March 11, 2004

Extremely Naughty Bits

Glenn of Hi, I'm Black! fame is trying to become a big-time internet smut peddler.

So if hardcore floats your boat, visit his new site called, appropriately enough, NOT WORK SAFE (which is itself Not Work Safe). Glenn says FleshBot needs some competition.

Posted by: Ted at 05:29 AM | Comments (34) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

March 10, 2004

Heh heh... he said 'pot'

Over at Silflay Hraka, Bigwig talked about a theoretical construct called the CD Potlatch. He also included his list of music from his iPod, and invited folks to make fun of his musical taste. I didn't, but I'm always interested in seeing other people's music collections, because tastes vary so much.

Take my music list for example (Excel format). A lot of my music was purchased when I was a DJ, so there's a little bit of everything in there, including lots of compilations. Because I had to handle requests, there's not much on the list that I didn't listen to at least semi-regularly. You can see some patterns in the list too. For instance, I used to do a couple parties a year at a VA Hospital, so I have a lot of Big Band music for the old-timers. But I love Big Band music, so that was never a problem. I also noticed that the list isn't quite complete, because I have some instrumental 'dinner music' that isn't there. I'll have to figure out where those CD's are. I don't have much classical either, but none at all made it onto the list. *scratching head*

If Bigwig can do it, so can I. Go on, make fun of my taste, I can take it.

Posted by: Ted at 06:57 PM | Comments (34) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Old-fashioned Gentleman

Last night, I once again had the pleasure of Dawn’s company for dinner. She’s bright, witty, vivacious, and neener neener because you missed out.

She said something that stuck in my mind and got me to thinking. Dawn told me that she wasn’t used to guys being gentlemen. You see, I open doors for ladies, including car doors. I held her coat while she put it on. I walk on the outside of the sidewalk. It’s basic manners that I learned from my dad, and now unusual enough to be remarkable.

Shame on you guys.

Update: I removed all the silly footnotes. It flows better without them, and obscured the fact that I actually had a point to make.

Posted by: Ted at 09:02 AM | Comments (42) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

1 Normally, if a guy pulls out a chair for me, I have to be wary if he's not going to pull it out from under me completely. I think we gals have been so desensitized to chivalry that it throws off our equilibrium when we're not being treated like shit. Or maybe that's just my personal experiences talking. You're a gem, my friend. Thanks for treating me like a lady!

Posted by: Dawn at March 10, 2004 12:05 PM (L6pam)

2 I used to try the old "stand up for a lady on the bus" routine until one woman slapped my face so hard it threw me back into the seat - stupid feminist.

Posted by: Ozguru at March 10, 2004 09:48 PM (/acvO)

3 Strange.. I do all manner of chivalrous things and have never ever heard a complaint, only praise (most often from grandmas). The trick is to identify the "feminists" and avoid 'em altogether.

Posted by: Tuning Spork at March 10, 2004 11:53 PM (9mpVW)

4 I've gotten the occasional dirty look for giving up a seat and such. Mostly it's surprise and smiles. I don't do it to be superior, I do it because that's the way I was brought up.

Oz, that was no lady that slapped you. I would've been tempted to punch her lights out.

Posted by: Ted at March 11, 2004 05:41 AM (ZjSa7)

5 When I used to take the bus to work, I noticed that men never gave up their seats, even when women were obviously pregnant and struggling to stand. I always was the one who gave up my seat for other women. It's memories like that that stay in my mind when we go into discussions of chivalry.

Posted by: Dawn at March 11, 2004 08:09 AM (Q0xHi)

6 Montgomery, Alabama in the 50's. My dad was a young kid in the Air Force, and he gave his seat to a pregnant black lady. The driver put both of them off the bus.

I've got one hell of an example to live up to.

Posted by: Ted at March 11, 2004 08:35 AM (blNMI)

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How do you pronounce that?

Simon uses it, so does Helen (I think). I've seen it on other non-US blogs too.

Whinging

Is that whinging, as in "wing-ing"?

Or is that whinging, as in "win-jing"?

Posted by: Ted at 07:14 AM | Comments (45) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Y'all are a bad influence on me

I didn't used to take these stupid quizzes...

Estne volumen in toga, an solum tibi libet me videre?
"Is that a scroll in your toga, or are you just glad to see me?"
You're smooth, okay, but you also need a girlfriend. Bad.

Which Weird Latin Phrase Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Saw this all over the place (and sorry if I've not included you).

Posted by: Ted at 06:47 AM | Comments (35) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

1 Well, thanks for includin' me, but I am surprised you feel that way and did not come up with the same result that I did. I guess my reponses indicated that I was displayin' somewhat less than a scroll in my toga. I guess it is time to start readin' some of those SPAMs I regularly delete without a view at their contents. Some seem to be hintin' I could take a pill to enlarge my ability to display somethin' in my toga to impress the Empress.

Posted by: Tiger at March 10, 2004 09:11 AM (G5PGV)

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Blizzard Rankings

The superstorm of 1993 was the most devastating blizzard to strike the Northeast in at least a century, according to a new system that rates the impact of East Coast winter storms.

Interesting, but rather limited. Since the 1-5 scale takes into account the population affected, it has to be derived from historical records. It's also only usable in current form for the Eastern Seaboard of the US, other regions will have to have their own custom formula developed.

I would like to see the correlation between IQ, size of the SUV, and bodyshop repair bills immediately following storms.

Northeastern winter storms rated "crippling" or higher on the new Northeast Snowfall Impact Scale.

Category 5: Extreme

1. March 12-14, 1993
2. Jan. 6-8, 1996

Category 4: Crippling

3. Feb. 15-18, 2003
4. March 11-14, 1888
5. Feb. 11-14, 1899
6. March 2-5, 1960
7. Feb. 10-12, 1983
8. Feb. 5-7, 1978
9. Feb. 2-5, 1961

So since I've moved into this area, I've experienced the top 3. Liz remembers 7 and 8, and my mother-in-law remembers 4 and 5 (just kidding!).

Posted by: Ted at 06:18 AM | Comments (37) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Hockey Goalie Mask Slideshow

Now this is cool. The Hockey Hall of Fame has this slideshow of various masks worn through history.

Thanks to Eric of Off Wing Opinion for the pointer.

Posted by: Ted at 05:27 AM | Comments (33) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

March 09, 2004

Heaping Insult upon injury

Former Washington Capital Calle Johannson came out of retirement today to sign with the Toronto Maple Leafs.

The Washington Post also reports that Ottawa Senators plane is scheduled to head back to Canada this afternoon after the 3pm EST trading deadline, in anticipation of taking Caps goalie Olaf Kolzig and defenseman Brendan Witt along.

Forwards Bates Battaglia, Kip Miller, and Mike Grier are also expected to be moved before the trading deadline, meaning the Caps might have the deepest minor league hockey roster currently playing at the NHL level.

This is beyond depressing.

Posted by: Ted at 01:15 PM | Comments (34) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Tiny Bubbles

Cavitation is the term for the formation and subsequent collapse of small bubbles in a liquid.

When a propeller spins in the water, the hydrodynamic forces may result in the creation of tiny bubbles. The bubbles are almost immediately crushed upon themselves which causes noise. The cavitation sounds are one method of detecting submarines on passive sonar. Great amounts of time and money are spent on refining propeller design to limit cavitation.

Cavitation can also damage propellers by pitting the metal over time. Naturally, this pitting further reduces the efficiency of the propeller while making it noisier at the same time. Scientists wondered what was actually happening during cavitation, and began to study the process in more detail.

What they discovered was that each bubble underwent an extremely violent death. As the bubbles collapsed upon themselves, the interior experienced supersonic shockwaves which reflected back from the bubble's outer surface. Happening in a fraction of a second, these shockwaves raised the interior temperature enough to rival the surface of the sun. It was these millions of microscopic sunbursts that were causing the pitting on the propellers.

The effect has also been exploited in various ways by weapons designers. One 'underwater' missile rides in it's own cocoon of cavitation bubbles, which form a barrier to the surface-drag caused by dense water, and allows the missile to 'fly' underwater at several times the speed of typical torpedos.

Now researchers are taking advantage of cavitation outside of naval affairs. According to this report regarding Bubble Fusion:

The research team used a standing ultrasonic wave to help form and then implode the cavitation bubbles of deuterated acetone vapor. The oscillating sound waves caused the bubbles to expand and then violently collapse, creating strong compression shock waves around and inside the bubbles. Moving at about the speed of sound, the internal shock waves impacted at the center of the bubbles causing very high compression and accompanying temperatures of about 100 million Kelvin.

These new data were taken with an upgraded instrumentation system that allowed data acquisition over a much longer time than was possible in the team’s previous bubble fusion experiments. According to the new data, the observed neutron emission was several orders of magnitude greater than background and had extremely high statistical accuracy. Tritium, which also is produced during the fusion reactions, was measured and the amount produced was found to be consistent with the observed neutron production rate.

Earlier test data, which were reported in Science (Vol. 295, March 2002), indicated that nuclear fusion had occurred, but these data were questioned because they were taken with less precise instrumentation.

Note that this was described as cavitation in a vapor. Most definitions I've seen specify liquid, although a vapor could be described as a low-density liquid.

Thanks to Fred for the Bubble Fusion link.

Posted by: Ted at 09:41 AM | Comments (39) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

1 And thought I Bubble Wrap was fun.

Posted by: Stephen Macklin at March 09, 2004 12:50 PM (UquFN)

2 Cool! I just learned more in 4 minutes than I learned in 7 years of High School!

Posted by: Tuning Spork at March 09, 2004 10:47 PM (T1xwK)

3 Interesting.

If they're seeing neutron emission and tritium production, it's pretty clear that fusion really is taking place. (In the cold fusion debacle, neither neutrons nor tritium were detected.)

I saw this a couple of years ago, but at the time the supporting data was a lot weaker.

I want one!

Posted by: Pixy Misa at March 09, 2004 11:19 PM (kOqZ6)

4 Would it qualify as an uninteruptable power supply?

Posted by: Ted at March 10, 2004 07:29 AM (blNMI)

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Sometimes I feel like changing my name to Gomez

Mookie posted her report on Arsenic.

I chose Arsenic because it seemed to me to be the most sinister, and fun, of all 115 elements.

*sigh*

Posted by: Ted at 08:24 AM | Comments (42) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Blues Interlude

Mojo Boogie

I been to New Orleans, I sure had a wonderful time
I been to New Orleans, I sure had a wonderful time
I was high, high as a Georgia pine

You know, my auntie carried me all down on Rampart Street
I seen everybody I wanted to meet
She said, J.B., son, stop and listen to me,
They got something knock you off of your feet

They got the mojo boogie
Mojo boogie
They got the mojo boogie, begin to slide on down

- J. B. Lenoir

The Johnny Winter version of Mojo Boogie was cranked on the way to work this morning. I've been in a nostalgic mood lately as I catalog my CD collection. Billie Holiday is on as I write this, and B.B. King is on deck.

Posted by: Ted at 07:18 AM | Comments (37) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Dear Tide

Dear Tide,

I'm writing to say what an excellent product you have. I've used it since the beginning of married life, when my mom told me it was the best.

In fact, about a month ago, I spilled some red wine on my new white blouse.

My husband started to berate me about my drinking problem. One thing led to another and I ended up with a lot of his blood on my white blouse as well.

I tried to get the stain out using a bargain detergent, but it just wouldn't come out.

After a quick trip out, I stopped and got a bottle of liquid Tide with bleach alternative, and all of the stains came out!

They came out so well, in fact, that the DNA tests were negative!

I thank you once again for a great product.

Well, gotta go. I have to write a letter to the Hefty bag people.

Sincerely,

Posted by: Ted at 05:08 AM | Comments (39) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Or you could wait 32 years

Five planets will be visible to the naked eye later this month. The next best chance to see this somewhat rare alignment is in 2036. Details here.

Thanks to J-Walk Blog for the pointer.

Posted by: Ted at 05:04 AM | Comments (35) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

March 08, 2004

Air Force Blue (part

It was the meanest practical joke I was ever involved in. Not the funniest and certainly not the most fun, but unsurpassed for pure mean...

I'm going to change enough details here to make the victim anonymous, because you could Google his name and find out all kinds of things about him. I know it because I did just that.

He was a nice enough guy, if a little naive. He and his wife were newlyweds, devoted to each other, and devout. His name was Jerry P (changed), and his family was famous in certain circles. Jerry was a proud family name, so much so that his twin brother shared the same first name. Jerry's brother Jerry went into the Marine Corps at about the same time our Jerry joined the Air Force.

And that's everything you need to know as setup to this practical joke.

It wasn't my idea, and I don't know who first thought of it. The only reason I was involved at all was because the luck of the duty roster put me on a post with a phone that night. But I went along wholeheartedly, because the plan was brilliant.

It was well after dark on swing shift, during that evening lull after dinner, and a few hours away from the midnight shift relief. The phone at my post rang, and when I answered a friend told me about this joke being set up on Jerry. I was to monitor my radio and be ready to pick up the phone and listen quietly.

This was the security phone system, not connected to the civilian world, but we could do things like set up party lines and such.

In a while Jerry P was paged on the radio and given a telephone number to call. He had to phone Central Security first (they were in on the joke), and asked them to transfer the call outside our network.

While the phone was ringing, cops all over the base were quietly picking up their phones to listen in.

A doctor answered the phone. The 'doctor' was actually another cop that Jerry P didn't know. The doctor verified personal information (social security number, etc) with Jerry P to convince him that the call was legit. Then came the joke.

"Airman Jerry, you have a brother in the Marine Corps, correct?"

"Yes sir."

"And he has the same first and last name as you, correct?"

"Yes sir."

"Well, we have an unfortunate mixup here then. As part of standard procedure, everybody going through basic training is tested for various things, including venereal disease. Your brother tested positive and has been undergoing treatment for syphilis for the past month, but we've discovered a mistake in our records, and, well, this is difficult to say..."

(confused) "What do you mean?"

"Unfortunately Airman Jerry P, your brother doesn't have syphilis, you do."

I will never know how we all managed to keep quiet. I was bent over, holding the phone and my stomach, desperately trying not to laugh out loud.

It took a moment for Jerry P to respond, and at first he was sure it was a mistake. It had to be. The doctor kept insisting that Jerry P stay calm and report the next day to the base hospital. Jerry P kept getting more and more agitated, and that's when he dropped the bomb.

"BUT I'VE NEVER SLEPT WITH ANYONE BUT MY WIFE!!!!"

He was in tears, and suddenly it wasn't funny anymore. Jerry thought he had VD, and since he'd been a virgin when he got married, the only way he could have gotten it was from his wife. His newlywed wife.

And he was on duty, and had a gun.

I heard a quiet call on the radio, sending someone over to Jerry's post ASAP. Hopefully to disarm him before he did something stupid. Then someone on the party line snickered loud enough to be heard, and we were busted.

Oh man, he was righteously pissed. Couldn't blame the guy one bit either, talk about a roller coaster of emotions we'd put him through. He didn't shoot himself, but he was close to shooting the supervisor who went over to take his rifle away until he calmed down. Calming down took several hours, and it was a week or more before he would talk to anyone. Eventually we could kid him again, though not about that. The joke was never ever mentioned. I don't know about the other people eavesdropping that night, but I always felt major guilt over that practical joke.

I still think it was brilliant though.

Posted by: Ted at 06:59 PM | Comments (36) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

1 Holy crap! Tough to match that for brilliance. An opportunity like that really can't be ignored. Gotta figure it's only mean because y'all didn't have enough information to realize what was likely to happen.

Yeah, like I'M one to talk lately :-/

Posted by: Mad William Flint at March 09, 2004 12:50 PM (jRssG)

2 That's just plain mean, Ted. *ROFLMAO!* Funny though..

Posted by: Ironbear at March 10, 2004 01:12 AM (3i0ii)

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ROFLMAO

Stolen en toto from Curmudgeonly & Skeptical:

Rene Descartes is finishing dinner in a small cafe when the waiter asks "would you like desert?"

He answers " I think not," and disappears.

Posted by: Ted at 08:41 AM | Comments (38) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

1 *groan*

Posted by: Susie at March 08, 2004 11:19 AM (8giUV)

2 Wonderful! LOL

Posted by: Punch Buggy at March 08, 2004 11:29 AM (0KiI4)

3 Truly a thinking man's joke

Posted by: GEBIV at March 08, 2004 06:22 PM (THMLr)

4 Wow, that takes me back... to 1982!!
]

Posted by: Tuning Spork at March 08, 2004 11:56 PM (DIiaN)

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Advice to my kids

Jim at Snooze Button Dreams has a wonderful list of things today's kids should know. I'm proud to say I've tried to hammer most of these into the thick skulls of my kids as they grew up.

Parenting tip: bigger hammer.

Posted by: Ted at 07:40 AM | Comments (34) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Mergers I'd like to see

Hale Business Systems, Mary Kay Cosmetics, Fuller Brush, and W.R. Grace Co. to become:

Polygram Records, Warner Bros., and Zesta Crackers to become:

3M to merge with Goodyear to become:

Zippo Manufacturing, Audi Motors, Dofasco, and Dakota Mining to become:

Fairchild Electronics and Honeywell Computers to become:

Grey Poupon and Docker Pants to become:

Knott's Berry Farm and the National Organization of Women to become:

Posted by: Ted at 06:40 AM | Comments (39) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Elementary

Tonight (Monday, March on TCM - Turner Classic Movies, beginning at 8pm Eastern Standard, are three Sherlock Holmes movies in a row.

Posted by: Ted at 05:04 AM | Comments (35) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

She was right, but not in the way she thought

Like most folks, I like to bring in a few personal items to put here and there around my work area. I've only ever had one problem, and I honestly didn't see it coming. From my days as a serious guitar player, I had some posters of a few dream guitars I hoped to own one day, so I brought them in to hang on my bulletin board. One day I came in to find one poster (in the extended entry - work safe in all but the most conservative environments) taken down by the boss, with a note telling me that pornography would not be tolerated.

Posted by: Ted at 05:01 AM | Comments (36) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

March 07, 2004

Reflective

Mid-life means that you become more reflective. You start pondering the 'big' questions. What is life? Why am I here? How much Healthy Choice ice cream can I eat before it's no longer a healthy choice?

Posted by: Ted at 05:29 PM | Comments (41) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

1 And, of course, answerin' the really big questions, like should I change my title graphic again?

Posted by: Tiger at March 07, 2004 06:49 PM (G5PGV)

2 haha..my favorite is "how did I get here?"

Posted by: jim at March 07, 2004 08:10 PM (lN8eP)

3 I think the proper way to phrase the question would be "How much Healthy Choice ice cream can I eat before my body rejects it as an unnatural foriegn substance?"

Posted by: Stephen Macklin at March 07, 2004 10:34 PM (CSxVi)

4 People who find themselves worrying about their diet are probably not getting enough red meat

Posted by: Tuning Spork at March 08, 2004 12:03 AM (EK50s)

5 Ice Cream is its own food group, and I don't eat cheap ice cream. Turkey Hill rules.

Posted by: Ted at March 08, 2004 06:59 AM (blNMI)

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