aceofspadeshq at gee mail.com
CBD:
cbd.aoshq at gee mail.com
Buck:
buck.throckmorton at protonmail.com
joe mannix:
mannix2024 at proton.me
MisHum:
petmorons at gee mail.com
J.J. Sefton:
sefton at cutjibnewsletter.com
Jake Tapper's Novel is a Horrible, Amateurish Mary Sue Imitation of Dan Brown
Before getting to the book -- did you read on Friday my post about Jake Tapper's incessant Reputation Operations conducted via DM?
Buzzfeed Ben wrote about that on Saturday, I think. If you don't believe me, believe Buzzfeed Ben, whose credibility is, obviously, beyond contestation.[O]ne of the great secrets to [Jake Tapper's] professional success is his all-out defense of his reputation on all fronts at all times: Before the Tappergram about the dossier, I'd heard from him more commonly about stray tweets from BuzzFeed staffers about everything from the poop cruise (his own coverage, he wanted to point out, had been serious and policy-focused) to the usual arguments over ratings. No tweet about Tapper, not even a subtweet, falls without Tapper's notice.I can attest. Tired of Jake Tapper's never-ending DMs, I stopped naming him in emails, and would only talk about CNN, or name him without the @-. Just asking why they weren't covering something, or the like. You can't escape the all-seeing Twitter-addicted eye of Jake Tapper that way.
"I don't have time for your high school drama club," he said recently in his fourth rapid-fire tweet to a BuzzFeed News reporter who had botched, then quickly corrected, a Tapper quote.Spoiler alert: He does in fact have the time -- and lots of it -- for any high school drama club, particularly the ones featuring the dramatic conflicts he's penned himself.
Perhaps the best evidence of how fiercely Tapper protects his reputation is that -- despite his irascibility being a kind of Washington legend -- I can't find any reference to it in a series of recent glowing profiles of the CNN anchor. These profiles tend to feature a relaxed-looking Tapper, surrounded by red, white, and blue memorabilia. Perhaps his feet are up on his desk. Tapper’s friends and acquaintances were rather surprised to learn, from the lede of a recent Times profile, that "Jake Tapper doesn't seem to get rattled easily."Spoiler alert: Yes, he does get rattled easily, and often, and he will devote hours to infesting your DMs with Jake Tapper Propaganda. He's like the North Korean Ministry of Information About the Amazing Awesomeness of Jake Tapper.
Some of Tapper's colleagues and Twitter enemies find the heated private responses to criticism over the top, a sign that he takes himself too seriously.As the friend who pointed this article said, Buzzfeed Ben then cucks out and says "Tapper should take himself seriously" because he's like so awesome and then gives his book a very positive review, allowing that it is "trashy," but then qualifying that by saying its trashiness is "necessar[y]." No, this level of trashiness is not necessary at all. Ben Domenech then really piqued my interest:
Jake Tapper's book is awful. There, I said it.
— Ben Domenech (@bdomenech) April 29, 2018
The WaPo review is suitably brutal. https://t.co/K5t8mUkKSQ
— Ben Domenech (@bdomenech) April 29, 2018
This is the turgid overwritten tripe of an amateur. It is so bad. You will fall asleep.
— Ben Domenech (@bdomenech) April 29, 2018
The “fun female” character is a manic pixie dream wife who’s an attractive zoologist who studies ponies. This is the book.
— Ben Domenech (@bdomenech) April 29, 2018
...the indefatigeable Energizer Bunny of Direct Message Nastygrams...
Jake Tapper, the tenacious anchor of CNN, the merciless slayer of alternative facts, the dogged deflator of political egos...
...has written a novel about corruption in Washington. In the scandal-a-day Trump era of President Trump, the news doesn't leave much room for fiction about our government’s debauchery, but Tapper still heaps plenty of scorn on the king of chaos: "He's impossible to ignore. He’s become this . . . planet . . . blocking the sun. And whatever points he makes that have validity are blotted out by his indecency and his lies and his predilection to smear.""Boy that's some sophomorically overwrought prose," the literal color purple just emailed me to say. He's talking about Joe McCarthy -- the book is set in the Wikipedia entry for the year 1954; his "research" into the era consists of stuff you'd either know off the top of your head (Playboy's first issue featured a naked Marilyn Monroe! The DC baseball franchise of that era was called The Senators!). After the opening, which the reviewer finds promising, and which I really liked the first time I saw it in Brian DePalma's Blow Out --
But no sooner does Charlie climb out of that ditch than this novel careens into another one and stays there, spinning its wheels for 150 pages of leaden back story before we finally arrive again at that fateful morning crash. The only Red threat here is the danger of running out of Red Bull. Perhaps all this exposition stems from the good journalist's determination to provide context, but the whole enterprise labors under a heavy burden of explainism, accentuated by the novel's flat, irony-free prose. Every senator, representative, lobbyist and aide -- including many historical figures --arrives with a resume that gets dutifully unfurled over the ever-dwindling action, mostly meetings, hearings and poker games. All historical references are carefully elucidated in the same teacherly tone, from the House Un-American Activities Committee to the Senate hearings on juvenile delinquency to the development of photocopies and pesticides. ... Tapper’s 33-year-old protagonist, Charlie, is a World War II hero as attractive and flavor-free as a genetically engineered tomato. "Tall and broad-shouldered with piercing blue eyes" -- the best kind -- Charlie is a.......Mary Sue idealized version of the author inserted into the book in the way a teenager would insert himself into Star Trek fan fic? Dan Brown laughs at this the-main-character-is-a-super-handsome-version-of-myself-with-broad-shoulders-and-a-girthy-penis childishness.
... former Columbia University professor who published a best-selling work of history before being appointed by the governor of New York to fill an empty congressional seat. (That would require changing the U.S. Constitution, but if we get bogged down in technicalities like that, we'll never finish.)Tapper the political expert didn't know Representatives may not be appointed, as Senators can be, but can only be elected?
Dan Brown just emailed me -- "Do you believe this load?"
His Brooks Brothers suit fits so well you can hardly see the Boy Scout uniform underneath. "You're good," his father tells him. "And even more than that, you believe in goodness."
... As the country's future hangs in the balance, Tapper dutifully attends to the clashing racial attitudes of the era. Charlie, precocious as ever, possesses all the enlightened attitudes of a Brooklyn barista in 2018. Ethnic slurs nauseate him. He knows those Confederate statues should come down. And if someone would knit him a pussyhat, he would wear it proudly. His pregnant wife is, of course, a gorgeous zoologist who studies ponies. I’m not complaining. "The Hellfire Club" is most enjoyable when it’s most groan-worthy. There's a particularly ludicrous scene in which political opponents confront each other with competing dossiers of compromising photos. The gun-toting thugs chuckle like Batman villains. In Charlie's most valiant scene, he picks up his wife and the horse she rode in on!She's a famous ponyologist, as Ben Domenech points out, so this is all justified by the writerly technique of stupid foreshadowing. The Federalist is also laughing. By the way, this author also notes the Wikipedia-level research. But I noted that myself, immediately when I began reading it on Saturday night. He is constantly attempting to "authenticate" his novel by adding in "period-specific details," but all of these details are either 1, off the top of your head stuff that everyone already knows or 2, obviously culled from lists you'd find on the internet, like "stage plays and movies of 1954."
Charlie and his wife Margaret go out for a night on the town and, what do you know, the theater lobby they find themselves in is full of historically portentous people. There’s Vice President Nixon and his wife, Patricia! There’s Jack and Jackie! There’s newspaper columnist Joe Alsop! Hey, across the room is Robert Kennedy deep in conversation with Joe McCarthy! Each notable is accompanied by at least one obligatory expository lump of prose only vaguely tied to the current setting. The Kennedys get double and triple lumps, of course, such as:Now, I downloaded the sample, and was enthralled by the sheer wretchedness of it, and realized I couldn't highlight especially terrible passages in the sample -- so I bought it. I can highlight bad stuff in the purchased book. No one's asking for this, but I'm doing it anyway -- periodically, at night, maybe sometimes after the ONT, I'll be quoting for you the worst parts of Jake Tapper's book, "Wikipedia: The Novel." I'm not suggesting you buy or read it. I'm suggesting the opposite. I'll read it so you don't have to. I'm a few chapters in and it's deliriously terrible. It's frankly a professional embarrassment which will damage his image as a "serious" person. I don't promise to finish it. In fact, I'm sure I'll get bored by it, even reading it as a goof. There's only so many times you can take satisfaction in pointing out, for example, that one of Tapper's go-to descriptors for any older man in the book is "powerful." He has his thesaurus handy for lots of tasteless word-substitutions, and yet, he can't seem to find any other words for "powerful." And believe me-- this book is just plain full of powerful men conspiring against Charlie Martyr. Oops, I mean Charlie Marder. Oh fuck it, I mean Jake Tapper. Anyway, I'll start putting up some fun stuff for your enjoyment. No schedule; I'll just do it when I need a laugh.Who needs Wikipedia? It is also helpful that people tend to introduce themselves with their full names, sometimes even with middle initials. At times one feels trapped in a creepy liberal version of the Hall of Presidents, where Jackie Kennedy quotes Alan Seegers' "I Have a Rendezvous with Death" off the cuff, and McCarthy is perpetually pounding a finger on his list of 205 communists in the State Department.
Charlie's mother somewhat secretly worshiped the Kennedy brood. His father, Winston, a powerful Republican lawyer in Manhattan, had a more skeptical view of Ambassador Joseph Kennedy and, though the transitive property, his scions. He faulted the Kennedy patriarch for wanting to appease Hitler. For fun, he'd also bad-mouth him for having made his fortune in bootlegging during Prohibition.
Comments
(Jump to bottom of comments)Posted by: flounderbot, rebel, vulgarian, deplorabot, winner at April 30, 2018 03:51 PM (Dp6qK)
Posted by: Weasel at April 30, 2018 03:51 PM (MVjcR)
Posted by: Kermit at April 30, 2018 03:51 PM (ctuyM)
Posted by: Weasel at April 30, 2018 03:52 PM (MVjcR)
Posted by: flounderbot, rebel, vulgarian, deplorabot, winner at April 30, 2018 03:52 PM (Dp6qK)
Posted by: Anna Puma (HQCaR) at April 30, 2018 03:53 PM (S5Di7)
this time Ace reads the book so we don't
Posted by: votermom pimping NEW Moron-authored books! at April 30, 2018 03:54 PM (hMwEB)
Posted by: JEM at April 30, 2018 03:54 PM (CDnzC)
It's frankly a professional embarrassment which will damage his image as a "serious" person.
"Readers will discover a Jake Tapper previously known only to a few Morons."
Posted by: Hadrian the Seventh at April 30, 2018 03:54 PM (BWL+E)
Posted by: Maritime at April 30, 2018 03:55 PM (lKmt3)
Just don't use your left turn signal to suggest he move over, or he'll hit the guardrail, roll over, and his estate will sue you.
Posted by: JEM at April 30, 2018 03:55 PM (CDnzC)
Posted by: Joe Biden at April 30, 2018 03:55 PM (ATVNj)
book club!!!
this time Ace reads the book so we don't
Posted by: votermom pimping NEW Moron-authored books! at April 30, 2018 03:54 PM (hMwEB)
Wait, I thought us one-tooth knuckledraggers didn't read.
Posted by: Hadrian the Seventh at April 30, 2018 03:55 PM (BWL+E)
Posted by: flounderbot, rebel, vulgarian, deplorabot, winner at April 30, 2018 03:56 PM (Dp6qK)
Posted by: Nevergiveup at April 30, 2018 03:56 PM (5y11N)
Posted by: buzzion at April 30, 2018 03:56 PM (lKs2v)
I could actually love a daily fisking of that pompous pretty-boy.
Posted by: rd at April 30, 2018 03:56 PM (4dz1m)
Posted by: Brother Cavil, Abbot of St. Costello-on-the-Hurlingbone at April 30, 2018 03:57 PM (AM1GF)
Posted by: The Swedish Chef at April 30, 2018 03:57 PM (89T5c)
He's been too busy plagiarizing other people's novels.
Posted by: Adirondack Patriot at April 30, 2018 03:57 PM (MnkFD)
Well, he didn't pay the check when he and ace were in a bromance, so...
Posted by: JEM at April 30, 2018 03:57 PM (CDnzC)
So much racism in the media.
Posted by: Oschisms at April 30, 2018 03:57 PM (k0yDl)
Posted by: Jeff Spicoli, Failed Author at April 30, 2018 03:57 PM (O5Q3r)
Posted by: Hadrian the Seventh at April 30, 2018 03:58 PM (BWL+E)
Posted by: the Shat at April 30, 2018 03:58 PM (9HcF6)
Posted by: Anna Puma (HQCaR) at April 30, 2018 03:58 PM (S5Di7)
Posted by: auscolpyr at April 30, 2018 03:59 PM (suO/a)
Posted by: buzzion at April 30, 2018 03:56 PM
You mean like Ace and AtheC doing an audio of 50 Shades?
Oooooooo.....The Deplorable Guide to Pron!!!
Posted by: Diogenes at April 30, 2018 03:59 PM (0tfLf)
Posted by: josephistan at April 30, 2018 03:59 PM (7HtZB)
This despite the fact that everyone now knows the dossier was a Clinton/DNC hit job and was completely made up.
That's our media in a nutshell. They don't give a shit whether what they report is true, they only care that it advances the narrative.
Posted by: JackStraw at April 30, 2018 03:59 PM (/tuJf)
Posted by: Andrew Beyer at April 30, 2018 03:59 PM (m7LQK)
Posted by: Lizzy at April 30, 2018 03:59 PM (W+vEI)
Again, the poetry of Ace.
Posted by: Deplorable Ian Galt at April 30, 2018 03:59 PM (8iiMU)
Posted by: Brother Cavil, Abbot of St. Costello-on-the-Hurlingbone at April 30, 2018 04:00 PM (AM1GF)
I'm a few chapters in and it's deliriously terrible. It's frankly a professional embarrassment which will damage his image as a "serious" person.
Ace, I hate that you're tossing yourself on this grenade but, then again, better you than me.
Posted by: joncelli, feeling hirsute at April 30, 2018 04:00 PM (RD7QR)
Posted by: chavez the hugo at April 30, 2018 04:00 PM (KP5rU)
Posted by: SOMEASSHOLESTOLEMYPEN at April 30, 2018 04:00 PM (nQHw/)
Posted by: Anna Puma (HQCaR) at April 30, 2018 04:00 PM (S5Di7)
I don't really know who Jake Tapper is.
Some sort of TV pundit, I assume. Which puts him somewhere between mudskipper and mole-rat on the Ladder of Creation.
Posted by: zombie at April 30, 2018 04:00 PM (42M22)
Wise Latina Update:
I've heard of hip and knee replacements but shoulder replacement? That must of been a nasty fall.
"The Supreme Court on Monday announced Justice Sonia Sotomayor will undergo shoulder-replacement surgery."
She is not well.
Posted by: WisRich at April 30, 2018 04:01 PM (G0vdT)
Posted by: Deplorable Ian Galt at April 30, 2018 04:01 PM (8iiMU)
Posted by: Lizzy at April 30, 2018 03:59 PM (W+vEI)
nothing tops that
Posted by: votermom pimping NEW Moron-authored books! at April 30, 2018 04:01 PM (hMwEB)
Seriously dude gets around.
Ben "Girthy" Domenich.
Posted by: Grump928(c) at April 30, 2018 04:01 PM (QQ+il)
Posted by: steevy at April 30, 2018 04:01 PM (LiyEm)
Posted by: zombie at April 30, 2018 04:00 PM (42M22)
We replaced the barrel with a confession booth. Let's see if anyone notices.
Posted by: flounderbot, rebel, vulgarian, deplorabot, winner at April 30, 2018 04:01 PM (Dp6qK)
Posted by: Kuhyt at April 30, 2018 04:01 PM (Kuhyt)
@jpodhoretz
Seriously, @jaketapper 's novel is wildly entertaining. The Hellfire Club. Buy it.
Posted by: weft cut-loop at April 30, 2018 04:02 PM (LNPd9)
Posted by: garrett at April 30, 2018 04:02 PM (tcB+2)
So, no worries about 50's toxic masculinity...
Posted by: Lizzy at April 30, 2018 04:02 PM (W+vEI)
Where's the "or" part of this sentence!?!
Its absence is driving me MAD!
Posted by: bonhomme at April 30, 2018 04:02 PM (iv0p7)
Send it to Gutenberg.
Posted by: Grump928(c) at April 30, 2018 04:02 PM (QQ+il)
Posted by: Adirondack Patriot at April 30, 2018 04:02 PM (MnkFD)
Honestly, I have no real idea who Jake Tapper is, I don't watch tv nooz, and I don't tweeter, so my life is full enough without such a creature.
However, if we're being catty, I'll join in. That Tapper, oh, he's written a novel, you say? I'll get right to it. Right after I get done with those Stephanie Meyer books I haven't read yet.
Posted by: BurtTC at April 30, 2018 04:03 PM (Pz4pT)
Posted by: tu3031 at April 30, 2018 04:03 PM (O5Q3r)
Posted by: Village Idiot's Apprentice at April 30, 2018 04:03 PM (EyPfd)
The only confession booth with a host bar.
Posted by: JEM at April 30, 2018 04:03 PM (CDnzC)
She's getting a new left wing?
Posted by: JackStraw at April 30, 2018 04:03 PM (/tuJf)
Posted by: WisRich at April 30, 2018 04:01 PM (G0vdT)
Rotting from the inside out. Any chance we can get Scalia's zombie brain implanted while they are in there? Gotta be some kind of improvement.
Posted by: flounderbot, rebel, vulgarian, deplorabot, winner at April 30, 2018 04:03 PM (Dp6qK)
Posted by: Skip at April 30, 2018 04:03 PM (aC6Sd)
A well done and knowing Mary Sue can be fun because it's self aware that it's a Mary Sue. The ones that are an unselfaware Mary Sue are hilarious.
Posted by: alexthechick - Ragebunny. Hopping all around. at April 30, 2018 04:03 PM (mf5HN)
@jpodhoretz
Seriously, @jaketapper 's novel is wildly entertaining. The Hellfire Club. Buy it.
...
as you say: Of course. They're all in a little daisy chain each with mouth loosely around the next's penis.
Posted by: ace at April 30, 2018 04:03 PM (8rNrN)
Posted by: chavez the hugo at April 30, 2018 04:03 PM (KP5rU)
Posted by: Shep! at April 30, 2018 04:03 PM (8iiMU)
Posted by: steevy at April 30, 2018 04:03 PM (LiyEm)
Posted by: dantesed at April 30, 2018 04:03 PM (88xKn)
Posted by: ace at April 30, 2018 04:03 PM (8rNrN)
'Goodness' said the McCarthy-era Republican who was rumored to be gay, 'Is that for me?'
'No,' rasped Charlie, 'Democrats save their penises for the people!'"
Posted by: joncelli, feeling hirsute at April 30, 2018 04:03 PM (RD7QR)
I believe.
Posted by: Jukin the Deplorable and Profoundly Unserious at April 30, 2018 04:04 PM (pw+jk)
Posted by: Gumby at April 30, 2018 04:04 PM (2LelM)
===========
I'll have some!
Thanks for giggles.
Posted by: Simplemind at April 30, 2018 04:04 PM (AVWL5)
The ELKS?
LOL
This is like reading about the Rotary in the Hamas charter.
Posted by: Alcoholic Asshole Shut In at April 30, 2018 04:04 PM (CPk08)
I've heard of hip and knee replacements but shoulder replacement? That must of been a nasty fall.
"The Supreme Court on Monday announced Justice Sonia Sotomayor will undergo shoulder-replacement surgery."
She is not well.
-
She needs a soul implant.
Posted by: Anonosaurus Wrecks, Tyrannosaur Wrangler at April 30, 2018 04:04 PM (+y/Ru)
As Joe McCarthy returned to his self appointed destiny of chairing the Committee on UnAmerican Activities, the politicals winds were soon to turn into a hurricane and blow the Senator away.
Posted by: Sebastian Melmoth at April 30, 2018 04:04 PM (n1b3L)
Posted by: cornbred at April 30, 2018 04:04 PM (9HcF6)
Posted by: Anna Puma (HQCaR) at April 30, 2018 04:05 PM (S5Di7)
Posted by: JuJuBee, just generally being shamey at April 30, 2018 04:05 PM (2NqXo)
Posted by: Your Decidedly Devious Uncle Palpatine at April 30, 2018 04:05 PM (fA1SL)
Maybe he could then do a sequel about the Soviet financing of the anti-war, environmental, and anti-nuclear movements, much less the murderous rebels in the Mideast, Africa, and Asia.
Posted by: rd at April 30, 2018 04:05 PM (4dz1m)
Posted by: Anna Puma (HQCaR) at April 30, 2018 04:05 PM (S5Di7)
Posted by: Ace of Spades at 03:50 PM
Uh-oh . . .
Posted by: filbert at April 30, 2018 04:05 PM (953wK)
You guys close italics tags like Jake Tapper writes dialogue.
Which is awful. Oh Em Gee, will we be having fun with the dialogue.
Posted by: ace at April 30, 2018 04:05 PM (8rNrN)
Posted by: weft cut-loop at April 30, 2018 04:02 PM (LNPd9)
Second look at book burning?
Posted by: flounderbot, rebel, vulgarian, deplorabot, winner at April 30, 2018 04:05 PM (Dp6qK)
"The Supreme Court on Monday announced Justice Sonia Sotomayor will undergo shoulder-replacement surgery."
She is not well.
-
She needs a soul implant.
====
Can we give her the Alfie treatment?
Posted by: Jukin the Deplorable and Profoundly Unserious at April 30, 2018 04:05 PM (pw+jk)
Who fantasizes about Paolo, the studly unicorn.
Posted by: rickb223 at April 30, 2018 04:05 PM (BBhgz)
Posted by: Cheri at April 30, 2018 04:06 PM (oiNtH)
As Joe McCarthy returned to his self appointed destiny of chairing the Committee on UnAmerican Activities, the politicals winds were soon to turn into a hurricane and blow the Senator away.
Posted by: Sebastian Melmoth at April 30, 2018 04:04 PM (n1b3L)
There's a lot of dumb there.
Posted by: Hadrian the Seventh at April 30, 2018 04:06 PM (BWL+E)
Posted by: Sebastian Melmoth at April 30, 2018 04:06 PM (n1b3L)
Posted by: zombie at April 30, 2018 04:00 PM (42M22)
So a type of weasel then.
Posted by: blaster at April 30, 2018 04:06 PM (Z5y53)
**************************************************
Literally Hitler purple?
Posted by: JuJuBee, just generally being shamey at April 30, 2018 04:06 PM (2NqXo)
As Joe McCarthy returned to his self appointed destiny of chairing the Committee on UnAmerican Activities, the politicals winds were soon to turn into a hurricane and blow the Senator away.
...
he writes stuff like that all the time.
I'm only two chapters in, but the first two chapters are always the MOST POLISHED and MOST PROFESSIONAL parts of a book. They're the most heavily rewritten; people know that a casual customer may just start reading the first 20 pages before deciding to buy.
And the first two chapters are child-like.
Posted by: ace at April 30, 2018 04:06 PM (8rNrN)
@NRO 3m
The Right is far too desperate to appear young and hip. http://bit.ly/2HGpXzf via @JJ_McCullough #KanyeWest
Posted by: weft cut-loop at April 30, 2018 04:07 PM (LNPd9)
Posted by: Alcoholic Asshole Shut In at April 30, 2018 04:07 PM (CPk08)
Posted by: rd at April 30, 2018 04:07 PM (4dz1m)
Posted by: cornbred at April 30, 2018 04:07 PM (9HcF6)
Posted by: Lucian St. DuBois ... but my friends call me LSD at April 30, 2018 04:07 PM (f6tGE)
Posted by: votermom pimping NEW Moron-authored books! at April 30, 2018 04:07 PM (hMwEB)
Posted by: Your Decidedly Devious Uncle Palpatine at April 30, 2018 04:07 PM (fA1SL)
Posted by: Jake Tapper at April 30, 2018 04:07 PM (4e+hS)
Posted by: Burger Chef at April 30, 2018 04:07 PM (RuIsu)
Posted by: Captain Hate at April 30, 2018 04:07 PM (y7DUB)
Is this a porn script and how could that type of fetish be boring?
Maybe Jake does have some writing talent?
Will he be working with Stormy on a move version?
Posted by: Marcus T at April 30, 2018 04:07 PM (VpIIl)
Posted by: steevy at April 30, 2018 04:07 PM (LiyEm)
I hope it's not her dusting arm.
Posted by: garrett at April 30, 2018 04:07 PM (tcB+2)
Posted by: Anon a mouse at April 30, 2018 04:08 PM (7LY+6)
Posted by: JuJuBee, just generally being shamey at April 30, 2018 04:08 PM (2NqXo)
Posted by: Anna Puma (HQCaR) at April 30, 2018 04:08 PM (S5Di7)
You can download the sample on Kindle or on to your computer if you don't have a kindle -- you can load the kindle ap on your laptop.
Free.
Not sure you'll want to read more after the first couple of chapters!
Posted by: ace at April 30, 2018 04:08 PM (8rNrN)
Posted by: Jake Tap-Tap Tapper at April 30, 2018 04:08 PM (pw+jk)
Posted by: Gumby at April 30, 2018 04:08 PM (2LelM)
It was a dark and stormy night. A maid screamed and a pirate ship sailed into the harbor.
Posted by: Snoopy at April 30, 2018 04:08 PM (suO/a)
IT'S FUNNY BECAUSE SENATOR MCCARTHY WAS A SENATOR AND NOT ON HUAC!
Posted by: BEN ROETHLISBERGER at April 30, 2018 04:08 PM (7HtZB)
Posted by: Curmudgeon at April 30, 2018 04:08 PM (ujg0T)
Posted by: Mr Aspirin Factory at April 30, 2018 04:08 PM (89T5c)
Posted by: steevy at April 30, 2018 04:09 PM (LiyEm)
Posted by: chavez the hugo at April 30, 2018 04:09 PM (KP5rU)
Posted by: rickl at April 30, 2018 04:09 PM (xjiRE)
Posted by: zombie at April 30, 2018 04:09 PM (42M22)
But seriously, thanks (again) for taking one for the team.
Oh - and Clancy generally wrote horrible dialogue, too (at least based on Red October, which I read before it was in wide release, and Red Storm Rising).
One more thing - WTF about the "scandal a day" of Trump's Washington? WTF about his "lies and indecency"? Examples, please?
The greatest scandals in our history are being slowly unraveled since Trump's inauguration - all of them Obama scandals, IC scandals, FBI scandals, State scandals. All of them. None of them Trump scandals.
Just amazes me, the way these throwaway fabrications and lies (such as references to Trump's "lies") are mindlessly absorbed by so many people, and so much of the Beltway/media tribe.
Posted by: rhomboid at April 30, 2018 04:09 PM (QDnY+)
Posted by: Anachronda at April 30, 2018 04:10 PM (sGtp+)
"It was like so the bestest of times and it so like the worstest of times."
Posted by: Anna Puma (HQCaR) at April 30, 2018 04:10 PM (S5Di7)
Posted by: Roy at April 30, 2018 04:10 PM (7n4KQ)
Posted by: Your Decidedly Devious Uncle Palpatine at April 30, 2018 04:10 PM (fA1SL)
Posted by: steevy at April 30, 2018 04:10 PM (LiyEm)
Posted by: josephistan at April 30, 2018 04:10 PM (7HtZB)
Posted by: Bear with Assymetrical Balls at April 30, 2018 04:10 PM (gtDDG)
Posted by: Jukin the Deplorable and Profoundly Unserious at April 30, 2018 04:10 PM (pw+jk)
You can get Touched by and Angel.
And the Dr Quinn will give you a prostate exam. Though, the weird looking 1/2 indian dude in the corner makes it a bit less sexxy.
Posted by: garrett at April 30, 2018 04:10 PM (tcB+2)
Posted by: JackStraw at April 30, 2018 04:10 PM (/tuJf)
Help us Pr()nhub! Only you can answer this question!!!
which I suspect is "yes" but am afraid to look.
Posted by: Alcoholic Asshole Shut In at April 30, 2018 04:11 PM (CPk08)
Well, there's no knockers. So there.
Posted by: Anon a mouse at April 30, 2018 04:08 PM
No knockers in heaven? Now you tell me.
Posted by: zombie Russ Meyer at April 30, 2018 04:11 PM (ctuyM)
Posted by: Snoopy
A fat man farted in the distance. Girl Scout cookies crumbled of their own accord. Then everybody died.
Posted by: zombie at April 30, 2018 04:11 PM (42M22)
As in, "I found my old sixth grade composition notebook. It's embarrassing reading such things now. The writing is turgid, but not quite Tapper level turgid."
Posted by: BurtTC at April 30, 2018 04:11 PM (Pz4pT)
LOL they want this narrative so bad they can taste it. They are so desperate for it they are lighting candles in their little closet shrines to Obama.
Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at April 30, 2018 04:11 PM (39g3+)
Posted by: Les Kinetic at April 30, 2018 04:11 PM (sezM3)
Posted by: Sebastian Melmoth at April 30, 2018 04:11 PM (n1b3L)
Posted by: TexasDan at April 30, 2018 04:11 PM (yL25O)
Posted by: Roy at April 30, 2018 04:11 PM (7n4KQ)
Posted by: garrett at April 30, 2018 04:11 PM (tcB+2)
Posted by: Alcoholic Asshole Shut In at April 30, 2018 04:12 PM (CPk08)
Posted by: Johnny Tarr at April 30, 2018 04:12 PM (xBSm0)
I've heard of hip and knee replacements but shoulder replacement? That must of been a nasty fall.
"The Supreme Court on Monday announced Justice Sonia Sotomayor will undergo shoulder-replacement surgery."
She is not well.
-
She needs a soul implant.
Posted by: Anonosaurus Wrecks, Tyrannosaur Wrangler at April 30, 2018 04:04 PM (+y/Ru)
------------------
I think she has osteoporosis, and I wonder if the implant will be able to attach to her porous bones?
Why don't these people retire and enjoy the little life they have left?
-- Looking at you John McCain's tumor.
Posted by: rd at April 30, 2018 04:12 PM (4dz1m)
Tapper is a furry?
Posted by: Mr Aspirin Factory at April 30, 2018 04:08 PM (89T5c)
Makes sense.
Posted by: muckrack at April 30, 2018 04:12 PM (IvEAj)
Posted by: NYT at April 30, 2018 04:12 PM (vg8iE)
Ponyologist.
Posted by: filbert at April 30, 2018 04:12 PM (953wK)
Posted by: ace at April 30, 2018 04:08 PM
I borrowed it from the library. No way was I buying that.
Posted by: JuJuBee, just generally being shamey at April 30, 2018 04:12 PM (2NqXo)
Posted by: Jukin the Deplorable and Profoundly Unserious at April 30, 2018 04:12 PM (pw+jk)
Posted by: steevy at April 30, 2018 04:12 PM (LiyEm)
Posted by: rickb223 at April 30, 2018 04:13 PM (BBhgz)
Posted by: Simplemind at April 30, 2018 04:13 PM (AVWL5)
You can blame Star Trek: The Original Series when Paula Smith wrote parody fan-fiction with such a named character apparently.
I imagine the story going something like this -
"Highly illogical Yeoman Mary Sue, you should be lusting after Captain Kirk. He has the ripped shirt and the lustful expression."
Posted by: Anna Puma (HQCaR) at April 30, 2018 04:13 PM (S5Di7)
Posted by: rhomboid at April 30, 2018 04:13 PM (QDnY+)
Most of them are better than the samples of this, this- I don't even know what to call it.
Maybe he should have set it in an earlier time and written it in period correct cuneiform.
Posted by: Marcus T at April 30, 2018 04:13 PM (VpIIl)
Nobody can just pick up the keyboard and knock off a great book, even a good book, their first try. Nobody. Even the "out of nowhere overnight sensations" wrote a bunch of stuff in their past.
And writing news stories or blog posts is not the same as writing fiction. Just because you're good at the one does not mean in any fashion that you are going to be capable in the other.
Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at April 30, 2018 04:13 PM (39g3+)
Posted by: Kuhyt at April 30, 2018 04:13 PM (Kuhyt)
Posted by: garrett at April 30, 2018 04:10 PM
This is not the time to embrace the power of and.
Posted by: Assistant Associate Copy Editor, AoSHQ at April 30, 2018 04:13 PM (ctuyM)
I already have two books published, and Bill is working on the third one.
Posted by: Low Information Ex-President at April 30, 2018 04:13 PM (9vQJW)
Posted by: dantesed at April 30, 2018 04:13 PM (88xKn)
Posted by: Snoopy
A fat man farted in the distance. Girl Scout cookies crumbled of their own accord. Then everybody died.
Posted by: zombie at April 30, 2018 04:11 PM (42M22)
Suddenly there was a foreboding knock at the door.
"Get the door" I explained. But I was alone, so alone. I found myself frightened, for the first time in my life. Like a 14 year old fat redheaded french horn playing boy on his first day of high school.
Posted by: BurtTC at April 30, 2018 04:14 PM (Pz4pT)
Posted by: auscolpyr at April 30, 2018 03:59 PM
"Jaaaaake! You got some mansplainin' to do!"
Posted by: JuJuBee, just generally being shamey at April 30, 2018 04:14 PM (2NqXo)
>>>73 I'm surprised he didn't write something like :
As Joe McCarthy returned to his self appointed destiny of chairing
the Committee on UnAmerican Activities, the politicals winds were soon
to turn into a hurricane and blow the Senator away.
...
he writes stuff like that all the time.
I'm only two chapters in, but the first two chapters are always the
MOST POLISHED and MOST PROFESSIONAL parts of a book. They're the most
heavily rewritten; people know that a casual customer may just start
reading the first 20 pages before deciding to buy.
And the first two chapters are child-like.
Posted by: ace at April 30, 2018 04:06 PM (8rNrN)
So..... it stinks....like a piece of leiderkranz cheese that crawled into an old boot and died there, of painful circumstance?
Hap tip PG Wodehouse.
Posted by: Mullahs at April 30, 2018 04:14 PM (ymnmz)
Posted by: Sebastian Melmoth at April 30, 2018 04:14 PM (n1b3L)
I'm going to steal that line; that's hilarious. It perfectly captures the sort of fake intellectual sophistication that has become rampant in the age of Google.
Posted by: Ex-liberal at April 30, 2018 04:14 PM (R1mDg)
Posted by: Obi Wan Kenobi at April 30, 2018 04:14 PM (Dp6qK)
Posted by: Cuthbert the Witless at April 30, 2018 04:14 PM (ymnmz)
What is the origin of the term "Mary Sue"?
Posted by: josephistan
"The term 'Mary Sue' comes from the name of a character created by Paula Smith in 1973 for her parody story 'A Trekkie's Tale' published in her fanzine Menagerie #2. The story starred Lieutenant Mary Sue ('the youngest Lieutenant in the fleet - only fifteen and a half years old'), and satirized unrealistic characters in Star Trek fan fiction."
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mary_Sue
Posted by: Hadrian the Seventh at April 30, 2018 04:14 PM (BWL+E)
"It was thick, Charlie. It was thick and girthy."
"Tell me more Senator! Tell me everything!"
Posted by: joncelli, feeling hirsute at April 30, 2018 04:14 PM (RD7QR)
Posted by: Cake Zapper at April 30, 2018 04:14 PM (ppaKI)
BWA-HA-HA-HA-HA!
Jake, Bulwer-Lytton called-- he puked.
Posted by: Sally Kohn at April 30, 2018 04:15 PM (oVJmc)
Posted by: Kuhyt at April 30, 2018 04:15 PM (Kuhyt)
takes time and a lot of effort to get any good at it. It takes years of
failure and awful crap until you can start writing anything worth
reading. And every novel, unless you're a hack like Steven King, you
get better.
==
Unless you are a super genius like me and would never use a ghost writer or anything you homophobic hater.
Posted by: Barak Obama at April 30, 2018 04:15 PM (pw+jk)
Posted by: Skip at April 30, 2018 04:15 PM (aC6Sd)
Posted by: Denny Davidson at April 30, 2018 04:15 PM (XmNu1)
Posted by: Obi Wan Kenobi
"Waiter! There's an amateur in my word salad!"
Posted by: William Burroughs at April 30, 2018 04:15 PM (42M22)
Posted by: Anonosaurus Wrecks, Tyrannosaur Wrangler at April 30, 2018 04:16 PM (+y/Ru)
what would we do without these wise komissars deciding which laws are cool and groovy or which ones are like bummers.
Posted by: Kuhyt at April 30, 2018 04:16 PM (Kuhyt)
Posted by: Headless Body of Agnew at April 30, 2018 04:16 PM (e1mEI)
Posted by: FenelonSpoke at April 30, 2018 04:16 PM (tpDAe)
Holy shit!!!
Ive been following this blog for a long time.
Posted by: Kreplach at April 30, 2018 04:16 PM (qL+f5)
Posted by: Zombie Buddy Holly at April 30, 2018 04:16 PM (tcB+2)
Posted by: JuJuBee, just generally being shamey at April 30, 2018 04:12 PM (2NqXo)
...
You're going to spend more than the price of the book on antibiotics later, though.
Posted by: TexasDan at April 30, 2018 04:17 PM (yL25O)
Posted by: Obi Wan Kenobi
"Hey stop dissing my novels!" - Robert Jordan's ghost
Posted by: Anna Puma (HQCaR) at April 30, 2018 04:17 PM (S5Di7)
Posted by: steevy at April 30, 2018 04:17 PM (LiyEm)
She's getting a new left wing?
Posted by: JackStraw at April 30, 2018 04:03 PM (/tuJf)
***
Heh. That's pretty good.
Although I'm still not sure what your thoughts on syrup on French Toast are.
Mine? It's the tits.
Posted by: Taco Shack at April 30, 2018 04:17 PM (C+qQ0)
The Hellfire Club.
Posted by: Mr. Peebles at April 30, 2018 04:17 PM (oVJmc)
Posted by: Nynaeve al'Maera at April 30, 2018 04:17 PM (tcB+2)
Posted by: Anna Puma (HQCaR) at April 30, 2018 04:17 PM (S5Di7)
Posted by: rickb223 at April 30, 2018 04:18 PM (BBhgz)
"Wise Latina" my fat fanny. I hear she's not very bright and relies on her clerks to do her opinions. Like that other icon, Thurgood Marshall.
Posted by: Hadrian the Seventh at April 30, 2018 04:18 PM (BWL+E)
Posted by: steevy at April 30, 2018 04:17 PM (LiyEm)
What's the problem?
Posted by: Carlos danger at April 30, 2018 04:18 PM (CPk08)
The characters name is really Charlie Marder?
Posted by: steevy at April 30, 2018 04:17 PM (LiyEm)
Biggus Dickus was already taken.
Posted by: Cuthbert the Witless at April 30, 2018 04:18 PM (ymnmz)
Posted by: Under Fire at April 30, 2018 04:18 PM (r9UYA)
Posted by: Jukin the Deplorable and Profoundly Unserious at April 30, 2018 04:18 PM (pw+jk)
Posted by: Tapper, Jake Tapper at April 30, 2018 04:18 PM (xBSm0)
Posted by: Grump928(c) at April 30, 2018 04:18 PM (QQ+il)
Posted by: JuJuBee, just generally being shamey at April 30, 2018 04:18 PM (2NqXo)
Posted by: steevy at April 30, 2018 04:18 PM (LiyEm)
Posted by: Turgid Tapper at April 30, 2018 04:18 PM (Pz4pT)
Oh, and this is one of the skills. Read Anna Puma's book Golden Isis or 13 Moons by MPPP for an example of how to do it right. The wrong way is to just tack on various details like a billboard with a Kools ad or a TV celebrity wearing wide lapels. You can't paste examples in your book like an afterthought, or slip in details like you're showing off. Every part of a description has to serve the story and feel to the reader like a natural part of the narration.
This takes time and practice and careful thought and even study of masters to get it right.
Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at April 30, 2018 04:18 PM (39g3+)
Posted by: Jake Clapper at April 30, 2018 04:18 PM (vtcmf)
I am unequivocally in the YES camp.
It's the Dildo that's the heretic.
Posted by: JackStraw at April 30, 2018 04:18 PM (/tuJf)
Posted by: Jake Tapper at April 30, 2018 04:19 PM (4e+hS)
Posted by: Maxine Waters' Hair at April 30, 2018 04:19 PM (pYqXv)
@oliverdarcy 7m
Four officials tell @NBCNews that Kelly has referred to Trump as "an idiot" multiple times https://www.nbcnews.com...
Posted by: weft cut-loop at April 30, 2018 04:19 PM (LNPd9)
Posted by: scott_t at April 30, 2018 04:19 PM (xGZ+b)
Posted by: Anna Puma (HQCaR) at April 30, 2018 04:17 PM (S5Di7)
...
Talk about a guy with exactly three descriptions.
I had to stop reading because every time what's her name "folded her arms under her breasts" I started seeing spots. And I was seeing spots a lot.
Posted by: TexasDan at April 30, 2018 04:19 PM (yL25O)
Posted by: Grump928(c) at April 30, 2018 04:18 PM
Thank God my parents gave me a normal name.
Posted by: Clay Modeling at April 30, 2018 04:19 PM (2NqXo)
Posted by: dantesed at April 30, 2018 04:13 PM (88xKn)
-----------
Now that is a sick burn!
Bravo!
Posted by: rd at April 30, 2018 04:19 PM (4dz1m)
In fairness, Marshall was in a coma his last ten years on the court.
Posted by: Grump928(c) at April 30, 2018 04:19 PM (QQ+il)
Posted by: Anonosaurus Wrecks, Tyrannosaur Wrangler at April 30, 2018 04:19 PM (+y/Ru)
Like the world is waiting for it.
That masterpiece which has simply escaped every other real author.
Maybe it's time to stop sniffing your own ass, Jake.
Posted by: Marcus T at April 30, 2018 04:19 PM (VpIIl)
He is constantly attempting to "authenticate" his novel by adding in
"period-specific details," but all of these details are either 1, off
the top of your head stuff that everyone already knows or 2, obviously
culled from lists you'd find on the internet, like "stage plays and
movies of 1954."
Oh, and this is one of the skills. Read Anna Puma's book Golden
Isis or 13 Moons by MPPP for an example of how to do it right. The
wrong way is to just tack on various details like a billboard with a
Kools ad or a TV celebrity wearing wide lapels. You can't paste
examples in your book like an afterthought, or slip in details like
you're showing off. Every part of a description has to serve the story
and feel to the reader like a natural part of the narration.
This takes time and practice and careful thought and even study of masters to get it right.
Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at April 30, 2018 04:18 PM (39g3+)
198
He is constantly attempting to "authenticate" his novel by adding in
"period-specific details," but all of these details are either 1, off
the top of your head stuff that everyone already knows or 2, obviously
culled from lists you'd find on the internet, like "stage plays and
movies of 1954."
Oh, and this is one of the skills. Read Anna Puma's book Golden
Isis or 13 Moons by MPPP for an example of how to do it right. The
wrong way is to just tack on various details like a billboard with a
Kools ad or a TV celebrity wearing wide lapels. You can't paste
examples in your book like an afterthought, or slip in details like
you're showing off. Every part of a description has to serve the story
and feel to the reader like a natural part of the narration.
This takes time and practice and careful thought and even study of masters to get it right.
Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at April 30, 2018 04:18 PM (39g3+)
Posted by: Amy Schumer at April 30, 2018 04:20 PM (ymnmz)
Posted by: Jake Tapper fiction fapper at April 30, 2018 04:21 PM (9HcF6)
Posted by: Yudhishthira's Dice at April 30, 2018 04:21 PM (AzW6q)
Posted by: Marcus T at April 30, 2018 04:21 PM (VpIIl)
Posted by: steevy at April 30, 2018 04:21 PM (LiyEm)
how did he come up with that?
Posted by: concrete girl at April 30, 2018 04:21 PM (zr8oO)
Posted by: Nynaeve al'Maera at April 30, 2018 04:17 PM (tcB+2)
thanks. I had actually managed to forget that one.
And by thanks I mean not thanks.
Posted by: TexasDan at April 30, 2018 04:21 PM (yL25O)
Posted by: Brian Williams at April 30, 2018 04:21 PM (pw+jk)
Posted by: Grump928(c) at April 30, 2018 04:21 PM (QQ+il)
He probably didn't write, but is just banking on his name, Jake Tapper.
That name is so filled with gravitas it's disgusting.
Posted by: Rev Dr E Buzz Raniere at April 30, 2018 04:21 PM (ikxxu)
That's his job, you know. As a blogger. This is literally what he does for a living.
Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at April 30, 2018 04:21 PM (39g3+)
Posted by: Grump928(c) at April 30, 2018 04:21 PM (QQ+il)
Posted by: Ktgreat at April 30, 2018 04:22 PM (s2uCD)
Posted by: Marcus T at April 30, 2018 04:22 PM (VpIIl)
Posted by: Rex Turgidsome at April 30, 2018 04:22 PM (ymnmz)
Posted by: Anna Puma (HQCaR) at April 30, 2018 04:17 PM (S5Di7)
Emma Frost > Mary Sue
Posted by: josephistan at April 30, 2018 04:23 PM (7HtZB)
Posted by: Anna Puma (HQCaR) at April 30, 2018 04:23 PM (S5Di7)
Posted by: steevy at April 30, 2018 04:23 PM (LiyEm)
Posted by: Sebastian Melmoth at April 30, 2018 04:23 PM (n1b3L)
Copycat.
Posted by: Dave Letterman at April 30, 2018 04:23 PM (ppaKI)
Like the world is waiting for it.
That masterpiece which has simply escaped every other real author.
Maybe it's time to stop sniffing your own ass, Jake.
Posted by: Marcus T at April 30, 2018 04:19 PM (VpIIl)
=====
As burgeoning writer, I can say that my first started at a novel (more than a decade ago) was a steaming pile of shit. Near constant practice (ie novel and story writing) has made it better.
I get the feeling that Jake used his contacts to get the first piece of crap he pushed out published. If he wanted to be respected for his writing, he would have taken time, practiced, and found people who would give him honest feedback. So, not his mom.
Posted by: TheJamesMadison's Phone at April 30, 2018 04:23 PM (BFvjo)
Posted by: gewa76 at April 30, 2018 04:23 PM (iMbvN)
dammit
Posted by: Grump928(c) at April 30, 2018 04:21 PM (QQ+il)
Grammar and spelling are a bitch. Ask me how I know.
Posted by: ScoggDog at April 30, 2018 04:23 PM (fiGNd)
Posted by: Jukin the Deplorable and Profoundly Unserious at April 30, 2018 04:12 PM (pw+jk)
I momentarily choked on a Ritz I'd just stuffed into the pie-hole when I read that. Equally momentarily, I got pissed at you for making me do that.
Good job!
Posted by: OneEyedJack at April 30, 2018 04:23 PM (z79tQ)
Posted by: Darth Randall at April 30, 2018 04:23 PM (6n332)
Posted by: Jane D'oh at April 30, 2018 04:23 PM (ptqGC)
https://tinyurl.com/y72v4x9e
Posted by: sven10077 at April 30, 2018 04:23 PM (SzZnW)
"Slow down, baby," I thought. I hadn't even made it past her naval, and here she was, not only proposing marriage, but naming our children (Scott and Heather).
Besides, I had a story to write. If I did not write it, who would. For no one other than me had the scoop, the inside story, the straight dope. I was sitting on the story of the century, and I knew the world couldn't wait for me to finish polishing this dame's toenails with my saliva.
Posted by: Turgid Tapper at April 30, 2018 04:23 PM (Pz4pT)
Remember, "Charlie Marder/Charlie MARTYR" is a Mary Sue for Jake Tapper.
What does Jake Tapper tweet about whenever he's in trouble, to get the right's cucks to praise him?
Veterans, of course.
So this is part of the initial introduction of "Charlie Marder:"
"He was someone who tried to do good; he was currently fighting for his fellow troops from the turret of his congressional office."
Posted by: ace at April 30, 2018 04:24 PM (8rNrN)
I never though that I would write a letter to you but last weekend at the beach house there was this Ponyoligist taking post doc courses for her Unicornoligist doctorate and her starfish would wink and a rainbow would come out...and cash.
Posted by: Jake Tap-Tap Tapper at April 30, 2018 04:24 PM (pw+jk)
"Charlie's heart pounded at this gushing outflow of affection. 'Does this mean we get to have sex?' he husked.
"'Let's not go wild,' she said, eye a particularly spectacular stud."
Posted by: joncelli, feeling hirsute at April 30, 2018 04:24 PM (RD7QR)
Posted by: Grump928(c) at April 30, 2018 04:21 PM (QQ+il)
She ran calling Wildfire.
Hey great idea.
Posted by: Michael Mrtin Murphy at April 30, 2018 04:24 PM (suO/a)
Posted by: TheQuietMan at April 30, 2018 04:24 PM (OLCnA)
"Tall and broad-shouldered with piercing blue eyes, Charlie had found it easy to navigate the worlds of academia and literary celebrity."
Posted by: ace at April 30, 2018 04:24 PM (8rNrN)
"Slow down, baby," I thought. I hadn't even made it past her naval, and here she was, not only proposing marriage, but naming our children (Scott and Heather).
Besides, I had a story to write. If I did not write it, who would. For no one other than me had the scoop, the inside story, the straight dope. I was sitting on the story of the century, and I knew the world couldn't wait for me to finish polishing this dame's toenails with my saliva.
Posted by: Turgid Tapper at April 30, 2018 04:23 PM (Pz4pT)
======
Needs a tangent about the birthing process from Wikipedia. Then it's good.
Posted by: TheJamesMadison's Phone at April 30, 2018 04:25 PM (BFvjo)
Thanks, but when did ewoks become givers?
Posted by: LCMS Rulz! at April 30, 2018 04:25 PM (X8DLV)
Posted by: ScoggDog at April 30, 2018 04:25 PM (fiGNd)
Posted by: Berserker-Dragonheads Division at April 30, 2018 04:25 PM (9Om/r)
I get the feeling that Jake used his contacts to
get the first piece of crap he pushed out published. If he wanted to be
respected for his writing, he would have taken time, practiced, and
found people who would give him honest feedback. So, not his mom.
Posted by: TheJamesMadison's Phone at April 30, 2018 04:23 PM (BFvjo)
That or an enema.
Posted by: Cuthbert the Witless at April 30, 2018 04:25 PM (ymnmz)
equinologist a subset of zoologist, of course she is studying the evolution of the pony so I am certain she will go on monologues about cavemen having to housebreak zebras or something....
Posted by: sven10077 at April 30, 2018 04:25 PM (SzZnW)
I would read that.
Posted by: Marcus T at April 30, 2018 04:25 PM (VpIIl)
Posted by: steevy at April 30, 2018 04:25 PM (LiyEm)
Posted by: joncelli, feeling hirsute at April 30, 2018 04:25 PM (RD7QR)
That's our media in a nutshell. They don't give a shit whether what
they report is true, they only care that it advances the narrative.
Posted by: JackStraw at April 30, 2018 03:59 PM (/tuJf)
Yeah. It reminds of a kid in HS who was pretty good at basketball. Don't believe. Just ask him sometime. .. he'll tell you.
Posted by: Steve_in_SoCal at April 30, 2018 04:25 PM (bB4HN)
Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at April 30, 2018 04:25 PM (wYseH)
He was round and plump like a rotting eggplant about to burst, and Ryan Stattler was one of the best journalists the world had ever seen, with a depth of insight that even Edward R Murrow was jealous of, as he had told me countless times over a bourbon neat. What we didn't know at that time is that Ryan was also working for the CIA in a capacity no one had ever worked before, there was deep cover and there was what Ryan was into. Very hush-hush, for not only was he the greatest journalist of his generation, but he kept hidden his MIT doctorate in nuclear physics, a field not many at that time had mastered. He was working on the bomb, and essentially designed it himself. This was to be the game changer.
Posted by: Rev Dr E Buzz Raniere at April 30, 2018 04:26 PM (ikxxu)
Posted by: Jane D'oh at April 30, 2018 04:23 PM (ptqGC)
An ecologist, ethologst or a mammologist.
Posted by: Alcoholic Asshole Shut In at April 30, 2018 04:26 PM (CPk08)
The left, the media, and academia (same shit) is an incestuous inbred
group of mentally defective sub humans. If brain power was TNT they
couldn't blow a ripple in a teaspoon of piss.
I'm so taking that.
Posted by: Jake Tapper at April 30, 2018 04:26 PM (ymnmz)
Posted by: Simplemind at April 30, 2018 04:26 PM (AVWL5)
Posted by: FenelonSpoke at April 30, 2018 04:26 PM (tpDAe)
Posted by: auscolpyr at April 30, 2018 04:26 PM (suO/a)
Posted by: ace at April 30, 2018 04:24 PM (8rNrN)
His office had turret facsimile?
Posted by: Sebastian Melmoth at April 30, 2018 04:26 PM (n1b3L)
------
A Boulton-Paul Defiant is his office?
Posted by: josephistan at April 30, 2018 04:27 PM (7HtZB)
Posted by: steevy at April 30, 2018 04:27 PM (LiyEm)
Thanks, but when did ewoks become givers?
Posted by: LCMS Rulz!
Givers? Wait until you see his bill.
Posted by: rickb223 at April 30, 2018 04:27 PM (BBhgz)
Posted by: Gumby at April 30, 2018 04:27 PM (2LelM)
That's why I come here for news. Reading the MSM became too aggravating. Can't even imagine what watching it is like.
Posted by: Steve and Cold Bear at April 30, 2018 04:27 PM (/qEW2)
Posted by: flounderbot, rebel, vulgarian, deplorabot, winner at April 30, 2018 03:56 PM (Dp6qK)
Rudolf Hess
Posted by: IllTemperedCur at April 30, 2018 04:27 PM (d20MQ)
Posted by: ace at April 30, 2018 04:24 PM (8rNrN)
His office had turret facsimile?
Posted by: Sebastian Melmoth at April 30, 2018 04:26 PM (n1b3L)
======
Have you ever read Joseph Conrad?
Do you remember how near perfect use of metaphor despite English being his third or fourth language?
Read Conrad instead.
Posted by: TheJamesMadison's Phone at April 30, 2018 04:27 PM (BFvjo)
Posted by: Gumby at April 30, 2018 04:28 PM (2LelM)
Posted by: USNtakim prfoundly deplorable! at April 30, 2018 04:28 PM (0OmEj)
Posted by: mustbequantum at April 30, 2018 04:28 PM (MIKMs)
Posted by: sniffybigtoe at April 30, 2018 04:28 PM (1ISKN)
Posted by: Brother Cavil, Abbot of St. Costello-on-the-Hurlingbone at April 30, 2018 04:28 PM (AM1GF)
"After hijinks and digital red herrings the truth is finally sussed out. Of course it will be at a fancy dinner of non-GMO food with vegan and fusion thrown in. Our writer/amateur sleuth will quip about eating with the horses. His gal-pal's answer is to warn him she might find a younger stud."
Posted by: Anna Puma (HQCaR) at April 30, 2018 04:28 PM (S5Di7)
Question, does Clapper face any consequences for lying to Congress regarding leaks to the press? If he does, can Tapper also be in trouble as he was the conduit to the leak?
Tapper Clapper.
Posted by: Cheri at April 30, 2018 04:29 PM (oiNtH)
Posted by: Mr Aspirin Factory at April 30, 2018 04:29 PM (89T5c)
Posted by: Anonosaurus Wrecks, Tyrannosaur Wrangler at April 30, 2018 04:29 PM (+y/Ru)
==
now that's disturbing...
Posted by: votermom pimping NEW Moron-authored books! at April 30, 2018 04:29 PM (hMwEB)
Posted by: Gumby at April 30, 2018 04:29 PM (2LelM)
Posted by: kraken at April 30, 2018 04:29 PM (zSVEm)
Posted by: Ktgreat
Wanna know the dirtiest secret in the book industry:
Book proposal are these day accepted or rejected based almost entirely on whom you can guarantee will give you cover blurbs
For real. I know many authors (including myself). This is the latest publishing trend.
Book proposals now look like this:
"PLOT
Doesn't really matter, does it? Something about Brooklyn, millennials, rape, PTSD, you know the drill.
COVER BLURBS
I have lined up and gotten guaranteed confirmation that I will get blurbs from
Nina Totenberg
Stephen King
Gwyneth Paltrow
Cindy Sheehan"
For that, you'll get a bidding war and a massive advance.
Posted by: zombie at April 30, 2018 04:29 PM (42M22)
I have published authors and directors in my circle. I would say the process of producing a work that people will read or watch is a tortuous process that requires a mix of talent, constant dedication, introspection and the ability to accept a healthy does of criticism- none of which Tapper possesses.
Posted by: Marcus T at April 30, 2018 04:29 PM (VpIIl)
Posted by: steevy at April 30, 2018 04:29 PM (LiyEm)
I just can't stop laughing.
Posted by: Ladyl at April 30, 2018 04:29 PM (TdMsT)
Why don't these people retire and enjoy the little life they have left?
-- Looking at you John McCain's tumor.
Posted by: rd at April 30, 2018 04:12 PM (4dz1m)
------------
McCain is going out like Kahn in Star Trek.
"To the last I grapple with thee; from hell's heart, I stab at thee; for hate's sake, I spit my last breath at thee."
Did I mention his book is coming out soon.
Posted by: WisRich at April 30, 2018 04:29 PM (G0vdT)
Posted by: jake fapper at April 30, 2018 04:29 PM (VBKy9)
The ELKS?
LOL
This is like reading about the Rotary in the Hamas charter.
Posted by: Alcoholic Asshole Shut In at April 30, 2018 04:04 PM (CPk0
What no Knights of Columbus? They carry around weapons.
Posted by: Patrick from Ohio at April 30, 2018 04:29 PM (dKiJG)
Posted by: Jukin the Deplorable and Profoundly Unserious at April 30, 2018 04:30 PM (pw+jk)
I wonder if Jake will still be mocking Trump's obsession with "quality" after his review?
Posted by: sven10077 at April 30, 2018 04:30 PM (SzZnW)
Posted by: jihadi at April 30, 2018 04:30 PM (blf2l)
"a distinct melange of aromas exclusive to the halls of power -- high-priced perfume and expensive hors d'oeuvres, top shelf--liquor and freshly minted cash."
Top-shelf liquor has a disinctive smell you can smell across the room? And cash?
"It all billowed into a rich toxic cloud that made Charlie Marder's throat constrict."
Tapper likes the adjectives and the color purple.
BTW, the schtick is that Tapper's stand-in has an "uncommonly" sharp sense of smell, which I imagine Tapper thought was a good idea because it would permit him to bring in another of the senses into the book and make it feel "vivid" in descriptions.
The problem is, to pull this off, you have to imagine the world as a super-smeller would, and describe each smell in vivid detail, so that people think, "Oh, that's true, I guess cologne does have a slight under-current of gasoline to it."
But Tapper doesn't do that. He just names smells but doesn't tell you how these smells smell, if you take my meaning.
I assume that this will be important in the plot, with Charlie Martyer realizing the bad guy is the bad guy because he recognizes a smell (as James BOnd did in Diamonds Are Forever, or as Burton Guster does in Psyche).
But because Tapper never actually gets writerly and vivid about what the world is like to someone with acute smell, and isn't imaginative or hard-working enough to paint a picture with specific smells and sense-memories from smells, all the "smell" talk is just checklist bullshit, with "top-drawer liquor" having, apparently, a specific smell (unspecified in nature) you can scent from across the room, and "fresly minted moneY" having its own (again, unspecified) scent.
Posted by: ace at April 30, 2018 04:30 PM (8rNrN)
Posted by: steevy at April 30, 2018 04:30 PM (LiyEm)
That is a killer line. For some reason southerners seem gifted in this kind of thing, and each one builds on the best lines they've heard.
1: She looks like she was beat with a ugly stick
2: She looks like she fell down the ugly tree and hit every branch
3: She looks like someone lit her face on fire, then put it out with a shovel made from ugly wood
Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at April 30, 2018 04:30 PM (39g3+)
Posted by: Enumclaw Chamber of Commerce at April 30, 2018 04:30 PM (Dp6qK)
Ramshod shifted uneasily on his feet as he felt Charlie's steely blue, Nordic eyes mercilessly boring in. To obscure his lack of composure, the Senator gruffly cleared his throat, wiped the dew of sweat from his forehead with his kerchief, and gulped greedily from his brandy snifter made of finest Baccarat crystal, the product of a French manufacturer of fine crystal glassware located in Baccarat, France, and which had received its first royal commission in 1823...
And so on.
Posted by: troyriser at April 30, 2018 04:30 PM (qUD5Q)
Posted by: kraken at April 30, 2018 04:31 PM (zSVEm)
I have published authors and directors in my circle. I would say the process of producing a work that people will read or watch is a tortuous process that requires a mix of talent, constant dedication, introspection and the ability to accept a healthy does of criticism- none of which Tapper possesses.
Posted by: Marcus T at April 30, 2018 04:29 PM (VpIIl)
=====
It was perfect! I don't care what you say!
Like that?
Posted by: TheJamesMadison's Phone at April 30, 2018 04:31 PM (BFvjo)
Posted by: ace at April 30, 2018 04:24 PM (8rNrN)
...
So Jake Tapper makes at-at-at sounds whiles he's tweeting DM's.
or topekta topeketa
Posted by: TexasDan at April 30, 2018 04:31 PM (yL25O)
Posted by: GnuBreed at April 30, 2018 04:31 PM (0ogQG)
Posted by: steevy at April 30, 2018 04:23 PM
He'll write a memoir because he's so fascinating.
I Was Mercedes de Acosta's Love Child: That's Why I'm The Way I Am by Jim Acosta
JFK called me Jim-Jim: My Baby Years in the White House by Jim J. "Jim-Jim" Acosta
Posted by: JuJuBee, just generally being shamey at April 30, 2018 04:31 PM (2NqXo)
Oof.
Posted by: filbert at April 30, 2018 04:31 PM (953wK)
Posted by: Simplemind at April 30, 2018 04:26 PM
~~~~~
Wonderful news, Simplemind!
What do you call a dog with no legs?
.....Why bother, he can't come anyway.
Posted by: IrishEi at April 30, 2018 04:31 PM (HiDrR)
=====
We must all grow up and acknowledge our betters. It is not what you know but whom you know.
Posted by: mustbequantum at April 30, 2018 04:31 PM (MIKMs)
Posted by: Patrick from Ohio at April 30, 2018 04:29 PM
Swords and matchlock muskets mostly
Posted by: Skip at April 30, 2018 04:32 PM (aC6Sd)
Posted by: Jake Tapper at April 30, 2018 04:32 PM (4e+hS)
The lug took a swing at me. That was all it took. I didn't compete in high school wrestling, just because I liked the smell of teenage boy sweat.
I grappled him, like a beaver grapples a log. Like a blind squirrel grapples a found nut. He tried to tap out, but I wasn't through with him just yet.
"You'll tell me where you hid the secret plans to the ENIAC computer! They're going to reveal it to the public on February 1, 1946, and you can't stop it!"
Posted by: Turgid Tapper at April 30, 2018 04:32 PM (Pz4pT)
currently fighting for his fellow troops from the turret of his
congressional office."
Posted by: ace at April 30, 2018 04:24 PM (8rNrN)
His office had turret facsimile?
Posted by: Sebastian Melmoth at April 30, 2018 04:26 PM (n1b3L)
And a trap door. Hopefully, with a noose above it.
Posted by: Jane D'oh at April 30, 2018 04:32 PM (ptqGC)
Posted by: Your Decidedly Devious Uncle Palpatine at April 30, 2018 04:32 PM (fA1SL)
Posted by: ace at April 30, 2018 04:32 PM (8rNrN)
Posted by: Anna Puma (HQCaR) at April 30, 2018 04:32 PM (S5Di7)
The ELKS?
LOL
This is like reading about the Rotary in the Hamas charter.
Posted by: Alcoholic Asshole Shut In at April 30, 2018 04:04 PM (CPk0
What no Knights of Columbus? They carry around weapons.
Posted by: Patrick from Ohio at April 30, 2018 04:29 PM (dKiJG)
...Shriners, funny hats and all
Posted by: runner at April 30, 2018 04:33 PM (bUjCl)
Posted by: Simplemind at April 30, 2018 04:26 PM (AVWL5)
Your family has my prayers for a full recovery.
Posted by: rd at April 30, 2018 04:33 PM (4dz1m)
You mean that time period when East Germans were being held prisoner in their own country and families got summarily executed for trying to climb over the wall...
...and our country was sending out rejection notices to screenplay writers?
You mean THAT era?
Posted by: RKae at April 30, 2018 04:33 PM (IYUKP)
Write what you know, Jake...
Posted by: Semi-Literate Thug at April 30, 2018 04:33 PM (J4JVx)
Posted by: James Joyce at April 30, 2018 04:33 PM (T71PA)
Like that?
Posted by: TheJamesMadison's Phone at April 30, 2018 04:31 PM (BFvjo)"'I don't know why they aren't returning any of my calls or emails. It's a mystery. I thought for sure this was the one..."
Posted by: Marcus T at April 30, 2018 04:34 PM (VpIIl)
Is there a more worn out, bald tire, squealing brake pad cliche than McCarthy?
Yeah, I'm getting the car inspected for my registration right now.
Posted by: IllTemperedCur at April 30, 2018 04:34 PM (d20MQ)
There were only 205 communists in the State Department in 1954? Bet someone in HR got an ass chewing for not meeting the quota.
Posted by: Clay, unimpressed with your wokeness at April 30, 2018 04:34 PM (7R2h5)
Posted by: Marcus T at April 30, 2018 04:29 PM
Writing is easy. You just sit down at the desk and open up a vein.
(Attributed to many authors. I thought it was S.J. Perelman but apparently not.)
Posted by: JuJuBee, just generally being shamey at April 30, 2018 04:34 PM (2NqXo)
Posted by: kraken at April 30, 2018 04:34 PM (zSVEm)
I mean, that's the only scent all top drawer liquors share.
At least, all that I've had. And I think I can say I have some expertise.
Posted by: Alcoholic Asshole Shut In at April 30, 2018 04:34 PM (CPk08)
A little "Tapper on the Crapper" if you will
Posted by: Han Yolo at April 30, 2018 04:34 PM (k5hWy)
Karl Marx U looks upon Colombia U with envy.
Posted by: GnuBreed at April 30, 2018 04:34 PM (0ogQG)
Also I cracked porcelain while Jukin was reading this book.
Posted by: Explosive Diarrhrea at April 30, 2018 04:34 PM (pw+jk)
Posted by: steevy at April 30, 2018 04:34 PM (LiyEm)
Posted by: JackStraw at April 30, 2018 04:34 PM (/tuJf)
Sleepy-eyed dope Jake Tapper has written a book. You know who else wrote a book? Charlie Manson. Another collection of trash. Bad!
- DJT
Posted by: Rev Dr E Buzz Raniere at April 30, 2018 04:34 PM (ikxxu)
Posted by: Jean Grey at April 30, 2018 04:34 PM (FsjzV)
Somehow this wouldn't surprise me.
With the current state of book sales, probably a popular person's blurb will sell a book more than anything else.
We're past the era where ads sell anything and not even the system of trying to associate a product with a mood or culture really works any more because people are so cynical and jaded.
But what does work is associating your product with someone that people like or want to support. Podcast ads for example, effective because people like the person doing the podcast and want to help them out, so are more likely to buy the product.
That's how I see it at least.
Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at April 30, 2018 04:34 PM (39g3+)
You mean that time period when East Germans were being held prisoner in their own country and families got summarily executed for trying to climb over the wall...
...and our country was sending out rejection notices to screenplay writers?
You mean THAT era?
Posted by: RKae at April 30, 2018 04:33 PM (IYUKP)
=======
I'm sure Trumbo wishes he'd been oppressed on the East side of that wall.
Posted by: TheJamesMadison's Phone at April 30, 2018 04:34 PM (BFvjo)
It was National Velvet's left front horseshoe.
Posted by: Jakie Claptrap at April 30, 2018 04:35 PM (8iiMU)
The wall, look I like the Russians we fought the Nazis together and what they created is so awesome they needed to build a wall to keep us out....
//Charlie "Wikia" Tapper
Posted by: sven10077 at April 30, 2018 04:35 PM (SzZnW)
Posted by: Anna Puma (HQCaR) at April 30, 2018 04:32 PM (S5Di7)
Top drawer, Thai durian.
Posted by: Alcoholic Asshole Shut In at April 30, 2018 04:35 PM (CPk08)
A quote from the Federalist review:"I'm sure you're more than aware that there are any number of secret societies throughout Washington . . . Skull and Bones, Sons of Liberty, the Patriotic Order, the Elks, the Klan."
The ELKS?
LOL
This is like reading about the Rotary in the Hamas charter.
Posted by: Alcoholic Asshole Shut In at April 30, 2018 04:04 PM (CPk0
What no Knights of Columbus? They carry around weapons.
Posted by: Patrick from Ohio at April 30, 2018 04:29 PM (dKiJG)
...Shriners, funny hats and all
Posted by: runner at April 30, 2018 04:33 PM (bUjCl)I
Don't forget the Moose. An enraged Moose is dangerous.
Posted by: rd at April 30, 2018 04:35 PM (4dz1m)
The comments here provide better reading.
Posted by: Marcus T at April 30, 2018 04:35 PM (VpIIl)
vivid about what the world is like to someone with acute smell, and
isn't imaginative or hard-working enough to paint a picture with
specific smells and sense-memories from smells, all the "smell" talk is
just checklist bullshit, with "top-drawer liquor" having, apparently, a
specific smell (unspecified in nature) you can scent from across the
room, and "fresly minted moneY" having its own (again, unspecified)
scent.
Posted by: ace at April 30, 2018 04:30 PM (8rNrN)
It's minted Ace. MIN TED. Jeebus you don't get my genius do you.
Posted by: Jake Tapper at April 30, 2018 04:35 PM (ymnmz)
UK home secretary resigns, and they appointed a Paki to replace her. He will be in charge of their immigration policy. Supposedly there was some scandal about her handling of deportations. I don't believe any of it. They wanted to appoint another agent of destruction into a high office and they got him.
Posted by: Steve and Cold Bear at April 30, 2018 04:36 PM (/qEW2)
"I hate it when that happens!" Famed genetic researcher Doctor Ivan Von Bloom said as he sneezed into the pipette that he filling with a sample of his latest batch of genetically altered botulism bacteria, spattering bacilli on his trousers and starting the plague that was to kill off three-fourths of the population of London.
Posted by: Gumby at April 30, 2018 04:36 PM (2LelM)
Posted by: runner at April 30, 2018 04:33 PM (bUjCl)
There's something funny about those guys and the small cars
Posted by: Patrick from Ohio at April 30, 2018 04:36 PM (dKiJG)
Posted by: Charlie Marder at April 30, 2018 04:37 PM (oVJmc)
Posted by: kraken at April 30, 2018 04:37 PM (zSVEm)
Emma Frost called. She wants her thigh high leather boots back. Washed please.
Posted by: Jean Grey
Emma Peel called. She proclaimed loudly that she wore it better...
Posted by: Brother Cavil, Abbot of St. Costello-on-the-Hurlingbone at April 30, 2018 04:37 PM (AM1GF)
I would, but REALLY?
//Catherine the Great
Posted by: sven10077 at April 30, 2018 04:37 PM (SzZnW)
and leaving the survivors with an insatiable lust for fish and chips.
Posted by: Grump928(c) at April 30, 2018 04:38 PM (QQ+il)
Posted by: JackStraw at April 30, 2018 04:38 PM (/tuJf)
Posted by: Richard Gere at April 30, 2018 04:38 PM (pw+jk)
Posted by: kraken at April 30, 2018 04:37 PM (zSVEm)
Holy crap, I missed that. Looks like Jake has a few kinks, there.
Posted by: Alcoholic Asshole Shut In at April 30, 2018 04:38 PM (CPk08)
Posted by: Anna Puma (HQCaR) at April 30, 2018 04:38 PM (S5Di7)
No one can smell what anyone else is drinking.
what a stupid line.
Plus, every room in that period was so full of tobacco smoke I doubt anyone could pick up much past that.
Posted by: TexasDan at April 30, 2018 04:38 PM (yL25O)
- DJT
Posted by: Rev Dr E Buzz Raniere at April 30, 2018 04:34 PM (ikxxu)
--------
LOL
Posted by: WisRich at April 30, 2018 04:38 PM (G0vdT)
Posted by: Jake Tapper at April 30, 2018 04:38 PM (/qEW2)
Posted by: Anna Puma (HQCaR) at April 30, 2018 04:39 PM (S5Di7)
>>Nobody has mentioned that Mary Sue is a Pony Girl???
Stay gold Pony Girl.
Posted by: JackStraw at April 30, 2018 04:38 PM (/tuJf)
Stay Pony Golden Girl
Posted by: Bea Arthur at April 30, 2018 04:39 PM (ymnmz)
So even Mad Max has given up on Russia Russia Russia?
Posted by: Anonosaurus Wrecks, Tyrannosaur Wrangler at April 30, 2018 04:39 PM (+y/Ru)
Posted by: Grump928(c) at April 30, 2018 04:39 PM (QQ+il)
"I'm not paying you to smell," billionaire Tump barked. "The bed. Now."
Posted by: jake fapper at April 30, 2018 04:39 PM (VBKy9)
Posted by: Anna Puma (HQCaR) at April 30, 2018 04:39 PM (S5Di7)
Could use that as a book title.
Posted by: Alcoholic Asshole Shut In at April 30, 2018 04:39 PM (CPk08)
See. Writing a book is easy. Even I can do it.
Posted by: Marcus T at April 30, 2018 04:39 PM (VpIIl)
Posted by: ScoggDog King at April 30, 2018 04:39 PM (fiGNd)
The ELKS?
LOL
----
And the Little Orphan Annie Fan Club!
Be sure to drink your Ovaltine!
Posted by: RKae at April 30, 2018 04:39 PM (IYUKP)
Posted by: flounderbot, rebel, vulgarian, deplorabot, winner at April 30, 2018 03:56 PM (Dp6qK)
Rudolf Hess
Posted by: IllTemperedCur at April 30, 2018 04:27 PM (d20MQ)
Not to mention, Ted Sorensen
Posted by: IllTemperedCur at April 30, 2018 04:40 PM (d20MQ)
The ELKS?
LOL
This is like reading about the Rotary in the Hamas charter.
Posted by: Alcoholic Asshole Shut In at April 30, 2018 04:04 PM
The Lord elks those who elk themselves.
Posted by: JuJuBee, just generally being shamey at April 30, 2018 04:40 PM (2NqXo)
Whether this is a good or bad thing, well, it depends.
Posted by: Huma at April 30, 2018 04:40 PM (ctuyM)
Posted by: rd at April 30, 2018 04:35 PM (4dz1m)
=====
I wouldn't cross a drunk Moose on a weekend. Those guys... well... it was like the Korean war in winter...
Posted by: Richard Gere at April 30, 2018 04:40 PM (pw+jk)
Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at April 30, 2018 04:40 PM (39g3+)
Posted by: Chris M at April 30, 2018 04:40 PM (eAZVt)
Posted by: Fritz at April 30, 2018 04:40 PM (J7XgW)
I mean, that's the only scent all top drawer liquors share.
At least, all that I've had. And I think I can say I have some expertise.
...
That's what i would imagine. Bear in mind, this is from a distance, not with him sticking his schnozz above a shotglass of expensive scotch.
And this is all the smells of ALL "Top-shelf liquors" lingering in the air at a big party.
He adds no interesting, seizing detail like "the smell of top-shelf whisky, a sting of fermented honey and pickled oak," or whatever.
Did you know cigarette tobacco was slathered in sugar water? Well, it's true. So he could mention something about cigarette smoke smelling like burnt sugar.
whatever. SOMETHING, JAKE! SOMETHING!!!
You just can't NAME SOME SMELLS!
If you're writing about a character with acute senses you actually have to bring the reader into that sensory world and show him what that world seems like to the super-senser.
Posted by: ace at April 30, 2018 04:41 PM (8rNrN)
I turned away. I couldn't let her see me this way. Sure, everything knows me as the best looking, most skilled writer in Washington, but I had to do this. For her own good.
"You never knew me, baby," I lied. "Scram, see? Go on! Get out!! Can't you see I don't love you? I never loved you!"
The truth is, I did love her. More than a fat kid loves Cheetoes. But I had to see that the ENIAC got to the Aberdeen Proving Grounds by July 29, 1947. Everything depended on that. And it all depended on me. And my story. The story of the century.
Posted by: Turgid Tapper at April 30, 2018 04:41 PM (Pz4pT)
Posted by: Marcus T at April 30, 2018 04:41 PM (VpIIl)
Pretty sure we can all guess what Hillary's depends smell like.
Posted by: JackStraw at April 30, 2018 04:41 PM (/tuJf)
Posted by: Skip at April 30, 2018 04:41 PM (aC6Sd)
Hey Anna, Jake Tapper named his Marty Stu after a german tank destroyer...
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marder_I
Posted by: sven10077 at April 30, 2018 04:41 PM (SzZnW)
Posted by: kraken at April 30, 2018 04:41 PM (zSVEm)
So Zombie has at least one picture of Rainbow Dash, the blue pony, pulling a guy in a carriage.
Posted by: Anna Puma (HQCaR) at April 30, 2018 04:41 PM (S5Di7)
Who knew that the golden age of all golden ages (not showers) would end up being the 1950's?
The one time in American history when commies and lefties were widely recognized for being the enemies of the rest of us that they are and always will be.
Posted by: Boots at April 30, 2018 04:42 PM (EBwPV)
Posted by: Gumby at April 30, 2018 04:42 PM (2LelM)
there are any number of secret societies throughout Washington . . .
Skull and Bones, Sons of Liberty, the Patriotic Order, the Elks, the
Klan."
The ELKS?
LOL
======
But those Knights of Columbus will getcha with those feathers on their hats.
Posted by: mustbequantum at April 30, 2018 04:42 PM (MIKMs)
Posted by: Explosive Diarrhrea at April 30, 2018 04:42 PM (pw+jk)
Posted by: JuJuBee, just generally being shamey at April 30, 2018 04:42 PM (2NqXo)
Posted by: TexasDan at April 30, 2018 04:38 PM
Well, not before it's filtered through their kidneys.
Posted by: Russian hookers at April 30, 2018 04:42 PM (ctuyM)
Posted by: Anna Puma (HQCaR) at April 30, 2018 04:42 PM (S5Di7)
"Oh, Charlie" she said roguishly, "People aren't like horses."
"No?" Charlie strongly breathed lustily.
"No" she said firmly "For one thing, horses don't eat hamburgers."
"That's true." Charlie manfully implied.
"Yes, Charlie. I need a vacation. Even if it's a little one, sometimes, from horses.
"Shall we go to Burger Chef for dinner?" she said brightly.
"We shall." Charlie said decisively. "Anything you want. Even the Big Chef, which is Burger Chef's most popular hamburger."
What Charlie couldn't know is that soon the changing winds and tides of the Washington DC palate would change and Burger Chef would be no more, except in areas of the backward and racist South.
Yes, the mighty burger giant, Burger Chef, would fade away the way Joe McCarthy's influence would fade away like a puppy-shaped ice cube resting upon Ann Margaret's bottom as she tans on the beach...
Posted by: naturalfake at April 30, 2018 04:42 PM (9q7Dl)
Posted by: JackStraw at April 30, 2018 04:41 PM (/tuJf)
...
They're top shelf depends, loaded with what was previously top shelf liquor. It's an experience foreign to you peasants.
Posted by: Hillary at April 30, 2018 04:43 PM (yL25O)
Posted by: Jake Tapper at April 30, 2018 04:43 PM (4e+hS)
Posted by: Anonosaurus Wrecks, Tyrannosaur Wrangler at April 30, 2018 04:43 PM (+y/Ru)
Posted by: Under Fire at April 30, 2018 04:43 PM (r9UYA)
That's a common failing when they describe Daredevil, Sabertooth, and Wolverine all of whom have hypersensitive olfactory glands.
"They smell money"
Well no, they smell papered linen, ink, and skin oils....
Posted by: sven10077 at April 30, 2018 04:43 PM (SzZnW)
Posted by: Anon a mouse at April 30, 2018 04:43 PM (7LY+6)
Posted by: rd at April 30, 2018 04:35 PM (4dz1m)
=====
I wouldn't cross a drunk Moose on a weekend. Those guys... well... it was like the Korean war in winter...
A Møøse once bit my sister. ... Mynd you, møøse bites Kan be pretti nasti
Posted by: the majestic møøse at April 30, 2018 04:43 PM (9HcF6)
Posted by: Marcus T at April 30, 2018 04:41 PM (VpIIl)
======
I know brother.
Posted by: Eric Garland at April 30, 2018 04:43 PM (pw+jk)
Granderson Hooper came from one of the best familes of the east coast, with a dashing father and a beautiful mother. What people didn't know was that he had a secret...a secret that would change the world forever.
Posted by: Rev Dr E Buzz Raniere at April 30, 2018 04:44 PM (ikxxu)
"At this point, the plot veers from iffy to preposterous."
OK, Horde, GO!
Posted by: filbert at April 30, 2018 04:44 PM (953wK)
Posted by: rd at April 30, 2018 04:35 PM (4dz1m)
=====
I wouldn't cross a drunk Moose on a weekend. Those guys... well... it was like the Korean war in winter...
A Moose once bit my sister. ... Mynd you, moose bites Kan be pretti nasti
Posted by: the majestic moose at April 30, 2018 04:44 PM (9HcF6)
Fake writing.
He'll make millions from this crap too.
We now know the NYTimes Bestseller list if fake, so now what? Like FB, Twitter, YouTube, we need alternatives? Or, force them to be honest?
Posted by: artisanal 'ette at April 30, 2018 04:44 PM (fceHP)
Posted by: ace at April 30, 2018 04:41 PM (8rNrN)
Even if it was "It smelled like damp paper, smoke and alcohol". Which I bet 99% of people (myself included) couldn't sit down and puzzle out if you gave them those odors combined.
Posted by: Alcoholic Asshole Shut In at April 30, 2018 04:44 PM (CPk08)
You just can't NAME SOME SMELLS!
"
"It wafted through the air like pungent flatulence, stinking a bit like asparagus and chipped beef, with an underlying acrid malodor of game-day nachos."
Posted by: Marcus T at April 30, 2018 04:44 PM (VpIIl)
Posted by: FenelonSpoke at April 30, 2018 04:44 PM (tpDAe)
It was a matter of time
"I'm sure you're more than aware that
there are any number of secret societies throughout Washington . . .
Skull and Bones, Sons of Liberty, the Patriotic Order, the Elks, the
Klan."
The ELKS?
Don't even get me started on the Benevolent Order of Oddfellows!
Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at April 30, 2018 04:44 PM (39g3+)
Posted by: jake fapper at April 30, 2018 04:44 PM (VBKy9)
'Upwind a Polynesian girl queefed spicing the evening air with a hint of Parsimon and Tilapia.'
Posted by: garrett at April 30, 2018 04:45 PM (OfVWt)
Bank on it.
Posted by: Sharkman at April 30, 2018 04:45 PM (dDMQ9)
Posted by: Aspiring Novelist, taking notes at April 30, 2018 04:45 PM (gtDDG)
Posted by: Cheri at April 30, 2018 04:45 PM (oiNtH)
Posted by: steevy at April 30, 2018 04:45 PM (LiyEm)
Posted by: Hadrian the Seventh at April 30, 2018 04:45 PM (BWL+E)
Posted by: Jukin the Deplorable and Profoundly Unserious at April 30, 2018 04:45 PM (pw+jk)
385 Pretty sure we can all guess what Hillary's depends smell like.
Posted by: JackStraw at April 30, 2018 04:41 PM (/tuJf)
1. boiled cabbage
2. burnt tire
3. bottom of a bag of cool ranch Doritos
4. taco flavored Doritos
5. wet dog
6. Shaqulle Oneals athletic supporter
7. urine
8. low tide
9. yeast
10. rotting bell pepper
Posted by: Rev Dr E Buzz Raniere at April 30, 2018 04:45 PM (ikxxu)
Posted by: Monk at April 30, 2018 04:46 PM (qNS03)
It's gone through several iterations....
The Marder I was a Wehrmacht 7.5cm Pak 40 mounted on a lorraine chassis....
Tapper named his WW2 ETO war hero after a Nazi TD.
"Charlie Panther" would have been the same.
Posted by: sven10077 at April 30, 2018 04:46 PM (SzZnW)
Posted by: Anna Puma (HQCaR) at April 30, 2018 04:46 PM (S5Di7)
Posted by: ScoggDog Dickens at April 30, 2018 04:46 PM (fiGNd)
'Upwind a Polynesian girl queefed spicing the evening air with a hint of Parsimon and Tilapia.'
Posted by: garrett at April 30, 2018 04:45 PM (OfVWt)
OK, I just lost it. LOL
Posted by: Alcoholic Asshole Shut In at April 30, 2018 04:46 PM (CPk08)
Posted by: Rob Crawford at April 30, 2018 04:46 PM (cApiC)
Posted by: Cheri at April 30, 2018 04:46 PM (oiNtH)
"You don't want to know what we smell most of the time bub.
Lucky my stomach regenerates quickly."
--Wolverine
Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at April 30, 2018 04:47 PM (39g3+)
Posted by: Jukin the Deplorable and Profoundly Unserious at April 30, 2018 04:47 PM (pw+jk)
Posted by: Jake Tapper at April 30, 2018 04:38 PM (/qEW2)
*PERKS UP*
Posted by: Jane D'oh at April 30, 2018 04:47 PM (ptqGC)
Posted by: grammie winger - Springing at April 30, 2018 04:47 PM (lwiT4)
Posted by: Marcus T at April 30, 2018 04:44 PM (VpIIl)
Stop it. That was too descriptive.
Posted by: DR.WTF? at April 30, 2018 04:47 PM (T71PA)
Posted by: Burger Chef at April 30, 2018 04:47 PM (RuIsu)
Posted by: Anna Puma (HQCaR) at April 30, 2018 04:47 PM (S5Di7)
Posted by: steevy at April 30, 2018 04:47 PM (LiyEm)
That was beautiful!
Posted by: Mr Aspirin Factory at April 30, 2018 04:47 PM (89T5c)
Posted by: filbert at April 30, 2018 04:47 PM (953wK)
Posted by: Marcus T at April 30, 2018 04:48 PM (VpIIl)
I know he's here, I can smell gamma impregnated stool, angst, lazy writing, and some guy named Mark Ruffalo....
//Logan hunting the Hulk
Posted by: sven10077 at April 30, 2018 04:48 PM (SzZnW)
Posted by: Skip at April 30, 2018 04:48 PM (aC6Sd)
His wife is a Ponyologist?
Just.
Posted by: Monk at April 30, 2018 04:46 PM (qNS03)
I thought Utah outlawed ponyology back in the 1800s.
Posted by: Deplorable Ian Galt at April 30, 2018 04:49 PM (8iiMU)
Posted by: Moron Robbie - I choose to live my life as a black woman at April 30, 2018 04:49 PM (VgKNm)
Her maiden name is Katyusha I'll wager...
Posted by: sven10077 at April 30, 2018 04:49 PM (SzZnW)
But ace was a writer not a reader, so probably no.
Posted by: Jake Tapper at April 30, 2018 04:49 PM (4e+hS)
Posted by: Ponyo at April 30, 2018 04:49 PM (NWiLs)
Sideways off topic
Watched Black Butterfly starring Antonio Banderas recently. Banderas's character is a writer. A movie about a writer (some cliche's) and the writers process.
Doesn't get fantastic reviews, but I was not able to guess the ending. And he did a decent job in the part.
Posted by: artisanal 'ette at April 30, 2018 04:49 PM (fceHP)
Posted by: filbert at April 30, 2018 04:47 PM (953wK)
And the Knights of Columbus assassinate him and hide the encyclical.
Posted by: Alcoholic Asshole Shut In at April 30, 2018 04:49 PM (CPk08)
Posted by: ace at April 30, 2018 04:41 PM (8rNrN)
I can smell his book from here, and I have never even seen it.
The thing stinks to high heaven, and that's saying something, since I spent the weekend clearing the recently melted back yard of what the two dogs did to it all winter.
Let's just say that springtime fresh is a myth. At least up here.
And his prose stinks worse than that.
Posted by: tcn in AK at April 30, 2018 04:49 PM (7UW64)
The Force is also a white woman. Who's a bit, er...
chunky.
There, I said it.
Posted by: Anon a mouse at April 30, 2018 04:49 PM (7LY+6)
Posted by: Jukin the Deplorable and Profoundly Unserious at April 30, 2018 04:49 PM (pw+jk)
Posted by: Monk at April 30, 2018 04:50 PM (qNS03)
Posted by: Anna Puma (HQCaR) at April 30, 2018 04:50 PM (S5Di7)
Posted by: Marcus T at April 30, 2018 04:50 PM (VpIIl)
Posted by: steevy at April 30, 2018 04:47 PM (LiyEm)
-
Ace, please please please let us have a thread for this.
Posted by: Moron Robbie - I choose to live my life as a black woman at April 30, 2018 04:50 PM (VgKNm)
The pony costume does have really rough seams inside, but the mask hides my crying.
Posted by: Charlie Marder at April 30, 2018 04:50 PM (yL25O)
Posted by: votermom pimping NEW Moron-authored books! at April 30, 2018 04:50 PM (hMwEB)
-
Speaking of the NYT, a headline from today:
Happy Birthday, Karl Marx. You Were Right!
Posted by: Anonosaurus Wrecks, Tyrannosaur Wrangler at April 30, 2018 04:50 PM (+y/Ru)
That's how its like when someone insists on telling you which ads are on the side of the Omnibus as it drives past 221b Baker Street in your Sherlock Holmes story, down to the art.
Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at April 30, 2018 04:50 PM (39g3+)
Yup, then it was a '70s IFV sort of a mix of the XM-800 and a BMP-1....
The Bradley went for the ATGM.
Posted by: sven10077 at April 30, 2018 04:51 PM (SzZnW)
Posted by: Anna Puma (HQCaR) at April 30, 2018 04:51 PM (S5Di7)
Posted by: tcn in AK at April 30, 2018 04:51 PM (7UW64)
Posted by: Grump928(c) at April 30, 2018 04:51 PM (QQ+il)
Posted by: Turgid Tapper at April 30, 2018 04:51 PM (Pz4pT)
He knew the streets and he knew them well, as well as the curves of the dame that once planted a kiss on his gob. It was a kiss that sank like a depth charge right down to the heels of his wore gumshoes and then rose right back up again.
This was the same dame who gave him the heave-ho when she'd had enough of him and disappeared into the city night with its oily sullen fog...the dame whose footsteps clicked in his ears when the pavement got wet and the night eddied in the streetlights glow overhead. The streetlights that always watched but never gave up their secrets.
Posted by: Diogenes at April 30, 2018 04:51 PM (0tfLf)
Posted by: Jukin the Deplorable and Profoundly Unserious at April 30, 2018 04:51 PM (pw+jk)
lol
Posted by: ace at April 30, 2018 04:52 PM (8rNrN)
Posted by: The Gipper Lives at April 30, 2018 04:52 PM (Ndje9)
All I can say is that ole Jake looks quite ill in recent photos. Very pale. Sweaty. Yuge bags under eyes, which seem shifty and freaked out.
Now, I am sure his dealings with Comey have nothing to do with this illness...
Posted by: ChristyBlinky, Infidel Queen and destroyer of Sneaky Leaking Weasels at April 30, 2018 04:52 PM (J5mzk)
Posted by: Seems Legit at April 30, 2018 04:52 PM (U+nHb)
Posted by: votermom pimping NEW Moron-authored books! at April 30, 2018 04:50 PM (hMwEB)
-
That's a conspiracy theory because news agencies were told it was a conspiracy theory by the people that should've been investigated by news agencies but instead were voted for by the same news agencies.
Posted by: Moron Robbie - I choose to live my life as a black woman at April 30, 2018 04:52 PM (VgKNm)
Posted by: Jake Tapper at April 30, 2018 04:52 PM (/qEW2)
Happy Birthday, Karl Marx. You Were Right!
Posted by: Anonosaurus Wrecks, Tyrannosaur Wrangler at April 30, 2018 04:50 PM (+y/Ru)
Well, he was probably a little right of the kookie leftists we have today.....
But, no.
Posted by: tcn in AK at April 30, 2018 04:52 PM (7UW64)
Posted by: IC at April 30, 2018 04:53 PM (a0IVu)
He knew the streets and he knew them well, as well as the curves of the dame that once planted a kiss on his gob. It was a kiss that sank like a depth charge right down to the heels of his wore gumshoes and then rose right back up again.
This was the same dame who gave him the heave-ho when she'd had enough of him and disappeared into the city night with its oily sullen fog...the dame whose footsteps clicked in his ears when the pavement got wet and the night eddied in the streetlights glow overhead. The streetlights that always watched but never gave up their secrets.
minus the silly stuff and excessive period slang, a lot of this is actually damn good!
Posted by: ace at April 30, 2018 04:53 PM (8rNrN)
Posted by: Marcus T at April 30, 2018 04:53 PM (VpIIl)
Hey, he played a lot of video games!!!
Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at April 30, 2018 04:53 PM (39g3+)
-
And I've got a rocket in my pocket that's about to lift off!
Posted by: Anonosaurus Wrecks, Tyrannosaur Wrangler at April 30, 2018 04:53 PM (+y/Ru)
Posted by: Moron Robbie - I choose to live my life as a black woman at April 30, 2018 04:53 PM (VgKNm)
"They smell money"
Well no, they smell papered linen, ink, and skin oils....
Posted by: sven10077
And cocaine. Can't leave out the cocaine.
Posted by: Brother Cavil, Abbot of St. Costello-on-the-Hurlingbone at April 30, 2018 04:53 PM (AM1GF)
Posted by: Jane D'oh at April 30, 2018 04:53 PM (ptqGC)
Big feet.
Must be a clown.
Posted by: Anon a mouse at April 30, 2018 04:54 PM (7LY+6)
Posted by: Anna Puma (HQCaR) at April 30, 2018 04:54 PM (S5Di7)
Yup, the real Hellfire Club was a cool place where the English low level to mod level aristos went to work off frustrations.....
Order of the Friars of St. Francis of Wycombe
//Debauching Middle Class Women on larks since 1718
Posted by: sven10077 at April 30, 2018 04:54 PM (SzZnW)
Posted by: OneEyedJack at April 30, 2018 04:54 PM (z79tQ)
Posted by: Colorado Alex in Exile at April 30, 2018 04:54 PM (WEabF)
Hey, he played a lot of video games!!!
Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at April 30, 2018 04:53 PM (39g3+)
So, The Last Starfighter?
Posted by: IllTemperedCur at April 30, 2018 04:54 PM (d20MQ)
Posted by: Village Idiot's Apprentice at April 30, 2018 04:54 PM (EyPfd)
There were only 205 communists in the State Department in 1954? Bet someone in HR got an ass chewing for not meeting the quota.
Posted by: Clay, unimpressed with your wokeness at April 30, 2018 04:34 PM (7R2h5)
I am reliably informed there are exactly 57 non-communist in the State Department!
Posted by: Sen. Iselin at April 30, 2018 04:54 PM (e1mEI)
Posted by: jake fapper at April 30, 2018 04:55 PM (VBKy9)
mouth existence before climbing into an interstellar starship for the
first time and not only flying it but outmaneuvering pilots who are
trained to do nothing else except fly ships in combat?
========
No not at all. We are saying the Tap-Tap's protologist could. ANy guy that can honcho a prostate exam of the very important elites can do just about anything.
Posted by: Jukin the Deplorable and Profoundly Unserious at April 30, 2018 04:55 PM (pw+jk)
Posted by: steevy at April 30, 2018 04:55 PM (LiyEm)
that's good man, especially for a first draft. a clean-up would make that into a good paragraph.
streelights also buzz and hum (assuming electric). So if they both watch and buzz to each other....
Posted by: ace at April 30, 2018 04:55 PM (8rNrN)
Posted by: Jane D'oh at April 30, 2018 04:55 PM (ptqGC)
Posted by: Anna Puma (HQCaR) at April 30, 2018 04:55 PM (S5Di7)
Posted by: Moron Robbie - I choose to live my life as a black woman at April 30, 2018 04:55 PM (VgKNm)
Posted by: ace at April 30, 2018 04:53 PM
Thanxs. The best part is, it is only about 50% plagiarized.
Posted by: Diogenes at April 30, 2018 04:56 PM (0tfLf)
After Obama's Peace Prize, I'm not going to rule Tapper out of that one.
Posted by: Jwest at April 30, 2018 04:56 PM (/roJx)
Posted by: Colorado Alex in Exile at April 30, 2018 04:54 PM (WEabF)
More like NOT ONLY NO, BUT HELL NO.
Posted by: tcn in AK at April 30, 2018 04:56 PM (7UW64)
Posted by: dantesed at April 30, 2018 04:56 PM (88xKn)
Posted by: Qui Gon at April 30, 2018 04:56 PM (oVJmc)
( I think a commenter made a similar comment upthread.)
Posted by: ace at April 30, 2018 04:56 PM (8rNrN)
Posted by: IllTemperedCur at April 30, 2018 04:54 PM (d20MQ)
Or the obnoxious kid in the that horrible Star Wars movie?
little Anakin shithead.
Posted by: Deplorable Ian Galt at April 30, 2018 04:56 PM (8iiMU)
I was thinking the same thing, its a bit over the top in jargon but solid hard boiled noir feel.
Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at April 30, 2018 04:56 PM (39g3+)
Posted by: BackwardsBoy likes lobster at April 30, 2018 04:57 PM (GdWl+)
Posted by: Moron Robbie - I choose to live my life as a black woman at April 30, 2018 04:57 PM (VgKNm)
Posted by: Anachronda at April 30, 2018 04:10 PM (sGtp+)
I remember that guy. He had a bunch of stories and usenet threads on his site. He was hilarious. That was some of the funniest stuff I've ever read. Too bad he abandoned it.
Posted by: Steve and Cold Bear at April 30, 2018 04:57 PM (/qEW2)
Posted by: flounderbot, rebel, vulgarian, deplorabot, winner at April 30, 2018 04:58 PM (Dp6qK)
Posted by: Grump928(c) at April 30, 2018 04:58 PM (QQ+il)
Posted by: jake fapper at April 30, 2018 04:58 PM (VBKy9)
Posted by: artisanal 'ette at April 30, 2018 04:58 PM (fceHP)
In the intimate privacy of their bedroom that softly glittered from the reflected chandelier light Charlie and his Pony Grrl quickly prepared themselves for another night under the duvet playing their favorite game of Frisky Dingo.
Posted by: Anna Puma (HQCaR) at April 30, 2018 04:58 PM (S5Di7)
"They let ponies stay in the rooms?' said Margaret, eying little Dobbin lustily once more.
"I didn't ask," said Charlie, a bit grumpily.
Posted by: filbert at April 30, 2018 04:59 PM (953wK)
Posted by: Skip at April 30, 2018 04:59 PM (aC6Sd)
Posted by: Jennifer Rubin at April 30, 2018 04:59 PM (0ogQG)
-
Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men? Jake Tapper knows.
Posted by: Anonosaurus Wrecks, Tyrannosaur Wrangler at April 30, 2018 04:59 PM (+y/Ru)
Posted by: Jane D'oh at April 30, 2018 04:55 PM (ptqGC)
Heh. A good use of time as opposed to watching "The Five".
Posted by: golfman at April 30, 2018 04:59 PM (If3tB)
Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at April 30, 2018 04:53 PM (39g3+)
I thought last starfighter too, but I think he's doing Luke Skywalker.
Posted by: Charlie Marder at April 30, 2018 04:59 PM (yL25O)
Posted by: BackwardsBoy likes lobster at April 30, 2018 04:59 PM (GdWl+)
Posted by: Master Kan at April 30, 2018 04:59 PM (oVJmc)
So it's a lot like the phone book then Jen?
Posted by: sven10077 at April 30, 2018 05:00 PM (SzZnW)
Posted by: Jukin the Deplorable and Profoundly Unserious at April 30, 2018 05:00 PM (pw+jk)
That's a mental image I could have gone my whole life without seeing.
Posted by: JackStraw at April 30, 2018 05:00 PM (/tuJf)
Posted by: ace at April 30, 2018 05:00 PM (8rNrN)
Posted by: Anon a mouse at April 30, 2018 05:00 PM (7LY+6)
Posted by: TexasDan at April 30, 2018 05:01 PM (yL25O)
Posted by: GSgt. Hartman, USMC at April 30, 2018 05:01 PM (gbWkA)
Posted by: Master Kan at April 30, 2018 05:01 PM (oVJmc)
Posted by: Bosk at April 30, 2018 05:01 PM (fjMEv)
Posted by: Monk at April 30, 2018 05:01 PM (qNS03)
Posted by: Jane D'oh at April 30, 2018 04:55 PM (ptqGC)
"See all 8 reviews."
Come on Horde.
Posted by: golfman at April 30, 2018 05:01 PM (If3tB)
Jen takes "first love yourself" to the limit.
Posted by: sven10077 at April 30, 2018 05:01 PM (SzZnW)
https://youtu.be/hEcjgJSqSRU
Or maybe this
https://youtu.be/wv-34w8kGPM
Posted by: Anna Puma (HQCaR) at April 30, 2018 05:01 PM (S5Di7)
Posted by: sven10077 at April 30, 2018 05:01 PM (SzZnW)
And I don't need Jake Tapper to know what THAT smells like. ...
Posted by: ScoggDog at April 30, 2018 05:02 PM (fiGNd)
Posted by: sven10077 at April 30, 2018 05:01 PM (SzZnW)
And I don't need Jake Tapper to know what THAT smells like. ...
Posted by: ScoggDog at April 30, 2018 05:02 PM (fiGNd)
Second-hand smug?
Posted by: flounderbot, rebel, vulgarian, deplorabot, winner at April 30, 2018 05:03 PM (Dp6qK)
Every so often on Twitter, Tapper will commit real journalism. Acosta woudn't know how to report a story if it was written for him by Edward R Murrow.
Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at April 30, 2018 05:03 PM (39g3+)
Meow Mix, Hillary Clinton, sweat, and offal?
Posted by: sven10077 at April 30, 2018 05:03 PM (SzZnW)
Posted by: Mr. Peebles at April 30, 2018 05:03 PM (oVJmc)
Posted by: ace at April 30, 2018 05:00 PM
That genre. It is a spin off of a cartoon.
Posted by: Diogenes at April 30, 2018 05:04 PM (0tfLf)
This product has limitations on reviews. It may be because we detected unusual review behavior on this product...
Posted by: golfman at April 30, 2018 05:04 PM (If3tB)
Posted by: Bertram Cabot, Jr. at April 30, 2018 05:04 PM (IqV8l)
Jake! Do you think you're fucking Mickey Spillane?
Posted by: GSgt. Hartman, USMC at April 30, 2018 05:01 PM (gbWkA)
Necrophiliac!
Posted by: Phrasing cop at April 30, 2018 05:04 PM (8iiMU)
His friends affectionately refer to him as Bloodhound. Not only for his keen sense of smell but also for his knack of sniffing out evil that lurks in these damp halls of power.
Posted by: Sebastian Melmoth at April 30, 2018 05:04 PM (5AX1G)
"Jake's the best member of my Comey's Ponies." James Comey
"Hated it!" Blaine Edwards & Antoine Merriweather
"I love this book. I love Jake. I love everything and everyone, including spinach pancakes." Kanye West
"He's a bigger pussy than I am, with worse gray hair." Anderson Cooper
"Do I get paid for this?" Rachel Maddow
"I wish he'd leave my basement. I want to grow marijuana down there." Mrs. Acosta, Jim's mom
Posted by: JuJuBee, just generally being shamey at April 30, 2018 05:04 PM (2NqXo)
100 people surveyed, top 5 answers on the board...
Posted by: garrett at April 30, 2018 05:04 PM (OfVWt)
Posted by: Anna Puma (HQCaR) at April 30, 2018 05:04 PM (S5Di7)
She looked deeply into his blue eye. "I don't know where I'm going to go or what I'm going to do."
He looked back at her and said, "I don't care."
Posted by: BackwardsBoy likes lobster at April 30, 2018 05:04 PM (GdWl+)
Posted by: Kuhyt at April 30, 2018 05:04 PM (Kuhyt)
Here's the deal, Tapper knows where the bodies Comey, Clapper, and his contacts WANT KNOWN eventually are buried....
Jake "Honest Abe" Tapper sits on more real stories than most J listers will find in a decade.
Posted by: sven10077 at April 30, 2018 05:05 PM (SzZnW)
Juan Williams thinks farts in the bathtub are "hilarious."
Posted by: Mr. Peebles at April 30, 2018 05:05 PM (oVJmc)
Posted by: Anon a mouse at April 30, 2018 05:05 PM (7LY+6)
Not one to be cowed by a low-minded, ill-mannered and paranoid Republican thug, Charlie made a show of drinking the harmless tap water, lustily quaffing from the Waterford crystal tumbler. Tailgunner Joe grimaced as Marder wiped the last drops of fluoridated liquid from the lips of his noble, chiselled visage.
Charlie had just put the target of a newly-developed radar bomb sight on himself... but he didn't care. He hadn't come to Washington to maintain the postwar status quo. He'd come there to honestly and fairly do the job of an a governor-appointed Representative, without a hint of bias, and he didn't give a damn who he made angry doing it.
And he had just sent a Direct Message to the chief brute on the Hill. Who was, of course, a Republican.
Posted by: Yudhishthira's Dice at April 30, 2018 05:05 PM (AzW6q)
Stringfellow was a Republican member of the House of Representatives for one term. He got in by spinning some yarns about his daring do with the OSS, snatching nuclear physicist Otto Hahn from the Germans.
He also claimed to have been captured by the Germans and tortured so badly he became a parapalegic.
Well, apparently he did serve in the war, and was injured by a mine, but could walk with the aid of a cane and never worked with the OSS. When his opponents exposed him, he was never elected again.
Posted by: bonhomme at April 30, 2018 05:06 PM (iv0p7)
Posted by: Mr. Peebles at April 30, 2018 05:06 PM (oVJmc)
Come on Horde.
Remember: a one-line obvious "I hate this person" review will not only be likely deleted, but is obviously just an enemy of the author and is more likely to get someone to BUY the book than reject it.
Make it look like you read the book but just thought it was amateurish and silly. For extra impact, complain about typos and poor editing.
Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at April 30, 2018 05:06 PM (39g3+)
If it's anything like Comey's book they won't let you review it if you give it less than a 4 star review and are a verified purchaser of the book.
Posted by: FenelonSpoke at April 30, 2018 05:06 PM (tpDAe)
Posted by: Some rat in the swamp at April 30, 2018 05:06 PM (F8cRI)
Every so often on Twitter, Tapper will commit real journalism. Acosta woudn't know how to report a story if it was written for him by Edward R Murrow.
Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at April 30, 2018 05:03 PM (39g3+)
Without twitter or cable news, they both sound like self-absorbed turds, to me.
Posted by: flounderbot, rebel, vulgarian, deplorabot, winner at April 30, 2018 05:06 PM (Dp6qK)
Posted by: sven10077 at April 30, 2018 05:01 PM (SzZnW)
And I don't need Jake Tapper to know what THAT smells like. ...
Posted by: ScoggDog
Like a tuna cannery in El Paso in August.
Posted by: rickb223 at April 30, 2018 05:06 PM (BBhgz)
Ace, for sho, tell us if "Charlie" with his beady blue eyes (aka how Jake sees himself with broad shoulders) whips out his wee Charlie for his pony wife and they make mad love in the Lincoln Memorial.
If it was the last book on earth I would not read.
Posted by: ChristyBlinky, Infidel Queen and destroyer of Sneaky Leaking Weasels at April 30, 2018 05:06 PM (J5mzk)
The only conceivable improvement on that sentence would be to change enthralled to...
Enchanted
Posted by: Ray Van Dune at April 30, 2018 05:07 PM (MjkWd)
Posted by: Anna Puma (HQCaR) at April 30, 2018 05:07 PM (S5Di7)
Posted by: Anonosaurus Wrecks, Tyrannosaur Wrangler at April 30, 2018 05:07 PM (+y/Ru)
Posted by: Sebastian Melmoth at April 30, 2018 05:07 PM (5AX1G)
So, Sid Blumenthal, but a Republican.
Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at April 30, 2018 05:07 PM (39g3+)
She paused at the door and looked back at him sitting there. "If you want me, just whistle." as she started digging around in her purse.
"Here, use this spare rape whistle of mine. Just put it in your mouth and blow it."
Posted by: BackwardsBoy likes lobster at April 30, 2018 05:07 PM (GdWl+)
Posted by: Dr Spank at April 30, 2018 05:07 PM (4e+hS)
But I didn't. I simply said "thanks."
My editor was looking at me with a newfound envy, "nice going, Jackson," he barked. "I still expect you at your desk, on Monday, 9AM sharp!"
"I'll think about it," I explained. In the mean time I had a long legged redhead to contemplate, and I didn't want his fat stogie getting in the way. I wanted to find out more about this Trantra thing she was telling about, with its kundalini, and activating her chakra, as taught by pioneering American yogi, scholar, occultist, philosopher, mystic, and businessman, Pierre Bernard.
Posted by: Turgid Tapper at April 30, 2018 05:08 PM (Pz4pT)
To contribute to Customer features (for example, Customer Reviews, Customer Answers, Idea Lists) or to follow other contributors, you must have spent at least $50 on Amazon.com using a valid credit or debit card in the past 12 months. Promotional discounts don't qualify towards the $50 minimum. In addition, to contribute to Spark you must also have a paid Prime subscription (free Prime trials do not qualify). You do not need to meet this requirement to read content posted by other contributors or post Customer Questions, or create or modify Profile pages, Shopping Lists, Wish Lists or Registries.
#FTIP
Posted by: golfman at April 30, 2018 05:08 PM (If3tB)
What, too funny?
Posted by: Anon a mouse at April 30, 2018 05:08 PM (7LY+6)
Posted by: Stringbean at April 30, 2018 05:09 PM (IqV8l)
Posted by: Dr Spank at April 30, 2018 05:07 PM (4e+hS)
He looked the other way. The left is good at looking past the facts.
Posted by: golfman at April 30, 2018 05:09 PM (If3tB)
Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at April 30, 2018 05:06 PM (39g3+)
-
Ha. Fill it full of fake horde quotes as excerpts.
Posted by: Moron Robbie - I choose to live my life as a black woman at April 30, 2018 05:09 PM (VgKNm)
Posted by: Mr. Peebles at April 30, 2018 05:09 PM (oVJmc)
Posted by: Bosk at April 30, 2018 05:01 PM (fjMEv)
Goodreads too.
3.68/5 there
But I love the 1-star comments. Very few words.
pony zoologist heh.
Derivative
Sophomoric
Turgid
Posted by: artisanal 'ette at April 30, 2018 05:09 PM (fceHP)
Posted by: Anon a mouse at April 30, 2018 05:09 PM (7LY+6)
The entire world was saved from accidentally picking it up and reading even the opening passage.
C. Wright Mills, 'Listen Yankee', about the glorious future of Cuba under communism.
Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc., etc. at April 30, 2018 05:10 PM (58eZn)
Oops. Spoiler.
Posted by: Mr. Peebles at April 30, 2018 05:10 PM (oVJmc)
Posted by: rickb223 at April 30, 2018 05:11 PM (BBhgz)
"Trouble, Charlie?" asked Margaret, standing on the steps of the Lincoln Monument.
Charlie turned to the west northwest and sniffed again. "The salmon are starting to run up in Alaska," he said at last. "Later and later every year. Damn this global warming!"
Posted by: filbert at April 30, 2018 05:11 PM (953wK)
Posted by: runner at April 30, 2018 05:11 PM (bUjCl)
I did that with David Frum's book.
Posted by: Sebastian Melmoth at April 30, 2018 05:11 PM (5AX1G)
Posted by: runner at April 30, 2018 05:12 PM (bUjCl)
Posted by: Anon a mouse at April 30, 2018 05:12 PM (7LY+6)
Posted by: filbert at April 30, 2018 05:11 PM (953wK)
Margaret winnied sexually as she stamped her foot and brayed ... "That's not the salmon."
Posted by: ScoggDog at April 30, 2018 05:12 PM (fiGNd)
yeesh, the current US Pravda can't even do a book review without getting in a Leftist jibe.
Posted by: Guy Mohawk at April 30, 2018 05:13 PM (r+sAi)
Posted by: jake fapper at April 30, 2018 05:13 PM (VBKy9)
Posted by: TexasDan at April 30, 2018 05:14 PM (yL25O)
Posted by: Skip at April 30, 2018 05:14 PM (aC6Sd)
Groucho Marx has evidently already read Tapper's tome:
"From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend reading it."
Posted by: BackwardsBoy likes lobster at April 30, 2018 05:14 PM (GdWl+)
Posted by: TexasDan at April 30, 2018 05:14 PM (yL25O)
Or a passage discussing the difference between bananas and apples, perhaps?
Posted by: filbert at April 30, 2018 05:15 PM (953wK)
Posted by: Some rat in the swamp at April 30, 2018 05:15 PM (F8cRI)
Posted by: dantesed at April 30, 2018 05:15 PM (88xKn)
Posted by: Jake Trapper, Novelist at April 30, 2018 05:15 PM (gbWkA)
Posted by: Steve and Cold Bear at April 30, 2018 05:16 PM (/qEW2)
To contribute to Customer features (for example, Customer Reviews, Customer Answers, Idea Lists) or to follow other contributors, you must have spent at least $50 on Amazon.com using a valid credit or debit card in the past 12 months...
Amazon, and everyone else, frankly, has a lot of astroturf product reviews. Requiring a $50 purchase / year AND an Amazon Prime account is probably meant to combat millions of fake accounts.
Posted by: bonhomme at April 30, 2018 05:16 PM (iv0p7)
Posted by: The Swedish Chef at April 30, 2018 03:57 PM
Is that how you say BOOK in Austrian?
Posted by: Count Obama Chocula at April 30, 2018 05:18 PM (2NqXo)
yeesh, the current US Pravda can't even do a book review without getting in a Leftist jibe.
*ahem*
The proper term to describe the MSM is Progressive Pravda or "Progda" for short.
Please to be adjusting your Official Ace of the Spades Style Guiding manual.
Posted by: BackwardsBoy likes lobster at April 30, 2018 05:18 PM (GdWl+)
Brian Stelter
@brianstelter
Breaking: @NYTimes says Metro editor Wendell Jamieson has resigned following "an investigation." Of what? The paper isn't saying. Memo says "Susan Chira is stepping in as interim metro editor effective immediately."
Michael Calderone
@mlcalderone
NYT Metro editor Wendell Jamieson stepping down, saying in note that "I regret and apologize for my mistakes and leaving under these circumstances."
What mistakes and did they involve KY Jelly?
Posted by: Anonosaurus Wrecks, Tyrannosaur Wrangler at April 30, 2018 05:18 PM (+y/Ru)
Posted by: Burger Chef at April 30, 2018 05:19 PM (RuIsu)
Posted by: Your Decidedly Devious Uncle Palpatine at April 30, 2018 05:19 PM (fA1SL)
Posted by: wth at April 30, 2018 05:20 PM (HgMAr)
NOTHING can stop me!!!!!!!!11111111one
Posted by: The Gimp at April 30, 2018 05:21 PM (jdWK0)
--her beauty is only matched by her funny
Posted by: Kuhyt at April 30, 2018 05:04 PM
I think she Kathy Griffined her career.
Posted by: Count Obama Chocula at April 30, 2018 05:21 PM (2NqXo)
Odd they never practice this on authors such as Mark Dice or Michael Savage.
Strange...
Posted by: clutch cargo at April 30, 2018 05:23 PM (RHEDC)
Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at April 30, 2018 05:23 PM (39g3+)
His friends affectionately refer to him as Bloodhound. Not only for his keen sense of smell but also for his knack of sniffing out evil that lurks in these damp halls of power.
...
Exactly. And to the commenter who asked if he says "news for nose" --
I doubt even Jake Tapper would be that, ahem, On the Nose. But even the suggestion of a keen sense of smell is too on the nose. Again, this is such an absurd Mary Sue that he has to suggest to you the bloodhound/nose for news thing, so that you can associate that with Jake Tapper, which is who this book is really about.
It reminds me about the Always Sunny pitch for a movie called "The Fifth Sense," about a detective with the smelling power of a dog. I think the tag-line was "He can smell crime!"
Posted by: ace at April 30, 2018 05:27 PM (8rNrN)
I see you've never corresponded with him.
How I envy you your innocence.
Posted by: ace at April 30, 2018 05:28 PM (8rNrN)
Posted by: Morton at April 30, 2018 05:28 PM (lMony)
Posted by: FenelonSpoke at April 30, 2018 05:28 PM (tpDAe)
Posted by: BeckoningChasm at April 30, 2018 05:29 PM (nHEa8)
Posted by: Anna Puma (HQCaR) at April 30, 2018 05:30 PM (S5Di7)
Like: "They were seated at a prime table at La Colline, one of Washington's most exclusive restaurants. They had a table right next to Tip O'Neill! Mary ordered the <i>Coquilles Saint Jacques au Gratin</i> with a glass of very expensive Taittinger champagne, while Bill dined on delicious <i.>Moules Marinieres</i> followed by perfectly prepared <i>Tournedos Rossini</i> which is a very expensive dish with pate de foie gras! And then Bill saw the head of the CIA at the bar, drinking one of the very dry martinis La Colline was famous for... Dessert was chocolate mousse..."
Two pages later, you'd get another tedious description of a meal at Duke Zieberts. I was like "The daughter of a president wrote this? It's like it was written by some 16 year old who has never been to DC or any big city but wants very badly to sound sophisticated so she's typing with a DC tour guide and a Julia Child cookbook for reference."
Posted by: Donna&&&&&&V sez don't you dare walk the damn pitcher at April 30, 2018 05:30 PM (H80UQ)
... for example, that one of Tapper's go-to descriptors for any older man in the book is "powerful.
Not "girthy"? Hmmmm.
Posted by: Krebs v Carnot: Epic Battle of the Cycling Stars (TM) at April 30, 2018 05:33 PM (TSMoA)
Twatwaffle.
Posted by: Morton at April 30, 2018 05:34 PM (lMony)
Posted by: Wonkish Rogue Tarrasque Enthusiast at April 30, 2018 05:47 PM (gz0Wm)
I've heard of hip and knee replacements but shoulder replacement? That must of been a nasty fall.
"The Supreme Court on Monday announced Justice Sonia Sotomayor will undergo shoulder-replacement surgery."
========
Brothewr Inlaw had both his shoulders replaced, Arthritis
Posted by: JoshBARROquette at April 30, 2018 05:57 PM (y3aQB)
Posted by: JoshBARROquette at April 30, 2018 05:58 PM (y3aQB)
Posted by: CN at April 30, 2018 06:04 PM (5gaNQ)
If so, I shall surely subscribe for THIS!
*reminds herself to hit the link*
Posted by: Deety at April 30, 2018 07:31 PM (xPWMR)
Posted by: Canuck at April 30, 2018 08:19 PM (HpljN)
Posted by: Whitney at April 30, 2018 09:42 PM (aF1ln)
Posted by: Lamont Cranston at April 30, 2018 11:07 PM (PbcKj)
Posted by: iowaan at May 01, 2018 10:52 AM (2835Q)
Any of you read Lawrence Block stories? In one of them the main
character is on jury duty and spends down time talking with
another panel member. He describe the book he brought to read
in which the protagonist is a devastating Mary Sue. Hilarious.
Posted by: Wit's End at May 01, 2018 01:49 PM (ROYpB)
He got twenty-five dollars a day and all the knuckle sandwiches he could eat.
Posted by: Wit's End at May 01, 2018 04:24 PM (ROYpB)
Which is a stupid urban legend. Joe Kennedy was a major Wall Street operator in the 1920s and owned a big chunk of the booming film industry. (He formed RKO by merger.) He didn't want or need to be involved with illegal business which could get one killed.
He did make a fortune out of liquor: during Prohibition, he bought the US distribution rights to several major British brands for a song - then cashed in at Repeal.
By including that story, Tapper demonstrated his fake erudition.
Posted by: Rich Rostrom at May 01, 2018 07:34 PM (bT9ZN)
Is this a paid theme or did you modify it yourself?
Either way keep up the excellent quality writing, it is rare to
see a great blog like this one these days.
Posted by: Daftar Judi Slot Mesin at May 29, 2018 03:36 PM (LG8yE)
Processing 0.06, elapsed 0.0722 seconds.
15 queries taking 0.0283 seconds, 625 records returned.
Page size 293 kb.
Powered by Minx 0.8 beta.
Real Clear Politics
Gallup
Paul Anka Haiku Contest Announcement
Integrity SAT's: Entrance Exam for Paul Anka's Band
AllahPundit's Paul Anka 45's Collection
AnkaPundit: Paul Anka Takes Over the Site for a Weekend (Continues through to Monday's postings)
George Bush Slices Don Rumsfeld Like an F*ckin' Hammer
Democratic Forays into Erotica
New Shows On Gore's DNC/MTV Network
Nicknames for Potatoes, By People Who Really Hate Potatoes
Star Wars Euphemisms for Self-Abuse
Signs You're at an Iraqi "Wedding Party"
Signs Your Clown Has Gone Bad
Signs That You, Geroge Michael, Should Probably Just Give It Up
Signs of Hip-Hop Influence on John Kerry
NYT Headlines Spinning Bush's Jobs Boom
Things People Are More Likely to Say Than "Did You Hear What Al Franken Said Yesterday?"
Signs that Paul Krugman Has Lost His Frickin' Mind
All-Time Best NBA Players, According to Senator Robert Byrd
Other Bad Things About the Jews, According to the Koran
Signs That David Letterman Just Doesn't Care Anymore
Examples of Bob Kerrey's Insufferable Racial Jackassery
Signs Andy Rooney Is Going Senile
Other Judgments Dick Clarke Made About Condi Rice Based on Her Appearance
Collective Names for Groups of People
John Kerry's Other Vietnam Super-Pets
Cool Things About the XM8 Assault Rifle
Media-Approved Facts About the Democrat Spy
Changes to Make Christianity More "Inclusive"
Secret John Kerry Senatorial Accomplishments
John Edwards Campaign Excuses
John Kerry Pick-Up Lines
Changes Liberal Senator George Michell Will Make at Disney
Torments in Dog-Hell
The Ace of Spades HQ Sex-for-Money Skankathon
A D&D Guide to the Democratic Candidates
Margaret Cho: Just Not Funny
More Margaret Cho Abuse
Margaret Cho: Still Not Funny
Iraqi Prisoner Claims He Was Raped... By Woman
Wonkette Announces "Morning Zoo" Format
John Kerry's "Plan" Causes Surrender of Moqtada al-Sadr's Militia
World Muslim Leaders Apologize for Nick Berg's Beheading
Michael Moore Goes on Lunchtime Manhattan Death-Spree
Milestone: Oliver Willis Posts 400th "Fake News Article" Referencing Britney Spears
Liberal Economists Rue a "New Decade of Greed"
Artificial Insouciance: Maureen Dowd's Word Processor Revolts Against Her Numbing Imbecility
Intelligence Officials Eye Blogs for Tips
They Done Found Us Out, Cletus: Intrepid Internet Detective Figures Out Our Master Plan
Shock: Josh Marshall Almost Mentions Sarin Discovery in Iraq
Leather-Clad Biker Freaks Terrorize Australian Town
When Clinton Was President, Torture Was Cool
What Wonkette Means When She Explains What Tina Brown Means
Wonkette's Stand-Up Act
Wankette HQ Gay-Rumors Du Jour
Here's What's Bugging Me: Goose and Slider
My Own Micah Wright Style Confession of Dishonesty
Outraged "Conservatives" React to the FMA
An On-Line Impression of Dennis Miller Having Sex with a Kodiak Bear
The Story the Rightwing Media Refuses to Report!
Our Lunch with David "Glengarry Glen Ross" Mamet
The House of Love: Paul Krugman
A Michael Moore Mystery (TM)
The Dowd-O-Matic!
Liberal Consistency and Other Myths
Kepler's Laws of Liberal Media Bias
John Kerry-- The Splunge! Candidate
"Divisive" Politics & "Attacks on Patriotism" (very long)
The Donkey ("The Raven" parody)