December 18, 2003
Sometimes you just gotta
While reading SilverBlue, I found this pointer to Bill, who posted the most disgusting bit of alleged humor I've seen in a long time. Of course I laughed like a maniac the whole time.
And oddly enough, it was the second 'tampon related' discussion I'd been involved in today. It must be preordained or something, so here is my contribution to the string (pun intended). Q: How can you tell when a blonde is having a bad day? A: There's a tampon behind her ear and she can't find her pencil.Posted by: Ted at 11:50 AM | Comments (44) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
Ripple Fire*
I’m one of those folks who listens to Christmas music on the radio. I found the local easy listening station, which has become the self-proclaimed “home for Christmas”, and that’s what plays on the way to work. I love singing along too. But I have a tip for musicians everywhere: there’s not a thing wrong with slow and solemn songs, but for God’s sake don’t turn an upbeat song into a dirge trying to make it ‘your own’.
Country Music Christmas songs fall into two categories: Trailer Trash Tunes and Treacly Tearjerkers. Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer and Who Put the Dick on the Snowman are perfect examples of the first sort, and this years apparent winner in the sickly-sweet division is I Want To Buy Those Shoes for Mommy. You see, she’s going to meet Jesus tonight and she has to look good, so dad sent the kid out to get her new shoes. Barf. Burger King has once again backed a loser, this time the Cat in the Hat movie. BK commercials in general are obnoxious, and adding the Cat into the mix just makes it worse. Tip time (I’m on a roll today): Next time you have an idea for an advertising campaign, throw it in the trash and do the exact opposite. My consulting fee for that wisdom is ½ of 1% of your advertising budget for next year. If that’s a problem, just dock Herb’s salary. Lyndon LaRouche is running for president – again. The ad I heard this morning was a pip, even for him. This isn’t a perfect quote, because I’m probably off by a word or two, but the money words are exact: “If the Democratic Party excludes me, they. Will. Be. Destroyed. If the Democratic Party doesn’t include me this time, they are dead meat.” Wow, all the features of ‘Compassionate Conservatism’, except the compassion and conservatism. In the military, I had to get a flue shot every year, and every year I’d get sick for a few days from the ‘live-virus’ vaccine. I haven’t had one since I got out over ten years ago, and I’ve had my butt kicked by the flu twice in that time. The way it was explained to me, the makers of the vaccine take the two or three most common strains from the previous year and combine them into the next years vaccine, making an educated guess about what’s coming along next and hoping that the current strains will be close enough to the previous ones to provide some measure of immunity. It’s a crap shoot - possible to win, possible to lose badly. So this year, flu season comes along early and kills some kids. Not to seem unfeeling, but the flu kills about a hundred kids a year, not to mention thousands of older folks. Maybe it was a slow news day or something, but the media has blown this so out of proportion that people are panicking. Now there are hours-long lines waiting to get one of the last hundred doses of vaccine at the local clinic, and then folks get pissed because their baby didn’t get a shot. Why the hell didn’t you get the kid vaccinated when it became available months ago? Shut the hell up. And it’s not the government’s fault. The vaccine companies made enough to cover normal demand (thousands of doses get thrown away unused each year), so don’t blame them either. Just shut up. Meanwhile the talking heads on the news show video clips of lines outside of clinics and horrifically sick kids while they whisper in voice-over “don’t panic”. You too, shut up. Mr. Green, your services are needed here. Hmmmm… need to lighten up and end this… Since my wife doesn’t read my blog (and the girls know death awaits if they open their big mouths), I’d like to publicly thank Daniel for pointing out this! I got one for Liz for Christmas (WalMart.com), and it looks like it’s going to be fun. Kickin' it old school, indeed. * ‘Ripple Fire’ is a mode whereas multiple military rockets are launched at a (usually ground) target in rapid sequence. It’s similar to machine-gun fire, but with big booms at the receiving end.I use the title for disjointed snippets and thoughts too short for their own posts.
Posted by: Ted at 08:03 AM | Comments (45) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
Wildest dreams
I heard this on the radio this morning, and it sounds like fun. They called it "Put on your Greedy Caps".
For Christmas, you can have anything you want. Anything. Among the DJ's on the morning show, their wishes were:- The deed to Augusta.
- The same amount of money as Bill Gates.
- Heidi Klum.
- (my new hero wanted) his face painted on every water tower in America. What is your wish? Leave it in the comments.
Posted by: Ted at 07:04 AM | Comments (51) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
WWJD
Not what you think, unless you know me, then you already knew it couldn't be that.
What Would Jesus Drive? Found via EnSight, which I found through a link at Carol's Chaotic Collection of Curiosities (which, by the way, features a regular roundup of Spam-related articles and links).Posted by: Ted at 05:30 AM | Comments (44) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
December 17, 2003
Just in case you didn't know...
Go visit Google for a clue about what today is.
Posted by: Ted at 11:32 AM | Comments (47) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
X-Prize Team Updates
Major thanks to Mark Oakley, who pointed out this link to new summaries of the X-Prize contenders, their 2003 accomplishments and their future plans (.pdf file).
You really should read about what happens when the civilian world decides to reach for the stars without government help. Over twenty teams from Canada, the UK, Argentina, Israel, Romania, Russia and the US are vying for top honors. I've written a little bit about the X-Prize before, but you can find better information about it over at Rocket Man, including interviews with some of the teams.Posted by: Ted at 09:10 AM | Comments (43) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
Rocketing Around the Blogosphere
Lots going on.
300,000 Dots. Please read it and scroll down too, and remember exactly why capturing Saddam Hussein was a historic moment to the Iraqi people. Thanks to the guys at Random Nuclear Strikes for this link. Freaking News has an excellent photoshop Saddam contest running. Thanks to Shell of Across the Atlantic for pointing it out. Annika brings us a little history of the 4th Infantry Division, who mounted Operation Red Dawn. Over at Blackfive, Matt requests help responding to an email he received. This comment cracked me up: “It could also have something to do with their accents. In America, women who speak english with a french accent are considered to be sexy and men who speak english with a french accent are considered to be gay.” – digrafid AKA the grungy guide Not that there's anything wrong with that, mind you. Being gay I mean, not being French. (I know, you saw that coming a mile away) Dawn posts a link to a television commercial that can only be described as ‘sweet’. And sometimes that’s just what you need. Now over at Curmudgeonly & Skeptical, Rodger mentions a History Channel program, Time Machine: Nazi Guerrillas. I saw that show too, and if you get a chance I highly recommend it. Norbi is running several caption contests with real actual genuine prizes! He also uses the word ‘chucklehead’ which kind of pisses me off because I was planning on bringing back that oldie myself in a post later this week. So now, it becomes a tribute instead of a trendsetter. Once again, the flea links to virtual coolness. This time, it’s animated engines. I was reminded of this book and a similar one that give plans on how to craft working mechanical engines of wood. While searching for that one, I came across this book which shows how to make working wooden locks. I'm not patient enough to produce that kind of intricacy in wood, but I can appreciate the beauty of the pieces. Filed under “WTF? Keep an eye on this…”, both Marc of The Idiot Villager (he isn’t) and someone else who’s link I’ve misplaced (and I’m embarrassed about that), look into the fact that MoveOn.Org, is going international. Yep. The Democratic party – well, not officially – are now inviting foreign citizens to donate money to MoveOn who will then distribute it ‘legally’ to Democratic candidates in order to defeat President Bush. Update: Random Nuclear Strikes notes the same item and links to Drudge. Also, try a little bagpipe Christmas music. FanBall. Go try it, it’s addictive as hell. Thanks to Jockularocracy for the pointer. More ‘whoa, neat!’ stuff, this time via Jimi Love. Warning, the cool link does not allow you to ‘back’ out and return. How can you not love someone who titles a post “Kucinich, you maggot infested, disease ridden whoreson.” Thanks to Kin – who’s TDY in Italy at the moment – for the link to Gee, ya THINK!?. Ah, feeling the love. I read The Meatriarch every day, and when I finally post a comment he’s all over me like I was wearing a pork chop suit. Mark of Not Quite Tea and Crumpets reappears. Not much new yet, but it’s nice to know that everything is ok and that his fine blog wasn’t abandoned. Over at Sanity’s Edge, Paul posts two hysterically funny stories. (making a note about my ‘answering the phone’ story…) Serenity posted an awesome link to 'The best of the Hubble'. Awesome is too lightweight a word for these pictures. And so ends this edition. Not because I ran out of great things to link to – heck, I only got to the beginning of the S’s – but because lunch is over and it’s time to get back to work. Happy Holidays my friends, however you may celebrate.Posted by: Ted at 07:33 AM | Comments (46) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
Good Eats
Yes, I am a fan. I like Alton Brown. Thanks to Josh for the link to the Alton Brown fan page. Be sure to check out the satire of Alton Brown on Iron Chef! (look on the left side of the page for the link)
If nothing else, watch because he's got his own drinking game. I'm sorry, I couldn't resist this: What did the Buddhist say to the hot dog vendor?"Make me one with everything."
Posted by: Ted at 06:06 AM | Comments (47) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
December 16, 2003
Dear Santa...
It didn't take long, and just in time for the holidays, the "Captured Saddam," action figure, presumably fresh out of an imaginary spider-hole, has been rushed to store shelves. "We still mold and hand paint each and every action figure right here in the Good Old USA," says Herobuilders.com. Check out their page, it's pretty in-your-face funny. Among their offerings are a couple of Saddam dolls, two Uday versions (I like the DOA doll), and of course everyone's favorite: Baghdad Bob. For European customers, the company features a Tony Blair "Talking British Ally" model, Gerhard Schroeder in camouflage, and French President Jacque Chirac, whom it calls "le Worm" in a flouncy French maid's outfit. Well, maybe that last one isn't for the Euro market.Posted by: Ted at 09:45 PM | Comments (44) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
This might be the only reason I'd buy a lottery ticket
Two Americans have ponied up $20 million each to become the latest space tourists, and will ride a Russian rocket into orbit.
Posted by: Ted at 09:34 PM | Comments (41) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
Dreamliner
While European consortium Airbus concentrates on a behemoth passenger carrier (the A380 - seating up to 800*, due in 2006), Boeing takes a different path and announced their new 7E7 Dreamliner. By using more advanced composites than metal, the new jet will be lighter and 20% more fuel efficient. Also included are passenger-friendly features such as wider aisles and seats as well as larger windows, and it will carry up to 250 people over 8,000 miles non-stop.
Even though the first planes won't fly until 2008, Boeing will begin taking orders now. They project sales of 2000-3000 aircraft over 20 years. * According to Airbus, the baseline capacity of the A380 is 555 passengers. I assume the larger numbers are 'cattle car' seating, where everyone flies coach.Posted by: Ted at 09:18 PM | Comments (43) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
High Power Rocket
In the extended entry is a picture of me holding my semi-scale model of a Phoenix air-to-air missile.
I won this kit in an online raffle, and she flies great on 'H' motors. She'll handle 'I' and 'J' motors as well, but I haven't tried them yet. Thanks to all the fins, once the motor stops burning and she's coasting upwards, you can hear her whistling. It sounds pretty cool.Posted by: Ted at 09:47 AM | Comments (51) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
Someone's in the kitchen with Dinahhhh!
If you set out home-baked goodies for the holidays, or give them as gifts, these cookies are a great variation of the old classic.
Oatmeal Raisin Spice Cookies ingredients½ cup butter, softened
½ cup butter flavored shortening
1 cup packed light brown sugar
½ cup white sugar
2 eggs
1 tsp vanilla extract
1 ½ cups all-purpose flour
1 tsp baking soda
1 tsp ground cinnamon
½ tsp (scant) ground cloves
½ tsp salt 3 cups rolled oats
1 cup raisins Directions
1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
2. In large bowl, cream together the butter, shortening, both sugars, eggs, and vanilla until smooth.
3. Combine the flour, baking soda, cinnamon, cloves, and salt, stir into the sugar mixture.
4. Stir in the oats and raisins.
5. Drop by rounded teaspoonfuls onto ungreased cookie sheets.
6. Bake 10-12 minutes until light and golden. They will be soft and chewy if you don't overbake them. Let cool for a minute before removing from cookie sheets to cool completely. Makes 3 dozen.
Posted by: Ted at 08:07 AM | Comments (45) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
Ho Ho Oh!
I wonder if OSHA has guidelines for this?
Posted by: Ted at 06:58 AM | Comments (43) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
Rockets and Boy Scouts
Michael's Craft Stores are promoting, in conjunction with Estes Industries, a "Space Exploration Rocket Days". This event, held at Michael's stores throughout the country from April 17, 2004 through May 1st, 2004, will provide Scouts the opportunity to complete Requirement 3 of the Space Exploration merit badge except for the two rocket launches. Estes Industries will provide a model rocket to be built to each Boy Scout registering for the event. Michael's will provide an opportunity for scouts to build their rocket at the store. Scoutmasters can bring troop members to participate and a certificate will be presented, upon completion of building the rocket, and the certificate can be presented to the merit badge counselor.
This is a Boy Scout event and does require registration prior to participation. REGISTER NOW! Call or visit your local Michael's store between January 2 and March 5, 2004 to register your troop.
Posted by: Ted at 06:50 AM | Comments (47) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
December 15, 2003
*snicker*
Over at Transterrestrial Musings, Rand Simberg wonders...
Six Weeks More War, Or Is It Over? When they pulled Saddam out of his hole, did he see his shadow?Posted by: Ted at 10:11 AM | Comments (44) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
Skeletons In Their Closets
A lot of popular movie stars did movies early in their careers that they might wish they could forget. Then again, if it pays the rent, eh? This list is courtesy of Video Hound's Cult Flicks & Trash Pics.
I'm proud to say that I've seen most of these. Update: Marked by an asterisk, as suggested by Victor. * Kevin Bacon, Friday the 13th * Kevin Costner, Sizzle Beach U.S.A. Rober De Niro, Bloody Mama * Johnny Depp, A Nightmare on Elm Street Clint Eastwood, Revenge of the Creature * Jane Fonda, Barbarella * Melanie Griffith, Smile * Tom Hanks, He Knows You’re Alone * Ron Howard, Village of the Giants * Don Johnson, A Boy and His Dog * Michael Landon, I Was a Teenage Werewolf Demi Moore, Parasite * Jack Nicholson, Little Shop of Horrors * Meg Ryan, Amityville 3-D * Susan Sarandon & Barry Bostwick, Rocky Horror Picture Show Arnold Schwarzenegger, Hercules in New York * Billy Bob Thorton, Chopper Chicks in Zombietown John Travolta, The Devil’s Rain * Renee Zellweger & Matthew McConaughey, Texas Chainsaw Massacre 4: The Next GenerationPosted by: Ted at 07:14 AM | Comments (43) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
Missing the good ol' days
Back before it got so crowded.
Posted by: Ted at 06:02 AM | Comments (44) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
Hu's on First
Playwright Jim Sherman wrote this after Hu Jintao was named chief of the Communist Party in China.
(We take you now to the Oval Office.)Posted by: Ted at 05:17 AM | Comments (45) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
December 14, 2003
Paging Oliver Stone
Kevin wants everyone to make up their own wild conspiracy story about Saddam's capture and link to his post here.
Just think, this is your chance to profoundly influence moonbat thinking. So get busy, get creative, and get digging! It's obvious that the Russians handed over Saddam to the US as part of the deal to cover Halliburton's overcharging for gas by allowing the Russians to build their pipeline instead of the Turks.Posted by: Ted at 08:21 PM | Comments (43) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
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