aceofspadeshq at gee mail.com
CBD:
cbd at cutjibnewsletter.com
Buck:
buck.throckmorton at protonmail.com
joe mannix:
mannix2024 at proton.me
MisHum:
petmorons at gee mail.com
J.J. Sefton:
sefton at cutjibnewsletter.com
Thursday Night's ONT is a Joke
The gods too are fond of a joke. ― Aristotle
History Doesn't Repeat Itself, But it Does Rhyme
At age 4, success is not peeing your pantsAt age 16, success is "gettin' a little"
At age 25, success is graduation and a wedding
At age 35, success is about career and family
At age 55, success is about graduations and weddings
At age 65, success is "gettin' a little"
At age 80, success is not peeing your pants Jesus Wept
A new priest was nervous about his first sermon, so he asked his monsignor for advice. The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip." So the next Sunday at the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink, He proceeded to preach up a storm. After the service he returned to his office he found the following note on the door. 1. Sip the Vodka, don't gulp.
2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ and his apostles as J.C. and the boys.
7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior, and the Spook.
8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the crap out of him.
9. When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don't say...he was stoned off his ass.
10. We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T".
11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take this and eat it, for it is my body." He did not say, "Eat me."
12. The Virgin Mary is not called "Mary with the Cherry."
13. The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the gurb, Yeah! God.
14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's, not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's. SCIENCE!
Sad News From the War on Terror
Seems that the other day they informed Nancy Pelosi that a Brazilian soldier had been killed fighting ISIS. She looked shocked, then excited. “We can really nail Trump with this information!” She exclaimed. “By the way, how many is a brazillion?” Feghoot
Yoko? If I was mad at you guys I'd POST this rather than linking it
Nevada The other day I was in Nevada and I decided to visit a brothel. Unfortunately, when I got there there was a sign on the door that said “Beat it, we're closed”
Clever Bet A guy in a dive bar comes up to the bartender and bets him $50 that he can stand on the bar at one end and piss into a whiskey bottle at the other end w/o getting a drop on the bar. The bartender takes the bet, so the guy climbs up on the bar and starts pissing. He pisses in the bar, he pisses on the back bar, he even pisses on the old hooker passed out at the other end of the bar. When he's done, the bartender laughs at him and says “Man, you hit everything BUT the bottle. Gimmie my $50”. The man smiles and hands it over. “Why are you smiling?” the bartender asks. “You didn't even come close”. “True”, the guy says, pointing at a group of glum looking men in a booth, “But I bet those guys $100 each that I could piss on your bar and you'd just laugh”.
One Liner Say, did you hear about the Amish alcoholic? Poor guy, he kept falling off the wagon.
Bah-Dump-Dum Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer. His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill indicated that he'd be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own. One day a few weeks later, Bill came home absolutely ashen. His wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong. "What's wrong, Bill?" she asked. "Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?" he asked. "Oh, Bill, you didn't," she said. "Yes, I did," he told her. "My God, Bill, what happened?" "I got fired." "No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?" she asked. "Oh... she got fired too." Tonight's ONT brought to you by, well, I dunno. Must be something like a French horn.
The Yahoo Group says don't just sit there, tell us a joke!
Comments
(Jump to bottom of comments)Posted by: Miley, the Duchess at May 18, 2017 10:01 PM (tHwdc)
Posted by: DeplorableJewells45 at May 18, 2017 10:01 PM (CNHr1)
Posted by: DeplorableJewells45 at May 18, 2017 10:01 PM (CNHr1)
(No, this is not a script.)
Posted by: Slapweasel, (Cold1) (T) at May 18, 2017 10:00 PM (6gk0M)
I try, but I can't get a first anymore!
Posted by: Miley, the Duchess at May 18, 2017 10:02 PM (tHwdc)
Posted by: DeplorableJewells45 at May 18, 2017 10:02 PM (CNHr1)
Posted by: Miley, the Duchess at May 18, 2017 10:02 PM (tHwdc)
Posted by: Steve and Cold Bear at May 18, 2017 10:02 PM (vRcUp)
Posted by: Steve and Cold Bear at May 18, 2017 10:02 PM (vRcUp)
Posted by: Slapweasel, (Cold1) (T) at May 18, 2017 10:02 PM (6gk0M)
Posted by: Peaches at May 18, 2017 10:03 PM (EgOr3)
Posted by: Slapweasel, (Cold1) (T) at May 18, 2017 10:03 PM (6gk0M)
Posted by: DeplorableJewells45 at May 18, 2017 10:02 PM (CNHr1)
Feeling pretty good about that, off to a good start
Posted by: Miley, the Duchess at May 18, 2017 10:03 PM (tHwdc)
Posted by: Henry VIII at May 18, 2017 10:03 PM (vRcUp)
-Posted by: Peaches at May 18, 2017 10:03 PM (EgOr3)
Hell, no!
Posted by: Slapweasel, (Cold1) (T) at May 18, 2017 10:03 PM (6gk0M)
Posted by: LASue at May 18, 2017 10:04 PM (CLKfs)
Posted by: Peaches at May 18, 2017 10:03 PM (EgOr3)
Thin white t-shirt, white cotten panties, knee-high socks.
Posted by: Colorado Alex In Exile at May 18, 2017 10:04 PM (Tnhbr)
-Posted by: Peaches at May 18, 2017 10:03 PM (EgOr3)
I'm wearing a skirt. But no pants.
Posted by: Miley, the Duchess at May 18, 2017 10:04 PM (tHwdc)
Posted by: Meremortal at May 18, 2017 10:05 PM (3myMJ)
Posted by: DeplorableJewells45 at May 18, 2017 10:05 PM (CNHr1)
Posted by: Bacon Jeff at May 18, 2017 10:05 PM (3JQ/p)
Posted by: yankeefifth at May 18, 2017 10:05 PM (cPsPa)
Posted by: Miley, the Duchess at May 18, 2017 10:02 PM (tHwdc)
Great Moments In ONT History
Posted by: filbert at May 18, 2017 10:06 PM (s5o+q)
Posted by: josephistan at May 18, 2017 10:06 PM (ANIFC)
13. The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the gurb, Yeah! God.
ok, typo (gurb?), but my brother went to Lehigh University decades ago and he quoted that as the school's grace before meals
and Keith Olbermann is a twat.
Posted by: mallfly the expert at May 18, 2017 10:06 PM (ILitO)
Posted by: tbodie at May 18, 2017 10:06 PM (+bodw)
Posted by: Tonypete at May 18, 2017 10:06 PM (tr2D7)
Posted by: Colorado Alex In Exile at May 18, 2017 10:04 PM (Tnhbr)
U so crafty. Like that isn't every 'ette, every minute of every day.
Posted by: Peaches at May 18, 2017 10:07 PM (EgOr3)
I spent the entire day avoiding this doom and gloom and like an idiot, I came back. Looks like I'll be avoiding this place and all the:
1. We're simply fucked.
2. We're beyond doomed.
3. I'M VOTING DEMOCRAT!!!111!!! That'll show 'em.
4. Let's re-fight the 2008 election.
Such an intelligent blog...................
Pfffffffft.
Posted by: Deplorable Flyover 98ZJUSMC at May 18, 2017 10:07 PM (G9MZN)
I've been arguing for a while that this is exactly how the left would push polygamy. Not through muslim immigrants, but upper middle-class white liberals: Some guy, his wife, and their shared girlfriend.
Posted by: Colorado Alex In Exile at May 18, 2017 10:07 PM (Tnhbr)
Posted by: Mccool at May 18, 2017 10:08 PM (yicYc)
Have to feel it.
So 'write a joke' doesn't work for me.
I have no control over the words.
They just flow, or not.
And I have been a failure since age 4.
I have learned to live with it.
Posted by: Skandia Recluse at May 18, 2017 10:08 PM (mMV/G)
Posted by: mallfly the expert at May 18, 2017 10:06 PM (ILitO)
You can never go wrong, throwing that in. Nice save!
Posted by: Peaches at May 18, 2017 10:08 PM (EgOr3)
Twenty years ago I heard a much-abridged version of the sermon joke. (With only the gentle correction that David *slew* Goliath, he didn't stomp the sh#t out of him.) I retold it once, and was informed that there's a much longer and cumulatively naughtier version out there.
But I never knew it until just now. So thanks.
Posted by: JPS at May 18, 2017 10:08 PM (9ziuC)
Posted by: Skandia Recluse at May 18, 2017 10:08 PM (mMV/G)
Posted by: Peaches at May 18, 2017 10:07 PM (EgOr3)
A man can dream...
BTW, are you in SoCal still?
Posted by: Colorado Alex In Exile at May 18, 2017 10:08 PM (Tnhbr)
I read the Nevada brothel joke to Mr. H and copied the sodium joke on my facebook page.
Please sir, may I have another?
Posted by: ALH at May 18, 2017 10:09 PM (Iu5oK)
Posted by: Peaches at May 18, 2017 10:07 PM (EgOr3)
I know, right? Geez... you guys.
Posted by: DeplorableJewells45 at May 18, 2017 10:09 PM (CNHr1)
Posted by: Pope Francis at May 18, 2017 10:09 PM (vRcUp)
Posted by: Tonypete at May 18, 2017 10:09 PM (tr2D7)
They'll come around. They just need to hit the bottle earlier.
Posted by: Meremortal at May 18, 2017 10:09 PM (3myMJ)
Posted by: Jack Sock at May 18, 2017 10:10 PM (IDPbH)
Posted by: Your Decidedly Devious Uncle Palpatine. Glory to Kekistan! No Longer Accepting Harem Applicants at May 18, 2017 10:10 PM (TwwWO)
Posted by: Feminist - anticipating joke in this thread about feminists at May 18, 2017 10:10 PM (JyFLk)
Posted by: Meremortal at May 18, 2017 10:09 PM (3myMJ)
7:00 Am is a bit early....................
Posted by: Deplorable Flyover 98ZJUSMC at May 18, 2017 10:10 PM (G9MZN)
Posted by: tu3031 at May 18, 2017 10:11 PM (qJhUV)
Posted by: Slapweasel, (Cold1) (T) at May 18, 2017 10:11 PM (6gk0M)
Posted by: Inspector Cussword at May 18, 2017 10:11 PM (c1VpD)
Posted by: Not so random punchline at May 18, 2017 10:11 PM (DpOmP)
retired agents and endorsed Rogers in 2014 when he was up for the FBI
post as a replacement for then-Director Robert Mueller. President Barack
Obama instead chose Comey, a former deputy attorney general.
===
Mike Rogers.
Posted by: Mortimer - Finish Her! at May 18, 2017 10:11 PM (Uxokn)
Posted by: Insomniac, Lord Hurlingbone, Earl of Melancholy at May 18, 2017 10:11 PM (0mRoj)
Posted by: lindameh now flinging poo at May 18, 2017 10:11 PM (kufk0)
Posted by: Jack Sock at May 18, 2017 10:12 PM (IDPbH)
Posted by: Just the punchline at May 18, 2017 10:12 PM (BO/km)
Posted by: an indifferent penguin at May 18, 2017 10:12 PM (nHbAq)
Posted by: Your Decidedly Devious Uncle Palpatine. Glory to Kekistan! No Longer Accepting Harem Applicants at May 18, 2017 10:13 PM (TwwWO)
the difference between capitalism and communism:
under capitalism it's man exploits man
under communism it's the other way around.
Posted by: mallfly the expert at May 18, 2017 10:13 PM (ILitO)
Posted by: Steve and Cold Bear at May 18, 2017 10:13 PM (vRcUp)
Posted by: Slapweasel, (Cold1) (T) at May 18, 2017 10:11 PM (6gk0M)
I think WD even got a funny on the ONT in real time.
Posted by: tbodie at May 18, 2017 10:14 PM (+bodw)
Unfortunately, when I got there there was a sign on the door that said "Beat it, we're closed"<<<
We're closed. Mooseknuckle out front should have told ya.
Posted by: brothel management at May 18, 2017 10:14 PM (nHbAq)
-Posted by: Steve and Cold Bear at May 18, 2017 10:13 PM (vRcUp)
Yup... lol. Some Democrat gave Miley the victory instead of Your Friendly Neighborhood Slapweasel!
Posted by: Slapweasel, (Cold1) (T) at May 18, 2017 10:14 PM (6gk0M)
Posted by: BEN ROETHLISBERGER at May 18, 2017 10:15 PM (vRcUp)
(rim shot)
Posted by: Secret Square at May 18, 2017 10:15 PM (9WuX0)
Posted by: Amy Shumer at May 18, 2017 10:15 PM (NgKpN)
'cuz I just put up 11k words on my blog. The last one (short story) seemed to attract some attention, so I did it again. I was gonna wait for the Sunday Book Thread.
The blog ain't open yet, I'm still debating it with my other self.
Posted by: Skandia Recluse at May 18, 2017 10:16 PM (mMV/G)
I'm wearing a skirt. But no pants.
Posted by: Miley, the Duchess
---
Go on. . .
am I wearing pants or a skirt?
depends
Posted by: Chelsea Clinton on behalf of her wasted mother at May 18, 2017 10:16 PM (ILitO)
Posted by: Slapweasel, (Cold1) (T) at May 18, 2017 10:11 PM (6gk0M)
Whatwhatwhat?? Now I'm first?
Doesn't seem fair - I didn't earn it...
Posted by: Miley, the Duchess at May 18, 2017 10:16 PM (tHwdc)
Posted by: awkward davies at May 18, 2017 10:16 PM (JsMw3)
"And the guy said, 'Because I can't wipe my ass with Radio Moscow'." - Soviet joke #3 punchline
Posted by: Your Decidedly Devious Uncle Palpatine. Glory to Kekistan! No Longer Accepting Harem Applicants at May 18, 2017 10:17 PM (TwwWO)
Posted by: Slapweasel, (Cold1) (T) at May 18, 2017 10:14 PM (6gk0M)
How the fuck does that work? I saw you hogging the top spot and, iirc, it was quite a little while before anyone else posted. ???
Posted by: Peaches at May 18, 2017 10:17 PM (EgOr3)
Posted by: lindameh now flinging poo at May 18, 2017 10:17 PM (kufk0)
Doesn't seem fair - I didn't earn it..."
-Posted by: Miley, the Duchess at May 18, 2017 10:16 PM (tHwdc)
It is The Joke ONT. It is actually kind-of funny.
Posted by: Slapweasel, (Cold1) (T) at May 18, 2017 10:17 PM (6gk0M)
Posted by: Skandia Recluse at May 18, 2017 10:08 PM (mMV/G)<<<
THEN WHO WAS JOKE!?!?!
Posted by: an indifferent penguin at May 18, 2017 10:18 PM (nHbAq)
Doesn't seem fair - I didn't earn it...
Posted by: Miley, the Duchess at May 18, 2017 10:16 PM (tHwdc)
Life ain't fair. Bonus points for not "First-ing".
Posted by: filbert at May 18, 2017 10:18 PM (s5o+q)
you need to change "get" in number 5 to "bet", it is funnier that way.
also, the way I heard it was Big Daddy, Junior, and the Spook.
very funny.
Posted by: yankeefifth at May 18, 2017 10:18 PM (cPsPa)
What did the homosexual jewish pedophile say?
Hey there, little boy. Wanna buy some candy?
Posted by: mx4 at May 18, 2017 10:18 PM (BVtNb)
Posted by: LASue at May 18, 2017 10:18 PM (CLKfs)
-Posted by: Peaches at May 18, 2017 10:17 PM (EgOr3)
Meh... I don't mind a little rug-pulling by the staff. Keeps me balanced.
Posted by: Slapweasel, (Cold1) (T) at May 18, 2017 10:18 PM (6gk0M)
BTW, it looks like you can't call an opposing pitcher a (I'm guessing) cocksucker any more in MLB.
"And Wu wept."
Posted by: andycanuck at May 18, 2017 10:19 PM (nlbfN)
Posted by: Jack Sock at May 18, 2017 10:19 PM (IDPbH)
Posted by: Skandia Recluse at May 18, 2017 10:19 PM (mMV/G)
An epileptic oysterman shucks between fits.
Posted by: Western Slope Mope at May 18, 2017 10:19 PM (WrMht)
Posted by: Mortimer - Finish Her! at May 18, 2017 10:19 PM (Uxokn)
Life ain't fair. Bonus points for not "First-ing".
Posted by: filbert at May 18, 2017 10:18 PM (s5o+q)
Eh, that's so boring.
Posted by: Miley, the Duchess at May 18, 2017 10:19 PM (tHwdc)
This is the point I was trying to make the other day.
The Communists invented "socialism" which is just a repackaged version of Communism.
Communists also invented the term "Capitalism" to present the other "extreme" or opposite of Communism, as a clever way to pass off "Socialism" as the middle-ground between Communism and Capitalism. Most stupid young people today believe that to be true.
There is Power in language.
Posted by: Soothsayer -- That's class! at May 18, 2017 10:20 PM (w+TcR)
Dave, you're a marvel. Great ONT.
I didn't click the Yoko link, I confess, but I read every word of everything.
Very funny. I needed this after this crappy news day. Thank you.
Posted by: bluebell at May 18, 2017 10:20 PM (UgVwB)
Posted by: Brother Cavil at May 18, 2017 10:20 PM (66CWr)
He made himself an offer he couldn't understand.
Posted by: Semi-engaged Scroller at May 18, 2017 10:21 PM (LQLeS)
Posted by: buzzsaw90 at May 18, 2017 10:21 PM (vChNs)
Posted by: andycanuck at May 18, 2017 10:19 PM (nlbfN)
https://youtu.be/Hk04jBuyO10
Not one of my favorite Steely Dan songs.
"All night long, we would sing that stupid song . . ."
Posted by: filbert at May 18, 2017 10:21 PM (s5o+q)
---
fortunately, no one listens to Jarheads...
Posted by: redc1c4 at May 18, 2017 10:21 PM (mB6Wl)
http://tinyurl.com/myy4mnm
Posted by: mx4 at May 18, 2017 10:21 PM (BVtNb)
the difference between capitalism and communism:
under capitalism it's man exploits man
under communism it's the other way around.
Posted by: mallfly the expert
Cute, but not quite accurate. Under communism the coercion is absolute. It's basically slavery. Under capitalism, there are a variety of different ways people are exploited but it's rarely coercive, and sometimes it can be remedied or deterred (as by suing someone who cheats you).
Posted by: Steve and Cold Bear at May 18, 2017 10:21 PM (vRcUp)
am I wearing pants or a skirt?
depends
Posted by: Chelsea Clinton on behalf of her wasted mother at May 18, 2017 10:16 PM (ILitO)
---
and the 2017 Mark Twain award for humor goes to....
Posted by: buzzsaw90 at May 18, 2017 10:22 PM (vChNs)
Posted by: Peaches at May 18, 2017 10:03 PM (EgOr3)
No pants!
Posted by: Alberta Oil Peon at May 18, 2017 10:22 PM (0deF2)
Do you know why it takes four millennials to change a lightbulb?
'Cause they're stupid & lazy
Posted by: Your Decidedly Devious Uncle Palpatine. Glory to Kekistan! No Longer Accepting Harem Applicants at May 18, 2017 10:22 PM (TwwWO)
Russians Russians Russians Russians
Russians Russians Russians Russians
Hacking Hacking
Russians Russians Russians Russians
Russians Russians Russians Russians
Russians Russians Russians Russians
Hacking Hacking
Russians Russians Russians Russians
Russians Russians Russians Russians
Russians Russians Russians Russians
Hacking! Hacking!
Russians Russians Russians Russians
Russians Russians Russians Russians
Russians Russians Russians Russians
Trump! Truuump! Ohhhh, Truuump! It's Truuuuump!
Posted by: rickl at May 18, 2017 10:23 PM (sdi6R)
Posted by: Western Slope Mope at May 18, 2017 10:23 PM (WrMht)
Posted by: Stolen joke at May 18, 2017 10:23 PM (ZO497)
Posted by: Mallfly Queen of Hoboken at May 18, 2017 10:23 PM (ILitO)
He gave the vendor a $20 bill, which the vendor pocketed. "Do I get any money back?" The Buddha asked.
The vendor replied "Don't you know that change comes from within?"
Posted by: Weirddave at May 18, 2017 10:23 PM (jxEDE)
And they made sure they are reasonably attractive. Hell hath no fury than unintended consequences scorned.
Posted by: Puddleglum at May 18, 2017 10:23 PM (pY+s4)
Semi-engaged Scroller at May 18, 2017 10:21 PM (LQLeS)
I laughed. Don't understand the joke, but I laughed any.
Posted by: Skandia Recluse at May 18, 2017 10:23 PM (mMV/G)
Posted by: andycanuck
Oh where, oh where has my little schlong gone? Oh where, oh where could it be?
Posted by: Brianna Wu at May 18, 2017 10:24 PM (vRcUp)
Posted by: Bertram Cabot, Jr. at May 18, 2017 10:24 PM (IqV8l)
Posted by: Mallfly Queen of Hoboken at May 18, 2017 10:25 PM (ILitO)
Posted by: Semi-engaged Scroller at May 18, 2017 10:25 PM (LQLeS)
Posted by: Bertram Cabot, Jr. at May 18, 2017 10:24 PM (IqV8l)
I'm not a "capitalist."
I'm a "free enterpriser."
There IS a difference.
Posted by: filbert at May 18, 2017 10:25 PM (s5o+q)
Posted by: buzzsaw90 at May 18, 2017 10:22 PM (vChNs)
Dammit man, I almost lost my whiskey with that one.
Posted by: tbodie at May 18, 2017 10:26 PM (+bodw)
Two mothers-in-law would be hell.
Both the women looked sort of cute in the first picture, but then down further, one looks sort of Rachel Maddow-y.
Posted by: publius (not Breitbart publius) at May 18, 2017 10:26 PM (8O3HH)
Posted by: Miley, the Duchess at May 18, 2017 10:26 PM (tHwdc)
Posted by: Meremortal at May 18, 2017 10:26 PM (3myMJ)
would push polygamy. Not through muslim immigrants, but upper
middle-class white liberals: Some guy, his wife, and their shared
girlfriend.
And they made sure they are reasonably attractive. Hell hath no fury than unintended consequences scorned.
Like "Three's Company".
Posted by: tu3031 at May 18, 2017 10:26 PM (qJhUV)
Posted by: Miley, the Duchess at May
so Miley is off to take more naked selfies?
Posted by: yankeefifth at May 18, 2017 10:27 PM (cPsPa)
One has a cunning array of stunts
Posted by: buzzsaw90 at May 18, 2017 10:27 PM (vChNs)
'Cause they're stupid & lazy"
And drunk on pot!
Posted by: Meremortal at May 18, 2017 10:27 PM (3myMJ)
Frankly?
Cruse's best,
IMHO
Brutal. Dark.
Good stuff.
Posted by: Mortimer - Finish Her! at May 18, 2017 10:28 PM (Uxokn)
An epileptic oysterman shucks between fits.
Posted by: Western Slope Mope at May 18, 2017 10:19 PM (WrMht)
Fixed it for you!
Posted by: Alberta Oil Peon at May 18, 2017 10:28 PM (0deF2)
Posted by: Your Decidedly Devious Uncle Palpatine. Glory to Kekistan! No Longer Accepting Harem Applicants at May 18, 2017 10:28 PM (TwwWO)
Posted by: Bertram Cabot, Jr. at May 18, 2017 10:28 PM (IqV8l)
Posted by: yankeefifth at May 18, 2017 10:28 PM (cPsPa)
What did the homosexual jewish pedophile say?
Hey there, little boy. Wanna buy some candy?
Posted by: mx4 at May 18, 2017 10:18 PM (BVtNb)
A Catholic priest and a Jewish rabbi were walking down the street together. They saw a young boy walking in the opposite direction.
The priest said, "I'd like to screw him."
The rabbi said, "Out of what?"
Posted by: rickl at May 18, 2017 10:28 PM (sdi6R)
Posted by: publius (not Breitbart publius) at May 18, 2017 10:28 PM (8O3HH)
https://twitter.com/kbdabear/status/865242274820747264
https://twitter.com/kbdabear/status/865242360774635520
https://twitter.com/kbdabear/status/865242455284822016
https://twitter.com/kbdabear/status/865242558854819841
https://twitter.com/kbdabear/status/865242659329331200
Posted by: kbdabear at May 18, 2017 10:29 PM (AOrEZ)
So a moth goes into a podiatrist's office ...
Posted by: Norm MacDonald at May 18, 2017 10:30 PM (vRcUp)
https://twitter.com/kbdabear/status/865242763960496131
https://twitter.com/kbdabear/status/865242865802391552
https://twitter.com/kbdabear/status/865242964129439744
https://twitter.com/kbdabear/status/865243052784406528
Posted by: kbdabear at May 18, 2017 10:30 PM (AOrEZ)
So let's say you're Job in the Bible. And you own chickens. Your chickens lay eggs, which you sell. After feeding and housing the chickens, and taxes, you make a Profit, which you keep.
That makes you, Job, a Capitalist?? No, it makes you a business owner. But the terms "capitalist/capitalism" was coined to make what you do something Bad.
You can't have Communism unless you can show the alternative Big Bad. Enter: Capitalism.
Posted by: Soothsayer -- That's class! at May 18, 2017 10:30 PM (w+TcR)
and at the end of the meal, the waiter, a good looking black fellow, came to the table and asked if Miles wanted anything else and she said she wanted a coffee.
"and how would you like your coffee?" he asked and she replied "I like my coffee like I like my men."
and the waiter replied, "I'm sorry, but we don't have any gay coffee."
Posted by: Mallfly Queen of Hoboken at May 18, 2017 10:30 PM (ILitO)
Both the women looked sort of cute in the first picture, but then down further, one looks sort of Rachel Maddow-y.
---
his arm is strategically placed in the first photo to hide her gut
Posted by: buzzsaw90 at May 18, 2017 10:30 PM (vChNs)
Posted by: LexisTexas at May 18, 2017 10:31 PM (OVOxt)
Posted by: brothel management at May 18, 2017 10:14 PM
We've reopened. It's a business to do pleasure with you.
Posted by: new brothel management at May 18, 2017 10:31 PM (DMUuz)
Nah, Austin's too blue. I live in Maryland.
And Bluebell, if you had read the link, you wouldn't have posted until about 12.
Posted by: Weirddave at May 18, 2017 10:31 PM (jxEDE)
Posted by: Anonosaurus Wrecks and You're Not at May 18, 2017 10:32 PM (Nwg0u)
Posted by: Country Boy at May 18, 2017 10:32 PM (D2vc1)
What did the homosexual jewish pedophile say?
Hey there, little boy. Wanna buy some candy wholesale?
---
does that make it funnier?
Posted by: buzzsaw90 at May 18, 2017 10:33 PM (vChNs)
Posted by: yankeefifth at May 18, 2017 10:33 PM (cPsPa)
Q: What do you call a hippy who has fallen into the pit under an outhouse?
A: Who cares, piss on him.
Posted by: Inspector Cussword at May 18, 2017 10:33 PM (c1VpD)
Posted by: Jack Sock at May 18, 2017 10:34 PM (IDPbH)
Two brothers, age 5 and 8, decide that it's time to learn how to swear. So the 8 yr old says "you say 'ass', and I'll say 'Hell'. Got it?"
So they run downstairs for breakfast.
Mom turns to the 8 yr old and asks what he's going to have for breakfast.
"Ah Hell, Mom. I'll just have me some Cheerios."
Mom's eyes flash and she backhands him across the mouth. "I don't EVER want to hear you say that again!" And the 8 yr old runs upstairs crying his eyes out.
Mom turns to the 5 yr old, "And what are YOU gonna have for breakfast?"
"I dunno, but you can bet your ass it ain't gonna be Cheerios."
Posted by: IllTemperedCur at May 18, 2017 10:34 PM (quw2O)
Posted by: Mortimer - Finish Her! at May 18, 2017 10:34 PM (Uxokn)
Rousseau supposedly got it rolling, the French revolutionaries took it as a pretext for their own powers, Von Bismarck nationalised it for the Prussian State, and it exploded into being throughout Europe as Anarchism in the late 1800's.
Marxism and Fascism grew out of an attempt to control and modify it for the benefit of the power elite
Marx was only parroting what was generally felt.
Socialism, fascism and communism are the same basic idea, and it means people without freedom, enslaved by the power of the state bent to the benefit of the elite.
There is no reason to put a happy face on it.
Oh, and listen to this lecture by Ralph Raico.
https://youtu.be/IdXj6tnvdZA
Posted by: Kindltot at May 18, 2017 10:34 PM (mkDpn)
Posted by: Your Decidedly Devious Uncle Palpatine. Glory to Kekistan! No Longer Accepting Harem Applicants at May 18, 2017 10:34 PM (TwwWO)
Posted by: LASue at May 18, 2017 10:34 PM (CLKfs)
Posted by: Alcoholic Asshole Shut In at May 18, 2017 10:35 PM (rLs2u)
Ta Da.
Posted by: Jaclyn at May 18, 2017 10:35 PM (PfJ3B)
Posted by: I'm Tucker Carlson and I will destroy you at May 18, 2017 10:35 PM (NGWPz)
Posted by: buzzsaw90 at May 18, 2017 10:36 PM (vChNs)
Posted by: Insomniac, Lord Hurlingbone, Earl of Melancholy at May 18, 2017 10:36 PM (0mRoj)
Posted by: yankeefifth at May 18, 2017 10:33 PM (cPsPa)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WwbnvkMRPKM
Posted by: rickl at May 18, 2017 10:36 PM (sdi6R)
A mischievous little boy is in church, giving his poor mother fits. The preacher decides to quiz the little boy on his religious knowledge. He asks him who made the world, the earth and heaven. The boy says nothing. The mother pulls out a little pin and sticks him with it to make him answer.
The boys answers "God." Then the preacher asks him something else, and the mother again sticks him with the pin.
Then the preacher asks, "Son, what did Eve first say to Adam..." The little boy pipes up and says "If you stick me with that thing again, I'm gonna scream!"
Posted by: publius (not Breitbart publius) at May 18, 2017 10:36 PM (8O3HH)
Posted by: gNewt at May 18, 2017 10:37 PM (HnB/8)
Posted by: Venezuelan Led Zeppelin fan at May 18, 2017 10:37 PM (IqV8l)
Then God kills your chickens and your children...
Posted by: Insomniac, Lord Hurlingbone, Earl of Melancholy at May 18, 2017 10:38 PM (0mRoj)
Posted by: Skandia Recluse at May 18, 2017 10:38 PM (mMV/G)
Looks like .094% errors to me. Close, but no cigar or dildo or Tahiti vacation with Barry and cute Tahitian 14 year old boys.
Posted by: colfax mingo at May 18, 2017 10:38 PM (FLjWH)
----
Communism = Socialism by class
Nazism = Socialism by race
Fascism = Socialism by nation
Posted by: buzzsaw90 at May 18, 2017 10:39 PM (vChNs)
Posted by: Mortimer - Finish Her! at May 18, 2017 10:39 PM (Uxokn)
Posted by: yankeefifth at May 18, 2017 10:33 PM (cPsPa)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WwbnvkMRPKM
Posted by: rickl at May
that's funny
Posted by: yankeefifth at May 18, 2017 10:40 PM (cPsPa)
Trump went to Washington with a mandate to tell the Uniparty to fuck off. He will only lose to the extent that he does not follow that mandate.
No one can make him nominate Lieberman and he should not. He should choose the hardest ass conservative he can and nominate him... and then begin the firings in the FBI right down the chain of command until he lands on a hard ass conservative that already works at the FBI who can then be the acting Director. THEN he should tell every Senator that he will campaign for any primary candidate for any challenge to Republicans who refuse to do their damn job.
Posted by: redbanzai at May 18, 2017 10:40 PM (FTXAT)
Posted by: yankeefifth at May 18, 2017 10:41 PM (cPsPa)
An older nurse corrected her. "Don't you know that two Wongs don't make a white?"
Posted by: buzzsaw90 at May 18, 2017 10:41 PM (vChNs)
Posted by: Jack Sock at May 18, 2017 10:42 PM (IDPbH)
Posted by: Your Decidedly Devious Uncle Palpatine
Why should you always take two Baptists with you when you go fishing? Because if you only take one, he'll drink all your beer.
Posted by: Steve and Cold Bear at May 18, 2017 10:42 PM (vRcUp)
Posted by: Tickled Pink at May 18, 2017 10:42 PM (smD62)
Posted by: Insomniac, Lord Hurlingbone
----
Honest to God, I read this as 'fists'.
I denounce myself.
Posted by: Tonypete at May 18, 2017 10:43 PM (tr2D7)
Posted by: I'm Tucker Carlson and I will destroy you at May 18, 2017 10:43 PM (NGWPz)
Posted by: Darth Randall at May 18, 2017 10:43 PM (6n332)
Posted by: yankeefifth at May 18, 2017 10:43 PM (cPsPa)
it's a steamy one in the midwest.
Posted by: Tickled Pink at May 18, 2017 10:42 PM (smD62)
Not much of a punchline.
Posted by: Insomniac, Lord Hurlingbone, Earl of Melancholy at May 18, 2017 10:43 PM (0mRoj)
Posted by: colfax mingo at May 18, 2017 10:44 PM (FLjWH)
Posted by: Insomniac, Lord Hurlingbone, Earl of Melancholy at May
you got a window, open it.
Posted by: yankeefifth at May 18, 2017 10:44 PM (cPsPa)
A whine cellar.
What's a Jewish woman's favorite wine?
WHEN ARE WE GOING TO FLORIDA?????
Posted by: Country Boy at May 18, 2017 10:44 PM (D2vc1)
Dude says: "Hey, man. What you doin"?
Chinese guy says, "I'm listening to the voices of my ancestors. Watch. And listen."
Chinese guy picks out a flat stone, throws and skims it across the waves. As the stone skips over the surface, it makes sounds: "Ching, Chang Chin, Chung."
Chinese guy: "As I said, those are my ancestors."
Dude says: "Whoa, I'd like to try that." So he picks up a flat rock and flings it side-arm. The rock skims along, and he can hear the sounds as it strikes the water:
"CHIM pan ZEE."
Dude says, "what the hell is that?"
So he grabs a really big, heavy rock and pushes it up in an arc into the ocean. It lands.
"Bah BOON!!"
(go ahead. denounce me. It's still very funny.)
Posted by: Zombie Don Rickles at May 18, 2017 10:44 PM (611Lm)
Posted by: Insomniac, Lord Hurlingbone
----
Honest to God, I read this as 'fists'.
I denounce myself.
Posted by: Tonypete at May 18, 2017 10:43 PM (tr2D7)
Heh. I took great care to make sure I didn't type that by mistake.
Posted by: Insomniac, Lord Hurlingbone, Earl of Melancholy at May 18, 2017 10:45 PM (0mRoj)
Posted by: Tilikum Killer Assault Whale at May 18, 2017 10:45 PM (hVdx9)
sharing of blessings. The inherent virtue of Socialism is the equal
sharing of miseries.
Posted by: Jack Sock at May 18, 2017 10:42 PM (IDPbH)
Then Socialism has no virtue at all since our betters never suffer the same miseries (or are compelled to follow the same laws) as the proles.
Posted by: redbanzai at May 18, 2017 10:45 PM (FTXAT)
Posted by: yankeefifth at May 18, 2017 10:45 PM (cPsPa)
Posted by: Insomniac, Lord Hurlingbone
---
another damned socialist
Posted by: buzzsaw90 at May 18, 2017 10:45 PM (vChNs)
Posted by: yankeefifth at May 18, 2017 10:45 PM (cPsPa)
Posted by: Bertram Cabot, Jr. at May 18, 2017 10:46 PM (IqV8l)
Posted by: Mortimer - Finish Her! at May 18, 2017 10:46 PM (Uxokn)
Posted by: Tilikum Killer Assault Whale at May 18, 2017 10:45 PM (hVdx9)
Yeah, what's up with that?
Posted by: Peaches at May 18, 2017 10:46 PM (EgOr3)
Posted by: JoeF. at May 18, 2017 10:47 PM (89VjS)
Posted by: Insomniac, Lord Hurlingbone, Earl of Melancholy at May 18, 2017 10:47 PM (0mRoj)
Posted by: Peaches at May
wants to spend more time with his families.
Posted by: yankeefifth at May 18, 2017 10:47 PM (cPsPa)
The bartender asks, "What'll you have?"
The skeleton replies, "Gimme a beer...and a mop."
Posted by: Captain Whitebread at May 18, 2017 10:47 PM (rJUlF)
Posted by: Jack Sock at May 18, 2017 10:47 PM (IDPbH)
Posted by: Insomniac, Lord Hurlingbone, Earl of Melancholy at May 18, 2017 10:48 PM (0mRoj)
Posted by: phoenixgirl... at May 18, 2017 10:48 PM (0O7c5)
Posted by: Alcoholic Asshole Shut In at May 18, 2017 10:48 PM (rLs2u)
The East German kid said, "well, we have socialism!"
The West German kid thought for a minute and shouted back, "Well, we'll be getting that too!"
The East German kid muttered back, "Then you won't get chocolate bars and Coca Cola either."
Posted by: Kindltot at May 18, 2017 10:49 PM (mkDpn)
Posted by: yankeefifth at May 18, 2017 10:49 PM (cPsPa)
A skeleton walks into a bar.
The bartender asks, "What'll you have?"
The skeleton replies, "Gimme a beer...and a mop."
Posted by: Captain Whitebread at May 18, 2017 10:47 PM (rJUlF)
Posted by: Alcoholic Asshole Shut In at May 18, 2017 10:49 PM (rLs2u)
"Oh no, not the breathalyzer again!"
Posted by: Deplorable Jay Guevara at May 18, 2017 10:49 PM (SRKgf)
Posted by: yankeefifth at May 18, 2017 10:50 PM (cPsPa)
Posted by: Skandia Recluse at May 18, 2017 10:50 PM (mMV/G)
Posted by: Anonosaurus Wrecks and You're Not at May 18, 2017 10:50 PM (Nwg0u)
Posted by: yankeefifth at May 18, 2017 10:49 PM (cPsPa)
Go for it.
I did.
Posted by: Deplorable Jay Guevara at May 18, 2017 10:50 PM (SRKgf)
I spent the entire day avoiding this doom and gloom and like an idiot, I came back. Looks like I'll be avoiding this place and all the:
1. We're simply fucked.
2. We're beyond doomed.
3. I'M VOTING DEMOCRAT!!!111!!! That'll show 'em.
4. Let's re-fight the 2008 election.
Such an intelligent blog...................
Pfffffffft.
Posted by: Deplorable Flyover 98ZJUSMC at May 18, 2017 10:07 PM (G9MZN)
I'm living my life to the fullest, fuck the Dems.
As a matter of fact, I have been celebrating my 2nd Amendment rights the past 3 months by purchasing some fine American built firearms and ammunition.
Posted by: Ashley Judd's Puffy Scamper, aka MrCaniac at May 18, 2017 10:50 PM (1JnAL)
and we will be lucky to get through it without shots.
Posted by: Skandia Recluse at May
yeah penicillin and tetanus
Posted by: yankeefifth at May 18, 2017 10:51 PM (cPsPa)
Posted by: Insomniac, Lord Hurlingbone, Earl of Melancholy at May 18, 2017 10:51 PM (0mRoj)
Go for it.
I did.
Posted by: Deplorable Jay Guevara at May 18, 2017 10:50 PM (SRKgf)
Until I got to your nic, I thought it was Y5's.
Posted by: Peaches at May 18, 2017 10:51 PM (EgOr3)
I did.
Posted by: Deplorable Jay Guevara at May
yeah that was funny, breathalyzer, but mine is orders of magnitude wronger.
Posted by: yankeefifth at May 18, 2017 10:52 PM (cPsPa)
Beat it. We're closed.
Posted by: Semi-engaged Scroller at May 18, 2017 10:52 PM (LQLeS)
Posted by: josephistan at May 18, 2017 10:52 PM (ANIFC)
Posted by: Meremortal at May 18, 2017 10:52 PM (3myMJ)
Posted by: yankeefifth at May 18, 2017 10:52 PM (cPsPa)
Girlfriend. Either tell it or shut up about it. WTF has happened to the ONT????
Posted by: Peaches at May 18, 2017 10:53 PM (EgOr3)
--
I'm wanting to give thumbs up to #121, but I'm afraid to do it.
Posted by: Skandia Recluse at May 18, 2017 10:53 PM (mMV/G)
Posted by: Cicero (@cicero) at May 18, 2017 10:53 PM (TRzoP)
Posted by: yankeefifth at May 18, 2017 10:52 PM (cPsPa)
Now with THAT kind of build up ...
Posted by: Deplorable Jay Guevara at May 18, 2017 10:53 PM (SRKgf)
Posted by: Jack Sock at May 18, 2017 10:54 PM (IDPbH)
Posted by: Peaches at May
Sister I am just sharing my torment with you. Every time I am about to tell it I wind up thinking, yeah, only bad is going to come of that.
Posted by: yankeefifth at May 18, 2017 10:54 PM (cPsPa)
Posted by: yankeefifth at May 18, 2017 10:54 PM (cPsPa)
Yet another endorsement.
Posted by: Deplorable Jay Guevara at May 18, 2017 10:55 PM (SRKgf)
I love those kind of jokes. The ones where there is no real punchline.
Posted by: Jack Sock at May 18, 2017 10:56 PM (IDPbH)
Posted by: geoffb5 at May 18, 2017 10:56 PM (d3wbb)
Posted by: Mortimer - Finish Her! at May 18, 2017 10:57 PM (Uxokn)
Posted by: yankeefifth at May 18, 2017 10:57 PM (cPsPa)
Posted by: Ladylibertarian at May 18, 2017 10:57 PM (TdMsT)
Posted by: yankeefifth at May 18, 2017 10:58 PM (cPsPa)
A pork-upine.
My 11-year-old daughter made that up.
I was impressed.
Posted by: CCC at May 18, 2017 10:58 PM (Z3wXf)
Posted by: Meremortal at May 18, 2017 11:00 PM (3myMJ)
Good evening my friends on the ONT. I've been laughing like a lunatic at all your jokes, but I can't remember any to share!!!
Love the ONT tonight. I was so down after all the political stuff yesterday, this is the first time I had the courage to venture back.
Posted by: Ladylibertarian at May 18, 2017 11:00 PM (TdMsT)
Posted by: yankeefifth at May 18, 2017 10:54 PM (cPsPa)
Don't do it. I was just fucking with you and I'm sorry.
Posted by: Peaches at May 18, 2017 11:01 PM (EgOr3)
Dad: Who's the president?
3yearOld: BUSH
Dad: But Gore got more votes...
3yearOld: TOUGH!!!
Posted by: buzzsaw90 at May 18, 2017 11:01 PM (vChNs)
A pork-upine.
My 11-year-old daughter made that up.
I was impressed.
----------
$150,000 to start, with 20% of the net.
Posted by: Saturday Night Live at May 18, 2017 11:02 PM (TRzoP)
A pork-upine.
My 11-year-old daughter made that up.
I was impressed.
Posted by: CCC at May 18, 2017 10:58 PM (Z3wXf)<<<
**stolen**
Posted by: Amy Schumer at May 18, 2017 11:02 PM (nHbAq)
Posted by: Peaches at May
Please, it is the ONT, I thought the rule was no broken bones no foul? besides, tomorrow when I go for coffee I can point to the cut on my cheek and say, I got that from a left hook from Peaches.
Posted by: yankeefifth at May 18, 2017 11:02 PM (cPsPa)
What did the elephant say to the naked man?
"How do you breathe through that thing?"
Posted by: CCC at May 18, 2017 11:02 PM (Z3wXf)
Posted by: Bertram Cabot, Jr. at May 18, 2017 11:03 PM (IqV8l)
Posted by: Meremortal at May 18, 2017 11:03 PM (3myMJ)
Posted by: Peaches at May
There is no crying on the ONT! - Tom Hanks
Posted by: yankeefifth at May 18, 2017 11:03 PM (cPsPa)
Posted by: TexasDan at May 18, 2017 11:03 PM (TqXWc)
I will definitely read it.
Posted by: bluebell at May 18, 2017 11:04 PM (sBOL1)
Posted by: phoenixgirl... at May 18, 2017 11:04 PM (0O7c5)
OMG.... you found an unexploded copy of The World's Deadliest Joke! Call the bomb squad STAT!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ienp4J3pW7U
Posted by: Secret Square at May 18, 2017 11:04 PM (9WuX0)
Posted by: Ashley Judd's Puffy Scamper, aka MrCaniac
--------------------
Which reminds me, after the short discussion of the Remington 572 the other night, I popped over to the Remington site where I learned of the RP9. I'm wondering if R51 debacle hasn't tainted things a good bit. The price looks good, $489 MSRP.
http://preview.tinyurl.com/khgj43g
Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc., etc. at May 18, 2017 11:04 PM (OdK9v)
---
It wasn't that funny...
Posted by: buzzsaw90 at May 18, 2017 11:05 PM (vChNs)
Posted by: gNewt at May 18, 2017 11:05 PM (HnB/8)
Posted by: Bertram Cabot, Jr. at May 18, 2017 11:05 PM (IqV8l)
A pork-upine.
My 11-year-old daughter made that up.
I was impressed.
----------
$150,000 to start, with 20% of the net.
I'll let her know. She's funnier than anything they've had on in the last two decades.
Posted by: CCC at May 18, 2017 11:05 PM (Z3wXf)
Posted by: Meremortal at May 18, 2017 11:00 PM (3myMJ)
In Canada, the punchline is: "Dishes CheeBeeChee North".
If you've been north of 60, you'll know why it's funny.
Posted by: Alberta Oil Peon at May 18, 2017 11:05 PM (0deF2)
Posted by: ibguy at May 18, 2017 11:06 PM (vUcdz)
Posted by: buzzsaw90 at May 18, 2017 11:06 PM (vChNs)
I'm not
I'm not.
not
not even
not gonna read it
not not not not gonna read it
I'm not
no
not
never
I have books in my kindle.
Posted by: Skandia Recluse at May 18, 2017 11:06 PM (mMV/G)
Posted by: Tonypete at May 18, 2017 10:09 PM (tr2D7)
Oh that's the Scotsman song.
Posted by: TexasDan at May 18, 2017 11:07 PM (TqXWc)
Hopefully my Pens recover from that shit sandwich of a game last night. They are a pretty banged up hockey club.
Posted by: Puddleglum at May 18, 2017 11:07 PM (pY+s4)
Posted by: an indifferent penguin at May 18, 2017 11:07 PM (nHbAq)
Posted by: Amy Schumer at May 18, 2017 11:07 PM (TRzoP)
Posted by: Ashley Judd's Puffy Scamper, aka MrCaniac
--------------------
Which reminds me, after the short discussion of the Remington 572 the other night, I popped over to the Remington site where I learned of the RP9. I'm wondering if R51 debacle hasn't tainted things a good bit. The price looks good, $489 MSRP.
http://preview.tinyurl.com/khgj43g
Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc., etc. at May 18, 2017 11:04 PM (OdK9v)
CDNN Sports has this for $249.99 net of a $50 rebate.
Posted by: Insomniac, Lord Hurlingbone, Earl of Melancholy at May 18, 2017 11:08 PM (0mRoj)
"Oh My!" the elephant cried. "What will we do?...I can't climb out on my own".
"Don't worry" said the mouse. I'll just run back into town and get my Porsche and we will have you out of there in no time at all."
So the mouse ran back to town and got his Porsche.
When he arrived back at the hole he backed the Porsche up to the edge. The mouse then threw the elephant one end of a chain and secured the other end to the bumper.
"Here we go" the mouse yelled to the elephant as he put the Porsche in gear and pulled the elephant out of the hole.
"Thank you, thank you so much my friend!" said the elephant.
"My pleasure" said the mouse "Should we continue on our walk?"
The elephant agreed, but as he turned toward the mouse his trunk accidentally knocked into the hole.
"Oh my goodness" the elephant wailed, "I'm so so sorry!...Oh, What are we going to do now. I'm too big to fit in your Porsche!"
"Not a problem" the mouse responded "Just throw your dick down here" The elephant trusted the mouse so he threw his dick into the hole and the mouse climbed out on it.
Once he was out the elephant and mouse continued on their walk with no further mishaps.
And the moral of the story is... ?
"If you have a big enough dick you don't need a Porsche!"
so the really funny thing about this joke is that we were out golfing one day and one of the guys in our party told this joke, knowing that another guy in our party had just bought a Porsche. When he was done with the joke the Porsche guy got so mad he walked off the course.
Posted by: yankeefifth at May 18, 2017 11:08 PM (cPsPa)
Posted by: Tonypete at May 18, 2017 10:09 PM (tr2D7)
Oh that's the Scotsman song.
Posted by: TexasDan at May 18, 2017 11:07 PM (TqXWc)
Also Chelsea Clinton's motto.
Posted by: josephistan at May 18, 2017 11:09 PM (ANIFC)
Posted by: Tonypete at May 18, 2017 10:09 PM (tr2D7)
---
story of my life pal
Posted by: The Lovely Chelsea Clinton at May 18, 2017 11:09 PM (vChNs)
Posted by: buzzsaw90 at May
I have never uttered a syllable of it out loud. or typed it either.
Posted by: yankeefifth at May 18, 2017 11:10 PM (cPsPa)
msnbc is cranking out short videos of Fake News for low info voters on Youtube, like 10 a day, all anti-Trump bullshit.
The latest is this one: "Donald Trump Watch: Denile Is The Trump's Game Plan"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=54IwzigHtfY
Posted by: Soothsayer -- That's class! at May 18, 2017 11:11 PM (w+TcR)
Posted by: Soothsayer -- That's class! at May 18, 2017 11:11 PM (w+TcR)
Posted by: an indifferent penguin at May 18, 2017 11:11 PM (nHbAq)
Posted by: Weirddave at May 18, 2017 11:12 PM (jxEDE)
Posted by: Alberta Oil Peon at May 18, 2017 11:05 PM (0deF2)
Not been but I get the drift...
Posted by: Meremortal at May 18, 2017 11:12 PM (3myMJ)
Posted by: Peaches at May 18, 2017 11:12 PM (EgOr3)
The bartender asks, "What'll you have?"
The skeleton replies, "Gimme a beer...and a mop."
Posted by: Captain Whitebread at May 18, 2017 10:47 PM (rJUlF)
that's not funny....
Posted by: Achmed, the Dead Terrorist... at May 18, 2017 11:12 PM (NgKpN)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ZDAYg196x8
Audioslave - I Am the Highway
(RIP Chris Cornell)
Posted by: an indifferent penguin at May 18, 2017 10:12 PM (nHbAq)
RIP indeed, Audioslave in concert circa 2007, one of the best concerts I've ever seen, and I've seen a lot.
Posted by: firehouse at May 18, 2017 11:13 PM (W13WA)
Posted by: an indifferent penguin at May 18, 2017 11:13 PM (nHbAq)
Posted by: The Barrel at May 18, 2017 11:13 PM (ANIFC)
Posted by: Soothsayer -- That's class! at May 18, 2017 11:13 PM (w+TcR)
Posted by: Puddleglum at May 18, 2017 11:13 PM (pY+s4)
Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at May 18, 2017 11:13 PM (4ErVI)
Posted by: Mad Joel at May 18, 2017 11:13 PM (hbILu)
Posted by: yankeefifth at May 18, 2017 11:08 PM (cPsPa)
Heh.
Posted by: rickl at May 18, 2017 11:14 PM (sdi6R)
Posted by: an indifferent penguin at May 18, 2017 11:15 PM (nHbAq)
Doin' the town and doin' it right
In the evenin'
It's pretty pleasin'
Muskrat Susie, muskrat Sam
Do the jitterbug out in muskrat land
And they shimmy
And Sammy's so skinny
And they whirled and they twirled and they tangoed
Singin' and jinglin' the jango
Floatin' like the heavens above
It looks like muskrat love
Nibblin' on bacon, Chewin' on cheese
Sammy says to Suisie "Honey would you please be my missus?"
And she says yes
With her kisses
And now he's ticklin' her fancy
Rubbin' her toes,
Muzzle to muzzle, now anything goes
As they wiggle
And Sue starts to giggle
And they whirled and they twirled and they tangoed
Singin' and jinglin' the jango
Floatin' like the heavens above
It looks like muskrat love
Posted by: The Captain and Denile at May 18, 2017 11:15 PM (TRzoP)
Posted by: lindameh now flinging poo at May 18, 2017 11:16 PM (kufk0)
You forgot, didn't you. That's the game.
The media sucks and their shit's all retarded.
Posted by: Mega at May 18, 2017 11:16 PM (1CtvB)
Posted by: yankeefifth at May 18, 2017 11:16 PM (cPsPa)
msnbc is ironic and they don't even know it -- They are now at the point where President Trump's denial and claim that this is a witch-hunt is PROOF he's guilty.
So, yeah, just like a witch hunt...
Posted by: Soothsayer -- That's class! at May 18, 2017 11:18 PM (w+TcR)
Posted by: yankeefifth at May 18, 2017 10:49 PM (cPsPa)
Go for it.
I did.
Posted by: Deplorable Jay Guevara at May 18, 2017 10:50 PM (SRKgf)
Yeah, go for it.
Posted by: Vrag Naroda at May 18, 2017 11:18 PM (17QyB)
btw, it wouldn't hurt if you clicked on that video and left a "fake news" comment
Posted by: Soothsayer -- That's class! at May 18, 2017 11:18 PM (w+TcR)
A hotel. A room with four strangers. Three of them break into the vodka, get good and drunk, stay up telling political jokes and laughing loudly. The fourth just wants to sleep.
He slips out, goes downstairs, and asks the concierge to send some tea to Room 410 in ten minutes. Then he sneaks back into the room and joins the conversation. After a little while he leans down to an ashtray and says pleasantly, "Comrade Major, some tea please."
In a few minutes there's a knock on the door and the concierge arrives bearing tea. The other three freeze in fear. The party dies, and the man finally gets some sleep.
He wakes up alone. Unnerved, he runs downstairs and asks the concierge where his roommates have gone.
"You don't need to know," she says coldly.
"But what about - what about me?" he asks.
"Oh, you, well - the Comrade Major really liked your tea gag."
Posted by: JPS at May 18, 2017 11:19 PM (9ziuC)
"Doc, Doc, I can't feel my legs. I CAN'T FEEL MY LEGS!!"
Doc comes in to the room and says to the patient in a low voice
"I'm sorry, we had to amputate your arms last night."
Posted by: navybrat at May 18, 2017 11:20 PM (w7KSn)
That's why I haven't been around as much here lately. I love you guys, but I can't take reading about the constant disintegration of this country anymore.
Posted by: Donna&&&&&&V sez the Brewers are NO.1 in the NL Central for the next 15 minutes at May 18, 2017 11:21 PM (P8951)
Posted by: Vrag Naroda at May
dude, I have stored this joke away for years. in a thousand years there is going to be a movie starring Tom Cruise and Sigourney Weaver about someone hacking my conscious and stealing the joke which then unleashes hordes of big toothed mummies that spew acid.
wsa only sharing my joke related dilema, not going to unleash it tonight and scar my soul.
Posted by: yankeefifth at May 18, 2017 11:21 PM (cPsPa)
Posted by: yankeefifth at May 18, 2017 11:22 PM (cPsPa)
msnbc is cranking out short videos of Fake News for low info voters on Youtube, like 10 a day, all anti-Trump bullshit.
The latest is this one: "Donald Trump Watch: Denile Is The Trump's Game Plan"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=54IwzigHtfY
Posted by: Soothsayer -- That's class! at May 18, 2017 11:11 PM (w+TcR)
512 views. Matthews isn't bringing in the ad revenue. Sad!
Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at May 18, 2017 11:22 PM (4ErVI)
Posted by: yankeefifth at May 18, 2017 11:22 PM (cPsPa)
Posted by: yankeefifth at May 18, 2017 11:23 PM (cPsPa)
Posted by: tbodie at May 18, 2017 11:24 PM (+bodw)
Posted by: yankeefifth at May 18, 2017 11:24 PM (cPsPa)
Posted by: Deplorable Ian Galt at May 18, 2017 11:24 PM (8iiMU)
Posted by: Origional Jake at May 18, 2017 11:24 PM (8K/LC)
Posted by: yankeefifth at May 18, 2017 11:24 PM (cPsPa)
Posted by: lindameh now flinging poo
And they've been together for 5 years. And they have an "open" relationship. They still fuck other people. Its all fun and games until one of them introduces STDs to the relationship.
Posted by: Puddleglum at May 18, 2017 11:24 PM (pY+s4)
Posted by: Smokey Bear at May 18, 2017 11:25 PM (bc2Lc)
Posted by: josephistan at May 18, 2017 10:06 PM (ANIFC)
...after losing his highway-painting job, he heard there was work at the power company. Unfortunately, there was another job applicant, and the foreman decided to hold a competition. "Whichever of you can set up more poles for power lines today will be hired," he said.
They returned to the foreman at the end of the day, and he asked how many poles each had placed. "Three," said the guy. "Five," said his competition.
He begged for a second chance, and the foreman relented. On the second day, the foreman again asked how many poles each had planted. "Three," said the guy. "Eight," said his competition.
Again, he begged for another chance, and on the third day, the results were similar. "Three", and "Ten".
After being told he would never get the job, the guy blurted out, "But you have to realize, that other guy is cheating! I snuck over and watched him working today!"
"He's cheating? How?" asked the foreman.
"He's only putting his in halfway!"
Posted by: mikeski at May 18, 2017 11:25 PM (ml2c/)
Posted by: yankeefifth at May 18, 2017 11:25 PM (cPsPa)
Dad says how was school today.
Kid says great, Dad. I got laid today!
Thinking, okay, chip off the old block! But then he says, well, that's good, but don't tell your mother that, she may not approve.
Sure Dad.
Next day, kid comes home.
Dad says, how was school today? Winks and says get laid again?
Kid says no way Dad. My ass hurts too much from yesterday.
Posted by: blaster at May 18, 2017 11:25 PM (HV1LS)
Posted by: Origional Jake at May 18, 2017 11:26 PM (8K/LC)
http://tinypic.com/r/2rgi595/9
Posted by: CaliGirl at May 18, 2017 11:26 PM (Ri/rl)
And then we have Republican Shits like Adam Kinziger R-Il who go on msnbc and say "it's not a witch hunt."
Posted by: Soothsayer -- That's class! at May 18, 2017 11:26 PM (w+TcR)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bqAxcs9lC1U
Posted by: Castle Guy at May 18, 2017 11:26 PM (7aeqx)
Posted by: josephistan at May 18, 2017 10:06 PM (ANIFC)
...after losing his highway-painting job, he heard there was work at the power company. Unfortunately, there was another job applicant, and the foreman decided to hold a competition. "Whichever of you can set up more poles for power lines today will be hired," he said.
They returned to the foreman at the end of the day, and he asked how many poles each had placed. "Three," said the guy. "Five," said his competition.
He begged for a second chance, and the foreman relented. On the second day, the foreman again asked how many poles each had planted. "Three," said the guy. "Eight," said his competition.
Again, he begged for another chance, and on the third day, the results were similar. "Three", and "Ten".
After being told he would never get the job, the guy blurted out, "But you have to realize, that other guy is cheating! I snuck over and watched him working today!"
"He's cheating? How?" asked the foreman.
"He's only putting his in halfway!"
Posted by: mikeski at May
snortle
Posted by: yankeefifth at May 18, 2017 11:26 PM (cPsPa)
(Remove space
https://youtu. be/moAZ3AsyhLU
Posted by: wooga at May 18, 2017 11:26 PM (UP3E5)
So that's the best we can get out of the Republican Shits -- they'll go on TV and say "both sides" need to calm down and let the investigation reach a conclusion.
Posted by: Soothsayer -- That's class! at May 18, 2017 11:28 PM (w+TcR)
Honestly pretty good. Too many stupid jump scare cuts for my taste, but otherwise a pretty good semi-Lovecraft story.
Minus points: footage of Bill Clinton. Not much, and only in the beginning, but enough to be mentioned.
Posted by: BeckoningChasm at May 18, 2017 11:28 PM (MZcWR)
Posted by: Weirddave at May 18, 2017 10:31 PM (jxEDE)
11:24 at the earliest.
Posted by: tbodie at May 18, 2017 11:28 PM (+bodw)
What do you call a girl with one leg? Eileen
What do you call a boy with no legs who sits in a puddle? Bob
What do you call a boy with no legs who sits in a pile of leaves? Russell
What do you call a girl with no arms and no legs who sits on a grill? Patty
What do you call a boy with no arms and no legs who sits on a grill? Frank
Posted by: Nancy at 7000 feet CO at May 18, 2017 11:28 PM (JreH3)
Meanwhile, there's no time in the House for tax reform. There's no time in the Senate for obamacare repeal.
Republicans are In On It.
Posted by: Soothsayer -- That's class! at May 18, 2017 11:29 PM (w+TcR)
@CHSommers 2h
Oh no!!! @ELLEmagazine bloggerette @sadydoyle compares Camille Paglia & me to scary 'Handmaid's Tale' villain.
Posted by: weft cut-loop at May 18, 2017 11:29 PM (udajc)
-----------
Most high dollar car owners are insecure about it. Dr. down the street has a Dino. I always refer to it as a Fiat. He's practically stopped speaking to me.
Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc., etc. at May 18, 2017 11:30 PM (OdK9v)
Posted by: Vrag Naroda at May 18, 2017 11:30 PM (17QyB)
I think I actually turned 30 reading that.
Do you make that whole thing up yourself? That's amazing. You're something else. Very funny.
And, I want a medal or a trophy or something. I read the whole thing on my phone.
Posted by: bluebell at May 18, 2017 11:30 PM (UgVwB)
she did get knocked up by some illegal alien drug dealer but otherwise.
Posted by: yankeefifth at May 18, 2017 11:31 PM (cPsPa)
Posted by: Diogenes at May 18, 2017 11:32 PM (J+Qkj)
my question is how do the fine ladies reapply the tape after a pit-stop.
electrical tape no stick well
now gorilla tape, that sticks like a mutha fucka
Posted by: Origional Jake at May 18, 2017 11:32 PM (8K/LC)
Most high dollar car owners are insecure about it. Dr. down the street has a Dino. I always refer to it as a Fiat. He's practically stopped speaking to me.
Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc., etc. at May
yeah, never really believed there was really an element of compensation in it but there is. calling his dino a fiat is hilarious.
Posted by: yankeefifth at May 18, 2017 11:33 PM (cPsPa)
STANDING IN THE FOYER OF THE CHURCH STARING UP AT A LARGE PLAQUE. IT WAS
COVERED WITH NAMES WITH SMALL U.S.A. FLAGS MOUNTED ON EITHER SIDE OF IT.
>
>
THE SEVEN YEAR OLD HAD BEEN STARING AT THE PLAQUE FOR SOMETIME,
SO THE PASTOR WALKED UP, STOOD BESIDE THE LITTLE BOY, AND SAID QUIETLY,
"GOOD MORNING ALEX."
>
"GOOD MORNING," HE REPLIED, STILL FOCUSED ON THE PLAQUE.
"WHAT IS THIS?" HE ASKED THE PASTOR.
>
THE PREACHER SAID, "WELL, SON, IT'S A MEMORIAL TO ALL THE YOUNG MEN AND
WOMEN FROM OUR CHURCH WHO DIED IN THE SERVICE."
>
SOBERLY, THEY JUST STOOD TOGETHER, STARING AT THE LARGE PLAQUE.
>
FINALLY, LITTLE ALEX'S VOICE, BARELY AUDIBLE AND TREMBLING WITH FEAR, ASKED,
"WHICH SERVICE, THE 9:45 OR THE 11:15?"
>
Posted by: free tibet, with purchase of equal or greater value tibet at May 18, 2017 11:33 PM (CL76w)
What do you call a girl with one leg? Eileen
What do you call a boy with no legs who sits in a puddle? Bob
What do you call a boy with no legs who sits in a pile of leaves? Russell
What do you call a girl with no arms and no legs who sits on a grill? Patty
What do you call a boy with no arms and no legs who sits on a grill? Frank
What do you call a Japanese girl with one leg? Irene
Posted by: buzzsaw90 at May 18, 2017 11:33 PM (vChNs)
The Republican Jerkoff who lost to Charlie Crist last Novemember, former Rep David Jolly, has made his full time job to go on msnbc and talk shit about President Trump.
Jolly says "Trump is done."
Posted by: Soothsayer -- That's class! at May 18, 2017 11:34 PM (w+TcR)
but I can't take reading about the constant disintegration of this
country anymore.
------------------------
Donna... the country is not disintegrating. The media is conducting psychological warfare... think Tokyo Rose on every channel every minute of every day... and it is unfortunately working on many of us.
Mind you, this warfare has been going on a while. It went on through the Obama years, then the whole election, and they will never stop. It is a straight up demoralization campaign. What you are feeling is their intention. It is targeted. They have spent billions of dollars studying how to break us.
Remember: If they are still trying to bring down Trump, it means he is still working for the people. The moment he sells out is the moment we get measured tones and complimentary nods from our enemies about him.
Posted by: Mega at May 18, 2017 11:34 PM (1CtvB)
Posted by: yankeefifth at May 18, 2017 11:34 PM (cPsPa)
Posted by: Diogenes at May 18, 2017 11:32 PM (J+Qkj)
......
not supposed to drive with your butt, Bob
Posted by: Origional Jake at May 18, 2017 11:35 PM (8K/LC)
Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc., etc.
What's the difference between a BMW and a cactus?
A cactus has pricks on the outside.
Posted by: mikeski at May 18, 2017 11:35 PM (ml2c/)
Posted by: Semi-engaged Scroller at May 18, 2017 11:36 PM (LQLeS)
What do you call a girl with one leg? Eileen
What do you call a boy with no legs who sits in a puddle? Bob
What do you call a boy with no legs who sits in a pile of leaves? Russell
What do you call a girl with no arms and no legs who sits on a grill? Patty
What do you call a boy with no arms and no legs who sits on a grill? Frank
What do you call a Japanese girl with one leg? Irene
WDYC two guys with no arms and no legs hanging on the wall? Curt 'n Rod.
Posted by: mikeski at May 18, 2017 11:36 PM (ml2c/)
What do you call a girl with one leg? Eileen
What do you call a boy with no legs who sits in a puddle? Bob
What do you call a boy with no legs who sits in a pile of leaves? Russell
What do you call a girl with no arms and no legs who sits on a grill? Patty
What do you call a boy with no arms and no legs who sits on a grill? Frank
What do you call a Japanese girl with one leg? Irene
WDYC two guys with no arms and no legs hanging on the wall? Curt 'n Rod.
Posted by: mikeski at May
skip
bob
Posted by: yankeefifth at May 18, 2017 11:37 PM (cPsPa)
Posted by: Semi-engaged Scroller at May 18, 2017 11:37 PM (LQLeS)
Who professed to lack sexual feeling
Till a cynic named Boris
Merely touched her clitoris
And she had to be scraped from the ceiling.
Posted by: Semi-engaged Scroller at May 18, 2017 11:39 PM (LQLeS)
CDNN Sports has this for $249.99 net of a $50 rebate.
Posted by: Insomniac
--------------
Pretty durn cheap. Almost worth buying just to try. I haven't read any reviews.
Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc., etc. at May 18, 2017 11:39 PM (OdK9v)
Posted by: t-bird at May 18, 2017 11:41 PM (/wWB4)
Posted by: Funkotron at May 18, 2017 11:41 PM (Akol+)
Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc., etc. at May 18, 2017 11:30 PM (OdK9v)
What's a Dino?
Posted by: CaliGirl at May 18, 2017 11:41 PM (Ri/rl)
A pork-upine.
My 11-year-old daughter made that up.
I was impressed.
-
When my eldest daughter was five or six we went on a picnic and our cooler cracked getting ice water all over the car. "It's Abraham Leaking!" she said.
Posted by: Anonosaurus Wrecks and You're Not at May 18, 2017 11:42 PM (Nwg0u)
Posted by: chavez the hugo at May 18, 2017 11:43 PM (KP5rU)
Posted by: Diogenes at May 18, 2017 11:43 PM (J+Qkj)
Cause if it had 4 doors it would be a chicken sedan
That's a read aloud joke
Posted by: Mst3k at May 18, 2017 11:44 PM (SbaWv)
Posted by: yankeefifth
------------
Yeah. On the rare encounter with a 914 owner, I usually say, "Oh, yeah. The one that they sold as a Volkswagen in Europe".
Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc., etc. at May 18, 2017 11:44 PM (OdK9v)
Posted by: Mst3k at May 18, 2017 11:44 PM (SbaWv)
Snotzies.
Posted by: Diogenes
I thought that was hilarious when I was young but had no idea what nazis were.
Posted by: weft cut-loop at May 18, 2017 11:45 PM (udajc)
What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?
You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.
Posted by: Nathan R. Jessup at May 18, 2017 11:46 PM (6sBpp)
What's a Dino?
Posted by: CaliGirl
----------
Car badged, and sold, as a Fiat in Europe. Re-badged and sold as a Ferrari in the U.S.
Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc., etc. at May 18, 2017 11:47 PM (OdK9v)
Posted by: Iron Mike Golf at May 18, 2017 11:47 PM (di1hb)
Posted by: Diogenes at May 18, 2017 11:32 PM (J+Qkj)
......
not supposed to drive with your butt, Bob
******
But I'm in SoCal. I thought I'd fit right in.
Posted by: Diogenes at May 18, 2017 11:48 PM (J+Qkj)
Most high dollar car owners are insecure about it. Dr. down the street has a Dino. I always refer to it as a Fiat. He's practically stopped speaking to me.
Meh, I dunno. I bought a BMW last year, because I wanted one and because I worked 20 damn years to be able to afford one. Runs like a watch, goes around corners like it's on rails, and if it less than 95 degrees out the drop top makes driving a simple joy.
You can call it anything you want, I don't give a shit, I didn't buy it for you, I bought it for me.
Posted by: Weirddave at May 18, 2017 11:48 PM (jxEDE)
Heinlein had St. Peter do just that, in Job: A Comedy of Justice.
Posted by: Zapp Branigan at May 18, 2017 11:49 PM (i8mbD)
Bartender says hey you know you have a wheel in your pants?
Pirate says Arrr! It's drivin me nuts!
Posted by: Mst3k at May 18, 2017 11:49 PM (SbaWv)
Snotzies.
Posted by: Diogenes
I thought that was hilarious when I was young but had no idea what nazis were.
****
It was my daughter's first joke. I thought it was funny particularly since we were living in Germany at the time.
Posted by: Diogenes at May 18, 2017 11:50 PM (J+Qkj)
Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc., etc
------------
Or, a 924 owner, "Oh,yeah. The one with the Audi truck engine."
Or, a 944 owner, "Oh, yeah, the one with the engine they licensed from Mitsubishi."
I've been insulting snobby car owners for years.
Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc., etc. at May 18, 2017 11:51 PM (OdK9v)
I'll probably need to read this again tomorrow morning before I go scrape freaking SNOW off my windshield.
Global Warming? Would you like your size 14 suppository lubed or un-lubed? To slow, un-lubed it is!
Posted by: AdamPM at May 18, 2017 11:51 PM (6l1wz)
Posted by: westminsterdogshow at May 18, 2017 11:51 PM (mMeIQ)
Do you think you can put me up for the night?
You screw my mom, why can't I screw yours?
Posted by: Tilikum Killer Assault Whale at May 18, 2017 11:51 PM (hVdx9)
Posted by: Ladylibertarian at May 18, 2017 11:54 PM (TdMsT)
Posted by: an indifferent penguin at May 18, 2017 11:54 PM (nHbAq)
About 8 years ago I told Mrs Diogenes that I'd reached that point in life where I was ready for a sports car or a hot blonde. She thought a moment then informed me that both will get me taken to the cleaners, only one will get me a ride home.
I scored a beautiful 330 ci. And yeah...corners like it's on rails!!!
Posted by: Diogenes at May 18, 2017 11:55 PM (J+Qkj)
Posted by: an indifferent penguin at May 18, 2017 11:54 PM (nHbAq)
Comedian Amy Schumer.
... wait... that's not funny.
Posted by: Amy Schumer at May 18, 2017 11:56 PM (nHbAq)
I mean, it's unsettling, but, in a way, flattering.
Posted by: Merovign, Dark Lord of the Sith at May 18, 2017 11:56 PM (wB8Tg)
Posted by: Origional Jake at May 18, 2017 11:57 PM (8K/LC)
Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc., etc. at May 18, 2017 11:30 PM (OdK9v)
What's a Dino?
Posted by: CaliGirl at May 18, 2017 11:41 PM (Ri/rl)
It's...complicated. Originally a Ferrari entry-level sub-brand named after Enzo Ferrari's son. The first model had a 2.4 liter V6 246 GT, and the second was 3.0 liter V8 308GT4 that eventually was branded a Ferrari. The brand disappeared after only a few years. They eventually ended up with a lower-cost Ferrari, the 308GTS - Magnum PI's car.
https://ateupwithmotor.com/model-histories/ferrari-dino-308gt4/
Funny thing is, there is *also* a Fiat Dino - it's a 4-seat coupe built by fiat that uses the same 2.4 liter V6.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fiat_Dino
Posted by: Vrag Naroda at May 18, 2017 11:57 PM (17QyB)
Posted by: E.T. at May 18, 2017 11:57 PM (P1GJy)
The guy says to his dog, "What is the thing that is over your doghouse?"
The dog says "Roof."
"And what does sandpaper feel like?"
"Rough."
And who was the greatest baseball player ever?"
"Ruth."
The bartender says, "Ah, you're fulla crap. Get outta here."
When they leave the bar, the dog says, "Gee, maybe I should have said DiMaggio instead."
Posted by: Donna&&&&&&V sez the Brewers are NO.1 in the NL Central for the next 15 minutes at May 18, 2017 11:58 PM (P8951)
Just wanted to send a shout out to J.J. Sefton - the morning report text really resonated with me and is a good summary of how I have been feeling lately: stunned, amazed, disheartened. Highly recommend reading is the Daniel Greenfield piece as he knocks yet another one out of the park - spot on.
It's a daily, relentless smear campaign that will seemingly never end with today's absurd example being:
U.S. SPIES HEARD RUSSIAN INTEL BRAG ABOUT TARGETING HILLARY
...senior intelligence officials tell TIME...
beyond ludicrous.
Posted by: Nathan R. Jessup at May 18, 2017 11:59 PM (6sBpp)
A grasshopper walks into a bar, sits down and orders a drink. The
bartender says "hey, we have a drink named after you"...the grasshopper
says "you have a drink named steve?"....
I've heard this joke a million times, and his name is always Steve. Why? Are all grasshoppers named Steve?
Posted by: Weirddave at May 18, 2017 11:59 PM (jxEDE)
I scored a beautiful 330 ci. And yeah...corners like it's on rails!!!
Posted by: Diogenes at May
so, why didn't she just dye her hair blonde?
Posted by: yankeefifth at May 18, 2017 11:59 PM (cPsPa)
Posted by: NCKate at May 18, 2017 11:59 PM (AUHZ3)
4'11 A+ 110IQ Whitebread
Kim Guilfoyle:
5'6" Solid D 125IQ Irish / Puerto Rican
I know who I'd pick
Posted by: Ignoramus at May 19, 2017 12:00 AM (pV/54)
Posted by: ibguy at May 19, 2017 12:00 AM (vUcdz)
Posted by: tbodie at May 19, 2017 12:01 AM (+bodw)
4'11 A+ 105IQ Whitebread
Kim Guilfoyle:
5'6" Solid D 125IQ Irish / Puerto Rican
I know who I'd pick
Posted by: Ignoramus at May 19, 2017 12:01 AM (pV/54)
4'11 A+ 110IQ Whitebread
Kim Guilfoyle:
5'6" Solid D 125IQ Irish / Puerto Rican
I know who I'd pick
*****
The one who didn't bitch every time I left to go play golf.
Posted by: Diogenes at May 19, 2017 12:02 AM (J+Qkj)
Posted by: Aetius451AD's work phone at May 19, 2017 12:02 AM (AEOkY)
You can call it anything you want, I don't give a shit, I didn't buy it for you, I bought it for me.
Posted by: Weirddave at May
not to be a dick but most BMWs are not high dollar cars. I think he mostly means high dollar sports car owners, meaning two doors. there is something about the guy who has reached the point where he can afford a six figure car and still feels the need to buy a six figure car.
Posted by: yankeefifth at May 19, 2017 12:02 AM (cPsPa)
Posted by: Weirddave at May 18, 2017 11:59 PM (jxEDE)<<<
Don't think so.
Posted by: Kwai Chang Caine at May 19, 2017 12:03 AM (nHbAq)
Posted by: yankeefifth at May 19, 2017 12:04 AM (cPsPa)
Posted by: yankeefifth at May 19, 2017 12:05 AM (cPsPa)
The focus this time: Hissy Fits for Justice!
http://politicalhat.com/?p=13459
Posted by: The Political Hat at May 19, 2017 12:06 AM (vBeA5)
Posted by: Bertram Cabot, Jr. at May 19, 2017 12:06 AM (IqV8l)
Posted by: yankeefifth at May 19, 2017 12:07 AM (cPsPa)
Posted by: Aetius451AD's work phone at May 19, 2017 12:07 AM (AEOkY)
Seems simplistic, but how many are out there?
Posted by: RM at May 19, 2017 12:08 AM (TEpOb)
Posted by: Hillary! 2016 at May 19, 2017 12:10 AM (TRzoP)
is that a thing now? I thought it was just hanging and firing squads.
Posted by: yankeefifth at May 19, 2017 12:11 AM (cPsPa)
Posted by: RM
Other than retired Feds, NY and CA state level investigators.
All in all, not an set of a-political people, imho.
Still wonder why Rudi wasn't slotted for something before.
Posted by: weft cut-loop at May 19, 2017 12:11 AM (udajc)
Posted by: yankeefifth at May 19, 2017 12:12 AM (cPsPa)
Posted by: yankeefifth at May 19, 2017 12:12 AM (cPsPa)
Discussed on an earlier thread.
Mueller can only go after things in his Russian connection mandate, else he has to go back to the AG (now the #2, because of Sessions' recusal).
I don't think Mueller can go after the leakers, because it's not in his mandate. That's for Sessions and the new FBI head.
That part gives me a woodie. Someday, hopefully a Schadenboner
Posted by: Ignoramus at May 19, 2017 12:13 AM (pV/54)
Posted by: Diogenes at May 19, 2017 12:14 AM (J+Qkj)
That part gives me a woodie. Someday, hopefully a Schadenboner
Posted by: Ignoramus
At a bare, wishful minimum, he can include any Clintoon perfidy in his report, yes?
Posted by: weft cut-loop at May 19, 2017 12:15 AM (udajc)
Posted by: Zombie Don Rickles at May 19, 2017 12:16 AM (611Lm)
Posted by: Weirddave at May 18, 2017 11:59 PM (jxEDE)
Don't think so.
Posted by: Kwai Chang Caine at May 19, 2017 12:03 AM (nHbAq)
*****
Friggin' thread winner, this!
Posted by: Diogenes at May 19, 2017 12:16 AM (J+Qkj)
That's for Sessions and the new FBI head
Posted by: Ignoramus at May 19, 2017 12:17 AM (pV/54)
A couple of years goes by and she wasn't getting any action.
She puts out a personal ad. "Man wanted for matrimony. No physical abuse tolerated. Must be able to satisfy me in the bedroom."
A week later, her doorbell rings.
She opens the door, and there, on the doormat is a guy with no arms or legs.
"May I help you?" asks the lady divorcee.
"I'm here about your personal ad" says the man on the doormat.
"Well, you're not exactly what I had in mind..." says the lady.
"I know what you're thinking" says the man on the doormat. "But consider this, I have no arms, I can't beat you, I have no legs, I can't kick you."
"But" asks the lady "can you satisfy me in the bedroom?"
"Well" says the guy on the doormat
"I rang your doorbell, didn't I?"
Posted by: navybrat at May 19, 2017 12:18 AM (w7KSn)
Posted by: Country Boy at May 19, 2017 12:19 AM (Jcg9Q)
Posted by: westminsterdogshow at May 19, 2017 12:20 AM (mMeIQ)
Posted by: Country Boy at May 19, 2017 12:23 AM (Jcg9Q)
Posted by: Country Boy at May 19, 2017 12:19 AM (Jcg9Q)
The offending post is at 258, in case a cob is reading.
Posted by: Insomniac, Lord Hurlingbone, Earl of Melancholy at May 19, 2017 12:27 AM (0mRoj)
Posted by: tbodie at May 19, 2017 12:28 AM (+bodw)
Ultra performance cars are very similar to buying an Ed Brown 1911 in .45 ACP, or a Wilson Combat AR-15, or an Accuracy International boltie in .308.
They're all lost on the amateur, without concurrent investments in training, practice, training and more practice. And repeat.
Back in my cop days, I chased-down an asswit who was driving a late '70s Corvette, while I was driving an '81 Malibu with the police package.
His car was faster, accelerated harder, cornered better.
But he couldn't drive as well as I could.
He wrecked out on a telephone pole. I was there to greet him when he opened his car door.
Jackie Stewart actually is the originator of the phrase, "slow is smooth, and smooth is fast".
My driving instructor had gone through Stewart's instruction in the U.K.
That advise applies to shooting, too.
Aim small, Horde.
Jim
Sunk New Dawn
Galveston, TX
Posted by: Jim at May 19, 2017 12:28 AM (v5iqM)
Posted by: Insomniac, Lord Hurlingbone, Earl of Melancholy at May 19, 2017 12:28 AM (0mRoj)
Posted by: yankeefifth at May 19, 2017 12:31 AM (cPsPa)
-- Vladimir Ilyich Lenin
He also said the bit about we selling him the rope to hang us all with..........
How about we bury them in the holes they have dug for themselves....?
Sounds like Boomer Spirit.........
Posted by: Nightwatch at May 19, 2017 12:34 AM (kFkpX)
Posted by: redc1c4 at May 19, 2017 12:34 AM (mB6Wl)
Dana Perino:
4'11 A+ 110IQ Whitebread
Kim Guilfoyle:
5'6" Solid D 125IQ Irish / Puerto Rican
I know who I'd pickPosted by: Ignoramus at May 19, 2017 12:00 AM (pV/54)
---
Kay Parker...
next question please.
Posted by: redc1c4 at May 19, 2017 12:40 AM (mB6Wl)
A queer communist foreign national illegally in the United States has openly called for racially motivated violence after winning an award by the University of California, Berkeley for leadership amongst illegal aliens including helping fellow foreign nationals illegally present in this country with legal support and financial aid.
http://politicalhat.com/?p=13427
Posted by: The Political Hat at May 19, 2017 12:41 AM (vBeA5)
Posted by: redc1c4 at May 19, 2017 12:34 AM (mB6Wl)
Bullshit, sir. Respectfully. Or otherwise, they wouldn't be equipping various SAW, GPMG and heavier auto weapon systems with various EOTECH and ACOG derived Red Dot sight systems.
Hathcock set an only recently surpassed long-range sniper kill, from an M-2 Browning heavy machine gun, equipped with a late '60s Leupold sniper scope. His deft touch on the firing butterfly enabled the "single shot" precision required for the feat. That shot was just over one mine, IIRC.
Today's General Purpose Machine Gun can deliver about 1/4 the dispersed Cone of Fire of it's M-60 Pig, Vietnam era counterpart.
It is Aiming Small, and delivering such.
Jim
Sunk New Dawn
Galveston, TX
Posted by: Jim at May 19, 2017 12:42 AM (v5iqM)
Posted by: The Political Hat at May 19, 2017 12:42 AM (vBeA5)
Maybe in a Americas funniest home video way, but I am tired of taking the groin shot for someone else's amusement.
Posted by: Bete the deplorable at May 19, 2017 12:43 AM (Ojki1)
Posted by: tcn in AK at May 19, 2017 12:44 AM (NXsWM)
Posted by: Who Was Phone? at May 19, 2017 12:48 AM (VnxtC)
Posted by: Jim at May 19, 2017 12:49 AM (v5iqM)
---
Kay Parker...
next question please.
Posted by: redc1c4 at May 19, 2017 12:40 AM (mB6Wl)
Andrea Tantaros.
Posted by: Country Boy at May 19, 2017 12:55 AM (Jcg9Q)
Posted by: Mary Clogginstien from Brattleboro, VT at May 19, 2017 12:56 AM (WmgTn)
Posted by: Venezuelan Led Zeppelin fan
Where's that confounded sausage?
Posted by: Venezuelan Led Zeppelin super fan at May 19, 2017 01:00 AM (LMcFk)
Posted by: Country Boy at May 19, 2017 01:03 AM (Jcg9Q)
Posted by: Mary Clogginstien from Brattleboro, VT at May 19, 2017 12:56 AM (WmgTn)
But the joke's not on you, Mary. Probably on Melania about now.
I wonder if cats like peanut butter?
Posted by: Alberta Oil Peon at May 19, 2017 01:03 AM (0deF2)
Posted by: Colorado Alex in Exile at May 19, 2017 01:05 AM (3SEpW)
Two old pensioners are sitting in Gorky Park reading Prada. One comrade comes to a huge article about cabbage. Four pages. Pictures of young pioneers bringing in the harvest. Smiling collective farmers out in the field. Recipes. Statistics of the record year and tips on preparation and where to find the best cabbage.
He folds up his paper, and says, "Well, tovarich, I see the wheat crop failed again."
And that joke is the companion to Kevin Williamson's article two days ago called "How to Read the Newspaper". Because our media is now worse than Soviet propaganda, and serves the same evil ideology.
Posted by: Bluesman at May 19, 2017 01:06 AM (5fP0D)
Posted by: Colorado Alex in Exile at May 19, 2017 01:06 AM (3SEpW)
Posted by: Bluesman at May 19, 2017 01:07 AM (5fP0D)
Mueller can only go after things in his Russian connection mandate, else
he has to go back to the AG (now the #2, because of Sessions' recusal).
Comment not directed at you personally, but the situation. How delicate we must be in the swamp filled with alligators ==Mueller on a leash. Sessions' recusal, forces it to the AG. Heck Sessions is DOJ he may be recused but what's to prevent him from installing a new #2. But then again if Lieberman is a serious consideration what's the point. 2 cents. End.
I can never remember jokes. Appreciate them. The beauty of that is I can reread them and appreciate them over and over.
Posted by: gracepc at May 19, 2017 01:09 AM (OU4q6)
Posted by: Colorado Alex in Exile at May 19, 2017 01:06 AM (3SEpW)
---------
*gulp*
Posted by: Cicero (@cicero) at May 19, 2017 01:09 AM (TRzoP)
Posted by: Alberta Oil Peon at May 19, 2017 01:13 AM (0deF2)
Posted by: Weirddave at May 19, 2017 01:16 AM (jxEDE)
Posted by: OneEyedJack at May 19, 2017 01:17 AM (z79tQ)
Posted by: OneEyedJack at May 19, 2017 01:17 AM (z79tQ)
Posted by: OneEyedJack at May 19, 2017 01:19 AM (z79tQ)
Posted by: OneEyedJack at May 19, 2017 01:20 AM (z79tQ)
what exactly to do after the coup?
the left has been winning at least since fdr threatened to pack the court, because we won't fight fire with fire because we're nice, naive rule-followers. What do we do about it? I don't want to form an Antifa of the right. What do we do?
please don't say more donations, you buncha milquetoasts...
Posted by: spoonfeed me at May 19, 2017 01:23 AM (tJ4VQ)
Posted by: Adriane the Good Humor Critic ... at May 19, 2017 01:26 AM (AoK0a)
-Posted by: spoonfeed me at May 19, 2017 01:23 AM (tJ4VQ)
#1. Dominate.
#2. Shoot the wounded?
I'm just spitballin', here.
Posted by: Slapweasel, (Cold1) (T) at May 19, 2017 01:27 AM (6gk0M)
night
Posted by: JEM at May 19, 2017 01:28 AM (TppKb)
Posted by: spoonfeed me at May 19, 2017 01:23 AM (tJ4VQ)
you say "after the coup", not before.
You're unwilling to meet them on their own terms.
We're the milquetoasts
hmmmm...
Posted by: OneEyedJack at May 19, 2017 01:30 AM (z79tQ)
Posted by: Slapweasel, (Cold1) (T) at May 19, 2017 01:31 AM (6gk0M)
We can't, because I believe it won't.
It'll be another Governmental, 'investigational' dead-end.
So there's that.
Otherwise? Pray the shootin' stops sooner rather than later.
Posted by: Slapweasel, (Cold1) (T) at May 19, 2017 01:35 AM (6gk0M)
The rabbi was having a bad day on the greens and as usual knocked the ball right past the hole -- so he yelled, "Shit, missed again!"
The minister was shocked that a holy man could use such language, but to be polite he didn't say anything about it.
But on the very next hole the rabbi flubbed the putt, and yelled, "Shit, missed again!"
The minister couldn't take it any more. He scolded the rabbi, "If you swear like that one more time, God will strike you down!"
The rabbi grumbled and stomped off to the next tee. But just as before, when he got to the green, his putt sailed past the hole, and he yelled even louder this time, "Shit, missed again!"
Immediately the sky darkened. Clouds rolled in from nowhere. And in a devastating flash, a lightning bolt came down from the heavens -- and struck the minister dead.
A deep, thunderous voice emanated from on high and echoed across the golf course: "Shit, missed again!"
Posted by: zombie at May 19, 2017 01:37 AM (DQ4Fv)
There's a good argument that the coup has happened. But as long as the lights are on and there's food to eat..
Posted by: OneEyedJack at May 19, 2017 01:40 AM (z79tQ)
Posted by: OneEyedJack at May 19, 2017 01:42 AM (z79tQ)
Posted by: OneEyedJack at May 19, 2017 01:44 AM (z79tQ)
"We'll gulp air, swim under them, expel it and capsize that damned boat!"
The plan is executed flawlessly as the vessel is capsized.
As some of the fishermen swim their way toward a shoreline, the male whale says:
"We've got to go eat them. They shouldn't survive!"
The female whale stops dead in her tracks and says:
"Listen, I was fine with the Blow-Job, but if you think I'm swallowing seamen, you're out of your mind.
Posted by: Slapweasel, (Cold1) (T) at May 19, 2017 01:53 AM (6gk0M)
Posted by: The Gipper Lives at May 19, 2017 02:02 AM (Ndje9)
to Miley and will gladly fund a cigar, a dildo, or a vacation with cute
14 year old Tahitian boys to make amends.
Posted by: colfax mingo at May 18, 2017 10:44 PM (FLjWH)
I wrote "BD" instead of "BC." So yeah, typo.
Are those the only choices I have? No cash awards?
Posted by: Miley, the Duchess at May 19, 2017 02:04 AM (tHwdc)
They were waiting to hitch to the next town when a lone hobo came up the road.
His mate said, "do you have a penny for our trip?," mocking the hobo.
The hobo walked past, and dropped some change near the kids, and walked on. No acknowledgement or anything.
Oh... yeah, jokes.
Posted by: weft cut-loop at May 19, 2017 02:11 AM (udajc)
Posted by: OneEyedJack at May 19, 2017 01:40 AM (z79tQ)
The coup is in the process of happening. It'll be official when Trump is voted out of office in a pure political witch hunt that has never produced any evidence of a crime.
Posted by: Cato the Rebel Without a Party at May 19, 2017 02:12 AM (J+mig)
Posted by: Slapweasel, (Cold1) (T) at May 19, 2017 02:13 AM (6gk0M)
Posted by: Cato the Rebel Without a Party at May 19, 2017 02:13 AM (J+mig)
You're unwilling to meet them on their own terms.
We're the milquetoasts
hmmmm...
Posted by: OneEyedJack at May 19, 2017 01:30 AM (z79tQ)
Curious what I wrote that made you conclude I'm not willing to meet them on their own terms.
I said "after" referring to the, um, previous post.
Otherwise completely avoided any substantive response.
Awesome.
Posted by: spoonfeed me at May 19, 2017 02:14 AM (tJ4VQ)
"Man, tough day at work today."
"Oh?" says his wife.
"Carl got pulled into the upholstery machine."
"Oh my God! What happened to him? Will he be OK?"
"Yeah, he's fully recovered."
Posted by: Average Guy at May 19, 2017 02:25 AM (LMcFk)
Terrible day here. At work a kinda cow orker had to leave because her mother in the hospital had problems, thought she was on the way out.
Then found found out an old friend, old board member is basically missing. She fell the other day, aged 80+. The library where she worked called a welfare check when she didn't show up.
She was stuck on the floor between her couch and a coffee table. They took her to the hospital and she was in for a couple of days.
To top it off they condemned her home. She has serious health issues and now no one knows where she is now after being kicked out of her home. This is crazy.
Posted by: Farmer at May 19, 2017 02:28 AM (o/90i)
Posted by: Shopgirl at May 19, 2017 02:32 AM (jETL9)
Posted by: Farmer
Is there a nearby church that can stay the condemnation?
Posted by: weft cut-loop at May 19, 2017 02:33 AM (udajc)
Posted by: Slapweasel, (Cold1) (T) at May 19, 2017 02:33 AM (6gk0M)
Melvyn Douglas botches the telling thereof, getting Garbo to laugh for the first time on film.
Posted by: Shopgirl at May 19, 2017 02:37 AM (jETL9)
Clarification = QA errors are counted only for the QA, which is done when someone sits behind you and observes your work, then they go through some stuff you did earlier for the QA assessment.
They comb through all of our work looking for mistakes outside of the accounts that were QAd. I think they invest more time looking for mistakes than doing the actual work sometimes.
Oh, and I enrolled a kid whose first name was Annoya. No shit.
Posted by: Miley, the Duchess at May 19, 2017 02:37 AM (tHwdc)
serious health issues and now no one knows where she is now after being
kicked out of her home. This is crazy.
Posted by: Farmer at May 19, 2017 02:28 AM (o/90i)
That's awful! No one who can take her in? Poor woman.
Posted by: Miley, the Duchess at May 19, 2017 02:39 AM (tHwdc)
Posted by: Slapweasel, (Cold1) (T) at May 19, 2017 02:42 AM (6gk0M)
Posted by: weft cut-loop at May 19, 2017 02:33
I heard they tried to get her into the local homeless place but she would have none of that. She really is bothered by those folks at the library where she works.
I've emailed her grandson, who was my intern, but he lives far away but may know something. It's just distressing not to know what has happened to an old friend.
Posted by: Farmer at May 19, 2017 02:55 AM (o/90i)
Posted by: Slapweasel, (Cold1) (T) at May 19, 2017 02:33
I've had better. To top it off when I came home the wife was missing. I knew in the back off my mind she had an apt, but who the heck has a med thing until 6:.30.
I forgot she had an eye apt at 5 at Shopko. When it was 6:30 and she wasn't home I was in a panic. My fault I forgot about the appt but 6:30 is really late for that.
Thanks for asking Slap, it's been a bitch today.
Posted by: Farmer at May 19, 2017 03:06 AM (o/90i)
"Man, tough day at work today."
"Oh?" says his wife.
"Carl got pulled into the upholstery machine."
"Oh my God! What happened to him? Will he be OK?"
"Yeah, he's fully recovered."
I heard the story of Shamus. He worked in a brewery, and one day his coworkers showed up at his house. His wife Mary screamed "What's wrong?"
The foreman shuffled his feet and then said "I'm sorry Mary, we lost Shamus today"
"What happened?", Mary asked.
"He fell into the beer vat and drowned"
"Well", Mary said, "At least it was a quick death".
The foreman shook his head slowly. "I don't think so, he got out 3 times to go to the bathroom".
Posted by: Weirddave at May 19, 2017 03:11 AM (jxEDE)
Posted by: GnuBreed at May 19, 2017 03:14 AM (wTwJ2)
Posted by: Miley, the Duchess at May 19, 2017 02:39
Heck, I'd take her in myself for a few days. She has like 8 kids, there should be some support there, I'd hope.
I don't know details but I assume some should help her out. She's very independent, don't know how this will shake out.
Posted by: Farmer at May 19, 2017 03:19 AM (o/90i)
Posted by: Aetius451AD's work phone at May 19, 2017 03:21 AM (AEOkY)
Posted by: Headless Body of Agnew at May 19, 2017 03:24 AM (e1mEI)
Posted by: Aetius451AD's work phone at May 19, 2017 03:21
Thanks Aetius. I've emailed her grandson and maybe he can clue me in. It's just odd she has disappeared and not let any of her friends know what's up.
Posted by: Farmer at May 19, 2017 03:32 AM (o/90i)
Posted by: BourbonChicken at May 19, 2017 03:40 AM (VdICR)
Posted by: Blanco Basura at May 19, 2017 03:48 AM (YEelc)
Good morning horde
Posted by: Skip at May 19, 2017 03:53 AM (Ot7+c)
Posted by: Fried Baloney Sandwich at May 19, 2017 04:15 AM (GURcy)
Posted by: musical jolly chimp at May 19, 2017 04:16 AM (WTSFk)
Posted by: musical jolly chimp at May 19, 2017 04:18 AM (WTSFk)
http://opiciwines.com/wines/bourbon/
Also for no reason.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=glb2U6y-GdU
Posted by: Tim in Illinois at May 19, 2017 04:21 AM (d76uN)
What do you call a guy with no arms & no legs lying on the porch? Matt
Posted by: bebe's boobs destroy at May 19, 2017 04:24 AM (hscyr)
Posted by: Fried Baloney Sandwich at May 19, 2017 04:27 AM (GURcy)
Posted by: Blanco Basura at May 19, 2017 04:28 AM (YEelc)
Posted by: Skip at May 19, 2017 03:53
Hey Skip,
IIRC you are a devoted composter, as I am. Question here...I have a bucket of oak leaves, now soaked w/ rain. Is that very acidic to use on new plants if I use the water?
Posted by: Farmer at May 19, 2017 04:28 AM (o/90i)
One Guy vs a group of fascist thugs. He's triggering them good.
Posted by: Tim in Illinois at May 19, 2017 04:29 AM (d76uN)
Posted by: Skip at May 19, 2017 04:32 AM (Ot7+c)
Pitchforks.
Posted by: Fried Baloney Sandwich at May 19, 2017 04:34 AM (GURcy)
Posted by: Skip at May 19, 2017 04:35 AM (Ot7+c)
Pine straw is the acid producer in my yard. Azaleas & hydrangeas love it, though
Posted by: Fried Baloney Sandwich at May 19, 2017 04:38 AM (GURcy)
Posted by: Fried Baloney Sandwich at May 19, 2017 04:15
Well it's only 3:44 here.
We screwed up today. The dogs get fed around 8 am and 5 pm. Today both J and I fed them at near those times, they got double fed today!
I'm thinking starvation diets tomorrow.
Posted by: Farmer at May 19, 2017 04:39 AM (o/90i)
I worked as a carpenter for awhile, a long time ago. Work started at 7:30, but I would get there by 6:30, simply because the commute across the San Francisco Bay Bridge was so slow that going early made perfect sense.
6:00am would have been great!
Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at May 19, 2017 04:42 AM (rF0hx)
Posted by: bebe's boobs destroy at May 19, 2017 04:43 AM (hscyr)
No, ma'am. I'm in Germany this week for the old job. New one starts June 5th.
Posted by: Blanco Basura at May 19, 2017 04:48 AM (YEelc)
Posted by: Skip at May 19, 2017 04:48 AM (Ot7+c)
Too bad it's so late, maybe another ONT would be a blast. Tomorrow is my day off, but it's the first in a long time. See you later.
Posted by: Farmer at May 19, 2017 04:49 AM (o/90i)
I only feed the poopster once daily - usually around noon - when he tells me to.
Some days, he doesn't bother. I think that's the day after he got into the trashcan? I think he doesn't eat enough, but the vet wants him to lose weight!
He's been getting spoiled lately with walks and visits to play with Hank the ginormous black lab that just moved in next door.
Posted by: Fried Baloney Sandwich at May 19, 2017 04:54 AM (GURcy)
Posted by: Blanco Basura at May 19, 2017 04:59 AM (YEelc)
Posted by: Fried Baloney Sandwich at May 19, 2017 04:54
That's very cool he has a new friend. Our Bailey, ca. 100 lbs lab, just loves little dogs, it's odd. But they just have a blast.
Posted by: Farmer at May 19, 2017 05:00 AM (o/90i)
Posted by: fluffy at May 19, 2017 05:36 AM (jw2Xw)
So the democrats have cooled on impeachment per the New York Slimes?
That tells me one thing - they've focu grouped or polled the hell out of the question and discovered that it would cost them seats in the house and senate. Nobody gives a flying fuck that Comey got fired.
Phony bullshit stories ginned up by the glowing yellow journalists don't cut it with people hoping for an economy to take off.
Posted by: E Depluribus Unum at May 19, 2017 05:47 AM (HTdUD)
Posted by: fluffy at May 19, 2017 05:48 AM (jw2Xw)
Posted by: musical jolly chimp at May 19, 2017 05:52 AM (WTSFk)
Posted by: musical jolly chimp at May 19, 2017 05:53 AM (WTSFk)
Is that still anyone's fear?
Posted by: Him at May 19, 2017 06:06 AM (F5wLp)
Posted by: Mr. Peebles at May 19, 2017 06:07 AM (oVJmc)
Posted by: bluebell at May 19, 2017 06:11 AM (UgVwB)
Let's smile and be happy and strike fear in the heart of killjoy leftists everywhere.
Posted by: NaCly Dog at May 19, 2017 06:11 AM (u82oZ)
OW!!!!
HEY!!!!!
I feel good,,
Like I knew I would now,
I FEEEEEEELLLLLLLL Nice!
Like sugar and spice now,,
SO GOOD!! SO GOOD!!
I got you,,,
*spins around, does the splits*
HEY!!!!!
Posted by: Maxine Waters' Hair at May 19, 2017 06:17 AM (HSmrB)
That surprises the hell out of me. I didn't think "the folks" were seeing through this contrived bullshit that well.
I find that to be pretty good news, myself.
Posted by: ScoggDog at May 19, 2017 06:19 AM (fiGNd)
Posted by: BourbonChicken at May 19, 2017 06:21 AM (VdICR)
Posted by: ScoggDog
After posting that I went to Breitbart which has latest polling numbers showing no loss of support from republicans.
Concern? Yes.
But no loss of support.
Posted by: E Depluribus Unum at May 19, 2017 06:23 AM (HTdUD)
Posted by: Jean at May 19, 2017 06:24 AM (9TU00)
Posted by: FenelonSpoke at May 19, 2017 06:27 AM (qES5k)
Posted by: Bruce at May 19, 2017 06:47 AM (8ikIW)
No. I decided that I'm only here for a week and I can use email for most of what I need to do, so I'm good.
Thanks for asking.
Posted by: Blanco Basura at May 19, 2017 06:59 AM (4WhSY)
Posted by: Miley, the Duchess at May 19, 2017 02:39
Heck, I'd take her in myself for a few days. She has like 8 kids, there should be some support there, I'd hope.
I don't know details but I assume some should help her out. She's very independent, don't know how this will shake out.
**********
I'd say you could put her down in a well.
But it's obvious she's not a well woman.
baddabish
Posted by: Zombie Don Rickles at May 19, 2017 11:52 AM (611Lm)
Posted by: Dave H at May 19, 2017 06:10 PM (QmKuB)
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George Bush Slices Don Rumsfeld Like an F*ckin' Hammer
Democratic Forays into Erotica
New Shows On Gore's DNC/MTV Network
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Signs You're at an Iraqi "Wedding Party"
Signs Your Clown Has Gone Bad
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NYT Headlines Spinning Bush's Jobs Boom
Things People Are More Likely to Say Than "Did You Hear What Al Franken Said Yesterday?"
Signs that Paul Krugman Has Lost His Frickin' Mind
All-Time Best NBA Players, According to Senator Robert Byrd
Other Bad Things About the Jews, According to the Koran
Signs That David Letterman Just Doesn't Care Anymore
Examples of Bob Kerrey's Insufferable Racial Jackassery
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Other Judgments Dick Clarke Made About Condi Rice Based on Her Appearance
Collective Names for Groups of People
John Kerry's Other Vietnam Super-Pets
Cool Things About the XM8 Assault Rifle
Media-Approved Facts About the Democrat Spy
Changes to Make Christianity More "Inclusive"
Secret John Kerry Senatorial Accomplishments
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The Ace of Spades HQ Sex-for-Money Skankathon
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Margaret Cho: Just Not Funny
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Iraqi Prisoner Claims He Was Raped... By Woman
Wonkette Announces "Morning Zoo" Format
John Kerry's "Plan" Causes Surrender of Moqtada al-Sadr's Militia
World Muslim Leaders Apologize for Nick Berg's Beheading
Michael Moore Goes on Lunchtime Manhattan Death-Spree
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Liberal Economists Rue a "New Decade of Greed"
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Leather-Clad Biker Freaks Terrorize Australian Town
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What Wonkette Means When She Explains What Tina Brown Means
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My Own Micah Wright Style Confession of Dishonesty
Outraged "Conservatives" React to the FMA
An On-Line Impression of Dennis Miller Having Sex with a Kodiak Bear
The Story the Rightwing Media Refuses to Report!
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Liberal Consistency and Other Myths
Kepler's Laws of Liberal Media Bias
John Kerry-- The Splunge! Candidate
"Divisive" Politics & "Attacks on Patriotism" (very long)
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