September 26, 2004
lmfao....
He cracks me up more than I do.... Jay-zus. It's no one particular post... it's every freakin' one of them.If ya just hafta have a jumping off point, may I suggest any oneof his 100 posts about himself? Or today's post. Or yesterdays, or the day's before that.... Really, you should go read him.
I'll be here when ya's get back.
Go.
*grin*
Posted by: Stevie at 12:18 PM | Comments (12) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
Yeah, so... I hate commercials, right?
Sure nuff.
But, I've gotta tell ya, I'm finding the ones for Emerald Brand Nuts very amusing.
Stupidity is gonna kill me someday.
Posted by: Stevie at 11:21 AM | Comments (15) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
September 25, 2004
Awright, listen up dipshits...
I do not know who the fuck the dillhole was that Blacklisted "Yahoo.com", but will you for the love of FUCK get yer shit straight before ya do stupid shit like that?
CHRIST. You ban "Yahoo.com", you also ban ALL Yahoo addresses from commenting, INCLUDING MINE, CHUCKLEFUCK!!!!! I do NOT appreciate being banned from my own comments, asswipe. IF YOU DO NOT KNOW HOW TO USE MT BLACKLIST, THEN DON'T USE IT!!!! (Swear to GOD, I'mina kill somebody before much longer.....)Posted by: Stevie at 11:33 PM | Comments (11) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
Dear Gawd....
lmao... I am #2 in the Google search for Herman Munster singing his world famous "Foot bone connected to my ankle bone" song.
I need a link or whatever it is so it can be played here.... Paul? How do we do that? CAN we do that? Hell, I wouldn't mind giggling my way through it, myself.... (Especially after Gandpa changes Herman's voice to make him quit and he sounds like a Chipmunk... *gigglefit*)
results on Yahoo for "ankle bone song". How does THAT happen? The only thing I understand LESS than that, is how there are so many other people (besides my own twisted self) who even CARE about that.... scary. I get "found" by that search a LOT.... very strange.
Posted by: Stevie at 10:10 AM | Comments (17) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
So sorry, Stupid....
But, NO, Gia wasn't in Playboy, you thing, you.
You need help, serious help. You are trying to see pictures of a naked dead person. Sick.
Just leave Gia alone, howsabout?
Futhermuckers.....
She is a lying bag of monkeyshit. She was NOT, NOT, NOT the first person whom the phrase "Supermodel" was used in conjunction with. Therefore, she was NOT (damn it!) the first "Supermodel". That distinction goes to Gia.
Fuck Janice, the lying piece of shit.
Only reason that hag gets away with this continual LIE is because Gia's not here to defend herself or claim that which is rightfully HERS and that which she paid so dearly for and it's an ABOMINATION that Janice goes around calling herself that.
That skank.
Posted by: Stevie at 09:37 AM | Comments (12) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
September 24, 2004
I've got my license back...
Doo dah, doo dah.
I've got my license back,
Now, can I get the picture done over, please?
Sooo, I turned the car around, raced back here and here I am BLOGGING IT!
With the car running in the driveway, no less.... (Actually, my Nextel batt'ry was dying too, so I came in to switch it, can't find a charged one, so now have my radio plugged in and charging, so now I NEED a few minutes... siiiigh.) Still... I got my license back,
Oh do doo dah daaaaaaaaay!!!!!!!!!! *grin*
Posted by: Stevie at 04:32 PM | Comments (10) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
Me and my big-mouthed hormones....
Siiiigh.
Welp, I done did it again. (giggling at myself too hard to type... one sec...)
Posted by: Stevie at 03:12 PM | Comments (12) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
Well, that went okay....
First thing... the cat carrier had quail in it. Apparently, the class had raised them or had them til they were ready to be released, so they did it here.
And, yeah, my breath did catch in my throat and my eyes stung just a little seeing those five birds go be free. I heard a coupla the ladies mentioning "hunters" and I told them not to worry about that because every time I hear shots, I go out on the horse ON PURPOSE right into the middle of what they're trying to do and mess 'em allll up.I then got two of the warmest, most sincere smiles I've ever gotten from females. There was this one little incident, where Mr. Oliver tried to embarrass me. I'd set the brake when we stopped to release the birds and forgot to release it when we were done and, for the LIFE of me, I could not figure out why I couldn't get back into 4th gear. Or so I thought... I kept puttin' it in 4th (damn it) and when I'd release the clutch, it bogged down and acted all stupid, like it was in 20th gear or some damned thing and I was trying to get moving in too high a gear. I shifted it, liiiike, 5 times, looked up, asked God "What da hell?", then noticed that the damned brake was still set. *slaps forehead* Duuuuh.
*wipes drool off chin*
*secures helmet* Otherthanthat, it was fine. However, for some reason, NOW I'm exhausted and headachey.... Musta been a tad more "nerved up" than I thought I was. Didn't feel it then, but I feel the after effects now.... "Hallelujah. Holy shit. Where's the Tylenol?"... Okay, then... off to either clean something, go to the store or to sleep for a bit. Tawk tew ya's later... ttfn.
(gag!) Peace
Posted by: Stevie at 12:13 PM | Comments (12) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
September 23, 2004
Okay... here's a conundrum for yiz...
My Messenger seems to be having a nervous breakdown.
I noticed it last night, when I had email, but no little envelope in my traying indicating so. Plus, I missed MadMikey's and Rob's messages. My stupid little tray icon was "lit" the whole time and I just got booted off and when I signed back into MESSenger, I had all these offline messages. Once I got done giggling at 'em, I realized... "Heeeey... I didn't see these when they came in. I shoulda...." So, what's THAT about? Another thing it's doing.... I get bumped offline by Earthlink (or whatever) and ever tho I'm not connected, the yellow icon is still lit, like I am.... Why? Anyone?Bueller?
Paul?
*giggle* Meantime, I'll just keep checking it, so don't give up, you guys....
Posted by: Stevie at 10:26 AM | Comments (12) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
You asked for it...
Due to overwhelming demand (Okay, so it was one guy and he only "asked"- not demanded- once), here it is... the joke that made me laugh in spite of my ovaries yesterday.... (with hugs to my anonymous benefactor til he tells me otherwise).
*****Two guys are drinking at the bar one night till closing time. After the bar closes, they go to a friend's house and drink even more. At about 4:30 a.m., Guy1 says to Guy2, "I gotta go home. My wife is gonna kill me." Guy2 says, "Aw, don't worry about it, you can make it up to her." Guy1 looks nervous and says, "No, she might actually kill me dead." So Guy2 says, "OK, here's what you do. When you get home, go inside, leave all the lights off. Take off your shoes and sneak into the bedroom then get naked and crawl into bed from the foot end under the covers. Crawl right up between her legs and start licking her pussy. Lick her pussy for all you're worth, lick to save your marriage, lick her pussy to save your life! She'll come all over your face and then roll over, fall asleep, and forgive you." So, Guy1 says, "OK, I guess it's worth a try." He goes home, sneaks into the room, leaves the lights off, takes off his shoes, takes off his clothes and crawls into bed from the foot end. He crawls up between her legs and starts to lick her pussy. He licks her pussy for all he's worth. He licks her pussy to save his marriage; he licks her pussy to save his life. After an hour of moaning and thrashing and bucking, his face is completely covered with pussy juice and she starts to come. She comes over and over for three or four minutes, then she rolls over and falls asleep. "Well," he thinks, "Great! It worked!" He slides out of bed and goes into the bathroom to wash his face. When he opens the bathroom door to come back out, his wife is standing there. She says, "Shhh...be very quiet and come into the living room. We're sleeping in there while your mom stays in our room."
***** rotflmao... (and resisting mightily the gag reflex, I might add...*gick*)
Now I really hafta excavate the 'zines from under the bathroom sink. Not only do I still need to "fix" the contemptible thing, they (the magazines) will be an almost endless font of truly sick and disgusting jokes... the ones I can repeat, anyway. We've got Playboys, Hustlers, Penthouse, etc. going back AGES. Then, there's the heavy artillery... my series of "Truly Tasteless Jokes" books.
'Course, a lot of those jokes are based on ethnicity, so I'm either gonna have to be really, really careful (like a huge pansy-ass) or start channelling Lenny Bruce and the ballsy-ness of Norman Lear, Archie Bunker and family (which, it just so happens, I already have an (over)abundance of, no?). Just remember....
"WARNING: The program (blog) you are about to see (read) is "All in the Family" (caughtinthexfire). It seeks to throw a humerous spotlight on our frailties, prejudices, and concerns. By making them a source of laughter, we (I) hope to show - in a mature fashion (?) - just how absurd they are... (not to mention how ridiculous we've become in trying to avoid this shit)." Okay?
Good, then... Heh... I used to do this to WALLY EACHUS!!!! all the time. (Don't mind me, I just looove being the number one result when ya search for Wally, Wellacrest Farms, or anything having to do with either.) Anyway, I used to have to medicate to sick cows for him and we'd record alla that in the "barn book". After a while, I started leaving him a joke a day in there, too.
Actually, I also did this to my 8th grade teacher, Mr. Durand- who looked EXACTLY like Ryan O'Neal when I was in his class-YUM!!! Man, that dude was gorgeous. We had a spelling test every week in these little notebooks we'd turn in for him to grade. After about the second week, I'd leave a joke and either verbally tell him the punchline later, when he'd ask or write it upside down at the bottom of the page. He liked it. He said so... *giggle*
Then, there was his pot-smoking, Dylan-listening-to, bearded brother, Jim. I won many a staring contest with that guy, lemme tell ya. I'd have married either of 'em. Aaaanyway... be prepared. Jokes, I've got. Millions of 'em and political correctness be damned.
"pc"- political correctness? Nope.
"pc"- pussified communication. Remember that, too, okay?
Posted by: Stevie at 08:24 AM | Comments (13) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
September 22, 2004
Yo, Dad...
Lookit what I found....
Man, do I remember this song. Hell, I can still sing it. Normansung by Sue Thompson (peak Billboard position # 3 in 1961)
Words and Music By John D.Loudermilk
Norman , ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh
Norman, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm
Norman, Norman, my love Jimmy called me on the phone but I was gone, not at home
Cuz I was out parked all alone with darlin' Norman Bill invited me to a show but I said no, cannot go
There's a dress that I've got to sew and wear for Norman Norman holds me close to him, Norman kisses me and then
Norman knows my heart belongs to him and him and only him, oh
Norman, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ohh, ooh, ooh, ooh
Norman, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ohh, ooh, ooh, ooh
Norman, Norman, my love Joey asked me for a date, he wanted to take me out to skate
But I told Joey he would have to make 'rangements with Norman Norman is my only love, Norman's all I'm thinking of
Norman gives me all his lovin', kissin', huggin', lovey-dovin'
Norman, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh
Norman, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm
Norman, Norman, my love
Yep, I remember this song like it was yesterday. First of all, how cool is THAT, that there's a song aboutcher Dad? Of course, the part about Jim trying to cut in kinda annoyed me at UNCLE Jim, but it did fit right in, didn't it? I guess the "Bill" could be Schofield and "Joey" could be that Schmuzwitz guy yer always talkin' about.... Dear Lord, now I'm gonna have the Earworm from Hell... lol. As if I wasn't enough of a Daddy's-girl to begin with.
*cheeky grin*
Posted by: Stevie at 10:31 PM | Comments (11) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
"Shows up shortly"....
Is eight and a half hours later "shortly" enough?
I hate this shit.With every fiber of my BEING, I hate it. Yo God,
Don't forget, Dude. If my two choices next time are "female" and "toilet bowl brush", I won't be needing tampons, thanks. Disgustedly,
me
Posted by: Stevie at 03:29 PM | Comments (16) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
HA!
Swedish Meatballs for breakfast.
That's GOTTA help, even more than 'Ludes would.Posted by: Stevie at 09:34 AM | Comments (12) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
God, I hate this day already...
Nothing like being in tears less than an hour after ya wake up, especially tears of RAGE!!!!
Here's the deal... George can shove the blue Firebird up his ass and keep it. My white Firebird needs to be removed from my sight and I'm done with this bullshit. Sonofabitch is taking the fucking car to JERSEY for four motherfucking days. Fuck me.Rob, for some reason, just will NOT bring his truck back over, even though there is $700 bucks sitting here waiting and has been since LAST WEDNESDAY!!!!!!!! I fuckin' quit.
Fuck my phone.
Fuck messenger for now.
Fuck the world. But mostly, OBVIOUSLY, fuck me. Gotcha.
Posted by: Stevie at 08:06 AM | Comments (13) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
September 21, 2004
Very well behaved/dead... whichever...
So, Eric just stopped in and because it's not 90* right now, he's wearing at least two layers of clothing, including, of course his- say it with me, now- HOODIE!!!, and, as I'm talking to him, I see these two flies on his hood, which he has up on his head.
I'm kinda watching these flies and I'm noticing how calm they both are, how "relaxed", as it were, they were. It was like they were just along for the ride or maybe dozing. Then, I looked closer. "Ah", I says to meself as I picked one up... "Calm AND crispy. I see.", thus cracking myself up. (Yes, I am easily amused, thank Gawd...) A minute or so later, Eric flung himself back from the keyboard andBe back later. Peace....
Posted by: Stevie at 07:34 AM | Comments (12) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
September 20, 2004
By the way...
What this means is, "curse words left out", basically.
When I use it, it means "string of curse words somewhere between Chevy Chase in NatLamps Christmas movie and Darrin McGavin is "The Christmas Story", about that kid and his Red Ryder BB Gun when Dad is screwing with the furnace left out", pretty much. Unnerstand now? Nice to know I'm #15 on the list of deleted expletives, by the way.*grin*
Posted by: Stevie at 11:46 AM | Comments (15) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
Hmmmm....
Jimson weed, huh?
*starts thinking...*Posted by: Stevie at 11:38 AM | Comments (12) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
Another thing...
In keeping with last night's "pecker" theme.... (and, I've gone to bed since then, just got up and this is still in the front of my brain... scary.)
The first thing it helps to know is that Eric refers to blowjobs as "heady"... always has, probably always will, even though, every time he says it, my brain coughs up some old actress named Hedy Lamaar and I have a cat named Lamar, so sometimes I look at my cat and think "blowjob", thanks to him. That's not the only mental fart that term causes me, either. Blowjob="heady"... remember that for a sec... Now, I have been familiar with hooded sweatshirts forever. In fact, I've owned lots of them. I've always called them just that... hooded sweatshirts. Or, if I was being goofy, I might call one my "kangaroo pouch shirt" because of the little pouch thing in the front. Lately, however, it seems to be becoming very popular to call these garments "hoodies". Hoodies/headys... anybody wanna GUESS what I see in my brain when I hear the word "hoody"? LOOK!!! It's a thnake wearing a thweater!!!!! I need HELP.Badly. Peace, y'all....
("Fixed" @1602 hrs.)
Posted by: Stevie at 07:04 AM | Comments (13) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
September 19, 2004
Okay, for the record...
Vacuuming an entire rooms worth of carpet with a shopvac with no attachments is pretty much like dragging R2D2 around by the dick.
This I know... Speaking of... "them"... I was talking to a friend of mine today and he mentioned these new vitamins he's taking that make him hafta pee alla time. "It sucks", he said. I said, "Well, Honey... if it sucks when ya pee, you're doin' it BACKWARDS!!!!" Then, I ran.... Okay, onto more laundry and just maybe I'll still get to that stupid sink while it's still "today"...Posted by: Stevie at 10:29 PM | Comments (14) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
In honor of Eric's doing the yard work, may I present my past "STFU" post, dedicated to my stupid dog, Daisy...
And, I quote....
Dog. Shut.
the.
FUCK!
up. One of my dogs is a little more brain damaged, apparently, than the other three. This would be Daisy (this time). She barks at her own farts to begin with, but you turn on a lawn mower or a weed eater and Heaven help us all. This is her:
rahrahrahrahrahrahrahrahrah
rahrahrahrahrahrahrahrah
rahrahrahrahrahrahrah
rahrahrahrahrahrah
rahrahrahrahrah
rahrahrahrah
rahrah
RAH!!!
rahrah
rahrahrah
rahrahrahrah
rahrahrahrahrah
rahrahrahrahrahrah
rahrahrahrahrahrahrah
rahrahrahrahrahrahrahrah
rahrahrahrahrahrahrahrahrah
rahrahrahrahrahrahrahrahrahrah
And that's every freakin' time the lawn mower goes by. Then, we get to do it all over again with the weed eater. God,
Help me.
Thanks,
the one with the '1000-yard stare' Peace...
what a concept.
Fired off by Stevie at June 6, 2004 12:57 PM | Covers (He's doing the weed-eatin' now... just a liiiiittle longer....)
Posted by: Stevie at 06:10 PM | Comments (13) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
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