta-tested before it was brought online for use. Management should be crawling IT’s dyslexic retarded ass daily until the problems are corrected rather than distributing some vague bullshit band-aid solution script to read to our customers!! It is fucking unimaginable that we can both do business and treat our customers this way!! These poor people deserve an honest answer of when they can expect service. Customers have choices and if we can’t seem to get it done, they WILL go and HAVE gone elsewhere.
Other inexcusable IT embarrassments have been information being communicated to customers that is either misleading, inaccurate and/or completely erroneous on both the Verizon Online (VOL) website or through direct mail in the form of letters, phone bill inserts or post cards. Let me just touch on a few of these, so you can have a better feel of just how deep and wide the festering disease of incompetence has penetrated.
In a corporate service alert distributed on 8/4/2004, IT erroneously sent 75,000 letters to existing Verizon Online DSL customers that stated “Remove 1 VERIZON ONLINE DSL CUSTOMER”, indicating that their DSL service was being cancelled. How can 75,000 letters being sent out to customers possibly go un-fucking noticed?? Well, in the famous words of Johnny Knoxville: “Welcome to Jackass!!” How many desks and offices must it cross before somebody might question the wooden pallet load of 75,000 fucking letters passing by?? Not to mention the cost – each letter 37cents x 75,000 letters = $27,750 just in fucking postage alone!! And what about the fallout when these poor people call in, pissed off in a panic, wondering how and why their service was being cancelled?? How could anybody in IT possibly let this happen unnoticed and then do absolutely nothing to stop it!! Who IS driving this IT bus??
Through another corporate service alert dated 7/23/04 another inexcusable IT mishap was documented involving the Verizon Online ordering website that occurred from 7/8/2004 – 7/23/04. It impacted approximately 4,700 customers that had placed online orders for DSL service. The customers were mistakenly shown as being Loop Qualified (DSL available) in error, as DSL was NOT actually available. The problem here is that it took IT 15 days to realize that this had occurred before any one even noticed. How completely fucking weak is that!! Some of these poor people had been waiting for literally years to get DSL, only to have their genitals teased to the brink of orgasm and then left in a “blue balls”- like state of frustration, as they later found out that DSL was actually NOT available. To compound this total fuck up, there was also a “free after rebate” promotion for a Linksys wireless router going on during the same time period. Many of these eager souls, placed their order for that too paying by credit card, only to later find out that it was all a cruel joke. They got their routers right away, but no DSL equipment or service. And where do you suppose these customer calls were sent?? You got it!! To the Sales Dept!! Where we could do absolutely nothing to help these poor people, only to transfer them to our cancellations group (Retention) to credit them back and apologize for this shameless embarrassing IT internal fuck-up.
Other IT ongoing errors involve current Verizon local phone customers being sent erroneous information by mail that they are now “pre-qualified for DSL”, when in actuality they are not. The problem here is that IT sends large bulk marketing to everyone within a certain area where DSL is available within their Central Office (CO). However, not every customer within that CO is loop qualified (electrically capable) for DSL. Here again, IT drops the ball for not accurately qualifying these poor folks in the engineering database before sending them letters. Worse yet, they can’t even provide an estimated time frame for availability, which is completely unacceptable. Once again, leaving our customer perception in the toilet of a public rest room.
Although too numerous to cite here, a long notorious history of IT fuck-ups have occurred and I mention these few only to demonstrate both the scope and diversity of the ongoing problems that exist and how it truly impacts EVERY aspect of the business. To me, IT fuck-ups are both our biggest threat to the future of this company and by far the predominate root cause of the majority of the Cluster-Fuck of problems that they spawn. Those responsible at every level should be held accountable for all their ineptitude and demonstrated ongoing indifference regarding these types of issues. There are truly NO excuses or valid justification for ANY of this.

Escalating and unrealistic sales quotas and other management issues are now at an all time high. I don’t want to dwell on this section too long, but I do want to give you a clear view of just how skewed and out of touch these fuckers are with reality.
Let’s start with July 2004 DSL sales quotas: first they want you to sell about 323 DSL units this month. Now lets break that down: you have approx. 22 selling days to do this – so you need to avg. about 15 units a day to meet your quota. Problem here again is the huge call misdirect and order fallout issues. On most days, you are lucky to get an avg. of 13-15 DSL qualified calls out of the approx. 60 calls you answer. Of those you’ll sell about 12-13, with maybe 1-2 being a follow up. That means that you’ll avg. about 11-12 per day after all the ordering system IT fuck-ups which = approx. 253 sales per month. The conclusion: you finish the month at about 79% of quota. So as you can see, even if you sold every one of the DSL 15 qualified calls, (beyond a Superman-like feat) after order fallout, you couldn’t possibly meet this quota honestly and ethically without “slamming” customers. Next are the overpriced Linksys 802.11B wireless and 4-port wired routers. The wireless units competitively sell for an avg. of $39.95 after rebate in many major electronic stores. Other equal brands like D-Link and Netgear sell for $19.99 - $29.99 after rebate. The Verizon Online price is $99.95. A 4-port wired cable/DSL router competitively sells for $10-$20, after rebate. The Verizon Online price: $79.95. Holy shit!! Who the fuck in their right mind would possibly buy any of these things from us, when we’re 3-5 times or more the price of the rest of the fucking populated planet?? And our quotas on this piece of shit are at 74 per month for July and 90 for August!! That means that you’ll need to sell 4-5 per day to make quota, especially after people read the fucking Best Buy or Circuit City ad and find they’ve been a victim of “router rape” by Verizon and then return what you had to sell your ass off, for them to buy!! And to top it off, for the last 3 months, we’ve been advertising the shit out of this thing “free after $99.00 rebate”. So, now more than ever before, customers don’t want to spend the $99.95 for it at all!! Great time to skyrocket the quotas guys!!
Next item is about “close ratio”. First, lets give you Management’s calculation method, then, I’ll apply some 5th grade math of my own. Management says that they define your close ratio as your total daily DSL sales divided by the total # of calls you take daily; i.e.: 14 sales divided by 60 calls = 23.3%. Here’s the actual close ratio: 14 sales divided by the total number of DSL qualified customers whom you pitched –(15) = 93%!! Do you see how totally fucking skewed their methodology is!! This is nothing short of a complete insult to your intelligence!! They’re holding you as a Rep “sales accountable” for every damn call that you get, including the shit load of misdirects that THEY drive right in to our center!! If you have an a la carte router or dial-up sale, they are NOT counted as a sale and furthermore count against you for close ratio!! Can you see how totally fucking twisted and absurd both their math and logic is?? Their 25% ratio alone tells you that they acknowledge approx. 70-75% misdirected calls. Worse yet, they “coach” you if you’re consistently under “their” bullshit 25% close ratio rule. This leaves you dizzy, scratching your head in a Twilight Zone catatonic state of disbelief, as your true close ratio is damn close to 90%!!
The next departure from reality involves you being “sales quota responsible” when you’re on vacation. So that means that if you have 3-4 weeks of yearly vacation, YOU, as a Rep must meet your ENTIRE monthly quota; even though you’re not even in the fucking building!! Anyone with the common sense of a seedless grape could clearly see that this is impossible. Not these Fuckers!! If you start to fall behind on quota, they’ll put you on “an action plan” to improve your “poor” performance. Another classic example of the true Cluster-Fuck in motion and it’s warped view of reality.

Ongoing extremely high employee turnover has always plagued this office as well. It is the fourth and final component that completes the Cluster-Fuck. The synergy of ongoing problems and complete frustration will ultimately lead to your unavoidable surrender here. It already has for literally the hundreds if not thousands of the willing, yet doomed souls that have passed and continue to pass through our doors.
In October of 2003, Verizon Management employees were offered a “Voluntary Separation Package” – aka a VSP. At that time we had about 110 Sales Reps. on the floor. 62 of the 110 (over 56%) chose to take the VSP, proving both the “fed-the-fuck-up” and “completely hopeless” employee sentiment of this intolerable and unbearable working environment. For many, it was the ultimate “out” – a chance to be finally be free of their relentless misery, get about a years worth of pay and benefits and then flip this fucking place off in the rear view mirror one final time on your way out of the parking lot!! To cite a more extreme example: this July, we hired on a new Sales Coach from the leading global wireless phone manufacturer. Clearly this speaks fucking volumes about this entire sham and complete horror show of an operation.
Make no mistake, all the turnover here at this office is completely due to all the above fore mentioned items I cited. Every one of these things truly makes this entire experience like wallowing naked daily through a cesspool of raw sewage. To cite another more extreme example: At the end of July, we hired a Sales Coach from the leading global wireless phone manufacturer. Although capable, his tour abruptly ended in less than 1 week, after being bulldozed by the Cluster.
Another by-product of the high turnover is the invoking of mandatory overtime. This means that once again you are anally penetrated against your will to endure 1-2 hours of daily torturous overtime for months at a time until Management can hire some new victims. They justify this sham as a “due to the needs of the business” issue. In reality, its just one more mental hand-job of lies, deception and utter bullshit to cover for their own obvious ongoing incompetence. Management now hires “contractors only” (non-permanent employees). The vast majority of these misfits couldn’t hold a permanent full time job in most working environments, yet we choose to hire them anyway just to fill a seat. On some days, as you walk through the building, it looks more like a “best of” Americas Most Wanted ghetto reunion, rather than a serious place of employment. Besides that, most have no related experience and further complicate and contribute to the existing state of turmoil. As the new recruits come on the job, they then have to “re-align” (move) Reps. to “balance” the different sales teams. So, with the constant hiring, firing and quitting, you often have to move your desk/seat several times yearly to a different location. This causes a “Chinese fire drill” state of confusion, leaving you scrambling to get situated at you new workstation only to find that you can’t even log-in to the network to get on the phones and get your work done. And if you do ask for help, like getting your e-mail set up, odds are our local IT fucking pros will take a week or more to get to you. Let me give you a better actual example of this: in 2003, due to some IT fuck-up with Lotus Notes, (Verizon’s shit e-mail program) several Reps were without their e-mail for six fucking weeks before anyone of these retards could figure out the database/id’s had crashed and needed to be rebuilt. No other modern company on this planet would find that acceptable.
Another inexcusable office policy is that of “employee releasability”. This means that if you do happen to find another job within the company, local Management has the discretion of the if/when you can be released from purgatory to start your new position. Many of these poor and deserving employees have been held back for 90 days or more. Some of these people were then passed-up for the promotion, as the hiring manager needed to fill the position a lot sooner. So besides controlling your everyday miserable piss ant existence, they now have a firm, sinister and unyielding death grip on your entire future. Once again, leaving you as an employee completely hosed, knowing that your chance of both promotion and escape from your hell-like sentence has slipped through your hands. Hence the nickname for this place: “DS-Hell”. Kudos to fucking Verizon Online for being the first company to bring the Hotel California concept where “You can check out any time you want, but you can never leave…” to it’s best employees. Where else can you be given super human goals to achieve and yet be micromanaged and treated like such a kindergarten child??
On behalf of the company, from a Sales Rep who truly cares, I want to deeply apologize to any and all of our customers for the inexcusable and shameless Cluster-Fuck of problems that Management has caused us all. But we as employees on the front line, like you our customers are mutual victims of their relentless and repeated acts of unlubricated sodomy.
Until current Management is either replaced or figures out that they need to get in touch with reality, watching this place run for the dwindling number of us Bruce Willis-like Die-Hards who remain here, will truly be like watching a monkey fucking a football.

Posted by: Chuck U. Farley at September 09, 2004 10:55 AM (NGj4y)

3 MOTHERFUCK VERIZON. THOSE FUCKIN ASSHOLES MISLED ME. I'M GONNA SUE THOSE MOTHERFUCKIN SATAN-WORSHIPPERS. VERIZON CAN SUCK MY DICK. FUCK VERIZON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted by: m at October 04, 2004 12:09 PM (3GH3Z)

4 My experiance as in explained in a email to VeriZoned -- winner of the most worthless ISP of the year Award....



My name is photog5, I am writing on behalf of the photog5 Family trying to get our DSL subscription straightened out...



I came here To this residence from 750 miles away after calling Verizon and learning I could get 3.5 down and 768 up for 39 bucks a month. .... I get here and your reps said I can only have 1.5/386 up -- much to my disappointment I continued with the order- we switched carriers from AT&T to come over to Verizon,, I now three days ago have just started to get online -- but guess what-- my download speed has been real slow -- 53K to 455k for the most part -- ok got a service ticket started - and incredibly my speeds went up to where I felt was acceptable .780 to 1.0 meg down and ok up of 299 -- so I play on the internet all day thinking the world is full of flowers again (called Verizon canceling my trouble call) --- till I get home just now and try my connection -- notably slow -- so I run the test at infospeedverizon and what 500 again -- not even 700 --so I get back and talk to 1800 567 6789 the Tech support and run thru the worksheet (AGAIN) (7th time aprox) when I tell him about the fact that we were told 3.5 then 1.5 and had to settle with that..... now when I said that the tech said well there is where your slow connect is coming from -- you only ordered 768 down you need to upgrade call the billing department !!!!! OK so I will do that tomorrow or see if you have answered by then..... Very tired and somewhat frustrated with this and its only my third day of being "online" here thru Verizon....... WE specifically asked for 1.5 were told we qualify for 1.5 and they wrote me up as 768.... end result -- I am getting 500 or so --- I cant have this slow of a connection, I take a lot of images and transfer them to my friends- and family - as well as I am a First person gaming fanatic -- sof2 css multiplayer online games need ping -- I haven’t got what I need here - The tech said upgrade - can you please correct this situation,

TO add to this I would like to tell you more ---
SO I get to Call Billing to have my account RE upgraded to a 1.5 since I was told by your tech that I was downgraded because the "wires to your house could only handle a lower signal"-- So I speek to billing and they tell me that in fact I am still listed as getting 1.5/386 that if I would like to up grade for ten dollars more per month i could get an even "FASTER" 1.5/128 ---?????? So I ask the guy to repeat that choice thats even faster -- he says again that 1.5/128 is a much better connection than 1.5/386--- ???? I am astounded to hear this-- so I tell him no thats not a faster connection and why would he charge me more for somthing that is LESS -- he said no your wrong - thats a better connection rate than 1.5/386..... OMG ok ok so I tell him lets just concentrate on getting me the 1.5/386 so he gets on three way call to a tech, she says sure you should be getting 1.5/386 (while he was on other line) then he hangs up and she says oh you were downgraded to 768/128 on the 22nd I see here --- I tell her the house has new line put in just for me to run my pc and please UN downgrade me --- she says cant do that -- I say thats rediculouse - I never agreed to downgrade and I would like to terminate our service because of this whole mess and inadiquit support.... she says ok we will send a technition out to see if they can do anything in 24 to 48 hours---

so now I wait with anticipation of what will be your next move.... you know on the 22nd BEFORe I was downgraded - I actually got an acceptable 1 meg down and was happy --thats all I want is to be able to get a decient ping....

I am SOOOOOO frustrated with this whole thing.... my poor father who is in poor health shouts "and they gave you the wrong modem" (because thats what the tech he spoke to insisted was the problem) --- I told him no that tech is wrong
I have the westel 327W wireless modem/router..

lol Ok I just had a Tech call here saying he will turn me back up -- he did -- he said it would help my ping - It didnt made it worse --

I am so OVER the top dissapointed with your service - I cannot believe you guys are selling such service.

I give up

veriZONED Suxors

Posted by: Photog5 at December 28, 2004 07:09 PM (zQMC4)

5 Chill

Posted by: Geesh at February 08, 2005 11:45 PM (Kg6/e)

6 Wow..what a fun read. i was thinking of working there. until now. by the way, that was the funniest bitch letter i have ever read. keep up the good work mm.

Posted by: tater at February 19, 2005 10:58 AM (SMX39)

7 I hate verizon too, mainly for the lousy service but especially for the intrusive, exploitive cold calls. I tried to get on their DO NOT CALL list and got transfered around. They are highly abusive. How can we torture them? They deserve to have their offices bombed. I hope all their employees are ashamed to work for them. Sleazes every one.

Posted by: susan at April 14, 2005 11:09 PM (OHDpc)

8 I too HATE VERIZON DSL. I WILL TALK TO ANYONE WHO WANTS TO TAKE ACTION. FUCK THIS CORPORATE JUGERNAUT AND EVERY BITCH WHO SUCKS THE COLLECTIVE COCK OF INEPTITIUDE THAT IS THE BREAD AND BUTTER OF THE VERIZON OPERATION. I have never been so angy with a corporation since WTO SEATTLE. WHEN THE REVOLUTION COMES, I INTEND THROW BLOODY VD INFECTED SPUNK ALL OVER THE EYES NOSE AND MOUTH OF ANY VERIZON EMPLOYEE WHO STILL BREATHES. I COULD GIVE THE LITNEY OF REASONS FOR MY RAGE, BUT AT THIS POINT ALL I WANT TO IS SEE SOMETHING BREAK. PREFERABLY THE WINDOWS OF THE NEXT VERIZON TRUCK I SEE. FUCK VERIZON DSL. If you have any suggestions on how to thwart this faceless horrible theiving company please email me at ihateverizondsl@yahoo.com

Thanks and PS. Jesus loves you.

Posted by: Waningphilosophic at April 22, 2005 05:23 AM (M4lwI)

9 Verizon is the most arrogant company on the face of this earth. They stuck a pole right next to my back yard last year in the middle of my yard right next to my swimming pool. There are trees on the side of the yard, and the middle of the yard, but they chose to stick it right smack in the middle next to my pool. I would like to stick this pole up the motherfuckers ass who put this pole in. I have been complaining for a year and they basically don't give a shit. That's what happens when they think they have a monopoly on you. Go and get your service from anyone else. Use AT&T, SBC, Vonage your cell phone, whatever. Get your ISP form your cable company, SBC, Bellsouth, Comcast. Don't give them a dime of your money. They deserve to go the way of the trolley car. Eat shit and die. Verizon. a.k.a. Very Soon

Posted by: gar at May 05, 2005 05:31 PM (pUfr+)

10 No kidding. I thought I was the only one PISSED off customer until I stumbled into this VBA. (Verizon Bitching Anoyomous) Today's my Day 19. Why?

I had 768K, I was qualified for 3.0. Day 1, 768 got shut off, using dialup for now. Day 7, the Westel 327W Wireless modem/router arrived. They said I can use it by Day 9 after 6pm.

Oh, it's not working. The DSL light is blinking. So I guess it doesn't work. Called customer support about it. They were acting like fucking retards "Arf, it's supposed to be working. That's weird." DUH, you moron! "Call us back on Monday 8am Eastern time" That would be Day 12.

So, by Day 12. Called them again for the updates.

All questions' answers are "YES" but I wish I could have replaced YES with rude comments

"Modem plugged in?" Yeah.....
"DSL filter in?" Yeah.....obviously.....
"Phone line plugged in modem?" What the fuck do you think we're are? RETARDS? We know how DSL works so quit fucking around.
"Is the modem's power cord plugged in?" If it's not plugged in, IT WON'T FUCKING WORK, YOU DIPSHIT!
"Then I have no idea what's up. Maybe we put wrong phone number" Thanks. just great.

Day 13, updating remedy ticket: Sync Issue "Active" intead of "In Process" They're doing absolutely nothing.

Day 14, same, but changed dates.

Day 15, same problem, called them. "Oh, if it's 48 hours of ticket problem, call us. We start working on it on 72nd hour" Assholes.

Day 16, same problem, and it's 72 hours already. "Oh, it's Friday, time to go home, off for weekends." YOU MOTHERFUCKERS.

Day 19, still nothing. We're going to bitch at them today. We're going to call supervisor but I'm sure nobody in Verizon gives a shit, really. All my friends have worst experiences they ever had with any company, even a piece of shit 99 cents store, for fuck's sake! FUCK YOU VERIZON, YOU PIECE OF SHIT. I WANT TO BREAK EVERYONE IN VERIZON TWO FINGERS FOR GIVING US V!

Posted by: PISSED OFF V CUSTOMER at May 09, 2005 11:23 AM (mCoXY)

11 Just got DSL again w/verizon--was dropped in Dec '04 for unknown reasons. At the time they wouldn't let me pay the bill and said I had to start a new account. Ok, they sent me a final bill for $9.95 and I thought to nyself 'you mean I suffered all this embarassment over 10 bucks? So here I go again, new account and it's supposed to have 30 days free. DSL ready 4/26 and on 5/7 I am billed the regular monthly fee. I call up billing and the guy says you got your 30 days - the bill would have been $42 bucks higher without the free 30 days. I tried explaining that in my world if the service starts on 4/26 thirty days free means no bill until 5/26. Not so he says! I check the billing online and see that they have actually billed me from 4/26 - 5/7 for DSL service and then took in off again in the back end! THat's not free! You can't bill me and then credit me for the same shit!!! The actual free credit I got was $41 bucks but my point is that the bill was $14 bucks higher due to the billing of service from 4/26-5/7. But wait, I paid the bill so I guess than can do what they want. Also, why is it that after like three days of being on my connection disapppears requiring me to restart my PC. That;s getting annoying. Always on should mean always connected but thats not the case apparently. Oh well, as an educator in Philly I know that stuff always looks good on the outside but is usually shit on the inside. I guess it comes with being poor 'cause this shit can't possibly matter to the wealthy.

Posted by: deriajoe at May 11, 2005 03:32 AM (GaVqV)

12 Hey fellers. . . I uhm am a verizon employee trust me when I say we know the DSL is Bjorked in a big way! I'm in another department alltogather but I still get your calls from time to time. Let me just tell you this DSL was never really supposed to be a end all be all isp the real money is flowing into FTTP or Fiber To The Premisis this is really hot 5 mbps down 5 up for $30.00, 10 up 10 down for $40.00
and 15 up 15 down for 50.00 they rolled it out in a test market in Keller Texas last summer and is now in 15-17 cities including the most dumb city in the US of blinkin A Fort Wayne Indiana (realluy look it up it really has been voted that by GQ mag) anyway ya'll have good luck with your DSL and pray for FTTP to come to your area soon.

Posted by: Jason at May 17, 2005 08:00 PM (+XzbT)

13 Verizon Wireless Services, is a division of Verizon who currently provides Cellular Services to millions of people throughout the United States. It has been known to be one of the WORST Cellular providers in the nation and really doesn’t care about its customers because they believes if they could make a buck providing horrible services the executives will get paid. Verizon also is known to make false, missleading representation on how good they are. Its time we fight back and do something about it now before it's too late and Verizon scam some other innocent person.

August 21, 2005 - Have you ever owed a bill to Verizon Wireless for services not received, not up to perfection or for something an associate at Verizon said you wouldn’t be charged for? If you answered yes then please rest assured that your not alone. Millions of people throughout the United States have complained that VERIZON WIRELESS has overcharged them, ripped them off and have made up charges for services they did not received. One advocate by the name of Jon is fighting back via the internet and has just launched the newest website to hit the World Wide Web - VerizonWirelessEatspoop.com

After dealing with MANY Associates at Verizon Wireless, Elizabeth Sturgis from Verizon Wireless Executive offices he is encouraging everyone to fight back by doing the following:

(1) If you do NOT have any services through VERIZON do not join them, your better off going to another service provider like Cingular Wireless, TMOBILE or Sprint/Nextel

(2) If your experiencing any billing issues With VERIZON WIRELESS IMMEDIATELY Contact the Federal Communications Commission via their website or via mail and complain about them.

(3) File a complaint with the Better Business Bureau

(4) Contact your Attorney generals office

--- MOST IMPORTANTLY LOGON TO OUR WEBSITE:
http://www.VerizonWirelessEatspoop.com

Posted by: jonc at August 28, 2005 09:23 PM (9Ry0a)

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June 21, 2004

The original 'horse thing'...

About three weeks ago, Jon (yes, the Lair Guy) came and asked me when, exactly, Eric's birthday was. I told him and he said something I pretty much ignored about a horse... again.

Sigh.

We've been thru this before, right?

Well, this time, he really is trying. I have to give him that.

Posted by: Stevie at 08:21 AM | Comments (14) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

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