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Rocket Jones

September 13, 2006

Pentagon - 9/11/06

Beautiful photo of the tribute I mentioned here.

Click for wallpaper size.

Posted by: Ted at 07:30 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Danged Colonialist Expansion

Did you realize that there are now four satellites orbiting Mars, in addition to the two rovers that are still chugging along on the surface?

The most powerful spacecraft ever sent to Mars has settled into a nearly circular orbit, a move that allows scientists to begin studying the planet in unprecedented detail, NASA said Tuesday.
The Mars Reconnaissance Orbiter fired its thrusters for 12 minutes Monday to adjust to its final position six months after it arrived at the planet. Its altitude ranges between 155 to 196 miles above the surface.

Kick. Ass.

Posted by: Ted at 11:49 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Ansari Blog

Anousheh Ansari is the first woman to purchase a commercial ticket to space with the Russians. If the name sounds familiar, it's because her family sponsored the Ansari X-Prize for commercial access to space which was won by Burt Rutan's SpaceShipOne.

She's blogging her trip into space.

Thanks to Transterrestrial Musings for the pointer.

Posted by: Ted at 05:53 AM | Comments (12) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Not True!

Liz calls my PDA the iPorn.

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September 12, 2006

27-zip ?!?!?!

The Oakland Raiders got stomped by the San Diego Chargers last night. After watching that pathetic performance, I'm trying to figure out the best spin for it. Should the Raiders claim that they're coming off a bye week or that their season starts next Sunday?

Posted by: Ted at 05:11 AM | Comments (10) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Fair is Fair

There's a political ad playing on the radio where someone is writing to their local congresscritter about American factory jobs moving overseas. You know the kind, where you hear a keyboard tapping while the "citizen" reads his words aloud as he types.

In this one, they want a representative who will "demand" that China, India, and a couple of other countries all stop subsidizing their industries in order to steal American jobs.

Maybe as a good faith gesture, we should close all those Honda, Toyota, Hyundai and Volkswagen manufacturing plants in the US. After all, we're stealing jobs from their workers.

Posted by: Ted at 05:05 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Out of Context Scare Quote of ~~the day~~ Yesterday

A type of root rot is infecting Christmas Tree farms in the mid-Atlantic, the same one that has been plauging American Chestnut trees.

According to the story, the culprit is a mold that affects over 900 species of plant life around the world.

Interesting story, right up until the end, where they close with this quote:

"It is a case of mankind unwittingly changing his environment for the worse."

That was said by one of the tree farmers who is dealing with the mold. Did man spread this mold by transplanting trees? It *is* described as "world wide". Or did man somehow create the mold? There's no way to tell from the story because there is nothing to indicate that this problem is anything other than mother nature being herself. It's always safe to blame mankind though.

Posted by: Ted at 04:50 AM | Comments (55) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

September 11, 2006

184 Beams of Light

The Pentagon has illuminated 184 beams from its courtyard, one for each person killed there on 9/11/2001. I was fortunate enough to see it early this morning as I drove by on my commute. Instead of all pointing straight up, they are arranged to shine at various angles. I couldn't discern any real pattern, but much of my attention was on the road and traffic, which was heavier than usual for an early Monday morning.

Posted by: Ted at 05:17 AM | Comments (1087) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Exhibit 13

Have you seen the Blue Man Group's short film about 9/11?

Posted by: Ted at 04:11 AM | Comments (238) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Looking Back

Here's a link to the Rocket Jones 9/11 archives. I think they're worth checking out, if just to glimpse the mood of the country over the last five years.

Posted by: Ted at 03:34 AM | Comments (12) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

September 10, 2006

William E. Wilson - A 2996 Tribute

Updated

I don't remember where I first read about Project 2996, but I signed up immediately. I have the honor of writing this tribute to William E. Wilson.

I didn't personally know William, but I've spent quite a bit of time over the last few weeks researching him and looking for clues about the man and his life. Details are sparse, but I do know that he was working at the World Trade Center on 9/11.

He was a marine insurance broker for Aon Corporation, and I believe he worked in Tower 2. Aon Corp occupied all of floors 98 to 105, as well as the 92nd floor. Aon had about 1,100 people in that building, and 176 of them died on that day.

William was 55 years old (58 according to some accounts), and his home was listed as the city itself. I can't imagine what it would be like to live in a city like New York, or to work in a building like the WTC.

I've read that he played golf, and to celebrate his 50th birthday he and his wife went on a golf cruise, where every day they would play a round of golf on a different island.

If William was a "turn the other cheek" kind of guy, I'd hope that he would understand the smouldering rage that I have for the perpetrators and conspirators of that vile attack. Like so many others that day, William E. Wilson was randomly murdered for reasons that only the uncivilized or insane might understand.

William, you've been in my thoughts a lot lately, as has your family. May you rest in peace, and may your family find peace as well.

Update: Be sure to visit Dawson's Danube, and his excellent tribute. Bill also drew William Wilson on the second go-round, and managed to uncover much more information about the man than I was able to.

Posted by: Ted at 05:17 PM | Comments (2092) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

September 09, 2006

Hercules

In 1958, the movie Hercules was released in Italy, starring American body builder Steve Reeves. This started a phenomenom of similar movies over the next five or six years, when dozens of gladiator, biblical and mythological movies were made. The wave continued until the advent of the spaghetti western.

These films are collectively referred to as "sword-and-sandal" or even as spaghetti-sword-and sandal. From Wikipedia:

Another name for the genre is peplum, from a Latin word for a sort of tunic that was easy to make and favoured by the costume departments for these films.

Hercules was only one popular figure in these movies. Ulysses, Jason (of argonaut fame), Samson, Goliath, and the ubiquitous Maciste were also common heroes. A lot of these movies were eventually (poorly) dubbed into english and released on American television, becoming a staple of weekend afternoon movie features.

I've had the chance to watch several Hercules movies over the last couple of weeks, and I thought that rather than doing straight movie reviews, I'd look at them through a comparison of the various actors playing Hercules.

One thing I did notice was that the best part about being Hercules is that evil queens automatically get the hots for you.

Steve Reeves was the first and best Hercules. I did a biography on him here.

The Reeves movie I watched for this review was Hercules Unchained, and it was a lot of fun (as these all are). Two brothers are vying for the throne of Thebes, and Hercules is enlisted to set up a peaceful transfer of power. One brother is insane, the other is a perpetual whiner, and in the middle of these touchy negotiations Hercules is taken prisoner by the evil Queen Oomphale, who uses magical "waters of forgetfulness" to keep him under her control.

In the end, Hercules escapes with the help of his friend Ulysses, the brothers end up killing each other in a duel, and Hercules kills the other bad guy and rescues his bride (played by the stunning Sylva Koscina).

Let's see... pretty servant girls (eye candy for the guys): check.
Plenty of Steve Reeves beefcake for the ladies: check.
Hercules fights beast (tiger in this case): check.

The fights and battles are only fair, quality-wise, which is about as good as it gets in this genre. One nifty scene happens early on, when Hercules and party are stopped by Antaeus, the giant (played by former world boxing champion Primo Carnera). Antaeus is bested by Hercules twice, but both times comes back to conciousness laughing. They finally figure out that Antaeus is the son of an earth god and draws strength from laying on the ground. Hercules' solution is to pick him up and heave him off a cliff into a lake. Problem solved.

Worth watching, even if it's just to see Reeves do his thing.

Peter Lupus - best known to US audiences as Willy Armitage from the television series Mission Impossible, Lupus did several peplums under the pseudonym "Rock Stevens". I watched him as Hercules in Hercules and the Tyrants of Babylon (1964). The man has an impressive physique!

Rock Stevens, aka Peter Lupus

In this movie, Babylon is ruled jointly by two brothers and a sister. Of course, the sister is beautiful, one brother is scholarly, and the other is a warrior. They all plot and intrigue against each other as they attempt to gain sole control over their empire. Their troops make frequent raids on surrounding kingdoms to collect slaves to do physical labor, and in one raid manage to unknowingly capture a queen.

Hercules keeps thwarting the slave raids in his country, although the stories about a single man defeating many warriors aren't believed. With his mighty ~~silly~~ club, he rights wrongs and all that happy crap. At some point, Hercules allies with the Assyrian king (who knows about the captured queen and wants to marry her for control of her kingdom) and the fun moves to the city of Babylon itself. The sovereigns each double-cross and backstab (figuratively) each other without a second thought, and when they get busted everyone does the ol' "no harm, no foul" act and moves on as before. Hercules is played as a pawn the entire time, but you know an honest and virtuous man always comes out on top.

If you've ever seen a Hercules movie before, you know that there's always some scene where he performs a physical feat that would normally take dozens of normal men. In this case, the royal sister has secretly rigged up the city of Babylon with a giant underground wheel. To the central shaft of this wheel are attached huge chains, and the other ends of these chains are attached to various walls of important structures in the city. When the time comes, one hundred slaves will turn the wheel, which in turn will cause the collapse of the city itself. She'll then rule alone from the city of Nineveh. Guess who does the wheel all by his lonesome? Yep, and he doesn't wait for the signal, which throws a monkey wrench into everyone's plans. I liked the wheel.

The fight scenes are often wretched, which is to be expected. What really grates though is Hercules' club. He wields this giagantic telephone pole of a club as if it's made of balsa (which it very well might be), and is just generally silly-looking doing it. I was trying to figure out how to describe the odd noise that the club makes when it hits something and a reviewer at IMDB nailed it. It sounds like a whiffle-bat!!! There was no attempt to disguise it either.

Peter... er, Rock is no Steve Reeves. There's no charisma, and instead of the hearty "what the hell" laugh from Reeves we get this goofy Gomer Pyle grin throughout. Reeves looks like Hercules. Lupus looks like Forrest Gump's stronger brother.

Funniest moment not involving a club: At the end of the movie, Hercules and the rescued queen and entourage are walking across the barren desert towards their home country. As they crest a rise, Hercules sweeps his arm across the vista and announces, "My Queen, you are home". The scene cuts back to the scenery, and it's just more endless miles of scrub brush and dirt. Hilarious!

Funniest moment not involving a club before the ending scene: According to the credits, the name is spelled "Christophisis", but everyone pronounces it "Chris Syphilis". I had to rewind the movie twice to make sure I was hearing that right the first time.

Overall though, this is an ok movie for the genre. Worth a watch.

Alan Steel (real name: Sergio Ciani) - Hercules Against the Moonmen.

Here we've got another evil queen. This time, she's allied herself with moonmen who arrived in a meteor and live under the mountain. Every three months, she supplies children as sacrifices to the moonmen in an attempt to reawaken a moon goddess. Or something like that.

Hercules gets involved when asked by an old family friend, and has to figure out how to stop the sacrifices, overthrow the queen, and defeat the moonmen. He's not working alone, but his allies tend to die or get seriously injured at the worst times.

There's plenty of intrigue, double-crosses, traps and nick-of-time rescues. In addition, *this* Hercules knows how to fight! He's ambushed on the road into the city, and we get to see the old Hercules standby: throwing something big and heavy at the bad guys to knock several down at once. This time, he uproots a good sized tree and uses that. No whiffle-bat here, as he takes the time to snap off a big tree limb to use as a club after tossing the rest of the tree.

This Hercules is probably my favorite after Steve Reeves. Everything about him is "not quite". He's not quite as handsome, not quite as charismatic, and his physique is not quite as perfect. All in all though, he's excellent in every way, right down to his joyous "come and get me" laughter during a fight.

The chief of the moon men walks around in a robe and full face stylized skull mask, but the moon men themselves are made of rock. This would've worked a lot better if every last one of them wasn't identical. Maybe that was the idea, because they were stone robots from the moon. Or something like that.

A Hercules movie must have a fight with a beast, and rather than the standard tiger or lion we get some kind of odd moon monster hiding in the dungeons. Really, it was a gorilla suit with spock ears and sabre-tooth cat fangs (sticking up!) attached. Pointless but required standard fare.

Favorite out-of-context quote: "For the cause of liberty and justice I'm ready to do anything!" -- Agar, daughter of Claudis, upon first meeting Hercules.

Beavis and Butthead moment: "When the planet Saturn comes into conjunction with Mars, and under the evil influence of Uranus, then will occur unimaginable disasters..." - Moon Man to Queen Samara.

I wasn't expecting much from this flick, considering the title. Instead, I was pleasantly surprised by how much fun it was!

The last of the foursome I watched was Hercules and the Captive Women, starring Reg Park as the hero. I think that by now a little genre-fatigue had set in, because this one was a real chore to sit through.

Reg Park

Reg Park has everything needed to be Hercules: massively impressive physique, deep booming voice, thick black beard and short curly hair, narcolepsy... Hmmm, maybe he's overqualified.

This is the sleepiest Hercules I've ever seen. His answer to everything except a direct attack seems to be "nap time!". I do wonder if maybe he hadn't seen advance rushes of the film, and the director desperatly worked scenes of Park falling asleep from boredom into the story.

As for the story, it's got the mandatory beautiful evil queen, this time from Atlantis. There's more to the story, but boiled down it's Hercules saves the day from a power-grab from another greedy monarch. Again. The plot is done to death, but this time it's done badly enough that it just might have stayed dead and buried. Even the frequent shouting of "Uranus" couldn't save this silly mess.

So there you have it. By the hand of Zeus, I heartily recommend Hercules Unchained and Hercules and the Moonmen. Hercules and the Tyrants of Babylon (which I saw in the dollar-DVD stacks in WalMart) is an ok flick (certainly worth the buck), and Hercules and the Captive Women will make you as sleepy as that version of Hercules.

Posted by: Ted at 07:11 AM | Comments (890) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

September 05, 2006

Are you afraid of clowns?

Here's one reason why you should be.

Bobo drank the tears of children.

Short. Sweet.

Posted by: Ted at 08:50 PM | Comments (40) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

September 04, 2006

It's my party and I'll die if I want to

Sorry for the mixed-up title. You see, my birthday is coming up, and this year my wife gifted me with several of those crappy horror movies that I love so much.

I've already reviewed Happiness of the Katakuris, and I'm proud to say that I now own my very own copy.

But one I'm *really* looking forward to seeing again is The Horror of Party Beach, featuring radioactive monsters, bikini-clad girls, bikers, scientists, and the memorable music of the Del-Aires!

I tell ya, I'm hyped over this batch o' flicks.

I also have a couple of new reviews in the works, so if you like your movies a little cheesy or a little off the beaten path (as I do, so help me God), then stay tuned.

Posted by: Ted at 10:45 AM | Comments (378) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

September 02, 2006

Pretty Pictures

Via Elisson, this wicked time-lapse photograph of Toronto, taken at two hour intervals. Scroll down and check out the flash version to see each shot in its entirety. Sam the photographer even created a wallpaper sized version for you to enjoy.

Posted by: Ted at 04:25 PM | Comments (131) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Sharpen those pencils, sharpen those wits

New category.

If you are an aspiring writer, or just someone who likes to write for fun, then this might be for you.

What follows is an excerpt from an email I sent out last December:

I have an idea for a group effort for next year's National Novel Writing Month. I'm sure most of you know what that's all about, but if not then here's a link:

National Novel Writing Month

Short version: in November, you commit to writing a 50,000 word story in whatever format or style that you choose.
Obviously, it takes a tremendous amount of effort and dedication to make that goal, but I've also found it to be fun, challenging and creatively stimulating.
My idea: Next November, we produce a group anthology revolving around a central theme. There will be a variety of types of works, such as (for instance) poetry, sci-fi, chick lit, horror, erotica, fan fiction, historical fiction, play, and/or whatever else someone wants to do. Interested in doing more than one piece? Knock yourself out. I'm not talking about assigning genres to people, I'm talking about everyone doing whatever interests them.

The central theme will be "Giant Evil Space Robots". Every piece should work that into the story, either centrally or peripherally.

September 01, 2006

Ernesto, so far

We've had worse winds, but seldom for this extended length of time. The rains haven't been terribly heavy, but they've been steady.

I've gone out back to lift a large tree branch off of the back fence, and there's an even bigger one out there now that I'll have to saw in half to move. I don't feel like standing out in the rain with the saw, and it's straddling the fence, not actually on it, so it can wait until Sunday.

Mother Nature is saving me big bucks by bringing down that Maple piece at a time. At some point I'll have to hire a tree company to take down the main trunk, but it'll be like taking down a telephone pole at this rate.

I noticed another big tree snapped off about 30 feet up down by the creek. Ernesto must be muy offended because I called him a wuss.

Posted by: Ted at 05:31 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Review: Four boob-filled horror flicks

Last winter I picked up a discount four-movie collection called Too Hot For Hell. I'll admit right up front (no pun intended) that one of the reasons I bought it was because all four movies included nudity, and once in a while I just want to see some boobs. Moving beyond that obvious character flaw, let's look at these movies individually.

Crystal Force II. This flick is ~~damn near~~ unwatchable, and after reading a review of the original, I'm gobsmacked at how anyone could think that a sequel was a good idea.

Jake is a nice guy and tends bar at a nondescript place owned by someone that the producer knew (I'm guessing about that last part). He desperately wants Allison the barmaid, and a mysterious stranger arrives on the scene to help Jake's dream come true. For a price, of course.

For a low-budget horror film, the simulated sex is pretty darned explicit, not that it saves this mess.

Demonsoul is the second movie in the set. It's a step up from Crystal ~~Meth~~ Force, but it's a very tiny step taken by a drunken baby.

The boobs are better, the sex is less explicit. That about sums it up. Sad, isn't it? This is another complete waste of time.

Bloodbath. Dammit, I think I detected actual plot!

Someone is murdering aspiring actresses, and a pair of hip young detectives are on the trail of the killer. Set in the seedy underworld (I always wanted to say that) of Hollywood's independent movie studios, the story turns kinky and it slowly comes out that a coven of vampires and a centuries-old power struggle lie at the heart of the mystery.

The acting is (marginally) better than your average high-school production, but the police work isn't. In fact, it's the "detective" parts of this movie that really detract from the whole. And that's saying something, because mostly this movie is bad, bad, bad.

Production values are better than high school as well, barely. The "blood" is heavily watered down tomato juice (cheaper than using it straight I suppose) and the sound quality is full of echos. The swordplay and martial arts are pathetic. Overall the story is good, but as to details the plot is inconsistant to the point of nonsensical.

There are really only three sets. An apartment, the alleyway outside the studio and inside the studio. The studio appears to be a community center or some such in real life, and the major set dressing consists of drapes covering shit you're not supposed to see.

This is pretty bad, but it's pretty bad in the way that I love. Plenty of bondage and implied S&M too, which is always nice to see.

Funniest gaffe: An actress is buzzed into the studio building for an audition. While wandering the hallways, looking for anyone in the apparently abandoned building, she randomly opens doors and in one you can see several people in a mirror on the far wall. Obviously they weren't supposed to be there, and the character ignores them as if the room were empty.

Evil Sister.This movie is everything a crappy horror movie should be. The acting isn’t terrible (among the main characters at least), the story is coherent and involves more than your average slasher flick. Add in better than average cinematic competence from the makers and a few good looking women who get naked often and “that’s entertainment.”

My biggest gripe about slashers is that the plot too often consists of “group of teenagers gather in one place and get killed.” I’m sorry, but six cool methods of murder in a row do not make a storyline.

A woman spends fifteen years in a mental hospital, and when she’s “cured” she moves in with her sister and husband. She’s turned into a promiscuous nympho, which the husband attributes to being locked up in the loony bin all those years. Actually, being possessed by a succubus has the same effect. Who knew?

As the story advances, the sister can’t convince her husband that the former Miss Padded Cell is evil, mostly because he refuses to believe that the odd things going on are anything more than coincidence. In the end, the evil sister wins.

Included in the mix are satanic black mass rituals, a weird midget fortune teller, several slit throats and plenty of gratuitous boobage and simulated sex. Not a boob job to be seen either, the woman all sport unenhanced bosoms.

Mostly, the characters act like you would expect them to in a given situation, and the suspense builds nicely as the movie goes along.

Everything isn’t hunky dory in consistancy-land though. The evil one slips her sister the date-rape drug at work and has a friend rape her in her office, where she gets busted by the boss. The sister knows what happened, and when she tries to explain to the husband the conversation gets out of hand and he walks out on her. The very next morning though, everything is fine again between the sisters (“screw the husband, that loser”) and they spend the day together as if nothing happened.

Funniest prop: While sunbathing, they’re downing “beers” which are actually bottles of IBC Cream Soda.

The credits, both start and end, go on way too long, showing various scenes from the movie. To their credit, there aren’t any real spoilers given away, and it serves mostly as an excuse to string together the nudity and (poorly done) gore. After the movie ends there’s an extra few minutes of bonus trailer that I think was added just to pad the minutes listed on the box.

For a low-budget flick, this one is pretty good.

To sum up, this collection is pretty bad. The first two movies are bad in a bad way, but the other two are bad in the delightfully cheesy way that I love. There are some pretty good boobs on display, and since that's partly why I bought it in the first place, I don't feel like I got ripped off. Much.

Posted by: Ted at 11:42 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

August 31, 2006

Happenings around the ol' homestead

Health and well-being:
Thanks to everyone for the good thoughts and prayers. Things are slowly getting better. My boss was kind enough to give me the entire week off from work to take care of Liz while she recovers.

This next bit gets filed under "Me. Me. Meeee!": Two years ago I had a physical and everything was fine. A couple of weeks ago I went in for another and once again things were good. My cholesterol levels went down, which made me happy since they're near the upper limit of acceptable, but for the first time ever my doctor told me to lose weight. Up to this point, I've been getting by on good genes. My health is still excellent, but I'm middle-aged and have to start taking care of myself.

I've also been prescribed medication for my thyroid. Even as a kid in the Air Force my thyroid level was at the lower boundry of normal. Now my turtle-like metabolism has slowed to that of a rock, so I get to take this stuff for six weeks and get tested again to see if it's helping.

New Kitchen:
One nice thing about the company that we're working with on our kitchen remodel is that everything was done at our house. They would come to us rather than us having to travel to their 'showroom' whenever something needed to be taken care of. Yesterday we signed the contract after approving the finalized plans. Cabinets have been ordered, appliances paid for, and painfully large numbers have been written on checks. Demolition starts in about three weeks.

Free time?
Assuming Ernesto doesn't completely puss out and delivers some storm-like weather around here, I hope to be doing a batch of movie watching. If so, look for some movie reviews in the near future.

Blog stuff:
Derek asked if I'd ever listened to his Son of Cheese Half-Hour Power Hour, and I have to admit that I haven't. To be honest, I don't listen to any of the podcasts from my regular reads such as Wizbang!, QandO or Silent Running. The last podcast I heard was the Ken & Squip Show, and that was quite a while back. So there's your answer Derek. I'm pond scum.

I'm tired of that banner above. Look for something new as soon as I get around to it.

Posted by: Ted at 08:16 PM | Comments (1055) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

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