March 01, 2004
Singles Ad....
This has got to be one of the best singles ads ever printed. It appeared in The Atlanta Journal :
SINGLE BLACK FEMALE seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant.
I'm a very good looking girl who LOVES to play. I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping and fishing trips, cozy inter nights lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand. Rub me the right way and watch me respond. I'll be at the front door when you get home from work, wearing only what nature gave me.
Kiss me and I'm yours. Call (404) 875-6420 and ask for Daisy. Over 15,000 men found themselves talking to the Atlanta Humane Society about an 8-week old black Labrador retriever. Men are so easy. (Hope someone took her...)
Posted by: Stevie at 05:48 AM | Comments (36) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
More Pa. humor....
Three men were sitting together bragging about how they had set their new wives straight on their duties.
The first man had married a woman from Ohio. And bragged that hehad told his wife she was going to do all the dishes and house clean all that needed done at their house. He said that it took a couple days but on the third day he came home to a clean house and the dishes were all washed and put away. The second man had married a woman from West Virginia. He bragged that he had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes, and cooking. He told his buddies that the first day he didn't see any results, but the next day it was better. By the third day, his house was clean, the dishes were done, and he had a huge dinner on the table. The third man had married a Pennsylvania woman. He boasted that he told her his house was to be cleaned, dishes washed, the cooking done and laundry washed. And this was all her responsibility. He said the first day he didn't see anything and the second day he didn't see anything but by the third day some of the swelling had gone down so he could see a little out of his left eye!
Posted by: Stevie at 05:46 AM | Comments (36) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
Bumper stickers I have seen...
The proctologist called (Mr. Dairy Farmer)...they found your head.
Everyone has a photographic memory...some just don't have any film. Save your breath...You'll need it to blow up your date. Your ridiculous little opinion has been noted. I used to have a handle on life...but it broke off.(Years ago...) WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship. Heart Attacks...God's revenge for eating His animal friends.
(BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!) Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.
(Yeah. No shit.) Try not to let your mind wander...It is too small and fragile to be out by itself. Hang up and drive!!
(BITCH!!!) Welcome to America...now speak English.
Posted by: Stevie at 05:41 AM | Comments (36) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
More chicks....
Posted by: Stevie at 05:25 AM | Comments (36) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
February 29, 2004
Ecological good deeds...
It was cool as hell...I was outside in a T-shirt, sweats and barn boots. No coat, either. Walked all over the farm.
I even did one 'ecological good deed' and I've gotta get Eric to do the other one. Mine was to open up a drainage spot to drain a huuuge standing pool of water out of a field road into the stream. It's the place where, during the hayrides, we stop and pretend to either be stuck or out of fuel to mess with the customers. They love it and that water is mid-shin deep and very long and wide. It's fun.
My favorite part is powering up the hill going out. It's almost as good as standing up in your stirrups on a horse as he goes up a hill. (Ya just get your weight forward a bit to stay in balance.)
The one I need Eric to do involves roping a branch. See, there's this one large pond that has this standing drainage pipe just breaking the surface. That's what keeps it from flooding and right now there is a really large-around branch laying across the top of it, blocking about 2/3's of it, so I pictured Eric, with his rope, lassoing it and dragging it to shore.
Makes sense to me.
Peace-a.
Posted by: Stevie at 06:10 PM | Comments (35) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
February 27, 2004
I know I said I was done, buuuut...
In the previous post I said "The dumber the joke the better I like it..."
Well...I love these.
Posted by: Stevie at 06:31 AM | Comments (41) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
Those stupid 100 things...Part One...
Okay...Only way I'm ever gonna get these done is by startin' 'em, I guess. I'm thinking I'm gonna do them in 4 parts. Depends. If I get going here and can get to 50, good. All the way to 100...maybe. I'm gonna try to cover the esoteric, bizarre shit...not the "I like animals" crap anyone who's ever heard of me knows.
So...here we go.
(Please keep all extremities in the vehicle at all times and do not disengage the safety equipment. You must be THIS tall to ride this ride...Void where prohibited...I know, shut up and do it...)
1. I'm a Taurus.
2. I have GOT to have the house clean before I leave it for any longer than, say, a trip to the grocery store, or something. If I have to go somewhere where I'll be for several hours, the house has to be clean before I leave. I have no idea why.
3. There has been no animal I've experienced yet that I don't think would make a cool pet.
4. Sometimes I get on my own nerves.
5. I no longer remember what it feels like to NOT have a "Oh, what the fuck is next...?" feeling 24/7. Haven't for about....forever. I honestly can't remember when it was I didn't feel this way. I swear, when I think about it, I also picture Wile E. Coyote with his little parasol and the shit coming down.
6. I can find the most twisted, depraved humor in almost any situation...except those involving dead animals. That shit ain't funny.
7. The stupider the joke, the better I like it. Such as: Whadda ya call a boomerang that won't come back? A stick. (rotflmao) Must be why I just 'rolled Madfish Willie. (Note to self: Make that a link...) (Done.)
8. I've had human brain matter in my hands. (I used to be an EMT. I'm not that fucked up that I'da done it just fer shits-n-giggles...Jeez.)
9. I once called a Catholic Church and asked why it's called "Good Friday" when it really wasn't...for Jesus, anyway. They had no good answer. (I wasn't being wiseassed, either. I was honestly curious. Still am.)
10. I've never been in a fist fight in my life because I'm scared that if I do that, I won't stop til someone's dead...or severely injured and what I feel, that rage, is no one person's fault...so, it's not for them to pay for. Buuut, ooh, do some people beg for it...lol.
11. When I'm being a retard, the less YOU laugh, the more I do, til I wind up with people lookin' at me like I'm insane, or something. By then, I'm usually on the floor....
12. I talk to myself. A lot. Sometimes, it's one of the only ways to have a semi-intelligent conversation.
13. When inanimate objects like TV remotes, can openers, VCR's, coffee pots, cell phones and the like give me a bag of shit and don't wanna work right, I'll try everything I know to fix them. If they still won't work and I don't know why, I kill 'em to pieces 'cause at least then I KNOW why they don't work. It usually makes me feel vindicated, if not wholly better.
14. I do not and will never suffer fools or liars gladly. I will, however, gladly smack the hell outta them.
15. My very most favorite thing about me are my cystic ovaries whom kept me from ever getting pregnant. Yay, ovaries! (No, you may NOT 'fix' them...)
16. After them, come my hair, voice, then boobs.
17. I love the Seventies....to the exclusion of all other decades...so far. (Altho, the last 2 and a half years have been pretty cool. I'll know better about the 2000's in 7 and half years. I believe this decade may rival the 70's as my favorite if these last coupla years are any indication...)
18. When I see turtles trying to cross a road, I pull over, dodge traffic and take them across in the direction they were headed. Logger heads, too.
19. I've petted every single dog I've ever met and only been nipped once in my entire life.
20. I was on my local news (WPVI Channel 6 outta Philly) twice...once riding my Appaloosa in a Trail class at the county fair and the second time was riding a mechanical bull at the Civic Center in Philly.
21. I once outrode a Pro Bullrider on a mechanical bull, then turned around and kicked his ass playing pool. To this day, he still calls me "Trouble". Poor ol Richard Keen...
22. I would rather be left alone than be treated like shit. This isn't true for everyone. That's something I'll never understand.
23. Sometimes I think it'd be cool to be the new, female Sam Kinnison. I could do it, too. I already have the duster, the big mouth and the attitude lurks just under the surface...AAAARRRRGGGGG!!!!! See?
24. One of the reasons why I'm mostly just glad my mom is dead is that she moved to Florida with my boyfriend when I was a Senior in High School. (He was 19 or 20 and outta school, not that that makes it any better.) She also screwed two others that I know of. And this is only ONE of the reasons...
25. I hate stupid people. I super-duper hate stupid people driving cars. Instead of worrying so much about the fact that there IS road rage, I firmly believe someone should start looking into and reporting on WHY there's road rage. Ya know? Okay...I'm getting cross-eyed now. Not to even mention there's enough new shit to keep people here for hours already.... Peace.
Posted by: Stevie at 06:01 AM | Comments (36) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
The females I promised...
I swear, if doing this messes up my pooter again....
I really can't decide whether or not to just go on and say who these ladies are, or see if y'all can guess....
A couple of them have the names of the chicks on 'em. Those can be freebies. The others I'll do a few at a time (there are 11 total, so far) and give you time to guess. Then, I'll either update this post with the names, or repost all of them at once at the end and name 'em all then...hmmm.
I'm open to ideas here...lol.
(Remember to keep yer chin wiped...wouldn't wanna drown the keyboard....lol).
Posted by: Stevie at 04:50 AM | Comments (36) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
Ctrlpan.dll...again....
Okay, it's been a while, but I have gotten a couple more people looking for that Ctrlpan.dll shit, so here goes:
To rid yerself of the problem, run CWShredder.There's also another free deal, called Spybot S&D (Search & Destroy). You can run this next.
There's yet another thing you can run to get crap out of your machine. It's called Trend Micro.
Another good thing to do is run Adaware. Also free, it gets rid of viruses and tracking cookies. With all four of those deals, you just go to the pages and follow the directions. If you have trouble with it, let me know and if I can't figure out a way around it, I know someone who might. The other thing(s) I reccomend ya do is run disk clean-up, scan disk and disk defragmenter. These should all be found under:
Start/Programs/Accessories/System tools.
(Jesus...I really am a geek, now...I just typed all that from memory.) Anyhow...follow the prompts, do the downloads and run 'em.
The last three things might be automatically run scheduled maintenence tasks that your computer is programmed to do on it's own, but it won't hurt anything to run them manually, like I described above. Hope this helps.
Peace.
Posted by: Stevie at 01:09 AM | Comments (35) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
How sexy is your name?
According to studies, the first letter of your first name
reveals your sexual identity.
What do you think?
Posted by: Stevie at 12:20 AM | Comments (34) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
February 26, 2004
CHINESE PIXELATED PROVERBS
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Virginity like bubble, one prick, all gone.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who run in front of car get tired.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who run behind car get exhausted.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man with one chopstick go hungry.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who scratch ass should not bite fingernails.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Baseball is wrong: man with four balls cannot walk.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Panties not best thing on earth! but next to best thing on earth.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
War does not determine who is right, war determine who is left.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
It take many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who drive like hell, bound to get there.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who fish in other man's well often catch crabs.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Man who fart in church sit in own pew.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Crowded elevator smell different to midget.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Posted by: Stevie at 11:37 PM | Comments (33) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
Not sure how 'actual' this is...
But...here it is:
ACTUAL AUSTRALIAN COURT DOCKET 12659---CASE OF THE PREGNANT LADY A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat.This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again. The man seemed more amused. When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested.
The case came up in court. The judge asked the man (about 20 years old) what he had to say for himself.
The man replied, "Well your Honor, it was like this: When the lady got on the bus, I couldn't help but notice her condition. She sat down under a sign that said, "The Double Mint Twins are Coming" and I grinned. Then she moved and sat under a sign that said, "Logan's Liniment will reduce the swelling", and I had to smile. Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said, "William's Big Stick Did the Trick", and I could hardly contain myself. BUT, your Honor, when she moved the fourth time and sat under a sign that said, "Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident"... I just lost it." "CASE DISMISSED!!"
Posted by: Stevie at 11:32 PM | Comments (35) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
Pennsylvania (silly excuse for) humor...
An Amish boy and his father were in a mall. They were amazed by almost
everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.
The boy asked, "What is this Father?"
The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is."
While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady waddled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small circular numbers above the walls light up sequentially. They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order.
Finally, the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24 year old blonde stepped out.
The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son, "Go get your mother!"
Posted by: Stevie at 11:25 PM | Comments (32) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
Ahem.....
How To Impress A Woman:
* Wine her,* Dine her,
* Call her,
* Hug her,
* Support her,
* Hold her,
* Surprise her,
* Compliment her,
* Smile at her,
* Listen to her,
* Laugh with her,
* Cry with her,
* Romance her,
* Encourage her,
* Believe in her,
* Pray with her,
* Pray for her,
* Cuddle with her,
* Shop with her,
* Give her jewelry,
* Buy her flowers,
* Hold her hand,
* Write love letters to her,
* Go to the end of the Earth and back again for her. How to impress a man: * Show up naked...Bring chicken wings...Don't block the TV.
Posted by: Stevie at 11:13 PM | Comments (35) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
Guy jokes!!!
Just remember who it is posting them....
How many men does it take to open a beer?None. It should be opened when she brings it. Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you. Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink. How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts a sentence with "A man once told me..." How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven. Why do men fart more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure. If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in. What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman who won't do what she's told. I married a Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always. Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%.
It's called a Wedding Cake. Why do men die before their wives?
They want to. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy. In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created Man and rested.
Then God created Woman.
Since then, neither God nor Man has rested. Send this to a few good men who need a laugh and to the select few women who can handle the truth...
(Another of those email things...)
Posted by: Stevie at 10:39 PM | Comments (35) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
What the hell?
Clear Channel Broadcasting have lost their fuckin' minds.
Taking Howard off the air? Oh yeah...great idea....after 20 freakin' years.
What is the point? What? Howard's shocking? Howard says stupid shit? Howard acts like a juvenile? This is news?
Hey man...the horse is dead, the barn burnt to the ground...wanna lock the fuckin' doors now?
Siiigh.
(ooohhh..I like this F.U. song...lmao...)(Yeah, I'm listenin' while I type...)
I used to listen to him at the end of my nights and any time I had to work over at Wellacrest. That was always a really good way to keep people outta the parlor. Especially Wally. Without fail, every time he walked in the door, Howard would mention sex or penises or some other shit that would make Wally almost pass out...He learned. He left me alone. At least while there was some dude saying 'sex!', 'penises!', 'boobs!' and all the shit Howard says.
Then, I read both his books and saw the movie...then I loved the guy. I finally got it and I loved him.
Then, he and Alison seperated and divorced and it all changed. Howard got boring, somehow and I drifted away.
But...this has got me back. I'll listen every day again and even do overt things to promote him, now. This is bullshit, what's being done.
If this is allowed to happen, after sooo long and for such a piss-poor excuse...it's scary to think what may be next.
I even saw some shit in Yahoo news about 'telling parents how to block the show...' Jesus Jumpin' Christ...parents are so fuckin' brain dead they need instructions on how to either change a radio station or just turn the damn thing off?
Does having kids make ya fuckin' RETARDED, or something?
I'm beginning to think so. (Even more than I usually do, I mean...) The consensus seems to be that this is fall out over that asshole Janet Jackson's 'fall out'...if that's true, I hope her fake tit melts or something. Explodes, maybe.
Bitch makes her brother look perfectly fine, by comparison. At least the shit Mikey gets accused of doesn't impact the entire friggin' country, like this shit is. I may not love everything Howard says and does, but I'd die defending his right to say it and do it.
That'd be much more worth it than flashing yer tit and sending us all back to the 1800's.
Ya know? Do we have nothing more important than this crap to worry about, deal with and say...correct?
God help us all.
We're gonna need it.
Obviously. Oh...and Mr. Bush? I reeeeally think there are more important things you need to be worrying about right about now than people of the same sex having a ceremony to pledge their love for each other and then being able to take care of each other just like everybody else. Not to even mention that it's heterosexuals who have made marriage the joke it is today.
Asshole. So busy trying to micro-manage shit that's none of yer business that you're gonna wind up fuckin' up in Iraq and gettin' more of our guys killed. But...fuck that, right? Can't be worrying about that when two people who love each other and happen to be the same sex wanna get married.
Yeah...that's much more important.
I repeat:
God help us all.
Posted by: Stevie at 09:12 AM | Comments (34) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
Alright!!!
Got Dad hooked up here.
Got his username, Dad-of course- and his password, walked him through the process a coupla times, got him to favorite a coupla things and explained about 'publish' and 'draft' and aaaway we go!
Now, y'all get to take a peek at 'Fired off by' to see whom the nut is...instead of just knowing it's me...lol.
Oh hell...I forgot to explain about the italics and bold and shit...siiiigh.
Oh well...he said his brain was gonna melt from all the shit he already has to remember, so we'll do that when he gets comfortable with this.
We did try setting up Yahoo Messenger, too. The computer he was on accepted the download and all, but, it wouldn't accept his username and password on the log-in, which leads us to believe the computer at work is too protected to let it work, sooo...he'll be doing that at home. That will be awesome, because then I'll be able to bullshit with him and my brother at will, just about...if I can get either of them unbusy long enough to actually do it..lol. That'll be easier with Dad than Norm.
Oh well, it'll be there, anyway.
And, now Dad can be 'published'...so cool.
Thank you AGAIN and forever, Pixy, for this whole thing. Ted got me interested in moving and you, Pixy, said 'okay' and gave me this...gift...of my Dad back. No longer does living an hour, hour and a half away matter. You (Pixy) have given us so much in this blog...that Dad and I had the comments to blab in and now, thanks to you and the ease of MT, he'll have a place to set down all the cool stories and advice, giggles and support...and, most of all, communication.
I owe you BIG, both you and Ted. (And, Ted...can you shoot me your snail mail addy again, please? I remember the city and state, just not the specifics of street and number. I still have that hat and frankly, if I have to WALK to the Post Office to get it sent, that's what I'mina do...)
Pixy...any way I can set ya up with a cold six-pack or something? I only owe ya a whole bar, (or the equivalent thereof) Dude...lol.
Both of you guys are heros to me. If there's EVER anything I can do...I only owes ya's both more than words can say.
I really love you guys. Thank you both from the depths of my being.
Peace
Posted by: Stevie at 03:26 AM | Comments (36) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
February 25, 2004
Quite frankly...
I'm still highly amused by those pictures of that squished asshole...lmao.
I was just showing them to Eric and went ahead and 'right click...save as-ed' both of them AND I happened to notice they're numbers 3 and 4.
Uuuummm...where's 1 and 2?
(And, yeah...I still think he shoulda kept right on going and that the dead asshole oughta be left along the side of that road til he's swelled up like a well-fed tick.) Dissolving into another paroxysm of laughter.....
Peace.
Posted by: Stevie at 03:20 PM | Comments (37) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
February 24, 2004
Oooh, another test...
| INFP - "Questor". High capacity for caring. Emotional face to the world. High sense of honor derived from internal values. 4.4% of total population. |
Conscious self | Overall self |
 |  |
| Enneagram Test Results
Your Unconscious-Overall type is 6w7 |
Posted by: Stevie at 11:57 PM | Comments (37) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
Oh cool...
Dad's back on night shift. Just found him in Site Meter, again.
HI DAD!!!!!Love you!!!! Ya know...I can, very easily, set it up so you can just write here, like I do...out here, instead of in the comments, if ya want.
All I have to do is set up a screen name and password for ya and send ya the URL for the page ya post from.....
Hmmm...
Let's do it this way...I'll do that-make up a screen name and password and send ya the URL and, if ya want...use it. It's reeeeally easy. The most technical part is typing. Pixy did all the hard stuff. And, he's just upgraded the whole crew to a new, bigger, faster server, sooooo....
Git ready.
(I'll give you a holler at work when it's done, so you'll know to look for it, okay?)
Posted by: Stevie at 11:22 PM | Comments (37) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
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