New First World Feminism Problem: Cosmo Worries That Men Are Deriving Too Much Pleasure from Giving an Orgasm to a Woman

The orgasm isn't the problem, you understand. The problem is that men are feeling pretty good about having delivered that orgasm, and, in a way, are therefore Controlling Women's Bodies or something.

Usually I'd avoid linking an article this hatefully stupid, but this is such an amazing display of feminist hysteria and Complaint Conjuration that I think this shitty writer deserves to collect her hate-link reward.

Why Guys Get Turned on When You Orgasm-- and Why That's a Bad Thing

Of course guys manage to make YOUR orgasm about themselves.

It's not enough that men are already having more orgasms than women. To make matters worse, a new study published in the Journal of Sex Research found -- aside from deriving pleasure from their own orgasms, obviously -- men also derive a specific sort of masculine pleasure from making female partners orgasm. The researchers in the study, Sara Chadwick and Sari van Anders, refer to this incredibly predictable phenomenon as a "masculinity achievement."

I'm not exactly sure what that means, but I imagine a "masculinity achievement" looks something like Super Mario punching a coin out of one of those floating boxes in the video game.

The study gathered 810 men to read a story where they had to imagine an "attractive woman" either did or did not orgasm during sex with them. Each man was then asked to rate their sexual esteem and the extent to which they'd feel "masculine" after experiencing the scenario. The results are what you'd expect: Men felt more masculine and felt high self esteem when they imagined a woman orgasmed during sex with them. "These results suggest that women's orgasms do function -- at least in part -- as a masculinity achievement for men," researchers wrote.

Where to start? First of all, look at the "study" itself. The study asks men to imagine having brought an "attractive" woman to orgasm (why does she need to be attractive? Lookist much? And why does she have to be a "she"?), and then asked if they felt an increase in "sexual self-esteem." I did not see them specify what question they actually asked. I doubt they asked if they felt "a boost in sexual self-esteem."

But maybe they did. I read as much as I could before throwing in the towel.

They probably asked if they would feel good or better about themselves, then they slapped on the "sexual self-esteem" and "masculine achievement' descriptors themselves.

Because they went into this study hypothesizing this. They say so right at the top.

They also say this feeling of "sexual self-esteem" was "exacerbated" -- which is a very negative way of saying "increased" -- in men with "high masculine gender stress roles," which is garbage phrase that could not possibly mean anything, and is in fact not really defined in the paper, though later they suggest it might refer to men with "fragile" masculine egos. It seems to be a term or art in the Gender Studies community, a term you're just supposed to know, because Of Course.

Let me quote liberally from this paper. I'm sure they want this out there. It's Science, after all.

This study aimed to empirically assess the link between women's orgasms and men's masculinity. To do this, we developed a novel design to assess how womenís orgasms influence menís masculinity, the Imagined Orgasm Exercise (IOE), and employed it in an online survey. In the IOE, men imagined scenarios about themselves with a female partner; orgasms were either present or absent, and the partner had either often or rarely experienced past orgasms with previous partners. We then asked men to rate how masculine they would feel (along with a variety of other affect and arousal words) if they experienced the given situation, and we compared menís self-reports of masculinity in response to the various IOE conditions.

Overall, we predicted that women's orgasms do function as a masculinity achievement for men and that this relationship is influenced by menís individual differences. We outlined seven hypotheses in our experiment to show this. First, we hypothesized that (hypothesis 1) men would report feeling more masculine when they imagined that a female partner orgasmed with them compared to men who imagined that a female partner did not orgasm. In addition, we expected that the woman's sexual history would create a basis for social comparison, and we hypothesized that (hypothesis 2) men would feel most masculine in a "major success" situation, that is, where a woman orgasmed with them and had not previously orgasmed with others in the past. We also hypothesized the converse: that (hypothesis 3) a "major failure" condition would elicit the lowest feelings of masculinity in men, where a woman did not orgasm with them but had often orgasmed in the past. Finally, because we hypothesized that feeling masculine functions as an achievement, we hypothesized that (hypothesis 4) the word masculine would be related to constructs tied to success.

I don't know how to respond to this, except "No duh."

Yes, one feels "masculine" when having performed a man's side of sexual-pleasure duties and delivered the big O. Yes, obviously, one feels better if a woman has rarely had an orgasm and one delivers one. And yes, very obviously, if a woman actually says "Gee, I always have an orgasm, but not this time," that is a negative commentary on one's skills, right?

By the way: Most of the girls I've been with have asked if my orgasm was good. That's just good manners. I think this is just something people of both sexes want to know. One would like to be good at something one enjoys which is also an important thing, right?

Not to overshare, but I am a hard nut to crack, so to speak, when it comes to a specific kind of sex (which Bill Clinton says is not sex at all). I almost never, and I mean never, get to climax via this awesome form of sex which is not sex.

It's a weird thing I have. No idea why. I really want this sex-which-is-not-sex to work, but it never does.

Well, once every ten years it does. And guess what? I can't help noticing the girl who actually managed this nigh-impossible feat is rather pleased with herself for having done so.

I am too, obviously. But I've noticed a certain amount of "feminine achievement" trophy hunting on this score. Almost like she feels good about being good at something.

Which is now officially a Hate Crime in a Special Snowflake Participation Trophy world.

This idea that men alone are somehow guilty of Sex Esteem Oppression for wanting to be thought of as good sex partners is bizarre to me. It does not comport with my own experience -- at all.

Maybe I've just been lucky to be with people who actually kinda care if it was good for you too.

But I don't think so. I think this is pretty normal.

At least I hope it's pretty normal.

And are men more invested in this than women? Probably -- most women assume that a man's orgasm is pretty much automatic. And it usually is, I guess. (Except for my curse.)

Women are a bit trickier; they only bat .650 in the orgasm hitting department whereas men bat .999. So yeah, guys may consider it more of an "achievement" than women, but again, I find that women are interested in the quality of the orgasm their partner has had. Maybe less about whether it happened or not (because 1, it's usually a gimme, and 2, whether it happened or not is pretty obvious), but they do seem interested in how big of an orgasm it was.

Update: A commenter points out that it's a pretty bold move for Cosmo, of all blogs, to say that it's evil sexist oppression to feel self-esteem for delivering an orgasm when their bread-and-butter is pushing articles like "Five Tricks That Will BLOW YOUR MAN'S MIND In the Sack!" and has taken to publishing how-to guides on r*mj*bs every few months.

If there's no Female Ego on the line when it comes to sex, how does Cosmo make payroll every month?

That Update out of the way, let's get back to the Hags Who Will Die Alone Without Ever Knowing a Man's Loving Touch.


The ways that women's orgasm might function as a masculinity achievement for men might depend on a number of individual differences. For example, beliefs, personality traits, identities, and sexual experience may affect men's perceptions of women's sexual pleasure and men's feelings about their masculine identity. Thus, we also had a number of subhypotheses about the ways that trait variables would impact men's experiences of the IOE, including the presence of traditional versus egalitarian values, men's level of investment in a sexual partner's sexual satisfaction, and the degree of masculine gender role stress.

Specifically, we hypothesized that (hypothesis 5) traditional versus egalitarian values would influence the degree to which men would feel masculine in response to women's orgasm presence; but we did not have specific predictions about the direction of effect because there were compelling reasons to believe that traditional or egalitarian values could impact menís masculinity in response to womenís orgasms.

We also hypothesized that (hypothesis 6) menís level of investment in their partner's sexual satisfaction might function similarly because investment in women's pleasure could align with traditional or egalitarian approaches to sexuality. For instance, traditional views of sexuality strongly align with sexual scripts that position men as sexual agents and women as passive sexual recipients [dumb citations omitted], suggesting that traditional men might be more motivated to demonstrate masculine sexual behavior and thus experience womenís orgasms as more of a masculinity achievement than egalitarian men, whose feelings of masculinity are perhaps less dependent on such demonstrations.

And also, they're gay, so they really don't care if a woman orgasms or not.

But it could also be the case that men with traditional attitudes do not expect women to orgasm and are therefore not invested in whether a woman's orgasm occurs. In contrast, men with egalitarian values might resist traditional conceptualizations of masculine sexuality that require demonstrations of masculine sexual behaviors, such as "giving" women orgasms, thus disconnecting women's orgasm occurrence from their own sense of masculinity.

If you notice, we've moved very far now from the actual data set (of an online survey!!!) to now simply assigning tendentious readings to the data. We're now just into the Yay-Boo part of the "science," where we make up reasons why sad sloop-shouldered Brooklyn semi-gay hipsters are actually better lovers for not caring so much if their female partner had an orgasm.

In addition, it may also be the case that men with egalitarian attitudes expect women to want orgasms, positioning women]s orgasms an important to men's perception of what constitutes a positive sexual encounter. In support, some men believe that their investment in women's orgasms makes them "enlightened" men, feeling it is their duty to give women as much pleasure as they themselves experience [dumb citations omitted again -- you're welcome]. This indicates that egalitarian men's may be more concerned with womenís orgasms as a demonstration of masculinity, as womenís orgasms signal success as a liberal, egalitarian-minded man.

If you can't follow that, what they're saying is that when men with "traditional" values are happy when a woman has an orgasm, that's bad, because they're seeing women as passive sex objects to be manipulated the way that I skillfully manipulate my drill when putting up awesome shelves, but when "egalitarian" men similarly care about a woman's orgasm, that's because they view women as equal partners in the exchange and so they're "enlightened" that's good.

In other words: The data is not telling us this, but we're adding these interpretations of the same reaction in two different sets of men -- both egalitarian pussies and traditional men can be invested in a woman having an orgasm -- so we're just going to go outside the data entirely and postulate that our hypothesis is still right. When a traditional man is happy his partner had an orgasm, that's a due to him seeing the woman as a sexual object; when an "egalitarian" Starbucks Jockey is happy his partner had an orgasm, that's due to the ironically-mustached Fregan being "enlightened."

The actual science ended with the data (via online survey!!!). Now we're just assigning motives to people we like and don't like using nothing but bias and hatred.

As they say early in the Durants' History of Civilization: "90% of history is pure guesswork; the rest is just bigotry."

We also anticipated that men who feel that their masculinity is more fragile may be more motivated to prove themselves and gain masculinity achievements, whereas men who feel stable about their masculine identity may be less concerned [dumb citations omitted, but I will note they include "Harassment based on sex: Protecting social status in the context of gender hierarchy. Academy of Management Review," and "Sexual harassment under social identity threat: The computer harassment paradigm," and ."Heterosexual masculinity and homophobia: A reaction to the self? Journal of Homosexuality," -- kind of gives their agendas and biases away, no?]

Thus, we hypothesized that (hypothesis 7) men who had high masculine gender role stress would feel most masculine in response to situations where the woman orgasmed and least masculine in situations where she did not.

So they're saying a guy who usually can't deliver an orgasm has performance anxiety and is super-happy if the woman comes, and the guy who routinely delivers orgasms doesn't care so much on his occasional miss.

Ummm... I can't really argue with this. But I would only think I could get this observation published in the American Journal of "No Shit Really?" Studies.

By the way, you know when I said that the "egalitarian men" they found were actually gay?

Turns out I wasn't joking:


Analyses included 810 men (M age = 25.44, SD = 8.31) recruited through an introductory psychology participant pool and the community. To be eligible for this study, participants had to identify as a man, be 18 years of age or older, and be currently sexually attracted to women (participants did not have to be heterosexual to participate). We recruited specifically to increase sexual minority representation through similar advertisements targeted toward non-heterosexual-identified men who were sexually attracted to women. All nonheterosexual participants included in analyses indicated that they were sexually attracted to women, confirming that they met inclusionary criteria (via Kinsey scale responses, reported genders of sexual partners, and/or through qualitative responses). Participants were excluded from analyses if they did not fit the eligibility criteria (n = 10), if they indicated that they had taken the survey more than once (n = 35), or if they indicated that their responses were intended as jokes (n = 7).

So they specifically targeted gay men (and men who might actually be women), so long as they said they had some attraction to women (and, PS, many gay men will have sex with women on occasion).

They came the shocking conclusion that gay dudes don't really care that much if the woman they're indifferently banging while thinking about Channing Tatum have orgasms or not.

Oh -- and they only excluded answers if the participants answered "Yes" to the question "Are you doing this as a goof?"


To confirm that the study questions were answered seriously, participants were asked to indicate if they were joking when they responded to any of the survey items... Data from participants who indicated that they were joking or that they took the survey more than once were removed before beginning any assessment.

Now that's what I call scientific rigor.

By the way: I mentioned workin' my drill to put up awesome shelves earlier.

As you know, when I found out I had been mis-performing a basic task that most men can perform (to be specific, running the drill the wrong way), I did in fact feel less masculine, and then, when I put up my Rock-Hard Throbbing Shelves of Masculine Power, I did in fact feel like I had accomplished something manly.

Weird huh? It's almost as if men define "skill" and "success" as being intrinsically good things that make you more manly for having them then you would be without having them.

What a terrible character flaw of men!

(And women, of course. Or at least women who actually enjoy competition and challenge -- you know, actual women, not these superannuated little girls who work in Gender Studies labs, asking dirty questions on the internet.)

Anyway, I've yabbled on enough. Robert Traczinsky at the Federalist has more.

Posted by: Ace at 02:55 PM




Comments

(Jump to bottom of page)

1 Love you, Ace

Posted by: ALH at March 24, 2017 02:57 PM (uLuPn)

2 In before the guy who jokes that he doesn't have that problem!

Posted by: joncelli, Longbow Afficianado and Phalangist at March 24, 2017 02:57 PM (RD7QR)

3 How generous of them...

Posted by: Jan Brady at March 24, 2017 02:57 PM (O2RFr)

4 Were there more clinical trials on this? I seem to have missed the signup.

Posted by: JEM at March 24, 2017 02:57 PM (TppKb)

5 Oh, and FIRST, Ladies!

Posted by: ALH at March 24, 2017 02:57 PM (uLuPn)

6 Seinfeld covered this in n episode.

Posted by: steevy at March 24, 2017 02:57 PM (r/0kC)

7 A porno movie review?

Posted by: Paladin at March 24, 2017 02:58 PM (YNPwP)

8 Ace make post last long time!

I need a cigarette. Whew!

Posted by: filbert at March 24, 2017 02:58 PM (s5o+q)

9 I 'll have what she's having

Posted by: Clay at March 24, 2017 02:59 PM (2w7OO)

10 A porno movie review?

810 Guy Gangbang?

Actually, it seems to have been more a paper exercise.

Posted by: JEM at March 24, 2017 02:59 PM (TppKb)

11 Is this when Harry met Sally?

Posted by: ALH at March 24, 2017 02:59 PM (uLuPn)

12 Top 69!


Posted by: Lip Licking Ian Galt at March 24, 2017 02:59 PM (8iiMU)

13 Cosmo: Roger Wilco.

Posted by: blaster at March 24, 2017 03:00 PM (tewYv)

14 And then they wonder why men are swearing off women.

Posted by: Socratese at March 24, 2017 03:00 PM (2GbWn)

15 By the way: I mentioned workin' my drill to put up awesome shelves earlier.

Funniest Ace line ever (given the context)?

Posted by: filbert at March 24, 2017 03:00 PM (s5o+q)

16 That's...a lot of thought.

Posted by: TheJamesMadison at March 24, 2017 03:00 PM (ELUpj)

17 So they're saying a guy who usually can't deliver an orgasm has performance anxiety and is super-happy if the woman comes, and the guy who routinely delivers orgasms doesn't care so much on his occasional miss.



Old joke: "How do you make a woman cum? Who cares?"

Posted by: rickb223 at March 24, 2017 03:00 PM (eauMe)

18 Did anyone put up the Corgisignal?

Posted by: JEM at March 24, 2017 03:00 PM (TppKb)

19 Too long, didn't come.

Posted by: Insomniac - sin valor at March 24, 2017 03:00 PM (0mRoj)

20
TMI

Posted by: Kodos the Executioner at March 24, 2017 03:00 PM (8fypK)

21 Were Japanese love dolls involved?

Posted by: Paladin at March 24, 2017 03:00 PM (YNPwP)

22 I'm old enough to remember when liberals were supposed to be fun. What a bunch of joyless fucktards marinating in misery.

Makes me smile to even think about it.

Posted by: Mega at March 24, 2017 03:01 PM (S3q0Y)

23 Cosmo:

1 smart trick to get traffic

Posted by: E Depluribus Unum at March 24, 2017 03:01 PM (ZFUt7)

24 21 Were Japanese love dolls involved?
Posted by: Paladin at March 24, 2017 03:00 PM (YNPwP)

This bullshit is why there's a market for Japanese love dolls in the first place.

Posted by: Insomniac - sin valor at March 24, 2017 03:01 PM (0mRoj)

25 I'm guessing the movie was good, you can't write that many words unless the movie was good.

Posted by: Tinfoilbaby at March 24, 2017 03:01 PM (6Ll1u)

26

"Are you finished yet?"

Posted by: Kodos the Executioner at March 24, 2017 03:01 PM (8fypK)

27 Women can have orgasms?

Posted by: Gwenyth Paltrow at March 24, 2017 03:01 PM (Fmupd)

28 Not to overshare,

I think that ship later sails, ace. On the other hand,

Let's get back to the Hags Who Will Die Alone Without Ever Knowing a Man's Loving Touch.

is bloody awesome and will enter my repertoire of stolen lines that I bitterly regret not having invented myself.

Posted by: joncelli, Longbow Afficianado and Phalangist at March 24, 2017 03:02 PM (RD7QR)

29 This should be a fun comment thread

Posted by: L, Elle at March 24, 2017 03:02 PM (Rsi2C)

30 Reminds me of Lily Langtwee in Blazing Saddles...
It's Twuu, It's Twuu!

Posted by: ALH at March 24, 2017 03:02 PM (uLuPn)

31 There really are people who can take the fun and joy out of absolutely EVERY SINGLE THING.

Avoid these people.

Posted by: Lily Formerly of HotAir (Now from AoSHQ)assassin in the night at March 24, 2017 03:02 PM (vivhj)

32 25 I'm guessing the movie was good, you can't write that many words unless the movie was good.
Posted by: Tinfoilbaby at March 24, 2017 03:01 PM (6Ll1u)

==================

I don't know...Ace wrote a 4 volume tome about how much he disliked Prometheus...

Posted by: TheJamesMadison at March 24, 2017 03:02 PM (ELUpj)

33 By the time shes disappointed, I'm not.

Posted by: drunk at the bar at March 24, 2017 03:02 PM (hUtue)

34 When I make a woman scream and squirt 10 times in one night, basic manners requires at least a "Thank You"...

Posted by: I Smell Something Rotten at March 24, 2017 03:02 PM (FF6vf)

35 30 Reminds me of Lily Langtwee in Blazing Saddles...
It's Twuu, It's Twuu!

Posted by: ALH at March 24, 2017 03:02 PM (uLuPn)

Fifteen is my limit on schnitzengruben.

Posted by: Insomniac - sin valor at March 24, 2017 03:02 PM (0mRoj)

36 Is this movie review going to include an erupting volcano?


IYKWIM

Posted by: Muldoon at March 24, 2017 03:02 PM (wPiJc)

37 26

"Are you finished yet?"

Get off me.

Posted by: ALH at March 24, 2017 03:02 PM (uLuPn)

38 Robert Traczinsky at the Federalist has more.

++++

More? Good God! What else could possibly remain to be said?

Posted by: Anon Y. Mous at March 24, 2017 03:03 PM (R+30W)

39 When I make a woman scream and squirt 10 times in one night, basic manners requires at least a "Thank You"...
Posted by: I Smell Something Rotten at March 24, 2017 03:02 PM (FF6vf)


Does "OH, GOD!!!" count?

Posted by: filbert at March 24, 2017 03:03 PM (s5o+q)

40 I'm sure an Imam could fix that for them.

Posted by: DaveA at March 24, 2017 03:03 PM (FhXTo)

41 Hollywood moonbat sock off. Although it still kinda worked.

Posted by: Soona at March 24, 2017 03:03 PM (Fmupd)

42 See, when I was a 19 year old virgin, I was taking sex advice from Sam Kinison's standup tapes. Remember when he was talking about his second divorce, and he said "Maybe if I learn how to fuck really good, I won't have to give away everything I own every five fucking years?"

Yeah, I was too small for a Division 1 defensive line, so I went back to playing trumpet. Most 19-21 year old girls in the early 1990s had never had a really, really good licking before. Even pre-Internet, you could get a reputation as a guy to call.

Just saying. Get the job done well, you will get more jobs.

Posted by: Colonel Kurtz at March 24, 2017 03:03 PM (YS6Xu)

43 Ladies first.
I'm a giver that way.

Posted by: navybrat at March 24, 2017 03:03 PM (rnOcr)

44 Are there naked boobies in this movie?

Posted by: davidt at March 24, 2017 03:03 PM (XoldI)

45 37 26

"Are you finished yet?"

Get off me.
Posted by: ALH at March 24, 2017 03:02 PM (uLuPn)

"You're squishing me."

Posted by: Insomniac - sin valor at March 24, 2017 03:03 PM (0mRoj)

46 If not giving a woman an orgasm is the right thing to do, well, you're welcome ladies.

Posted by: Dr Spank at March 24, 2017 03:03 PM (4e+hS)

47 Is this movie review going to include an erupting volcano?


IYKWIM
Posted by: Muldoon at March 24, 2017 03:02 PM (wPiJc)


A fountaining oil well derrick is traditional, I believe.

Posted by: filbert at March 24, 2017 03:04 PM (s5o+q)

48 The length of the post ensures that no woman will orgasm when Ace is typing.

"Hold on, honey, I only have 25,000 more words to finish before I hit "publish" and get get back in bed with you!"

Posted by: zombie at March 24, 2017 03:04 PM (DQ4Fv)

49 This post was so long, I thought this was an Ace movie review at first!

Posted by: Hrothgar at March 24, 2017 03:04 PM (gwPgz)

50 47 Is this movie review going to include an erupting volcano?


IYKWIM
Posted by: Muldoon at March 24, 2017 03:02 PM (wPiJc)

A fountaining oil well derrick is traditional, I believe.
Posted by: filbert at March 24, 2017 03:04 PM (s5o+q)

Rocket at liftoff and exploding fireworks.

Posted by: Insomniac - sin valor at March 24, 2017 03:04 PM (0mRoj)

51
I don't know...Ace wrote a 4 volume tome about how much he disliked Prometheus...

Posted by: TheJamesMadison at March 24, 2017 03:02 PM (ELUpj)


Upon one of which I innocuously commented and had my IP address banned to this very day.

Posted by: Kodos the Executioner at March 24, 2017 03:04 PM (5p/Pr)

52 "You're squishing me."

I can't breathe.

Posted by: ALH at March 24, 2017 03:04 PM (uLuPn)

53 "By the way: Most of the girls I've been with have asked if my orgasm was good."

So...two for three?

/I denounce myself

Posted by: Hugh Jorgen at March 24, 2017 03:05 PM (6GTWP)

54 I don't know...Ace wrote a 4 volume tome about how much he disliked Prometheus...

Posted by: TheJamesMadison at March 24, 2017 03:02 PM (ELUpj)


To be fair, there was a LOT to hate in Prometheus.

Posted by: blaster at March 24, 2017 03:05 PM (tewYv)

55 we hypothesized that (hypothesis 2) men would feel most masculine in a "major success" situation,

---------

It's a major award!

Posted by: Ralphie's Old Man at March 24, 2017 03:05 PM (7HtZB)

56 Leave it to feminist to make sex talk suck.

Posted by: dananjcon at March 24, 2017 03:05 PM (WLK0w)

57 42 See, when I was a 19 year old virgin, I was taking sex advice from Sam Kinison's standup tapes. Remember when he was talking about his second divorce, and he said "Maybe if I learn how to fuck really good, I won't have to give away everything I own every five fucking years?"

Yeah, I was too small for a Division 1 defensive line, so I went back to playing trumpet. Most 19-21 year old girls in the early 1990s had never had a really, really good licking before. Even pre-Internet, you could get a reputation as a guy to call.

Just saying. Get the job done well, you will get more jobs.
Posted by: Colonel Kurtz at March 24, 2017 03:03 PM (YS6Xu)

Like an oriental lickmaster from the far east.

Posted by: joncelli, Longbow Afficianado and Phalangist at March 24, 2017 03:05 PM (RD7QR)

58 This bullshit is why there's a market for Japanese love dolls in the first place.
Posted by: Insomniac - sin valor


I've been observing the quality and life like appearance, of said objects, including the price/performance curve and I can accurately predict the end of civilization in 82.47 years.

Posted by: E Depluribus Unum at March 24, 2017 03:05 PM (ZFUt7)

59 I was making love to a woman and she started to cry.
I asked "are you going to hate yourself in the morning?"
She said "NO, I hate myself now!"

Posted by: Rodney Dangerfield at March 24, 2017 03:05 PM (YNPwP)

60 52 "You're squishing me."

I can't breathe.
Posted by: ALH at March 24, 2017 03:04 PM (uLuPn)

"Stop, I don't like that!"

"OH GOD BRIAN" (your name isn't Brian)

Posted by: Insomniac - sin valor at March 24, 2017 03:05 PM (0mRoj)

61 I wonder if they'll study this question: do men who can get some without first buying the bim dinner feel more masculine than the guys who need to pay for dinner first?

Posted by: mallfly the Peach of Hoboken at March 24, 2017 03:05 PM (b7fwp)

62 Dear Penthouse Forum.....

Posted by: IP at March 24, 2017 03:06 PM (hUtue)

63 47 Is this movie review going to include an erupting volcano?


IYKWIM
Posted by: Muldoon at March 24, 2017 03:02 PM (wPiJc)

A fountaining oil well derrick is traditional, I believe.
Posted by: filbert at March 24, 2017 03:04 PM (s5o+q)

trains in tunnels FTW

Posted by: josephistan at March 24, 2017 03:06 PM (7HtZB)

64 if there's no compass in there how do you know which way to go? i thought they all came that way. or is it rocks? fuck, i don't know anymore. the hell with it, i'll just go wash the car.

Posted by: chavez the hugo at March 24, 2017 03:06 PM (KP5rU)

65 Got to say, I feel pretty damn good about myself.

Posted by: Slices Like Hammer at March 24, 2017 03:06 PM (2cfUo)

66 All yer orgasms....

Posted by: dananjcon at March 24, 2017 03:06 PM (WLK0w)

67 51
Upon one of which I innocuously commented and had my IP address banned to this very day.
Posted by: Kodos the Executioner at March 24, 2017 03:04 PM (5p/Pr)

=================

I didn't comment back then, but I did disagree in my head.

Almost got me banned.

Posted by: TheJamesMadison at March 24, 2017 03:06 PM (ELUpj)

68 A proper study would be this:

Ask WOMEN if

A: They prefer having an orgasm during sex with a man, with its attendant boost to the man's ego, OR

B. They prefer NOT having an orgasm during sex with a man so as to prevent him getting an ego-boost.

I suspect 99% will choose option "A."

The entire study is based on the presumption of an antipathy between men and women, as if men feeling happy and proud is a NEGATIVE outcome for the woman.

Posted by: zombie at March 24, 2017 03:06 PM (DQ4Fv)

69
"Stop, I don't like that!"

"OH GOD BRIAN" (your name isn't Brian)

Hurry up.

Posted by: ALH at March 24, 2017 03:06 PM (uLuPn)

70 "Stop opressing me with your orgasiarchy!"

Hysterical femynysts everywhere.

Posted by: Flyboy at March 24, 2017 03:06 PM (T/7Kv)

71 After reading this I have decided to go out and get some flowers to go with the birthday dinner I'm fixing for my wife.

Posted by: Jinx the Cat at March 24, 2017 03:07 PM (9HR8n)

72
"By the way: Most of the girls I've been with have asked if my orgasm was good."

Ummm, 5-Finger Mary?

Posted by: Kodos the Executioner at March 24, 2017 03:07 PM (K2ygU)

73 Like an oriental lickmaster from the far east.
Posted by: joncelli, Longbow Afficianado and Phalangist at March 24, 2017 03:05 PM (RD7QR)

When you can take the snatch with your tongue, you may leave the temple.

Posted by: Insomniac - sin valor at March 24, 2017 03:07 PM (0mRoj)

74 http://tinyurl.com/h2bpuoa

Posted by: Dr Spank at March 24, 2017 03:07 PM (4e+hS)

75 I'm starting to think that maybe the Sexual Revolution wasn't a net gain for Western Civilization.

Posted by: josephistan at March 24, 2017 03:07 PM (7HtZB)

76 >>>The length of the post ensures that no woman will orgasm when Ace is typing.

it's the woman's fault.

Posted by: ace at March 24, 2017 03:07 PM (8rNrN)

77 TMI about people's unhappy former relationships.

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at March 24, 2017 03:07 PM (fDdVG)

78 But first...

Posted by: Hrothgar at March 24, 2017 03:07 PM (gwPgz)

79 The punchline to all of this should really be: And this story was published in Cosmo Magazine.

Yes, the mag that has at least one 'how to be a slut in the sack/please your man/keep him interested' in every issue.

WTF would male satisfaction *not* be an issue or goal now, Cosmo?!?!?

Posted by: Lizzy at March 24, 2017 03:07 PM (NOIQH)

80 54 I don't know...Ace wrote a 4 volume tome about how much he disliked Prometheus...

Posted by: TheJamesMadison at March 24, 2017 03:02 PM (ELUpj)

To be fair, there was a LOT to hate in Prometheus.
Posted by: blaster at March 24, 2017 03:05 PM (tewYv)

===================

This week's movie thread:

A Vociferous and Highly Detailed Defense of Prometheus and Why You're Dumb for Thinking Otherwise

Posted by: TheJamesMadison at March 24, 2017 03:07 PM (ELUpj)

81 69
"Stop, I don't like that!"

"OH GOD BRIAN" (your name isn't Brian)

Hurry up.
Posted by: ALH at March 24, 2017 03:06 PM (uLuPn)

*staring at the clock*

Posted by: Insomniac - sin valor at March 24, 2017 03:07 PM (0mRoj)

82 Apparently female orgasms are only good if brought about by toys or another woman.

Tell me again how feminism isn't a conspiracy to convince women to become lesbians.

Posted by: Colorado Alex In Exile at March 24, 2017 03:08 PM (Tnhbr)

83 yeah Traczinsky mentions that, that the magazine which is always empowering women and increasing their sexual self-esteem by offering Five Tricks That Will BLOW HIS MIND in the Sack! is now saying that wanting to please your lover is oppressive.

Posted by: ace at March 24, 2017 03:08 PM (8rNrN)

84 Something something water-cooled keyboard.

Posted by: BourbonChicken at March 24, 2017 03:09 PM (VdICR)

85 Women can have orgasms?

Posted by: Gwenyth Paltrow at March 24, 2017 03:01 PM (Fmupd)
..........

Fake news.

Posted by: wth at March 24, 2017 03:09 PM (HgMAr)

86 Ace, I really enjoy your blog posts,but in this post you sim[ly are overthinking this stuff. I think you should put down and step away from the Cosmo before it damages something.

Posted by: Semilitterate at March 24, 2017 03:09 PM (ELV66)

87 Something has to make you run. I don't know why I didn't come. I feel as empty as a drum. I don't know why I didn't come (2x).

Posted by: Norah Jones at March 24, 2017 03:09 PM (bc2Lc)

88 Ace, I really enjoy your blog posts,but in this post you simply are overthinking this stuff. I think you should put down and step away from the Cosmo before it damages something.

Posted by: Semilitterate at March 24, 2017 03:09 PM (ELV66)

89 Female Orgasm?


I was told there would be no myth on this blog.

Posted by: That guy who always says that thing at March 24, 2017 03:09 PM (wPiJc)

90
*staring at the clock*

Yawns

Posted by: ALH at March 24, 2017 03:09 PM (uLuPn)

91 People, you are being played, punked, hoodwinked, etc. There is NO WAY these studies are serious, they can't be. LOL

Posted by: anon at March 24, 2017 03:09 PM (yCcA0)

92 Next : A bunch of trannies whine to judges that straight people aren't getting put in jail for refusing to have sex with them.

Posted by: Hikaru at March 24, 2017 03:10 PM (WDCYi)

93 So ... it sounds like Cosmo might feel more at home in the muslim world. No need to worry about muzzie men controlling women by giving them orgasms. There, it's a death penalty offense to even allow a woman to have an orgasm.

Posted by: ThePrimordialOrderedPair at March 24, 2017 03:10 PM (zc3Db)

94 Women can have orgasms?

Posted by: Gwenyth Paltrow at March 24, 2017 03:01 PM (Fmupd)

Only with the assistance of jade vag eggs, hoo-hah steamers and $10k gold dildos. All available at GOOP!

Posted by: Insomniac - sin valor at March 24, 2017 03:10 PM (0mRoj)

95 I didn't read it. Got off just by scrolling it.

Thanks, Ace.

Posted by: Les Kinetic at March 24, 2017 03:10 PM (FOLru)

96 And, like most leftists, the frigid hag who wrote this thinks the only way for her to achieve happiness is for you to lose.

Posted by: joncelli, Longbow Afficianado and Phalangist at March 24, 2017 03:10 PM (RD7QR)

97 Don't tell ace, but I faked it.

Posted by: Ace's shelves at March 24, 2017 03:10 PM (a2NH2)

98
If I give a woman a lancia fulvia I sure hope she appreciates the ride.

Posted by: Guy Mohawk at March 24, 2017 03:10 PM (ODxAs)

99 IT'S FUNNY BECAUSE THEY THINK WE REALLY CARE...

Posted by: BEN ROTHLESBERGER at March 24, 2017 03:10 PM (hUtue)

100 Notice how the Party of Science and Evolution wants to deny the basic fact that adult women actually ENJOY bringing adult men pleasure.

The Party of Tolerance wants to take the fun out of every nook and cranny of the miserable english muffin they will allow to be your life.

Makes you want to just wrap all women up in black sheets and chop up their lady parts so there can be no pleasure for anyone except other swarthy young men and goats, dunnit...?

Posted by: Mega at March 24, 2017 03:10 PM (S3q0Y)

101 Notice there's no comments section in that Cosmo thing.

Posted by: SFGoth at March 24, 2017 03:10 PM (dZ756)

102
I can honestly report that no woman ever handed me a cigarette afterwards and asked, 'Was it good for you, too?'

Why are women so insensitive?

That's right, I really should remove the handcuffs and duct tape first.

Posted by: E Depluribus Unum at March 24, 2017 03:10 PM (ZFUt7)

103 Stories like this should at least have pictures of attractive naked women.

Posted by: Weasel at March 24, 2017 03:11 PM (Sfs6o)

104 So is this really long post a kind of metaphor for whiskey dick?

Posted by: Pug Mahon at March 24, 2017 03:11 PM (RwwCT)

105 Ace, this is FINALLY the appropriate time for you to comment on the accuracy of the recent The Other McCain post in which he mentioned that he "met Ace's girlfriend" at some past convention.

You have never mentioned the existence of a girlfriend, but have on occasion mentioned "going out" on what were presumably "dates."

So: Did The Other McCain just make that up, or or you really cheating on us with a Real Live Girl???

Posted by: zombie at March 24, 2017 03:11 PM (DQ4Fv)

106 97 Don't tell ace, but I faked it.
Posted by: Ace's shelves at March 24, 2017 03:10 PM (a2NH2)

With the epic drilling he gave you? I don't believe it.

Posted by: Insomniac - sin valor at March 24, 2017 03:11 PM (0mRoj)

107 Well, don't feel bad about your problem with bjs, Ace. My best friend has the same problem. Not with me. We haven't had sex. We just talk about it a lot. According to him, it's not an uncommon problem among men.

Posted by: L, Elle at March 24, 2017 03:11 PM (Rsi2C)

108 Excellent post, Ace. No doubt you gave this more thoughtful analysis that everyone involved in the study and the article.



I would have thought men getting pleasure from giving women pleasure would be a win-win. Maybe even one of this little bioligical features that helps sustain the species by making men invested in their mates (if she make you proud you want to keep her), and all this pleasurable sex leads to babies, keeping the species going and all that. But babies and family are a burden to the Cosmo woman, so f$#@ that stuff!!

Posted by: Lizzy at March 24, 2017 03:11 PM (NOIQH)

109 http://tinyurl.com/anbmjcz

Posted by: Dr Spank at March 24, 2017 03:11 PM (4e+hS)

110
"Posted by: Ace at 02:55 PM"

"Come on, I got to get to work in the morning."

Posted by: Kodos the Executioner at March 24, 2017 03:12 PM (5p/Pr)

111 96 And, like most leftists, the frigid hag who wrote this thinks the only way for her to achieve happiness is for you to lose.

Posted by: joncelli, Longbow Afficianado and Phalangist at March 24, 2017 03:10 PM (RD7QR)


It's been well known for a long time now that the ONLY thing that makes Leftists happy is Revenge.

Posted by: Hikaru at March 24, 2017 03:12 PM (WDCYi)

112 What a very stupid time to be alive.

Posted by: RedMindBlueState at March 24, 2017 03:12 PM (p+Wdc)

113 I'm pretty sure my drill had an orgasm when I was using it once.

Posted by: Some moron at March 24, 2017 03:12 PM (1G2ms)

114 Cosmo Worries That Men Are Deriving Too Much Pleasure from Giving an Orgasm to a Woman
............

I wouldn't worry about that.
*picks pube from teeth*

Posted by: wth at March 24, 2017 03:12 PM (HgMAr)

115 Any bets that this bitch never derived any vicarious pleasure from pleasing a man?

Posted by: Minuteman at March 24, 2017 03:12 PM (0i9eW)

116 17 Amazing Tricks For PSYCHE SHATTERING ORGASMS (unless the guy enjoys giving them to you)

Posted by: Cosmo at March 24, 2017 03:12 PM (a2NH2)

117 81 69
"Stop, I don't like that!"

"OH GOD BRIAN" (your name isn't Brian)

Hurry up.
Posted by: ALH at March 24, 2017 03:06 PM (uLuPn)

*staring at the clock*
Posted by: Insomniac - sin valor at March 24, 2017 03:07 PM (0mRoj)


----------------

*wondering if the white sale at Bloomingdales is this weeekend*

Posted by: Soona at March 24, 2017 03:13 PM (Fmupd)

118 IMDB doesn't have this movie listed, but Pr0nhub does.

Posted by: weft cut-loop at March 24, 2017 03:13 PM (GgzGa)

119 Ace, this is FINALLY the appropriate time for you to comment on the accuracy of the recent The Other McCain post in which he mentioned that he "met Ace's girlfriend" at some past convention.

You have never mentioned the existence of a girlfriend, but have on occasion mentioned "going out" on what were presumably "dates."

So: Did The Other McCain just make that up, or or you really cheating on us with a Real Live Girl???
Posted by: zombie at March 24, 2017 03:11 PM (DQ4Fv)


How does the joke go? "Pick two."

Posted by: Colorado Alex In Exile at March 24, 2017 03:13 PM (Tnhbr)

120 Old news. They used to bitch when you didn't get the job done. So men learned to be more sensitive to women's needs.

So now they bitch about that because men feel good about it.

Pro tip: Ignore it, it's still a good idea to make them come.

Posted by: Meremortal at March 24, 2017 03:13 PM (3myMJ)

121 "Anyway, I've yabbled on enough. Robert Traczinsky at the Federalist has more" - maybe in addition to, but definitely not 'more'

Posted by: GregV61 at March 24, 2017 03:13 PM (+5nuR)

122 First you rub it
Then you gradually increase the heat
Petty soon the juices really start to flow
Be patient, it can take several hours but the end result is worth the wait.
Don't rush it.
And finally voila! Perfection!
Oh, and finish off with a little smoke.




What?

I'm cooking a brisket, you perverts!

Posted by: Muldoon at March 24, 2017 03:14 PM (wPiJc)

123 No worries with me ladies it's all about me.

Posted by: SOMEASSHOLESTOLEMYPEN at March 24, 2017 03:14 PM (nQHw/)

124 I guess it's also oppressive if a guy tells his wife or girlfriend that that was a really great dinner she just made.

Posted by: mallfly the Peach of Hoboken at March 24, 2017 03:14 PM (b7fwp)

125 It was just so mechanical. In and out, in and out. Where's the romance? He didn't even ask me about my day.

Posted by: Ace's shelves at March 24, 2017 03:14 PM (a2NH2)

126 Btw if I haven't said it recently...I love this place.

Thank you Ace...I'm very satisfied with this post...how was for you?

Posted by: Some moron at March 24, 2017 03:14 PM (1G2ms)

127 Most "studies" are BS. Just heard on NPR that more illegals and recent immigrants are getting hit by cars than Americans. Reason? Racism. Then at the end of this report the reporter said that this study was during the day, so therefore it wasn't that the "darker faces" wouldn't show up as well as at night.

Posted by: dIb at March 24, 2017 03:14 PM (VJOLZ)

128 Q: How can you tell if a feminist is having an orgasm?

A: She drops her "Men: Stay Out of My Uterus!" protest sign.

Posted by: zombie at March 24, 2017 03:14 PM (DQ4Fv)

129 I'm done.

Posted by: Andrew Dice Clay at March 24, 2017 03:14 PM (YNPwP)

130 never, ever, "date" anyone who reads cosmo.

Posted by: chavez the hugo at March 24, 2017 03:14 PM (KP5rU)

131 I added an update making that point, and also noted that Cosmo publishes a How To Give a R*mj*b article every few months.

Posted by: ace at March 24, 2017 03:14 PM (8rNrN)

132 >>>....Almost like she feels good about being good at something.

Which is now officially a Hate Crime in a Special Snowflake Participation Trophy world.
........

This. It always comes down to this. Accomplishment, skill, aptitude, or achievement of any kind is now a source of shame and looked at with disgust.

You didn't build that. Even if "that" is busting a nut or building a big O.

Posted by: Damiano at March 24, 2017 03:14 PM (n3oGs)

133 EXECUTIVE SUMMARY: (a) all the hard questions in psychology have been solved; and (b) Cosmopolitan looks for excuses to put the word ORGASM on its cover

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero) at March 24, 2017 03:15 PM (8ZskC)

134 >>You have never mentioned the existence of a girlfriend, but have on
occasion mentioned "going out" on what were presumably "dates."



zombie, you of all people should respect Ace's privacy!

Posted by: Lizzy at March 24, 2017 03:15 PM (NOIQH)

135 I think I'm going to go back and read the post faster and harder this time.

Posted by: Some moron at March 24, 2017 03:15 PM (1G2ms)

136 You know, I faked it.

Posted by: Cosmo Kramer at March 24, 2017 03:15 PM (BDZWU)

137 I say we MUST protest this EVIL SHREW'S slanderous attacks on our collective manhood(s) by holding a YUGE parade and then withholding OUR SEED from these BITCHES for a year to PUNISH them!!!!

What do you say, MEN. Are you with me?!?!?!

*begins building giant purple paper mache penis that actually looks like a rusted car sticking out of the ground like you see in the desert outside of Barstow*

Posted by: Sharkman at March 24, 2017 03:15 PM (CdsVi)

138 I am amazed at people who go through life with such profound unhappiness that they want everyone else around them to be just as miserable as they are. It seems like there are a huge number of these so-called writer/scientists who need to be seeing a psychiatric professional, and given a scrip to help deal with their mental issues.


Instead, they are given professorships, and grants to study and write articles like this. No wonder colleges and universities suck.

Posted by: moki at March 24, 2017 03:15 PM (wuzmq)

139 Robert Traczinsky at the Federalist has more.

Please, for the love of God, no more!

Posted by: DocJ at March 24, 2017 03:15 PM (NYS7S)

140 I added an update making that point, and also noted that Cosmo publishes a How To Give a R*mj*b article every few months.


Ram jamb?

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero) at March 24, 2017 03:16 PM (8ZskC)

141 If I don't have time to give women an orgasm, then I don't have time to read this whole post

Posted by: Rick in SK at March 24, 2017 03:16 PM (FZYNt)

142 I for one would welcome an orgasm some time this decade.

Posted by: mika brzezinski at March 24, 2017 03:16 PM (WLK0w)

143 >>>125 It was just so mechanical. In and out, in and out. Where's the romance? He didn't even ask me about my day.
Posted by: Ace's shelves

I did a poor job the first time then went out and got a bigger drill for you and did the job right.

You're just never happy, are you? You're your mother all over.

Posted by: ace at March 24, 2017 03:16 PM (8rNrN)

144 i hope no one will get memorial day'd

Posted by: willow at March 24, 2017 03:16 PM (R7cwD)

145
*begins building giant purple paper mache penis that actually looks like a rusted car sticking out of the ground like you see in the desert outside of Barstow*
Posted by: Sharkman at March 24, 2017 03:15 PM (CdsVi)

Looks like the drugs have started to take hold.

Posted by: Insomniac - sin valor at March 24, 2017 03:16 PM (0mRoj)

146 I am making a full effort once my divorce is final to bring back the art of heavy petting...

I don't think I can go back to sex for the sake of sex.

Posted by: H Badger at March 24, 2017 03:16 PM (n/0Nw)

147 I for one would welcome an orgasm some time this decade.
Posted by: mika brzezinski at March 24, 2017 03:16 PM (WLK0w)


Put on this fursuit.

Posted by: Joe Scarborough at March 24, 2017 03:16 PM (Tnhbr)

148 133 EXECUTIVE SUMMARY: (a) all the hard questions in psychology have been solved; and (b) Cosmopolitan looks for excuses to put the word ORGASM on its cover
Posted by: Cicero (@cicero) at March 24, 2017 03:15 PM (8ZskC)

Hahaha. Threadwinner and 100% true, especially item (b)

Posted by: Damiano at March 24, 2017 03:17 PM (n3oGs)

149
Q: How do you know if a JAP is having an orgasm?

A: She stops filing her nails.

Posted by: Kodos the Executioner at March 24, 2017 03:17 PM (K2ygU)

150 I can kind of see why the Muzzies do what they do....geesh.

Posted by: Big Fat Meanie at March 24, 2017 03:17 PM (hqZPQ)

151
86 Ace, I really enjoy your blog posts,but in this post you sim[ly are overthinking this stuff. I think you should put down and step away from the Cosmo before it damages something.


Posted by: Semilitterate at March 24, 2017 03:09 PM (ELV66)

Yeah. As a woman, this Cosmo story sounds like bullshit. Like Cosmo needed to fill their quota of bitchy stories about men and this woman was on a deadline and pulled this out of her ass.

Posted by: Donna and V. (sans ampersands at the present time) at March 24, 2017 03:17 PM (s7vJs)

152 140 I added an update making that point, and also noted that Cosmo publishes a How To Give a R*mj*b article every few months.


Ram jamb?

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero) at March 24, 2017 03:16 PM (8ZskC)


Man, I always f***ing hated "Black Betty".

Posted by: Hikaru at March 24, 2017 03:17 PM (WDCYi)

153 A little NSFW orgasm mood music:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p2Mi995ggFU

Posted by: The Political Hat at March 24, 2017 03:17 PM (rUIbB)

154 Guys, I feel very comfortable speaking for all the sensible women everywhere: feel damn proud and practice, practice, practice.

Posted by: redbanzai at March 24, 2017 03:17 PM (f5uaD)

155 130 never, ever, "date" anyone who reads cosmo.
Posted by: chavez the hugo at March 24, 2017 03:14 PM (KP5rU)

Hey chavez, come take this quiz with me!

Posted by: That chick who will later try to stab you at March 24, 2017 03:17 PM (RD7QR)

156 Just getting my #HotTake in before reading this wall of text.

Posted by: Eric Hoffer's Thumb at March 24, 2017 03:17 PM (e6aCv)

157 >>>136 You know, I faked it.
Posted by: Cosmo Kramer

to be honest, and to overshare again, I would guess most men have.

Posted by: ace at March 24, 2017 03:17 PM (8rNrN)

158 I added an update making that point, and also noted that Cosmo publishes a How To Give a R*mj*b article every few months.


Ram jamb?
Posted by: Cicero (@cicero) at March 24, 2017 03:16 PM (8ZskC)


Rumjib.

Arrr, matey!

Posted by: filbert at March 24, 2017 03:17 PM (s5o+q)

159 zombie, you of all people should respect Ace's privacy!
Posted by: Lizzy


It's entirely up to Ace if he wants to answer! No harm in asking. People ask me all the time my gender, hometown, etc., and I don't mind -- it's my choice to answer or not (and of course I choose "Not") -- which Ace can choose as well! (And presumably will.)

Posted by: zombie at March 24, 2017 03:17 PM (DQ4Fv)

160 I've seen a theory put forth which attempts to answer why European women keep voting for political parties which import tons of extremely sexually aggressive Muslim males.

The theory purports that this is because the very same European women have, by policy and custom, over the last half-century, slowly and steadily neutered their own males, turned them into scrawny _Sitzpinklers_, even the ostensibly straight ones. Flaccid and placid.

And at some deep psychological level, that doesn't *do it* sexually for those European women. Leaves them with unmet needs. So they're importing rough trade instead. Bringing in tough testosterone-filled replacements for the Euromales who they themselves had systematically castrated.

Although those women would never ever in a hundred billion years own up to this, or perhaps even consciously realize it.

Posted by: torquewrench at March 24, 2017 03:18 PM (noWW6)

161 She stroll on over, say look here, bum,

I got a forty dollar bill say you can't make me cum..

Posted by: Zombie Frank Zappa at March 24, 2017 03:18 PM (QM5S2)

162 154 Guys, I feel very comfortable speaking for all the sensible women everywhere: feel damn proud and practice, practice, practice.
Posted by: redbanzai at March 24, 2017 03:17 PM (f5uaD)

All I get is practice these days...

Posted by: Insomniac - sin valor at March 24, 2017 03:18 PM (0mRoj)

163 You know which culture thinks feminine pleasure is haram?

Posted by: Minuteman at March 24, 2017 03:18 PM (0i9eW)

164 >>>Man, I always f***ing hated "Black Betty".

I can't decide if I like it or f***ing hate it. It rides that line for me.

Posted by: ace at March 24, 2017 03:18 PM (8rNrN)

165 Further studies may suggest that 99% of men who derived too much pleasure in the afterglow felt the pleasure quickly melt away when forced to cuddle.

Posted by: Fritz at March 24, 2017 03:18 PM (2Mnv1)

166 We can solve the problem of men enjoying giving women orgasms once and for all!

Posted by: FGM Cutters United at March 24, 2017 03:18 PM (Om16U)

167 Called my girlfriend, she said, "Come on over, no one's home."

So I went over. No one was home!

-More Rodney

Posted by: Meremortal at March 24, 2017 03:18 PM (3myMJ)

168 I've been married for 26 years.

A good time is being in bed fast asleep by 9:30pm.

Posted by: Kreplach at March 24, 2017 03:18 PM (Gh/jd)

169 Is it sexist if, after bringing a woman to orgasm, you ask for a partial refund of your money?

Posted by: Hollowpoint at March 24, 2017 03:18 PM (4AwD7)

170 They're welcome to have as many as they like in my 2 minutes and 45 seconds of vigorous activity.

Posted by: Weasel at March 24, 2017 03:18 PM (Sfs6o)

171 My GF is multi orgasmic. She probably comes a dozen times for each one of mine.

Clearly I feel super masculine and am TOTALLY down to oppress some women.

Posted by: Farmer Joe at March 24, 2017 03:19 PM (zSMr0)

172 157 >>>136 You know, I faked it.
Posted by: Cosmo Kramer

to be honest, and to overshare again, I would guess most men have.

Posted by: ace at March 24, 2017 03:17 PM (8rNrN)

Squirtgun with warm Elmer's glue?

Posted by: Insomniac - sin valor at March 24, 2017 03:19 PM (0mRoj)

173 @160 I've seen that theory also.
Plausible.

Posted by: @votermom @vm pimping great books usually free or sale at March 24, 2017 03:19 PM (Om16U)

174 Q: How can you tell if a feminist is having an orgasm?

A: She drops her "Men: Stay Out of My Uterus!" protest sign.

Posted by: zombie at March 24, 2017 03:14 PM (DQ4Fv)
............

Trick question. Assumes facts not in evidence.

Posted by: wth at March 24, 2017 03:19 PM (HgMAr)

175 Anyway, I've yabbled on enough.

Yabbled-That's a word.? I've heard of yammered and gabbled, but Yabbled?

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at March 24, 2017 03:19 PM (fDdVG)

176 163 You know which culture thinks feminine pleasure is haram?
Posted by: Minuteman at March 24, 2017 03:18 PM (0i9eW)

====================

"Well, it's obviously white Christians."
-Very smart college student who's struggling with their core classes but acing that gender studies course

Posted by: TheJamesMadison at March 24, 2017 03:19 PM (ELUpj)

177 ace is still shelving ?

Posted by: willow at March 24, 2017 03:19 PM (R7cwD)

178 Head Machine - Orgasm [Full Album]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=evvKFmpckTw


Cromagnon - Orgasm 1969 [Full Album]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=36Srmk7JYlI


The Legendary Orgasm Album - John's Children

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zXFG4Oknl-Q


Atrox - Orgasm [Full Album]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JRYE7hYxJiw

Posted by: The Mood Music Hat at March 24, 2017 03:19 PM (rUIbB)

179 >>But maybe they did. I read as much as I could before throwing in the towel.


That's an elaborate way of saying, 'I skimmed the headline'.

Posted by: garrett at March 24, 2017 03:19 PM (MmiC2)

180
I hate talking about s-x.

But I do like talking about Beta and Delta men. So let's talk about the Losers who use vibrators (and other things) on women BECAUSE THEY CAN'T PERFORM AS MEN but pretend it's "fun for them too."

Posted by: iSoothsayer iPro iLX at March 24, 2017 03:19 PM (qTQac)

181 155; i'll be right there! just wait a minute.

Posted by: chavez the hugo at March 24, 2017 03:20 PM (KP5rU)

182 >>>Squirtgun with warm Elmer's glue?

no one knows what's happening inside a condom do they?

Posted by: ace at March 24, 2017 03:20 PM (8rNrN)

183 Only with the assistance of jade vag eggs, hoo-hah steamers and $10k gold dildos. All available at GOOP!
Posted by: Insomniac - sin valor at March 24, 2017 03:10 PM


I find it incredibly racist, sexist, homophobic, xenophobic, Islamophobic, bigoted, cowardly, un-American, intolerant, transphobic, ignorant, misogynist, climate denying, and bullying that you forgot to mention Fur Oil in your list!

Posted by: Gwyneth P., lifestyle guru at March 24, 2017 03:20 PM (DMUuz)

184
My GF is multi orgasmic.
_____________


Been there, that gets old after an hour or so... I made it a game. I bet if I make this face she'll, uh yep she sure will.

Posted by: IP at March 24, 2017 03:20 PM (hUtue)

185 *wondering if the white sale at Bloomingdales is this weeekend*

Are you done yet?

Posted by: ALH at March 24, 2017 03:20 PM (uLuPn)

186 C-SPAN

http://preview.tinyurl.com/ljz6mvq

Posted by: m at March 24, 2017 03:20 PM (Gqgs8)

187 >>>That's an elaborate way of saying, 'I skimmed the headline'.


dude, I quoted at least 3000 words and commented on them.

I even read some of the citations.

Posted by: ace at March 24, 2017 03:21 PM (8rNrN)

188 A little NSFW orgasm mood music:

While I'm a Buzzcocks fan dating back to around 1978, they were rubbing-on-a-chick-at-the-club music (a rare achievement in my life, and not one that ever resulted in that kind of experience), not bouncing-at-bedtime music...

Posted by: JEM at March 24, 2017 03:21 PM (TppKb)

189 My GF is multi orgasmic. She probably comes a dozen times for each one of mine.


I'll bet you find dead batteries all over the house when you get home.

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero) at March 24, 2017 03:21 PM (8ZskC)

190 do we eat pancakes after shelving? or before?

Posted by: willow at March 24, 2017 03:21 PM (R7cwD)

191 http://www.5z8.info/titstitstitstits_i8t0uy_protocols-of-the-elders-of-zion.doc

Posted by: Dr Spank at March 24, 2017 03:21 PM (4e+hS)

192 no one knows what's happening inside a condom do they?

Posted by: ace at March 24, 2017 03:20 PM (8rNrN)

Trojan Man does.

Posted by: Insomniac - sin valor at March 24, 2017 03:21 PM (0mRoj)

193 may read, too long.

Femisism is garbage. That's all you need to know. It's just institutionalized complaint warehousing.

Posted by: Joe Inaugurating 45 in DC at March 24, 2017 03:21 PM (55//3)

194 Actually, men prefer she be a good sammich maker.

Posted by: Bruce at March 24, 2017 03:21 PM (8ikIW)

195 †I added an update making that point, and also noted that Cosmo publishes a How To Give a R*mj*b article every few months.
Posted by: ace†


I always thought that was a myth, that a woman would venture into *that* zone. I have only seen, in years of extensive scientific research - for purely scientific reasons, of course -- one instance of that ever happening.

The guy that found the video named it 'OMG !! 11!!! 1!!'

Posted by: E Depluribus Unum at March 24, 2017 03:21 PM (ZFUt7)

196 >>>ace is still shelving ?<<<

Ace is nesting; it's Spring.

Posted by: Fritz at March 24, 2017 03:22 PM (2Mnv1)

197 172 >>> Squirtgun with warm Elmer's glue?

Posted by: Insomniac - sin valor at March 24, 2017 03:19 PM (0mRoj)


And now you know how Beta Hipsters do their Beard Transplants.

Posted by: Hikaru at March 24, 2017 03:22 PM (WDCYi)

198 Mike Conaway R, Texas

just asked: why, you might ask, did we not have a bill ready to go on inauguration day? Because this is hard.

eh

Posted by: m at March 24, 2017 03:22 PM (Gqgs8)

199 >>It's entirely up to Ace if he wants to answer!

I know - just couldn't resist giving you are hard time!
- - - -

Probably a good place to mention that previously vag-focused Gwenyth Paltrow (24k gold dildo, jade pussy egg, Asian vagina steaming) has just published a guide to anal sex on her Goop site.

Posted by: Lizzy at March 24, 2017 03:22 PM (NOIQH)

200 So, did you like the movie, or not?

Posted by: Teresa in Fort Worth, TX at March 24, 2017 03:22 PM (Saqzi)

201 190; usually during.

Posted by: chavez the hugo at March 24, 2017 03:22 PM (KP5rU)

202 I did a poor job the first time then went out and got a bigger drill for you and did the job right.

You're just never happy, are you? You're your mother all over.

Posted by: ace at March 24, 2017 03:16 PM (8rNrN)

And.....BOOM! goes the relationship Nuc.

Posted by: Flyboy at March 24, 2017 03:22 PM (T/7Kv)

203 184
My GF is multi orgasmic.


Been there, that gets old after an hour or so... I made it a game.


Posted by: IP at March 24, 2017 03:20 PM (hUtue)

How can that get old?

Posted by: ALH at March 24, 2017 03:22 PM (uLuPn)

204 do we eat pancakes after shelving? or before?

Posted by: willow at March 24, 2017 03:21 PM (R7cwD)




Babs Streisand: Both

Posted by: TheQuietMan at March 24, 2017 03:22 PM (493sH)

205 Morale of the story:

1. Don't get married.

2. Porn is the answer to every question.

Posted by: Captain FartsAStorm at March 24, 2017 03:22 PM (Ze4Jj)

206 Frederica Wilson D Florida seems new at this.

Posted by: m at March 24, 2017 03:23 PM (Gqgs8)

207 >>>It's just institutionalized complaint warehousing.

warehousing? If only. It's a designer boutique and factory creating cutting-edge new complaints in various models and sizes by the thousands and then copying and re-copying them in knockoff shops.

Posted by: ace at March 24, 2017 03:23 PM (8rNrN)

208 160- you have a point.

And it may explain leftist women in the US being so rah-rah for Muslims.

It satisfies their need for masculinity, without having to date an icky masculine American male.

Posted by: moki at March 24, 2017 03:23 PM (wuzmq)

209 One gets the feeling that the current editorial staff and writers at Cosmopolitan don't understand their target audience

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at March 24, 2017 03:23 PM (39g3+)

210 205 Morale of the story:

1. Don't get married.

2. Porn is the answer to every question.
Posted by: Captain FartsAStorm at March 24, 2017 03:22 PM (Ze4Jj)

Unless you're in Sunday School, then it's Jesus. But yeah.

Posted by: Insomniac - sin valor at March 24, 2017 03:23 PM (0mRoj)

211 "Is it sexist if, after bringing a woman to orgasm, you ask for a partial refund of your money?"

Working girls only come with the last guy of the shift, if they want to come.

Makes them too sensitive inside otherwise.

(As related to me by working girls.)

Posted by: Meremortal at March 24, 2017 03:23 PM (3myMJ)

212 "Xir who controls the Vajayjay..."

- Bene Gesserit Reverend Mother Cosmo

Posted by: Anna Puma at March 24, 2017 03:23 PM (rXyHG)

213 160 I've seen a theory put forth which attempts to answer why European women keep voting for political parties which import tons of extremely sexually aggressive Muslim males.

The theory purports that this is because the very same European women have, by policy and custom, over the last half-century, slowly and steadily neutered their own males, turned them into scrawny _Sitzpinklers_, even the ostensibly straight ones. Flaccid and placid.

And at some deep psychological level, that doesn't *do it* sexually for those European women. Leaves them with unmet needs. So they're importing rough trade instead. Bringing in tough testosterone-filled replacements for the Euromales who they themselves had systematically castrated.

Although those women would never ever in a hundred billion years own up to this, or perhaps even consciously realize it.
Posted by: torquewrench


Very interesting theory!

Snarling, unshaven 21-year-old frustrated Arabs are the 21st-century equivalent of the 1950s "bad boy" with a leather jacket, straddling a motorcycle. Eventually, yeah, you'll marry Rubert Q. Meriweather III because of his bank account, but you'll get your jollies with Johnny Ramrod first, while you can.

Posted by: zombie at March 24, 2017 03:23 PM (DQ4Fv)

214 Frederica Wilson D Florida seems new at this.

... though her accent is fun.

Posted by: m at March 24, 2017 03:23 PM (Gqgs8)

215 *wondering if the white sale at Bloomingdales is this weeekend*
.......

Racist.

Posted by: Damiano at March 24, 2017 03:23 PM (n3oGs)

216 205 Morale of the story:

1. Don't get married.

2. Porn is the answer to every question.
Posted by: Captain FartsAStorm

3. Meet the Palm sisters

Posted by: Rick in SK at March 24, 2017 03:24 PM (FZYNt)

217 208 160- you have a point.

And it may explain leftist women in the US being so rah-rah for Muslims.

It satisfies their need for masculinity, without having to date an icky masculine American male.

Posted by: moki at March 24, 2017 03:23 PM (wuzmq)


That, and the ever-present "He's a bad boy that only I can tame!" complex.

Posted by: Hikaru at March 24, 2017 03:24 PM (WDCYi)

218 1. Don't get married.

2. Porn is the answer to every question.


When the Japanese porn industry figures out how to teleport sperm the country's gonna experience a population boom it hasn't seen since 1905, though they seem to be culturally averse to round-eye assistance.

Posted by: JEM at March 24, 2017 03:24 PM (TppKb)

219 "display of feminist hysteria"

Ace is a misogynist he has to be see him use tose misogynistic words calling hysteria saying cause I have a Youtrus I can't control it that what he's sayin shame on you.

Didn't you read the list of forbidden words?

Posted by: Charlene at March 24, 2017 03:24 PM (xIkNd)

220 Snarling, unshaven 21-year-old frustrated Arabs are the 21st-century equivalent of the 1950s "bad boy" with a leather jacket, straddling a motorcycle. Eventually, yeah, you'll marry Rubert Q. Meriweather III because of his bank account, but you'll get your jollies with Johnny Ramrod first, while you can.
Posted by: zombie at March 24, 2017 03:23 PM (DQ4Fv)

Alpha fucks and beta bucks.

Posted by: Insomniac - sin valor at March 24, 2017 03:24 PM (0mRoj)

221 >>dude, I quoted at least 3000 words and commented on them.

I even read some of the citations.


Are you always this sensitive after you Orgasm?

Posted by: garrett at March 24, 2017 03:24 PM (MmiC2)

222 >>>Working girls only come with the last guy of the shift, if they want to come.

Makes them too sensitive inside otherwise.

(As related to me by working girls.)

...

we tell all our poorer-performing clients that.

Posted by: American Association of Working Girls at March 24, 2017 03:24 PM (8rNrN)

223 Aaaaand the Senate is in recess, "recall subject to the chair."

Vote at 4, I believe.

Posted by: m at March 24, 2017 03:24 PM (Gqgs8)

224 165 Further studies may suggest that 99% of men who derived too much pleasure in the afterglow felt the pleasure quickly melt away when forced to cuddle.
Posted by: Fritz at March 24, 2017 03:18 PM (2Mnv1)


------------------

The biggest boner-killer for any man is for a woman to say, "We have to talk".

Posted by: Soona at March 24, 2017 03:24 PM (Fmupd)

225 I never took Alice to the moon. Maybe Norton did - or Trixie.

Posted by: Ralph Kramden at March 24, 2017 03:24 PM (bc2Lc)

226 171 My GF is multi orgasmic. She probably comes a dozen times for each one of mine.

Clearly I feel super masculine and am TOTALLY down to oppress some women.

Posted by: Farmer Joe at March 24, 2017 03:19 PM (zSMr0)

Was with a gal like that a ways back. It was refreshing. 'Have at it dude I'll easily be good for a few so enjoy yourself.'

Posted by: What what? at March 24, 2017 03:25 PM (1G2ms)

227 205 Morale of the story:

1. Don't get married.

Why buy the whole pig, just to get a little sausage?

Posted by: ALH at March 24, 2017 03:25 PM (uLuPn)

228 They're welcome to have as many as they like in my 2 minutes and 45 seconds of vigorous activity.
Posted by: Weasel at March 24, 2017 03:18 PM


You have 2 minutes and 45 seconds? In my day, we were lucky to have 15 seconds, and were happy when we did.

Posted by: J. Random Moron, who's over 29 at March 24, 2017 03:25 PM (DMUuz)

229 They delayed the debate. Are they pulling the bill?

Posted by: WisRich at March 24, 2017 03:25 PM (hdpay)

230 *slams card of Bi Girl Authority on the table*

Finally, a topic on which I have actual experiential knowledge!

How to put this politely. Obtaining platinum level on getting a guy off is, hmmm, not overly challenging. Let's put it like that. Boys are, blessedly, relatively straightforward in that area. Oh, sure, sure, sure, every human being likes certain things better than others (ace, the Good Ex BF shares your Clinton not sex issue and I'm not saying I took actual victory laps whilst making actual victory arms at relevant times but I'm not saying I didn't either), but absent some type of physical issue or severe mental issue, getting a guy to finish is not overly difficult. You're going to get that platinum first shot, no pun intended.

And then there's girls. I'll be blunt here, I don't know why guys bother. Girly bits are stupid, stupid, stupid complicated and there as many variations as to what works for a girl as there are girls and, hell, there are that many variations in the same girl.

So, yes, yes, I do take greater pride in getting a high score for achievement unlocking for a girl than I do for a guy. Because it is a more difficult achievement.


I'm just viciously bitter I didn't get the grant money to post an online survey and then make shit up. I've made so many bad life choices.

Posted by: alexthechick - rrraaawwwrrr at March 24, 2017 03:25 PM (mf5HN)

231 223 Aaaaand the Senate is in recess, "recall subject to the chair."

Vote at 4, I believe.
Posted by: m at March 24, 2017 03:24 PM (Gqgs

Is it a comfy chair?

Posted by: Insomniac - sin valor at March 24, 2017 03:25 PM (0mRoj)

232 212 "Xir who controls the Vajayjay..."

- Bene Gesserit Reverend Mother Cosmo


Posted by: Anna Puma at March 24, 2017 03:23 PM (rXyHG)

The Vibrator Expands Life.
The Vibrator Expands the Hoo-Hah Walls...

Posted by: Hikaru at March 24, 2017 03:25 PM (WDCYi)

233 I've seen a theory put forth which attempts to answer why European women keep voting for political parties which import tons of extremely sexually aggressive Muslim males.

The theory purports that this is because the very same European women have, by policy and custom, over the last half-century, slowly and steadily neutered their own males, turned them into scrawny _Sitzpinklers_, even the ostensibly straight ones. Flaccid and placid.

And at some deep psychological level, that doesn't *do it* sexually for those European women. Leaves them with unmet needs. So they're importing rough trade instead. Bringing in tough testosterone-filled replacements for the Euromales who they themselves had systematically castrated.

Although those women would never ever in a hundred billion years own up to this, or perhaps even consciously realize it.
Posted by: torquewrench at March 24, 2017 03:18 PM (noWW6)


I think they have it backwards.

Women in Europe are voting for this crap because they've grown up around neutered men their whole lives, so they no longer have any sense of the dangers that unconstrained savage men possess. They aren't looking for testosterone, they're engaging in full narcissistic virtue signaling through their politics, combined with a misplaced maternal instinct, as the refugee "children" take the place of the children that these women never had.

Posted by: Joe Scarborough at March 24, 2017 03:25 PM (Tnhbr)

234 210 205 Morale of the story:

1. Don't get married.

2. Porn is the answer to every question.
Posted by: Captain FartsAStorm at March 24, 2017 03:22 PM (Ze4Jj)

Unless you're in Sunday School, then it's Jesus. But yeah.
Posted by: Insomniac - sin valor at March 24, 2017 03:23 PM (0mRoj)

Rule 34, Insomniac.

Posted by: Damiano at March 24, 2017 03:25 PM (n3oGs)

235 You've never once asked how it was for me.

Posted by: My Right Hand at March 24, 2017 03:26 PM (5JlYa)

236 >>>Are you always this sensitive after you Orgasm?

I'd like it acknowledged that I did all the work here and you just laid there like a dead fish

Posted by: ace at March 24, 2017 03:26 PM (8rNrN)

237 >>My GF is multi orgasmic.


I don't think I have ever dated a woman who wasn't.

Posted by: garrett at March 24, 2017 03:26 PM (MmiC2)

238 If you care about the female O and want a laugh, track down Richard Pryor's bit on "Did you come?"

Its somewhere on youtube

Posted by: Ignoramus at March 24, 2017 03:26 PM (SIY7D)

239 And now on C-SPAN video of earlier House debate.

Posted by: m at March 24, 2017 03:26 PM (Gqgs8)

240 As a teen, I used to read Cosmo. Thought it was sophisticated, smart, and sexy. After a few years I realized it was made-up, on the spot bull-shit - contrived, convoluted and sensational. They have to crank these "stories" out every month and it is nothing but blather.
It is bubble gum for teenage girls and immature women.

Posted by: washrivergal at March 24, 2017 03:26 PM (Ivjge)

241 Have a buddy with the same issue as our host. He chalks it up to multiple daily spank sessions as a youth. I guess he desensitized his unit, but he also claims to last a long time at the other stuff. So there's that.

Posted by: spongeworthy at March 24, 2017 03:26 PM (mrfTe)

242
Rule 34, Insomniac.
Posted by: Damiano at March 24, 2017 03:25 PM (n3oGs)

Not going there, nope nope nope HELL nope. Taking the nope train to Fuckthatville.

Posted by: Insomniac - sin valor at March 24, 2017 03:26 PM (0mRoj)

243 ace

read this part:

As you know, when I found out I had been mis-performing a basic task that most men can perform (to be specific, running the drill the wrong way
************
********

adam corolla has a new Live show where he builds shit. He has big name guests on to help build shit live.

Adam Sandler is also cursed with the drill in reverse - itis you've been diagnosed with.

So there you go, you're billy madison.

Posted by: Joe Inaugurating 45 in DC at March 24, 2017 03:27 PM (55//3)

244 >>that's bad, because they're seeing women as passive sex objects to be manipulated the way that I skillfully manipulate my drill when putting up awesome shelves

OMG Ace! This part made me crack up.

Dear Cosmo, please don't tell men to stop trying. Thanks. Signed: Everyone else.

Posted by: Lea at March 24, 2017 03:27 PM (lIU4e)

245 *serves lemon bars to the Empress*

Posted by: Anna Puma at March 24, 2017 03:27 PM (rXyHG)

246 I don't think I have ever dated a woman.
Posted by: garrett

FIFY

Posted by: Millennials at March 24, 2017 03:27 PM (FZYNt)

247 And then there's girls. I'll be blunt here, I don't know why guys bother. Girly bits are stupid, stupid, stupid complicated

That's because they're made in Sweden.

Posted by: Joe Biden at March 24, 2017 03:27 PM (8ZskC)

248 FBN: HC bill has been pulled.

Posted by: Tami at March 24, 2017 03:27 PM (Enq6K)

249 >>I'd like it acknowledged that I did all the work here and you just laid there like a dead fish



You can try sweet talk, but I'm not making you a sandwich.

Posted by: garrett at March 24, 2017 03:27 PM (MmiC2)

250 I'm just viciously bitter I didn't get the grant money to post an online survey and then make shit up. I've made so many bad life choices.

Right now morons are setting up six different crowdfunding efforts...

Posted by: JEM at March 24, 2017 03:27 PM (TppKb)

251 More Rodney Dangerfield:

"My wife likes to talk during sex."

"Last night she called me from Chicago."

Posted by: Abby Normal at March 24, 2017 03:27 PM (cQO95)

252 >>>229 They delayed the debate. Are they pulling the bill?
Posted by: WisRich at March 24, 2017 03:25 PM (hdpay)

They're meeting.

Posted by: m at March 24, 2017 03:27 PM (Gqgs8)

253
Ace, one word for you:

Publish or perish!

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at March 24, 2017 03:27 PM (mbhDw)

254
Fox Business say the House postpones the health care bill vote

Posted by: TheQuietMan at March 24, 2017 03:27 PM (493sH)

255 Unless you're in Sunday School, then it's Jesus.

No, It's not. We DO study the Old Testament in Sunday School. :^)

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at March 24, 2017 03:28 PM (fDdVG)

256 I need a cigarette and I don't even smoke.

Posted by: Northernlurker at March 24, 2017 03:28 PM (hJrjt)

257 ShadyURL : http://shadyurl.com/

Posted by: Dr Spank at March 24, 2017 03:28 PM (4e+hS)

258 I'd like it acknowledged that I did all the work here and you just laid there like a dead fish
Posted by: ace at March 24, 2017 03:26 PM (8rNrN)


Ace sleeps with the fishes.

Posted by: Tessio at March 24, 2017 03:28 PM (8ZskC)

259
So apparently there was a Clay Matthews Sr..

Posted by: iSoothsayer iPro iLX at March 24, 2017 03:28 PM (qTQac)

260 I love that the whole experiment is imaginary (Imagined Orgasm Exercise).

Noting actually happened, it was just a make believe survey.

Posted by: Max Power at March 24, 2017 03:28 PM (q177U)

261 So. We're back to the old joke:

How do you make a woman orgasm?

Who cares.

Glad we got that out of the way.

Posted by: Steve_in_SoCal at March 24, 2017 03:28 PM (bB4HN)

262 In the House, the health care bill just went flaccid, and the Leadership is staring at the ceiling, waiting for him to get done and thinking about what to make for dinner.

They pulled the bill.


Posted by: Lip Licking Ian Galt at March 24, 2017 03:28 PM (8iiMU)

263 Healthcare bill withdrawn. House goes to recess.

Posted by: Soona at March 24, 2017 03:28 PM (Fmupd)

264 I have the same problem as Ace in a certain area. One woman I'd had a crush on let me know she was interested. (Unfortunately it was just for the night.)
When she wasn't able to "pull the rabbit out of the hat" (which she considered her forte') she got mad. How mad?
The next day while our mutal friend was there, she started bragging to her about the other guys she had been with and how good they were, as if I was not even there.
She murdered that crush PDQ.

Posted by: Tilikum KAW at March 24, 2017 03:28 PM (m3iiU)

265 If I had bothereed to think about this issue, I too would have wondered why a blow job magazine is publishing teh orgasm pride is partiarchy bullshit feminazi studies.

This is insidious.

These people..the PC's...have values 180 degrees out of whack with the normals.

They can't be allowed to think their skewed prog world views are morally superior. They're treasonous nutballs with an immoral world view. They need mocking.

Posted by: Joe Inaugurating 45 in DC at March 24, 2017 03:28 PM (55//3)

266 255 Unless you're in Sunday School, then it's Jesus.

No, It's not. We DO study the Old Testament in Sunday School. :^)
Posted by: FenelonSpoke at March 24, 2017 03:28 PM (fDdVG)

Just playing the odds.

Posted by: Insomniac - sin valor at March 24, 2017 03:28 PM (0mRoj)

267 From Aces' last link:


The researchers in the study, Sara Chadwick and Sari van Anders, refer to this incredibly predictable phenomenon as a "masculinity achievement." I'm not exactly sure what that means, but I imagine a "masculinity achievement" looks something like Super Mario punching a coin out of one of those floating boxes in the video game...

***********

If your box floats it's probably time to burn it.

Posted by: Freud featuring the artist- DiFi at March 24, 2017 03:29 PM (fi5nC)

268 I have never read Cosmo, except for the stupid headlines at the supermarket check out.

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at March 24, 2017 03:29 PM (fDdVG)

269 Ryan to hold presser at 4 pm ET.

Posted by: Tami at March 24, 2017 03:29 PM (Enq6K)

270
Health care bill has been withdrawn. Paul Ryno presser at 4pm Eastern.

Posted by: TheQuietMan at March 24, 2017 03:29 PM (493sH)

271 267 From Aces' last link:


The researchers in the study, Sara Chadwick and Sari van Anders, refer to this incredibly predictable phenomenon as a "masculinity achievement." I'm not exactly sure what that means, but I imagine a "masculinity achievement" looks something like Super Mario punching a coin out of one of those floating boxes in the video game...

***********

If your box floats it's probably time to burn it.
Posted by: Freud featuring the artist- DiFi at March 24, 2017 03:29 PM (fi5nC)

It's been possessed by the demon Poonzuzu.

Posted by: Insomniac - sin valor at March 24, 2017 03:29 PM (0mRoj)

272
And the feminists wonder about our reaction to giant papier-mache mishes stuffed with hate mail. . .

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at March 24, 2017 03:29 PM (mbhDw)

273 I'd like it acknowledged that I did all the work here and you just laid there like a dead fish
Posted by: ace at March 24, 2017 03:26 PM (8rNrN)



Sure, that's romantic and everything, but what's wrong with tossing her the vibrator and going in the other room to watch TV for 20 minutes?

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero) at March 24, 2017 03:29 PM (8ZskC)

274 A senior couple was discussing marriage.
She said she wanted to keep her house, he said that was fine.
She said she wanted sex 4 times a week, he said to put him on the schedule for Friday.

Posted by: ALH at March 24, 2017 03:30 PM (uLuPn)

275 Vote is postponed, Ryan was asked by Trump to pull the bill. House in recess, but Rs meeting.

Posted by: Flyboy at March 24, 2017 03:30 PM (T/7Kv)

276 Truth be told, I never gave myself much credit for getting certain women off because it doesn't really take much for certain women to get off...know what I mean?
They are pretty much getting themselves off....

Posted by: JoeF. at March 24, 2017 03:30 PM (7uYFy)

277 >>>Girly bits are stupid, stupid, stupid complicated and there as many variations as to what works for a girl as there are girls and, hell, there are that many variations in the same girl.


I think anytime there's any kind of worry that you may or may not orgasm, you feel pressure on your own end, and that makes it hard to do it.

oddly, that means one is probably more likely to give an orgasm by signalling "I don't care if this happens for you or not."

Also, to make sure a girl feels "Safe" and with no pressure on her, I play this as my Sex Music at highest volume:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nnW-8YpQpgQ

Posted by: ace at March 24, 2017 03:30 PM (8rNrN)

278 o. We're back to the old joke:

How do you make a woman orgasm?

Who cares.

Glad we got that out of the way.

****

I concur. I don't "care" inasmuch as, if the girl is having sex with you, you've already passed the test that matters.

Posted by: Joe Inaugurating 45 in DC at March 24, 2017 03:30 PM (55//3)

279 Posted by: Tilikum KAW at March 24, 2017 03:28 PM (m3iiU)

I'm sorry. That's terrible.

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at March 24, 2017 03:30 PM (fDdVG)

280 268
I have never read Cosmo, except for the stupid headlines at the supermarket check out.

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at March 24, 2017 03:29 PM (fDdVG)

Cosmo is essentially porno without the pictures.

Posted by: Lip Licking Ian Galt at March 24, 2017 03:30 PM (8iiMU)

281 177 ace is still shelving ?

Posted by: willow at March 24, 2017 03:19 PM (R7cwD)


...and while he was writing the post.

Posted by: What what? at March 24, 2017 03:30 PM (1G2ms)

282 >> I have never read Cosmo


I have.

Though, the instructions that come in a box of Tampax are way more interesting.

Why don't women keep anything good to read in the bathroom?!

Posted by: garrett at March 24, 2017 03:30 PM (MmiC2)

283 Dead fishes?

Does Ace suffer necropicineaphobia?

Posted by: Anna Puma at March 24, 2017 03:30 PM (rXyHG)

284 263 Healthcare bill withdrawn. House goes to recess.
Posted by: Soona at March 24, 2017 03:28 PM (Fmupd)

=====================

Good.

Rushing this was just bad. Rushing it without actually having the votes was worse.

If the bill is a good 1st step, then convince the caucus before you do this shit.

Posted by: TheJamesMadison at March 24, 2017 03:30 PM (ELUpj)

285 269 Ryan to hold presser at 4 pm ET.
Posted by: Tami at March 24, 2017 03:29 PM (Enq6K)

270
Health care bill has been withdrawn. Paul Ryno presser at 4pm Eastern.
Posted by: TheQuietMan at March 24, 2017 03:29 PM (493sH)


Good. Now if it really is about a process remove the insane stuff and let's get behind it.

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at March 24, 2017 03:31 PM (mbhDw)

286 I think they have it backwards.



Women in Europe are voting for this crap because they've grown up
around neutered men their whole lives, so they no longer have any sense
of the dangers that unconstrained savage men possess. They aren't
looking for testosterone, they're engaging in full narcissistic virtue
signaling through their politics, combined with a misplaced maternal
instinct, as the refugee "children" take the place of the children that
these women never had.

Posted by: Joe Scarborough at March 24, 2017 03:25 PM


The Paolo, he is not concerned with motives. He will make the unsatisfied European women very satisfied, backwards and forwards.

Posted by: Paolo at March 24, 2017 03:31 PM (p+Wdc)

287 >>>274 A senior couple was discussing marriage.
She said she wanted to keep her house, he said that was fine.
She said she wanted sex 4 times a week, he said to put him on the schedule for Friday.
Posted by: ALH at March 24, 2017 03:30 PM (uLuPn)

heh

Posted by: m at March 24, 2017 03:31 PM (Gqgs8)

288 There is NO WAY these studies are serious, they can't be. LOL
-----------

They're real, they're spectacular, and you pay for them.

Posted by: Mega at March 24, 2017 03:31 PM (S3q0Y)

289 How can anyone read all that and still beat me here?

Posted by: Skip at March 24, 2017 03:31 PM (GPaiX)

290 >>Dear Cosmo, please don't tell men to stop trying. Thanks. Signed: Everyone else.


No kidding!
It's almost like they're telling women to withhold or lie about their O to fight the patriarchy. Get off, ladies - but please don't let him know he got you off or he'll be all smug and satisfied. Withhold your O for grrrl power!!

Posted by: Lizzy at March 24, 2017 03:31 PM (NOIQH)

291
217 208 160- you have a point.

And it may explain leftist women in the US being so rah-rah for Muslims.

It satisfies their need for masculinity, without having to date an icky masculine American male.

Posted by: moki at March 24, 2017 03:23 PM (wuzmq)


That, and the ever-present "He's a bad boy that only I can tame!" complex.

Posted by: Hikaru at March 24, 2017 03:24 PM (WDCYi)







Yup.

I actually read a couple of articles online a few years ago about how palestinian men LOVE NGO Season (spring break and summer), because western women who make trips to Gaza and the West Bank are EASY, looking to have noble, peace-loving, enlightened brown Arab men bang the crap out of them.

Disturbing, because you know damned well that they wouldn't give any of these illiterate goat fuckers the time of day if they were here in the States.

Posted by: IllTemperedCur at March 24, 2017 03:31 PM (XWkhW)

292 Trump asked Ryan to pull the bill.



Posted by: Tami at March 24, 2017 03:31 PM (Enq6K)

293 also, guys who brag about eating kittens and other labors of love are weird. Almost compensation.

Posted by: Joe Inaugurating 45 in DC at March 24, 2017 03:31 PM (55//3)

294 248 FBN: HC bill has been pulled.
Posted by: Tami at March 24, 2017 03:27 PM (Enq6K)

More negotiations. Should have made sure it was nailed down first.

Posted by: That chick who will later try to stab you at March 24, 2017 03:31 PM (RD7QR)

295 277 >>>Girly bits are stupid, stupid, stupid complicated and there as many variations as to what works for a girl as there are girls and, hell, there are that many variations in the same girl.


I think anytime there's any kind of worry that you may or may not orgasm, you feel pressure on your own end, and that makes it hard to do it.

oddly, that means one is probably more likely to give an orgasm by signalling "I don't care if this happens for you or not."

Also, to make sure a girl feels "Safe" and with no pressure on her, I play this as my Sex Music at highest volume:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nnW-8YpQpgQ
Posted by: ace at March 24, 2017 03:30 PM (8rNrN)

==================

Advantage of being married?

Knowing my wife's combination.

It's easy to make it happen.

Posted by: TheJamesMadison at March 24, 2017 03:31 PM (ELUpj)

296 You don't want me to help you come to a climax?
Go fuck yourself then.

Posted by: Gunslinger at March 24, 2017 03:32 PM (4S7hN)

297 >>>I have the same problem as Ace in a certain area. One woman I'd had a crush on let me know she was interested. (Unfortunately it was just for the night.)

my guess is that it's psychological, from it just not happening a few times, until you start thinking "This isn't going to happen and this person is now just wasting their time in futility"

I imagine that's a problem with a lot of women too

if you're in your head you're not in bed.

I should be a Sexologist.

Posted by: ace at March 24, 2017 03:32 PM (8rNrN)

298 Off crazy sock, but kind interesting in context.

Posted by: joncelli, Longbow Afficianado and Phalangist at March 24, 2017 03:32 PM (RD7QR)

299 Congress is in recess right now

Posted by: Skip at March 24, 2017 03:32 PM (GPaiX)

300 Posted by: garrett at March 24, 2017 03:30 PM (MmiC2)

What are you interested in reading.? We usually have two to three books in the bathroom in what looks like a magazine rack. We have books everywhere, Sigh

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at March 24, 2017 03:32 PM (fDdVG)

301
The bill is pulled and the market is rallying.

Posted by: TheQuietMan at March 24, 2017 03:33 PM (493sH)

302 You know who else ran a power drill backwards until corrected (according to "The Executioners Song")? Gary Gilmore. Just sayin.

Posted by: Javems at March 24, 2017 03:33 PM (yOqwj)

303 Where to start? First of all, look at the "study" itself. The study asks men to imagine having brought an "attractive" woman to orgasm (why does she need to be attractive? Lookist much? And why does she have to be a "she"?)


>>>> Because it's actually easier to make an uggo pop, since she gets less d*ck than a hottie.

Posted by: Traddy at March 24, 2017 03:33 PM (GSJcT)

304 292 Trump asked Ryan to pull the bill.

Posted by: Tami at March 24, 2017 03:31 PM (Enq6K)


. . . and then pull my finger.

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at March 24, 2017 03:33 PM (mbhDw)

305 So glad the bill was withdrawn. It was a bad bill, and I put much of the blame on the Republicans and Ryan.

But mostly Ryan.

Hoping that they do it right this time, and involve conservative organizations, the Freedom Caucus and Rand Paul.

/OMG, I now like Rand Paul

Posted by: shibumi at March 24, 2017 03:33 PM (FkAXz)

306 I've been trying to spend less time around here, particularly during working hours, then along comes (phrasing, I know) this thread.
You're killing me, Ace.

Posted by: Northernlurker at March 24, 2017 03:33 PM (hJrjt)

307 Jeez Ace, It took longer to read that than it did, uh, would to take the bullet train to O-Town.

You're kind of reaching on this one.

Posted by: All Hail Eris at March 24, 2017 03:33 PM (YxHpp)

308 2+2=4, except in hypothesized, stilted incidences where the second "two" says what we mean it says.

In others instances, the "four" in our study finds that incremental weights placed upon the scale find what we need to find.

In conclusion, we took a shit on a keyboard and printed the results.

Have a fine evening!

Posted by: Feminist Logic at March 24, 2017 03:34 PM (6gk0M)

309 I am sure that this has been gone over, but feminism seems to be in large part concerned with making sure men are as miserable and kicked around, even in women's best interests are damaged by doing so.

Talk about perverse.

Posted by: kraken at March 24, 2017 03:34 PM (zSVEm)

310 I have never read Cosmo, except for the stupid headlines at the supermarket check out.
Posted by: FenelonSpoke at March 24, 2017 03:29 PM


What am I, chopped liver?

Posted by: National Enquirer at March 24, 2017 03:34 PM (DMUuz)

311 Women writing about sex who probably spend every evening with a Xanax, a dead womb, a dildo and a pint of Ben and Jerry's.

Posted by: Dang at March 24, 2017 03:34 PM (8b+oT)

312 Because it's actually easier to make an uggo pop, since she gets less d*ck than a hottie.
Posted by: Traddy


Blunt talk makes me wet. I love truth-bombs

Posted by: zombie at March 24, 2017 03:34 PM (DQ4Fv)

313 FREE

Posted by: moustache rides at March 24, 2017 03:34 PM (2cfUo)

314 237 >>My GF is multi orgasmic.

I don't think I have ever dated a woman who wasn't.

Posted by: garrett at March 24, 2017 03:26 PM (MmiC2)

Show off.

Posted by: What what? at March 24, 2017 03:34 PM (1G2ms)

315 As James Taranto says, what would we do without experts?

Posted by: goodluckduck at March 24, 2017 03:35 PM (yqvys)

316
Very interesting theory!

Snarling, unshaven 21-year-old frustrated Arabs are the 21st-century equivalent of the 1950s "bad boy" with a leather jacket, straddling a motorcycle. Eventually, yeah, you'll marry Rubert Q. Meriweather III because of his bank account, but you'll get your jollies with Johnny Ramrod first, while you can.
Posted by: zombie at March 24, 2017 03:23 PM (DQ4Fv)
========

There was an article I read, maybe last month, from someone who said they worked at a bondage type club.
Writer says it dawned on her(? not sure who it was) that the same "strong women" going on pussy marches and stuff would show up at the club wanting to be dominated and whipped etc.
Article thought that was connected - they get off sexually on being oppressed.

Posted by: @votermom @vm pimping great books usually free or sale at March 24, 2017 03:35 PM (Om16U)

317 Sorry about the bad composition. Best slow down.

Posted by: kraken at March 24, 2017 03:35 PM (zSVEm)

318 Some comedian had a bit in which he said,
"When I finish with you baby, the lady next door will have a cigarette."

Posted by: Meremortal at March 24, 2017 03:35 PM (3myMJ)

319 305 292 Trump asked Ryan to pull the bill.

Posted by: Tami at March 24, 2017 03:31 PM (Enq6K)


On the rare occasions he does not deserve the appellation Luap the Lesser, Rand Paul really deserves kudos for something big.

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at March 24, 2017 03:35 PM (mbhDw)

320 305
/OMG, I now like Rand Paul

Posted by: shibumi at March 24, 2017 03:33 PM (FkAXz)

==================

Why would you have never done so?

He's a man of principle. You may not always agree with it, but he has an ideological core that he's not going to waver on.

Hell, I can respect Ron Wyden from time to time because he's largely the same way.

Posted by: TheJamesMadison at March 24, 2017 03:35 PM (ELUpj)

321 If bringing women to orgasm is bad, does that mean simply grabbing them by the p***y is now okay?

Posted by: Northernlurker at March 24, 2017 03:35 PM (hJrjt)

322 >>>/OMG, I now like Rand Paul

Posted by: shibumi at March 24, 2017 03:33 PM (FkAXz)

Welcome aboard.

Posted by: m at March 24, 2017 03:35 PM (Gqgs8)

323 kind of.

Time to go home.

Posted by: joncelli, Longbow Afficianado and Phalangist at March 24, 2017 03:35 PM (RD7QR)

324 >>>312 Because it's actually easier to make an uggo pop, since she gets less d*ck than a hottie.
Posted by: Traddy

Blunt talk makes me wet. I love truth-bombs

...

i bet that's not even true. Anytime someone is worried about how they look or what the other person is thinking, they're not going to be in the moment.

Posted by: ace at March 24, 2017 03:36 PM (8rNrN)

325 Health care bill has been withdrawn. Paul Ryno presser at 4pm Eastern.
Posted by: TheQuietMan at March 24, 2017 03:29 PM (493sH)
-----------
I'm glad this thing fizzled out. Repeal the obama shit first, then reinstate a marketplace for actual insurance policies.

Posted by: Weasel at March 24, 2017 03:36 PM (Sfs6o)

326
Paul Ryan pulls out. Satisfies no one.

Posted by: Guy Mohawk at March 24, 2017 03:36 PM (ODxAs)

327 James Comey is visiting the White House.

To talk about golf and grandkids, I'm sure.

Posted by: BourbonChicken at March 24, 2017 03:36 PM (VdICR)

328 322
Welcome aboard.
Posted by: m at March 24, 2017 03:35 PM (Gqgs

=================

Paul was either my #3 or #2 choice for POTUS through most of the primary.

Posted by: TheJamesMadison at March 24, 2017 03:36 PM (ELUpj)

329 As befits this thread, Drudge has a headline with The Donald and the atrocious BarkyCare Amendment bill ... "Pull Out".

Posted by: ThePrimordialOrderedPair at March 24, 2017 03:36 PM (zc3Db)

330 Can we ask ace sex questions?

Posted by: Dr Spank at March 24, 2017 03:36 PM (4e+hS)

331
Network special!

Signature campaign promise has failed.

Posted by: E Depluribus Unum at March 24, 2017 03:36 PM (ZFUt7)

332 i don't have to worry about such things:

i'm married, so i already know there isn't going to be any sex.

Posted by: redc1c4 at March 24, 2017 03:37 PM (cAS61)

333 Posted by: National Enquirer at March 24, 2017 03:34 PM (DMUuz)

At the moment the National Enquirer headliness are more interesting because the headlines for Cosmo have been saying the same thing for30 years and NE never thought Obama was the political messiah.

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at March 24, 2017 03:37 PM (fDdVG)

334 Do drills automatically spin the opposite way in Australia?

Do the shelves orgasm?

Posted by: Hikaru at March 24, 2017 03:37 PM (WDCYi)

335 "Xir who controls the Vajayjay..."

- Bene Gesserit Reverend Mother Cosmo

Posted by: Anna Puma at March 24, 2017 03:23 PM (rXyHG)


The jizz must flow...

Posted by: The Spacing Guild at March 24, 2017 03:37 PM (rUIbB)

336 So Cosmo goes Jezebel? I can't see that helping them sell.

Posted by: Curmudgeon at March 24, 2017 03:37 PM (ujg0T)

337 So, Keystone XL is approved and will go forward.

RyanoCare is pulled and is going nowhere.

Not bad for a Friday.

Posted by: DocJ at March 24, 2017 03:37 PM (NYS7S)

338 On the rare occasions he does not deserve the appellation Luap the Lesser, Rand Paul really deserves kudos for something big.

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at March 24, 2017 03:35 PM (mbhDw)

This whole charade makes them all look like amateurs. Was it really necessary to rush it so much? I think this makes Trump look bad (Ryan too but pffft)....I care more about Trump's image than Ryan's.

Stupid, stupid error.

Posted by: Tami at March 24, 2017 03:37 PM (Enq6K)

339 318 Some comedian had a bit in which he said,
"When I finish with you baby, the lady next door will have a cigarette."
Posted by: Meremortal at March 24, 2017 03:35 PM (3myMJ)


True story:

Dangerfield showed up drunk off his ass to a huge Hollywood Christmas party thrown by my old boss. "Man, what a great looking fucking crowd, I tell ya. And there's Richard Gere and Cindy Crawford! Man, that Richard Gere is so good looking, when he jerks off, the woman that he's THINKING about cums!"

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at March 24, 2017 03:37 PM (mbhDw)

340 Lemme make sure I'm getting this...

If I fail to bring a woman to orgasm, I have no consideration for her needs or enjoyment and I'm just using her as a means to add a notch to my male ego

If I do bring a woman to orgasm, I am using her as a sex object to bolster my male ego

Yeah... I'm going with, "The entirely of this nonsense is attributable to pissed off women who don't get laid because they are insufferable shrews and want to get back at the girls who got banged instead because they are such annoying bitches that even fat, desperate drunk guys that have been out to sea for months won't hit it".

Posted by: Damiano at March 24, 2017 03:37 PM (n3oGs)

341 She didn't want an orgasm. Yet I persisted.
my self esteem was on the line.

Posted by: Slices Like Hammer at March 24, 2017 03:37 PM (2cfUo)

342
James Comey is visiting the White House.

To talk about golf and grandkids, I'm sure.

Posted by: BourbonChicken at March 24, 2017 03:36 PM (VdICR)




I think it went down like the Michael Corleone to Carlo talk. Only don't tell me you're innocent

Posted by: TheQuietMan at March 24, 2017 03:37 PM (493sH)

343 >>>330 Can we ask ace sex questions?
Posted by: Dr Spank

sure but I don't know much

Posted by: ace at March 24, 2017 03:37 PM (8rNrN)

344 >>Girly bits are stupid, stupid, stupid complicated


One button. No joystick or key pad.

It's not a difficult Game.

Posted by: garrett at March 24, 2017 03:37 PM (MmiC2)

345 Ryan looks like the dickhead in all of this.

Good.

Posted by: Dang at March 24, 2017 03:38 PM (8b+oT)

346 Though, the instructions that come in a box of Tampax are way more interesting.


--

The information about Toxic Shock Syndrome is riveting!

Posted by: @votermom @vm pimping great books usually free or sale at March 24, 2017 03:38 PM (Om16U)

347 I wonder if Mike Lee might deserve more credit than Paul for outside pressure leading to the withdrawal of the bill.

Lee's conversation with the parliamentarian seemed to indicate a sea change.

Posted by: TheJamesMadison at March 24, 2017 03:38 PM (ELUpj)

348 I have never disliked Rand Paul. To my knowledge, with him, it's what you see is what you get.
I have not agreed with him on some things, but he does not strike me as a double-dealer.

Posted by: kraken at March 24, 2017 03:38 PM (zSVEm)

349 Sigh...not sure why I'm getting into details Ace, but shit why not expand on your thoughts just above.

The sex but not sex act you're talking about at least for me is in the fact that it quickly became impersonal to me...who knows maybe a little too much porn watching when I was younger but I never got too much of a connection from it.

I would have far rather been eye to eye making a connection there while having a fun romp in the sheets...hence my striving to bring back the art of heavy petting.

Posted by: H Badger at March 24, 2017 03:38 PM (n/0Nw)

350 81 69
"Stop, I don't like that!"

"OH GOD BRIAN" (your name isn't Brian)

Hurry up.
Posted by: ALH at March 24, 2017 03:06 PM (uLuPn)

*staring at the clock*
Posted by: Insomniac - sin valor at March 24, 2017 03:07 PM (0mRoj)


----------------

*wondering if the white sale at Bloomingdales is this weeekend*
Posted by: Soona at March 24, 2017 03:13 PM (Fmupd)

_____________

"Beige. I think we should paint the ceiling beige."

Posted by: Teresa in Fort Worth, TX at March 24, 2017 03:38 PM (Saqzi)

351 So the man wants to please the woman. And that's bad.

Check.

Posted by: spoonfeed me at March 24, 2017 03:38 PM (bcDxW)

352 "It's not enough that men are already having more orgasms than women"

I wish! How does that work? My male equipment must be defective. I must be a musketeer in a world of semi-automatic fire. I know I'm old, but I didn't think I was that old.

Posted by: timactual at March 24, 2017 03:38 PM (sS4nt)

353 338
Stupid, stupid error.
Posted by: Tami at March 24, 2017 03:37 PM (Enq6K)


He realized, and in the nick of time, that his was the .001% of the time that his 99.999% supportive base was NOT behind him.

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at March 24, 2017 03:38 PM (mbhDw)

354
would show up at the club wanting to be dominated and whipped etc. Article thought that was connected - they get off sexually on being oppressed.

Probably more of a fetish for attention in a physical, taboo way.

These women like doing things that would disappoint their Dads -- which is what most sexual deviation is rooted in.

Posted by: iSoothsayer iPro iLX at March 24, 2017 03:38 PM (qTQac)

355 "How do you make a woman orgasm?

Who cares."

When I was young the old guys on the work crew (20-somethings) told me:

"It doesn't matter how many girls you take into the bushes. What matters is what you do when you take a girl into the bushes. Because they talk."

Posted by: Meremortal at March 24, 2017 03:39 PM (3myMJ)

356 So Ace, does your shelving have a G spot?

Posted by: Northernlurker at March 24, 2017 03:39 PM (hJrjt)

357 >>Can we ask ace sex questions?


If you want a 15000 word screed on 'Docking Etiquette', sure.

Posted by: garrett at March 24, 2017 03:39 PM (MmiC2)

358 In Soviet Russia, shelves drill you!!!

Posted by: Yakov Smirnov, Tanned, Rested, and Ready at March 24, 2017 03:39 PM (8rNrN)

359 You know when men do down on Cate Blanchette they always know if she's going to climax or not based on her Magic 8-Ball.

Posted by: Minuteman at March 24, 2017 03:39 PM (0i9eW)

360 "See, when I was a 19 year old virgin, I was taking sex advice from Sam Kinison's standup tapes."

More capital 'T', more capital 'T'!!!

Posted by: Robert Crawford at March 24, 2017 03:39 PM (VMBAP)

361 'i]Healthcare bill withdrawn. House goes to recess.
Posted by: Soona at March 24, 2017 03:28 PM (Fmupd)

Ryan pulled out of the dry hump?

Posted by: filbert at March 24, 2017 03:39 PM (s5o+q)

362 If only Patrice O'Neal were alive now....he'd have some hilarious take on this sh*t

Posted by: Traddy at March 24, 2017 03:39 PM (GSJcT)

363 >>>C-SPAN

http://preview.tinyurl.com/ljz6mvq

Link for the 4 o'clock Ryan press conference.

Posted by: m at March 24, 2017 03:40 PM (Gqgs8)

364 "How do you make a woman orgasm? "

Mangoes

Posted by: George Costanza at March 24, 2017 03:40 PM (BDZWU)

365 I'm not buying that there's a connection between US women being largely successful in neutering most US men and them wanting to import barbaric Muslim men to do to them what they've made their own men incapable of doing. I agree that feminism has fucked up most men to one degree or another, but I think they are soft on Muslim immigration simply because they are liberals and have to buy into whatever the liberal agenda is at the moment whether it's a good thing or a bad thing....

Posted by: JoeF. at March 24, 2017 03:40 PM (7uYFy)

366 Cosmo Hurts Kids.

Anyone else hear those commercials? Someone from the Hearst family (which apparently owns Cosmo) has been running these commercials explaining that the magazine is pornographic and should be marked for adults only. They've got a website too.

Gotta say I agree. The magazine has really transformed over the years.

Posted by: IrishEi at March 24, 2017 03:40 PM (HiDrR)

367 Dear Mr. President Trump, You're first mistake was to hook up with that weather vane, lying, schnook, Paul Ryan. You're second mistake was to expect us to believe him.

Please don't come and tell us what a good deal we missed. We voted for you and had greater expectations than to be offered this piece of horse excrement.

Thank you for taking time to read my words.
Sincerely, Bobby Socks

Posted by: Robert Lee Socks at March 24, 2017 03:40 PM (xIkNd)

368 Read one of my latest articles (link in nic):

Your Cooking Rut Ends Here With These Steamed Clams With Spring Herbs

Posted by: Gwyneth P., lifestyle guru at March 24, 2017 03:40 PM (DMUuz)

369 Hmm. Italics were supposed to be there.

Oh well. No barrel is good barrel.

Posted by: filbert at March 24, 2017 03:40 PM (s5o+q)

370 Fiiiiiiind me !!!!!!!!!!

Posted by: Man in the boat at March 24, 2017 03:40 PM (2cfUo)

371 359 You know when men do down on Cate Blanchette they always know if she's going to climax or not based on her Magic 8-Ball.
Posted by: Minuteman at March 24, 2017 03:39 PM (0i9eW)


Go down on Gwyneth and you get a mouth full of gravel. Or was that up the culo?

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at March 24, 2017 03:40 PM (mbhDw)

372 Seriously, ever have a girl say "Can you unscrew this jar for me?" and so you're all ready to show off your Bicep Grip Force for her and then you can't do it either?

That is not a fun feeling.

Posted by: ace at March 24, 2017 03:40 PM (8rNrN)

373 I wish! How does that work? My male equipment must be defective. I must be a musketeer in a world of semi-automatic fire. I know I'm old, but I didn't think I was that old.

Yeah I don't quite work out their logic here. Unless the author just can't manage to get off, which sounds like her problem, not the problem of men around her.

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at March 24, 2017 03:41 PM (39g3+)

374 "House goes into Recess."

When I was in school, recess was like 15 minutes.

Posted by: Meremortal at March 24, 2017 03:41 PM (3myMJ)

375 "How do you make a woman orgasm? "

Ask Huma

*hic*

Posted by: Hillary at March 24, 2017 03:41 PM (FZYNt)

376
The Republicans did nothing to sell their shitty replacement.

Where were the actors in white lab coats?

Where were the working moms paying high premiums?

Posted by: iSoothsayer iPro iLX at March 24, 2017 03:41 PM (qTQac)

377 What's Joni Ernst doing on any of this?

Posted by: m at March 24, 2017 03:41 PM (Gqgs8)

378 Ace, there's a girl I know with a great rack, a great caboose, and bedroom eyes that I've known for quite sometime. She's just a terrific person but I don't know how to approach. Oh, and she's my cousin.

Please help!

Posted by: Dr Spank at March 24, 2017 03:41 PM (4e+hS)

379 366 Cosmo Hurts Kids.

Anyone else hear those commercials? Someone from the Hearst family (which apparently owns Cosmo) has been running these commercials explaining that the magazine is pornographic and should be marked for adults only. They've got a website too.

Gotta say I agree. The magazine has really transformed over the years.
Posted by: IrishEi at March 24, 2017 03:40 PM (HiDrR)


Yes and they are grating. My first reaction is "Victoria, instead of hectoring us to pressure newsstands, how about you and your damn family KILL the friggin magazine?"

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at March 24, 2017 03:42 PM (mbhDw)

380 I actually read a couple of articles online a few years ago about how palestinian men LOVE NGO Season (spring break and summer), because western women who make trips to Gaza and the West Bank are EASY, looking to have noble, peace-loving, enlightened brown Arab men bang the crap out of them.


Disturbing, because you know damned well that they wouldn't give any of these illiterate goat fuckers the time of day if they were here in the States.
---
Sex tourism for women is a thing.

In Europe, middle aged women got to Africa for their fun.

In America, they go to the Caribbean.

/ewww. Just Ewwwww.

Posted by: shibumi at March 24, 2017 03:42 PM (FkAXz)

381 Cosmo Hurts Kids.

Anyone else hear those commercials? Someone from the Hearst family (which apparently owns Cosmo) has been running these commercials explaining that the magazine is pornographic and should be marked for adults only. They've got a website too.

Gotta say I agree. The magazine has really transformed over the years.
Posted by: IrishEi at March 24, 2017 03:40 PM (HiDrR)


Cosmo has been 'Playboy For Women' for a long, long, long time. (And yeah, I know about 'Playgirl.')

Posted by: filbert at March 24, 2017 03:42 PM (s5o+q)

382 377 What's Joni Ernst doing on any of this?
Posted by: m at March 24, 2017 03:41 PM (Gqgs

====================

Hanging out in the Senate.

Posted by: TheJamesMadison at March 24, 2017 03:42 PM (ELUpj)

383 Just blame it on your hairy palm ace...

Posted by: H Badger at March 24, 2017 03:42 PM (n/0Nw)

384 Seriously, ever have a girl say "Can you unscrew this jar for me?" and so you're all ready to show off your Bicep Grip Force for her and then you can't do it either?

I used to wonder why my mom had those rubber sheets in the drawer to help open a jar. Yeah, now I know.

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at March 24, 2017 03:42 PM (39g3+)

385 You know when men do down on Cate Blanchette they always know if she's going to climax or not based on her Magic 8-Ball.
Posted by: Minuteman at March 24, 2017 03:39 PM


Reply hazy. Ask again later.

Posted by: The Magic 8-Ball at March 24, 2017 03:42 PM (DMUuz)

386 Do these feminist women prefer an Islamic man who cares not a bit about a woman's pleasure, and sometimes will " take steps" to ensure that feminine pleasure is moot?

Posted by: kraken at March 24, 2017 03:42 PM (zSVEm)

387 How do you make a woman orgasm?

Get in the kitchen and make me a sammich.

Posted by: spoonfeed me at March 24, 2017 03:42 PM (bcDxW)

388 Can we ask ace sex questions?
Posted by: Dr Spank


Now that's a new feature everyone wants to see but no one wants to read.

Posted by: weft cut-loop at March 24, 2017 03:42 PM (GgzGa)

389 secret tip to unscrewing a jar that works 40% of the time:

slack your grip a little. The last thing you want to do is push inward and make the cap tighter on the screws. Concentrate on rotational force, not inward pushing force. I know you need one for the other but just make sure you're not working against yourself by forcing the cap on even tighter by your grip.

Works sometimes, can make you look more Manly.

But the other times you have to resort to the Male Excuse of "You got the lid all slippery with Bitch-Sweat so now I can't do it."

Posted by: ace at March 24, 2017 03:42 PM (8rNrN)

390 372
Seriously, ever have a girl say "Can you unscrew this jar for me?" and
so you're all ready to show off your Bicep Grip Force for her and then
you can't do it either?



That is not a fun feeling.





Posted by: ace at March 24, 2017 03:40 PM (8rNrN)

Bang it a few times first on the countertop.
The jar...not the girl.

Posted by: Tami at March 24, 2017 03:42 PM (Enq6K)

391 There is a penalty for early withdrawal.

Posted by: Sexy Bank Teller at March 24, 2017 03:43 PM (bc2Lc)

392 To me, it kinda looks like Trump set up Ryan to lose. Rushing the vote. I hope it's true. Pushing Ryan out of the way. Trump's gotta see he's a loser. We'll see.

Posted by: Dang at March 24, 2017 03:43 PM (8b+oT)

393 "Moe's Tavern"

I'm looking for Spot. 1st name G

"G Spot! I'm looking for G spot! has anyone found the G spot yet!"

Posted by: Rick in SK at March 24, 2017 03:43 PM (FZYNt)

394 Posted by: ace at March 24, 2017 03:40 PM (8rNrN)

Here's the secret. Turn the jar upset down and bang it that way against the counter before you try to unscrew the lid.

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at March 24, 2017 03:43 PM (fDdVG)

395 364 "How do you make a woman orgasm? "

Mangoes
Posted by: George Costanza at March 24, 2017 03:40 PM (BDZWU)


Tiffany's!

- - Zsa Zsa, darling

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at March 24, 2017 03:43 PM (mbhDw)

396 Ace, there's a girl I know with a great rack, a great caboose, and bedroom eyes that I've known for quite sometime. She's just a terrific person but I don't know how to approach. Oh, and she's my cousin.

Please help!
Posted by: Dr Spank at March 24, 2017 03:41 PM (4e+hS)


A certain girl, eh?

https://youtu.be/fMAUBMvFncY

Posted by: filbert at March 24, 2017 03:43 PM (s5o+q)

397 "Oh, and she's my cousin."

Had 4 girl cousins. They lived on a ranch.

"Hey, let's take the horses out for a ride!"

Easy peasy.

Posted by: Meremortal at March 24, 2017 03:43 PM (3myMJ)

398 >>Cosmo Hurts Kids.


Hell, have you seen Teen Vogue lately?

http://www.bookwormroom.com/2017/03/20/teen-vogue-anti-israel/

Posted by: Lizzy at March 24, 2017 03:43 PM (NOIQH)

399 "It doesn't matter how many girls you take into the bushes. What matters is what you do when you take a girl into the bushes. Because they talk."
Posted by: Meremortal at March 24, 2017 03:39 PM (3myMJ)

That's very true, and let's be frank. If you're a guy with a big penis, make sure you move in on the girl in the group who can't keep her mouth shut....everybody will find out and you'll PLOW through that whole group in no time.....

Posted by: JoeF. at March 24, 2017 03:44 PM (7uYFy)

400 378 Ace, there's a girl I know with a great rack, a great caboose, and bedroom eyes that I've known for quite sometime. She's just a terrific person but I don't know how to approach. Oh, and she's my cousin.

Please help!
Posted by: Dr Spank at March 24, 2017 03:41 PM (4e+hS)



Achmed, is that you? If so, then go for it!

Posted by: Deplorable Jay Guevara at March 24, 2017 03:44 PM (SRKgf)

401 This whole charade makes them all look like amateurs. Was it really necessary to rush it so much? I think this makes Trump look bad (Ryan too but pffft)....I care more about Trump's image than Ryan's.

Stupid, stupid error.

Posted by: Tami at March 24, 2017 03:37 PM (Enq6K)


This doesn't make Trump look bad. We knew that he was wobbly on killing BarkyCare. I like Trump and support him but I won't budge an inch on this. Doesn't stop me from supporting Trump - only that I'll fight him tooth and nail on this issue on which he's totally wrong.

Trump will just continue doing his other stuff and I will fight for the Congress to just come up with an actual repeal. I don't care if they can't get it passed. Let those who are going to block explain to everyone why they want to keep BarkyCare and then let the chips fall where they may.

This bill was Ryan and McConnell's folly. Trump just put himself on the wrong side, but Ryan and the Turtle are the ones actually responsible for this backstabbing POS joke of a bill.

Posted by: ThePrimordialOrderedPair at March 24, 2017 03:44 PM (zc3Db)

402 So what they are saying is:
Men are bad.
Everything a man does is wrong.

Posted by: Hamilton at March 24, 2017 03:44 PM (sCjDS)

403
Can we ask ace sex questions?

Posted by: Dr Spank at March 24, 2017 03:36 PM (4e+hS)







Teh Ewok is IN.

Posted by: IllTemperedCur at March 24, 2017 03:44 PM (XWkhW)

404 I just couldn't deliver the orgasm. Sigh.

Posted by: Raul Ryan at March 24, 2017 03:44 PM (vtcmf)

405 I love all the activity and all the openness we're seeing here by Congress on the bill today.

Posted by: m at March 24, 2017 03:44 PM (Gqgs8)

406 Seriously, ever have a girl say "Can you unscrew this jar for me?" and so you're all ready to show off your Bicep Grip Force for her and then you can't do it either?

That is not a fun feeling.

Posted by: ace




That's when you cut thru the lid.

Posted by: rickb223 at March 24, 2017 03:44 PM (eauMe)

407 Just blame it on your hairy palm ace...

Posted by: H Badger at March 24, 2017 03:42 PM (n/0Nw)


Oh, bloody good, that!

Posted by: Kodos the Executioner at March 24, 2017 03:44 PM (QsIDL)

408 388 Can we ask ace sex questions?
Posted by: Dr Spank

Now that's a new feature everyone wants to see but no one wants to read.
Posted by: weft cut-loop at March 24, 2017 03:42 PM (GgzGa)


Dear Charlie Brown's Dildo:

I never thought this would happen to me but I just had to write . . .

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at March 24, 2017 03:44 PM (mbhDw)

409 397 "Oh, and she's my cousin."

Had 4 girl cousins. They lived on a ranch.

"Hey, let's take the horses out for a ride!"

Easy peasy.


Posted by: Meremortal at March 24, 2017 03:43 PM (3myMJ)


Not Saving Herself for Mr. Hands?

Posted by: Hikaru at March 24, 2017 03:44 PM (WDCYi)

410 >>>Ace, there's a girl I know with a great rack, a great caboose, and bedroom eyes that I've known for quite sometime. She's just a terrific person but I don't know how to approach. Oh, and she's my cousin.

Please help!

...

I can help. She's not MY cousin. It's a win-win-win. She gets me, I get her, you get the joy of knowing you made two people very happy for the month and a half I have a use for her.

Posted by: ace at March 24, 2017 03:45 PM (8rNrN)

411 "Victoria, instead of hectoring us to pressure newsstands, how about you and your damn family KILL the friggin magazine?"

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at March 24, 2017 03:42 PM (mbhDw)

I doubt she has editorial or financial control over the publishing company. And obviously she is at odds with those who do.

Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at March 24, 2017 03:45 PM (rF0hx)

412 Teh Ewok is IN.
Posted by: IllTemperedCur at March 24, 2017 03:44 PM (XWkhW)


"Are you in yet?"

Posted by: filbert at March 24, 2017 03:45 PM (s5o+q)

413 "It doesn't matter how many girls you take into the bushes. What matters
is what you do when you take a girl into the bushes. Because they
talk."

Please clap.

Posted by: Jeb! at March 24, 2017 03:45 PM (DMUuz)

414 Regarding the withdrawn HC Bill: I hope that all those who suspected this was a play by Bannon et. al. to defang Ryan are right. Trump's tweets this morning make me doubt that, though.

Regarding the Cosmo article ace mentioned: I have long since ceased to be surprised by the lunacy that emanates from modern feminists.They passed the point of parody a long time ago.

Posted by: Jackal at March 24, 2017 03:45 PM (NiR1r)

415 May we please have a new thread for the press conference at 4:00?

Posted by: m at March 24, 2017 03:45 PM (Gqgs8)

416 I like when eagle feather tickle canoe

Posted by: E.W. at March 24, 2017 03:45 PM (2cfUo)

417 378 Ace, there's a girl I know with a great rack, a great caboose, and bedroom eyes that I've known for quite sometime. She's just a terrific person but I don't know how to approach. Oh, and she's my cousin.

Please help!
Posted by: Dr Spank at March 24, 2017 03:41 PM (4e+hS)


First or second cousin?

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at March 24, 2017 03:45 PM (mbhDw)

418 I'll bet Cosmo's statistical analysis of femininity achievement thresholds for rimjobs is outstanding. I'd also imagine the undue pleasure derived from delivering a properly executed rusty trombone is off of the charts.

Posted by: Fritz at March 24, 2017 03:45 PM (2Mnv1)

419 They yanked the Bill
****

Not enough.

Posted by: Bill Clinton at March 24, 2017 03:45 PM (+aCe4)

420 Men are bad.
Everything a man does is wrong.
Posted by: Hamilton at March 24, 2017 03:44 PM (sCjDS

This guy could write a healthcare bill in 3 pages.

Posted by: Meremortal at March 24, 2017 03:45 PM (3myMJ)

421 Women like this sit around thinking up things to bitch about. It must be miserable to go through life like that.

Posted by: nerdygirl at March 24, 2017 03:45 PM (+lVUW)

422 413 "It doesn't matter how many girls you take into the bushes. What matters
is what you do when you take a girl into the bushes. Because they
talk."

Please clap.

Posted by: Jeb!

actually they never shut the fuck up

Posted by: Rick in SK at March 24, 2017 03:45 PM (FZYNt)

423 So what they are saying is:
Men are bad.
Everything a man does is wrong.



Conversely, as long as the man pays the hooker, she's happy.

Posted by: rickb223 at March 24, 2017 03:45 PM (eauMe)

424 Use a rubber-band to unscrew a lid.

Posted by: washrivergal at March 24, 2017 03:46 PM (Ivjge)

425 406 Seriously, ever have a girl say "Can you unscrew this jar for me?" and so you're all ready to show off your Bicep Grip Force for her and then you can't do it either?

That is not a fun feeling.

Posted by: ace




That's when you cut thru the lid.
Posted by: rickb223 at March 24, 2017 03:44 PM (eauMe)

With your erection.

Posted by: Insomniac - sin valor at March 24, 2017 03:46 PM (0mRoj)

426 >>>for the month and a half I have a use for her.

Posted by: ace at March 24, 2017 03:45 PM (8rNrN)

?

Posted by: m at March 24, 2017 03:46 PM (Gqgs8)

427 Now that we actually have a sex thread, I'm tempted to talk about cars.

Let me just get my usual whining out of the way about how much I miss sex since I got married. And get into it.

I was fairly active in Seattle's sex-positive community (interpret that as you will) in my late 20's/early 30's. And orgasm, good orgasms, were always the goal. I didn't find sex satisfying unless my partner did too.

Because sex isn't just friction, there's emotions there, too. I almost always at least LIKED the woman I was having sex with (grudge fucking aside) and when you like someone, you want them to be happy. To feel good. To come. And, yep, it felt like an achievement getting a girl off.

And that's ok.

Posted by: Mark Andrew Edwards at March 24, 2017 03:46 PM (zsHGH)

428 They yanked the Bill

****



Not enough.

Posted by: Bill Clinton

-----
Touche!

Posted by: Dang at March 24, 2017 03:46 PM (8b+oT)

429 Our hotlines are now open. * hamsters gleefully rub little paws * Now, this is more like it!

Posted by: The AoSHQ Orgasm Desk at March 24, 2017 03:46 PM (vtcmf)

430 Bang it a few times first on the countertop.
The jar...not the girl.
Posted by: Tami at March 24, 2017 03:42 PM (Enq6K)



Both.

Posted by: Deplorable Jay Guevara at March 24, 2017 03:46 PM (SRKgf)

431 Women's orgasms?

Not my concern...

Posted by: Harry Reid at March 24, 2017 03:46 PM (rUIbB)

432 411 I doubt she has editorial or financial control over the publishing company. And obviously she is at odds with those who do.
Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at March 24, 2017 03:45 PM (rF0hx)


I figured as much, but in the ad she neglects to mention that rather salient point!

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at March 24, 2017 03:46 PM (mbhDw)

433 Ace, there's a girl I know with a great rack, a great caboose, and bedroom eyes that I've known for quite sometime. She's just a terrific person but I don't know how to approach. Oh, and she's my cousin.

Please help!

Posted by: Dr Spank at March 24, 2017 03:41 PM (4e+hS)




Jerry Lee Lewis: Well it's not like you're strangers. Just ask her out.

Posted by: TheQuietMan at March 24, 2017 03:46 PM (493sH)

434 Anyone else hear those commercials? Someone from the Hearst family (which apparently owns Cosmo) has been running these commercials explaining that the magazine is pornographic and should be marked for adults only. They've got a website too.


Gotta say I agree. The magazine has really transformed over the years.
---

All of the women's magazines basically have the same articles every month. They just keep repeating them over and over. Sex tips, relationship advice, lose weight, etc., lather, rinse, repeat. I'd probably end up killing myself if I had to write that crap.

I know I'm not that smart, but honestly, there must be a lot of women that have a really low IQ out there. In the "I can't walk and chew gum" range.

Posted by: shibumi at March 24, 2017 03:46 PM (FkAXz)

435 I'm working on an article, 'Why Men open Doors for Women and Why That is a Bad Thing'

Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc., etc. at March 24, 2017 03:47 PM (NBHj5)

436 Getting that first girl into the bushes, that was the problem.

Posted by: Meremortal at March 24, 2017 03:47 PM (3myMJ)

437 Bang it a few times first on the countertop.
The jar...not the girl.
Posted by: Tami at March 24, 2017 03:42 PM (Enq6K)


Oww! Oh, never mind . . .

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at March 24, 2017 03:47 PM (mbhDw)

438 I swear this article is half click/hate bait and half feminist propaganda. I bet 98% of Cosmo's readership is going to hate this article too.

I hope the author gets hounded out of work.

Posted by: Mark Andrew Edwards at March 24, 2017 03:47 PM (zsHGH)

439 Stubborn jar lids respond well to large ChannelLocks. A real face saver, if you are able to sneak out to the garage with the jar.

Posted by: kraken at March 24, 2017 03:47 PM (zSVEm)

440 Teh Ewok is IN.
Posted by: IllTemperedCur at March 24, 2017 03:44 PM (XWkhW)

"Are you in yet?"
Posted by: filbert




In? Shit, I'm done!

Posted by: rickb223 at March 24, 2017 03:47 PM (eauMe)

441 Women of the world! I will give you orgasms beyond your eildest dreams! Leave those worthless fucking pigs who only wish to EXPLOIT you for their own pleasure. YOU DO NOT NEED THEM. LET US NURTURE AND BUILD UP ONE ANOTHER. My tongue will give you pleasure that you never thought was possible.

Posted by: Hillary Rodham Clinton at March 24, 2017 03:48 PM (vRcUp)

442 Simple. All hetero sex with men (Western White Men) is rape. These men get pleasure and gain esteem from raping a woman to orgasm. Women should feel double the shame and make sure not to orgasm when being raped (having sex with Western White Men).

This frees up wymyn to feel no shame at all and invite all sex and rape with anybody and anything (just as long as it's not with the Western White Men).

So when women and girls are raped in real life by non Western non White Men, those predators did not do it because they enjoyed it. But instead they did it because of cultural or religious or because out of a sickness they can't help.

If this seems confusing it's because it is. But I believe this is the feminist psychotic line of thinking.

Posted by: Phone of Blake Lively's Racist Booty at March 24, 2017 03:48 PM (we2CT)

443 >>> Bang it a few times first on the countertop.
The jar...not the girl.
Posted by: Tami

can work. So can releasing the vacuum by popping the lid out so that air can come in and equal out the air pressure.

However, those are Nerd Solutions. The Man Solution is just to apply so much Male Power Force that the jar must comply whether it wants to or not.

Mantwisting -- it's a thing.

Posted by: ace at March 24, 2017 03:48 PM (8rNrN)

444 This doesn't make Trump look bad.

It doesn't make him look good, not after his enthusiastic support and demands it be passed. Makes him look weak and that he has bad judgment to Joe Average out there. I thought he was mister Art of the Deal, I thought he was the negotiator, fail! That's what I'm seeing out there.

President Trump lost the narrative, he lost control of the news cycle and hasn't managed to get it back. He had it a short time with his State of the Union speech, but then the next day, the legacy media yanked it back.

All through the campaign he proved even up to the last moment he could control the news narrative and cycle most of the time. He's been less adept at it while president, probably because he's busy actually doing the job instead of campaigning.

But lets not pretend this didn't hurt him.

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at March 24, 2017 03:48 PM (39g3+)

445 425
With your erection.
Posted by: Insomniac - sin valor at March 24, 2017 03:46 PM (0mRoj)


Craig Shoemaker as "The Looooove-master!"

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at March 24, 2017 03:48 PM (mbhDw)

446 438 I swear this article is half click/hate bait and half feminist propaganda. I bet 98% of Cosmo's readership is going to hate this article too.

I hope the author gets hounded out of work.
Posted by: Mark Andrew Edwards at March 24, 2017 03:47 PM (zsHGH)
===

I hope it goes out of business. Actually I hope 99% of magazines go out of business.

Posted by: Independent George at March 24, 2017 03:48 PM (BDZWU)

447 Orwell warned they would try to get rid of the orgasm...just saying

Posted by: dan at March 24, 2017 03:48 PM (I73UW)

448 All of the women's magazines basically have the same
articles every month. They just keep repeating them over and over. Sex
tips, relationship advice, lose weight, etc., lather, rinse, repeat. I'd
probably end up killing myself if I had to write that crap.

I
know I'm not that smart, but honestly, there must be a lot of women that
have a really low IQ out there. In the "I can't walk and chew gum"
range.


Posted by: shibumi
-----
Kinda like the romance novels. Same cover, probably same story, reprinted in 5,000 books.

Posted by: Dang at March 24, 2017 03:48 PM (8b+oT)

449 If you build it, they will come.

Posted by: Disembodied Voice of Shoeless Joe Jackson at March 24, 2017 03:49 PM (MmiC2)

450 Bang it a few times first on the countertop.
The jar...not the girl.
Posted by: Tami




Bang her on the counter a few times & she'll forget about the jar!

Posted by: rickb223 at March 24, 2017 03:49 PM (eauMe)

451
"How do you make a woman orgasm? "







I dunno, but I'm pretty sure it involves a Mercedes-Benz E-Class.

Posted by: IllTemperedCur at March 24, 2017 03:49 PM (XWkhW)

452 Disturbing, because you know damned well that they wouldn't give any of these illiterate goat fuckers the time of day if they were here in the States.
---
Sex tourism for women is a thing.

In Europe, middle aged women got to Africa for their fun.

In America, they go to the Caribbean.

/ewww. Just Ewwwww.
Posted by: shibumi


I don't even want to think of the STD's they're bringing back. Is there such a thing as goat syphilis?

Posted by: nerdygirl at March 24, 2017 03:49 PM (+lVUW)

453 Jerry Lee Lewis: Well it's not like you're strangers. Just ask her out. Posted by: TheQuietMan at March 24, 2017 03:46 PM

LOL

"I don't know how to be a wife. I'm only 13. "

Posted by: shibumi at March 24, 2017 03:49 PM (FkAXz)

454 Bang it a few times first on the countertop.
The jar...not the girl.


Posted by: Tami at March 24, 2017 03:42 PM


Be embracing the sexual healing power of "and"

Posted by: Paolo at March 24, 2017 03:49 PM (p+Wdc)

455 The Man Solution is just to apply so much Male Power Force that the jar must comply whether it wants to or not.

Mantwisting -- it's a thing.

Posted by: ace at March 24, 2017 03:48 PM (8rNrN)


Ace is just talking dirty to us now.

Posted by: filbert at March 24, 2017 03:49 PM (s5o+q)

456 Ryan going to do a Rodney Dangerfield bit shortly?

Posted by: Meremortal at March 24, 2017 03:49 PM (3myMJ)

457 447 Orwell warned they would try to get rid of the orgasm...just saying
Posted by: dan

wasn't that in Romney's platform?

Posted by: Rick in SK at March 24, 2017 03:49 PM (FZYNt)

458 >>>All of the women's magazines basically have the same articles every month. They just keep repeating them over and over. Sex tips, relationship advice, lose weight, etc., lather, rinse, repeat. I'd probably end up killing myself if I had to write that crap.

yeah, they're pretty dumb

Posted by: Men's Health Magazine -- How to Get Shredded Abs For This Summer Special Issue at March 24, 2017 03:49 PM (8rNrN)

459 ". . . start looking out for the little guys who are paying for Trump's golf games" said someone who called into C-SPAN just now.

*mute*

Posted by: m at March 24, 2017 03:50 PM (Gqgs8)

460 Where do they come up with the idea that men get more O's? In my experience, the females get 8 to 10 to my one.

Posted by: Vashta Nerada at March 24, 2017 03:50 PM (7ZVPa)

461 Getting that first girl into the bushes, that was the problem.
Posted by: Meremortal



#UseMoarChloroform

Posted by: rickb223 at March 24, 2017 03:50 PM (eauMe)

462
397 "Oh, and she's my cousin."

Had 4 girl cousins. They lived on a ranch.

"Hey, let's take the horses out for a ride!"

Easy peasy.
Posted by: Meremortal at March 24, 2017 03:43 PM (3myMJ)


------------

You're from Arkansas aren't you?

Posted by: Soona at March 24, 2017 03:50 PM (Fmupd)

463 >>>How do you make a woman orgasm?<<<

Buy her a new vacuum cleaner.

Posted by: Fritz at March 24, 2017 03:50 PM (2Mnv1)

464 Trump will just continue doing his other stuff and I will fight for the Congress to just come up with an actual repeal.

Trump would say that the best thing to do was let Obamacare implode so then they could start from scratch, but that wouldn't be good for the people. So now he gets his wish, the shitshow ACA will implode and Trump has cover that the stupid SOH botched the crafting of this signature legislation by excluding other voices at the table.

The piece of RyanCare I really didn't get was that the insurance companies would be collecting the penalty. How exactly would they do this? The IRS at least has enforcement capability.

It was unAmerican enough to have to pay a penalty to the IRS but to shell out dollars to an insurance company because you don't want to buy their product? It's a whole 'nother level of extortion.

Posted by: kallisto at March 24, 2017 03:50 PM (kD8Fh)

465 454 Bang it a few times first on the countertop.
The jar...not the girl.


Posted by: Tami at March 24, 2017 03:42 PM

Be embracing the sexual healing power of "and"


Posted by: Paolo at March 24, 2017 03:49 PM (p+Wdc)

Pretty sure R. Kelly beat you to it.

Posted by: Hikaru at March 24, 2017 03:50 PM (WDCYi)

466 451
I dunno, but I'm pretty sure it involves a Mercedes-Benz E-Class.
Posted by: IllTemperedCur at March 24, 2017 03:49 PM (XWkhW)


Niles Crane, is that you???

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at March 24, 2017 03:50 PM (mbhDw)

467 If this was a business deal, Trump would be looking at getting rid of Ryan for fucking up the project. *crosses fingers*

Posted by: Dang at March 24, 2017 03:50 PM (8b+oT)

468 "I was so depressed that I decided to jump from the tenth floor. They sent up a priest. He said "On your mark... "

-Ryan

Posted by: Meremortal at March 24, 2017 03:51 PM (3myMJ)

469 I swear this article is half click/hate bait and half feminist propaganda. I bet 98% of Cosmo's readership is going to hate this article too.

The editor that's putting this crap in the magazine should be fired. It can't be helping their readership, but its probably getting tons of clickies online so they can call it a win.

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at March 24, 2017 03:51 PM (39g3+)

470 About a week ago I made the mistake of picking up this free Women's newspaper thingy. They had an article about how feminism isn't about hating men. It's about fighting patriarchy.
*smirk*

Posted by: nerdygirl at March 24, 2017 03:51 PM (+lVUW)

471 Uhhhh... how can you be a Gay man, and be attracted to having Sex with Women?

Bi? OK.... but GAY? ...

Uh.... did I miss another Gender word redefinition exercise?

Posted by: Don Q. at March 24, 2017 03:51 PM (NgKpN)

472 Men are shits who either want to exploit you for THEIR orgasms, or brag to each other about the high rate of orgasms they give you. BUT I WILL LOVE YOU!!! I KNOW FEMALE ANATOMY AND WILL GIVE YOU ORGASMS BEYOND ANYTHING YOU HAVE HAD WITH THOSE DIGUSTING PIGS.

Posted by: Hillary Rodham Clinton at March 24, 2017 03:51 PM (vRcUp)

473 Kinda like the romance novels. Same cover, probably same story, reprinted in 5,000 books.
--
I'm going to go out on a limb and defend romances, since there can potentially be variations: books without sex, books with sex, romance with mystery, romance in the 19th century, romance in a ghost story, supernatural romance, romance with dinosaurs, etc.


Posted by: shibumi at March 24, 2017 03:51 PM (FkAXz)

474 Hell, have you seen Teen Vogue lately?
Posted by: Lizzy at March 24, 2017 03:43 PM
~~~~~

Good Lord! What a disgrace.

Posted by: IrishEi at March 24, 2017 03:51 PM (HiDrR)

475 456 Ryan going to do a Rodney Dangerfield bit shortly?
Posted by: Meremortal at March 24, 2017 03:49 PM (3myMJ)


If he's lucky. More like Romney Dangerfield.

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at March 24, 2017 03:52 PM (mbhDw)

476 The entire publishing industry is turning into cheap circus acts for attention. Clicks online is the key, not content or quality. Be outrageous and bizarre enough and you get the ad revenue! Because the advertisers are dumb enough to think "they clicked on the site, so they are seeing my ad"

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at March 24, 2017 03:52 PM (39g3+)

477 168 I've been married for 26 years.

A good time is being in bed fast asleep by 9:30pm.
Posted by: Kreplach at March 24, 2017 03:18 PM (Gh/jd)



Big night: going to bed early and turning up the electric blanket to "high."

Posted by: Deplorable Jay Guevara at March 24, 2017 03:52 PM (SRKgf)

478 Never in history has anyone so important (Ace) spilled so many words to discuss a topic so dumb.

Really now, bravo sir, you have outdone yourself this week.

And for that, I give you the single most obvious sentence ever written in the history of the world:

Chicks out here in the real world APPRECIATE greatly a man who can implode their love tunnels.

Period. (or no period, as the case may be)

Posted by: BurtTC at March 24, 2017 03:52 PM (TOk1P)

479 If this was a business deal, Trump would be looking at getting rid of Ryan for fucking up the project. *crosses fingers*
Posted by: Dang at March 24, 2017 03:50 PM (8b+oT)

Yes. You get the impression that Trump has been taking the measure of Ryan and finding out what most of us already suspect.

Posted by: JoeF. at March 24, 2017 03:52 PM (7uYFy)

480 Kinda like the romance novels. Same cover, probably same story, reprinted in 5,000 books.

Posted by: Dang at March 24, 2017 03:48 PM (8b+oT)


All with titles like "The Sicilian Billionaire's Secret Mistress", never "The Lusty Countess's Kept Stableboy." Because grrrl power!

Posted by: Kodos the Executioner at March 24, 2017 03:52 PM (5p/Pr)

481 It doesn't make him look good, not after his enthusiastic support and demands it be passed. Makes him look weak and that he has bad judgment to Joe Average out there. I thought he was mister Art of the Deal, I thought he was the negotiator, fail! That's what I'm seeing out there.

Meh. This isn't about Trump. Even if Trump thought it was about him, it wasn't. He just picked the wrong side of this. Now, he knows.

But lets not pretend this didn't hurt him.

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at March 24, 2017 03:48 PM (39g3+)


This isn't going to hurt Trump. He might be a little butt-hurt about this but that's about it.

Posted by: ThePrimordialOrderedPair at March 24, 2017 03:52 PM (zc3Db)

482 Uhhhh... how can you be a Gay man, and be attracted to having Sex with Women?

have you seen Michelle's bulge?

Posted by: B.Obama at March 24, 2017 03:52 PM (FZYNt)

483 All part of the feminist anti-sandwich conspiracy.

Posted by: Mr. Peebles at March 24, 2017 03:52 PM (oVJmc)

484 However, those are Nerd Solutions. The Man Solution
is just to apply so much Male Power Force that the jar must comply
whether it wants to or not.



Mantwisting -- it's a thing.





Posted by: ace at March 24, 2017 03:48 PM (8rNrN)

I envision this:
http://tinyurl.com/kjwk64a

Posted by: Tami at March 24, 2017 03:52 PM (Enq6K)

485 it's actually very easy to make a modern day woman happy...

be filthy rich, marry her w/o a pre-nup, suddenly die, and have no other heirs with a claim.

presto!

she's happy.

Posted by: redc1c4 at March 24, 2017 03:52 PM (cAS61)

486 sigh, this post has left me feeling a little unsatisfied.

and guys should quit reading cosmo (as should we unless it is to laugh), they really seem to care as much about women and mens fulfilling relationships as hustler.

Posted by: willow at March 24, 2017 03:52 PM (R7cwD)

487 I don't even want to think of the STD's they're bringing back. Is there such a thing as goat syphilis?
---
Yes.

/can someone take a look at my rash?

Posted by: Achmed, the Goat Man at March 24, 2017 03:53 PM (FkAXz)

488 "I was so depressed that I decided to jump from the tenth floor. They sent up a priest. He said "On your mark... "

-Ryan
Posted by: Meremortal



Dooooooood...........
LOL.

Posted by: rickb223 at March 24, 2017 03:53 PM (eauMe)

489 We have a jar opener that must have been in the family for (?) 60 years. It's great.

Pic:
http://tinyurl.com/kd87st6

Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc., etc. at March 24, 2017 03:53 PM (ZO497)

490 467 If this was a business deal, Trump would be looking at getting rid of Ryan for fucking up the project. *crosses fingers*
Posted by: Dang at March 24, 2017 03:50 PM (8b+oT)


I don't see how PDT didn't see this coming miles away. In his defense, he's an outsider and he is relying on insiders like Pence, solid in many ways as he is, to help him navigate the process.

I hope this is a lesson learned.

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at March 24, 2017 03:53 PM (mbhDw)

491 And I'm also pro-Black Betty.

Posted by: Mark Andrew Edwards at March 24, 2017 03:53 PM (zsHGH)

492 470 About a week ago I made the mistake of picking up this free Women's newspaper thingy. They had an article about how feminism isn't about hating men. It's about fighting patriarchy.
*smirk*
Posted by: nerdygirl at March 24, 2017 03:51 PM (+lVUW)



It isn't about hating men. It's about hating everybody.

Posted by: Deplorable Jay Guevara at March 24, 2017 03:53 PM (SRKgf)

493 There was a joke on Just Shoot Me, where they all work at a Cosmo-like magazine called Blush.

Maya had written a thoughtful article she was proud of called "The Lost Art of Listening." Jack, her father and the magazine's owner, changed the title to "Shut Up and Maybe He'll Love You!"

Posted by: ace at March 24, 2017 03:53 PM (8rNrN)

494
417 378 Ace, there's a girl I know with a great rack, a great caboose, and bedroom eyes that I've known for quite sometime. She's just a terrific person but I don't know how to approach. Oh, and she's my cousin.

Please help!
Posted by: Dr Spank at March 24, 2017 03:41 PM (4e+hS)


First or second cousin?

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at March 24, 2017 03:45 PM (mbhDw)







Does it matter? After all, the best part about being a toothless, illiterate, reactionary, racist, knuckledragging conservative is the cousin-humping.

Posted by: IllTemperedCur at March 24, 2017 03:53 PM (XWkhW)

495 Eww, Pelosi is going to be talking after Paul Ryan does.

Posted by: m at March 24, 2017 03:53 PM (Gqgs8)

496 >Seriously, ever have a girl say "Can you unscrew this jar for me?" and so you're all ready to show off your Bicep Grip Force for her and then you can't do it either?
That is not a fun feeling.
Posted by: ace

That's when you cut thru the lid.
Posted by: rickb223 at March 24, 2017 03:44 PM (eauMe)

Someone I know lit a plastic cap on fire, and it worked.

For metal, hitting it with a knife usually works for me.

Posted by: Lea at March 24, 2017 03:54 PM (lIU4e)

497 be filthy rich, marry her w/o a pre-nup, suddenly die DURING THE HONEYMOON, and have no other heirs with a claim.

presto!

she's happy.

FIFY.

Posted by: shibumi at March 24, 2017 03:54 PM (FkAXz)

498
have you seen Michelle's bulge?
Posted by: B.Obama at March 24, 2017 03:52 PM (FZYNt)

+++

I've seen it. I wish someone would explain it.

Posted by: washrivergal at March 24, 2017 03:54 PM (Ivjge)

499 Just getting back from lunch...

Why do I always miss these epic threads?

Posted by: OregonMuse, deplorable since 2004 at March 24, 2017 03:54 PM (qmspf)

500 Posted by: willow at March 24, 2017 03:52 PM (R7cwD)


This should end the thread.

Posted by: Meremortal at March 24, 2017 03:54 PM (3myMJ)

501 We have a jar opener that must have been in the family for (?) 60 years. It's great.

Pic:
http://tinyurl.com/kd87st6
Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc., etc. at March 24, 2017 03:53 PM (ZO497)

Neat.

I've never been defeated by a jar unless it was wet. I've found that a dishrag wrapped and twisted can get most lids off. More torque.

Posted by: Mark Andrew Edwards at March 24, 2017 03:54 PM (zsHGH)

502 >>guys should quit reading cosmo (as should we unless it is to laugh), they really seem to care as much about women and mens fulfilling relationships as hustler.



I only read Hustler for the Comics.

...and the Foldout map of Carlsbad Caverns.

Posted by: garrett at March 24, 2017 03:54 PM (MmiC2)

503 just shoot me, was rather cute.

Posted by: willow at March 24, 2017 03:54 PM (R7cwD)

504 Gud damn it!

Giving a woman an orgasm usually involves effort, sometimes it's a hell of a lot of work. Other times it means kissing something I would ordinarily not particularly want to kiss. As it were.

The thing that motivates me to do this is a reward; I am rewarded by the pleasure I gain reciprocally, or the once-removed pleasure I take in my lover's pleasure. Outside of that, what makes it worth it?

This article puts me in mind of that great quote from Matthew McConaughey playing detective Rust Cohle in "True Detective":

"All the dick swagger you roll, and you can't spot crazy pussy?"

Posted by: Monty James at March 24, 2017 03:54 PM (JBI94)

505 Patriarchy. A perfectly fine word that has been flogged so hard it has lost meaning.

There's a lot of words and phrases like that, our language is being ruined.

Posted by: kraken at March 24, 2017 03:54 PM (zSVEm)

506 495 Eww, Pelosi is going to be talking after Paul Ryan does.

Posted by: m at March 24, 2017 03:53 PM (Gqgs

ACTUAL TRANSCRIPT
---------------------

Klaatu, Verada, Nikto!

Posted by: Hikaru at March 24, 2017 03:55 PM (WDCYi)

507 Meh. This isn't about Trump. Even if Trump thought it was about him, it wasn't. He just picked the wrong side of this. Now, he knows.

It damages his political capital, and makes him seem less inevitable and in control. In politics, that's a wound. On the bright side, it severely damaged the GOPe in congress, so they are even weaker politically than the president.

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at March 24, 2017 03:55 PM (39g3+)

508 Posted by: shibumi at March 24, 2017 03:54 PM (FkAXz)

---
friendly amendment accepted.

Posted by: redc1c4 at March 24, 2017 03:55 PM (cAS61)

509 494
Does it matter? After all, the best part about being a toothless, illiterate, reactionary, racist, knuckledragging conservative is the cousin-humping.
Posted by: IllTemperedCur at March 24, 2017 03:53 PM (XWkhW)


Like Franklin and Eleanor, or Jews from the old country?

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at March 24, 2017 03:55 PM (mbhDw)

510 The Patriarchy is now attempting to oppress women by pleasing them.

Is there no end to their machinations?

Posted by: ace at March 24, 2017 03:55 PM (8rNrN)

511 I only read Hustler for the Comics.

...and the Foldout map of Carlsbad Caverns.
Posted by: garrett

I don't like track marks on my centerfolds

Posted by: Rick in SK at March 24, 2017 03:56 PM (FZYNt)

512 "Seriously, ever have a girl say 'Can you unscrew this jar for me?' and
so you're all ready to show off your Bicep Grip Force for her and then
you can't do it either?"

I can go that one better.

She couldn't get a stubborn Mason jar open. Neither could I.

But I've got just the thing! The enormous three foot long pair of slipjaw pliers at the bottom of my toolbox! (Why, yes, I am compensating for not having a 36 inch dick, thank you.) Easily able to fit around the lid! This'll have it done in a jiffy!

Whereupon a proper application of Manly Force using my Huge Tool proceeded to shatter the glass part of the jar.

Posted by: torquewrench at March 24, 2017 03:56 PM (noWW6)

513 The Man Solution is just to apply so much Male Power Force that the jar must comply whether it wants to or not.

Mantwisting -- it's a thing.

Posted by: ace at March 24, 2017 03:48 PM (8rNrN)


Everyone appreciates the seductive appeal of raw power.

Posted by: ThePrimordialOrderedPair at March 24, 2017 03:56 PM (zc3Db)

514 Put me back in, coach! I can do it this time! I promise! Will you at least look at me?! C'mon, coach! I can do this! *starts sobbing* I can do this... I HATE YOU!!! *runs back into the locker room, arms flailing*

Posted by: Paul Ryan at March 24, 2017 03:56 PM (8b+oT)

515 Where do they come up with the idea that men get more O's? In my experience, the females get 8 to 10 to my one.
Posted by: Vashta Nerada


My partner describes her orgasms as beginning with foreplay. I know sometimes her lady parts convulse on my richard so hard it reduces my ability to cum with much pleasure.

So there's that side of the story, too.

Posted by: E Depluribus Unum at March 24, 2017 03:56 PM (ZFUt7)

516 Some times a big dog needs a little spanking to help him remember who feeds him.

Posted by: Robert Lee Socks at March 24, 2017 03:56 PM (xIkNd)

517 However, those are Nerd Solutions. The Man Solution is just to apply so much Male Power Force that the jar must comply whether it wants to or not.

Mantwisting -- it's a thing.

Posted by: ace at March 24, 2017 03:48 PM (8rNrN)


The truly manly way of opening a jar is to be so manly that the jar opens itself to you...

Posted by: The Manly Hat at March 24, 2017 03:56 PM (rUIbB)

518 >>I don't even want to think of the STD's they're bringing back. Is there such a thing as goat syphilis?


Yes. But, it isn't as baaad as sheep syphilis.

Posted by: garrett at March 24, 2017 03:56 PM (MmiC2)

519 Maya had written a thoughtful article she was proud of called "The Lost
Art of Listening." Jack, her father and the magazine's owner, changed
the title to "Shut Up and Maybe He'll Love You!"
--

I LOVED that show.

**sigh**

Posted by: shibumi at March 24, 2017 03:56 PM (FkAXz)

520
That's when you cut thru the lid.
Posted by: rickb223 at March 24, 2017 03:44 PM (eauMe)

that's when you rip off the lid with your teeth.
cartoonish

Posted by: willow at March 24, 2017 03:56 PM (R7cwD)

521 My friend writes a blog about romance novels and I do voiceovers of the back cover blurbs. They may not all be the same, but they're all extraordinarily dumb. But dumb in a fun way.

Posted by: broseidon being a capitalist pigdog (yknow, working) at March 24, 2017 03:56 PM (oZ6kz)

522 All of the women's magazines basically have the same articles every month. They just keep repeating them over and over. Sex tips, relationship advice, lose weight, etc., lather, rinse, repeat. I'd probably end up killing myself if I had to write that crap.
---------------------------------------
yeah, they're pretty dumb

Posted by: Men's Health Magazine -- How to Get Shredded Abs For This Summer Special Issue at March 24, 2017 03:49 PM (8rNrN)


It sure is.

Posted by: Natty Review - Trump Is Teh Stoopid at March 24, 2017 03:56 PM (TOk1P)

523 >>>This isn't going to hurt Trump. He might be a little butt-hurt about this but that's about it.
Posted by: ThePrimordialOrderedPair at March 24, 2017 03:52 PM (zc3Db)

I think Ace got this right in the TrumpRyanCareVote thread:

A presidential term is like a very long baseball season. You win some, you lose some, you have streaks going both ways. There is no such thing as a perfect season. You just try to get enough wins to make the playoffs.

Posted by: m at March 24, 2017 03:56 PM (Gqgs8)

524

Oh, man.

Posted by: artisanal 'ette at March 24, 2017 03:56 PM (0mz2+)

525 327 James Comey is visiting the White House.

To talk about golf and grandkids, I'm sure.
Posted by: BourbonChicken at March 24, 2017 03:36 PM (VdICR)

--------------------------------------------

James Comey seems like the kind of guy who will protect James Comey. He wants a deal...

Posted by: William Eaton at March 24, 2017 03:57 PM (MuTTO)

526 If all else fails (this is before I had the no-slip silicone lid-grabber) I would use the pointy bit of a carpenter hammer on the lid to break the vacuum.

Posted by: BourbonChicken at March 24, 2017 03:57 PM (VdICR)

527
Yes. But, it isn't as baaad as sheep syphilis.
Posted by: garrett at March 24, 2017 03:56 PM (MmiC2)

soooo wrong!

Posted by: willow at March 24, 2017 03:57 PM (R7cwD)

528 "Pelosi is going to be talking after Paul Ryan does"

How will we be able to tell?

Posted by: torquewrench at March 24, 2017 03:57 PM (noWW6)

529 I think this posts needs a picture at the top. I vote either the London Boys or David Sirota.

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at March 24, 2017 03:57 PM (mbhDw)

530
I LOVED that show.

**sigh**
Posted by: shibumi

I loved Laura San Giacomo boobs

Posted by: Rick in SK at March 24, 2017 03:57 PM (FZYNt)

531 Put me back in, coach! I can do it this time! I promise! Will you at least look at me?! C'mon, coach! I can do this! *starts sobbing* I can do this... I HATE YOU!!! *runs back into the locker room, arms flailing*
--

I'm OK with things going down like that.

Can Ryan take a leave of absence for a few years?

Posted by: shibumi at March 24, 2017 03:57 PM (FkAXz)

532 Back from West Point.

All's well that Ends Well.

Better no vote than a failed vote or that shitty bill.

Now let's really work on real bill and also while we're at it, get rid of Ryan.

And start acting like the Majority

Posted by: Nevergiveup at March 24, 2017 03:57 PM (SjImc)

533 By the way: Most of the girls I've been with have asked if my orgasm was good

Wait, what?

This statement assumes you've actually been with girls.

CNN just e-mailed and said "Fake news!"

Posted by: OregonMuse, deplorable since 2004 at March 24, 2017 03:57 PM (qmspf)

534 All of the women's magazines basically have the same
articles every month. They just keep repeating them over and over. Sex tips, relationship advice, lose weight, etc., lather, rinse, repeat. I'd probably end up killing myself if I had to write that crap.


To be fair, men's magazines are pretty much the same. Field & Stream hasn't had an original article for 30 years. There's only so many ways you can write about any subject. They put out weightlifting magazines, but how much is there to say?

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at March 24, 2017 03:57 PM (39g3+)

535 I think the topic relates to the brief discussion the other day about romantic accents. Clip from 'A Fish Called Wanda', John Kleese/Jamie Lee Curtis:

http://tinyurl.com/ob4dbvk

Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc., etc. at March 24, 2017 03:57 PM (ZO497)

536 528 "Pelosi is going to be talking after Paul Ryan does"

How will we be able to tell?
Posted by: torquewrench at March 24, 2017 03:57 PM (noWW6)


Can we get the couch she sat on with Newt? And will Ryan unscrew her head?

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at March 24, 2017 03:58 PM (mbhDw)

537 "Pelosi is going to be talking after Ryan does"

Will she achieve orgasm?

Posted by: Boulder terlit hobo at March 24, 2017 03:58 PM (zo0E3)

538 We need to solicit the views of an expert: what does Paolo say?

Posted by: Deplorable Jay Guevara at March 24, 2017 03:58 PM (SRKgf)

539 I do gotta add, and this might be just bullshitting, but a lot of Alpha guys (not the self-proclaimed kind, either) don't seem to care overmuch about female orgasms. Of course, some might be sociopaths but I do know guys pulling top-tier trim that didn't care much of the girl came or not.

Posted by: Mark Andrew Edwards at March 24, 2017 03:58 PM (zsHGH)

540 You just try to get enough wins to make the playoffs.

Posted by: m at March 24, 2017 03:56 PM (Gqgs

Peaking for the mid-terms and the next presidential elections is the only thing that matters.

Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at March 24, 2017 03:58 PM (rF0hx)

541 529 I think this posts needs a picture at the top. I vote either the London Boys or David Sirota.



Posted by: J.J. Sefton at March 24, 2017 03:57 PM (mbhDw)

"Matty Glee" Ygelsias.

Posted by: Hikaru at March 24, 2017 03:58 PM (WDCYi)

542 "Pelosi is going to be talking after Ryan does"

Will she achieve orgasm?
Posted by: Boulder terlit hobo at March 24, 2017 03:58 PM (zo0E3)

Has that frigid bitch ever?

Posted by: Nevergiveup at March 24, 2017 03:58 PM (SjImc)

543 Laura San Giacomo's

dammit

Posted by: Rick in SK at March 24, 2017 03:58 PM (FZYNt)

544 Also - I wonder if James Comey is Cosmo's kind of guy?

Posted by: William Eaton at March 24, 2017 03:59 PM (MuTTO)

545 Old and Busted: He only ever thinks about his orgasm. He's so selfish!

New Hotness: He only ever thinks about my orgasm. He's so selfish!

Male Response: Hmm, I wonder what just got uploaded on xHamster....

Posted by: broseidon being a capitalist pigdog (yknow, working) at March 24, 2017 03:59 PM (oZ6kz)

546 Guy on the C-SPAN call-in keeps a straight face at times I can't believe he can.

Posted by: m at March 24, 2017 03:59 PM (Gqgs8)

547 How will we be able to tell?


Posted by: torquewrench at March 24, 2017 03:57 PM (noWW6)


Pelousy's the one sans widow's peak, but with the big grandma rack.

Posted by: kallisto at March 24, 2017 03:59 PM (kD8Fh)

548
Yes. But, it isn't as baaad as sheep syphilis.
Posted by: garrett at March 24, 2017 03:56 PM (MmiC2)








You're Scottish, aren't you?


Posted by: IllTemperedCur at March 24, 2017 03:59 PM (XWkhW)

549 Yes. You get the impression that Trump has been taking the measure of Ryan and finding out what most of us already suspect.
----
Um
...
TRUMP SAID TO TELL WASH. POST `I DON'T BLAME PAUL' RYAN

Posted by: Methos, back to Let It Burn at March 24, 2017 03:59 PM (3Liv/)

550 How will we be able to tell?


Posted by: torquewrench

-----

When Pelosi starts talking the room will smell like gin and feet, then your eyes will start to water.

Posted by: Dang at March 24, 2017 03:59 PM (8b+oT)

551 Sheep syphilis. Is that like scrapie?
Are we going to have an epidemic of scrapie?

Posted by: kraken at March 24, 2017 03:59 PM (zSVEm)

552 541
"Matty Glee" Ygelsias.
Posted by: Hikaru at March 24, 2017 03:58 PM (WDCYi)

Andy Mus-glutes Sullivan.

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at March 24, 2017 03:59 PM (mbhDw)

553 Trump should just say, this is what democracy looks like. We'll try again and do better.

Posted by: Joe Inaugurating 45 in DC at March 24, 2017 03:59 PM (55//3)

554 I take no pleasure from a woman's orgasm. I'm just happy that I can finally roll over and go to sleep.

Posted by: Jaqen H'ghar at March 24, 2017 04:00 PM (5fSr7)

555 We need healthy aborted babies, NPR, open borders and free healthcare for everyone!

-Nana Pelosi

Posted by: Meremortal at March 24, 2017 04:00 PM (3myMJ)

556 Memo to the prick Ryan: Next time, if there is a next time for you...try actually working WITH the Conservatives instead of against us

Posted by: Nevergiveup at March 24, 2017 04:00 PM (SjImc)

557 7 A porno movie review?

Posted by: Paladin at March 24, 2017 02:58 PM (YNPwP)

Read this article with a wocka-wocka 70's porn guitar soundtrack and it all comes together

Posted by: Doc Holliday at March 24, 2017 04:00 PM (AOrEZ)

558 >>>535 I think the topic relates to the brief discussion the other day about romantic accents. Clip from 'A Fish Called Wanda', John Kleese/Jamie Lee Curtis:

http://tinyurl.com/ob4dbvk
Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc., etc. at March 24, 2017 03:57 PM (ZO497)

We can all watch that instead of watching Pelosi.

Posted by: m at March 24, 2017 04:00 PM (Gqgs8)

559 My takeaway? Shoot and scoot. Don't wait for a response.

Posted by: Headless Body of Agnew at March 24, 2017 04:00 PM (FtrY1)

560 Whereupon a proper application of Manly Force using my Huge Tool proceeded to shatter the glass part of the jar.

Posted by: torquewrench at March 24, 2017 03:56 PM (noWW6)


This is exactly why every man needs a Huge Tool.

Posted by: OregonMuse, deplorable since 2004 at March 24, 2017 04:00 PM (qmspf)

561 406 Seriously, ever have a girl say "Can you unscrew this jar for me?" and so you're all ready to show off your Bicep Grip Force for her and then you can't do it either?

That is not a fun feeling.

Posted by: ace


When my mom was in her fifties, she could open jar lids that my brothers couldn't open. She was raised on a farm.

Posted by: nerdygirl at March 24, 2017 04:00 PM (+lVUW)

562 However, those are Nerd Solutions. The Man Solution is just to apply so much Male Power Force that the jar must comply whether it wants to or not.

Mantwisting -- it's a thing.

Posted by: ace at March 24, 2017 03:48 PM (8rNrN)

The truly manly way of opening a jar is to be so manly that the jar opens itself to you...
Posted by: The Manly Hat at March 24, 2017 03:56 PM (rUIbB)

Both comments made me laugh.
Ahhh...happy threads!

Posted by: Mark Andrew Edwards at March 24, 2017 04:00 PM (zsHGH)

563 I have a fun game I play with my lady friends.

Whenever we pass the Romance Novels in the Grocery Store - one person pick a novel and opens it to a random page and the other has to read that page out loud.



Posted by: garrett at March 24, 2017 04:01 PM (MmiC2)

564 I only read Hustler for the Comics.

...and the Foldout map of Carlsbad Caverns.

Posted by: garrett at March 24, 2017 03:54 PM (MmiC2)


Me too, but for some reason I always have a taste for pastrami afterwards.

Posted by: Natty Review - Trump Is Teh Stoopid at March 24, 2017 04:01 PM (TOk1P)

565 >>>553 Trump should just say, this is what democracy looks like. We'll try again and do better.
Posted by: Joe Inaugurating 45 in DC at March 24, 2017 03:59 PM (55//3)

yep

Posted by: m at March 24, 2017 04:01 PM (Gqgs8)

566 So are the Libs gonna my to celebrate this humiliation non stop? And forget about Russia?

Posted by: ALH at March 24, 2017 04:01 PM (2wO0J)

567 Womens' orgasms?

Never heard of them.

Posted by: Charlie Gibson at March 24, 2017 04:01 PM (V4Qfo)

568 Who bitch this is?

Posted by: Ripley at March 24, 2017 04:01 PM (1BQGO)

569 552 541
"Matty Glee" Ygelsias.
Posted by: Hikaru at March 24, 2017 03:58 PM (WDCYi)

Andy Mus-glutes Sullivan.

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at March 24, 2017 03:59 PM (mbhDw)

Gersh Kunsztman, or however you spell it.

Posted by: Hikaru at March 24, 2017 04:01 PM (WDCYi)

570 556 Memo to the prick Ryan: Next time, if there is a next time for you...try actually working WITH the Conservatives instead of against us
Posted by: Nevergiveup at March 24, 2017 04:00 PM (SjImc)


I'd say something like this is fall-on-sword worthy, but he and his ilk outnumber the non-Rynos by a sizable margin.

I vote Go-Go Ghohmert, but that ain't happening.

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at March 24, 2017 04:01 PM (mbhDw)

571 THEY wish to use you for their own egotistcal purposes, whether that be to exploit you for their pleasure, or turn your pleasure into a TROPHY on their wall! WE will love you TRULY and act to make you FULFILL ALL YOU WANT TO BE.

Posted by: Hillary Rodham Clinton at March 24, 2017 04:01 PM (vRcUp)

572 I'm old enough to remember when Cosmo complained that men didn't care about a woman's orgasms

Posted by: kbdabear at March 24, 2017 04:01 PM (AOrEZ)

573 It damages his political capital,

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at March 24, 2017 03:55 PM (39g3+)


There's really not such a thing. People like to use the term "political capital" a lot but it isn't a real thing.

For a simple example of the fallacy of the "political capital" idea, just look at McShame becoming the most despised person in the GOP through his treasonous efforts to give aid and comfort to invading illegals in 2006-2007. That didn't stop him from sliming into the candidacy of 2008, where he basically supported Barky's run. And even that didn't stop him from keeping his seat in the Senate.

"Political capital" is just a made-up notion that is, in the end, rather meaningless.

Posted by: ThePrimordialOrderedPair at March 24, 2017 04:02 PM (zc3Db)

574 This Month's Men's version of COSMO:

The Pirate Position

How to Make Your Woman Scream in the Bedroom

A Move That'll Have Her Squeeking Like a Dolphin

Donkey Punch Drunk Love

Posted by: Minuteman at March 24, 2017 04:02 PM (0i9eW)

575 Glad the bill failed.

Posted by: VA GOP Sucks at March 24, 2017 04:02 PM (2VN2E)

576
"What's all this about women's organisms?"

- - E. Litella

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at March 24, 2017 04:02 PM (mbhDw)

577 Stupid Natty sock.

Posted by: BurtTC at March 24, 2017 04:02 PM (TOk1P)

578 This failure is mostly Ryan's fault. We have to make sure he owns it.

Posted by: Nevergiveup at March 24, 2017 04:02 PM (SjImc)

579 >>Laura San Giacomo


Nice elbows. Really, epic elbows.

But. Damn, those teeth.

Always wanted to ask her what it was like giving head through a picket fence.

Posted by: garrett at March 24, 2017 04:02 PM (MmiC2)

580 537 "Pelosi is going to be talking after Ryan does"

Will she achieve orgasm?

Posted by: Boulder terlit hobo at March 24, 2017 03:58 PM (zo0E3)


Not without your help, bth, not without your help.

Posted by: OregonMuse, deplorable since 2004 at March 24, 2017 04:02 PM (qmspf)

581 Seriously, ever have a girl say "Can you unscrew this jar for me?" and so you're all ready to show off your Bicep Grip Force for her and then you can't do it either?

That is not a fun feeling.
--------

Sure but when they take it back and do it themselves out of frustration, you can always tell them you loosened it for them.

Posted by: Mega at March 24, 2017 04:02 PM (S3q0Y)

582 I fear that if the R's screw up tax reform, Trump is going to say "fuck 'em, I'm working with the Dems".

Posted by: WisRich at March 24, 2017 04:03 PM (hdpay)

583
Women's orgasms have been hacked by Russia for decades.

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at March 24, 2017 04:03 PM (mbhDw)

584 And it's also at the Dems feet. They passed Fredocare...They own it. Drive that point home.

Posted by: Nevergiveup at March 24, 2017 04:03 PM (SjImc)

585
CBS going prime time with Paul Ryan presser.
*Click*

Posted by: E Depluribus Unum at March 24, 2017 04:03 PM (ZFUt7)

586
Women have been hacked by Islam for 1,400 years.

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at March 24, 2017 04:03 PM (mbhDw)

587 The truly manly way of opening a jar is to be so manly that the jar opens itself to you...
Posted by: The Manly Hat



Just like the women do to the Paolo!

Posted by: rickb223 at March 24, 2017 04:03 PM (eauMe)

588 I remember my first cousin.

Posted by: Bill in Chappaqua at March 24, 2017 04:04 PM (bc2Lc)

589 I can't find it now, but I know there's an old joke about a guy bragging about his wife having multiple orgasms (or rather, he says something like 'she has ten orgasms for every one I have!').

When his friends ask him how he manages to do that, he replies "She's cheating on me."

Posted by: broseidon being a capitalist pigdog (yknow, working) at March 24, 2017 04:04 PM (oZ6kz)

590 If ryan was a cartoon character he would be a weasel Don't trust him at all.

Posted by: Big swingin Al at March 24, 2017 04:04 PM (VpJvZ)

591 582 I fear that if the R's screw up tax reform, Trump is going to say "fuck 'em, I'm working with the Dems".

Posted by: WisRich at March 24, 2017 04:03 PM (hdpay)


And become Democrat? Personally, I hope he becomes dictator, and I only half-joke.

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at March 24, 2017 04:04 PM (mbhDw)

592 578: Tell Trump that.

Posted by: Jackal at March 24, 2017 04:04 PM (NiR1r)

593 To hell with whether Trump lost or won, how did America do?

Posted by: Meremortal at March 24, 2017 04:04 PM (3myMJ)

594
Yub-yub the nub-nub.

Next caller.......

Posted by: Ewok Sex Advice Line at March 24, 2017 04:04 PM (XWkhW)

595 If your woman isn't having orgasms you might want to get a new showerhead.

Posted by: garrett at March 24, 2017 04:04 PM (MmiC2)

596
Movie review for The Story of 'O'?

TL;DR

Posted by: Krebs v Carnot: Epic Battle of the Cycling Stars (TM) at March 24, 2017 04:05 PM (v1g1+)

597 "Posted by: garrett at March 24, 2017 04:02 PM (MmiC2) "

Did she have a face? I don't think my eyes ever made it that far up.

Posted by: broseidon being a capitalist pigdog (yknow, working) at March 24, 2017 04:05 PM (oZ6kz)

598 >>> I added an update making that point, and also noted that Cosmo publishes a How To Give a R*mj*b article every few months.

"I always thought that was a myth, that a woman would venture into
*that* zone. I have only seen, in years of extensive scientific research
- for purely scientific reasons, of course -- one instance of that
ever happening."

I actually had the offer. Once. Many years ago.

From a girl who was otherwise very demure.

I declined as politely as the circumstances permitted.

I do think in retrospect that her thinking probably had been shaped by one of those silly "Eight Ways To Drive Your Man Wild In Bed" articles.

Posted by: torquewrench at March 24, 2017 04:05 PM (noWW6)

599 Ryan on....

Posted by: Tami at March 24, 2017 04:05 PM (Enq6K)

600 Here's Ryan.

Posted by: WisRich at March 24, 2017 04:05 PM (hdpay)

601 This failure is mostly Ryan's fault. We have to make sure he owns it.

Posted by: Nevergiveup at March 24, 2017 04:02 PM (SjImc)
I'm glad it failed.

Posted by: MAC-SOG at March 24, 2017 04:05 PM (QPdNE)

602 590
If ryan was a cartoon character he would be a weasel Don't trust him at all.
Posted by: Big swingin Al at March 24, 2017 04:04 PM (VpJvZ)


Always seemed more like a Vampire sucking the blood of the American Taxpayer, to me.

Posted by: Hikaru at March 24, 2017 04:05 PM (WDCYi)

603 Let it burn! (Obamacare that is.)

Posted by: Ripley at March 24, 2017 04:05 PM (1BQGO)

604
Fukuoku 2000 sez "me so ronery!"

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at March 24, 2017 04:05 PM (mbhDw)

605
I don't know, call me old fashioned, but I actually liked it when affordable health care was...you know, kinda affordable.

Posted by: E Depluribus Unum at March 24, 2017 04:06 PM (ZFUt7)

606 Figures. Ryans mic was broken

OK now I hear him...so far

BS BS BS BS

Posted by: Nevergiveup at March 24, 2017 04:06 PM (SjImc)

607

Ryan: It was hard.

Posted by: artisanal 'ette at March 24, 2017 04:06 PM (0mz2+)

608

Paul Ryan is such a Beta Male.

Posted by: iSoothsayer iPro iLX at March 24, 2017 04:06 PM (qTQac)

609
I was wondering whether or not that even the GOP estabs would now realize they could just repeal obamacare and give some tax cuts, go home for 18 months and they could win in a landslide.

Then I laughed and said "of course not dumbass".

Posted by: Guy Mohawk at March 24, 2017 04:06 PM (ODxAs)

610 Trump: "Can you unscrew Obamacare for me?

Ryan: "Sure! unh . . . unh . . . unh . . . Uh, no. Nope, no can do."

Posted by: filbert at March 24, 2017 04:06 PM (s5o+q)

611 Installed under one of the cabinets in my kitchen is a metal triangle thingy with little teeth that assists in opening jars. I got it from eBay. Works like a charm.

Posted by: ALH at March 24, 2017 04:06 PM (2wO0J)

612 Ryan says he is proud of his bill?

I think the skipper of the Titanic said that also?

Posted by: Nevergiveup at March 24, 2017 04:07 PM (SjImc)

613 O/T, but I don't really think this giraffe is pregnant.

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero) at March 24, 2017 04:07 PM (8ZskC)

614 I remember my first cousin.
Posted by: Bill in Chappaqua




How many since your first one?

Posted by: rickb223 at March 24, 2017 04:07 PM (eauMe)

615
Ryan - I am proud of the bill.

He's proud of failure?

Posted by: TheQuietMan at March 24, 2017 04:07 PM (493sH)

616 These talking heads on FBN are gibbering idiots.
Verbal masturbation, and it ain't working! lol

Once Ryan is done I'm turning on the tunes.

I think I would have rather had a vote, the thing going down in flames, and everyone on record.

However, stepping back is okay, too.

And a discussion about 'wang dang sweet poon tang' is 'just what the doctor ordered'!


Posted by: My face is a maserati at March 24, 2017 04:07 PM (8iiMU)

617 Ryan falling on the sword for Trump

Posted by: WisRich at March 24, 2017 04:07 PM (hdpay)

618 >>>Sure but when they take it back and do it themselves out of frustration, you can always tell them you loosened it for them.

that's the worst.

I really feel a woman has Sexually Shamed and Oppressed me when she does that.

Posted by: ace at March 24, 2017 04:08 PM (8rNrN)

619 "I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her."

Posted by: Meremortal at March 24, 2017 04:08 PM (3myMJ)

620
O/T, but I don't really think this giraffe is pregnant.

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero) at March 24, 2017 04:07 PM (8ZskC)







Did anyone check if the zoo's storks are locked up?

Posted by: IllTemperedCur at March 24, 2017 04:08 PM (XWkhW)

621 Nood Ryan thread

Posted by: Tami at March 24, 2017 04:08 PM (Enq6K)

622 Wait, wait...it just came to me. A great article idea, 'Why Men Mow the Lawn, and Why That is a Bad Idea'

Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc., etc. at March 24, 2017 04:08 PM (ZO497)

623


NOOOD


Corgis!

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at March 24, 2017 04:08 PM (mbhDw)

624 Always seemed more like a Vampire sucking the blood of the American
Taxpayer, to me.

Posted by: Hikaru at March 24, 2017 04:05 PM (WDCYi)


He's a lightweight.

( *hic* )

( *shart* )

( *thud* )

Posted by: Hillary! at March 24, 2017 04:08 PM (WPSd5)

625 Ryan falling on the sword for Trump
Posted by: WisRich at March 24, 2017 04:07 PM (hdpay)

This is Ryan's failure. Not PDTs.....Ryan owns it

Posted by: Nevergiveup at March 24, 2017 04:08 PM (SjImc)

626 If your woman isn't having orgasms you might want to get a new showerhead.

Posted by: garrett at March 24, 2017 04:04 PM (MmiC2)


Back in the day, I "dated" a woman who claimed she didn't have them.

Did wonders for my stamina. Really.

Posted by: BurtTC at March 24, 2017 04:08 PM (TOk1P)

627 Ryan is such an asshole.

Go fuck yourself deushcebag, this is all your fault.

Posted by: Kreplach at March 24, 2017 04:08 PM (Gh/jd)

628 573 It damages his political capital,

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at March 24, 2017 03:55 PM (39g3+)

There's really not such a thing. People like to use the term "political capital" a lot but it isn't a real thing.

For a simple example of the fallacy of the "political capital" idea, just look at McShame becoming the most despised person in the GOP through his treasonous efforts to give aid and comfort to invading illegals in 2006-2007. That didn't stop him from sliming into the candidacy of 2008, where he basically supported Barky's run. And even that didn't stop him from keeping his seat in the Senate.

"Political capital" is just a made-up notion that is, in the end, rather meaningless.
Posted by: ThePrimordialOrderedPair at March 24, 2017 04:02 PM (zc3Db)

======================

I don't think that's a great example of political capital, but I do think it's a bit overweighted.

It used to be all about the possibilities of patronage, real employment and payouts to people.

Now it's about some kind of ephemeral stuff that politicians are supposed to have.

If it were real, W. would have been able to push through Social Security reform right after his landslide win in 2004.

Posted by: TheJamesMadison at March 24, 2017 04:08 PM (ELUpj)

629 cicero, just gas?

Posted by: willow at March 24, 2017 04:08 PM (R7cwD)

630 553 Trump should just say, this is what democracy looks like. We'll try again and do better.
Posted by: Joe Inaugurating 45 in DC at March 24, 2017 03:59 PM (55//3)

------------------------------------------------------------

The say "Who is ready for some tax cuts?"

That is normally the only sure fire winner in the GOP.

Well I think it is? Right?



Posted by: William Eaton at March 24, 2017 04:08 PM (MuTTO)

631
612 Ryan says he is proud of his bill?

I think the skipper of the Titanic Minnow said that also?


And so is every duck and platypus that walks into a bar...

Posted by: Krebs v Carnot: Epic Battle of the Cycling Stars (TM) at March 24, 2017 04:09 PM (v1g1+)

632 Cuing David Bowie's "Suffragette City" now ... ("Ohhhhh ... Wham, Bam, Thank you, ma'am!"). Is there a fetish descriptor for women who can only get off by kvetching? I seem to know so many, yet my vocabulary is lacking ...

Posted by: Oaktownette at March 24, 2017 04:09 PM (/yzYn)

633 Thank goodness there's a ton of young perky good looking women out there with daddy issues.

Posted by: Strobe at March 24, 2017 04:09 PM (gbWkA)

634 Nood

Posted by: rickb223 at March 24, 2017 04:09 PM (eauMe)

635 Someone I know lit a plastic cap on fire, and it worked.



For metal, hitting it with a knife usually works for me.

Posted by: Lea at March 24, 2017 03:54 PM (lIU4e)

so, ace did not do enough prep work, to open the jar

Posted by: runner at March 24, 2017 04:09 PM (c6/9Q)

636
Ryan taking questions. Concerned about 'death spiral'.

Obama still owns this cluster of fuck.

Posted by: E Depluribus Unum at March 24, 2017 04:09 PM (ZFUt7)

637 Posted by: ace at March 24, 2017 04:08 PM (8rNrN)

LOL.

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at March 24, 2017 04:10 PM (fDdVG)

638 To hell with whether Trump lost or won, how did America do?
Posted by: Meremortal at March 24, 2017 04:04 PM (3myMJ)


ALL OF THIS ALL OF IT

I don't care about if this is a win or loss for Team Trump other than to the extent that it may be used as leverage or diminution of other matters.

Hell, let me go on record right now as stating that I'm actually pissed off that Ryan, et al haven't told Trump screw you we decide when and what we will vote on which has not a thing to do with Trump and EVERYTHING to do with how the horrific expansion of executive authority needs to STOP. Trump doesn't control Congress, Congress controls itself. Yes, it's more beneficial to work in tandem but this notion that a President controls what and when Congress works on makes my eye twitch.

To me, this is a clear failure on the part of Ryan and Scalise in not doing the basic part of their job to be sure that they had the cats at least in the same corral before setting the vote.

Posted by: alexthechick - rrraaawwwrrr at March 24, 2017 04:10 PM (mf5HN)

639 But first..........

Posted by: Bosk at March 24, 2017 04:11 PM (n2K+4)

640 More important is Paul Ryan the feminist ideal man...I get the sense that they would like him once they got to know him.

Posted by: William Eaton at March 24, 2017 04:12 PM (MuTTO)

641 The Cosmo Girl(s) need to hear the Truth re men's feelings of "masculine achievement" in bringing a female to orgasm. The Truth is that the achievement is in getting the bitch to spread her legs....... and not whether or not she climaxes at some succeeding moment. Of course, I'll admit that it's nice for her if she receives the gift that keeps on giving - but it don't do shit for the Dude who undoubtedly worked his ass off to make that score. What really happens is that the Guy often gets his rocks off first - not always, but usually - and this leads to the female equivalent of penis envy - except it's "climax envy". The Guy has just spazzed out with a monster ejaculation and his Woman is thinking, "How come he gets to have all the fun while I'm still banging away to get to the Promised Land?" Well, Ladies ... .... it's payback for all the times you left your boyfriends (us Guys) with a gut wrenching case of the "blue balls" when we were teenagers. Some of you are probably still doing this to us and not feeling the slightest bit of remorse for your Crime against Humanity. So, if you really think that us Males are really "getting off" in synchronous reaction with your feeble, female, trembling, coital climax.......think again. The joke's on you selfish Bitches who are still thinking about yourselves first and the Man in Your Life second (if he's even that high). Cosmo Girl(s) can KMA!

Posted by: Major Rage at March 24, 2017 04:13 PM (eL2F9)

642 638 To me, this is a clear failure on the part of Ryan and Scalise in not doing the basic part of their job to be sure that they had the cats at least in the same corral before setting the vote.
Posted by: alexthechick - rrraaawwwrrr at March 24, 2017 04:10 PM (mf5HN)

==================

I'm inclined to believe that the bill was a good one, and a good first step towards a rather large repeal.

Sure, there was not so great stuff in it, but possibly about as good as it could get with the current Congress.

But why on earth didn't they gauge the mood of their caucus first?

Jesus Christ, why?!?!

Posted by: TheJamesMadison at March 24, 2017 04:13 PM (ELUpj)

643 Unless science and biology have changed the past few years, it was always said that women were capable ( and had ) up to four times as many orgasms as men, whether or not they had a partner present.

So DOH

Posted by: Chelsea Handles Hers at March 24, 2017 04:13 PM (SJ184)

644 TGIF so we can get back to talking about the good stuff

Posted by: concrete girl at March 24, 2017 04:13 PM (aounc)

645 553 Trump should just say, this is what democracy looks like. We'll try again and do better.
Posted by: Joe Inaugurating 45 in DC at March 24, 2017 03:59 PM (55//3)

------------------------------------------------------------

The say "Who is ready for some tax cuts?"

That is normally the only sure fire winner in the GOP.

Well I think it is? Right?


**************

um muslims ban please? Stop handing out US citizenship like strip club fliers on the Vegas Strip?

Posted by: Joe Inaugurating 45 in DC at March 24, 2017 04:13 PM (55//3)

646 >>> As you know, when I found out I had been mis-performing a basic task that most men can perform (to be specific, running the drill the wrong way), I did in fact feel less masculine, and then, when I put up my Rock-Hard Throbbing Shelves of Masculine Power, I did in fact feel like I had accomplished something manly.
......

ace... *shakes head sadly*, this is because you're a victim of gender conditioning during your childhood (along with the Kaboom abuse). Your feelings of being emasculated and f achievement are scars from this abuse.

Have you ever considered that your desire to put up shelves may be a mask for repressed homosexuality?

All of this is clearly a cry for help as your better self struggles to be free of your chains of societies unfair conditioning! Let go!...

...yeah, I can't fake this enough to keep going.

Posted by: Damiano at March 24, 2017 04:14 PM (n3oGs)

647 my point, as Ann C says, who cares about tax cuts...Trump ran on super mega right wing extremism*...and I want some of that.

* otherwise known as mainstream common sense ideas on border control and not giving the fucking counrty away

Posted by: Joe Inaugurating 45 in DC at March 24, 2017 04:14 PM (55//3)

648 30 ... I think it's Lily Von Schtupp

Posted by: Wow, just wow at March 24, 2017 04:15 PM (ats44)

649 again, just for fun, Adam Sandler was on Carolla's new show and did the same thing, ran a drill backwards several times during construction.

yeah, it's a construction show. and it's live.

Posted by: Joe Inaugurating 45 in DC at March 24, 2017 04:15 PM (55//3)

650 Is it too early to start making indestructible plaques that warn the next evolved species to nip girl power in the bud before it retards their species into extinction?

Posted by: Drew in MO at March 24, 2017 04:16 PM (cGlgB)

651 I only read Hustler for the Comics.

...and the Foldout map of Carlsbad Caverns.
Posted by: garrett
****
Ummm, no. That was the Sandra Fluke spread.

Posted by: Tilikum KAW at March 24, 2017 04:17 PM (+aCe4)

652 Is it too early to start making indestructible plaques that warn the next evolved species to nip girl power in the bud before it retards their species into extinction?

***

the obelisk from 2001"?

Posted by: Joe Inaugurating 45 in DC at March 24, 2017 04:17 PM (55//3)

653 Would love to hear the responses from Cosmo when the wymeynz discover just how frequently and how common it is for a man to fake an orgasm.

Posted by: Phone of Blake Lively's Racist Booty at March 24, 2017 04:18 PM (we2CT)

654 515 Where do they come up with the idea that men get more O's? In my experience, the females get 8 to 10 to my one.

Just got here, skipped to the bottom.

So...how many times has "How YOU doin'?!" been posted in this thread?

Posted by: bebe's boobs destroy at March 24, 2017 04:21 PM (hscyr)

655 And thus speaks Ace of Spades

Lord Shelvin


Coda:

Posted by: Bossy Conservative....unfrozen caveman moron at March 24, 2017 04:22 PM (RFeQD)

656 You know what's sexist and unfair? The women I've been with that had multiple orgasms while I had to settle for one. Then there were those that were all, "stop, stop! I can handle anymore! Oh, look at me! I can't stop shaking!" and I had to sit around with blue balls while they got their shit together.

I demand fairness and orgasm equality! All women must line up to pleasure me for free and without expectation of drinks, dinner or pancakes until the scales are balanced!

Posted by: Damiano at March 24, 2017 04:23 PM (n3oGs)

657 I guess the virgin they threw in the volcano didn't have much to say.

Posted by: AnonymousDrivel at March 24, 2017 04:24 PM (1CroS)

658 Excellent hit job, ace!!
Funniest I've seen in a while.

Posted by: Travis at March 24, 2017 04:24 PM (qjnJz)

659 So what you're saying is all those times women say "its okay I don't have to cum" were filthy lies?

I confess I didn't read very closely.

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at March 24, 2017 04:24 PM (39g3+)

660
um muslims ban please? Stop handing out US citizenship like strip club fliers on the Vegas Strip?
Posted by: Joe Inaugurating 45 in DC at March 24, 2017 04:13 PM (55//3)

----------------------------------------------------------------

It is clear a straight Muslim ban is not feasible because we have:

1. Business Republicans who are against it because they are radical globalists.

2. Small Government Libertarians in the GOP are against it. See: Mike Lee as example. They will cry - "James Madison! Thomas Jefferson! Religious Freedom!"

3. Dems...LOL. They want the votes.

That leaves who? 10 or 15 Republicans maybe in congress who would back it.

I think Trump should do it considering he does have the power to do it, but I realize that I am a minority on that, and I am not elected to office to make my opinion useful. Trump will have to find some other to make it happen without looking like it happened if he really plans on doing it.

Posted by: William Eaton at March 24, 2017 04:25 PM (MuTTO)

661 I'm with Coulter on tax breaks. I'm not opposed to some smarter tax reform for business, but that's pretty low on my priority list.

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at March 24, 2017 04:26 PM (39g3+)

662 Hmm... somehow I don't see, "Hey baby, I respect you so I'm just going to bust a nut and take off because I'm afraid to use getting you off to stroke my ego" as being an effective pick up line.

If I'm wrong or there's an exception, I'm thinking I'm better off missing out on that particular opportunity.

Posted by: Damiano at March 24, 2017 04:28 PM (n3oGs)

663 Sex tourism for women is a thing.

In Europe, middle aged women got to Africa for their fun.

In America, they go to the Caribbean.

/ewww. Just Ewwwww.
Posted by: shibumi at March 24, 2017 03:42 PM (FkAXz)

Congratulations.

This is your Hatian Divorce.

Posted by: Clean Willy at March 24, 2017 04:29 PM (0i9eW)

664 Did Lena Dunham pay for this research?

Posted by: Oaktownette at March 24, 2017 04:30 PM (/yzYn)

665 I don't understand women wanting to go to AIDS-rampant sand-in-the-vagoo Africa for sex tourism.

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at March 24, 2017 04:30 PM (39g3+)

666 It is clear a straight Muslim ban is not feasible because we have:

1. Business Republicans who are against it because they are radical globalists.

2. Small Government Libertarians in the GOP are against it. See: Mike Lee as example. They will cry - "James Madison! Thomas Jefferson! Religious Freedom!"

3. Dems...LOL. They want the votes.

****

won't hurt to try.

Tell you rep to support Cotton's bill to at least slow the tide of 3M a year legally.

Posted by: Joe Inaugurating 45 in DC at March 24, 2017 04:39 PM (55//3)

667 dozed off about 200 comments ago - what'd I miss?

Posted by: Weasel at March 24, 2017 04:47 PM (Sfs6o)

668 Best wisdom I ever heard:

1)Does it have to be said?

2)Does it have to be said now?

3)Does it have to be said by me?

I'll be honest. I've messed it up on 1 through 3 enough times I'm beginning to know not to start.



Posted by: Jack at March 24, 2017 04:56 PM (YX9fV)

669 "Do you know how to make a woman orgasm?"

Maybe if you hummm a few bars.....

Posted by: Wow, just wow at March 24, 2017 05:35 PM (ats44)

670 not gonna wade through 700 cmts, so maybe this has been covered before.

but if you have difficulty w Big Finish via a Lewinsky, then Ms. Lewinsky has poor technique. Had that exact same issue until I moved to Minnesota, where girls don't like to get undressed in winter. Too cold. So they get quite good at...well, you know. A glorious revelation.

Posted by: Sneaky Fast at March 24, 2017 05:44 PM (R0ZbJ)

671 Getting you sweetheart to where she can't stop orgasming is the most fun a man can have. Actually quite easy to do, once you figure out what all of her fancy sensory equipment down there is trying to accomplish.

Here's a clue: the subterranian structure of the clitoris goes ALL THE WAY AROUND the vagina. It's a caliper guys, designed to measure girth and hardness so as to track YOUR level of arousal. The whole purpose of this equipment to get her to orgasm when you orgasm.

Once you know that, you just get close to orgasm yourself, AND YOU STAY THERE. That's why the man has to be on top. Only on top does he have the control necessary to stay close to orgasm.

Her superb measuring equipment tells her exactly how close to orgasm you are and feeds it straight into her brain. Her brain is YOUR SEX SLAVE, and she loves it. Lovely woman.

Posted by: Alec Rawls at March 24, 2017 06:09 PM (AphMS)

672 From the days before feminists and homo pussy-boys:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vexYxL_yb2s

I read parts of this to my wife. She says she's damn glad I want to give her pleasure, and any woman who's honest will admit they want to get us off too.

Posted by: George LeS at March 24, 2017 06:26 PM (+TcCF)

673 Maybe Ace can't get off from a blowie because he's only letting girls blow him. SIAP

Posted by: Dr Obvious at March 24, 2017 08:16 PM (F0T8O)

674 I am a woman and thankful for a man who would think of my pleasure. I don't like too much pressure exerted on me to achieve that pleasure because sometimes i simply want to be with my man and make sure he is pleased whether I orgasm or not. I actually derive a Feminine satisfaction and boost from doing that. If I don't think I am going to have an orgasm that "session", I communicate that I am good just going at it for the fun. But yeah, just because I don't always orgasm or expect to doesn't mean I don't like to fairly often. Communication and mutual respect are key. Sex is healthier when people ignore the 'experts', magazines and cultural ideas and interjections altogether. I admire a man who cares and if it gives him a stronger feeling of masculinity, all the better. Manly men with genuine sensitivity who keeps his innate selfish nature in check, I love and adore. I am just a regular, everyday American woman, not some slut or sex fiend.

Posted by: Woman at March 24, 2017 08:39 PM (TVerj)

675 slow news day Ace??

Posted by: stpaulchuck at March 24, 2017 10:20 PM (f7X1b)

676 When Sofia Vergara told me I was the best at getting her off, yeah, I was pretty psyched. Now I feel all sexist and bad. Same when Kate Upton said the same. I felt proud then, now shame at my selfishness and masculinity achievement. Have pictures, but am too much of a gentleman to share.
So yeah, ladies, I am sorry. Would love to make it up to you when your rich husbands aren't around.

Posted by: Joe Mack at March 24, 2017 11:30 PM (g6yUI)

677 Mmm Lickorice ALL sorts.........

Posted by: saf at March 25, 2017 06:54 AM (+zN6H)

678 "Anyway, I've yabbled on enough." Yes. TMI.

Posted by: Larry Geiger at March 25, 2017 10:17 AM (QpgDv)

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