July 17, 2006
Okaaaay....
I've been reading that there's another Rocky movie coming out.
I loved the first one.Second one was also great.
Third one, I hated Mr. T (and still do, that arrogant prick).
Fourth one sucked, flat out sucked.
Fifth one I didn't even pay attention to. But, this one?
Might be good. I'm reading that he's getting back to what made the first one so damned good.
And, the best news of all? His naggin', ugly-assed, "You can't WIN, Rocky", "No, don't do it", unsupportive dipshit of a wife is dead. Hallelujah. Gawd, I hated her.
She was the same in every got-damned one of 'em.
Always whining at him, never believing in him, always arguing with him... Lord, I wanted to kick her ass myself. But... ding, dong da bitch is dead. So, maybe this one will be worth watching. But, Sly?
No more after this one, okay Buddy? Only thing left after this will be to beat your own ass.
Know what I'm sayin', Dude?
(Plus, yer friggin' 60. Know when to quit, please?)
Posted by: Stevie at 01:26 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
July 15, 2006
Rob...
Same "new" picture as before, but "cleaned up"...
Posted by: Stevie at 09:18 PM | Comments (5) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
Dad!!!
I found something yer gonna LOVE!
(And, of course, now yer probably gonna be off from work for a week, but... *grin*)
His Hollywood Squares "zingers"!
And, one MORE page of 'em! Gawd, I love this guy.
Gay or not, he was THE BEST.
Funny, adorable, honest... brutally honest sometimes, from what I've seen on E! True Hollywood Story, but, I don't care. Cute and funny is what counts.
(Though "still alive" would also be kinda cool..) Anyway, if ya want a laugh or a hundred, go read his classic silliness.
Posted by: Stevie at 05:54 PM | Comments (9) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
July 14, 2006
The boys are back....
Guess who just got back today.Well, they actually have "changed" a little.
Those wild-eyed boys that had been away.
Haven't changed, haven't much to say.
But man, I still think those cats are crazy. The boys are back in town.
The boys are back in town.
The boys are back in town.
The boys are back in town....
And, yeah, they ain't got much to say about it, but... *sigh of relief*
They ARE back and all just fine. So, it's three down, 10 times as many to go. In other EXCELLENT news, check this out....
(from my comments) Hi Stevie....I have come here a few times from a link off Rob's blog (my mom is Michele over at Meanderings).
Anyways, I read your blog the other day and I was in the "market" so to say for a cat for my kiddos.
While they didn't have a PAWS close to me there was a link off their site for the Humane Society not too far from me.
So, I packed up the kids and off we went. We are now the proud owners of "Scotty" a little black kitten who really needed some love
I have never in my life paid for a cat. Much less $50 for an old barn cat but, this lil fellow came with all his shots, neutered and he was also micro-chipped. Not to bad I would say.
So, thanks for the idea and Scotty says "Thanks" too!!
Posted by Kris at July 14, 2006 07:37 PM
(Bold is mine...) Isn't that just the COOLEST? Goddamn, that made me feel soooo good.
And, it almost made the lady who picked up and dropped off my boys cry when I told her the news. Congratulations Scotty and Kris... I do hope you both have a long, great time together. And, now I need to go blow my own nose and wipe my eyes and do a little "maintenence" cleaning... a few dishes, the kitty potties, "shit" like that. Meantime, don't forget to check out PAWS of Pa. and see if there's anything they need you can maybe do. And, if not for these particular guys, then for ANY shelter or organization in your local area who does this kinda stuff... especially the no-kill places. They need the most help and do the best thing for the animals. And, don't forget... even something as simple as sending PAWS your Purina weight circles makes an impact for so many of these God-given, beautiful, needful creatures that give us so much and ask so little. (And, I mean the critters, not the organizations... *grin, lest I start leakin' about the eyes again*...) Peace y'all....
Posted by: Stevie at 11:39 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
July 13, 2006
Oh man, there go the first three boys...
And, I swear, I am NOT gonna cry about this... even though one of the "panther boys" was continually crying inside in the cat carrier.
They'll be home tomorrow.Need to remember that. Still... that black bass'tid made me feel BAD, y'all. 'Course, the black and white one made me wanna twist his empty head off, being an ass about the whole thing, but...
Frickin' BIT me, the little turd. But, then, too, I guess that's okay.
They're gonna know what I mean about "nice, but not nice" barn cats after him.
He'll make it clear that, while they are in good shape, they are also borderline feral. And... one other thing... If you use Purina animal food, you can save and send the "circles" from the bags to PAWS of Pa instead of money, if you want. Paul suggested maybe having a "Blog-a-thon" to raise money for them, too. If anybody else has any ideas of ways I (and others) can help these wonderful people keep doing what they do, let me know. And, thank you again to anyone who clicks the link and even just tells 'em "thanks". (And, here's a link to the story of the dog who got the double-hip replacement surgery.) (And and... here's another link to supplies they can always use...) Oh, to hell with the parenthesis... here's another link to agencies outside Pa. that you can also turn to, check out or help.
Posted by: Stevie at 08:33 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
July 12, 2006
God must like me at least a little....
The other day, I made a phone call.
Several, actually....
long story short... There IS an organization that cares only about helping animals. PAWS of Pa. These people are friggin' INCREDIBLE. They spay/neuter, do shots, pick up and return, foster... and will put into adoption "special care" kitties if need be.
Wanna know what they charge?
Nuttin'. These services aren't for rich people who're just too lazy to get this stuff done.
Mostly, their concern is feral, farm or "barn" cats (or other homeless critters) who may otherwise not get the stuff done that should be, like being spayed or neutered... or having potentially life-saving shots. I've known of them for a while, but I never did call 'em, mostly for two reasons... I was scared they'd be like those Animal Cop types who'd wanna come in and take over and start doing shit "for my own good", like they do to people on Animal Planet and I was also convinced I'd kinda screwed these cats outta the running by taming them down to such a great degree. Besides, I've had some shitty experiences with the SPCA's back in Jersey. I found a cat once, on my way to work, who had just been spayed... still had hair missing on the surgery site, in fact.
I took it to "the shelter" because I had cats of my own, plus I KNEW somebody would be looking for her.
She'd JUST HAD SURGERY. I get her there, take her in and, my hand to GOD, that cunt in there slapped a muzzle on her and PUT HER TO SLEEP while I was still there. Another time, I had to turn a dog in.
I had a German Shorthaired Pointer. I got a puppy. The GSP bit the puppy through the head and killed it over a goddamned piece of rawhide.
I'd just gone to pee and was gone two minutes, if that.
I walk back into the livingroom and there was Double Trouble, dead, tooth marks in his skull and there was the GSP with the baby's rawhide in his mouth. I fa-REAKED. I took that murdering son of a bitch right to the shelter and told them exactly what had happened and that that mutha fucker needed to be put down IMMEDIATELY.
(Kinda like they'd done to that cat...) Not only did they NOT put him down, they had his murdering ass in the paper the next week, up for adoption. I hate SPCAs. So, I never did call PAWS, or anybody else for help with alla these cats. Til I called about the one kitten... They called ME.
OFFERED to help.
For free. Well...
I talked to that lady for almost an hour tonight.
Told her everything.
Including that these cats are only barely "feral" and are more "really nice cats who live in a barn, except the ones I keep in the house to try to keep them from getting knocked up". Didn't matter. Told her I'd not asked for help before this, because since they aren't "feral", I hadn't wanted to use up resources meant for truly homeless cats.
Told her I was scared.
Told her I have no "disposable income" per say. Didn't matter. Not only are they still willing to help, they're gonna do ALL the cats here.
"Mine", the really "wild ones" outside, boys and girls.
Spay/neuter, shots, returned. I am FLOORED.
I am grateful.
I am so very relieved.
I am going to volunteer to help them in any way I can.
(Already have, in fact...) So... if you're the kinda person who makes donations to good causes, if you love cats, if you just frickin' FEEL like it, click the link, make a donation, send 'em a "thank you" for all the good they're doing, whatever you wanna do. The lady I was talking to told me they'd even sponsored a dog to have a double hip-replacement. They are fuckin' AMAZING. All they want to do, all they care about, is helping animals, controlling the populations and that the animals are cared for ("fed", basically.... not required, because most truly feral cats aren't being fed at all, but they love to know they will be fed and given water and such things... Hell, they even have one lady near Harrisburg who takes all the cats they come across that have feline leukemia, feline AIDS and other contagious diseases. She keeps them forever and takes really good care of them, treats and all... AND, these people are STRICTLY "no kill"...) Which these cats all will be (fed and kept "forever")... even better than I've been able to do for 'em prior to this. Feeding them and giving them shelters is one thing.
(Hell, I even went out before I went to Georgia and got two "used" cat climber thingies for these guys. One is outside, on the porch and the other is in here. They're multi-level things with places for them to lay, hide, climb, sharpen their claws and one even has toys attached to it. Got it offa "Freecycle. You should see if there's a Freecycle in your area. It's wonderful.) Making it possible for them to have shots and not keep multiplying is a whole 'nother level of "taking care of them", I think. The lady I was talking to tonight is coming tomorrow night to take three of the boys to be neutered (and no, not the three "boys" who live in the house and are bi-peds, though that's an idea... hmmm....). They'll be back Friday night. That is so cool.
Just last night, I had to go running outside with a flashlight and break up a fight.
Told Bubba he wasn't the Alpha cat, that I am.
Gonna PROVE IT, now, I guess... Jesus man... I'll be able to let the girls out after this.
Maybe let the boys in sometimes (though I know that once they've learned to spray, they may always do it... We'll see...) What these people do is nothing short of God's work. I feel blessed that they called me. I hope I'm able some day, some way, to even BEGIN to give back what they're giving me, what they're giving alla these kitties around here, on this farm.
Freedom.
Freedom from numerous litters, freedom from diseases, freedom to just be cats.
And me the freedom from trying to afford to feed 'em all and rehome kittens and alla that shit. Thank you, God.
Thank you PAWS of Pa. And, thank YOU to any of you who click the link and blessings on anyone who sends 'em a few bucks or just a thank you. Peace
Posted by: Stevie at 11:27 PM | Comments (24) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
July 11, 2006
I'm in a generous mood...
therefore, I'll give this stupid shit a year.
If it takes Chris that long to realize what a huge mistake it is he's made, he's more of a dorkus than Peter Brady ever was.Posted by: Stevie at 10:59 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
July 10, 2006
I love the 70's... Volume 2?
2 cool.
Y'all KNOW I'm taping this shit.
Posted by: Stevie at 11:48 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
July 09, 2006
Y'all should start a pool.
"How many times in a row is that dizty bitch gonna watch "Saturday Night Fever" before she switches to another movie?"
Just cracked it open this afternoon and I'm already into the fifth time, back-to-back...(God help me... *giggle*) (Oh, and just to level the playing field for ya's... y'all should know that, back in '76, when "Rocky" came out, I went to see it in the local movie theater 14 times while it was there. (My Dad thought I was NUTS.) (He was correct.) And, I have it on tape now, too... I do love me some Rocky Balboa. *fanning self rapidly*) (And oh, Sweet Baby Jeezus, especially when he does that "hold onto the pipes above his head in his apartment wearing the strappy undershirt" move. Ooh Gawd...) Like dis...
*whew*(Oh, and by the way, I'm now into the sixth "screening" of "Saturday Night Fever"...)
Posted by: Stevie at 11:57 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
See, damn it?
I fuckin' well do too know what I'm talking about. And, I stick by it even if it isn't the "popluar" opinion.
Ever heard of Dr. Jeffrey Mac Donald? He was the subject of a published, 25 pound pack of bullshit called "Fatal Vision" by Joe Mc Guiness. There's a movie of the same name. Jeff has been in prison since the 70's, WRONGFULLY convicted by a buncha politically influenced assholes for the murders of his wife and two kids. From the judge, Franklin DuPree, who was related by marriage to one of the prosceution team and disallowed all the evidence to be presented and who did allow the prosecution to get away with shit you would not believe, all the way down to that little maggot, Brian Murtagh, who left the Army when Jeff did just to join the Justice Dept., specifically so he could further hound and persecute Jeff, this case has been one big, stinking, putrid pile of horseshit since day one. I knew it in my gut from the first time I read the damned book (when, by the way, I was about 20* years old, for Christ's sake).I knew it didn't go down the way Mc Guiness said it did.
Then, with all his bullshit supposition at the end... trying to say that since Jeff's brother Jay had a mental break due to drug abuse, so did Jeff from taking a few diet pills, and the "medical books" from which he repeated truncated descriptions of drug interactions and various mental problems that he wanted to suggest Jeff may have had... that right there just made me believe even more in Jeff's innocence.
Not to even mention (but ya know I'm gonna) that that lying sack of monkey shit, Mc Guiness, was sued by Jeff for lying in that book and LOST... Then, I read the other book, "Fatal Justice" and believed it even more. Jeff has spent DECADES in prison for nothing.
Somebody damned well owes that man a life.
His. Anyway, for YEARS I've been saying "Bullshit. He's innocent." and now, it looks like Jeff may finally be able to get the hell outta prison.
(And, God bless Barry Scheck, too, for his work with DNA...) No matter what, ya know what needs to be done?
At the VERY least, a new trial with ALL the evidence presented, not just that which is favorable to the damned prosecution like was done every damned time before. That ever happens, Jeff will finally be exonerated and freed. And, I hope he sues the ever-lovin' fuck outta all those who had a part in lying, covering up, the perjury and everything else that resulted in the waste of more than half his life. I also hope the remainder of the Kassab family has the character and balls it'd take to fuckin' apologize and be all over TV saying they were WRONG like they have been all these years lying about the man. If they can't be bothered to do that, then, I personally hope they all have shitty lives with horrific, slow, endings.
Just like what they were so thrilled to see done to Jeff, ya know? Man, this case just pisses me off.
I think it was the first time I ever was forced to wonder just what in the hell is wrong with people that they can believe utter SHIT when presented with it instead of exercising some common fuckin' SENSE. (I've since learned this is the norm for most people. Fuckin' sad, but true.) If the truth is too hard to take, it's simple...
Just believe whatever bullshit suits you. Fuck justice.
Fuck truth. Right? Right.
Just ask Jeff.
Among others. Good luck, Dude.
Hope you do get out and have a ball exacting the legal and financial vengence upon those who so very richly deserve it for so very badly having wronged you. It oughta be fun to watch. Peace, Jeff..... (And, if ya have the time some day, check out what has happened with that lying horse's ass BLACKBURN since he lied Jeff into prison, why don'tcha's?) (*I just checked the publication date on Fatal Vision and it's '83, which puts me at about 20. But, I swear to God, I thought I remembered that book in the house before mom and dad split up. *shrugs* Whatever. It's still fulla bullshit.)
Posted by: Stevie at 07:43 PM | Comments (5) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
Well... holy shit, I did it...
I'm the one who did that addition to my sidebar over there.
Me.
Even I'm impressed.
I never mess with the templates. Ne-ver.
1.) Proof that I did it myself...
and
2.) WHY I don't do this shit myself. But, ya know what? Space in between or not, I DID IT!!!!! Now...
anybody got'ny hints how to make that space in between?
(While it's not entirely necessary, it would be nice...)
Posted by: Stevie at 03:13 PM | Comments (10) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
What is it with this "lose and gain" at nearly the same time shit?
Lost Rob.
Fear I may have lost another, which I'm not gonna discuss, but it's not Erc, I'll say that much, and in the last 12 or so hours, I've also gained two things...
I have them now.
(Or, they're in Dad's garage, anyway...)
What I don't have these days is a turntable. So, I've been kinda poking around, here and there, looking for JCS, for years now.
Finally found it.
Thank God (no pun intended). I ordered it from some outfit in Joisey and it should be here this coming week sometime.
AND, it was less, including s&H then it would have been, had I ordered it from the local Sam Goody. They wanted about $30 bucks for it and it woulda taken a coupla weeks for them to get it for me, so...
Glad I did that. What I've got coming now from Ebay is a book.
"Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil". I love true murder stories anyway (99% of my books are either that, or Stephen King) and, it does have in it a guy I know in real life, so... yay that, too. Not to mention, I was wanting to read it anyway, after that post Rob did about it a coupla weeks ago... Then, when I found out the cool little factoid that a guy I know in person is in it...
Oh yeah.
Had to have it. And, soon I will. And, I can't wait to hear JCS again.
Had that on cassette tape for a long time, but, either that tape died or I've misplaced it, because it feels like YEARS since I've heard it.
I know every word of every song on the first three sides.
(Can't handle Side 4. The sounds of Jesus being beaten make my scalp tingley.) Anyway... I guess, overall, I oughta be grateful that for every loss these days, there seem to be something new to (try to) "distract" me. Still, I've had enough of this shit now.
(In case Anyone is listening...) Peace
Posted by: Stevie at 11:42 AM | Comments (9) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
July 08, 2006
An "eat shit and die" tie tack?
I didn't know they made such a thing.
See how much you can learn from your site stats?Who knew? Another cool thing I just found was "Who links to me?"
Now, that oughta be fuckin' iiiinteresting, especially here of late. The other thing that keeps gettin' me every time I check out my stats is the number of hits still from Gut Rumbles.
Nothing like when Rob would link me, which I always thought of as being "rumbled" much like an earthquake on the San Andreas fault line. This is more like after-shocks. Bittersweet, too. Much as I love seeing his URL in there, it can't help but make me re-realize that I'll never be "rumbled" again.
Not like he did it. And, the dumbest little things keep hitting me, too... I'll be driving around town and it hits me... "Fuck man. Rob won't be going to the grocery store ever again. Damn." Or, it rains... again (and does it seem to anyone else but me that this East Coast sky has been crying since he left here, damned near non-stop?) it strikes me that he'll never get to sit and watch those thunderstorms he liked so much. Just stupid little, inconsequential shit keeps bringing it home to me again and again. Of course, I also remind myself that he'll also not be in pain any more, people won't be able to keep dragging him back to court time and again and sucking even more money they don't even need out of him and the IRS can't really drag out whatever they had planned for him either. So, there are horrible, shitty aspects to this and not quite so horrible and shitty ones, I guess.
But, no good ones.
None at all. Now, can someone explain to me, please, under what circumstances one would wear an "eat shit and die" tie tack, because it kinda seems to me that in any circumstance you'd hafta wear a tie, that'd not be the sentiment you'd want to openly express?
Posted by: Stevie at 02:44 PM | Comments (6) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
Wow, Jett... ya done did it again...
I cruised on over to Jett's site, a thing I don't do near often enough (the woman has a way with words that is just... so very cool) and while I was reading, there was another hee-uge, cinderblock-upside-the-head-type lesson.
I realized a LOT of things in reading what I did. The true definition of loss, hurt and other things that I now know I got only a taste of in this past week or so. Upon further perusal, I discovered a fan of SRV's and saw a reference to Riviera Paradise, a song that I'd had sent to Rob by my SRV-song-file-guy and felt amazed that I'm really not the only one who knows that beautiful song. Continued reading, waaaay back in the archives (stalking again, I suppose some would say, to which I say "fuck you, like you've never read archives") and then... I found these, quotes from one of my favorite comedians.And, they made me laugh.
So, here they are.
"I woke up one morning and all of my stuff had been stolen...and replaced by exact duplicates." "I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize." "Borrow money from pessimists - they don't expect it back." "Half the people you know are below average." "99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name." "42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot." "A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good." "A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory." "If you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain." "All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand." "The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese." "I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met." "OK, so what's the speed of dark?" "How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?" "Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm." "When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane." "Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy." "Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now." "I intend to live forever - so far, so good." "If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?" "Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines." "What happens if you get scared half to death twice?" "My mechanic told me, 'I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your hornSteven Wright is nuttier than... I'm thought to be. Speaking of which, I do have something burning to be said about some of the shit I've read lately.
louder.'" "Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?" "If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried." "A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking." "Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it." "The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread." "To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research." "The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard." "The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up." "The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it." "Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have
film."
Didn't see any of it til last night and even then it was only because of what I saw in my Site Meter. Most of it wasn't so bad, some of it even funny, but... one ignorant bitch stands out above all others.
Reminded me of one of those "so fulla shit they're constipated" cuntbags who used to try to get Howard Stern taken off the air, instead just fucking off if they didn't like what he said. This "person" doesn't like how I write, spell, think, or express myself. Awwww... too fuckin' BAD, bitch. Calls me a "bloody train wreck", yet, in the same breath, admits to being compelled to continue reading. I think that alone says more about this bitch than anything else, but, I must, simply MUST, add (at LEAST) one more thing (and truly, I do have a LOT more to say, y'all know me). Fuck you. To paraphrase Stern, I also have this to say... You are the kind of person I don't WANT to read me (he said "listen to me", but whatever). If you are so easily offended, why don't you just go somewhere and do something else and, oh yeah, I do have a few suggestions as to what you can do, if you're too lame to think of anything on your own. I don't know you, you sure as FUCK don't know me and I think it's best it stays that way as I can already tell that you're an opinionated, judgemental gasbag, allll the things you accuse me of being. Oh, and yes, the very defintion of a hypocrite in being that way too, let's not forget that. I've never said I was fuckin' Shakespeare, you dolt.
I don't pretend to be anything I'm not the way YOU do ("Oh, I'm so above this shit.... let me wallow in it some more...") and I'll never apologize for being me. You, on the other hand, are "sorry" and I don't mean apologetic. You don't like the way I put together sentences? Too complex for your tiny little mind to handle? Okay. Here's a short one and a repeat at that, so maybe your brain can absorb it... Fuck you. Use the "back" button or the little "x" in the upper right hand corner of your browser window or, better yet, just don't come here at all.
Are you that brain dead and so busy writing your shitty opinion of me that you can't figure that out? For allegedly not liking me, you sure do spend a lot of time here, apparently, and you said yourself you read the archives. Shall I now start with the "stalker" shit? You don't HAVE to be here.
I don't want you here.
You are exactly the kind of PERSON, male or female, that destroys my hope for humanity.
Further, you are the kind FEMALE who gives the rest of us the bad image some men have of women in general. If you, or anybody else, doesn't like what I have to say or the way I choose to say it, it's actually rather simple to fix. Fuck off, go back a click, close the window or whatever and never come back. Do ya think I'll miss you or something?
Or, are you afraid YOU'LL miss something by not coming back time and again? Believe me, just because I've backed off of Linda, doesn't mean I'm not still raging at the loss of Rob, not still raw and volitile and wanting to transfer this pain out of me somehow, so if you don't want it all over you, you'd best step the fuck off and go on aboutcha business. Which, in case you're not clear on, is not MINE. My business is mine, yours is what you need to focus on. You don't like me and now I despise you and so be it. That's fine with me. But, I really must say, for someone with such lofty ideals about how and what a person should write, your writing is... boring, at best.
Christ, I didn't even TRY the archives. Didn't wanna wake up with little keyboard dents in my face from the passing out I know I'd be subject to. At least I'm not boring, ya know?
(Obviously you do because you've read so much of what I've written...) And, in case you're wondering... nope, not gonna ban you (or anybody else... not my style). I'd rather watch and see how often you show up and how long you hang around and laugh smugly at your glaring hypocrisy until such time as you do finally figure out how to do what I suggested, which is once again...
fuck off. M'kay?
Posted by: Stevie at 01:52 PM | Comments (7) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
July 07, 2006
We have decided...
After numerous emails and 5 hours on the phone, Livey and I, (yes folks you read that right) have decided that we are saner than the rest of you psychos.
Communication, forgiveness, and an open heart= PEACE Right Livey?Posted by: Stevie at 05:30 PM | Comments (24) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
And, a coupla other things....
Yeah, we talked.
After my last post, I emailed her and she wrote right back and it went from there.Culminating in a phone call. Learned a LOT. Like... BOTH sides of MANY stories, which even I hafta admit, Rob was NOT famous for doing... telling both sides of any particular story.
(Loved him anyway, though...) I found out quite a lot.
Linda told me things she didn't have to, things that weren't any of my business, except that she wanted me to know, to understand. And...
now I do. And, before anyobdy starts with the "you got suckered in" shit (which we both know to expect now), no, I didn't. I dare say if you, any of you, wanted to open yourself up... if you were sooo completely tired of struggling that you had nothing left but to be open enough to approach her, like I did, and give her a chance, she'd explain it to you, too. Maybe not EVERYBODY, because Lord knows, it's a lot to have to go through time and time and time again and maybe not a few people because they'd only want to know to use it against her somehow or for their own titillation. She'd know that, too. Just like she knew that wasn't my intent by emailing her myself. Went I sent the email, I honestly wasn't sure what to expect back.
I kinda figured if she could deal with that Tessa-person, she'd be able to handle me, but, had it BEEN me in her place, I believe I'd have just written back, "Fuck you, ya twat" and left it at that. She's a better person than me that that wasn't her reaction. I can readily admit that. And... about the "psychos" thing... We decided on that particular word becuase that's what we've been called maaaaaaaaaaany times in the last few days.
(And, I can think of LOTS of people I don't mean that about, as can she, I'm sure. It's a joke, y'all... relax.) ANYway... as always, if anybody has any questions, y'all know where to find my email or you can just say it under here.
But, remember... I can no longer allow just cat-shit mean things to be said. I don't WANT that. I don't want to have to delete comments, but ohhellyeah, I will, if need be. This shit is OVER now.
Let it go.
'Kay? Thank you all s'much. And, now, I'm gonna go eat a hotdog and go to Bike Week.
(Unless, of course, I simply pass out asleep. Fuckin' GAWD, I'm exhausted.)
Posted by: Stevie at 05:29 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
Comments are fried again and this time, I'm glad of it...
They'll be back soon, no doubt, as soon as our Fearless Leader can get to it.
Meanwhile, I'm actually glad they are for now because things have well and truly changed here in my world. Linda's too. More on that later, but for now I want to ask that you not be keep this shit alive any longer by being vindictive in the comments. If you need to say anything harsh, just straight email it to me.I know there's still lot of pain and rage that needs to be expressed lest it consume people but, you'll only be hurting ME by doing it in the comments and ya might even make me go against everything Rob ever stood for by removing hurtful things...
And, by "hurtful things", I mean hurtful to Linda or me. I just don't want that anymore.
Probably never should have in the first place, truly, but... I don't NOW. NOW is what matters, correct? I do hope so. The past is the past, Rob is gone and this shit must end. And, I'm not the only one who thinks so. But, I may very well be the only one who knows to what extent it could destroy me if it doesn't. Like Linda or not, if you like me, you don't want THAT, right (I hope)? Help me grow and learn and maybe let me help YOU do the same. Let me try to help you out of the hell that is losing Rob instead of pulling me and everyone else back down into it, okay?
Please? Thank you. Peace (and yeah, this time that came true...)
Posted by: Stevie at 03:34 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
Thank you, Jett, Paul, Willy and WC...
Two last night, two this morning.
Jett, thank you for what you said and the way you said it.I had no idea I still had that in me to come out, but, as goofy as this may sound, writing back to you was almost like throwing myself across my Momma's lap and just letting it all out, then maybe dozing off with my head still on her lap, safe, expended and healing... if my dopey mom hadda been that kinda mom maybe I'd know that from experience, but... while I don't know how that is from personal experience with her, I've seen chirr'un do that before and that's how it felt, writing back to you.
And, you're probably younger than me, too... *smile* Thank you. Like I said last night, you came along at exactly the right second and kept me from making this shit worse. Then, just after I'd sent my reply to you, along comes Paul. Boom, boom.. one right after the other. And he, God bless 'im, reminded me of a coupla things and he displayed some well timed, well-deserved and well taken annoyance with my tunnel vision and loss of focus about what really is the most important thing to be done in this situation. He reminded me of those things. I remember typing back, "Oh yeah. I'd almost forgotten that", at one point and I had, I had forgotten a LOT that is more important than this shit I was sliding into. Coolest part was when he told me he hasn't been worn out by my egregious forgetfulness, my poisonous tunnel vision and my every-bit-as-crazy-as-I've-been-convinced-(hell, man, I don't even know now if I oughta just say her name, or use some dopey euphemism for it or what) (ah hell widdit) Livey-is (not that I'm trying to stir shit, I'm trying to make a point about myself, give me a minute) obssessiveness about this thing. Yes, what I just did there was called my own behavior as bad as what I thought her's was. (Notice the past tense there, please. Thank you.) Paul said he's not worn out by it yet and said he'd be there to kick my ass back onto the right path any time I need it. That alone makes me not want to need him to ever again. When someone is that supportive of true health and really cares about ya that much, I, for one, don't want to make that person regret it. So, I broke down, fell apart, let it out, whatever ya wanna call it to Jett, then Paul came along and let the last of my anger just wash over him and be gone. Then, he made me laugh.
A coupla times.
'Cause that's the kinda guy he is. So, I go the hell to bed, a thing I really need to do more often, I think, and here I am, in another new day. Time really does march on, doesn't it? Naturally, I plunked down here and checked email. My two most taken-to-heart ones are from Willy and someone calling themself WC. You guys are both right.
More correct than I can articulate.
It's almost as if y'all were here in this new day to remind me of where I left off last night, lest it had fallen outta my head while I slept. It hadn't.
But, I'm still glad to see what you both said. And, DC... thanks again for the loooong reply.
Between the length of your replies and your "Momma cat" anology, you're more like me than you're probably comfortable with. Now, I'm gonna try to be more like YOU in the way I see Livey. Shouldn't be too hard. Hell, it's very much like the way I saw (see?) Rob. A flawed human being I care for very much that I just wanted people to leave alone already and I don't mean now (though that would be nice *smile*, with myself heading that list), I mean that's the way I always felt when I was in his comments, "defending" him against all comers when he was alive. May not have worked, that, but at least he knew he wasn't alone and he maybe also got the sense of how very much I cared about him and how he felt about stuff.
I hope. What on Earth can I possibly do for him now that would make any difference that I couldn't do when he was alive?
Not much.
And, how much was I able to do for him when he was alive?
Again, not much. So, where does this leave me, where do I leave this? Right HERE. Hell, I need to go back and read MY own words, the things I said right after he'd... passed. Wanna know what my strongest memory of Georgia has been all along? Cat, Nancy and I, walking along the 'gator pond in their back yard, Cat and I still in night clothes, Nancy saying she wished she had a camera for that and Cat, sitting in a chair, fishing for a few minutes in that robe and baseball hat. We saw two black snakes that morning. And, Tyler was runnin' around the yard, "investigating" shit. Cat thought he mighta saw one small 'gator across the way, but it was too dark in that little hollow for me to see it. Not used to looking for 'em either, I'm not.
(Thank God... *giggle*) Worst we have around here are logger head turtles that could probably bite the leg clean off a cow or something. That's bad enough, thanks. But, Cat is what I think of when I see, say or write the word "Georgia". Him and that song by the Bellamy Brothers, "You Ain't Just Whistlin' Dixie".
It's a perfect backdrop for the way it is down there. And, guess what else? Cat, at one point in showing me Savannah, had me within spittin' distance of the "Forrest Gump" bench! I thought that was cool as hell. (Not that hell is exactly "cool", but you know what I mean.) I've gotta find myself again.
I don't know where I've been. I know I was in Georgia and I sure as hail do remember driving home... but where I got to after that is just about beyond me. I've gotten occasional glimpses since then of this house and these people in it, but I haven't yet re-connected to them and this place. Eric is waiting.
Thank God, Eric is waiting. In realizing that, I'm also realizing a few other things. It's hard to let go, though.
But, I really do have to do that. Rob was so much a part of what I do here, the "balls" I have to say the shit I do the way I say it... to feel so passionate about things. But, they are mine, those "balls". He gave 'em back to me, or helped me retrieve 'em myself, when I found him lo, those many years ago.
That was one of the reasons I came to love the guy like I did... do. Whatever. One part of me is wailing "What am I gonna do without him "there" at Gut Rumbles, still lighting the way?" The rest of me already knows... walk on, light the way for ANYone else who needs it, including (and y'all best sit down for this part..) Including Livey. The real challenge here isn't "hating for Rob".
The real challenge is to pick out the love amongst his vitriol and go with that, use THAT to further myself, his memory and anything else it can be used for for the good. Won't be easy, but... if was it was easy, any asshole could do it.
(Yeah, I'm laughing as I type that...) Just talkin' to Eric here, for a minute, and this is what was said... "I'm finally home." "Hmmm?" "Well, I know I got back from Georgia a while ago, but I hadn't gotten "home" til now". "Okay..."
(He understood that and was waiting for me to continue, so I did...) "I feel like I've just spent a week, treading in quicksand. The harder you struggle, the deeper you sink." "Right, exactly..." "And, now I see you people... you, Jett, Paul... you've all been standing on the edge of that pit, offering me your hands to pull me out, but I've been to busy shaking my fist at Livey and sinking... til now. Jett wrote to me last night and I wrote back and it allll came out, then Paul showed up on IM and let me spit the rest of my anger out, then just now, I got two comments, one from Willy and another from some person, WC, and they were both right. Willy says he'll come back and comment again, but never about Rob again and that WC person said "Mirror, mirror on the wall, who the most terrible one of all". They're right. I don't wanna do this anymore. It's killing me and I don't want that. I don't have to have that. I've got you, my animals, all these things, Jr. and George... know what Linda has? Two dogs and cat. She's alone, at home... no wonder she's as torn up as she is. That's no way to have to try to deal with this shit. Hell, that's no way to even try to get past her past. I couldn't have done it alone myself. I'm done with this. I can't do it anymore and more to the point, I shouldn't, even if I could. I'm done and I'm finally home now..." Then, I started bawling again, which I'm still doing, but I'll be fine. I'm home. So is Rob. Now, for the other lost souls...
THAT'S what's important. That's the best way I have to honor the man... to do for others what he did for me.
Not to do TO others what his trolls (and no, I do NOT mean Linda) did to him. I see that now... again.
And, if my vision is gonna tunnel on me again, that's the direction it's gonna do it. And, I already know what the first step in that direction is. Thank you, Jett.
Thank you, Paul.
Thank you, Willy.
Thank you, WC. Thank you all for helping me out of the quicksand I was struggling in. And, thank the rest of you who knew all along and saw where the need to struggle was coming from and for understanding what it was about, misguided as it was, and why it was and trying to help me with it. But... before this shit dries and stiffens, trapping me further, I have something I need to do right now, then I need to go clean up and CHANGE and get back to my life, to learning, to being ALIVE, as opposed to simply "existing" in the past. I've done that before.
It's not good.
It's what Rob saved me from.
I'll not turn around and throw that gift from him away and go back to where I was when I found him.
I believe that would be the worst thing that I, or anybody else, could do. That said, when I was talking to Paul last night, I told him I just want to walk away from Xfire for a few days, get some distance from this, some sorely needed perspective. So, I may do that. There's about to be "Bike Week" in Gettysburg, starts today, in fact, I think.
While the idea of being in that crowded-assed tourist trap makes me wanna hurl (I hate crowds), there are gonna be helicopter rides for $30. And, Harleys. Lotsa Harleys.
I think those two things might make being in a crowd worth it.
And, I do have a few cameras I need to "finish" so I can get the pictures developed. And, if I do go to that, I very well may end up having some cool stories about it.
So, maybe I will continue to post without a break.
Maybe not. Either way, hopefully by Sunday, Paul is going to be making an addition to my sidebar that we discussed first before I went to Georgia, then again while I was there. I asked, in my comments, about it and the concensus was "Oh yeah, do it. He'd LOVE that" and so will I. And so, even if I do take a break for a coupla days, I'll be back when that's up. Meanwhile (and I mean this more now than I ever have before)... Peace
Posted by: Stevie at 01:08 PM | Comments (29) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
July 06, 2006
The "Livey" email... (but not the thing I was working on outta her archives... that is massive)
June 30th...
I have been trying so very hard since I was forced to
believe that Rob was gone to contain myself when it
comes to Livey.
just that I continue to be able to do so in the face
of her escalating and highly provacative behavior, but
that it gets easier because I well and truly DO
understand the reality of the situation and am then
able to move beyond it. I'll have to admit, because it's so fuckin' obvious
anyway, that yes, I did want to literally destroy her
at first.
I wanted to do to her what I feel in my heart she had
a HUGE hand in doing to Rob.
Or helping him to do... whatever. Ya'll know what I
mean. Hell, I'd still like to have the superhero-like
ability to really get through to her, and oh-hell-yeah
by pounding the snot out of her if it became necessary
(we had to destroy the village in order to save it...
ask a Nam Vet if ya don't get that) to make her see
the truth.
But, since I can clearly see where that train
of thought leads, I'mina just stick to my original
intent, which to simply help myself see more clearly
the whole picture and, at the same time, tell those
whose opinions mean something to me where my head's at
about it all. Now, I'm not gonna sit here and go over the whole
fuckin' damned stupid deal again.
(Unless someone else wants to see it all laid out,
beginning to end, starting with her visiting him in
April (Ed. note... actually it was January...). I'll probably wind up doing something like
that with all the information for myself anyway, just
so I can see it all at once. See if I really am
getting the correct picture...) But, I DO feel compelled to point out one thing... This has NOT been just another "blog drama". A man is dead here. To pass this thing off as just the latest chapter of
the soap opera is to cheapen Rob's death and the
possible meaning of it and things to be learned from
it.
Plus, that's really not what it is to me. In my opinion, blog dramas either are, or can be, at
least slightly "manufactured" and orchestrated for
whatever reason.
I've not been doing that. What's been heard or seen or perceived from me has
been my honest reaction, without thought to anything
but Rob. What I've been doing is expressing my heart, not
trying to fuel some stupid "internet shit". Rob means to much to me to do that using him. He had enough to contend with without me or anyone
else doing that to him, ya know? I'd never do anything to HIM like that anyway,
regardless of how little anyone else may mean to me.
Sure I used Joan to bash Livey and I admitted as much
before I even did it, too.
Remember?
But, like I said, we weren't friends, Joan and I, so
what did I have to lose by doing that? But, Rob is my friend and I do love him for what he
did for me, who he really was and because how can ya
not once you start to see how wonderful he is inside,
therefore I wouldn't use him for anything. Except maybe inspiration. Not just "blog drama". That said, I'll move on. Now, the deal with Livey is that since I got to smoke
a little doobage and shut up the "pissed-off" part of
my brain, I've finally been able to hear and correlate
everything all of y'all have been saying most of the
week. I sat out there on the porch after having butted the
doob and let my mind do it's thing and it suddenly
fell into place, more or less. Again, I feel compelled to interrupt myself and say
something VERY important... In what I'm about to say, however it is that I may put
it, I'm not in any way trying to attack her. There's
no need for that. I see that now.
But, in expressing what I've figured out, it will be
necessary to state some truth... a whole lot of it,
actually.
And, a few facts.
Facts that I do have evidence of, too, if I ever need
it for some currently unforeseen and un-looked for
reason. Meaning, I'm not gonna go after her, but if she
persists in her bullshit with me (or Rob for much
longer), I will knock her down. I'm only human, I can only take s'much and besides,
it's just too fucked up to be allowed to go on,
really.
But, by the same token, I also realize she's not my
responsibilty, not my problem to solve. I am. So, that is my intent.
To learn as much as I can from what happened to Rob
and to maybe become a better person in the process,
not dismantle that sad bitch.
Even if the way I say things come out rough... like
just calling her a sad bitch. I'm not a friggin' literary professor and I don't have
the patience to haul out the $500.00 words to get this
said when I need it out so badly and I express myself
best by being just me, saying what I think and feel
without thinking as I type. Now, back to my point... Livey is one of the most actively "crazy" people I've
ever encountered, second only to the homeless people I
saw once in Philly who were having intense
conversations with shopping carts and bushes and shit. She's almost a female Ted Bundy, in that she has the
right "sane" look like he did, but inside that head is
something scary... just like him. (And, people could
have seen the craziness in his eyes too, had they not
been "swept away" by his looks, as most are not by
Livey's...) She LOOKS right and sane and okay, but,
as soon as she starts to speak... there it is. The woman is just not in touch with reality in the
truest sense of the phrase. Therefore, my trying to have rational discourse with
her is a complete waste of time and effort. She sees what she wants to see, hears what she wants
to hear and believes, with all her heart, that which
she wants to believe. I've seen this before. The people who do this seem to HAVE TO in order to
survive. It's like if they faced the truth, it'd kill 'em or
something. And, in case you're wondering, another person I've had
to live with doing this is my Dad with that whole
endless, tiring "Kim" shit. (Kim is my Dad's wife.
She's 4 years older'n me. Wanna take a guess as to
how well we get along? *rolls eyes*) Just like if my Dad was forced to see the reality of
what happened with me and Kim it'd probably put him in
the ground because it's so fucked up, if Livey ever
was made, somehow, to see her reality, she'd
kill herself.
Or, become so much more mentally crippled that she'd
all but cease to exist in every single way except
literally being dead. Which is no way to try to live. This I know because it damned near happened to me.
Not because I used to be like her or anything. For
other varied and sundry reasons that all led to the
deepest depression I've ever known, the one that Rob
showed me the path through (that Paul damned near
carried me down). That's what Rob saved me from.
That's what he showed me the way out of.
That's what he, through blogging, did for me, by
giving me the tools I needed to "fix" myself and by
"tools", I mean the people I've come to know and love
and the friendships that have resulted from blogging,
which I started doing expressly because of him. And, you people to whom I've sent this email are the
ones I'm talking about.
Some of you (Paul) have been working with me on this
from almost the first moment, some of you only had
these last coupla days (Cat and Nancy) to get your
point across and some of you had mere hours (Key, Sam,
Stacy, Velociman, et al).
But, ya'll did it. But, I wanted a way out, to be saved from
myself before it really was to late. She doesn't. Neither did Rob, frankly.
Because if he had, I'd have done that for him in any
way I had to if for no other reason than I owed him
that much.
For the record, had I been able to do that, it woulda
been for many more reasons than just that.
Not to mention if he had wanted to be saved, all he
would have had to have done was turn to us, let
himself really know how much we all love him, ya know? But, Livey is a very sick woman. And, if I try to make her see the truth, it's taken as
"attacking" her, just like everything else anybody
does within a 50-mile radius of her and it gives her
more opportunity to play the victim. I won't feed her addiction any longer.
I'm not going to help her pull this bullshit. I don't hate her either, because, frankly, she's not
worth the baggage, to me, that hate brings to your
life.
Nor the shitty karma... While I understand this much, I do still have a ways
to go.
I know that because I still don't have the capacity or
ability to pretend to like someone if I well and truly
don't like them. I pull no punches and I don't have the strength to be
able to be nice to her when I feel like I do.
And, until such time as I learn from Cat that the
autopsy shows he died some other way than what we
suspect may have happened, I'll continue to feel like
I do about her.
I just won't be acting on it. Someday, I really do hope I have the ability to be
nice to those I find reprehensible, but I don't have
it now.
Never have had, so this may take a while. But, while I'm trying to find it in myself, I won't be
fucking with her at all. I ignored her Thursday as much as I was able and I'll
not be going to her blog and starting/saying shit to
her (though I may read it as it pays to keep an eye on
people like her) and I won't be posting vitriolic
attacks on her (lack of) character on Xfire. I want to concentrate on the myriad other things there
are to think about concerning this situation with Rob. It's not about her and I won't let it be from my end. Just please remember what I said, though... if she
persists with me, all bets may be off sometime in the
future. She won't be able to follow me around in person any
more like she did at Rob's parent's house, she won't
be able to call people with me sitting right there
knowing she's talking about me by the reactions I'm
seeing, she won't be able to get at me in person. But, she may very well do that kinda shit online and
leave me no choice but to defend myself with the words
and the emails and comments that I've gathered from
the last coupla months. A prosecutor with this much evidence of guilt would be
a scary sumbitch, believe me. Anyway...
as far as I'm concerned, I'm out. Just knowing the truth of how y'all feel about her is
enough for me.
All I'd be doing is preaching to the choir. And, that's boring and I ain't gunna do it. So, thank you all for the things you said to me all
week, the last few days and at Rob's parent's house. Any changes for the good that may take hold in me is
the result of alla y'all's work... it's because of
you. And, if anybody ever asks me what changed me, I'll be
telling them, "It all started with this man named
Rob..." and ending with the roll call of the most
caring, helpful and sweet people I've ever known. Bless you all.... pee ess...
If anyone has any questions about any of this,
anything I can answer for ya to help you understand
this the way y'all helped me understand this, you just
feel free to ask. I'll be able to answer you honestly, truthfully,
without invective.
For you guys, I'll see to that, too.... Thanks again and I appreciate each and every one of
you for what you've all done for me in this, two of
the hardest damned things I've had to deal with and
try to do at the same time... losing Rob and growing
up. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Hi again, you guys... I wrote that part up there while I was still at Cat's.
I am home now. What I'm doing is trying to make myself ready to
finish up with the story of the trip. I need to, as
much as I am able, put myself back in Georgia, back in
Cat's house and back to being in the general vicinity
of that woman. To that end, I'm re-reading my first posts about it,
going through the emails and comments, making notes to
answer specific questions... kinda like taking care of
loose threads. After that, my hope is to be able to get the fun
stuff... Cat showing me Savannah, the place Rob
played, the houses he lived in, the Crackerbox
included.
Livey may be mentioned a few times, as she did come up
in conversation and situations, but, again... I'm only
going to try to relate the story, not attack her. I know I need to send some of you (Sam & Stacey, Cat)
some other stuff and I'll probably go on and dig that
out now, while I wait for the last guy here to go to
bed so I can mute that damned TV and THINK.
*rolls eyes* Anyway... I just didn't want you guys to think you did
me no good if I do get a little pissed in speaking of
her.
I'll try to keep it to a minimum, for you guys as well
as for Rob and my own self. We all deserve to know the truth and we also deserve
NOT to get dragged in her mud. And, in case anyone is wondering... I got my conformation of Rob's death from one of Rob's
neighbors on Monday afternoon.
I called and asked if she happened to live near Rob
Smith and she answered, "Rob Smith? Ohhh, the guy who
killed himself last night. Yeah, I know him. The
trooper who was there told the other neighbors he'd
overdosed himself. Who're you again?" That's one conversation I'm NEVER gonna forget. I just didn't want anyone being blamed for "spilling
it" or anything. I purposely decided to try a
neighbor strictly because they're not constrained by
"privacy issues" like most PD's or ambulance squads
and hospitals are. That, coupled with Rob having made plans with several
of you, then doing that post, then ending up deceased
is why I blame Livey. It seems like it was a very last-minute kinda
decision, almost as if Rob said, "Drama queen who
won't do it? I've got yer "drama queen" right here,
bitch." It looks very much to me like she forced his hand and
he called her bluff in SPADES. I hope I'm wrong, but the odds of him passing away
naturally immediately after that post are
astronomical. The only other possiblilty is that he was pissed and
in pain and did what had worked for him before,
whatever that may have been-eating boiled peanuts,
drinking something, whatever- and this time it
triggered something in his belly or something that
killed him, as opposed to him consciously choosing to
do it himself. If that's the case, then, I may blame her less, but... He did whatever he did because he was unhappy.
She added to that unhappiness by not doing as he
wished, which was- plainly speaking- fucking off. So, no matter how I try to look at it right now, I see
her fingerprints all over his back, pushing him into
it. Giving him the last damned excuse he needed, one
more thing to need to escape from. Anyway...
I'm gonna go on and get this sent.
Sam and Cat... that deleted "update" from Rob's "I
feel better" post will follow, as requested. Hope everybody is doing okay at least and thank you
all again for everything you've done to help me come
to grips with this whole thing. Stevie I made two typo corrections and may, in the future, delete the paragraphs about my Dad's wife, if he asks me to. I only related that to make people understand that I've seen this kinda thing before... and sorry I didn't have time to make it "fit" better here, to take it out of "email format". I'm cooking dinner now... me
Posted by: Stevie at 07:36 PM | Comments (12) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
Prolific little bitch, today, ain't I?
I've been having an "exchange", of sorts, with Desert Cat. He's been busy as all hell, pummeling me in Livey's comments.
He stopped by here for one, which I answered, which HE then answered. (It's under one of those posts, the "Hello, Life" one, I think...) Anyway, after his long and thoughtful last comment, I wrote him back via "reply" instead of answering him in my comments. It's been a while now and he doesn't seem inclined to answer again so, I'm gonna post my "reply" to him and leave it to you, especially you FOL's (Friends of Livey) who keep coming here and not saying anything, then leaving, although I'm interested in ANY examples ANYONE has. So, here's what I sent to Desert Cat: Thank you for such a detailed reply. I'm writing back to you as a "private" reply, rather than just answering you in my comments, just so ya know. You come across as a very intelligent person, which leads me to be comfortable with trying to continue a dialog with you about this. I do have a question... (probably more than one, if you know me...) Please tell me something and I'm not trying to be a smartass by asking, I truly want to know... What have I done that has been, in your opinion, so bad?Equally as important... when did I do whatever it was? The REASON I've felt and acted like I have toward her is simple... Rob made his feelings toward her quite well known before he died. Specifically, after she did what she did to him in his comments. He was not just angry, he was hurt and told her many, many times to not email, call or comment anymore and she ignored him.
She hurt him more and more and more.
And, she knew she was doing it, whether she could "help it" or not. The very day he did that update (the one that was removed) she said in his comments and at her own place that he was a "drama queen" and would never do "it". And now he's gone.
And and, he said her name in that update. Hers, Jennifer's and, for some reason, Bane's. Bi-polar or not, that's a hell of a thing, don't you think? There's only so far a person can explain away their actions by "blaming" a disease or childhood trauma.
Hell, my own mother moved to Florida with a guy I was dating in high school. (And took to bed several others...)
It was hard, but I got past it.
I grew up at least enough to realize I couldn't spend my life screwing other people over and blaming it on that, ya know?
And, I've been told before that I, too, am bi-polar to an extent.
I take no meds for it, never have, and see no one about it either and I manage to not do the incredibly "odd" things she does. And, truly, what will you say or how will you feel when she does this to you? I firmly believe she will, sooner or later.
Is an "oops, sorry... bi-polar" going to make it so that you can just keep excusing everything she does? I've said it at least a dozen times now, I said it in my "Livey" email, which incidentally, I did NOT send to half the planet (I know who did and why so it's not bothering me), I have no problem with her anymore. I don't feel hate or anger or a sense of "retribution" toward the woman, but, by the same token, I'll not
stand by and listen to her or watch her deny the truth about how Rob felt toward her at the end of his life. I can't. That hurts.
It hurts me, it's already hurt his FAMILY, it'll hurt his memory. I keep in contact with Sam, Stacey, Cat and have even spoken to Willy since I've been home.
To a PERSON they have no problem with anything I've said or done. (And, I'm not "yelling" in using caps, just emphasizing...) I don't use (stupid) proxies when I pop in to her site, like she does mine, I haven't hidden my archives nor do I intend to.
I've never tried to claim anything more than a friendship with Rob.
I love him, yes, but he LIKED me. I could tell by the letters I got back from him in Willingway and by him linking the shit outta me the month of June. What would you do if you were to see someone do to Rob what Livey has done?
Wouldn't you want to make it stop?
Obviously you would, as you're telling me that about her now, right? I don't hate her.
I don't hate you.
Hell, I really don't hate anybody, though females do do shit quite often that makes me chew my back teeth... And Livey has done so very many things that so very many people have been hurt by... when is it going to end?
How is it going to end if someone doesn't MAKE her stop?
Would you be this vehement in your defense of her, in your slamming of the "opposition" (just calling it how I think you see me) if it were someone else doing
whatever it is I'm doing that's got you so pissed?
(Told ya I'd end up asking more than one question...) If you only answer one of these myriad questions, please make it the "what/when have I done" one, okay?
I don't expect you have the rest of your life to answer this and I'd really, truly, to the depths of my soul like to know what specific behavior of mine has engendered such hostility from you. Thank you for at least reading this.
me ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ So, since he doesn't seem to want to answer me, I leave it to you.
ESPECIALLY if you're one of her "buddies". You tell me SPECIFICALLY what I've done that's so damned bad. Yes, I did "live" in her archives for a few days and yes, I did copy and paste a LOT of what she wrote. (Not my fault there was so much there. Look to her for it being there AT ALL.) But, all I did in doing that is gather the pertinent posts and comments that tell the story plainly in a condensed form, rather than making people dig through six months of shit (from both sites, hers and his) to get the picture.
(And, for the record, Rob wrote waaaay more than she did, but much LESS about her than she did him.) Also, Desert Cat referred to them as "ex-lovers". I think that's stretching things a bit, for the record. I don't believe they were "lovers" in the truest sense of the word.
If anything I think Rob "threw it to her" ONCE to shut her up back in January, when she was cleaning his house naked, calling him a faggot for not jumping her and saying to him, "Okay, we can fuck now. I'm ready when you are.", which he seemed to have ignored.
She said that much herself SEVERAL times. I also believe Rob inadvertantly fueled her obssession by ignoring her repeated entreaties. He wasn't "playing" hard to get, he didn't WANT to be gotten, period. If you weren't Jennifer, you weren't shit to him. And, the fact is, no matter what they did or didn't do in January it's irrelevant as far as how he felt at the end.
He made that perfectly clear. Would you like to see the comment he HIMSELF left at her place when she "outed" him in his comments? It's smokin' rage, I'm tellin' ya.
Sa-MOKIN'. Whatever you people think I've done that was so damned bad ain't SHIT compared to what I could be doing.
And, even THAT wouldn't be "bad" because it's nothing that hasn't already been published and is sittin' there waiting for whomever cares enough to do a little "research" before flinging names and acting all bad-assed. Facts are facts and I haven't even BEGUN to show them. But, frankly, if alla y'all are gonna keep accusing me of being so vile and evil and having such unfounded hostility, if I'm gonna hafta "pay the price" anyway, I may as well warrant the bullshit. I told you before... y'all ain't doin' your girl Livey any good, here. Now, you either tell me SPECIFICALLY what's been so damned bad or shove the fuck off.
Or, I will make it easy access for anybody who wants the truth, not some "fantasized version" of her spin on it, okay?
And, lem'me tell ya one more thing... if you people think she's fucked up NOW, you'd better be ready if you force MY hand, as has been done to quite a FEW people, lately. Now...
Speak.
Tell me.
I'm fuckin' ASKIN' you to. pee ess....
Just to letcha's know... if you want to insult me, you need to come up with something better than "cunt". Between Rob and I, I've seen and used that word so much it's lost it's meaning to me. May as well call me a pencil.
Posted by: Stevie at 03:19 PM | Comments (21) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
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