Delftsman

June 23, 2008

R.I.P.

Photobucket

George Carlin, 1937-2008

George Carlin has died from heart disease at the age of 71.

Mr. Carlin was an icon of my youth; the "Seven words you can't say on television" was one of the funniest things I ever heard and typified his lack of concern over the conventional.

Although we disagreed vehemently on most matters of politics, he still retained the ability to make you listen and, more importantly, THINK about what you believed in.

He once said that "if you scratch a cynic, you'll find a disappointed idealist"... that certainly explains a lot of his comedy. While disdaining political correctness he still espoused the "Progressive" ideals of the Left, while still mocking some of the byproducts naturally occurring from implementation of those ideals. In other words, he was an equal opportunity curmudgeon.
He will be missed on both sides of the political divide.

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 04:07 PM | Comments (71) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Just for Grins

Eighteen Double Vodkas

A guy walked into a bar one day and said to the barman, "Give me six double vodkas."
The barman says, "Wow! you must have had one hell of a day."

"Yeah, I just found out my oldest son is gay."

The next day, the same guy came into the bar and asked for the same drinks. When the bartender asked what the problem was today the answer came back, "I just found out that my youngest son is gay, too!"

On the third day, the guy came into the bar and ordered another six double vodkas. The bartender said, "Jesus! Doesn't anybody in your family like women?"

The man downed the first drink and shook his head, "Yeah, my wife!"

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 02:28 AM | Comments (60) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

June 22, 2008

Some Good Advice

Those that know me know that my greatest passion is motorcycling (which is a real drag when I'm on the disabled list...) I'm always looking for new avenues of learning about what moves me, so I joined an online Women's Forum group (STOP laughing!) that has a section devoted exclusively to motorcycles; I don't care the source, if I can learn from it.

They have a great article this week on the do's and dont's of being a good passenger, that is a good base primer for those that have never ridden and wonder what it would be like to be on a bike and so take a lift.

Sometimes the commenters can get too far into the touchy-feely mode, but on the whole they really seem to know the score and tell it like it should be.

My most basic piece of advice for those considering riding?, just remember this:

There are two types of riders; those that have gone down, and those that will go down.

Every time I get on my bike, I always check to see if I experience just a tiny tingle of butterflys in my stomach, If I DON"T feel it, I don't ride. Reasonable fear is good, it helps keep you safe. ("Caution" may be a better word for it, but everyone knows what fear is and may term caution as something else.)

Decide if the risk is worth the experience (to me it IS) and plan ahead for that time when there is only time to "wonder just how much this is going to hurt". You ride long enough, it WILL happen. Being forewarned and prepared can make all the difference between "what a stupid thing to happen" and "The family requests that in lieu of flowers that a donation be made to (the charity of your choice)" Stay alert and always try to prepare for the worst scenario.

Friendly advice for what it's worth:

1) Take a riders safety course from the AMA, ABATE, or other qualified organization. Even as just a passenger, they can teach you how to stay as safe as possible, if you listen and take their instruction to heart.

2) ALWAYS dress properly :

(A) NEVER wear polyester (unless you really enjoy the Medics using a wire brush on your skin to get the melted debris off/out of it).

(B) Leather is the best option, heavy denim is second.

(C) Never wear shorts. Long sleeves are allways preferable.

(D) Wear heavy shoes that provide support and ankle protection. Boots would be best. Make sure that any footwear you ride in has a heavy sole that can give you traction and protection. Tennis shoes are NOT good riding gear.
Wearing Flip flops is a good way of clueing everyone around you on just how much of an idiot you are, so that they can try to stay as far away from your incipent tragedy as possible. (Hmmm. maybe that could be a good thing...I may have to re-think this one)

3) ALWAYS consider every other vehicle around you as an enemy that is out to ruin your day....most of them aren't but you never know WHICH one of them IS, so they must all be suspect. Plan for what they may do before they do it and try to always leave yourself an "out" and plan how you will use it.

4) WHEN that car pulls that bonehead action, and you know that there is no other option, LAY THE BIKE DOWN. Try to get the mass of the bike between you and what you're going to strike, it's a lot easier to replace a bike than your body parts. (Being properly dressed will give you more confidence that you will reduce your injuries as much as possible when using this manuever). This procedure is only rarely mentioned in passing, if at all, but I'm sitting here capable of passing this on because my father taught me how to do this when he first taught me how to ride as a young teenager with a skull full of mush. I'm convinced that it has saved my life on at least two occasions, and prevented some serious injuries on at least three other occasions

5) Use good sense, if you don't, riding is a highly effective way of thinning the gene pool. Yes, it IS a thrill to take that machine up to it's RPM limit, but the faster you go, the less chance you have to survive when things go wrong. I don't know too many riders that haven't gone up to that red line at least once, but count yourself lucky if you survive the experience and don't make a habit of it. On the flip side DON'T be TOO cautious either. It is really dangerous to be a roadblock in the way of ({usually} impatient) traffic, if you are too scared to ride at reasonable speed, biking just may not be the activity for you, at least not on public streets.

6) You may wonder why I haven't said "ALWAYS wear a helmet".
I think that it's a mixed bag. Beginning riders should always wear a helmet. Once you have enough experience under your belt, I personally feel it should be an individual choice.
I USUALLY wear one, but sometimes I just don't want to, and I feel that there really are some legitimate reasons NOT to, but that's a discussion for another time. Suffice it to say that personal freedom comes with personal responsibilty in making informed choices; I don't believe in legislating that choice away from anyone.

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 04:41 PM | Comments (134) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

June 21, 2008

Neighbors...

Well the creatures living next door are in fine voice today....they are playing their (C)rap music so loud that they have to yell at the top of their lungs to try to have what passes for a conversation with each other...if screaming obscenities every three words at each other and saying "Ya feel me on dat?" can be called conversation.

It's a real shame that some humanoid creatures just didn't receive the proper training growing up on the fact that people have to make some accomodations when they live in a neighborhood where the houses are within ten feet of each other. I've complained to the responsible parties and have been told that I am 'intruding on their privacy' when I do so...yet they fail to see any problem when I can't hear my tv over their noise in my own living room located on the OTHER side of my house from them.

Yes the Police have been notified, several times, but as yet they have failed to make any checks...just as well, I really don't wish to have to watch my back every time I leave my front door. Not really their thing anyway; not sexy enough.

But if you see a news story about a Indiana Cracker going berserk and shooting into a crowd on a private residence's porch; please send me some bail money!

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 09:08 PM | Comments (65) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Unbutton Your Shirt...

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply
for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my
driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I
had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but
I would have to go home and come back later.

The woman said' 'Unbutton your shirt.'

So, I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said
'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me', and she
processed my Social Security application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the
Social Security office.

She said, 'You should have dropped your pants... you
might have gotten disability, too'


(Hmmm...I joke I can relate to.....Thanks Wayne)

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 06:00 PM | Comments (57) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Golf Ball Hunt

Off the seventh tee, Joe sliced his shot deep into a wooded ravine. He took his eight iron and clambered down the embankment in search of his lost ball.

After many long minutes of hacking at the underbrush, he spotted something glistening in the leaves. As he drew nearer, he discovered that it was an eight iron in hands of a skeleton!

Joe immediately called out to his friend, "Jack, I've got trouble down here!"

"What's the matter?" Jack asked from the edge of the ravine.

"Bring me my wedge," Joe shouted. "You can't get out of here with an eight iron!"

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 05:53 PM | Comments (814) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

June 19, 2008

Gas Too High?

I need a LITTLE MAN GAS SYSTEM(tm)!

Just maybe I could save enough to be able to pay the lawers if we got caught....

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 10:54 AM | Comments (1096) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Just for Grins

Yeah, I'm being lazy....here's some jokes I got in my E-mail today, I hope they give you a lift like they did for me.


The Hair Dryer

A distinguished young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the Priest
beside her, 'Father, may I ask a favour?'
'Of course child What may I do for you?'

'Well, I bought an expensive woman's electronic hair dryer for my
Mother's birthday that is unopened and well over the Customs limits and
I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it
through customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?' 'I would love to help
you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie.'

'With your honest face, Father, no one will question you.'
When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her.
The official asked, 'Father , do you have anything to declare?'
'From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare.'
The official thought this answer strange, so asked, 'And what do you
have to declare from your waist to the floor?'

'I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but
which is, to date, unused.'
Roaring with laughter, the official said, 'Go ahead, Father. Next!'

***********************************************************

Replacement Windows

Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with that
expensive double-pane energy efficient kind, and today, I got a call
from the contractor who installed them. He was complaining that the
work had been completed a whole year ago and I still hadn't paid for
them.

Hellloooo, just because I'm BLONDE doesn't mean that I am automatically stupid. So, I told him just what his fast talking sales guy had told ME last year, namely, that in ONE YEAR these windows would pay for themselves!

Helllooooo! It's been a year! (I told him!)

There was only silence at the other end of the line, so I
finally just hung up.... He never called back.

Guess I won that stupid argument. I bet he felt like an
idiot.

***********************************************************

9 Months Later...

Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. So they loaded up Jack's minivan and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. So they pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night.

"I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed," she explained. "I'm afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house."

"Don't worry," Jack said. "We'll be happy to sleep in the barn. And if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light." The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night. Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way They enjoyed a great weekend of skiing.

But about nine months later, Jack got an unexpected letter from an attorney. It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he had met on the ski weekend.

He dropped in on his friend Bob and asked, "Bob, do you Rremember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our ski holiday up north about 9 months ago?"

"Yes, I do." Said Bob.

"Did you, er, happen to getup in the middle of the night, go up to the house and pay her a visit?"

"Well, um, yes!," Bob said, a little embarrassed about being found out, "I have to admit that I did."
"And did you happen to give her my name instead of telling her your name?"

Bob's face turned beet red and he said,
"Yeah, look, I'm sorry, buddy. I'm afraid I did." "Why do you ask?"

"She just died and left me everything."

(And you thought the ending would be different, didn't you? get your mind out of the gutter ! ... you know you smiled...now keep, that smile for the rest of the day!)

*************************************************************
This just proves that we have become too dependent on our computers.
Are you male or female? To find out the answer, look down.......
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Look down, not scroll down. Geeez.

Thanks to Jack and Wayne

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 10:41 AM | Comments (32) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

June 17, 2008

Thought of the Day

Life is like a roll of toilet paper ...the closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes...
so have fun, think 'good thoughts' only, learn to laugh at yourself, and Count your blessings!

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 07:09 PM | Comments (568) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

June 13, 2008

Who said that the Germans have no sense of humor?

Thanks Misha!

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 06:00 PM | Comments (831) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Race

H20 has a great post that calls for an honest discussion of race that will no doubt earn her the epitaph of "Racist" and "hatemonger"...

It's refreshing to hear honest talk for a change, instead of mealy mouthed euphamisms. We do need to have a good, honest dicussion on race relations where the White side can be heard as well as the usual Black accusations and demands.

To those of "Rev." Wrights' ilk that damn America for being racist and "keeping the Brothers down", I invite them to examine Africa itself for REAL racism and hate.

Rhodesia USED to be the breadbasket of Africa, then the 'enlightened' Brothers took over from the "Colonial racist overlords"...Zimbabwe is now second only to Darfur in (BLACK) tribe on tribe genocide and the people are starving.

South Africa WAS racist in their social policies; BUT it's funny, Black people voted with their feet to enter the country from all over the rest of the continent because, even with the blatently overt racism, living conditions there were still better than in any other country in the area, and now that majority rule has been established, the conditions have deteriotated to almost match those other hell holes.

Call me racist, but if you look at the proof of real results it does seem that, as a group, Blacks come up deficiant. Individuals are brilliant and shine nova-like for being set among the general dross of the rest of the mass that is content to feed off of largess of the general public that allows them the free time to complain about how put down they are.

Whites historically treated Blacks shamefully, and some sort of restitution in the form of a hand up was justified to level the playing field, but I would contend that that that restitution in the form of set asides, racial hiring quotas, educational aid, and just plain handouts have already leveled that playing field long ago and it's time that the Black population look to itself to ensure that they use those tools to raise themselves to where they wish to be, and not depend on White Guilt to just give it to them.

Recent Black immigrants from Africa, Jamaca, Honduras, etc, etc seem to fare much better than their native born compatriots; they see and USE the opportunities afforded them to great effect, and still maintain their dignity and racial and personal pride. They are too busy making a success of themselves to complain about some historical grievences of no personal consequence to themselves. They acknowledge the past, learn from it, and use the present opportunities to raise themseves to wherever their native abilities can take them. They have moved on from the past; it's time their betheran do the same.

Thanks to GuyK for the link

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 05:25 PM | Comments (76) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Just for Grins

The Scottie Dog Who Knew Karate

There once was a young couple who lived in a town filled with crime. After three neighbors' houses had been robbed, the couple decided to get a guard dog.
So one day the wife went to the pet store and said, "I need a good guard dog."

And the clerk replied, "Sorry, we're all sold out. All we have left is this little Scottie dog. But he knows karate."

The wife didn't believe him so he said to the dog, "Karate that chair."

The dog went up to the chair and broke it into pieces, then he said to the dog, "Karate that table." The dog went up to the table and broke it in half.

So the wife bought the dog and took it home to her husband who was expecting a big guard dog. But then she told her husband that it knew karate, and he said "Karate my ass!"

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 04:24 PM | Comments (224) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

June 10, 2008

apology

I know I haven't been posting as I should, and I'm sorry for that, but it's difficult to do so when your world is constantly spinning around you like a top.

It takes about four times longer to type anything than it usually does for me, and it's even harder to read; not to mention that the drugs they have me on tend to make me more scatterbrained than a Blond on Tequilla. Rather than trying to egage in any arguments on the issues of the day, I'm just trying to make sense of simple sentences like "He went to the creek to get some water".

I find myself wondering why he's going to the creek rather than the kitchen faucet, and if the creek water has been tested safe by the local water board or not. How does he get to the creek; does he walk or ride a bike? How cold is the water? How deep is the creek? Why in the HELL am I concerned about some dumbass using unprocessed water? Do I know this yahoo?

See what I mean? Hopefully the Docs will get my dosages correct soon and I'll revert to my usual (semi)logical/sane self. It's really frustrating. All the symptoms of my CVA seem to manifest internally except for the loss of a regular sense of balance, and to someone that doesn't know me that just looks like I've drunk one or two too many martinis, hence worthy of only disgust at a sloppy drunk. I'm doing my exercises and believe it or not, my Doc told me that trying to post at least once or twice every day should be a part of my rehabilitation regimen...only thing is that I just can't get anything up worth reading, so if there are some strange things up the next couple weeks, please bear with me. Laugh at the idiocy, be assurred I am. Beats crying.

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 08:47 PM | Comments (366) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Just for Grins

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him.
The waitress asks them for their orders. The man says, 'A hamburger,
fries and a coke,' and turns to the ostrich, 'What's yours?' 'I'll have the
same,' says the ostrich.

A short time later the waitress returns with the order ' That will be
$9.40 please,' and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out
the exact change for payment. The next day, the man and the ostrich
come again and the man says, 'A hamburger, fries and a coke.' The
ostrich says, 'I'll have the same.'

Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.
This becomes routine until the two enter again. 'The usual?' asks the
waitress. 'No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato
and a salad,' says the man. 'Same,' says the ostrich.

Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, 'That will be $32.62.'
Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and
places it on the table. The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity
any longer. 'Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come
up with the exact change in your pocket every time?"

'Well,' says the man, 'several years ago I was cleaning the attic
and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and
offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay
for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right
amount of money would always be there.' 'That's brilliant!' says
the waitress. 'Most people would ask for a million dollars or
something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long
as you live!''That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls
Royce, the exact money is always there,' says the man.

The waitress asks, 'What's with the ostrich?' The man sighs,
pauses and answers, 'My second wish was for a tall chick with a
big butt and long legs who agrees with everything I say.'

Photobucket

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 08:21 PM | Comments (334) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Marine : 1 1/2 Goblins: 0

Beware of old men wearing side arms ...


Last week police were called to investigate an attempted armed robbery in South Florida :

The 71-year-old retired Marine who opened fire on two robbers at a Plantation, FL, Subway shop late Wednesday, killing one and critically wounding the other, is described as John Lovell, a former helicopter pilot for two presidents. He doesn't drink, he doesn't smoke, he works out everyday. Mr. Lovell was a man of action Wednesday night.

According to Plantation police, two masked gunmen came into a small restaurant at 1949 N. Pine Rd. Just after 11 p.m. There was a lone diner, Mr. L ovell, who was finishing his meal. After robbing the cashier, the two men attempted to shove Mr. Lovell into a bathroom and rob him as well. They got his money, but then Mr. Lovell pulled his handgun and opened fire. He shot one of the thieves in the head and chest and the other in the head.

When police arrived, they found one of the men in the sho p. K-9 units found the other in the bushes of a nearby business. They also found cash strewn around the front of the sandwich shop according to Detective Robert Rettig of the Plantation Police Department.

Both men were taken to the Broward General Medical Center , where one, Donicio Arrindell, 22, of North Lauderdale died. The other, 21-year-old Frederick Gadson of Fort Lauderdale is in critical but stable condition

A longtime friend of Lovell was not surprised to hear what happened. The friend said, ''He'd give you the shirt off his back, but he'd be mad as hell if someone tried to take the shirt off your back.''
Mr. Lovell was a pilot in the Marine Corps, flying former Presidents John F.. Kennedy and Lyndon B. Johnson. He later worked as a pilot for Pan Am and Delta.

He is not expected to be charged authorities said. ''He was in fear for his life,'' Detective Rettig said, 'These criminals ought to realize that most men in their 70's have military backgrounds and aren't intimidated by idiots.'

Something tells me this old Marine wasn't 'in fear for his life', even though his life was definitely at risk. The only thing he could be charged with is participating in an unfair fight. One 71 - year young Marine against two punks. Two head shots and one center body mass shot - outstanding shooting! That'll teach them not to get between a Marine and his meal.

Don't you just love a story with a happy ending?

( Florida law allows eligible citizens to carry a concealed weapon. Every state should.)



Posted by: Delftsman3 at 08:13 PM | Comments (283) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

June 08, 2008

Battle Hymn of the Republic

Chris, from My Second Amendment group, sent me this in an E-mail today,
I challenge anyu of you to watch this and NOT get a tear in your eye. The fact that this was a project CHOSEN by a group of public school teen-agers in support of our Military only makes it all the better...maybe there is hope for our Country yet, if there are enough of the younger generation that believe the same way.

BATTLE HYMN OF THE REPUBLIC

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 07:07 PM | Comments (106) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

May 29, 2008

why carry a gun?

To converse in the language with which you are confronted.

smile gets smile.

frown... I generally ignore....

words get words.

gestures... I can afford to ignore too.

gun, knife, club, multiple "conversants" require that I be fluent in that

LANGUAGE.

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 05:26 PM | Comments (292) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Breaking News:

CNN reports that gas stations will start showing PORN movies on the
screens of the pumps so that you can see someone else get screwed at
the same time you do.: !!

Photobucket

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 05:02 PM | Comments (845) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

May 27, 2008

Back Home Again

Well, I made it back home today, never thought I'd be in the hospital for an entire week, but so it goes...Three days in ICU;Two MRI's and a CAT scan later, the Docs say: we found a "baby" aneurysm in the stem portion of my brain; that my B/P was wildly uncontrolled (like THAT was any news to me!), and my blood sugar ratios weren't conducive to continued good health (strangely, the levels were higher in ICU than they usually run at home); Like I need to pay someone a grand a day to tell me what I already know and still don't really correct the situation.

At least I'm no longer in total vertigo mode, just in medium dizzy mode. I asked my primary physician about that and he told me that, in his opinion, even though the MRI's didn't catch it, that I had probably had a very small stroke, and that the only "cure" for it would be time and acclimating to the changed neural state. It's difficult to read, write, or watch TV and driving and certainly riding are out of the question.

I have a new B/P and Glucose control regimens that I intend to follow to the nth degree. (and hopefully won't "zombify me this time)

Upshot of the whole ordeal, put myself in hock for another $15 K to the hospital and only marginally feeling better than when I went in. That's the way the ball bounces sometimes. At least I met some GREAT people in the medical/nursing staff that put up with me for a week. The hospital will just have to bear with me paying $50. a month until such time as I either have the debt paid off or I finally do kick the traces over for the last time.

Thank all of you for your expressions of concern and all your prayers for me, they really meant a lot to both Beth and I.

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 10:03 PM | Comments (879) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

May 21, 2008

Delfts in the hospital again

Delftsman asked me to update his blog, this will be brief however, as I need to shower and get back to the hospital: As the title says, he is in the hospital again; his BP soared to 282/160 something, and over the course of a couple of days he had two long bouts with dizziness (no wonder!), so at 5am yesterday morning we went to the Emergency Room.
They've got him in ICU, stabilized now, read him no less than a half dozen riot acts (as calmly as possible; no one really wants to upset a person with blood pressure that high) about taking his meds, and instructed him that if the pills are giving him trouble (i.e. making him feel he was zoned out most of the time) to get with his Dr.(s) and work with them to resolve it.
After both a CATscan and MRI, a tiny aneurism (sp) was discovered; Delfts has named it, but I can only remember the first name, Herman. 'Herman' makes the Docs all the more anxious to get his BP under control.
If all goes well, he will be moved out of ICU tomorrow (Thurs.) and come home a day or so after that. His color is better, and his BP is DEFINITELY moving downwards, but he still feels as if the room is wavering around him, so no reading, writing or TV yet. Just lots of sleep. His family has been hugely supportive.
Delfts or I will keep you posted as things progress for him, but for now, as one of his Docs said, he has 'dodged a bullet'. Yet again.

Beth* A.

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 03:01 PM | Comments (715) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

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