Rocket Jones

December 14, 2003

Now that's what I call accumulation

Not work safe, not kid safe, but funny and cute.
Download and click to run it. And don't worry, nothing installs.

Download Snowman (400kb)

Ho.

Posted by: Ted at 09:27 AM | Comments (43) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Silliness

Beats standing out in the freezing rain any day.

I knew something bothered me while watching the Two Towers. Thanks to Johno of The Ministry, I now know that it was the quirky editing. Here's the original, with all scenes restored as it was meant to be seen.

And since we're feeling middle-earthish, enjoy some Gollum rap. Thanks to Sekimori, via Tiger, for the pointer to this one.

LeeAnn posted this one, and I suspect that I'm the last person on the internet to have seen it, but in the interest of linking all things silly: Virtual Bubble Wrap.

Oh yeah, new tagline over on the right. And nobody even noticed. Just like a guy.

Posted by: Ted at 09:22 AM | Comments (43) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

YES !!!!!!!

Saddam Hussein captured.

Posted by: Ted at 09:18 AM | Comments (42) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

December 13, 2003

Season tickets will be impossible to get

Today our hometown Dale City Cowboys won the Pop Warner Midget Division I Super Bowl - 2003.

Get some, 'Boys!

Posted by: Ted at 07:22 PM | Comments (44) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

When I do stuff like this it's called goofing off

For those who have ever wondered why the sky was a lurid red in "The Scream" -- Edvard Munch's painting of modern angst -- astronomers have an answer.

Posted by: Ted at 01:09 PM | Comments (44) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

In touch with my inner self

At least they admit it's a useless test (click on the pig).

Thanks to Pixy and Susie, today's intrepid Lewis & Clark of quiz-takers everywhere.

Posted by: Ted at 07:56 AM | Comments (43) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Or you could just stick a fork in the outlet

A page dedicated to Christmas Lights.

I'm all for showing the Christmas spirit, but those people who go all out to decorate every inch of their house, inside and out, for Christmas kinda creep me out.

Posted by: Ted at 07:43 AM | Comments (43) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

December 12, 2003

DIY Cruise Missile

I'm kind of surprised that this hasn't generated more buzz than it has. Surprised and relieved, actually.

A New Zealand man who built a cruise missile in his garage claims the New Zealand government forced him to shut down his project after coming under pressure from the United States.

Bruce Simpson says he built the missile using parts bought off the internet to show how easily it could be done.

There was some concern from the hobby rocketry community that this would reflect badly on us, especially because common sense isn’t particularly common right now within the Department of Homeland Security or the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives (BATFE).

So let’s set it straight right up front. A cruise missile isn’t a rocket, it’s not even really a missile, it’s an unmanned airplane. It flies like an airplane using a jet engine, and the onboard guidance system steers it to its target exactly like you steer an airplane. A cruise missile is nothing more than a faster one-shot version of the Predator or Global Hawk unmanned aerial vehicles (UAV) now in use. The primary purpose is attack, unlike UAV’s where the first job is surveillance.

In WWII, Germany developed a ‘glide bomb’ that was forerunner to modern cruise missiles. It lacked only its own propulsion, being dropped from a carrier aircraft at high altitude and gliding to the target.

Bruce Simpson (the developer in question) has since posted to the Rec.Models.Rockets newsgroup to discuss his work. He makes this claim:

You'll note that tthe project deliberately avoided any use of rocket engines -- even for the launch process. This was done deliberately because I didn't want any fallout on the model rocket community. I was fully aware that even if I'd used a sold rocket booster for launching, there was a very real risk that the knee-jerk reaction of politicians would have been to simply ban the sale and unlicensed production of all rocket engines.

Likewise, although I could have gone out and purchased three or four turbojet engines designed for model airplane use, i deliberately avoided the same reasons.

I didn't want any fallout from this project to affect legitimate users of similar technology.

Googling his name as author on all newsgroups, I found that he’s also been actively debating his project on UK.Current-Events.Terrorism, Alt.Religion.Islam, Rec.Crafts.Metalworking, NZ.Politics, NZ.General, and Sci.Space.Tech, among others.

So what exactly did he build? There are more details here, some fairly troubling. The government of New Zealand admitted that he broke no laws, and even told him that it was ok to license his jet engine design to an Iranian aerospace company when he was approached with an offer. In his words:

However, out of curiosity I contacted relevent arm of the NZ government to ask what would be involved if someone wished to accept such a deal. I fully expected to be told that technology exports to Iran were prohibited -- particularly since the USA has classified that country as a sponsor of terrorism and has very strict bans on such technology transfers.

I was gobsmacked when the government came back to me and said there would be no problem with selling jet engine technology to Iran. I even asked again -- empahsizing that this technology had military application. They went away and came back with the same answer - it doesn't matter if it does have military application.

Once I'd picked my jaw up off the floor, I immediately contacted the NZ Secret Service (the SIS) and told them what had happened, handed over copies of the correspondence and queried that surely the government had gotten it wrong.

To my surprise, they didn't say it would be illegal either -- but they did suggest that such a transaction would not be recommended.

He goes on to say:

Even more incredible -- to this day, the advice given me in respect to such exports has not been rescinded. As far as I know, I could still sell military technology to Iran and not be in breach of the law.

It wasn’t until the United States publicly stated that his project was ‘unhelpful’ that the New Zealand government put the screws to Mr. Simpson. It appears that since NZ had already stated that no laws had been broken, they needed to find some other way to end his work. They then used the tried-and-true method of tax prosecution.

After reviewing his site and reading his various posts, I’ve come to the conclusion that the man is what he claims to be, an ordinary guy with an extraordinary plan to demonstrate the difficulties that we face trying to protect ourselves from modern weapons in the hands of terrorists. Obviously not dumb, I think he may have surprised some officials by actually succeeding where they saw no chance at all. ‘Too smart for his own good’ is a phrase that comes to mind.

He leaves this website as the means of contacting him.

Posted by: Ted at 09:25 AM | Comments (43) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Rocketing Around the Blogosphere

Jockularocracy. Cursor fun.

Ghost of a flea. Visual Thesaurus. Very very cool.

Pensieri found an odd site. It's an online collection of stewardess uniforms.

Jon took a candidate quiz to see who he's most in tune with. He posted his results with comments. My favorite line:
I'd move to Chicago so I could vote against him twice.

Heather of Angelweave points out this hilarious bit of internet humor. Bandwidth alert, and drink warning too. I'm soooooo there.

Brian Noggle creates a nifty new swear word, but lost me during the explanation when he used the phrase: "That's a twofer you don't get with an unvoiced labiodental fricative." I had to look it up, because to my admittedly gutter-dwelling mind, it sounds like performing non-reciprocated oral sex while staying at her folk's place for the holidays. Thanks again to Heather, for that mental image. Ever been to a space station?

Over at Spacecraft, Chris Hall posts a picture that proves us rocket nuts people are everywhere. If you want to see something slightly twilight-zonish, visit Huntsville, Alabama. Every other business there is named Rocket-this or Astro-that.

Ben Dover, because good advice is timeless.

Learn about rocketry.

I've mentioned him before: Ray Dunakin builds rockets that take aerial photographs. He sells beautiful 8x10 prints, mounted and matted, for $15.00 + shipping. Worth considering if you're looking for something different to give as Christmas gifts.

For those who are sick of holiday music, you must Must MUST go here and listen. Actually, everyone should go, because this is falling-down-holding-your-side-it-hurts funny. Work safe, and don't forget to click the 'offended?' link at the end. Major kudos to Shell of Across the Atlantic for pointing this one out.

Terry has been visiting China, has a camera, and knows how to use it. Wow.

The Meatriarch posted a great bit about Hollywood fighting vs. Real Life fighting.

If you look up the word despair in the dictionary, you'll find that they mention being a Cleveland sports fan.

Mr. Helpful casts and scripts his version of A Christmas Carol.

Lynn points out this cheerful virtual snowglobe, and helpfully reminds you to turn the sound up so you can hear the screams as you rock their little universe.

Jail babes. Another option for that special nitwit on your list. Thanks to Say Uncle for the link.

More gift-giving goodies, courtesy of Jay at Sophont.

Gee, Ya Think?! points out this page full of Christmas Hamster-dancing.

Ho.

Posted by: Ted at 08:13 AM | Comments (42) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

December 11, 2003

New Air & Space Museum Annex Opens

Located west of Washington DC near Dulles International Airport, exhibits include the Enola Gay, the Enterprise space shuttle, the Concorde, an SR-71 Blackbird, Amelia Earhart's flight suit and various rockets, missiles, satellites, fighters and jetliners.

The annex is named for Steven F. Udvar-Hazy, a Hungarian immigrant who made a fortune in aircraft leasing. Udvar-Hazy pledged $60 million for the project in 1999, which was the Smithsonian's largest-ever individual donation at the time.

The original Air and Space Museum, which will remain open, is the most visited museum in the world, averaging 9 million guests a year. Both are free, though parking at the new facility costs $12.

I can't wait!

Posted by: Ted at 07:41 PM | Comments (43) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Seriously

Last one of these for awhile, I promise.

Today Liz went to see her doctor. He removed her staples (14 of 'em, 11" incision), disconnected the plumbing, and - best of all - gave us the results of all the biopsies. Everything was benign. No cancer. Happy doesn't begin to describe me right now.

Posted by: Ted at 07:22 PM | Comments (47) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Suggested Christmas gifts

For kids whose parents you really hate, here's a list of truly evil presents. This list was compiled will careful thought and malice over many years. Also, because toys come and go, not all of these are available any more, but are always worth picking up as a 'just because mommy or daddy pissed me off gift' if you find one in a yard sale.

1. Without a doubt, the best gift to give is the legendary Ant Farm. It comes with a coupon that you mail in and they send you the live ants. Of course the parents aren't going to do that, so save them the time and trouble (and a stamp!) and send it in for them ahead of time. You want to give little Johnny or Jenny a working farm, chock full of crawly little critters.

2. The classics are always simple things. And what could be simpler than Finger Paints? They're a whole mess of fun! Be sure to include a pad of big sheets of paper, and then sit down with the kids and use up 90% of the paper right there getting 'em hooked. This forces mommy and daddy to get more paper or - even better - run out and have the little Picassos decorating the house. If mommy and daddy take 'em away, be sure to ask the kids how they like them so the guilt trip can begin.

3. Related to Finger Paints is another classic, the Spin Art set. So perfectly designed that almost no mess is made under adult supervision, the trick here is to let kids be kids, and they'll manage it all on their own. A nice little mini-spin art kit makes a wonderful pocket stuffer too!

4. Every kid wants an Airbrush. Just not one this crappy! The cheaper the better because it makes a bigger mess. You could also include a custom hot rod magazine, and point out that all the bitchin' flames and pinstriping was done with the same type of equipment. Couldn't mom's minivan use a touch of cool?

5. Suntan Barbie, aka Malibu Barbie. When first introduced, the 'tan' was a thin rubberized spray-on coating which was so sticky that it made it almost impossible to dress and undress the doll. If you do manage to find one of these evil classics, make sure you get the little angel plenty of extra outfits to put on and take off. Mommy and daddy will love you for it.

6. The Fisher-Price Corn Popper has been driving parents up the wall since 1957. There's something to be said about tradition.

7. Barney Bongo's. These are truly inspired by Satan. Each time the kid hits a bongo, it plays the next note of the Barney song! In approximately three days, mommy and daddy will want to put a contract out on you. "They hate you. You're no friend. Ba-by sings that song again..."

8. If you know the kid is a slob, and mommy and daddy are too, then you can't go wrong with Jacks. A good set is ten metal caltrops, perfect for perforating bare feet, and a rubber ball or two to slip on. Cheap too, so go ahead and double up on the fun. Like they say: give until it hurts.

9. When people call it a thoughtful gift, they usually mean it in a good way. What a crock. If the tyke is a little older, then think inexpensive color printer. While you're being congratulated for giving an educational present, just remember that the average color cartridge prints about twelve pages and costs forty bucks. Mom and dad will need a second mortgage to keep up with junior's four-color jones, especially if you also throw in a CD label maker.

Ho.

Posted by: Ted at 08:33 AM | Comments (47) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Crafty Crafty Crafty

Cross stitch with an attitude.

Thanks to the flea for this pointer.

Posted by: Ted at 07:54 AM | Comments (43) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

December 10, 2003

Build It - 4

This is a series where we build a model rocket step-by-step. You can find the rest of the series here.

The main part of the post is in the extended entry so you don’t have to deal with it if you don’t want to, but I hope you follow along because when we get done you’ll have built and flown your first model rocket. Questions asked from before are answered too.

Posted by: Ted at 11:09 AM | Comments (43) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Interviewed

Jennifer has posted my answers to a whole heap o' nosy damn questions. I ran the questions through the gender-determiner, and discovered that all of them were written by females! Boy howdy, that made me feel good.

Next, a quick stop at the syntax/rhetoric-analyzer, and I found out that all those females were really just two. I still felt ok about it.

A little further digging and parsing, and all I can say is: Thanks Mookie. Thanks also to Bill, because your style gives you away every time you whiny little bitch.

Heh. I still feel good. :p

(For the humor-impaired - or those that think I am - that was a joke. Thanks for all the questions. Seriously.)

Posted by: Ted at 08:55 AM | Comments (47) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Great Random Google Junket

Here's the promised second half of the Munuvian Christmas Great Random Google Junket. You can find the first one here. Once again, the basic rule is adding the word Santa to the blog name or related word and running it through Google to see what we come up with.

Santa + Bunny
Right off the bat we find something for the kids, or the kid inside you. A Santa Bunny coloring page, and an online jigsaw puzzle!

Santa + Phoenix
True, he's got pizazz, and he's got panache. But mostly he's got that Phoenix rising from the flames on his banner, so that's what I used. Daniel certainly has better taste than the folks at Phoenix Productions, who put on a show called Sing Along Santa, where “Santa’s looking for some styling new duds as he suits up for his annual sleigh ride.” Uh huh.

And since that bit serious reindeer butt, let’s try ‘pizazz’ instead. First up comes a page (.pdf file format) showing how the electronics do-it-yourselfer can add dimming and sequencing effects to christmas light decorations. As opposed to going to the store and just buying 'em I guess.

Santa + Green
“The great thing about Christmas is that it is a time to forget about the stresses and worries of the rest of your life, and spend a little time on something joyful like decorating with your new Button Beard Santa - Green Pants”. From Home Interiors, which is a racket along the lines of Tupperware and Amway.

Santa + Xfire, Crossfire, and Daun all got total crap results not worth mentioning. Sorry dear.

Santa + Weave
Santa basket plans. There were a few other basket-weaving sites on the list too. Kinda cool for you crafty types. Guys like baskets too, but we call 'em creels.

Santa + Anger
This combination would seem like a natural, eh? Au contraire. About the best we could do was Sex-crazed Santa Anger, where they talk about Disney being upset about the movie Bad Santa. Going with ‘management’ instead just brings up a lot of hits for cities in California and local government.

Jumping around the list of Munuvians here just a tiny bit, we'll next do:

Santa + Stranger
First up from Stranger.com is another review about Bad Santa, but this time the reviewer loves it for being mean and bitter. So let's try...

Santa + Everyday
And we find out that Every Day is Christmas for Santa Dan.

Santa + Snooze
Way traditional (and nice) Santa wallpaper for your computer. Warning, may be too cute for some grouchy bastards.

Santa + Apathetic
A modern and politically correct version of The Night Before Christmas, and here’s the lyrics to the Vandals holiday hit, I Don’t Believe In Santa Clause. More for me!

Santa + Simon
The stunning Santa Simon doll. Oops, I meant it’s a stunning Santa doll by Simon and Halbig.

Santa + Nap
Another jigsaw puzzle, this time the old-fashioned manual kind.

Santa + Madfish
Could we truly match these two in the world of Google? Of course! Not very interestingly unfortunately, but we did get a hit. In this forum, Madfish lets everyone know that NORAD tracks Santa. I'll let you in on a secret, NORAD and Santa have a little deal going. As long as Santa leaves his IFF transponder turned on over US airspace, NORAD promises not to blow Santa out of the sky with an AMRAAM up the ol' chimney. KnowwhatImean?

Ho.

Posted by: Ted at 07:12 AM | Comments (44) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

December 09, 2003

Uh oh moment

A few months ago, we had one of our periodic weekend 'disaster recovery' exercises. Our part is simple, we just make sure that our system works like normal even though it's connected to a backup mainframe in another state. I'm the primary point of contact, so on friday afternoon I reminded everyone about it one last time and went home for the weekend.

On sunday morning the phone rings and my wife answered it. She handed the phone to me and said "It's your boss".

"Oh Shit! I'm supposed to be at work!!!" Telling my wife to let 'em know that I'm on the way, I jumped up and started getting ready as quickly as I could. I was already a half-hour late.

I blasted out the front door in record time, and as I ran down the front walk towards my truck, my daughters stood on the porch and hollered "Run Forrest run! Run Forrest run!"

Posted by: Ted at 07:17 PM | Comments (47) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Bikini

Sorry guys, I'm talking about the atoll where the US tested atomic and hydrogen bombs. The official webpage for the Bikini Atoll is here, and you can read about the history of the original population, events before and after the series of tests, and the current studies on the area.

Particularly humbling is the photo of the site of the largest weapon test conducted by the US, and the circular area of the island that was vaporized by the blast.

Among the earlier tests were a subset collectively known as Operation Crossroads. From the US Navy Historical Archives:

“Operation Crossroads was an atmospheric nuclear weapon test series conducted in the summer of 1946 at Bikini Atoll in the Marshall Islands. The series consisted of two detonations, a low altitude test and a shallow water test. The devices, each with a yield of 21 kilotons, were named shots ABLE and BAKER. A planned third test, a deep underwater detonation, was canceled after the second test.

The series was intended to study the effects of nuclear weapons on warships, equipment, and material. These tests would provide important information on the survivability of warships in the event of nuclear war.”

”In contrast to all later atmospheric nuclear tests, a large media contingent was present for the two Crossroads detonations. They were allowed to cover the test atomic bomb explosions "with sufficient thoroughness to satisfy the public as to the fairness and general results of the experiment."” In all, 131 newspaper, magazine, and radio correspondents from the U.S., Australia, Canada, France, the Republic of China, the Soviet Union, and Britain covered the detonations, turning these experiments into major media events. In addition, three artists also recorded the project.”

The artist's works can be seen here in all their majestic horror.

The warships involved in the tests became known as the Ghost Fleet. You can find some underwater photography here, available as fine art prints, and a book with more history and photographs of the sunken remains can be found at Amazon.

In the extended entry is a picture of the 'other' bikini, just to lighten it up a little bit.

Posted by: Ted at 10:15 AM | Comments (44) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

The new Battlestar Galactica

I didn't much care for the original, and I didn't watch the remake last night on the Sci-Fi channel. But a friend pointed out this page with a BG game, if you like shoot-em-ups.

Posted by: Ted at 10:10 AM | Comments (44) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Turning the tables

Hello {insert name of nitwit here},

We are conducting a survey, among those who utilize email, usenet groups, and other online systems in an attempt to make money through multi-level marketing schemes, sales of "get rich quick" publications, etc.

Please take a few moments to complete the following multiple-choice survey. Your help is genuinely appreciated, and will greatly assist our project.

1. Are you aware that you're a complete and utter idiot?

_ No, I honestly had no clue.
_ Yes, I admit it - I'm a completely clueless wanker.

2. Do you really think you're the first clueless twit who thinks they've discovered a way to make money by spamming about a REVOLUTIONARY NEW CONCEPT IN INTERNET MARKETING?

_ Gosh - yes, I really thought it was something no one had thought of before.
_ No, I realize others have tried before, but in my pathetic stupidity I truly believed that I could make money where no one else had succeeded before.

3. Are you supremely confident in your ability to avoid the life-long designation as a "pathetic loser", now that you've joined the ranks of half-witted, mentally defective drool-tards who conduct this sort of activity over the internet?

_ Yes, I truly believe I'm different from all the other retards like me.
_ No, I see what you mean - I now realize that I'm destined to be known forever as the blathering, drooling, defective pants-wetter that I am.

Thanks for taking a few moments to complete our survey. Please forward to 5 people on your mailing list, and request that they each forward it on to 5 others each, etc. etc.

(c)2003, everyone on the internet. Distribute freely without charge.

Thanks to BB on the rockets newsgroup for this one!

Posted by: Ted at 06:48 AM | Comments (44) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

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