August 10, 2003
Guess I'd better go read your email again, RJ
While you're waiting....
Two bulls-one young, one old-stood on top hill, looking down over a field of heifers.
Young bull turns to the old bull and says "Say, why don't we run down there a screw a cow?"
Old bull says "Better still...let's walk down and screw 'em all.
And...
Why do cows wear bells? 'Cause their horns don't work.
(not even one) cricket
Okay. Make me think, will ya?
There was this truck driver. He'd been on the road for weeks. He was riding down the road one day when he decided that, for a change, he wanted to ride a horse for a few hours. About a week later, he finally saw one. So, he pulls his truck over, jumps on and away he went. He was ridin' his ass off and doing really good. Then, all of a sudden, the cinch slipped and he wound up upside down, under the horse, beating his head on the ground. That poor guy thought he was gonna die.
And, he probably would have if the Wal-Mart manager hadn't come outside and unplugged it.
Had enough? I don't think so...
Why does a dog lick his cajones?
A. Because he can.
B. Because he knows he's gonna lick your face in about two minutes.
Two guys, sitting on the curb, watching a dog lick his nads. One guy says "Man, I wish I could do that."
The other guy said "I'd pet him first."
And, finally...
Why do dogs run in circles?
Because it's too hard for them to run in squares.
Posted by: Stevie at 05:30 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
I meant to do that...
I meant to cut & paste without using the link button...sssuuurrreee I did...
sigh and an eye roll(-two bits)
And, again...
Oh, I can't wait to see what this is.
Posted by: Stevie at 05:09 AM | Comments (5) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
God help us all, I've got an idea
Time to try a link again...http://rocketjones.blogspot.com/http://rocketjones.blogspot.com/
Oh...something did show up.
Question is: Will it survive 'publish'?
We shall see...
Posted by: Stevie at 05:01 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
August 09, 2003
Calling Dr. Katz...
I usually read more than one book at a time. About two weeks ago, I remember starting in on "Private Parts", again. Toward the end of that, I started "Christine" again. Halfway through that, "The Exorcist" joined the list. I finished those two about three days ago. Now, I'm reading "The Stand" again.
I wonder if this means anything in particular...
Posted by: Stevie at 06:22 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
Do what?
I've got these two searches on my Sitemeter referrals page. One is drunk+14+year+old. Okay, so I mentioned a 14 year old. Nobody said anything about drunk. The other one is weird. It's ickenson+xargs. Okay, I also mentioned that title-swiping twat Janice Dickenson. But, wtf is a Xargs?
And, I get called 'goofy'.
Posted by: Stevie at 06:11 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
Bye, bye Birdie...
I love that movie. And, not just because it's a year or two older than me. I also adore Ann Margret. (This post is about sons and Dads, but allow me to expound about AM for a minute...) That woman is, always was and probably always will be gorgeous, sexy, talented, sweet...I've got her biography. Any movie I see her (or Patty Duke's) name on, I watch. Her birthday is two days (and several years) before mine. I swear, if I ever went nuts and got plastic surgery, I'd wanna look like her. The first movie I saw her in was "Bye, bye Birdie." And, before anybody gets to wondering, I also think Bobby Rydell is adorable (still) and he lives right in Philly. (Conrad, however, was a doofus.)
Anyway, there's a song in that movie, sung by Paul Lynde called, I believe, "Kids". (I also love Paul Lynde. He cracked me up when I was a kid and he was in the center square. I still watch old Hollywood Squares on the Gameshow Network.) backtothepoint...That song is what I hear in my head every time I see or think about Aaron, Eric Jr.'s best friend here...(as opposed to Jersey.)
I already wrote about their exploits during Eric Jr.'s last visit. Well, after Eric had gone home, Aaron stepped in a HUGE bucket of shit all by his lonesome. And, his foot ain't out of it, yet, as far as I'm concerned. While he was on punishment from the original incident, he decided to leave his house at 11:30pm to go to a diner with his sister. They got home at 3:30am. When he was asked if he had retained nothing from the conversation between the two kids and all the adults, including George, he replied "Yeah. I knew I'd get in more trouble, but I wanted to go anyway."
Excuse me?
What da hell is that, if it ain't one step shy of giving his father the finger right to his face? I can't believe the little shit is still alive. His Dad ain't nobody to mess with. He's a stocky little, self-employed(contractor), Harley riding Teddy Bear with a beard and a belly, just like my Dad. Except waaaay younger. I've seen him pissed off. No way in hell, do I ever want to go there. And, if he was my Dad and I was 12 years old, I'd be in awe. It would never even occur to me to do the shit that got Aaron in trouble in the first place, let alone pull the second stunt. I didn't do that kind of shit to my own Dad, either.
Until such time as I understand what was going on in what passes for Aaron's mind when he made that shitty decision, I am not too fond of him. I don't feel like I can trust him not to get Eric Jr. involved in stupid shit. It would be a little easier if Eric Jr. had ever demonstrated one iota of resistance to being led, but....that hasn't happened, yet. To my knowledge, anyway. As much as that bothers me, I think what really is pissing me off, is the utter lack of respect that Aaron showed for his Dad. I am absolutely certain that that is what pissed me off at Eric, Jr., that week. If you can treat your Dad like that, then you must not love him at all, so why don't ya just get away from him intsead of hurting him every day? Brutal, I know, but it's truely how I feel. Not that I'd do anything, but...damn. Sometimes, kids are more brutal, in their ways. My one pitiful defense for feeling that way is that, at least I'm feeling it out of love for and wanting to protect Dad. The kid is just being a selfish, thoughtless little twit. Right?
Sure as hell seems like it.
I dunno. But, I really do want to know just what Aaron was thinking when he did that. I'd also like to know how I'm supposed to be able to think that he won't do it again and involve Eric Jr. We were discussing some new farm rule one day and Aaron said to Eric Jr. "Wait, wait...did my Grandpop (the Bill who owns this farm that I constantly want to bitch-slap) say that, or just your Dad?"
Again...Excuse me?!? You can bet your sweet bippy (yes, I watch Laugh-in, too) that I jumped on that immediately and corrected it-for about an hour. Vociferously. Vehemently. Very loudly. "Just your Dad", indeed. I hear that ever again and we'll be able to add 'violently' to the list.
So, anybody got any ideas about this one? Beuller? Anyone?
Peace
Posted by: Stevie at 02:36 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
D.Y.F.E.Y.W?
(This is sooo cool...)
At my local grocery store, they have signs on the side of every cash register. They're red, about 6" long by 2 1/2-3" high. They have those letters -D.Y.F.E.Y.W.-on them. I get to mess with a different (teenaged) clerk every time I go in there. I'm usually bullshittin' with Eric anyway, so at some point, I mention the sign to the clerk. It usually goes something like this:
Me: Did they tell you what that sign really means?
Clerk: (Looks at it to get it 'right') "Uh.. yeah. Did You Find Everything You Wanted..."
Me: Yeah...that's what they say. What it really means is Did You Finally Empty Your Wallet..." (grinning)
At this point, the guys usually do that Joey Tribiani blank stare thing for a few seconds. The girls seem to be a little quicker....but, it always gets a laugh. I love it! With their empoyee turnover rate, it's endless.
Posted by: Stevie at 01:21 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
August 08, 2003
A shredded shit day...
Okay, so we can all see that I was driven to the edge of insanity by this stupid computer yesterday....Well, I went to bed, got up to dog trash everywhere AGAIN, tried to get on here about 47 times, couldn't for various "this computer is possessed" reasons, gave up and cooled off for a while. Then, I finally did manage to get on line, read some stuff, answered some stuff and asked some stuff. Then, I went back to bed around 7:00pm. Got up at 2:45am and re-did the interview with Sage and here I am. My little three-day terrorist buddy showed up for real yesterday and I feel like shredded shit. Thank God I got the house clean before it got here. Now, all I have to do is get through one or two more days without killing something or beating the snot outta this computer and all will be well again. 'Til next month.
sigh
Anyway, I am alive (damn it) and I'll probably post more later today. In the meantime, I'm reading and commenting and wishing I could have an instant hysterectomy. After all, I'm 40, have no kids and no plans to have kids. So, what the HELL do I need this shit for? Fun? Karma? I can think of a few people who deserve this more than I do, ya know?
Pray for me, people. I need all the help I can get. (I am smiling as I type that last sentence, by the way....but not lol-ing. Feel too icky to laugh. Except when I say "Fucknoodle"...for which I thank Jett.)
Take a tour of my blogroll while I go get to feelin' better and I'll be back. And, thanks for checkin' in. It helps.
Peace
P.S. One thing y'all should read is the 'customer complaint letter' at the very bottom of my blogroll. It's funnier than hell...
Posted by: Stevie at 06:00 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
August 07, 2003
Motherless, God-forsaken, Son-of-a....
"Cannot find server". LOOK IN THE FUCKIN' BREAK ROOM!!! That's where I always was-smokin' a cigarette.
What is the secret, damn it?
Now, I am really pissed. So pissed, in fact, that I'm gonna go read Tucker Max and Snopes for a while....
(I sear to God himself that if Eric doesn't shut off that stupid alarm clock- which I can hear CLEARLY-I'm gonna kill something...)
Posted by: Stevie at 04:10 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
Well HOT DAMN!!!
I don't know whats open wider-my eyes or my mouth. It finally worked. Okay, so now-if I see something somewhere else that I want to link to, how do I do that? Do I have to get the URL off the address bar or do I look up the 'properties' to get that? Is there some one-step way to do this that I'm just too retarded to figure out?
I'm gonna try another one. If this works....I'll be very happy.
www.wizbangblog.com
If this does work, I'll be proud of myself. That'll be two URL's I didn't need to look up.
Posted by: Stevie at 03:58 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
Alright, now I'm pissed...
And, I have one more idea...
www.rocketjones.blogspot.com
It showed up again. If it doesn't work this time, I'll finish the "I'm so pissed..." part
Posted by: Stevie at 03:52 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
SEE???
I can't do a link in the first place and this asshole thing wants to inform me of a "broken" link?!? WTF is that?
KEVIN!!!!!! (Please, psychically hear me and save me from this hell!!!)
Posted by: Stevie at 03:48 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
Okay...
That freakin' helped. NOT! I click the link button, the window pops up, I add rocketjones.blogspot.com, click 'okay', it shows up within the post that I'm typing, then I click 'post & publish' and it GDF disappears!!!
They give you two other ways to do it-with the keyboard (yeah right) and typing it in manually. I CAN GET IT TO SHOW UP, IT JUST DOESN'T SURVIVE BEING PUBLISHED. Damn it.
Just for shits-n-giggles, I'll do it manually:
Just in case it requires the stupid w's:
Get ready fer nuthin'.
This is soooo like doing the comments....
Posted by: Stevie at 03:42 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
EERRRGGGHHH!!!
It shows up in the post, just like the bold things, then when I publish, it disappears.
Off to see if Blogger has any hints.
One more time...
Posted by: Stevie at 03:05 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
Well, it was there...
Let's try this again...sigh. (See? I am a 'tard.)
Posted by: Stevie at 03:02 AM | Comments (5) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
It's time...
for me to learn how to use this link thing. God, I hope it's easier to do than setting up comments was. (That was my first italicized try...Oh to not have to use CAPS anymore..)
And, I'm setting up a Geocities page for things, on the advice of RJ-Rocketjones. (God- if that worked, I just may have to re-think this whole "I'm a retard" thing...)
In case it didn't, I've got another gem for RJ....What's the difference between perverted and kinky? Perverted is when you use a feather. Kinky involves the whole chicken.
Well, let's see if this shit works...
Posted by: Stevie at 03:00 AM | Comments (5) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
August 06, 2003
Okay-one more...
then I'm going to bed...before someone comes over here and smacks me for this...
Two guys walk into a bar.
Which was reeeaaallly stupid...you'd think after watching the first guy, the second guy woulda used the DOOR.
Posted by: Stevie at 06:03 AM | Comments (5) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
And now-a bit 'o humor....
Hey, RJ!
Did ya hear about the insomniac, agnostic dyslexic?
He sits up all night, wondering if there is a Dog.
cricket chirping
G'night, y'all. (And everybody BE CAREFUL.) (I tell Eric that almost as often as I tell him I love him-100's of times a day...)
Peace
Posted by: Stevie at 05:56 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
Two questions...totally unrelated to each other...
Except they both deal with death. I'll ask the short one first.
Will someone please explain to me why Charles Manson, et al, were not charged with murdering Sharon Polanski's baby? She was eight and a half months pregnant. I don't get that.
And-
What happens if a blogger dies? How would we know? I worry about that when people suddenly stop blogging for a while with no warning or anything. I realize it could be a ton of other reasons, but I always wonder: If something bad DID happen, how are we gonna know? It may be weird, but I do care about that.
That's it about death... for now. I think. (God-I just got the weirdest feeling looking at that word...such a small word for such a huge thing.)
Posted by: Stevie at 05:48 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
I'm almost done...
I've almost got everything done, cleaning-wise. Dishes, laundry, animals and all their assorted crap...just about everything except the car. Which is a white Firebird that is currently COVERED with brown specks of flyshit. What the hell do flies eat, anyway? Superglue? You can't get that shit off without a sander, fer Chrissake.
Anyway...
That's where I've been. Cleaning. It's not too bad, though, considering what I'm up against.
Let's start with Petey, the parakeet. He's pretty easy to deal with except that he gets feathers EVERYWHERE. Next, we have the cats-Erica, Lamar, Olsen, Dale, Tony, Norman, Wheezer, Ozzy, Buster and Stinkdoodle. Their job is to distribute the feathers to each room, while ram-assing around, knocking stuff over and eating, sleeping and pooping in one of several catboxes I have to pick every 92 seconds. Then we have Mr. Mouse, the rat. He's pretty cool, too except that he feels it's necessary, for some reason, to have litter (cedar shavings) around his whole cage, like a moat, or something. The kittens (the last four) also distribute that to several rooms after having gotten up there to watch him in apparent wonder. Then, there are the two (dumb) dogs. Their job is to shed, scratch themselves, distribute tasty morsels of debris around the house.... like empty cat food cans and empty Cheeto's and cereal bags, after they've eaten the contents and have to go out every 5 (fickin') minutes. They also feel obligated to BARK every time April-the outdoor dog-barks. April barks at everything. People, cars, trucks, grass, trees, wind...and probably her own farts.
Then, we get to the people. Currently there are four of us. Myself (the one who should AT LEAST get a maids 'outfit' outta this), Eric- the love of my life, George-the soon to be ex, and Eric Jr. who, by the way hasn't done anything stupid...(yet). Eric-TLOML- can not come in from outside without depositing at least a half a bale of hay and straw all over the floor. He does this by removing clothes. First the big ole barn boots, fulla cow poop, dirt, mud-whatever's out there. They MUST go in the doorway to the mudroom. Not into the room, itself...gotta be the doorway. Sometimes, for added effect, he'll leave his pants there too. Next off are the (most disgusting) socks in the living room. I've finally gotten it through to him to turn the icky damn things right side out. I almost lost a finger in one of 'em once. (I swear I've heard them growl before...) Then, I can pretty much track his movements through the house by the rest of his clothes making a trail to the kitchen. From the kitchen, to the livingroom, where I find the dishes. Heading back to the kitchen with the dishes, I find empty dip cans, half full dip cups (EEEWWW!!!), baseball caps and out of the pockets of his work pants-candy wrappers, nuts, bolts, milker plugs, wrenches, nails and wads of papertowels. All sprinkled liberally with hay and straw. George is pretty low maintenence. He just won't empty an ashtray until he gets the pyramid of butts at least two feet tall. Eric Jr. is no problem either. He has the same grody sock thing as his Dad, though. And, the kid never remembers to hold the handle down on the toilet, so consequently, I have too much information about just how big a turd can get.
Sigh.
The only way I can get it COMPLETELY done, is to start early. I'm awake all night, almost every night because Eric is so dead tired, he just cannot get up in the morning. Even after I get him out of bed, all he does is stagger to the living room and falls asleep in his chair. Poor guy. I HATE having to be the one to make him get up, but his stupid boss docks him if he's not out there by 5:00am. After I get him in gear, I go to bed. I don't sleep long. I'm taking ephedra-based crap to loose weight (again-I dropped 75 lbs in about four months two years ago). So, I get up, get coffee, get on here, read, let the dogs in and out 62 times, feed the kittens their canned food, run errands, etc. If I keep up with the house after I get it CLEAN clean, it's pretty easy. But, every so often, I feel like shredded shit and it goes a day. Then another. Then several more. Then I can't stand it and I clean it. All. I have to start early, like I said. Best is sometime between 6 and 8 pm. I get all dishes done first. Then I do the livingroom, where the guys are gonna want to be, watching wrestling (shudder). If I'm lucky, I get that finished before they congregate. Vacuuming and all. Then, while they're in there, I go do the rest of the house. I try to do the big shit first, up to and including the vacuuming, before people start going to bed. After they do, I finish the laundry and do any stray dishes. Then I get on here and do this until Eric is out the door (which he is now), then I go to bed.
Is it any wonder I'm insane?
Insane, maybe. Stupid, no. After having spent 30-some years living an "exciting" (read: chaotic, unpredictable, upheaved, miserable, lonely and pretty much screwed up) life, I'll take this and love it. Sometimes, I get bored, sometimes I get restless, but I do appreciate the sedateness of it all. And, I get scared it could all change. BUT-the Eric and I part won't, so I know I'll be okay-no matter what. Maybe sometimes I don't know what to do with Eric, but I do know that I don't know what I'd do without him. Except die. Which is what I plan to do. If I come to that.
Which leads me to the next post-two death-related questions...
Posted by: Stevie at 05:37 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
Processing 0.01, elapsed 0.0877 seconds.
35 queries taking 0.0835 seconds, 25 records returned.
Page size 31 kb.
Powered by Minx 0.8 beta.