October 20, 2004

Okay...

Let's see who wants to get stupid because I do this....

"This" is posting pictures of Dwight Yoakam where he looks like Wally's twin. Yeah, the one I keep getting "found" because of lately.

I do have a coupla pictures of Wally himself that I took when I worked for him, but since I have yet to send my pics to Paul to have available to post, we'll just hafta use Dwight.
That's okay, though. They could be twins.

Posted by: Stevie at 01:16 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

October 19, 2004

Two quick things...

One, I just banned two IP's, so if ya suddenly have trouble commenting, let me know and I'll fix it.

Two, someone from Joisey found me using Wellacrest and Wally's name around 4/4:30pm today. Don't make me go through all the aggravation of pin-pointing you further, say "Hi", fer fucks sake.

If ya know Wally, fine. If ya wanna know him, the REAL him, that's fine, too. I remember who he is inside, what drives him, shit like that. Feel free to ask whatcha want.

Basically, he's a great guy. He busts his ass on that farm, has to deal with constant bullshit from one faction or another, and he's doing it. He's keeping that farm alive, against all odds. I'd go back to work for him in a heartbeat, especially knowing what I know now.

He deserves someone who cares about that farm just about as much as he does.
Shame he hasn't had that since we left and BEFORE he went gray.
(GRAY, Wal? Daaamn, Dude.)

Anyway, Hammonton, don't be shy, say "Hi".

Update @ about 11:00pm....
Cute.
So, ya came back again, this time around 8:30pm, using a proxy outta the Bronx.
Say "Hi".
What are you afraid of?
Oh, and just by the way, there's a lot more here about Wal than just those two entries you keep re-reading... Just thought I'd let ya know.

Posted by: Stevie at 05:03 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

October 18, 2004

I have had ENOUGH....

Since you steadfastly refuse to quit pinching, stabbing and otherwise trying to scar my ASS, Mr. Padded-Ass-Gasket, I got a NEW ONE.

Sumbitch weighs about 15 pounds, too. If it lasts as long as it is heavy, this'll be the last one I ever hafta buy.

Now, all's I gotta do is go through the hell known as "installing it". That's always fun.
*rolls eyes, shakes head at the memory of last time*

Posted by: Stevie at 05:21 PM | Comments (6) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

October 17, 2004

Very true...

Just found at LowBrow:

Life is a sexually transmitted disease with 100% mortality.

I don't think I've ever known of a concept more true.

Posted by: Stevie at 01:27 AM | Comments (5) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

October 16, 2004

Know who else is adorable?

Hoss Cartwright. I had no idea his character's real first name was Eric...

Wait... he gets even cuter...

Ain't he just tooth-ache inducing cute?

Easy, Hoss. I was just showing everybody how cute ya are.

Oops.
Gotta go.

Think I pissed 'im off with that Easter Bunny picture...

Posted by: Stevie at 12:57 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

October 15, 2004

I'm not sure why...

But, the scene in the movie "Big" with Robert Loggia and Tom Hanks hopping on that "in-ground" keyboard always makes me teary-eyed and I grin like a fool through the whole thing.

Just like I am, right now....

Posted by: Stevie at 01:30 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

October 14, 2004

Ya know who else is gorgeous?

This guy...

Posted by: Stevie at 11:42 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Wow....

I really DO love the Marine Corps.

Last thing I did this morning before I left to drive in Philly traffic (morning commuter traffic, too, mind you) was to post that picture of Animal. (Man, I love that guy...)
AAAanyway, a friend of mine needed a ride home from work this morning, so I told him "Sure" and first off, I didn't get lost. I also didn't get run over, flipped off or shot. That's always good.

BUT...

Posted by: Stevie at 06:11 PM | Comments (9) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

1 Unless your computer is almost brand-spanking 'new', I don't think you'll be able to play a DVD on it.

I could be completely WRONG, but there's one way to find out.....pop it in and close the draw.

Worst case: it'll spin up and then you'll get a message that says 'unfamiliar media' or something like that.

Posted by: Mad Mikey at October 14, 2004 07:27 PM (Qd8TD)

2 No, u can't play a dvd on a cd player. Sorry.

Posted by: Buck at October 14, 2004 10:39 PM (/d/rq)

3 No DVD player here either.
I had a free Mad-Mag disk a few years ago that supposedly had great graphics. It played audio in my CD player and computer. I don't think it was a DVCD, though.
So I guess I'd trust Buck's answer. Ah, well.

At least y'got on the radio!

Posted by: Tuning Spork at October 14, 2004 11:29 PM (EcGlc)

4 There's DVD-playing software. I have a DVD player but my TV's too old to be compatible with it, so it's kind of here for decoration. Macs come with the Apple DVD player; I'm sure Windows has a similar component.

Anyway, that's so cool about getting on the air! Funny how you'd probably never made it on if you wanted whatever the prize would be.

Posted by: dawn at October 16, 2004 01:40 PM (Rgkju)

5 Sorry, dudette - wrong player. No amount of software wizardry will make a cd drive play a DVD. (Although the reverse works just dandy.)

Paul

Posted by: Light & Dark at October 19, 2004 01:28 AM (eT6wp)

6 Soooo...
Ya like Chicago?
Wanna DVD?

Posted by: Stevie at October 19, 2004 02:58 AM (TPP+m)

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Here's da man....

Yep.
I am in touch with that emotion.
Quite often.
Too often, in fact.

Posted by: Stevie at 01:48 AM | Comments (6) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

1 Is this from Full Metal Jacket?

Posted by: Tuning Spork at October 14, 2004 11:41 PM (EcGlc)

2 Oups. Just read on down a bit...

Posted by: Tuning Spork at October 14, 2004 11:48 PM (EcGlc)

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October 13, 2004

Well, hello dere...

Referring Link http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=caught in the xfire
Host Name xxx.xxx.xxx.xx
IP Address xxx.xxx.xxx.xx
Country United States
Region New York
City Brooklyn
ISP New York City Police Department
Returning Visits 1

Sooo... a Brooklyn police officer knows this site well enough to look it up by it's correct name.

Hmmmm.

Weeeell, since I'm outta your jurisdiction, I guess it's cool, although I am about to dislocate my hip, kickin' myself in the ASS for some of the shit I've said here recently, now.

siiiigh....
*shaking head ruefully*

Ah well. Cops are people, too. Must remember that. Yes, they're people... people with guns and handcuffs who make me shake whether I'm guilty of anything or not, basically, but people.

This shaking shit really does get on my nerves, too. Hell, I usedta WORK for cops back in Jersey. Dispatched lots of 'em. Used to tell people I got paid to tell cops where to go. (That always got a giggle...)

Also, it helps that I'm the kinda person, who when stopped for a traffic thingy of any kind, cooperates, behaves, smiles and usually tries to make the cop smile, too. I do this in various ways... one of the best ways is to hand them 4 documents when they ask for 'em.

They want your license, reg and insurance card. I give 'em all that shit, but I also hand them, on the bottom of the stack, a "Get Out of Jail Free" card from my Monopoly game. If that doesn't get a giggle, I'm pretty much screwed, I know, so it's a good way to gauge what kinda cop's got me.

Ya know which kinda cops I get along with the best? The ones everybody else in town hates. Like the poor bastard who ticketed me lo, those many months ago. I really like that guy and now that I'm all legal and shit again, I almost can't wait til he stops me again, just so I can show him my license and shit and point out to him that the reason he's probably having a hard time remembering me is because I behaved so well while I was suspended. That's one thing I can say. I did behave, didn't drive at all and he laid not one eye on me one time.

Everybody, and I mean EVERYBODY, I've said his name to has the same reaction. Their faces screw up and they spew expletives better'n I do. They HATE this guy. He gets compared to a Brownshirt/Nazi all the time, but I think he's cool as hell. Cute, too. In a tall, strapping, armed, blonde, copglasses kinda way. Scary, but nice. Him, I got to smile several times, while he wrote my numerous tickets. (Three, I think... I forget, which is probably part of why I like him so much, so let's just leave that that way, 'kay?)

Jesus, I could go on forever about cops. In fact, I do believe I've threatened to do so before, have I not? I've got a small department's worth of 'em in my family, I worked for 'em for YEARS... and I have more stories about those goobers... I mean GUYS, than hell patch a mile, so....

Anyway, Officer... Sir... feel free to say "Hi" if ya want. I won't let anybody give you shit here... unless, of course, you're not a REAL police officer and are just some bully with a gun and cuffs who happens to work for the NYPD and gives cops a bad name. I've known my share of those kinda cop/guys too and I can spot 'em a mile off.
(Those kind of "cops" I DO have a major problem with, as do all the other good men in uniform who pay the price for guys like them.)

And hey... did you know that Eddie Money used to be a cop in NYC? Yep, he sure was. His real last name is Mahoney and it runs in his family. Man, I love that guy. "Two Tickets to Paradise"... "Baby, Hold On"... aw man, I miss him.

Gotta go find my tapes. Need to hear "Two Tickets" now. Hey... "tickets"/ex-cop. Heh. Just hit me. How ironic.

Hey now. THERE'S an idea. People would like all cops lots more if they'd hand out tickets to Paradise insteada court.
Just something to consider.
*giggle*

Peace

Posted by: Stevie at 05:29 PM | Comments (6) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Okay, so Verizon doesn't "totally" suck...

They do have a coupla cool people working for them.
I just talked to one. Amazing.

Very nice lady let me work out a little spot 'o trouble with my bill and I can breathe again. Having two pretty important bills come up at the same time ya need to git yer car inspected is a little trying. Especially when ya know you have the money coming, but it's just not here yet.

I swear, it's time, more than money, that likes to squeeze, spindle and mutilate me til I holler. Money, you can always get more of somehow. Time... no way. Can't do it. That's sad, somehow, too.

Anyway, being out on the horse helped. Eric also fixed the fence for me. ('Bout time, damn it... *grin*) See? That works so well... all I hafta do is threaten to do fix something with my handy dandy duct tape and a few wire hangers (What? Is there something about me with wire hangers in hand that's SCARY, do ya think?) and SUDDENLY there's time enough to go do it real quick.

It's almost magical.

Oh yeah, and the speed demons are no longer required to go through the driveway past the house. They're done those fields. Now, they're speeding down the back lane NEXT TO the house. From the turn by the calf barn to where they turn into the field, I could easily throw a baseball the distance. (Of course, I am an ex-outfielder from a softball league...) Anyway, it's not like it's even a quarter (A quarter? Hell, not even a tenth, more like) of a mile, yet these asshats HAVE TO try to hit 6th gear, then use the jake to slow down.

Stupid juvenile dipshits.

Be kinda cool if those trucks were to get a hint of "Maximum Overdrive" or "Christine", then turn on the wusses who're abusing them.
I love what Stephen King has done to my brain.

Anyway... what's the next thing I need to beat into submission? Hmmm... fence is done, drivers are nearly gone, phone bill/money shit is loosened up.... I guess that leaves (say it with me, now) cleaning the house and yeah... thinking up something cool to make Eric for dinner. I like that part.

Oh, and Mad Wm., Honey... does chewing trees down with my bare teeth count? That's what I'm always saying I'mina go do... said that very thing as I swung up into the saddle, in fact. I do like the "hammer" idea, though. (Dude, that we think so much alike oughta scare you, ya know... Me, I love it. Bwahahahahaha...)

And, BlogDog, I do know whatcha mean 'cause I am a rebel without a clue most of the time. I mean well, though. Usually. (And, of course, you DO know the road to HELL is paved with good intentions, right? Well, welcome to my toll-free teflon highway....)

On that note... time to fire up some AC/DC.

I shall return.
Peace.

Posted by: Stevie at 04:23 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

PMS or "enough"?

I can't decide.

I just cannot decide if my current raging desire to severely choke the living shit out of a few people is PMS or just plain old, garden variety "enough"... as in "Enough stupidity/bullshit already".

Remember that stupid hotwire I was bitchin' about the other day? Well, I have to add two teensy tiny details... first of all, the first two posts, the one the gate hooks to and the one after it, are broken off at ground level. No, make that "cement level". Not easy to fix. Also has the added attraction of making the whole gate/goats/hotwire deal a royal pain in the asscheek.
Then, there's the fact that the goats have been out about 6 times in the past two days because of said busted off posts.

I am sooo about to crotch-kick someone. Is it just me, or does anyone else see the intrinsic insanity of that?

Add to this, the fact that there are about 9000 (okay, really only about 2 or 3, it just SEEMS like that many) dump trucks going in and out of this driveway like clockwork. They're a bunch of guys Bill hired to get the shit outta the fields and into the silos. They're doing a great job... EXCEPT...

There's this one hotdoggin' dickhead who seems to be trying to make his pubes sprout out by speeding through the driveway and working the FUCK outta his jake brake. In the middle of a pile of buildings. Houses, mostly. That way ya get full "echo-effect", I guess.

Now, I love the sound of a well-applied jake, just like I do a Harley, but this little shitstain is wrecking it for me. Plus, if he runs over ANY of my animals, including ME, I will beat the snot out of him, THEN call the cops.

Any wonder I wanna throttle somebody?

What I NEED to do (fix the fuckin' fence) and what I wanna do (kick some "punk ass") are waging a war in me that only I am losing. I'm getting like Robert DiNero's character in that movie with Robin Williams about those "frozen people" who only needed a certain drug (L-dopa, I think) to "come back". What the deal was, was that they had tremors, but such bad tremors, it sorta froze them up. I feel like that now. I'm literally shaking with repressed... something... repressed "not beating the shit out of someone", so instead of worrying about what I wanna do, or what I need to do, what I am GONNA do is go out on Action so that a kid who just asked me if he could, can go out on Storm.

Hopefully, by the time I get back, I'll have a few workable ideas. How to fix the stupid fence without a jackhammer and concrete mix and how NOT to go to jail for kickin' some little snot's ass.

Pray for me, okay?

Peace.

Posted by: Stevie at 02:07 PM | Comments (5) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

October 12, 2004

What in thee hell is this?

I found this place called LowBrow.com. I have no idea what the point is, but it seems to be a place where people just tell insane, stupid, funny, retarded short things about stuff.

The first one I read that made me laugh really hard and want to link the place said, and I quote...

"It's 1:16am.
Roseanne is on my TV.
I just opened a can of Chef-Boy-Ar-Dee ravioli with no intention whatsoever of heating it up.
I love pot."

I almost peed myself laughing at that one.
Goofy fuckin' chick.

Now, here's one about horses. (I'm gonna do the link now and see if it goes right to that one. If it doesn't, I'll be back later to tell ya what it said.) Even if it doesn't, just read whatever one comes up, then to get to the next one, click "reload".

This is the kinda shit that makes it nearly impossible for me to get outside, by the way. "One more... just one more..." til midnight.
Yeesh.

(Text of this one in EP. Somehow, I don't think it's gonna link it correctly...)

Posted by: Stevie at 05:06 PM | Comments (14) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

October 11, 2004

"Hello, I'm still alive?"

Well, that's more than I can say for Superman.

Hell, Chris is dead, is he?

God musta wanted his ass BAD.

"Look, damn it. I tried 9 years ago to get you up here and you fricked THAT all up, so... *concentrates REALLY hard*... GET YER ASS UP HERE NOW, REEVES!!!!"

And, he did.

Posted by: Stevie at 08:22 PM | Comments (23) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

1 That's just wrong. Funny but wrong. They say that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I guess bedsores don't make you stronger.

(Hides head... that was wrong too.)

Posted by: BryanH at October 11, 2004 10:04 PM (T5uzX)

2 Okay, I admit it. . .I laughed at you both.

Honey, the way I see it, he's prolly laughing at all the Superman jokes right now, too. Running around and jumping and dancing n' stuff.

Yeah, I know. I really *am the Pollyanna of the freakin' blogosphere. Aheh.

Posted by: Margi at October 11, 2004 10:29 PM (MAdsZ)

3 Okay, I guess I'll be the one to bring it back to try to Earth!

A good man is gone. He made his name playing a heroic and kind fella named Superman.
And don't forget his performance -- post-accident -- in the TV movie remake of Rear Window!

For the past decade he's been busy as an advocate for research into the healing of traumatic spinal chord injuries. Not just for his own self but for everyone.

He promised us that he'd walk again, but he knew better. Chris Reeve knew that the only job left in his life was to take his name and use it for a greater purpose. Not because he had to, but because he could.
That's a super man if there ever was one.

And he did it all without even having to get his ass out of his chair!


D'oh! I'm a ba-a-a-a-d boy, too...

Posted by: Tuning Spork at October 11, 2004 11:31 PM (KjjPP)

4 LMAO TS!

Actually, I didn't think he was that good an actor. There I said it. Actually, I thought him to be a better actor AFTER his accident and a fine human being before and after.

Okay, enough of what I think. Heh.

Posted by: Margi at October 12, 2004 01:15 AM (MAdsZ)

5 Yeah, agreed, Margi.
As an actor he was merely adequate.

But as an ex-actor person he was inspiring.

Sometimes there are real heroes lurking inside o' them fake heroes.

Heroes aren't meant to be admired, ferchrissakes; They're meant to be imtroduced.

Posted by: Tuning Spork at October 12, 2004 02:42 AM (KjjPP)

6 Duced, even.

Posted by: Tuning Spork at October 12, 2004 02:49 AM (KjjPP)

7 Typos galore, I give up! ;P

Posted by: TS at October 12, 2004 02:52 AM (KjjPP)

8 Aw hell, everybody. Don't fret.
The George who lives here is the REAL Superman, anyway.
My hand to God, his first and middle names are George Reeves. Reeves is his mom's maiden name.
And, yeeees, of course he uses "Supermen" followed by various numbers as his ID's.

Actually, when I saw that Chris had croaked, it hit me that I might reeeally wanna start watching the news, or reading the occasional newspaper every once in a while. siiiigh... The shit ya miss when all ya do is watch self-made tapes of Nick@Nite and "All in the Family", M*A*S*H and such.... Honestly.

I mean, I do that anyway, but nowdays, when I'm already sick past puking of this election shit and there is still a month to go, you'd be lucky to be able to FORCE me to watch regular TV. (If, of course, you consider bloody and bruised "lucky" which is what you'd wind up being if ya tried to make me pay attention to this shit...)

One thing I'd like to know... am I the only one on the entire planet who grasps the basic concept the every single politician is a lying sack of monkey shit, therefore it really makes no difference who says what before an election? No matter WHO "wins", we all lose because those bastards say what they have to to win, then do exactly as they goddamn please when they get in office.

So, why should I have to be bored to death and back by all this crappola every place I look*? Ew.

Hey man, I just got an idea.

I'm gonna start a write-in campaign to get Alfred E. Neuman elected. At least he LOOKS the part, ya know? (Much like the current asshat, I might add...)(Hey, are they twins? Seperated at birth, maybe? Suuure do look like it, they do...)

"Paging Mr. William Gaines... white courtesy phone..."

(*Actually, I do have this one tape of Nick@Nite that is totally "political". It has retro-mercials of political ads from YEARS ago (I Like Ike is one of the campaigns) and even has Jerry Springer admitting he paid for a hooker with a check and why that shouldn't stop him from being Mayor or Governor or whatever. All the shows on this tape, The Addams Family, Sonny & Cher... all of them, have a political bent to 'em, so I DO have exposure to this shit, it's just OLD shit. John Wayne and what's-his-name... Charleton Heston, maybe, shilling for politicos. How quaint. My favorite is the one with two men in a car, one Dem, one Republican. I think the Dem is driving and the other guy keeps telling him they need to get gas, they're gonna run out and the driver keeps saying, "No... we're fine", then they do, indeed, run out of gas. Then it goes into the whole "blame them and elect us" crock of horseshit, but talk about creative, entertaining and kinda less annoying... it is all that. Much cooler than the shit we have to sift through these days.)

Anyhoo, can someone wake me up in mid-Novem... no wait. Decem... nope, too cold. Okay, can someone wake me up next April, after this political shit and winter (both of which suck donkey balls) are over?
Thanks...

Posted by: Stevie at October 12, 2004 12:55 PM (guXLt)

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Helloooooo....

I'm still alive. Mostly.

Heh.

Foot's getting better, house is still clean and everybody is gone again, except me and Eric.

I do have a few money issues that are giving me stomach cramps, but nothing that won't resolve, one way or another. Typical.

Soooo, soon as Eric is done working, fed, soaked in a nice tub and tucked in, I'll probably be back and posting more later tonight. In fact, I have this one post drafted.... but, it's been likened to stuffing a hand grenade in my shorts, soooo, I'll hafta work on that one some, I think.

Why, in the name of all that is Holy, do some people have SUCH a hard time with the truth, anyway? (Could the fact that it's about WOMEN have anything to do with that phenomenon? Hmmmm...)
Jeez.

Peace

Posted by: Stevie at 07:43 PM | Comments (17) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

October 10, 2004

Lose a lunatic horse, gain a pigeon....

At least, that's what I did.

Shorty, the fence-touchin', foot stompin', rearing, head throwing assmunch is gone, yay!

Right after he went bye-bye's, I saw this pigeon walking across the driveway. Or rather, me and one of my multudinous cats, Leo, saw him. We both took off after the pigeon at the same time.

I won, thank God.

I don't know what ails him, but he's now safely ensconced in a HUGE-assed bird cage Jason had and Leo thinks I'm nuts. There's also a bird turd in my tub from when the pigeon was waiting for me to ready his new abode, but that's a different story, I think.

In the meantime, I did one of those huge "feedin' the ranchhands" breakfasts again this morning, I'm about to make tollhouse and oatmeal raisin cookies and when Eric is done driving hayrides, I'll be making porkchops-n-shit for dinner.

Also, my foot is getting better. Ain't even kicked anything with it yet, ya know... like you usually do when you have a hurt foot? Yeah... ain't done it. Yet. *knocks on skull*

Guess I'd better go start doing the cookies. I'll be back later after everybody is asleep, if I'm not myself. (Not asleep myself, I mean, not if I'm not myself, as in "I think I'm someone else"...)

Peace

Posted by: Stevie at 07:18 PM | Comments (14) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

October 09, 2004

Remembering John...

And, wondering what might have been...

Posted by: Stevie at 06:12 PM | Comments (13) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

*step, ow, step, ow, step, ow*...

siiiigh.

I hate that horse.
Not really overly fond of my foot right now, either.
And, ya don't even wanna KNOW what I'm feeling about that fence.

Where IS the Godfather when ya need 'im?
Anybody have a movie producer they need scared straight? Just let me know, okay?
'Cause, if ya do, there's this horse I know of.... *fires up chainsaw*

Posted by: Stevie at 11:57 AM | Comments (13) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Ow. Goddamn it.

*Sam Elliot pissed off look*

Well, THAT was fun.
It is rare that I don't just loooove any ol' animal I happen across, but, I'm gonna have to make an exception, here.

I hate that stupid fuckin asshole horse, Shorty. Not only does he suck to ride, he is also just plain hardheaded, stupid and HEAVY. Plus, he cribs bad. (Even with a collar, yes.)

After we got "done" the hayrides tonight, Bill had two more loads to go out, which Eric and Jason took. I, after having already survived two double-wagon trips through the "blacker-than-the-bottom-of-a-well" woods without hitting a single thing, decided to come on back here and take care of all the horses all by myself, so Eric wouldn't have to.

I go get all the shit done in the stalls... hay out, oats ready, waters filled and I go to get the horses. Now, due to the fact that this is a DAIRY and not a horse farm, there are things that wouldn't be the way they are, if it wasn't for the cows. And Bill. *rolls eyes* Like, gates are kinda stupid, there's motherfuckin' electric fence every-got-damned-where... shit like that. You just adapt. USUALLY, it's no biggie. However, there ARE times....

Like tonight. I go to get a horse... don't care which one, but just one. Can't take two or all three by myself because of the gates and the degree of difficulty there would be involved in coordinating all three to turn around, then behave, so I could re-latch gates, among other things.

Just so happens, that the first horse up was that moron, Shorty. I had just about gotten over being super-pissed at him for last week and that utter BULLSHIT he decided to pull. (I think I mighta mentioned it, but in case I didn't, there was rearing, there was head throwing, there were bad, BAD manners all around, THEN there was high-speed reverse from one end of the driveway to the other. THAT was on purpose. *grim grin*)

Anyhoo, I had just told that fuckhole this morning (Friday morning- I ain't been to bed yet) that I liked him as an "on the ground" horse, even if he did suck the seeds out of a watermelon as far as riding. Then... this. I hate that horse......

I slip his halter on him and start to lead him toward the aluminum gate that swings INTO the enclosure. (Stupid thing #1)

Now, freeze us there for a sec, whilst I give ya little pertinent background.

First off, there are about 20 goats here, now, for the agri-tainment petting zoo. Consequently, the strand of hot wire around the field where they, and the horses, are has been fixed. (Stupid thing #2.) The reason fixing the fence is "Stupid thing #2", is because of Stupid thing #3, which is the fact that the fuckin' hot wire is strung across the TOP of the rail/box wire fence almost level with my shoulder. Now, when has anybody here ever seen a four and half foot tall goat? If the got-damned wire is there, fixed and ON for the goats, why is it that high on the fence? Can anybody tell me that? While yer at it, would ya mind also explaining to me why it is this fence needs to shock strong enough to stun a buffalo? Jeezus H. Christ.

Okay, so back to me and this braindead fuckin horse, Shorty. I have him near the gate, I've got it unlatched and have started to swing it in, while also trying to keep all the goats behind it, so they don't go running off, one hand holding his halter, the other on the gate. While I'm doing this, Shorty-the-Bleeding-Asshole decides to move forward and touch the goddamned fence with his face.

This causes several things to happen at once. Simultaneously, I hear the "zzzt", see the sparks, feel the charge, utter a gutteral sound like "Uuunnnggghhh", the horse reacts to the initial shock by slinging back away from the fence, front feet off the ground.

One of them came down on my right foot. HARD.

So, the instant I was able to stop making the "Uunngghh" sound, I immediately began to make a whole NOTHER kinda noise. The horse meanwhile, is dancing backwards, scaring the goats.

After several very intense seconds, I was again able to speak English, whereby I informed that bunghole FUCK that I hate him forever and thanks a load for the fact that I really can't decide which hurts worse, my foot or every fucking joint in my body and my right bicep, which was still bunched up from the shock. I then made it clear that I was counting the SECONDS til Sunday at which time his ass will be loaded into a trailer and taken the HELL OUTTA MY LIFE!!!!!

This was, of course, liberally peppered with little things, like "You IDIOT!!", "You hamheaded cana Alpo!!" and other such terms of endearment.

The best part was that the two PEOPLE THIS HAPPENED IN FRONT OF didn't giggle. At least not while I was still there. Gotta give 'em credit for that. If I'd have heard someone telling a horse the shit I was tellin' that one, I'd have been peeing myself laughing, instead of from the 2200 volt shock.

God, I hate that horse.

I hobbled my way through the rest of the whole deal and when Eric finally got back I "told" him about it, then flipped out and started crying for a while. (I say "told", because it was more like "spit, snarled and cursed to him", as opposed to "calmly relating", such as I am here.... *grits teeth*)

Then, we went to Taco Bell.

Then, when we got home, I finally looked at my foot.

The middle toe on my right foot is sorta purple and the underside of it, to the ball of my foot, is all swelled up. I'm sitting here with that part pressed into an ice pack on the floor now.

The good news is my elbows finally quit aching.

Have I mentioned that I hate that horse?

Posted by: Stevie at 02:22 AM | Comments (17) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

1 "You hamheaded cana Alpo!!" and other such terms of endearment.

LMAO!! Glad I'm not on your bad side.

Have I mentioned that I hate that horse?

Really!? I don't recall seeing anything about that....

Hope your foot/toe is better. Sounds like the hotwire being at shoulder level thing is an ass-kicking needing to be done.

Posted by: Mad Mikey at October 09, 2004 08:42 AM (Qd8TD)

2 I'm not sure if I understood your post,,,you hate that horse??? *L* I can visualize what you went through. Used to have horses and some of them can be pretty damn mean and stupid! Hope your foot is okay!

Posted by: Michele at October 09, 2004 08:57 AM (ak4/L)

3 Well,
There ain't never been a horse bread that I couldn't fall off of. And, I pissed on a hotwire while hunting one day. I think I'd have rather had a horse stomp my foot. Get my meanin'?

Posted by: BryanH at October 09, 2004 01:09 PM (T5uzX)

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October 08, 2004

And, now I can't seem to stop...

Sometimes, when I check my site meters, I wind up deep within my own archives, re-reading some of the insane shit I come out with.

Some of it makes me laugh out loud, some of it makes me cringe, some of it even scares me. Then, there's that of it which makes me cry.

That's what just happened.

But... it's not really the "oh-I-just-wanna-die" kind of crying. It's not wildly, overly joyful, exactly, either. It's just this surge of feeling I get about Eric. It's like it's so big, it leaks outta my eyes, or something.

Actually, this time, I got through the post okay. I even made it through both of Velociman's comments just fine. But, when I slipped over to his place to say "Thank you for understanding this", I lost it while I was typing and here I still sit, dribbling at the eyes.
And laughing at myself.

What is wrong with me and no, I do NOT want ya's to make a list....

Posted by: Stevie at 01:03 AM | Comments (14) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

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