ONT? You Must Be Joking

A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender for fruit punch. The bartender tells him he'll have to get in line. The man looks around, but there is no punch line.

Bernie24.jpg

So how about it Horde? Post your favorite jokes in the comments.

This Joke's Got Balls

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Riddle Me This

Question: How do you get a nun pregnant?

Answer (highlight to see):Have sex with her

2 Jokes in One

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Last Request

A rich man is dying. He calls in his priest, his doctor and his lawyer and tells them "They say you can't take it with you, but they're wrong." He gives each man an envelope. "There is $1 million in each envelope. At my funeral, just before they shovel the dirt in, I want each of you to toss your envelope into my grave". The three men solemnly agree.

The next day, the man dies. At his funeral, just before the gravediggers fill the grave, three envelopes bounce off the casket. Silently, the three men watch until the job is done, then they go out for a drink. After a couple of shots, the priest starts to feel guilty. "Gentlemen", he says" I have a confession to make. The orphanage was in big financial trouble. I took $200K out of the envelope to balance the books and fix the furnace. If I hadn't have done that, the orphanage would have had to close. I only threw $800K in." The other two men are slient, and then the doctor sighs and chimes in "I took $400K to fix the hospital's roof. It's the only hospital in a hundred miles, if I hadn't have done that, it would have closed and the community would be without medical care. I only threw in $600K." The doctor and the priest look at each other, and then at the lawyer.

The lawyer shakes his head and puts down his drink. "Gentlemen, no matter how worthy the causes, what you did was wrong. Phil was my client," he looks at the doctor, "and your patient, and your parishioner", nodding at the priest. "We were given a solemn charge, to fulfill his last request, and the two of you broke it." The doctor and the priest are looking down at the floor in shame. The lawyer picks up his drink. "I can think of lots of worthy things to do with the money, but it didn't belong to me. That's why I threw in my personal check for the full one million dollars".


Jinkies!

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This is What "Fiendishly Clever" Means

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My Wife's Favorite Joke

It seems that after Leif Erikson left the settlement in Newfoundland, he went back to his old village in Iceland. Much to his surprise, he found that he couldn't participate in the village council-he couldn't even vote! Disturbed, he went to the village clerk to find out why. The clerk investigated, and came back and told him he wasn't on the village rolls anymore. "I'm sorry, we must have taken Leif off our census"


It's Great to Lay on One in the Summer

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Feghoot

Click here for the greatest joke of all time

Tonight's ONT brought to you by trolling the teacher:

Lil hitler.jpg

Posted by: WeirdDave at 09:43 PM




Comments

(Jump to bottom of page)

1 First.

Posted by: eleven at December 27, 2018 09:46 PM (NLLmE)

2 Little Fat Hitler kid is hysterical.

Posted by: garrett at December 27, 2018 09:46 PM (5TQX6)

3 nailed it.

Posted by: eleven at December 27, 2018 09:46 PM (NLLmE)

4 Came for the one about the snake named Nate, was not disappointed.

Posted by: hogmartin at December 27, 2018 09:46 PM (t+qrx)

5 ...which means I read the content, including that one.

Posted by: hogmartin at December 27, 2018 09:47 PM (t+qrx)

6 (just not recently)

Posted by: hogmartin at December 27, 2018 09:47 PM (t+qrx)

7 The teacher did nazi that coming!

Posted by: Liberty at December 27, 2018 09:48 PM (MmlEs)

8 The greatest joke of all time?

You?

Posted by: Just Sayin' at December 27, 2018 09:49 PM (Zw73O)

9 I stopped to read the content-rookie error

Posted by: Calm Mentor at December 27, 2018 09:49 PM (ffYR/)

10 Tenſt!

Posted by: Zettai Roshia-no Botto at December 27, 2018 09:50 PM (CLcKT)

11 Holy hell that kid dressed as Hitler is funnier than hell.

Posted by: Patrick from Ohio at December 27, 2018 09:51 PM (dKiJG)

12 Sorry Big Dave, but you blew it. You left the key word "surely" out of the title.

Posted by: Gref at December 27, 2018 09:51 PM (AMIL/)

13 LOL

Posted by: votermom pimping NEW Moron-authored books! at December 27, 2018 09:52 PM (BJlbN)

14 Those are terrible jokes.

Please keep them coming.

Posted by: Mark Andrew Edwards at December 27, 2018 09:53 PM (xJa6I)

15 'He told me, 'When the sun goes down and everybody leaves...'.'

Posted by: Deaf Mute Indian in Fox Hole at December 27, 2018 09:53 PM (5TQX6)

16 Thirst!

Posted by: redc1c4 at December 27, 2018 09:53 PM (zJ7J0)

17 Just watching Raymond Burr ask Dick Powell to put in a good word for him with an office girl.

seemed weird

Posted by: REDACTED at December 27, 2018 09:54 PM (L/iaS)

18 Wenn ist das Nunstück git und Slotermeyer? Ja! Beiherhund das Oder die Flipperwaldt gersput!

Posted by: hogmartin at December 27, 2018 09:55 PM (t+qrx)

19 8
The greatest joke of all time?

Here it is (well, it's the story of the greatest joke of all time):
https://www.youtube. com/watch?v=sdWGlJrG6sQ

Posted by: Gref at December 27, 2018 09:55 PM (AMIL/)

20

The Aristocrats!

Posted by: Little Lupe Occupied Cervix at December 27, 2018 09:56 PM (UFLLM)

21 Raisin jerky. I never thought of it that way, but yeah.

Posted by: cfo mom at December 27, 2018 09:56 PM (RfzVr)

22 So the bartender says to the horse, hey why the long face?

Posted by: Duke Lowell at December 27, 2018 09:56 PM (gC2IV)

23 hogmartin, you're killing me! :-)

Posted by: Gref at December 27, 2018 09:56 PM (AMIL/)

24 Posted by: Gref at December 27, 2018 09:55 PM (AMIL/)

o_O

...whoa.

Posted by: hogmartin at December 27, 2018 09:56 PM (t+qrx)

25 Little Fat Hitler kid is hysterical.

He appears to be the only one in costume unless all of the others came dressed as "slacker".

Too bad no "hookers"

Posted by: Blue Bird of F'ing Joy at December 27, 2018 09:57 PM (lD3vL)

26 my favorite joke:

Hillary: still nacho President!

Posted by: votermom pimping NEW Moron-authored books! at December 27, 2018 09:57 PM (BJlbN)

27 Still reading the jokes ....

Posted by: Off the reservation at December 27, 2018 09:57 PM (vWMNq)

28 My favorite joke is when people tell me to be positive, I tell them I am so positive lint sticks to me.

Posted by: Kindltot at December 27, 2018 09:57 PM (mUa7G)

29

No, its ice cream.

Posted by: Little Lupe Occupied Cervix at December 27, 2018 09:57 PM (UFLLM)

30 Didn't see that last picture coming. Hillary-arious.

Posted by: Lump at December 27, 2018 09:57 PM (gU66x)

31 "If life doesn't also give you water and sugar, you lemonade is going to be pretty nasty"

Posted by: Kindltot at December 27, 2018 09:58 PM (mUa7G)

32 Raisin jerky. I never thought of it that way, but yeah.
Posted by: cfo mom at December 27, 2018 09:56 PM (RfzVr)


Onion rings are vegetable donuts.

Posted by: hogmartin at December 27, 2018 09:58 PM (t+qrx)

33 gonna be cold as hello here in The Valley, like totally, fer sure.

mid-to low 40's and fairly windy too.

damn good thing i busted up a bunch of firewood this afternoon and that i'm not homeless.

Posted by: redc1c4 at December 27, 2018 09:59 PM (zJ7J0)

34 33
San Fernando? Rio Grande? Shenandoah? How Green Was?

Posted by: Quint at December 27, 2018 10:02 PM (n13/j)

35 The IKEA thing would have been much better if he hadn't hung around afterwards to be caught.

Posted by: Off the reservation at December 27, 2018 10:02 PM (vWMNq)

36 Oh ho ho, I remember that snake joke.

Posted by: bluebell ~ winter NoVaMoMe is coming at December 27, 2018 10:03 PM (U5tDi)

37 after rereading, I am guessing CA.

Posted by: Quint at December 27, 2018 10:03 PM (n13/j)

38 33 gonna be cold as hello here in The Valley, like totally, fer sure.

mid-to low 40's and fairly windy too.

damn good thing i busted up a bunch of firewood this afternoon and that i'm not homeless.
Posted by: redc1c4 at December 27, 2018 09:59 PM (zJ7J0)

------------

Same here in middle Tennessee. Oh, and gas is $1.84 a gallon here though.

Posted by: Duke Lowell at December 27, 2018 10:03 PM (gC2IV)

39 Everybody's heard about the contractor at work and Farouk, yeah? I posted it a couple months ago.

Posted by: hogmartin at December 27, 2018 10:04 PM (t+qrx)

40 Knock knock.
Who's there?
Confused interrupting cow.
confused interru.....
Oink.

Posted by: Jim S. at December 27, 2018 10:05 PM (ynUnH)

41
The guy said, "Throw the envelope in."

Didn't say it had to have anything inside it.

Posted by: Skandia Recluse at December 27, 2018 10:05 PM (kJWoP)

42 Same here in middle Tennessee. Oh, and gas is $1.84 a gallon here though.
Posted by: Duke Lowell at December 27, 2018 10:03 PM (gC2IV)


$1.84 doesn't even cover the gas tax here in Cali.

Posted by: DR.WTF at December 27, 2018 10:06 PM (T71PA)

43 So, fried Plantains are just Central American Fruit Latkes?

Posted by: garrett at December 27, 2018 10:06 PM (D986x)

44
Which version of Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer do you remember?

The original version with the song "Fame & Fortune," or the changed version with the song "We're A Couple of Misfits?"



Posted by: Soothsayer -- Fake Commenter at December 27, 2018 10:07 PM (4SX9y)

45 Why did the chicken cross the road?
To visit the idiot.

Knock knock.
Who's there?
The chicken.

Posted by: Jim S. at December 27, 2018 10:07 PM (ynUnH)

46 So, fried Plantains are just Central American Fruit Latkes?
Posted by: garrett at December 27, 2018 10:06 PM (D986x)


Falafel is unappealing beignets.

Posted by: hogmartin at December 27, 2018 10:07 PM (t+qrx)

47 Ginger Thursday ONT Compliance Pics

https://twitter.com/kbdabear/status/1078352086654431235

https://twitter.com/kbdabear/status/1078352187942686720

https://twitter.com/kbdabear/status/1078352287209263104

https://twitter.com/kbdabear/status/1078352395095154689

https://twitter.com/kbdabear/status/1078352486266740736

Posted by: kbdabear at December 27, 2018 10:07 PM (0Ntuf)

48 The septuagenarian widow and widower had been seeing each other for quite some time. Eventually they decided to get married. After discussing all manner of things, the subject of sex came up. I would like it infrequently, she said. Is that one word or two, he replied.

Posted by: Duke Lowell at December 27, 2018 10:08 PM (gC2IV)

49 More Ginger Thursday ONT Compliance Pics

https://twitter.com/kbdabear/status/1078352584782561280

https://twitter.com/kbdabear/status/1078352698997649408

https://twitter.com/kbdabear/status/1078352823786590209

https://twitter.com/kbdabear/status/1078352950769184768

https://twitter.com/kbdabear/status/1078353054003617794

Posted by: kbdabear at December 27, 2018 10:09 PM (0Ntuf)

50 If that Frenchy in a barrel washes ashore upon a moron convention he's gonna be in for it.

Posted by: torabora at December 27, 2018 10:09 PM (Y274z)

51 Does Bernie KNOW he's a cuck?

Posted by: torabora at December 27, 2018 10:09 PM (Y274z)

52
44
Which version of Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer do you remember?


The one where he shivs the a-holes who would not let him join in any reindeer games. Lotta venison offered up in that one!

Posted by: Krebs v Carnot: Epic Battle of the Cycling Stars (TM) at December 27, 2018 10:09 PM (pNxlR)

53 A priest, a rabbi, and an Irishman walk into a bar. The bartender says, "What is this, a joke?"

Posted by: Jim S. at December 27, 2018 10:10 PM (ynUnH)

54 Thanks for the jokes WD!

Posted by: westminsterdogshow at December 27, 2018 10:10 PM (c1nDO)

55
I like lawyer jokes.

You're locked in a cage with a lawyer, a snarling tiger, and a coiled boa constrictor. Fortunately, you have a gun with two bullets. What do you do? Answer: Shoot the lawyer. Twice.

Posted by: Blonde Morticia at December 27, 2018 10:11 PM (oGNNA)

56 THAT'S NOT FUNNY!

Apply as applicable.

Howdy g'd'ev'n Moronettes, Morons, lurkers, trolls, people who stumbled into the barrel and can't figure how to get out, and Bob and Edna at the NSA.

Posted by: mindful webworker - I gotcher joke right here... um.. wait... at December 27, 2018 10:11 PM (AUv2D)

57 How are women and meteorologists alike?


They are both concerned with how many inches and how long will it last.

Posted by: paleRider at December 27, 2018 10:11 PM (eASYU)

58
$1.84 doesn't even cover the gas tax here in Cali.
Posted by: DR.WTF at December 27, 2018 10:06 PM (T71PA)

--------------

When are you guys marching on Sacramento?

Posted by: Duke Lowell at December 27, 2018 10:11 PM (gC2IV)

59
Why did the chicken cross the road?

To prove to the possum it could be done.

Posted by: Krebs v Carnot: Epic Battle of the Cycling Stars (TM) at December 27, 2018 10:11 PM (pNxlR)

60 19 8
The greatest joke of all time?

Here it is (well, it's the story of the greatest joke of all time):
https://www.youtube. com/watch?v=sdWGlJrG6sQ

Posted by: Gref



That would be the deadliest joke of all time. It can now be found deep with in Area 51, protected by a force field and time travelling unicorns. Shh, keep that on the down low.

Posted by: Puddleglum at December 27, 2018 10:11 PM (WNAuL)

61 Alexandra Ocasio-Cortez was found frozen to death in a convertible at a drive in movie theater...

What movie did she want to see?

"Closed for the Winter"

Posted by: kbdabear at December 27, 2018 10:11 PM (0Ntuf)

62 36
Oh ho ho, I remember that snake joke.



I'm still in the middle of reading it ... it's very long.


Posted by: Off the reservation at December 27, 2018 10:12 PM (vWMNq)

63 These videos are considered unsuitable for viewing by children

https://twitter.com/kbdabear/status/1078357419120619522

https://twitter.com/kbdabear/status/1078358488177348608

Posted by: kbdabear at December 27, 2018 10:13 PM (0Ntuf)

64 Here's a philosophy joke:

How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?
One, if it knows its Gödel number.

Posted by: Jim S. at December 27, 2018 10:13 PM (ynUnH)

65 Great. Craving onion rings now.


Hillary: still nacho President!
Posted by: votermom pimping NEW Moron-authored books! at December 27, 2018 09:57 PM (BJlbN)


This takes away the sting a bit.

Posted by: eleven at December 27, 2018 10:13 PM (NLLmE)

66
"A Jew and a black woman visit the Country Club. If we had a horse and a priest, we could do the whole joke."
-- Artie (Warehouse 13)

Can someone tell me the joke? I've never heard it.

Posted by: Skandia Recluse at December 27, 2018 10:13 PM (kJWoP)

67 What do you find inside a clean nose?
Fingerprints.

Posted by: Jim S. at December 27, 2018 10:14 PM (ynUnH)

68 i wouldn't send a knight out on a dog like this.

Posted by: musical jolly chimp at December 27, 2018 10:14 PM (Pg+x7)

69 Which version of Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer do you remember?


The one with Godzilla. It was 30 seconds long.

Posted by: Puddleglum at December 27, 2018 10:14 PM (WNAuL)

70 You guys crack me up, ettes too

Posted by: Tinfoilbaby at December 27, 2018 10:14 PM (bQtop)

71
Legal immigrants become cops.

Illegal immigrants kill cops.

Posted by: San Franpsycho at December 27, 2018 10:14 PM (EZebt)

72
Alexandra Ocasio-Cortez walked into a bar.

"Oww!" she said, rubbing her forehead.

Posted by: Krebs v Carnot: Epic Battle of the Cycling Stars (TM) at December 27, 2018 10:14 PM (pNxlR)

73 Drunk sitting at a bar
Well dressed patron comes in, orders 15 year old scotch
Bartender grabs a bottle off the rack, pours, hands it to the patron
Patron sips, makes a foul face, says it's only 7 year old scotch
Drunk keeps watching
Bartender grabs a dusty bottle off the back shelf, pours
Patron sips, makes a face, says it's only 12 year old scotch
Drunk pushes glass over to patron, says drink this
Patron drinks, spits out, gags, yells at the drunk what the fuck was that? It tastes like piss!
Drunk... exactly, sir.... can you tell me how old I am?

Posted by: Martini Farmer at December 27, 2018 10:14 PM (3H9h1)

74

Why did the farmer cross the road?

His dick was stuck in the chicken.

Posted by: Little Lupe Occupied Cervix at December 27, 2018 10:15 PM (UFLLM)

75 3 nuns are killed in an auto accident.
St. Pete tells them, "Well, you've certainly led exemplary lives, but there's a short test before you get into heaven."
Surprised, the nuns just nod.
He turns to the first.
"Who was the first man on earth?"
"Adam, of course."
Trumpets blew, the angels sang, and the pearly gates swung open
Second nun. "Who was the first woman on earth?"
"Eve, of course."
Trumpets blew, angels sang, the pearly gates swung open.
To the third nun... "And what were the first words Eve said to Adam?"
The stunned nun was flabbergasted! She had a confused look on her face. She said, "My, that's a hard one."

Trumpets blew, the angels sang....

Posted by: MarkY at December 27, 2018 10:16 PM (ZQjTJ)

76 Seal pup waddles into the bar.
Barkeep: Wadda'have?
Seal pup: Canadian Club, on ice.

Posted by: dumb jokes everyone knows at December 27, 2018 10:17 PM (f3C8a)

77 So this lawyer walks into a bar.

Walks past the other patrons ...

Walks past the waitresses...

Walks past the bartender...

Slams open the kitchen doors, walks win and yells at the short order cook, "Pour me scotch and soda!"

Now the cook is busy with the salads and the little pretzels and some appetizers, but the guy just yells at him again, "and gimme a twist of lemon!"

So the cook puts down the trays and wipes his hands and says, "Mister, I'm just a cook. The drinks are out there."

And the guys says, "Well duh, I'm a lawyer. Of course I passed the bar!"

Posted by: Adriane the War is Bad, Slavery is Worse Critic ... at December 27, 2018 10:18 PM (LPnfS)

78 WE ARE AN EQUAL OPPORTUNITY EMPLOYER-IF YOU'RE BLACK YOU HAVE A CHINAMAN'S CHANCE OF BEING HIRED

Posted by: jbspry at December 27, 2018 10:18 PM (d/n9j)

79 Good Evening

Posted by: wing at December 27, 2018 10:18 PM (JFzNN)

80 72 krebs:

"oww" she said, rubbing her forehead.

lol that's excellent.

Posted by: musical jolly chimp at December 27, 2018 10:18 PM (Pg+x7)

81 I remember back in the 80s when there were jokes about celebrity deaths within a few days

Posted by: kbdabear at December 27, 2018 10:19 PM (0Ntuf)

82 So, the genie grants the guys third wish by clapping his hands. Suddenly, a small man in black tie and tails comes out, sits down, and starts playing a tiny piano. What the hell, the man exclaims! The genie replies, this is what you wished. A twelve inch pianist.

Posted by: Duke Lowell at December 27, 2018 10:20 PM (gC2IV)

83 How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?

>>only one, but the light bulb has to really *want* to change

Posted by: Vanya at December 27, 2018 10:20 PM (Z/XEV)

84 Roses are grey,

Violets are grey,

Tulips are grey,

Because I am a dog.

Posted by: Yudhishthira's Dice at December 27, 2018 10:20 PM (5aX2M)

85 The only other joke I always remember is the norwegian clock maker.

Posted by: paleRider at December 27, 2018 10:20 PM (eASYU)

86 The new Polish bride was busy in the field harvesting potatoes with the other village women. She held up two giant taters and announced, these spuds resemble my new husband's balls!!!!

Posted by: Asscheeks of Saturn at December 27, 2018 10:20 PM (7KFPB)

87 76:

canadian club on ice.

lol too much.

Posted by: musical jolly chimp at December 27, 2018 10:20 PM (Pg+x7)

88 I can't find the link, but wasn't there some anchorbabe who told the local weatherman after a predicted snowstorm didn't live up to expectations "Hey Bob (or whoever) where is that 8 inches you promised me yesterday?"

Posted by: cfo mom at December 27, 2018 10:20 PM (RfzVr)

89 I don't get the Last Request joke.

Posted by: Dr. T at December 27, 2018 10:21 PM (Vgw1E)

90 The print is getting smaller, isn't it?

Posted by: Tinfoilbaby at December 27, 2018 10:21 PM (bQtop)

91 Why did Tigger look in the toilet?

He wanted to find Pooh.

That's about my speed. I think that might be the only joke I know.

Posted by: Gem at December 27, 2018 10:21 PM (XoAz8)

92
They're using lawyers in scientific experiments now. There are certain things rats simply refuse to do.

Posted by: Blonde Morticia at December 27, 2018 10:21 PM (oGNNA)

93 When are you guys marching on Sacramento?

Posted by: Duke Lowell at December 27, 2018 10:11 PM (gC2IV)

===

It's so hot there. Can't we just use missiles?

Posted by: San Franpsycho at December 27, 2018 10:22 PM (EZebt)

94 There are two potatoes on the street corner. Which one is the prostitute?

The one with the sticker that says Idaho.

Posted by: davidt at December 27, 2018 10:22 PM (jGvbj)

95 Wanna great joke?





President Barack Obama


Posted by: logprof at December 27, 2018 10:22 PM (cUFK6)

96 Click here for the greatest joke of all time

Oh, yeah. I keep meaning to get around to reading that....

Posted by: mindful webworker - passed tents at December 27, 2018 10:22 PM (cJ00e)

97 One young woman blushed and asked, are his balls really that big?

Posted by: Asscheeks of Saturn at December 27, 2018 10:22 PM (7KFPB)

98 Look at the little S car go!

Posted by: Fritz at December 27, 2018 10:22 PM (w1awA)

99 75
Trumpets blew, the angels sang....
Posted by: MarkY at December 27, 2018 10:16 PM (ZQjTJ)


LOL.

Posted by: rickl at December 27, 2018 10:23 PM (sdi6R)

100 Guy walks into his lawyer's office and gives him a fresh, crisp $100 bill on account.
After the guy leaves, the lawyer realizes there are actually 2 bills stuck together.
An ethical dilemma arises....
should he tell his partner?

Posted by: MarkY at December 27, 2018 10:23 PM (ZQjTJ)

101 No, answered the young bride, but they are that dirty.

Posted by: Asscheeks of Saturn at December 27, 2018 10:23 PM (7KFPB)

102 Did you hear about the airliner that crashed in a Polish cemetery? They recovered 11,000 bodies...

Posted by: Vanya at December 27, 2018 10:23 PM (Z/XEV)

103 94 davit:

idaho

lol ha ha ha!

Posted by: musical jolly chimp at December 27, 2018 10:24 PM (Pg+x7)

104
I was wrong. The original Rudolph, 1964, had the "Were A Couple of Misfits" song.

1965 the song changed to "Fame And Fortune," for 28 years.

In '93, CBS decided to air the version with the original "We're A Couple of Misfits" song.

Then in 2005, CBS began to air a terribly edited version of Rudolph.


Posted by: Soothsayer -- Fake Commenter at December 27, 2018 10:24 PM (4SX9y)

105 Ohhhhh.....

Posted by: Dr. T at December 27, 2018 10:24 PM (Vgw1E)

106 NEED
ANOTHER
SEVEN
ASTRONAUTS

Posted by: Mr Aspirin Factory at December 27, 2018 10:24 PM (nDe2U)

107 I made this one up myself:

Q: Which classical composer is hardest to find?



A: Haydn

Posted by: logprof at December 27, 2018 10:24 PM (cUFK6)

108 Three guys are traveling together: One guy is from India, one guy is Jewish, and the third guy is from Poland.

It's late at night, and all the roadside motels are full, except for one. The manager says he has a room for two of the men, but the third guy will have to sleep in the barn.

The Indian guy says he'll sleep in the barn. Two minutes later, there's a knock on the door of the motel room. It's the Indian guy, who says he can't sleep in the barn because there's a cow in there. So the Jewish guy says he'll sleep in the barn.

Two minutes later, there's a knock on the door of the motel room. It's the Jewish guy, who says he can't sleep in the barn because there's a pig in there. The Polish guy then says he'll sleep in the barn.

Two minutes later, there's a knock on the door of the motel room. It was the cow and the pig.

Posted by: mercenary13 at December 27, 2018 10:25 PM (2XQ0T)

109

A guy walks into a bar sits down with his pet monkey and has a drink. The monkey jumps up on the bar and eats all of the bar peanuts. He then moves his way down the bar and eats all of the snack popcorn and finally a hard-boiled egg sitting in a jar. Finally he jumps off the bar jumps up on a pool table and swallows the cue ball. At this point the bartender has had enough and starts yelling at the guy about the monkey. The guy apologizes pays for the cue ball and snacks and leaves. A couple of weeks later he walks in sits down and has a drink with his monkey. The bartender eyes the monkey wearily but doesn't say anything. The monkey runs over jumps up on the bar grabs a paw full of peanuts popcorn and a hardboiled egg, shoves it up his ass dumps it out and then runs up on the bar and starts eating all the snacks. The bartender starts yelling about what the hell is going on and the guy apologizes and says "ever since he ate that cue ball a couple of weeks ago he test fits everything before he eats it."

Posted by: In Vino Veritits at December 27, 2018 10:25 PM (UFLLM)

110 One blew this way.

The other blew that way.

Posted by: Village Idiot's Apprentice at December 27, 2018 10:25 PM (cqNba)

111 In case there is anyone who has never encountered it:

Emo Phillips, 2005:

This morning I received thrilling news: a joke I wrote more than 20 years ago has been voted the funniest religious joke of all time! In case you've missed it, here it is:

Once I saw this guy on a bridge about to jump. I said, "Don't do it!" He said, "Nobody loves me." I said, "God loves you. Do you believe in God?"....

theguardian.com/stage/2005/sep/29/comedy.religion

Posted by: mindful webworker - Epic Sopal at December 27, 2018 10:26 PM (cJ00e)

112 My eyes, my eyes

Posted by: Tinfoilbaby at December 27, 2018 10:26 PM (bQtop)

113 The Classic Emo Phillips joke. Deserves recognition.

Posted by: eleven at December 27, 2018 10:27 PM (NLLmE)

114 So how many of you had to work this week?

Seems like most folks had a 4 day weekend, having had off Monday and Tuesday. Some lucky folks had the whole week. Poor unfortunates like my DIL only had Christmas day off.

Posted by: cfo mom at December 27, 2018 10:27 PM (RfzVr)

115 In heaven
The cops are English
The mechanics are German
The cooks are French
Your lover is Italian
And everything is organized by the Swiss.

In hell
The cops are German
The mechanics are French
The cooks are English
Your lover is Swiss
And everything is organized by the Italians

Posted by: Vanya at December 27, 2018 10:27 PM (Z/XEV)

116 Never quite grokked the Aristocrats joke tho.

Posted by: eleven at December 27, 2018 10:28 PM (NLLmE)

117 Q: When a woman married a Polish man, what does she get on her wedding night that's long and hard?



A: A new last name

Posted by: logprof at December 27, 2018 10:29 PM (cUFK6)

118
A guy was plagued by skunks living under his front porch. His neighbor suggested that he spread mothballs around the porch's perimeter.

Done, but three days later, the skunks were still there. So the neighbor suggested he substitute kimchee for the mothballs.

Done, but three days later, the skunks were still there. Exasperated, the neighbor suggested that he substitute lutefisk for the kimchee.

Done, and three days later, no skunks! Guy who owned the porch wanted to know, though, what he could use to get rid of the Norwegians who had started residing there.

Posted by: Krebs v Carnot: Epic Battle of the Cycling Stars (TM) at December 27, 2018 10:29 PM (pNxlR)

119 A boy was having his first sex ed classes in school, and had a few questions for his Dad.

"Dad what does a woman's vagina really look like?"

Dad thinks a minutes and say "Well before sex, a vagina looks like a beautiful rose, just about to bloom".

Son: "What does it look like after sex, Dad?".

Dad thinks a minute, then says "Son, have you ever seen a bulldog eating mayonnaise?".

Posted by: Calm Mentor at December 27, 2018 10:29 PM (ffYR/)

120 Guy waddles into a bar, looking very pained. His buddy asks him what's wrong with him; guy drops his pants to reveal an enormous plug shoved into his butt.

"How did that happen?" his buddy asks.

Guy answers, "I found an old lamp and rubbed it and a genie appeared. He said, 'I can grant you one wish, for whatever you desire."

"What did you say?"

"No shit!"

Posted by: Dr. T at December 27, 2018 10:29 PM (Vgw1E)

121 113 The Classic Emo Phillips joke. Deserves recognition.
Posted by: eleven at December 27, 2018 10:27 PM (NLLmE)


Yes it does.

Posted by: rickl at December 27, 2018 10:30 PM (sdi6R)

122 grammie winger is gonna get you.

Posted by: cfo mom at December 27, 2018 10:30 PM (RfzVr)

123 La Guillotine!!

La Guillotine !!!!

Posted by: Madame Defarge at December 27, 2018 10:30 PM (wWUkD)

124 Donald J. Trump
Verified account @realDonaldTrump
4h4 hours ago

CNN others within the Fake News Universe were going wild about my signing MAGA hats for our military in Iraq and Germany. If these brave young people ask me to sign their hat, I will sign. Can you imagine my saying NO? We brought or gave NO hats as the Fake News first reported!

Posted by: mikeyG at December 27, 2018 10:31 PM (LL1Be)

125 What do you call four Mexicans in quicksand?

Quatro cinco.

Posted by: Vanya at December 27, 2018 10:32 PM (Z/XEV)

126 114 So how many of you had to work this week?

Seems like most folks had a 4 day weekend, having had off Monday and Tuesday. Some lucky folks had the whole week. Poor unfortunates like my DIL only had Christmas day off.
Posted by: cfo mom at December 27, 2018 10:27 PM (RfzVr)

I used vacation days on Mon and Wed. Going back today was brutal. The six other people on the train with me were pretty grumpy, too. Another four day weekend ahead, tho!

Posted by: Gem at December 27, 2018 10:32 PM (XoAz8)

127 Dave is an evil man but some of you already know that.

Posted by: Off the reservation at December 27, 2018 10:33 PM (vWMNq)

128 Dave's not here, Man.

Posted by: garrett at December 27, 2018 10:34 PM (D986x)

129 Q: What do you call a Mexican midget?


A: Paragraph, because he's not big enough to be an ese

Posted by: logprof at December 27, 2018 10:34 PM (cUFK6)

130 An orchestra was on tour when the conductor got sick and had to be hospitalized. There was no replacement available and the manager was at his wit's end.
One of the violists approached him and said "Look, I know the scores really well- how about letting me sub as conductor?'
The desperate manager agreed and he led the orchestra for a week until a new conductor arrived. The next night, the violist took his usual place in the string section.
"Dude!" said the other violist "Where the hell have you been?"

Posted by: Sal at December 27, 2018 10:34 PM (wR64M)

131 Posted by: In Vino Veritits at December 27, 2018 10:25 PM (UFLLM)

Monkey cue ball joke.

I just tried to read that out loud to my wife and couldn't stop laughing to finish it.

Thanks.

Posted by: DR.WTF at December 27, 2018 10:34 PM (T71PA)

132 Wait..

Not Top-199.

Posted by: tbodie at December 27, 2018 10:35 PM (BBhgz)

133 114 So how many of you had to work this week?

Seems like most folks had a 4 day weekend, having had off Monday and Tuesday. Some lucky folks had the whole week. Poor unfortunates like my DIL only had Christmas day off.
Posted by: cfo mom at December 27, 2018 10:27 PM (RfzVr)


I only had Christmas Day off, but that's OK. Work was pretty light, and it's not like I had anything better to do.

Posted by: rickl at December 27, 2018 10:35 PM (sdi6R)

134 Only 6 people on the train?! Wow, must be due to all those furloughed govt folks. /

Posted by: cfo mom at December 27, 2018 10:35 PM (RfzVr)

135 Dave is an evil man but some of you already know that.

Posted by: Off the reservation at December 27, 2018 10:33 PM (vWMNq)
-----------

Let me guess. You just got to the end of the snake joke?

Posted by: bluebell ~ winter NoVaMoMe is coming at December 27, 2018 10:36 PM (U5tDi)

136 Posted by: kbdabear at December 27, 2018 10:07 PM (0Ntuf)

First link, sadly the one on the left looks little bit porcine what with that nose ring.

Posted by: Alberta Oil Peon at December 27, 2018 10:36 PM (fDU8w)

137
107 I made this one up myself:

Q: Which classical composer is hardest to find?

A: Haydn
Posted by: logprof at December 27, 2018 10:24 PM (cUFK6)


Take that Bach, right now!

Posted by: Krebs v Carnot: Epic Battle of the Cycling Stars (TM) at December 27, 2018 10:36 PM (pNxlR)

138 A Jewish grandmother is standing on the beach, not wanting to get her feet wet. Her little grandson is splashing around in the water when all of a sudden a huge wave comes out of nowhere, scours the beach, knocks her on her ass, and recedes back into the ocean. Her grandson is gone like he was never there.

She holds her hands to the sky, screams and cries, "How could you do this to me? Haven't I been a wonderful mother and grandmother? I give tzedakah, I light the candles every Shabbos, I do everything you ask! What did I do to deserve this?"

Another wave comes out of nowhere, knocks her on her ass again, and after it recedes, her grandson is there, smiling, splashing around like nothing happened.

Bubbie shakes her head, stares up at the heavens and yells, "A hat. He had A HAT!"

Posted by: hogmartin at December 27, 2018 10:36 PM (t+qrx)

139 rickl, I hear that. I always like working holidays 'cause it was quiet and slow and there were no bosses around.

Posted by: cfo mom at December 27, 2018 10:36 PM (RfzVr)

140 Two guys from Prague go hiking in Alaska. In the woods, they meet a male and a female grizzly. The male leaps on one guy and swallows him whole!

His buddy runs away, finds a game warden and leads him to the bears. He points out the one that swallowed his friend. Game warden thinks for a second... And shoots the female bear. Guy is confused.

"Why'd you do that? I told you where he was!"

Warden says, "Would you believe a guy who told you that the Czech was in the male?"

Posted by: Vanya at December 27, 2018 10:37 PM (Z/XEV)

141 109 Posted by: In Vino Veritits

I still have tears from laughing so hard at this one.

Posted by: Jabroni at December 27, 2018 10:37 PM (iY6c1)

142
Max Bialystok: That's our Hitler!!!

Posted by: TheQuietMan at December 27, 2018 10:37 PM (SiINZ)

143 I had Monday and Tuesday off. Wednesday was brutal. Only Tuesday next week.

Posted by: Infidel at December 27, 2018 10:38 PM (PF4TZ)

144 What has 75 balls and drives the women wild?
Bingo


Posted by: Jolo at December 27, 2018 10:38 PM (y09j5)

145 Bubbie shakes her head, stares up at the heavens and yells, "A hat. He had A HAT!"
Posted by: hogmartin at December 27, 2018 10:36 PM (t+qrx)
-----------

Ha!

Posted by: bluebell ~ winter NoVaMoMe is coming at December 27, 2018 10:38 PM (U5tDi)

146 135 Let me guess. You just got to the end of the snake joke?


Amazing. You got it in one.

Posted by: Off the reservation at December 27, 2018 10:38 PM (vWMNq)

147 There's a dead politician and a dead skunk laying in the road.

What's the difference?

..........skid marks in front of the skunk.

Posted by: Blake - tis the season for grinching at December 27, 2018 10:40 PM (WEBkv)

148 The Triplets Joke.

Three triplets were born in a small Alabama town named Pine Apple ( real town, no joke!).
As they grew, two of the triplets became big fellas and one of the triplets was kinda puny.

One day they walk into the local watering hole, and the bartender, Caleb, axes them three a question.

Caleb: "Since there bees three of ya'll, I gots me a kweshen. Two of youves be kinda big and brawny, and one ofs ya bees kinda puny. Why is dat?

Puny Triplet: " Wells, ya see. Wees was born triplets. Ya know, threes. So those two got to suck on ma, and I has to suck on Pa."

Posted by: Hairyback Guy at December 27, 2018 10:40 PM (Z+IKu)

149 I will never forget (or forgive) that snake joke.

Posted by: cfo mom at December 27, 2018 10:40 PM (RfzVr)

150 What's the objective of Jewish football?

To get the quarterback.

Posted by: Vanya at December 27, 2018 10:40 PM (Z/XEV)

151 Had to work today, yesterday, and this past Sunday. I'm tomorrow for light training, then off until NYE (hell yeah I'm watching the college playoffs).

I'm gonna be a Sooner fan Saturday

Posted by: logprof at December 27, 2018 10:40 PM (cUFK6)

152 A Frenchman stole the body of a dead woman and dragged it back to his flat for a bit of necrophilia action...

And just as he's about to do the deed, there's a knock at the door... It was an acquaintance of his, and soon enough, both of them were shagging the corpse...

After they'd finished, the first Frenchman asked the second if he'd enjoyed his experience with the dead woman...

The second Frenchman then exclaimed, "You didn't tell me she was dead! I thought she was an American!"


I'll show myself out.

Posted by: Zettai Roshia-no Botto at December 27, 2018 10:42 PM (CLcKT)

153 Q - What's the difference between a chick pea and a garbanzo bean?



A - I've never had a garbanzo bean on my face for my birthday.

Posted by: Tonypete at December 27, 2018 10:43 PM (9rIkM)

154 Q: Which classical composer is hardest to find?

A: Haydn
Posted by: logprof at December 27, 2018 10:24 PM (cUFK6)

Take that Bach, right now!

Posted by: Krebs v Carnot: Epic Battle of the Cycling Stars (TM) at December 27, 2018 10:36 PM (pNxlR)


Not everyone can Handel a joke like that!

Posted by: Comrade Hrothgar at December 27, 2018 10:43 PM (f3oO4)

155 149 I will never forget (or forgive) that snake joke.
Posted by: cfo mom at December 27, 2018 10:40 PM (RfzVr)
----------------

Yep.

Posted by: Blake - tis the season for grinching at December 27, 2018 10:43 PM (WEBkv)

156 Two babies are lying in the nursery looking at each other. They get taken home and live their lives. By bizarre circumstance, they both wind up in the same hospital in the same room. One looks over at the other and says, "so, what'd you think?"

Posted by: Duke Lowell at December 27, 2018 10:44 PM (gC2IV)

157 Newly wed couple are in the honeymoon suite bride is laying in bed, husband gets undressed.
Her. "Look a wee wee!"
Him. "Oh honey, from now on we'll call this a cock."
Her. "Buddy I've seen a lot of cock, and that's a wee wee."

Posted by: Some rat in the swamp at December 27, 2018 10:44 PM (LOq4H)

158 Last Request:
The old man just asked you to throw the envelope in, dummy. Like most lawyers, you overthought it.
The linked joke:
Man, we did that joke - with a million variations, and all LOOOOOOOONG - at every campfire at every Boy Scout summer camp we ever went to. Along with "If the foo shits, wear it".But that is the longest one I've ever read.

Posted by: GWB at December 27, 2018 10:44 PM (Ck4aV)

159 A man is walking through a cemetery in Vienna when he hears gorgeous music.
On investigation he finds it's coming out of a mausoleum inscribed Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart. He walks in to find a rotting corpse playing a harpsichord.

Amazed he sputtered "are you..
""Quiet ", the figure says "can't you see I'm decomposing? "

Posted by: Northernlurker being f'n insufferable at December 27, 2018 10:45 PM (3icOz)

160 I invented a new word!

Plagiarism.

Posted by: MarkY at December 27, 2018 10:45 PM (ZQjTJ)

161 OK. The Hitler kid made me snort!

Posted by: Chi-Town Jerry at December 27, 2018 10:45 PM (438dO)

162 80 years later. Fucked that one up, did I.

Posted by: Duke Lowell at December 27, 2018 10:45 PM (gC2IV)

163 You don't come out here for the hunting, do you?

Posted by: Count de Monet at December 27, 2018 10:45 PM (QLvwG)

164 Two guys (let's call them Dan and Gary) are thinking about hitting the bars that night, when they put their money together and realize they don't have enough for more than a drink or two. Dan thinks it over a second, then runs into the kitchen and comes back with a plain hot dog from the fridge.

"Okay," he tells Gary, "here's the plan. We'll go to each bar and order a drink. We'll drink it, and when the bartender asks us to pay up, you slip this hot dog into my fly and start sucking on the end of it. Everyone'll be so shocked they'll just throw us out, and we'll do that at each bar."

Sure enough, they go to the first bar and order a drink. Bartender asks them to pay up, Gary sticks the hot dog under Dan's belt and starts sucking on it. The bartender gets red-faced. "Get out of here!" he shouts. "We don't want you faggots in here!" So Dan and Gary leave and go to several more bars and repeat the act.

By the seventh or eighth bar, both men are pretty drunk and exhausted. "Dude," says Dan, "I don't know how much more of this I can take. I'm feeling pretty out of it."

"I know what you mean," says Gary. "The worst part is, I lost the hot dog three bars ago."

Posted by: Dr. T at December 27, 2018 10:45 PM (Vgw1E)

165 Posted by: cfo mom at December 27, 2018 10:27 PM (RfzVr)

===

Worked every day, but I'll be off duty New Year's Eve and New Year's Day. I might even stay up later than 9pm.

Posted by: San Franpsycho at December 27, 2018 10:46 PM (EZebt)

166 I'm gonna be a Sooner fan Saturday

Posted by: logprof at December 27, 2018 10:40 PM (cUFK6)


Is that the joke or the punch line?

Posted by: GWB at December 27, 2018 10:46 PM (Ck4aV)

167 139 rickl, I hear that. I always like working holidays 'cause it was quiet and slow and there were no bosses around.
Posted by: cfo mom at December 27, 2018 10:36 PM (RfzVr)


I could have taken vacation days if I wanted to, but I'll get paid for unused ones, and as I said, I didn't have anything better to do.

Posted by: rickl at December 27, 2018 10:46 PM (sdi6R)

168 Missed the last thread, but mad props to Antarctica dude. I go on winter snow shoeing trips and my pulk, (sled) is like 60lbs. Dude had a damn near 400lbs. pulk. Granted it was relatively flat, but 1,000 miles. Damn!

Posted by: Minnfidel at December 27, 2018 10:47 PM (L3YlV)

169 163 You don't come out here for the hunting, do you?
Posted by: Count de Monet at December 27, 2018 10:45 PM (QLvwG)

--------------

*nervous glance*

Whatever do you mean?

Posted by: Leonardo DiCaprio at December 27, 2018 10:47 PM (WEBkv)

170
What's a henway?

Posted by: Krebs v Carnot: Epic Battle of the Cycling Stars (TM) at December 27, 2018 10:47 PM (pNxlR)

171 875 million Chinese walk into a bar.


Bartender says, "we don't see many Chinese in here".




Posted by: rhomboid at December 27, 2018 10:48 PM (QDnY+)

172 -
--
Granted it was relatively flat, but 1,000 miles. Damn!


Posted by: Minnfidel at December 27, 2018 10:47 PM

--------------------

I think the pole is like 9000 ft elevation.

Posted by: irright at December 27, 2018 10:49 PM (RVcmP)

173 158 Last Request:
The old man just asked you to throw the envelope in, dummy. Like most lawyers, you overthought it.


No. The joke is he wrote a check. He put the money in his account and wrote a check. To a dead guy.

Posted by: Weirddave at December 27, 2018 10:49 PM (JP6CH)

174 A little girl is at a toy store, walks up to the counter with a Barbie, and asks the clerk where to find a GI Joe.

The clerk says "The GI Joes are on aisle three, but I think you're looking for a Ken doll... Barbie comes with Ken."

The girl says "No, Barbie comes with GI Joe. She fakes it with Ken."

Posted by: Yudhishthira's Dice at December 27, 2018 10:50 PM (5aX2M)

175 A bear and a rabbit are crapping in the woods.
The asks the rabbit if he has a problem with crap sticking to his fur.
The rabbit says no.
So the bears picks him up and wipes his butt with him.

Posted by: Veeshir at December 27, 2018 10:50 PM (nQkFn)

176 114
So how many of you had to work this week?
Posted by: cfo mom at December 27, 2018 10:27 PM (RfzVr)


I had to "work from an alternate location" - meaning home.

Posted by: GWB at December 27, 2018 10:50 PM (Ck4aV)

177 Hindu goes up to the hot dog vendor.
Make me one with everything.

Posted by: MarkY at December 27, 2018 10:51 PM (ZQjTJ)

178 58 $1.84 doesn't even cover the gas tax here in Cali.
Posted by: DR.WTF at December 27, 2018 10:06 PM (T71PA)
--------------
When are you guys marching on Sacramento?

Posted by: Duke Lowell at December 27, 2018 10:11 PM (gC2IV)


They're gonna start marching as soon as they can find enough yellow vests.....

Posted by: Lump at December 27, 2018 10:51 PM (gU66x)

179 A husband and wife came for counseling after 20 years of marriage. When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the 20
years they had been married.

She went on and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured over the course of their marriage.

Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and, after asking the wife to stand, embraced and kissed her passionately as her husband watched with a raised eyebrow. The woman shut up and quietly sat down as though in a daze

The therapist turned to the husband and said, 'This is what your wife needs at least three times a week. Can you do this?'

The husband thought for a moment and replied, 'Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I fish.'

Posted by: Blake - used bridge salesman at December 27, 2018 10:51 PM (WEBkv)

180 Hhuuuuuuummmmmm.

Posted by: literally serious at December 27, 2018 10:52 PM (1hhNr)

181 -
--
A bear and a rabbit are crapping in the woods.

The asks the rabbit if he has a problem with crap sticking to his fur.

The rabbit says no.

So the bears picks him up and wipes his butt with him.

Posted by: Veeshir at December 27, 2018 10:50 PM

-------------------------

Doesn't it make more sense if the rabbit says yes?
I've always heard it the way you said it, though.

Posted by: irright at December 27, 2018 10:52 PM (RVcmP)

182 Posted by: Weirddave at December 27, 2018 10:49 PM (JP6CH)


Which is why I say he overthought it.

Posted by: GWB at December 27, 2018 10:52 PM (Ck4aV)

183 Okay, that will be my last Faure' into composer puns.

Posted by: logprof at December 27, 2018 10:52 PM (cUFK6)

184 What's a henway?
Posted by: Krebs v Carnot: Epic Battle of the Cycling Stars (TM) at December 27, 2018 10:47 PM (pNxlR)
---------------

In African or European swallows?

Posted by: Blake - used bridge salesman at December 27, 2018 10:52 PM (WEBkv)

185 So how many of you had to work this week?
...........
I had just enough vacay left to take off the whole week.. and we get Monday and Tuesday off.. so an eleven day vacation for 3 days of vacation time! Schweet!

Posted by: Chi-Town Jerry at December 27, 2018 10:53 PM (438dO)

186 170


What's a henway?


About 4 lb.

Posted by: Off the reservation at December 27, 2018 10:53 PM (vWMNq)

187

And his name is JOHN CENA!






what? I thought it was a joke.

Posted by: Skandia Recluse at December 27, 2018 10:54 PM (kJWoP)

188 Hey everybody.

I like to barbecue on my dick!

Posted by: qdpsteve at December 27, 2018 10:54 PM (miE9U)

189 >>> I might even stay up later than 9pm.

Know what you mean San Franpsycho. I'd love to make every ONT. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.

Posted by: cfo mom at December 27, 2018 10:54 PM (RfzVr)

190 Bubbie shakes her head, stares up at the heavens and yells, "A hat. He had A HAT!"
Posted by: hogmartin at December 27, 2018 10:36 PM (t+qrx)

===

Mrs. Franpsycho and I both laughed real hard. That hit home. Thanks for that!

Posted by: San Franpsycho at December 27, 2018 10:55 PM (EZebt)

191 I'm not oppressing you, Stan. You haven't got a womb. Where's the fetus gonna gestate? You gonna keep it in a box?

Posted by: Duke Lowell at December 27, 2018 10:55 PM (gC2IV)

192 I've heard a thousand good jokes, but I never seem to be able to remember them well enough to tell them.

Posted by: rickl at December 27, 2018 10:55 PM (sdi6R)

193 Very nice, Chi-Town Jerry. That's the way to roll.

Posted by: cfo mom at December 27, 2018 10:56 PM (RfzVr)

194 A Chinese guy walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder.
The bartender says, Hey! He's cool. Where'd you get him?
The parrot says, China! There's a billion of 'em.

Posted by: Veeshir at December 27, 2018 10:56 PM (nQkFn)

195 A starving actor gets a call from his agent, who has finally found a job for him. "It's only a single performance and you have only a single line, but it is in London tonight before the Queen of England. Are you interested?" asked the Agent.
""Are you kidding? Heck yeah." said the actor.
"Alright then, I'll book you a flight. You get to the airport ASAP. Oh, and the line is 'Hark, is that a canon I hear?' You got it?"
The actor replies, "Yeah., hark is that a canon I hear?"
"Great. Now get going, it's a long flight."
So the actor rushes to his closet to pack some clothes all the while saying "Hark is that a canon I hear? Hark is that a canon I hear?" He gets in his car a drives to the airport, all the while saying to himself, "Hark is that a canon i hear? Hark is that a canon I hear?"
He gets to the airport, where a ticket from his agent is waiting for him. He boards the plane for the 10 hour flight, all the while repeating to himself, "Hark is that a canon I hear? Hark is that a canon I hear?"
The plane lands, he catches a cab to take him to the Royal Albert hall, all the while repeating to himself, "Hark is that a canon I hear? Hark is that a canon I hear?"
The cab pulls up to the theater and he rushes in and is lead backstage to get dressed and have makeup applied. All the while saying to himself, "Hark is that a canon I hear? Hark is that a canon I hear?"
Finally, the time arrives, he walks out on stage, he sees the crowd before him, including the Royal family. Suddenly a bright light hits him in the face and a loud boom rocks the auditorium, he jumps back startled and screams "What the fuck was that?"

Posted by: Darth Randall at December 27, 2018 10:56 PM (p0nVR)

196 The bride and groom were in the honeymoon suite, alone at last, anticipating a memorable night of lovemaking. The groom took off his shoes and socks as the bride watched then gasped, "What is wrong with your feet?"

"I had Tolio as a child," said the groom.

"Er, don't you mean Polio?" asked the trembling bride.

"No, Tolio," he replied as he unbuckled his pants and let them drop to the floor.

"And what about your knees?" she inquired lovingly.

"Kneasles," said her groom. "Kneasles?" she asked? "Yes, kneasels, my love," spake the eager groom.


Then with a grin he pulled down his undershorts to display his wedding tackle to his innocent bride.

"Wait, wait!" she exclaimed, "Let me guess!"

"Smallpox!"

Posted by: Count de Monet at December 27, 2018 10:56 PM (QLvwG)

197 I like a good Viking joke as much as the next Moron, but that wasn't a good Viking joke.

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero) at December 27, 2018 10:57 PM (UGqF8)

198

If you went camping with some guys and woke up with a condom in your butt, would you tell anyone?

No?

Want to go camping?

Posted by: In Vino Veritits at December 27, 2018 10:57 PM (UFLLM)

199 Two bowling teams, one of all blondes and one of all brunettes, chartered a double-decker bus for a week-end gambling trip to Louisiana. The brunette team rode on the bottom of the bus, and the blonde team rode on the top level.

The brunettes down below really whooped it up, having a great time, when one of them realized she hadn't heard anything from the blondes
upstairs. She decided to go up and investigate.

When the brunette reached the top, she found all the blondes frozen in fear, staring straight ahead at the road, clutching the seats in front of them with white knuckles. The brunette asked, "What's going on up here? We're having a great time downstairs!"

One of the blondes looked up at her, swallowed hard, and whispered...
"YEAH, BUT YOU'VE GOT A DRIVER!"

Posted by: Blake - used bridge salesman at December 27, 2018 10:57 PM (WEBkv)

200 To this day, when I see or hear the phrase 'you must be joking,' I think of this forgotten 1980s new wave classic.

I honestly thought for a long time that Nik Kershaw was German, and speaking English phonetically; that's how strange some of his song phrasing is in this song.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iTW99Qhs6Kg

Posted by: qdpsteve at December 27, 2018 10:57 PM (miE9U)

201 My dick is made of hard wood....


I can't stop laughing at that paper. lol

Posted by: Berserker-Dragonheads Division at December 27, 2018 10:58 PM (9Om/r)

202
""If you went camping with some guys and woke up with a condom in your butt, would you tell anyone?
""



Nope, and their murder would remain a mystery.

Posted by: Berserker-Dragonheads Division at December 27, 2018 10:59 PM (9Om/r)

203 Everyone knows the first personto trek across Antarctica unaided was Rosie Ruiz.

Posted by: ... at December 27, 2018 11:00 PM (4xHCT)

204 My mom told me this one...

An elderly couple live in a nursing home.

One day, the wife comes in to the rec room to find Ms. Jones giving her husband a handjob.

She freaks out, shouting "How could you do this?! What does Ms. Jones have that I don't?"

He just smiles and says "Parkinson's."

Posted by: Yudhishthira's Dice at December 27, 2018 11:00 PM (5aX2M)

205 A passenger in a taxi leaned over to ask the driver a question and tapped him on the shoulder. The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, went up over the curb and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window.

For a few moments everything was silent in the cab and then the still shaking driver said, I'm sorry but you scared the daylights out of me...

The frightened passenger, apologized to the driver and said he didn't realize a mere tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much.

The driver replied, No, No, I'm sorry, it's my fault entirely. Today is my first day driving a cab... I've been driving a hearse for the last
35 years....

Posted by: Blake - used bridge salesman at December 27, 2018 11:00 PM (WEBkv)

206 A newly arrived resident of Dublin, goes into the nearest tavern in his neighborhood. The bartender asks him what will he have. The man says, "give me three pints." The bartender, puzzled, asks "all at the same time, or one after the other as you finish one?" The man says, "all at the same time--I know it sounds strange, but I have one brother who emigrated to the United States, and another who emigrated to Australia, and I like to think I'm having a drink with 'em." This becomes his nightly routine for over a year, until one night he comes in, and as the barman is about to pour the pints, the man says, "just two pints please." The barman gets solemn, and the bar goes silent. The barman places the two beers in front of the man and says, "I'm sorry for your loss." The man says, "O, no, me brothers are fine, but I've quit drinking."

Posted by: don frese at December 27, 2018 11:00 PM (oQK1k)

207 But she's also got worms, and I love to fish!!

Posted by: Eustace Haverkamp at December 27, 2018 11:01 PM (C1NyB)

208 Fredo is Fredo-ing.
Godfather, Part II on AMC right now.

Posted by: Deplorable Ian Galt at December 27, 2018 11:02 PM (8iiMU)

209

Then she crossed her legs and broke my glasses.

If anybody remembers that whole joke please post it.

Posted by: In Vino Veritits at December 27, 2018 11:02 PM (UFLLM)

210 "Ne Uni-chan do you know any jokes?"

"Besides us sharing source code?"

Posted by: Anna Puma at December 27, 2018 11:03 PM (GQcg8)

211 85 year old man marries a young 25 year old woman. They go to the nicest hotel in town. Next morning he comes skipping down the stairs about 6:00, orders a huge breakfast and digs in.
Half an hour later his bride comes slowly down the stairs, sits down and orders coffee, black.
Waitress brings it over and says, "Look honey, I know it's none of my business, but that husband of yours must be 60 years older than you! What's the story?"
"He cheated me. He told me he'd been saving up for 70 years and I thought he was talking about money!"

Posted by: MarkY at December 27, 2018 11:04 PM (ZQjTJ)

212
WITHOUT EVIDENCE, President Trump claims CNN and other news organizations said he brought MAGA hats to Iraq and Germany military bases.

Posted by: Soothsayer -- Fake Commenter at December 27, 2018 11:04 PM (4SX9y)

213 When Dan found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed a woman to enjoy it with. So, one evening he went to a singles bar where he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away.


"I may look like just an ordinary man," he said as he walked up to her, "but in just a week or two, my father will die, and I'll inherit 20 million dollars." Impressed, the woman went home with him that evening and, three days later, she became his stepmother.

Posted by: Blake - used bridge salesman at December 27, 2018 11:04 PM (WEBkv)

214 It's....

Posted by: Burger Chef at December 27, 2018 11:04 PM (RuIsu)

215 From Mr. WDS......Why were there only 49 contestants in Miss Black America........


No one wanted to be Miss Idaho

Posted by: westminsterdogshow at December 27, 2018 11:05 PM (c1nDO)

216 A Marine gets captured by Al Qaeda. They tell him they'll let him go if he can pass three challenges. They take him to a base where three tents are set up.

"Listen, American dog! In the first tent is ten gallons of the worst Iraqi wine that exists! You must drink it all!

"In the second tent is a Bengal tiger with a rotten fang! You must remove it, bare handed!

"In the third tent is the most insatiable harlot in all the Middle East! You satisfy her... Or die! Begin, dog!"

The Marine rolls his sleeves up and runs into tent number one. Gasping, drinking, slurping, burping sounds come from it... And the Marine staggers out and walks unsteadily to tent two. Screams, roaring, crashing, banging are heard... The silence...

Then the tent flap is thrown open and the Marine staggers out. Skunk drunk, clothes shredded, he looks at the Al Qaeda leader and says,

"NOW WHERE IS THIS LADY WITH A TOOTHACHE?!"

Posted by: Vanya at December 27, 2018 11:05 PM (Z/XEV)

217
My local Fake News just told the Dow Jones is "still on track for the worst December since the Great Depression."

Posted by: Soothsayer -- Fake Commenter at December 27, 2018 11:06 PM (4SX9y)

218 Good evening.

Posted by: BeckoningChasm at December 27, 2018 11:07 PM (l9m7l)

219 Vanya
Very good. Taking notes now....

Posted by: MarkY at December 27, 2018 11:08 PM (ZQjTJ)

220 214 It's....
Posted by: Burger Chef at December 27, 2018 11:04 PM (RuIsu)



And now the music is running through my brain.

Posted by: eleven at December 27, 2018 11:08 PM (NLLmE)

221 Good evening.
Posted by: BeckoningChasm at December 27, 2018 11:07 PM (l9m7l)


--------

Line on the left, one cross each.

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero) at December 27, 2018 11:08 PM (UGqF8)

222 Blake - you have some good ones.

Posted by: cfo mom at December 27, 2018 11:08 PM (RfzVr)

223 He only tried it once, got sick and lost his hat.

Posted by: Northernlurker being f'n insufferable at December 27, 2018 11:09 PM (3icOz)

224 That Hitler kid looks like Cartman.

Posted by: Anonosaurus Wrecks, Tyrannosaur Wrangler at December 27, 2018 11:10 PM (+y/Ru)

225 Why did Mickey divorce Minnie?

She was fucking goofy...

Posted by: Vanya at December 27, 2018 11:10 PM (Z/XEV)

226 217; sooth, the only reason i watch the local fake news is for the local fake weather. they're all cnn worthy. all dumbfucks.

Posted by: chavez the hugo at December 27, 2018 11:11 PM (KP5rU)

227 Well...Mickey was fuckin daffy.



California marriage.

Posted by: eleven at December 27, 2018 11:12 PM (NLLmE)

228 I would tell a joke but I got really hurt today.

I was walking into our local grocery store today and It was getting restocked by a Pepsi truck. As I walked past it, latch on one of the sides opened up and a whole stack of Pepsi bottles fell on me as I was walking past.

Do not worry, I am OK, they were soft drinks.

Posted by: Picric at December 27, 2018 11:12 PM (nonGu)

229 How do we know toothbrushes were invented in Mississippi?

If it had been anywhere else, it'd be called a teethbrush

Posted by: Vanya at December 27, 2018 11:12 PM (Z/XEV)

230 What is the best weapon to use if you are charged by a bear?
A .22 LR pistol. Aim at your hiking partner's kneecap.

Posted by: Kristophr at December 27, 2018 11:12 PM (9759K)

231 Is that Fannie Green?
No, I just think its the light reflecting off her shoes.

Posted by: Northernlurker being f'n insufferable at December 27, 2018 11:13 PM (3icOz)

232
They took the water out of grapes to make raisins. Sadly, this only concentrates the evil.

Posted by: Hadrian the Seventh at December 27, 2018 11:14 PM (LsBY9)

233 A good pig like that, you don't eat it all at once...

Posted by: navybrat, sometime commentater at December 27, 2018 11:14 PM (w7KSn)

234 I don't get it: The kid dressed up as Patton Oswald


"asshole" doesn't end in 'er'

Posted by: the Man who Burps in French at December 27, 2018 11:14 PM (9HuGt)

235 Old one.

What's an Irish seven course dinner?

A boiled potato and a six pack

Posted by: Vanya at December 27, 2018 11:14 PM (Z/XEV)

236 Is that Fannie Green?
No, I just think its the light reflecting off her shoes.
Posted by: Northernlurker being f'n insufferable at December 27, 2018 11:13 PM (3icOz)

Heh.

Are you back in Alberta, or still in the Uncivilized Eastern districts?

Posted by: Alberta Oil Peon at December 27, 2018 11:15 PM (fDU8w)

237 Wrong! You must always choose the lesser of two weevils!!


(Just the punchlines)

Posted by: ThePrimordialOrderedPair at December 27, 2018 11:15 PM (VnmhN)

238 A family of three (mother, father, and son) go to the circus. While walking around, the boy notices the elephant.

"Mom, what's that long thing on the elephant?" he asks.

"That's his trunk", she replies.

"No, there in the back"

"That's his tail"

"No. Underneath"

The mother gets flustered, and says "Oh, that's nothing" and hurries him along.

A while later, the boy is with his father, and comes across the same elephant.

"Dad, what's that long thing?"

"That's the elephant's trunk"

"No, there in the back"

"That's the elephant's tail"

"No. Underneath."

"That's the elephant's penis"

The boy says "When I asked Mom, she said it was nothing."

The father sighs deeply, and says "Son, I've spoiled that woman"

Posted by: No One of Consequence at December 27, 2018 11:15 PM (RLzLq)

239 "Number 36!"

(No reaction)

"Some people just can't tell jokes."

Posted by: ThePrimordialOrderedPair at December 27, 2018 11:16 PM (VnmhN)

240 "Look at the two assholes on that camel!"

(Just the punchline)

Posted by: cfo mom at December 27, 2018 11:16 PM (RfzVr)

241 "My God, how do you breathe through that thing?!!!

Posted by: Disembodied Punchlines at December 27, 2018 11:17 PM (UGqF8)

242 "Same as in town, 50 bucks."

(Just the punchline)

Posted by: Some rat in the swamp at December 27, 2018 11:17 PM (LOq4H)

243 "Look at the two assholes on that camel!"

(Just the punchline)

Posted by: cfo mom at December 27, 2018 11:16 PM (RfzVr)


- Jewish version -

"Look at the schmuck on that camel!"

Also, the jungle joke of the elephant, the mouse, and the pit ...

Mouse: "When you have a Mercedes you don't need a big dick."

Posted by: ThePrimordialOrderedPair at December 27, 2018 11:18 PM (VnmhN)

244 (Just the punchline)
Posted by: cfo mom at December 27, 2018 11:16 PM (RfzVr)

"...and the camel halts, turns to look at the rider, and makes a sucking motion with its lips."

(just the punchline)

Posted by: Alberta Oil Peon at December 27, 2018 11:18 PM (fDU8w)

245 So Joe wants to join the Royal Scottish Army.

He sits down with the commander and the commander says " so do you want to join our group,eh?

Well, we have to know something about you first. What do you like?"

What do you mean?

Are you a Drinkin man, because on Mondays we go to the bars and drink the finest ales and whiskeys. Are you a Drinking man?

No, was the reply.


Well are you a Gamblin man? Because on Tuesday nights we play poker throughout the night. Many of Fortune has been won and lost. on Tuesdays. Are you a Gambling Man?

No, the man said again.


Well are you a Whorin' man ? Wednesday, the boys go to the brothel, and screw the finest Whores in the land. Are you a Whorin' Man?

Oh, no!


Well then, if you aren'ta Drinking man, not a Gambling man, and not a Whorin' Man, then what do you like?

You aren't one of those Homosexuals, are you?

Oh No, not me!


Hmmm.

Well, you aren't going to like Thursdays!


Posted by: LeftCoast Dawg at December 27, 2018 11:19 PM (vb5tw)

246 There are a lot of camel jokes.

Posted by: Alberta Oil Peon at December 27, 2018 11:19 PM (fDU8w)

247 "Look! He's moving!

Posted by: Disembodied Punchlines at December 27, 2018 11:19 PM (UGqF8)

248 "No! What are you doing? We use the camel to ride to town to get laid!"

Posted by: ThePrimordialOrderedPair at December 27, 2018 11:20 PM (VnmhN)

249 And the ever classic ...

"An' it deep, too!"

Posted by: ThePrimordialOrderedPair at December 27, 2018 11:21 PM (VnmhN)

250 There are many Democrat jokes.

Some are candidates, others hold office.



Jim
Sunk New Dawn
Galveston, TX

Posted by: Jim at December 27, 2018 11:21 PM (QzJWU)

251 You spot two men at a cocktail party, sorta off to the side, not talking much, just looking down. The hostess tells you one is an accountant and the other is an actuary. How do you tell which one is the extrovert of the pair before you approach them?




The accountant. He'll be staring at the actuary's shoes.

Posted by: Count de Monet at December 27, 2018 11:21 PM (QLvwG)

252 That was my mom's favorite joke, and as close to "dirty" as she ever got. I laugh remembering her feeling pretty risque telling it.

Posted by: cfo mom at December 27, 2018 11:22 PM (RfzVr)

253 "Huh. Wonder whose phone that was?"
(Just the punchline)

Posted by: Sal at December 27, 2018 11:22 PM (wR64M)

254 "Doc say I'm impotent, well I'm gonna ACT impotent!"

Posted by: Disembodied Punchlines at December 27, 2018 11:23 PM (UGqF8)

255 A guy walks in to a bar and starts drinking. He drinks 7 whiskey shots, 9 gin tonics, and 6 brandys. He was getting so drunk the bartender cuts him off, calls a cab and sends him home.

The next morning the guy comes back to the bar and orders some more shots. The bartender looks at him and says, "look buddy, you were here last night and drank yourself numb. I know times are tough but drinking won't solve your problems." The guy says "It's not problems, I went home last night and blew chunks. I'm just trying to wash that taste out of my mouth." Bartender says "We have all vomited after drinking too much but more liquor isn't the way to clean your mouth." The guy answers "You don't understand Chunks is the name of my dog!"

Posted by: DR.WTF at December 27, 2018 11:24 PM (T71PA)

256 Last Request:
The old man just asked you to throw the envelope in, dummy. Like most lawyers, you overthought it.

No. The joke is he wrote a check. He put the money in his account and wrote a check. To a dead guy.

-
Was the check post dated?

Posted by: Anonosaurus Wrecks, Tyrannosaur Wrangler at December 27, 2018 11:25 PM (+y/Ru)

257 A doctor, a lawyer, and an engineer are all sentenced to death by guillotine. The doctor is first to go. The executioner says, "do you want to go face up or face down?" The doctor says, "Face up. I want to see death coming". So the doctor is position face up. The executioner throws the lever, but nothing happens. In accordance with the law, this is considered an act of God, and the doctor is set free.

The lawyer is next. Again, the executioner asks "Do you want to go face up or face down?" The lawyer thinks, hey, it worked for the last guy, and chose face up. He's placed into position, and the executioner throws the lever. Again, nothing happens, and the lawyer is set free.

Finally, the engineer is up. He, too, chooses face up. Just as the executioner is about the throw the lever, the engineer shouts "Wait! I see the problem!"

Posted by: No One of Consequence at December 27, 2018 11:25 PM (RLzLq)

258 lol yes, the check was post-dated.

Posted by: musical jolly chimp at December 27, 2018 11:26 PM (Pg+x7)

259
A guy walks into a pet store wanting a parrot. The store clerk shows him three out on the floor.

"This one's $5,000 and the other is $10,000." the clerk said.

"Wow! What does the $5,000 one do?"

"This parrot can sing every aria Mozart ever wrote."

"And the other?" said the customer.

"This one can sing Wagner's entire Ring cycle."

"How much is the third one?"

"$50,000."

"Holy moly! What does that one do?"

"It just flaps its wings but the other two parrots call him 'Maestro'."

Posted by: Hadrian the Seventh at December 27, 2018 11:26 PM (LsBY9)

260 Why do women wear makeup and perfume? Because they're ugly and they smell bad.

Posted by: Jabroni at December 27, 2018 11:26 PM (iY6c1)

261 What is Brown and Sticky?

A stick.

Posted by: Picric at December 27, 2018 11:26 PM (nonGu)

262 An older bull and his son are standing up on a hill, looking down at a herd of cows below.

The younger bull is running around saying "C'mon Dad, lets run down there and phuch us us one of them!".

The older bull says " Watch and learn, son. We are going to saunter down there and phuch every one of them".

Posted by: Calm Mentor at December 27, 2018 11:27 PM (ffYR/)

263 An internist, a neurologist and a surgeon are hunting ducks together. As they're sitting in the blind something flies overhead. The internist jumps up and says, "Hey! I think that's a duck." He fumbles around and takes out his duck book and starts reading through. "It looks like a duck. It flies like a duck. It sounds like a duck. I really think it's a duck. It appears to be a duck. Do you guys think it's a duck?" He turns back around and the thing is gone. So he sits back down.

A few minutes later something else flies over. The neurologist jumps up and says, "Hey! I think that's a duck. Looks like a duck. Flies like a duck." He takes a shot and wildly misses. So he sits back down.

A few minutes after something else flies over. THe surgeon jumps up and fires at it, knocking it right out of the sky. He runs over and picks it up and screams back, "Hey guys! Check it out. It's a duck!"

Posted by: ThePrimordialOrderedPair at December 27, 2018 11:27 PM (VnmhN)

264 "Wait! I see the problem!"

hah

Posted by: eleven at December 27, 2018 11:27 PM (NLLmE)

265 Three logicians walk into a bar. The bartender says, "do you all want beer?"

The first logician says, "I don't know".

The second logician says, "I don't know".

The third logician says, "Yes!"

Posted by: No One of Consequence at December 27, 2018 11:28 PM (RLzLq)

266 (btw: colin o'brady, who walked across the antarctic, also climbed the seven summits (the highest mountains on the seven continents) in the fastest time ever - 132 days.

no joke.)

Posted by: musical jolly chimp at December 27, 2018 11:28 PM (Pg+x7)

267 So Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton, and Donald Trump walk into a bar. Bartender looks up and says, "Orange Man Bad".

Posted by: mugiwara at December 27, 2018 11:28 PM (B623R)

268 Posted by: Calm Mentor at December 27, 2018 11:27 PM (ffYR/)

Did you just watch Colors, again?

Great movie.

Posted by: ThePrimordialOrderedPair at December 27, 2018 11:29 PM (VnmhN)

269 Probably a very trite joke among medical folk, but this riddle was posed to me by a nurse.

What's 12" long and hangs in front of an asshole?










Answer: A stethoscope

Posted by: No way at December 27, 2018 11:29 PM (hnyqs)

270 (btw: colin o'brady, who walked across the antarctic, also climbed the seven summits (the highest mountains on the seven continents) in the fastest time ever - 132 days.

no joke.)
Posted by: musical jolly chimp at December 27, 2018 11:28 PM (Pg+x7)


That guy's got a little too much free time on his hands.

Posted by: ThePrimordialOrderedPair at December 27, 2018 11:30 PM (VnmhN)

271

Not a joke but it's a joke:

Former Dem Congressional Candidate Pam Keith Accuses Troops Of Embracing "White Supremacy" For Having Trump Sign Their Hats

Posted by: Bertram Cabot, Jr. at December 27, 2018 11:31 PM (aKsyK)

272 HAHAHA

PDT quotes Obama's Pro Border Security Tweet, says
'I Agree!'

OFuckface deletes the Tweet like the crass little pussy he is.

Little bitch probably shit his skivvies.


Posted by: mikeyG at December 27, 2018 11:31 PM (LL1Be)

273
A lawyer and a blond woman are sitting next to each other on a long flight from L.A. to New York. The lawyer leans over to her and asks her if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde is tired and just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains how the game works, "I ask you a question and if you don't know the answer, you pay me, and vice-versa.
Again, she politely declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer figures he will easily win the match, since his opponent is a blonde, so he makes another offer, "Okay, how about this. If you don't know the answer, you pay me only $5, but if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $50."This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring that there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, she agrees to play the game. The lawyer asks the first question, "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"
The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a five dollar bill and hands it to the lawyer. Now, it's the blonde's turn. She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?


The lawyer looks at her with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop and searches everywhere. .Frustrated, he sends e-mails and texts everyone he knows, with no success. After hours of searching for the answer, he finally gives up. He wakes the blonde and hands her $50. The blonde politely takes the $50 and turns away to get back to sleep.


The lawyer, who is more than a little frustrated, wakes the blonde again and asks, "Well, what IS the answer?"Again without a work, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5 and goes back to sleep.

Posted by: RTW at December 27, 2018 11:31 PM (jJlJu)

274 Welcome

Posted by: Barrel at December 27, 2018 11:33 PM (D986x)

275 A guy buys a gift for his mother - a parrot that speaks 7 languages. He gives her the bird and is happy to see how thrilled she is. He calls her up later that week and asks her how the bird is.

Mother (in Yiddish accent helps it): The bird? I loved it. It was delicious.

Son: You ate the bird, mom? How could you eat that bird? That bird spoke 7 languages.

Mother: So why didn't he say something?

Posted by: ThePrimordialOrderedPair at December 27, 2018 11:33 PM (VnmhN)

276 Oh so I think I see the real punchline(sssss) there

Posted by: Tom Servo at December 27, 2018 11:33 PM (V2Yro)

277 Posted by: RTW at December 27, 2018 11:31 PM (jJlJu)

-------

Hmm. We'll need lots of immigrants to settle those wide open spaces.

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero) at December 27, 2018 11:34 PM (UGqF8)

278 *Puts on Pumpkin Hat*

**Ring Bell**

Posted by: garrett at December 27, 2018 11:34 PM (D986x)

279 RTW - Go to the end of the punch line.

Posted by: DR.WTF at December 27, 2018 11:34 PM (T71PA)

280 RTW has the joke of the night!

Threadwinnerspinner!




Jim
Sunk New Dawn
Galveston, TX

Posted by: Jim at December 27, 2018 11:34 PM (QzJWU)

281 Barrel, party of one.

Posted by: Picric at December 27, 2018 11:34 PM (nonGu)

282 Posted by: RTW at December 27, 2018 11:31 PM (jJlJu)

Marvelous!

Posted by: Count de Monet at December 27, 2018 11:34 PM (QLvwG)

283 Capital One Cafes?

Posted by: Cosmic Charlie at December 27, 2018 11:34 PM (PUmDY)

284 Now where'd the HQ dunce cap go?

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero) at December 27, 2018 11:35 PM (UGqF8)

285 A guy goes to see his doctor because of a sudden hearing loss.

The doctor looks in the guy's ear, reaches in with a pair of forceps and extracts a gooey mess.

"Huh", says the doc, "looks like a suppository."

"Oh!" says the guy. He pulls out his cellphone and makes a call home, "Harriet? I think I know where my hearing aid is."

Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc., etc. at December 27, 2018 11:35 PM (hnyqs)

286 Did you just watch Colors, again?

Great movie.
Posted by: ThePrimordialOrderedPair at December 27, 2018 11:29 PM (VnmhN)

-------------

Nope, and it is. That is one of the few jokes that stayed with me.

Posted by: Calm Mentor at December 27, 2018 11:35 PM (ffYR/)

287 Adam to Eve: Better stand back. I don't know how big this thing will get.

Posted by: Count de Monet at December 27, 2018 11:35 PM (QLvwG)

288 >>>That guy's got a little too much free time on his hands.

Makes me wonder what kind of a "job" he works that just lets him take off all the time to fulfill his dreams. Doesn't happen in the real world.

Posted by: cfo mom at December 27, 2018 11:35 PM (RfzVr)

289 Heh.

Are you back in Alberta, or still in the Uncivilized Eastern districts?
Posted by: Alberta Oil Peon at December 27, 2018 11:15 PM (fDU8w)

Still in the east.

Posted by: Northernlurker being f'n insufferable at December 27, 2018 11:35 PM (3icOz)

290 RTW:

https://i.___ur.com/m8VTVNX.jpg

Posted by: Yudhishthira's Dice at December 27, 2018 11:36 PM (5aX2M)

291 Blonde looks barrel bound.

Posted by: Off the reservation at December 27, 2018 11:37 PM (vWMNq)

292 an Aggie joke for us Texas folk:

2 Aggies are driving down the road in a new sportscar one just bought, and of course, he wants to show off to his buddy. Sure enough, pretty quick there's the red and blue lights on his tail, so he pulls over. Well, the highway patrolman steps out, but instead of walking right up, he lays down his clipboard, undoes his belt, and starts to unzip his pants.

So one Aggie looks at the other and says "Oh hell, here comes that damn breathalyzer test again!"

Posted by: Tom Servo at December 27, 2018 11:37 PM (V2Yro)

293 One day the doorbell rings and the woman of the house answers the door. At the door is a door to door dildo salesman. He tells her that he has the greatest dildo to ever be invented, and after she sees it, she will want it. Intrigued, she lets him in. He opens up his case and pulls out a solid gold dildo that has arms and legs. He says "madam, this is the Golden Boy, it will do whatever you tell it to do, just watch, 'Golden Boy, go wash the dishes'", Golden Boy comes alive and runs into the kitchen and washes the dishes. The housewife impressed, buys Golden Boy. She says "Golden Boy, vacuum", Golden Boy then starts vacuuming the whole house. "Golden Boy, do the laundry", Golden Boy does the laundry. Finally, she strips down on the bed and says "Golden Boy, pussy". Golden Boy runs in and starts pouring the coals to her. After about an hour, she says "Golden Boy stop". Golden Boy keeps on going. "Golden Boy stop!" He keeps going. Finally she grabs Golden Boy and pulls him out and tosses him on the floor. He starts chasing her around the house so she opens the front door and is running down the street nude screaming for help. A policeman sees her and asks why she is running around nude, she says "There's a Golden Boy chasing me!" The policeman says "Golden Boy my ass, GACK!"

Posted by: Ashley Judd's Puffy Scamper, nee MrCaniac at December 27, 2018 11:38 PM (fdTrp)

294 Adam to God: That seems kinda steep. What can I get for a rib?

Posted by: Count de Monet at December 27, 2018 11:38 PM (QLvwG)

295 In non concrete,

Posted by: Cosmic Charlie at December 27, 2018 11:39 PM (PUmDY)

296 God to Adam : She's in the river!? Now, I'll never get the smell out of the fish!

Posted by: garrett at December 27, 2018 11:39 PM (D986x)

297 RTW walks into a barrel...

Posted by: Bertram Cabot, Jr. at December 27, 2018 11:40 PM (aKsyK)

298 Still in the east.
Posted by: Northernlurker being f'n insufferable at December 27, 2018 11:35 PM (3icOz)

I am going to get an early one tonight, because I have to get up at zero dark thirty and make a road trip to cold lake for the funeral of my cousin's wife. It's pretty cold here, but no wind to speak of, and they are predicting maybe 1 centimeter of snowfall, so roads ought to be OK.

Posted by: Alberta Oil Peon at December 27, 2018 11:40 PM (fDU8w)

299 What are the three most often told lies in Wisconsin?

1. I know Aaron Rodgers!

2. My truck is paid for!

3. Honest officer! I was just trying to help that calf get over the fence!

Posted by: davidt at December 27, 2018 11:41 PM (jGvbj)

300 What do auburn fans and tornadoes have in common?

Posted by: Cosmic Charlie at December 27, 2018 11:41 PM (PUmDY)

301 271

Not a joke but it's a joke:

Former Dem Congressional Candidate Pam Keith Accuses Troops Of Embracing "White Supremacy" For Having Trump Sign Their Hats
Posted by: Bertram Cabot, Jr.



That's whack, yo!

Posted by: Cynthia McKinney at December 27, 2018 11:42 PM (WNAuL)

302 A Newfie is out in the woods of Newfoundland with his rifle, hunting. He's being very quiet, not wanting to startle the game. Suddenly, a beatiful young woman, totally naked, comes running through the woods, and stops in front of him. He asks, "Are you game?" She replies, "I sure am, big boy!"

So he shot her.

Posted by: Alberta Oil Peon at December 27, 2018 11:44 PM (fDU8w)

303 300. Sooner or later they both end up in a Trailer park.

Posted by: Picric at December 27, 2018 11:45 PM (nonGu)

304 Brandy is awesome? They have Old Fashioneds with brandy, blech.

Posted by: Cosmic Charlie at December 27, 2018 11:46 PM (PUmDY)

305 ...That guy's got a little too much free time on his hands.

Makes me wonder what kind of a "job" he works that just lets him take off all the time to fulfill his dreams. Doesn't happen in the real world.


Posted by: cfo mom at December 27, 2018 11:35 PM (RfzVr)




Guys like that, that IS their actual "job". Major sponsorships, endorsement contracts, etc.

Same with professional racing yacht captains and crews.

They don't take off "work" to circumnavigate the globe. They get paid TO circumnavigate the globe.

And if they're paid a LOT more by their sponsors, if they win.

'Cause that "win" will sell a LOT of merchandise, such as winches, sails, navigation gear, cordage and lines... everything you'll find in the highest end boat chandleries.

Stuff is blindingly expensive, too.

Bet Antarctica Boy will sell beaucoup camp stoves, GPS gear, $400 sunglasses and such.



Jim
Sunk New Dawn
Galveston, TX

Posted by: Jim at December 27, 2018 11:46 PM (QzJWU)

306 Brandy is awesome? They have Old Fashioneds with brandy, blech.
Posted by: Cosmic Charlie at December 27, 2018 11:46 PM (PUmDY)

She's a fine girl.

Posted by: Alberta Oil Peon at December 27, 2018 11:48 PM (fDU8w)

307 The joke about Moses and Jesus golfing ...

Moses and Jesus are golfing and they come to a little par 3 water hole. It's about 180 yards to clear the water so Moses grabs a 6 iron and knocks a beautiful shot onto the green. Jesus grabs an 8 iron and goes to the tee.

Moses stops him and says, "Jesus, what are you doing? You'll never clear that water with an 8 iron." Jesus says, "Arnold Palmer would use an 8 iron so I'm going to use an 8 iron."

Jesus takes a swing and hits a great shot ... right into the water. He grabs another ball to tee up and Moses tells him to switch clubs. Jesus refuses and says, "Arnold Palmer would hit an 8 so I'm going to hit an 8." Again, hits another beautiful shot ... right into the water. Jesus decides to just walk up and go get his balls out of the water.

So goes and starts walking on the water looking for his balls. The foursome behind them sees Jesus walking on the water and grabs Moses and says, "Hey! Who does that guy think he is? Jesus Christ?" Moses answers, "No, Arnold Palmer."

Posted by: ThePrimordialOrderedPair at December 27, 2018 11:49 PM (VnmhN)

308 Worked in a factory a long time ago. In the men's room there was a sign over the mirror, " You are looking at the person most responsible for your safety". Underneath, in soap, on the mirror - " Handsome bastard, isn't he".

Posted by: stonecutter at December 27, 2018 11:49 PM (mMHxM)

309 RTR!!! 303

Posted by: Cosmic Charlie at December 27, 2018 11:51 PM (PUmDY)

310
Seals are actually dog mermaids.

Posted by: YIKES! at December 27, 2018 11:52 PM (t6XCL)

311 Going to the south pole may indicate an unreasonable fear of Polar Bears.

Posted by: Burger Chef at December 27, 2018 11:55 PM (RuIsu)

312 288 coo mom:

"makes me wonder what kind of "job" he has where he can just take off..."

he started a foundation to inspire kids to be active and healthy. donations and corporate sponsorships cover cost and provide a salary. of course.

foundations - the gifts that keep on giving.

Posted by: musical jolly chimp at December 27, 2018 11:56 PM (Pg+x7)

313 It is weird to see Vanderbilt not faking a punt.

Posted by: Cosmic Charlie at December 27, 2018 11:57 PM (PUmDY)

314 Yay Steyn is guest host tonight!

Posted by: logprof at December 27, 2018 11:57 PM (e7oj4)

315 Going to the south pole may indicate an unreasonable fear of Polar Bears.
Posted by: Burger Chef
-----

OR...a fascination with Penguins

Posted by: Neil Grassy Tyson at December 27, 2018 11:58 PM (hnyqs)

316 Good Lord RTW, next time you cut and paste a joke, do it into notepad first, THEN copy it here. That thing was a dog's breakfast of HTML garbage.
You're welcome, BTW.

Posted by: Weirddave at December 28, 2018 12:00 AM (pM87/)

317 How is Hillary Clinton like Kentucky Fried Chicken?
Both have a greasy box and will never be President.

Posted by: Bill Clinton at December 28, 2018 12:00 AM (y09j5)

318 A woman walks down the street and sticks her head into barber shop. "Bob. Peters in here?" No mam, just shave and a haircut....

Posted by: AnnaS at December 28, 2018 12:02 AM (l4l/z)

319 Hmm. 'Dog's breakfast', vs. 'Mare's nest'

Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc., etc. at December 28, 2018 12:03 AM (hnyqs)

320 A rabbi, a priest and an imam walk into a bar.Bartender says "What is this, some kind of joke?"

Posted by: Otto (Pilot,retired) at December 28, 2018 12:05 AM (MouFt)

321 A husband and wife were driving across country. As they approached Natchitoches, they got into a big argument over how it is pronounced. Being hungry, they stopped at a fast food place and they guy said, "Let's settle the argument by asking someone here how to pronounce it." His wife agreed, and they went up to the blonde behind the counter. "Miss," the man said, "this may sound a little weird, but could you please pronounce, slowly and carefully, the name of the place we're in?" The blonde nodded, leaned forward, and said, "Burrrr Gerrrr Kiiiiing."

Posted by: Captain Obvious at December 28, 2018 12:05 AM (Hx3Yn)

322 Why is there only one Eiffel Tower?

Posted by: Trimegistus at December 28, 2018 12:06 AM (DXlCB)

323 Anchor Down!

Posted by: Cosmic Charlie at December 28, 2018 12:06 AM (PUmDY)

324 Because it eats its young.

Posted by: Trimegistus at December 28, 2018 12:07 AM (DXlCB)

325 Knock, knock!

Posted by: Trimegistus at December 28, 2018 12:07 AM (DXlCB)

326 Did you hear about the man who fell into a river in Paris?





He went in Seine.

Posted by: logprof at December 28, 2018 12:08 AM (e7oj4)

327 Who's there?

Posted by: eleven at December 28, 2018 12:08 AM (NLLmE)

328 Banana

Posted by: Trimegistus at December 28, 2018 12:09 AM (DXlCB)

329 Banana who?

Posted by: eleven at December 28, 2018 12:09 AM (NLLmE)

330 Knock Knock!

Posted by: Trimegistus at December 28, 2018 12:10 AM (DXlCB)

331 logprof, did you hear what happened to Van Gogh after he cut his ear off?

He came down with mono.

Posted by: qdpsteve at December 28, 2018 12:10 AM (miE9U)

332 (listens intently)

I think I hear a '48 Chevy climbing a steep hill.

Posted by: Alberta Oil Peon at December 28, 2018 12:11 AM (fDU8w)

333 311
Going to the south pole may indicate an unreasonable fear of Polar Bears.



I don't believe there's any such thing as an *unreasonable* fear of polar bears.

Posted by: Off the reservation at December 28, 2018 12:12 AM (vWMNq)

334 Makes me wonder what kind of a "job" he works that just lets him take off all the time to fulfill his dreams. Doesn't happen in the real world.
Posted by: cfo mom at December 27, 2018 11:35 PM (RfzVr)

This guy is beyond this level, but urban and suburban EMT and fireman have a lot of time to travel the world and rock climb. 24 on, 48 off, tase some shifts, suddenly you have a few months off.

Posted by: Evasiveboat42 at December 28, 2018 12:13 AM (Rz2Nc)

335 test

Posted by: eleven at December 28, 2018 12:13 AM (NLLmE)

336 "Quantitative Easing"

Posted by: mikeyG at December 28, 2018 12:13 AM (LL1Be)

337 25 Knock, knock!
Posted by: Trimegistus at December 28, 2018 12:07 AM

https://youtu.be/je-M675ZTK4

Posted by: logprof at December 28, 2018 12:14 AM (e7oj4)

338 This game is very entertaining

Posted by: Cosmic Charlie at December 28, 2018 12:15 AM (PUmDY)

339 sausage party already?

Posted by: yankeefifth at December 28, 2018 12:15 AM (MTjB1)

340 Well, time to hit the sack. Zero dark thirty comes pretty darn early here. Be well, Horde.

Posted by: Alberta Oil Peon at December 28, 2018 12:15 AM (fDU8w)

341 Aw, never mind. 'Night, all.

Posted by: Trimegistus at December 28, 2018 12:17 AM (DXlCB)

342 sausage party already?
Posted by: yankeefifth at December 28, 2018 12:15 AM (MTjB1)

--------------

When isn't it, anymore on this thread?

Posted by: Calm Mentor at December 28, 2018 12:19 AM (ffYR/)

343 339 sausage party already?
Posted by: yankeefifth at December 28, 2018 12:15 AM (MTjB1)


Hah. The ladies probably aren't too interested in 50's era man jokes.

Posted by: eleven at December 28, 2018 12:20 AM (NLLmE)

344 341 Aw, never mind. 'Night, all.
Posted by: Trimegistus at December 28, 2018 12:17 AM (DXlCB)



I tried to play along but I got semi banned for a while there.

Posted by: eleven at December 28, 2018 12:20 AM (NLLmE)

345 he started a foundation to inspire kids to be active and healthy. donations and corporate sponsorships cover cost and provide a salary. of course.

foundations - the gifts that keep on giving.
Posted by: musical jolly chimp at December 27, 2018 11:56 PM (Pg+x7)


A few years ago my wife told me she started a foundation. I told her I'm not spending my time sitting at a desk reading people's request for money, boy did I screw up, I didn't realize I could pay myself to do so. She did explain foundation was the wrong word, she opened a charity account we'd donate to and distribute to charities.

Posted by: Evasiveboat42 at December 28, 2018 12:20 AM (Rz2Nc)

346 Either UA or AA has a little cans of an old fashion cocktail, tasty

Posted by: Jean at December 28, 2018 12:21 AM (sFO1P)

347 Quantitative Easing"
Posted by: mikeyG

Social security

Posted by: Jean at December 28, 2018 12:22 AM (sFO1P)

348 Vandy is getting robbed.

Posted by: Cosmic Charlie at December 28, 2018 12:23 AM (PUmDY)

349 Vandy is getting robbed.

How so, they are falling down n their own.

Posted by: Evasiveboat42 at December 28, 2018 12:24 AM (Rz2Nc)

350 PI should have been called about 5 plays ago.

Posted by: Cosmic Charlie at December 28, 2018 12:27 AM (PUmDY)

351 This guy is beyond this level, but urban and suburban EMT and fireman have a lot of time to travel the world and rock climb. 24 on, 48 off, tase some shifts, suddenly you have a few months off.
Posted by: Evasiveboat42 at December 28, 2018 12:13 AM (Rz2Nc)

-----------------

This guy did it right. Website very well done far in advance. Corporate sponsorships from gear makers for funding, obviously.

He will be flooded with appearance requests for speaking engagements and commercials and commercials for sponsors.

He is all set, and good on him.

Posted by: Calm Mentor at December 28, 2018 12:28 AM (ffYR/)

352 PI should have been called about 5 plays ago.
Posted by: Cosmic Charlie at December 28, 2018 12:27 AM (PUmDY)

Missed that, reading back at the jokes. Tied up.

Posted by: Evasiveboat42 at December 28, 2018 12:35 AM (Rz2Nc)

353 328
Banana

Posted by: Trimegistus at December 28, 2018 12:09 AM (DXlCB)


There's always money in the banana stand.

Posted by: George Bluth, Sr. at December 28, 2018 12:36 AM (fdTrp)

354 At least this game is watchable. Its been pretty good so far. The best thing about last nights game was TCU's cheerleaders are hot. The game itself was awful. Baylor just scored again. No defense in this game.

Posted by: Puddleglum at December 28, 2018 12:36 AM (WNAuL)

355 86 total points in this game!

Posted by: Cosmic Charlie at December 28, 2018 12:36 AM (PUmDY)

356 This guy did it right. Website very well done far in advance. Corporate sponsorships from gear makers for funding, obviously.

He will be flooded with appearance requests for speaking engagements and commercials and commercials for sponsors.

He is all set, and good on him.
Posted by: Calm Mentor at December 28, 2018 12:28 AM (ffYR/)

Oh yes, good for him. Just wondering where he came from. My wife used to rock climb, someone mentioned he set the record for climbing all seven highest peak in each continent, there is a "line" for these places.

Posted by: Evasiveboat42 at December 28, 2018 12:38 AM (Rz2Nc)

357 I am getting a very confident feeling about OK game. Big 12 defense is nonexistent.

Posted by: Cosmic Charlie at December 28, 2018 12:40 AM (PUmDY)

358 TCU's cheerleaders

Oh yes

Posted by: Evasiveboat42 at December 28, 2018 12:41 AM (Rz2Nc)

359 TCU cheerleaders ate at the same restaurant as us today in Scottsdale. Very comely, indeed

Posted by: In Exile at December 28, 2018 12:41 AM (v40Ab)

360 ...Oh yes, good for him. Just wondering where he came from. My wife used to rock climb, someone mentioned he set the record for climbing all seven highest peak in each continent, there is a "line" for these places.

Posted by: Evasiveboat42 at December 28, 2018 12:38 AM (Rz2Nc)



UberElite gets punted ahead of the line.

It's a prestige thing, even for the Keepers of the Peaks.

Happens in bicycle sports, sailing, you name it.



Jim
Sunk New Dawn
Galveston, TX

Posted by: Jim at December 28, 2018 12:42 AM (QzJWU)

361 TCU cheerleaders ate at the same restaurant as us today in Scottsdale. Very comely, indeed
Posted by: In Exile at December 28, 2018 12:41 AM (v40Ab)

Lucky you.

Posted by: Evasiveboat42 at December 28, 2018 12:44 AM (Rz2Nc)

362 97 points.

Posted by: Cosmic Charlie at December 28, 2018 12:44 AM (PUmDY)

363 UberElite gets punted ahead of the line.

It's a prestige thing, even for the Keepers of the Peaks.

Happens in bicycle sports, sailing, you name it.



Jim
Sunk New Dawn
Galveston, TX
Posted by: Jim at December 28, 2018 12:42 AM (QzJWU)

I understand that, I just wonder how he became and UberElite.

Posted by: Evasiveboat42 at December 28, 2018 12:45 AM (Rz2Nc)

364 Oh yes, good for him. Just wondering where he came from. My wife used to rock climb, someone mentioned he set the record for climbing all seven highest peak in each continent, there is a "line" for these places.
Posted by: Evasiveboat42 at December 28, 2018 12:38 AM (Rz2Nc)

-------------

No idea, as I am not into all that. My comment was more about how well he set it up in advance to be a money making venture. He must have had some primo consulting.

Posted by: Calm Mentor at December 28, 2018 12:47 AM (ffYR/)

365
Something political for a change of pace? I'm reading sensible Canadians and Brits on Twitter. My God, those people are down. The Canucks are ashamed, the Brits are giving up. They wish Trump could go save them.

Posted by: Blonde Morticia at December 28, 2018 12:47 AM (oGNNA)

366 Lyft always seems to be a few dollars cheaper.

Posted by: Cosmic Charlie at December 28, 2018 12:47 AM (PUmDY)

367 Same here in middle Tennessee. Oh, and gas is $1.84 a gallon here though.

Posted by: Duke Lowell at December 27, 2018 10:03 PM (gC2IV)

The QT down here is at $1.76. I love it!

Posted by: Miley, the Duchess at December 28, 2018 12:47 AM (NMAzL)

368 97 points.
Posted by: Cosmic Charlie at December 28, 2018 12:44 AM (PUmDY)

Which game you watching now?

Posted by: Evasiveboat42 at December 28, 2018 12:48 AM (Rz2Nc)

369 Baylor/Vandy

Posted by: Cosmic Charlie at December 28, 2018 12:49 AM (PUmDY)

370 No idea, as I am not into all that. My comment was more about how well he set it up in advance to be a money making venture. He must have had some primo consulting.
Posted by: Calm Mentor at December 28, 2018 12:47 AM (ffYR/)

Understood, I certainly wish him well.

Posted by: Evasiveboat42 at December 28, 2018 12:50 AM (Rz2Nc)

371 That was 83 points total.

Posted by: Evasiveboat42 at December 28, 2018 12:51 AM (Rz2Nc)

372 Something political for a change of pace? I'm reading sensible Canadians and Brits on Twitter. My God, those people are down. The Canucks are ashamed, the Brits are giving up. They wish Trump could go save them.
Posted by: Blonde Morticia at December 28, 2018 12:47 AM (oGNNA)

Save them how?

Posted by: Evasiveboat42 at December 28, 2018 12:53 AM (Rz2Nc)

373 Vany #150:
What's the objective of Jewish football?
To get the quarterback.


Spent thousands of dollars sending the kid to college, and all I got was a Quarterback.
-The next door neighbor's Reader's Digest collection, brazillion years ago. Read enough of them, you've heard them all. Except the dirty ones.

LOL at too many jokes here to acknowledge them all.

Wandered off to watch some vid now prob won't catch up, but what an uplifting thread. Like Maidenform.

Posted by: mindful webworker - "...not Ping Pong Balls!" at December 28, 2018 12:56 AM (cJ00e)

374 Something political for a change of pace? I'm reading sensible Canadians and Brits on Twitter. My God, those people are down. The Canucks are ashamed, the Brits are giving up. They wish Trump could go save them.
Posted by: Blonde Morticia at December 28, 2018 12:47 AM (oGNNA)

--------------------

Then they are gonna have to get off their whiny, dead asses, go find themselves one, and work their asses off to get him elected.

Prognosis: Highly unlikely. It would involve work on their part.

Posted by: Calm Mentor at December 28, 2018 01:00 AM (ffYR/)

375 356:

"...just wondering where he came from..."

portland, oregon.

there's a 15 minute video of a talk he gave at ted talks available on youtube. he describes his recovery from burns from a terrible accident, training and mountain climbing (esp. everest). his wife is key.

very inspirational. worth a look.

Posted by: musical jolly chimp at December 28, 2018 01:02 AM (Pg+x7)

376 ... "o'brady ted talk" on youtube gets it. just checked.

Posted by: musical jolly chimp at December 28, 2018 01:03 AM (Pg+x7)

377
The QT down here is at $1.76. I love it!


Posted by: Miley, the Duchess at December 28, 2018 12:47 AM (NMAzL
====

I've been seeing tweets about gas prices since someone mentioned that Obama once said gas under $2/gallon was a thing of the past (like 3% GDP growth, manufacturing jobs, etc). I can't believe those prices. I'm checking my GasBuddy, and just a few miles away from me premium is $4.39/gallon. I win!

Posted by: Blonde Morticia at December 28, 2018 01:05 AM (oGNNA)

378 qdpsteve #188:
Hey everybody.
I like to barbecue on my dick!


I may be staying up too late
I may be reading too much into this
I may be concerned for qdpsteve
I may not care.

Posted by: mindful webworker - Why do firemen wear red suspenders? at December 28, 2018 01:09 AM (cJ00e)

379 eboar, I thought they were both in rhe forties.

Posted by: Cosmic Charlie at December 28, 2018 01:10 AM (PUmDY)

380
Save them how?Posted by: Evasiveboat42 at December 28, 2018 12:53 AM (Rz2Nc
===
By being their national leader. Hence "wish." I feel sorry for the normies -- the conscientious, patriotic ones who are tearing their hair out as their country goes through its Obama phase.

Posted by: Blonde Morticia at December 28, 2018 01:10 AM (oGNNA)

381 very inspirational. worth a look.
Posted by: musical jolly chimp at December 28, 2018 01:02 AM (Pg+x7)

Thanks.

Posted by: Evasiveboat42 at December 28, 2018 01:11 AM (Rz2Nc)

382 2 fists of vine and going nowhere. Dion rules

Posted by: Cosmic Charlie at December 28, 2018 01:12 AM (PUmDY)

383 Eboat

Posted by: Cosmic Charlie at December 28, 2018 01:12 AM (PUmDY)

384 Just got here, and haven't read all the comments yet...

but has anyone noted that


Barak Obama is a Stuttering Clusterfuck Of A Miserable (Malicious) Failure (Fraud)


yet?

Posted by: JQ at December 28, 2018 01:13 AM (zMzA6)

385 1. MY NAME? TANTO GOLDSTEIN
2. Wrecked him, Damn near killed him.

3. Me check um for bees.
4. Is this guy a homo or what?

5. Because there are twenty of them.



Posted by: Jukin the Deplorable and Profoundly Unserious at December 28, 2018 01:13 AM (BuA1j)

386 ...I understand that, I just wonder how he became and UberElite.

Posted by: Evasiveboat42 at December 28, 2018 12:45 AM (Rz2Nc)



Run your Bing n' Gooble searches within the major climbing blogs and dead-tree magazines.

He'll have visibility there, and likely more in the 'net than in the pulped n' printed page.

Now that he's nailed this high-viz accomplishment, NOW you'll see him in full page endorsement ads, etc.

He's like an "overnight success" in Country Music.

After a decades of practice, playing for three drunks in small houses, etc.




Jim
Sunk New Dawn
Galveston, TX

Posted by: Jim at December 28, 2018 01:13 AM (QzJWU)

387 My favorite joke was created when North Carolina passed the gender bathroom law.

' Did you hear that Tony Romo was arrested in North Carolina? He was caught using the men's room.

Posted by: Can't resist temptation at December 28, 2018 01:14 AM (2DOZq)

388 Yes?

Posted by: Evasiveboat42 at December 28, 2018 01:16 AM (Rz2Nc)

389 Is this 'Tony Romo' dude related to 'Tony Roma'? Cus the ribz wuz sooooo good, esp. w/loaf o' onion ringz.


Posted by: JQ at December 28, 2018 01:17 AM (zMzA6)

390 Roses are red,
Violets are blue.
Some poems rhyme,
But this one doesn't.

Posted by: DynamiteDan at December 28, 2018 01:17 AM (MqzWH)

391 Nyah?

Posted by: Anna Puma (HQCaR) at December 28, 2018 01:20 AM (0bsZA)

392 Okaayyyy...

Q: What do engineers use for birth control?

A: Their personalities!


No offense to any engineers-- it's just a joke I heard, okay?!

Posted by: JQ at December 28, 2018 01:20 AM (zMzA6)

393 Tony Romo is not bad as a pbp guy. He did a good job with the Saints/Steelers game, imo.

Posted by: Cosmic Charlie at December 28, 2018 01:21 AM (PUmDY)

394 Kombanwa, Anna Puma.

Posted by: JQ at December 28, 2018 01:22 AM (zMzA6)

395 Cosmic

Posted by: Evasiveboat42 at December 28, 2018 01:23 AM (Rz2Nc)

396 Blake #199:
"YEAH, BUT YOU'VE GOT A DRIVER!"

Funny. But, saw it coming a mile away. But, funny.

Annie Ross did it first, of course. Great work.

https://youtu.be/bhjOpm-KL-A

Joni Mitchell covered the song on her 1974 album Court and Spark, featuring Cheech & Chong.

https://youtu.be/iisYw0epV_Q

Posted by: mindful webworker - Why are fire engines red? at December 28, 2018 01:23 AM (cJ00e)

397 If you gonna go "Kawabunga Dude!"

Be a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle.

Posted by: Anna Puma (HQCaR) at December 28, 2018 01:23 AM (0bsZA)

398 Iowa.

Posted by: Cosmic Charlie at December 28, 2018 01:25 AM (PUmDY)

399 "Kawabunga!" was looong before TMNJ's methinks.

So.... nevermind, I guess?

Posted by: JQ at December 28, 2018 01:25 AM (zMzA6)

400 Kowa

Posted by: Cosmic Charlie at December 28, 2018 01:25 AM (PUmDY)

401 Eboat.

Posted by: Cosmic Charlie at December 28, 2018 01:26 AM (PUmDY)

402 Posted by: Jim at December 28, 2018 01:13 AM (QzJWU)

I'll have to ask my wife about. From when she climbed, she told me people would be able to because me popular within th community by being good story tellers and then writing a book.

Posted by: Evasiveboat42 at December 28, 2018 01:27 AM (Rz2Nc)

403 Mitch loves being a turtle.

Posted by: Cosmic Charlie at December 28, 2018 01:28 AM (PUmDY)

404 Charlie

Posted by: Evasiveboat42 at December 28, 2018 01:28 AM (Rz2Nc)

405 Ein Schnellboot?

Posted by: Anna Puma (HQCaR) at December 28, 2018 01:29 AM (0bsZA)

406 Soothsayer #212:
WITHOUT EVIDENCE, President Trump claims CNN and other news organizations said he brought MAGA hats to Iraq and Germany military bases.

Speaking of jokes: CNN and other news organizations.

Posted by: mindful webworker - mass media is dead at December 28, 2018 01:30 AM (cJ00e)

407 405 Ein Schnellboot?
Posted by: Anna Puma (HQCaR) at December 28, 2018 01:29 AM (0bsZA)

Lol, not me, I'm on a 10 HP limit lake. It's quiet though. Although the Aqua Lark may put out 15 hp.

Posted by: Evasiveboat42 at December 28, 2018 01:33 AM (Rz2Nc)

408 Shreveport is pretty bad.

Posted by: Cosmic Charlie at December 28, 2018 01:33 AM (PUmDY)

409 I can't believe nobody's told the one about the Pope and the Seven Dwarfs

Posted by: Bilwis, Devourer of Low Glycemic Souls at December 28, 2018 01:33 AM (jp0Bv)

410 Bedtime for bongo, goodnight all.

Posted by: Evasiveboat42 at December 28, 2018 01:35 AM (Rz2Nc)

411 This will teach me to read labels. Bought some cheese, sliced ham, pepperoni, and some bread at store to make sandwiches.

The cheese looked like Swiss so in the buggy it went. Then I nibbled on a slice and well 'oh my gawd! my mouth is on fire!' Turns out I bought pepper jack cheese.

As for the pepperoni, the deli person needs some more training as they had set the thickness wrong. Each slice is about 2mm thick.

Luckily the ham turned out to be ham.

Posted by: Anna Puma (HQCaR) at December 28, 2018 01:35 AM (0bsZA)

412 Not a joke but a gag...wrapped one of the dog's squeaky plush toy Xmas presents in a Pet Butler: Serving Vest for Animals prank box. The box looks like it's a real product and man, when that box was unwrapped, I sold it. "Let's start with crackers, it won't be a big deal if she drops them." Had 'em going for a few minutes. The dog's new nickname is Jeeves.

Posted by: JuJuBee at December 28, 2018 01:35 AM (TBE/U)

413 Two blondes are riding on a bus. One noticed a mirror on the seat and picks it up. She looks at it and says, "hmm, this person looks familiar, but I can't remember where I've seen her." The other blonde takes the mirror from her, looks at it and says, "you idiot, that's me!"

Posted by: Jordan61 at December 28, 2018 01:37 AM (DoOPz)

414 Lol. PepperJack cheese is pretty good IF you're prepared for it.


I like it on grilled cheese sammiches. Yum!

Posted by: JQ at December 28, 2018 01:38 AM (zMzA6)

415 I had to cut a check to a processor for an agent today to Augustus Melton. Exit stage left, pretty awesome.

Posted by: Cosmic Charlie at December 28, 2018 01:40 AM (PUmDY)

416 Beware, though-- I've found Monterey Jack cheese w/Habanero... oooh! Great stuff!

Posted by: JQ at December 28, 2018 01:40 AM (zMzA6)

417 Heh. Twitter account suspended....again. Maybe it was the vicious Jim Carrey trolling. Hope I made that twat cry.

Posted by: Wonkish Rogue at December 28, 2018 01:44 AM (l2t1M)

418 My Dad said the wait for honey baked ham was an hour with it being pre ordered.

Posted by: Cosmic Charlie at December 28, 2018 01:50 AM (PUmDY)

419 Did you hear about the cannibal who passed his friend in the jungle?

---------

First Cannibal: I really don't care for your mother-in-law.
Second Cannibal: OK, just eat the vegetables!

Posted by: DynamiteDan at December 28, 2018 01:51 AM (MqzWH)

420 Meanwhile, back in the jungle.

Posted by: Cosmic Charlie at December 28, 2018 01:52 AM (PUmDY)

421 Land of 1000 Dances rocks.

Posted by: Cosmic Charlie at December 28, 2018 02:02 AM (PUmDY)

422 On thats incredible they did a show with three religious right conservative politicians. The reason they were on thats incredible was the first was openly gay the second had never cheated on his taxes and the third had actually served in combat infantry in vietnam war. Now thats incredible!

Posted by: ramondo at December 28, 2018 02:04 AM (opc5R)

423 Good evening everyone

Some good jokes in here tonight.

The hearse driver turned cabbie, is that a canon, and the guillotine jokes made me laugh.

Posted by: AmericanKestrel at December 28, 2018 02:04 AM (IDhUW)

424 I watched 1517 to Paris tonight. I recommend it.

Posted by: AmericanKestrel at December 28, 2018 02:06 AM (IDhUW)

425 Why did the young republican cross the road after 9-11? Because that was the side of the street the army recruitment office for iraq was. (ask mitt romneys sons about it) farenhiet 9-11 movie shows this happening for real!

Posted by: ramondo at December 28, 2018 02:07 AM (opc5R)

426 Sleep well, good night.

Posted by: AmericanKestrel at December 28, 2018 02:08 AM (IDhUW)

427 Why is it not taking my post?

Posted by: Vic at December 28, 2018 02:08 AM (mpXpK)

428 OK

Posted by: Vic at December 28, 2018 02:09 AM (mpXpK)

429 I see 2 posts, Vic.

Posted by: Puddleglum at December 28, 2018 02:10 AM (WNAuL)

430 Pixy has been a little biatch lately, Vic.

Good luck posting.

Love VNN in the mornings, btw.

Good night.

Posted by: JQ at December 28, 2018 02:10 AM (zMzA6)

431 Did everyone else rebel against their folks here?

Posted by: Cosmic Charlie at December 28, 2018 02:11 AM (PUmDY)

432 Why is it not taking my post?

Posted by: Vic at December 28, 2018 02:08 AM (mpXpK)

---
because you have no country?


Posted by: redc1c4 at December 28, 2018 02:12 AM (zJ7J0)

433 Bony Maroney

Posted by: Cosmic Charlie at December 28, 2018 02:13 AM (PUmDY)

434 Just looked up Bletchy Park on Google, the location of UK's Code Breaking facility, and found a neat Easter egg. Try it out.

Posted by: Serious Cat at December 28, 2018 02:13 AM (GtG/j)

435 *bletchley park*

Posted by: Serious Cat at December 28, 2018 02:14 AM (GtG/j)

436 g'nite
have a good rest of the year.

Posted by: mindful webworker - beyond beyond going beyond beyond at December 28, 2018 02:16 AM (cJ00e)

437 Crown Vic

Posted by: Cosmic Charlie at December 28, 2018 02:16 AM (PUmDY)

438 Wasted a lot of time and energy on that.

Posted by: Cosmic Charlie at December 28, 2018 02:19 AM (PUmDY)

439 "the Park" was a pretty important place in world history. Then again so was the unassuming little naval facility at Ward Circle in DC, near American University, and the place over near the Pentagon in the former girls' school. First building I lived in DC was also the site of some black bag work against the Japanese that might have had a role in the crucial penetration of their diplomatic code.

Posted by: rhomboid at December 28, 2018 02:20 AM (QDnY+)

440 Well done, AOSHQ.

People will remember these days.

Internet only slightly filtered.

Posted by: floppy at December 28, 2018 02:38 AM (8xtON)

441 Merry Christmas and

Happy New year.

Prove me wrong.

Posted by: floppy w. at December 28, 2018 02:59 AM (8xtON)

442 Here's a more in depth report on who was behind the Roy Moore/Linkedin election tampering. NYT and WaPo conveniently left out that Jonathon Morgan was banned from facebook and runs New Knowledge which wrote the Senate report stating how Russia used social media to get Trump elected. By the way, New Knowledge is trying to sell protection against disinformation software.

https://preview.tinyurl.com/ybem8dgd

Posted by: ryukyu at December 28, 2018 03:20 AM (vKhgw)

443 Do you know why the chicken crossed the basketball court? He heard somebody was blowing fowls

Posted by: Robeartoe at December 28, 2018 03:40 AM (BbSCn)

444 Was out like a rock, still woke up a minute before the alarm

Posted by: Skip at December 28, 2018 04:00 AM (/rm4P)

445 Beautiful Ones kind of creeps on you

Posted by: Cosmic Charlie at December 28, 2018 04:01 AM (PUmDY)

446 Mornin' what'd I miss?

Posted by: Cilantro Chico at December 28, 2018 04:06 AM (m2bLi)

447 One thing's for certain.

Posted by: Cosmic Charlie at December 28, 2018 04:10 AM (PUmDY)

448 My cat is waliking around being very vocal not sure why.

Posted by: Skip at December 28, 2018 04:11 AM (/rm4P)

449 Rock of Ages is probably my favorite Paul Simon song.

Posted by: Cosmic Charlie at December 28, 2018 04:15 AM (PUmDY)

450 Fed her, maybe thats what she wanted.
Raining here, 43 degrees out. Better than the 29 its been every other morning.

Posted by: Skip at December 28, 2018 04:16 AM (/rm4P)

451 Calm, someone said rock

Posted by: Cosmic Charlie at December 28, 2018 04:17 AM (PUmDY)

452 It's late on a winter afternoon. Getting dark. A man runs into a doctor's office and pleads with the doctor..."Doc! You gotta help me!".

"What seems to be the matter?" the doctor asked.

"I think I'm a moth," the man replied.

"Oh!" said the doctor. "You don't need me. You need the psychiatrist down the street."

"Yes, well I was on my way there," the man said, "but I saw your light on."

Posted by: creeper at December 28, 2018 04:18 AM (cT4Yr)

453 She got down on her knees and hugged me.

Posted by: Cosmic Charlie at December 28, 2018 04:22 AM (PUmDY)

454 Bernie looks very red. Red Man good.

Posted by: Cosmic Charlie at December 28, 2018 04:28 AM (PUmDY)

455 Shread pepper jack cheese to put on top chile, that can spice it up.

Posted by: Skip at December 28, 2018 04:43 AM (/rm4P)

456 americanthinker/the feds nightmare scenario
https://tinyurl.com/ycusjyof
I don't know much about it but could see free money was a addiction.

Posted by: Skip at December 28, 2018 04:46 AM (/rm4P)

457 Temembet when President Obama had a President In Waiting seal? If PDT had done that it would have been mass Hari Kari

Posted by: Cosmic Charlie at December 28, 2018 04:47 AM (PUmDY)

458 Remember

Posted by: Cosmic Charlie at December 28, 2018 04:50 AM (PUmDY)

459 How is a cat vocal? Purring loud?

Posted by: Cosmic Charlie at December 28, 2018 04:54 AM (PUmDY)

460 Or like street cats making love?

Posted by: Cosmic Charlie at December 28, 2018 04:57 AM (PUmDY)

461 She was meowing constantly, fed her but shortly after can back up doing it again. Finally sat down with Coffee reading stuff and she is on my lap. Wife saidshed just wants a warm comfortable place to be.

Posted by: Skip at December 28, 2018 04:57 AM (/rm4P)

462 She/he's just trying to make it.

Posted by: Cosmic Charlie at December 28, 2018 05:01 AM (PUmDY)

463 I see she now.

Posted by: Cosmic Charlie at December 28, 2018 05:02 AM (PUmDY)

464 Time is a stripper, doing it just for you

Posted by: Cosmic Charlie at December 28, 2018 05:07 AM (PUmDY)

465 https://pjmedia.com/homeland-security/hijab-in-the-house/
I read History of Jihad by Robert Spencer, it won't end well.

Posted by: Skip at December 28, 2018 05:07 AM (/rm4P)

466 Cinnamon is a old cat, she will be 18 in around 3 months.
Better get moving, one good or bad thing is my favorite donut shop is 1/2 mile from were I'm working. It has only a few shops and never been to this one.
Have a great day everyone, its Friday and I have 4 days off again.
Whooo Hooo!

Posted by: Skip at December 28, 2018 05:10 AM (/rm4P)

467 Got kind of heavy handed there, sorry

Posted by: Cosmic Charlie at December 28, 2018 05:11 AM (PUmDY)

468 Your cat's name is cinnamon?

Posted by: Cosmic Charlie at December 28, 2018 05:20 AM (PUmDY)

469 stray cats were very good.

Posted by: Cosmic Charlie at December 28, 2018 05:25 AM (PUmDY)

470 Are cat years the same as dog years?

Posted by: Cosmic Charlie at December 28, 2018 05:28 AM (PUmDY)

471
g'mornin', 'rons

Posted by: AltonJackson at December 28, 2018 05:43 AM (KCxzN)

472
Sixty years ago today -

'Greatest' football game

The 1958 National Football Championship Game between the Colts and the New York Giants is the first playoff game in NFL history to go into sudden-death overtime. The Colts win 23-17 in Yankee Stadium and the matchup will become known as the 'Greatest Game Ever Played.'


And ... out!

Posted by: Krebs v Carnot: Epic Battle of the Cycling Stars (TM) at December 28, 2018 05:43 AM (pNxlR)

473 7 The teacher did nazi that coming!
Posted by: Liberty at December 27, 2018 09:48 PM (MmlEs)

Belatedly: golf clap on this one.

Posted by: m at December 28, 2018 05:44 AM (eJj1Q)

474 Things that end in 'er'. See, this is exactly why the ancient Eromeros added the 'o'. In the old country the spelling was Eromeroer.

Posted by: Eromero at December 28, 2018 05:49 AM (zLDYs)

475 O.k., I've got a good one.
Say "knock-knock" to help me set the joke up.

You: knock-knock
Me: Who's there?
You: . . .

Posted by: m at December 28, 2018 05:50 AM (eJj1Q)

476 Good Morning Glories!

I survived Christmas, and that's a good thing.

Posted by: ALH at December 28, 2018 05:54 AM (cS3Yq)

477 Posted by: hogmartin at December 27, 2018 10:36 PM (t+qrx)

I might never be able to quit laughing.

Posted by: m at December 28, 2018 06:13 AM (eJj1Q)

478 WD can fk right off with that "greatest joke" ever. Damn that was a long build up for THAT!

Posted by: weirdflunky at December 28, 2018 06:17 AM (VLjz7)

479 WD can fk right off with that "greatest joke" ever. Damn that was a long build up for THAT!
Posted by: weirdflunky

After a page I jumped to the punch line.
If I'm going to read that much, I would read my software license agreements.

Posted by: Bruce at December 28, 2018 06:24 AM (8ikIW)

480 Should we run a lottery on when the first impeachment resolution gets introduced in congress. I'm betting right after the swearing in. I think the MAGA hat thing will top the list, along with some poor E4's being outed and dumped. (as of this week anyway)

Posted by: Colin at December 28, 2018 06:28 AM (y6JvN)

481 The 'media' is full of stupid people. This is from USA Today:

At his peak, the Dublin, Ireland, man says, he was vaping about 24 milligrams of nicotine a day - the equivalent of two cigarettes. He got that down to about 12 mg, and then to 6 mg, before he stopped completely.

The writer of this article is as dumb as shit. Perhaps she could learn a little something about the subject before doing a hit piece on vaping. I'm actually dumber after reading that paragraph.

Posted by: Newest Nic at December 28, 2018 06:42 AM (jYje5)

482 Hey!! A NOOOOOD is happening right now!

Posted by: Bruce at December 28, 2018 06:47 AM (8ikIW)

483 How do you get a nun pregnant?

Dress her up like an alter boy.

Posted by: Erik at December 28, 2018 06:56 AM (Ybn9+)

484 Temembet Covfefe

Posted by: Off the reservation at December 28, 2018 07:28 AM (vWMNq)

485 Three bulls heard the rancher was bringing another bull onto the ranch.

First Bull: "I've been here five years. I'm not giving this new bull any of my 100 cows."

Second Bull: "I've been here three years and have earned my right to 50 cows. I'm keeping all my cows."

Third Bull: "I've only been here a year, and so far, you guys have only let me have 10 cows. I may not be as big as you fellows, but I'm keeping all 10 of my cows."

Just then an 18-wheeler pulls up in the pasture carrying the biggest bull they've ever seen. At 4,700 pounds, each step he takes strains the steel ramp.

First Bull: "I think I can spare a few cows for our new friend."

Second Bull: "I actually have too many cows to take care of. I can spare a few. I'm certainly not looking for an argument."

They look over at the third bull and find him pawing the dirt, shaking his horns and snorting.

First Bull: "Son, don't be foolish - let him have some of your cows and live to tell about it."

Third Bull: "Hell, he can have all my cows. I'm just making sure he knows I'm a BULL."

Posted by: physics geek at December 28, 2018 07:55 AM (huQJB)

486 An Irishman walks out of a bar

Posted by: God's golf ball at December 28, 2018 10:14 AM (FusDs)

487 Have you heard about the German-Chinese restaurant?
The food is good but an hour later you're hungry for power.

Posted by: Jaclyn at December 28, 2018 10:32 AM (d+Wxf)

488 The Barefoot Man
https://www.youtube.com/ watch?v=CZNM0BfZZwkt=0slist=PL5iwgPHLauCsE9H8B Ce0rqppsDparMjXSindex=4
remove the spaces......

Posted by: boyNsea at December 28, 2018 12:34 PM (Fks5r)

489 Yesterday 11:45 PM started to listen to the worlds best joke, got to the punch line at 12:50. Laughed out loud, you got me thanks for the humor.

Posted by: Buffalobob at December 28, 2018 01:38 PM (RNoZj)

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