Paraglider's Chute Fail to Open and Wraps Around Him Like a Shroud; He Plummets to Earth Helplessly, Bound By His Own Parachute Cords

Kevin Phillipp was attempting a trick in high turbulence over Spain. Personally I never attempt a paragliding trick in high turbulence over Spain. It's one of my main rules.

It's got me this far. Knock wood.

His brake line got stuck. I think a brake line is just one of the main lines that holds the parachute to you; but you need it to extend fully, because if it doesn't, the parachute doesn't open. One of his got caught and only advanced a few feet, resulting in a parachute canopy that didn't blossom open.

And if the parachute doesn't open, you don't have a parachute. You have some useless silk that will flutter and maybe wrap around your body.

He struggled and fought to yank the brake line free to get the chute to open but the more he fought the more the cords of the chute just coiled around him.

Mikethemoose says this is wrong: He says the chute opened properly, but because he jumped in turbulence, he got blown back up into his chute and then got tangled in it:

Incorrect analysis. His primary did extend and did open and was doing it's effing job. Genius boy decided to jump into high turbulence which did what turbulence does which is bump you around, and in this case physically kicked him into his open and operating chute turning it into a useless pancho.

Well, either way, he got tangled up in a chute which was not opened and providing no slowing of his fall.

Why didn't he pull the reserve chute? I don't know, but I think the problem was that he was all tangled up with his main chute and could not get the main chute to either actually deploy, and, because the cords were tightly wrapped around his body, he also could not not get the main chute to release and just float away.

It was stuck to him and strangling him -- and also wrapped tightly around his reserve chute.

I think he feared that if he pulled the reserve chute with this -- ahem -- with this Shroud of Grim Death wrapped around his body, the main chute would just stop the reserve chute from opening as well.

And then he'd just hit the ground at near-terminal velocity.

He never did manage to cut the main chute free or be rid of it.

With literally one second to go before hitting the earth at 180 miles per hour, he decided he had no choice but to gamble on the reserve chute. Either it was going to open or it wasn't going to open, but he had no time left, if he waited another second he was just going to slam into the ground and die.

So he pulled it, just maybe 100 feet from the ground, and prayed it would open.

OMG so lucky! pic.twitter.com/r8TP6KVp0Y
— Figen (@TheFigen) August 3, 2022

By the way, here's how another parachuter dealt with his own non-opening canopy, using the universally-recognized hand signals of parachuting and aviation.

Here's another parachuting vid. Not as scary.

Engravings on the top of the pyramids. 👍pic.twitter.com/ABG9bf1wSP
— Figen (@TheFigen) July 30, 2022

Posted by: Ace at 04:12 PM

Comments

(Jump to bottom of comments)

1 Nope

Posted by: clutch cargo - Now fortified with CPM-S90V at August 05, 2022 04:12 PM (zB/T/)

2 Stop giving Tom Cruise ideas!

Posted by: TheJamesMadison, navigating the destiny machine with Fritz Lang at August 05, 2022 04:13 PM (LvTSG)

3 Strangely, I know more people who've gotten injured, paralyzed or outright killed from their chute candling than those injured/killed on motorcycles.

Posted by: clutch cargo - Now fortified with CPM-S90V at August 05, 2022 04:14 PM (zB/T/)

4 Brandon needs to try parachuting.

Posted by: torabora at August 05, 2022 04:15 PM (4kjmA)

5 >>>killed from their chute candling t

is that what it's called, candling? WHy is it called that?

Posted by: ace at August 05, 2022 04:15 PM (B3oWe)

6 Stop giving Tom Cruise ideas!
Posted by: TheJamesMadison, navigating the destiny machine with Fritz Lang at August 05, 2022 04:13 PM (LvTSG)

Nah, it'll be fine.

Posted by: Thetans at August 05, 2022 04:16 PM (zB/T/)

7 There I was, thought I was gonna die...
- Stuff skydivers say, second edition

Posted by: These Fish Sticks Are Hard As Tits at August 05, 2022 04:16 PM (3AD8C)

8 Am not playing those videos. No sir.

Posted by: Zek at August 05, 2022 04:16 PM (OzNIz)

9 Don't leave me hanging here- did he live?

Posted by: Ben Had at August 05, 2022 04:16 PM (omPWo)

10 >>> 4 Brandon needs to try parachuting.
Posted by: torabora at August 05, 2022 04:15 PM (4kjmA)

Dark Brandon would do it. He's a bad-ass.

Posted by: Helena Handbasket at August 05, 2022 04:16 PM (llON8)

11 Playing the part of the reserve chute, hopefully Trump or DeSatan.

But mostly Jesus.

Posted by: ... at August 05, 2022 04:17 PM (ZiV6b)

12 6 Nah, it'll be fine.
Posted by: Thetans at August 05, 2022 04:16 PM (zB/T/)

========

Needs moar Jack Daniels.

Posted by: TheJamesMadison, navigating the destiny machine with Fritz Lang at August 05, 2022 04:17 PM (LvTSG)

13 You have no feathers.

Stay on the ground.

Posted by: garrett at August 05, 2022 04:17 PM (ICPiT)

14 The paraglider was just in a vibe-canopy-failure. He just needed to believe in the existence of an opened chute.

Posted by: Katie Scanlon at August 05, 2022 04:17 PM (B3oWe)

15 is that what it's called, candling? WHy is it called that?
Posted by: ace at August 05, 2022 04:15 PM (B3oWe)

Good question - the only thing I've thought of is that the chute looks like a candle that's been put out (long, twisty smoke). That, or it's long and twisted like the wick?

Maybe some Moron here who likes to jump out of fully functional aircraft knows the history of the term!

Posted by: Thetans at August 05, 2022 04:17 PM (zB/T/)

16 Don't leave me hanging here- did he live?
Posted by: Ben Had at August 05, 2022 04:16 PM (omPWo)
----------

Lived to tell the tale.

Posted by: blake - semi lurker in marginal standing(5pTK/) at August 05, 2022 04:18 PM (5pTK/)

17 That'll get the old pump pumpin...

Posted by: Inogame, non alius regit at August 05, 2022 04:18 PM (53oGX)

18 is that what it's called, candling? WHy is it called that?

Because you're snuffed when you hit the ground?

Posted by: Blanco Basura - moronhorde.com - Email for morons. at August 05, 2022 04:18 PM (Bd6X8)

19 I have a friend who watched helplessly out the college cafeteria windows as a guy's straps broke on his hang glider and he dangled from his hands unable to properly steer the thing over a huge cliff drop off by the college... until he couldn't hang on any longer.

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at August 05, 2022 04:18 PM (Ivdso)

20 me and socks. Make it stop.

Posted by: clutch cargo - processed in a facility that may contain lead at August 05, 2022 04:18 PM (zB/T/)

21 Because you're snuffed when you hit the ground?
Posted by: Blanco Basura - moronhorde.com - Email for morons. at August 05, 2022 04:18 PM (Bd6X

That's called cratering - but it makes sense.

Posted by: clutch cargo - processed in a facility that may contain lead at August 05, 2022 04:19 PM (zB/T/)

22 I jumped out of an airplane once. 10,000 feet. The free fall was the best. I was high from the adrenaline rush for hours afterwards.

Probably won't ever do it again though.

Posted by: nurse ratched at August 05, 2022 04:19 PM (Z9wrD)

23 I did once get to watch a Paraglider crash into a giant Saguaro just inside the Tucson Mtn Park.

He got fucked up.

Posted by: garrett at August 05, 2022 04:19 PM (GqrAH)

24 willowed

I need some sort of mechanical usb device that can periodically type and untype something so that my work's slack/instant messanger thing stops going yellow every minute.
Posted by: Doctor sockamster-Doom

here ya go. link is to amazon. $29.00

https://is.gd/oJMwda
Posted by: BifBewalsk

Posted by: BifBewalski @ (MrZQl) - at August 05, 2022 04:19 PM (MrZQl)

25 And there's my fear of heights again

Posted by: Mark Andrew Edwards, Buy ammo, food, water at August 05, 2022 04:19 PM (XvPQV)

26 No. Freakin'. Way. am I watching ANY of those!

No.

Way.

Posted by: Zombie Robbo the Llama Butcher at August 05, 2022 04:19 PM (906pl)

27 Back in nineteen double-deuce, I parachuted into Kaiser Wilhem's garden and gave him a good biff in the nose. He was a bad dude.

Posted by: Joe Biden at August 05, 2022 04:19 PM (B3oWe)

28 25 And there's my fear of heights again
Posted by: Mark Andrew Edwards, Buy ammo, food, water at August 05, 2022 04:19 PM (XvPQV)

=======

I've heard spicy food helps.

Posted by: TheJamesMadison, navigating the destiny machine with Fritz Lang at August 05, 2022 04:19 PM (LvTSG)

29 I can say with certainty that I will never die from my chute not opening.

Posted by: rickb223 at August 05, 2022 04:20 PM (j+4+t)

30 Incorrect analysis. His primary did extend and did open and was doing it's effing job. Genius boy decided to jump into high turbulence which did what turbulence does which is bump you around, and in this case physically kicked him into his open and operating chute turning it into a useless pancho.

The cause of his distress directly was the very risky conditions he decided to jump in for thrills, clicks or whatever. Bet he got a thrill. And he's gonna get plenty of clicks. But will he learn discretion is the better part of valor.

Posted by: mikethemoose at August 05, 2022 04:20 PM (T/vhV)

31 All the way at the top of the pyramid was a cap plated with gold. The entire pyramid was cased with smooth rock that local people eventually took all away to build stuff with like huts.

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at August 05, 2022 04:20 PM (Ivdso)

32 killed from their chute candling t

is that what it's called, candling? WHy is it called that?
Posted by: ace

Because you are about to flame out.

Posted by: rickb223 at August 05, 2022 04:20 PM (j+4+t)

33 After reading the content, I'm thinking I want some eggs with chorizo sunny side up.

Posted by: Dr. Bone at August 05, 2022 04:20 PM (WHt4f)

34 I think the military guys who do HALO jumps are not only nuts, but, have big brass ones.

Posted by: blake - semi lurker in marginal standing(5pTK/) at August 05, 2022 04:21 PM (5pTK/)

35 I would imagine it's candling if it wraps you up into that shape. I'm just going off ace's description I didn't click the vid

Posted by: ... at August 05, 2022 04:21 PM (ZiV6b)

36 read the content. shit like this, is why i shoot down airplanes in stead of jumping out of them for a career.

Posted by: BifBewalski @ (MrZQl) - at August 05, 2022 04:21 PM (MrZQl)

37 Well I've never jumped in Spain
But I kinda like the music

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero43) at August 05, 2022 04:21 PM (guGkK)

38 I ain't watching.

Posted by: m at August 05, 2022 04:21 PM (RtN13)

39 Federal prosecutors recommend 8-year sentence for off-duty Virginia officer who "stormed the U.S. Capitol on Jan. 6."

Posted by: andycanuck (yikp0) at August 05, 2022 04:21 PM (yikp0)

40 Who jumps out of a perfectly good airplane and is not in the military?

Posted by: Maj. Healey at August 05, 2022 04:21 PM (m7R0k)

41 Fuck that shit

Shouldn't have watch the vids. Coulda been first.

Posted by: Infidel at August 05, 2022 04:21 PM (mn1Pi)

42 All the way at the top of the pyramid was a cap plated with gold. The entire pyramid was cased with smooth rock that local people eventually took all away to build stuff with like huts.
Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at August 05, 2022 04:20 PM (Ivdso)

I bet when those things were white you could see them from space.

Posted by: clutch cargo - processed in a facility that may contain lead at August 05, 2022 04:21 PM (zB/T/)

43 The Proximo Chorizo goof is a made-for-ace funny.

Posted by: m at August 05, 2022 04:21 PM (RtN13)

44 And he ain't gonna jump no more!

Posted by: Colorado Alex in Exile at August 05, 2022 04:21 PM (wmDcS)

45 Thus confirming my decision never to jump, willingly, out of a plane. No matter how carefully you pack the chute, there's always that chance that something will go wrong. No, you can't avoid all risk -- but if you, I dunno, maybe don't jump out of a plane into thin air, the risk of dying in a long fall is pretty damn slim!

Posted by: Wolfus Aurelius at August 05, 2022 04:21 PM (txdEq)

46 No damn thank you.

Posted by: Joe Mannix (Not a cop!) at August 05, 2022 04:22 PM (WWh8n)

47 CANDLE

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YXdtFPfptUI

Posted by: SONIC YOUTH at August 05, 2022 04:22 PM (GqrAH)

48 Who jumps out of a perfectly good airplane and is not in the military?

Batman, apparently

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at August 05, 2022 04:22 PM (Ivdso)

49 The Proximo Chorizo goof is a made-for-ace funny.

A spicy stellar object story.

Posted by: Blanco Basura - moronhorde.com - Email for morons. at August 05, 2022 04:22 PM (Bd6X8)

50 The paraglider needs a paramedic.

Posted by: Axeman at August 05, 2022 04:22 PM (krQz2)

51 "Gory Gory what a hell of a way to die
He ain't gonna jump no more"

Posted by: Ben Had at August 05, 2022 04:22 PM (omPWo)

52 Yea... no. I'll stay here on the ground.

Posted by: Martini Farmer at August 05, 2022 04:22 PM (BFigT)

53 So, that second guy, who flips off his failed chute, I will assume his reserve was okay and he lived.

Posted by: Joe Mannix (Not a cop!) at August 05, 2022 04:22 PM (WWh8n)

54 I think the military guys who do HALO jumps are not only nuts, but, have big brass ones.
Posted by: blake

I like the HAHO jumps and gliding 20 miles.

Posted by: rickb223 at August 05, 2022 04:22 PM (j+4+t)

55 Amateur.

Posted by: D.B. Cooper at August 05, 2022 04:22 PM (m7R0k)

56 I had a very similar experience, where I almost bought the wrong kind of milk for my wife.

Posted by: Sticky Wicket at August 05, 2022 04:23 PM (CCf67)

57 >>> 39 Federal prosecutors recommend 8-year sentence for off-duty Virginia officer who "stormed the U.S. Capitol on Jan. 6."
Posted by: andycanuck (yikp0) at August 05, 2022 04:21 PM (yikp0)

Did he storm or did he storm-storm the Capitol?

Posted by: Helena Handbasket at August 05, 2022 04:23 PM (llON8)

58 >>>WHy is it called that

Because as you're falling the chute looks like a flame effect from a Disney Groomer Land ride.

Posted by: mikethemoose at August 05, 2022 04:23 PM (T/vhV)

59 It's illegal as heck to hover over the pyramids because if you fall or drop something they'll be damaged.

Posted by: m at August 05, 2022 04:23 PM (RtN13)

60 That reserve chute worked pretty quick. I would have expected a harder landing.

Posted by: G'rump928(c) at August 05, 2022 04:24 PM (NJXJJ)

61 There's a bunch of Airborne in here, I hope they chime in. I'd have a lifetime of nightmares from that one.

Posted by: dartist at August 05, 2022 04:24 PM (+ya+t)

62
He died doing what he loved.

Posted by: Soothsayer's Untrue But Accurate Tales at August 05, 2022 04:24 PM (dvxfv)

63 OT: Zelinski offers Xi the opportunity to rebuild the Uke

Posted by: D.B. Cooper at August 05, 2022 04:24 PM (m7R0k)

64 Hot Gas has another Bulwark link - an inspiring story called: "The unpresidential vulgarity of "Let's go, Brandon""

Fetch the fainting couch!

Think that we'll still be getting the Bulwark links after AnalPundit leaves on September 2nd?

Posted by: The ARC of History! at August 05, 2022 04:24 PM (I2/tG)

65
Would you rather croak by:

a) natural causes

b) "death by misadventure"

Posted by: Soothsayer's Untrue But Accurate Tales at August 05, 2022 04:25 PM (dvxfv)

66 I bet some poo came out.

Posted by: I mean probably at August 05, 2022 04:25 PM (u4oL5)

67 Off jumper sock

Posted by: Maj. Healey at August 05, 2022 04:25 PM (m7R0k)

68 Egyptology fascinates me, they've learned so much just in the last 25 years. But all those people upset at the British for having so much stuff in their museum: the Egyptians did not give a single turd beetle about any of it. It was all just old junk that was in the sand to them, they didn't care about any of it and were glad to sell it away to the British. Same with the Greeks. There was no sense of pride, ancestry, tradition or anything. It was just rocks. Sure you take them for 50 shillings, who cares?

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at August 05, 2022 04:25 PM (Ivdso)

69 When I lived in MN, a pilot blundered into a designated drop zone. A skydiver hit the horizontal stabilizer on the small plane, took it out.

If I remember correctly, skydiver lived, with a broken leg, people in the airplane were killed.

Posted by: blake - semi lurker in marginal standing(5pTK/) at August 05, 2022 04:25 PM (5pTK/)

70 64 Hot Gas has another Bulwark link - an inspiring story called: "The unpresidential vulgarity of "Let's go, Brandon""

Fetch the fainting couch!

Think that we'll still be getting the Bulwark links after AnalPundit leaves on September 2nd?
Posted by: The ARC of History! at August 05, 2022 04:24 PM (I2/tG)

=======

I mean...it's obvious that it wasn't only Allahpundit, right? Ed Morrisey works there.

Posted by: TheJamesMadison, navigating the destiny machine with Fritz Lang at August 05, 2022 04:26 PM (LvTSG)

71 >>>Hot Gas has another Bulwark link

No way!!!

>>>- an inspiring story called: "The unpresidential vulgarity of "Let's go, Brandon""

no way, they're Speech Policing conservatives?!?!?! What a change of pace!

Is it by that closet case Jonathan V. Last by any chance?

Posted by: ace at August 05, 2022 04:26 PM (B3oWe)

72 Oh hell no!

Posted by: Aetius451AD Work Laptop at August 05, 2022 04:26 PM (diceA)

73 I won't be trying that.

Posted by: redridinghood at August 05, 2022 04:26 PM (NpAcC)

74 It's illegal as heck to hover over the pyramids because if you fall or drop something they'll be damaged.

Yeah I think its all restricted airspace.

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at August 05, 2022 04:26 PM (Ivdso)

75 One of the most horrible parachute tales I read happened many years ago. I dug around for an archived newspaper account, not quite believing it, and found it. It actually happened.

An employee at a commercial school or jump service was making multiple jumps with various groups all morning, filming them as part of the package, I suppose. They took a break for lunch on the plane I think, and then they took off with just this guy, and he exited the plane.

Except, he forgot his parachute. He took it off for lunch, and forgot to put it back on. Nobody else on board to double check. The helmet cam video showed a typical jump, and then frantic arm movements as he realized his mistake.

Posted by: Common Tater at August 05, 2022 04:27 PM (vu7c1)

76 40 Who jumps out of a perfectly good airplane and is not in the military?
Posted by: Maj. Healey at August 05, 2022 04:21 PM (m7R0k)

Amen - especially when you can pay to experience the same falling feeling about 10 ft off the ground at IFly. I mean, IFly is awesome, and maybe parachuting is better, but IFly is cheaper and won't ever kill me, so IFly it is.

I did IFly on a cruise and got my mom, spouse, and kids to do it. Best free family thing we ever did together (well, technically, not free b/c we did pay for the cruise)...

Posted by: Nova local at August 05, 2022 04:27 PM (exHjb)

77 >>>Would you rather croak by:
a) natural causes
b) "death by misadventure"

i think misadventure as long as it's fast and no one sees my weiner

Posted by: ace at August 05, 2022 04:27 PM (B3oWe)

78 yep, ace, dats sumptin

Posted by: REDACTED at August 05, 2022 04:27 PM (us2H3)

79 Did he storm or did he storm-storm the Capitol?

----------------

More of a waltz. Less of an Omaha beach storming.

Posted by: SH (Roe Overturned) at August 05, 2022 04:27 PM (sX1BW)

80 Off topic, but please help a brother out, cuz I'm dying to know. How did the name "Madison Cornbread" come about for Cassidy Hutchinson?

Posted by: theATL at August 05, 2022 04:27 PM (bPOP1)

81 I would volunteer to pack Allahpundit's chute.

Posted by: Maj. Healey at August 05, 2022 04:27 PM (m7R0k)

82 It's not the fall that kills you, it's the sudden stop. amirite

Posted by: Martini Farmer at August 05, 2022 04:27 PM (BFigT)

83 Would you rather croak by:

a) natural causes

b) "death by misadventure"

Natural causes. Death by misadventure is usually a case of overkill.

Posted by: Blanco Basura - moronhorde.com - Email for morons. at August 05, 2022 04:27 PM (Bd6X8)

84 64 Hot Gas has another Bulwark link - an inspiring story called: "The unpresidential vulgarity of "Let's go, Brandon""

Posted by: The ARC of History! at August 05, 2022 04:24 PM (I2/tG)

The rap song--songs?--were pretty great.

Posted by: m at August 05, 2022 04:28 PM (RtN13)

85 Climbing a mountain? Sure. Not my cup of tea, but fine.

Exploring the deepest parts of the oceans in a bathysphere? Sure

Braving the cold of Space to step foot on an alien world and touch the face of God? Sign me up.

Jumping out of a perfectly good airplane for whooo! points? To hell with that.

Posted by: Aetius451AD Work Laptop at August 05, 2022 04:28 PM (diceA)

86 I want to die from a nuke or meteor hitting my town, while I'm asleep. No pain, no awareness, nobody around to mourn. Just a sudden flash of light and hello St Peter.

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at August 05, 2022 04:28 PM (Ivdso)

87 >>>Would you rather croak by:
a) natural causes
b) "death by misadventure"

i think misadventure as long as it's fast and no one sees my weiner

----------

With MonkeyPox you may get both - or all 3.

Posted by: SH (Roe Overturned) at August 05, 2022 04:28 PM (sX1BW)

88 the Egyptians did not give a single turd beetle about any of it. It was all just old junk that was in the sand to them, they didn't care about any of it and were glad to sell it away to the British. Same with the Greeks. There was no sense of pride, ancestry, tradition or anything. It was just rocks. Sure you take them for 50 shillings, who cares?
Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at August 05, 2022 04:25 PM (Ivdso)
---
In the Egyptian case, it can be explained by the Islamic hostility towards anything that was created before Islam. They'd tear down the pyramids if they could figure out how...

Not sure about the Greeks.

Posted by: "Perfessor" Squirrel at August 05, 2022 04:28 PM (YIVH2)

89 He Plummets to Earth Helplessly, Bound By His Own Parachute Cords

Cheery thought

Posted by: Braenyard at August 05, 2022 04:28 PM (oGc0G)

90 77 >>>Would you rather croak by:
a) natural causes
b) "death by misadventure"

well, in these days of dynamic vernacular

define "natural"

Posted by: REDACTED at August 05, 2022 04:29 PM (us2H3)

91 ProTip:

You're out of your fucking mind if you jump out of a perfectly good airplane.

Also: Next time, use a wingsuit.

Related, from The Bee:

"Bat-Girl Movie Canceled Due To $70M In Bat-Mobiles Being Wrecked While Backing Out Of The Bat-Cave."

Posted by: Sharkman at August 05, 2022 04:29 PM (Lqf5w)

92 Cue obligatory singing of "Blood on the Risers".

Posted by: Captain Obvious, Laird o' the Sea at August 05, 2022 04:29 PM (aaGzp)

93 Is it by that closet case Jonathan V. Last by any chance?

Bill Lueders, who I've never heard of.

AnalPundit's going to be joining the superstars of journalism, isn't he?

Posted by: The ARC of History! at August 05, 2022 04:29 PM (I2/tG)

94 Candle in the wind

Posted by: Its the Airborne Theme song right? at August 05, 2022 04:29 PM (kR5cZ)

95 American Airman bailed out of a bomber with no parachute and lived crashing through pine trees, was captured but was a celebrity in prison camp

Posted by: Skip's phone at August 05, 2022 04:29 PM (YR0IE)

96 >>> cuz I'm dying to know. How did the name "Madison Cornbread" come about for Cassidy Hutchinson?

i was just making up the chain of "billy told tommy and tommy told madison" hearsay that led to Cassidy hearing this and made up "Madison Cornbread." Then I liked the name I changed it from being someone who relayed the hearsay to being Cassidy herself, so I could use the name more.

there's no story, really, she just looks like a Madison Cornbread and the name made me smile.

Posted by: ace at August 05, 2022 04:29 PM (B3oWe)

97 The plane in Spain flies mainly on the prayed.

Posted by: andycanuck (yikp0) at August 05, 2022 04:30 PM (yikp0)

98 Would you rather croak by:
a) natural causes
b) "death by misadventure"

My only request is that my last thought not be "wow, that was a stupid thing to do"

Posted by: Chuck C at August 05, 2022 04:30 PM (xttsV)

99 Bunch of friends did one of those 1 day learn to parachute things when I was a yute. I had a messed up knee at the time so I couldn't jump but I went along to see if I could get the stuff of the ones who went splat.

The main chute opened as you left the plane, static cord or something?, but you wore an emergency chute on your stomach. I listened to the description of how to deploy the emergency chute and it seemed like there was no way in hell you would figure out your were in danger and be able to get thing out before running out of air.

They all made it fine but a girl who was in their plane snapped an ankle on landing.

Posted by: JackStraw at August 05, 2022 04:30 PM (ZLI7S)

100 Would you rather croak by:

a) natural causes

b) "death by misadventure"

Hugging 5 lbs of C4.

Posted by: rickb223 at August 05, 2022 04:30 PM (j+4+t)

101 speaking of sticking it with a second to go before crashing...Joe Kent, candidate for something, says he's only 1000 votes away from actually winning whatever it is, with 40K votes(!) left to be counted.

Posted by: Doctor sockamster-Doom Speaker-EdD Intersectional Dynamics at August 05, 2022 04:30 PM (OuH7W)

102 Would you rather croak by:
a) natural causes
b) "death by misadventure"

i think misadventure as long as it's fast and no one sees my weiner

This guy, almost:

Guy #1: Damn, this guy is everywhere.

Guy #2: Fuck, I think I found his weiner...

Posted by: Aetius451AD Work Laptop at August 05, 2022 04:30 PM (diceA)

103 If he was a cat he just used up all nine lives.

Posted by: JROD at August 05, 2022 04:30 PM (0jZnq)

104 They'd tear down the pyramids if they could figure out how...

Yeah, the Saudis destroyed a bunch of pre-Islamic archeological sites.

Posted by: The ARC of History! at August 05, 2022 04:30 PM (I2/tG)

105 "No shit there I was …"

Sitting under a reserve with three seconds to spare
True story

Posted by: kactus at August 05, 2022 04:30 PM (7q60N)

106 Who's Mikethemoose ?

Did he bite Insom's sister ?

Posted by: JT at August 05, 2022 04:30 PM (T4tVD)

107 Zelensky showing some leg to Xi, let's watch Joey get jealous! Look for the Ukraine flags to start to disappear in the dark of night.

Posted by: Indignacio Vindacatorem at August 05, 2022 04:31 PM (oWBc3)

108 My only request is that my last thought not be "wow, that was a stupid thing to do"
Posted by: Chuck C at August 05, 2022 04:30 PM (xttsV)
-----------

I sort of think that's almost impossible, because, "death by misadventure" probably includes, "Hold my beer and watch this!"

Posted by: blake - semi lurker in marginal standing(5pTK/) at August 05, 2022 04:31 PM (5pTK/)

109 Amen - especially when you can pay to experience the same falling feeling about 10 ft off the ground at IFly. I mean, IFly is awesome, and maybe parachuting is better, but IFly is cheaper and won't ever kill me, so IFly it is.

I did IFly on a cruise and got my mom, spouse, and kids to do it. Best free family thing we ever did together (well, technically, not free b/c we did pay for the cruise)...
Posted by: Nova local at August 05, 2022 04:27 PM (exHjb)

There's one of those not far from me. I heard that it's a lot of prep and then only a few seconds actually doing the flying part.

Posted by: Zombie Robbo the Llama Butcher at August 05, 2022 04:31 PM (906pl)

110 Who's Mikethemoose ?

Did he bite Insom's sister ?
Posted by: JT at August 05, 2022 04:30 PM (T4tVD)
---
Once.

Posted by: Axeman at August 05, 2022 04:31 PM (krQz2)

111 There's video of a mid-air crash between 2 planes carrying jumpers. Pretty wild shit. 8 or 9 years ago IIRC all bailed and made it safely to the ground.

Posted by: Martini Farmer at August 05, 2022 04:31 PM (BFigT)

112 i think misadventure as long as it's fast and no one sees my weiner
Posted by: ace at August 05, 2022 04:27 PM (B3oWe)

That's why you wash your junk.

Posted by: G'rump928(c) at August 05, 2022 04:32 PM (NJXJJ)

113 I had a pretty close encounter with a momma black beaar and her cub today.

She was already in a bad mood when I rolled up on them and she was all teeth gnashes and posturing.
I think the people out ahead of me on that trail might have bumped her and split her from her cub.

It got better though. She didn't want to let me roll through and she was a bout 20 feet above me. I backed off a few steps and her cub came down the tree and they started eating berries.
Then she tore into a stump and got attacked by yellowjackets. This did not improve her mood.
Got a few false charges in after that. But her damned cub kept recrossing the trail to get back into the berry patch.

I eventually had to back off and just leave them that last 1/4 mile of ridge.

Posted by: garrett at August 05, 2022 04:32 PM (GqrAH)

114 Except, he forgot his parachute. He took it off for lunch, and forgot to put it back on. Nobody else on board to double check. The helmet cam video showed a typical jump, and then frantic arm movements as he realized his mistake.
Posted by: Common Tater at August 05, 2022 04:27 PM (vu7c1)

You'd think that they'd have something like a preflight check list. It wouldn't be a fraction as extensive as the one their pilot has.

[_] Helmet
[_] Goggles
[_] Parachute
[_] Up to date will
[_] GoPro (optional)

Posted by: clutch cargo - processed in a facility that may contain lead at August 05, 2022 04:32 PM (zB/T/)

115 Nice outcome!
Here is one where a paraglider has a chute tangle, but he manages to go into a body of water, and toward a rescue boat that sees he is having a bad time of it.
I want to know what kind of camera he's using. It keeps recording underwater.

https://tinyurl.com/yx8zu35n

Posted by: gourmand du jour, enjoying the jour at August 05, 2022 04:32 PM (jTmQV)

116 The pyramid engravings have been decoded:

BE SURE TO DRINK YOUR OVALTINE

Posted by: Meade Lux Lewis, Domestic Terrorist at August 05, 2022 04:32 PM (sWM8x)

117 why isn't hanging for rape an option ??

Posted by: REDACTED at August 05, 2022 04:33 PM (us2H3)

118 Hang Gliders have taken to wearing a chest chute. I don't know anyone who has actually deployed one.

Posted by: G'rump928(c) at August 05, 2022 04:33 PM (NJXJJ)

119 Who jumps out of a perfectly good airplane and is not in the military?
Posted by: Maj. Healey at August 05, 2022 04:21 PM (m7R0k)

Not me, fuuuuuck no.

Posted by: Berserker-Dragonheads Division at August 05, 2022 04:33 PM (VwHCD)

120 Would you rather croak by:
a) natural causes
b) "death by misadventure"

My only request is that my last thought not be "wow, that was a stupid thing to do"

Seems to me that a lightning strike is pretty much the ideal way to go. You don't see it coming, and then you don't see anything at all. Well, optimistically speaking, you see a set of pearly gates.

Posted by: Archimedes at August 05, 2022 04:33 PM (/NCI4)

121 saw two chute failures in the 80s. One was a jeep trailer. It bounced and got bent all to hell but still worked.

The other was a human. He bounced too but did not work after.

Posted by: Nearsighted Cyclopes at August 05, 2022 04:33 PM (PbwT0)

122 Would you rather croak by:
a) natural causes
b) "death by misadventure"

Does the misadventure include 19-year-old redhaired twins, peyote, and a 1952 Vincent Black Lightening?

Posted by: Colorado Alex in Exile at August 05, 2022 04:33 PM (wmDcS)

123 Poor little guy. Almost thought he was gonna make it...

Why does weiner look so greasy?

Posted by: Guy Looking at Ace's Corpse at August 05, 2022 04:33 PM (GqrAH)

124 Then there is this absolutely insane lunatic maniac with balls of steel, Luke Aiken, who jumped without a parachute from 25,000 feet . . . . Into a 100 foot x 100 foot NET:

https://youtu.be/aPC_h9Vmlxw

Posted by: Sharkman at August 05, 2022 04:34 PM (Lqf5w)

125 >>>Who's Mikethemoose ?

You can meet me at the annual Mooseicon. As far as Insom's sister, maybe? Is she a were moose now?

Posted by: mikethemoose at August 05, 2022 04:34 PM (T/vhV)

126 Captain Obvious, #51. Got it covered

Posted by: Ben Had at August 05, 2022 04:34 PM (omPWo)

127 The pyramid engravings have been decoded:

no fucking cheese on the seafood

Posted by: REDACTED at August 05, 2022 04:34 PM (us2H3)

128 He was free, free fallin'....

Posted by: Tom P at August 05, 2022 04:34 PM (7bRMQ)

129 It's illegal as heck to hover over the pyramids because if you fall or drop something they'll be damaged.

Funny. Gaia hasn't been able to do it in 3,000 years, but my iPhone 13 will flatten them.

Posted by: rickb223 at August 05, 2022 04:34 PM (j+4+t)

130 Not sure about the Greeks.
Posted by: "Perfessor" Squirrel at August 05, 2022 04:28 PM (YIVH2)
---
The Greeks. They separated the men from the boys...
with a crowbar.

Posted by: Axeman at August 05, 2022 04:34 PM (krQz2)

131 >My only request is that my last thought not be "wow, that was a stupid thing to do"

and may your last words NOT be 'hey- watch this'

Posted by: DB at August 05, 2022 04:35 PM (geLO8)

132 If I were in charge of Egypt, I'd do a full resto of one of the pyramids, to show what they used to look like when first made. Case them, build a cap, seal the entrance.

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at August 05, 2022 04:35 PM (Ivdso)

133 The pyramid engravings have been decoded: NO CARROTS IN CHILE

Posted by: Maj. Healey at August 05, 2022 04:35 PM (m7R0k)

134 Recession...omg recession...RECESSION!!...Jobs report.

Posted by: Biden Administration at August 05, 2022 04:35 PM (vN+oL)

135 i think misadventure as long as it's fast and no one sees my weiner
Posted by: ace at August 05, 2022 04:27 PM (B3oWe)
++++
Oh, I dunno. I mean, you're dead anyway so you might as wave it around to *everyone* on your way out. Let 'em see what the could've had!

Posted by: Joe Mannix (Not a cop!) at August 05, 2022 04:35 PM (WWh8n)

136 Then there is this absolutely insane lunatic maniac with ~~balls~~ synapses of steel, Luke Aiken, who jumped without a parachute from 25,000 feet . . . . Into a 100 foot x 100 foot NET:

Posted by: Archimedes at August 05, 2022 04:35 PM (/NCI4)

137 no fucking cheese on the seafood

"the hell with you!"
--Fillet o' Fish sammich

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at August 05, 2022 04:35 PM (Ivdso)

138 Does the misadventure include 19-year-old redhaired twins, peyote, and a 1952 Vincent Black Lightening?
Posted by: Colorado Alex in Exile at August 05, 2022 04:33 PM (wmDcS)

I don't think that misadventure and bucket list are mutually exclusive.

Posted by: clutch cargo - processed in a facility that may contain lead at August 05, 2022 04:36 PM (zB/T/)

139 This, too, is the story of Obama.

Posted by: BeckoningChasm at August 05, 2022 04:36 PM (m0zqP)

140 I don't think that misadventure and bucket list are mutually exclusive.
Posted by: clutch cargo - processed in a facility that may contain lead at August 05, 2022 04:36 PM (zB/T/)
++++
As long as it's the last item on the list, it's directly compatible.

Posted by: Joe Mannix (Not a cop!) at August 05, 2022 04:36 PM (WWh8n)

141 Would you rather croak by:

a) natural causes

b) "death by misadventure"

***
If "misadventure" can be defined as "receiving expert oral sex from a beautiful redhead in a comfortable bed until my equipment and heart both explode," then Imma go with (b).

Posted by: Wolfus Aurelius at August 05, 2022 04:36 PM (txdEq)

142 Not sure about the Greeks.
Posted by: "Perfessor" Squirrel

Love the Greeks

Posted by: David French at August 05, 2022 04:36 PM (m7R0k)

143 An old friend of mine held a record in California (San Luis Obispo maybe) for longest light wind flight. He does the powered paraglider stuff too, gives instructions. Got me up a few feet in the dunes, but I was 50 pounds heavier than him.

But yeah, that's the thing with paragliders, the wings can collapse. But not many use the more solid hang gliders, afaik.

I wonder if that guys emergency chute had some kind of CO2 cartridge, looked like maybe it was almost a balloon, ... it filled really fast.

Posted by: illiniwek at August 05, 2022 04:36 PM (Cus5s)

144 speaking of sticking it with a second to go before crashing...Joe Kent, candidate for something, says he's only 1000 votes away from actually winning whatever it is, with 40K votes(!) left to be counted.

That would be amazing. Both of the anti-Trump Republican Congressmen in Washington spent lots of money on minor Republican candidates to split the pro-Trump vote. In Kent's case, there were three credible pro-Trump Republican candidates, who all agreed that they would unite behind the candidate Trump endorsed.

Well, Trump endorsed Kent, and one of the other two candidates refused to drop out, and had a lavishly funded campaign fueled by dark money, taking 15% of the vote last time I checked.

Posted by: The ARC of History! at August 05, 2022 04:36 PM (I2/tG)

145 What's cool about the Great Pyramid, the limestone covering was fitted together with such precision, perfect joints, the entrance itself was invisible. The exact door opening location was unknown, opening from the inside, and hinged upward. Ain't that weird?

That's why vandals bored or blasted a hole into the side at a random spot, pretty far from the actual opening, and tunneled around till they breached the tunnel. That's where people still enter today on tours.

Posted by: Common Tater at August 05, 2022 04:36 PM (vu7c1)

146 yeah, it is odd when they say 'he died doing what he loved most'

what was that- slamming into the ground at 120mph?

Posted by: DB at August 05, 2022 04:36 PM (geLO8)

147 The pyramid engravings have been decoded: NO CARROTS IN CHILE
Posted by: Maj. Healey at August 05, 2022 04:35 PM (m7R0k)
----------
The entire country?

Posted by: Captain Obvious, Laird o' the Sea at August 05, 2022 04:36 PM (aaGzp)

148 Would you rather croak by:
a) natural causes
b) "death by misadventure"
-----
Hugging 5 lbs of C4.
Posted by: rickb223

80lb shape charge, 1,000 feet of det cord, one detonator, and six inches of time fuze so i have the luxory of snoking a cigar while i watch my missile battery get all 'splodey.

Posted by: BifBewalski @ (MrZQl) - at August 05, 2022 04:36 PM (MrZQl)

149 Posted by: garrett at August 05, 2022 04:32 PM (GqrAH)

Glad you're o.k.

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at August 05, 2022 04:37 PM (snPsk)

150 Felix Baumgartner: height estimated at 39 km (24 mi), reaching an estimated top speed of 1,357.64 km/h (843.6 mph), or Mach 1.25. Parachute opened safely.

Posted by: rickb223 at August 05, 2022 04:37 PM (j+4+t)

151 I eventually had to back off and just leave them that last 1/4 mile of ridge.
Posted by: garrett
==
You left out the part where the father bear snuck up behind you and treated you like you treated Ace at his last "birthday party".

Posted by: Revenant at August 05, 2022 04:37 PM (1IxF3)

152 65
Would you rather croak by:

a) natural causes

b) "death by misadventure"
Posted by: Soothsayer's Untrue But Accurate Tales at August 05, 2022 04:25 PM (dvxfv)

How would you categorize: "Died after sexually satisfying twin 19 year old blonde nymphomaniac at the age of 88?"

Cuz...that's how I'd like to die

Posted by: Mark Andrew Edwards, Buy ammo, food, water at August 05, 2022 04:37 PM (XvPQV)

153 >>I want to know what kind of camera he's using. It keeps recording underwater.

You can buy a protective case for a Go Pro and use it underwater.

Posted by: JackStraw at August 05, 2022 04:37 PM (ZLI7S)

154
Garrett is taunting bears, again.

Posted by: Soothsayer's Untrue But Accurate Tales at August 05, 2022 04:38 PM (dvxfv)

155 If "misadventure" can be defined as "receiving expert oral sex from a beautiful redhead in a comfortable bed until my equipment and heart both explode," then Imma go with (b).

This guy gets it.

Posted by: Nelson Rockefeller at August 05, 2022 04:38 PM (/NCI4)

156 The pyramid engravings have been decoded: NO CARROTS IN CHILE
Posted by: Maj. Healey at August 05, 2022

***
It's a narrow country, true, but it's pretty long. There must be some carrots *somewhere* in all that length.

Posted by: Wolfus Aurelius at August 05, 2022 04:38 PM (txdEq)

157 152

How would you categorize: "Died after sexually satisfying twin 19 year old blonde nymphomaniac at the age of 88?"

Cuz...that's how I'd like to die
Posted by: Mark Andrew Edwards, Buy ammo, food, water at August 05, 2022 04:37 PM (XvPQV)

c) things that won't actually happen

Posted by: Red Turban Someguy - The Republic is already dead! at August 05, 2022 04:38 PM (b2nrj)

158 The pyramid engravings have been decoded:

Brittney came in my mouth

Posted by: REDACTED at August 05, 2022 04:38 PM (us2H3)

159 I eventually had to back off and just leave them that last 1/4 mile of ridge.
Posted by: garrett at August 05, 2022 04:32 PM (GqrAH)

Hiking a trail shared with black bears = jumping from a perfectly good airplane.

Posted by: Golfman at August 05, 2022 04:38 PM (R7JTd)

160 c) things that won't actually happen
Posted by: Red Turban Someguy - The Republic is already dead! at August 05, 2022 04:38 PM (b2nrj)

Oh you're no fun anymore

Posted by: Mark Andrew Edwards, Buy ammo, food, water at August 05, 2022 04:38 PM (XvPQV)

161 Well, I don't know about you all but my pants would have been full of my own shit.

Posted by: jewells45 at August 05, 2022 04:38 PM (nxdel)

162 158 The pyramid engravings have been decoded:

Brittney came in my mouth
Posted by: REDACTED at August 05, 2022 04:38 PM (us2H3)

========

"Signed, Lindsay Graham."

Posted by: TheJamesMadison, navigating the destiny machine with Fritz Lang at August 05, 2022 04:38 PM (LvTSG)

163 b) "death by misadventure"
Posted by: Soothsayer's Untrue But Accurate Tales at August 05, 2022
*
How would you categorize: "Died after sexually satisfying twin 19 year old blonde nymphomaniac at the age of 88?"

Cuz...that's how I'd like to die
Posted by: Mark Andrew Edwards, Buy ammo, food, water at August 05, 2022

***
Excellent definition

Posted by: Wolfus Aurelius at August 05, 2022 04:38 PM (txdEq)

164 157 Cuz...that's how I'd like to die
Posted by: Mark Andrew Edwards, Buy ammo, food, water at August 05, 2022 04:37 PM (XvPQV)

c) things that won't actually happen
Posted by: Red Turban Someguy - The Republic is already dead! at August 05, 2022 04:38 PM (b2nrj)

========

Of course. They'll be redheads.

Posted by: TheJamesMadison, navigating the destiny machine with Fritz Lang at August 05, 2022 04:39 PM (LvTSG)

165 Will a GoPro stay trained on you like that one did?

Posted by: gourmand du jour, enjoying the jour at August 05, 2022 04:39 PM (jTmQV)

166 >>>had a pretty close encounter with a momma black beaar and her cub today.
She was already in a bad mood when I rolled up on them and she was all teeth gnashes and posturing.

which rest stop was this at, garrett?

And when you say "bear," you mean....?

Posted by: ace at August 05, 2022 04:39 PM (B3oWe)

167 Then there is this absolutely insane lunatic maniac with balls synapses of steel, Luke Aiken, who jumped without a parachute from 25,000 feet . . . . Into a 100 foot x 100 foot NET:
Posted by: Archimedes at August 05, 2022 04:35 PM (/NCI4)

https://ytube.io/3V3x

Posted by: G'rump928(c) at August 05, 2022 04:39 PM (NJXJJ)

168 nineteen-year-old twins seems to be a recurring theme here at the hq

Hiking a trail shared with black bears = jumping from a perfectly good airplane.

Black bears are very shy and run away from the smell of people. Usually. Still safer than parachuting.

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at August 05, 2022 04:39 PM (Ivdso)

169 The exact door opening location was unknown, opening from the inside, and hinged upward. Ain't that weird?
=
Its a safe. Before combination locks.

Posted by: Sure its a bit oversized at August 05, 2022 04:39 PM (GaCiO)

170 I have a couple of “no shit - there I was” stories.
But you have to ply me with alcohol first.

Posted by: RI Red at August 05, 2022 04:39 PM (xtg8y)

171 After a stunning display of senatorial swordsmanship, she returned the weapon to Tulsi's Scabbard.

Posted by: Joe Mannix (Not a cop!) at August 05, 2022 04:39 PM (WWh8n)

172 And here I really thought the prudent rule was "Never jump out of a perfectly functioning aircraft!"?

Posted by: Commissar Hrothgar (hOUT3) ~ This year in Corsicana! ~ at August 05, 2022 04:39 PM (hOUT3)

173 170 I have a couple of “no shit - there I was” stories.
But you have to ply me with alcohol first.
Posted by: RI Red at August 05, 2022 04:39 PM (xtg8y)

ace will start posting more Lena Dunham swimsuit pics if you don't tell us.

Posted by: Red Turban Someguy - The Republic is already dead! at August 05, 2022 04:40 PM (b2nrj)

174 Awesome ad by Harriet Hageman

https://tinyurl.com/ycy6w38r

Posted by: redridinghood at August 05, 2022 04:40 PM (NpAcC)

175 Related, from The Bee:

"Bat-Girl Movie Canceled Due To $70M In Bat-Mobiles Being Wrecked While Backing Out Of The Bat-Cave."
Posted by: Sharkman at August 05, 2022 04:29 PM (Lqf5w)
--------------

Another reason:

Did you see that Batgirl suit? It looks like a hazmat suit. Maybe they were going for the "It's Pat!" vib.

Posted by: WisRich at August 05, 2022 04:40 PM (G0vdT)

176 is that what it's called, candling? WHy is it called that?
Posted by: ace at August 05, 2022 04:15 PM (B3oWe)

I am going to guess it is not because of the lyrics

And it seems to you that you lived your life Like a candle in the wind Never knowing who to cling to . . .

Posted by: Kindltot at August 05, 2022 04:40 PM (xhaym)

177 166 >>>had a pretty close encounter with a momma black beaar and her cub today.
She was already in a bad mood when I rolled up on them and she was all teeth gnashes and posturing.

which rest stop was this at, garrett?

And when you say "bear," you mean....?
Posted by: ace at August 05, 2022 04:39 PM (B3oWe)

I was reading along as if you were serious.

Posted by: m at August 05, 2022 04:40 PM (RtN13)

178 >>Hiking a trail shared with black bears = jumping from a perfectly good airplane.

I was on my bike.

There are Grizzly in and around that place, too.

When you see the Black Bears out and about, you know you aren't gonna see them though.

Posted by: garrett at August 05, 2022 04:40 PM (GqrAH)

179 Well, Trump endorsed Kent, and one of the other two candidates refused to drop out, and had a lavishly funded campaign fueled by dark money, taking 15% of the vote last time I checked.

You'd have to laugh if someone floated the story that Mr 15% was the reason the anti-Trump candidate lost.

Posted by: Blanco Basura - moronhorde.com - Email for morons. at August 05, 2022 04:40 PM (Bd6X8)

180 How would you categorize: "Died after sexually satisfying twin 19 year old blonde nymphomaniac at the age of 88?"

Cuz...that's how I'd like to die
Posted by: Mark Andrew Edwards

Died of a broken neck @ 90 after falling out of an 18 yr old blonde's bedroom window.

Posted by: rickb223 at August 05, 2022 04:40 PM (j+4+t)

181 >>Will a GoPro stay trained on you like that one did?

Don't know. I've seen people used them for diving and fishing but I've never used one myself.

Posted by: JackStraw at August 05, 2022 04:40 PM (ZLI7S)

182 Couple buddies in the 82nd. One told me he was surprised at how high a body bounced on a chute failure.

Posted by: dartist at August 05, 2022 04:40 PM (+ya+t)

183 "there's no story, really, she just looks like a Madison Cornbread and the name made me smile.
Posted by: ace at August 05, 2022 04:29 PM (B3oWe)
-----------------------------------------------------------

Frickin' awesome! Thanks, and a bucket list item of a direct reply from Ace accomplished, no less!

As the author of this 2016 headline "Beefy Elderly Female Frankenstein Attempts Mockery of Human Levity",
you instantly made me a permanent fan while I nearly lost a lung from laughing so hard. Thanks again!

Posted by: theATL at August 05, 2022 04:41 PM (bPOP1)

184 >>which rest stop was this at, garrett?

That is funny.

Posted by: garrett at August 05, 2022 04:41 PM (GqrAH)

185 168 nineteen-year-old twins seems to be a recurring theme here at the hq

"Hiking a trail shared with black bears = jumping from a perfectly good airplane."

Black bears are very shy and run away from the smell of people. Usually. Still safer than parachuting.
Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at August 05, 2022 04:39 PM (Ivdso)

I don't think people think the twins thing through. It's hard enough to distinguish twins when you're fully mentally focused let alone during sex. Much more awkward to confuse them during sex too.

Posted by: Red Turban Someguy - The Republic is already dead! at August 05, 2022 04:41 PM (b2nrj)

186 In college I watched a hang glider bury himself on a green at the university golf course. He tried some maneuver at low altitude and became a lawn dart. He just missed a foursome of doctors waiting to put.

Posted by: Beartooth at August 05, 2022 04:41 PM (+ksY7)

187 173 170 I have a couple of “no shit - there I was” stories.
But you have to ply me with alcohol first.
Posted by: RI Red at August 05, 2022 04:39 PM (xtg8y)

ace will start posting more Lena Dunham swimsuit pics if you don't tell us.
Posted by: Red Turban Someguy - The Republic is already dead! at August 05, 2022 04:40 PM (b2nrj)

Oh, why did you say that? Why?

Posted by: m at August 05, 2022 04:41 PM (RtN13)

188
Garrett likes to jump on 4-wheeler and harass wildlife.

Posted by: Soothsayer's Untrue But Accurate Tales at August 05, 2022 04:42 PM (dvxfv)

189 Did you see that Batgirl suit? It looks like a hazmat suit. Maybe they were going for the "It's Pat!" vib.

Did you see the Supergirl suit for that canceled movie? Its awful, like a quilt blanket in black and red.

As for grizzlies... that's another story entirely. They're just mean and aggressive and will attack anything.

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at August 05, 2022 04:42 PM (Ivdso)

190 "Engravings on the top of the pyramids"

THIS END UP.

Posted by: Lithiated gp For Healthful Glow at August 05, 2022 04:42 PM (qpX6U)

191 He hit the ground wrapped up in his chute? Well, that's good, makes cleaning up easier.

Posted by: Vlad at August 05, 2022 04:42 PM (v0R5T)

192 Lucky guy.. I imagine his underwear needed changing

Posted by: It's me donna at August 05, 2022 04:42 PM (bs+z0)

193 off Pootin' sock

Posted by: wth at August 05, 2022 04:43 PM (v0R5T)

194 I don't it's a GoPro (they are great) but some kind of new gadget about the size of a tennis ball, in a clear case. It has software to keep the lens trained on whatever you indicate to be the subject, usually yourself.

Posted by: gourmand du jour, enjoying the jour at August 05, 2022 04:43 PM (jTmQV)

195 69 When I lived in MN, a pilot blundered into a designated drop zone. A skydiver hit the horizontal stabilizer on the small plane, took it out.
If I remember correctly, skydiver lived, with a broken leg, people in the airplane were killed.
Posted by: blake - semi lurker in marginal standing(5pTK/) at August 05, 2022 04:25 PM (5pTK/)

There no such thing as restricted airspace in jump zones. You can fly right through them, both the pilot and jumpers need to keep their eyes open.

Posted by: lowandslow at August 05, 2022 04:43 PM (qH6FZ)

196 190 "Engravings on the top of the pyramids"

THIS END UP.
Posted by: Lithiated gp For Healthful Glow at August 05, 2022 04:42 PM (qpX6U)

=======

Must've used Budge. I don't know why they keep reprinting his books. It actually says, "This end down."

Posted by: TheJamesMadison, navigating the destiny machine with Fritz Lang at August 05, 2022 04:43 PM (LvTSG)

197 You'd have to laugh if someone floated the story that Mr 15% was the reason the anti-Trump candidate lost.

Aside from the fact that it's true if Kent doesn't win.

Jamie Herrra-Butler (the incumbent) had lots and lots of money to spread around.

Posted by: The ARC of History! at August 05, 2022 04:43 PM (I2/tG)

198 Couple buddies in the 82nd. One told me he was surprised at how high a body bounced on a chute failure.
Posted by: dartist

Dead cat bounce. As in "man! Did you see how high that cat bounced when he hit the ground??

Posted by: rickb223 at August 05, 2022 04:43 PM (j+4+t)

199 why isn't hanging for rape an option ??

SCOTUS decided that was "cruel and unusual." Prior to that many states had the death penalty for rape cases. Very well subscribed, too.

Posted by: Common Tater at August 05, 2022 04:44 PM (vu7c1)

200 >>He hit the ground wrapped up in his chute? Well, that's good, makes cleaning up easier.

Like a giant Berry and Custard filled Crepe.

Posted by: garrett at August 05, 2022 04:44 PM (GqrAH)

201 Then there is this absolutely insane lunatic maniac with balls of steel, Luke Aiken, who jumped without a parachute from 25,000 feet . . . . Into a 100 foot x 100 foot NET:

https://youtu.be/aPC_h9Vmlxw
Posted by: Sharkman at August 05, 2022 04:34 PM (Lqf5w)
++++
I sort of get the daredevil thing, but dayum.

Posted by: Joe Mannix (Not a cop!) at August 05, 2022 04:44 PM (WWh8n)

202 And here I really thought the prudent rule was "Never jump out of a perfectly functioning aircraft!"?
Posted by: Commissar Hrothgar (hOUT3) ~ This year in Corsicana! ~ at August 05, 2022 04:39 PM (hOUT3)

I credit this rule with my long, so far, life.

Along with:

No Roller Coasters

Never go looking for venomous snakes, arachnids, or insects

Posted by: Sticky Wicket at August 05, 2022 04:44 PM (CCf67)

203 Oh, and thanks Fen.

Never really was in danger once I saw her. Though she did her best to make me flinch.

Posted by: garrett at August 05, 2022 04:45 PM (GqrAH)

204 One told me he was surprised at how high a body bounced on a chute failure.

Yeah people tend to think a body goes splat like a pizza when you fall a long ways. Humans have so much liquid and flexibility that they bounce when they fall, kinda like the end of Crank with Jason Statham.

I saw an image of a girl who jumped off the Empire State building and hit a car. The car was totalled; she looked like she'd been split in two like a melon that cracked, it was very strange and sad.

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at August 05, 2022 04:45 PM (Ivdso)

205 I used to go hang gliding with my brother, until one day I watched him flip upside down and land on his back. He wasn't hurt, or so he said. he wasn't exactly skipping back for another takeoff.

Posted by: wth at August 05, 2022 04:45 PM (v0R5T)

206 >>> 199 why isn't hanging for rape an option ??

SCOTUS decided that was "cruel and unusual." Prior to that many states had the death penalty for rape cases. Very well subscribed, too.
Posted by: Common Tater at August 05, 2022 04:44 PM (vu7c1)

So many effed up things in our current world can be traced back to commie-style court decisions.

Posted by: Helena Handbasket at August 05, 2022 04:45 PM (llON8)

207 This busty blonde in her revealing underwear isn't the skydiving type:
https://is.gd/KHRYNR

Posted by: Joe Mannix (Not a cop!) at August 05, 2022 04:45 PM (WWh8n)

208 I do not know if this is where the term "candling" comes from, but here ya go:

https://tinyurl.com/356sd3nf

Posted by: Emmie at August 05, 2022 04:46 PM (t62xj)

209 "Bat-Girl Movie Canceled Due To $70M In Bat-Mobiles Being Wrecked While Backing Out Of The Bat-Cave."
Posted by: Sharkman at August 05, 2022 04:29 PM (Lqf5w)

Did they fail to mention the parallel parking debacle?

Posted by: Commissar Hrothgar (hOUT3) ~ This year in Corsicana! ~ at August 05, 2022 04:46 PM (hOUT3)

210 >> Then there is this absolutely insane lunatic maniac with balls of steel, Luke Aiken, who jumped without a parachute from 25,000 feet . . . . Into a 100 foot x 100 foot NET:

Meh - I once saw Bugs Bunny dive off a 50' high dive Into a glass of water!

Posted by: garrett at August 05, 2022 04:46 PM (GqrAH)

211 Garrett, have you ever been in Bobby's Hole?

Posted by: Seriously at August 05, 2022 04:46 PM (vu7c1)

212 This busty blonde in her revealing underwear isn't the skydiving type:

I sense an imminent Fen rebuke.

Posted by: Archimedes at August 05, 2022 04:46 PM (/NCI4)

213 >>>isn't the skydiving type

That's to bad, because I'd like to dive right into her.

Posted by: mikethemoose at August 05, 2022 04:47 PM (T/vhV)

214 Hey baby wanna be a weremoose?

Posted by: mikethemoose at August 05, 2022 04:47 PM (T/vhV)

215 >>Garrett, have you ever been in Bobby's Hole?

Hang on before you answer, let me get a beer.

Posted by: JackStraw at August 05, 2022 04:47 PM (ZLI7S)

216 Black bears are unpredictable, nasty fuckers. Most of my encounters with black bears have been bluster and then they just run off. Had a couple charge me for no reason. Proximity plays a big role.

Posted by: Dr. Bone at August 05, 2022 04:47 PM (WHt4f)

217 The pyramid engravings have been decoded:
Made In China

Posted by: David French at August 05, 2022 04:48 PM (m7R0k)

218 This busty blonde in her revealing underwear isn't the skydiving type:
https://is.gd/KHRYNR
--
You can't expect the poor dear to go sky diving dressed like that!!! She'd catch cold for sure.

Posted by: Emily Latella at August 05, 2022 04:48 PM (u4oL5)

219 Not sure about the Greeks.
Posted by: "Perfessor" Squirrel at August 05, 2022 04:28 PM (YIVH2)

I know that some of the marbles were rescued from lime kiln burners that were using them to make quicklime to make mortar.

Posted by: Kindltot at August 05, 2022 04:48 PM (xhaym)

220 More on the Kent - Herrera Beutler race.

As of Thursday evening, Herrera Beutler led Kent by 1,945 votes for the second position in November’s general election, down 50.5 percent from a 3,930-vote lead the day before.

The new vote count comes with about 45,000 votes left to count in Clark County, the most populous county in the 3rd District. County Auditor Greg Kimsey said all the county’s ballots should be tallied by Aug. 9.

Posted by: The ARC of History! at August 05, 2022 04:48 PM (I2/tG)

221 174 Awesome ad by Harriet Hageman
https://tinyurl.com/ycy6w38r
Posted by: redridinghood at August 05, 2022 04:40 PM (NpAcC)
---
Wow. That really IS awesome.

Posted by: Meade Lux Lewis, Domestic Terrorist at August 05, 2022 04:48 PM (sWM8x)

222 The new vote count comes with about 45,000 votes left to count in Clark County, the most populous county in the 3rd District. County Auditor Greg Kimsey said all the county’s ballots should be tallied by Aug. 9.
Posted by: The ARC of History! at August 05, 2022 04:48 PM (I2/tG)
++++
They need a week?

Posted by: Joe Mannix (Not a cop!) at August 05, 2022 04:49 PM (WWh8n)

223 Joe is giving Ukraine 1 billion more dollars in weapons ? WTF ?

Posted by: It's me donna at August 05, 2022 04:49 PM (bs+z0)

224 My first static line jump in training was from a four engine jet. Jet blast was powerful but warm. After feeling what I assumed was my chute opening, I looked up to check and saw, and felt, nothing but cloth. I thought my chute had collapsed. Turns out the camouflage cover on my steel pot had blown out from where it was tucked in between it and the liner. I could see my feet and the ground and that was enough.

Posted by: Javems at August 05, 2022 04:49 PM (BFhBK)

225 SCOTUS decided that was "cruel and unusual."

They actual ruling was based on the 8th amendment, which forbids punishment that "is grossly out of proportion to the severity of the crime."

Now, as the Supreme Court noted at the time, rape is second only to murder as a violation of the human body, so I do not see in any way how this is "grossly" out of proportion to the severity of the crime. I can go along with an argument that it may be out of proportion to the severity of the crime (its not literally murder) but grossly? Nobody can seriously argue that.

But it gets worse. Until 2008 the death penalty was legal in some states for rape of a child. The supreme court decided then that oh, well that was "cruel and unusual punishment" as well.

Which just leaves it in the hands of the parents of that child now, I suppose.

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at August 05, 2022 04:50 PM (Ivdso)

226 222 The new vote count comes with about 45,000 votes left to count in Clark County, the most populous county in the 3rd District. County Auditor Greg Kimsey said all the county’s ballots should be tallied by Aug. 9.
Posted by: The ARC of History! at August 05, 2022 04:48 PM (I2/tG)
++++
They need a week?
Posted by: Joe Mannix (Not a cop!) at August 05, 2022 04:49 PM (WWh8n)

=========

It's Washington State, a noted third world shithole.

Posted by: TheJamesMadison, navigating the destiny machine with Fritz Lang at August 05, 2022 04:50 PM (LvTSG)

227 "Engravings on the top of the pyramids"

***
The Pharaoh Talks Like a Fag

Posted by: Wolfus Aurelius at August 05, 2022 04:50 PM (txdEq)

228 Bat-Girl Movie Canceled Due To $70M In Bat-Mobiles Being Wrecked While Backing Out Of The Bat-Cave."
Posted by: Sharkman at August 05, 2022 04:29 PM (Lqf5w)

Did they fail to mention the parallel parking debacle?
==
It caused all kinds of problems when they needed a male character to fill the Batmobile with gas, because batgirl thinks gas smells icky.

Posted by: I Kid you NOT at August 05, 2022 04:50 PM (UNZHk)

229 >>>Black bears are unpredictable, nasty fuckers.

Black bears if they aren't into to eating you are unlikely to push a confrontation because for the most part they don't see you as a territorial competitor. They usually just beat feet.

Exception of course is mom with cubs, which will act protectively without an inclination to turn you into human chops.

Posted by: mikethemoose at August 05, 2022 04:50 PM (T/vhV)

230 They need a week?

Setting expectations for November when they cheat it to the Dem.

Posted by: Blanco Basura - moronhorde.com - Email for morons. at August 05, 2022 04:51 PM (Bd6X8)

231
saw two chute failures in the 80s. One was a jeep trailer. It bounced and got bent all to hell but still worked.

The other was a human. He bounced too but did not work after.
Posted by: Nearsighted Cyclopes at August 05, 2022 04:33 PM (PbwT0)

Late 80s, watched a brand-new Hummvee auger into the dirt airstrip at Elmendorf after one of the lines separated. If only I'd had a camera with me...

Posted by: IllTemperedCur at August 05, 2022 04:51 PM (n+4am)

232 The Pharaoh Talks Like a Fag
Posted by: Wolfus Aurelius at August 05, 2022 04:50 PM (txdEq)

On the underside of the pyramid, "And His Shit's All Retarded"

Posted by: Sticky Wicket at August 05, 2022 04:51 PM (CCf67)

233 I watched a guy parachuting with one of those rectangular ones that you can steer really well with the cords. He got a little too fancy with the going this way and going that way and collapsed his chute. I watched him fall a long way before he finally got it shaken out enough to slow him down a little before he slammed into the ground at terminal velocity. He was the instructor and the young guys in the class were dismissed after the ambulance left. Couple of broken limbs is all.

Posted by: huerfano at August 05, 2022 04:51 PM (dTFZY)

234 Posted by: Archimedes at August 05, 2022 04:46 PM (/NCI4)

Nope; I dont feel a need to react to every little photo that Joe Posts, nor do I click on them.

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at August 05, 2022 04:52 PM (snPsk)

235 American Airman bailed out of a bomber with no parachute and lived crashing through pine trees, was captured but was a celebrity in prison camp

Posted by: Skip's phone

Alan Magee, I think was the name of that fella.

A Brit who survived jumping 18K feet from a burning Avro Lancaster bomber was Nicholas Alkemade.

Posted by: Sharkman at August 05, 2022 04:52 PM (Lqf5w)

236 Most of my encounters with black bears have been bluster and then they just run off.

Yeah I think its how threatened they feel and whether they think they can safely get away. Or if their cubs are nearby and they think you are a threat to the kids.

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at August 05, 2022 04:52 PM (Ivdso)

237 >>Black bears are unpredictable, nasty fuckers.

You ever live around Brown Bear?

Because Black Bear are like puppies by comparison. Unless you dumb into a dominant male on a food source, or split a mom from her cubs, you are usually going to be fine.
They are real easy to read and they are all about posture signaling. Just don't give them a reason to chase you or a need to go through you and they will take the easy path away.

Brown Bear might do the same. Then again, it might turn around and stalk you. For food or fun. Doesn't really matter to them.

Posted by: garrett at August 05, 2022 04:52 PM (GqrAH)

238 Joe is giving Ukraine 1 billion more dollars in weapons ? WTF ?
Posted by: It's me donna at August 05, 2022 04:49 PM (bs+z0)
.........

Another taxpayer money disappearing act.

Posted by: wth at August 05, 2022 04:52 PM (v0R5T)

239 They need a week?
Posted by: Joe Mannix (Not a cop!)

Corruption be hard yo!

Posted by: Commissar Hrothgar (hOUT3) ~ This year in Corsicana! ~ at August 05, 2022 04:52 PM (hOUT3)

240 They need a week?

It gets better.

Election results will be certified on Aug. 16; Kimsey said ballots coming in late can still be counted until Aug. 15 as long as they were postmarked by Aug. 2.

This would be an embarrassment to a Third World country.

Actually, this isn't great news for Kent - Clark County is the most left-wing of the counties in the congressional district. The article didn't say if there were still votes to be counted in the other counties.

Posted by: The ARC of History! at August 05, 2022 04:52 PM (I2/tG)

241 221 174 Awesome ad by Harriet Hageman
https://tinyurl.com/ycy6w38r
Posted by: redridinghood at August 05, 2022 04:40 PM (NpAcC)
---
Wow. That really IS awesome.
Posted by: Meade Lux Lewis, Domestic Terrorist at August 05, 2022 04:48 PM (sWM8x)

It is.

Posted by: m at August 05, 2022 04:52 PM (RtN13)

242 There no such thing as restricted airspace in jump zones. You can fly right through them, both the pilot and jumpers need to keep their eyes open.
Posted by: lowandslow at August 05, 2022 04:43 PM (qH6FZ)
----------

In my defense, this was 30 years ago and something I read in a newspaper. It may have been badly reported, or, I misinterpreted from the way the story was written.

Posted by: blake - semi lurker in marginal standing(5pTK/) at August 05, 2022 04:53 PM (5pTK/)

243
hummingbird cam

https://youtu.be/pXe8MpU7uzk

Posted by: Soothsayer's Untrue But Accurate Tales at August 05, 2022 04:53 PM (dvxfv)

244

Some states did away with the death penalty for rape as the felt there was no incentive to leave the victim alive.

Of course that was back when a) we had the death penalty, and b) criminals were afraid of going to prison.

Posted by: SMOD at August 05, 2022 04:53 PM (7DYli)

245 >>Awesome ad by Harriet Hageman

I saw her give that speech. It was part of the Trump rally in Wyoming.

I think she's the real deal.

Posted by: JackStraw at August 05, 2022 04:53 PM (ZLI7S)

246 Joe is giving Ukraine 1 billion more dollars in weapons ? WTF ?
Posted by: It's me donna at August 05, 2022 04:49 PM (bs+z0)
++++
Out of current stockpiles, I imagine. We'd better hope against hope that we don't have to fight a war in the next 18 months (optimistically) or we're going to be damned short on weapons.

Posted by: Joe Mannix (Not a cop!) at August 05, 2022 04:54 PM (WWh8n)

247 223 Joe is giving Ukraine 1 billion more dollars in weapons ? WTF ?
Posted by: It's me donna at August 05, 2022 04:49 PM (bs+z0)

More grift and maybe some of that will get to helping Z-man maintain his exile home in Miami.

Posted by: Thrawn at August 05, 2022 04:54 PM (Rl7KJ)

248 FIRST!!!!!

Posted by: Sponge - F*ck Joe Biden at August 05, 2022 04:54 PM (Zz0t1)

249 245 >>Awesome ad by Harriet Hageman

I saw her give that speech. It was part of the Trump rally in Wyoming.

I think she's the real deal.
Posted by: JackStraw at August 05, 2022 04:53 PM (ZLI7S)

========

She votes for an increase in H1-B visas as her second or third vote in Congress?

Posted by: TheJamesMadison, navigating the destiny machine with Fritz Lang at August 05, 2022 04:54 PM (LvTSG)

250 THANK YOU JESUS!!!!

- - Kurt Warner

Posted by: Sponge - F*ck Joe Biden at August 05, 2022 04:54 PM (Zz0t1)

251 It caused all kinds of problems when they needed a male character to fill the Batmobile with gas, because batgirl thinks gas smells icky.

The scene where she's driving the batmobile with the hose and gas nozzle stuck in the side still was hilarious

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at August 05, 2022 04:55 PM (Ivdso)

252 A 454 Casull will stop a black bear in one shot.

Posted by: David French at August 05, 2022 04:55 PM (m7R0k)

253 Out of current stockpiles, I imagine. We'd better hope against hope that we don't have to fight a war in the next 18 months (optimistically) or we're going to be damned short on weapons.
Posted by: Joe Mannix (Not a cop!) a

Gotta love it when a plan comes together!

Posted by: Commissar Hrothgar (hOUT3) ~ This year in Corsicana! ~ at August 05, 2022 04:55 PM (hOUT3)

254 Awesome ad by Harriet Hageman
https://tinyurl.com/ycy6w38r
Posted by: redridinghood at August 05, 2022

***
It's really simple. All someone needs to get the people behind him or her, AND MAKE A DIFFERENCE. is . . . to tell the unvarnished truth.

Posted by: Wolfus Aurelius at August 05, 2022 04:55 PM (txdEq)

255 Dad worked in Parachute Development during the Korean War - had a lot of tales to tell, some of them with very sad endings. Tough job, but necessary.

Posted by: Teresa in Fort Worth, Texas - Ace of Spades Ladies' Brigade, Plucky Comic Relief at August 05, 2022 04:55 PM (SRRAx)

256 Why on earth would any sane individual leap out of a perfectly good airplane? Does not compute.

Posted by: creeper at August 05, 2022 04:55 PM (cTCuP)

257 Bears are like smart, really big dogs in a lot of ways. But they are solo rather than pack creatures.

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at August 05, 2022 04:56 PM (Ivdso)

258 A 454 Casull will stop a black bear in one shot.
Posted by: David French at August 05, 2022 04:55 PM (m7R0k)
++++
.454 Casull: for when the .45 Black Tie is far too formal.

Posted by: Joe Mannix (Not a cop!) at August 05, 2022 04:56 PM (WWh8n)

259 Then there is this absolutely insane lunatic maniac with balls of steel, Luke Aiken, who jumped without a parachute from 25,000 feet . . . . Into a 100 foot x 100 foot NET:

https://youtu.be/aPC_h9Vmlxw
Posted by: Sharkman at August 05, 2022 04:34 PM (Lqf5w)
++++
I sort of get the daredevil thing, but dayum.
Posted by: Joe Mannix (Not a cop!) at August 05, 2022 04:44 PM (
********
Incredible!

Posted by: redridinghood at August 05, 2022 04:57 PM (NpAcC)

260
here ya go. link is to amazon. $29.00

https://is.gd/oJMwda
Posted by: BifBewalsk
Posted by: BifBewalski @ (MrZQl) - at August 05, 2022 04:19 PM (MrZQl)

There's an app for that. I think it's called NoSleep and will force your mouse curser to move periodically, preventing the PC from going to sleep mode.

It was free last time I used it.

Posted by: Sponge - F*ck Joe Biden at August 05, 2022 04:57 PM (Zz0t1)

261 247 223 Joe is giving Ukraine 1 billion more dollars in weapons ? WTF ?
Posted by: It's me donna at August 05, 2022 04:49 PM (bs+z0)

More grift and maybe some of that will get to helping Z-man maintain his exile home in Miami.
Posted by: Thrawn at August 05, 2022 04:54 PM (Rl7KJ)

Yes, I am sure the GAO is watching and accounting for every penny involved in this "wealth" transfer!

Posted by: Commissar Hrothgar (hOUT3) ~ This year in Corsicana! ~ at August 05, 2022 04:57 PM (hOUT3)

262 There is a paraglider channel from a guy in the southwest US who does gorgeous videos.

Posted by: BourbonChicken at August 05, 2022 04:57 PM (44ww/)

263 Awesome ad by Harriet Hageman

"Well! She's not getting on the 1/6 committee to replace Cheney that way!"
--Nancy Pelosi

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at August 05, 2022 04:57 PM (Ivdso)

264 Paraglider aren't usually launched from planes.
Not too far from me paragliders jump off a cliff, then maneuver aloft.

Posted by: gourmand du jour, enjoying the jour at August 05, 2022 04:58 PM (jTmQV)

265 The guy who jumped into the net with no chute? That video has come across my feed a couple of times and I've yet to have the nerve to watch it.

Posted by: blake - semi lurker in marginal standing(5pTK/) at August 05, 2022 04:58 PM (5pTK/)

266 This busty blonde in her revealing underwear isn't the skydiving type:
https://is.gd/KHRYNR

I recognize those lips. And that rack.
MILF-tacular.

Posted by: Mark Andrew Edwards, Buy ammo, food, water at August 05, 2022 04:58 PM (XvPQV)

267 Why on earth would any sane individual leap out of a perfectly good airplane? Does not compute.
Posted by: creeper at August 05, 2022 04:55 PM (cTCuP)

Aside from paratroopers, I tend to agree. But being crazy is part of being Airborne.

Posted by: Pug Mahon, A Pox on Your Minkey at August 05, 2022 04:58 PM (xPJvm)

268 A parachute?

*smacks forehead*

Posted by: John Denver at August 05, 2022 04:58 PM (BFigT)

269 >>>You ever live around Brown Bear?

>I've gone head-to-head with three grizz. On one of those encounters a grizzly spooked my horse and my horse threw me into a barbwire fence. Another time we had to pursue a wounded grizzly because some asshole shot it and it went on a rampage.

Posted by: Dr. Bone at August 05, 2022 04:59 PM (WHt4f)

270 The guy who jumped into the net with no chute?

That sounds like it has potential to turn the fool into french fries

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at August 05, 2022 04:59 PM (Ivdso)

271 And here I really thought the prudent rule was "Never jump out of a perfectly functioning aircraft!"?
Posted by: Commissar Hrothgar (hOUT3) ~ This year in Corsicana! ~ at August 05, 2022 04:39 PM (hOUT3)

I credit this rule with my long, so far, life.

Along with:

No Roller Coasters

Never go looking for venomous snakes, arachnids, or insects
Posted by: Sticky Wicket at August 05, 2022 04:44 PM

Do NOT give in to like, weird vibes about the economy.

Posted by: Kyla Scanlon at August 05, 2022 04:59 PM (aWgmB)

272 I saw an image of a girl who jumped off the Empire State building and hit a car. The car was totalled; she looked like she'd been split in two like a melon that cracked, it was very strange and sad.

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor

https://tinyurl.com/Evelyn-McHale-RIP

Her face looked beautiful even after she pranged. Which is the strangest thing about that pic.

Posted by: Sharkman at August 05, 2022 04:59 PM (Lqf5w)

273 With all of the MAGA wins Frank Luntz's squeakhole is very afraid.

Posted by: Maj. Healey at August 05, 2022 05:00 PM (m7R0k)

274

Not here for the hunting, are you Leo?

Posted by: The Bear at August 05, 2022 05:00 PM (7DYli)

275 Black Helicopters are equipped with a Crewmember's Pendant or something like that, a switch on a long cord.

The idea, is a crew chief can jettison or release a sling load (like a jeep, or gun tube or whatever) by pressing the button.

It was very similar to the Push to Talk button on the comm system. One switch in one hand, the other switch in the other ...

You can see where this is going, right?

I saw the crewchiefs pendant on inspections, but we were forbidden to ever, ever use them. I can't imagine why!

Posted by: Seriously at August 05, 2022 05:01 PM (vu7c1)

276 Awesome ad by Harriet Hageman
https://tinyurl.com/ycy6w38r
Posted by: redridinghood at August 05, 2022

Salty.

Posted by: Sponge - F*ck Joe Biden at August 05, 2022 05:01 PM (Zz0t1)

277 I did a paraglider years ago in Florida.
Got towed from a ski boat.
The first thing I noticed is all my extremities went numb. I was always attached to the boat.

Posted by: gourmand du jour, enjoying the jour at August 05, 2022 05:01 PM (jTmQV)

278 Picked a bad day to stop using heroin.

Posted by: Inspector Kemp at August 05, 2022 05:01 PM (+DS2f)

279 The Pharaoh Talks Like a Fag
Posted by: Wolfus Aurelius at August 05, 2022 04:50 PM (txdEq)

On the underside of the pyramid, "And His Shit's All Retarded"
Posted by: Sticky Wicket
------------------

I'm crying here.

Posted by: olddog in mo, No Cheetos allowed on the 'toon at August 05, 2022 05:02 PM (nb5Ym)

280 273 With all of the MAGA wins Frank Luntz's squeakhole is very afraid.
Posted by: Maj. Healey at August 05, 2022 05:00 PM (m7R0k)

Yeah.. LOL.. A shit load of new "polls" came out today saying the Dems were tied in the Generic vote for the House and that they are more trusted on most the issues.. next they're gonna tell Us it's gonna be a Blue wave

Posted by: It's me donna at August 05, 2022 05:02 PM (bs+z0)

281 Watched the clip. He was only wrapped in about 80 cords. If he used 200, maybe some of them wouldn't get tangled.

Posted by: t-bird at August 05, 2022 05:02 PM (BxhCI)

282

What's that about weird vibrators and the economy?

Posted by: Anal Intruder 3000 at August 05, 2022 05:02 PM (7DYli)

283 Some of writing on top of pyramid say
Kilroy Was Here

Posted by: Skip at August 05, 2022 05:02 PM (k8B25)

284 She sounds like's fed up.

Posted by: wth at August 05, 2022 05:03 PM (v0R5T)

285 I imagine his underwear needed changing
Posted by: It's me donna at August 05, 2022 04:42 PM (bs+z0)

Dark Brandon.

Posted by: BourbonChicken at August 05, 2022 05:03 PM (44ww/)

286 I've heard of a "Mae West" failure to deploy. Killed a guy in my dorm at school.

Posted by: pawn at August 05, 2022 05:03 PM (kYVzH)

287 like SHE's fed up

Posted by: wth at August 05, 2022 05:04 PM (v0R5T)

288 For a Good Time call Cleopatra.

Posted by: Just Lily at August 05, 2022 05:04 PM (RLLZj)

289 I was stationed at Ft. Bliss TX in the 80's. The 82nd (IIRC) was jumping in one week. I was on CQ duty, and a full-bird Col. walked in off the range and asked to use our phone. He told me 2 guys got dragged hundreds of yards through mesquite berms by the ever howling winds in W. TX.
They didn't make it.

Posted by: Brave Sir Robin at August 05, 2022 05:04 PM (7Fj9P)

290 28 25 And there's my fear of heights again
Posted by: Mark Andrew Edwards, Buy ammo, food, water at August 05, 2022 04:19 PM (XvPQV)

=======

I've heard spicy food helps.

Posted by: TheJamesMadison, navigating the destiny machine with Fritz Lang at August 05, 2022 04:19 PM (LvTSG)
----
If it's really spicy then your candle will be lit on the way down.

Posted by: Ciampino - curry with gunpowder sauce - Bloodnock's favorite at August 05, 2022 05:04 PM (qfLjt)

291 285 I imagine his underwear needed changing
Posted by: It's me donna at August 05, 2022 04:42 PM (bs+z0)

Dark Brandon.
Posted by: BourbonChicken

*snort*

Posted by: nurse ratched at August 05, 2022 05:04 PM (W2Pud)

292 I got tangled in a shute one time.

Posted by: Louden Swain at August 05, 2022 05:04 PM (TU8Tj)

293 >>Paraglider aren't usually launched from planes.
Not too far from me paragliders jump off a cliff, then maneuver aloft.

I took the cog railway train up to the top of Mt Pilatus in the Swiss alps. They have a big observation deck up about 100 feet from the very top with an amazing view of the Swiss Alps.

Bunch of people where climbing to the top and then hang gliding down the mountain. Not for this guy.

Posted by: JackStraw at August 05, 2022 05:04 PM (ZLI7S)

294 There's an app for that. I think it's called NoSleep and will force your mouse curser to move periodically, preventing the PC from going to sleep mode.

It was free last time I used it.
Posted by: Sponge - F*ck Joe Biden at August 05, 2022 04:57 PM (Zz0t1)
----
"DontSleep" Ive used it for years and it works very well.

Posted by: BunkerintheBurbs at August 05, 2022 05:05 PM (SeyZ7)

295
nooodd

Posted by: Soothsayer's Untrue But Accurate Tales at August 05, 2022 05:05 PM (dvxfv)

296 So he pulled it, just maybe 100 feet from the ground, and prayed it would open.

I knew I'd be out of the turbulence by then!

Posted by: The Paradoofus at August 05, 2022 05:05 PM (GMLOL)

297 next they're gonna tell Us it's gonna be a Blue wave
==
How could it not be, every thing is so wonderful.

Posted by: Paul Krugman, goblin at August 05, 2022 05:05 PM (UNZHk)

298 But obviously Joe is going for a response. If not from me than from the ASHQ morons who-despite being quite intelligent , interesting and articulate in other ways add these full of depth comments like "nice headlights" or "I'd mount her."

I much more appreciate his thoughtful welll written essays that Joe posts, "So sue me.'

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at August 05, 2022 05:05 PM (snPsk)

299 She sounds like she's fed up.

(third time's the charm)

Posted by: wth at August 05, 2022 05:05 PM (v0R5T)

300 A shit load of new "polls" came out today saying the Dems were tied in the Generic vote for the House

And I'm in Heaven!

https://tinyurl.com/ywcrx93v

Keep Hope Alive!

Posted by: AnalPundit! at August 05, 2022 05:05 PM (I2/tG)

301 The real crazy types are the wing suit guys.
Holy smokes...

Posted by: gourmand du jour, enjoying the jour at August 05, 2022 05:06 PM (jTmQV)

302 NOOD GAINZZZ and Stronk Wimmenzzz

Posted by: Clyde Shelton at August 05, 2022 05:06 PM (Do5/p)

303 I got tangled in a shute one time.
Posted by: Louden Swain at August 05, 2022 05:04 PM (TU8Tj)

Gawl Dang! I got the reference!!!

What do I win?

Posted by: Pug Mahon, A Pox on Your Minkey at August 05, 2022 05:06 PM (xPJvm)

304 Evelyn McHale suicide note:

"I don't want anyone in or out of my family to see any part of me. Could you destroy my body by cremation? I beg of you and my family – don't have any service for me or remembrance for me. My fiance asked me to marry him in June. I don't think I would make a good wife for anybody. He is much better off without me. Tell my father, I have too many of my mother's tendencies."

Her mother apparently suffered from lifelong depression. Her fiance never suspected she was suicidal. He died 60 years later, a lifelong bachelor. Sad.

Posted by: Sharkman at August 05, 2022 05:06 PM (Lqf5w)

305 I saw an image of a girl who jumped off the Empire State building and hit a car. The car was totalled; she looked like she'd been split in two like a melon that cracked, it was very strange and sad.

Imagine what the bodies of the people who jumped from the WTC looked like.

Posted by: jewells45 at August 05, 2022 05:06 PM (nxdel)

306 >>>There no such thing as restricted airspace in jump zones. You can fly right through them, both the pilot and jumpers need to keep their eyes open.

Yes and no. You have to have FAA permission to enter and drop skydivers in restricted airspace. If the area has already been designated as a Jump Zone it's usually OK. But that doesn't mean it's always OK. Fly a jump plane through a TFR to go to an established jump zone without getting permission first and find out the hard way the TFR by default nixes your jump zone.

Posted by: mikethemoose at August 05, 2022 05:06 PM (T/vhV)

307 The entire pyramid was cased with smooth rock that local people eventually took all away --CR Taylor

Indeed, this is the origin of "dilapidated."
Stone been done took off.

Posted by: Way, Way Downriver at August 05, 2022 05:07 PM (x61Im)

308 I had around 48 jumps while in the 82nd Airborne Division. Most jumps seemed to be at night and with full kit/combat equipment. Never had any major problems. A few crap landings with minor injuries. Good times.

Posted by: Jolo at August 05, 2022 05:07 PM (WrMOC)

309 Brown Bear might do the same. Then again, it might turn around and stalk you. For food or fun. Doesn't really matter to them.

Posted by: garrett at August 05, 2022 04:52 PM (GqrAH)

True. I was stalked by a grizzly in the Swan mountains. It ran around me like a submarine getting around a convoy in order to make an ambush. My saving grace was noticing the unmelted spray of snow on the hot trail which meant he was laying in wait in the brush just around the bend in the trail.

Fired off a few rounds of .357 over the area where I thought he was hiding. That startled him and he went crashing away through the brush at high speed.

Posted by: Beartooth at August 05, 2022 05:08 PM (+ksY7)

310 109 Amen - especially when you can pay to experience the same falling feeling about 10 ft off the ground at IFly. I mean, IFly is awesome, and maybe parachuting is better, but IFly is cheaper and won't ever kill me, so IFly it is.

I did IFly on a cruise and got my mom, spouse, and kids to do it. Best free family thing we ever did together (well, technically, not free b/c we did pay for the cruise)...
Posted by: Nova local at August 05, 2022 04:27 PM (exHjb)

There's one of those not far from me. I heard that it's a lot of prep and then only a few seconds actually doing the flying part.
Posted by: Zombie Robbo the Llama Butcher at August 05, 2022 04:31 PM (906pl)

Yes, just like actual skydiving

! It's a few minutes in tube...

Posted by: Nova local at August 05, 2022 05:09 PM (exHjb)

311 223 Joe is giving Ukraine 1 billion more dollars in weapons ? WTF ?
Posted by: It's me donna

1,000,000,000 x 10% = $100,000,000 (the Big Guy)

Posted by: Braenyard at August 05, 2022 05:09 PM (oGc0G)

312 Those brain treatments are expensive.

Posted by: Braenyard at August 05, 2022 05:10 PM (oGc0G)

313 50 The paraglider needs a paramedic.

Posted by: Axeman at August 05, 2022 04:22 PM (krQz2)

----
..... and a change in underwear.

Posted by: Ciampino - you say he wasn't wearing any? at August 05, 2022 05:10 PM (qfLjt)

314 "What do I win?"

A year's supply of TrollBeGone.

Posted by: Bea Arthur's Dick at August 05, 2022 05:11 PM (TU8Tj)

315 Natural causes like pancreatic cancer can be very painful for a long time.

Posted by: Chatterbox Mouse at August 05, 2022 05:11 PM (C1rbv)

316 I was once stalked by a cougar in Boulder. I escaped by going to the bathroom, and leaving from the backdoor.

Posted by: a moron, with some experience with wildlife at August 05, 2022 05:13 PM (I5rZC)

317 56 I had a very similar experience, where I almost bought the wrong kind of milk for my wife.

Posted by: Sticky Wicket at August 05, 2022 04:23 PM (CCf67)
----
Did she call you a middle stump?

Posted by: Ciampino - you say he wasn't wearing any? at August 05, 2022 05:13 PM (qfLjt)

318 311 223 Joe is giving Ukraine 1 billion more dollars in weapons ? WTF ?
Posted by: It's me donna
1,000,000,000 x 10% = $100,000,000 (the Big Guy)
Posted by: Braenyard

And Braenyard cuts to the chase as usual!

Posted by: Commissar Hrothgar (hOUT3) ~ This year in Corsicana! ~ at August 05, 2022 05:15 PM (hOUT3)

319 There no such thing as restricted airspace in jump zones.

A 'close associate' of mine executed a perfect landing on the runway of Benjamin Davis Field, piloting a wind-driven parachute. He did not want to land there, but had just seen his best buddy narrowly miss the traffic on I-25. The tower flashed a light at him. Quite a discussion ensued.

Posted by: Way, Way Downriver at August 05, 2022 05:15 PM (x61Im)

320 Oh, and we are going on our cruise in a week, so I called our bank a few days ago to see if they carried any foreign currency. Turns out, they do - Euros and Pounds - and they said to come on by anytime.

So I went by today to make a currency exchange, and THEY WERE OUT OF EUROS.

Apparently everyone else in the city is going to Europe this week. The gals at the bank said they had never run out of Euros before. Just my luck...

Posted by: Teresa in Fort Worth, Texas - Ace of Spades Ladies' Brigade, Plucky Comic Relief at August 05, 2022 05:18 PM (SRRAx)

321 Pancho has always been useless.

Posted by: Naked, sitting in a sensory deprivation room, smoking crack. at August 05, 2022 05:26 PM (QY+6a)

322 I had around 48 jumps while in the 82nd Airborne Division. Most jumps seemed to be at night and with full kit/combat equipment. Never had any major problems. A few crap landings with minor injuries. Good times.

Posted by: Jolo at August 05, 2022 05:07 PM (WrMOC)

A friend of mine was in the 82nd. If I remember the story right, they were jumping out of the plane, I guess right, left, right, etc, and somebody ended up jumping when he did and they collided under the plane. My friend was knocked out and his chute got tangled in the dude he collided with. The dude held onto his tangled chute the whole way down.

Posted by: Berserker-Dragonheads Division at August 05, 2022 05:30 PM (VwHCD)

323 Yes and no. You have to have FAA permission to enter and drop skydivers in restricted airspace. If the area has already been designated as a Jump Zone it's usually OK. But that doesn't mean it's always OK. Fly a jump plane through a TFR to go to an established jump zone without getting permission first and find out the hard way the TFR by default nixes your jump zone.
Posted by: mikethemoose at August 05, 2022 05:06 PM (T/vhV)

The point I was getting at is there's no such a thing as a "jump zone" at the airports the jumpers use. Granted there are some places inside restricted airspace people jump or TFR's for special events but in general it's see and be seen, just like VFR flying, you're sharing airspace.

Posted by: lowandslow at August 05, 2022 05:38 PM (qH6FZ)

324 I was a paratrooper in the 82nd when I was young and had a bad static line jump once. The main didn't open all the way, which I couldn't see because we always jumped 800 feet at night, but I knew something was off because I was falling so fast the camo cover of my helmet was blown off. I popped my reserve, which then caused the main to fully open, which then made me start doing this pendulum thing right into the DZ, spraining my ankle and twisting my knee. I was on crutches for a few days and then sent back to the field. I count myself very lucky. I was also very well trained. The Army was religious about reinforcing immediate action in the event of a malfunction.

Posted by: troyriser at August 05, 2022 06:01 PM (ogIek)

325 Engravings atop the pyramids "For a good time, call Neferteri"

Posted by: Diogenes at August 05, 2022 06:03 PM (anj39)

326 Singularly the best training I ever received in the Army was in Airborne School. Focused, hard, and fun.
And I always...always...got twisted risers.

Posted by: Diogenes at August 05, 2022 06:06 PM (anj39)

327 Had a girl friend who died skydiving. She was 23.

Posted by: kraken at August 05, 2022 06:14 PM (C5Ncp)

328 We had a Colonel who walked away from a jump when his chute did not open.
He was in Germany and landed on a haystack. The Germans don't bale their hay. It is loose stacked by hand in mounds and left in the field.

Posted by: waepnedmann at August 05, 2022 06:38 PM (61EBw)

329 A lady survived a non opening jump in Parkman Ohio, early 90s. 9K feet, landed in a bog and was found conscious in over a foot of muck.

Posted by: bill in arkansas, not gonna comply with nuttin, waiting for the 0300 knock on the door at August 05, 2022 06:56 PM (lz5hY)

330 Engravings on the pyramids:
I climbed Cheops in 1981, when is was not allowed but not prevented either. My initials are up there, three tiers down from the top, because that was the first open space I found.

Posted by: LCMS Rulz! at August 05, 2022 10:26 PM (K58O6)

331 That looks more like a paraglider than a parachute. He did throw the reserve right away, its the orange colored bundle that you can see floating around. Seems it did not deploy correctly and you can see him real it in, then open it manually, just before he hits the ground.

Posted by: Foofur at August 05, 2022 11:00 PM (6fEvP)

332 I get paid over $85 per hour working from home with 2 kids at home. I never thought I'd be able to do it but my best friend earns over 10k a month doing this and she convinced me to try. The potential with this is endless.

Here's what I've been doing.. http://www.salarycash1.com

Posted by: Sarah at August 06, 2022 01:01 AM (OKTTU)

333 He got "gift-wrapped'. He "fell into his wing". It was a rather narrow and high-aspect ratio wing for "maneuvers" in turbulence. The air had some "texture". -H.T. Steve Wilson

The reserve requires a stout throw to pop open the diaper when it reaches the end of the riser. He was so bound up in lines he could not throw his reserve properly. He reeled it back in and got it open just in time.

I know of what I speak. Former paraglider pilot, racer, champ, runner-up and way-down-the-standings loser in local, national and international competitions.

Posted by: Igotnothing at August 06, 2022 01:19 AM (xf2hT)

334 277 I did a paraglider years ago in Florida.
Got towed from a ski boat.
The first thing I noticed is all my extremities went numb. I was always attached to the boat.

Then you did not do a paraglider. You did a parasail. You were ballast and the "pilot" was in the boat.

Posted by: Igotnothing at August 06, 2022 01:24 AM (xf2hT)

335 And yes, I have used the reserve chute in anger with a wing sufficiently tangled up, although I was not tangled in the lines.

Posted by: Igotnothing at August 06, 2022 01:30 AM (xf2hT)

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