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caughtintheXfire

August 08, 2004

Y'all!!! I found another one!!!

I found yet another really cool person of the female persuasion.

I know I started in my Site Meter, but I can't remember how I found her. I'm just glad I did.

I give you Bitchy-poo. She's so cool. Among the things I really like so far are:

Her cats. Although she has a "sane" number of them, unlike myself... (currently at somewhere in the area of 2 dozen. DAMN good thing I live on a farm, no?)

Her sense of humor.

The fact that she's seen "The People vs. Larry Flynt" and obviously liked it because she has an autographed picture of Edward Norton from that movie. And here I thought I was the only woman who liked the movie. I also like Larry, though. Not sure if she does. Yet. (lol)

I took the "tour" of her houses. In one photo of a bedroom, she points out a Playboy under the nightstand. Way cool. I read it myself (FOR THE ARTICLES, damn it.) What I noticed was the can of cat treats on TOP of the nightstand. That made me laugh.

She was born in Maine and seems to like Mr. King a little (!). In fact, we share the same favorite book of his, "The Stand".

There's lots of stuff like that. The more I read, the more I like. Only thing that's a bummer is that some dillhole hadda mess with her, so she took down all the pictures of herself and her family. Ah well. While it's nice to "see" who yer reading, in this case it's not a big deal. She's so entertaining, who needs pictures, right? (Still like to give that moron who messed with her a brain-duster, though...)

Aaanyway... go check her out. She's pretty damned cool. And, coming from me, the existential, disenfranschised, Libertarian-leaning, misanthropic misogynist (which is what it occured to me I am, now that I've taken all these stupid Internet tests all these months*), that's saying something.

*Some of this I knew beforehand, but ain't that a mouthful strung all together like that? Whew. And, it only scratches the surface...

Go read. She's cool.

Besides, what else ya got planned for a Sunday?

Peace.

Update @ 8:10am... Still reading the "Best of..." Bitchy-poo and I'm happy to report that SHE GOT THE KITTEN!!!! After a few tense entries where she vacillated a bit, she did it. Scrappy got a home... YAY!!! (Mind you, I'm rolling my eyes at myself when I confess THIS part, buuut) I got teary eyed when she went and got that kitten. It was so cool!

Another thing... I, the farmer, just learned a new phrase for "turns me on"... "Crank my tractor". As in: That does NOT crank my tractor. I can't wait to use that one around here. rotflmfao...

Back to readin'.... (Ha... a guy she has rolled, Mike in Murfreesboro, has a guy rolled that I have rolled, my own self... Big Stupid Tommy. Excellent.)

I'm back again... now it's 8:25...
Here I thought I was the only one to ever hafta pull string-like things outta my cats butt. Nope. Sure ain't. Only difference is, she pulled Easter grass and for me, it was tinsel. Oh, and I didn't blog it.... lshicb (laughing so hard I can't breathe). Bye again.

Posted by: Stevie at 07:27 AM | Comments (13) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

"Bears"

If you go to some crunchy place like Yellowstone National Toothbrush, you must know how to deal with the wild animals such as bears and wolves and bunny rats. The most important of these is the bear. There are three kinds of bears, the grizzly bear, the rubber bear and the smarmy bear. Bears spend most of their time exploding or melting. They look very lumpy, but if you make them detachable, they might bite your piggy bank. Bears will come up to your car and beg for Twinkies. They will stand on their hind legs and clap their pickled peppers together and pretend to be flesh-colored. But, do not get out of your pogostick or offer the bears magic mushrooms or Cracker Jacks. This same advice applies to other wild creatures such as jellyfish and lemon trees. Remember all these rules and you will spend your vacation inadvertently and get eaten by a Grandmother.

This one is also crackin' me up, however....

My Dad does MadLibs, too. Only he does them ALONE and WITH NO BOOK. (lmao) To see an example, look in the EP... also new list in there.

Posted by: Stevie at 05:24 AM | Comments (19) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

August 07, 2004

Well, shit....

The Super Freak is dead. Damn.

I always did like that song, "Super Freak".
Bet Linda Blair is bummed too.
Well, thank God for her sake it wasn't Rick.
SPRINGFIELD, that is...

Posted by: Stevie at 09:06 PM | Comments (13) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

TWO pages from an analysts notebook...

(Spork, you ARE an intuitive lil booger, sticking ME in this one...)

So, here they are...

Posted by: Stevie at 08:07 AM | Comments (18) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Figures... I think "goth" is pure bullshit...

So goth you're dead!
You are every goth-kids dream!

Which Ultimate Beautiful Woman are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

If it wasn't for that paragraph, I'd have just dumped this. "Goth" is such bullshit.
But, that paragraph is pretty dead-on.

Found it at Amy's!

Posted by: Stevie at 05:37 AM | Comments (15) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

I'm in Heaven...

Which is cool, except my definition of it seems a bit skewed.
(Yes, I stuck the whole post in the EP. This was the best place to "extend it" from. Just open the EP, you'll see what I mean... *giggle*)

Posted by: Stevie at 03:31 AM | Comments (14) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

August 06, 2004

Okay, now this is kinda cool...

Anybody who knows of me, knows that it was Rob over at Gut Rumbles whose blog was the first I ever read, hence the inspiration for Xfire.

What may not be as well known is what search term I used when I found him. I had typed in "my ex-wife is a cunt" and there he was. I forget exactly which listing he was, but it was within the top ten.

I just looked at Site Meter and saw that someone has found me by looking for "evil cunt". I'm number 7.

I just like that.
Like Pappy, like blog-daughter.

*puffs on fingernails and buffs them on shirt*
*grin*

Posted by: Stevie at 04:05 PM | Comments (17) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

"Police Call..."

Calling all cars... Calling all cars!

Be on the lookout for RP. He is wearing a fucked up suit, a gray strap-on, and is carrying an old brown box of CHEEZ-ITS. He was last seen in the vicinity of the outhouse, waving a loaded frickin' moron. (Ed. note... Ted Kennedy?) He is charged with holding up a candy store and running off with the owners barking moonbat. He is also accused of stealing a 1955 chainsaw and a pus-oozing Easy Bake Oven. It is advisable to approach this person with bitchin' caution, as he is known to carry a loaded slingshot. He uses the alias "Billy the Pear-shaped Globe" and has been known to disguise himself as an urge to kill. Watch out for this surprisingly uplifting criminal.
That is all...

Except for the new list in the EP....
(Spork, Honey... you is bentheaded. Damned near as bad as me... lmao)

Posted by: Stevie at 03:27 PM | Comments (18) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

God help us all....

Yes please, let's DO re-elect this ijit... *clapping* (but it's a "golf clap")

And I quote...
"Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we," Bush said on Thursday.

Jesus wept.
But, I heaved a disgusted sigh and giggled. Whatta raving fucknoodle (thankyouJett) this guy is.

That is all.

Posted by: Stevie at 05:24 AM | Comments (14) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Yee-ah, soooo, I just woke up about an hour ago...

How're y'all?

I'm lots better since I finally went to freekin' BED for a while. I do believe I "retired" (i.e.-"passed out") around 5:00pm... give or take a half hour. Hell, I'd only been up for a day and a half. I'm gittin' old. Can you even IMAGINE if I did meth or some shit?

Jesus.

Posted by: Stevie at 12:58 AM | Comments (15) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

August 05, 2004

See what happens when I do MadLibs on my own?

Dear Sweetheart,

I lay awake all nano second thinking of you, your shitty smile, and our tryst in the butt crack. Nastily, I recall our meeting, how my heart screwed with arrogance when I first saw you. How pissy you looked in that pink and purple swirl Depends and those two retarded maternity bras on your ear holes!

I cherished every moment we were together and was fat when our date came to a close. I can't say how accidentally I regret spilling puke on your taint; you were depressed about it, however, for which I am grateful. You are so beautiful when you're depressed.

You're hairless most other times. Your eyes are like deep pools of horse piss, warmed in the moonlight. Your cheeks are as rosy as balls. Your lips are like succulent snake filets. Your hair is plaid like a platypus on a summer's day. Your toenails are two humongous triangles of pain.

I can't wait to convulse with you again. Write soon.

Sarcastically,

Your Friend

'Course, they're called "Crazy Libs" on the dialectizer page. Also, it's kinda hard to pick a catagory with yer eyes closed, but I tried to not know what I was writing about.

Whew.
I almost hurt myself when I read this.

If ya do theirs, they will re-use some of your words twice. They did that with "depressed" in this one. They also ask for much more esoteric words, but they do have a dropdown menu, if ya don't know what the hell they're asking for.

It's fun. Go try it.
Hell... here's the link to it.
Ya know what'd be cool? If, when ya do it, ya let me know so I can see it, too. Post it and trackback me, email it to me... whatever.

Again...
Have fun!!!

Peace

Posted by: Stevie at 04:16 AM | Comments (17) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Oh my Gawd, help me Lard...

Y'all ain't gonna b'leve this shit. As if I don't write "redneck" enough, right?

I just re-found the coolest thing over at Bored.
Check out the new version of my "Coupla things..." post from the other day. It's in the extended entry.

If ya like it, or wanna try it go here.
There's a bunch of different "dialects" to choose from.

Have fuuuun!!

Posted by: Stevie at 03:36 AM | Comments (17) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

August 04, 2004

Da MadLib....

First of all, if I don't get to stop hiccuping NOW, I'mina kick my diaphrams ASS. Shit HURTS when ya hiccup cigarette smoke.... jeez. Makes handling/drinking liquids quite a different experience, too. This numb shit....

Anyhoo...

Here tis...

An Adult Western

(Note: The first word was s'posed to be a LAST name, but, I got "Ted". Soooo... I'mina go wit' "Blather", 'kay?)

Tex Blather, the marshall of Dodge City, rode into twon. He sat reluctantly in the saddle, ready for trouble. He knew that his dumber-than-dust enemy, Garth the Kid was in town. The Kid was in love with Tex's horse, Hillary. Suddenly, the Kid came out of the Utterly Clueless Nugget Saloon.
"Draw, Tex!!", he yelled world-view-shatteringly.
Tex reached for his miter box, but before he could get it out of his garden gnome, the Kid fired twice, hitting Tex in the breath and the onion. As Tex fell, he pulled his own 2-way wrist communicator thingy (like Dick Tracy had) and shot the Kid twelve-an'-a-half times in the Magic 8 Ball. The Kid dropped in a pool of lemon juice.
"Jimminy-Franken-Christ!", Tex said. "I hated to do it, but he was on the wrong side of the flat tire."

Yeah, okay... so now I sound like a total skeezoid, sittin' here giggling like a loon ALONE, with the occasional seal bark of a hiccup happenin'. Gawd...

New list in the EE...EP, whatEVER.

Posted by: Stevie at 11:31 PM | Comments (21) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Hellooooo...

How're y'all? I'm lots better, myself.

Posted by: Stevie at 07:17 PM | Comments (17) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

August 02, 2004

The latest "Spork"Lib...

This one is entitled:

Letter from Camp

Dear Mommy and Daddy,

This camp you sent me to is ricketty. We go mosquito back riding every day. I am in a gaseous tent with 3.14 other Executive Orders. After dark, we play pound cake until our councelor comes around and turns off our hors d'oeuvres. Our counselor is named Emperor Misha and he shows us how to make inappropriately shaped kitchen knives out of used spyware. Tomorrow we are hiking through Mount Olympus, and our counselor says that whoever brings back the biggest electric toothbrush will get an extra ice sculpture for dinner. Please send me some fluffy underwear and two pairs of moon rocks.

Love,
Frank J.

Now, I've got that "Hello Muddah, Hello Faddah" song in my head.

(New list in extended entry....)

Posted by: Stevie at 11:35 PM | Comments (20) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Coupla things...

*I knew it*

First of all, I KNEW that asshole killed her. I knew it over a week ago, check the archives. "Disappeared while jogging"... MY ASS! Yeah, she was jogging, alright... Jogging away from HIM and his weapon. He killed her, so can we just kill him and be done with it, now, just this once, pleeeease?

Especially if this chick was pregnant, because, then, he not only killed her, he also killed a part of himself, so why don't we just do him and the rest of society a HUGE favor and kill the rest of that waste of skin, air and sperm? That loser.

Next thing...

*Celebrity opinons* (Especially those of a political nature)

What is it about political opinions from stupid fuckin' celebrities that makes otherwise intelligent people get so... nuts? (Not the first word I thought of to describe this phenomenon, but the most p.c....)

It never ceases to amaze me that people even LISTEN to a celebrity, let alone act like everything they say comes out colored red, like Jesus' words in some Bibles.

My friggin' GOD, people, get a grip, huh?

They're fuckin' CELEBRITIES, not political analyists, or king-makers, or even anyone particularly important.

See, what celebrities are celebrities FOR is pretending. They get paid (entirely too fuckin' much) to PRETEND to be other people and I highly suspect that's because they have no lives, personalities or thoughts of their own. They must be so completely vapid, inert and berift of reality that they can do nothing with their lives except play at being someone else. They can't even speak intelligently without a writer and a script and, sometimes, even that's iffy.

So, why is that when their entire existence is based on 'un-reality', some people just have to give their words, their opinions, so much weight? Opinions are like assholes, are they not? Well, it's twice as bad when the opiner is a celebrity, because a large percentage of them are assholes from the git-go. (And, if ya don't believe that, just check out a few "back-stage contract clauses" or take a good look at how they DEMAND to be treated, deserving or not.)

It's still pissin' me off that Dax is gonna deny himself, for the rest of forever, the beauty and artistry and magnificence that is Lonesome Dove, just because Robert Duvall says stupid shit in public. It just makes me wanna whomp Mr. Duvall across the back of the head and hiss "Shut the FUCK up" at him. (It also makes me wanna shake Dax til he sees sense, but, he's bigger than me and I don't really enjoy being folded, stapled, spindled or mutilated, so I'll let that whim pass on by... *snort*)

I could go on for nearly forever about how sad it is to deny yourself things like movies, music and such just because the person who wrought it is an asshole. Hell, I've been doing that for years and not with celebrities. I see an asshole, I avoid them.
Consequently, it takes a fuckin' CROWBAR to get me outta the house most days these days and if it weren't for Paul, I may have lost it completely to depression this past winter because of that dumb shit I was doing. I've been told more times than I can remember that I really need to learn how to be around assholes, but not be affected (so much) by them.

Don't ya think that'd also work for the movies and music and such of FAMOUS assholes? Jesus. At least the famous ones I can see a halfway good reason to "adapt" to... Regular ones, not so much. But, if I need to learn to be around Jon the Liar Guy and Bill and George and Jason and most of the rest of the population on the entire goddamned planet, then how come people I think are smarter than me from day one do such dopey things as throw away Lonesome Dove over Robert Duvall's lack of sense?

Ed Asner as "Lou Grant" has had more impact on my life than he has as 'Ed Asner- the retard who thinks that cop killer is special' ever has or ever will. Just because he's being a jerkoff about that Mumia cop killin' dickhead , is that supposed to mean if I still watch the "Mary Tyler Moore" show on Nick at Night that I agree with Asner?

'Cause if it does, if anyone thinks that... kiss my ass, ya know?

I cannot STAND Susan Sarandon because she's an ugly hag, let alone there's probably a bounty on her head (or would be if she didn't have a pussy) because of the shit she's said. Didn't stop me from enjoying the ever-lovin' HELL outta "Dead Man Walking" the other night. Never will, either. (One thing that does do that for me though, is that whiney, nasty fuckin', God-forsaken WHINING along with the music that person, whom if I ever find out who they are I'mina KICK 'EM for doing that, did throughout the entire friggin' movie. Fuck I hate that shit worse than rap, and I reeeeally HATE RAP, lem'me tell ya...)

WHY? I wanna know WHY people do this over meaningless drivel spouted by people who can't leave the house without a team of 'beauty experts' to fix 'em up so they don't scare people and who cannot have an intelligent conversation without a room fulla writers.

Explain this to me, please.

Next up is:
*This'd work better if*

MadLibs are fun. MadLibs are fun when there is MORE THAN ONE PERSON PARTICIPATING, that is. I mean, suuure, I can sit here and fill these things in, and yes, they'll be funny as hell, but they won't be near as much fun, because I'd be doing them alone, or making Eric do 'em with me and boy, y'all oughta see the look he's giving the pooter right now... know what I mean, Verns?
I need words. Okay?

Gotsta go make gaspetti for dinner.

I shall return.
Peace.

Updated @ 7:40pm
Forgot one lil thang, to be filed under "TMI"...
IT has arrived. IT being the Intermittent Terrorist. You know... my little "buddy". Yeah, finally and for real. I still don't know what the hell that last "appearance" was about. (Sorry, but this is about the only way I have to keep track of this crap. I REFUSE to waste space in my brain remembering it... eech. Also... got a new list o'words from Spork, so there'll be a new MadLib later... Yay Spork!!)

Posted by: Stevie at 07:03 PM | Comments (20) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Bit o'trivia...

From IMDb "trivia" section on the movie "Duel" (1971- starring Dennis Weaver and Carey Loftin as the manical truck driver...)

*When Carey Loftin, the actor playing the truck driver, asked Spielberg what his motivation was for tormenting the car driver, Spielberg told him "You're a dirty, rotten, no-good son of a bitch." Loftin replied, "Kid, you hired the right man."

That just made me laugh out loud.
I don't know who this Carey guy is, but now I do like him.

Posted by: Stevie at 05:37 AM | Comments (17) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

August 01, 2004

Okay, here's Spork's story...

Spork followed the trackback back to here, so he didn't see the first result or the title of the story... cool.

Here's his version with a new list of words to follow in the extended entry...

My Most Embarassing Moment
by: The Cheesemistress of Chaos

My most embarassing moment happened when I got on a bus to go to the South Pole. The bus was very foamy, so I stood up and held on to a dishwasher. At the next stop, I saw a Mercator projection map get up, and I ran over to grab his Macadamia nuts, but I accidentally jabbed my pancreas into his funny bone and broke his kneecap. And then, as I was apologizing, the bus came to a lecherous stop, which caused me to drop my jelly jar and fall on top of an ass-hatted lady who was carrying a ticket on her lap. Believe me, my Miracle Grow was red that day.

lmao again... What the hell kinda map is that? A who? I'm picturing the one that appears on the inside of the 'Stang windshield in Starman when they're trying to go to Arizona...

And, I got the cool idea to make a link to whomever we decide to stick in these stories whenever possible. *grin*

New list comin' up...

Posted by: Stevie at 07:55 PM | Comments (17) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Minerva's MadLib...

Got one!!! Min's words are in bold.

The title of our story is:

My Most Embarassing Moment
by: Her Hubby in the Garage

My most embarassing moment happened when I got on a bus to go to Rome, Italy. The bus was very gruesome, so I stood up and held on to a dog. At the next stop, I saw a pool get up and I ran over to grab his rusty screwdriver, but I accidentally jabbed my nose into his ear and broke his belly button. And then, as I was apologizing, the bus came to a goopy stop, which caused me to drop my mailman and fall on top of a spicy lady who was carrying a shower on her lap. Believe me, my cast iron skillet was red that day.

lmbo (my new acronym for "laughing my butt off")...

Cool.

Anyone else? Want a new list o'words?

Lem'me know...

Posted by: Stevie at 02:15 AM | Comments (17) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

July 31, 2004

What's a MadLib, huh?

I love this 'cause I love them. My Dad has been getting me these books since I was a kid and my hand to Gawd, my brother just gave me two HUGE books of them for Christmas this past year, so if ya wanna know what they are, you asked the right person.

And, so long as I don't get sued, I'll do a couple so you'll get hooked, too and go buy some.
(Dear Inventors of MadLibs, See? This is NOT stealing. It's PROMOTING. Please remember that. Thank you, me...)

Here's an example of them, as "SpamLibs". (Thanks, Spork!)

Mikey only told half the story (but what a story it was shaping up to be... *snerk*).

You can do these things one of two ways. Either people can keep their list of words to themselves til the end, or they can tell the person asking for the words and that person writes 'em all down. It depends on how many versions of the same story ya wanna hear. Either way ya do it, it's best to keep the subject of the story from the people doing the words. It comes out waaay funnier when nobody has any idea what it's about while they think up words.

As you saw with my grocery/MadLibs list, the words themselves do not need to have a thing in the world to do with each other, either.

For our first one, we need a list of the following words...

Posted by: Stevie at 09:47 PM | Comments (21) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

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