Texas "Republican" Congressman Van Taylor Apologizes For Sex Affair With... Ex-ISIS War Bride, Paying Her Five Grand in Hush Money;<br>Drops Out of Re-Election Bid, Conceding to Primary Opponent

Texas "Republican" Congressman Van Taylor Apologizes For Sex Affair With... Ex-ISIS War Bride, Paying Her Five Grand in Hush Money;
Drops Out of Re-Election Bid, Conceding to Primary Opponent

Was that wrong?

Was it wrong to fuck a (former) terrorist snizzpiece while serving as US Congressman? I tell ya, no one said anything about it at orientation. If someone had given me a heads up that that that sort of thing was frowned upon, I would have behaved differently.

Breitbart:

Embattled Rep. Van Taylor (R-TX) on Tuesday failed to win outright his five-way Republican Texas primary after an alleged affair with an "ISIS bride" was reported earlier in the week.
Taylor, first elected to Congress in 2018 by 10 percentage points, received less than 50 percent of Tuesday's vote (49.9 percent) and thus will enter a runoff with Keith Self, who placed second.
Appointed to the United States Military Academy at West Point, Self served in the army for 25 years. He later ran for and was elected County Judge in Collin County.
Taylor was the overwhelming favorite to win outright. But after a newly alleged affair with 'ISIS Bride' Tania Joya was revealed Monday by Breitbart News, Taylor came up shy approximately 800 votes to avoid a runoff.
Taylor's alleged affair with 'ISIS Bride' Tania Joya, which lasted from November 2020 to June 2021 -- entailed a payment from Taylor to Joya for $5,000, Joya told Breitbart News.

The last-minute revelation kept Taylor from winning the primary outright, so thankfully, there was still an opponent he had to beat to win the nomination. He has now conceded to that opponent, Keith Self.

Because Van Taylor voted to certify Brandon's election, and was one of the 35 Republicans who joined Democrats to establish the January 6 commission, Seems Legit was having a gloat about "The Trump Curse."

So, was it worth it?

Ehhh... nah.

Tania Joya later renounced her "ISIS Bride" past and worked to deprogram women with similar mindsets, which is how she wound up meeting Taylor.

I'm sure Van Taylor totally a super-patriot who totally loves Eagles and Reagan and Freedom and Jesus and Freedom can robotically repeat the generic list of Republican Values without meaning a God-Damned one of them and is blandly nonthreatening in the Mitch McConnell-approved fashion and is also a good pal of Adam Kinzinger's and I bet he can cash a mean corporate donor check, too.

And he also loves comforting former ISIS brides.

And sometimes exchanging texts with them about, seriously, munching on each other's fartclams.

It's completely unfair to knock anyone else's sexts but then I don't want to be fair to this guy. I want these people out of my party, and I want them to be on-notice that if they do not leave voluntarily, they will be purged with extreme prejudice, and there will be no mercy and no restraint, and they may just be made radioactive enough that they won't be able to get those corporate lobbying jobs they've always had their eyes on.

So get the fuck out now.

Posted by: Ace at 05:34 PM

Comments

(Jump to bottom of comments)

1 Yo!

Posted by: Hawkpilot at March 02, 2022 05:34 PM (BvwbV)

2 First!

Posted by: Red Turban Someguy - The Republic is already dead! at March 02, 2022 05:34 PM (z5Vrg)

3 No offense to commenter Yo!

Posted by: Hawkpilot at March 02, 2022 05:35 PM (BvwbV)

4 Heh

Posted by: Hawkpilot at March 02, 2022 05:35 PM (BvwbV)

5 Interesting article.

https://tinyurl.com/2p9chh7d

Posted by: Xipe Totec at March 02, 2022 05:35 PM (4BGeF)

6 I can't wait until the Pharisee explains how this is Trump's fault!

Posted by: alexthechick - Boobs and hysteria at March 02, 2022 05:35 PM (GbPPJ)

7 I'll go get em.

Posted by: Hawkpilot at March 02, 2022 05:36 PM (BvwbV)

8
Face is pleasant enough. Does she have nice hips and a still-intact joy buzzer?

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at March 02, 2022 05:36 PM (s2VJv)

9 I would hit it.

Posted by: Xipe Totec at March 02, 2022 05:36 PM (4BGeF)

10 Every day is fart clam day!

Posted by: Squid at March 02, 2022 05:36 PM (S+Qkc)

11 He certainly got more votes than he should have

Posted by: It's me donna at March 02, 2022 05:37 PM (J8ILO)

12
Heh. Just listening to James Brown, "Cold Sweat."

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at March 02, 2022 05:37 PM (s2VJv)

13 Was it wrong to fuck a terrorist snizzpiece while serving as US Congressman?

***
Absolutely not!

Posted by: Eric Swallsmell at March 02, 2022 05:37 PM (lCui1)

14 Ehhh... nah.

Disagree.

Posted by: Rick Scott at March 02, 2022 05:37 PM (ZsR3z)

15 She's kinda cute in a needs a sammich way.

Posted by: Madamemayhem (uppity wench) at March 02, 2022 05:38 PM (Vxu+H)

16 >>Was it wrong to fuck a terrorist snizzpiece while serving as US Congressman? I tell ya, no one said anything at the orientation. If someone had let me know that was out of bounds, I would have behaved differently.

Snark rating: perfection

Posted by: Lizzy at March 02, 2022 05:38 PM (MmndN)

17 At least it wasn't with a Chinese spy!

That would be really bad.

Posted by: Eric Swallowell at March 02, 2022 05:38 PM (xEtsj)

18
I saw the Munching Fartclams open for the B-52s at Max's Kansas City in '89.

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at March 02, 2022 05:38 PM (s2VJv)

19 Everything that has transpired has done so according to my design.

Posted by: Darth Trump at March 02, 2022 05:38 PM (SH2Zi)

20 Maybe Eric Smallwell was doing the orientation class the day Van Taylor took it.

Posted by: JROD at March 02, 2022 05:38 PM (0jZnq)

21 Her?

Posted by: Zombie Robbo the Llama Butcher at March 02, 2022 05:39 PM (dfRN6)

22 Someone share this with Swallowswell

Posted by: Mark Andrew Edwards, RIP Oregon Muse at March 02, 2022 05:39 PM (XvPQV)

23 Fartclam.

It's what's for dinner.

Posted by: Sam Eliot at March 02, 2022 05:39 PM (XatMr)

24 Well, I don't know about "giggled" but it did make my day.

Posted by: Seems Legit at March 02, 2022 05:39 PM (DcKNO)

25 All I can do is LOL at this. In clownworld that is all you can do.

Posted by: Joe XiDen - I miss Delta Variant at March 02, 2022 05:39 PM (wDZLx)

26 �I would hit it.

Posted by: Xipe Totec at

Yup. Nice body too.

Is Self a Rino?

Posted by: I Mean at March 02, 2022 05:39 PM (Tzn5T)

27 That's a wig.

And she looks Armenian. NTTAWWT.

Posted by: Gentlemen, this is junta manifest at March 02, 2022 05:39 PM (YsxlB)

28 I saw a picture of the guy -- it was 100% a honeypot operation. Lil' Miss ISIS had big plans for milking him for intel.

Posted by: Lizzy at March 02, 2022 05:39 PM (MmndN)

29 Off smelly traitor sock

Posted by: vmom stabby stabby stabby stabamillion at March 02, 2022 05:40 PM (lCui1)

30 I'd hit it.

Posted by: G'rump928(c) at March 02, 2022 05:40 PM (yQpMk)

31
If Ace had a "Jive Turkey of the Day" post, this jerkoff would be today's.

Posted by: Soothsayer, the #1 most trusted name in news at March 02, 2022 05:40 PM (py50N)

32 No. Don't. Stop.

Posted by: clutch cargo - Now fortified with CPM-S90V at March 02, 2022 05:40 PM (wAnMi)

33 I don't know man... kind of admiring getting that sort of service from an ISIS bride..

Posted by: Fatty McFattington at March 02, 2022 05:40 PM (IajN0)

34 >>>Was it wrong to fuck a (former) terrorist snizzpiece

As long as it wears the burka, I think so.

Posted by: Darth Trump at March 02, 2022 05:40 PM (SH2Zi)

35 Fartclam is one word. I apologize.

Posted by: Squid at March 02, 2022 05:40 PM (S+Qkc)

36

Something about depositing a bodily fluid on her tonsils.

Chee-wah-wah. Even Kamala gagged.

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at March 02, 2022 05:40 PM (s2VJv)

37 Oh...this might merit discussion...I'll have to think about it...

Posted by: Kevin "Mrs. Luntz" McCarthy at March 02, 2022 05:40 PM (xEtsj)

38 I love it when ace gets all militant and shit.

Posted by: Madamemayhem (uppity wench) at March 02, 2022 05:40 PM (Vxu+H)

39 >>>24 Well, I don't know about "giggled" but it did make my day.

okay I changed giggled to "having a gloat" and also credited you

Posted by: ace at March 02, 2022 05:40 PM (0G13K)

40 I need so the body to determine if it was worth it.

Posted by: Joe XiDen - I miss Delta Variant at March 02, 2022 05:40 PM (wDZLx)

41 And wound up exchanging texts with him about, seriously, munching on each other's fartclams.

This ass-eating epidemic needs to be addressed, and by addressed, I mean, some of our youth needs to be humanely euthanized.

Posted by: bear with asymmetrical balls at March 02, 2022 05:40 PM (KFhLj)

42 That'll get Nanzi rubbing her knuckles together and jiggling.

Posted by: Minnfidel at March 02, 2022 05:40 PM (SzyiZ)

43 Strong Swallowswell vibe

Posted by: Jane D'oh at March 02, 2022 05:40 PM (ptqGC)

44 I would smash the ever loving shit outta that ISIS Bride.

Wouldn't eat her fartclam, though. I bet it smells like wet camel.

Posted by: garrett at March 02, 2022 05:40 PM (XatMr)

45 Cue the "she's too skinny" crowd.......

Posted by: JROD at March 02, 2022 05:41 PM (0jZnq)

46 Well, he was specific.

Posted by: kraken at March 02, 2022 05:41 PM (Vr12I)

47 Fartclam.

It's what's for dinner.

Posted by: Sam Eliot at March 02, 2022 05:39 PM (XatMr)

>>>(former) terrorist snizzpiece

The other white meat.

Posted by: Darth Trump at March 02, 2022 05:41 PM (SH2Zi)

48 hiya

Posted by: JT at March 02, 2022 05:41 PM (arJlL)

49 Judge Mehta continues to be a dick.

Posted by: Tim Riggins at March 02, 2022 05:41 PM (ZZK0E)

50 You want to see another dirtbag Republican? That Martin Hyde guy in Sarasota. Feb 14 he got pulled over for speeding, and did the whole "Do You Know Who I Am" bit, with video on YT. As far as I can tell, he's a 'Republican' only because he's 'friends' with Roger Simon and General Flynn. The guy is a total sleaze scumbag and needs to be viralized.

As for the ISIS bride, yeah she's pretty. That's why you must remember to always kill the female terrorists first.

Posted by: gp's Acceleration de l'energie sombre at March 02, 2022 05:41 PM (qpX6U)

51 45 Cue the "she's too skinny" crowd.......
Posted by: JROD at March 02, 2022 05:41 PM (0jZnq)

"Funk."

- - James Brown

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at March 02, 2022 05:41 PM (s2VJv)

52 Those eyes are almost anime-like.

Posted by: Puddleglum at March 02, 2022 05:41 PM (sAmhv)

53 All this talk reminded me of the Clam Box restaurant in Carmel. Apparently it's long-gone. Makes me sad. It was pink. It's all making sense over half a century later.

Posted by: clutch cargo - Now fortified with CPM-S90V at March 02, 2022 05:41 PM (wAnMi)

54 Teacher says, every time a RINO loses or is forced to resign, a fartclam gets its wings.

Posted by: radar at March 02, 2022 05:41 PM (dGXW9)

55 If I was his wife, the divorce papers would be getting served right about now.

Posted by: Nova local at March 02, 2022 05:41 PM (exHjb)

56 I clicked the text link. I regret it.

Posted by: Guy Smiley at March 02, 2022 05:42 PM (HsAzN)

57 I'm shocked and stunned anyone would bring the Republican Party into disrepute in an election year! Any other time is OK, but not during an election year!

That's the McConnell Doctrine.

Posted by: Mitch McConnell at March 02, 2022 05:42 PM (xEtsj)

58 She's not terrible, but she'll definitely kill you while you're sleeping.

Admiral Ackbar!

Posted by: Wyatt Earp at March 02, 2022 05:42 PM (XSRBF)

59 At least he wasn't just fucking his constituents.

Posted by: I Mean at March 02, 2022 05:42 PM (pHFtB)

60 en fuego, ace !

demonrats act like they're fighting a war for the soul and culture of America, our side acts like chamberlain having tea and scones with the chancellor of germany.

Posted by: sock_rat_eez (NDCP0) at March 02, 2022 05:42 PM (NDCP0)

61 Homeboy thought a gal who wanted to join ISIS, then changed her mind, would keep this on the DL? That's enough to DQ him right there. What a dumbass.

Posted by: Xander Crews at March 02, 2022 05:42 PM (MpOGS)

62 28 I saw a picture of the guy -- it was 100% a honeypot operation. Lil' Miss ISIS had big plans for milking him for intel.
Posted by: Lizzy at March 02, 2022 05:39 PM (MmndN)

--------

The giveaway was asking for money. $5000...to start.

Posted by: Seems Legit at March 02, 2022 05:42 PM (DcKNO)

63 In Rhode Island they are called fart quahogs.

Posted by: JackStraw at March 02, 2022 05:42 PM (ZLI7S)

64

Lips that touch fartclam will never touch mine...

Posted by: Zettai at March 02, 2022 05:42 PM (rm8S6)

65 If I lived in Crenshaw's district, I would not vote for him in the general. Let the seat flip, the GOP doesn't need gunt fartclams like him.

Posted by: Cat Ass Trophy at March 02, 2022 05:42 PM (qnVBz)

66 +1 Fartclam content

Posted by: ballistic at March 02, 2022 05:43 PM (oXNqT)

67 Lips that touch fartclam will never touch mine...
Posted by: Zettai a

lol

Posted by: ace at March 02, 2022 05:43 PM (0G13K)

68 I'd need a full length mannix type bikini pic to decide.

Posted by: Guy Mohawk at March 02, 2022 05:43 PM (6lMp2)

69 Everything that has transpired has done so according to my design.

Please make swallowswell next. Pretty please?

Posted by: Bosk at March 02, 2022 05:43 PM (x6uUk)

70 $5,000 should get some high quality clam.

Posted by: Insomniac - Outlaw. Hoarder. Wrecker. Honker. at March 02, 2022 05:43 PM (II3Gr)

71 She might have forehead acne. Fracne.

Posted by: Guy Smiley at March 02, 2022 05:43 PM (HsAzN)

72 Now do Eric Fang bang Stallwell.

Our elites basically suck fartclams.

Posted by: Czech Chick at March 02, 2022 05:43 PM (haWye)

73 Fartclam is a very woody word.

Posted by: I am the Shadout Mapes, the Housekeeper at March 02, 2022 05:43 PM (PiwSw)

74 >>66 +1 Fartclam content

"A smart fartclam blog"

Posted by: ace at March 02, 2022 05:43 PM (0G13K)

75 >>It's completely unfair to knock anyone else's sexts but then I don't want to be fair to this guy. I want these people out of my party, and I want them to be on-notice that if they do not leave voluntarily, they will be purged with extreme prejudice, and there will be no mercy and no restraint.

It is COMPLETELY FAIR to knock the sexts of a Congressman/woman to someone who is not their spouse.

Someone that dumb and reckless cannot be trusted. Period.

Posted by: Lizzy at March 02, 2022 05:43 PM (MmndN)

76
Another good song that fits this thread:

She Walks Like a Bearded Fartclam, er, Rainbow.

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at March 02, 2022 05:43 PM (s2VJv)

77 Tania wants to get on ya

so she can annoy ya

with her Joya

Posted by: Mr Gaga at March 02, 2022 05:43 PM (KiBMU)

78 Chee-wah-wah. Even Kamala gagged.
Posted by: J.J. Sefton at March 02, 2022 05:40 PM (s2VJv)
==========
I never gag.

Posted by: Kumlala Harris, President in Waiting at March 02, 2022 05:43 PM (xEtsj)

79 This is probably not the worst thing a congressman is doing right now.

Posted by: Cat Ass Trophy at March 02, 2022 05:43 PM (qnVBz)

80 >>>73 Fartclam is a very woody word.

a bit tinny, no?

Posted by: ace at March 02, 2022 05:43 PM (0G13K)

81 It's women's history month? I didn't know they had their own month of history. In fact, why aren't the blacks bitching they get the shortest month of the year?

I expect peaceful riots, burnings and lootings.

Posted by: clutch cargo - Now fortified with CPM-S90V at March 02, 2022 05:43 PM (wAnMi)

82 Whatever happened to just banging your interns?

Posted by: TheJamesMadison's Phone, read some movie thoughts at March 02, 2022 05:43 PM (LvTSG)

83 Just found some old stubs from 1987 when I saw Fart Clam open for Stink Box at the Palladium.

Posted by: I Mean at March 02, 2022 05:44 PM (pHFtB)

84 Never underestimate the temptations of the flesh. Just because you see nothing in her doesn't mean some other man's Little Commander doesn't.

Posted by: Mikey NTH - Naughty or Nice? Slay Ride 2 - Santa's Back!- at March 02, 2022 05:44 PM (HfND3)

85 Fartclam.

It's what's for dinner.
Posted by: Sam Eliot at March 02, 2022 05:39 PM (XatMr)
___

*wipes keyboard*

Only if it has a joybuzzer, as one 'ron has stated upthread.

Posted by: SMH at God's grace at March 02, 2022 05:44 PM (xzNDG)

86 Sad!

Do we have *any* men who will hold out for high-value hotties.... and give them false intel?

Posted by: Helena Handbasket at March 02, 2022 05:44 PM (llON8)

87 Is isis still a thing?

Posted by: Joe XiDen - I miss Delta Variant at March 02, 2022 05:44 PM (wDZLx)

88 I saw the Munching Fartclams open for the B-52s at Max's Kansas City in '89.

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at March 02, 2022 05:38 PM (s2VJv)

They opened for the Butthole Surfers!

Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at March 02, 2022 05:44 PM (XIJ/X)

89 I saw a picture of the guy -- it was 100% a honeypot operation. Lil' Miss ISIS had big plans for milking him for intel.
Posted by: Lizzy at March 02, 2022 05:39 PM (MmndN)

Oddly, enough he also wanted her to milk him and splatter the results on her tonsils.

Posted by: naturalfake at March 02, 2022 05:44 PM (OMayC)

90 He's quite specific.

Posted by: General Buck Turgidson at March 02, 2022 05:44 PM (6BTho)

91 Just found some old stubs from 1987 when I saw Fart Clam open for Stink Box at the Palladium.
Posted by: I Mean at March 02, 2022 05:44 PM

I saw them open for Stink 182.

Posted by: Minnfidel at March 02, 2022 05:44 PM (SzyiZ)

92 Whatever happened to just killing your interns?

Posted by: Squid at March 02, 2022 05:45 PM (S+Qkc)

93 84 Never underestimate the temptations of the flesh. Just because you see nothing in her doesn't mean some other man's Little Commander doesn't.
Posted by: Mikey NTH - Naughty or Nice? Slay Ride 2 - Santa's Back!- at March 02, 2022 05:44 PM (HfND3

====

Brian Stelter procreated. Can't the big dick.

Posted by: TheJamesMadison's Phone, read some movie thoughts at March 02, 2022 05:45 PM (LvTSG)

94 >>Fartclam is a very woody word.

With a strong, nutty finish.

Posted by: Tania Joya at March 02, 2022 05:45 PM (XatMr)

95 LOL

He so horny.
Is this what they teach in West Point now?

Posted by: anchorbabe fashion cop at March 02, 2022 05:45 PM (ufFY8)

96 She could be a belly dancer at a Greek joint, with those eyes.

Posted by: Mr Gaga at March 02, 2022 05:45 PM (KiBMU)

97 Okay so she's an ex -terrorist bride deprogramming other women and not a current terrorist supporter. So he had a basic affair which derailed his run. Good but he should have been derailed for his anti Trump actions.

Posted by: Anti doesn't matter at March 02, 2022 05:45 PM (uHFrd)

98 I saw them open for Stink 182.

And I saw them open for The Fart of Noise

Posted by: Guy Smiley at March 02, 2022 05:45 PM (HsAzN)

99 Whatever happened to just banging your interns?
Posted by: TheJamesMadison's Phone, read some movie thoughts at March 02, 2022 05:43 PM (LvTSG)

Bonk bonk, on the head!

Posted by: Joe Scarborough at March 02, 2022 05:45 PM (yQpMk)

100 Whatever happened to just banging your interns?
Posted by: TheJamesMadison's Phone, read some movie thoughts at March 02, 2022 05:43 PM (LvTSG)
=============
They never last

Posted by: Joe Scarborough at March 02, 2022 05:45 PM (xEtsj)

101 Dude is quite the Romantic.

Posted by: kraken at March 02, 2022 05:45 PM (Vr12I)

102 62 28 I saw a picture of the guy -- it was 100% a honeypot operation. Lil' Miss ISIS had big plans for milking him for intel.
Posted by: Lizzy at March 02, 2022 05:39 PM (MmndN)

--------

The giveaway was asking for money. $5000...to start.
Posted by: Seems Legit at March 02, 2022 05:42 PM (DcKNO)

Yeah, and his wife was hotter than him, smarter than him, and more successful and pedigreed than him...so it seems he was ripe to be the lowly schmuck who needed the "ego bump" of having a 2nd person sleep with him.

Posted by: Nova local at March 02, 2022 05:45 PM (exHjb)

103 He got 49.9 % of the vote ? That's a lot for a scum bag. Was that because this just came out ?

Posted by: It's me donna at March 02, 2022 05:46 PM (J8ILO)

104 I saw a picture of the guy -- it was 100% a honeypot operation. Lil' Miss ISIS had big plans for milking him for intel.
Posted by: Lizzy

Why. There are probably over 100 Dem congressmen who would have given her logon credentials to the House intel server.

Posted by: Cat Ass Trophy at March 02, 2022 05:46 PM (qnVBz)

105 92 Whatever happened to just killing your interns?
Posted by: Squid at March 02, 2022 05:45 PM (S+Qkc)

====

Has Joe Scarborough mentioned how much he hates Trump today?

Posted by: TheJamesMadison's Phone, read some movie thoughts at March 02, 2022 05:46 PM (LvTSG)

106 "A smart fartclam blog"

---------

lmfao

Posted by: ballistic at March 02, 2022 05:46 PM (oXNqT)

107 92 Whatever happened to just killing your interns?
Posted by: Squid at March 02, 2022 05:45 PM (S+Qkc)

"I know, right."

- - Joe Banjo Boy Scarborough

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at March 02, 2022 05:46 PM (s2VJv)

108 Traitors hang.

Can we restore "so th*rsty" as a post that won't automatically get you banned at the HQ?

Posted by: cool breeze at March 02, 2022 05:46 PM (UGKMd)

109 >>They opened for the Butthole Surfers!

Hairway to Stephen is the Greatest Album, Ever!

Posted by: garrett at March 02, 2022 05:46 PM (XatMr)

110 He did not go to West Point. He got his bachelor's from Harvard and then his MBA.

But I got that from wiki so who knows.

Posted by: Seems Legit at March 02, 2022 05:46 PM (DcKNO)

111 ISIS snizz?...yeah, I am seeing Adam's apple there - so no thanks.

Posted by: Boswell at March 02, 2022 05:46 PM (5iUNf)

112 Why. There are probably over 100 Dem congressmen who would have given her logon credentials to the House intel server.
Posted by: Cat Ass Trophy at March 02, 2022 05:46 PM (qnVBz)

-----------

The shame is part of the kink, as I've learned.

Posted by: ballistic at March 02, 2022 05:46 PM (oXNqT)

113 >>>I saw a picture of the guy -- it was 100% a honeypot operation. Lil' Miss ISIS had big plans for milking him for intel.
Posted by: Lizzy

what do you call it when the primary inducement is fartclam?

A chocolatepot?

Posted by: ace at March 02, 2022 05:47 PM (0G13K)

114
Emerson, Lake, and Fartclam.

Never made the big time.

Posted by: naturalfake at March 02, 2022 05:47 PM (OMayC)

115 And I saw them open for The Fart of Noise

And I saw *them* open for Stynx

It was their "Grand Efflusion" tour

Posted by: Guy Smiley at March 02, 2022 05:47 PM (HsAzN)

116 He had sex with a woman who had sex with a jihadi who had sex with a poor goat

Kinda hot tho

Posted by: Yo! at March 02, 2022 05:47 PM (vDT9O)

117 Bit exotic looking, but didn't see the caboose so not judging yet.

Posted by: Skip at March 02, 2022 05:47 PM (2JoB8)

118 >>Dude is quite the Romantic.

How do I love your Fartclam?

Let me count the ways...

Posted by: Van Taylor at March 02, 2022 05:47 PM (XatMr)

119
Seriously, this dame is Veronica Lake compared to Fang Fang Bang Bang.

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at March 02, 2022 05:47 PM (s2VJv)

120 "He so horny.
Is this what they teach in West Point now?
Posted by: anchorbabe fashion cop at March 02, 2022 05:45 PM (ufFY

"

probably ... along with marx and alinsky.

Posted by: sock_rat_eez (NDCP0) at March 02, 2022 05:47 PM (NDCP0)

121 Blue Fartclam Cult

Posted by: I am the Shadout Mapes, the Housekeeper at March 02, 2022 05:47 PM (PiwSw)

122 GOP voters: He voted to impeach trump and for the Jan 6 committee? Meh

What? He made sexes with a woman outside of marriage? Nyet! Never! Out!

Posted by: Cat Ass Trophy at March 02, 2022 05:48 PM (qnVBz)

123 Sigh

Posted by: Nevergiveup at March 02, 2022 05:48 PM (Irn0L)

124 Have her bathed and shaved and sent to my tent.

Posted by: Van Taylor at March 02, 2022 05:48 PM (yQpMk)

125 103 He got 49.9 % of the vote ? That's a lot for a scum bag. Was that because this just came out ?
Posted by: It's me donna at March 02, 2022 05:46 PM (J8ILO)

Probably early voting - it broke this week, so the day before in-person voting? Hard to get the news to circulate - we only got it after he didn't win the primary outright (which he was expected to do in a landslide)...

Posted by: Nova local at March 02, 2022 05:48 PM (exHjb)

126 Nothing to worry about ... yet

@BloombergTV 1m

ICYMI Fed chair Jerome Powell spoke today in front of the U.S. House, backing a quarter-point interest-rate rise later this month.

Posted by: weft cut-loop at March 02, 2022 05:48 PM (zWpOF)

127 "Seriously, this dame is Veronica Lake compared to Fang Fang Bang Bang."

I find them both very pretty.

Posted by: gp's Acceleration de l'energie sombre at March 02, 2022 05:48 PM (qpX6U)

128 >>>A smart fartclam blog

This place.

Posted by: Dark Helmet at March 02, 2022 05:48 PM (SH2Zi)

129 Trans-Siberian FartClams had a great Christmas CD come out a few years back.

Posted by: Bosk at March 02, 2022 05:48 PM (x6uUk)

130 In French-World the Lord teaches, "The good news is I am giving the bigger brain and the penis to Man. But the bad news is enough blood to operate one at a time."

Posted by: Rev. Col. David French, veteran hero at March 02, 2022 05:48 PM (xEtsj)

131 Okay so she's an ex -terrorist bride deprogramming other women and not a current terrorist supporter. So he had a basic affair which derailed his run. Good but he should have been derailed for his anti Trump actions.
Posted by: Anti doesn't matter at March 02, 2022 05:45 PM (uHFrd)

So of all the women on the planet he coincidentally picks this ISIS girl. Had to be part of the kink.

Posted by: Oldcat at March 02, 2022 05:48 PM (eoQWY)

132 Like I said last thread, she is a One.

Posted by: anchorbabe fashion cop at March 02, 2022 05:48 PM (ufFY8)

133 This reminds me of those absentminded professors who end up running drugs. They think it is the *girlfriend's* laundry because she says *only you see me this way.*

Posted by: Corona-exile_back_in_exile at March 02, 2022 05:48 PM (O0QMT)

134 124 Have her bathed and shaved and sent to my tent.
Posted by: Van Taylor at March 02, 2022 05:48 PM (yQpMk)

----------

LOL

Posted by: Seems Legit at March 02, 2022 05:48 PM (DcKNO)

135 'Parsley, Sage, Fartclam and Thyme' - Simon and Garunkel (1966)

Posted by: garrett at March 02, 2022 05:48 PM (XatMr)

136 And it's guys like this who spent 4 years doing their best Foghorn Leghorn impression " Why, I nevah...!" every time the press dug up another one of Trump's former conquests.

"Dahling, my norms demand you put this on and bend me ovah this heah ottoman!"

Posted by: Azathoth at March 02, 2022 05:49 PM (W3VUu)

137 Posted by: Cat Ass Trophy at March 02, 2022 05:48 PM (qnVBz)

That's what I want to know.. Why did they vote for this POS... Evidently they didn't care about his Anti-Trump stuff

Posted by: It's me donna at March 02, 2022 05:49 PM (J8ILO)

138 Emerson, Palmer Fartclam would have been huge, I tell ya!

Posted by: Cat Ass Trophy at March 02, 2022 05:49 PM (qnVBz)

139 Whoops!
Whoopsie!

Posted by: NeverBiden at March 02, 2022 05:49 PM (eIGHH)

140 122
. And he still got just shy of 50%.

Posted by: Joe XiDen - I miss Delta Variant at March 02, 2022 05:49 PM (wDZLx)

141 Read the SotU, there are some wishes and unicorns that will never happen. And 1/2 of the deficit isn't a lousy 1 Trillion dollars.

Posted by: Skip at March 02, 2022 05:49 PM (2JoB8)

142 Why. There are probably over 100 Dem congressmen who would have given her logon credentials to the House intel server.
Posted by: Cat Ass Trophy at March 02, 2022 05:46 PM (qnVBz)

No need, the Dems would have just hired ISIS to run their servers.

Posted by: Oldcat at March 02, 2022 05:50 PM (eoQWY)

143 58 She's not terrible, but she'll definitely kill you while you're sleeping.

Admiral Ackbar!
Posted by: Wyatt Earp at March 02, 2022 05:42 PM (XSRBF)

Think she is a biter?

Posted by: Xipe Totec at March 02, 2022 05:50 PM (o2MD2)

144 They have primaries already? Geez it is 8 months from the election. Some states have their primaries in August.

Posted by: Joe XiDen - I miss Delta Variant at March 02, 2022 05:50 PM (wDZLx)

145 I love it when this guy talks dirty to me!!

Posted by: Liz Cheney, still a GOP Caucus Member at March 02, 2022 05:50 PM (xEtsj)

146 Did somebody say fartclams?

Posted by: Steve Kroft at March 02, 2022 05:50 PM (rjpjQ)

147
The Nazi V-3 was known as the Fartclamgemeinschaft.

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at March 02, 2022 05:50 PM (s2VJv)

148 Able was I ere I licked fart clam.

Hahahahah! Suck it, Napoleon!

Posted by: Van Taylor at March 02, 2022 05:50 PM (sWM8x)

149 Trans-Siberian FartClams had a great Christmas CD come out a few years back.

Remember when Rush would always use the Trans-Siberian FartClams as the bumper music between Thanksgiving and New Years ?

Posted by: Statistics at March 02, 2022 05:50 PM (ZTzFi)

150 A bigtime Illinois politician just got a federal indictment for racketeering. Michael Madigan was basically THE political boss for decades.

https://bit.ly/348DuAf

Posted by: bonhomme at March 02, 2022 05:50 PM (x980n)

151 They're all in on it. Fartclams every single fucking one of them.

Defund Congress

Posted by: Martini Farmer at March 02, 2022 05:51 PM (BFigT)

152 146 Did somebody say fartclams?
Posted by: Steve Kroft at March 02, 2022 05:50 PM (rjpjQ)

Maybe just a tad too many times

Posted by: It's me donna at March 02, 2022 05:51 PM (J8ILO)

153 She would do in a pinch.

Posted by: Ronster at March 02, 2022 05:51 PM (UnKfR)

154 Cannibalism not mentioned, not even once.

Posted by: klaftern at March 02, 2022 05:51 PM (taPSh)

155 This is the reason early voting is bullshit. Taylor was running radio ads 5 times a day extolling his military background and all the "stuff" he was going to do.

Posted by: Ben Had at March 02, 2022 05:51 PM (QG14m)

156 That's what I want to know.. Why did they vote for this POS... Evidently they didn't care about his Anti-Trump stuff
Posted by: It's me donna at March 02, 2022 05:49 PM (J8ILO)
----------

Incumbency is a helluva drug.

Posted by: ballistic at March 02, 2022 05:51 PM (oXNqT)

157 Mmmmm.... fartclam

Posted by: Shep! at March 02, 2022 05:51 PM (iydjf)

158 The opponent is who went to West Point, not this nincompoop

Posted by: museisluse at March 02, 2022 05:51 PM (jonCV)

159 Is this going to turn into a 1000+ comment fart clam thread?

Posted by: Helena Handbasket at March 02, 2022 05:51 PM (llON8)

160 She looks like she might have Back Snizzz.

Posted by: Jukin the Deplorable and Totally Unserious at March 02, 2022 05:51 PM (iDcra)

161 I will give him the minimal credit for the fact that at least she was older than the legal age, and not a 13 yo boy. I want him and every staffer that knew out of the Republican Party. They can go join their depraved and soul less Democrat pals

Posted by: rd at March 02, 2022 05:51 PM (Z32m1)

162 Please crap.

Posted by: A Fartclam Named Jeb at March 02, 2022 05:51 PM (mNhhD)

163 You guys are terrible. TV ad came on with the words "Fortune Awaits" and I read it as Fartclam Awaits.
I blame ace.

Posted by: vmom stabby stabby stabby stabamillion at March 02, 2022 05:51 PM (lCui1)

164 142 Why. There are probably over 100 Dem congressmen who would have given her logon credentials to the House intel server.
Posted by: Cat Ass Trophy at March 02, 2022 05:46 PM (qnVBz)

No need, the Dems would have just hired ISIS to run their servers.
Posted by: Oldcat at March 02, 2022 05:50 PM (eoQWY)

"Been there, done that."

- - Awan Brothers Computer and DWS Creme Rinse Co. Inc.

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at March 02, 2022 05:51 PM (s2VJv)

165 When I saw "fartclam" in the content, I immediately knew it was off to the races in the comments. Heh.

Posted by: Notorious BFD at March 02, 2022 05:51 PM (Xrfse)

166 How do we introduce this lady to Dan Crenshaw?

Posted by: bear with asymmetrical balls at March 02, 2022 05:51 PM (KFhLj)

167 121 Blue Fartclam Cult
Posted by: I am the Shadout Mapes, the Housekeeper at March 02, 2022 05:47 PM (PiwSw)

She's As Beautiful As A Fartclam

Posted by: Deplorable Ian Galt at March 02, 2022 05:51 PM (ufFY8)

168 I just read the text. Holy Cow this is who we elect?
Jeez.

Posted by: Bosk at March 02, 2022 05:52 PM (x6uUk)

169 According to the linked articles, she got tired of being a jihadist's wife and worked with western intelligence to find her husband so they could drone-strike him. And then she takes hush money and rats out her new boyfriend.
She seems nice...

Posted by: PabloD at March 02, 2022 05:52 PM (S17UU)

170 Is isis still a thing?

Posted by: Joe XiDen
--------------

you mean ISIL?

Posted by: olddog in mo at March 02, 2022 05:52 PM (ju2Fy)

171 Seriously, this dame is Veronica Lake compared to Fang Fang Bang Bang.
Posted by: J.J. Sefton at March 02, 2022 05:47 PM (s2VJv)

Well, yeah. Lots of the tranny's running around Pattaya Beach made Fang Fang look like grizzled fag fag...doesn't mean it's worth it.

Taylor is your basic idiot - but if we want better idiots than Taylor, a lot more of us are going to have to put our hats in the ring.

Posted by: Boswell at March 02, 2022 05:52 PM (5iUNf)

172 I'd hit it. And wouldn't even pay hush money like I would with say, Ann Coulter.

Posted by: Jimco Industries at March 02, 2022 05:52 PM (dAOzm)

173 A bigtime Illinois politician just got a federal indictment for racketeering. Michael Madigan was basically THE political boss for decades.

https://bit.ly/348DuAf
Posted by: bonhomme at March 02, 2022 05:50 PM (x980n)

When I lived in Chicago I called these indictments "Illinois Term Limits". Every decade or so the feds would sweep by and jail a dozen or so to allow a new set of criminals a chance.

Posted by: Oldcat at March 02, 2022 05:52 PM (eoQWY)

174 Think she does butt stuff? I think she does butt stuff....

Posted by: Xipe Totec at March 02, 2022 05:52 PM (o2MD2)

175 Judging from the pic above, if you had a thing for The Bangles-Susanna Hoffs, she'd scratch that itch.

Posted by: JROD at March 02, 2022 05:52 PM (0jZnq)

176 Mmmmm.... fartclam

Posted by: Shep! at March 02, 2022 05:51 PM (iydjf)

You kiss your mother wif dat mouf?

Posted by: BignJames at March 02, 2022 05:53 PM (AwYPR)

177 It's best to soak your fartclams for a couple of hours before eating.

Posted by: Giada at March 02, 2022 05:53 PM (rjpjQ)

178 This is our Republican party.

Posted by: Capital Eff at March 02, 2022 05:53 PM (GYllL)

179 And he still got just shy of 50%.
Posted by: Joe XiDen - I miss Delta Variant at March 02, 2022 05:49 PM (wDZLx)

Shit in Turkey he would get 90%+ of the vote

Posted by: Nevergiveup at March 02, 2022 05:53 PM (Irn0L)

180 Is it even possible for a man enjoy a neat double bourbon and a rim job at the same.
I assume he would have to be bending and leaning against the kitchen island or the dining room table or the piano.

Posted by: I mean... at March 02, 2022 05:53 PM (7PduY)

181 She's got a rode hard-put away wet look.

Posted by: Ben Had at March 02, 2022 05:53 PM (QG14m)

182 This guy's favorite book?

Rim World.

Posted by: garrett at March 02, 2022 05:53 PM (XatMr)

183 And yet it heralded the return of "snizz", like the swallows to Capistrano, and for that I thank them.

Posted by: All Hail Eris at March 02, 2022 05:53 PM (VHyQa)

184 Once, Twice, Three Times a Fartclam - great Commodores tune.

Posted by: Statistics at March 02, 2022 05:53 PM (ZTzFi)

185 This is the reason early voting is bullshit. Taylor was running radio ads 5 times a day extolling his military background and all the "stuff" he was going to do.
Posted by: Ben Had at March 02, 2022 05:51 PM (QG14m)

Apparently he left her "stuff" out of the ads.

Posted by: Oldcat at March 02, 2022 05:53 PM (eoQWY)

186 I'm not exactly fartclam, but I'm fartclam-adjacent.

Posted by: Taint at March 02, 2022 05:54 PM (sWM8x)

187 She does look cute, but then I have seen her Hope Solo yet?

Posted by: Nevergiveup at March 02, 2022 05:54 PM (Irn0L)

188
Ex-ISIS. Another mythical creature.

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at March 02, 2022 05:54 PM (s2VJv)

189 Fartclam reminds me of Mean Girls.

"Stop trying to make fartclam happen it's not going to happen!"

Au contraire!!!

Posted by: Seems Legit at March 02, 2022 05:54 PM (DcKNO)

190 She is either tiny, or she really likes wine.

https://bityl.co/B9js

Posted by: G'rump928(c) at March 02, 2022 05:54 PM (yQpMk)

191 Is this a solid Republican district ?

Posted by: It's me donna at March 02, 2022 05:54 PM (J8ILO)

192 At this rate of usage, we're going to deplete the nation's strategic reserve of fartclams. So we'd better come up with some synonyms . . . maybe boof dispenser or shart cannon?

Posted by: bear with asymmetrical balls at March 02, 2022 05:54 PM (KFhLj)

193 Keith Self seems like he'll make a good new Congressman if his website is to be believed...so a net win for Texas and the country with the news...

Posted by: Nova local at March 02, 2022 05:54 PM (exHjb)

194 As you're not interested, ace, if you could pass along my number.

Posted by: strange matter at March 02, 2022 05:54 PM (vcv8B)

195 Madison got indicted?

Holy shit.
Yeah, he is an IL bigwig.

LOL

Posted by: Deplorable Ian Galt at March 02, 2022 05:54 PM (ufFY8)

196 I'm almost afraid to ask what the base of FartClam Chowder is.
Cream or tomato?

Posted by: Bosk at March 02, 2022 05:54 PM (x6uUk)

197 186 I'm not exactly fartclam, but I'm fartclam-adjacent.
Posted by: Taint at March 02, 2022 05:54 PM (sWM8x)

------

Holy shit, you turds are funny today.

Posted by: Seems Legit at March 02, 2022 05:55 PM (DcKNO)

198 167 121 Blue Fartclam Cult
Posted by: I am the Shadout Mapes, the Housekeeper at March 02, 2022 05:47 PM (PiwSw)

She's As Beautiful As A Fartclam
Posted by: Deplorable Ian Galt at March 02, 2022 05:51 PM (ufFY

My Life With The Thrill Kill Fartclam

Posted by: Mark Andrew Edwards, RIP Oregon Muse at March 02, 2022 05:55 PM (XvPQV)

199 >>She's got a rode hard-put away wet look.

She looks like every 3rd 'Amatuer' you'd see in an 'audition' vid on PornHub.

Posted by: garrett at March 02, 2022 05:55 PM (XatMr)

200 I would hit it, though.

Posted by: FriscoYoda at March 02, 2022 05:55 PM (+56GQ)

201 So ya fuck one terrorist chick. We all make mistakes.

Posted by: Joe XiDen - I miss Delta Variant at March 02, 2022 05:55 PM (wDZLx)

202 So, the anti Trump stuff made him vulnerable but it took an extra oomph to actually get rid of him.

Posted by: TheJamesMadison's Phone, read some movie thoughts at March 02, 2022 05:55 PM (LvTSG)

203 Best fart clam from Northern Europe. OK fart clam from Mediterranean Sea.

Posted by: Jukin the Deplorable and Totally Unserious at March 02, 2022 05:55 PM (iDcra)

204 Man, I sure do love a story with a happy ending.

Posted by: Darrell Harris at March 02, 2022 05:55 PM (d1mAO)

205 being an ISIS war bride we are talking 20 miles of dick at least.

Posted by: I mean... at March 02, 2022 05:55 PM (7PduY)

206 s this a solid Republican district ?
Posted by: It's me donna at March 02, 2022 05:54 PM (J8ILO)

Solid no. It does lean republican but has been trending further blue lately

Posted by: Nevergiveup at March 02, 2022 05:55 PM (Irn0L)

207 195 Madison got indicted?

Holy shit.
Yeah, he is an IL bigwig.

LOL
Posted by: Deplorable Ian Galt at March 02, 2022 05:54 PM (ufFY

====

WHAT DID I DO?!

Posted by: TheJamesMadison's Phone, read some movie thoughts at March 02, 2022 05:56 PM (LvTSG)

208 169 According to the linked articles, she got tired of being a jihadist's wife and worked with western intelligence to find her husband so they could drone-strike him.

cheaper than a divorce attorney.

Posted by: Kulak Anachronda, behind the Newsom curtain at March 02, 2022 05:56 PM (v3pYe)

209 188
Ex-ISIS. Another mythical creature.
Posted by: J.J. Sefton at March 02, 2022 05:54 PM (s2VJv

You can always trust an ISIS agent to act in good faith. Just ask her former husband, now splattered about Iraq.

Posted by: Oldcat at March 02, 2022 05:56 PM (eoQWY)

210 Is this a solid Republican district ?
Posted by: It's me donna at March 02, 2022 05:54 PM (J8ILO)
===============
Ae you asking about the girl?

Posted by: Or is she open minded? at March 02, 2022 05:56 PM (xEtsj)

211
Q. Is a fartclam the same thing as a clam fart?

A. I say no.

Posted by: JuJuBee at March 02, 2022 05:56 PM (mNhhD)

212 Yeah, this is exactly who a US Congressmen should have an affair with, SMH:

"I was born in north London in 1983 and grew up in a Bengali-Bangladeshi family. I just wanted to be English, but felt pressure from my family to be a "good Muslim girl" and to not integrate with western society. My family were dysfunctional. When you don't trust your parents, you learn to distrust authority altogether. . .

In 2003, I was at the anti-Iraq war march in London, when some men gave me a strip of paper with the name of a Muslim dating website on it. That's where I met John Georgelas, a US convert to Islam. He'd grown up in a middle-class family, was multilingual and seemed so smart. I looked up to him. I married John on his first visit to London, knowing it was the only way I could leave home. . .

Now she lives in the US a few blocks from John's parents, raising John's three kids and, apparently, shtupping the local Congressman.

Posted by: Lizzy at March 02, 2022 05:56 PM (MmndN)

213 The "shave" part might take a while.

Posted by: klaftern at March 02, 2022 05:56 PM (taPSh)

214 You just can't trust a guy who'd dip his wick in someone so clearly ideologically set against the United States. The balls on this guy.

Posted by: Eric Swalwell at March 02, 2022 05:56 PM (gS3OW)

215 Solid no. It does lean republican but has been trending further blue lately
Posted by: Nevergiveup at March 02, 2022 05:55 PM (Irn0L)

So it could be a gain for the Dems...

Posted by: It's me donna at March 02, 2022 05:56 PM (J8ILO)

216 So now it's fartclam Wednesday?

Posted by: DaveA at March 02, 2022 05:56 PM (FhXTo)

217 >>>So, was it worth it?

She doesn't do anything for me.

Posted by: Dark Helmet at March 02, 2022 05:56 PM (SH2Zi)

218 You guys are terrible. TV ad came on with the words "Fortune Awaits" and I read it as Fartclam Awaits.
I blame ace.
-----------------------------
How about 2009's Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakhole??

Posted by: andycanuck (UHVv4) at March 02, 2022 05:56 PM (UHVv4)

219
Do not take FartClam if you are allergic to FartClam.

Posted by: IllTemperedCur at March 02, 2022 05:56 PM (n+4am)

220 >>>She's kinda cute in a needs a sammich way.

>Like fucking a gym sock stuffed with chickpeas.

Posted by: Dr. Bone at March 02, 2022 05:56 PM (PEbbU)

221 >>WHAT DID I DO?!

You know what you did, Mister.

Posted by: garrett at March 02, 2022 05:56 PM (XatMr)

222 oh, to go back to the innocent days of yesteryear, when the most scandalous thing we could imagine was a hint of taint...

Posted by: ace at March 02, 2022 05:56 PM (0G13K)

223 He got 49.9 % of the vote ? That's a lot for a scum bag. Was that because this just came out ?
Posted by: It's me donna at March 02, 2022 05:46 PM (J8ILO)

Yes.. He was way ahead in the early voting. supposedly the candidate that publicized this came in third place.

Posted by: rd at March 02, 2022 05:56 PM (Z32m1)

224 199 >>She's got a rode hard-put away wet look.

She looks like every 3rd 'Amatuer' you'd see in an 'audition' vid on PornHub.

perhaps she *is* every 3rd amateur on pronhub. more research is needed.

Posted by: Kulak Anachronda, behind the Newsom curtain at March 02, 2022 05:57 PM (v3pYe)

225 I'm not exactly fartclam, but I'm fartclam-adjacent.

Posted by: Taint

Golf Clap

Posted by: Jukin the Deplorable and Totally Unserious at March 02, 2022 05:57 PM (iDcra)

226 193

Havent you learned yet? Every Republican has a great website when running for office. Build the dang wall!!!

Posted by: Joe XiDen - I miss Delta Variant at March 02, 2022 05:57 PM (wDZLx)

227 202 So, the anti Trump stuff made him vulnerable but it took an extra oomph to actually get rid of him.
Posted by: TheJamesMadison's Phone, read some movie thoughts at March 02, 2022 05:55 PM (LvTSG)

-------

I think the other R's saw this as an opportunity when they didn't like how he voted on the certification.

Posted by: Seems Legit at March 02, 2022 05:57 PM (DcKNO)

228 Lets vote! All who would hit that hard and deep AYE!

All who are closet homos NAY!

AYE, AYE

Posted by: Xipe Totec at March 02, 2022 05:57 PM (o2MD2)

229 I'd think the Chinese FFFM honey pot stings would be hotter, but she is pretty.

Posted by: Stateless at March 02, 2022 05:57 PM (FsZ2q)

230 Russian Cossack Hats

https://tinyurl.com/49hac3bb

Russian Cossack Hats Cheap

Posted by: Russian Cossack Hats Cheap at March 02, 2022 05:57 PM (GYllL)

231 Madison got indicted?

Holy shit.
Yeah, he is an IL bigwig.

LOL
Posted by: Deplorable Ian Galt

Not James Monroe !

Posted by: JT at March 02, 2022 05:57 PM (arJlL)

232 All the rings are brown - And the sky is gray
Been sniffin' around - on a winter's day
Its stinky and it's warm - just like back in L.A.
California Fartclams - on such a winter's day

Posted by: The Mamas and the Fartclams at March 02, 2022 05:57 PM (ZTzFi)

233 Clam sammich?

Posted by: BignJames at March 02, 2022 05:57 PM (AwYPR)

234 well gosh now it's hard to look at Tania's face without thinking about ... ew!

what the heck when did we all turn GERMAN?!?!

Posted by: Black Orchid at March 02, 2022 05:57 PM (j9HX3)

235 221 >>WHAT DID I DO?!

You know what you did, Mister.
Posted by: garrett at March 02, 2022 05:56 PM (XatMr

===

I promise, I'll return the truffle pig.

Posted by: TheJamesMadison's Phone, read some movie thoughts at March 02, 2022 05:57 PM (LvTSG)

236 222, LOL !

Posted by: sock_rat_eez (NDCP0) at March 02, 2022 05:57 PM (NDCP0)

237 Gluten-free, ethically-sourced, free-range fartclam.

Posted by: I am the Shadout Mapes, the Housekeeper at March 02, 2022 05:57 PM (PiwSw)

238 Lol, damned auto correct.

Madigan

Posted by: Deplorable Ian Galt at March 02, 2022 05:57 PM (ufFY8)

239 fartclam is an anagram of clamfart.

Posted by: strange matter at March 02, 2022 05:57 PM (vcv8B)

240 Solid no. It does lean republican but has been trending further blue lately
Posted by: Nevergiveup at March 02, 2022 05:55 PM (Irn0L)

So it could be a gain for the Dems...
Posted by: It's me donna at March 02, 2022 05:56 PM (J8ILO)

If he had run maybe. But now with another republican in this cycle I "Think" it should go R

Posted by: Nevergiveup at March 02, 2022 05:57 PM (Irn0L)

241 Sure fartclams are nice but have you seen my geoduck?

Posted by: Geoff Smith the frugal gourmet at March 02, 2022 05:57 PM (rjpjQ)

242 Looking at Van Taylor's picture, one can imagine who wore the strap on in that relationship.

Posted by: Azathoth at March 02, 2022 05:58 PM (W3VUu)

243 Taylor is married and has 3 daughters, but I suspect not for long.

And that thing he did in her mouth? Totes intentional.

Posted by: GnuBreed at March 02, 2022 05:58 PM (F0YaR)

244 Cannot judge with that crop.

Posted by: Ted Torgerson at March 02, 2022 05:58 PM (vN+oL)

245 Laughing so hard here at the cigar shop that guys are asking what up. En fuego, both ace and the commenters.

Posted by: rhomboid at March 02, 2022 05:58 PM (C4RbX)

246 Q. Is a fartclam the same thing as a clam fart?

A. No but you shuck them about the same.

Posted by: Jukin the Deplorable and Totally Unserious at March 02, 2022 05:58 PM (iDcra)

247 Yes.. He was way ahead in the early voting. supposedly the candidate that publicized this came in third place.

Sorry I meant to say she didn't come, she finished in third place.

Posted by: rd at March 02, 2022 05:58 PM (Z32m1)

248 Fang Fang, meet Boom Boom.

Boom Boom, Fang Fang.

Posted by: aelfheld at March 02, 2022 05:58 PM (Zy9Yy)

249 She got a ISIS dude blowed up I'd give her a atta girl for that.

Posted by: Skip at March 02, 2022 05:58 PM (2JoB8)

250 When I say she is pretty, I should clarify that I'm in Canada and haven't seen exposed, human female flesh for 5 months.

Posted by: Stateless at March 02, 2022 05:59 PM (FsZ2q)

251 Is a fartclam the same thing as a clam fart?

You can tell the clam fart from the tiny little bubbles that rise from around it's hinge.
You won't see that with FartClam.

Posted by: Bosk at March 02, 2022 05:59 PM (x6uUk)

252 Man, I hope Michael Madigan can keep his mouth shut.

Posted by: President For Life, Barack I at March 02, 2022 05:59 PM (xEtsj)

253 In fairness those isis brides know a how to do a dick or 5

Posted by: Y5 at March 02, 2022 05:59 PM (Lgohd)

254 In his defense at least this one is pretty bangable.

I've seen Congresscritters get tossed for far fuglier poontang, at least he had relatively high standards.

Posted by: DudeAbiding at March 02, 2022 05:59 PM (Y7Ajm)

255 I promise, I'll return the truffle pig.
Posted by: TheJamesMadison's Phone, read some movie thoughts

Seaman Hornsby ?

Posted by: JT at March 02, 2022 05:59 PM (arJlL)

256 being an ISIS war bride we are talking 20 miles of dick at least.
Posted by: I mean... at March 02, 2022 05:55 PM (7PduY)

I always hated this Asiatic inclination by soldiers and sailors, but you have to understand that being stationed years on end leads to loneliness and an adoption of culture not their own. And that leads to war/deployment brides.

And that leads to a lot of problems for officers mitigating divorces and alimony issues and family counseling that you could do without.

Posted by: Boswell at March 02, 2022 05:59 PM (5iUNf)

257
From her soon-to-be-published memoirs, "I Was An ISIS War Bride", comes this --

"Is this halal?" I wondered, as I performed a rim job on 'Skeevy' (as I affectionately called him).

Posted by: Krebs v Carnot: Epic Battle of the Cycling Stars at March 02, 2022 05:59 PM (pNxlR)

258 She probably has a routine daily removal of the uni-brow.

Posted by: gourmand du jour at March 02, 2022 05:59 PM (jTmQV)

259 242 Looking at Van Taylor's picture, one can imagine who wore the strap on in that relationship.
Posted by: Azathoth at March 02, 2022 05:58 PM (W3VUu)

See, that's what Meatloaf wouldn't do for love

Posted by: Mark Andrew Edwards, RIP Oregon Muse at March 02, 2022 05:59 PM (XvPQV)

260 oh, to go back to the innocent days of yesteryear, when the most scandalous thing we could imagine was a hint of taint...

Posted by: ace at March 02, 2022 05:56 PM (0G13K)

When it starts to taste chalky, you've went to far.

Posted by: Statistics at March 02, 2022 06:00 PM (ZTzFi)

261 oh, to go back to the innocent days of yesteryear, when the most scandalous thing we could imagine was a hint of taint...
*****
Imagine wearing panties and sitting cross legged during the SOTU

Posted by: Dr. Jill at March 02, 2022 06:00 PM (7PduY)

262 The fact that this guy is enough of an unmitigated goober to put such an outlandish sexual fantasy in text form AND ACTUALLY SEND IT is reason enough to get rid of him.

Yeah bro, she's definitely going to tongue-jack your fartclam while you enjoy a snifter of brandy, then somehow simultaneously deepthroat you AND stroke your cock. K.

Posted by: ballistic at March 02, 2022 06:00 PM (oXNqT)

263 #169 - Dang, that beats a burning bed any day. Should have her do PSA's in the sandbox:

"So you want a divorce withoutthe beatings? Girls, all you need is 1-800-DRONE HIM, call or text USAF operators are standing by."

Posted by: Mikey NTH - Naughty or Nice? Slay Ride 2 - Santa's Back!- at March 02, 2022 06:00 PM (HfND3)

264 He looks like a cheap knock off Kennedy.

Posted by: Madamemayhem (uppity wench) at March 02, 2022 06:00 PM (Vxu+H)

265 A clam is just a bivalve taco

Posted by: Truck Monkey Report at March 02, 2022 06:00 PM (flINI)

266 Munching on each other's fartclams.

Omfg.

Posted by: nurse ratched at March 02, 2022 06:00 PM (W2Pud)

267 https://wtax.com/news/101101-mike-madigan-indicted/
22 count indictment
Former longtime Il Speaker of the House

democrat internal polling must be horrific.

Posted by: (jV+aN) President Orange Man Bad (Rheees Be Upon Him) at March 02, 2022 06:00 PM (jV+aN)

268 I wonder if putin ever did her

Posted by: Nevergiveup at March 02, 2022 06:01 PM (Irn0L)

269 She was trying to prevent another January 6th.

Posted by: The Democrats at March 02, 2022 06:01 PM (uWF4x)

270 248 Fang Fang, meet Boom Boom.

Boom Boom, Fang Fang.

Posted by: aelfheld at March 02, 2022 05:58 PM (Zy9Yy)

Boom Boom, Out Go The Lights

Posted by: Van Taylor's soon to be ex-wife at March 02, 2022 06:01 PM (PiwSw)

271 264 He looks like a cheap knock off Kennedy.
Posted by: Madamemayhem (uppity wench) at March 02, 2022 06:00 PM (Vxu+H)

-------

Huh, that's spot on.

Posted by: Seems Legit at March 02, 2022 06:01 PM (DcKNO)

272 She is rocking the bags and forehead zits, she is a hottie she is

Posted by: Y5 at March 02, 2022 06:01 PM (Lgohd)

273 I tell ya--spend a few terms in Congress and you get practiced with and accustomed to rim jobs and blow jobs.
At t least these days--and the Vice President today can offer instruction.

But I ask you--back in the day when Sam Rayburn was Speaker of the House and hosting bourbon and branch sessions at the end of the day, did Ol Sam ask for a rim job from one of the Congressional interns? I doubt it.

Posted by: GlendaleGreybeard at March 02, 2022 06:01 PM (cn6vO)

274 Madigan does not look healthy. Timing is much.

Posted by: klaftern at March 02, 2022 06:01 PM (taPSh)

275 Only March but surely fartclam has to be a nominee for word of the year.

Posted by: Joe XiDen - I miss Delta Variant at March 02, 2022 06:01 PM (wDZLx)

276 When I say she is pretty, I should clarify that I'm in Canada and haven't seen exposed, human female flesh for 5 months.

She's a 1.

But there's the whole Isis bride, helped drone her ex, suicidal thing. I'm thinking Rule 1 might apply.

But even if Rule 1 did not apply, you'd have to make her wash her ass-eating mouth out for a month straight.

The front-end Listerine investment could be substantial.

Posted by: bear with asymmetrical balls at March 02, 2022 06:01 PM (KFhLj)

277 What the hell do you ask an ISIS bride on the first date, are you using an IED?

Posted by: Berserker-Dragonheads Division at March 02, 2022 06:01 PM (VwHCD)

278 "This one time, at ISIS camp, ..."

Posted by: Azathoth at March 02, 2022 06:01 PM (W3VUu)

279
A clam is just a bivalve taco
Posted by: Truck Monkey Report at March 02, 2022 06:00 PM (flINI)

Did you just make an assumption about that clam's sexual orientation?

For shame.

Posted by: IllTemperedCur at March 02, 2022 06:02 PM (n+4am)

280 Related:

@SheEquipsHerself with concealed carry shorts:

https://youtu.be/traqscLCfT4

Posted by: Sharkman at March 02, 2022 06:02 PM (B1Vad)

281 267 democrat internal polling must be horrific.
Posted by: (jV+aN) President Orange Man Bad (Rheees Be Upon Him) at March 02, 2022 06:00 PM (jV+aN)

====

To be completely fair, they stole an election and then fucked everything up.

Posted by: TheJamesMadison's Phone, read some movie thoughts at March 02, 2022 06:02 PM (LvTSG)

282 Lavrov says WW3 will be devastating?

Wonder if he went to harvard or yale to be such a deep thinker?

Posted by: Nevergiveup at March 02, 2022 06:02 PM (Irn0L)

283 I like big fartclams and I cannot lie.

Posted by: JackStraw at March 02, 2022 06:02 PM (ZLI7S)

284 To be fair, when Taylor was getting busy with the ISIS bride, he thought they were still considered JV-league.

Posted by: red speck at March 02, 2022 06:02 PM (gS3OW)

285 The juror who lied in voir dire for the Ghislaine Maxwell trial and then persuaded the jury to convict her is working on an immunity deal with the government.

https://tinyurl.com/2p9cdr9d

Posted by: The fix is in at March 02, 2022 06:02 PM (xEtsj)

286 Isn't the way to say that "tossing salad"?

Posted by: Y5 at March 02, 2022 06:02 PM (Lgohd)

287 >>Why. There are probably over 100 Dem congressmen who would have given her logon credentials to the House intel server.

I would imagine proximity -- she lives in Texas.
Sorry, but no way does a young gal like that look at the Congressional tool and become giddy with desire. The extortion to keep quiet seals it.

Posted by: Lizzy at March 02, 2022 06:02 PM (MmndN)

288 What the hell do you ask an ISIS bride on the first date, are you using an IED?

Why no, dear, that bomb vest absolutely DOES NOT make your butt look big.

Posted by: Statistics at March 02, 2022 06:02 PM (ZTzFi)

289 262 The fact that this guy is enough of an unmitigated goober to put such an outlandish sexual fantasy in text form AND ACTUALLY SEND IT is reason enough to get rid of him.

----

Anthony Weiner, is that you?

Posted by: Seems Legit at March 02, 2022 06:03 PM (DcKNO)

290 Man, I hope Michael Madigan can keep his mouth shut.
Posted by: President For Life, Barack I at March 02, 2022 05:59 PM (xEtsj)

Is this true? Fed or State Charges? Wow!

Posted by: rd at March 02, 2022 06:03 PM (Z32m1)

291 242 Looking at Van Taylor's picture, one can imagine who wore the strap on in that relationship.
Posted by: Azathoth at March 02, 2022 05:58 PM (W3VUu)

See, that's what Meatloaf wouldn't do for love

Posted by: Mark Andrew Edwards, RIP Oregon Muse
===

I can't go for that....either

Posted by: Daryl Hall at March 02, 2022 06:03 PM (iDcra)

292 I always hated this Asiatic inclination by soldiers and sailors

Posted by: Boswell at March 02, 2022 05:59 PM (5iUNf)

I totally get it. When they spread their legs, the clam tightens.

Posted by: BignJames at March 02, 2022 06:03 PM (AwYPR)

293 Madigan needs to watch out or he will get Epsteined.

Posted by: sock_rat_eez (NDCP0) at March 02, 2022 06:03 PM (NDCP0)

294 I think he plagiarized that text from a Hallmark Valentine's Day card.

Maybe American Greetings.

Posted by: Stu Podaso at March 02, 2022 06:03 PM (DX65j)

295 282 Lavrov says WW3 will be devastating?

Wonder if he went to harvard or yale to be such a deep thinker?
Posted by: Nevergiveup at March 02, 2022 06:02 PM (Irn0L)

I wonder if he's still got Hillary's mistranslated Reset button in his office.

Posted by: I am the Shadout Mapes, the Housekeeper at March 02, 2022 06:03 PM (PiwSw)

296 Cute that you guys think Dems care about polls.
- Dominion

Posted by: Joe XiDen - I miss Delta Variant at March 02, 2022 06:03 PM (wDZLx)

297 Whatever happened to "Meghan". As I recall, she likes fartclam stuff.

Posted by: Oldies but goodies at March 02, 2022 06:03 PM (xEtsj)

298 I don't usually go for ISIS chicks but she's cute.

Posted by: ... at March 02, 2022 06:03 PM (dscaa)

299 The Trump curse is real.

Posted by: Capital Eff at March 02, 2022 06:04 PM (GYllL)

300 >>>What the hell do you ask an ISIS bride on the first date . . . ?

Your fartclam or mine?

Posted by: Dark Helmet at March 02, 2022 06:04 PM (SH2Zi)

301 280 Related:

@SheEquipsHerself with concealed carry shorts:

https://youtu.be/traqscLCfT4

Posted by: Sharkman at March 02, 2022 06:02 PM (B1Vad)

And there's gun porn in it too.
Albeit S&W Sheild vs LCP 2 pron. So not super hot.

Posted by: Mark Andrew Edwards, RIP Oregon Muse at March 02, 2022 06:04 PM (XvPQV)

302 Voir, a dire, a female dire.

Posted by: ... at March 02, 2022 06:04 PM (dscaa)

303 >>But there's the whole Isis bride, helped drone her ex, suicidal thing. I'm thinking Rule 1 might apply

Considering she has worked with FBI in the past to, uh, nail her husband, who's to say this affair was suggested by one of her new FBI friends?

Posted by: Lizzy at March 02, 2022 06:04 PM (MmndN)

304 All you jive turkeys talkin bout fartclams.

Posted by: Cat Ass Trophy at March 02, 2022 06:05 PM (qnVBz)

305 Looking at Van Taylor's picture, one can imagine who wore the strap on in that relationship.
Posted by: Azathoth at March 02, 2022 05:58 PM (W3VUu)

See, that's what Meatloaf wouldn't do for love

Posted by: Mark Andrew Edwards, RIP Oregon Muse
===

I can't go for that....either
Posted by: Daryl Hall at March 02, 2022 06:03 PM (iDcra)

So much for some Big Bam Boom

Posted by: Mark Andrew Edwards, RIP Oregon Muse at March 02, 2022 06:05 PM (XvPQV)

306 I like big fartclams and I cannot lie.
Posted by: JackStraw at March 02, 2022 06:02 PM (ZLI7S)
=====================
Call me!

Posted by: Andrew Sullivan at March 02, 2022 06:05 PM (xEtsj)

307 291 242 Looking at Van Taylor's picture, one can imagine who wore the strap on in that relationship.
Posted by: Azathoth at March 02, 2022 05:58 PM (W3VUu)

See, that's what Meatloaf wouldn't do for love

Posted by: Mark Andrew Edwards, RIP Oregon Muse
===

I can't go for that....either
Posted by: Daryl Hall at March 02, 2022 06:03 PM (iDcra)

No no no no, I don't fartclam no more . . .

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at March 02, 2022 06:05 PM (s2VJv)

308 "So, was it worth it?"

She has potential as a two-face.

Posted by: Seinfeld at March 02, 2022 06:05 PM (aXxgO)

309 302 Voir, a dire, a female dire.
Posted by: ... at March 02, 2022 06:04 PM (dscaa)

FA-rtclam, a long long way to run . . .

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at March 02, 2022 06:06 PM (s2VJv)

310
That's where I met John Georgelas, a US convert to Islam.

Read his name as "Gargleass". An understandable mistake, given the circumstances.

Posted by: Krebs v Carnot: Epic Battle of the Cycling Stars at March 02, 2022 06:06 PM (pNxlR)

311 It is quickly becoming apparent that graduation from the USMA in the past 25 years may not be a resume enhancer.

Posted by: Cat Ass Trophy at March 02, 2022 06:06 PM (qnVBz)

312 Like Seems Legit said, not a West Point guy. From his campaign webpage:

"A seventh generation Texan, Van Taylor is a family man, businessman, and decorated Iraq War Veteran. ...

After high school, Van attended Harvard College from which he obtained a Bachelor of Arts in history. After graduating college, Van volunteered to serve his country and received a commission in the United States Marine Corps."

Posted by: calypsofacto at March 02, 2022 06:06 PM (s+YW0)

313 She looks like Jamie-Lynn Sigler of Sopranos fame...

Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at March 02, 2022 06:06 PM (XIJ/X)

314 >>Munching on each other's fartclams.

That's the best line in all of Muskrat Love

Posted by: garrett at March 02, 2022 06:07 PM (Y8ARa)

315 When you're out on a date

And she goes for the taint

That's a fartclam!

Posted by: flounder, wrecker, hoarder, saboteur at March 02, 2022 06:07 PM (SH2Zi)

316 The Fartclams Are Back in Town -- Thin Snizzy.

Posted by: I am the Shadout Mapes, the Housekeeper at March 02, 2022 06:07 PM (PiwSw)

317 >>280 Related:

@SheEquipsHerself with concealed carry shorts:

https://youtu.be/traqscLCfT4

Posted by: Sharkman at March 02, 2022 06:02 PM (B1Vad)

Any model with an inkling of self respect would have used a Glock.

Posted by: Capital Eff at March 02, 2022 06:07 PM (GYllL)

318 311 It is quickly becoming apparent that graduation from the USMA in the past 25 years may not be a resume enhancer.
Posted by: Cat Ass Trophy at March 02, 2022 06:06 PM (qnVBz)

-----

Agree, however, he did not graduate from West Point, his opponent Keith Self did.

Posted by: Seems Legit at March 02, 2022 06:07 PM (DcKNO)

319 No one much cares what deplorable opinions all you guys have!

I think she's plenty cute.

Posted by: Hillary Clinton, It's my fucking turn, America! at March 02, 2022 06:07 PM (xEtsj)

320 Worked with the fbi? She's a snitch and a snatch.

Posted by: Ben Had at March 02, 2022 06:07 PM (QG14m)

321 Rep. Van Taylor looks like a pussy GOPe. And he fell for a honey pot of sorts. Don't let the door hit you in your skinny white ass.

Posted by: Bonnie Blue - no longer playing the game at March 02, 2022 06:08 PM (hlxe7)

322 She does have the crazy eyes. Never stick it in or fartclam crazy. If she has been willingly stuffed by an ISIS dude she probably has industrial strength cooties to this day. Hope the ISIS dude was droned or felt the wrath of the SEALs. Gotta be half a bubble off plumb to take an ISIS dude.

Posted by: The Man from Athens at March 02, 2022 06:08 PM (JojTR)

323 'She sells Fartclams by the Seashore'

Posted by: Cindy Brady at March 02, 2022 06:08 PM (Y8ARa)

324 "Do Androids Dream of Electric Fartclams?" was Philip K. Dick's original title.

Posted by: Stu Podaso at March 02, 2022 06:08 PM (DX65j)

325 320 Worked with the fbi? She's a snitch and a snatch.
Posted by: Ben Had at March 02, 2022 06:07 PM (QG14m)

LOl.. Good one.. And you didn't even have to use the word fartclam....

Posted by: It's me donna at March 02, 2022 06:08 PM (J8ILO)

326 Munching on each other's fartclams.

Omfg.
Posted by: nurse ratched
That tequila just hits different sometimes.

Posted by: Dr. Jill at March 02, 2022 06:09 PM (7PduY)

327 320 Worked with the fbi? She's a snitch and a snatch.
Posted by: Ben Had at March 02, 2022 06:07 PM (QG14m)

Hurray! Ho!

Posted by: Mark Andrew Edwards, RIP Oregon Muse at March 02, 2022 06:09 PM (XvPQV)

328 So how long before this guy runs on a Donk ticket?

I give it two election cycles (at most.)

Posted by: Grumpy and Recalcitrant at March 02, 2022 06:09 PM (nRMeC)

329 Agree, however, he did not graduate from West Point, his opponent Keith Self did.
Posted by: Seems Legit

Yep. Misread the poorly worded article.

Posted by: Cat Ass Trophy at March 02, 2022 06:09 PM (qnVBz)

330 319 No one much cares what deplorable opinions all you guys have!

I think she's plenty cute.
Posted by: Hillary Clinton, It's my fucking turn

****

Said the woman who did Janet Reno...

Posted by: Azathoth at March 02, 2022 06:09 PM (W3VUu)

331 Man, I hope Michael Madigan can keep his mouth shut.
Posted by: President For Life, Barack I at March 02, 2022 05:59 PM (xEtsj)

Is this true? Fed or State Charges? Wow!
Posted by: rd
-------

Nine paragraphs into the story, the Chicago Sun-Times mentions that he is a Democrat.

Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc., etc. at March 02, 2022 06:09 PM (l0Lgi)

332 It just occurred to me - if the Anthony Weiner stuff came out now, would anything even happen to him?

Posted by: Black Orchid at March 02, 2022 06:09 PM (j9HX3)

333 If you apply a photo of Van Taylor and ask, again, if it was worth it...well, for him I'm sure it was. He looks like Bill Nye the Science guy...only a little more scrawny and with worse hair...or maybe that's a wig.

Either way...good riddance asshat.

Posted by: Orson at March 02, 2022 06:09 PM (5dt4P)

334 Everybody's got something to hide 'cept for me and my monkey.

Posted by: Napoleon XIV at March 02, 2022 06:09 PM (AiZBA)

335 Isn't she a bit on the old side?

Posted by: John Podesta at March 02, 2022 06:09 PM (xEtsj)

336 Yep. Misread the poorly worded article.
Posted by: Cat Ass Trophy at March 02, 2022 06:09 PM (qnVBz)

------

I did the same thing.

Posted by: Seems Legit at March 02, 2022 06:09 PM (DcKNO)

337 Perform a jihad on my fartclam whilst I sip on this White Claw!

Posted by: Rim Job Captain Van Taylor at March 02, 2022 06:10 PM (Geoni)

338 You say "fartclam," I say "champagne holder," let's call the whole thing off! JK, bend over, dear. . .

Posted by: Steve Croft at March 02, 2022 06:10 PM (MmndN)

339 Duck for.the oyster, dive for the clam!

Posted by: Cicero Kaboom! Kid , calling the squaredance at March 02, 2022 06:10 PM (n/szn)

340 Whoa. Hold on there ace... let's not be hasty here.

Posted by: Aetius451AD Work Laptop at March 02, 2022 06:10 PM (QCwhW)

341 Bitch set me up.

Posted by: Van Taylor at March 02, 2022 06:10 PM (GYllL)

342
Well, he's GOP, so I'm sure he was appropriately psyched up for Obama's flailing war on the JV Team.

So, I do think it's pretty funny that ISIS Boy's wife went rogue and started eating a decadent American warmonger's dirty fartclam.

Posted by: Yudhishthira's Dice at March 02, 2022 06:10 PM (SKVme)

343
A clam is just a bivalve taco

Posted by: Truck Monkey Report at March 02, 2022 06:00 PM

which makes it a sandwich QED

fight me!

Posted by: Jonah Goldberg at March 02, 2022 06:10 PM (DUIap)

344 Groove is in the faaart... clam

Posted by: Jukin the Deplorable and Totally Unserious at March 02, 2022 06:10 PM (iDcra)

345 demonrats act like they're fighting a war for the soul and culture of America, our side acts like chamberlain having tea and scones with the chancellor of germany.
Posted by: sock_rat_eez (NDCP0) at March 02, 2022 05:42 PM (NDCP0)

Oh, if only! But this guy was acting more like a sex starved weasel in a mosh pit.

Posted by: Tom Servo at March 02, 2022 06:11 PM (trdmm)

346 I'd like to see her with no makeup and her hair pulled back....also nude.

Posted by: Capital Eff at March 02, 2022 06:11 PM (GYllL)

347 Like a Fartclam Over Troubled Waters

Posted by: Mark Andrew Edwards, RIP Oregon Muse at March 02, 2022 06:11 PM (XvPQV)

348 I will say, he had the shame to bow out. He was not forced, as I understand it. A dem would never leave nowadays.

Posted by: Seems Legit at March 02, 2022 06:11 PM (DcKNO)

349
Taylor looks like a Kennedy alright - a goober Kennedy.

Posted by: Krebs v Carnot: Epic Battle of the Cycling Stars at March 02, 2022 06:11 PM (pNxlR)

350 347 Like a Fartclam Over Troubled Waters
Posted by: Mark Andrew Edwards, RIP Oregon Muse at March 02, 2022 06:11 PM (XvPQV)

Parsley, Sage, Rosemary's Fart Clam....

Posted by: Aetius451AD Work Laptop at March 02, 2022 06:12 PM (QCwhW)

351 "Do Androids Dream of Electric Fartclams?" was Philip K. Dick's original title.
Posted by: Stu Podaso
-------

Even Fartclams Get the Blues

Posted by: Uma Thurman at March 02, 2022 06:12 PM (DMQdU)

352 349
Taylor looks like a Kennedy alright - a goober Kennedy.
Posted by: Krebs v Carnot: Epic Battle of the Cycling Stars at March 02, 2022 06:11 PM (pNxlR)

The Kennedy's were and are not vey attractive people

Posted by: It's me donna at March 02, 2022 06:12 PM (J8ILO)

353 Susan kind of likes cucking on the wild side. Maybe an ISIS war bride would spice up our Saturday night...

Posted by: Cap'n Bill now living in fear of who is next at March 02, 2022 06:12 PM (xEtsj)

354 350 347 Like a Fartclam Over Troubled Waters
Posted by: Mark Andrew Edwards, RIP Oregon Muse at March 02, 2022 06:11 PM (XvPQV)

Parsley, Sage, Rosemary's Fart Clam....
Posted by: Aetius451AD Work Laptop at March 02, 2022 06:12 PM (QCwhW)

Gypsies, Tramps and Fartclams...

Posted by: Mark Andrew Edwards, RIP Oregon Muse at March 02, 2022 06:12 PM (XvPQV)

355 8
Face is pleasant enough. Does she have nice hips and a still-intact joy buzzer?

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at March 02, 2022 05:36 PM (s2VJv)

Looks like Susanna Hoffs...

#mayneedtosquintalittle

Posted by: browndog Official Mascot of Team Gizzard at March 02, 2022 06:12 PM (BgMrQ)

356 I don't know that I would betray my country for that. But you'd have to be very confident to kick her out of bed.

Posted by: trev006 at March 02, 2022 06:13 PM (cja4q)

357 I'm a little stuck on his ridiculous email. Keep that stuff off record.

Posted by: Seems Legit at March 02, 2022 06:13 PM (DcKNO)

358 The Kennedy's were and are not vey attractive people
Posted by: It's me donna at March 02, 2022 06:12 PM (J8ILO)

How dare you besrmich the good name of CAMELOT

Posted by: ... at March 02, 2022 06:13 PM (dscaa)

359 The biggest battles we are forced to fight are defeating or neutralizing RINO's and The Deep State bureaucrats.

We often debate if theres enough of us versus them.

Time to find out.

Posted by: Voter theater. at March 02, 2022 06:13 PM (FCPbW)

360 So, RINO Republican tossing the salad of a jihadi.

Sounds about right.

Posted by: 18-1 at March 02, 2022 06:13 PM (ESjRY)

361 There's a little old clam where we can get together
Fart clam... baby.. fart clam
Skin roof... rusted.
Fart clam... baby.. fart clam

Posted by: Jukin the Deplorable and Totally Unserious at March 02, 2022 06:13 PM (iDcra)

362 Ruby, Don't Take your Fartclam to Town

Posted by: Mark Andrew Edwards, RIP Oregon Muse at March 02, 2022 06:13 PM (XvPQV)

363 Worse than Watergate.

Posted by: Carl "Bear" Bernstein at March 02, 2022 06:13 PM (63Dwl)

364 Gypsies, Tramps and Fartclams...
Posted by: Mark Andrew Edwards, RIP Oregon Muse at March 02, 2022 06:12 PM (XvPQV)

Hang down your head Tom, FartClam
Hang down your head and cry...

Posted by: Aetius451AD Work Laptop at March 02, 2022 06:13 PM (QCwhW)

365 What drink goes with fartclaming? Asking for a friend.

Posted by: The Man from Athens at March 02, 2022 06:13 PM (JojTR)

366 274 Madigan does not look healthy. Timing is much.
Posted by: klaftern at March 02, 2022 06:01 PM (taPSh)

This really pisses me off - *Everyone* knew that Madigan was corrupt for decades, it was a running national joke. Now that he's 79 years old and probably dying, they finally decided to put on a big dog and pony show telling everyone what we already knew. Now that it does not matter one fucking bit anymore.

Posted by: Tom Servo at March 02, 2022 06:13 PM (trdmm)

367 true dat Tom Servo ...

Posted by: sock_rat_eez (NDCP0) at March 02, 2022 06:14 PM (NDCP0)

368 I will say, he had the shame to bow out. He was not forced, as I understand it. A dem would never leave nowadays.
Posted by: Seems Legit
-----

Dammit, I should have stayed.

Posted by: Gary Condit at March 02, 2022 06:14 PM (DMQdU)

369 Face is pleasant enough. Does she have nice hips and a still-intact joy buzzer?

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at March 02, 2022 05:36 PM (s2VJv)

You're one to talk!

Posted by: ... at March 02, 2022 06:14 PM (dscaa)

370 The Fartclams Are Back in Town -- Thin Snizzy.

And when the boys want a bite - you better let 'em !!!

Posted by: Statistics at March 02, 2022 06:14 PM (ZTzFi)

371 363 Ruby, Don't Take your Fartclam to Town
Posted by: Mark Andrew Edwards, RIP Oregon Muse at March 02, 2022 06:13 PM (XvPQV)

Long Cool Woman in a FartClam

Posted by: Aetius451AD Work Laptop at March 02, 2022 06:14 PM (QCwhW)

372 In fairness, dating an isis bride with suicidal thoughts would seem unwise

Posted by: Y5 at March 02, 2022 06:14 PM (Lgohd)

373 365 Gypsies, Tramps and Fartclams...
Posted by: Mark Andrew Edwards, RIP Oregon Muse at March 02, 2022 06:12 PM (XvPQV)

Hang down your head Tom, FartClam
Hang down your head and cry...
Posted by: Aetius451AD Work Laptop at March 02, 2022 06:13 PM (QCwhW)

As I looked out on the Fartclams of Laredo...

Posted by: Mark Andrew Edwards, RIP Oregon Muse at March 02, 2022 06:15 PM (XvPQV)

374 348 I will say, he had the shame to bow out. He was not forced, as I understand it. A dem would never leave nowadays.

Posted by: Seems Legit at March 02, 2022 06:11 PM (DcKNO)

Yup. That's why I asked how long before this guy runs on a Donk ticket. They protect their own bad apples, at least until they become a serious embarrassment and liability then it's under the bus wheels they go!

And if it's truly bad enough, they might have an Arkancidian meetup in a park.

Posted by: Grumpy and Recalcitrant at March 02, 2022 06:15 PM (nRMeC)

375 In his Wiki bio; endorsed by the North Texas Tea Party for his 2014 senate run.

Proof conservatives do a really horrendous job of vetting candidates. I'm sure he said all the conservative buzzwords at the time and they swooned.

Now to vet conservative candidates we have to ask the awkward questions of do they like getting their salad tossed and jizz blasting reformed ISIS brides tonsils while getting their cock sucked.

Posted by: JROD at March 02, 2022 06:15 PM (0jZnq)

376
everyone considered him the fartclam of the county...

-Kenny Rogers

Posted by: AltonJackson at March 02, 2022 06:15 PM (DUIap)

377 Roses are red
Violets are blue
Your tonsils are white
When covered in my goo

Posted by: Romantic musings of Van Taylor at March 02, 2022 06:15 PM (Geoni)

378 As I looked out on the Fartclams of Laredo...
Posted by: Mark Andrew Edwards, RIP Oregon Muse at March 02, 2022 06:15 PM (XvPQV)

Out in the west texas town of El FartClam,
I fell in love with a mexican's fartclam...

Posted by: Aetius451AD Work Laptop at March 02, 2022 06:15 PM (QCwhW)

379 demonrats act like they're fighting a war for the soul and culture of America, our side acts like chamberlain having tea and scones with the chancellor of germany.

Pretty sure none of the anti-war types in the 40s tossed Hitler's salad.

Posted by: 18-1 at March 02, 2022 06:15 PM (ESjRY)

380 "Out in the west texas town of El FartClam,
I fell in love with a mexican's fartclam...

Posted by: Aetius451AD Work Laptop at March 02, 2022 06:15 PM (QCwhW) "

Horde Mind Rules !

Posted by: sock_rat_eez (NDCP0) at March 02, 2022 06:16 PM (NDCP0)

381 Karma

Posted by: redridinghood at March 02, 2022 06:16 PM (NpAcC)

382 She' got lifeless eyes, black eyes, like a doll's eyes.......

Posted by: Javems at March 02, 2022 06:16 PM (MGjUO)

383 > What drink goes with fartclaming? Asking for a friend.

Obviously it's Clamato.

Posted by: bonhomme at March 02, 2022 06:16 PM (x980n)

384 In fairness, there are just some words you should never write

Posted by: Y5 at March 02, 2022 06:16 PM (Lgohd)

385 Fart claming in LA
Nobody fart clams in LA
I'm fartin... fartin... i'm clamin...clamin
Fart clamin in LA... only a nobody fart clams in LA

Posted by: Jukin the Deplorable and Totally Unserious at March 02, 2022 06:17 PM (iDcra)

386 I saw a picture of the guy -- it was 100% a honeypot operation. Lil' Miss ISIS had big plans for milking him for intel.
Posted by: Lizzy at March 02, 2022 05:39 PM (MmndN)

Going by the tweet Ace linked, that wasn't the only thing she milked!

Posted by: Retired Buckeye Cop is now an engineer at March 02, 2022 06:17 PM (pJWtt)

387 A Total Eclipse of the Fartclam

Posted by: Mark Andrew Edwards, RIP Oregon Muse at March 02, 2022 06:17 PM (XvPQV)

388 Can she handle fartclaming a Geoduck?

Posted by: The Man from Athens at March 02, 2022 06:17 PM (JojTR)

389 I regret that I have only one FartClam to lose for my country!

Posted by: Nathan Hale at March 02, 2022 06:17 PM (x6uUk)

390
What drink goes with fartclaming? Asking for a friend.
Posted by: The Man from Athens

A Bloody Mary made with Clamato

Posted by: Krebs v Carnot: Epic Battle of the Cycling Stars at March 02, 2022 06:17 PM (pNxlR)

391 everyone considered him the fartclam of the county...

-Kenny Rogers
Posted by: AltonJackson at March 02, 2022 06:15 PM (DUIap)

I liked his duets better. Particularly "Fartclams in the Stream".

Posted by: Mishdog at March 02, 2022 06:17 PM (3gjFX)

392
I will say, he had the shame to bow out. He was not forced, as I understand it. A dem would never leave nowadays.
Posted by: Seems Legit
-----

Dammit, I should have stayed.
Posted by: Gary Condit

Yeah, tell me about it!

Posted by: Al Franken at March 02, 2022 06:17 PM (63Dwl)

393 How dumb do you have to be to send a graphic text like that?

Posted by: Charles Prince of Wales at March 02, 2022 06:17 PM (vN+oL)

394 From the story it looks like this is a classic case of failing to follow dad's advice re dick and crazy, but...she's pretty hot.

Posted by: Farmer Bob at March 02, 2022 06:17 PM (9KXDf)

395 And I'm hungry like the FartClam....

Posted by: Aetius451AD Work Laptop at March 02, 2022 06:17 PM (QCwhW)

396 Lost in all this fartclam stuff... are women really still wearing "The Rachel"?

Posted by: ... at March 02, 2022 06:18 PM (dscaa)

397 It's the final Fart Clam!

Posted by: Aetius451AD Work Laptop at March 02, 2022 06:18 PM (QCwhW)

398 How dumb do you have to be to send a graphic text like that?

***

How familiar with the GOP are you?

Posted by: Azathoth at March 02, 2022 06:18 PM (W3VUu)

399 I'm going to Montana soon, I'm gonna be a .....FartClam
Tycoon.

Posted by: Frank Zappa at March 02, 2022 06:18 PM (x6uUk)

400
what you want: swimsuit model
you'd settle for: cute chick next door
you get: isis bride fartclam

Posted by: Hands at March 02, 2022 06:18 PM (786Ro)

401 Deep in the east shithole town of Aleppo

I fell in love with a jihadi bride

She blew me, I paid her, and offered my fartclam

She went down to Brownsville with eyes open wide.

Posted by: Farty Robbins at March 02, 2022 06:18 PM (SH2Zi)

402 It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a fartclam.

Posted by: I am the Shadout Mapes, the Housekeeper at March 02, 2022 06:18 PM (PiwSw)

403 Clams in the wind,
all we are are clams in the wind...

Posted by: Aetius451AD Work Laptop at March 02, 2022 06:18 PM (QCwhW)

404 Dirty Fartclams Done Dirt Cheap

Posted by: Mark Andrew Edwards, RIP Oregon Muse at March 02, 2022 06:18 PM (XvPQV)

405 How dumb do you have to be to send a graphic text like that?

Wait a minute...you mean someone else can read your texts and see your pictures AFTER you send them? That would be like terrible!

Posted by: Anyone under 35 apparently at March 02, 2022 06:19 PM (ESjRY)

406 402 It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a fartclam.
Posted by: I am the Shadout Mapes, the Housekeeper at March 02, 2022 06:18 PM (PiwSw)

Snort

Posted by: Mark Andrew Edwards, RIP Oregon Muse at March 02, 2022 06:19 PM (XvPQV)

407 Fart clams: good

Shart clams: bad

Posted by: Jukin the Deplorable and Totally Unserious at March 02, 2022 06:19 PM (iDcra)

408 ISIS Bride = GFF = Goat-Fucker Fucker

Posted by: Warai-otoko at March 02, 2022 06:19 PM (6FeV1)

409 My fartclam brings all the boys to the yard
And they're like, it's better than yours
Damn right, it's better than yours...

Posted by: Stu Podaso at March 02, 2022 06:19 PM (DX65j)

410 The text is pretty boring in the way it's expressed. He could have at least made it interesting to read about his gross sex. Should have threatened to drink several liters of Gatorade and then waterboard her with his cock.

Posted by: bear with asymmetrical balls at March 02, 2022 06:19 PM (KFhLj)

411 Up in the north Texas town they call Plano
I got rimjob'd by an ex- ISIS bride

Posted by: Marty Stuart at March 02, 2022 06:19 PM (vted1)

412 Posted by: Farty Robbins at March 02, 2022 06:18 PM (SH2Zi)

----------

The Grammies are going to be lit this year.

Posted by: Seems Legit at March 02, 2022 06:19 PM (DcKNO)

413 The GOPer is a Gaper?

The things we learn round here.

Posted by: Hands at March 02, 2022 06:19 PM (786Ro)

414 Clam. Fart Clam.

Posted by: ... at March 02, 2022 06:20 PM (dscaa)

415 >>396 Lost in all this fartclam stuff... are women really still wearing "The Rachel"?

In all fairness, Taylor(GOP) probably thought it was trendy.

Posted by: Capital Eff at March 02, 2022 06:20 PM (GYllL)

416 Does the New Green Deal say anything about clamfarts, or is it silent (but deadly)?

Posted by: 496 at March 02, 2022 06:20 PM (U1eOr)

417 About a 90% chance the democrats had these texts for months.

They were either:
1) going to be used to clear the deck for the Dem in the general, or
2) blackmail for the next 2 years.

Here's the thing that pisses me off the most-- this guy knows what he said and did. Knows what would happen if it came out. And STILL ran for reelection.

Posted by: Well at March 02, 2022 06:20 PM (9bnwI)

418 She looks like Buffy the Fartclam Slayer

Posted by: Hands at March 02, 2022 06:21 PM (786Ro)

419 Well so much for that pension.

Posted by: Bete at March 02, 2022 06:21 PM (2javT)

420 In all fairness, Taylor(GOP) probably thought it was trendy.
Posted by: Capital Eff at March 02, 2022 06:20 PM (GYllL)

Heh, good point.

Posted by: ... at March 02, 2022 06:21 PM (dscaa)

421
O fartclams,' said the Carpenter,
You've had a pleasant run!
Shall we be trotting home again?'
But answer came there none —
And this was scarcely odd, because
They'd eaten every one."

Posted by: Wth apologies to Lewis Carroll at March 02, 2022 06:21 PM (DMQdU)

422 At least she wasn't a Chinese honeypot. Diversity!!!

Posted by: Capital Eff at March 02, 2022 06:21 PM (GYllL)

423 > Any model with an inkling of self respect would have used a Glock.

Glocks are like Toyota Camrys. They're reliable, ubiquitous, and run forever. They're also clunky, boring, and basic.

There's a whole world of interesting and solid guns outside of Glock.

Posted by: bonhomme at March 02, 2022 06:21 PM (x980n)

424 Or green new deal. Whatever. I'm sure AOC is against clamfarts.

Posted by: 496 at March 02, 2022 06:21 PM (U1eOr)

425 It seems to me, you lived your life, like a fartclam in the wind.

Posted by: Landofskybluewater at March 02, 2022 06:21 PM (Geoni)

426 I love my husband but there are days that the drama with his daughter is a bit much. And I gave up alcohol and gluttony for Lent. Picked the wrong week to stop drinking.

Posted by: neverenoughcaffeine at March 02, 2022 06:21 PM (2NHgQ)

427 silent (but deadly)?

SBDFC?

Posted by: Bosk at March 02, 2022 06:21 PM (x6uUk)

428 I left my fartclam

In Sam Clam's disco

Posted by: JackStraw at March 02, 2022 06:21 PM (ZLI7S)

429 Charles Prince of Wales: "How dumb do you have to be to send a graphic text like that?"

Politician dumb.

It's amazing. Some can be so very savvy one moment and a drooling imbecile the next. Not all of it is a campaign team setting someone up for success. They're smart. And then they're genuinely bipolar. You can't always see their blind spot, but when it comes out, it'll blot out the sun.

Posted by: AnonyBotymousDrivel Remembers Babbitt and Perna at March 02, 2022 06:21 PM (aXxgO)

430 Out: Big Blue Shitholes

In: Tight Brown Shitholes

Posted by: Too much? at March 02, 2022 06:21 PM (ESjRY)

431 Should have threatened to drink several liters of Gatorade and then waterboard her with his cock.
Posted by: bear with asymmetrical balls at March 02, 2022 06:19 PM (KFhLj)

That almost sounds oddly specific.

Posted by: anchorbabe fashion cop at March 02, 2022 06:21 PM (ufFY8)

432 Thats false. While gun manufacturers do have legal protections from being held liable for injuries caused by criminal misuse of their weapons thanks to the 2005 Protection of Lawful Commerce in Arms Act, they are not exempt or immune from being sued.

Now do COVID Vax!

Posted by: rhennigantx at March 02, 2022 06:22 PM (yrol0)

433 Salad?

Consider it tossed.

Posted by: Bubba in Cellblock C at March 02, 2022 06:22 PM (WmGrA)

434 411 Country music is America's artform.

Posted by: Regular joe at March 02, 2022 06:22 PM (nnp+f)

435 So RIP Van Taylor?

Posted by: Guy Mohawk at March 02, 2022 06:22 PM (6lMp2)

436 If the FAB were ever indicted, she would suddenly be too ill and near death to stand trial.

Posted by: Cat Ass Trophy at March 02, 2022 06:22 PM (qnVBz)

437 425 It seems to me, you lived your life, like a fartclam in the wind.
Posted by: Landofskybluewater at March 02, 2022 06:21 PM (Geoni)

*golfclap*

Posted by: Aetius451AD Work Laptop at March 02, 2022 06:22 PM (QCwhW)

438 418 She looks like Buffy the Fartclam Slayer
Posted by: Hands at March 02, 2022 06:21 PM (786Ro)

--------

That's it! I couldn't figure it out.

Posted by: Seems Legit at March 02, 2022 06:22 PM (DcKNO)

439 @394 Farmer Bob-The caveat is never continually stick your dick in crazy. If you can get away with once or twice your fine.

Posted by: JROD at March 02, 2022 06:22 PM (0jZnq)

440 MOAR of this, please. But it *really really really* needs to happen to bigger fish like Mitch, Lindsey, Liz, McCarthy. More!!!

Posted by: Hands at March 02, 2022 06:22 PM (786Ro)

441 435 So RIP Van Taylor?
Posted by: Guy Mohawk at March 02, 2022 06:22 PM (6lMp2)

Oddly, Rip Taylor would also have gone for the fart clam.

Posted by: Aetius451AD Work Laptop at March 02, 2022 06:23 PM (QCwhW)

442 Here's the thing that pisses me off the most-- this guy knows what he said and did. Knows what would happen if it came out. And STILL ran for reelection.

Nancy told me that if I was a good boy she'd never let anyone see these texts.

Well, and after I did the same thing to her.

Wow. Guess I was like dumb or something?

Posted by: Rep Salad Tosser at March 02, 2022 06:23 PM (ESjRY)

443 Tonsils?!?

Posted by: stv at March 02, 2022 06:23 PM (q3wxO)

444 Fartclaming in the night, what were the chances.
Fartclaming in the night, exchanging gases.
Fartclaming in the night, the stench of asses.

Posted by: The Man from Athens at March 02, 2022 06:23 PM (JojTR)

445 I wouldn't have a Glock up my ass if I had room for a16 wheel Big Boy locomotive. Right in there with Harleys. Everybody and his broke dick dog has one.

Posted by: Xipe Totec at March 02, 2022 06:23 PM (o2MD2)

446 Any model with an inkling of self respect would have used a Glock.

Glocks are like Toyota Camrys. They're reliable, ubiquitous, and run forever. They're also clunky, boring, and basic.

There's a whole world of interesting and solid guns outside of Glock.
Posted by: bonhomme at March 02, 2022 06:21 PM (x980n)

I like and own a lot of Glocks. But they are not the best choice for deep or pocket carry...maybe the G42 excepted. That one is tiny and useful.

Posted by: Mark Andrew Edwards, RIP Oregon Muse at March 02, 2022 06:23 PM (XvPQV)

447 Posted by: Hands at March 02, 2022 06:22 PM (786Ro)

I want to see the Trump Curse rain down holy fire on those FartClams.

Posted by: Bosk at March 02, 2022 06:23 PM (x6uUk)

448 That's it! I couldn't figure it out.
Posted by: Seems Legit

sort of an Arab SMG, amiright

Posted by: Hands at March 02, 2022 06:23 PM (786Ro)

449 Dick - Crazy - Some assembly required

Posted by: Hatari somewhere on Ventura Highway at March 02, 2022 06:23 PM (M+Lyo)

450 One of the most powerful politicians in Chicago history, former Illinois House Speaker Michael Madigan, has been indicted by federal prosecutors on racketeering and bribery charges. Madigan, 79, is charged with 22 counts.

What is a year that ends in 4 digits.

Posted by: rhennigantx at March 02, 2022 06:24 PM (yrol0)

451 Politician dumb.

It's amazing. Some can be so very savvy one moment and a drooling imbecile the next.

------

They get really dumb when poon is involved. Evidently.

Posted by: Seems Legit at March 02, 2022 06:24 PM (DcKNO)

452 It's moments like this when we miss having Trump on Twitter.

Posted by: Serious Cat at March 02, 2022 06:24 PM (700n7)

453
Does the rule "consume only during months with the letter 'r' in them" rule apply to fartclams, too?

Is using a fartclam rake allowed?

Posted by: Krebs v Carnot: Epic Battle of the Cycling Stars at March 02, 2022 06:24 PM (pNxlR)

454
Sgt Fartclam's Lonely Rim Job Band

Posted by: naturalfake at March 02, 2022 06:24 PM (OMayC)

455 443 Tonsils?!?
Posted by: stv at March 02, 2022 06:23 PM (q3wxO)

Cum assembly required

Posted by: rhennigantx at March 02, 2022 06:24 PM (yrol0)

456 nood !

Posted by: sock_rat_eez (NDCP0) at March 02, 2022 06:25 PM (NDCP0)

457 Half clam fart that all I ever heard
Half clam how I learned t hate words
Half clam she's no good they warned
Both sides were against me since the day I was queefed

Posted by: Jukin the Deplorable and Totally Unserious at March 02, 2022 06:25 PM (iDcra)

458 He got caught. How many didn't?

Posted by: Caliban at March 02, 2022 06:25 PM (HgGBT)

459 Yes.. He was way ahead in the early voting. supposedly the candidate that publicized this came in third place.
Posted by: rd at March 02, 2022 05:56 PM

early voting delenda est

Posted by: Hands at March 02, 2022 06:25 PM (786Ro)

460 449 Dick - Crazy - Some assembly required
Posted by: Hatari somewhere on Ventura Highway at March 02, 2022 06:23 PM (M+Lyo)

Tab A into Slot B

***wiggle wiggle wiggle***

ahhhh...there we are

Posted by: browndog Official Mascot of Team Gizzard at March 02, 2022 06:25 PM (BgMrQ)

461 They did the Mash!
They did the Fartclam Mash!
The Fartclam Mash!
It caught on in a gash!

Posted by: Landofskybluewater at March 02, 2022 06:26 PM (Geoni)

462 Of course, on the other hand, Johnny boy got 72 virgins, and Van got his sloppy, used fartclam.

Posted by: Yudhishthira's Dice at March 02, 2022 06:26 PM (SKVme)

463 I read the approved official Government remarks on the Mike Madigan and I started laughing,

"Corruption by an elected official and his associates undermines the public's confidence in our government," said U.S. Attorney Lausch. "The indictment alleges a long-term, multifaceted scheme to use public positions for unlawful private gain. Rooting out and prosecuting the kind of corruption alleged in the indictment will always be a top priority for this office."

"Our elected officials swear an oath to carry out the duties of their office," said FBI SAC Buie. "When they dishonor that oath, it erodes the trust we have in our officials to do the right thing for our communities, and the FBI and its partners stand ready to stamp out corruption at any level of government."

Posted by: rd at March 02, 2022 06:26 PM (Z32m1)

464 Nood

biden is a brainiac

Posted by: nurse ratched at March 02, 2022 06:26 PM (W2Pud)

465 I just ordered a new queef call for the fartclam season!

Posted by: rhennigantx at March 02, 2022 06:26 PM (yrol0)

466 Excellent commentary!

Posted by: Sidney at March 02, 2022 06:27 PM (7/kmB)

467 Here's the thing that pisses me off the most-- this guy knows what he said and did. Knows what would happen if it came out. And STILL ran for reelection.
Posted by: Well
---------

The FBI *knew* that Patrick Cannon, Mayor of Charlotte was going to be indicted, as of June of that year, but Loretta Lynch held it up until *after* the November election. Why? Well because that passed the mayoral selection to the Dem City Council...no election.

Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc., etc. at March 02, 2022 06:27 PM (CTJwJ)

468
What would you do
If I farted on you
Would you seal up my fartclam
With glue?

Posted by: Sgt Fartclam's Lonely Rim Job Band at March 02, 2022 06:27 PM (OMayC)

469 The nerve of some people!

Posted by: Mark Sanford at March 02, 2022 06:27 PM (5pTK/)

470 $5000 seems a little excessive for a rimjob. You'd think he'd shop around a bit for a more reasonable price.

Does ululation cost extra?

Posted by: Dr. Bone at March 02, 2022 06:27 PM (PEbbU)

471 393 How dumb do you have to be to send a graphic text like that?

Posted by: Charles Prince of Wales at March 02, 2022 06:17 PM (vN+oL)

It's almost like these people aren't paying any attention to the intelligence briefings that remind them that people in power are regularly approached by foreign operatives looking to use flattery or money as a way to gain access and improperly sway decision making.

Posted by: Grumpy and Recalcitrant at March 02, 2022 06:28 PM (nRMeC)

472 nood biden top dementia signs

Posted by: andycanuck (UHVv4) at March 02, 2022 06:28 PM (UHVv4)

473 Wife: Have you got anything without fartclam in it?

Waitress: Well, there's the fartclam, egg sausage and fartclam, that's not got much fartclam in it!

Wife: I don't want ANY fartclam!

Man: Why can't she have egg bacon fartclam and sausage?

Wife: THAT'S got fartclam in it!

Man: Hasn't got as much fartclam in it as fartclam egg sausage and fartclam, has it?

Posted by: clutch cargo - Now fortified with CPM-S90V at March 02, 2022 06:28 PM (wAnMi)

474 Politician dumb.

I assume they think, almost reasonably, that if they are having an extramarital affair with someone that someone won't want the shame of public exposure either. And they might also think, almost reasonably, that the average lady won't want to publicly acknowledge eating ass. Problem is, the kind of women who see married men on the side and treat a man's ass like an all-you-can-eat buffet probably have compromised decision-making abilities.

Posted by: bear with asymmetrical balls at March 02, 2022 06:28 PM (KFhLj)

475 I'd just like to say, what the hell, Texas? Dan Crenshaw again?

Posted by: cjhmhch at March 02, 2022 06:28 PM (PoYG7)

476 >>402 It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a fartclam.
Posted by: I am the Shadout Mapes, the Housekeeper at March 02, 2022 06:18 PM (PiwSw)

"Lizzie, am I to understand that haughty man only wants your fartclam?"

"For ten thousand a year, I will lie still and think of England!"

Posted by: Caliban at March 02, 2022 06:29 PM (HgGBT)

477 Fart Clam Girl
She's been livin' in her ISIS world
I bet she's never have Texas brown eye
I bet her mama never told her why

I'm gonna' try for a Fart Clam Girl
She's been livin' in her goat screw world
As long as anyone with hot blood can
I bet she's lookin' for a Lone Star man
That's what I am

Posted by: The Talking Fartclams at March 02, 2022 06:29 PM (ZTzFi)

478 There's a whole world of interesting and solid guns outside of Glock.
Posted by: bonhomme
----
This is about me, isn't it?

Posted by: Steyr M9-A2 at March 02, 2022 06:29 PM (CTJwJ)

479 PA GOP head Val DiGiorgio also fell for a honeypot trap.
She was from...wait for it...the Ukraine!

The Philly commie rag splashed their emails all over the front page. It really wasn't *that* newsworthy, but you know how it is these days.

Posted by: kallisto at March 02, 2022 06:31 PM (DJFLF)

480 5 grand? That's IT??!?
I need to rethink my life choices.

I mean, look at this; 5 grand is a years supply of really good alcohol. I mean, interrupted by bad alcohol, but hear me out my ~~friends~~ audience.

A bottle of good (not top of the line, ) scotch is $120.00? Make it 150 to simplify the math and round up. Alternate that with good vodka and gin (way cheaper; 60-90 MAX for a reasonable bottle, esp for gin: lets call it on average 50$/. This is high end alcoholism folks, I mean, bear with me, the exercise is worth it).

5 grand for a few encounters of fantasy girl will get you EASILY 1-4 weeks (depending on your tolerance and medical condition(s) of absolutely shitfaced, completely legal, tasteful and may I even say quite applause worthy shit-facedness. I mean, I'm a fan of the fairer sex, like most 22x2 XYx1,And I am in the reckless minority that thinks crazy can be kinda fun -roll-the-dice-take-yer-chances-dudes school of idiotic relationship advice, BUT
What this all demonstrates is the reckless lack of judgement of our political class. I'm genuinely appalled.

Posted by: Alcoholic Asshole Shut In at March 02, 2022 06:32 PM (mZOHK)

481 Mistakes were made.

Posted by: Former ISIS bride at March 02, 2022 06:34 PM (3TihK)

482 Doesn't any go for the Mom's Apple Pie Good Old American Strippers anymore?

Posted by: Wilbur Mills at March 02, 2022 06:36 PM (2+8xi)

483 i'm surprised he wasn't gay

Posted by: fc2234 at March 02, 2022 06:42 PM (2JTuu)

484 482 Doesn't any go for the Mom's Apple Pie Good Old American Strippers anymore?

Posted by: Wilbur Mills at March 02, 2022 06:36 PM (2+8xi)

I'm just amazed at the lack of attention to simple budgetary constraints. I mean, for $5 grand you can buy a LOT of alcohol or pharmaceuticals. Adam Smith FTW!

Posted by: Alcoholic Asshole Shut In at March 02, 2022 06:43 PM (mZOHK)

485 135 'Parsley, Sage, Fartclam and Thyme' - Simon and Garunkel (1966)
----
I thought it was Simon and Furuncle !

Posted by: Ciampino at March 02, 2022 06:49 PM (qfLjt)

486 150 A bigtime Illinois politician just got a federal indictment for racketeering. Michael Madigan was basically THE political boss for decades.

https://bit.ly/348DuAf
----
Anyone know who he pissed off?

Posted by: Ciampino at March 02, 2022 07:12 PM (qfLjt)

487 208 169 According to the linked articles, she got tired of being a jihadist's wife and worked with western intelligence to find her husband so they could drone-strike him.

cheaper than a divorce attorney.
----
No alimony though hence, probably, the $5000 bribe.

Posted by: Ciampino at March 02, 2022 07:25 PM (qfLjt)

488 211
Q. Is a fartclam the same thing as a clam fart?

A. I say no.
----
I'm assuming, barring a formal encyclopaedic definition, that a fartclam emits sharticles, also known as farticulate matter, which themselves are made up of various quantisized farticles.

Posted by: Ciampino at March 02, 2022 07:32 PM (qfLjt)

489 Good! This RINO asshat needed be removed. Actually attended a couple of his meetings since i live in his district. Thought Marine Infantry officer - should be good. 1st time at a breakfast meeting - he wouldn't commit to actually punishing BurnLootMurder rioters. 2nd time was after the "Insurrection". Point blank asked him what he was going to do for defendents - when only people that died was at the hands of capital police. His response was - "Wow! that's a take". Serves the asshat right.

Posted by: feraltexican at March 02, 2022 07:32 PM (dZH9P)

490 220 >>>She's kinda cute in a needs a sammich way.

>Like fucking a gym sock stuffed with chickpeas.
----
You must have tried that as it is a very illogical act otherwise. Tell us about it.

Posted by: Ciampino at March 02, 2022 07:42 PM (qfLjt)

491 The word of the day is (puts hand to mouth, and whispers) "fartclam." pause "fart . . . clam"

Posted by: maximusK at March 02, 2022 07:47 PM (Qlq76)

492 267 https://wtax.com/news/101101-mike-madigan-indicted/
22 count indictment
Former longtime Il Speaker of the House

democrat internal polling must be horrific.

That link is bad.

Posted by: Ciampino at March 02, 2022 07:53 PM (qfLjt)

493 324 "Do Androids Dream of Electric Fartclams?" was Philip K. Dick's original title.
----
Wasn't the original "Do Fartoids Dream of Electric Fartclams?" ?

Posted by: Ciampino at March 02, 2022 08:10 PM (qfLjt)

494 I think she is cute.

Posted by: Theodore at March 02, 2022 08:34 PM (GJnvT)

495 489 Good! This RINO asshat needed be removed. Actually attended a couple of his meetings since i live in his district. Thought Marine Infantry officer - should be good. 1st time at a breakfast meeting - he wouldn't commit to actually punishing BurnLootMurder rioters. 2nd time was after the "Insurrection". Point blank asked him what he was going to do for defendents - when only people that died was at the hands of capital police. His response was - "Wow! that's a take". Serves the asshat right.

Posted by: feraltexican at March 02, 2022 07:32 PM (dZH9P)

srsly?
I live and work in deep progressive territory.
Fuck him. He's gone, bought the narrative ad nauseam etc. Do NOT forward. Good for you.

Posted by: Alcoholic Asshole Shut In at March 02, 2022 08:37 PM (mZOHK)

496 This is like a very dumb plot point on NCIS, and that's saying something because that show is effing moronic.
You think nobody could be this stupid but along comes an establishment shill to remind you that we're all lead by scumbags.

Posted by: stv at March 02, 2022 08:55 PM (q3wxO)

497 She's pretty hot. I'd let her lick my butthole.

Posted by: Joe potatoes at March 02, 2022 09:54 PM (3SMrp)

498 Well, let's be honest, who doesn't love a long, hot rim job from a former terrorist? If nothing else, she arrived "well-trained."

Posted by: Smokerman at March 03, 2022 05:07 AM (Q0Ghc)

499 Tania Joya was born in '84, so her sad descent from ISIS Bride to GOPe Sidepiece is a lesson in how fast and hard The Wall can hit.

Posted by: SciVo at March 03, 2022 07:50 AM (yRG/A)

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Texas "Republican" Congressman Van Taylor Apologizes For Sex Affair With... Ex-ISIS War Bride, Paying Her Five Grand in Hush Money;Drops Out of Re-Election Bid, Conceding to Primary Opponent

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Texas "Republican" Congressman Van Taylor Apologizes For Sex Affair With... Ex-ISIS War Bride, Paying Her Five Grand in Hush Money;
Drops Out of Re-Election Bid, Conceding to Primary Opponent