March 16, 2004

Mu.Nu News - New Mu.Nu

Say hello to Debbye over at Being American in T.O., the newest Munuvian. As far as I can tell, if you imagine Iron Chef Rivendell, speaking only in verse whilst competing in a dessert battle, you've got a fair idea. Then again, first impressions can be so misleading.

Welcome Debbye. I'm not really an idiot (see 'first impressions', above).

And if you didn't already know about it, over on the right I have a tagline that changes once in a while, and a tagline archive with some classic favorites.

Posted by: Ted at 06:01 AM | Comments (36) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Sam = Karl

Our dog Sam has always been a grunter rather than a barker. But as he gets older, his voice is getting deeper, to the point that now he sounds like Karl, played by Billy Bob Thorton in Slingblade.

"I'd like me some of those french fried potatoes. Mm-Hmmm."

Posted by: Ted at 05:10 AM | Comments (35) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

March 15, 2004

Huge freakin' Paooki

(Serenity, you probably don't want to click the link below, and most certainly don't want to enlarge the picture there)

All I can say is that I'm thankful that Australia is completely waterbound. You can keep 'em down there, mate!

Gahhhh!!!!

Posted by: Ted at 10:39 AM | Comments (42) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

1 Yikes! I never how many different kinds of spiders we had 'round these parts until I moved into this house. Some day soon I'll have to figure out a way to post photos of the giant slugs that used to crawl out of my garden and up the back stairs; they were about 8" long, as I recall.

Posted by: Tuning Spork at March 15, 2004 07:33 PM (PucHz)

2 T.S., I think those are called "snakes".....

Posted by: Susie at March 16, 2004 10:55 AM (UqvvQ)

3 What's the big deal? They're not small, but I've been bitten by bigger ones in my back garden. Hurt like hell, bled profusely, but no great drama.

It's not the dinnerplate-sized bird-eating spiders you have to worry about, it's the Funnelwebs and Redbacks, the largest of which are no bigger than your fist. Even then, there are antivenoms, hardly anyone dies of a spider bite these days.

Drop Bears are a different matter, of course. But they're never found in Urban areas.

Posted by: Alan E Brain at March 17, 2004 10:14 AM (3sl+m)

4 He dares to ask, "what's the big deal?"

Is he ill? And a paook "no bigger than your fist" is one fist size too big a paook.

Once again, Ted, thank you for the warning. You bet your sweet bippy I did NOT click that link.

Posted by: Serenity at March 17, 2004 04:01 PM (3J3iK)

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Substance over style (when am I ever going to learn?)

I had one of those 'oh shit' moments this morning when I opened my email.

If you've been reading regularly, you've heard me mention that we're installing brand new computer software which bears a remarkable resemblance to Linda Lovelace.

Last week, my boss's boss asked me a couple of questions about the old and new software. I was on my way out the door, so I gave some off-the-top-of-my-head answers. The next morning I came in and wrote up a detailed analysis based on his questions because I wasn't satisfied with what I'd originally told him. I sent it to him via email and forgot about it.

Since it was an informal email, it was written much in the style of this blog: full of odd contractions, slang, quick jokes and asides, but it did get the message across. Here are the last lines:

I feel like Tevya: on the one hand… on the other hand… Oy!

Ted

So this morning I open my email and get a very nice thank you for the "excellent write-up - balanced and reasoned." The thank you came from my boss's boss's boss's... aw hell, it's from four levels above the guy I sent it too. The forwarding trail shows where each boss in turn read it and sent it on up the line.

It's good analysis, but I'm waiting for someone to come talk to me about how to compose 'official' correspondence.

Posted by: Ted at 07:57 AM | Comments (44) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Bad Vibes

A lot of people seem to really have it in for hippies, and it's just not fair. I grew up in the 60's, and my best friend from those days had an uncle who had a barbershop right on the edge of the Haight Ashbury district of San Fransisco (talk about poor location!). My friend and I would visit his uncle during our summer vacations, and since he was working, we'd basically run the streets all day. Remember the days when you could do that without worry? Here's what I experienced: like any other group, there were good people and bad people. They didn't stink, they weren't all stoned all day, a lot of them had jobs, or at least something that they worked at. Nobody ever offered me drugs, and as a child I was treated with respect and kindness. Pretty freakin' horrible, eh?

Yet a lot of people who start raising hell when someone labels an ethnic group with an offensive word or stereotype have no problem joking about "smelly hippies". Enough with the negativity, hypocrites.

Learn something about what being a hippie really meant. You don't have to agree with them, I don't. But having different beliefs doesn't mean you have to look down at them either.

In some ways, hippies were the ultimate 'minimal government' movement. "Do your own thing", "whatever turns you on" and other phrases all boil down to "Leave me alone". They were never, and could never get organized enough to become a real political force.

Being a hippie was more than long hair and beads and bell bottoms. A lot of people dressed like hippies, because it was trendy. For a while in the 80's a lot of people dressed like Rambo, that didn't make them mercenaries.

So there's my minor-league vent about hippies. And here's a twofer: take most everything I said above and apply it to bikers too.

Posted by: Ted at 05:30 AM | Comments (36) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Fake Celebrity Nudes

There are thousands of pictures on the internet that show celebrity skin, and a lot of them are fakes of varying quality. For a cool look at how some of these fakes are created, and how to tell if a pic has been 'photoshopped', take a look at the link below.

The Fake Detective (not work safe).

Posted by: Ted at 05:05 AM | Comments (37) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

March 14, 2004

How do they do that?

So anyone who's read the Sunday funnies today and saw this joke in Pickles is wondering how my dad anticipated that.

Parents just know stuff. Like how my folks always knew when I came home from school that I'd cut a class or two, even though the school hadn't called and they were at work all day anyways. They just knew.

I once told my mom that I was glad they named me Ted. When she asked why, I said that it's what everyone called me. Pretty smart (ass), eh? I probably got smacked, or at least sent outside to pester the neighborhood.

Oh, and that whole 'cutting class' thing... the rule in our house has always been "Do as I say, not as I do". Right Mookie?

Posted by: Ted at 12:22 PM | Comments (35) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Haircut Day

Not for me (though I certainly need one), but for the dogs. A few times during the warm months, Liz and one of the daughters gets down on the floor and shaves Sam and Trix. It's a two-person job, and I only get involved towards the end when the dog has had enough and starts to really squirm.

The dogs do appreciate the results, but at best only tolerate the process. If Liz didn't do it, I'd probably just schlep them down to PetSmart or something and pay to have someone else deal with it. Liz soothes and talks and plays quiet music while she does it, whereas I'm the "Sit. Stay." kinda barber. She's also a lot more particular about results. To me, short is good enough, I'm not gonna worry about making a dog beautiful.

Sam is first today, and Trix (the younger) is clinging to my side, fretting and having mini-nervous breakdowns every time Sam whines or yelps. If I sit down, Trix the empath wants up in my lap and snuggles in, worried to death.

Liz just hollered down the stairs that we now have three dogs, the pile of hair removed from Sam being large enough to have it's own name. The birds are gonna love it when we put the fur out for nest building.

To compensate for not helping with haircut day, I take care of the crappy little chores that nobody gets around to around the house. This morning I've cleaned the aquarium, dealt with the houseplants and overwintered outside plants in the basement and might run to the grocery store later.

Liz calls it "guilt putzing".

Posted by: Ted at 11:05 AM | Comments (33) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Graffitti Artists

As opposed to the vandals who tag indescriminately, regardless of how talented they are.

These guys are artists, although they probably did get their start by spraypainting everything that didn't move.

Posted by: Ted at 08:14 AM | Comments (38) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

March 13, 2004

Launch Report

pictures in the extended entry, popup style

The winds never did calm down, but it was still a beautiful day for rockets. Temperatures were in the mid-40's and everyone stayed bundled up, but it wasn't too bad. It helped that there wasn't a cloud in the sky, so the sun was warm. We had a great turnout, including a dozen or so high school teams making practice flights for the Team America Challenge, and two kids doing documented launches for Science Fair projects.

I personally only made one flight, and that was the maiden launch of our "Build It" rocket, the Fat Boy. It was a nice flight, but it weathercocked into the wind quite a bit and didn't get as much altitude as it should have (maybe 500'). It was recovered without damage and will fly again.

The team I'm mentoring was there and ready to go. They brought two completed rockets, and made three flights total. On their first flight, they had perfect ignition of all three first-stage motors, perfect ignition of their upper stage motor, and overshot the target altitude of 1250', hitting 1588'. That's not too bad, because it's easier to make a rocket go lower than it is to make it go higher. Both eggs were recovered in perfect condition, and they learned a lesson in picking the correct size parachute for the wind conditions (they had a long walk to recover the rocket).

Next flight for them was in their second rocket, and this time they used a smaller upper-stage motor. Another perfect ignition, but this time they didn't get enough altitude and had a problem with staging and the booster lost a fin when it separated.

Their third flight (first rocket again) was perfect except that at some point the altimeter reset when the battery came loose, so they don't know exactly how high it went. On all three flights, the eggs were recovered unbroken. They'll be ready for their qualifying flight on April 2.

Last year, there was probably an overall 80% failure rate for Team America flights. Today, I'd say there was a 90% success rate, and most of the malfunctioning flights happened at the end of the day when teams were rushing to get in one last flight. I manned the safety check-in table for the last hour, and the variety and quality of the rocket designs was striking.

Great day. Great fun.

Posted by: Ted at 08:28 PM | Comments (32) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

We are Go for launch

The sun is out, the sky is clear, the field is dry, winds are diminishing and we're gonna fly some rockets! Pictures later.

Posted by: Ted at 08:19 AM | Comments (34) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

I will not invite the homeless to spend the night in Bill's car

You know in the beginning of The Simpsons, where Bart is writing some wicked message on the chalkboard? Ever wish you could do that?

Now you can. (sample in the extended entry)

Posted by: Ted at 07:37 AM | Comments (42) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

1 I love it! How'd you capture the image? I wrote mine as "I will not pat my colleagues' heads with a brick" and would like to display it on my site. I suspect they are not friendly to we uber-cool Mac users.

Posted by: Dawn at March 13, 2004 11:23 AM (Q0xHi)

2 I had to do a print-screen, then paste it into a graphics program and crop the rest of the screen out. It ain't real friendly towards us PC folks either.

Posted by: Ted at March 13, 2004 05:02 PM (ZjSa7)

3 Well, that sounds like a lot of work. I'll just have to be content that y'all's imagination can envision Bart having written "terrorism is not speech" 15 times or something...

Posted by: Tuning Spork at March 13, 2004 08:05 PM (THq6X)

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Real hardware

Real Hardware. Photos and some historical background. Especially intriguing is the page about the ROTON. Alas, that company went bankrupt a while ago.

Posted by: Ted at 07:10 AM | Comments (34) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

March 12, 2004

Ghost Towns

Some not so ghostly, but plenty of cool photos, if you dig around a little.

And here's the home page for a whole web ring of ghost town sites. To get to the good stuff, scroll to the bottom and click "Previous / Next / Random... " I'd suggest "List Sites" so you can pick and choose what interests you.

Posted by: Ted at 11:44 AM | Comments (34) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Tact, I must use tact

I was just mildly chewed out after a meeting with the managers. They understand my frustrations, and admired the descriptiveness of the phrase, but I'm no longer allowed to say that "the system goes down more than Linda Lovelace."

Posted by: Ted at 09:37 AM | Comments (40) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

1 It's quite colorful and adds a certain drama. I like that...

Posted by: Paul at March 12, 2004 10:59 AM (JLUgl)

2 That's one reason that I like working with lawyers. No one bats an eye at phrases like, "it's a big shit sandwitch and we all have to take a bite."

Posted by: phelps at March 12, 2004 02:29 PM (P+WmR)

3 Heh, The Powers That Be are always telling me to watch it, too. Apparently saying things like "That part of the system sucks wet farts out of dead pidgeons" is not comporting myself in a professional manner.

Neither is "The lab's tits up and fucked sideways"

Posted by: Matt Navarre at March 12, 2004 03:51 PM (+7Usq)

4
About a broken thing (electronic): Wheels up in the weeds in the barditch beside the information superhighway.

About a person who will not do right and cannot be made to do right: You can't embarass a flatulent skunk.

Posted by: homebru at March 12, 2004 10:38 PM (KQ+3d)

5 Yeah, the broads hate it when you say things like that.

Posted by: Dawn at March 12, 2004 11:21 PM (Q0xHi)

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Nog Watch

It's been more than a month since our last Nog Watch entry, so I took a look inside the work fridge this morning. The carton is still there, apparently undisturbed, although someone obviously went through the shelves and tossed the worst of the science experiments.

I noticed that as the light shined through the carton, you can tell that the carton is half full. Some unholy impulse made me pick up the carton and give it a shake. It doesn't slosh. *shudder*

Posted by: Ted at 07:16 AM | Comments (34) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Rocketing Around the Blogosphere

Peeps, I've been busy. Swamped busy. Not too busy to blog some (although my backup supply of Beal-concealment posts has been greatly diminished), and I'm managing to at least drop by your place every couple of days.

I've also been working on a side-project that will hopefully be ready in the next few days. I've talked about it before, but it's been consuming a fair amount of time and energy and a great deal of emotional reserve. Soon.

In the meantime, I'll pull out the forty-'leven post-it notes I have stashed on my desk, each one reminding me to take a closer look at this or that post. Throw 'em together, tack on the title suggested by Susie the Wonder Llama-tamer, and hey, it's a post!

Red Ted Keeps A Diary, and he's starting a series about logically evaluating President George W. Bush. Here's his opening paragraph:

One of the striking things about people is that smart folks can look at the same body of information, focus on different aspects of it, and come to radically different conclusions. This process is fun to look at from the outside, but dreadfully frustrating when otherwise smart people look at the same body of information that you are looking at, and then come out completely opposed to your views. How, one asks, can someone who is otherwise so clever, be so very wrong? And does this mean that I am wrong? I can't be wrong!

Sentinal Chimneys. Velociman. It's the part of history I love most, the "I wonder what happened here?" part.

Jay at Sophont tells of the Pocket Vault, which is the neatest little gizmo I've seen in a long time. It wouldn't be very useful for me, because I don't carry a lot of credit cards, but for business travelers I can see it as being a very handy item. Check it out. (If it's blogspotted, scroll down to Chameleon Card Changes Stripes, and say hello to his llama).

Zero llama count observed at SilverBlue, QandO, and The Meatriarch, though I suspect JimiLove has been kidnapped by peruvian maoist llamas. It's been a while since he posted, but he's shown up in comments here and there.

Via Ghost of a Flea, we find The Exorcist and Apocolypse Now, starring llamas bunnies! Yay!

Mark Oakley of Rocket Man Blog has just accepted a position as lead propulsion engineer at TGV Rockets! This is great news, and I'm thrilled for him. Go say hi and congrats, and be sure to mention me for a valuable discount on all your consumer rocketry propulsion needs.

Over at Left & Right, Rob posted a hilarious roundup of comments regarding his Official L&R Top 100 Guitar Players list. There seems to be general consensus that his list is better than Rolling Stone's list, but still sucks big gorilla... uh... llama.

This was bound to happen. A Swiss Army Knife with USB flash memory stick. It's probably at least as useful as the corkscrew that comes on many of their knives. And it's great for survivalists, who can now take their porn with them into the mountains. Listen carefully and you can hear llamas all over the world heave a sigh of relief. Thanks to The Ministry of Minor Perfidy for the pointer.

Thanks for joining us for this edition of Rocketing Around the Blogosphere, and we hope you join us again soon. At this time, we ask that you please return your llamas to the upright position and welcome to the end of this post.

Posted by: Ted at 05:22 AM | Comments (36) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

March 11, 2004

Letter from my dad

Heard from my dad, and thought I'd share some of it with you.

Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting. This is a great example.

I went to the store the other day. I was only in there for about 5 minutes. When I came out there was a cop writing out a parking ticket.

I went up to him and said, "Come on, buddy, how about giving a senior a break?" He ignored me and continued writing the ticket.

I called him an asshole. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tires.

So I called him a piece of horse shit. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first.

Then he started writing a third ticket. This went on for about 20 minutes, the more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote. I didn't give a crap.

My car was parked around the corner. I try to have a little fun each day. It's important at my age.

Posted by: Ted at 01:13 PM | Comments (39) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

1 First, it was Leann. I told myself, "Never, ever have a drink in hand when you go to Leann's blog."

Then, I had to add Pixy Misa to the list with his ongoing anecdotes about those eee-vil computers (man, I've been there).

There are other blogs I visit dry as well.

Et tu, Ted?

Posted by: Linda at March 11, 2004 07:00 PM (EQSNS)

2 Hmmm. Strong family resemblence, huh?

Posted by: nic at March 11, 2004 07:01 PM (16A49)

3 BWAHAHAHA!!!!!!! I love yer Dad!!!! (He reminds me of my "Grampy"!)

Posted by: Tuning Spork at March 11, 2004 10:49 PM (FNeP6)

4 I think you should bring your dad over to play.

Posted by: LeeAnn at March 15, 2004 09:26 AM (HxCeX)

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Ted Is

Thanks to LeeAnn for pointing the way to Googlism. Here's how Google defines Ted:

ted is now owned by the sapling foundation

ted is chad

ted is one hell of a role model for young kids

ted is little ted's best friend

ted is available in binary format

ted is a box office hit

ted is voodoo chili

ted is my new favorite

ted is not 100% human

ted is very quiet and trapped in a box

ted is the patron saint of shark jumping

ted is available for download from ftp

ted is the imaginary friend of a lonely little boy

ted is not looking for the quick sale

ted is not doing the show every night


ted is not

Posted by: Ted at 10:19 AM | Comments (36) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Team America Update

Info about the Team America Rocketry Challenge can be found in this old Rocket Jones post.

The team of high school students I'm mentoring will be going to our rocket club launch this saturday. Yesterday they finished up final details on their first rocket, and she's ready to make her maiden flight. The students also got a good start on their second rocket, this one using fiberglass for fins and having a different fin geometry. As per the rules of the contest, both rockets are two-stagers designed to carry two fresh hens eggs to 1250 feet and then parachute them back safely.

The high school team that won the TARC last year has been busy since then, designing a payload experiment and rocket that must reach an altitude of one mile. They'll travel to NASA's Marshall Space Flight Center in Alabama for an April launch along with nine other teams, and the winning team will get to spend a week at Space Camp.

Also, our Fat Boy will finally be making her maiden flight too.

Posted by: Ted at 05:45 AM | Comments (33) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

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