Obama's Personal Chef Drowns in a Pond on Obama's Luxurious Estate; <br><i>Based on Footprints to and From the Pond, Police Are Looking Into Two Suspects, Or One Suspect With Four Feet</i>

Obama's Personal Chef Drowns in a Pond on Obama's Luxurious Estate;
Based on Footprints to and From the Pond, Police Are Looking Into Two Suspects, Or One Suspect With Four Feet

Okay that last part wasn't true.

Former President Barack Obama's personal chef has drowned near the family's home on Martha's Vineyard.
Massachusetts State Police confirmed that the paddleboarder whose body was recovered from Edgartown Great Pond on Monday was Tafari Campbell, 45, of Dumfries, Virginia.

Martha's Vinyard allowed a minority to stay on the island? Was he slated to be evacuated to the closest Army base, or had they not noticed him yet?

Campbell was employed by the Obamas and was visiting Martha's Vineyard. The Obamas were not present at the home at the time of the accident.

Sure.

Speaking of gay.

Posted by: Ace at 04:22 PM

Comments

(Jump to bottom of comments)

1 st

Posted by: Jordan61 at July 25, 2023 04:22 PM (DRSnL)

2 Sure, such a dangerous job

Posted by: Zeera 'We want fun and we wanna get wasted! at July 25, 2023 04:22 PM (uBzDj)

3 Wow

Posted by: MKY at July 25, 2023 04:22 PM (zuHqJ)

4 was he wearing a red shirt?

Posted by: Zeera 'We want fun and we wanna get wasted! at July 25, 2023 04:23 PM (uBzDj)

5 Told husband about this last night and he immediately said, "so, what do you think the guy knew?"

Posted by: Jordan61 at July 25, 2023 04:23 PM (DRSnL)

6 If only I'd been there to save him!

Posted by: Otter 841 at July 25, 2023 04:23 PM (MeG8a)

7 The "police are looking into it" part could also be untrue.

Posted by: Red Turban Someguy - The Republic is already dead! at July 25, 2023 04:23 PM (eYoxG)

8 He had info which could link Obama to the Biden bribes.

Posted by: Cat Ass Trophy at July 25, 2023 04:24 PM (O1z4v)

9 I assure you that he committed suicide after Obama let Hillary know that Obama's chef had some evidence which would lead to the arrest and conviction of Hillary and Bill Clinton....

It was clearly suicide.

Posted by: GanGanowicz at July 25, 2023 04:24 PM (AxRGS)

10 Does Major have an alibi?? Seen in DE with some bitch??

Posted by: andycanuck (krqg6) at July 25, 2023 04:24 PM (krqg6)

11 Wasn't there some major hollywood thriller about a president accidentally killing his mistress and some local cop had to thread the needle to present the case?

Of course here I am guessing the murder weapon will turn out to be Michelle Obama's penis.

Posted by: 18-1 at July 25, 2023 04:24 PM (lc5cP)

12 No, not a red shirt. He was wearing a dog costume around dinner time.

Posted by: Hour of the Wolf at July 25, 2023 04:24 PM (oGiDo)

13 I nooded

Posted by: Zeera 'We want fun and we wanna get wasted! at July 25, 2023 04:24 PM (uBzDj)

14 Accident. Get that word out into circulation most ricky-tick.

Posted by: SloPitch Whiffer at July 25, 2023 04:24 PM (wzAuc)

15 Speaking of gay.

I thought the perfect amount of gay was no gay. Huh, who woulda throught?

Posted by: jim (in Kalifornia) at July 25, 2023 04:24 PM (ynpvh)

16 Now we'll never know the information he had about Hilary Clinton.

Posted by: Citizen Cake at July 25, 2023 04:24 PM (CwhoI)

17 Campbell was employed by the Obamas and was visiting Martha's Vineyard. The Obamas were not present at the home at the time of the accident.
++++
Nice perk, I guess, living on Martha's Vineyard.

Until the untimely demise, anyway.

Posted by: Joe Mannix (Not a cop!) at July 25, 2023 04:24 PM (B2vkr)

18 Tinder tryst gone bad.

Err, Grndr?

Posted by: Blake - semi lurker at large at July 25, 2023 04:25 PM (2YtOq)

19 I mean, it was suicide, just like I would clearly be committing suicide if I was standing between Chuck Schumer and a microphone in DC after a Trump speech... my death from trampling would clearly be my fault!

Posted by: GanGanowicz at July 25, 2023 04:25 PM (AxRGS)

20 Clinton body count is still higher.

Posted by: jim (in Kalifornia) at July 25, 2023 04:25 PM (ynpvh)

21 "Or One Suspect With Four Feet"

Commander did it.

Posted by: redridinghood at July 25, 2023 04:25 PM (NpAcC)

22 Oh, we are totally investigating...leaving no stone unturned and all that.

Posted by: Edgartown cop who just got off the phone with Obama's people telling him what to say and do at July 25, 2023 04:25 PM (lc5cP)

23 Obama never pretended to be a "man of the people" so I won't criticize him for having a personal chef.

Biden, on the other hand, ...

Posted by: Joe Mannix (Not a cop!) at July 25, 2023 04:25 PM (B2vkr)

24 So the obama's personal chef was at the house but the obama's were not?

Posted by: Mister Scott (Formerly GWS) at July 25, 2023 04:25 PM (ncXxy)

25 Mary Jo Kopechne unavailable for comment.

Posted by: Obligatory at July 25, 2023 04:26 PM (BxsGY)

26 it was his bag of coke found in the WH. Justice is served

Posted by: Zeera 'We want fun and we wanna get wasted! at July 25, 2023 04:26 PM (uBzDj)

27 I know that Tafari was killed during the hunt but what happened to Landon?

Posted by: George Taylor at July 25, 2023 04:26 PM (b+YaX)

28 19 I mean, it was suicide, just like I would clearly be committing suicide if I was standing between Chuck Schumer and a microphone in DC after a Trump speech... my death from trampling would clearly be my fault!

Posted by: GanGanowicz at July 25, 2023 04:25 PM (AxRGS)

Or standing between Tank Abrams, Crispy Creosote, and Jerry Nadler and a buffet.

Posted by: jim (in Kalifornia) at July 25, 2023 04:26 PM (ynpvh)

29 He was about to be a whistleblower.

Posted by: redridinghood at July 25, 2023 04:26 PM (NpAcC)

30 Now we'll never know the information he had about Hilary Clinton.
Posted by: Citizen Cake at July 25, 2023

***
Or about Big Mike. If he'd had dirt on HRC, Jugears would have made sure it got out.

Posted by: Wolfus Aurelius, Dreaming of Elsewhere at July 25, 2023 04:26 PM (J2vNu)

31 Maybe he had a leaky backhole and he just filled up with water and sank.

Posted by: Dr. Pork Chops & Bacons at July 25, 2023 04:26 PM (BdMk6)

32 Libs of TikTok posted the guys exercise routine from his Instagram : he was a very fit, avid swimmer.

Posted by: Ktgreat at July 25, 2023 04:26 PM (ei7q6)

33 Anyone check to make sure Obama's manservant Reggie Love didn't kill himself either?

I hear Big Mike looked in Barry's "boring work stuff" folder and found some videos he wasn't supposed to see...

Posted by: 18-1 at July 25, 2023 04:26 PM (lc5cP)

34 So Obama and his personal chef were engaging in a little "breath play" and Obama got distracted while choking out his lover, right?

Or are we really going with the story that a guy who couldn't swim well went out on a paddleboard, then drowned instead of just hanging onto said paddleboard?

Posted by: bonhomme at July 25, 2023 04:26 PM (R38qh)

35 24 So the obama's personal chef was at the house but the obama's were not?
Posted by: Mister Scott (Formerly GWS) at July 25, 2023 04:25 PM (ncXxy)

I don't think that would be inherently suspicious as cooking can take a long time. The paddleboarding thing kind of removes that consideration though.

Posted by: Red Turban Someguy - The Republic is already dead! at July 25, 2023 04:27 PM (eYoxG)

36 23 Obama never pretended to be a "man of the people" so I won't criticize him for having a personal chef.

Biden, on the other hand, ...

Posted by: Joe Mannix (Not a cop!) at July 25, 2023 04:25 PM (B2vkr)

Well, I just LOVE hot dogs. Anybody wanna suck on mine?

Posted by: Pierre Dilecto at July 25, 2023 04:27 PM (ynpvh)

37
Commander did it.
Posted by: redridinghood at July 25, 2023 04:25 PM (NpAcC)

Then Obama could eat the dog.

Its the perfect crime.

Posted by: joe, living dangerously at July 25, 2023 04:27 PM (fKIdX)

38 Obama and his personal chef were engaging in a little "breath play" and Obama got distracted while choking out his lover, right?

It happens you know?

Posted by: Michael Hutchens at July 25, 2023 04:27 PM (lc5cP)

39 So the obama's personal chef was at the house but the obama's were not?
Posted by: Mister Scott (Formerly GWS) at July 25, 2023 04:25 PM (ncXxy)

Chow wasn't ready. Chef was fattening it up.

Posted by: Alberta Oil Peon at July 25, 2023 04:27 PM (PRS3p)

40 It's amazing seeing all the comments from the Left on Twitter saying: "Of course he drowned - most black people can't swim. Nothing to see here."

The guy had had extensive swimming lessons from professionals.

Posted by: A Provocative Parade Of Perverts! at July 25, 2023 04:27 PM (2tUFv)

41 Gosh, Democrat pols sure seem to have a body count, don't they?

Posted by: Blake - semi lurker at large at July 25, 2023 04:27 PM (2YtOq)

42 Well if you're gonna choose a spot to die, M V might be nice.

Also the Obama's are now saying they were at home in a change of story.

Posted by: Guy Mohawk at July 25, 2023 04:27 PM (8GBH4)

43 32 Libs of TikTok posted the guys exercise routine from his Instagram : he was a very fit, avid swimmer.

Posted by: Ktgreat at July 25, 2023 04:26 PM (ei7q6)

Clot shot. No, not that one, Hillary's version.

Posted by: Pierre Dilecto at July 25, 2023 04:28 PM (ynpvh)

44 Campbell was employed by the Obamas and was visiting Martha's Vineyard. The Obamas were not present at the home at the time of the accident.

So who called 911 from the house?

Posted by: A Provocative Parade Of Perverts! at July 25, 2023 04:28 PM (2tUFv)

45 Huh. Wonder what he knew.

Posted by: Mark Andrew Edwards, buy ammo, food, water at July 25, 2023 04:28 PM (xcxpd)

46 Now we are pivoting to "Hunter Biden is just a private citizen!"

Posted by: Cat Ass Trophy at July 25, 2023 04:28 PM (O1z4v)

47 Off Rhino-liner sock

Posted by: jim (in Kalifornia) at July 25, 2023 04:28 PM (ynpvh)

48 He saw Moochelle Obama's penis and offed himself

Posted by: Blanco at July 25, 2023 04:29 PM (fIkXR)

49 Be on the lookout for 2 MAGA Trump country supporters with rope and some bleach.

Posted by: Xipe Totec at July 25, 2023 04:29 PM (pohLc)

50 Modern woke clue...

Professor Black
Killed Mr Body
In the Pool
With...his novelty dildo

Posted by: 18-1 at July 25, 2023 04:29 PM (lc5cP)

51 This happened less than three miles from Chappaquiddick.

Posted by: Viso Latte at July 25, 2023 04:29 PM (MDgcv)

52 After being active duty for 10 years in the USCG, the stupidity of people on water never disappoints. Paddleboards but can't swim and doesn't wear a life jacket? A witness said that he had trouble staying on the board and then went in, resurfaced, and then went down again. Could this witness have rendered aid? Maybe, maybe not. I wonder if an autopsy will be done including any drug/alcohol in his system.

Posted by: Cheri at July 25, 2023 04:29 PM (oiNtH)

53 Obviously, this is a result of climate change and MAGA sharks.

Posted by: Citizen Cake at July 25, 2023 04:29 PM (CwhoI)

54

Was that Florida idiot there too, Gilliums, the pretend straight dude?

Posted by: Rev Dr Happy Hands at July 25, 2023 04:29 PM (sGR4j)

55 Nice perk, I guess, living on Martha's Vineyard.

Until the untimely demise, anyway.
Posted by: Joe Mannix (Not a cop!) at July 25, 2023 04:24 PM (B2vkr)

That's what Renfield said, when he first got to Dracula's castle.

Posted by: BurtTC at July 25, 2023 04:29 PM (uZ2BU)

56 Is there physical evidence that Big Mike was not there? I could see him becoming jealous of a former/present lover.

Posted by: Picric at July 25, 2023 04:29 PM (nOnRK)

57 So who called 911 from the house?
Posted by: A Provocative Parade

One of the undocumented Obama is housing there because he is such a good person.

Posted by: Cat Ass Trophy at July 25, 2023 04:29 PM (O1z4v)

58 41 Gosh, Democrat pols sure seem to have a body count, don't they?

Posted by: Blake - semi lurker at large at July 25, 2023 04:27 PM (2YtOq)

https://youtu.be/04F4xlWSFh0

Posted by: jim (in Kalifornia) at July 25, 2023 04:29 PM (ynpvh)

59 Seriously though... regardless of how this guy died (Did he fall, did he jump, or was he pushed...) it's still a tragedy for his family. I hope they find peace soon.

And if he was pushed, so to speak, that they 1) find out who did it and 2) have the guts to prosecute Obama.

Posted by: GanGanowicz at July 25, 2023 04:29 PM (AxRGS)

60 44 "Campbell was employed by the Obamas and was visiting Martha's Vineyard. The Obamas were not present at the home at the time of the accident."

So who called 911 from the house?
Posted by: A Provocative Parade Of Perverts! at July 25, 2023 04:28 PM (2tUFv)

Article says a fellow paddlleboarder(unclear who) watched the guy drowning and then called the police.

"The search for the missing paddleboarder started Sunday after reports from a fellow paddleboarder that he had struggled on the surface, went under and didn’t resurface."

Posted by: Red Turban Someguy - The Republic is already dead! at July 25, 2023 04:30 PM (eYoxG)

61 The Vineyard has been a vacation destinations for blacks for 100 years
One beach is still called
The Inkwell
The large Victorian hones near it are still primarily owned by black families and are worth millions

Posted by: Paul at July 25, 2023 04:30 PM (OHz8B)

62 For the last time...no oysters for Big Mike.

Posted by: Diogenes at July 25, 2023 04:30 PM (aMWJ5)

63 Apparently he was on a paddleboard, but didn't use a life vest, so the assumed story is he fell off somehow and couldn't swim the required 5 feet to reach it. Uh huh.

The O'Bummers are getting in on the Arkancide action.

Vinyardcided?

Posted by: CoolHandLuke at July 25, 2023 04:30 PM (0VH88)

64 somewhere I saw the story had changed, Obama WAS at home. Can't find it now.

Posted by: illiniwek at July 25, 2023 04:30 PM (Cus5s)

65 50 Modern woke clue...

Professor Black
Killed Mr Body
In the Pool
With...his novelty dildo

Posted by: 18-1 at July 25, 2023 04:29 PM (lc5cP)

Yes, but in which orifice?

Posted by: jim (in Kalifornia) at July 25, 2023 04:30 PM (ynpvh)

66 This happened less than three miles from Chappaquiddick.
Posted by: Viso Latte

Less than a month after pride month!

Posted by: Cat Ass Trophy at July 25, 2023 04:30 PM (O1z4v)

67 I am guessing the murder weapon will turn out to be Michelle Obama's penis.

I am surprise we don't have a MOP nic around here, we have a CBD.

Posted by: Guy Mohawk at July 25, 2023 04:30 PM (8GBH4)

68 I want to see the toxicology report.

Posted by: Adirondack Patriot at July 25, 2023 04:31 PM (lf83v)

69 Commander did it.
Posted by: redridinghood at July 25, 2023 04:25 PM (NpAcC)

=====

Speaking of, Daily Mail has an article stating that Commander has bitten like 10 people since November. He's now getting "extra training."

Posted by: Jordan61 at July 25, 2023 04:31 PM (DRSnL)

70 12 No, not a red shirt. He was wearing a dog costume around dinner time.

Posted by: Hour of the Wolf at July 25, 2023 04:24 PM (oGiDo)

Hilarious!!!!!!

Posted by: kathysaysso at July 25, 2023 04:31 PM (PvVvQ)

71 Insider Paper @TheInsiderPaper 19h
2015: Former White House chef for Presidents Bill Clinton and George W. Bush drowned in a New Mexico mountain stream, and his death was ruled an accident

2023: Former White House chef for Obama died during an accident on a paddle boarding trip near the Obamas' Massachusetts home.

Insider Paper @TheInsiderPaper 10h
🚨 A former White House chef found dead after going missing while paddle boarding near the multi-million dollar waterfront home of Barack Obama.

Insider Paper @TheInsiderPaper 3h
NEW: Obama and wife were on the island when their personal chef Tafari Campbell drowned near Obamas Martha's Vineyard home, Daily Mail reports

Posted by: andycanuck (krqg6) at July 25, 2023 04:31 PM (krqg6)

72 Four Footprints in the sand means he was wasn't walking with Jesus, cause Jesus would have carried him.

Posted by: I'm Gumby Damn It! at July 25, 2023 04:31 PM (DeRoy)

73 59 Seriously though... regardless of how this guy died (Did he fall, did he jump, or was he pushed...) it's still a tragedy for his family. I hope they find peace soon.

And if he was pushed, so to speak, that they 1) find out who did it and 2) have the guts to prosecute Obama.

Posted by: GanGanowicz at July 25, 2023 04:29 PM (AxRGS)

Trump did it!--MSM

Posted by: jim (in Kalifornia) at July 25, 2023 04:31 PM (ynpvh)

74 The guy had had extensive swimming lessons from professionals.
Posted by: A Provocative Parade Of Perverts!\

Vax injury/passing out and drowning, or else he was poisoned with something?
Will there be an autopsy? Will it be suppressed?

It's the Obamas. Asked and answered.

Posted by: Barnacle Bill the sailor at July 25, 2023 04:32 PM (vcOmj)

75
Wait, what? He lives in Dumfries, VA? That's not very close to Kalorama and its WAY far from Martha's Vineyard.

Does he travel a lot for his job or what?

Michelle recently said she doesn't like cooking, so Obama Chef is def. a full-time job.

Oh well. He leaves behind a wife and twin boys. Sorry for them.

Posted by: Comrade Xi, Just Enjoying Ocean View at July 25, 2023 04:32 PM (lCaJd)

76 > It's amazing seeing all the comments from the Left on Twitter saying: "Of course he drowned - most black people can't swim. Nothing to see here."

1. RACIST!!
2. Why would a guy who can't swim go out on a paddleboard? I've been paddleboarding. The first few times out you're like a newborn baby deer and you fall off more than once.

Posted by: bonhomme at July 25, 2023 04:32 PM (R38qh)

77 During shark week too and on Martha's Vineyard.

Posted by: redridinghood at July 25, 2023 04:32 PM (NpAcC)

78 Last seen alive playing Spades with Reggie.

Posted by: ShainS at July 25, 2023 04:32 PM (qSs7F)

79 5 Told husband about this last night and he immediately said, "so, what do you think the guy knew?"
Posted by: Jordan61 at July 25, 2023 04:23 PM (DRSnL)
_______

He knew what it felt like to cornhole the Lightwalker.

Posted by: Eeyore at July 25, 2023 04:32 PM (brAQZ)

80 The joke about four feet reminds me of one of my favorite episodes of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia.

The gang breaks into a random family's home to steal back a vase that they think is some ancient artifact. While Dennis, Frank and Dee are in the house, Charlie and Mac keep lookout from the street.

They see a guy approach the house and Charlie radios to them that the man appears to have pointy feet.

Mac yells out, "Those are cowboy boots!"

The pointy feet thing always gets me.

Posted by: The Central Scrutinizer at July 25, 2023 04:32 PM (KbCG3)

81 Very sad. Looks like a young guy. I'm sorry for his family and friends. I think it's bad to work for the Clintons or the Obamas if they think you've got information they don't want revealed.

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at July 25, 2023 04:32 PM (Keyt1)

82 He got murdered because he was spirit cooking.

Now he's cooking with the spirits.

Posted by: Oschisms at July 25, 2023 04:32 PM (NfF+F)

83 Well, a complete non-swimmer might easily drown if he/she fell off the paddleboard, and the paddleboard scooted away, as floats of all kinds are wont to do when you fall off, and make a wave. But it sounds like this guy was a trained and competent swimmer.

I'll go with vaxx-induced cardio event.

Posted by: Alberta Oil Peon at July 25, 2023 04:32 PM (PRS3p)

84 After being active duty for 10 years in the USCG, the stupidity of people on water never disappoints. Paddleboards but can't swim and doesn't wear a life jacket? A witness said that he had trouble staying on the board and then went in, resurfaced, and then went down again. Could this witness have rendered aid? Maybe, maybe not. I wonder if an autopsy will be done including any drug/alcohol in his system.
Posted by: Cheri at July 25, 2023 04:29 PM (oiNtH)

Witnesses... always there when you need them, never there when you don't.

Gonna go out on a limb and assume the many cameras on the Obama compound were malfunctioning that day too.

Posted by: BurtTC at July 25, 2023 04:32 PM (uZ2BU)

85 It's true they can't swim. I saw it with my own eyes in boot camp at Great Lakes. They dutifully crossed their arms and jumped in like they were told and went right to the bottom. All got rescued thankfully and they went to swim school.

Posted by: torabora at July 25, 2023 04:32 PM (OUiUM)

86 somewhere I saw the story had changed, Obama WAS at home. Can't find it now.
Posted by: illiniwek at July 25, 2023 04:30 PM (Cus5s)

Yeah I saw that too...or thought I did.

Mass hallucinations?

Posted by: Just Lily at July 25, 2023 04:33 PM (RLLZj)

87 And that pond is only 2 inches deep. You were right, mom, you really CAN drown in 2 inches of water!!!

Posted by: kathysaysso at July 25, 2023 04:33 PM (PvVvQ)

88 Lots of confllcting facts here... guy fell off a paddleboard and couldn't swim? Yet he was extensively trained in swimming and his social media shows very good swimming?

Fog of war strong on this one.

I wonder, though.... as a chef to high up political targets, would he be taste-testing his own stuff and if someone poisoned it, would he get it first?

Posted by: GanGanowicz at July 25, 2023 04:33 PM (AxRGS)

89 Good to see I'm not the only one thinking this was suspicious.

Posted by: Formerly Virginian at July 25, 2023 04:33 PM (N1DT3)

90 Anyone check to make sure Obama's manservant Reggie Love didn't kill himself either?

I hear Big Mike looked in Barry's "boring work stuff" folder and found some videos he wasn't supposed to see...

Posted by: 18-1 at July 25, 2023 04:26 PM (lc5cP)

----------

Wait, Reggie is morte?

I must have blacked that out ...

Posted by: ShainS at July 25, 2023 04:33 PM (qSs7F)

91 Tafari, we hardly knew ye

Posted by: Barry O. at July 25, 2023 04:33 PM (wuwH7)

92 So they call it "paddle boarding" now.

Posted by: jj at July 25, 2023 04:34 PM (C9ZVc)

93 > somewhere I saw the story had changed, Obama WAS at home. Can't find it now.

They way I heard it, they wouldn't even confirm Obama was on the island at first. Then they admitted he was there, but claimed he wasn't at home.

Posted by: bonhomme at July 25, 2023 04:34 PM (R38qh)

94 He had to go.
He was a liability.

Posted by: redridinghood at July 25, 2023 04:34 PM (NpAcC)

95 92 So they call it "paddle boarding" now.

Posted by: jj at July 25, 2023 04:34 PM (C9ZVc)

Well, there was always some S&M, you know.

Posted by: jim (in Kalifornia) at July 25, 2023 04:34 PM (ynpvh)

96 I wonder, though.... as a chef to high up political targets, would he be taste-testing his own stuff and if someone poisoned it, would he get it first?

Posted by: GanGanowicz at July 25, 2023 04:33 PM (AxRGS)

---------

I figured they use dogs for that. And if the dog lives, it's next on the menu ...

Posted by: ShainS at July 25, 2023 04:35 PM (qSs7F)

97 Sad.

Posted by: Chef Boyardee at July 25, 2023 04:35 PM (ppBhU)

98 I'm going with the "Maga Sharks with lasers" did it theory.

Posted by: CoolHandLuke at July 25, 2023 04:35 PM (0VH88)

99 somewhere I saw the story had changed, Obama WAS at home. Can't find it now.
______

The Daily Mail of London has reported that the Obamas were home at the time.

Posted by: Adirondack Patriot at July 25, 2023 04:35 PM (lf83v)

100 somewhere I saw the story had changed, Obama WAS at home. Can't find it now.
Posted by: illiniwek at July 25, 2023 04:30 PM (Cus5s)

Yeah I saw that too...or thought I did.

Mass hallucinations?
Posted by: Just Lily at July 25, 2023 04:33 PM (RLLZj)

=====

Yep, same here. I could swear that was the story yesterday.

Posted by: Jordan61 at July 25, 2023 04:36 PM (DRSnL)

101 Posted by: Paul at July 25, 2023 04:30 PM (OHz8B)

So not oppressed. Make up your minds.

Posted by: polynikes at July 25, 2023 04:36 PM (BsBkM)

102 Gonna have to blame the otters for this one. Little fvckers hold a grudge.

Posted by: Mister Scott (Formerly GWS) at July 25, 2023 04:36 PM (ncXxy)

103 somewhere I saw the story had changed, Obama WAS at home. Can't find it now.
Posted by: illiniwek at July 25, 2023 04:30 PM (Cus5s)
______________

Schrödinger's Obama

Posted by: Deplorable Jay Guevara at July 25, 2023 04:36 PM (YqDXo)

104 Bronny had a heart attack when he heard this.

Posted by: Guy Mohawk at July 25, 2023 04:36 PM (8GBH4)

105 Daily Mail is galactically better than most US media.

Posted by: Wyatt Earp at July 25, 2023 04:36 PM (d2bW3)

106 Is there physical evidence that Big Mike was not there? I could see him becoming jealous of a former/present lover.

That's why everyone assumed it was Reggie Love before the body was identified.

Posted by: Ian S. at July 25, 2023 04:36 PM (ZGrMX)

107 Er em, I want it noted that I was nowhere in the area on the night in question. I'm in a much warmer place than the Vineyard now.

Posted by: Ted Kennedy at July 25, 2023 04:37 PM (xbomv)

108 Never, ever undercook the pooch. Just sayin'.

Posted by: Baracky O'Cracky at July 25, 2023 04:37 PM (Xrfse)

109 If you want facts, reporters are a pretty shitty place to get them. They want a story, facts just get in the way.

Posted by: Xipe Totec at July 25, 2023 04:37 PM (pohLc)

110 Yep, same here. I could swear that was the story yesterday.
Posted by: Jordan61

patience

Posted by: Tomorrow's Story at July 25, 2023 04:37 PM (wuwH7)

111 The Daily Mail of London has reported that the Obamas were home at the time.
-------------
... on the island.

Posted by: andycanuck (krqg6) at July 25, 2023 04:37 PM (krqg6)

112 He died because of an anti-Muhammad video on YouTube.

Posted by: Adirondack Patriot at July 25, 2023 04:37 PM (lf83v)

113 yeah this stinks to high heaven

Posted by: BlackOrchid at July 25, 2023 04:37 PM (AcWfM)

114
One Suspect With Four Feet

A cow wearing shoes like on that one Andy Griffith episode.

Posted by: Bertram Cabot, Jr. at July 25, 2023 04:37 PM (63Dwl)

115
I wonder if an autopsy will be done including any drug/alcohol in his system.
Posted by: Cheri

========

Looks like drugs to me. Otherwise, I do NOT get how you drown in a pond. Rip current or near-freezing water yes, but pond in July?

Posted by: Comrade Xi, Just Enjoying Ocean View at July 25, 2023 04:37 PM (lCaJd)

116 Are there any of these kinds of stories around Republican politicians? I mean, it sure seems like Democrat staffers end up dead an awful lot.

I realize that there was the one staffer that "died" back when Mika's beard was claiming to be a Republican and it's likely he offed her... but I cannot think of anyone more recent than that.

Posted by: GanGanowicz at July 25, 2023 04:38 PM (AxRGS)

117 The former chef for Clinton drowned in a dry wash in New Mexico in August. A month with trace amounts of rain. Drowned.

You can drown if waterboarded by a rookie.

Posted by: torabora at July 25, 2023 04:38 PM (OUiUM)

118 >>>89 Good to see I'm not the only one thinking this was suspicious.
Posted by: Formerly Virginian

Just waded in the water and drowned? Uh-huh.

Posted by: Wyatt Earp at July 25, 2023 04:38 PM (d2bW3)

119 Well, I just LOVE hot dogs. Anybody wanna suck on mine?
Posted by: Pierre Dilecto at July 25, 2023 04:27 PM (ynpvh)

Be right over!

Posted by: His Holiness The Dalai Lama, D.Div., RN, OBE, VSOP at July 25, 2023 04:38 PM (9UlRk)

120 > somewhere I saw the story had changed, Obama WAS at home. Can't find it now.

They way I heard it, they wouldn't even confirm Obama was on the island at first. Then they admitted he was there, but claimed he wasn't at home.

Posted by: bonhomme at July 25, 2023 04:34 PM (R38qh)

---------

Stunning and brave Secret Service whistleblowers to testify in 3, 4, 5 ...

Posted by: ShainS at July 25, 2023 04:38 PM (qSs7F)

121 Guy had a wife and two kids. Got to feel for them.

Posted by: javems at July 25, 2023 04:38 PM (AmoqO)

122 Just FYI, Chappaquiddick is right next to Martha's Vineyard.

Come visit Amity! We only occasionally have sharks.

Posted by: The mayor from Jaws at July 25, 2023 04:38 PM (xttsV)

123 Never, ever undercook the pooch. Just sayin'.
Posted by: Baracky O'Cracky at July 25, 2023 04:37 PM (Xrfse)
_________________

No Pup Tartare?

Posted by: Deplorable Jay Guevara at July 25, 2023 04:39 PM (YqDXo)

124 He got murdered because he was spirit cooking.
Now he's cooking with the spirits.
Posted by: Oschisms at July 25, 2023 04:32 PM (NfF+F)

They did it. They cut up his brain, the bloody baboons!

Posted by: George Taylor at July 25, 2023 04:39 PM (b+YaX)

125 I do NOT get how you drown in a pond.

What if you get smacked in the head with an oar?

Posted by: Guy Mohawk at July 25, 2023 04:39 PM (8GBH4)

126 I rescued my cousin from drowning in a lake in Connecticut. There were almost two drownings though. He did his best to bring me down with him.

Posted by: polynikes at July 25, 2023 04:39 PM (BsBkM)

127 So not oppressed. Make up your minds.
-----------
And "Inkwell" is pretty obviously racist in nature. I guess Dems do still run the island.

Posted by: andycanuck (krqg6) at July 25, 2023 04:39 PM (krqg6)

128
Oh for heaven's sakes Comrade Xi sock off.

Posted by: Blonde Morticia at July 25, 2023 04:39 PM (lCaJd)

129 Otherwise, I do NOT get how you drown in a pond. Rip current or near-freezing water yes, but pond in July?

It's very easy to lose your way among the cattails.

Posted by: Archimedes at July 25, 2023 04:39 PM (eOEVl)

130
How the fvck does someone drown in a pond? Even the word 'pond' sounds ghey.

Posted by: Divide by Zero at July 25, 2023 04:40 PM (enJYY)

131 Maybe one of those fresh water amoebas ate his brain before he could swim back to shore

Posted by: NC Kate at July 25, 2023 04:40 PM (an6os)

132 Were there any dog bites on the guy?

Posted by: torabora at July 25, 2023 04:40 PM (OUiUM)

133 105 Daily Mail is galactically better than most US media.
Posted by: Wyatt Earp at July 25, 2023 04:36 PM (d2bW3)

Better photo spreads too

Posted by: Mark Andrew Edwards, buy ammo, food, water at July 25, 2023 04:40 PM (xcxpd)

134 His creme brulee will be sorely missed.

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero43) at July 25, 2023 04:40 PM (guGkK)

135 Smells like an op. Dude probably knew too much about the Obama's lifestyle and, perhaps, how embedded they are with what's going down regarding the *biden's.

But it does reek a bit. The story, not the body. That might reek too, but for a different reason.

Posted by: Martini Farmer at July 25, 2023 04:40 PM (Q4IgG)

136 It's very easy to lose your way among the cattails.
Posted by: Archimedes at July 25, 2023 04:39 PM (eOEVl)

Or bullrushes.

Posted by: Moses at July 25, 2023 04:40 PM (PRS3p)

137
Gay 3-ways never end well.

Big Mike, in a jealous rage, with his "tuck it" strap.

Posted by: Krebs v Carnot: Epic Battle of the Cycling Stars (TM) at July 25, 2023 04:40 PM (xG4kz)

138 There's a limit to how safely "fresh seafood" can be had.

Posted by: DaveA at July 25, 2023 04:41 PM (FhXTo)

139 I don't know how close the pond was to the Obama manse, but I would think every square inch for quite a long way is covered by cameras. I suppose they might have hired the people who were monitoring Epstein's cell.

Posted by: Archimedes at July 25, 2023 04:41 PM (eOEVl)

140 The search was paused late Sunday but on Monday state police said sonar from a boat located the body about 100 feet from shore at a depth of about 8 feet.

Typical.. Trying to swim with more chains than he can steal.

Posted by: Reuben Hick at July 25, 2023 04:41 PM (p8A+W)

141
I rescued my cousin from drowning in a lake in Connecticut. There were almost two drownings though. He did his best to bring me down with him.
Posted by: polynikes

=========

How did that happen? Did cousin not know how to swim? Fell in with boots on or something?

Posted by: Blonde Morticia at July 25, 2023 04:41 PM (lCaJd)

142 Stunning and brave Secret Service whistleblowers to testify in 3, 4, 5 ...
Posted by: ShainS at July 25, 2023 04:38 PM (qSs7F)

Whistles are going to be the only thing not being blown here.

Posted by: joe, living dangerously at July 25, 2023 04:42 PM (fKIdX)

143 The former chef for Clinton drowned in a dry wash in New Mexico in August. A month with trace amounts of rain. Drowned.

You can drown if waterboarded by a rookie.

Posted by: torabora at July 25, 2023 04:38 PM (OUiUM)

---------

"Post-Traumatic Hyoid Drowning Disorder.

Muldoon would know the ICD-10 code for that ...

Posted by: ShainS at July 25, 2023 04:42 PM (qSs7F)

144 Whoops. He was accidently creamated. Looks like there won't be an autopsy.

Just a guess.

Posted by: Mr Aspirin Factory at July 25, 2023 04:42 PM (TZ75n)

145 The former chef for Clinton drowned in a dry wash in New Mexico in August. A month with trace amounts of rain. Drowned.

You can drown if waterboarded by a rookie.

Posted by: torabora at July 25, 2023 04:38 PM (OUiUM)

---------

"Post-Traumatic Hyoid Drowning Disorder."

Muldoon would know the ICD-10 code for that ...

Posted by: ShainS at July 25, 2023 04:42 PM (qSs7F)

146 Paul Pelosi could not be reached for comments

Posted by: People's Hippo Voice at July 25, 2023 04:42 PM (EYVn3)

147 Depth of 8 feet? Incredible. The guy couldn't bob off the bottom? Gateway Pundit has video of him swimming in a pool. Drowned in 8 feet of water?

Posted by: Adirondack Patriot at July 25, 2023 04:43 PM (lf83v)

148 The former chef for Clinton drowned in a dry wash in New Mexico in August. A month with trace amounts of rain. Drowned.

Posted by: torabora at July 25, 2023 04:38 PM (OUiUM)
________________

All joking aside, that's easy to do. People like to camp in dry washes because they're usually sandy, not so rocky. But the problem is that if it's raining - maybe many miles away, up in the mountains - the wash will suddenly flood. And I mean a tsunami rushing downhill with zero warning.

It's why you never camp in a dry wash.

Posted by: Deplorable Jay Guevara at July 25, 2023 04:43 PM (YqDXo)

149 I don't know how close the pond was to the Obama manse,

Posted by: Archimedes at July 25, 2023 04:41 PM (eOEVl)

=====

From the Daily Mail. That's a helluva freaking big pond.

https://is.gd/UEoQ78

Posted by: Jordan61 at July 25, 2023 04:43 PM (DRSnL)

150 He recommended the Merlot one to many times.

Posted by: Guy Mohawk at July 25, 2023 04:43 PM (8GBH4)

151 Well at least the cook didn’t drive off a bridge, drunk, and kill his passenger

Posted by: Redenzo at July 25, 2023 04:43 PM (V/pbu)

152 (looks to make sure we're past 100)

Okay, it's weird how the brain works. I remembered the name of the... Italian or maybe French Special Interest Film Actress discussed in the last rhread.

Brigitta (maybe Brigitte?) Bulgari.

I don't recommend you search at all, but you should assume anything will be NSFW based on the nature of her job.

Posted by: Moron Robbie - The EPA has determined US has cooled since 1948 at July 25, 2023 04:44 PM (VW7tl)

153 I do NOT get how you drown in a pond.

All I know is, the cops are being very koi about the whole thing.

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero43) at July 25, 2023 04:44 PM (guGkK)

154 was he wearing a red shirt?
Posted by: Zeera

Snort

Posted by: rickb223 at July 25, 2023 04:44 PM (AXL3t)

155 Whoops. He was accidently creamated. Looks like there won't be an autopsy.

Just a guess.

Dang it. There's a coffee joke there, but I just can't find it.

Posted by: Archimedes at July 25, 2023 04:44 PM (eOEVl)

156
I do NOT get how you drown in a pond.

"... strange women lying in ponds ..."

Posted by: Krebs v Carnot: Epic Battle of the Cycling Stars (TM) at July 25, 2023 04:44 PM (xG4kz)

157
It's very easy to lose your way among the cattails.
Posted by: Archimedes

==========

Lose your way...to the surface? An experienced swimmer? I guess so. I don't hang out much at ponds.

Posted by: Blonde Morticia at July 25, 2023 04:44 PM (lCaJd)

158 Posted by: 18-1 at July 25, 2023 04:24 PM (lc5cP)

Are you thinking of No Way Out?

Posted by: Ted Torgerson DeSantis/Lake 2024 at July 25, 2023 04:44 PM (vN+oL)

159 143 "Post-Traumatic Hyoid Drowning Disorder.

Muldoon would know the ICD-10 code for that ...

forty-two!

Posted by: deep thought at July 25, 2023 04:44 PM (v3pYe)

160 I don't know how close the pond was to the Obama manse,

I'm wondering how much of the story has less to do with the Obamas personally and more to do with clickbait by including the reference.

I know the Secret Service is pretty lax about allowing people to jump the WH fence and enter the property, and about letting kilos of cocaine end up scattered around the residence; but I didn't think that they would just let the Chocolate Messiah's Presidential Palace be the venue for casual murder and body dumping.

Posted by: Reuben Hick at July 25, 2023 04:44 PM (p8A+W)

161 I rescued my cousin from drowning in a lake in Connecticut. There were almost two drownings though. He did his best to bring me down with him.
--
Unless you have no other option, never reach your hand to a drowning person-- their instant instinct is to climb on top of you.

Posted by: People's Hippo Voice at July 25, 2023 04:45 PM (EYVn3)

162 It's why you never camp in a dry wash.
Posted by: Deplorable Jay Guevara at July 25, 2023 04:43 PM (YqDXo)

There are videos of flash floods in desert dry washes. Probably on Youtube. They ain't no joke.

Posted by: Xipe Totec at July 25, 2023 04:45 PM (pohLc)

163 How did that happen? Did cousin not know how to swim? Fell in with boots on or something?
Posted by: Blonde Morticia at July 25, 2023 04:41 PM (lCaJd)

Cramps and not being able to swim very well to begin with .

Posted by: polynikes at July 25, 2023 04:45 PM (BsBkM)

164 From the Daily Mail. That's a helluva freaking big pond.

Yeah, that's a lake.

Posted by: Archimedes at July 25, 2023 04:45 PM (eOEVl)

165 Depth of 8 feet? Incredible. The guy couldn't bob off the bottom? Gateway Pundit has video of him swimming in a pool. Drowned in 8 feet of water?
Posted by: Adirondack Patriot at July 25, 2023 04:43 PM (lf83v)

Muscle cramp in the leg? But my money is on vaxx-related blood clot or cardiac arrest. I'm sure the Obamas would demand that all underlings be vaxxed out the wazoo.

Posted by: Moses at July 25, 2023 04:45 PM (PRS3p)

166 He recommended the Merlot one to many times.
Posted by: Guy Mohawk

Heh

Posted by: Miklos c'est amusee at July 25, 2023 04:45 PM (wuwH7)

167
I want to see the toxicology report.

Posted by: Adirondack Patriot at July 25, 2023 04:31 PM

I wanna see the colonoscopy report. Presence of male semen.

☐ Not confirmed
☑ Confirmed

Posted by: Divide by Zero at July 25, 2023 04:45 PM (enJYY)

168
Obama's Personal Chef Drowns

Dude was "world class at smoking sausages", by all accounts

Posted by: Krebs v Carnot: Epic Battle of the Cycling Stars (TM) at July 25, 2023 04:45 PM (xG4kz)

169 He should have listened and got Hillary's order correct.

Posted by: Axeman at July 25, 2023 04:46 PM (krQz2)

170 It's why you never camp in a dry wash.
Posted by: Deplorable Jay Guevara at July 25, 2023 04:43 PM (YqDXo)

Yup. Son and I have been hiking in the Canyonlands of Utah. You need to watch the weather closely, because a gully washer t-storm could happen miles upstream and then come shooting down the slot canyons 20 feet deep.

Posted by: Pug Mahon, Lifelong Metal-head at July 25, 2023 04:46 PM (T/Lqj)

171 Posted by: 18-1 at July 25, 2023 04:24 PM (lc5cP)

Are you thinking of No Way Out?
Posted by: Ted Torgerson DeSantis/Lake 2024 at July 25, 2023 04:44 PM (vN+oL)

=====

Sounds kinda like No Way Out, but that didn't have any local cops that I remember.

Posted by: Jordan61 at July 25, 2023 04:46 PM (DRSnL)

172 All I know is, the cops are being very koi about the whole thing.

They are in over their head.

Posted by: Guy Mohawk at July 25, 2023 04:46 PM (8GBH4)

173 Whoops. He was accidently creamated. Looks like there won't be an autopsy.

Just a guess.

Posted by: Mr Aspirin Factory at July 25, 2023 04:42 PM (TZ75n)

----------

His ashes will have some of Hunter's cocaine dust mixed in.

Posted by: ShainS at July 25, 2023 04:46 PM (qSs7F)

174 hoops. He was accidently creamated. Looks like there won't be an autopsy.

Just a guess.

Dang it. There's a coffee joke there, but I just can't find it.
Posted by: Archimedes

Heh.

It looks like he Sanka to the bottom.

Posted by: Mr Aspirin Factory at July 25, 2023 04:46 PM (TZ75n)

175 He had information incriminating Hillary Clinton....

Posted by: steevy at July 25, 2023 04:46 PM (FQmDC)

176 So the police think there was foul play? Or we think that because we don't like Obama?

Posted by: Dr. Claw at July 25, 2023 04:46 PM (YohY1)

177 The poor bastard probably choked on Mike's hog leg and in a panic Mike and Barry had to dump his lifeless body into the pond after extracting Mike's hog leg.

Hog. Leg.

Posted by: Hairyback Guy at July 25, 2023 04:46 PM (b+YaX)

178 THER SHALL BE NO OTHER

Posted by: Big Mike, the Magnificent Beard at July 25, 2023 04:47 PM (wuwH7)

179 I don't know how close the pond was to the Obama manse,

Posted by: Archimedes at July 25, 2023 04:41 PM (eOEVl)

=====

From the Daily Mail. That's a helluva freaking big pond.

https://is.gd/UEoQ78

Posted by: Jordan61 at July 25, 2023 04:43 PM

Those salt water ponds in New England are not really ponds like we normally think about. They come and go with the tides and can get huge and deep quickly.

We used to go crabbing with the incoming tide, the blue crabs would come in with the tides because the food was there but you had to watch the water levels or you could get trapped.

Posted by: Mister Scott (Formerly GWS) at July 25, 2023 04:47 PM (ncXxy)

180 I wonder if an autopsy will be done including any drug/alcohol in his system.

If you pump his stomach, you will find the essence of Kenya.

Posted by: GEORGE OBAMA at July 25, 2023 04:47 PM (2znMt)

181 Are you thinking of No Way Out?

It was a Clint Eastwood movie I think.

Posted by: Guy Mohawk at July 25, 2023 04:47 PM (8GBH4)

182 O they changed the story the obamas were indeed home

Posted by: Gonzotx at July 25, 2023 04:47 PM (MwHgU)

183 It was determined to be a drowning due to all the multiple bits of lead found in his lungs…and back of his head.

Posted by: Crazy to be sane at July 25, 2023 04:47 PM (kIH8J)

184 Depth of 8 feet? Incredible. The guy couldn't bob off the bottom? Gateway Pundit has video of him swimming in a pool. Drowned in 8 feet of water?
Posted by: Adirondack Patriot at July 25, 2023 04:43 PM (lf83v)
_______________

He was found in 8 feet of water. Where he drowned might actually be a lot deeper.

Posted by: Deplorable Jay Guevara at July 25, 2023 04:47 PM (YqDXo)

185 What happened to the paddleboard? Is the paddleboard right out?

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero43) at July 25, 2023 04:48 PM (guGkK)

186 Better photo spreads too
Posted by: Mark Andrew Edwards, buy ammo, food, water at July 25, 2023 04:40 PM (xcxpd)
++++
Absolutely! I've been a subscriber - and regular reader - of the Daily Male for years!!!

Posted by: Barack Obama at July 25, 2023 04:48 PM (B2vkr)

187 173 Whoops. He was accidently creamated. Looks like there won't be an autopsy.

Just a guess.

Posted by: Mr Aspirin Factory at July 25, 2023 04:42 PM (TZ75n)

----------

His ashes will have some of Hunter's cocaine dust mixed in.

Posted by: ShainS at July 25, 2023 04:46 PM (qSs7F)

That's kinda dangerous; Hunter might snort him.

Posted by: jim (in Kalifornia) at July 25, 2023 04:48 PM (ynpvh)

188 And that pond is only 2 inches deep. You were right, mom, you really CAN drown in 2 inches of water!!!
Posted by: kathysaysso at July 25, 2023 04:33 PM (PvVvQ)

Gonna go out on a limb and predict the autopsy is going to oddly indicate no water in the lungs... which the dutiful media is going to proclaim is always the case when it's just a couple inches of water.

Posted by: BurtTC at July 25, 2023 04:48 PM (O5Zwo)

189 Unless you have no other option, never reach your hand to a drowning person-- their instant instinct is to climb on top of you.
Posted by: People's Hippo Voice at July 25, 2023 04:45 PM (EYVn3)

I learned that first hand. There were no other options though I probably would have jumped in after him if there were. I was young , dumb and invincible at that time .

Posted by: polynikes at July 25, 2023 04:48 PM (BsBkM)

190 I rescued my cousin from drowning in a lake in Connecticut. There were almost two drownings though. He did his best to bring me down with him.

That is why its customary to knock them unconscious before you drag their limp body back to safety.

Posted by: Reuben Hick at July 25, 2023 04:48 PM (p8A+W)

191
Cramps and not being able to swim very well to begin with .
Posted by: polynikes

=========

Ahhh.

Posted by: Blonde Morticia at July 25, 2023 04:48 PM (lCaJd)

192 check his neck for fingerprints.

Posted by: gnats local 678 at July 25, 2023 04:49 PM (B1FKF)

193 It was determined to be a drowning due to all the multiple bits of lead found in his lungs…and back of his head.
Posted by: Crazy to be sane at July 25, 2023 04:47 PM (kIH8J)
---
I suppose all that extra lead would weigh a person down in the water...

Posted by: "Perfessor" Squirrel at July 25, 2023 04:49 PM (YIVH2)

194 My favorite Obama crime story is how his side bitch was "mugged" in DC "walking" at night.

Only took his cell phone.
Not his wallet.
Didn't rough him up.
No description of the perps, no leads, no investigation.

Right, Kal-- That's what happened.

Not the Secret Service making sure you didn't keep the dick pics Obama sent you.

Posted by: People's Hippo Voice at July 25, 2023 04:49 PM (EYVn3)

195 Where was the Secret Service while this was all happening? Sure, the Chef doesn't get their protection per say, but I would think anyone visiting/working at their mansion would be under their surveillance. Snorting coke on the veranda?

Posted by: Cheri at July 25, 2023 04:49 PM (oiNtH)

196 > He had information incriminating Hillary Clinton....

He walked in on Big Mike and Hillary spit roasting Barack.

Posted by: bonhomme at July 25, 2023 04:49 PM (R38qh)

197 I can imagine that once you get a sense that you may be in trouble, the panic that sets in would pretty quickly overtake you.

Instead of just calmly trying to find the board or hit the bottom and pop back up, you start thrashing around and quickly depleting your energy and remaining oxygen.

Posted by: The Central Scrutinizer at July 25, 2023 04:49 PM (KbCG3)

198 192 check his neck for fingerprints.

Posted by: gnats local 678 at July 25, 2023 04:49 PM (B1FKF)

Or his body with a UV light...

Posted by: jim (in Kalifornia) at July 25, 2023 04:50 PM (ynpvh)

199 67 I am guessing the murder weapon will turn out to be Michelle Obama's penis.

I am surprise we don't have a MOP nic around here, we have a CBD.
Posted by: Guy Mohawk at July 25, 2023 04:30 PM (8GBH4)

I'm available, big boy

Posted by: Michelle Obama's Landing Strip at July 25, 2023 04:50 PM (/6GbT)

200 197 I can imagine that once you get a sense that you may be in trouble, the panic that sets in would pretty quickly overtake you.

Instead of just calmly trying to find the board or hit the bottom and pop back up, you start thrashing around and quickly depleting your energy and remaining oxygen.
Posted by: The Central Scrutinizer at July 25, 2023 04:49 PM (KbCG3)

Or just floating.

Posted by: Red Turban Someguy - The Republic is already dead! at July 25, 2023 04:50 PM (eYoxG)

201 That is why its customary to knock them unconscious before you drag their limp body back to safety.
Posted by: Reuben Hick at July 25, 2023 04:48 PM (p8A+W)

So true.

Posted by: Phloebag Waller-Bridge at July 25, 2023 04:50 PM (guGkK)

202 Unless you have no other option, never reach your hand to a drowning person-- their instant instinct is to climb on top of you

‐------@
Reach
Throw
Row
Go

Posted by: BunkerintheBurbs at July 25, 2023 04:50 PM (+VOfj)

203
Well, poor guy was high or suddenly incapacitated by some medical emergency. Condolences to his wife and kids.

Posted by: Blonde Morticia at July 25, 2023 04:50 PM (lCaJd)

204 >I do NOT get how you drown in a pond.

it's the water

Posted by: DB - the more you know at July 25, 2023 04:50 PM (geLO8)

205 Oddly enough, one set of footprints hardly made any impression at all.

Posted by: Eromero at July 25, 2023 04:51 PM (Uv0D2)

206 Are James Taylor and Carly Simon going to sing at the funeral?

Posted by: Roy at July 25, 2023 04:51 PM (YeT1B)

207 That's kinda dangerous; Hunter might snort him.

Posted by: jim (in Kalifornia) at July 25, 2023 04:48 PM (ynpvh)

--------

* snort *

Wish I'd thought of that ...

Posted by: ShainS at July 25, 2023 04:51 PM (qSs7F)

208 hoops. He was accidently creamated. Looks like there won't be an autopsy.

Just a guess.

Dang it. There's a coffee joke there, but I just can't find it.
Posted by: Archimedes

Heh.

It looks like he Sanka to the bottom.
Posted by: Mr Aspirin Factory at July 25, 2023 04:46 PM (TZ75n)

They found two lumps on his head?

Posted by: polynikes at July 25, 2023 04:51 PM (BsBkM)

209 I wonder how many causes of death this guy had. Sure, he died of drowning... but that is likely just the finisher.

Kind of like a merchant marine sailor in WWII on the arctic convoys... yeah, drowning was the final straw but the cardiac arrest from the drop into freezing water first; or the burns from the oil on board the sinking ship would have done the job too.

This guy drowned... but would he have died anyway if he'd been on on land? What stopped this good swimmer from swimming to safety?

Posted by: GanGanowicz at July 25, 2023 04:51 PM (AxRGS)

210 Did he go in the water less than an hour after eating?

(I hope no one has already speculated about this)

Posted by: Brunnhilde at July 25, 2023 04:51 PM (EE7eS)

211 >>> 205 Oddly enough, one set of footprints hardly made any impression at all.
Posted by: Eromero at July 25, 2023 04:51 PM (Uv0D2)

Midget, or demon?

Posted by: Helena Handbasket at July 25, 2023 04:52 PM (llON8)

212 206 Are James Taylor and Carly Simon going to sing at the funeral?

Posted by: Roy at July 25, 2023 04:51 PM (YeT1B)

"And it seems to me, He lived his live,
With a candle up his ass..."

Posted by: Elton John at July 25, 2023 04:52 PM (ynpvh)

213 Still around

Posted by: Ted Kennedy's lawyers at July 25, 2023 04:52 PM (wuwH7)

214 I shan't believe ou greatest President of Color had anything to do with this.

I shan't. I simply shan't.

Posted by: Mary Cloggenstein of Brattleboro, Vt at July 25, 2023 04:52 PM (a3Q+t)

215 their instant instinct is to climb on top of you.

Posted by: People's Hippo Voice at July 25, 2023 04:45 PM (EYVn3)

Every lifeguarding class I have taken teaches how to deal with struggling victims. Practicing it is a hoot!

Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at July 25, 2023 04:52 PM (PHmov)

216
I gotta lake near me. It's not a 'guy' thing to have a paddleboard, it's all young women, who tend to drop their cell phones into 50 feet of water and then become distraught. But they all wear life jackets and thongs. Thongs are no doubt the best insurance against drowning.

Posted by: Divide by Zero at July 25, 2023 04:52 PM (enJYY)

217
True Virginia geography fact: Dumass, VA is adjacent to Dumfries, VA.

Folks in the former burg are constantly regaling each another with the thigh-slapping rejoinder, "Do you want Dumfries with that?"

Posted by: Krebs v Carnot: Epic Battle of the Cycling Stars (TM) at July 25, 2023 04:52 PM (xG4kz)

218 Sometimes Mooch forgets to lock the bathroom door NoImSayin

Posted by: Wonkish Rogue at July 25, 2023 04:53 PM (Yg/ZT)

219 215 their instant instinct is to climb on top of you.

Posted by: People's Hippo Voice at July 25, 2023 04:45 PM (EYVn3)

Every lifeguarding class I have taken teaches how to deal with struggling victims. Practicing it is a hoot!

Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at July 25, 2023 04:52 PM (PHmov)

Gonna haveta drown 'em to save 'em.

Posted by: jim (in Kalifornia) at July 25, 2023 04:53 PM (ynpvh)

220 Those paddleboard lessons from John Kerry didn't help him much.

Posted by: Roy at July 25, 2023 04:53 PM (YeT1B)

221 Sounds kinda like No Way Out, but that didn't have any local cops that I remember.
Posted by: Jordan61 at July 25, 2023

***
I think No Way Out was based loosely on The Big Clock w/ Ray Milland and Charles Laughton?

Posted by: Wolfus Aurelius, Dreaming of Elsewhere at July 25, 2023 04:53 PM (J2vNu)

222 Dang it. There's a coffee joke there, but I just can't find it.
Posted by: Archimedes

Heh.

It looks like he Sanka to the bottom.
Posted by: Mr Aspirin Factory

That's because he was Chock Full 'O Nuts at Maxwell's House.

Posted by: rickb223 at July 25, 2023 04:53 PM (AXL3t)

223 Thongs are no doubt the best insurance against drowning.
Posted by: Divide by Zero at July 25, 2023 04:52 PM (enJYY)

You can get smothered, though. Especially if they come off.

Posted by: Moses at July 25, 2023 04:53 PM (PRS3p)

224 Swim with sharks and ....

Posted by: Joe Mama at July 25, 2023 04:54 PM (lZVy/)

225 Are James Taylor and Carly Simon going to sing at the funeral?

Posted by: Roy at July 25, 2023 04:51 PM (YeT1B)

--------

Belting out "You're So Vain" in the presence of the Obamas?

Yeah, that tracks ...

Posted by: ShainS at July 25, 2023 04:54 PM (qSs7F)

226 Sooo...there were two sets of footprints. Forensic Files would solve this one in 28 minutes
. Just make plaster casts and stick them in the smoke chamber with heated crazy glue.

Posted by: I'm Gumby Damn It! at July 25, 2023 04:54 PM (DeRoy)

227 Obama: "I know it was you chef. I wanted to eat some dog, like in the good 'ol days, and you said no. You broke my heart.

Why don't you go out on the pond: Fishing, paddleboard, whatever. It'll be nice. Don't worry about a life preserver."

Posted by: WisRich at July 25, 2023 04:54 PM (G0vdT)

228 Thongs are no doubt the best insurance against drowning.
Posted by: Divide by Zero at July 25, 2023 04:52 PM (enJYY)

Thith is true. You can't drown when you're thinging.

Posted by: Mike Tyson at July 25, 2023 04:54 PM (PiwSw)

229 Midget, or demon?
Posted by: Helena Handbasket

A midget demon.

Posted by: Mr Aspirin Factory at July 25, 2023 04:54 PM (TZ75n)

230 Yup. Son and I have been hiking in the Canyonlands of Utah. You need to watch the weather closely, because a gully washer t-storm could happen miles upstream and then come shooting down the slot canyons 20 feet deep.
Posted by: Pug Mahon, Lifelong Metal-head at July 25, 2023 04:46 PM (T/Lqj)
___________

Yep. There was a little creek running through a steep canyon near where I lived when I was in HS. You could jump across the creek most of the time, but if you looked up, you could see flood debris caught 20 feet up in the trees.

Posted by: Deplorable Jay Guevara at July 25, 2023 04:55 PM (YqDXo)

231 Did you all know it's worse to down in salt water than it is in fresh?

The seawater, being similar to your blood in salinity keeps your capillaries from bursting.
So you "breathe" multiple times and _some_ oxygen is exchanged, for a bit, before you pass out.

In fresh, they burst almost immediately, no O2 exchange and you pass out quicker.

Cool, hig?

Posted by: People's Hippo Voice at July 25, 2023 04:55 PM (EYVn3)

232 I'd lay a strong bet on drugs and some level of incapacitation being in play.

Posted by: Tom Servo at July 25, 2023 04:55 PM (i9ffA)

233 Four feet?

A cow from Top Secret? Or "four feet good! two feet bad!"

Posted by: Anna Puma at July 25, 2023 04:55 PM (8zqxZ)

234 Thongs are no doubt the best insurance against drowning.

You can make a boat out of a thong.

Posted by: MacGyver at July 25, 2023 04:55 PM (8GBH4)

235 I gotta lake near me. It's not a 'guy' thing to have a paddleboard, it's all young women, who tend to drop their cell phones into 50 feet of water and then become distraught. But they all wear life jackets and thongs. Thongs are no doubt the best insurance against drowning.
Posted by: Divide by Zero at July 25, 2023 04:52 PM (enJYY)

=====

LOL. You just perfectly described my son's last outing with his now ex-gf and her friend. Lost phone and everything.

Posted by: Jordan61 at July 25, 2023 04:55 PM (DRSnL)

236 *sobbing*

I love my dead gay chef!

Posted by: Preezy Straight-Britches at July 25, 2023 04:55 PM (wBpKf)

237 Cramps and not being able to swim very well to begin with .
Posted by: polynikes at July 25, 2023 04:45 PM (BsBkM)

Even a semi-experienced swimmer should know how to deal with cramps. It's one of the first lessons I was taught learning how to swim when I was just a wee lad.

Posted by: Dr. Pork Chops & Bacons at July 25, 2023 04:55 PM (BdMk6)

238 Nothing but fun and games at t he Barky resistance

Posted by: Skip at July 25, 2023 04:55 PM (xhxe8)

239 Acute arugula poisoning.

Second only to kale as a cause of death among sophisticates.

Posted by: inspector bear with asymmetrical balls - it's alimentary, my dear boo boo at July 25, 2023 04:55 PM (ppBhU)

240
You can make a boat out of a thong.
Posted by: MacGyver at July 25, 2023 04:55 PM (8GBH4)

At least a man in a boat.

Posted by: Roy at July 25, 2023 04:56 PM (YeT1B)

241 hey, look. let's not jump to conclusions, ok? he wasn't found in a pond near trump's mar a lago

Posted by: gnats local 678 at July 25, 2023 04:56 PM (B1FKF)

242 If you're in The Vineyard,
go to Aquinnah,
for a Gay Head old time...

Posted by: Mister Ghost at July 25, 2023 04:56 PM (TGPs7)

243 A midget demon.

Thousand Millimeter Reich?

Posted by: Anna Puma at July 25, 2023 04:56 PM (8zqxZ)

244
By any chance did he pass away "unexpectedly" on the anniversary date of Mary Jo Kopechne's "failure to thrive"? There'd be a whole steamer trunk full of suspects from the "K-Klan" if that were the case. Ritual blood sacrifice and all that ...

Posted by: Krebs v Carnot: Epic Battle of the Cycling Stars (TM) at July 25, 2023 04:56 PM (xG4kz)

245 It's like this was a message or something, from some place like....say.....Chappequah.

Posted by: Eromero at July 25, 2023 04:56 PM (Uv0D2)

246 Or are we really going with the story that a guy who couldn't swim well went out on a paddleboard, then drowned instead of just hanging onto said paddleboard?
-------------
My guess he fell and hit his head thus he did drown. Otherwise, how hard is it to grab said paddleboard and kick yourself back to the wading pool? You know your in the wading pool cuz it smells of urine - much like Hillary.

Posted by: Puddinhead at July 25, 2023 04:56 PM (0chEi)

247 Oh, great. Kev thinks the Biden scandal is getting close to rising to the level where they are going to consider an impeachment inquiry to gather more facts.

Posted by: Cat Ass Trophy at July 25, 2023 04:56 PM (O1z4v)

248 The former chef for Clinton drowned in a dry wash in New Mexico in August. A month with trace amounts of rain. Drowned.

You can drown if waterboarded by a rookie.

Posted by: torabora at July 25, 2023 04:38 PM (OUiUM)

New Mexico... hmmm, now who was it the Clintons were fond of visiting in New Mexico. Some financier dude, with an island somewhere, and girlfriend who was the daughter of some wealthy Israeli spy who... oh, now that you mention it, he drowned too!

Weird.

I'm sure there's no connection.

Posted by: BurtTC at July 25, 2023 04:56 PM (vmr7r)

249 What happened to the paddleboard? Is the paddleboard right out?
Posted by: Cicero

The otter got it. We're EVERYWHERE!

Posted by: Otter 841 at July 25, 2023 04:57 PM (vcOmj)

250 You can make a boat out of a thong.
Posted by: MacGyver at July 25, 2023 04:55 PM (8GBH4)

The companion piece is an aid to motorboating.

Posted by: Alberta Oil Peon at July 25, 2023 04:57 PM (PRS3p)

251 243 A midget demon.

Thousand Millimeter Reich?
Posted by: Anna Puma at July 25, 2023 04:56 PM (8zqxZ)

lol

Posted by: Mark Andrew Edwards, buy ammo, food, water at July 25, 2023 04:57 PM (xcxpd)

252 The seawater, being similar to your blood in salinity keeps your capillaries from bursting.

I had a boss who pronounced them ca-PILL-aries instead of CAP-illaries. He thought he sounded British, but he was just a tool.

Posted by: Archimedes at July 25, 2023 04:57 PM (eOEVl)

253 LOL.

I have Trial going on TCM, and at this commie rally the speaker says, "Every one who is NOT an FBI agent keep your hands up."

Even in 1955.

Posted by: Deplorable Ian Galt at July 25, 2023 04:57 PM (ufFY8)

254 You can make a boat out of a thong.

You've been looking at photos of Meghan McCain again? Or Lizzo?

Posted by: Anna Puma at July 25, 2023 04:57 PM (8zqxZ)

255 Darwin award winner right there. Fell off and pushed the board away with his foot as he was falling. Happens but usually doesn't end up drowning unless you are stupid. Terminally stupid.

Posted by: pawn at July 25, 2023 04:57 PM (wsHtO)

256 Salt water no good for glass.

Posted by: Puddinhead at July 25, 2023 04:57 PM (0chEi)

257 They found two lumps on his head?
Posted by: polynikes at July 25, 2023 04:51 PM (BsBkM)
____________

Probably from the cinder blocks he was tied to.

Posted by: Deplorable Jay Guevara at July 25, 2023 04:58 PM (YqDXo)

258 Rest in Peace.

I hope he wasn't violated by Big Mike before he died.

Posted by: Sharkman at July 25, 2023 04:58 PM (O0UOO)

259 Oh, and despite the TV and movies, isn't the statistic on revival after unconscious in water like 3%?

Not real good odds.

Posted by: People's Hippo Voice at July 25, 2023 04:58 PM (EYVn3)

260 Not much on the drowning over at DU, but this: Martha's Vinyard allowed a minority to stay on the island? reminded me of good news story they're crying over.

Fifth bus carrying migrants sent from Texas arrives in downtown LA...44 migrants onboard from Mexico, Colombia, China, Haiti, Honduras, Peru and Venezuela. Fourteen of them are children between 2 to 14 years old.

The usual pattern is to hire a recruiter to entice the migrants to board the buses voluntarily with false offers of housing, work or expedited advancement of their status. Several of these migrants have asylum applications in process, which may be disrupted by the move. It's a variation of the reverse freedom rides trick from the 1960s.

Confiscate the buses! See how many bus and airplane companies want to cooperate after that.

Send them to Vermont. Housing is a bit scarce in some places, but we definitely need the help. They'd be more than welcomed.

Sending them across the desert in 100+ temps. Lord have mercy.

Posted by: Intercepted DU Transmissions brought by the Intrepid AoS Liaison at July 25, 2023 04:59 PM (NCgXW)

261
The Obamas said Campbell is survived by his wife and their twin boys.

"... at least, for now, they survive him" glowered the Obama spokesdolt.

Posted by: Krebs v Carnot: Epic Battle of the Cycling Stars (TM) at July 25, 2023 04:59 PM (xG4kz)

262 re 218: so you drown or you go blind?

Posted by: gnats local 678 at July 25, 2023 04:59 PM (B1FKF)

263 >What happened to the paddleboard? Is the paddleboard right out?
Posted by: Cicero

cheap Italian-made paddleboard acquired thru mail order

Posted by: DB - the more you know at July 25, 2023 04:59 PM (geLO8)

264 Isn't there an ankle strap you wear attached to your board like surfers?

Posted by: polynikes at July 25, 2023 04:59 PM (BsBkM)

265 Of course here I am guessing the murder weapon will turn out to be Michelle Obama's penis.
Posted by: 18-1 at July 25, 2023 04:24 PM (lc5cP)

Death by snu-snu!

Posted by: Mishdog at July 25, 2023 04:59 PM (YXEoM)

266 Here's the archive link in case you don't want to give Politico a click. https://archive.is/miRWW

Posted by: the lower depths at July 25, 2023 04:59 PM (+b4rY)

267 >>Just FYI, Chappaquiddick is right next to Martha's Vineyard.

Axeshully, Chappaquiddick is right on Martha's Vineyard.

Posted by: JackStraw at July 25, 2023 05:00 PM (ZLI7S)

268 If one set of footprints has a deep drag mark between them, that means Big Mike was there.

Posted by: ballistic at July 25, 2023 05:00 PM (oXNqT)

269 I had a boss who pronounced them ca-PILL-aries instead of CAP-illaries. He thought he sounded British, but he was just a tool.

Posted by: Archimedes at July 25, 2023 04:57 PM (eOEVl)
______________

For some reason, the Brits often put the accent on the second sylLABle, as in skeLEETal, contROVersy.

Posted by: Deplorable Jay Guevara at July 25, 2023 05:00 PM (YqDXo)

270 He was probably playing pickleball while paddleboarding.

Posted by: fd at July 25, 2023 05:00 PM (iayUP)

271 I have Trial going on TCM, and at this commie rally the speaker says, "Every one who is NOT an FBI agent keep your hands up."

Even in 1955.

10% of Communist Party USA membership during the 1950s were FBI informants.

Posted by: A Provocative Parade Of Perverts! at July 25, 2023 05:00 PM (2tUFv)

272 OMG I just thought the drowning might be caused from a vaccine induced heart attack..

Posted by: I'm Gumby Damn It! at July 25, 2023 05:00 PM (DeRoy)

273 this whodunit needs a Jack Ruby-type character

Posted by: DB - the more you know at July 25, 2023 05:00 PM (geLO8)

274 The Obama's manservant.

Posted by: 13times at July 25, 2023 05:01 PM (kEB4M)

275 Gateway Pundit has video of the guy swimming in a pool, apparently swimming about 300 yards, but not very well. The paddleboarder allegedly saw him struggling to stay afloat ... guess he was not close enough to help

Posted by: illiniwek at July 25, 2023 05:01 PM (Cus5s)

276 Who amongst us has not had our personal chef die on a paddleboard offshore from our posh estate on the Atlantic Ocean

Posted by: 496 at July 25, 2023 05:01 PM (pbgCF)

277 Posted by: Intercepted DU Transmissions brought by the Intrepid AoS Liaison at July 25, 2023 04:59 PM (NCgXW)

The lack of self awareness would be hilarious if it wasn't so sad and dangerous.

Posted by: polynikes at July 25, 2023 05:01 PM (BsBkM)

278
>I do NOT get how you drown in a pond.

it's the water

Tumwater

Posted by: Bertram Cabot, Jr. at July 25, 2023 05:01 PM (63Dwl)

279 Wasn't there some major hollywood thriller about a president accidentally killing his mistress and some local cop had to thread the needle to present the case?

Posted by: 18-1 at July 25, 2023 04:24
-----------

Absolute Power?

Clint Eastwood and Gene Hackman

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0118548/

Posted by: olddog in mo at July 25, 2023 05:01 PM (ju2Fy)

280 OK, haven't read comments, but wasn't there ANOTHER PADDLEBOARDER that saw him go under? I seem to remember some news article asserting that.

Or was that a conspiracy theory?

Posted by: Iron Mike Golf A2E6, Easy 6 Titanium Enhanced at July 25, 2023 05:01 PM (8C7+r)

281 Nice perk, I guess, living on Martha's Vineyard.

Until the untimely demise, anyway.
Posted by: Joe Mannix (Not a cop!)

After being porked by bike Mike every night, I imagine this was a sweet release.

Posted by: gen xyz meme reader at July 25, 2023 05:02 PM (hQUpe)

282 269 For some reason, the Brits often put the accent on the second sylLABle, as in skeLEETal, contROVersy.

don't forget miGRATory

Posted by: sir bedevere, wise in the ways of science at July 25, 2023 05:02 PM (v3pYe)

283 The guy was married with two kids?

And really, quite a sad tragedy. It's easy pickin's to mock the Obamas, but this seems just some sort of stupid tragedy.

Posted by: Barnacle Bill the sailor at July 25, 2023 05:02 PM (vcOmj)

284 Although, Eastwood wasn't a cop. He was a thief.

Posted by: olddog in mo at July 25, 2023 05:03 PM (ju2Fy)

285 Fifth bus carrying migrants sent from Texas arrives in downtown LA.

I don't understand why they are complaining.

Texas is a hellhole, and LA is paradise - any good Leftist should be overjoyed that the lot of these poor migrants has been massively improved.

Posted by: A Provocative Parade Of Perverts! at July 25, 2023 05:03 PM (2tUFv)

286 10% of Communist Party USA membership during the 1950s were FBI informants.
Posted by: A Provocative Parade Of Perverts! at July 25, 2023 05:00 PM (2tUFv)

Except Brennan. He was future CIA.

Posted by: polynikes at July 25, 2023 05:03 PM (BsBkM)

287 The statement most likely originally read "He is survived by the Obamas and their 2 children", before the pr person changed it.

Posted by: Guy Mohawk at July 25, 2023 05:03 PM (8GBH4)

288 283 The guy was married with two kids?

And really, quite a sad tragedy. It's easy pickin's to mock the Obamas, but this seems just some sort of stupid tragedy.
----------------
Bad things happen in Yankee land. Never get off the paddleboard.

Posted by: Puddinhead at July 25, 2023 05:03 PM (0chEi)

289 I love how the media is assiduously staying within the four corners of the story.

Missing paddle boarder.... Missing paddle boarder was Obama's Chef... Paddler boarder and Obama Chef died from water filling his lung through the several bullet holes in his chest...

Posted by: Thomas Bender at July 25, 2023 05:03 PM (up/3i)

290
Isn't there an ankle strap you wear attached to your board like surfers?

Posted by: polynikes at July 25, 2023 04:59 PM

I've seen some young women who attach it, yes. They're usually not the same young women who drop their cell phones into 50 feet of water.

It's a mystery.

Posted by: Divide by Zero at July 25, 2023 05:04 PM (enJYY)

291 >OK, haven't read comments, but wasn't there ANOTHER PADDLEBOARDER that saw him go under? I seem to remember some news article asserting that.

NO, that's right
Second Paddleboarder Theory

Posted by: DB - the more you know at July 25, 2023 05:04 PM (geLO8)

292 The guy was married with two kids?

And really, quite a sad tragedy. It's easy pickin's to mock the Obamas, but this seems just some sort of stupid tragedy.
Posted by: Barnacle Bill the sailor at July 25, 2023 05:02 PM (vcOmj)

Obama is also married with two kids .

Snark aside I agree with you.

Posted by: polynikes at July 25, 2023 05:04 PM (BsBkM)

293 Gateway Pundit has video of the guy swimming in a pool, apparently swimming about 300 yards, but not very well. The paddleboarder allegedly saw him struggling to stay afloat ... guess he was not close enough to help
Posted by: illiniwek at July 25, 2023 05:01 PM (Cus5s)

Other reports say he was a good swimmer. But if he wasn't, then he damn well should have worn a life jacket if venturing out on the water. A good life jacket will keep one's head above water, even if unconscious.

Posted by: Alberta Oil Peon at July 25, 2023 05:04 PM (PRS3p)

294 Trump did it

Posted by: I'm Gumby Damn It! at July 25, 2023 05:04 PM (DeRoy)

295 Fort Marcy Park and a Pond at Martha's Vineyard.

Posted by: 13times at July 25, 2023 05:05 PM (kEB4M)

296 There are reports that the normally available online 911 feed to Dukes County/Martha's Vineyard was taken off line for this incident.

Lesson learned from the White House coke incident.

Broadcastify is the website. The feed is up now.

Posted by: Martini Farmer at July 25, 2023 05:05 PM (Q4IgG)

297 "Every lifeguarding class I have taken teaches how to deal with struggling victims. Practicing it is a hoot!"

Oh yeah, the instructors in my class would grab you and drag you under until you tapped out. Then they would let you go just before you passed out.

I learned my lesson. They called me "Bruiser" after that because of my grip.

I lifeguarded for two summers after that and all I did was pull little kids out of the deep end. But I was ready I tell you.

Posted by: pawn at July 25, 2023 05:05 PM (wsHtO)

298 "Trump did it
Posted by: I'm Gumby Damn It!"

He sent the otter.

Posted by: fd at July 25, 2023 05:05 PM (iayUP)

299 Oddly enough, one set of footprints hardly made any impression at all.
Posted by: Eromero at July 25, 2023 04:51 PM (Uv0D2)

Police describe the sets of footprints as one, a man in sandals, must have been at least 180 lbs, due to the depth of the prints.

The other, someone wearing loafers, likely a man, due to the size of the prints. Those seemed to have been quite a bit lighter, however.

Posted by: BurtTC at July 25, 2023 05:05 PM (EF7Aq)

300 Sending them across the desert in 100+ temps. Lord have mercy.

Posted by: Intercepted DU Transmissions brought by the Intrepid AoS Liaison at July 25, 2023 04:59 PM (NCgXW)

Unlike that air conditioned land they traversed to arrive at our border.

I mean, if breathing wasn't involuntary these people would choke in six seconds. They're that stupid.

Posted by: The Central Scrutinizer at July 25, 2023 05:05 PM (KbCG3)

301 Insider Paper @TheInsiderPaper 3h
BREAKING: Ron DeSantis, currently the runner-up to former President Donald Trump by a wide margin in polls, is firing more than a third of his campaign staff

Jack Poso @JackPosobiec 3h
BREAKING: DESANTIS CAMPIGN CUTS 1/3 OF CAMPAIGN STAFF IN 'NOT-SO-GREAT RESET'

Posted by: andycanuck (krqg6) at July 25, 2023 05:06 PM (krqg6)

302 "For some reason, the Brits often put the accent on the second sylLABle, as in skeLEETal, contROVersy."

and king charles the re-tard-ed

let;s see if i can still do html...

Posted by: gnats local 678 at July 25, 2023 05:06 PM (B1FKF)

303 283 The guy was married with two kids?

And really, quite a sad tragedy. It's easy pickin's to mock the Obamas, but this seems just some sort of stupid tragedy.
Posted by: Barnacle Bill the sailor at July 25, 2023 05:02 PM (vcOmj)

Very sad for his family.

I am sure they were quite proud of him being a personal chef to the Obamas.

I would suppose it would be a huge shock to have this tragedy happen then have the public mock it.

Posted by: Just Lily at July 25, 2023 05:06 PM (RLLZj)

304
Oddly enough, one set of footprints hardly made any impression at all.
Posted by: Eromero

I know: mime footprints are the worst, right?

Posted by: Krebs v Carnot: Epic Battle of the Cycling Stars (TM) at July 25, 2023 05:06 PM (xG4kz)

305 184 Depth of 8 feet? Incredible. The guy couldn't bob off the bottom? Gateway Pundit has video of him swimming in a pool. Drowned in 8 feet of water?
Posted by: Adirondack Patriot at July 25, 2023 04:43 PM (lf83v)
_______________

He was found in 8 feet of water. Where he drowned might actually be a lot deeper.
Posted by: Deplorable Jay Guevara at July 25, 2023 04:47 PM (YqDXo)

Or the Bathtub...

Posted by: Hillary at July 25, 2023 05:06 PM (53oGX)

306 Posted by: Mary Cloggenstein of Brattleboro, Vt at July 25, 2023 04:52 PM (a3Q+t)
---
C'mon, we need some quality control. If you're going to sock Cloggenstein, you need to misspell at *least* a couple of words.

Posted by: Axeman at July 25, 2023 05:06 PM (krQz2)

307 >I do NOT get how you drown in a pond.

A pond has a different meaning in certain instances around here. Anyone remember the scene in Jaws where the sheriff tells his son to take the Sunfish into the pond instead of the ocean because the shark was around?

The shark went into the pond. It's just another name for a tidal basin.

Posted by: JackStraw at July 25, 2023 05:06 PM (ZLI7S)

308 Heh so Obamas 'personal' (wink wink) chef. Oh ok I get it.. w

Posted by: I'm Gumby Damn It! at July 25, 2023 05:06 PM (DeRoy)

309 275 Gateway Pundit has video of the guy swimming in a pool, apparently swimming about 300 yards, but not very well. The paddleboarder allegedly saw him struggling to stay afloat ... guess he was not close enough to help
Posted by: illiniwek at July 25, 2023 05:01 PM

Maybe medical issues? A heart attack or stroke while out on the water alone would be bad. I was talking to an older guy who had a pacemaker installed, that apparently also has a defibrillator function. Said he was warned about going into water and pools because, if he had issues and it went off, he could be unconscious (nothing mentioned about shocking, as I expected).

Said it only went of twice, both while being "intimate" with his wife...the first time shocked her, too. Nice of a stranger at a convention to share this with me lol

Posted by: Moron Analyst at July 25, 2023 05:06 PM (NCgXW)

310 An undeported minority.

Posted by: Axeman at July 25, 2023 05:07 PM (krQz2)

311 Or four one-legged suspects

Posted by: wth at July 25, 2023 05:07 PM (v0R5T)

312 Otter 481 has an alibi, the radio transmitter.

Unless there was a stand in otter?

Posted by: Anna Puma at July 25, 2023 05:07 PM (8zqxZ)

313 Posted by: andycanuck (krqg6) at July 25, 2023 05:06 PM (krqg6)

Silver lining. He knows how to fire people.

Posted by: polynikes at July 25, 2023 05:07 PM (BsBkM)

314 Other reports say he was a good swimmer. But if he wasn't, then he damn well should have worn a life jacket if venturing out on the water. A good life jacket will keep one's head above water, even if unconscious.
Posted by: Alberta Oil Peon at July 25, 2023 05:04 PM (PRS3p)

For some reason, now I'm starting to wonder where Robert Wagner was.

Posted by: BurtTC at July 25, 2023 05:07 PM (EF7Aq)

315 What happened to the paddleboard? Is the paddleboard right out?
Posted by: Cicero (@cicero43) at July 25, 2023 04:48 PM (guGkK)

The paddle board is fine.
Trust me, or else you will get a surprise.

Posted by: Otter 841 at July 25, 2023 05:07 PM (ufFY8)

316 Do you suppose Tafari liked fish sticks?

Posted by: Mark Andrew Edwards, buy ammo, food, water at July 25, 2023 05:07 PM (xcxpd)

317 301 Insider Paper @TheInsiderPaper 3h
BREAKING: Ron DeSantis, currently the runner-up to former President Donald Trump by a wide margin in polls, is firing more than a third of his campaign staff

Jack Poso @JackPosobiec 3h
BREAKING: DESANTIS CAMPIGN CUTS 1/3 OF CAMPAIGN STAFF IN 'NOT-SO-GREAT RESET'
Posted by: andycanuck (krqg6) at July 25, 2023 05:06 PM (krqg6)

=======

Dude walked into this with a warchest of something like $200 million.

Money does not buy elections. Maybe at the smallest levels where anonymity reins, but not at the presidential level. Just as Mike Bloomberg.

Posted by: TheJamesMadison, watching some more Best Pictures at July 25, 2023 05:07 PM (LvTSG)

318 "Great, who's gonna put the sausage in the buns now?"

Posted by: B. Hussein Not Ghey at July 25, 2023 05:07 PM (OZjDX)

319 re 301: saw that elsewhere. i see the wsj ran an op ed by romney about the repub nomination race. always listen to respectable losers, i always sez

Posted by: gnats local 678 at July 25, 2023 05:08 PM (B1FKF)

320 OK, haven't read comments, but wasn't there ANOTHER PADDLEBOARDER that saw him go under? I seem to remember some news article asserting that.

Someone was reportedly seen with a paddleboard and a large spatula on the grassy knoll.

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero43) at July 25, 2023 05:08 PM (guGkK)

321 The usual pattern is to hire a recruiter to entice the migrants to board the buses voluntarily with false offers of housing, work or expedited advancement of their status.

Is that different than the technique used to entice them to leave their home?

Posted by: Cat Ass Trophy at July 25, 2023 05:08 PM (O1z4v)

322 re 316: in his mouth?

Posted by: gnats local 678 at July 25, 2023 05:09 PM (B1FKF)

323 C'mon, we need some quality control. If you're going to sock Cloggenstein, you need to misspell at *least* a couple of words.
Posted by: Axeman at July 25, 2023 05:06 PM (krQz2)

=====

Also, no way in hell Mary knows the word "shan't."

Posted by: Jordan61 at July 25, 2023 05:09 PM (DRSnL)

324 "Unless there was a stand in otter?
Posted by: Anna Puma"

Hitotters.

Posted by: fd at July 25, 2023 05:09 PM (iayUP)

325 Whoa. Someone is socking me...
Unless it's nurse ratchet, this means war!

Posted by: Otter 841 at July 25, 2023 05:09 PM (MeG8a)

326 Trump did it
Posted by: I'm Gumby Damn It! at July 25, 2023 05:04 PM (DeRoy)
---
We believe!

Posted by: The View at July 25, 2023 05:09 PM (krQz2)

327 Jack Poso @JackPosobiec 3h
BREAKING: DESANTIS CAMPIGN CUTS 1/3 OF CAMPAIGN STAFF IN 'NOT-SO-GREAT RESET'
Posted by: andycanuck (krqg6) at July 25, 2023 05:06 PM (krqg6)

So.... no one wants to work for him?

Posted by: BurtTC at July 25, 2023 05:09 PM (EF7Aq)

328 re 321: don't we keep hearing about a labor shortage in the country?

Posted by: gnats local 678 at July 25, 2023 05:09 PM (B1FKF)

329
Fifth bus carrying migrants sent from Texas arrives in downtown LA...44 migrants onboard from Mexico, Colombia, China, Haiti, Honduras, Peru and Venezuela. Fourteen of them are children between 2 to 14 years old.

===========

How is this an act of cruelty? The weather's better and there's tons of social services for illegals.

And 44? lol. Three-bedroom house, done.

Posted by: Blonde Morticia at July 25, 2023 05:10 PM (lCaJd)

330 291 >OK, haven't read comments, but wasn't there ANOTHER PADDLEBOARDER that saw him go under? I seem to remember some news article asserting that.

NO, that's right
Second Paddleboarder Theory
Posted by: DB - the more you know at July 25, 2023 05:04 PM (geLO

It was Crazy Ivan Paddleboarder!

Posted by: Marko Ramius at July 25, 2023 05:10 PM (53oGX)

331 "Unless there was a stand in otter?
Posted by: Anna Puma"

Hitotters.
Posted by: fd at July 25, 2023 05:09 PM (iayUP)
---
Designated Hitotter.

Posted by: Axeman at July 25, 2023 05:10 PM (krQz2)

332 Said it only went of twice, both while being "intimate" with his wife...the first time shocked her, too. Nice of a stranger at a convention to share this with me lol
Posted by: Moron Analyst at July 25, 2023 05:06 PM (NCgXW)

That was very nice, hon. Can we do that last bit again, dear? First time I've felt a jolt down there in years!

Posted by: The Wife at July 25, 2023 05:10 PM (4I/2K)

333 That can't be Mary because her breath doesn't smell like tuna fish!

Posted by: Dorcus Blimline at July 25, 2023 05:10 PM (iayUP)

334 Or "four feet good! two feet bad!"
Posted by: Anna Puma at July 25, 2023 04:55 PM

Four legs good, ~~two legs bad~~ two legs better!

Posted by: George O. at July 25, 2023 05:11 PM (xttsV)

335 Whoa. Someone is socking me...
Unless it's nurse ratchet, this means war!
Posted by: Otter 841 at July 25, 2023 05:09 PM (MeG8a)

Confusion at the copyright office.

Posted by: Otter 841 v1.01 at July 25, 2023 05:11 PM (ufFY8)

336 10% of Communist Party USA membership during the 1950s were FBI informants.
Posted by: A Provocative Parade Of Perverts! at July 25, 2023 05:00 PM (2tUFv)
______________

And now 90% of FBI agents are communists.

Posted by: Deplorable Jay Guevara at July 25, 2023 05:11 PM (YqDXo)

337 Big Mike. Wait. That would be three tracks.

Posted by: Batman at July 25, 2023 05:12 PM (h5fio)

338 NO, that's right
Second Paddleboarder Theory
Posted by: DB - the more you know at July 25, 2023 05:04 PM (geLO

---
From the grassy knoll above the pond.

Posted by: Axeman at July 25, 2023 05:12 PM (krQz2)

339
The usual pattern is to hire a recruiter to entice the migrants to board the buses voluntarily with false offers of housing, work or expedited advancement of their status.

===========

"False offers"? That's EXACTLY what they'll get in L.A. Except for the work. Work is for suckers. Free money is where it's at, amigo.

Posted by: Blonde Morticia at July 25, 2023 05:12 PM (lCaJd)

340 /off world's greatest detective sock!

Posted by: Aetius451AD at July 25, 2023 05:12 PM (h5fio)

341 Designated Hitotter.
Posted by: Axeman at July 25, 2023 05:10 PM (krQz2)

Now even the National League has them.
What pussies.

Posted by: Otter 841 v1.01 at July 25, 2023 05:13 PM (ufFY8)

342 @317

>>Dude walked into this with a warchest of something like $200 million.

As has been noted, there was zero rationale for DeSantis running in 24, none.

And he really has not laid out that rationale over the course of his Quixotic campaign.

But.. Meatball's gonna Meatball.

Posted by: Thomas Bender at July 25, 2023 05:13 PM (up/3i)

343 OK, haven't read comments, but wasn't there ANOTHER PADDLEBOARDER that saw him go under? I seem to remember some news article asserting that.

NO, that's right
Second Paddleboarder Theory
Posted by: DB - the more you know at July 25, 2023 05:04 PM (geLO

He was hiding behind the grassy knoll.

Posted by: Dr. Pork Chops & Bacons at July 25, 2023 05:13 PM (BdMk6)

344 340 /off world's greatest detective sock!

flummery.

Posted by: nero wolfe at July 25, 2023 05:13 PM (v3pYe)

345 The Obamas - Fightin' for the Proletariat One Personal Chef at a Time

Posted by: ... at July 25, 2023 05:13 PM (lX8VI)

346 Hey, guyz!

Posted by: The Real Otter 841 at July 25, 2023 05:14 PM (kEB4M)

347 We demand a full investigation! Our personal chefs would never act in such an undignified manner.

Posted by: The GOP at July 25, 2023 05:14 PM (lX8VI)

348 345 The Obamas - Fightin' for the Proletariat One Personal Chef at a Time
Posted by: ... at July 25, 2023 05:13 PM (lX8VI)

You cannot make an omelet without breaking real eggs.

Posted by: Aetius451AD at July 25, 2023 05:14 PM (h5fio)

349 The second paddleboarder was behind the grassy knoll!

Posted by: Amy Schumer at July 25, 2023 05:14 PM (guGkK)

350 Look, as long as you guys are busing MS-13 to the Vineyard, might as well put them to work, right?

Posted by: Hillary! at July 25, 2023 05:14 PM (CaJIi)

351 42 Well if you're gonna choose a spot to die, M V might be nice.

Also the Obama's are now saying they were at home in a change of story.
Posted by: Guy Mohawk at July 25, 2023 04:27 PM (8GBH4)

Except for the part about dying.

Posted by: m at July 25, 2023 05:14 PM (SpRPx)

352 Heh so Obamas 'personal' (wink wink) chef. Oh ok I get it.. w
Posted by: I'm Gumby Damn It! at July 25, 2023 05:06 PM (DeRoy)
---
He really loved his Cram-barry Delite

Posted by: Axeman at July 25, 2023 05:14 PM (krQz2)

353 341 Designated Hitotter.
Posted by: Axeman at July 25, 2023 05:10 PM (krQz2)

Now even the National League has them.
What pussies.
Posted by: Otter 841 v1.01 at July 25, 2023 05:13 PM (ufFY

But the new otter clock means that the surprise is really sped up!

Posted by: Zombie Robbo the Llama Butcher at July 25, 2023 05:14 PM (N3zMI)

354 Why do the Obamas need a chef anyway? Doesn't Michelle cook?

Posted by: fd at July 25, 2023 05:15 PM (iayUP)

355 Lebron’s son has heart attack. Probably caused by bad deniers

Posted by: x at July 25, 2023 05:15 PM (JDd5W)

356 I'm sorry for the vittle-wallah; I understand he had a wife and children. But it is strangely dangerous to live and work in the vicinity of politicians. Just ask the next of kin of the 30 or so people who fell within the orbit of the Clintons.

Posted by: Paco at July 25, 2023 05:16 PM (njExo)

357 Sky News accidentally exposes fake rubble cleanup in a Ukraine propaganda film.

https://tinyurl.com/4twr4zrz

Posted by: bonhomme at July 25, 2023 05:16 PM (R38qh)

358
I would suppose it would be a huge shock to have this tragedy happen then have the public mock it.
Posted by: Just Lily

===========

1 - It would be tough.

2 - Fact: This is the price you pay and the risk you take when you get close to the rich and famous. Not saying they deserve it or they asked for it, just a fact that this is an occupational hazard of this level of service job.

Posted by: Blonde Morticia at July 25, 2023 05:16 PM (lCaJd)

359 Vaxxed?

Posted by: fd at July 25, 2023 05:16 PM (iayUP)

360 Well clearly this suspect has four feet. And since no one we know has four feet, we'll just have to call this case closed.

Posted by: Mr. Winnefred T Pooh. at July 25, 2023 05:16 PM (ayawT)

361 But the new otter clock means that the surprise is really sped up!
Posted by: Zombie Robbo the Llama Butcher at July 25, 2023 05:14 PM (N3zMI)

Does it put more pressure on the pitcher, or the catcher?

Posted by: Otter 841 v1.01 at July 25, 2023 05:16 PM (ufFY8)

362 342 As has been noted, there was zero rationale for DeSantis running in 24, none.

And he really has not laid out that rationale over the course of his Quixotic campaign.

But.. Meatball's gonna Meatball.
Posted by: Thomas Bender at July 25, 2023 05:13 PM (up/3i)

========

If he's winding down, then it's one of the most uneventful major also rans in living memory. Hardly any actual infighting between him and the frontrunner, only a few minor spats on Twitter that no one remembers the details of, especially no one outside the super-connected.

I actually don't think it'll have been a terrible result. I doubt he's spent too much of his money. He's gotten his name out there at the same level as Trump in people's minds to some degree, and he steps back with the assumption that he's just waiting for his turn in 2028 without having pissed off anyone to such a degree that he'll lose major support. From a tactical point of view, I think he did alright.

Posted by: TheJamesMadison, watching some more Best Pictures at July 25, 2023 05:16 PM (LvTSG)

363 Martha's Vineyard has a cereal killer?

Posted by: Ben Had at July 25, 2023 05:16 PM (HHM4I)

364 Lebron’s son has heart attack. Probably caused by bad deniers
Posted by: x at July 25, 2023 05:15 PM (JDd5W)

I'm so sorry, it's because I didn't get the vaxx.

Posted by: BurtTC at July 25, 2023 05:17 PM (EF7Aq)

365 You cannot make an omelet without breaking real eggs.

Posted by: Aetius451AD at July 25, 2023 05:14 PM (h5fio)

Heh

Posted by: The GOP at July 25, 2023 05:17 PM (lX8VI)

366 314 Other reports say he was a good swimmer. But if he wasn't, then he damn well should have worn a life jacket if venturing out on the water. A good life jacket will keep one's head above water, even if unconscious.
Posted by: Alberta Oil Peon

I'm an excellent swimmer and with the exception of a swimming pool, will always wear a life vest when going in the water. Too many unexpected things can happen especially when out alone.

Posted by: Cheri at July 25, 2023 05:17 PM (oiNtH)

367 Bethany Mandel (Seths usually better half) says we should all shut up about #diedsuddenly because it upsets the families. And she is the authority here because her dad committed suicide 20 years ago. Just trust the medical community to do the research and give is the answer later.

Posted by: Cat Ass Trophy at July 25, 2023 05:17 PM (O1z4v)

368 BREAKING: Ron DeSantis, currently the runner-up to former President Donald Trump by a wide margin in polls, is firing more than a third of his campaign staff.
_________________

This is one, of many signs that the GOPe is running DeSantis. Massive grifting and you haven't even gotten to the primary yet and you're short on cash.

Stupid fucks.

Posted by: Martini Farmer at July 25, 2023 05:17 PM (Q4IgG)

369 They will never find the person.

Posted by: Cuthbert the Witless at July 25, 2023 05:18 PM (eggM4)

370 I actually don't think it'll have been a terrible result. I doubt he's spent too much of his money. He's gotten his name out there at the same level as Trump in people's minds to some degree, and he steps back with the assumption that he's just waiting for his turn in 2028 without having pissed off anyone to such a degree that he'll lose major support. From a tactical point of view, I think he did alright.
Posted by: TheJamesMadison, watching some more Best Pictures at July 25, 2023 05:16 PM (LvTSG)

The J6 commentary stuff will be an issue if it's remembered. Otherwise neither particularly positively memorable nor did it go up in flames.

Posted by: Red Turban Someguy - The Republic is already dead! at July 25, 2023 05:18 PM (eYoxG)

371 BREAKING: The Secret Service has already closed its investigation. There's just no evidence.

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero43) at July 25, 2023 05:18 PM (guGkK)

372 He may have had a vaccine heart attack... Anything is possible

Posted by: it's me donna at July 25, 2023 05:18 PM (bs+z0)

373 115
I wonder if an autopsy will be done including any drug/alcohol in his system.
Posted by: Cheri

Too bad the upcoming autopsy will go missing.

Posted by: Auspex at July 25, 2023 05:18 PM (j4U/Z)

374 I dunno - if I were around the Obamas much I'm sure I'd be inclined to drown myself in a pond.

Posted by: Weasel at July 25, 2023 05:18 PM (wrtVW)

375
>>Dude walked into this with a warchest of something like $200 million.

As has been noted, there was zero rationale for DeSantis running in 24, none.

Posted by: Thomas Bender at July 25, 2023 05:13 PM

When he got reelected his supporters screamed, "Two more years!" Sometimes ya gotta ignore the people who support you the hardest. If you're smart, that is.

Posted by: Divide by Zero at July 25, 2023 05:19 PM (enJYY)

376 Sky News accidentally exposes fake rubble cleanup in a Ukraine propaganda film.

https://tinyurl.com/4twr4zrz
Posted by: bonhomme at July 25, 2023 05:16 PM (R38qh)
---
I've long had the feeling that there the Ukraine war is more theater than they were letting on.

Posted by: Axeman at July 25, 2023 05:19 PM (krQz2)

377 320 By Jove my good man. Good show! Hahaha

Posted by: I'm Gumby Damn It! at July 25, 2023 05:19 PM (DeRoy)

378 Who can say what other health issues were going on

Posted by: Skip at July 25, 2023 05:19 PM (xhxe8)

379 We lost the body too.

Posted by: The Secret Service at July 25, 2023 05:19 PM (guGkK)

380 Unless you have no other option, never reach your hand to a drowning person-- their instant instinct is to climb on top of you.
Posted by: People's Hippo Voice at July 25, 2023 04:45 PM (EYVn3)

Your second move is to go underwater, as they do not want to go there, and create space between you and him as you surface.

Posted by: clutch at July 25, 2023 05:19 PM (9UmRs)

381 I'll never wear a lifejacket, chief.

Posted by: JackStraw at July 25, 2023 05:19 PM (ZLI7S)

382 Going around the Twitters:

"Obamas Chef is now reported to have suffered blunt trauma prior to death.

"There are also reports stating that the Obamas called off the autopsy being performed by the local authorities and flew their own mortician from D.C. to perform the autopsy."

Morticians don't perform autopsies as far as I know though.

Posted by: No Shirt Shylock at July 25, 2023 05:19 PM (PWI4f)

383 I don't begrudge the Obamas a personal chef but how much money do they need for that?

Posted by: That Northernlurker what lurkd at July 25, 2023 05:19 PM (VdGjU)

384 These people have an encyclopedic knowledge of Nazis. Twitter's "X" logo is literally the German Zeppelin Corps flag!!!!

https://tinyurl.com/zd7u2ndh

Posted by: Cat Ass Trophy at July 25, 2023 05:19 PM (O1z4v)

385 Ukrainian women strong like Thor!

Posted by: Guy Mohawk at July 25, 2023 05:20 PM (8GBH4)

386 Jack Poso @JackPosobiec 3h
BREAKING: DESANTIS CAMPIGN CUTS 1/3 OF CAMPAIGN STAFF IN 'NOT-SO-GREAT RESET'
Posted by: andycanuck (krqg6) at July 25, 2023 05:06 PM (krqg6)
--------

Having a Scott Walker problem? Walker spent like a drunken sailor on consultants who gave him really bad advice: Dude was out of money in four months. Didn't even make it to the Iowa caucus.

Posted by: WisRich at July 25, 2023 05:20 PM (G0vdT)

387 @362

>>Hardly any actual infighting between him and the frontrunner

He's ran his campaign as if there were no other candidates vying for the job and largely as if Trump did not exist other than the occasional, I don't what all is involved in paying hush money to porn stars jibba jabba.

Oh well, his reward will be going back to whacking Disney in the nutz.

Posted by: Thomas Bender at July 25, 2023 05:20 PM (up/3i)

388 I bestow the Darwin award to the 71 year old hiker who died outside of a restroom after a hours long hike in Death Valley National Park. I think the temp was approx. 130 degrees. No one could have seen that coming.

Posted by: Cheri at July 25, 2023 05:20 PM (oiNtH)

389 I think Meatball is cutting back because he has burned through a lot of his cash, and contributions have dropped(?).

I can't imagine the school of grifters and charlatans that typically surround campaigns, like fucking lampreys, barnacles, pilot fish, and snake oil salesmen and consultants.

Posted by: Deplorable Ian Galt at July 25, 2023 05:20 PM (ufFY8)

390 BREAKING: The Secret Service has already closed its investigation. There's just no evidence.
Posted by: Cicero (@cicero43) at July 25, 2023 05:18 PM (guGkK)
---
The evidence was so disappointing, the documents are all going into the shredders.

Posted by: Axeman at July 25, 2023 05:20 PM (krQz2)

391 >Why do the Obamas need a chef anyway? Doesn't Michelle cook?

Posted by: fd

maybe 0bama fell in love with the guy while President and just couldn't bear to be apart from him- so he hired the guy away to be his 'personal chef'

Posted by: DB - the more you know at July 25, 2023 05:20 PM (geLO8)

392 379 We lost the body too.
Posted by: The Secret Service at July 25, 2023 05:19 PM (guGkK)

Next they'll admit they lost the pond!

Posted by: Zombie Robbo the Llama Butcher at July 25, 2023 05:20 PM (N3zMI)

393 He was found in 8 feet of water.

And was wearing cinder blocks for windsurfing shoes.

Posted by: t-bird at July 25, 2023 05:20 PM (CaJIi)

394 So Cheri has a "swimmer body". Interesting.

Posted by: eleven at July 25, 2023 05:21 PM (iziT8)

395 Bill Clinton's White House chef also met with an untimely death. His name was Walter Scheib. He died on a trailhead in NM, alone.

Note to self: do not become a White House chef for a Democrat.

Posted by: bluebell at July 25, 2023 05:21 PM (pTb/Z)

396 I actually don't think it'll have been a terrible result. I doubt he's spent too much of his money. He's gotten his name out there at the same level as Trump in people's minds to some degree, and he steps back with the assumption that he's just waiting for his turn in 2028 without having pissed off anyone to such a degree that he'll lose major support. From a tactical point of view, I think he did alright.
Posted by: TheJamesMadison, watching some more Best Pictures at July 25, 2023 05:16 PM (LvTSG)

I agree, and will add that I don't think it's odd that he ran. He's not Christie or the guy from Walmart's State. DeSantis has a chance to get delegates, and real primary votes.
I don't mind having primaries.
Uncontested primaries get us Mitch McConnel's.
Also, if Trump gets put in jail and/or suicided there needs to be someone on the ballot.

Posted by: Inogame at July 25, 2023 05:21 PM (53oGX)

397 I'd hate to be the dude performing the autopsy on the guy that does the autopsy on Obama's "chef"

Posted by: ... at July 25, 2023 05:21 PM (lX8VI)

398 Posted by: Martini Farmer at July 25, 2023 05:17 PM (Q4IgG)

Where did it say they were short on cash?

Posted by: polynikes at July 25, 2023 05:22 PM (BsBkM)

399 Funny how every time Biden needs a distraction to get him off the news cycle...

Posted by: Lieutenant Duh at July 25, 2023 05:22 PM (hQx22)

400 I've long had the feeling that there the Ukraine war is more theater than they were letting on.
Posted by: Axeman at July 25, 2023 05:19 PM (krQz2)
***

This.

Remember, not 40 miles from the trenches of WW1, the generals were living in palaces and regal estates.

Posted by: Diogenes at July 25, 2023 05:22 PM (e4fEA)

401 10% of Communist Party USA membership during the 1950s were FBI informants.
Posted by: A Provocative Parade Of Perverts! at July 25, 2023 05:00 PM (2tUFv)
______________

No one alive could know this.

Posted by: SloPitch Whiffer at July 25, 2023 05:22 PM (s9gYH)

402 Remember Biden and the phony air-raid thing?

Putin's in on this. He's agreed to be the Dems' bugaboo.

Posted by: Axeman at July 25, 2023 05:22 PM (krQz2)

403
Why do the Obamas need a chef anyway? Doesn't Michelle cook?

Posted by: fd

==========

Michelle has said she hates cooking. I LOVE cooking, and I wish I had time to do more of it and enough money to buy every gadget I crave in a kitchen as big as my house. Pretty much what she's got. Oh well.

Posted by: Blonde Morticia at July 25, 2023 05:23 PM (lCaJd)

404 305 184 Depth of 8 feet? Incredible. The guy couldn't bob off the bottom? Gateway Pundit has video of him swimming in a pool. Drowned in 8 feet of water?
Posted by: Adirondack Patriot at July 25, 2023 04:43 PM (lf83v)
_______________

He was found in 8 feet of water. Where he drowned might actually be a lot deeper.
Posted by: Deplorable Jay Guevara at July 25, 2023 04:47 PM (YqDXo)

Or the Bathtub...
Posted by: Hillary at July 25, 2023 05:06

He had fresh water in his lungs

Posted by: Jj giddes at July 25, 2023 05:23 PM (eggM4)

405 What's troubling about this is I don't have a personal chef.

Posted by: dantesed at July 25, 2023 05:23 PM (88xKn)

406 >BREAKING: DESANTIS CAMPIGN CUTS 1/3 OF CAMPAIGN STAFF IN 'NOT-SO-GREAT RESET'

I told him he should stand aside and let Trump 2024 play out, but he wouldn't listen

Posted by: DB - the more you know at July 25, 2023 05:23 PM (geLO8)

407 "There are also reports stating that the Obamas called off the autopsy being performed by the local authorities and flew their own mortician from D.C. to perform the autopsy."

---
I get that they are stinking rich, but I had no idea rich folks had their own morticians.

I thought a housekeeper, a chauffeur, a personal chef and maybe a personal shopper was about it.

Boy did I have no idea.

Posted by: Just Lily at July 25, 2023 05:23 PM (RLLZj)

408 Posted by: ... at July 25, 2023 05:21 PM (lX8VI)

=====

Hi Ellipsis!

Posted by: Jordan61 at July 25, 2023 05:23 PM (DRSnL)

409 The Clinton-Bush White House chef drowned in 2015

Posted by: SMOD at July 25, 2023 05:23 PM (GUs7B)

410 Oh well, his reward will be going back to whacking Disney in the nutz.
Posted by: Thomas Bender at July 25, 2023 05:20 PM (up/3i)

Good, honest work.

Posted by: Aetius451AD at July 25, 2023 05:24 PM (h5fio)

411 There are also reports stating that the Obamas called off the autopsy being performed by the local authorities and flew their own mortician from D.C. to perform the autopsy."

Morticians don't perform autopsies as far as I know though.
Posted by: No Shirt Shylock

That's the family's call but maybe they took the Obama's up on the offer. The mortician would have to be a medical doctor.

Posted by: Cheri at July 25, 2023 05:24 PM (oiNtH)

412 He got murdered because he was spirit cooking.
Now he's cooking with the spirits.
Posted by: Oschisms at July 25, 2023 04:32 PM (NfF+F)

He did brew his own beer. So a video of him yesterday explaining the process.

Posted by: thatcrazyjerseyguy now with twice the crazy at July 25, 2023 05:24 PM (Zvtjl)

413 Funny, how many flags have an X? I can think of a very prominent one that they decided not to go for to attack Musk.

Posted by: Guy Mohawk at July 25, 2023 05:24 PM (8GBH4)

414 maybe 0bama fell in love with the guy while President and just couldn't bear to be apart from him- so he hired the guy away to be his 'personal chef'

And Romney thought he loved hot dogs.

Posted by: Blanco Basura -Z28.310 at July 25, 2023 05:24 PM (IyRMp)

415 Hi Ellipsis!

Posted by: Jordan61 at July 25, 2023 05:23 PM (DRSnL)

Well hello there. If it isn't my favorite Jordan.

Posted by: ... at July 25, 2023 05:24 PM (lX8VI)

416 112 He died because of an anti-Muhammad video on YouTube.
Posted by: Adirondack Patriot at July 25, 2023 04:37 PM (lf83v)

Hillary!

Posted by: m at July 25, 2023 05:24 PM (SpRPx)

417
"There are also reports stating that the Obamas called off the autopsy being performed by the local authorities and flew their own mortician from D.C. to perform the autopsy."

Morticians don't perform autopsies as far as I know though.

Posted by: No Shirt Shylock at July 25, 2023 05:19 PM

Right you are. They simple suck all the precious bodily evidentiary fluids from the corpse.

Posted by: Divide by Zero at July 25, 2023 05:24 PM (enJYY)

418 It's entirely possible for an experienced paddleboarder to slowly slide off their board and drown in a perfectly placid body of water.

Happens all the time.

Posted by: 13times at July 25, 2023 05:24 PM (kEB4M)

419 So I have a question: Exactly how does one become one of these 'hanger ons" to these political campaigns dumping truckloads of cash and spending like a drunken sailor?

Wouldn't mind picking up some of that cash.. plus I'm pretty sure I can give bad advice just as well as most campaign staffers.

Posted by: GanGanowicz at July 25, 2023 05:25 PM (AxRGS)

420 Chef on South Park was killed because of child molesting. Coincidence? I think not

Posted by: Smell the Glove at July 25, 2023 05:25 PM (S75Fo)

421 So was he cremated immediately like every January 6th death?

Posted by: Moron Robbie - The EPA has determined US has cooled since 1948 at July 25, 2023 05:25 PM (VW7tl)

422 Going around the Twitters:

"Obamas Chef is now reported to have suffered blunt trauma prior to death.

"There are also reports stating that the Obamas called off the autopsy being performed by the local authorities and flew their own mortician from D.C. to perform the autopsy."

Morticians don't perform autopsies as far as I know though.
Posted by: No Shirt Shylock at July 25, 2023 05:19 PM (PWI4f)

Flooding the zone with as much contradictory information as possible to bury the truth in a sea of misinformation. It's from the JFK playbook.

Posted by: Count de Monet at July 25, 2023 05:25 PM (4I/2K)

423 He was murdered because, while the mashed potatoes were creamy, the porkchops were a little dry.

Posted by: Cat Ass Trophy at July 25, 2023 05:26 PM (O1z4v)

424 Michelle probably doesn't have the sandwich-making gene.

Posted by: Axeman at July 25, 2023 05:26 PM (krQz2)

425 Chefs have been in the shit, man.

Posted by: eleven at July 25, 2023 05:26 PM (iziT8)

426 The Clinton-Bush White House chef drowned in 2015
Posted by: SMOD at July 25, 2023 05:23 PM (GUs7B)

It was the Clinton selected chef. As Republicans normally do, they normally retain non political positions at the White House.

Posted by: polynikes at July 25, 2023 05:26 PM (BsBkM)

427 Even a semi-experienced swimmer should know how to deal with cramps.

I thought cramps was an XX monthly thing, what does swimming have to do with it?

Posted by: Reuben Hick at July 25, 2023 05:26 PM (p8A+W)

428 So this fellow paddle boarder just watched and then called the police?

Posted by: Diesel Jones, Biologist at July 25, 2023 05:27 PM (Vu7A1)

429 What did the paddleboarder know, and when did he know it?

Posted by: DB - the more you know at July 25, 2023 05:27 PM (geLO8)

430
Wait, WHAT? Biden actually did say ""We ended cancer as we know it"!!!

LOLOL

https://tinyurl.com/mszcuze2

Posted by: Blonde Morticia at July 25, 2023 05:27 PM (lCaJd)

431 He had fresh water in his lungs
Posted by: Jj giddes at July 25, 2023 05:23 PM (eggM4)

Was being visited by his good friend, Jon-Benet Ramsey's brother.

Posted by: BurtTC at July 25, 2023 05:27 PM (EF7Aq)

432 419 So I have a question: Exactly how does one become one of these 'hanger ons" to these political campaigns dumping truckloads of cash and spending like a drunken sailor?

Wouldn't mind picking up some of that cash.. plus I'm pretty sure I can give bad advice just as well as most campaign staffers.
Posted by: GanGanowicz at July 25, 2023 05:25 PM (AxRGS)

Friends, relatives, right schools. More work if you try to join in from the outside.

Posted by: Red Turban Someguy - The Republic is already dead! at July 25, 2023 05:27 PM (eYoxG)

433 In other news, Tom Brady has moved on to a new younger super model. Damn, that guy has the life.

Posted by: Guy Mohawk at July 25, 2023 05:27 PM (8GBH4)

434 Wow my brain skip for a second. Normally

Posted by: polynikes at July 25, 2023 05:27 PM (BsBkM)

435 Pro Tip: If you're prone to drowning, stay out of the water.

Posted by: Weasel at July 25, 2023 05:27 PM (RG6z4)

436 Chef on South Park was killed because of child molesting. Coincidence? I think not
Posted by: Smell the Glove at July 25, 2023 05:25 PM (S75Fo)

Chef was killed off because the actor didn't want to do anything aimed at dianetics. So they whacked the character so fully that no one ever wanted to see him again

Posted by: Kindltot at July 25, 2023 05:28 PM (xhaym)

437 Spirit cooking and soul cooking. Is there a difference?

Posted by: Axeman at July 25, 2023 05:28 PM (krQz2)

438 354 Why do the Obamas need a chef anyway? Doesn't Michelle cook?
Posted by: fd
___________

She's not some stupid Tammy Wynette baking cookies for her man.

Posted by: DistHillary at July 25, 2023 05:28 PM (gf7Ez)

439 I bestow the Darwin award to the 71 year old hiker who died outside of a restroom after a hours long hike in Death Valley National Park. I think the temp was approx. 130 degrees. No one could have seen that coming.

AGW claims yet another victim.

Posted by: Wonkish Rogue at July 25, 2023 05:28 PM (OZjDX)

440 Maybe it was a cereal killer.

Posted by: Ben Had at July 25, 2023 05:28 PM (PKEqY)

441 We're flooding the zone with happyfun theories.

Posted by: 13times at July 25, 2023 05:28 PM (kEB4M)

442 Michelle has said she hates cooking. I LOVE cooking, and I wish I had time to do more of it and enough money to buy every gadget I crave in a kitchen as big as my house. Pretty much what she's got. Oh well.
Posted by: Blonde Morticia at July 25, 2023 05:23 PM (lCaJd)

I'd have a garage. I would not go insane with the cars, but I would get nice examples. '59 corvette (double headlights.) Miata to work on. BRG and I would drop a vette engine in it (which would also mean redoing the suspension, whole nine yards.)

Then, there would be guns.

Posted by: Aetius451AD at July 25, 2023 05:29 PM (h5fio)

443 Pro Tip: If you're prone to drowning, stay out of the water.
Posted by: Weasel at July 25, 2023 05:27 PM (RG6z4)
---
Don't take Dihydrogen Peroxide if your lungs are allergic to Dihydrogen Peroxide.

Posted by: Axeman at July 25, 2023 05:29 PM (krQz2)

444 He taught Obama how to toss a salad.

Posted by: ... at July 25, 2023 05:29 PM (lX8VI)

445 153 All I know is, the cops are being very koi about the whole thing.
Posted by: Cicero (@cicero43) at July 25, 2023 04:44 PM (guGkK)

; )

Posted by: m at July 25, 2023 05:29 PM (SpRPx)

446 Flooding the zone with as much contradictory information as possible to bury the truth in a sea of misinformation. It's from the JFK playbook.
Posted by: Count de Monet at July 25, 2023 05:25 PM (4I/2K)

Don't let Jack Ruby Jr. anywhere near the police station when they're walking the other paddleboarder through the parking garage.

Posted by: BurtTC at July 25, 2023 05:29 PM (EF7Aq)

447 NOOD HUNTER ARTWORK

Posted by: inspector bear with asymmetrical balls - it's alimentary, my dear boo boo at July 25, 2023 05:29 PM (ppBhU)

448 I told him he'd never get the recipe for my salty chocolate balls!

Posted by: Chef at July 25, 2023 05:29 PM (Wnv9h)

449
So this fellow paddle boarder just watched and then called the police?
Posted by: Diesel Jones, Biologist

==========

Maybe from a considerable distance, or expected the guy to resurface.

Posted by: Blonde Morticia at July 25, 2023 05:29 PM (lCaJd)

450 Spirit cooking doesn't smell like collards and chitlins.

Posted by: fd at July 25, 2023 05:30 PM (iayUP)

451 Maybe Joran van der Sloot is branching out, diversifying his skillset.

Posted by: Count de Monet at July 25, 2023 05:30 PM (4I/2K)

452 424 Michelle probably doesn't have the sandwich-making gene.
Posted by: Axeman at July 25, 2023 05:26 PM (krQz2)

Don't ask him to show you his toad in the hole.

Posted by: Aetius451AD at July 25, 2023 05:30 PM (h5fio)

453 In other news, Tom Brady has moved on to a new younger super model. Damn, that guy has the life.
Posted by: Guy Mohawk at July 25, 2023 05:27 PM (8GBH4)

Everyone knows he just bangs hot supermodels to hide the fact he's gay.

Every. One. Knows.

Posted by: BurtTC at July 25, 2023 05:31 PM (EF7Aq)

454 451 Maybe Joran van der Sloot is branching out, diversifying his skillset.

for some reason, i read that as "skillet".

Posted by: anachronda at July 25, 2023 05:32 PM (v3pYe)

455 204 >I do NOT get how you drown in a pond.

it's the water
Posted by: DB - the more you know at July 25, 2023 04:50 PM (geLO

smart military blog

Posted by: m at July 25, 2023 05:34 PM (SpRPx)

456 Shoulda waited a half hour before going swimming.
Oh wait, he couldn't swim.
Shoulda waited until you learned to swim before going paddleboarding.

Posted by: wth at July 25, 2023 05:41 PM (v0R5T)

457 Apropos of nothing Bessie Smith’s blues song Kitchen Man came to mind

Posted by: Peter B at July 25, 2023 05:46 PM (539qO)

458 303 283 The guy was married with two kids?

And really, quite a sad tragedy. It's easy pickin's to mock the Obamas, but this seems just some sort of stupid tragedy.
Posted by: Barnacle Bill the sailor at July 25, 2023 05:02 PM (vcOmj)

Very sad for his family.

I am sure they were quite proud of him being a personal chef to the Obamas.

I would suppose it would be a huge shock to have this tragedy happen then have the public mock it.
Posted by: Just Lily at July 25, 2023 05:06 PM (RLLZj)

They probably don't read this site.

Posted by: m at July 25, 2023 05:47 PM (SpRPx)

459 Not to be too literal, but there's a talented tenth outpost on Martha's Vineyard, and there's some kind of historical connection between MV and Cape Verde, which supplies a lot of the handymen, etc.

The big question is, are any of the illegals flown there being kept as a Chauncy Gardner-type servant ....

Posted by: SouthCentralPA at July 25, 2023 05:48 PM (J3OJd)

460 "Fifth bus carrying migrants sent from Texas arrives in downtown LA...44 migrants onboard from Mexico, Colombia, China, Haiti, Honduras, Peru and Venezuela. Fourteen of them are children between 2 to 14 years old."

Forty-four?! That's practically enough to capsize the state!

The burden in that number of heroic red-state refugees is truly catastrophic.

Posted by: AnonyBotymousDrivel Remembers Babbitt and Perna at July 25, 2023 05:50 PM (aXxgO)

461 So you want to paddleboard, but you can’t swim. If you’re going to pass on a PFD just in case, you’d at least expect the guy to grab the board. You know, use something that floats.

It really doesn’t pass the smell test. The story just has too many holes in it.

Posted by: Advo at July 25, 2023 05:53 PM (VHN21)

462 Many ponds and rivers in New England carry death curses such as the Saco River; Horn Pond in Woburn, MA; Nevertouch Pond in Middleboro, MA... The Charles River in the Brighton section of Boston has been known to turn blood red and during the American Revolution, there was a huge abattoir in Brighton, from which they obtained the beef to feed Washington's troops. The blood from the cattle flowed down the canal in the Market Street area right into the Charles and it left a psychic hangover...

Posted by: Mister Ghost at July 25, 2023 05:55 PM (TGPs7)

463
Suddenly Drowned

https://retronewser.com/
2016/03/04/
chicken-soup-episode
-airs-on-mary-hartman
-mary-hartman
-40-years-ago-this-hour-mar-4-1976/

Posted by: zigzag at July 25, 2023 06:00 PM (XX4pU)

464 He had fresh water in his lungs

A slight issue with this fucking nuthouse.
Are you bullshitting to be cute, like we so often do?
Because if that is a fact, it's...significant.

It would all be just cute, except I'm pretty well convinced some of you actually believe what you read here, if you even care.

Posted by: Way, Way Downriver at July 25, 2023 06:13 PM (4PZHB)

465 I am sue the secret service would have video surveillance of the pond to monitor the approach to the estate. Just check the video.

Posted by: Dino58 at July 25, 2023 06:43 PM (LVPff)

466 "One Suspect With Four Feet"

So, Reggie shufflehumping Jugears. Reacharound optional.

Posted by: Drink Like Vikings at July 25, 2023 07:13 PM (YQ2qW)

467 It would all be just cute, except I'm pretty well convinced some of you actually believe what you read here, if you even care.
Posted by: Way, Way Downriver at July 25, 2023 06:13 PM (4PZHB)

Is this like some insidious venn diagram thing?

Posted by: Thesokorus at July 25, 2023 07:25 PM (9LUEe)

468 So this fellow paddle boarder just watched and then called the police?
Posted by: Diesel Jones, Biologist

==========

Maybe from a considerable distance, or expected the guy to resurface.
Posted by: Blonde Morticia at July 25, 2023 05:29 PM (lCaJd)

The dude had posted vids of his +30min swim workouts.

Posted by: Thesokorus at July 25, 2023 07:26 PM (9LUEe)

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Obama's Personal Chef Drowns in a Pond on Obama's Luxurious Estate; Based on Footprints to and From the Pond, Police Are Looking Into Two Suspects, Or One Suspect With Four Feet

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Obama's Personal Chef Drowns in a Pond on Obama's Luxurious Estate;
Based on Footprints to and From the Pond, Police Are Looking Into Two Suspects, Or One Suspect With Four Feet