February 24, 2004
Oh, Dear Gawd...
I just got done being cruelly tormented by watching 'American Idol'.
Now, normally, you couldn't FORCE me to watch this shit and I never intend to do it again, but....I decided to try regular TV instead of one of my movies tonight and I'll be switching back to tapes and staying there. On a good night, you can get, maybe, 5 channels (the little TV isn't 'connected'). Tonight, thanks to the evil shit falling from the sky that I refuse to legitimize by naming, I can get three. The one polluting the airwaves with this dreck, channel 10 which was showing something equally as icky (could barely see what it was) and a Spanish station. Think next time, I may try puzzling that one out. It would be a vast improvement.
Learn it, people. (America in general, I mean.)
I keep hearing "Oh, Simon's mean, Simon is an ass..." No. He's. NOT.
Some, if not ALL, of these contestants blow chunks.
Not ONE of these 'singers' breathes correctly. They all sound like Darth Vader because they've all got their throats all bunged up and stupid trying to sound a way they don't. (Which could be called good, but...) I honestly wonder if any of them even KNOW they have and should be breathing from, their diaphrams. Cause they don't. And, what in the name of All Mighty God is it with the fuckin' off key, multi-note per word SCREECHING that passes for singing these days?
(Holy FREAKIN' SHEE-IT!!! Scrubs is about to be on!!! WOW!!! Where have they been hiding this show? I love Scrubs. Wow. I'm all excited, now...WOW!)
Aaanyway...I'd love an answer to that last question. I blame Whitney Houston, Mariah Carey and that dogass ugly Celine Dion for it. Each one of these bitches and all the other ones who insist on screeching like that sound like dying fire sirens. I'm sorry, but that's not singing. That is NOISE...horrible, off key, talentless screeching.
But, what else would I expect when recording contracts are awarded based more on LOOKS than actual TALENT? Not much. Which, consequently, is exactly what we wind up with. Not much. Okay, now I just saw a commercial for a movie that sounds like a pure ripoff of Stephen King. This movie is called 'The Other Window' or something and is starring Johnny Depp. It's about a writer being pursued by somebody over something he writes. So, it's either a rip off of "The Dark Half" or "Sometimes They Come Back." And, while I'm thinking of it, Stephen also shoulda sued over that movie called "Insomnia", because that's the title of one of the best damned books he wrote and the movie stole the title while having nothing to do with the book. (Well, hell...that sounds like just about every movie ever made from a King book, too, doesn't it?) Siiigh. Okay...one more thing. I detest nearly every reality show they have on, too. Wanna know why?
'Cause from what I've seen, all they are is 'adult high school'...bitchiness, backstabbing, lying, cliques...Sheeesh.
The only two of these I can stand (or may even like on the right day) is Real World and The Osbournes. Say what ya want about Ozzy, but...not around me. I love the Oz man and I don't find it funny in the slightest he almost killed himself with that 4-wheeler. Matter of fact, I think it was cool that he was doing that to begin with. You go, Ozzy! He's a good man, Ozzy is. He's funny, TALENTED, adorable, sweet, incoherant and...Ozzy. He's Ozzy. Let's see you pinheads who want to laugh at him do even half the shit he's done and survive it, let alone thrive off it.
My cat Ozzy wants me to tell all you un-believers to purr off, too.
Who else's picture (from the early 80's when he was fuckin' GORGEOUS) could ya hang next to a picture of Jesus and have it look so damn good?
Lemme guess...that vapid nancy-boy Ryan Seacrest? I don't think so, Tim. What's he supposed to be anyhow? A bargin-bin, ugly Kato Kaelin? Jesus.
Just leave the Old Man alone. Ozzy kicks ass. Always has, always will.
As for Real World...I used to love it. They kinda lost me after (during, really) Vegas. Trishell was, and remains, just disgusting and the rest of that cast was kinda fucked in the head, too. But, previous seasons were pretty good.
I still think of Pedro and Jon Brennan has a web site. Puck is...fuckin' fried, Judd was cute and I hope that chick he married (what is her name? I keep thinking "Janet", but she was Seattle...damn) anyway, I hope she settled down a bit with the horrible shit she was doing to her hair. That Miami group was funny, too, although I'd have drowned Flora in the pool. I also wanted, really badly, to throw that little Joe guy over my shoulder and run off with him. He was sooo cute. Dominic was another hottie...but he was in San Francisco.
Whatever...lol. I need to get off this, before I list every cast member I've ever seen.
I do need to say one other thing, though...that Beth chick and that David asshole shoulda been rejected for the show. There was a huge debate raging for a while about which one of them was the bigger buttwad. Well, folks...it was a tie. Annnnd...just outta curiousity...could Tyra Banks or whomever it is hosting this utter tripe about modeling have hair any faker? I loooove long hair, but yer supposed to GROW it, not BUY it and have it glued on, ya know? Jeez...ain't I in a mood tonight...lol. And, I'm not even mad about anything. Just thoroughly disgusted by what is passing for 'entertainment' these days. And, the fact ya have to PAY to see this crap is...beyond stupid. Okay...now here comes something called One on One...looks good, so far, except I hope Will Smith is gettin' royalties from this shows opening because they totally ripped it offa Fresh Prince. The only thing missing was a nutjob spray painting his armpits, like Will did, which was funny as hell. Well, this is lovely. I start out talking about American Idol and wind up discussing armpits. Talk about staying 'on-topic'...lol. (My GAWD....what happened to Scott Bakula? He used to be cute! Looks like a fat Richard Dean Anderson, now...unless that was RDA and HE looks like a beatup, old Scott. I can't tell. Either way, it's unsettling.) All righty then...guess I'll wrap this up. I need to decide if this guy 'Dwayne' is a fat version of the security guard from Drew Carey's show or that guy's fatter, older brother. I'll be ba-aa-aack.
(Bet yer all waitin' with bated breath for that, huh? rotflmao) P.S....One more lil thing...If you want to express the fact that something made you veeery curious...it's PIQUED, not peeked or peaked...PIQUED yer curiosity, kay? Thanks.
Posted by: Stevie at 10:46 PM | Comments (33) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
I do believe I already knew this...
Heart of Stone
What is Your Heart REALLY Made of?
brought to you by Quizilla
Good Dwight Yoakam song, too. Found at Pril's.
Posted by: Stevie at 04:54 AM | Comments (41) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
Hmmm...
How to explain this?
(Tapping fingernails on desk...)
Here is a brutal truth about me. This made me giggle.
Had that been yet another picture of a dead animal, it would have either pissed me off, hurt me or even made me cry, if it was senseless and cruel enough. Like that horrible video I saw somewhere on here (I DO remember where, I just ain't sayin') showing a lion being killed by about 4 or 5 pussies with guns. (5 to 1...who ARE you assholes? Jim Fuckin' Morrison?)
But...this? (Same link) Hardly.
The fact that this fucknoodle was a gang-banger matters not a whit to me, except to make the phrase 'poetic justice' run through my mind.
What matters (and is making me wonder about me, again...) is that absolute FACT that dead humans incite almost no reaction in me AT ALL.
Certain, specific people...yes. Even all those people who died on 9/11/01 that I didn't even know hurt me, to an extent. I can't see Todd Beamers face and huge smile without my eyes filling with tears. Losing people I've loved has sucked just as bad (almost) EVERY SINGLE TIME it's happened, no matter how many had died before. (I say 'almost' because not every death has hurt me to the same degree, nor for as long. For instance, my mom dying bothered me a lot less when it happened and still to this day, than losing Andy Harris did. Andy still tears me up and I believe it always will. Mom being dead is mostly just a relief. Sad, maybe, but truer than hell.)
Anyway...my point is...even the worst kinda human death bothers me one HELL of a lot less, if it even bothers me at all, than ANY animal deaths. I will never truly understand why, for instance Pit Bulls are destroyed for being abused and trained to mean when murderers of other, supposedly 'better-than-animals' humans are allow to live.
The dog was trained, on purpose, to be the way he is. The human kills mostly just for shits-n-giggles or some equally stupid reason. Animals are killed by the thousands every day, all day long, for more reasons than I can even imagine. Overpopulation, for instance. What horseshit. Out of all the creatures God ever put on this planet, which one is really the most over-populated and doing the most damage?
Deer?
Cats and dogs?
Pigeons?
Lions and tigers and bears...oh my? fucking God!!! Fuck NO, it ain't the animals. It's humans.
Yet, it's a huge tragedy every fuckin' time one of those assholes dies...to most people, that is. Even if the majority of people agree it was no huge loss, like this piece of shit, I can guarantee you, there will be at least one dipshit somewhere (probably on the news) mourning the loss of this murderin' waste of sperm and thinkin' I'm twisted and evil because I could not possibly care less about the dead human asshole if I tried. Oh fuckin' well. I feel about most humans the way most humans feel about animals.
Except that I don't target them for abuse and 'sport' the way some people do animals. Mostly, it's just that I give about as much of a damn about humans dropping dead as they do about animals being killed or dying. I don't think this is something about me that I can 'fix', either. It's too deep, too ingrained. I mean, the only people whose deaths affect me are the ones I know personally or whom I can get a sense of as a person, like the 9/11 victims. But, when I think of the human population in general, the world over, I'd be less emotionally and mentally upset by all of them dying than by, say, hearing of entire dairy herds having to be destroyed because of foot-and-mouth. That kills me.
An epidemic that wipes out a country makes me...what? Well, that's just it, I guess. It doesn't make do anything or feel anything except, maybe...bored. And like it's probably karma, anyway, so who cares, even more.
Put it this way...I've not wanted to ever live any of the Stephen King stories I've read so often...except for "The Stand". That would be fine. I could do that.
I can look at dead people all day long. Forensic pathology fascinates me. Autopsies intrigue me. Dead people are my favorite kind, so to speak. ('So to speak', my ass. That's just a fact...) Yet, animals-whether I 'know' them or not-break my heart into tiny pieces when they die and if they're killed, or purpose or not, it also fills me with rage. Especially when it's because HUMANS (again with these jerkoffs) are too lame to be able to avoid running them over, or worse, do it on purpose, or when little humans torture and kill them because they (those sick little fucks) find it fun. I can't even watch half the shit on Animal Planet, like Emergency Vets or Animal Cops because when even those animals die or are killed or abused, I lose it for hours...hours. I dunno about this shit. I'm not even sure exactly why I've said all this except I saw that picture of the idiot under the truck, saw the picture of the tire impression in his chest and thought "Heh...better seeing that tire impression this way, for a change, than imbedded in yet another animal." Then, I laughed. More than once. Only sad part is, they won't leave HIM to lie beside the road, swelling up til he explodes, the way it's done with animals. And HE deserves it.
Oh, and the guy who killed him stopped. Dumbass. Probably wouldn't have if he'd run over an animal. Aaanyway...why did I write all this? Maybe to see if it's really true and understandable and even explanable to at least myself.
It is.
I'm not sure what that means or says about me. I'm not even sure if I really care. Hell, if somebody doesn't like me, they're cordially invited to piss off, of course.
I just kinda wonder, sometimes... Right or wrong, it's the way I am.
And I'm tired of feeling like I have to apologize for it, too.
Never again will I preface the remarks of a broken heart with the phrase "I know it was only my cat..or dog..or rabbit...or goat...or horse...." or any of my other four-footed, furry and feathered compadres. (Damn...I'm about to cry..what the fuck?)
(Think I still feel like shit for all the times I 'had to' say that when Snuffles disappeared and no he's not come back. Damn it.) Okay...time to put "Bio-Dome" in and giggle at the absurdity that is Pauly Shore while I ponder the alleged absurdity of the way I am. I value animals more than humans.
So kill me.
(Instead of them, for once...)
Posted by: Stevie at 02:32 AM | Comments (35) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
Oh. My. God.....
This shit is tooo funny.
rotflmfao
Indeed.
Posted by: Stevie at 12:53 AM | Comments (38) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
February 23, 2004
Wow...
I think I was right. Rob is back.
There's this.And here.
And this. He even gets into Confederate flags, same sex marriage and John Kerry. But, it's posts like this and this that really speak volumes. Rob is back.
Cool.
Posted by: Stevie at 09:45 PM | Comments (37) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
Am I still awake?
For real?
Jeezus.
Since making breakfast for dinner last night, I have:
Totally cleaned that up. Every dish has been washed and put away.
Got a shower and wshed my hair.
Fended off a charming, slightly gonzo Joe College frat boy on IM,
And, spent hours tweaking Mozilla with Paul.
(Yes!! I'm going...soon...soon, I say!)
All in all, a full day and I haven't even gotten to bed yet. Well...
I'm goin' now. Not fer nuthin', but it's lookin' like Rob, the REAL Rob, may be back now....Yay!!!
(What, by the way, did he do with his 'trackback' button?) Okay. I'm outta here.
I shall return.
Peace.
Posted by: Stevie at 12:14 PM | Comments (42) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
February 22, 2004
Due to technical difficulties...
that I didn't enjoy (at first) very much...
breakfast got delayed.
So...breakfast for dinner. How continental. Here's a conversation I've had in the past with Eric, regarding scrapple: Me "Scrapple."
(Doesn't matter what I said...just that I said that word is enough...)
Him "EWWW!!!" I'd never eat that disgusting shit. I know you make it well and all, buuut...gah! It looks gross, it feels gross and ya never know what they're puttin' in it."
Him (again, 12 seconds later) "Pass me the pig feet, will ya?" Can anyone explain that to me? How is possible mystery meat worse that putting something in yer mouth that you KNOW spent 99% of it's very existence marinating in pig shit? Pig's feet. Yeah. Pig's feet LIVE in pig SHIT. And, that's okay, but scrapple's not.
Riiiight. Anyhoot...After I get this done...I've got a cake mix and cookie shit, so I'll have something cool to do while I wait for Paul to recover...and, boy, is he gonna have a lot to recover from. Not only has a miracle occured (Me. Mozilla. Wow.), he's babysitting multiple kiddies for his neighbor. Brave man.
So, I'll be baking whilst I was fer him to come to... I'll be around!
Peace
Posted by: Stevie at 09:04 PM | Comments (35) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
Paul!! Pixy!! People!!
Guess what?
I did it.
I got Mozilla 1.6 installed and working. I got my Yahoo mail, I can see my page and Site Meter is now up to speed.
Wow.
(Paul is SO gonna shit when he sees this...*weg*)
(By the way, *weg* means 'wicked evil grin'...) Thank you, Pixy, for all yer patience and comment space and for suggesting to me, yet again, to get Mozilla. (I just wish I knew how it worked this time...) So, anybody know what it is that makes IE go nuts? That was completely annoying. (To put it mildly...veeeery mildly.) I think I'm gonna go pass out for a bit. Between the kid-shit, IE and getting every cell in my entire being totally overcharged yesterday afternooon*, I'm beat...half to death, even
(*This was done by a 460 being dyno-tested at full throttle while I was about 3 feet away. Whoa...*Shiver* It was...indescribable...beyond 'Bret-Hart-just-showed-up-and-he-has-those-two
Paint-horses-with-him' exciting...but just for a few seconds. More about that and the new Bird and the chick pics and everything else later.) Peace.
Update 7:00pm (or so):
Still working! The guys used it all day and the only not "great!" comment was "kinda slow...", but we'll fix that. In the meantime, it's been 'tested' all day and everybody's still in one piece and working...Yay! And, since it is, I'mina ping Paul this time...
Posted by: Stevie at 08:55 AM | Comments (43) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
I'mina just....I don't even know what in about a minute...
I swear. If it ain't one thing, it's 20.
I spend all day, waiting to be able to post...sigh.I'm finally able to do that a while ago.
I finish the
Nothing was helping. It seemed like the tower on the floor wasn't communicating with the monitor. The monitor would come on, but all it would do is give me it's own 'test' shit.
So, eventually, we decide it's fried, Eric goes back to bed and Paul and I decide to let it go for now, he'll think on it and we'll try some more shit tomorrow.
I hang up from Paul and start in..."Whatchoo wanna dump me like this for? I take care of you. I maintain you. I don't ask for much, Bud. I just wanna blog and read..." on and on. (I've had MOST of this conversation with several vehicles I've owned, too...)
I think I guilt-tripped the damned thing into submission.
Being the hardheaded bitch that I am, I just have to try one. more. time. HO-LEE SHIT!!! It works.
Grabbed up the cell and hit redial.
Paul answers "Ayup..." (Knew it was me, he did...lol) "It's working!"
"It is?!?"
"Yeah man..." Spent another 40 minutes talking... Soooo...if I disappear, it ain't me.
We still aren't sure what ails this thing, but....it works. Yay.
Ya know?
Posted by: Stevie at 05:07 AM | Comments (37) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
This is only a test.
If this were a real blog entry, you'd be getting the requisite dose of Stevie's vitriol, cussing, humour, and 'southern' spelling.
Instead, because this is just a test, this is all you get. Xfire will return with its regular programming when we figure out a solution to why Stevie cannot post from her machine. In the meantime, go have a read through her (voluminous) archives or check out some of the folks on her (equally voluminous) blogroll. Lots of great reading to be found in both places. We now return you to whatever the hell you were doing.Posted by: TBT at 01:53 AM | Comments (37) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
February 20, 2004
Here's another stone-fox...
Posted by: Stevie at 04:59 AM | Comments (38) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
I know it's not September...
And that this has probably been on Ken's page the entire time I've known him, but tonight it caught my eye and when I saw the whole thing...it got me.
Posted by: Stevie at 03:23 AM | Comments (38) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
Does this actually say what I think it says?
I don't believe this shit.
Did Jay not see the very end of "Private Parts"?
Posted by: Stevie at 02:04 AM | Comments (37) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
February 19, 2004
If only....
Side Effetcs of Mad Cow Disease
(I get the strangest shit in email....)Posted by: Stevie at 09:36 PM | Comments (38) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
Not my first thought, but it does make sense...
The Most Useful Word
Shit .............. of course
Shit may just be the most powerful word in the English language.
Shit out of luck,
Or have shit for brains.
With a little effort...
You can get your shit together,
Find a place for your shit
Or decide to shit or get off the pot.
You can smoke shit,
Buy shit,
Sell shit,
Lose shit,
Find shit,
Forget shit,
And tell others to eat shit and die.
Some people know their shit while others can't tell the difference between shit and shineola.
There are lucky shits,
Dumb shits,
Crazy shits,
And sweet shits. There is bull shit,
Horse shit and
Chicken shit.
You can throw shit,
Sling shit,
Catch shit,
Shoot the shit,
Or duck when shit hits the fan. You can give a shit
Or serve shit on a shingle.
You can find yourself in deep shit
Or be happier than a pig in shit.
Some days are colder than shit,
Some days are hotter than shit,
And some days are just plain shitty.
Some music sounds like shit,
Things can look like shit,
And there are times when you feel like shit. You can have too much shit,
Not enough shit,
The right shit,
The wrong shit or
A lot of weird shit.
You can carry shit,
Have a mountain of shit,
Or find yourself up a shit creek without a paddle. Sometimes everything you touch turns to shit...
Other times you swim in a lake of shit and come out smelling like a rose.
When you stop to consider all the facts, it's the basic building block of creation. And remember, once you know your shit, you don't need to know anything else! You could pass this along....
if you give a shit.
Posted by: Stevie at 09:27 PM | Comments (36) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
A 'quickie' before I go to Poopville...
(aka as the 'milking parlor...)
First of all, I'm about to go milk some cows for a while. This completely figures, seeing how I just reinstalled half inch fingernails for the first time in months two nights ago....lol. Second, whatta ya do when ya have this Firebird that likes to blow up more regularly than I do? Well, the first time, you replace the engine.The second time (like...a YEAR later), first thing ya do is drag a dead, beatup, ugly car to yer front yard and begin to remove it's engine. The deeper ya go, the more sure you are it won't work, because it's sideways and your car isn't. (Front-wheel drive does not play well with non-front wheel drive, which is what my 'Bird is...sigh.) Then, ya decied to tear it down completely and just kinda rebuild your engine from the bottom up. THEN, you discover the snapped crank shaft that is currently in your engine and that it has deposited a buncha metal pieces throughout the rest of the engine. Then, you decide to just get a 'crank replacement kit' with the bearings and other assorted goodies included. You call around a few (thousand) places and finally settle on buying it from a 'speed shop', from a guy who builds race-engines. While there, y'all get into a discussion about this make of GM engine and it's propensity to frickin' break every 14 seconds and the guy will then mention, in passing ya understand, that he has this Firebird.... Then, ya come home and tell the chick who said just the previous evening that "If you guys can find me a decent Ford pickup or something, I'll junk the 'Bird in a skinny minute..." about this other 'Bird.
And, ya hand her the guys card, her cell phone and give it about a minute. So, whatta ya do with a Firebird needing engine #3? Buy a different one for less than a grand from a guy who builds race engines and has documented proof at least a foot thick of the maintenence this 'Birds had done to it.
That's what ya do. And, ya get to get the ugly-assed pop-art outcho front yard, drop all the pieces of crap offa yer insurance and start over. Thanks Big Guy.
I know a 'break' when I see one.
Posted by: Stevie at 07:04 PM | Comments (35) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
Yo....MadBill...you prolly ought to see this...
This is an email reply I sent to Min, who also knows 'perfection on feet' when she sees it...
LOL...Well, Hon...don't feel TOO hermit-like.He's the only one I know...lmao.
(Except for that idiot McMahon, of course. I wish every horrible thing I can think of on his heartless, brainless, no-honor-having, cheating, lying, worthless, should-just-crawl-off-someplace-and-DIE, walks like he's got a corncob crossways, not to mention UGLY ass...I reeeeally don't like him. At all. lmao...can ya tell?)
Don't forget...watch "Wrestling with Shadows" if ya get the chance.
Hmmm...I may just have to go post yet another picture of Bret...if for no other reason than to hear Mad Bill gag from here...lol. (I'm in Pa., he's in Conn. and I have this uncanny ability, it seems, to post pictures of guys who make Mad Bill retch....) Ha! I just thought of the perfect idea...lmao...I'll do a post with three pictures...Bret and John Lennon, with Mad Bill in between 'em...rotfl. We'd ALL hear him gag over that one...) *giggle, giggle *SNORT* giggle....*
Posted by: Stevie at 05:09 PM | Comments (36) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
I'm not the only one...
Who knows the Epitome of Manhood when they see it...
Min...I give ya, again....Mr. Bret Hart
*swoon*
Posted by: Stevie at 04:54 AM | Comments (41) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
How observant are ya's?
1. On a standard traffic light, is the green on the top or bottom?
2. How many states are there? (Don't laugh, some people don't know)
3. In which hand is the Statue of Liberty's torch?
4. What six colours are on the classic Campbell's soup label?
5. What two numbers on the telephone dial don't have letters by them?
6. When you walk does your left arm swing with your right or left leg?
7. How many matches are in a standard pack?
8. On the United States flag is the top stripe red or white?
9. What is the lowest number on the FM dial?
10. Which way does water go down the drain, counter or clockwise?
11. Which way does a "no smoking" sign's slash run?
12. How many channels on a VHF TV dial?
13. On which side of a women's blouse are the buttons?
14. Which way do fans rotate?
15. What is on the back of a Canadian dime?
16. How many sides does a stop sign have?
17. Do books have even-numbered pages on the right or left side?
18. How many lug nuts are on a standard car wheel?
19. How many sides are there on a standard pencil?
20. Sleepy, Happy, Sneezy, Grumpy,Dopey, Doc. Who's missing?
21. How many hot dog buns are in a standard package?
22. On which playing card is the card maker's trademark?
23. On which side of a Venetian blind is the cord that adjusts the opening between the slats?
24. On the back of a Canadian $1 coin, what is in the centre?
25. There are 12 buttons on a touch tone phone. What 2 symbols bear no digits?
26. How many curves are there in the standard paper clip?
27. Does a merry-go-round turn counter or clockwise?
Posted by: Stevie at 03:35 AM | Comments (40) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
Ladies....there will be tests on this material...
*Please note ... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. (Ed. note...Does that not sound, in yer mind like the lyrics..."Learned to work the saxaphone..."), You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down. 1. Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be. 1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way. 1. Crying is blackmail. 1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it! 1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question. 1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for. 1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor. 1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days. 1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys. 1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. 1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one. 1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself. 1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials. 1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we. 1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is. 1. If it itches, it will be scratched. 1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle. 1. If you ask a question you don't want us to answer, expect an answer you don't want to hear. 1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really. 1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks. 1. You have enough clothes. 1. You have too many shoes. 1. I am in shape. Round is a shape. 1. Thank you for reading this: Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that, it's like camping.(Remember, ladies....there's alot of truth in humor. Yeah, these are cute...they're also true. Try 'em. Treat men like men...it really does work.)
(Oh, and those tests on this material? They're called 'relationships'...)
Posted by: Stevie at 03:31 AM | Comments (36) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
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