July 06, 2006

Well, I might make it, here and I have another question, too...

Does anybody know... do coffee pots come with only a certain number of hours of use in 'em, after which they just up and die, or might it be "farm water" that kills more coffee pots a year on me than any six other people y'all care to name?

My hand to Gawd, it seems like I hafta get a new coffee pot every coupla months.

And, I do use 'em quite a lot more than average, I know that.
We make coffee damned near all day and we also make iced tea in it, but damn, man. You'd think I was making coffee for an ARMY, as quickly as these things croak.

It's either that, or it's "farm water".
Because I also used to have to replace the coffee pot more often than usual on the farm back in Bucks.

So, which is it, do ya think?

I told Eric and George when I started to vinegar-clean the old one, "As long as I can have another cuppa coffee before noon, I'll be okay", and I said that because the "old" one took OVER TWO HOURS to make a pot of coffee early this morning.

And, when it seemed to refuse to let me clean it with the vinegar-water, I said "To hell with this" and went to Wally-world and got a new CHEAP one. I figure, hell, if I'mina hafta buy one every three months, might as well just get the cheap ones.
This last one was a Sunbeam, too. I thought a "name brand" one might live longer.
Silly me.

Anyway, I got the stupid coffee pot then went to find this mechanic guy.

I think I found his garage, but he wasn't there.
Nobody was.
ASSUMING he has a legit reason for not being there (advertised hours are 10a-10p), I figure I'll take another ride out there later and see if I can't find him then.

Meanwhile, trying to find him this time took a while and I just now (or rather about 10 minutes ago) got home and started a pot of coffee.
So, maybe I will get another cuppa the stuff before noon.

Lord, I do hope so....

Posted by: Stevie at 10:55 AM | Comments (10) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

A hypothetical situation (that has happened to me)...

Say you need to get your car inspected.
So, you look around, find an ad in the paper and call it.
The guy doesn't have time to squeeze you in before you drive to Georgia, but you two come to the conclusion that you'll call him back when you get back and get it done then.

So, you go to Georgia and come home.

Yesterday, you're driving to Agway and thinking about the inspection.
You realize that MEN have "cleaned" your house while you were gone and hope they didn't toss that newspaper.
Then, you also realize the number might still be in your phone.
So, you look and there it is.
You call it again, to make sure it's the right number, explain to the guy who ya are and why you're calling now and, again, say you'll give him a call in a week or so, when you're ready to get this thing done.

All is well.

You come home, cook dinner then realize you're more tired than the one-legged who has WON the proverbial ass kicking contest and go to bed while it's still light out.

After you go to bed, but a half hour before the guy closes his garage, your boyfriend answers your phone for ya. The caller ID says "Garage", so he's wondering.
Turns out it's the mechanic guys WIFE, calling to see who called the guy and what they wanted, etc.

Now, my question is this:

What. the. fuck?

I don't need this shit.
I also don't give a good goddamn what her "reason" is for calling me back like that.
Does she do that with every call this poor bastard gets, or what?

What I fully intend to do is call this dude back and find out just what the hell is going on. I WANT him to know what she did and I also wanna know if I'm gonna step into the middle of some kinda "domestic" horseshit by bringing my car to him.

Am I the only one who'd do that?
Just wondering....

fuckin' WIMMEN, man...

Posted by: Stevie at 05:43 AM | Comments (13) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

1 Good Lord...I don't know Stevie...I'd think twice about bringing my car there after that. Well, call and give him hell first, and then pick a different place. Keep us posted on what you find out.

Posted by: Moogie at July 06, 2006 05:56 AM (1R6cr)

2 Yup. Sounds like a whackjob to me LOL.

Posted by: Chablis at July 06, 2006 06:14 AM (tMoUV)

3 Good christ. I've never known anybody who was such a such a bullshit magnet.

Posted by: Mad William Flint at July 06, 2006 06:46 AM (irwyS)

4 Never a dull moment in your life, IS there...!?

Posted by: Mike at July 06, 2006 06:59 AM (TtM62)

5 *lmao*

I know...
Can ya believe this shit?
Goddamn, man...

All I wanna do is get my stupid car inspected, not be drug into some wingnuts "marital" horseshit...
*shaking head and laughing out loud*

(And, I think what I'm gonna do is do a reverse lookup on the number and go tell this poor dude in person. God for-freakin'-BID my number should show up on the caller ID again, ya know? And, yeah, THAT'S how much of a threat I am to this bitch... I don't even know where the damned garage is yet... that idiot.)
(And, now I know where the expression "______, gotta love 'em or you'd beat their ass" comes from. And, fill in the blank with whatever "group" ya need, in this case "wimmen".)

Posted by: Stevie at July 06, 2006 07:02 AM (Gq1we)

6 I am speechless.

Posted by: Ruth at July 06, 2006 07:19 AM (kqTXB)

7 Aaaand, I've since put together a coupla more pieces with this crap...

Not only did this dopey woman call before the guy got home from work (20 minutes before the garage closes, in fact), she didn't even call from the same number I used to call him!

His house is in one town, the garage in the next one.

So, what it seems like to me is this chick is checking out his phone when he's not looking and sneaking around, behind his back, to do this silly shit.

Homey here don't play that happy-crappy.

If she's got her "reasons" for doing this kinda shit, like maybe he's cheated on her in the past (and I can see why he WOULD already), then she needs to git her ass outta the situation, not drag other people into it, ya know?

Man.
If I don't keep laughing at this, it's reeeeally gonna piss me off.
I hate people like that, let alone specifically wimmen like that.
Smacks severely of the kinda shit Eric's BC is so fuckin' fond of doing. Ick.

Tell you what... that silly bitch is LUCKY as all HELL she didn't get me on the phone last night.
She'd be shittin' with a new, improved, completely REAMED asshole this morning if she had.
(Which she still may very well be doing, after this guy finds this shit out.)

Dumb broad.

Posted by: Stevie at July 06, 2006 07:49 AM (Gq1we)

8 Well this has happened to me as well. Unless she sounded really mad, I think it's possible that he's just a small business and she helps him with it. Of course with your luck, she could also be a jealous wife....

Posted by: Libby at July 06, 2006 07:51 AM (DGO1F)

9 That's true, Libby, but, on the other hand, she coulda just asked HIM what the number was, which is why she told Eric she was calling, to find out who the number was for and what I wanted.
If it was "for business" that she called, she woulda known why I called, if ya get my meaning.

He said she sounded all nice and shit, but I believe that's because she got a man on the phone when she called the number, as opposed to a female, me.

If she had called earlier or later, like when he was there to know she was doing it, or to be calling back a voicemail... anything like that, I'd not be so annoyed by it, I don't think.

But, I didn't leave a voicemail, the GUY knew who I was and why I called and it just frosts my ass that she didn't even try asking him first and that she did it at all and... *eeerrgg*
Know what I mean?

Women are gonna play shit on men, I know that... BOY, do I know that... (and are we all thinking a particular name now?), but... I don't do that kinda shit.
If I have questions, I'll ask the appropriate person, not sneak around, dragging other people into it.
Especially if it's for the reason I think she did this.

Hell, maybe he knows she does this crap. Maybe he won't be at all surprised by it. I don't know. I can't comprehend some of the dysfunction that passes for realtionships with some people.

But, I feel like he oughta know about this and I oughta know what I may be getting myself into here, if I have this guy as my mechanic and I hope I do, because he's open til 10pm and right down the road and all.

HE seems pretty cool, from what I can gather from two 5 minute phone calls.
And, we alllll know how I am about guys anyway.

Until I know a guy's a total asshole, or something, I tend to "protect" their butts over women's any day.

I never have been a "we are family, I've got all my sistahs with me" kinda female in the first place.

I'm more "Get thee behind me, Satans and lem'me go hang up there with the easier to understand, too simple brained (much like me) people who don't do this kinda game-playing horsehooey to begin with, thanks".
*grin*

(And, just by the way, WHY does it seem like ever since I had my "revelation" that I don't "hate" women as a whole really/anymore, am I constantly being confronted with the EXACT kinda woman who made me think that in the first place? God is a funny little man, I'll tell ya... fun-NY. Ha ha, ho ho, oh to laugh-n-shit... *sigh* (and a giggle)

Posted by: Stevie at July 06, 2006 08:16 AM (Gq1we)

10 LOL Stevie. You're right, it might be better just to find another mechanic. With your luck you'll end up with some crazy woman stalking you.

Posted by: Libby at July 06, 2006 08:45 AM (DGO1F)

11 Ya mean another one?
(Sorry, couldn't contain myself... *snerk*)

Posted by: Stevie at July 06, 2006 10:40 AM (Gq1we)

12 LOL Stevie.... I guess I did leave that one open.....

Posted by: Libby at July 06, 2006 01:49 PM (V10Ot)

13 Sounds like a bunch of crap to me, Stevie. Call her back and ream her a new one and find another garage. Although it could make for even more interesting blogging material...

Posted by: the other Steph at July 06, 2006 03:36 PM (ZGcUL)

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July 05, 2006

C'mon, Livey...

Just stop, wouldja?
I don't care if you come here, it's fine with me.
But, seriously, yer making yourself look foolish, yet again, trying to hide it.
Thanks for the giggles I'm having from it, though...
You are entertaining, I'll give ya that.

Wimmen.... *shaking head*

http://anonymouse.org/anonwww.html
Host Name 65-73-73-224.bras01.rnd.wi.frontiernet.net
IP Address 65.73.73.224
Country United States
Region Wisconsin
City Rhinelander

Posted by: Stevie at 03:02 PM | Comments (14) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Hello life...

Nice to see yer still here.
Feel like I've been gone a year.

Sittin' down here today, in this chair, in front of this computer feels got-damned brand new, like I haven't done it in a while or something.
Probably has to do with the fact that my mind, heart and soul are finally at peace again.

Now, I can finally once again just relax, breathe and be here.
Kinda feels like Rob has relaxed a little too.
I don't have that deep, rumbly, Suth'n-fried voice in my ear telling me "don't you stop, don't let em git to ya, look over here, don't foget that shit..." now.

Now, I just feel a smile.
An "I wouldn't have expected you do anything less or different" kinda feeling.
Like he knew all along I'd never let him down or allow him to be remembered some kinda way he wasn't.

His words were soooo important to him.
As entertaining as they were, that wasn't the point, entertainment.
He was telling whoever had the sense to see it, who and what he was, how he felt and what he wanted.

And, yeah, sure there was a difference between "Acidman" and Rob, but... they were both the truth, both a part of how and who he really was.
What I think is, he put the harder side of himself out there for "the world" to see, knowing that those who could handle that, could handle him, the "real", offline him.
That, if you could see past "Acidman" and really see Rob, he could trust you, somehow. And, he was right... about those few who really did see Rob for who, how and what he was.
I think that, and that that gruff exterior was to keep most people away in the first place.

I understand that, too.
*grin*

I was told once, by a chick cutting my hair, that she didn't wanna get it wrong, because I kinda scared her.
"What?!? Why?", I laughed.
"Well, you just don't seem like the kind of person one would want to "mess" with, especially with that leather jacket on..."
"Man, ya got me..."

She was right.
There was a looong period of time where, when I had to do something or be around people I didn't wanna be, I'd wear my leather because when I did, I felt safe, invulerable.
I looked mean and it kept me from having to prove it from the gitgo.
I liked that.
Still do.
Still have the leather, too.
(And, no, I didn't take it to Georgia...)
That damned thing saved my ass and the skin on it one time. That time I got the nickname "Drag Queen" after I'd gotten drug a few yards off the back of my friend Jack's Harley, my boot hooked in his chaps.
Oh yeah... gooood times.
*rolling eyes and giggling*

Goddamned Jack, man...
I miss him.
And, aw shit... I just remembered he's gonna be retiring soon.
Once he does that, I'm gonna lose him for the rest of forever, no matter how much he doesn't believe it.
Just watch.

And, just by the way... something I've been wondering for about a week now...
Where da hell's my buddy in Bahrain been lately?
I haven't talked to him since a few days before I went to Georgia.
I just now left him a voice mail asking that very thing, but he's like 7 hours ahead, time-wise and is probably in bed already, so I don't expect to hear back today.
Soon though, I hope.
Like I told him, hearing a sane voice would be kinda healing right about now.
His, among the others, that is.

Not that I'm dismissing or minimizing the "others", but his is an old one to me, old and familiar.
There's a subtle difference there.
But again, not that that takes anything away from the new sane people who've sought me out.

Thank you guys for doing that, before I forget to tell ya's that.

And, while I'm on the subject... sorta, anyway...

I just had an email come in with a question about this stuff and I'm gonna post part of my reply.

And, thank you, Darlin', for the "overview", as it were, of this whole mess and your assessment of it all.

I mean, I know what I know and one of the things I know is that I'm right about this shit, but, sometimes, someone else, from a different perspective, coming to the same conclusion helps keep me centered and on track.
Nice to know I'm not the only one who gets it.
Actually, what it is is nice to add another voice of reason (and sanity) to the burgeoning crowd of similar voices.
The more the merrier.
The more the better.

Not that being alone in a belief of mine is anything new, but... whew... ain't NEVER had s'many people step up and say I'm right and even point out a few salient facts I missed along the way. One thing I do already know is that with this support, I have to be even more careful, more "above the bullshit", lest I let any of you down. Lotta responsibility there, but it's an added weight I take on gladly and somehow it makes my walking on even easier.

Who'da thunk it? That sometimes NOT being alone can be a good thing... still kinda blowing my mind, that concept is.

Seems to me Rob's not even close to being done teaching me things and gifting me with good people who have the capacity to be good friends.

Helluva legacy, don'tcha think?

Ya know what?
I think I'm gonna copy and paste some of this reply into the post I'm working on.

In speaking just "to you", I've allowed my guard to go down and I think I've articulated this the best I have so far to you, so I'm gonna take this and say it outloud on Xfire and maybe it'll help keep me on that even keel there, too.

Thanks for asking what ya did if for no other reason than that (though it is nice when people care enough to want to know the truth, too *grin*)

That said and having already spoken to the real "Cat" this morning (not the one in that one comment over there), I think I'm gonna go say "Hi" to the people in my house, maybe go check out that hammock they hung while I was gone, go play fetch with Ty for a while, visit my cats and ol' Bo, maybe clean something... *grin*

And, there's someone I want to talk to, so I guess I'll be making a phone call, too.

I'll be back later.
After I've checked out what the rest of my life has been up to lately.

Peace

Posted by: Stevie at 02:24 PM | Comments (8) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

1 You know me darlin, when I comment, I leave my name and where to find me. I don't hide from no one and scared of no one, Cat

Posted by: Catfish at July 05, 2006 04:09 PM (HeNRd)

2 And if you don't believe him, just ask the former gators.

Posted by: Moogie at July 05, 2006 04:13 PM (CfN/p)

3 Hey hey now, I didn't leave the comment in that post--it was copied over from the previous one before it was taken down. Since you're such an archive retrieval genius, you should have seen that.

I never sign as just Cat, that one belongs to Catfish.

As for posting here, yea, like you'd let that one stand. This is my first, and probably last post here.

Goofy as sprayed flies, indeed.

Posted by: Desert Cat at July 05, 2006 04:36 PM (B2X7i)

4 Yeah what Catfish said...

Posted by: Ruth at July 05, 2006 04:56 PM (kqTXB)

5 I'm scared of gators....

Posted by: Libby at July 05, 2006 05:59 PM (DGO1F)

6 Desert Cat... ugh. Would you just stop (and THINK)?

I never said I'm an "archive whatever genius". Ya don't have to be a genius to get around Livey, for fucks sake.

And, I thought you were a friend of Rob's... I used to see you in his comments. You two seemed to get along.
So what the hell are you doing now, hanging around with that woman, shitting all over Rob like you are?

And, doesn't it make you wonder that she tried to pass you off as Cat (Joe) when she MANIPULATED your comment?

And, you can believe me, not only would I let stand a piece of shit like you wrote over there, I'd use it out front here. It'd be fun, believe me.
And, actually, I like that song a LOT. It reminds me of a book called "The Poison Tree" about a kid named Richard Jahnke who killed his abusive father. It was playing on all the stereos in the house when he did it...

Besides, I like the Eagles as a group or individually.

I don't know what your problem is, man, but you need to use your head for more than just a place to stick a hat someday.
That woman is manipulating your words, using you to shit on Rob and making you out to be a fool.

And your problem is with me?

Ooookaaaay.
Thaaaat's fine.
Go with it, friend.
And, if you ever do manage to extricate your head from her ass and start acting like a thinking, independant adult, know that you'll be welcome here then.
But, until then... bye.

Posted by: Stevie at July 06, 2006 04:29 AM (Gq1we)

7 All right, one more then.

I have spoken out strongly against the efforts to sweep people, myself included, into one "camp" or the other. I found it to be entirely unnecessarily hurtful to all parties involved. And I'm not about to go there now. I have cheered for Rob consistently, and I cheered for Rob and Livey when it looked like the two of them could possibly bring some light to each other's life. And I grieved when their respective foibles blew it up in their faces.

A couple of posts back, it sounded like you'd had conversations with someone who explained a little bit about Livey's issues and what makes her tick. I certainly encourage continuing along those lines. Livey has issues, which is not at all surprising given her childhood. However one thing I give her credit for is recognizing she's broken and in need of help. And she's been seeking it out.

I wish I could say that of more people.

It's unrealistic to expect someone with her issues to be able to see the full extent of the damage at this point in her healing process. And railing against her isn't going to do a damn thing but alienate. It might make *you* feel better, but you end up looking like a turd in the process. She can't see it at this point. Do a google search on BPD, read some of the literature, and you might see why. However it should be possible for anyone with a modicum of compassion to separate condemnation of a person's actions from blanket condemnation of the person.


I have no doubt that she may have done or said any number of inappropriate things. None whatsoever. In fact I would have been very pleasantly surprised to hear that she had been the perfect model of the grieving ex-lover. I have no desire to defend her inappropriate behaviors. Nor do I. She is as fallible an individual as any I have come to give a damn about. As was Rob. I defended the person of Rob against his detractors *in spite of* his very obvious flaws. Likewise it is not Livey's actions I stand behind, but Livey the flawed human being, against those who wish to add to her own grief unnecessarily.

And as far as the defense of the memory of Rob goes, I find what you have been doing to be highly distasteful and I have said so. You've been doing more to foul the waters and muddy the good memory of Rob Smith than anything, *anything* I've seen anyone else do. Stirring shit, as Rob would put it. I'm glad to see you seem to have desisted for the moment. At least publically.

As for your characterization of me, I'll leave that as a testament to your own character, with nothing more added.

Posted by: Desert Cat at July 06, 2006 12:25 PM (B2X7i)

8 That was a song? I thought it was a poem. I copied it and put it there cuz I wanted to look it up. It was not my intention to mislead anyone and it was corrected as soon as it was brought to my attention. Geez you people are fucking psychos!

Posted by: livey at July 07, 2006 03:36 PM (cetuo)

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To quote Rob....

Now, I feel better.
I've got it done.

I don't ever hafta look at that Pepto-Bismal Pink background again, thank Gawd.

Now, we'll just wait and see what goes on.
We'll see who says and does what.

If it's not the truth, as written in the key people's OWN WORDS, "bullshit" with proof will be called.

Meanwhile, if anyone from Rob's family wants to see it, let me know.

You people were correct in your actions to forbid Livey from contacting you again and whichever of you had the position in the arguement that she meant NOTHING to Rob when he died was correct.

Now, go ahead and get rid of all the archives you choose.
Back-pedal and try to cover your ass as best you can.
Call whoever the hell ya want.
Ain't gonna change the facts.
Ain't gonna change the shit that was said and done.

Ain't gonna change ME, either.

And, for the record, I'll say it again...

I still think it's cool as hell what Livey does with those old people, taking care of them like she does.
I still have no desire to hurt the woman.
I don't think she's JUST a horrible person, period. I think she's got a huge mental block, problem, perception when it comes to Rob.
And, I will NOT stand by and watch her twist the facts around to suit herself and her distorted reality while, at the same time, continuing to fuck with Rob even unto his death.

I didn't play that shit while he WAS here to defend himself and I'm not about to start now that he's not.

Do what ya want, say what ya want, call me any damned thing you care to.

I could not POSSIBLY care less.

Rob is all that matters.
Not me, not you.
Rob.

As it should be.

(By the way... my comments are over here.
I haven't said shit in Livey's comments for MONTHS, so why are you people addressing me there? How brave of you to address me where you know I won't answer you. I'm answering you here, why don't y'all grow a pair and address me here?)
(Or STFU your own selves?)

Posted by: Stevie at 05:22 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Havin' quite a little cluckfest over there, aren'tchas...

I just wish to hell y'all'd get the facts straight, for the second time.

I did not drink any alcohol in Georgia.
After what Rob went through with it, it seemed kinda unseemly to me to do that, plus, I rarely drink anyway.

I am NOT talking about Eric from Straight White Guy, you incredible morons.

And, I still don't know what's got yer panties in such a wad.
I haven't even done anything... yet.
I'm workin' on it, but I haven't posted it yet.

And, before anybody decides to try to point out some insanity on my part by going on about how long I've been in the archives, let me tell ya myself.

Goin' on about 12 or 14 hours, so far.
Alllmost done, too.

Now, would ya also like to know that once I get the shit up in the windows, I don't close 'em... for any reason?
Like to go to the grocery store or Wally-world or horseback riding... whatever.

I get my shit set up on here, do some of it and then, if need be, I walk away, windows still up, go do whatever it is I wanna do, then come back, sit down and continue without having to start over.

And, I did go grocery shopping, stopped at Wally-world where I got a really cool Ron "Tater Salad" White T-shirt, a coupla DVD's and shit and we even stopped at Mickey D's on the way home.
And... guess what?
I left the computer on the whooooole time, with the archive windows running.

I'm lazy, whadda ya want from me?
I didn't feel like re-doing alla this shit.

And, guess what else?
It's not Google cache I'm using.
Just thought you geniuses would want to know that.
(And, man oh wow, is it funny to see all the scurrying around, trying to hide shit you're doing (like "getting rid of" Yahoo's cache, yeah I've kept an eye on that. Again... "expectations", people. I almost know whatcher gonna do before ya do it. Thanks for proving me right, by the way...) But, it's not doing much good, I gotta tell ya...)

Now, if ya's don't mind, I have something to finish here, then to post.
And, believe me, if I'd had any thoughts of not posting it (which I didn't), I'd sure as hell do it now anyway, just to watch all you boneheads freak out.

If you can't deal with the little I've said about what went on in Georgia, y'alls heads are gonna explode when you see what I've been working on.

Oughta be fun to watch.
Has been so far.

On the other hand... hmmm... maaaaybe I'll just send it to the few who want to see it. The idea of you knotheads waiting alllll this time to see what the fuck I've been up to then getting no payoff seems like fun to me.
We'll see.

Either way, I'll be fulfilling a promise I made to a few rather important people who hadn't known the whole story, but who also got the point last week.
(They'd be the ones Livey is no longer allowed to contact, in case yer wondering.)

Also, ya might like to know that today I made a phone call to another VIP in Rob's life and asked if they thought I was doing anything wrong.

"Nope. In fact, the family wants to know about this. She caused a huge fight among the family members and I'm sure they'll want to know what the real deal is..."

I then asked this person to let me know if I do start to do anything to hurt anyone who matters.

They said they will.
PLUS, there is yet another person who would call me on anything I did, if it were wrong.
Suffice it say it's none of the chucklefucks in Livey's comments, HENCE y'all can go pound sand.

Frankly, I find those dipshits highly amusing and an odd diversion from what I'm working on, so thanks y'all, for the entertainment!

(And, damn, y'all are an unsupportive bunch, lettin' Callie be the only one to email me and give me shit... jeez.)

I fart in y'all's general direction.

Posted by: Stevie at 01:10 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

July 04, 2006

Fer fucks sake....

Y'all are amusing.
I'll give ya that.

But, you are all also about as nutso as Livey, if you believe half the shit she says, whether it's about Rob, me or whatever she comes out with.

For the fuckin' record, yeah, I am, or was (I've got what I need, pretty much, but I do still have a window open to be able to check shit and make sure) in her archives.

I'm in Rob's too.
And, my own.

See... you ridiculous people, what I'm doing is puttin' this shit together in Livey's, as well as Rob's, OWN WORDS.

Her own WORDS. Things SHE said, not that "I've made up".

Can you grasp that?
Her words.

Also, ROB'S own words... the words he used to try to extricate himself from her, including that deleted "update" where he names names.

If reading a person's archives is "stalking", well then, fine.
I'm guilty.
HOWEVER, I've also then "stalked" damned near everyone else whose reading I find interesting for whatever reason.
As some have done with my archives.

I don't know what y'all's problem is here, really.

Are ya pissed that I have the free time to do this?
Are ya upset that you don't have the balls to handle the truth?
What is it?

If you know me AT ALL, you know I'm not doing anything any different than I did when Rob was alive...
I defended him to the best of my ability then, as I'm doing now.

And, if you don't like that.... tough.
I really don't care.

Now, to clear up a coupla things...

Livey is lying again.
I have NOT "contacted a lawyer to prove she killed Rob."

There was only person in the Crackerbox that night and it wasn't her.

What I'm doing is layin' this shit out so that those who wonder why I believe what I do can see it and see why I believe it.
And, ya wanna know what else?
If the autopsy proves that Rob died of natural causes, or his head exploding, or whatever, it's still a FACT that Livey made his last bit of time here HELL. That she was told by Rob himself to piss off and wouldn't.

Belieeeeve me... I don't for one second think she's the ONLY reason he wanted out. I don't give her that much credit.
There were many other reasons, but I do KNOW she's one of the ones who was calling him a drama queen and all but daring him to do it.
And, that bugs me, as well as many other people I've heard from.

So again, I have not, as she's saying now, gotten hold of a lawyer.
She's LYING to you people.
If I were to spend money on a lawyer, it certainly wouldn't be because of her silly ass.
I'd spend it on a lawyer to get Eric outta HIS mess with HIS BC.
Besides... I don't NEED a lawyer to prove shit.

I have all I need.
HER WORDS.
And Rob's.

Which, by the way, are "public domain" and available to anyone who cares to look.
Also, if it's true that she's gonna call a lawyer, she'd better be ready to be laughed at when the guy finds out I'm alllll the way across the friggin' country from her and even less of a "danger to her life" than she is herself.

Do ya's really think I care that much about her?
Gawd Almighty... if ya do, then you need to re-read that email I sent, because in it, in my OWN WORDS, I explain how little "danger" she's in as far as I'm concerned.

Not to mention, I just did my big "get Livey" thing in, what?, my last post?

I'll repeat it now, for all you brain-dead dickheads who didn't get it... ready?

"May the song "Instant Karma" haunt her the rest of her life."

Period.

THAT'S how much I care about her.
THAT'S all the effort to me she's worth.

The effort I'm expending now, with this other, this going through numerous archives and putting it all together so an IDIOT could understand it ISN'T ABOUT HER.
It's for, about and to Rob.
Whom I cared about a LOT and still do.

I realize it's reeeeally hard to believe that not everything in the fuckin' universe is about Livey, but... it's not.
Least of all anything coming from me.

Also, I'd like to mention that Rob's family has my URL, my phone number and my snail mail address.
More than enough ways to contact me if they wanted to.
If they felt a need to.

They could contact me six ways from Sunday and warn me off, if they were of a mind to and ya wanna know what?
They haven't.
And, I doubt they will.

But, they DID tell Livey to never contact anyone on the family again.

See any difference there?
Probably not, but whatever.

Look... I know I'm not ever gonna get through to some people.
That's fine.

I'm doing what I'm doing because I want to and because others who love Rob want to see this.

I'm not threatening Livey, nor did I, except to admit that, yeah, at first I wanted to beat her ass for being so dense, in my email.
I don't give a FUCK about Livey, one way or another.
Rest assured, if it was someone else who'd done the things she did to Rob, THEY'D be my focus now, instead of her.

But, it is her because that's how she wanted it.
She wanted to be the center of attention, so, for now, she is.
But, for me, only as far as necessary to gather what's needed.

Which, like I said, is pretty much complete.

She can contact me, if she wants. She's done it before.
I'm not even angry with her anymore, since I understand the dynamics of the situation.
I won't "abuse" her, scream at her, threaten her or anything else.

I don't care enough to.

Go ahead and email me, Livey.
I promise you, I more pity you than anything else these days.
And, reading your archives is a part of why that is.
The more I read, the more I feel sorry for you.

I won't coddle you and make you think what you've done and seem to be continung to do is okay, but... you're "safe". I'm not gonna hurt you.
No more so than what the truth of the situation will, anyway.

I won't lie to you and I won't lie for you.

Just like Rob, you've got enough to contend with without me making it worse.
And, if having it all laid out for whomever wants to know is "hurting you", well then, I am sorry 'bout that, but I am gonna do it.

Other than that and wishing the song "Instant Karma" drives you nuts(er), there'll be no more to you from me.

I'm not coming to Wisconson, nor sending anyone else there.
I'm not suggesting or setting up any retribution.

Like I said on June 6th, the KARMIC retribution will be enough.
(Yeah, I warned her THEN to stop before he got pushed too far. Wish she'd have LISTENED.)

Anyway...
speculate all ya want.
Call me "stalker" and "cunt" all ya want.
Hell, you can even email me and try to give me shit (and maybe somebody should, lest Callie be the only one, as she is so far...).

Castiron ass.
I do have one.
Something I learned from Rob.
One of the MANY things I learned from Rob.

So go for it.
Ya ain't botherin' me.

Livey, same goes for you.
Go ahead and email me.
You're safe.
There's nuthin' I need to try to do to you.
You're doing it all to yourself.

But, it might make things easier for you to just say what ya wanna say to ME, instead of everybody BUT me, ya know?
At least that way, you'd be sure I'm hearing what you're saying without anyone else's spin on it, right?

Oh... and about my Pusser club (and that's a CAPITAL "P", thanks, it's a man's last name), I brought it with me because Cat asked if I had a gun for the drive down, which I don't. (Would you dillholes have felt better if I did have a gun and left the club home? God, yer stupid.)

I brought it for any protection I may have needed had I broken down and been threatened by some random road person.

It was in my car and STAYED in my car the entire time I was in Georgia.
I didn't even bring it out to show Cat Buford's signature.
AND, I went to the service in Cat's truck, so it wasn't even THERE to use on anybody.
So, can ya's glom onto something else to prove my insanity, please?
Christ knows there's enough other shit to choose from.
(And, I don't think perusing archives qualifies either...)

So.
Are we clear now?

No lawyer.
No ass-beatings.
No backing down will be done on my part in defending Rob from those who would like to destroy his dignity in death as they did in life.
Livey is safe.
She can email me if she wants.
I haven't and will not be appearing or speaking in her comments.
I will, however, read them.
And, I'll also give you guys a little unsolicited advice... that shit is as public as her archives, so ya might wanna take it into consideration.
Also, no matter how much you try to "get rid" of that kinda shit, it ain't ever really "gone", as I've proved each time Rob fucked up his archives and I've retrieved them for him.
What you guys say now will be there for a loooong time and you aren't really doing your girl Livey much good.
And, yeah... I know what I say will be around for just as long.
That's why I don't say the stupidest things there are to say.
I may think 'em, but I learned well from others who've been burnt.

Oh, and... when I wrote that email, I knew there was a really good chance she'd see it, but in the interest of keeping shit to a minimum, I emailed it instead of posting it.
Not trying to hide anything, just trying to keep the shit to a minimum.
And so, when I wrote it, I wrote it with the thought in the back of my mind that she'd see it.
So, I'm not surprised nor sorry she did.

And, I expected a buncha shit to come from this whole deal.
I'm waiting for it.
I expect MORE, once I get "the" post I'm working on posted.
That's fine.

You guys are not disappointing me by those dopey comments at Livey's. Nor has Livey let me down in my knowing EXACTLY what her reaction is gonna be and what she's gonna do next... just like at Rob's service.

Hell, man... I expect shit from this post.
Bring it on.
Because the more y'all fuck with ME, the more you're leaving Rob the fuck alone.

Now... have at it.

Posted by: Stevie at 05:41 PM | Comments (9) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

1 WOW... Ok... I have to admit to commenting at Livey's site...

Somehow, I had never found yours before (I didn't always click on the links in Rob's posts.. Sorry). So now I have the other side of the story and I must say, I think yours is probably more credible. I am saying this based on nothing more than reading your last 12 posts or so (will be reading more, was just trying to figure out what the fuck was going on!) and her site and Robs for the last few years.

Knowing what she did, how he felt etc. Yeah I tend to think your view is probably more on the correct side...

Anyway, since my comments are on her site that you linked to I just wanted to update my currect position.. LOL

Posted by: ElizabethOfTheSouth at July 04, 2006 06:53 PM (YnIJr)

2 Also, just so ya know, Screen Shots are much more effective if using as *evidence*... Can't alter a screen shot like you can if you just copy and paste... I'm just saying... In case folks try to say you mucked around with something...

Posted by: ElizabethOfTheSouth at July 04, 2006 06:56 PM (YnIJr)

3 I read the comments "over there" and I find it ironic that Livey's posse is demanding Stevie just forget anything ever happened so Livey can get on with her life and then they proceed to inflame the situation with snarky comments. One thing is clear. Livey started this when she outed Rob on his own blog. From all accounts I've heard she behaved disgracefully at the funeral. She can't just cry victim now and make it all go away.

You all can think you want about how this is playing out but I can't fail to notice that Stevie is right up front and doing her own fighting while Livey is in hiding, calling on her troops to leap to her defense. Seems to me if Livey's conscience is clear she should be able to come forward and do her own talking. Whether they do it on the blogs or in email is immaterial but that's the only way to put it behind them.

From where I sit, Stevie has been completely honest. She chose to work out her stuff on her blog -- that's her right. No one has to read it. Livey, on the other hand, has uncharacteristically chosen to remain silent, apparently only divulging her account of the proceedings to a handful of supporters and one suspects she's been somewhat selective in what she chooses to tell. Those of you who consider her a friend would do well to encourage her to be honest with herself or else you're just -- what was that word you're all so fond of --- oh yeah, "enabling" the anti-social behavior that continues to sabotage her existence. Think about that.

Posted by: Libby at July 04, 2006 08:12 PM (DGO1F)

4 Does anyone know why Livey hasn't been blogging? I keep checking and she hasn't said anything about the events that happened in GA. It must have been bad if she hasn't found a way to spin it yet.

Posted by: Jane at July 04, 2006 08:50 PM (mtA+8)

5 Damn...

I read both of you guys (although you're the only one between the two of you that I've blogrolled).

I came across a post of hers today and basically told her that "If your comments upset her, don't read em."

I've always thought of her as a nice person, but then again, I only know her through the computer screen.

I don't think you're a stalker and if I didn't have a pistol, I'd damn sure carry something with me if I was making a road trip...especially if I was a woman alone.

I like you, even if I did comment on Livey's blog today. :-)

PS...Wise up and get a gun woman, there's all kinda shit out there.

Posted by: Mrite at July 04, 2006 10:49 PM (l8IdQ)

6 Stevie,

I just commented on Livey's post today 7/4. She had pix of mushrooms. If Rob was the main focus of her stalking, she doen't talk about it. Pix of mushrooms??? What the hell. Someone who is grieving like you aparently are, is the one to believe. I don't know shit about anything, but keep your chin up. Livey seems like bullshit from the start. I can't ever phathom that I'd loose a friend and be talking about mushrooms on the fourth of July. Like any separation, when you have friends that divorce, some go one way and some go another. Just remember that the ones that go another were not your real friends. Be happy that you have sorted them out and know who are true, and loyal friends. I'd rather have a loyal friend than an imposter who is nothing but full of bullshit and deciet!!!

Posted by: mark at July 04, 2006 11:54 PM (Dvz3g)

7 While I do consider myself a friend of Livey, I am also a friend of Sam & Stacey. A close friend could everyone, please just for a while stop this for Sam's sake? Please? http://momisnutz.blogspot.com/2006/07/things-to-share.html

I know I will probably get ripped a new one, but fuck it, I don't care. When it's your dad....it's a whole different ball game. Everyone has the right to grieve, just remember that some grieve with a lifelong knowledge of someone they called Dad.

Posted by: Kel at July 04, 2006 11:56 PM (Mpp8f)

8 Mark, I think you must have posted on Libby's site. She has pics of mushrooms, but she's not the crazy one..LOL
Libby is NOT Livey..
Stevie, I'd love to read the e-mail. I don't blog, I'm just a reader. I never really checked out your blog until Rob died. And I knew you had to have some common sense as you were not on Livey's side.

Posted by: Jane at July 05, 2006 07:18 AM (26v9i)

9 Yeah Mark. You got the wrong girl. I got nothing to do with this directly and I do like shrooms....

Posted by: Libby at July 05, 2006 09:26 AM (DGO1F)

Hide Comments | Add Comment

July 03, 2006

Hate ta hafta be the one to tell ya this, buuuut....

You can remove your archives from your front page all ya want.

Don't mean they can't be found.
And copied.
And pasted into a draft form somewhere.
And saved for future reference and whatever "truth" they may contain, no matter who that truth is in favor of.

I'm just sayin'...

Posted by: Stevie at 08:25 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Oh. My. Gawd. My dog is retarded...

Tyler is CERTIFIABLE.

Preparing to tack up my Gut Rumbles bumpersticker, I removed the (dog toy) soccerball I've had hanging above my computer for the last year or so.

It being a dog toy, I decided to give it the the dog.
I'd still have it and he'd have a new ball to play (endless) fetch with.

Well.
This ball has a squeaker in it.
I don't think Ty's ever had toy with a squeaker before, because from the first time he tried to pick it up and it squeaked at him, he's been pushing it around the livingroom with his nose, stopping only to bark wildly at it.

Laughing my ever-lovin' ASS off here...

M'dog's as fucked up as a football bat.
Figures, doesn't it?

*lmao*

Posted by: Stevie at 08:01 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

1 Dogs, cats....gotta love 'em.....

Posted by: Ruth at July 03, 2006 08:17 PM (kqTXB)

2 LOL!!! My smallest dog Ralph is terrified of all things squeaky. He runs and hides if he hears the squeaks. Too funny!

Posted by: Moogie at July 04, 2006 08:15 AM (CfN/p)

Hide Comments | Add Comment

Hey everybody, how ya'll doin'?

I'm okay.
Kinda cool waking up in my own bed, as opposed to my own CAR, for a change... *grin*
Though, I hafta admit, Eric had to tell me what day this is... I thought it was Sunday... *lol*
Don't know where I got that from...

Anyway, I did my usual "go to bed at daybreak, get up around God-knows-when" thing.
I stayed up this time to try to be able to just see all the cool shit that was done online for Rob.
And, man... there's a LOT of it.

The chat room, posts, comments... a lot to read.

One post that my Dad called and told me about was the one Jim did, at Parkway Reststop. Dad said that one almost made him cry.
I, in turn, told him to go read "The New Guy" at youbitch.

(And, if I didn't hafta git my ass to the Agway in the next hour, I'd be making links, but... I have this "timed event" to attend to, so I need to try to keep this as quick as I can right now. Besides, y'all already know where these things are, right? I hope?)

He didn't ever comment over at Gut Rumbles or anything, but he enjoyed reading Rob's posts and Rob made Dad laugh out loud at some of the things he said and the way he'd say 'em.
But, even though they never "spoke", Dad always does say that Rob was instrumental in my recovery from that damned depression I was in when I found him.
For that reason alone, I think my Dad mighta loved Rob a bit too, in his own way.
If it hadn't been for Rob inspiring me to start blogging, I'd probably never have been gifted with finding Paul, of Light and Dark.
Paul was the one who all but held my hand while we, together, followed Rob's footsteps back into the light of the world.
And, boy, what a bright light that man was and still is...

I staggered on down here today and plunked my ass in this old, familiar chair and was FLOORED by the number of emails and comments I had to read.

Y'all are AMAZING.

I did answer Mike in my comments. (And, just for now, I wouldn't let anything he said in any emails or comments he sent before he was "exposed" to Livey at the service get to you. I've been given reason to think he may have opened his eyes some and may not be as stuck up her ass as it appeared at first, though, I also hafta admit, that the "defending" (or trying to explain) her actions that he's done in my comments is making me wonder. But, ya know what? Even if he is still wedged up there, just feel sorry for him for his ignorance and for what she'll end up doing to him in time to make him regret being her friend, okay? He's pitiable if that is the case and not dangerous in ANY case.)

I got that far, before the "Agway" deal was mentioned to me. (Need fly spray for the horses and Jr. needs barn boots, so I can't not get to that today...)

The emails (not sent as comments), I will get to before this night ends.
Each of you deserve as thoughtful a reply from me as was thoughtful the things you said.
I don't wanna rush through my replies and seem flippant or miss anything.

Briefly, the ones that stand out the most are Libby... and I sure will send you that, no problem AND, while I wasn't able to get any rocks from the Crackerbox driveway (it's cement, not dirt and I didn't wanna be chippin' it to pieces *grin*), I do have a coupla things to send you (and anyone else who asked) that I think you'll like to have.

Cindi and the others who have written fearing that I may not want to hear from you because you've been in Livey's comments... Relax, Darlin'(s). That doesn't matter. I'm not a militant "you spoke to her once, so piss off" kinda person.
Hell, we all make mistakes and Livey is really good at painting whatever picture she wants you to see, and, I, myself, am of the "hafta learn for myself" school (graduated with HONORS from that one, I did *grin*), so consider yourselves welcome to write to me anytime ya want. Say whatever ya want to, too. Don't be afraid if I read a coupla cuss words (or even a LOT of them) that I'll think less of you, or whatever.
It's rawther hard to discuss Livey without a few choice words.
I, of all people, know that.

Only people who need to fear me are the ones who will try to hurt Rob's memory.
And, let me just say it now... the man's memory means as much to me as he did, so if anybody thinks I'm gonna back off NOW, they are sadly (and painfully) mistaken.
His memory is all we have left now and I'll do whatever it takes to preserve it, warts and all, yes, but I won't tolerate troll-bullshit.
Never did before.
Why the fuck would I start now?
Ya know?

Anyway...

I'm also aware there are a lot of people waiting for my "inevitable blow up/attack on Livey".

So as not to disappoint you "fine" folks, here it is....

May the song "Instant Karma" haunt her the rest of her life.

(EOM)
(Or, in the words of Forrest Gump, "That's all I have to say about that." For now. Lord knows she'll probably drive me nuttier than she is before she finally does fuck off like Rob wanted so much for her to do, but... I'll do my best not sink to the expectations of those FOL's. For Rob... for his memory and the integrity of it all. Not to even mention all the really fine and good people I'd let down or disappoint by doing so. Including myself. Lord, please help me not to fail, here, okay? Thanks, Your Dudeness... me)

Now... I gotta go get a shower and go to Agway. And, from what I've been whined at about TOLD by these guys around here, it seems like I'mina hafta hit the grocery store too, before they start roastin' my cats on a spit, no matter how much that idea would have tickled Mr. Rob.

I'll be back in bit.
Chins up, y'all.
Tears in your eyes are allowed, sure, but chins up, be proud of your associations with Rob and try to react to the nutballs accordingly.
(Meaning "try not to let them get you down, but, by all means, do tear 'em a new one, as Rob would have, if they go too far.")

(And, I feel this, so... I'm gonna say it)
Much love...

Update in the EP. Click the link. It's about Mike...

Posted by: Stevie at 03:51 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Okay, now I'm tired...

After all the "fun" when I got home and all my catching up with all that happened online while I was gone, my head hurts.

'Course, that could be from thinkin', too...

What I'm gonna do is tie up the loose ends I'm aware of with this post.

I read all the email and comments and made a few notes of things people had asked about, then, in looking for a particular post of Rob's for Cat, I saw some things that I'd read as Rob wrote them, but in hindsight are MUCH more striking.

I can make that part easy for ya.
Just read all of June and the ones he deleted that I found for him.
Those are posted here on June 20th, I think.

Just see what he was saying and see what you think.

Now, at the top of my page of notes are two songs.
One was playing on a looptape in my head as I drove home.
The other kept intruding like some kind of advertisement for "Liveyhood".

You won't even need to guess which one is which...

Pine trees grow so tall in the bright sunshine
A young boy steals his daddy's fishin' line
An alligator lays on the banks of a river bed
And if you didn't know any better you'd swear he's dead.

Now these are a few things I'm in love with
A small part of the reason I go back
To Carolina, Mississsippi, Florida, gorgeous Georgia
Now if you think I'm happy down there you're on the right track.

And you ain't just whistlin' Dixie
You ain't just slappin' your knee
I'm a grandson of the southland boys
An heir to the Confederacy.

You ain't just whistlin' Dixie
'Cause the cattle call's callin' me home
So put me down there where I wanna be
Plant my feet with Robert E. Lee
Bury my bones under a cypress tree
And never let me roam.

And you ain't just whistlin' Dixie
You ain't just slappin' your knee
I'm a grandson of the southland boys
An heir to the Confederacy.

Cotton balls gleam and the cow gives cream
For the baby's sake
Pa comes in full of gin
And he's mean as a rattlesnake.

And if the well runs dry
and we cry and cuss the garden hose
Mama draws a bucket full of creek water
Just to wash our clothes.

Now these are a few things I'm in love with
A small part of the reason I go back
To Carolina, Mississsippi, Florida, gorgeous Georgia
Now if you think I'm happy down there you're on the right track...

Man, just reading those lyrics made me cry again.

I miss y'all, Cat....
Lots.

*coupla minutes later*

Now for the other one...

One way or another, I'm gonna find ya
I'm gonna get cha, get cha get cha, get cha
One way or another, I'm gonna win ya
I'm gonna get cha, get cha get cha, get cha
One day maybe next week I'm gonna meet cha,
I'm gonna meetcha, I'll meet cha

I will drive past your house
And if the lights are all down
I'll see who's around

One way or another, I'm gonna find ya
I'm gonna get cha, get cha get cha, get cha
One way or another, I'm gonna win ya
I'll get cha, I'll get cha
One way or another I'm gonna see ya
I'm gonna meet cha, meet cha,
meet cha, meet cha

One day maybe next week
I'm gonna meet cha,I'll meet cha

And if the lights are all out
I'll follow your bus downtown
See who's hangin' round

One way or another
I'm gonna lose ya
I'm gonna give you the slip
A slip of the hip or another
I'm gonna lose ya
I'm gonna trick ya I'll trick ya
One way or another
I'm gonna lose ya
I'm gonna trick ya, trick ya
Trick ya, trick ya
One way or another
I'm gonna lose ya
I'm gonna give you the slip

I'll walk down the mall
Stand over by the wall
Where I can see it all
Find out who you call
Lead you to the supermarket
Check out some specials and rap
Then get lost in the crowd

One way or another
(Where I can see it all
Find out who you call)
I'm gonna get cha, I'll get cha
I'll get cha, get cha, get cha, get cha...

Bet that song gave Rob the heebie-jeebies.

Didn't used to affect me one way or the other, except that when I heard it before all this shit, I'd always think, "They have a law against that kinda thing now. My, haven't times changed..."

Now?
Now I hear it and see her in my mind.
It's fuckin' twisted.
Or, she is... one.

Anyway, this may not "flow", but I will, right outta this chair, if I don't go to bed, but I wanna at least get this caught up so that maybe I can get to the cool stuff with Cat and Nancy when I wake up... next month.
*grin*

So... here we go.

First thing was the story about the after-after party that V-man wanted to have at the Exchange.
Seems they couldn't do that because there had been a fire there a few days before.
So, he and all the people with him, of which Livey was not one, went to another bar waaaay down the street.

It took her a while, but she found them by looking in every bar window on the street til she found them.

Now, I wasn't there at the bar, but I've heard this story from about 47 friggin' people who were, so I believe it... ("one way or another...")

That chilled a few of them, as it did me each time I heard it.

Another thing I heard repeatedly from various, very trustworthy sources was that Miss Thing was telling all of Rob's family that they were "in love" and bf/gf when he passed.

............?

*siiigh*

Man, she can't even leave his MEMORY alone.

Again... twisted.

Someone asked why Sam asked her to be there if Livey is so... let's say "bentheaded".
Because Sam didn't know all that has happened between Livey and Rob lately. Sam told me herself she hadn't known about what Livey did and how her father felt about it AND Livey.
But, once she found out....

Immediately following, it was made clear that Livey was NOT going to be allowed into the Crackerbox ever again and since the key was missing from under the mat and it wasn't yet known that Dave had it, the locks were changed.

I saw the replacement locks sitting on the couch.

Also, I've been told twice since I got home that she's also been forbidden from contacting anyone in the family ever again.
As it should be.

Yes, Jennifer was at the service.
She was subdued and respectful enough that I didn't even notice her.
Of course, she'd have had to have been IN FLAMES for anyone to notice her next to Livey.
Gawd...
*shudders*

Another little thaaang Miss Livey did was to call Catfish Manor while I was sitting right there and proceed to give Nancy a buncha shit on my behalf, as it were.
Talking about me like she's still in high school, she was.
Didn't catch a single "hint" Nancy said, didn't get that that was unnecessary bullshit, but that's okay.
The rest of us did.
Dipshit.
(See what I mean about she'll destroy herself faster and better than I could? All I need to do is sit back, watch and LAUGH. She never disappoints, does Miss Thing. Always does the exact, crazy thing she's expected to do... *shaking head*)

Two other tiny points, then I've got to go to bed before I pass out....

If you didn't get that email/drafted post I sent out, that doesn't mean, by ANY means, that I don't respect your opinion.
It means either you've managed to keep clear of this shit and I don't wanna be the one to get you involved or I forgot you'd wanna see it.

Only people I ain't sending it to are the F.O.L.... Friends Of Livey.

Which leads me to my last point...

The word "enabler" was slung around quite a bit for the last month or so of Rob's life.
People were accused of it who never even THOUGHT of enabling, much less GOADING, Rob into dying.
What I find the most ironic is that those FOL's are the BIGGEST enablers I've ever seen.

How they can know the shit she's done to Rob, both when he was here with us and now that he's not, and still support her, still come out with that "awww, poor widdle Wivey" shit is beyond me, but if you wanna talk about actions that support a given bad behavior... jeezus man.
Look no further than her comments.
Sometimes I really wonder of that many people can be that clueless or if she maybe writes 'em all herself, like the editors of NatLamp used to do.

And, yeah, I know there are some people who just always wanna root for the "underdog", but Christ man... most times "crazydogs" get put to sleep, ya know?

Cheering on, supporting and condoning that kinda behavior is reprehensible.

It's like those people who were prosecuted for cheering on the rape in "The Accused".

I just hope those FOL's had as much fun as those dipshits in that bar.
Watching someone put another human being through a bunch of shit they didn't want to be out through and made it CLEAR they didn't wanna be put through and cheering it on, supporting the prepetrator... How soulless can a person, or group of people, be?
You fucks shoulda come to the service.
You'd all have had ORGASMS over her behavior there, if you think she's so wonderful being the way she is.
Goddamn, man.

Hell, even that guy she showed up with, by the end of the night, is reported to have been saying what a loon she is and shit.

Now, when your own "body guard" or personal champion begins to notice that yer nuts, it ain't just my imagination, now is it?
Hardly.
No matter how much you may wish it was.

*thinks a minute*

Okay.
I b'leve that's it for now.
I covered all the shit I noted and posted those two songs that're stuck in my head and I think I'm gonna go sleep for about a year now.

Oh yeah... I boiled some peanuts.
They were okay, but needed more salt, so I put water back over them, added some salt and am lettin' 'em soak.
Since they're not being boiled again (because the peanuts are already cooked well enough), I think I'll let 'em soak some more.

Is there any such a thing as a "too salty" peanut anyway?
Hope not.... *smile... make that tired smile*

'Night, y'all...
Sleep well, thanks for everything and, as usual, I wish you...

Peace

'Bout two minutes later....
Oops... one more factoid...
It's actually 75-something miles from my house to Cat's.
That's seven hundred, fifty-something.
I forget the last number.
But, it's less than a 9, I know that much.
Probably less than a 5, actually, or I'd have rounded up to make the (contemptable) math easier.

Posted by: Stevie at 02:34 AM | Comments (12) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

July 02, 2006

Jesus fuck.... *siiigh*

I am home, yes.

I'm also fine.

But, man, whatta clusterfuck the last few hours have been,
My Gawd.

Now, I hafta get this all out so I can make sure I've got the pieces of this put together correctly, too.
But, the cool thing about this latest mess is that I already know what the pcture is supposed to be or is at least looking like it's gonna be (again), but... this time, it's a pretty one.

Thanks to poor Paul, who caught me at exactly the right time and got more than an earful about it (and I mean caught, as in called at the right time and CAUGHT me in my freefall at exactly the right time), I know that this latest overall picture is a good one, even if it is a Monet (all fucked up if yer too close to it), unlike that other picture I've been working on which looks more and more like the face of evil masquerading as mental illness or else one of the worst true cases of mental illness in the recorded annals of time.

When he called me, I couldn't see a difference between these two ever s'fucked up situations.

And, while I do need to finish that other one right soon, I want to say "Hi", so you'd know I made it and I need to get this out so I can see the picture it makes as a whole, lest I forget and someone around here gets...
drug off and shot.
Many times, even.
(And, I don't even have a gun.)
((As if that'd stop me...))

Anyway....
*rolls eyes and another sigh*

Let me tell y'all about the end of this "trip" (and I'm using that word heavy on the double entendre) before I finish that other one, okay?
(And, maybe it'd be better for my mind, in the long run, to think of this shit I'm about to relate not as "the end of my trip" as much as "the beginning of being back home". Sucks either way, but maybe this way is healthier... Paul? Ya think?)

We'll start this when I hit Pa.
I'd been yakking to Eric via radio since (goddamned, takes-too-long-to-drive-through, outta-change-the-friggin'-slogan-to "Virginia is for those with patience in Saintly proportions"...) Virginia, ick, and told him I was gonna stop by the Giant on the way home and get myself some of that kickass Chinese food they sell in there. I told him that.
He KNEW I was going to the Giant.
It's kinda important you remember that for a minute....

I go there, grab my shit and come on home.

I wasn't here an hour and half before I was in tears and such a rage all three guys took the fuck off outta here, back to work or to go build benches (George is doing that right now... building a bench), anything to get the fuck away from me.

Can't say I blame 'em.

I was beyond pissed at what I came home to.

Which can be summed up thusly: One dead cat and several "gone" kittens.
Oh and no cat food in the house, which I made perfectly clear MORE THAN ONCE, INCLUDING IN WRITTEN FORM was gonna be needed by Friday, at the latest.

(No, Paul... not even chewing back teeth as I type... just "annunciating"...
*grin*)

I get here and the house is clean. Very nice, sweet...
My roosters, the duck and the rabbit are outside. Okay... cool.
My cat herd is thinned. 'Scuse me? What?
Got rid of the anti-social kittens.... Hmmmm.... Okay, I guess, but...
Fuzz is dead and has been since the day before I left.

Fuck WHAT?

Got hit by a car because nobody can take a fuckin' the "CLUE" of my having said 8 bazillion times that he is NOT to be outside because, while he's the sweetest goddamned cat, he is also about as dense as... A GUY and stands in the middle of road alla time.

*heaving a sigh, still not chewing back teeth*

Then, it occurs to me that they knew this BEFORE they got rid of the additional kittens. (Seems weird, somehow, to refer to kitten who're gone as "additional"...)
That made me even madder.
How da fuck ya gonna get rid of MORE of my cats when you already know (and I don't) that one is dead?

Damn it.

THEN, I go to feed my still-a-bit-too-big-for-most-people herd of cats and...

Not one kibble of food in the house.

Fuckin' WHAT?!!?
Even more pissed....

But, what sent me into the stratosphere was what occured to me after I peeled OUT of here to BACK TO THE FUCKIN' STORE THAT I'D ALREADY BEEN TO ABOUT HALF AN HOUR BEFORE.

I realized that, misguided as these actions were, they were done with the...
oh, God, I can't even say it.
I'll puke...

The best... of....
intentions.

THAT, friends and neighbors, was IT.

After the way I've seen, heard, read, and witnessed that bullshit fuckin' excuse bandied about lately, I wanted to kill alla these dipshits, I really did.

From the moment that occured to me til Paul called and talked me down, my mind was racing off with that and all that it seemed to imply and the ghastly coincidences between this and that and oh, Lord... he'p us all.

I was thinking as I was driving (ugh) back to the stupid store (where, in case ya missed it, I coulda already BOUGHT the damned food the first time I was there, HAD I been informed that alla my saying it and the note were for naught and the cats had no food).

If mothafuckas would fuckin' LISTEN TO ME and do my shit the way I want my shit done WITH my shit, my stupid, sweet cat wouldn't be dead.

If mothafuckas had LISTENED TO ROB and done what he wanted at his blog the way he wanted it done (kept his "secrets", fucked off when told to, etc.)... if those assnuggets hadda listened when the night before I fuckin' TOLD her and a coupla others to back off and quit challenging him, maybe he wouldn't be dead either.

AND... most horrifying of all... both situations had that phrase "best of (goddamned) intentions" stuck to 'em.

Man, by the time I got back...
whooo... man.

There isn't even a word in the English (or any other) language for what I was.

But... then, Paul called.
*taking a big, deep breath again, as I simply type it*

I was already crying and I just blew alla this shit into his ear and he helped me... understand and see the difference between these TRUE "best intentions" and her's.

Then, he explained a few other things along the same lines about this current mess and, like I said, "talked me down".

By the time we hung up, I was really better.
George came in the room just in time to hear me telling Paul thank you and whatnot and as I hung up, he said "Paul?"

"yep... and boy, do y'all owe HIM big, now..." as I blew out air.

Since then, George and I talked and got somewhere with the conversation (for a switch) and he showed me the bench he's building and how he'd used a horseshoe that's special to me and he knows it, to "template" the design he's put on the feet of the bench and I've written this.

Feel LOTS better now still.

Need to also try to have the same or a very similar talk with Eric about this, but... not today.

Between my (over)reaction and his ingrained defense mechanisms, thanks to his BC, I need to just let it go for now and bring it up again in a few days, after he's convinced not only that he's gonna live but that's it's good to discuss it and that he's not being blamed.

And, I need to eat something before I jitter apart.

So, I'mina post this, eat, then try to finish the "trip" story.

'Kay?
Cool...

Back soon...

Peace
(And, I'm not gonna "pollute" all the wonderful emails and comments I've gotten by attaching them (or my responses to them) to this "angst" post, okay? I do have lots to say about 'em, but I'm gonna address them seperately from this. I just had to get this outta my way and let y'all know why I didn't post the second I got home and why "the rest of the story" might be kinda disjointed or distracted, if it even is.)

pee ess...
For the record, Paul believes that part of my reaction to this was delayed reaction to Rob's death. I believe that and that another part might've had something to do with me so completely containing myself and not striking out at the one person I wanted to so badly. But, yeah, Paul all but said he fully expected me to do this when I got home and had a minute, like anything coulda set it off. I think he's right... and the guys do to.

Posted by: Stevie at 04:14 PM | Comments (5) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

1 Glad you got home safely Stevie. Get some rest. It was a long and I'm sure emotional trip.

Posted by: Libby at July 02, 2006 04:35 PM (DGO1F)

2 "But, yeah, Paul all but said he fully expected me to do this when I got home and had a minute, like anything coulda set it off. I think he's right... and the guys do to."

Well, yeah but jeeeze! Very sorry about Fuzz. I have a dumbass cat, too, named Stinky. Sweetest cat in the wrold but he tends to get lost outside so we try not to let him out anymore. Glad yer home safely.

Posted by: Tuning Spork at July 02, 2006 05:28 PM (Ivf0d)

3 Yes, I think that the cat's death was the straw that broke the camel's back.
You kept your composure, you handled yourself well and now it's time to let loose.
I'm sorry to hear about your cat though.
Glad you made it home safe.

Posted by: Maeve at July 02, 2006 05:44 PM (b/7xM)

4 Well, damn. What a shitty way to end a shitty week. Sorry to hear about the kitty. But you left men to their own devices...it could have been MUCH worse ;-).

Posted by: Chablis at July 02, 2006 06:20 PM (tMoUV)

5 Sorry about the cat (s) But glad you made it back safe and sound...

Posted by: Ruth at July 02, 2006 08:56 PM (kqTXB)

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July 01, 2006

Last day...

I'll be leaving here sometime today.
Still can't think of what's a "good time" to go, though...

Hell, every minute longer I'm here, it gets harder to conceive of a "good time" to go, ya know?

I got done that last post at about 6:00 am or so, then went to bed and slept til damned near 2pm.

When I got up, D3 was all but ready to go.
He had a 5-something flight to catch, so he took off shortly after I woke up.
While I was still asleep, he and Cat checked my car out for me and filled what was needed and it's ready.
Now, for me to get in that condition...

After D3 left, Cat grilled us all two hamburgers a piece.

In his bathrobe, mind you.
*grin*

And, just by the way... this man can COOK, y'all.

That low-country boil was soooo good. Boiled shrimp, smoked sausage, potatos and onions all cooked together (and yes, Paul, I had more than I could almost fit, to make sure I had some for you....) and Cat's homemade cocktail sause puts any national brand you wanna name to shame.

Looks like I missed Sam at the Crackerbox today, but, Lord... after all the shirts of Rob's she gave me, not to mention his reading glasses, plus just being able to be IN the Crackerbox, seeing where Rob lived, sitting in his computer chair and on his couch and all... it's fine. I'll miss HER, not being able to see her and Stacey again, but... what I was gonna go there for isn't that big an issue, so...
I'm sorry I missed her, but then again, not much.
Sam's been so sweet and gracious... God forbid I wear it out for her, ya know what I mean?
I've already gotten ever s'much more from this experience and Sam herself than I ever even dreamed of, I'm not gonna let missing what I can't find in Pa. bother me.
Hell, I'm more'n used to that.
*grin*

Since I don't have to hurry now, I think the general loose plan is kinda like this:

Try to finish last night's story, grab a shower, pack up the car, go.
Cry.
Stop, then do it again.
Repeat for the first few hundred miles.
Til about the time I'm juuust over halfway home, because then it'll be less "leaving" and more "arriving" to see Eric, my animals and my original home.
Seeing as to how this place is now my official second hiome and all...

But, once it becomes about arrival as opposed to leaving, it'll get easier.
I hope.

Now, back to the parking lot...

Just before we all left, I was talking to V-man. We were interrupted by the announcement, stage-whispered (loud enough for a deaf dog to hear), that the bearer of this "news" had been asked to "pass the word" that Mommie may not be there and even if she was that NO ONE was to speak to her. She hasn't been doing too well in the face of this thing and the family wants her to be as easy and calm about things in general as she can be.
That second part makes sense, even if the first part didn't... much.

After Livey walked away, V-man and I just exchanged roll-eyed glances and a half-grin each.

The most astounding part of this particular nugget was the later behavior of said "bearer of news".

Now, once again, I must interrupt myself to make a small explanation...

Those of you who get/got the email (which I'll try to remember to send before I leave) already understand where I'm coming from and Paul, in particular, understands how it is I'm trying to relate this, but... there are the masses of the completely snowed folks who are bound to think I'm in the same frame of mind I was before last night and will take what I'm about to say the wrong way.

Some folks LIVE to do that shit.

While 99% of me could care less if those who are her friends take me wrong, because they're gonna anyway, I still feel compelled to try to prevent that by saying this:

What I've got to relate isn't easy under the best of circumstances, let alone in this situation and about a person with whom you have "history".
But, there are things that happened, actions that were taken by Livey, yes, that are part of the whole story.
I can't avoid that and be complete and besides, if y'all know one thing about me, it's that I'm all about the truth, no matter who doesn't really like it.
And, I'm not about to change that fundamentally now.

But, I have been changed enough by this whole experience to not feel a need to "attack" Livey about the shit she does.

Unless you got my email, you may find that hard to believe, but you're just gonna hafta trust me on this.

There's no need for me to do that anymore because the reality of the dynamics of her life/mindset have fallen into place in my head, plus, she'll destroy herself allll by herself sooner than I ever could.

Also to hate a person, any person, comes with baggage and karma I have no room or need for in my life.

But, some of this is about Livey and it's not me who is choosing to make her the focus, it's her behavior that did that.

I'm only going to relate it as honestly and with as little "personal opinion commentary" in any form as possible.

Now, put on yer fuckin' seatbelts, y'all....

The person kissing Rob's box that someone felt it necessary to take him from, as well as the person "spreading the news" was, of course, Livey.

I found myself, in writing that last night, trying to distance myself by not saying her name, which a.) wasn't working and b.) felt ridiculous, so fuck it.

The truth is what it is and enough other people were there and saw it too that I can't lie or make shit up even if I wanted to, which I don't and those same people also saw what I'm about to say and more.
So, rest assured if I were to get it wrong or "imagine" shit or whatever, I'd get called on it, sure thing.
As I'd expect.
Knowing that, take what I say however ya want, but also know that it's the truth and my not saying her name will just make it more awkward... if that's even possible.
*rolls eyes* (At the thought of this part being any more awkward than it already is, not her herself... relax, damn it.)

Anyway... it's important to be clear that she's who said that about Mommie, as will be seen shortly.

Now... we leave the parking lot...

We all head over to Rob's parent's house.

Cat took a tiny detour to show us Rob's neighborhood and the house he grew up in.

When we got to the house, all the pictures from the poster board at the service were on the coffee table, so I sat on the floor and looked at 'em all again.

Then, Nancy came up and told me I needed to get some food.
I did and my Lord, these people can cook, too.
Everything was good.

I was afraid to eat too much, 'cause with being up for so long, adding a full belly woulda made me wanta go to sleep out in the yard or something.

For most of the day, I hung around in the back yard, just watching the various groups of people interacting, making each other laugh and doing the same things they did with Rob.

I knew then that this was as close to having gone to a blog meet Rob was at as I'd ever get, so I drank in as much of it as I could.

Periodically, throughout the day, as the opportunity presented itself as unobtrusively as possible, I'd tell particular people the things I wanted them to know and learned more things from others.

I'm not going to say specifically who said what as all that does is start shit.

That those who did felt comfortable enough to tell me the things that they did suggests to me a level of friendship that I'm not willing to risk by dragging them into the middle, here.

I'll tell ya's exactly who I imparted information to, but who imparted it to me will be kept private to protect those who trusted me. Further, I'll say no more now than necessary to relate the whole story.
Again, if anyone has any questions or needs anything made clearer, just email me.
If I know you're one of the ones who oughta know, I'll tell ya.
By the same token, if I think you only want to know to start shit, I'll tell ya it's "nunya", as in none of your business.
Fair enough?
Good.

The biggest, worst thing I was told was that, for all her "warning" people not to bug Mommie, she sure did seem to out of her way to bother that poor woman herself.

I was told that she went to Mommie's house (again, remember, after telling others that NO ONE was to speak to her if she did show up at the house, which she didn't even do, Livey went to HER to do this) and she told Mommie that Rob had been drinking again.

Huh, wha?

Yep.
The person who told me this displayed anger for the first time in relating it.

I don't know the specific words that were said to Mommie, but I was left with the impression that she was led to believe that he'd been drinking PERIOD for a while before this.
Not that he'd slipped once, but had resumed, period.

Which, even if it HAD been true, was NOT something the family wanted her made aware of in her present condition.

(Now, ya see why this shit is hard enough to even SAY, let alone I add to my own discomfort by making it an "attack"? Christ on a stick...)

Anyway, I did sit down at one point and had a very long, very nice, very informative conversation with Stacey, whose name I keep leaving the damned "e" out of, I'm so sorry... I'll get it right from here on out, I promise... *smile*

I also got to speak some to Key and Sam and Cat and Nancy among others and they all had a part in me coming to my realization about this thing, which was covered in the email. (And is why I'm not feeling the need to attack Livey anymore. Right now.)

Self-defense may render that particular sentiment obsolete some day, but it won't be my doing...

Anyway, throughout the day, a few people asked me if it was true that I blame Livey for Rob's death.
I told each of them, yes it is, and asked if they'd like to know why.
Most did, one didn't.
It's all good...

The ones who wanted to know, we talked and I pointed out some things and they pointed out some things and there were no arguements or bullshit.
Instead, we all seemed to learn from it and to maybe adjust our thoughts, opinions and attitudes some from it. (And, I mostly am referring to how it affected me personally, but nobody took a swing at me, so I'm assuming it was okay for them, too...)

At one point, Livey did feel a need to ask if I preferred she didn't speak to me and I told her yes, I did prefer that.

So, why she felt a need to park herself in the middle of most of the places I was after that is beyond me, but... whatever. I just kept walking away.

As it got dark, my focus was drawn to the pickin' and singing. I sat outside, just at the edge of the light coming from the porch, with those tree frogs singing behind me and just watched and listened to them play and laugh and tell jokes and play and sing some more.

After a while, a bunch of people decided to go to the Exchange, as it's where V-man met Rob and it started to break up about then.

Before we left, I was given hugs and very kind words by most of Rob's family and I made a special effort to speak to his brother Dave.

I just wanted him to know what Rob did for me, that he was loved by so many of us here online and that I appreciated his, Dave's, unknowing gift to me of allowing me to be as close to an actual Rob-is-there-too blog meet as I was ever gonna be able to get.
Then, I gave him a kiss on his cheek and we, D3, Cat, Nancy and I left, too.

Now, since the setting and tone of the story changes here, I think it's a good time (there's that phrase again) to stop again, as I really need to get my shit together to go.

Eric just called and gave me a little hell because it's three hours later already than I told him I was gonna leave.

Guess I oughta get it in gear, huh?

Gotta get a shower, make some coffee, pack m'shit, pack the car, make sure I don't forget anything and start the long trek back to Pa.

I'll be using this time to do more thinking, figuring out of things, reflecting and learning.

And, if I'm not deadassed tired when I get home, I'll try to wrap this up then.

Oh and Libby... thank you so very much for your kind offer, but I think by the time I'm in your area, it'd be much too late to be buggin' people, even though I know you'd not think of it that way.
Thank you.
I do have your number and if anything happens around there and I need help, I may use it.

Meantime...

Peace y'all...

Posted by: Stevie at 07:30 PM | Comments (24) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

1 Color me 'Not Surprised' LOL. Anywho, drive careful, Stevie.

Posted by: Chablis at July 01, 2006 08:08 PM (tMoUV)

2 Yeah what Chablis said....

Reading that part about how she told Mommie that Rob had been drinking again....I felt like I had been punched in the stomach. What kind of person....nevermind, WE KNOW WHAT KIND of person...

Travel safe.....

Posted by: Ruth at July 01, 2006 08:26 PM (kqTXB)

3 Stevie, I'd like to be privy to that e-mail if you wouldn't mind. I know my name is not well known within the Rob circle but we liked it that way, me especially. There is a recent post aboutmeon his blog be he and I liked to keep my aneout of the mix so as not to catch hell from ivey or others. I am the one who sent him the box of goodies he showed on his site about a minh ago without attaching aname to it.
Rob and I had many a conversation about Livey and I have some resentment towards her about the happenings before his death.
If you wouldn't mind, I'd be grateful.
Thanks,
Dawn

Posted by: Dawn at July 01, 2006 08:44 PM (ZJsIz)

4 DAMN!!! You'd think I'd been drinking. Actually I'm not...not at the moment anyway. I am just heartbroken over this whole thing and want to know what happened and what the speculations are.
I CAN NOT believe that Livey told Mommie that, what a fucking imbecile, I'm sure
that will make Mommie feel much better huh?
The things people will do to try to get them selves closer to someone or make them feel like some kind of hero....and WHO THE HELL let her give the "stay away from Mommie" speech?? Damn!

Posted by: Dawn at July 01, 2006 08:48 PM (ZJsIz)

5 Bah, what a bitch. I'm not surprised.


Safe trip Stevie and my offer is open 24 hours a day. I'm on a weird schedule so I've been staying up till the wee hours for the last few nights anyway.

Posted by: Libby at July 01, 2006 09:21 PM (DGO1F)

6 I'd take Libby up on her offer. It would be fun and help keep you alert for the ride home. Have a safe trip.

Posted by: Maeve at July 01, 2006 10:10 PM (b/7xM)

7 I'm just a blog lurker, never post much anywhere but I have been following the trainwreck that is Livey. I, for the life of me don't understand why Sam would invite Livey to the wake if she new how her dad felt about Livey.
I just knew the person who was kissing the box was Livey.

Posted by: jane at July 01, 2006 10:13 PM (b7XiE)

8 All roads lead to here.

Posted by: Tuning Spork at July 02, 2006 04:36 AM (jijEu)

9 I'm gonna try to send you a song....

Posted by: Tuning Spork at July 02, 2006 04:46 AM (jijEu)

10 ...hope you receuved it!

Posted by: Tuning Spork at July 02, 2006 06:27 AM (jijEu)

11 Received, even...

Posted by: Tuning Spork at July 02, 2006 06:28 AM (jijEu)

12 I find that so sad. I try so hard to stay out of the drama but to tell Mommie that. How awful. Now I just feel ill!

I can't beleive she couldn't even let the man be burried in peace...

Posted by: Beatle412 at July 02, 2006 07:11 AM (mX3RX)

13 You be safe on your trip home girlie! Good reading your updates, and I look forward to you being back home again!

Posted by: Bob at July 02, 2006 07:49 AM (uKCKK)

14 Hey Stevie,

I am a fairly new reader to your blog, and I must say I enjoy your style of writing. I hope you have a safe trip and I look forward to reading your next post.

Posted by: the other Steph at July 02, 2006 09:31 AM (ZGcUL)

15 Well I assume Stevie has passed through Raleigh without stopping since I didn't get a call last night. I expect that if she's driving through she's safe and should be approaching home soon.

Sorry you didn't have time to stop darling. I would have loved to meet you and I might have been able to help you out with a certain gardening question..... Duh. Wish I had thought to mention that sooner.

Looking forward to knowing you're safely home.

Posted by: Libby at July 02, 2006 10:34 AM (DGO1F)

16 Anyone know if she made it home ok?

Posted by: Deb at July 02, 2006 12:53 PM (wocRc)

17 She got home fine everybody.

P.

Posted by: Light & Dark at July 02, 2006 02:23 PM (FOY2O)

18 I'm glad to know Stevie made it home safely, I've been thinking about her. Thanks L&D. Get some well deserved rest Stevie and let us know how your trip home went.
Dawn

Posted by: Dawn at July 02, 2006 04:16 PM (ZJsIz)

19 Oh, honey...I'm so sorry. I know what Rob meant to you. I only had limited contact with/from him, but the correspondence that was passed was extremely engaging, jovial and respectful. I was the proud recipient of an 'Acidbath' one time, too, which garnered me some of the most hilarious e-mails (from his readership) and finest readers I've ever laid claim to.

Had I known you were going to be ANYwhere in the vicinity, you could have experienced the madness that is the House O' Superior. Ah, well. Some other time.

Here's hoping that God lays thick a healing salve on your grieving heart.

Posted by: Jett at July 02, 2006 06:42 PM (53YHp)

20 Livey was asked by a member of the family -- actually, "told" is a better word -- to go talk to Mommie. She was asked directly about Rob, and answered honestly that she knew he had "slipped" recently but didn't know if that continued. I suppose a "white lie" might have been in order, but it's hard to look someone in the eyes and lie when they trust you to tell the truth.

Posted by: Mike at July 03, 2006 12:32 PM (CJdjW)

21 Oh, Mikey, Mikey, Mikey....

Jeezus, man.

Yer in DEEP, ain'tcha?

You really believe anyone from Rob's family INSISTED she go visit Mommie?
AFTER it was announced by LIVEY that she was told by the family that NO ONE was to bother that poor woman?

Do you really think Rob's family is that contradictory?
Do you think if they were to choose ONE person out of the group that was there, they'd have chosen HER to be the one visitor?
And did ya know she's the ONLY one that was said to?
They didn't feel a need to say that to everybody else. Wonder why (I hope)? Think about it.

Please, man.
Yer about to make my eyeballs gush blood, here.

Who told you she was "told" to visit Mommie?
Was it Livey, by any chance (and how did I know that, right?)?

And, let me tell ya another thing...

Son, Livey is a PRO at lying.

To herself, you and anybody who'll listen.
She works with old people, for fucks sake.
She tells them "little white lies" all the time about whatever. It's inherent in that job.

"Will my children be coming to see me today?"
"Well, Honey, I'm not sure. I think I heard that they have this shit to do today, so they might not make it..."
(Or whatever you'd tell someone like that as opposed to "No. They're glad your here and want you to just die so they can quit worrying about this shit. Now shut up and eat yer prunes...")

Only reason Livey said what she did to Mommie was for the "drama" of it all. To be the "big shot", the one "closest to Rob" who'd have "inside" knowledge of such a thing.
Same reason she went around trying to convince everybody that she and Rob were "in love" and boyfriend/girlfriend when he died. (And, THAT, in case you're wondering, was to support herself in having gone around acting like she was his widow.) (Further, I can send you MANY posts by Rob himself in which he stated EXACTLY how he felt about her and I can ASSURE you "love" wasn't it.)

Hell, man... fuckin' THINK about it for a moment, wouldja?
They managed to tell Mommie Rob had DIED without telling her he'd slipped.
Does that tell you anything?
Like maybe she really wanted him to be able to be strong enough to never drink again, and that, while losing him was a hard blow to take, finding out he'd had a drink again would have HURT her, broken her heart?

Man, Mike.

You really do need to stop with the knee-jerk "protect poor Livey from Stevie" reactions and start thinking about this shit.

You're not protecting her from ME by doing this.
I'm not after her. She's not worth the effort or my time.
All I'm doing is telling the TRUTH about what went on.
And, all your doing is "protecting" her from the REALITY of the situation.
Which is, to use HER favorite freakin' word, ENABLING her to persist in her bullshit and, ultimately, will be the most harmful thing you can help her do to herself.
Not to mention shitting all over Rob's memeory... (which WILL piss me off soon).

If ya think she's so fuckin' wonderful and so helpless and defensible, you need to start trying to get her to accept reality, not feed her fantasylife horseshit.
IF you really care about her so much, that is.

Did she tell you that she's been forbidden by a LAWYER to contact the family ever again?
Probably not, huh?
That's because it doesn't fit in her version of "the truth".

Just use your head, Mike.
Unless you're as far gone off the deep end as she is.
Which you don't SEEM to be... yet.

I'm not telling you what to do or who to believe.

I'm just saying "USE YOUR HEAD, man... for the love of GOD, use your head."

You'll spare yourself at lot of grief later on if you start doing that NOW.

Posted by: Stevie at July 03, 2006 02:31 PM (zRFkU)

22 One other thing... if they, her and Rob, were sooooo "in love" and "bf/gf" when he died, how did she not know "whether or not it (his drinking) had continued"?

(And, here's a hint... she didn't know because he'd told her six ways from Sunday to fuck off, never comment, email or call him again. In case you can't figure that out, Rob having said as much on Gut Rumbles and all...)

(And, yeah, y'all... I'm beginning to get a tad pissed with this crap now, but I'm fine. I'll maintain. For now...)
(But, GodDAMN, ya know?)
(Dude's got the answers to his own horseshit belief in her right in his OWN WORDS and still can't see it. That's fuckin' SAD, man. Also is making me really wonder about him, but... we'll see, I suppose. We'll see...)

Posted by: Stevie at July 03, 2006 02:36 PM (zRFkU)

23 Actually, the "announcement" was that Mommie wasn't to meet anyone new. I could guess at their reasons (Mommie is 90-something years old as I understand it, and the whole thing was probably very stressful), but I didn't consider it my business to pry. Anyway, Livey wasn't "new" to Mommie.

And Livey never said (at least not in my presence) that she and Rob were "bf/gf" when he died. In fact, she was explicit that they weren't even talking, by blog comment or otherwise, at the time. (She was angry with him, he was apparently angry with her.) That statement was in my presence, to at least two different people.

And again, I suggest (should I beg?) that everyone should just "cool it." Really. This shit has spiralled into a bad soap opera, if that isn't redundant. (And no, I don't want to see the mud-fight.)

Posted by: Mike at July 03, 2006 04:07 PM (CJdjW)

24 I'm not even gonna dignify the first two thirds of this shit with a reply. It's clear to me now that you're beyond hope... for now.

However, I do have a suggestion regarding this part...

And again, I suggest (should I beg?) that everyone should just "cool it." Really. This shit has spiralled into a bad soap opera, if that isn't redundant. (And no, I don't want to see the mud-fight.)

Well then, shut the fuck up. For all your not wanting to get involoved and not wanting this to spiral into a bad soap opera (and yes, that IS redundant... I hate soap operas on TV or online), you sure are going out of your way to stir the pot by coming HERE, of all places, bleating like a typical "sheeple" about how innocent she is.

Don't wanna get involved?
Don't wanna see "the mudfight"?

Fine.

Take your pathetic horseshit on down the fuckin' road then.
Go preach to the idiotic choir in her comments.
Because you're really just making yourself look even more ridiculous than she managed to do by doing this.
M'kay?

*christ*

Posted by: Stevie at July 03, 2006 04:23 PM (zRFkU)

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Magical...

It seems to me to be perverse, almost, to be so utterly and completely happy to be here, considering the reason I'm here.

But, my God... I am that.
I've never been to a place that I've loved so quickly.

Coming to this magicial state of Georgia has felt more like "coming home" than I imagine even Heaven would feel like.

I've been a tiny part of and witnessed some things these last few days that have some of the most incredible, beautiful and inspiring things I've ever been involved in or seen.

Some of the scenery on the drive down shoulda been a hint, but, man... I was too tired to anything but be amazed at the stuff I got to see.

Mountains, mile deep valleys of the darkest green, a deer grazing within a pasture fence like a horse and not at all bothered by the traffic, endless open space, the hugest sky I've ever seen... simply amazing.

I made it down here JUST in time.

I stopped twice to rest.
The second time I stopped, I got the coolest surprise...

George's cell was ringing with a number I didn't recognize when I got back in the car.
It stopped, then rang again.
The third time it started to ring, I went ahead and answered it.

It was Dan, from Lobo Walk.

That was so cool....
We talked for about a half hour or so and as we hung up, I noticed my car's air was no longer blowing cold.
Then, I noticed the temp gauge and nearly shit.

It was red-lined.

I shut the air off, switched over to heat, turned the blower back on opened the windows and called George.

We decided that since the temp was coming back downly, slowly, as we talked, that I'd be okay driving down the road some and seeing if that helped it cool down.

It did.
Immensely.

I watched that temp guage step back to normal range within minutes, thank God.

I got here, to Catfish Manor, around 2:45, give or take a few.

We exchanged "Hellos" and talked for a few minutes, then I got cleaned up, changed and we took off.

We got there and the place was pretty full.

Nice "facility", no irony intended, it's just that it was a part of the funeral home, not a church, though there was a preacher/pastor.

He spoke for a bit, then said that if anyone wanted to speak of Rob, to come up and do so.
He said he'd be more than willing to sermonize for a while, but it was always nicer if other came up and spoke.

A man stood right up, walked up to the dias and said, "Well, I know Rob wouldn't want a buncha preachin', so I guess I'll tell a story or two."

Everybody laughed and it was warm, touching moment.

The man (I know I was told who he was and I'm sure someone who knows him will say his name somewhere, so forgive, please, but I can't remember it right now. 'Course it is 5:30 and I've been up since 9:30am (thanks, Eric Darlin'! *wink*) told several stories featuring Rob at his best and made us all laugh and feel good, in spite of the circumstances.

Another man (again, forgive me please) got up after him and again had us laughing and celebrating his life.

Then, a lady whose name I do know, Livey, got up.
I remember part of what she said...

"Rob was a man you love to hate and hated to love..."
She said a coupla more little things, then turned to Sam and Quentin and said, ..."but, your Daddy love you two the most..." and Quintin began to cry.
She hugged him on her way back to sit down, then sat there, between the kids and put her arms around them both.

Then, the preacher asked again if anyone wanted to speak, but... he continued to talk to soon for D3 to have finished convincing me to go for it.

I wanted to go up there and tell those people how Rob had saved my life and about how much he meant to so many of us here online and how loved he was, but the preacher kept talking and he did say, "If anyone wants to come up here a say a few words... etc." and as y'all are all too painfully aware, I ain't never said NUTTIN' in "a few" words, so...
I took care of it later on, throughout the day, more personally.

I did, however, ask the preacher one question that had been haunting me...
Did he think that God and Rob would forgive me for not having been able to return the favor he had done me?

He quickly and almost vehemently assured me that, oh yes, of course they both do...
Then, he explained, a tad less urgently, why he believe so.
Man, he made me feels soooo much better.
After that, I was able to relax and just absorb the experience for all that it was and continues to be.

After the service ended, I went up to the front to see the posterboard of photos of Rob.
Now, I know he was adorable and all, but holy shitfire, y'all... that little booger was drop-dead fuckin' GORGEOUS in high school.

He was also a stone fox in the 70's, to use a phrase from the era... long, dark hair, sexy moustache, bright, pain-free eyes... wow.

After I'd looked carefully at all the pictures, I glanced to the left and finally saw... Rob.
From where I'd been sitting in the back row with D3, Cat and Nancy (they were right in front of me), I hadn't been able to see clearly, plus I was so tired my eyeballs were in my pocket.

It was a pretty box.
Had his name and a guitar burned into the lid.

But, man, first thing that struck me was it was kinda small to contain the so very large-hearted, vastly spirited man I'd come to know.
Then, almost in the same thought, I knew that wasn't what was in there.
That those parts of him were free.
But, I still nearly lost... well, really I did for a minute, but, it was just too loving an environment to become lost in pain in.

I pulled it together and went outside to light a cigarette.

I started looking at the bloggers and putting pictures with faces and the first two I recognized were Key and Eric.

Key's pictures don't tell the whole story.
She is soooo pretty.
And, her soft voice with that accent...

She was one of the ones I enjoyed most hearing out and listening to.

And, Eric is every bit as cute and ornery lookin' as he is in his pictures.
I only got to talk to him for a few minutes, but he's as sweet and funny as he comes across in his writing.

Then, Velociman...
Knew him as soon as I got to see him.
Looking in his eyes was a powerful thing.
I knew he knew... me, what mattered most and I saw calm confidence.
So, I honored it by making it true.
Thank you, Velociman, for that.
Like Rob, I don't even think you knew you'd done that for me.

Upon being presented with a Fedora-less Ellison, I displayed the first sign of my most natural, God-given trait... airheadedness, as I guessed him to be Val first.

I heard, "Picture a Fedora..." from somewhere behind him, then I knew...
He is cuuute, y'all.
Such nice eyes...

I got to speak to Sam about saving Gut Rumbles and what Rob had done for me and then Nancy reminded me that I'd be able to talk to her back at the house, so I let the poor girl escape and retrieve Rob's box after it had been retrieved from a person repeatedly kissing it.

After we all hung out in the parking lot, we all went over to Rob's parent's house.

And, here is where I hafta end this for now.
It's 6:00 am and I am beat.

I have got to go lay down, my eyes are literally crossing.

I don't know if I'll have time to finish this post and give it the justice it so richly deserves before I go later today.

If not, know that I'll be going home sometime later today.
I'm not sure exactly what time yet because I can't pick any "good" time to leave people as sweet and warm and wonderful as Cat and Nancy.

I need to check the fluids in my car, meet Sam at the Crackbox again for a few (and btw, Rob's driveway isn't a dirt one. There are no stones, per say, but I have another idea involving Spanish moss and other things) and pack my shit and all that shit, but first, I need to sleep.

I'll finish this story as soon as I can, I promise.
However, on the way home, I'm not gonna be doin' 80+, like I did on the way down.
I don't wanna beat on Vic like that, ya know?

So, I'll be taking it a little easier, going a more sane speed, hence it may take me the full 12 hours or a bit more to get there.

Also, I have four disposable cameras with me and have been taking pictures of everything from Randall's, where Rob bought his ciagrettes, to his comouter, complete with boiled peanuts next to it, to the places he used to play guitar, down on Riverwalk.

So...
I'll be back as soon as I can, this place and these people are pure amgic and I feel almost better than you'd believe being here with them.

Night, y'all...

Posted by: Stevie at 05:12 AM | Comments (13) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

1 ... it was nice to finally meet you, Stevie....

Posted by: Eric at July 01, 2006 07:29 AM (r5XsL)

2 You are a true gem of a soul, you know that Stevie? I am sorry I wasn't able to say goodbye to Rob, or be there to meet you and so many others I haven't met, but thanks to your vivid description and the soulfulness (is that a word?) of your words...I feel a sense of closure.

Thank you for doing that for me.

Posted by: Dana at July 01, 2006 08:58 AM (mY0KN)

3 That is why we like you Stevie, you are NOT a woman of few words. LOL! Thank you for sharing the story of your trip so far. It does sound like a magical time.

Posted by: Maeve at July 01, 2006 09:16 AM (b/7xM)

4 I'm glad you made the trip safely, and that you were able to go and pay your respects in person. I've met some of those folks, and they are good peeps...

Posted by: RedNeck at July 01, 2006 09:21 AM (tSJ8V)

5 I'm glad you went, Stevie. It may be just me, but I really felt you needed to go - for closure, for getting a sense of all that Rob was, etc. I know that sounds cliche, but I believe it to be true.

And now we know with certainty, you are not "any asshole." **wink-wink**

Take care on your drive home and be careful.

Posted by: surfie at July 01, 2006 09:53 AM (Iuf+m)

6 Thanks so mcuh for the update. I've been hungry for details on the service.

And Stevie, I emailed you my phone number last night. I live on your route home, about halfway between the two. You're welcome to stop here and rest if you want to.

Posted by: Libby at July 01, 2006 12:16 PM (DGO1F)

7 I'm so glad you made it! And yeah, your description is so vivid I feel like I did, too. Bless your heart, Stevie.

Posted by: pam at July 01, 2006 03:26 PM (l6NIn)

8 Stevie, it sounds like you have some peace in your heart.

Here's to a safe trip home. We'll be here, waiting for you!

Posted by: Deb at July 01, 2006 05:02 PM (wocRc)

9 Please tell us that it wasn't Livey kissing Rob's box.

Posted by: Jane at July 01, 2006 06:59 PM (89yYW)

10 Ditto what surfie said. I'm glad you got to go...you NEEDED to be there.

Posted by: Chablis at July 01, 2006 08:09 PM (tMoUV)

11 I did not get to meet you at the memorial service, although you were pointed out to me by someone. I was the really frazzled looking one with the toddler running everywhere. Sorry we didn't get a chance to speak. And I was in no way gonna bring hellion toddler to the after gathering....which sux...but...at least Sam and Stacey are gonna stop by my house before they leave...I love those two to death (two to?) I guess I just wanted to say I hate that I didn't get to say hello....take care!!

Posted by: Kel at July 02, 2006 04:43 AM (VSQpt)

12 Stevie, it was nice to have finally met you. I'm sorry that I'm late with the comment! I was waiting for "after Savannah" posts, but so many got buried before I could get back to the sites!

Yeah, I'm an inattentive blogger. Thank you for the kind words though. I don't post pictures much anymore because I worry about aging and weight gain and well... ya know what we wimmen struggle with.

It was good to meet so many who loved Rob - and yeah, I know! Getting along with one another is still a challenge - but at least all in attendance loved him the best way that they knew how. And he wasn't an easy rascal to love.

Glad we could come together in Savannah like that. It meant a lot to me to be surrounded by the blog family.

Posted by: Key at July 06, 2006 12:43 PM (GUwA2)

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Hi again...

First of all... Hey Paul! Can you believe it? I'm actually blogging "normally" and yes, I use that word lightly.

D3 remembered the address.
Cool, ain't he?

Guess what else...
It's 2:30am and I'm not the only one on a computer.
Cat's on the one in his and Nancy's room.
I'm on the one near the kitchen, with the TV on in the background, making this even more truely and completely like home.

But, this computer is way better'n my old fart and I keep making typos... *giggle*

Anyway, a little while ago, I got to do one of my favorite things to do that I haven't been able to do in a while.

After I put it out, I got to thinking about some shit.
All I've decided is that I have two posts that, while may be semi-related in that they both have to do with being in Georgia, they are also vastly different and that if I don't get them out, my head's gonna a'splode.

What I'm also gonna do is re-time this one to stay on top of the other two.
That way, if future archeologists ever unearth these (by then "ancient") hyrogliphics (pc term for "chicken scratchings", don'tcha know), they may have an understanding of how two such disparate posts came to be back-to-back.

I feel two ways at the same time and I also feel like I've got all these puzzle pieces and I wanna get these fuckers put together so I can see what I'm looking at, ya know?

Both of them will probably be kinda long and one of them definitely will be an excercise in thinking out loud/stream of conciousness.

I think that's the one that's gonna be first, too.
If I get out correctly my feelings and thoughts on that one, it may make writing the second one that much easier.

So, on that note... here we go.
I'm gonna post this one when it's done, then I'll be writing the second one, so there's gonna be some time in between (as if anyone is hanging on the edge of their computer, as it were, waiting with bated breath for my words of wisdom.)

(Geez, do ya think sitting in Rob's computer chair had any impact on me or anything? *weg*)

Update 27 seconds later...
Forgot two things, one of which (actually the most important of which) D3 reminded me of...

First... the last post, the one from earlier, is gonna be worth some bucks someday, 'cause ya know what it really is?

The one and only time Nancy will have "blogged", as she wrote the last sentence to get me to git my ass out to that fire... *giggle*

And, most important, this first post is gonna be written to draft and more likey than not simply emailed to the people I want to know where I am with the subject.
Not that I'm gonna suddenly start hiding shit or being any less balls-to-the-wall blunt than usual, but the word "discretion" has taken on new meaning to me.
At least it's doing so right now.

I'd like to think it's the experience of being here and the changes it's brought to me which could change me forever and probably for the better, rather than simply the fact that I'm on a different computer, miles from home in the house of those I've come to respect and admire even more than I did in the first place these last coupla days and that therefore may "wear off" when I get home.

Fear not y'all, I'm not gonna change shit about my style of writing or how often or my f-bomb useage. I'll still be as honest as I've ever been. If I weren't, this would be a waste, this blogging.

I'll still be me, but hopefully a better, has-taken-that-next-step (to what I'm not sure) me.

And, now that I've remembered that, I guess I won't need to re-time this one or any of that shit, huh?
(Those archeologists will still be able to read it. I'll be keeping what I write for future reference-n-shit. Along with the rest of it.) (That last sentence, I know, makes no sense now and hopefully won't have to be made clear in that future of possible reference.)

Posted by: Stevie at 01:49 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

1

Posted by: Tuning Spork at July 01, 2006 01:51 AM (6hEda)

2 Wanna chat n' shit?

Posted by: Tuning Spork at July 01, 2006 01:54 AM (6hEda)

3 Glad you made it there all safe and sound girlie. Take your time comming back, and I look forward to hearing all about it.

Posted by: Bob at July 01, 2006 08:51 AM (uKCKK)

4 I'm drooling at the thought of all the good food you'll be eating. I'm green with envy with all the nice people you'll be hanging with. I'm glad you got to make this trip and say your good byes to Rob.

Posted by: Maeve at July 01, 2006 09:39 AM (b/7xM)

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Yep , I made it and nope, I haven't started anything...yet...

But, good friggin' GAWD, it's being begged for, left and right.

I'm sitting at a computer in Georgia right now, having just had a low country boil with some fine folks and about to go sit around a fire with Cat, his wife and, as I call him, D3 (Delftsman 3, a very sweet guy, by the way).

I'll be speaking of all that's happened once I get home, after I've had what's gonna be about a 13 or 14 hour drive (as opposed to the less-than-10-hour-one it was coming here at 80 MPH).

I have got to go out to the bonfire made by Nancy and I.

'Night

Posted by: Stevie at 12:43 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

1 I am very glad Stevie could make the trip. She arrived safe and sound. That Tyler is a sport. He loves a tennis ball better than a redneck loves grits. I am glad to have her stay with me, Cat

Posted by: Catfish at July 01, 2006 01:33 AM (NlJIA)

2 Say "Hi!" to Defts for me. 'Nite, Stevie.

Posted by: Tuning Spork at July 01, 2006 01:41 AM (6hEda)

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June 30, 2006

Southern-fried Stevie

Just had a visit with Stevie at Cat's place - her cell isn't working from there. In her words, her time there has been "magic".

She got there with no problems, her only misssed turn came 30 yards from Cat's driveway. She says the memorial service was really special, and the get-together after with family and friends was wonderful. Talked to Cat briefly, and he said that, as much as he's enjoying having her there, he was so glad to finally see her go to bed, because "I've never met a woman who can talk that much, that fast for that long".

Sounds like our Stevie, huh?

She's going to head back late tomorrow to avoid driving in the heat of the day. I know she'll want to tell us all about it herself, but the story that made me laugh the hardest was her seeing 3 women - Key Monroe, Georgia (recondo32's wife) and Livey about to have a picture taken by Stacy (Sam's partner) of their red-painted toes. Livey looked at Stevie and sweetly asked "did you paint your toenails too Stevie?" To which Stevie replied:

"No. But I did shine my boots."

Posted by: TBT at 08:04 PM | Comments (10) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

June 29, 2006

Travel Update

Quick update:

Managed to catch Stevie just before I head to work (11 am Eastern).

She's about 120 miles out of Savannah, making good time, had a 2 hour catnap in a rest area. She sounds subdued, but she's doing well. She's been in touch with Catfish and is squared away for directions and a place to stay. looking forward to seeing the places and people she's heard so much about.

She's doing great.

Paul

Posted by: TBT at 09:59 AM | Comments (7) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

June 28, 2006

And...

I'm outta here.

Got the comments, will get the rocks and such, got no sleep at all.
Been up since 2:00am this morning, too...

I should be okay.
Nerves have got me so wired I can barely blink, anyway.

Tyler is coming with me, so I won't be alone and I stuffed a book by Lewis Grizzard in my bag.

Cat asked if I have a gun, I don't, so I'm taking my Pusser Club.
Hope I don't have to use it, hope I get to use it on whom I desire to if I do.

I ain't gonna start no shit.
I ain't gonna take no shit.
I ain't in the shit business.

Peace

Posted by: Stevie at 10:20 PM | Comments (10) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

It's official....

I'M DRIVING TO GEORGIA!!!!!

Man, I can not believe I'm doing this.
I used to get "lost" trying get outta the Christiana Mall parking lot in Delaware, when I lived in Jersey, for Pete's sake.

But, I'm doing it, because "if it was easy, any asshole could do it", right Rob?

I've had that phrase in my head all day, as I've been trying to work out/decide how to do this... fly?... train?... drive?

Drive, it is.
Because his phrase, his Daddy's phrase, is true.

Part of me is kinda scared, because I've never driven this far by myself before, but every time that part speaks up, the rest of me says, "You ain't gonna be alone. Besides Tyler, you KNOW who else is gonna be in that car with ya, so quit frettin', already. You'll be just fine."
I feel that.

Flying was the first thing that was attempted to be worked out.
But, the cost at this point is ridiculous, plus I'd either be a burden to someone or at their mercy as to when I went where, so...

I like the idea of driving, actually.

I love to drive, period.
It's a HELL of a long way to go and the challenge is a good one.
I want to meet and exceed it.

I also want to see the Crackerbox, at least from the outside, with my own two eyes before I leave Georgia.
I want to pick a 'mater and maybe even eat the thing.
What I'd really like to do is dehydrate it, like beef jerky or something and keep it forever, but that's what God made rocks, stones and maybe a twig or a leaf for, right?
Just something from the property he owns, that no one will care that I take home with me.

As long as I can just stand in his driveway for a minute, that'll be more than I ever thought I'd be able do and be enough.

I'm driving to Georgia.
Oh.
My.
Gawd.

I am so numb/excited/scared/happy that I can't feel my legs.
But, I do need to stand up and get my ass in gear, getting together all the shit I'll need or want to take.

And, OH MY GOD AGAIN!!!

I'm going to be able to finally meet Cat, Velociman, Eric, Denny and all those other guys Rob loved s'much.
Oh, man.

I hadn't even thought of that as a reality til now.
And, Sam... maybe I'll even get a chance to give Sam a huge ol' hug.

Hol-lee shit.

And, the very best thing of all is that I'll be able to give Rob my massive respect for him the best way I can.

Ah shit... now I'm about to cry again....

Wow.

Driving to Georgia.
For Rob.

Okay then.
That's what I'm gonna do.

But, now...
I need to shoot off a coupla emails and get my shit together.

I don't know if I'll have time to post before I leave, so if I don't, I'll talk to y'all when I get back.
I will at least check my comments, so if anyone wants me to whisper their love to Rob, just let me know.

Holy shit... I mean
Peace

Posted by: Stevie at 04:00 PM | Comments (5) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

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