August 10, 2005
You'll look back and say "Rocket Jones tried to warn us"
We have one of those tower fans in our living room. You know the kind, with three or four little fans stacked vertically. It does a nice job, oscillates, different speeds, all that happy crap a fan does.
But they slipped up on the design. They forgot to hide its intelligence. This thing has LED displays on the front face, at the top, where it's convenient to read. But when you set it to oscillate on low speed (arguably the most common setting), these two lights look like shining red eyes, tirelessly scanning back and forth across the room. Noting the positions of all life forms in the vicinity. This fan has a remote control! And guess where it sits? That's right, it's brain sits under a clear plastic canopy on top of the beast. Where it can control things. Granted, this thing is seriously limited in the amount of malevolence it can project. I mean, it's on a pedestal base. But don't let that fool you, because they've already figured out how to use remote mobile robots to recconoiter your home. Roomba? Small, cheap, dispensible. Sounds like a scout to me. What we're seeing here is the very beginnings of the takeover. Hollywood gave us the Terminator, then T2 and T3. This fan is probably something like T1/64th. But don't let it's relative weakness lull you into a false sense of security. It wants that. And it's eyes never stop scanning. For another few weeks, until it gets unplugged and put it up in the attic. It's nice to air out your darkest paranoias once in a while. But if you forget to put it away again, you wind up on talk radio.Posted by: Ted at 06:05 AM | Comments (14) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
My collection is sadly lacking
Thanks to John at TexasBestGrok, here's a nifty link to posters and more from the many seasons of MST3K!
Alas, I actually own less than half of these titles.Posted by: Ted at 05:18 AM | Comments (8) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
How Do You Solve A Problem Like Maria?
(in the extended entry - safe for work)
Posted by: Ted at 04:38 AM | Comments (7) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
August 09, 2005
How do you escalate when you've already used chemical weapons?
Last week some wasps decided that the crevice between my front storm door hinge and door jamb would be a dandy place to construct a nest. I grabbed the can of wasp killer (Mookie was impressed that you could aim it accurately out to twenty plus feet) and we hosed the area down pretty good, killing what were probably the insect version of the doozers.
This afternoon at work I got a phone call from the girls, letting me know that the wasps were back in force. I told them where the can of spray was and how to work it. We're not alergic to stings, so bees and such get no drama or hysterics, if they become a pest they are simply dealt with. Humans two, wasps zip. When I got home, the front stoop was littered with dead wasp carcasses. The girls weren't kidding when they said "back in force". A little while ago I stepped on a wasp that managed to get into the house before dying, the living room carpet being pretty good camoflage. I was barefoot and the stinger got me on the instep. I swear I heard, in a tiny little buzzing whisper, "From the depths of hell, I spit at thee."Posted by: Ted at 08:27 PM | Comments (7) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
Old Dog, New Trick
Our Skye Terrier Sam has a new scam going on. If someone's in the kitchen cooking, he'll hang out near the food and water bowls, just kind of loitering. When you go to open or close the fridge, he manages to get in the way of the door, getting whacked in the process. Then he looks up with this expectant look in his eyes and a wide smile*, trying to con you into giving him a goodie since he just got "hurt".
Freakin' ambulance-chasing begger. *When I say Sam smiles, I mean a full human-type smile showing teeth and all. It's not a snarl or baring his teeth, because I've seen those and this isn't at all menacing. He just looks like a friendly damn dog with a big toothy grin.Posted by: Ted at 07:49 PM | Comments (8) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
Podcasting is really taking off
My apologies for the title, I couldn't resist.
I saw this over at Wizbang:STS-114 Mission Specialist Steve Robinson transmitted the first podcast from space.They're safely back on the ground now (in case you hadn't heard), but follow that link to get to the audio feed and/or NASA transcript. Now, how can I get a shoutout from orbit?
Posted by: Ted at 11:30 AM | Comments (6) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
Natch!
To the person who reached Rocket Jones by googling "honkies favorite TV shows":
1. Cops. I keep hoping I'll see one of my relatives.2. Jerry Springer. Same reason. Hope that satisfied your curiosity.
Posted by: Ted at 11:17 AM | Comments (7) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
Busy Little Beavers
No, this isn't a movie review of Midget Gangbangs #4.
Gak, would they even make such a movie? Sure they would, but that doesn't mean I'd want to watch it. Even I have standards, low as they may be. *consulting notes* ... trigger NetNanny... done...... quickie... Mind out of the gutter, intrepid surfer (those faint of heart have long since clicked the back button), this supposed-to-be short post is just to let you know that reality has been hectic lately, so posting will be light for a while longer. Of course, in blog-speak, that means there's a 75% chance of an increase in volume from the norm from me. Coming in the near future: more about my mixed feelings about Empty Nesting, the financial education you get before setting foot on a college campus, geektech wizardry and an interesting trend in blogdom that may have touched yours truly. Yes, it's exciting times around ol' Rocket Jones! In the words of the immortal bard:
And gentlemen in England now-a-bedYeah, I made that last line up. Sue me. Or pretend it's Danny DeVito reading it to you. Whatever floats yer boat.
Shall think themselves accurs'd they were not here,
And hold their manhoods cheap whiles any speaks,
Who partook of the merry company 'round Jones.
Posted by: Ted at 05:28 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
Son of Nun Gun Fun
I must've slept through this part of catechism class.
(in the extended entry - safe for work)Posted by: Ted at 05:14 AM | Comments (6) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
August 08, 2005
Nun Gun Fun
Disclaimer: This should in no way be taken as an endorsement by the Catholic Church on the proper method of dealing with zombies.
(in the extended entry for the bandwidth impaired - it's safe for work)Posted by: Ted at 04:58 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
August 05, 2005
Things I know about Mary Baldwin College
- It's located in Staunton, Virginia.
- It was founded in 1842.
- It was ranked #22 of top American colleges by the US News & World Report.
- The student/faculty ratio is 11/1 and the average class size is 18.
- The Virginia Women's Institute for Leadership is the only all-female corps of cadets in the world.
- They have the only early college entrance program in the country specifically for gifted young women.
- They boast an excellent technical theater degree program.
- Mookie has been accepted and will be skipping her senior year of high school to attend. Classes start at the end of this month.
- Their mascot is a squirrel. (Not Foamy though, darn it).
- Here's their home page.
Posted by: Ted at 07:31 PM | Comments (13) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
Thanks!Not Surprised
Remember during the last election when the Dramacrats were so vocal about moving to Canada if Dubya won?
Didn't happen:Canadians can put away those extra welcome mats -- it seems Americans unhappy about the result of last November's presidential election have decided to stay at home after all. In the days after President Bush won a second term, the number of U.S. citizens visiting Canada's main immigration Web site shot up sixfold, prompting speculation that unhappy Democrats would flock north. But official statistics show the number of Americans actually applying to live permanently in Canada fell in the six months after the election. (emphasis mine)Apparently they all decided to stay and whine. It certainly doesn't seem as if many decided to join the political debate in any meaningful way.
Posted by: Ted at 11:40 AM | Comments (5) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
I could become very obnoxious with this
When a goal is scored in hockey, a horn sounds in the arena.
Here's a page where you can download an audio file of each NHL team's goal horn. Tres cool! Thanks to Off Wing Opinion for the link.Posted by: Ted at 11:33 AM | Comments (7) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
Reflexively Wrong
Over at Wizbang, Jay Tea tells the story of a family with a sewage problem. The solution to all their problems, in his opinion, could be handled by an adjacent WalMart. If, of course, they weren't such awful, uncaring, insensitive neighbors.
I was heartened to read the comments, because the response was overwhelmingly in WalMart's favor for a variety of reasons. In a later post, Paul slaps Jay down convincingly with more facts about the story. I recently read somewhere (can't remember where) that Bill Gates and Microsoft aren't evil, although some people wish they were. That parallels the question I always ask when someone starts bashing WalMart: At what point does a company grow so big that it becomes evil? I once asked a friend who lives in a small town what she thought about the WalMart that opened in the next town over. She was enthusiastic about it, and when I inquired about how it was affecting the local small businesses, her reply surprised me:Screw them. When they were the only game in town they jacked up their prices and took advantage of us all because they could. Now that WalMart is here they're whining about how unfair it is. Ask me about unfair, and I'll remind you about when your choice was to pay out the butt to them or drive an hour to the city to get a decent price.I've heard the stories about how when WalMart opens, they send armed groups of WalMart police to every house, round people up and force them to shop there. Oh wait, no I haven't. If your local businesses are closing up, it's because YOU didn't support them by shopping there. Don't blame WalMart for your decision about where to spend your money. In the 60's it was fashionable to blast IBM (remember "fold, spindle and mutilate"?). In the 90's it was Microsoft's turn, and now the groupthink have turned their collective hatred towards WalMart. Notice how each of those companies got to where they were by doing business better than their competitors. Each achieved dominance by being better capitalists. They treat their employees rather better than average. But dammit, they're evil! They're... big! They're evil! It's fashionable. It's stupid. Either think before you make that reflexive leap, or find a cliff first like the rest of the lemmings.
Posted by: Ted at 05:52 AM | Comments (12) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
Life is a rollercoaster, and lately I've been enjoying the ride
Lots of good things been happening 'round the ol' homestead lately, some I've talked about and some I haven't.
Recently I started posting original themes for Pocket PC's over at PocketPCThemes.com. A theme is the background picture, along with the associated Start menu graphic and color schemes. I've got four in the top twenty most popular for the week, totalling over a thousand downloads. This is one of those tiny happy things that seem to happen when life is going smoothly.Posted by: Ted at 05:39 AM | Comments (6) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
August 04, 2005
It's ok to feed me bullshit, I'm stupid
Have you seen that television commercial where the guy walks through a lab and "reads" the ingredients from an anonymous drink? It sounds horrible and even he can't pronounce some of those evil chemicals.
Then he says, "or you can have my favorite, orange juice. Ingredients: fresh air, rain, sunshine." Damn, that's the ingredients for hemlock too! And marijuana! Or the actual freakin' orange tree itself by that logic. Mmmmm, liquified tree. Here's a thought, instead of assuming I'm an idiot, why don't you read me the actual chemical composition of OJ, and lets see how many compounds you mispronounce. I think I'll have a glass of apple juice.Posted by: Ted at 08:59 PM | Comments (9) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
If nothing else, the upcoming NHL season will be interesting
Former Capitals defensiveman Sergei Gonchar signs with Pittsburgh. Added to Lemieux, Crosby and goalie-phenom Theury (assuming he's over the shell shock from last season), the Penguins are very much improved. Haven't heard much about moves to buck up their defense though (Gonchar is an offensive-minded guy).
I may have to update this later to correct mispelled names.Posted by: Ted at 05:13 AM | Comments (6) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
Someone's in the Kitchen with Dinaaahhhhhh!!!
These are yummy cakey cookies, perfect for summertime treats and special enough for those times when you want to impress.
Iced Orange Cookies Cookies:2 cups sugar
1 cup shortening
2 eggs
1 cup sour cream
1 tsp vanilla extract
5 cups all-purpose flour
2 tsp baking powder
1 tsp baking soda
1 tsp salt
¾ cup frozen orange juice concentrate, thawed
2 Tbsp grated orange zest (see note below) Icing:
½ tsp grated orange zest
2 Tbsp frozen orange juice concentrate, thawed
1 tsp vanilla extract
4 Tbsp butter, melted
1½ cups confectioners sugar
Directions: Preheat oven to 375 degrees.
- Cream together the sugar and shortening, add eggs and stir. Add sour cream and 1 tsp vanilla, stir and set aside.
- Sift together flour, baking powder, baking soda and salt. Add little by little to the creamed mixture and stir well.
- Add ¾ cup orange juice concentrate and the the 2 Tbsp orange zest. Mix well.
- Drop by teaspoonfuls onto greased cookie sheets.
- Bake for about 10 minutes.
- Remove to a rack, and while they cool, make the icing.
Posted by: Ted at 04:52 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
August 03, 2005
Adam Curry knows Rocket Jones!
Well, he does now*.
(warning: massive linking to occur because I'm pretty damned happy!) Cindy (aka Squipper), of the blog Dusting My Brain, recently teamed with her partner Ken to create a new episode of their podcast (which I talked about here). This was actually part 2 of their show, and some amazing things happened. First, there was much talk of and about Cindy's breasts which, you may remember, I suggested. Talk about being responsive to the audience! Second, Adam Curry* called in and they did quite a long bit with him, which was fun to listen to because they're long-time friends and they obviously enjoyed each other's company. Third, in the middle of all of that, they gave Rocket Jones (and moi), a huge shout out and said many kind things about me. On the air. With Adam Curry* (who agreed that more breasts is a good thing). Me. And, since many of you are fellow bloggers, well hell, we all know it's all about me. Right? So I'm doing the happy dance, which is a unique and memorable sight to see. I'd podcast it for you, but that's an audio medium and all you'd hear is much crashing about and breaking of things. Watch the final twenty minutes of the Blues Brothers with your eyes closed and you'll get the same effect. Better yet, listen to the last twenty minutes of the Blues Brothers while watching the elephant ballet in Disney's Fantasia and get the full effect. In further podcasting events (I'm infatuated with them at the moment), I've listened to Silent Running's very own, which goes by the name "Shire News Network". Andrew Ian Dodge and Laurence Simon both do regular bits on it (I gather, I've only heard the one so far). So for rather more serious news with a down under slant, check it out. Digital Podcast has tons and tons of links, information, ratings, reviews, etc on podcasting. I tracked down SoccerGirl, Incorporated (remember, I said I would) and gave a listen to several of her shows. Interesting, and really hammered home the point that podcasting is the audio version of blogging. There are many styles and viewpoints and you'll find something for every taste if you look. Finally (I saved it for last, but definitely not least!), over at the Simian Syndicate, Blue grabbed an original song by CruiseBox (released under the Creative Commons License) and built a wicked show around it. Strange, yes, but very very cool. If you're tired of the pablum spewed out by your radio, look into podcasts. There's a lot of great indie music out there that you don't get to hear. (humming) ... mp3 killed the radio star... *For those asking, "who the hell is Adam Curry?" Let me answer that, oh ye of little technical prowess (that's not a slam, I was one amongst you until very recently). He's known as "The Podfather" for his groundbreaking efforts in podcasting, and other things. Here, go read his Wikipedia entry and be impressed.Posted by: Ted at 11:31 AM | Comments (9) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
Personal Favorite: Television Sitcom History
I don't watch much television, and most shows bore me about halfway through a season. This is, without a doubt, one of the funniest episodes of any show I've ever seen.
Dharma & Greg: "Much Ado About Nothing", aka The Seinfeld Plot. Dharma and her friend Jane vie for possesion of a stuffed duck, awarded to the couple who has sex in the most unusual place. Dharma comes up with the idea of doing it on the steps of City Hall during the airing of the last episode of Seinfeld, since everyone will be inside watching TV. While planning the caper, Greg's very conservative parents learn of the plot and are apalled. Jane interferes and Dharma and Greg are busted. Sitting in the police station, Greg's parents are brought in for the same thing, it seems they were inspired. When it comes out that the parents actually consumated their lovemaking, as opposed to Dharma and Greg's arrestus interuptus, Jane and Dharma award the duck to Greg's parents. Looking at the stuffed waterfowl, Greg's dad says, "This is a goose". To which Dharma replies, "That doesn't rhyme." I laughed so hard my sides hurt.Posted by: Ted at 05:31 AM | Comments (5) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
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