October 07, 2003

And it didn't cost taxpayers a cent to learn this

A British scientist has calculated the optimum thickness for a slice of cheese to make the perfect cheese sandwich.

Being the mildly lecherous soul that I am, I'd further suggest that the perfect cheese sandwich would be served by LeeAnn in a french maid outfit with an ice-cold beer and a napkin containing one of her weird and wonderful little artwork discoveries.

It is cheese ya know.

Posted by: Ted at 12:21 PM | Comments (49) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Fantasy Hockey

All right, the draft is done and I got a chance to see what my team looks like. I'll just start off listing a few names I recognize. I'll have to do some digging for some player info, because the roster is deep and I've never been in a fantasy hockey league before.

Centers: Mats Sundin (Totonto) and Olie Jokinen (Florida) are my main guns here. I've heard of three of the four other centers on the roster. Not too shabby.

Wingers: Brendan Shanahan (Detroit), Miroslav Satan (Buffalo), Anson Carter (NY Rangers) and Tie Domi (Toronto) up front. I also have former Cap Chris Simon, when did he join the Rangers? The rest of my wingers are a mystery to me.

Defense: This doesn't look good. Local boy Jason Doig (Capitals) is the only name I know except for Radek Martinek (NY Islanders) and Nolan Baumgartner (Pittsburgh), and both those teams were horrible last year.

Goal: A good goalie can make all the difference. Unfortunately the closest I have to a good goalie is Robert Esche (Philadelphia). I'm going to have to do some homework on the backups, because I don't know anything about either of them. Other than that they aren't named Nabokov or Hasek or Joseph or Kolzig or...

Interestingly, Doig is the only member of the Caps on my team, and I have zero Sharks. It looks like I have more Phoenix Coyotes than anything else, so maybe some Gretsky magic will rub off on the team.

I won't obsess about this, but I'll occasionally mention when I accidentally do something right or something comically stupid. Advice gladly accepted.

Posted by: Ted at 12:01 PM | Comments (47) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

To Robyn

Care package is on the way. Sweaters and sweatshirts and cookies. Stay warm sweetie.

Love,
Dad

Posted by: Ted at 11:30 AM | Comments (51) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

From the forebrain

Over at Everyday Stranger (welcome to Munuviana!), H waxes philosophically about foreskin.

The muse wanders in...

Did you hear about the new wallet made of elephant foreskin?
Rub it a little and it turns into a garment bag.

...how about...

A Texas cowboy is drinking in a New York bar when he gets a call on his cell phone. He hangs up, grinning from ear to ear, and orders a round of drinks for everybody in the bar because, he announces, his wife has just produced a typical Texas baby boy weighing 25 pounds.

Nobody can believe that any new baby can weigh in at 25 pounds, but the cowboy just shrugs, "That's about average down home, folks... like I said, my boy's a typical Texas baby boy".

Congratulations showered him from all around, and many exclamations of "WOW"! were heard. One woman actually fainted due to sympathy pains. Two weeks later he returns to the bar. The bartender says, "Say, you're the father of that typical Texas baby that weighed 25 pounds at birth, aren't you? Everybody's been makin' bets about how big he'd be in two weeks. We were gonna call you; so how much does he weigh now?"

The proud father answers, "Seventeen pounds." The bartender is puzzled, and concerned. "What happened? He already weighed 25 pounds the day he was born."

The cowboy takes a slow swig from his long-neck beer, wipes his lips on his shirt sleeve, leans into the bartender and proudly says, "Had him circumcised".

...the muse wanders out, where a crowd of people await to administer a vicious beating.

Posted by: Ted at 08:11 AM | Comments (50) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

1 Funky-jive-joke-stealer

Posted by: Kyle at October 07, 2003 02:28 PM (ULW3r)

2 I only steal from the best.

Posted by: Ted at October 07, 2003 03:22 PM (ULW3r)

3 I heard a variation of that joke years ago, except it was a wallet that turned into a suitcase when you stroked it! LMAO.

Good One!

Posted by: The Bartender at October 07, 2003 10:07 PM (HLJ65)

4 Dear Gawd....

Posted by: Stevie at October 08, 2003 12:50 PM (cJpPP)

5 In the 1890s an American was travelling through eastern Europe by train. He had to change trains in Krakow, Poland. There was a wait of a couple of hours so the American had a nice lunch and then took a walk. During this walk he noticed that his pocket watch was off time so he went into a small shop with several watches hanging in the window.
An elderly Jewish man met him at the counter and the American asked if he could fix his watch while he waited.
The Jew explained that he did not repair watches.
The American then asked if he could buy a watch.
The Jew answered that he did not sell watches.
The American, confused asked the elderly Jew what he did and why did he have all those watches hanging in the window.
The Jew explained that he was the town Rabbi and that he performed the ritual circumcisions.
Then the Jew asked, so, what would YOU hang in the window?
That's the worst foreskin joke ever. Everyone should know it. When someone won't stop talking to you, say on a plane when you want to nap, tell that joke. They'll leave you alone.

Posted by: Peter at October 10, 2003 11:10 AM (PbT+r)

6 ROFL great one!

Posted by: Ted at October 10, 2003 10:58 PM (2sKfR)

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Cinema

Mookie's education in movie classics continued last night, with her first viewing of Blazing Saddles. It's been a while since I'd seen it myself, so we had a fun couple of hours together.

The other night on one of the movie classics channels, they showed the Hammer version of The Mummy. October is easily my favorite month for television movies because all the classic horror gets trotted out for Halloween. More fun for Mookie.

I also saw an advertisement on the Bravo network that starting in November, they will be showing the 60's classic war series Combat. One of my warmest childhood memories is of sitting in the living room with my Dad watching Combat and Bonanza. I was too young to understand what was going on, but it didn't matter, because I was with Dad. I'm really looking forward to seeing this series. The main star is Vic Morrow, who was killed in a stunt gone wrong on the set of the remake of The Twilight Zone movie. Something I didn't know about him was that his daughter is Jennifer Jason Leigh. Small world, eh?

Next up for Mookie is Slap Shot.

Posted by: Ted at 07:39 AM | Comments (49) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

1 Don't forget Young Frankenstein.

Posted by: LeeAnn at October 07, 2003 11:20 AM (HxCeX)

2 That's on the list, as is Terminator and Altered States.

Posted by: Ted at October 07, 2003 11:25 AM (ULW3r)

3 Ted, you are a great parent! So few these days ensure that their children get a classical education..... I hope "Arthur" is on your list, as well as "Patton."

Posted by: Susie at October 07, 2003 12:07 PM (0+cMc)

4 Thanks for the suggestions Susie. And during the holidays she gets the full slate of Scrooges, 34th Streets, and It's A Wonderful Life (possibly my all-time favorite movie).

It's not all dreck and cult crap from me, but that *is* a big part of it.

Posted by: Ted at October 07, 2003 12:10 PM (ULW3r)

5 I forgot to mention that we've already worked our way through mucho John Wayne, and she's receptive to musicals now with her interest in theater. Singing in the Rain, Seven Brides, My Fair Lady, Music Man, Guys and Dolls... the list goes on and on.

Posted by: Ted at October 07, 2003 12:13 PM (ULW3r)

6 Hey, don't forget the Joe Don Baker movies! Trust me, her life isn't complete without Joe Don Baker movies!

Posted by: Victor at October 07, 2003 12:17 PM (L3qPK)

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October 06, 2003

China's Space Shot

They're keeping it quiet to minimize embarrassment in case of problems, but it looks like sometime next week is the likely launch date.

Posted by: Ted at 10:07 PM | Comments (44) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Challenge accepted

The hombre over at Sanity's Edge is a Dallas Cowboys fan. This means that he cheers for scissors-stabbing, dope-smuggling, cattle-molesting criminals who wear silver and blue instead of orange jumpsuits.

South America's Team. "Why yes officer, this two hundred pounds of pot is for my personal consumption."

And he called me delusional. Hah! As (in your words) a blaspheming non-believer, let me do a careful and detailed analysis on your beloved Dallas Cowboys and their play so far this season.

Let's start with an overview. First off, the Dallas Cowboys suck.

The hell with detailed analysis. The above says it all. Don't push me Paul, I'm a Raiders fan.

Posted by: Ted at 01:43 PM | Comments (47) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Ick

Chocolate Bill Cookies.

Posted by: Ted at 12:26 PM | Comments (43) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

October 05, 2003

Spaceflight Propulsion

Current rockets use solid or liquid chemical propulsion, some of our current space probes use Ion engines - so did Darth Vader. Star Trek has Impulse and Warp drive, and the first Motie contacted used light sails.

You can find an interesting overview of spaceflight proplusion concepts here.

Posted by: Ted at 08:52 PM | Comments (49) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Football television scheduling

What are they smoking? For the second week in a row, we get the Dallas Cowboys on national TV. They're not a very good team, and these games aren't really important to the leagues playoff picture. The only thing I can think of is that it's the "Parcell's Factor". I don't like the Cowboys, I don't like Parcells, and as we've beeen repeatedly reminded, it takes his teams three years to get good, yet this is only his first season as coach.

It's been really sad this year. Bears vs Packers. Ok, you expect the Pack to be reasonably decent, but nobody thought the Bears were going to be any good. Just because it's a rivalry doesn't mean anyone who isn't a fan of those two teams wants to watch the carnage. Or comedy. Like I said: sad.

Why not Raiders vs Lions? There's an epic for you. I'm a Raiders fanatic, but unless they pull their collective heads out it's going to be a long and painful season for me.

Maybe I'll just do yardwork today.

Posted by: Ted at 09:13 AM | Comments (56) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

1 Well, I hate the Cowboys as much as any red-blooded American, but the NFC-based schedule is a little thin. Plus, Emmitt Smith homecoming, etc. etc.

My problem is too many good AFC games. I wanted to see the Titans/Patriots, but a battle of 4-0s (Broncos/Chiefs) is on at the same time.

Posted by: Norbizness at October 05, 2003 11:15 AM (Rqz8v)

2 Yeah, the game was very sad. But then, my beloved NFC has become a joke. The Redskins looked horrible, almost recovered, and then blew what looked like an easy 2 pt conversion that would have made the game exciting. It's anemic, I tell you!

Posted by: PunchBuggy at October 05, 2003 08:39 PM (JHVM1)

3 WTF? The cowboys are a major playoff contender and they lead the NFL in offense!

Change the bong water Ted! They are running wild like the Mongol Hoardes!

Posted by: Paul at October 06, 2003 08:18 AM (w7Ydi)

4 Due respect Paul, but double up on the No-Doze. The Cowboys haven't played anybody worth mentioning yet. It's like the mighty Redskins leading the NFC east, they're feasting on even weaker teams. The Skins and Cowboys will each go 9-7 this year. Maybe.

Posted by: Ted at October 06, 2003 08:50 AM (ULW3r)

5 Another blaspheming, non-believer.

Posted by: Paul at October 06, 2003 09:15 AM (w7Ydi)

6 Another blaspheming, non-believer.

We know *you* are, Paul, but what is Ted?

Posted by: Victor at October 07, 2003 08:04 AM (L3qPK)

7 Ted is a Raider fan, and there ain't no cure.

Posted by: Ted at October 07, 2003 12:14 PM (ULW3r)

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Someone's in the kitchen with Dinahhhhhh!

October. Autumn. Crisp air, chilly mornings, frost on the front yard. Breath billowing. Halloween.

How many parents (or aunts and uncles) have made the little ones green eggs and ham? A couple of drops of blue food coloring in the scrambled eggs and you're good to go. Doesn't matter what they say though, they taste different! You'll probably go "ick". Unless you were in the military way back when, in which case you'll say "hey, where did you get c-rats?"

So in honor of the season, here's a french toast recipe I made up a long time ago. Little kids love it, older kids roll their eyes at how hokey it is while asking for seconds.

Mutilated Monster Fingers

White bread (slightly stale is better)
Eggs
Milk
1/4 teaspoon vanilla
cinnamon to taste

red food coloring
blue food coloring
powdered hot chocolate mix

strawberry pancake syrup

Directions

1. Heat a frying pan.
2. Cut the bread into fingers (4 'sticks' per slice of bread).
3. Beat two eggs with a good splash of milk, add vanilla and cinnamon. Whip until well mixed. Add blue food coloring - a single drop at a time - until you get a really putrid green color.
4. Drop the bread fingers into the egg mixture. Let it soak a few seconds. Flip them over to get both sides.
5. Put the fingers in the hot frying pan. Splatter some red food coloring over them to make drops of blood. Spinkle the hot chocolate mix over them for graveyard mold (you want the mold to be clumpy, so don't be neat about it).
6. When done on one side, flip 'em over to finish cooking.
7. Serve on a plate laying in a pool of strawberry syrup.

You can make more egg mixture as you go along. Don't call it french freedom toast, it's Mutilated Monster Fingers! Yum.

Posted by: Ted at 08:04 AM | Comments (46) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

October 04, 2003

Team America Rocketry Challenge

(Note: I originally posted this in three parts when I first started blogging. I never moved it over from the old site, so I'm reposting it here in revised form.)

See the link on the right side of the page (under "I'm involved") for the official word about the Team America Rocketry Challenge. One thing for sure is that the TARC is proof positive that kids will rise up to expectations.

The task for teams of high school students was that they had to plan, design, build and fly a rocket. Because you can buy kits in Wal-Mart to do that much, a lot of required complexity was added. The rocket had to fly as close as possible to 1500 feet, and since altitude measurement was a required, the team had to plan on using an electronic altimeter.

The next requirement was that the rocket had to have two stages. In other words, the first motor has to stop burning before the second motor fires. If you've seen pictures of the old Saturn V moon shots, that's how it worked. Three stages, each one dropping off as it was done.

The last requirement was that the rocket had to carry a payload. Two fresh hens eggs, to be brought back to earth unbroken.

Now that is a challenge!

The organizers expected a couple hundred teams to enter, and planned for twice that. Instead, almost 900 teams of students signed up.

Designing a rocket is like any other engineering project, it boils down to tradeoffs. Think about a car for example; designing for lots of people room means a larger body which means a heavier vehicle which means a bigger motor which means less room for people which means…

For the rocket design, the only set dimension was the size and weight of the eggs. The teams were provided with eggs that were weighed and measured to be within contest tolerances (and candled to make sure there were no unseen hairline cracks).

Other than that, the design was freeform. Each team was given a list of commercially available rocket motors that they could use for the flight. These motors ranged in size and power – the largest allowed motor was 256 times more powerful than the smallest. The teams had to come up with a combination of staged motors to meet the requirements. There were other considerations too, because some motors required additional electronics to ignite the upper stage.

There are photos of the teams accessable from the TARC page. In particular, look at the rockets they flew in the finals, and how teams devised different solutions to the same problem.

Each team consisted of high school students and a teacher. There were entries from every state and one from an American school overseas (APO address). Over 9000 students were participants. The teachers were there for adult supervision, but the students were required to do the actual design and construction work, and to fly the rockets themselves. Some teams were only a few students, while other teams comprised a whole class. Some schools entered more than one team. Looking at the team photos, you’ll notice a fair number of young ladies involved, including a few all-female teams.

Each team received sophisticated rocket design and simulation software so that they could build and fly ‘virtual’ rockets before starting construction. Teams were not required to use the software, but I think the benefits far outweighed the time spent learning to use it well.

The team photos were taken at the Finals, held in Virginia in May. Many teams couldn’t afford to send the entire team, but I thought it interesting to see that the teams from small towns often had banners or shirts listing their sponsors and local businesses who donated money to help them meet expenses for the contest. For some, it looked like everyone on ‘Main Street, USA’ chipped in!

An unofficial member of many teams were the mentors, who were experienced rocketeers volunteering time to help. Few students and teachers had experience building and flying rockets, so the teams were encouraged to contact their closest rocket clubs for assistance.

And what is a contest without prizes, eh? From the AIA site:
A grand prize pool of $59,000 in cash and savings bonds was shared by the top five teams. In addition, the top ten teams will compete for three $2500 grants to design, build and launch an advanced rocket with NASA Marshall Space Flight Center. Each of the top 25 teams is being invited to send one of their teachers to an advanced NASA rocketry workshop.

This is real rocket science.

The TARC was originally concieved as a one-time event, but the response from students, teachers and industry was so overwhelmingly positive that the 2004 Challenge has already been announced.

A couple of good articles about the 2003 Challenge have been posted this month (.pdf files).

Posted by: Ted at 11:39 PM | Comments (50) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Nemo found

LMAO, courtesy of Silent Running.

I needed that. Damn Giants.

Posted by: Ted at 10:06 PM | Comments (52) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Dr. Strangelove

"You can't fight in here, this is the War Room!"

Gotta love this movie.

Posted by: Ted at 08:48 PM | Comments (50) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

October 03, 2003

Photo Caption Contest

Shamelessly stealing from Wizbang!, and running with scissors his idea, here's an Octoberiffic edition of Caption that Photo.

Enter your caption in the comments below, and the winner will get a special prize. Bill has agreed to whisper into the winner's ear that Carly Simon wrote You're So Vain about himself.

Apologies to those on dial-up, because the photo is a rather biggish.

Posted by: Ted at 10:06 PM | Comments (62) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Rocketing Around the Blogosphere

The Day the Earth Stood Still is on right now. One of my all time favorites, and the first movie to use the phrase 'Klaatu Barada Nicto'. Do you know what the second was?

Ready for some great flash animation? An official Huffington production. Priceless!

Also, this from one of the lesser known California candidates. Does the name Abner Zurd mean anything to you? Thanks to Jockularocracy for the pointers to both of these.

Incommunicado is handing out a new sportscaster award. McCarvers, for inane and stupid commentary.

Laugh therapy, from Across the Atlantic.

Staying in the humorous vein, Mr. Helpful has a new series, Adventures of Bionic Dick.

This one made me laugh! Good one John. Maybe now my boss will see my point...

Cherry has an excellent explanation of moon orbit dynamics and the end of the dinosaurs.

Jon over at Q and O notes that Hillary gets her first international endorsement to be US President.

Paul writes a touching story about a town, a boy, and a mailbox. Keep the tissues handy.

I read Serenity every day, but Serenity is to serene like I am to terse.

Tasberry is an edgy slice-of-life blogger. She's also donated a pic of her self-described 'choco-rockets' to the boobie-thon, as well as some cash. Have you?

Meanwhile, Tiger holds a little contest of his own alongside the boobie-thon. The winner? The -thon, now $60 richer thanks to Tiger.

Tink fantasizes about straight single massage therapists, but settles for hot Krispy Kreme donuts. From a hetero point of view, I think she made the right choice.

You know when Pixy starts talking computer-tech and tosses around acronyms and terms that nobody understands? Well, Nic does the same thing about grammer. She must grind her teeth when she reads my blog, because for me 'creative writing' means I take liberties with words, spelling, grammer and everything else. Victor, if she wakes up screaming with nightmares, she's dreaming of me. Hah!

Are you a hockey fan? So are these guys... which reminds me. I need to check my fantasy hockey roster.
Update: draft not held yet.

Flea talks about the Chesapeake Mill. There is a restoration project underway to save this historic British building built from the timbers of the American Frigate Chesapeak, captured during the War of 1812.

Wind Rider bids a fond farewell to the Concorde.

Wanna beat on something? How about Ken Brashears virtual drum kit? Have fun! Kudos to the Ministry of Minor Perfidy for this one.

Look for a special photo caption contest tomorrow. Kevin of Wizbang did it firstest and bestest, but you'll want to check this one out.

Posted by: Ted at 09:05 PM | Comments (48) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

1 Actually, I only donated $50. Contestant #2 didn't get the required 5 votes so I was only required, by my pledge, to donate $40. I ponied up an extra $10 as consolation for Contestant #2's participation. If I hadn't done so, I couldn't have gotten the key to the bare boobie page.

Posted by: Tiger at October 03, 2003 10:34 PM (ZpaC8)

2 You're one of the good guys Tiger, no doubt about that.

Posted by: Ted at October 04, 2003 08:58 AM (2sKfR)

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"Roll us both down a mountain"

"and I'm sure the fat guy'd win, woooh." At least according to Ian Anderson.

Don tells of his favorite bumper sticker, which reminds me of a joke.

A severely overweight big-game hunter hires a skinny little guide to take him into the mountains.

Posted by: Ted at 01:55 PM | Comments (50) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Put your money where your mouth will be

From their website:
"The purpose of the Long Bets foundation is to improve long-term thinking.

Long Bets is a public arena for enjoyably competitive predictions, of interest to society, with philanthropic money at stake. The foundation furnishes the continuity to see even the longest bets through to public resolution. This website provides a forum for discussion about what may be learned from the bets and their eventual outcomes."

This is a fascinating concept. The basic idea is that you make a prediction that you think will come true some time in the future (2+ years), and your reasoning behind the prediction. Others bet against you, and explain why they disagree.

Bets may be time limited, such as "In a Google search of five keywords or phrases representing the top five news stories of 2007, weblogs will rank higher than the New York Times' Web site.". They can also be open-ended, as in "The first discovery of extraterrestrial life will be someplace other than on a planet or on a satellite of a planet."

Charities are designated by each bettor, and when a winner is determined the charity is given the money (plus interest).

Discussion is encouraged. You really should check this out.

Posted by: Ted at 11:10 AM | Comments (50) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

About three people will get this

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Marvin the interrupting cow.

Marvin the inter-

Gimme a dollar.

Posted by: Ted at 09:06 AM | Comments (51) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

1 LOL

Posted by: Jennifer at October 03, 2003 10:53 AM (PbT+r)

2 I have heard it three times and still don't get it.

Posted by: Tiger at October 03, 2003 08:30 PM (ZpaC8)

3 Oh, did I mention that now every time I hear anyone say "Knock, Knock," I immediately answer, "I'm broke Marvin, so you ain't gettin' to freakin' dollar!" ?

Posted by: Tiger at October 03, 2003 08:32 PM (ZpaC8)

4 I still love it.

Posted by: LeeAnn at October 05, 2003 12:59 AM (HxCeX)

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Friday Drinking Stories

Bill, Paul, BlackFive and others have been talking about drinking stories. Thanks for the inspiration guys, here’s my take on it.

Got a favorite drinking game? Quarters comes immediately to mind for a lot of people, and there was a board game whose name I’ve forgotten. It was in a bright pink Monopoly-sized box, and it seems that everyone bought it at Spencers in the mall.

Then there were the group participation games, keyed to a television show or movie. A local favorite was Chug Boat, where each player took a Love Boat character and each time your character appeared on screen you took a drink of your beer. When three or more characters appeared together, those players had to chug the remainder of their beers, and when the whole crew showed up together, everyone chugged a full beer. A variation was "Oh, Bob" using the Bob Newhart Show.

For those living at 78rpm in a 33 1/3 world, try the same game watching the movie Clue.

Nothing like a game of Guts Checkers to get roasted in a hurry. Each checker is a shot glass, dark liquor on one side, light on the other. Twelve shots if you clear the board. Being a wuss (highly recommended) meant you used mixed drinks instead of straight shots. This had the advantage of letting you play more than one game before the world went away. Screwdrivers vs. Vodka Sevens works well, but any contrasting drinks will do.

Feeling cerebral? Try Shot Glass Chess. Many suggested variations too.

Up in the Great White North, where winter runs from September to June, drinking is practiced often and continuously. The drinking game of choice is Chug Hockey, played with a deck of cards. Chug Hockey is the penultimate drinking game because it’s simple and quick playing. Hands last all of about, oh, thirty seconds, and the loser of a hand immediately downs a shot. Two people will get thoroughly trashed in twenty minutes on as little as two six-packs, and have fun doing it.

Here’s the rules. Deal three cards to each player, stack the rest of the deck in the middle of the table. Turn over the first card from the stack. Players take turns laying down their cards and add the numbers to the total. So, for instance, a five is showing and you lay down a seven, you call ‘twelve’. The next player lays down a queen, calling ‘twenty two’, and so on. You take another card from the stack so that you always have three cards in your hand (and if you forget, oh well). The idea is to stay under 99. Simple, eh? Suits don’t matter, and aces are ‘1’. There are a few special cards. A ‘4’ reverses the order of who plays. A ‘9’ is a free card and doesn’t add to the total. A ‘10’ subtracts ten from the total. And finally, the King means the total is automatically 99. That’s it!

If more than two people are playing you can go quite a while without having to drink, which occasionally leads you to intentionally losing just so you can wet your whistle. It also leads into a drinking story.

My wife and I once had the best babysitter in the world. One night we had a party at our place, and our babysitter was invited to, well, babysit while the adults partied. She brought along her new boyfriend, a young military kid full of attitude and the ability to make people immediately dislike him.

We decided to play some Chug Hockey. There were eight of us sitting around the table to play, including boyfriend. We explained the rules and he understood them soon enough. It’s wasn’t long before the babysitter came in and saw what was going on. She just rolled her eyes and walked back out, because we’d already told her that her boyfriend was a dick, and she knew what was coming.

It didn’t take long before he was buzzed enough to be distracted (here, have another shot). A short time later we were stacking the deck right in front of him before we dealt (wow, another shot for loser boy). When he was almost comatose, we decided to add insult to injury and played three hands in a row where the loser had to eat a raw egg. Wanna guess who got ‘em all? When he passed out, we dragged him outside and let him sleep it off on the grass. We had a great babysitter, but she had lousy taste in boyfriends.

Posted by: Ted at 08:38 AM | Comments (54) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

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