Mid-Morning Art Thread [Kris]

Parnassus
Anton Raphael Mengs

Around the mid-18th century, a new generation of artists were fed up with the bombastic noise of the late Baroque and the decadent shallowness of the Rococo. There was a desire for sobriety, idealism, and good taste in art. Many artists began to turn back to the classical world for inspiration. The result was Neoclassicism.

Anton Mengs was one of the aesthetic fathers of Neoclassicism. He was a close associate of Johann Winckelmann, a German art theorist, considered the first modern art historian. In Classicism, Mengs and Wincklemann found the guidelines for a universal art: simplicity, symmetry, and absolute beauty.

Parnassus refers to Mount Parnassus, the home of the nine Muses of Greek mythology. They personify creativity and inspiration in the arts and intellectual thought. Apollo, god of wisdom and the arts, is their leader. The work is arranged as a tableau. Each figure carries their attributes for easy identification. A nude Apollo stands tall in the center, a perfect representation of youthful beauty. He is crowned with a laurel wreath, and holds a lyre. In his right hand, he raises another yanni wreath—ready to crown the next great laureate. Enthroned to his immediate right is the mother of the Muses: Mnemosyne, goddess of memory. The Muses fan out to the sides.

The work is composed to create a simple, symmetrical image. Apollo is dead center. He poses in a classical contrapposto. The women are arranged in two equal groups on each side, and line up to create a shallow oval. The women seem to orbit around Apollo, like planets around the sun (god). The figures are also arranged into a triangular shape that reminds me of the pediment of a Greek temple. The figures in this painting are arranged similarly to the figures that would decorate those pediments too. This is no coincidence. This is absolutely a call back and the contemporary German viewers would have recognized it too. The background is a basic landscape—a lush, green forest with a glade for the god and goddesses to gather and frolic—with a nice view of the mountains.

There’s something interesting going on with the colors, but I cannot tell if it’s purposeful or due to the painting’s age. It seems that the Muses of the serious arts—tragedy, astronomy, history, sacred music, and epic poetry—are rendered with deeper, brighter, more intense tones. While the colors on the lighthearted arts—comedy, dance, song, and music—are clothed in less intense colors. Mnemosyne is also rendered in the former color scheme, seeming to infer that memory or remembering human culture and achievement is serious business. If this is purposeful, it’s a neat Easter-egg by Mengs, and may give insight into his attitudes about different subjects. Most of the brighter, intense colors are on the right, with that deep gold at the far end. Did Mengs put the two dancers on the left to balance out the energy?

Other than that burst of action, this is a pretty quiet painting. Nothing is really happening. There’s no story being told. No real action. It’s just a gathering of gods for a group portrait. It is perfectly balanced, perfectly composed. It is an almost total departure from the Baroque, but still retains some residual influences. The colors are different shades of the primaries, with duller secondary hues for filler. It’s a static early work in a movement that soon became known for its vibrant theatricality and melodrama, and its ability to inspire Revolution.

Posted by: Open Blogger at 09:45 AM

Comments

(Jump to bottom of comments)

1 FIRST!!!!!

Posted by: Sponge - Saying Jackson Sparks at December 21, 2021 09:45 AM (Zz0t1)

2 Whoa

Posted by: Clyde Shelton at December 21, 2021 09:45 AM (Do5/p)

3 Howdy Kris!

Posted by: Doof at December 21, 2021 09:45 AM (mZUr4)

4 The ladies.....they're laughing.

Posted by: Sponge - Saying Jackson Sparks at December 21, 2021 09:45 AM (Zz0t1)

5 Thanks Kris

Posted by: rhennigantx at December 21, 2021 09:45 AM (yrol0)

6 I've seen more Parnassus-y.

Posted by: TheJamesMadison, John Ford goes to war at December 21, 2021 09:46 AM (LvTSG)

7
What's wrong with decadent shallowness?

Posted by: Hadrian the Seventh at December 21, 2021 09:46 AM (/U27+)

8 Dude, put some pants on.

Posted by: BignJames at December 21, 2021 09:46 AM (AwYPR)

9 This is a group portrait? Where's the rabbit ears guy?

Posted by: N.L. Urker, the Phillips screwdriver of the gods at December 21, 2021 09:47 AM (eGTCV)

10 Like the ladies want to share one guy, sure

Posted by: Tinfoilbaby at December 21, 2021 09:47 AM (QX4+f)

11 Oh...my.....GOD!!!!

Posted by: Higgins at December 21, 2021 09:47 AM (Zz0t1)

12 Have you seen my ~~baseball~~ weiner?

Posted by: Warren at December 21, 2021 09:47 AM (mZUr4)

13 This guy whips his junk out and its art.

I whip my junk out and Walmart security is tackling me.

Posted by: Adirondack Patriot at December 21, 2021 09:48 AM (C7jzY)

14 Well, he should make most guys feel better about themselves.

Posted by: Sponge - Saying Jackson Sparks at December 21, 2021 09:48 AM (Zz0t1)

15 The central figure has this thing that's just like a penis but smaller.

Posted by: bear with asymmetrical balls at December 21, 2021 09:48 AM (QU5/8)

16
Grower, not a shower.

Posted by: Hadrian the Seventh at December 21, 2021 09:48 AM (/U27+)

17 "I guess you could call that a dick" - Paulie "Walnuts" Gaultieri

Posted by: Guy Smiley at December 21, 2021 09:48 AM (njfCw)

18 Hippie chick twirly dance!!

Posted by: nurse ratched at December 21, 2021 09:48 AM (U2p+3)

19 How come the ette never yell YAY COCK like the dudes yell YAY TITS.

Posted by: rhennigantx at December 21, 2021 09:48 AM (yrol0)

20 Alternate Title:

"Ace's GAINZZZ Dream"

Posted by: naturalfake at December 21, 2021 09:48 AM (5NkmN)

21 You see the same trend in music at the time and for the same reasons.

Posted by: Zombie Robbo the Llama Butcher at December 21, 2021 09:48 AM (dfRN6)

22 FRANKS AND BEANS!

Posted by: Sponge - Saying Jackson Sparks at December 21, 2021 09:48 AM (Zz0t1)

23 It's shrinkage!

Posted by: Apollo at December 21, 2021 09:48 AM (7AR/F)

24 This is kind of a so-what painting for me. No offense Kris. Your explanation is very enlightening, but would not hang.

Posted by: grammie winger at December 21, 2021 09:49 AM (45fpk)

25 It takes Beitzim the size of basketballs to give speeches in the nude.

Posted by: Barbara Billingsley at December 21, 2021 09:49 AM (flINI)

26 What's with the blue Yoga/exercise ball?

Posted by: Village Idiot's Apprentice. Asymptomatic raycist at December 21, 2021 09:49 AM (3D/fK)

27 Dancing in circles: Jewish or Deadheads?

Posted by: Guy Smiley at December 21, 2021 09:49 AM (njfCw)

28 Apollo needs to invest in one of those pump thingies.

Posted by: Dr. Bone at December 21, 2021 09:49 AM (r0ADi)

29 So how is this painting supposed to inspire revolution?

The only thing it inspires in me is a feeling of "okay, whatevers".

Posted by: SMH at the wonder of His birth at December 21, 2021 09:49 AM (Tzr2/)

30 That's why the afro came out. White girl's hair lay down, so we know about you mofos.

Posted by: Average Black Guy at December 21, 2021 09:49 AM (Zz0t1)

31 "Yanni wreath." Heh.

Posted by: 496 at December 21, 2021 09:50 AM (VJsqe)

32 This is kind of a so-what painting for me. No offense Kris. Your explanation is very enlightening, but would not hang.
Posted by: grammie winger
___

LOL!

Glad to see I'm not the only one.

Posted by: SMH at the wonder of His birth at December 21, 2021 09:50 AM (Tzr2/)

33 Apollo must be a swimmer.

Posted by: JackStraw at December 21, 2021 09:50 AM (ZLI7S)

34 Do not taunt Happy Blue Medicine Ball

Posted by: Guy Smiley at December 21, 2021 09:50 AM (njfCw)

35 Peen alert!

Posted by: Count de Monet, PureBlood. Biden Says I Did The Wrong Thing And Must Be Suitably Punished This Wint at December 21, 2021 09:50 AM (4I/2K)

36 Around the mid-18th century, a new generation of artists were fed up with the bombastic noise of the late Baroque and the decadent shallowness of the Rococo. There was a desire for sobriety, idealism, and good taste in art. Many artists began to turn back to the classical world for inspiration. The result was Neoclassicism.
++++
And I can dig it. I use "Rococo" as a pseudo-pejorative for stuff that's so gussied-up and overdone and overproduced that it left "tasteful" in the rear-view mirror.

Posted by: Joe Mannix (Not a cop!) at December 21, 2021 09:50 AM (DU+/6)

37 This piece's alternate title is "A Young Man's Dream"

Posted by: Art Critic at December 21, 2021 09:51 AM (JCZqz)

38
"Did you heat that? I said, 'I guess you could call that a dick.'" - Paulie "Walnuts" Gaultieri

Posted by: Hadrian the Seventh at December 21, 2021 09:51 AM (/U27+)

39 Lady in the chair: I think that's your penis, but I can barely make it out. Can you turn it up?

Posted by: Adirondack Patriot at December 21, 2021 09:51 AM (C7jzY)

40 I like the image of the Temple Pediment, that's a good insight.

I also like the Muse of the Big Bouncy Ball in the foreground.

Posted by: Tom Servo at December 21, 2021 09:51 AM (trdmm)

41 There was a desire for sobriety, idealism, and good taste in art.

Nothing says sobriety, idealism, and good taste like a small, flaccid penis.

Posted by: bear with asymmetrical balls at December 21, 2021 09:51 AM (QU5/8)

42 What's with the blue Yoga/exercise ball?

Posted by: Village Idiot's Apprentice. Asymptomatic raycist at December 21, 2021 09:49 AM (3D/fK)

Ever seen "Sleeper"?

Posted by: BignJames at December 21, 2021 09:51 AM (AwYPR)

43 Parnassus did not hang himself,..

Posted by: Voter theater. at December 21, 2021 09:51 AM (FCPbW)

44 17 & 38

HordeMind Activated!

Posted by: Guy Smiley at December 21, 2021 09:51 AM (njfCw)

45 This is the "Planet Fitness" Apollo, not the "Gold's Gym" Apollo.

Posted by: PabloD at December 21, 2021 09:52 AM (+0Dog)

46 The broad lower left is showing some sideboob, but it has a bruise on it, so, abused?

Posted by: Sponge - Saying Jackson Sparks at December 21, 2021 09:52 AM (Zz0t1)

47 19 How come the ette never yell YAY COCK like the dudes yell YAY TITS.
Posted by: rhennigantx at December 21, 2021 09:48 AM (yrol0)

Because only CNN hosts yell that.

Posted by: Tom Servo at December 21, 2021 09:52 AM (trdmm)

48 Much like the subject in this painting this art would not be well hung in my house

Posted by: Truck Monkey Report at December 21, 2021 09:52 AM (flINI)

49 He took it out.

It?

It.

Out?

Out.

Posted by: 496 at December 21, 2021 09:52 AM (VJsqe)

50 It's ..... strike up The Liberty Bell !!!

Posted by: Qmark at December 21, 2021 09:52 AM (/AzlH)

51 On PrOnHub, they would categorize this as "CFNM"

Posted by: Guy Smiley at December 21, 2021 09:52 AM (njfCw)

52
I'm Apollo, a Greek god by name
The sun in the sky is my fame
I'm one glorious dude
I prance around in the nude
Once I've shaved off my blonde pubic mane

Posted by: naturalfake at December 21, 2021 09:52 AM (5NkmN)

53 Umm, errr.... Teh Ghey is very strong in this work of "art"

Posted by: observer at December 21, 2021 09:52 AM (7I1kG)

54 I think one of those muses could've helped out with this painting, instead of just lollygagging around.

Posted by: Roy at December 21, 2021 09:52 AM (7AR/F)

55 No matter what kind of explanation you could give about this painting, there is only one thing that everyone can't help focusing on.

Posted by: redridinghood at December 21, 2021 09:52 AM (NpAcC)

56 Yesterday's robot on the waterfall painting was far more interesting. This one, meh.

Posted by: nurse ratched at December 21, 2021 09:52 AM (U2p+3)

57 42 What's with the blue Yoga/exercise ball?

Posted by: Village Idiot's Apprentice. Asymptomatic raycist at December 21, 2021 09:49 AM (3D/fK)

Ever seen "Sleeper"?
*******************

Ever seen "The Prisoner"?

Posted by: Adirondack Patriot at December 21, 2021 09:53 AM (C7jzY)

58 Ten Muses but not one fluffer for the portrait?

Posted by: Count de Monet, PureBlood. Biden Says I Did The Wrong Thing & Must Be Suitably Punished This Winter at December 21, 2021 09:53 AM (4I/2K)

59 "Ever seen "Sleeper"?"

Sadly....no.

Posted by: Village Idiot's Apprentice. Asymptomatic raycist at December 21, 2021 09:53 AM (3D/fK)

60 24 This is kind of a so-what painting for me. No offense Kris. Your explanation is very enlightening, but would not hang.
Posted by: grammie winger at December 21, 2021 09:49 AM (45fpk)

Yeah. I thinks it's kinda dull too. I tried to relate that in the last paragraph. Compared to high Neoclassism, this one's kinda meh. Compare it to the popular Rococo tho, and the differences were stunning. Mengs is kind of a pioneer.

Posted by: Kris at December 21, 2021 09:53 AM (OyyDO)

61 Hey, Mengs, yont to paint a pitcher?

Posted by: Cat Ass Trophy at December 21, 2021 09:53 AM (ITZWU)

62 Where's his Imaginarium?

Posted by: TheJamesMadison, John Ford goes to war at December 21, 2021 09:53 AM (LvTSG)

63 That Apollo guy is a pimp...he should learn to dress the part.

Would Hang.

Posted by: Hairyback Guy at December 21, 2021 09:53 AM (w9H27)

64
"vibrant theatricality and melodrama, and its ability to inspire Revolution."

Where can I buy some of that?

Posted by: Just Wondering at December 21, 2021 09:53 AM (jYQlA)

65 Parnassus refers to Mount Parnassus, the home of the nine Muses of Greek mythology.
++++
It's sad that everyone forgets about the tenth Muse because he didn't come to the fore until many centuries later. Nonetheless, it cannot be denied that Aristotle Parnassus had serious influence on Greek society in the 20th century and, through marriage, that influence extended across the globe to the United States.

Posted by: Conflated History, Volume XXVII at December 21, 2021 09:53 AM (DU+/6)

66 Lady seated in red appears to be sketching Apollo, hen party?

Posted by: Chuck Martel at December 21, 2021 09:53 AM (fs1hN)

67
Ever seen "Sleeper"?
*******************

Ever seen "The Prisoner"?
Posted by: Adirondack Patriot at December 21, 2021 09:53 AM (C7jzY)

Ever been in a "Turkish Prison"?

Posted by: Sponge - Saying Jackson Sparks at December 21, 2021 09:54 AM (Zz0t1)

68 Toga party?

Posted by: Martini Farmer at December 21, 2021 09:54 AM (BFigT)

69 It's an inch, but it's an ANGRY inch!!!

Posted by: Apollo at December 21, 2021 09:54 AM (7I1kG)

70 If it's a nudist colony why isn't everyone in the buff?

Posted by: Skip's Phone at December 21, 2021 09:55 AM (weRhk)

71 It's shrinkage!
Posted by: Apollo

*******

Camouflage - a limerick

Apollo climbed Parnassus and said:
Which of you Muses wants to share my bed?
Though I'm standing here undressed
You don't seem to be impressed
Oh, why'd I put the fig leaf on my head?

Posted by: Muldoon at December 21, 2021 09:55 AM (m45I2)

72 Mrs VIA has always said that I have a body that reminds her of the gods.

Hmmmm....Hey!

Wait a minute!!!!!

Posted by: Village Idiot's Apprentice. Asymptomatic raycist at December 21, 2021 09:55 AM (3D/fK)

73
Yeah. I thinks it's kinda dull too. I tried to relate that in the last paragraph. Compared to high Neoclassism, this one's kinda meh. Compare it to the popular Rococo tho, and the differences were stunning. Mengs is kind of a pioneer.
Posted by: Kris at December 21, 2021 09:53 AM (OyyDO)

It's still better than the "monkey flings shit on a canvas" crap they call art now.

Posted by: Sponge - Saying Jackson Sparks at December 21, 2021 09:55 AM (Zz0t1)

74 Only one boob?

Mengs, you had just one job to do. Just one job!

Posted by: stu-mick-o-sucks at December 21, 2021 09:55 AM (w9Wax)

75 Jesus is way more ripped than Apollo.

Posted by: Cat Ass Trophy at December 21, 2021 09:55 AM (ITZWU)

76 "A Yanni, and a hearty handshake"

Posted by: 496 at December 21, 2021 09:55 AM (VJsqe)

77 The Rococo's lived next door to us. The father, "Rocco" was in the waste-management business. Nice guy, he gave me a gun once. He asked me to bury it, which was strange.

Posted by: Guy Smiley at December 21, 2021 09:55 AM (njfCw)

78 Apollo didn't reach puberty until he was 16 years old.

Posted by: Dr. Bone at December 21, 2021 09:55 AM (r0ADi)

79 26 What's with the blue Yoga/exercise ball?
Posted by: Village Idiot's Apprentice. Asymptomatic raycist at December 21, 2021 09:49 AM (3D/fK)

That's a star globe for the Muse of Astronomy, Urania.

Posted by: Kris at December 21, 2021 09:55 AM (OyyDO)

80
HordeMind Activated!
Posted by: Guy Smiley at December 21, 2021 09:51 AM (njfCw)

________

Not quite. When Paulie busted someone's balls, he'd repeat it with, "Did you hear that?"

Posted by: Hadrian the Seventh at December 21, 2021 09:56 AM (/U27+)

81 Your explanation is very enlightening, but would not hang.
--------------------------------
So, you're not a Mused.

Posted by: andycanuck (UHVv4) at December 21, 2021 09:56 AM (UHVv4)

82 >>If it's a nudist colony why isn't everyone in the buff?

It's a Greek thing.

Posted by: JackStraw at December 21, 2021 09:56 AM (ZLI7S)

83 The two girls on the left are planning to have a party by themselves.

Posted by: dantesed at December 21, 2021 09:56 AM (88xKn)

84 Pfft that's one small penis. And trust me I know all about penis sizes.

Posted by: Barack H Obama at December 21, 2021 09:56 AM (ESjRY)

85 Didja hear that, Tone? I said "HordeMind Activated." heh heh.

Posted by: Guy Smiley at December 21, 2021 09:56 AM (njfCw)

86 It ain't the size of the boat or the motion of the ocean. It's how long the Captain can stay in port while the passengers get off.

Posted by: Apollo at December 21, 2021 09:57 AM (4I/2K)

87 >>If it's a nudist colony why isn't everyone in the buff?

It's opposite day at the titty bar.

Posted by: Sponge - Saying Jackson Sparks at December 21, 2021 09:57 AM (Zz0t1)

88 The two girls on the left are planning to have a party by themselves.

/queue the cheezy porn music

Posted by: Obligatory at December 21, 2021 09:57 AM (ESjRY)

89 Apollo was the Jeffrey Epstein of his time.

Posted by: redridinghood at December 21, 2021 09:58 AM (NpAcC)

90 One dude, ten chicks. . . and not a sandwich in sight.

Posted by: Adirondack Patriot at December 21, 2021 09:58 AM (C7jzY)

91

Smells like teen spirit.

And tuna.

Posted by: Notice Toulouse at December 21, 2021 09:58 AM (KntXD)

92 He was a close associate of Johann Winckelmann

Any truth to the rumor that both were associates of John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt?

Posted by: Duncanthrax at December 21, 2021 09:58 AM (a3Q+t)

93 Supposedly the greeks thought a large peener was a sign of barbarism.

No stories about some young greek girl with 5 well endowed Celts or Persians though.

Posted by: Obligatory at December 21, 2021 09:59 AM (ESjRY)

94 Nope. Would not hang.

Posted by: CrotchetyOldJarhead at December 21, 2021 09:59 AM (fLri9)

95 That's my name, too!

Posted by: John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt at December 21, 2021 09:59 AM (jYQlA)

96 My son is a pussy.

Posted by: Zeus at December 21, 2021 09:59 AM (7I1kG)

97 Buddha was a god. He gets all the belly rubs at the Chinese buffet.

Posted by: Count de Monet, PureBlood. Biden Says I Did The Wrong Thing & Must Be Suitably Punished This Winter at December 21, 2021 09:59 AM (4I/2K)

98 Wakes up
Scratches
Looks around
Dang! I always enjoy Kris' write ups.
Goes looking for coffee.

Posted by: Diogenes at December 21, 2021 10:00 AM (axyOa)

99 Welcome to Greece.

Come for the lovely ladies, stay for my divinely small junk.

Posted by: Apollo at December 21, 2021 10:00 AM (ESjRY)

100 ...It's a static early work in a movement that soon became known for its vibrant theatricality and melodrama, and its ability to inspire Revolution.

I think the Beatles had something to say about Revolution --
You say you want a revolution
Well, you know We all want to change the world
You tell me that it's evolution
Well, you know We all want to change the world
But when you talk about destruction
Don't you know that you can count me out

Of course at Tepid Gas they banned the use of the word, as it was insurrectionist or some such rot. I don't know how Discus handles the word there.

Posted by: GnuBreed at December 21, 2021 10:00 AM (F0YaR)

101 Off to the left, the inspiration for that line in CCR: "Barefoot girls dancing in the moonlight."

Posted by: Wolfus Aurelius at December 21, 2021 10:00 AM (txdEq)

102 I was in the pool ! I was in the pooool!!!! -G. Costanza

Posted by: Busted Can of Biscuits at December 21, 2021 10:00 AM (2cfUo)

103 I was in the pool.
I WAS IN THE POOL!

Posted by: Apollo at December 21, 2021 10:00 AM (wkUlG)

104
Saturnalia Vs. Genitalia - a limerick

Apollo drew himself up taller
And gave all the Muses a holler
So of course he was bitter
When he heard the girls titter:
"It's sort of like a penis...only smaller!"

Posted by: Muldoon at December 21, 2021 10:00 AM (m45I2)

105 Retardo today ....'we are sending every American a 'free' in home Covid test package to remind you that we are laying the proper 'justification' to again cheat by mail in the coming midterms'.

Posted by: Voter theater. at December 21, 2021 10:01 AM (FCPbW)

106 The two girls on the left are planning to have a party by themselves.

/queue the cheezy porn music
Posted by: Obligatory at December 21, 2021

***
* Bow-chicka-wow-wow *

Posted by: Wolfus Aurelius at December 21, 2021 10:01 AM (txdEq)

107 That group that broke off to the left is dancing The Macarena.

The ladies on the left are gossiping about the naked dude in the middle and his small peepee.

The naked dude is wondering if they know about shrinkage.

Posted by: Thomas Bender at December 21, 2021 10:01 AM (OupRL)

108 Five bags of bum poop. (Five bags of poop!)
Four swinging bricks.
Three trench knives.
Two strangled whores.
and a bag of Fent, in a treeeeEEEEE.

Posted by: Drunk Santa at December 21, 2021 10:01 AM (DxQbJ)

109
Toast with peach butter. And coffee.

Posted by: Hadrian the Seventh at December 21, 2021 10:01 AM (/U27+)

110 Horde mind shrinkage!

Posted by: andycanuck (UHVv4) at December 21, 2021 10:01 AM (UHVv4)

111 My go to move is the piledriver. It drives them wild!

Posted by: Apollo at December 21, 2021 10:01 AM (4I/2K)

112 Do you even lift, Bro?

Posted by: johnd01 at December 21, 2021 10:01 AM (ukNFU)

113 As as always, too little, too late.

Posted by: Turn Two at December 21, 2021 10:01 AM (wkUlG)

114 I was in the pool!!

Posted by: Apollo at December 21, 2021 10:01 AM (jYQlA)

115 My son is a pussy.

And you know all about those don't you geese boy?!?

Posted by: Drunk Hera at December 21, 2021 10:01 AM (ESjRY)

116 Horde Mind extends even to the Gods! Who knew?

Posted by: Zombie Robbo the Llama Butcher at December 21, 2021 10:01 AM (dfRN6)

117 Nekkid skinny man on rock >>>>nekkid lardass on ottoman.

Posted by: Xipe Totec at December 21, 2021 10:02 AM (o2MD2)

118 The posing of the figures seems unnatural. Hard to articulate, it is as though they were caught at the initiation of a motion.

Posted by: EdmundBurkesShade at December 21, 2021 10:02 AM (mCh4j)

119 26 What's with the blue Yoga/exercise ball?

Posted by: Village Idiot's Apprentice. Asymptomatic raycist at December 21, 2021 09:49 AM (3D/fK)

It's a grape. Grapes grew to that size before Global Climate Warming Existential Armageddon.

Posted by: Gref at December 21, 2021 10:02 AM (AMIL/)

120 To qualify medically as "small", it must be two (or more) standard deviations away from average.

Posted by: Duncanthrax at December 21, 2021 10:02 AM (a3Q+t)

121 Would not hang. Neither is he apparently.

Posted by: Joe XiDen - I miss the Delta Variant at December 21, 2021 10:02 AM (pT+ia)

122 If he's Apollo, where's the sunshine?

Posted by: davidt at December 21, 2021 10:02 AM (gjH3l)

123 I was in the pool!!

Posted by: Amy Schumer at December 21, 2021 10:03 AM (ukNFU)

124 Nekkid skinny man on rock >>>>nekkid lardass on ottoman.

Well hey there big boy - you like what you see?

Posted by: Obama nekkid on a rock at December 21, 2021 10:03 AM (ESjRY)

125 Apollo's a pussy.

Posted by: Atlas at December 21, 2021 10:03 AM (DU+/6)

126 What's all this mirth and frivolity!?

Posted by: Tonypete at December 21, 2021 10:04 AM (mD/uy)

127 94 Nope. Would not hang.

Nothing is hung in this painting

Posted by: Busted Can of Biscuits at December 21, 2021 10:04 AM (2cfUo)

128 Well, at least he uses a weedwacker.

Posted by: Anonosaurus Wrecks Now With Pumpkin Spice! at December 21, 2021 10:04 AM (FVME7)

129 If he's Apollo, where's the sunshine?

Sorry about that - I'll bring it back soon

Posted by: KC and the Waves at December 21, 2021 10:04 AM (ESjRY)

130 I like it, wouldn't see where it could go, colors are nicely done

Posted by: Skip's Phone at December 21, 2021 10:04 AM (weRhk)

131 Apollo's a pussy.
Posted by: Atlas at December 21, 2021 10:03 AM (DU+/6)

Well, it does appear he's about to get some.......

Posted by: Sponge - Saying Jackson Sparks at December 21, 2021 10:04 AM (Zz0t1)

132 So, you're not a Mused.

Posted by: andycanuck (UHVv4) at December 21, 2021 09:56 AM (UHVv4)

Apparently my Muse is named 'Sleepy'. I can't draw, paint,sing or even type very well.

I got a Millennial slacker. Go figure.

Posted by: GnuBreed at December 21, 2021 10:04 AM (F0YaR)

133 No one is wearing a mask!

*gasp*

Posted by: nurse ratched at December 21, 2021 10:04 AM (U2p+3)

134 What's all this mirth and frivolity!?
Posted by: Tonypete at December 21, 2021 10:04 AM (mD/uy)
++++
:: checks bylaws ::

The Art Thread calls for frivolous math, not frivolous mirth.

Posted by: Joe Mannix (Not a cop!) at December 21, 2021 10:04 AM (DU+/6)

135 Yeah, Apollo was a fag.

Posted by: Hercules at December 21, 2021 10:04 AM (7I1kG)

136 We need new modern Muses.

Muse of Government Wastrel Spending

Muse of Poor Healthcare Decisions

Muse of Stupid People in Charge

Posted by: rhennigantx at December 21, 2021 10:05 AM (yrol0)

137 No masks? And from the God of medicine?

Send them to the camps!

Posted by: Chief Inquistor Fauci at December 21, 2021 10:05 AM (ESjRY)

138 In other news, after Maryland Governor Larry Hogan announced testing positive for Covid yesterday...

Baltimore County Executive Johnnie 'O' has reported as testing positive today.

Seems like Covid is the go-to for Democrats, and like minded folk this week.

Posted by: Village Idiot's Apprentice. Asymptomatic raycist at December 21, 2021 10:05 AM (3D/fK)

139 Is it in yet?

Posted by: Mnemosyne at December 21, 2021 10:05 AM (r0ADi)

140 120 To qualify medically as "small", it must be two (or more) standard deviations away from average.
Posted by: Duncanthrax at December 21, 2021 10:02 AM (a3Q+t)

you braggin or complainin?

Posted by: rhennigantx at December 21, 2021 10:06 AM (yrol0)

141 118 The posing of the figures seems unnatural. Hard to articulate, it is as though they were caught at the initiation of a motion.
Posted by: EdmundBurkesShade at December 21, 2021 10:02 AM (mCh4j)

It looks like when a photographer asks a group of people to strike a pose for the camera.

Posted by: Kris at December 21, 2021 10:06 AM (OyyDO)

142 This was a CNN party so no masks were required.

Posted by: Joe XiDen - I miss the Delta Variant at December 21, 2021 10:06 AM (pT+ia)

143 And remember, I'm not only the Small Penis Club President, I'm also a client.

Posted by: Apollo at December 21, 2021 10:06 AM (4I/2K)

144 Yeah, Apollo was a fag.

Its only gay if your arrows touch

Posted by: Apollo at December 21, 2021 10:06 AM (ESjRY)

145 Junior figured it out at six. I made Dolley agree to not lie to him about Santa fucking Claus of all things, so when he started asking questions she admitted that he wasn't real.

Posted by: TheJamesMadison, John Ford goes to war at December 21, 2021 08:58 AM

6 years old is what, Kindergarten? So, serious question... what did you tell him about sharing his knowledge about Santa not being real with his friends? Considering most parents perpetuate the lie long past age 6 with their kids.

Posted by: Clyde Shelton at December 21, 2021 10:07 AM (Do5/p)

146 What's all this mirth and frivolity!?
Posted by: Tonypete at December 21, 2021 10:04 AM

Trvth! Kris attempts to impart a little classical appreciation, and this is how she's treated.

Cut. Jib. Newsletter?

Posted by: Kareny McKarenface at December 21, 2021 10:07 AM (a3Q+t)

147 Seems like Covid is the go-to for Democrats, and like minded folk this week.

Turns out Fauci's recommendation for glory holes was a poor one

Posted by: 18-1 at December 21, 2021 10:07 AM (ESjRY)

148 Yup, mine's only 3 inches as well. But some girls like it that thick.

Posted by: Hercules at December 21, 2021 10:07 AM (7I1kG)

149 How are all these Dems testing positive? I mean they are triple vaxxed and quadruple masked right?

Posted by: Joe XiDen - I miss the Delta Variant at December 21, 2021 10:07 AM (pT+ia)

150 Kris, Thanks for pointing out so many aspects of the painting I wouldn't have noticed, especially the position of the figures. I did wonder about the colors in their garments. Are the deeper, richer colors indicative of how serious their 'subject matter' is? Thus the eternal arts of knowledge, compared to the more transitory arts of dance and song, get the deeper, longer lasting or 'heavier' hues? That might correspond to the deeper, daker colors of the trees and background of Parnassus.

I learn so much from your analysis. Thanks for doing it.

Posted by: JTB at December 21, 2021 10:07 AM (7EjX1)

151 My son is a pussy.
*
And you know all about those don't you geese boy?!?
Posted by: Drunk Hera at December 21, 2021

***
Let this be a lesson to you young punks. Don't ever marry your sister, even if it's legal. It never works out.

Posted by: Zeus at December 21, 2021 10:07 AM (txdEq)

152 To qualify medically as "small", it must be two (or more) standard deviations away from average.
Posted by: Duncanthrax at December 21, 2021 10:02 AM (a3Q+t)
++++
This brings to mind some questions.
1. How big is the standard deviation?
2. Who studied a large enough sample of cock to accurately determine standard deviation?

Posted by: Joe Mannix (Not a cop!) at December 21, 2021 10:08 AM (DU+/6)

153 Natural immunity, adjust for age and comorbidity, is 27X more effective than the COVID vaccines.

Posted by: SMOD at December 21, 2021 10:08 AM (RHGPo)

154 Analytically The Nine Muses Are:
1. Clio: The Muse Clio discovered history and guitar. History was named Clio in the ancient years, because it refers to "kleos" the Greek word for the heroic acts. Clio was always represented with a clarion in the right arm and a book in the left hand.

2. Euterpe: Muse Euterpe discovered several musical instruments, courses and dialectic. She was always depicted holding a flute, while many instruments were always around her.

3. Thalia: Muse Thalia was the protector of comedy; she discovered comedy, geometry, architectural science and agriculture. She was also protector of Symposiums. She was always depicted holding a theatrical-comedy mask.

4. Melpomene: Opposite from Thalia, Muse Melpomene was the protector of Tragedy; she invented tragedy, rhetoric speech and Melos. She was depicted holding a tragedy mask and usually bearing a bat.

5. Terpsichore: Terpsichore was the protector of dance; she invented dances, the harp and education. She was called Terpsichore because she was enjoying and having fun with dancing ("Terpo" in Greek refers to be amused). She was depicted wearing laurels on her head, holding a harp and dancing.

Posted by: andycanuck (UHVv4) at December 21, 2021 10:08 AM (UHVv4)

155 There's a neighborhood in uptown New Orleans where streets are named for the Muses.

Posted by: Muldoon at December 21, 2021 10:08 AM (m45I2)

156 My kids figured it out at 6 or 7 as well. Didnt have to tell them. Kids arent idiots, lol.

Posted by: Joe XiDen - I miss the Delta Variant at December 21, 2021 10:08 AM (pT+ia)

157 Natural immunity, adjust for age and comorbidity, is 27X more effective than the vaccines.

Posted by: SMOD at December 21, 2021 10:08 AM (RHGPo)

158 Let this be a lesson to you young punks. Don't ever marry your sister, even if it's legal. It never works out.

Sounds like racist western imperialism to me.

Posted by: Some Pharaoh whose family tree does not diverge at December 21, 2021 10:09 AM (ESjRY)

159 @138

>>Seems like Covid is the go-to for Democrats, and like minded folk this week.

As has been said, the only way you can know for sure you are vaccinated is to contract the thing you are vaccinated against.

That just science.

Posted by: Thomas Bender at December 21, 2021 10:09 AM (SXj99)

160 6. Erato: Muse Erato was the protector of Love and Love Poetry -- as well as wedding. Her name comes from the Greek word "Eros" that refers to the feeling of falling in love. She was depicted holding a lyre and love arrows and bows.

7. Polymnia: Muse Polymnia was the protector of the divine hymns and mimic art; she invented geometry and grammar. She was depicted looking up to the Sky, holding a lyre.

8. Ourania: Muse Ourania was the protector of the celestial objects and stars; she invented astronomy. She was always depicted bearing stars, a celestial sphere and a bow compass.

9. Calliope: Muse Calliope was the superior Muse. She was accompanying kings and princes in order to impose justice and serenity. She was the protector of heroic poems and rhetoric art. According to the myth, Homer asks from Calliope to inspire him while writing Iliad and Odyssey, and, thus, Calliope is depicted holding laurels in one hand and the two Homeric poems in the other hand.

Posted by: andycanuck (UHVv4) at December 21, 2021 10:09 AM (UHVv4)

161 This is a better party than I had with those humans on the flying space boat.

Well, the blonde was damned nice. But I could have done without the rest of 'em.

Posted by: Apollo at December 21, 2021 10:09 AM (txdEq)

162 145 6 years old is what, Kindergarten? So, serious question... what did you tell him about sharing his knowledge about Santa not being real with his friends? Considering most parents perpetuate the lie long past age 6 with their kids.
Posted by: Clyde Shelton at December 21, 2021 10:07 AM (Do5/p)

=========

Essentially: "Don't be an asshole about it."

He has, apparently, sotto voce figured out the handful of kids in his class who don't believe.

Posted by: TheJamesMadison, John Ford goes to war at December 21, 2021 10:09 AM (LvTSG)

163 2. Who studied a large enough sample of cock to accurately determine standard deviation?
Posted by: Joe Mannix (Not a cop!) at December 21, 2021 10:08 AM (DU+/6)

Ooo Ooo me, ME!!!

Posted by: David French at December 21, 2021 10:09 AM (7I1kG)

164 BIL and SIL in Dallas have the covid. Both are not vaxxed. started out with mild symptoms but then escalated yesterday. Doctor did a phone appt with them and ordered ivermectin and the IV thingy. Somebody is coming by their apartment today to do the IV treatment.

Posted by: Mister Scot (Formerly GWS) at December 21, 2021 10:09 AM (bVYXr)

165 I've seen more Parnassus-y.

Posted by: TheJamesMadison, John Ford goes to war at December 21, 2021 09:46 AM

"Oh some boys go to college,
but we think they're all wussies,
Cuz they get all the knowledge,
and we get all the Parnassus-y."

Posted by: Frasier & Niles in prep school at December 21, 2021 10:10 AM (Do5/p)

166 Yes, it's true. This man has no dick

Posted by: Peter Venkman at December 21, 2021 10:10 AM (2cfUo)

167 Kids will figure out Santa is a myth. But belief in Santa Claus is part of the joy of childhood. It should be maintained until it cannot be maintained IMHO.

Posted by: Xipe Totec at December 21, 2021 10:10 AM (o2MD2)

168 Can i have the neoclassical bitch over there, please.

Posted by: Humphreyrobot at December 21, 2021 10:10 AM (WQrjF)

169 The two Muses at left will soon be like two sheets twisted together in the washer, with body parts sticking out here and there.

Posted by: Gref at December 21, 2021 10:10 AM (AMIL/)

170 2. Who studied a large enough sample of cock to accurately determine standard deviation?
Posted by: Joe Mannix (Not a cop!) at December 21, 2021 10:08 AM (DU+/6)

-whistles innocently-

Posted by: Fauci at December 21, 2021 10:11 AM (/6GbT)

171 A conversation with Your Friends Once You Hang "Parnassus" in Your Home:
Friend: Oh...i didn't know you were gay.
You: What? No. No! Where'd you get that idea?
F: Naked guy painting. Greek. C'mon. Have you told your parents?
Y: I'm not gay.
F: Dude, you like drinking that weird foreign beer with the nude little boy pissing on the label. I mean, you're not, you know, little kids cuz-
Y: No, for fuck's sake no!
F: I mean...if you're gay, I guess that's okay, but kids...that's just...well, you can't be my friend anymore...
Y: Look, look at the painting there's lots of ladies. Sexy ladies dancing.
F: Yeah, but they're not naked. I mean, dude's got his wang hanging out. Are you a flasher?
Y: *grabs painting off the wall* Alrighht, alright. I only paid $600K for this, but, but....Fuck Parnassus! *smashes painting on floor, throws into fireplace, sets on fire* There! You happy now? I'm not gay. I don't fuck little kids. and I'm not a flasher! There. Done.
Fuck you!
F: Wow. You have got to work on that temper, dude. Where's the beer? I thought we were watching' the Cowboys.

Posted by: naturalfake at December 21, 2021 10:11 AM (5NkmN)

172 150 Kris, Thanks for pointing out so many aspects of the painting I wouldn't have noticed, especially the position of the figures. I did wonder about the colors in their garments. Are the deeper, richer colors indicative of how serious their 'subject matter' is? Thus the eternal arts of knowledge, compared to the more transitory arts of dance and song, get the deeper, longer lasting or 'heavier' hues? That might correspond to the deeper, daker colors of the trees and background of Parnassus.

I learn so much from your analysis. Thanks for doing it.
Posted by: JTB at December 21, 2021 10:07 AM (7EjX1)

I tend to side on the idea that there are no accidents in art. Here, however, because of the work's age, I cannot tell if it's intentional. But the intensity of the colors on the corresponding Muse just seems to coincidental.

Posted by: Kris at December 21, 2021 10:11 AM (OyyDO)

173 This scene was right before we all did the scissor dance

Posted by: Muses at December 21, 2021 10:12 AM (7I1kG)

174 This scene was right before we all did the scissor dance

This is not as fun as I thought it would be.

OH MY BALLS!

Posted by: Apollo at December 21, 2021 10:12 AM (ESjRY)

175 "Kids arent idiots, lol."

My surviving son is an idiot.

Posted by: Joe Biden, Supergenious at December 21, 2021 10:12 AM (3D/fK)

176 So, FJB got a new dog. His name is Commander.

Seems we know who's in charge now.

Posted by: Sponge - Saying Jackson Sparks at December 21, 2021 10:12 AM (Zz0t1)

177 174 This scene was right before we all did the scissor dance

This is not as fun as I thought it would be.

OH MY BALLS!
Posted by: Apollo at December 21, 2021 10:12 AM (ESjRY)

Just tuck them under, it's fun!!!

Posted by: David French at December 21, 2021 10:13 AM (7I1kG)

178 There's a neighborhood in uptown New Orleans where streets are named for the Muses.
---------------------------------------
Are any of them mews??

Posted by: andycanuck (UHVv4) at December 21, 2021 10:14 AM (UHVv4)

179 Sigh

Posted by: Nevergiveup at December 21, 2021 10:14 AM (GPwVZ)

180 Calliope: Muse Calliope was the superior Muse. . . . She was the protector of heroic poems and rhetoric art. According to the myth, Homer asks from Calliope to inspire him while writing Iliad and Odyssey, and, thus, Calliope is depicted holding laurels in one hand and the two Homeric poems in the other hand.
Posted by: andycanuck (UHVv4) at December 21, 2021

***
I guess she'd be the Muse of novelists -- those can be considered heroic poems of a kind.

In Da Swamp, we have streets named for the Muses in the Garden District. Of course nobody pronounces them correctly. Instead of "ka-LEE-oh-pee," we get "cally-ope." Instead of "Mel-POM-uh-knee," we get "MEL-poh-meen." Et cetera.

Posted by: Wolfus Aurelius at December 21, 2021 10:14 AM (txdEq)

181 ---------------------------------------
Are any of them mews??
Posted by: andycanuck (UHVv4) at December 21, 2021 10:14 AM (UHVv4)

Cat impersonators on the street corner.

Fake Mews.

Posted by: Sponge - Saying Jackson Sparks at December 21, 2021 10:14 AM (Zz0t1)

182 Sounds like racist western imperialism to me.
Posted by: Some Pharaoh whose family tree does not diverge at December 21, 2021 10:09 AM (ESjRY)

Come again?

Posted by: A Hapsburg Prince at December 21, 2021 10:14 AM (OyyDO)

183 Who studied a large enough sample of cock to accurately determine standard deviation?
Posted by: Joe Mannix (Not a cop!)

Yes?
- Don Leeemon

Posted by: Tonypete at December 21, 2021 10:15 AM (mD/uy)

184 Has Kurt chimed in to once again remind everyone that conservatives allow dissenting opinions yet?

Posted by: Moron Robbie - no significant difference in ability to spread or catch regardless of vax status at December 21, 2021 10:15 AM (2rajY)

185 Joe,
I'm pretty sure Obama has seen enough for a valid study, but he's not that good at math.

Posted by: Trog04 at December 21, 2021 10:15 AM (wfZwW)

186 Commander? Like CIC? Obama named his dog BO after his initials. Jesus these are some serious lnarcisistic pieces of shit all around.

Posted by: Joe XiDen - I miss the Delta Variant at December 21, 2021 10:15 AM (pT+ia)

187 Who are these pussies?!?

Oh, and has anyone seen Orestes? We've got some scissoring to do with him. But not the fun kind.

Posted by: The Furies at December 21, 2021 10:15 AM (ESjRY)

188 Joe shouldn't be getting green bananas much less another dog.

Posted by: A dude in MI at December 21, 2021 10:16 AM (/6GbT)

189 184 Has Kurt chimed in to once again remind everyone that conservatives allow dissenting opinions yet?
Posted by: Moron Robbie - no significant difference in ability to spread or catch regardless of vax status at December 21, 2021 10:15 AM (2rajY)

=========

"Conservatives AREN'T a cult! You conservative cultists!"
-Kurt, super smart

Posted by: TheJamesMadison, John Ford goes to war at December 21, 2021 10:16 AM (LvTSG)

190 My god, they're not even wearing masks!!!

Posted by: Tex Lovera at December 21, 2021 10:16 AM (wtvvX)

191 Wolfus,
I learned how to pronounce the MonteLEon hotel
Ha

Posted by: MkY at December 21, 2021 10:16 AM (WXeUy)

192 "Nothing is really happening. There's no story being told. No real action. "

The orgy hasn't started yet.

Posted by: f'd at December 21, 2021 10:16 AM (Tnijr)

193 So, FJB got a new dog. His name is Commander
*

I got a new dog? Cool! When can I touch it?
- Joe Biden

Posted by: Moron Robbie - no significant difference in ability to spread or catch regardless of vax status at December 21, 2021 10:16 AM (2rajY)

194 Commander? Like CIC? Obama named his dog BO after his initials. Jesus these are some serious lnarcisistic pieces of shit all around.
Posted by: Joe XiDen - I miss the Delta Variant at December 21, 2021 10:15 AM (pT+ia)

And I'm sure the production costs that went into the video they released about it weren't low.

Posted by: Sponge - Saying Jackson Sparks at December 21, 2021 10:16 AM (Zz0t1)

195 There's a neighborhood in uptown New Orleans where streets are named for the Muses.
---------------------------------------
Are any of them mews??
Posted by: andycanuck (UHVv4) at December 21, 2021

***
Between the river and St. Charles Ave., those streets are pretty prime real estate. On the other side, what they now trumpet as "Central City," you'd better stay away or go armed.

Posted by: Wolfus Aurelius at December 21, 2021 10:16 AM (txdEq)

196 Sock off

Posted by: Kris at December 21, 2021 10:16 AM (OyyDO)

197 Is that a Pilates ball? Great Christmas present!

Posted by: Mean Tweets at December 21, 2021 10:17 AM (BOJAx)

198 Essentially: "Don't be an asshole about it."

He has, apparently, sotto voce figured out the handful of kids in his class who don't believe.

Posted by: TheJamesMadison, John Ford goes to war at December 21, 2021 10:09 AM

Good advice. Glad it worked out. I unfortunately had my parents keeping my belief alive until around 3rd or 4th grade. I was questioning it one year, but then when I got a present that they were adamant they were not going to get me that year, and labeled it "From Santa", I kept my belief going one more year.

Interestingly, I started questioning everything after that, including my Catholic upbringing. Figured, if everyone was lying about Santa, what else was everyone lying about. I eventually decided that since there were churches and believers all over the world, it couldn't possibly be a lie. 30 years later though, I no longer believe that. But I've learned to "don't be an asshole" about that new belief as well.

Posted by: Clyde Shelton at December 21, 2021 10:17 AM (Do5/p)

199 Yeah, Apollo was a fag.
Posted by: Hercules at December 21, 2021 10:04 AM

And his shit's all retarded.

Posted by: Dionysus at December 21, 2021 10:17 AM (OssQ4)

200 Why do they always smirk?

Posted by: Apollo at December 21, 2021 10:17 AM (4I/2K)

201 Its that nightmare where you go to the front of class to give a presentation, and you suddenly realize youre naked.

Posted by: red speck at December 21, 2021 10:17 AM (gS3OW)

202 The orgy hasn't started yet.

Ain't no party like a Eleusinian Mystery party.

Posted by: Some Greek Woman at December 21, 2021 10:17 AM (ESjRY)

203 Looks like rain, all day.

Posted by: Village Idiot's Apprentice. Asymptomatic raycist at December 21, 2021 10:17 AM (3D/fK)

204 I've always heard multisyllable names are not good for dogs. I guess Delilah has proven that wrong though.

Posted by: f'd at December 21, 2021 10:17 AM (Tnijr)

205 Your tax dollars at work:

https://tinyurl.com/2zttnp8r

Posted by: Sponge - Saying Jackson Sparks at December 21, 2021 10:18 AM (Zz0t1)

206 Art theorist? Is that actually a thing! Must be similar to Ancient Astronaut Theorist.

Posted by: Mean Tweets at December 21, 2021 10:18 AM (BOJAx)

207 Yeah, Apollo was a fag.
Posted by: Hercules at December 21, 2021 10:04 AM

And his shit's all retarded.
Posted by: Dionysus at December 21, 2021 10:17 AM (OssQ4)

Well, packed anyway.

Posted by: Sponge - Saying Jackson Sparks at December 21, 2021 10:18 AM (Zz0t1)

208 Show of hands of everyone who believes that at LEAST one male directly related by blood or marriage to Jill Biden has banged one of the pets before.

Posted by: Moron Robbie - no significant difference in ability to spread or catch regardless of vax status at December 21, 2021 10:18 AM (2rajY)

209 There once was a god named Apollo
Whose erections were rather hollow
Along came a Muse
With nothing to lose
And very little to swallow

Posted by: Adirondack Patriot at December 21, 2021 10:19 AM (C7jzY)

210 There is a hood in my burg where the streets are named after painters. The gps is funny since it cn never pronounce them correctly. Degas is Day-gas for example.

Posted by: Joe XiDen - I miss the Delta Variant at December 21, 2021 10:19 AM (pT+ia)

211 Somehow I always thought it would be warmer there...

Posted by: Diogenes at December 21, 2021 10:19 AM (axyOa)

212 Looks like rain, all day.
Posted by: Village Idiot's Apprentice

Got almost two inches here. Sorta like Apollo.

Posted by: Taqiyyologist, Rickrolled by Jesus at December 21, 2021 10:19 AM (OssQ4)

213 "Show of hands of everyone who believes that at LEAST one male directly related by blood or marriage to Jill Biden has banged one of the pets before."

*Raises hand*

Posted by: Village Idiot's Apprentice. Asymptomatic raycist at December 21, 2021 10:19 AM (3D/fK)

214 206 Art theorist? Is that actually a thing! Must be similar to Ancient Astronaut Theorist.
Posted by: Mean Tweets at December 21, 2021 10:18 AM (BOJAx)

Allow me to introduce myself...

Posted by: Kris at December 21, 2021 10:19 AM (OyyDO)

215 Is that a Pilates ball? Great Christmas present!
Posted by: Mean Tweets at December 21, 2021 10:17 AM (BOJAx)

How to tell that your husband is a cheap bastard.

Posted by: Peloton Exercise Bike Lady at December 21, 2021 10:20 AM (4I/2K)

216 Our kiddos figured out about Santa quite early as well.

However, they calculated that they'd get more presents if kept the secret from us!.

So, they kept us and the youngest in the dark for a couple of years.

I'm kinda proud of them about that.

Posted by: naturalfake at December 21, 2021 10:20 AM (5NkmN)

217
Her Majesty traversed the great state of Loozyana yesterday and was kind enough to stop and purchase lots of the only worthwhile product of the state, i.e. Cajun and Creole food.

Posted by: Hadrian the Seventh at December 21, 2021 10:20 AM (/U27+)

218 However, they calculated that they'd get more presents if kept the secret from us!.

So, they kept us and the youngest in the dark for a couple of years.

I'm kinda proud of them about that.
Posted by: naturalfake at December 21, 2021 10:20 AM (5NkmN)

Elementary teacher ruined it for my kid......

Posted by: Sponge - Saying Jackson Sparks at December 21, 2021 10:21 AM (Zz0t1)

219 198 Interestingly, I started questioning everything after that, including my Catholic upbringing. Figured, if everyone was lying about Santa, what else was everyone lying about. I eventually decided that since there were churches and believers all over the world, it couldn't possibly be a lie. 30 years later though, I no longer believe that. But I've learned to "don't be an asshole" about that new belief as well.
Posted by: Clyde Shelton at December 21, 2021 10:17 AM (Do5/p)

==========

My mother-in-law was apparently very big into believing in Santa Claus, and when I met Dolley she was an unbeliever. In some combination of factors, she converted to Catholicism right before we got married, but I couldn't rid myself of the idea that her mother's insistence on Santa being real undermined Dolley's young belief in other supernatural ideas like Jesus when the Santa belief fell apart.

I was thinking along the exact same lines that you ended up thinking. "If Mom is lying to me about Santa, what else?" Better to really settle into the idea that Santa is just fun for kids rather than something I'm trying to force the kids to believe past their age of reason.

Posted by: TheJamesMadison, John Ford goes to war at December 21, 2021 10:21 AM (LvTSG)

220 I felt kind weird bout Santa. Like the idea of straight up lying to my kids for several years never quite felt right.

Posted by: Joe XiDen - I miss the Delta Variant at December 21, 2021 10:21 AM (pT+ia)

221 Wolfus,
I learned how to pronounce the MonteLEon hotel
Ha
Posted by: MkY at December 21, 2021

***
And Burgundy Street, in the Quarter and extending downriver from it, is not pronounced locally as "BUR-gun-dee," but as "Bur-GUN-dee." Well, Louisville, KY, people get incensed if you fail to pronounce the town name as "LEW-uh-ville" instead of "Louie-ville." Every place has its oddities.

Though some people who've lived here for years still end up calling Carondelet Street "KA-RON-de-lay" instead of plain old "ka-RON-de-lett." The person for whom it was named was a Spanish governor, not French, so the "-lay" ending wouldn't be right anyway.

Posted by: Wolfus Aurelius at December 21, 2021 10:22 AM (txdEq)

222 As for me and Grandpa, we believe!

Posted by: That Song at December 21, 2021 10:22 AM (4I/2K)

223 220 I felt kind weird bout Santa. Like the idea of straight up lying to my kids for several years never quite felt right.
Posted by: Joe XiDen - I miss the Delta Variant at December 21, 2021 10:21 AM (pT+ia)

========

Whenever Junior came up to me and asked about Santa, I would just say, "Ask your mother." I wasn't going to lie to him, and I wasn't going to undermine the age of innocence that Dolley cherished so much.

Posted by: TheJamesMadison, John Ford goes to war at December 21, 2021 10:22 AM (LvTSG)

224 Here at the Fauci household we make sure the kids always get gifts from Satan and make sure to leave Satan cookies and the blood of the innocent.

Typo? No why do you ask?

Posted by: Tony Fauci at December 21, 2021 10:23 AM (ESjRY)

225 See kittuh!! In the woods, watching the festivities, thinking that humans are weird.

Posted by: Puddleglum at December 21, 2021 10:23 AM (sAmhv)

226 The only immunity offered by the vax is to the drug companies.

Posted by: SMOD at December 21, 2021 10:23 AM (RHGPo)

227 "I felt kind weird bout Santa. Like the idea of straight up lying to my kids for several years never quite felt right."

Kinda like the Democratic Party and blacks?

But, it's for their own good!!

Posted by: Village Idiot's Apprentice. Asymptomatic raycist at December 21, 2021 10:23 AM (3D/fK)

228 9. Calliope: Muse Calliope was the superior Muse. She was accompanying kings and princes in order to impose justice and serenity. She was the protector of heroic poems and rhetoric art. According to the myth, Homer asks from Calliope to inspire him while writing Iliad and Odyssey, and, thus, Calliope is depicted holding laurels in one hand and the two Homeric poems in the other hand.
Posted by: andycanuck (UHVv4) at December 21, 2021 10:09 AM (UHVv4)

Calliope was also the muse of State Fair Rides.

Posted by: Tom Servo at December 21, 2021 10:23 AM (trdmm)

229 I felt kind weird bout Santa. Like the idea of straight up lying to my kids for several years never quite felt right.
Posted by: Joe XiDen - I miss the Delta Variant at December 21, 2021 10:21 AM (pT+ia)

It was fun. My kid still talks about the time I used my boots to put prints in the ashes and on the bricks around the fireplace.

Posted by: Sponge - Saying Jackson Sparks at December 21, 2021 10:23 AM (Zz0t1)

230 Apollo is kind of a twink.

Posted by: Insomniac - Outlaw. Hoarder. Wrecker. at December 21, 2021 10:23 AM (II3Gr)

231 Nine muses - why ten figures?

I need to enlarge the picture...

Posted by: Parker at December 21, 2021 10:24 AM (hJWil)

232 Tableaux of the Gods...

Posted by: Anna Puma at December 21, 2021 10:24 AM (hl48L)

233 Ask someone from the east coast how they pronounce Nevada, Oregon and Spokane. If you are from the west coast it is funny.

Posted by: Joe XiDen - I miss the Delta Variant at December 21, 2021 10:24 AM (pT+ia)

234 When a young man, I worked with many coonass rig crews. Some so coonass I couldn't understand a word they said. And they angerly assured me they were speaking English. Yeah, right. They cook good, though. And they are good folks.

Posted by: Xipe Totec at December 21, 2021 10:24 AM (o2MD2)

235 never mind - reading comprehension...

Posted by: Parker at December 21, 2021 10:24 AM (hJWil)

236 Nine muses - why ten figures?

I need to enlarge the picture...
Posted by: Parker at December 21, 2021 10:24 AM (hJWil)

Spot the glowie.

Posted by: Count de Monet, PureBlood. Biden Says I Did The Wrong Thing & Must Be Suitably Punished This Winter at December 21, 2021 10:25 AM (4I/2K)

237 Hey anyone know how to bang a tree? Asking for a friend.

Posted by: Apollo missing Daphne at December 21, 2021 10:25 AM (ESjRY)

238 65
It's sad that everyone forgets about the tenth Muse because he didn't come to the fore until many centuries later.
Posted by: Conflated History, Volume XXVII at December 21, 2021 09:53 AM

Dude, I saw Tenth Muse open for Third Eye Blind and the Acropolis in 390 BCE, before he sold out to big Philosopy.

Posted by: Ignorant Hipster, trying to show off at December 21, 2021 10:25 AM (JCZqz)

239 Insomniac - Outlaw. Hoarder. Wrecker

Busy, huh ?

Posted by: JT at December 21, 2021 10:25 AM (arJlL)

240 Breaking News: Naked Senile Old Man Breaks His Other Foot Tripping On A Rug After A Shower As He Chased His New Puppy And Grabbed Its Ass.

Posted by: Dr. Bone at December 21, 2021 10:26 AM (r0ADi)

241 I let my kids figure out the Santa thing on their own. I knew Santa was bullshit for as long as I can remember. I wasn't going to lie to them but it didn't feel right to crush the whole Santa thing right out of the gate.

Posted by: Insomniac - Outlaw. Hoarder. Wrecker. at December 21, 2021 10:26 AM (II3Gr)

242 If you are from the west coast it is funny.

Posted by: Joe XiDen - I miss the Delta Variant at December 21, 2021 10:24 AM (pT+ia)

If you're from the west coast, you're "funny".

Posted by: BignJames at December 21, 2021 10:26 AM (AwYPR)

243 Ana Navarro-C�rdenas
@ananavarro
Unless you have a LEGITIMATE medical reason, if you're not vaccinated, I don't want to see you, talk to you, work w/you, socialize w/you or know you. It's enough. Your "personal freedom" is holding the rest of us hostage. It's selfish and stupid.

-
Just this once I'm going to reach out across the aisle and agree with you, Ana. I don't want to see you, talk to you, work w/you, socialize w/you or know you either.

Progs think their problem is that they're just not fascist enough.

Posted by: Anonosaurus Wrecks Now With Pumpkin Spice! at December 21, 2021 10:26 AM (FVME7)

244 I felt kind weird bout Santa. Like the idea of straight up lying to my kids for several years never quite felt right.
Posted by: Joe XiDen - I miss the Delta Variant at December 21, 2021 10:21 AM (pT+ia)

Heh.
It was only a few years ago that the Daughters of Diogenes figured out that the dog wasn't still romping around the puppy farm...some 30 years now. Like santr, they just chose to believe.

Posted by: Diogenes at December 21, 2021 10:26 AM (axyOa)

245 He was a close associate of Johann Winckelmann, a German art theorist.

Winck, winck, nudge, nudge, say no more...

Posted by: Half Dozen at December 21, 2021 10:26 AM (dJs6r)

246 239 Insomniac - Outlaw. Hoarder. Wrecker

Busy, huh ?
Posted by: JT at December 21, 2021 10:25 AM (arJlL)

It's hard out here for a Kulak.

Posted by: Insomniac - Outlaw. Hoarder. Wrecker. at December 21, 2021 10:26 AM (II3Gr)

247 "Santa" is just an anagram of "Satan" anyway.

Posted by: Insomniac - Outlaw. Hoarder. Wrecker. at December 21, 2021 10:27 AM (II3Gr)

248 I've always heard multisyllable names are not good for dogs. I guess Delilah has proven that wrong though.
Posted by: f'd at December 21, 2021

***
Cats maybe too, but "Angelique" and "Marie-Antoinette" took to those names without a problem. Marie knew any form of her name, "Marie" or "Twa-nette," and even reacted once when a character on TV mentioned the famous French queen.

Arizona the big red tabby knew 3 English words, his name, "No," and "feed." The 3rd and the 1st were most important, of course. He knew "No," but would look at me and then do the action I was forbidding anyway.

Posted by: Wolfus Aurelius at December 21, 2021 10:27 AM (txdEq)

249 I was thinking along the exact same lines that you ended up thinking. "If Mom is lying to me about Santa, what else?" Better to really settle into the idea that Santa is just fun for kids rather than something I'm trying to force the kids to believe past their age of reason.
Posted by: TheJamesMadison, John Ford goes to war at December 21, 2021 10:21 AM (LvTSG)

true, weird story from my wife, who grew up in Shreveport - she had some black friends growing up there, and she always remembers one girl in high school telling her "My Brother is crazy! he's almost grown, and he's still scared of Santa Claus!!!" My wife said "Scared of Santa Claus? Really?" And her friend said "Yeah, he still is! I ain't been scared of him since I turned 14!"

Posted by: Tom Servo at December 21, 2021 10:27 AM (trdmm)

250 242

Yo dawg you about to start a west coast east coast thing? Bring it!!

Posted by: Joe XiDen - I miss the Delta Variant at December 21, 2021 10:27 AM (pT+ia)

251 My boys figured it all out when santa at moms house wasnt nearly as rich as Santa at dads house.

I still beat myself up over that.

Posted by: nurse ratched at December 21, 2021 10:27 AM (LKen+)

252 236 Nine muses - why ten figures?

I need to enlarge the picture...
Posted by: Parker at December 21, 2021 10:24 AM (hJWil)

Spot the glowie.

Posted by: Count de Monet, PureBlood. Biden Says I Did The Wrong Thing & Must Be Suitably Punished This Winter at December 21, 2021 10:25 AM (4I/2K)

Actually, the mom - I reread the post with my eyes open, this time...

Posted by: Parker at December 21, 2021 10:27 AM (hJWil)

253 I thought Pilates was a Roman??

Posted by: andycanuck (UHVv4) at December 21, 2021 10:27 AM (UHVv4)

254 Your "personal freedom" is holding the rest of us hostage. It's selfish and stupid.

The left: We have to reorder society to make sure people's personal freedom is supreme. Want to pretend to be a woman? Pair up with another guy? Kill your unborn child? Go right ahead!

Also the left: FUCK YOUR FREEDOMS

Posted by: 18-1 at December 21, 2021 10:27 AM (ESjRY)

255 231 Nine muses - why ten figures?

I need to enlarge the picture...
Posted by: Parker at December 21, 2021 10:24 AM (hJWil)

Eleven figures: Apollo, the nine Muses, and the Muses' mom.

Really there's twelve figures. There's a river god lounging behind Apollo in the background.

Posted by: Kris at December 21, 2021 10:28 AM (OyyDO)

256 My boss just emailed to say he wouldn't be in today. "The effects of my booster are pretty bad."

Heh, heh, heh . . .

Posted by: Wolfus Aurelius at December 21, 2021 10:28 AM (txdEq)

257 It's hard out here for a Kulak.
Posted by: Insomniac - Outlaw. Hoarder. Wrecker

Guess Apollo's not a Kulak.

Posted by: JT at December 21, 2021 10:28 AM (arJlL)

258 Buy a gun. Wrap it up. Write "From Santa".

Wife either plays along, or kills Santa forever.

Posted by: rickb223 at December 21, 2021 10:28 AM (zCLVB)

259 Hey anyone know how to bang a tree? Asking for a friend.

Posted by: Apollo missing Daphne at December 21, 2021 10:25 AM

No, but I know how to bang a gong. Does that help?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fQsaqwZuqd4

Posted by: T. Rex at December 21, 2021 10:28 AM (Do5/p)

260 Hood up. If we dont get vaxxed the likes of Anna Navarro will never bother us? This is the best selling point to never getting vaxxed I have ever seen.

Posted by: Joe XiDen - I miss the Delta Variant at December 21, 2021 10:28 AM (pT+ia)

261 I meant spot the extra person, the glowie, in the painting. In case that wasn't clear.

Posted by: Count de Monet, PureBlood. Biden Says I Did The Wrong Thing & Must Be Suitably Punished This Winter at December 21, 2021 10:29 AM (4I/2K)

262 249 true, weird story from my wife, who grew up in Shreveport - she had some black friends growing up there, and she always remembers one girl in high school telling her "My Brother is crazy! he's almost grown, and he's still scared of Santa Claus!!!" My wife said "Scared of Santa Claus? Really?" And her friend said "Yeah, he still is! I ain't been scared of him since I turned 14!"
Posted by: Tom Servo at December 21, 2021 10:27 AM (trdmm)

=========

I wonder if this kind of huge Santa enthusiasm is a Texan culture thing. The Dolley branch of the family has deep ties to Texas, mostly around Marshall.

Posted by: TheJamesMadison, John Ford goes to war at December 21, 2021 10:29 AM (LvTSG)

263 5. Terpsichore: Terpsichore was the protector of dance; she invented dances, the harp and education. She was called Terpsichore because she was enjoying and having fun with dancing ("Terpo" in Greek refers to be amused). She was depicted wearing laurels on her head, holding a harp and dancing.
Posted by: andycanuck (UHVv4) at December 21, 2021 10:08 AM

Hence why we're known as Terpsichorean Ecdysiasts.

Posted by: Tiffini in Houston at December 21, 2021 10:29 AM (a3Q+t)

264 Tater is excited!

Brian Stelter
@brianstelter
End of year #'s are in. "On Sunday mornings, all CNN programs outperformed MSNBC this year in both total viewers and the demo 25-54..."

Posted by: Anonosaurus Wrecks Now With Pumpkin Spice! at December 21, 2021 10:29 AM (FVME7)

265 I'm so glad Governor Kathy Hochul of NY wants people to spread Christmas love around by getting vaccinated, and that she needed to speak at a Baptist church to get the message out. /s

https://tinyurl.com/bdrwhryw

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at December 21, 2021 10:30 AM (KBCaU)

266 My kids caught on when my explanation for why there is a different Santa at each mall sounded like total bullshit.

Posted by: Joe XiDen - I miss the Delta Variant at December 21, 2021 10:30 AM (pT+ia)

267 264 Tater is excited!

Brian Stelter
@brianstelter
End of year #'s are in. "On Sunday mornings, all CNN programs outperformed MSNBC this year in both total viewers and the demo 25-54..."
Posted by: Anonosaurus Wrecks Now With Pumpkin Spice! at December 21, 2021 10:29 AM (FVME7)

========

Beat out by Nickelodeon, though.

Posted by: TheJamesMadison, John Ford goes to war at December 21, 2021 10:30 AM (LvTSG)

268 Plus "Santa" is just a means of conditioning and/or extorting certain behaviors from kids.

Posted by: Insomniac - Outlaw. Hoarder. Wrecker. at December 21, 2021 10:30 AM (II3Gr)

269 The ladies, yes they dance and they frolic, but the tiny dick, she shows no sign of life.

Posted by: The Paolo at December 21, 2021 10:30 AM (VxC1e)

270
Hence why we're known as Terpsichorean Ecdysiasts.
Posted by: Tiffini in Houston at December 21, 2021

***
Were poles involved?

Posted by: Wolfus Aurelius at December 21, 2021 10:30 AM (txdEq)

271 Navarro sucks.

Posted by: Joe Mannix (Not a cop!) at December 21, 2021 10:31 AM (DU+/6)

272 Eleven figures: Apollo, the nine Muses, and the Muses' mom.

Really there's twelve figures. There's a river god lounging behind Apollo in the background.

Posted by: Kris at December 21, 2021 10:28 AM (OyyDO)

You are forgetting the sniper...

Posted by: Parker at December 21, 2021 10:31 AM (hJWil)

273 268 Plus "Santa" is just a means of conditioning and/or extorting certain behaviors from kids.
Posted by: Insomniac - Outlaw. Hoarder. Wrecker. at December 21, 2021 10:30 AM (II3Gr)

========

Elf on the Shelf is just acclimating kids to the surveillance state!

Posted by: TheJamesMadison, John Ford goes to war at December 21, 2021 10:31 AM (LvTSG)

274 264 Tater is excited!

Brian Stelter
@brianstelter
End of year #'s are in. "On Sunday mornings, all CNN programs outperformed MSNBC this year in both total viewers and the demo 25-54..."
Posted by: Anonosaurus Wrecks

Um. Should someone tell him?

Posted by: Puddleglum at December 21, 2021 10:31 AM (sAmhv)

275 To qualify medically as "small", it must be two (or more) standard deviations away from average.

******

Actually, medically speaking, if your penis has more than two standard deviations, it's called Peyronie's Disease.

Posted by: Muldoon at December 21, 2021 10:31 AM (m45I2)

276 End of year #'s are in. "On Sunday mornings, all CNN programs outperformed MSNBC this year in both total viewers and the demo 25-54..."
Posted by: Anonosaurus Wrecks Now With Pumpkin Spice! at December 21, 2021
========
Beat out by Nickelodeon, though.
Posted by: TheJamesMadison, John Ford goes to war at December 21, 2021

***
Beat out by Saved By the Bell reruns.

Posted by: Wolfus Aurelius at December 21, 2021 10:31 AM (txdEq)

277 Elf on the Shelf is just acclimating kids to the surveillance state!
Posted by: TheJamesMadison, John Ford goes to war at December 21, 2021 10:31 AM (LvTSG)

Shee-it, cell phones and Alexa already did that.

Posted by: Insomniac - Outlaw. Hoarder. Wrecker. at December 21, 2021 10:32 AM (II3Gr)

278 When were deviants standardized?

Who maintains the reference deviant?

Posted by: Parker at December 21, 2021 10:32 AM (hJWil)

279 CNN is the tallest midget. Congrats!!!

Posted by: Joe XiDen - I miss the Delta Variant at December 21, 2021 10:32 AM (pT+ia)

280 Oh here we go again.

Posted by: Peyronie at December 21, 2021 10:32 AM (VxC1e)

281 My boys figured it all out when santa at moms house wasnt nearly as rich as Santa at dads house.

I still beat myself up over that.
Posted by: nurse ratched at December 21, 2021 10:27 AM (LKen+)

Please don't.

Posted by: Mary Poppins' Practically Perfect Piercing at December 21, 2021 10:33 AM (2JVJo)

282 Hmm...I'm in the mood for a bit of the ol' deviance myself.

Posted by: Insomniac - Outlaw. Hoarder. Wrecker. at December 21, 2021 10:33 AM (II3Gr)

283 Were poles involved?
Posted by: Wolfus Aurelius at December 21, 2021 10:30 AM

They often are. However, we prefer cash to Czechs.

Posted by: Tiffini in Houston at December 21, 2021 10:33 AM (a3Q+t)

284 My boss said, "The effects of my booster are pretty bad." Worse than that? My co-workers wrote back, "Sorry about the booster side effects. It's good that you got one, though" (italics mine).

These people are nuts.

Posted by: Wolfus Aurelius at December 21, 2021 10:33 AM (txdEq)

285 I had a work colleague (childless) cook off on me about how Santa was a lie and perpetuating the lie was a form of child abuse. Dude had some huge issues.

For us, I don't remember when our kids grokked it all, but it certainly wasn't traumatic.

Posted by: Zombie Robbo the Llama Butcher at December 21, 2021 10:33 AM (dfRN6)

286 I've always heard multisyllable names are not good for dogs. I guess Delilah has proven that wrong though.
Posted by: f'd

It's not that they're not good, but which would you rather yell when chasing him down the street?
Bartholomew Lansing Jameson the III, or simply, MAX!

Posted by: rickb223 Pureblood - non-GMO at December 21, 2021 10:33 AM (zCLVB)

287 Once the kids got to the age where they were on the border about Santa Claus, I switched to the story of the real St. Nicholas and his life and charity to others.

It made an easy transition and wasn't so jarring for them

Posted by: Tonypete at December 21, 2021 10:33 AM (mD/uy)

288 You are forgetting the sniper...
Posted by: Parker at December 21, 2021 10:31 AM (hJWil)

I mentioned him, the guy behind Apollo. Where better to hide than behind the pale, nekkid guy surrounded by beautiful chicks.

Oh, sorry *nude*. This is classy art.

Posted by: Kris at December 21, 2021 10:34 AM (OyyDO)

289 Melpomene: Opposite from Thalia, Muse Melpomene was the protector of Tragedy; she invented tragedy, rhetoric speech and Melos. She was depicted holding a tragedy mask and usually bearing a bat.

So the first politician? Or just a bat lady?

Posted by: Anna Puma at December 21, 2021 10:34 AM (hl48L)

290 Terpsichore: Terpsichore was the protector of dance;

******

These days it's more like Twerksichore, eh?

Posted by: Muldoon at December 21, 2021 10:34 AM (m45I2)

291 I can't recall when I stopped believing in Santa, but I didn't have any religious instruction as a kid. I am glad when I came to belief as a teen I didn't conflate a non existent Santa with there then being a non existent God.

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at December 21, 2021 10:34 AM (KBCaU)

292 285 I had a work colleague (childless) cook off on me about how Santa was a lie and perpetuating the lie was a form of child abuse. Dude had some huge issues.

For us, I don't remember when our kids grokked it all, but it certainly wasn't traumatic.
Posted by: Zombie Robbo the Llama Butcher at December 21, 2021 10:33 AM (dfRN6)

==========

There's letting the belief persist, and then there's forcing the belief well past any sort of reasonable. No kid over 9 should believe in Santa. Any teenager that actually believes in Santa may be an idiot, but their parents definitely are damaged.

Posted by: TheJamesMadison, John Ford goes to war at December 21, 2021 10:34 AM (LvTSG)

293 Posted by: Tonypete at December 21, 2021 10:33 AM (mD/uy)

Good for you. That sounds like a good transition.

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at December 21, 2021 10:35 AM (KBCaU)

294 Were poles involved?
Posted by: Wolfus Aurelius at December 21, 2021 10:30 AM

They often are. However, we prefer cash to Czechs.
Posted by: Tiffini in Houston

HeyOhhhhhhh!!

Yes Sir!!

Posted by: Tonypete at December 21, 2021 10:35 AM (mD/uy)

295 CNN is the tallest midget. Congrats!!!

Posted by: Joe XiDen - I miss the Delta Variant at December 21, 2021 10:32 AM (pT+ia)

I watched "Wizard of Oz" last night...munchkins were played by "The Singing Midgets"....thought that was cool.

Posted by: BignJames at December 21, 2021 10:35 AM (AwYPR)

296 Plus "Santa" is just a means of conditioning and/or extorting certain behaviors from kids.

Posted by: Insomniac - Outlaw. Hoarder. Wrecker. at December 21, 2021 10:30 AM (II3Gr)

You must be fun at kids' birthday parties.

Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at December 21, 2021 10:35 AM (Q9lwr)

297 Brian Stelter
@brianstelter
End of year #'s are in. "On Sunday mornings, all CNN programs outperformed MSNBC this year in both total viewers and the demo 25-54..."
Posted by: Anonosaurus Wrecks

Stalin beat Hitler.

Posted by: Just a side note at December 21, 2021 10:36 AM (H/pb5)

298 "There is a hood in my burg where the streets are named after painters. The gps is funny since it cn never pronounce them correctly. Degas is Day-gas for example."

We have one where the streets are named after writers, but one of the streets signs says "Shakespear".

Posted by: f'd at December 21, 2021 10:36 AM (Tnijr)

299 Twig and berries front and center!

Posted by: Javems at December 21, 2021 10:36 AM (AmoqO)

300 Hmm...I'm in the mood for a bit of the ol' deviance myself.
Posted by: Insomniac - Outlaw. Hoarder. Wrecker. at December 21, 2021 10:33 AM

Ohhhh, me too! Especially if they're on the right side of the deviations curve!

Posted by: Shep! Now with more Sheppiness! at December 21, 2021 10:36 AM (a3Q+t)

301 It made an easy transition and wasn't so jarring for them

Posted by: Tonypete at December 21, 2021 10:33 AM (mD/uy)

That is sweet...

Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at December 21, 2021 10:36 AM (Q9lwr)

302 Plus "Santa" is just a means of conditioning and/or extorting certain behaviors from kids.

Posted by: Insomniac

You must be fun at kids' birthday parties.
Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo

In my day, we didn't have Elf on a Shelf.
We had Belt on a shelf.

Posted by: rickb223 Pureblood - non-GMO at December 21, 2021 10:36 AM (zCLVB)

303 Unless you have a LEGITIMATE medical reason, if you're not vaccinated, I don't want to see you, talk to you, work w/you, socialize w/you or know you. It's enough. Your "personal freedom" is holding the rest of us hostage. It's selfish and stupid.

Posted by: Anonosaurus Wrecks Now With Pumpkin Spice! at December 21, 2021 10:26 AM

The left's narrative never wavers. Just like the narrative is "X has been affected these past 2 years by COVID". When, in fact, COVID, a disease with a 99.99% survivability/recovery rate for everyone but the elderly and/or immunocompromised, has not affected much of anything. The COVID *protocols* enacted by every Western nation, "healthcare" industry and corporation in the world have affected everything.

Had the world treated this in the same manner as they treated every other pandemic over the past 50 years, nothing would have been affected. It would have been just as H1N1 was during the Obama Administration. A big nothing. So people's personal freedom is holding no one hostage. The WEF and their Western nation leader minions are holding everyone hostage.

Posted by: Clyde Shelton at December 21, 2021 10:36 AM (Do5/p)

304 Imagine there's no Santa
It's easy if you try
No fat guy crawling down your chimney
No reindeer flying through the sky
Imagine all the children
Being grateful to Mom and Dad
Oooohooohoooo
You might say I'm a curmudgeon
But I'm not the only one
No need to get all in high dudgeon
Just don't lie to your daughters and sons

Posted by: Insomniac - Outlaw. Hoarder. Wrecker. at December 21, 2021 10:36 AM (II3Gr)

305 means of conditioning and/or extorting certain behaviors from kids.

Yep, you'd be amazed at what little Ashley was willing to do to get another my little pony!

Posted by: Joe Biden at December 21, 2021 10:36 AM (ESjRY)

306 Santa's a lie and socialism is real!

- Your Kid's Teacher

Posted by: Anonosaurus Wrecks Now With Pumpkin Spice! at December 21, 2021 10:37 AM (FVME7)

307 I have a friend that predicted a few months ago that Biden would declare martial law before Christmas.

Perhaps tonight is the night?

Posted by: Been Lurking, but clearly been posting too at December 21, 2021 10:37 AM (rDgjh)

308 I don't know much about politics or whatever, but I just want you to know that when I was informed that I was mishearing "Let's Go Brandon," it my plans on hold. I'm dealing with some serious shit now. Please consider me before using this meme.

Posted by: Brendan Fraser at December 21, 2021 10:37 AM (DU+/6)

309 I saw The Singing Midgets open for They Might Be Giants at The Palladium in '89.

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero43) at December 21, 2021 10:37 AM (VxC1e)

310 I have a friend that predicted a few months ago that Biden would declare martial law before Christmas.

RESPECT MY AUTHORITAE!

Posted by: Joe Biden restoring norms at December 21, 2021 10:37 AM (ESjRY)

311 QVC outperformed CNN

Posted by: Anna Puma at December 21, 2021 10:37 AM (hl48L)

312 I gotta go seize the day, which I feel like doing as much as shitting a duck.

Posted by: JT at December 21, 2021 10:37 AM (arJlL)

313 98 Interestingly, I started questioning everything after that, including my Catholic upbringing. Figured, if everyone was lying about Santa, what else was everyone lying about. I eventually decided that since there were churches and believers all over the world, it couldn't possibly be a lie. 30 years later though, I no longer believe that. But I've learned to "don't be an asshole" about that new belief as well.
Posted by: Clyde Shelton at December 21, 2021 10:17 AM (Do5/p)

I believed in Santa big time until age 5 or 6. When I learned it was a con I was not bothered. I had begun wondering how Santa visited every house in the world between 9 PM and 6 AM in South Dakota. I shrugged my shoulders and got on with childhood.

Maybe I had an engineering/scientific mindset from the start. When I was in 3rd Grade, I asked my parents what caused women to have babies. My Mom said babies came after a man and woman were married. Period. I was not convinced. I could not understand how marriage flipped a switch to "ON" in a woman's body. It was at least four more years before I understood the real story.

Posted by: Gref at December 21, 2021 10:37 AM (AMIL/)

314 Plus "Santa" is just a means of conditioning and/or extorting certain behaviors from kids.

Posted by: Insomniac - Outlaw. Hoarder. Wrecker. at December 21, 2021 10:30 AM (II3Gr)

Everything a parent does is to elicit certain behaviors from their kids.

Posted by: Just a side note at December 21, 2021 10:38 AM (H/pb5)

315 Plus "Santa" is just a means of conditioning and/or extorting certain behaviors from kids.

No; it isn't. Not for everybody. My parents never connected being good with presents being given by Santa. Santa came regardless, and if I was bad at some other time I was never told Santa woudn't arrive.

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at December 21, 2021 10:38 AM (KBCaU)

316 I wonder if this kind of huge Santa enthusiasm is a Texan culture thing. The Dolley branch of the family has deep ties to Texas, mostly around Marshall.
Posted by: TheJamesMadison, John Ford goes to war at December 21, 2021 10:29 AM (LvTSG)

that's a nice link - I said my wife was from Shreveport, but her dad's family came from Waskom, a small town on the Tex-La border, about 20 miles from Marshall. Her forbears moved there in the 1850's. That's *deep* East Texas, the part that's a lot more Southern than the rest of the state. The famous Lady Bird Johnson came from the same general area. (unlike Lyndon; he married her to get some class)

Posted by: Tom Servo at December 21, 2021 10:38 AM (trdmm)

317 How old were you when you stopped believing in your president?

Posted by: Biden at December 21, 2021 10:38 AM (Us+I6)

318 Santa is a cool marketing campaign to force parents into buying lots of shit for their kids.

Posted by: Joe XiDen - I miss the Delta Variant at December 21, 2021 10:38 AM (pT+ia)

319 Santa is innocent and harmless. My eldest is asking lots of questions this year and I doubt the belief will carry through another year, but we'll see.

Posted by: Revenant at December 21, 2021 10:38 AM (1JtC2)

320 Leftards still believe in Santa. They just changed his name to Government.

Posted by: Xipe Totec at December 21, 2021 10:39 AM (o2MD2)

321 Pretty girl picture of the day - the chorus from The Runaway Girl, which played at London's Gaiety Theatre from 1898 - 1900:

https://tinyurl.com/2p82rnnj

The ladies of the various shows were known as "Gaiety Girls," a sort of English version of the Ziegfeld Girls and, like their American counterparts, were wooed by (and sometimes married to) rich men and aristocrats.

Posted by: Mary Poppins' Practically Perfect Piercing at December 21, 2021 10:39 AM (2JVJo)

322 Everything a parent does is to elicit certain behaviors from their kids.
Posted by: Just a side note at December 21, 2021 10:38 AM (H/pb5)

True, though at least a beating is real.

Posted by: Insomniac - Outlaw. Hoarder. Wrecker. at December 21, 2021 10:39 AM (II3Gr)

323 I could not understand how marriage flipped a switch to "ON" in a woman's body. It was at least four more years before I understood the real story.
Posted by: Gref

What, that the stork brings them?

Posted by: Tonypete at December 21, 2021 10:39 AM (mD/uy)

324 I didn't have any religious instruction as a kid. . . .
Posted by: FenelonSpoke at December 21, 2021

***
Neither did I. Mom, who (I think) had grown up in a Lutheran family -- her father was Swedish, after all -- once suggested my brother and I go to Sunday school. You'd have thought she'd suggested broiling a cat for dinner. Me: "School, six days a week?!" Mom: "It's not like that." Me: "It has the word 'school' in it!" She dropped the idea after that.

Though she did bring an illustrated volume of Bible Stories for Children home to us, and I enjoyed reading that. I still recall the drawings of the prophet Elijah and the ravens, and of Shadrach and Co. in the fiery furnace.

Posted by: Wolfus Aurelius at December 21, 2021 10:40 AM (txdEq)

325 I could not understand how marriage flipped a switch to "ON" in a woman's body. It was at least four more years before I understood the real story.
Posted by: Gref

More typically flips an off switch...

Posted by: Insomniac - Outlaw. Hoarder. Wrecker. at December 21, 2021 10:40 AM (II3Gr)

326 Posted by: Joe XiDen - I miss the Delta Variant at December 21, 2021 10:38 AM (pT+ia)

When i was a kid we had maybe one present from Santa. The rest were from mom and dad or my sister, so I guess they're weren't snowed by the marketing campaign all that much

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at December 21, 2021 10:41 AM (KBCaU)

327 What, that the stork brings them?

Posted by: Tonypete at December 21, 2021 10:39 AM (mD/uy)

Found 'em in the cabbage patch.

Posted by: BignJames at December 21, 2021 10:41 AM (AwYPR)

328 Speaking of babies..... how many here had kids ask Santa for a brother or sister? That is always funny.

Posted by: Joe XiDen - I miss the Delta Variant at December 21, 2021 10:41 AM (pT+ia)

329 Posted by: Insomniac - Outlaw. Hoarder. Wrecker.

Excellent.

Posted by: Montgomery Burns at December 21, 2021 10:41 AM (FVME7)

330 Ralphie Parker took his request for a Red Ryder BB gun to the Big Guy himself. 9 years old and 3rd grader at Warren G. Harding elementary school.

Posted by: Count de Monet, PureBlood. Biden Says I Did The Wrong Thing & Must Be Suitably Punished This Winter at December 21, 2021 10:41 AM (4I/2K)

331 What, that the stork brings them?
Posted by: Tonypete at December 21, 2021 10:39 AM (mD/uy)

---------

As a kid I could never reconcile the idea that storks were the delivery medium for new humans with basic ideas of Darwinian evolution.

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero43) at December 21, 2021 10:41 AM (VxC1e)

332 So, size doesn't matter? Asking for a friend.

Posted by: dingbat at December 21, 2021 10:42 AM (rNXR7)

333 "Glory to God in the highest Heaven, and on earth peace to those on whom his favor rests."

Luke 2:14

Posted by: Marcus T at December 21, 2021 10:42 AM (VpIIl)

334 I could not understand how marriage flipped a switch to "ON" in a woman's body. It was at least four more years before I understood the real story.
Posted by: Gref

***
I was 10 when I got the real dope from a Home and Family Medical Encyclopedia, a big paperback reference book written by a doctor. I bought a copy a few years ago, and the clear though almost poetic language he used to describe sexual activity is still effective.

Posted by: Wolfus Aurelius at December 21, 2021 10:42 AM (txdEq)

335 What, that the stork brings them?
Posted by: Tonypete at December 21, 2021 10:39 AM

You won't believe how crappy things have gotten since Amazon took over and made us "independent" contractor delivery fliers.

Posted by: The Stork at December 21, 2021 10:42 AM (a3Q+t)

336 Democratic Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi is left flustered after protester shouted 'Let's go Brandon! USA! while she promoted Joe Biden's Build Back Better plan in San Francisco

Posted by: andycanuck (UHVv4) at December 21, 2021 10:42 AM (UHVv4)

337 Luke 2:14
Posted by: Marcus T

Timely verse Marcus T - thank you!

Posted by: Tonypete at December 21, 2021 10:43 AM (mD/uy)

338 Stalin beat Hitler.
Posted by: Just a side note at December 21, 2021 10:36 AM (H/pb5)

--------

That would be a cage match I would pay to see.

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero43) at December 21, 2021 10:43 AM (VxC1e)

339 327 What, that the stork brings them?

Posted by: Tonypete at December 21, 2021 10:39 AM (mD/uy)

Found 'em in the cabbage patch.
Posted by: BignJames at December 21, 2021 10:41 AM (AwYPR)

African or European?

Posted by: Insomniac - Outlaw. Hoarder. Wrecker. at December 21, 2021 10:43 AM (II3Gr)

340 Santa is a cool marketing campaign to force parents into buying lots of shit for their kids.
Posted by: Joe XiDen - I miss the Delta Variant at December 21, 2021

***
And a marketing tool for other products too. Remember when Santa was "The Man From Uncola" (7-Up)?

Posted by: Wolfus Aurelius at December 21, 2021 10:44 AM (txdEq)

341 My parents used to hide our Christmas presents long after we "knew" there was no Santa in a lame attempt to perpetuate the myth.

Posted by: Martini Farmer at December 21, 2021 10:44 AM (BFigT)

342 You just go to the hospital and pick one out of the new baby showroom. Pet stores have a similar setup.

Posted by: Count de Monet, PureBlood. Biden Says I Did The Wrong Thing & Must Be Suitably Punished This Winter at December 21, 2021 10:44 AM (4I/2K)

343 What, that the stork brings them?
Posted by: Tonypete

Found 'em in the cabbage patch.
Posted by: BignJames

African or European?
Posted by: Insomniac - Outlaw. Hoarder. Wrecker.

No Insom, a swallow brings no babies at all!

Posted by: Tonypete at December 21, 2021 10:45 AM (mD/uy)

344 In my kindergarten class, the poor kids got socks and shoes and the rich kids got motorbikes and snow skis.

It was then I knew Santa was a bit shifty.

Posted by: Dr. Bone at December 21, 2021 10:45 AM (r0ADi)

345 338 Stalin beat Hitler.
Posted by: Just a side note at December 21, 2021 10:36 AM (H/pb5)

--------

That would be a cage match I would pay to see.
------------
Pyrrhic Victory - Germany kills 28.5M Soviets - Soviet plus Allies kills 4.5M Germans.

Posted by: Puddin Head at December 21, 2021 10:45 AM (D8mow)

346 I've never stopped and will never stop believing in the idea and ideals of Santa Claus.

He's a metaphysical part of our humanity.

Posted by: Thomas Bender at December 21, 2021 10:45 AM (jEtxi)

347 I remember when I was about 10, and my little sister and little brother still believed in Santa. My parents would put stockings out and fill them full of little goodies and treats (real presents were under the tree) and they would say "Santa brought them!" and they'd also say "if you're bad, Santa will put coal in your stocking!"

So I knew my parents would take care of all that after we went to bed, so that Christmas I stayed awake until about 4 am, and then I snuck into the living room, hid all of the stuff in my little sisters and brothers stockings, and filled them back up with charcoal briquets from the grill. (closest I could find to coal.) It made for a very entertaining Christmas morning - well for me, at least.

ok, my mom was furious. My dad wanted to act furious, but I could see he was having a hard time not cracking up about it.

Posted by: Tom Servo at December 21, 2021 10:45 AM (trdmm)

348 I can't recall when I stopped believing in Santa, but I didn't have any religious instruction as a kid. I am glad when I came to belief as a teen I didn't conflate a non existent Santa with there then being a non existent God.

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at December 21, 2021 10:34 AM

I figured it out pretty early. I came to the conclusion that Santa didn't really shop out of a Sears Big Toy Catalog with prices in it to bring me toys.

Posted by: Mister Scot (Formerly GWS) at December 21, 2021 10:45 AM (bVYXr)

349 No merry Christmas for you!

America's mainstream media: Audible sighs heard from ABC panel upon learning Manchin blocked Biden's Build Back Better bill

Posted by: Anonosaurus Wrecks Now With Pumpkin Spice! at December 21, 2021 10:46 AM (FVME7)

350 Stalin beat Hitler.
Posted by: Just a side note at December 21, 2021 10:36 AM (H/pb5)

--------

That would be a cage match I would pay to see.
Posted by: Cicero (@cicero43) at December 21, 2021 10:43 AM (VxC1e)

--------

Oh, you'd pay dearly. Trust us.

Posted by: Baltics, Poland, Ukraine, & Belarus at December 21, 2021 10:47 AM (hQ23g)

351 So, size doesn't matter? Asking for a friend.

I'd like to know what the "average" size is considered to be. And not The Paolo average, either.

Posted by: Mary Poppins' Practically Perfect Piercing at December 21, 2021 10:47 AM (2JVJo)

352 Christmas is more about the birth of Christ and Santa is more of a metaphor for the gift of Jesus Christ given to us by God.

It's pretty simple and elemental. Even as children we understood that, of course there is materiality in the physical gifts, but we directly connected it to the spiritual gifts, without which Christmas would be devoid of any meaning.

Posted by: Marcus T at December 21, 2021 10:47 AM (VpIIl)

353 No Insom, a swallow brings no babies at all!
Posted by: Tonypete

EXCUSE ME????

Posted by: Pete Buttgigger at December 21, 2021 10:48 AM (zCLVB)

354 And now it's time for work.

10 days to go.

Posted by: Mary Poppins' Practically Perfect Piercing at December 21, 2021 10:49 AM (2JVJo)

355 We have one where the streets are named after writers, but one of the streets signs says "Shakespear".
Posted by: f'd at December 21, 2021

***
That was how George Bernard Shaw spelled it.

Posted by: Wolfus Aurelius at December 21, 2021 10:49 AM (txdEq)

356 I was 14 when I discovered that the founder of Kwanzaa set his girlfriend on fire. My impression of Kwanzaa didn't change at all.

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero43) at December 21, 2021 10:49 AM (VxC1e)

357 In my kindergarten class, the poor kids got socks and shoes and the rich kids got motorbikes and snow skis.

It was then I knew Santa was a bit shifty.
Posted by: Dr. Bone

AOC Santa will take toys and gifts from rich kids and give them to the poor kids skimming just a little of the cream off the top for herself.

Posted by: Anonosaurus Wrecks Now With Pumpkin Spice! at December 21, 2021 10:49 AM (FVME7)

358 True, though at least a beating is real.

"Be a man! Get the belt and beat your child!"

(quotes heard in childhood)

Posted by: Commissar of Plenty and Lysenko gender fluid at December 21, 2021 10:49 AM (srzOL)

359 First exemption was approved.

:: breathes sigh of relief ::

Posted by: Joe Mannix (Not a cop!) at December 21, 2021 10:49 AM (DU+/6)

360 That was how George Bernard Shaw spelled it.
Posted by: Wolfus Aurelius at December 21, 2021 10:49 AM (txdEq)

In fairness, GB Shaw was a damn POS.

Posted by: Yudhishthira's Dice at December 21, 2021 10:50 AM (hQ23g)

361 "That was how George Bernard Shaw spelled it.
Posted by: Wolfus Aurelius"

I would be willing to bet that 99.99 percent of the people in that neighborhood have never heard of GBS.

Posted by: f'd at December 21, 2021 10:50 AM (Tnijr)

362 I knew I didn't care about Santa anymore when the parents tried to wake me early to tell me Santa was just here and if I got up quickly I could see him. I mumbled to them ' five more minutes , just five more minutes..ZZZzzz

Posted by: Just a side note at December 21, 2021 10:50 AM (H/pb5)

363 ***
That was how George Bernard Shaw spelled it.
Posted by: Wolfus Aurelius at December 21, 2021 10:49 AM (txdEq)

"I merely meant, Your Majesty...."

Posted by: Zombie Robbo the Llama Butcher at December 21, 2021 10:51 AM (dfRN6)

364 White House Plans to Send 500 Million Coronavirus Tests to Americans Two Weeks After Mocking Idea

I'm not sure I have enough space for 500 Million Coronavirus Tests

Posted by: SMOD at December 21, 2021 10:51 AM (RHGPo)

365 First exemption was approved.

:: breathes sigh of relief ::
Posted by: Joe Mannix

Congratulations!

Posted by: rickb223 Pureblood - non-GMO at December 21, 2021 10:51 AM (zCLVB)

366 ok, my mom was furious. My dad wanted to act furious, but I could see he was having a hard time not cracking up about it.
Posted by: Tom Servo at December 21, 2021 10:45 AM (trdmm)
++++
And that's the mom/dad dichotomy. I got kicked out of the fifth grade for wrongthink after I wrote a letter about how the school was failing students and wasting time on nonsense instead of education and distributed it to every student in the 3rd-5th grades. My mom maintained her composure and read through it stoically. My dad laughed his ass off, turned to my teacher and said, "he misspelled "psychobabble" so I think he might have a point about education quality here."

It ended with my departure from that august institution.

Posted by: Joe Mannix (Not a cop!) at December 21, 2021 10:52 AM (DU+/6)

367 I really don't remember if my parents ever presented Santa as "real" and I certainly don't remember any disappointment learning that he wasn't. Raising our kids, Santa was just another seasonal "meme" like snowmen and decorated trees. I don't think they were any the worse for it.

Posted by: Oddbob at December 21, 2021 10:52 AM (nfrXX)

368 No Insom, a swallow brings no babies at all!
Posted by: Tonypete

EXCUSE ME????
Posted by: Pete Buttgigger at December 21, 2021 10:48 AM (zCLVB)

Oh no. This I can confirm.

Posted by: Kumswala Harris at December 21, 2021 10:52 AM (Zz0t1)

369 We have one where the streets are named after writers, but one of the streets signs says "Shakespear".
Posted by: f'd at December 21, 2021

***
That was how George Bernard Shaw spelled it.
Posted by: Wolfus Aurelius at December 21, 2021 10:49 AM (txdEq)

Prevailing thought is that the Bard himself pronounced the name "SHAQ-speare."

Posted by: Mary Poppins' Practically Perfect Piercing at December 21, 2021 10:52 AM (2JVJo)

370 My Mom said babies came after a man and woman were married. Period. I was not convinced. I could not understand how marriage flipped a switch to "ON" in a woman's body. It was at least four more years before I understood the real story.
Posted by: Gref

"Can you flip her over? I'd rather have a puppy!"

-- Just the punchline

Posted by: Taqiyyologist, Rickrolled by Jesus at December 21, 2021 10:53 AM (OssQ4)

371 I would be willing to bet that 99.99 percent of the people in that neighborhood have never heard of GBS.
Posted by: f'd at December 21, 2021

***
I would not put money against that.

We have a "Socrates Street" on my side of the river. Locally it's pronounced "SO-kratz."

Posted by: Wolfus Aurelius at December 21, 2021 10:53 AM (txdEq)

372 Posted by: Marcus T at December 21, 2021 10:47 AM (VpIIl)

Thanks for the spiritual encouragement.

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at December 21, 2021 10:53 AM (KBCaU)

373

Your Majesty is a stream of bat's piss...

Posted by: Notime Toulouse at December 21, 2021 10:53 AM (KntXD)

374 We gave each of our boys a choice when they started asking serious questions about Santa.

Early on Christmas Eve: "If you want to know the complete truth, we'll tell you. If you don't really want to know yet, that's fine too. Just head to bed and nothing will change."

Some opted out and continued "believing" for another year, even knowing that *something* was up. And some opted in, were sworn to secrecy, and got to help with the stockings for their younger brothers. They "got" it, and I think they understood the good intentions behind it.

We also clarified in this open and honest setting, that belief in Santa is not in the same category as our faith in God and Jesus Christ. This approach worked very well for our family.

(This was around age seven or eight for each of them.)

Posted by: Half Dozen at December 21, 2021 10:53 AM (dJs6r)

375 The NHL suspends all operations after games played today.

Covid outbreak. They're largely vaccinated.

What the fuck good is the vaccine if you're STILL canceling shit from the thing it's supposed to protect you from?

Posted by: Sponge - Saying Jackson Sparks at December 21, 2021 10:54 AM (Zz0t1)

376 First exemption was approved.

:: breathes sigh of relief ::
Posted by: Joe Mannix

Good for you! My company sent out an e-mail yesterday saying, basically, "yeah, this is making its way through the courts and we don't know what is going to happen, but we want you all to be safe, so we're probably going to mandate the shot next year."

I am so glad I am out of there in 10 days.

Posted by: Mary Poppins' Practically Perfect Piercing at December 21, 2021 10:54 AM (2JVJo)

377 375 The NHL suspends all operations after games played today.

Covid outbreak. They're largely vaccinated.

What the fuck good is the vaccine if you're STILL canceling shit from the thing it's supposed to protect you from?
Posted by: Sponge - Saying Jackson Sparks at December 21, 2021 10:54 AM (Zz0t1)

==========

It's so sad to hear that the entirety of the NHL is about to die.

Thoughts and prayers.

Posted by: TheJamesMadison, John Ford goes to war at December 21, 2021 10:54 AM (LvTSG)

378 The jig was up when I found the Christmas presents in my parent's closet.

Posted by: f'd at December 21, 2021 10:54 AM (Tnijr)

379 I knew I didn't care about Santa anymore when the parents tried to wake me early to tell me Santa was just here and if I got up quickly I could see him. I mumbled to them ' five more minutes , just five more minutes..ZZZzzz
Posted by: Just a side note at December 21, 2021

***
In college, once I started recreational drinking, Santa could have marched a brass band through the house and I'd have slept through it.

Posted by: Wolfus Aurelius at December 21, 2021 10:55 AM (txdEq)

380 The NHL suspends all operations after games played today.

Covid outbreak. They're largely vaccinated.

What the fuck good is the vaccine if you're STILL canceling shit from the thing it's supposed to protect you from?
Posted by: Sponge - Saying Jackson Sparks at December 21, 2021 10:54 AM (Zz0t1)
++++
:: puts on tinfoil hat ::
Or it's a smokescreen because they're worried about their high-intensity athletes dropping dead or being crippled like Euro soccer players, and taking a break for a few weeks will help any heart swelling go down.

Posted by: Joe Mannix (Not a cop!) at December 21, 2021 10:55 AM (DU+/6)

381 We have a "Socrates Street" on my side of the river. Locally it's pronounced "SO-kratz."
Posted by: Wolfus Aurelius at December 21, 2021 10:53 AM (txdEq)

"That's So-CRATES, dude!"

- Bill and Ted

Posted by: Zombie Robbo the Llama Butcher at December 21, 2021 10:55 AM (dfRN6)

382 378 The jig was up when I found the Christmas presents in my parent's closet.
Posted by: f'd at December 21, 2021 10:54 AM (Tnijr)

=========

I found the presents in my parents' closet one year, and I kept going back to look at them until I got caught.

There was yelling.

Posted by: TheJamesMadison, John Ford goes to war at December 21, 2021 10:55 AM (LvTSG)

383 Whenever I have to give a public speech bare-ass naked, I control my stage fright by imagining the audience to be fully clothed.

Posted by: gp's Dark Winter Of Severe Death at December 21, 2021 10:55 AM (qpX6U)

384 Dad, why does Santa wear combat boots?

Posted by: Joe Mannix (Not a cop!) at December 21, 2021 10:55 AM (DU+/6)

385 "Can you flip her over? I'd rather have a puppy!"

-- Just the punchline

"Roll her over, stick it in her ass and send the results to Princeton!"

-- Another punchline.

Posted by: Mary Poppins' Practically Perfect Piercing at December 21, 2021 10:56 AM (2JVJo)

386 "I am so glad I am out of there in 10 days.
Posted by: Mary Poppins' Practically Perfect Piercing"

We've been counting down with you. I envy you really. 3 more years at least for me if I ever stop at all.

Posted by: f'd at December 21, 2021 10:56 AM (Tnijr)

387 274 264 Tater is excited!

Brian Stelter
@brianstelter
End of year #'s are in. "On Sunday mornings, all CNN programs outperformed MSNBC this year in both total viewers and the demo 25-54..."
Posted by: Anonosaurus Wrecks

Um. Should someone tell him?
Posted by: Puddleglum at December 21, 2021 10:31 AM

Mein Fuhrer. Maddow ist....

Posted by: Stelter's Producer, in the Fuhrer Bunker at December 21, 2021 10:57 AM (JCZqz)

388 "Roll her over, stick it in her ass and send the results to Princeton!"

-- Another punchline.

Hopefully the joke was funnier than the punchline.

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at December 21, 2021 10:57 AM (KBCaU)

389 And some opted in, were sworn to secrecy, and got to help with the stockings for their younger brothers. They "got" it, and I think they understood the good intentions behind it.

******

It's like joining a club. Plus, it comes with the knowing wink, much like a secret handshake.

Posted by: Muldoon at December 21, 2021 10:57 AM (m45I2)

390 "I am so glad I am out of there in 10 days.
Posted by: Mary Poppins' Practically Perfect Piercing"

We've been counting down with you. I envy you really. 3 more years at least for me if I ever stop at all.
Posted by: f'd at December 21, 2021

***
I'm hoping to bug out of here next June, after 20 years (this time -- 27 total). Who knows what kind of craziness they'll espouse between now and then. I've lost my respect for the place and don't even wear my college ring any more.

Posted by: Wolfus Aurelius at December 21, 2021 10:58 AM (txdEq)

391 I learned about the birds and bees very early from my babysitters. Not from any molestation but from observing and hearing what teen girls were doing in the late 60's.

Posted by: Just a side note at December 21, 2021 10:58 AM (H/pb5)

392 If Jimmy Carter kicks though I'm expecting to be able to retire from the proceeds of the sale of my painting of Billy Carter's horse.

Maybe I can post it on the Art thread one day?

Posted by: f'd at December 21, 2021 10:59 AM (Tnijr)

393 375 What the fuck good is the vaccine if you're STILL canceling shit from the thing it's supposed to protect you from?

actually, i'm more of a covid *monitor*

Posted by: Covid Vaccine at December 21, 2021 10:59 AM (v3pYe)

394 I look forward to the day when a wild boar gets through the fence at CNN and eats that Tater.

Posted by: Yudhishthira's Dice at December 21, 2021 10:59 AM (hQ23g)

395 The NHL suspends all operations after games played today.

Covid outbreak. They're largely vaccinated.

What the fuck good is the vaccine if you're STILL canceling shit from the thing it's supposed to protect you from?
Posted by: Sponge - Saying Jackson Sparks

They're on thin ice.

Posted by: Anonosaurus Wrecks Now With Pumpkin Spice! at December 21, 2021 10:59 AM (FVME7)

396 Hopefully the joke was funnier than the punchline.
Posted by: FenelonSpoke at December 21, 2021 10:57 AM (KBCaU)

It's an old joke about a newlywed couple on a train preparing to make love for the first time, when they get into an argument: if they have a boy, should he go to Harvard or Yale? If it's a girl, Smith or Vassar? And the argument goes on, getting louder and louder until a man in the next berth yells out the punchline.

Posted by: Mary Poppins' Practically Perfect Piercing at December 21, 2021 10:59 AM (2JVJo)

397
Actually, medically speaking, if your penis has more than two standard deviations, it's called Peyronie's Disease.
Posted by: Muldoon at December 21, 2021 10:31 AM (m45I2)

A never before discussed condition is suddenly everywhere on cable. Lawyers must have run out of class actions to shill for.

Posted by: Fox2! at December 21, 2021 10:59 AM (qyH+l)

398 Posted by: Mary Poppins' Practically Perfect Piercing at December 21, 2021 10:59 AM (2JVJo)

Thanks; The context helped.

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at December 21, 2021 11:00 AM (KBCaU)

399 AOSHQ: Joe Mannix in a devil suit on one shoulder poking you with a pitchfork saying, "Go ahead, click on the link." and Fenelon Spoke in an angel costume on the other shoulder with arms akimbo saying, "Instagram isn't a REAL relationship.

Posted by: Muldoon at December 21, 2021 11:00 AM (m45I2)

400 Punk Chimp in da house.

Posted by: Zombie Robbo the Llama Butcher at December 21, 2021 11:01 AM (dfRN6)

401 Monkey is up

Posted by: Duke Lowell at December 21, 2021 11:01 AM (eA1RV)

402 "Actually, medically speaking, if your penis has more than two standard deviations, it's called Peyronie's Disease."

Worst of all: Six-Sigma Schmeckel.

Posted by: gp's Dark Winter Of Severe Death at December 21, 2021 11:01 AM (qpX6U)

403 Noodus simianus minor

Posted by: Wolfus Aurelius at December 21, 2021 11:01 AM (txdEq)

404 and hearing what teen girls were doing in the late 60's.
Posted by: Just a side note

If they are in their late 60's, those aren't teen girls.

Just saying. . .

Posted by: Tonypete at December 21, 2021 11:02 AM (mD/uy)

405 364 White House Plans to Send 500 Million Coronavirus Tests to Americans Two Weeks After Mocking Idea

aren't these the same folks that wanted to send everybody masks?

Posted by: Kulak Anachronda, behind the Newsom curtain at December 21, 2021 11:02 AM (oY6Yp)

406 I am so glad I am out of there in 10 days.
Posted by: Mary Poppins' Practically Perfect Piercing at December 21, 2021 10:54 AM

Nice. Tomorrow's my last day at the current gig, and heading back to the north shore Thursday night.

Posted by: RedMindBlueState at December 21, 2021 11:03 AM (m+jkK)

407 I retired earlier than I planned because my company went into liquidation. Didn't want to start over somewhere else in the hellish industry I'm in. I still plan on getting a brainless part time job somewhere after the Panic is over. Didn't think it would last this long.

Posted by: Just a side note at December 21, 2021 11:03 AM (H/pb5)

408 I would be willing to bet that 99.99 percent of the people in that neighborhood have never heard of GBS.
Posted by: f'd at December 21, 2021 10:50 AM

Wiki:
The spelling of William Shakespeare's name has varied over time. It was not consistently spelled any single way during his lifetime, in manuscript or in printed form. After his death the name was spelled variously by editors of his work, and the spelling was not fixed until well into the 20th century.

Posted by: Chuck C at December 21, 2021 11:03 AM (EughT)

409 Kurt is like a dose of clap. All is sweet pleasure before his arrival and a pain the dong after he's come.

Posted by: andycanuck (UHVv4) at December 21, 2021 11:03 AM (UHVv4)

410 364 White House Plans to Send 500 Million Coronavirus Tests to Americans Two Weeks After Mocking Idea
I'm not sure I have enough space for 500 Million Coronavirus Tests
Posted by: SMOD at December 21, 2021 10:51 AM (RHGPo)

Wonderful. At least 50 million people will panic and immediately go to the ER when:
The test does not arrive in their mailbox the day it is supposed to;
They destroy the test stuff while opening the package and test container;
They get no test result due to a fault in a test kit component;
They get a positive test even though its a false indication.

If anyone believes hospitals are being overrun now, guess how much worse it will get?

Posted by: Gref at December 21, 2021 11:04 AM (AMIL/)

411 Santa is Wodin.

Posted by: Puddin Head at December 21, 2021 11:07 AM (D8mow)

412 349 No merry Christmas for you!

America's mainstream media: Audible sighs heard from ABC panel upon learning Manchin blocked Biden's Build Back Better bill
Posted by: Anonosaurus Wrecks

(insert Nelson Muntz laugh here)

Posted by: Puddleglum at December 21, 2021 11:08 AM (sAmhv)

413 AOSHQ: Joe Mannix in a devil suit on one shoulder poking you with a pitchfork saying, "Go ahead, click on the link." and Fenelon Spoke in an angel costume on the other shoulder with arms akimbo saying, "Instagram isn't a REAL relationship.

~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~

Worth repeating

Posted by: fluffy at December 21, 2021 11:09 AM (UnQlg)

414 If anyone believes hospitals are being overrun now, guess how much worse it will get?
Posted by: Gref

Feature, not a bug.

Posted by: Puddleglum at December 21, 2021 11:09 AM (sAmhv)

415 and hearing what teen girls were doing in the late 60's.
Posted by: Just a side note

***
They weren't doing enough!

Posted by: Teen Boys at December 21, 2021 11:11 AM (txdEq)

416 And not The Paolo average, either.
Posted by: Mary Poppins' Practically Perfect Piercing at December 21, 2021 10:47 AM

I guess the Texas average is right out, then.

Posted by: Duncanthrax at December 21, 2021 11:11 AM (a3Q+t)

417 The muse to the right of Apollo, leaning on a columnette, is looking right at us!

Posted by: m at December 21, 2021 11:15 AM (hGIMd)

418 315 Plus "Santa" is just a means of conditioning and/or extorting certain behaviors from kids.

Yeesh, some of you people have no sense of fun At. All.

Finding out Santa isn't real isn't some big existential crisis or, at least, shouldn't be.

I just figured it was one more step on the way to "Big Boyhood" as I was a wee tad.

I suppose had I been 12 or 13 when I found/figured out, I would've been a bit pissed but it would've been at myself for being such a retard.

Posted by: naturalfake at December 21, 2021 11:21 AM (OMayC)

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