Russia Nuclear Monitoring Sites Lost Contact After Suspected Nuclear Blast; Speculation That Explosion Was Caused by Nuclear-Powered Mega-Torpedo, Thirty Times Larger Than Largest US Torpedos

Set to DEFCON 3 and scramble Fred Thompson.

Two Russian nuclear monitoring stations--specifically designed to detect radiation-- "went silent" in the days following an explosion of what many believe was a nuclear-powered missile earlier this month during tests at a remote base, a nuclear official said in an email Sunday.
...
Two days later, Russia’s state-controlled nuclear agency Rosatom acknowledged that the explosion occurred on an offshore platform during tests of a "nuclear isotope power source," and that it killed five nuclear engineers and injured three others. It's still not clear whether those casualties were in addition to the earlier dead and injured.
H.I. Sutton, a contributor to Forbes, reported that there has been speculation about what exactly Russia was testing at the time of the explosion. One theory, according to his analysis, is that Moscow was testing a "mega-torpedo" nearby, which is reportedly 30 times larger than submarine torpedoes considered "heavyweight."

The report said, "Launched from a large submarine, potentially from under the protection of the arctic ice cap, it would virtually have unlimited range and Russia claims that it will run so deep that it cannot realistically be countered with existing weapons."

Posted by: Ace of Spades at 02:54 PM

Comments

(Jump to bottom of comments)

1 In!

Posted by: Roland THTG at August 19, 2019 02:53 PM (88+cf)

2 close!

Posted by: swodog at August 19, 2019 02:54 PM (tMmi/)

3 Accident my ass.

Posted by: rickb223 at August 19, 2019 02:54 PM (3oX+R)

4 Speculation?

Posted by: The Great White Scotsman at August 19, 2019 02:54 PM (JUOKG)

5 Works with Nukes anyway

Posted by: swodog at August 19, 2019 02:54 PM (tMmi/)

6 Idk, our torpedoes are pretty big.

Posted by: Brair Rabbit at August 19, 2019 02:54 PM (xfb67)

7 Crazy Ivan!

Posted by: Lizzy at August 19, 2019 02:55 PM (bDqIh)

8 They're dead, Jim

Posted by: Rick in SK at August 19, 2019 02:55 PM (FZYNt)

9 So, Chernobyl all over again, no?

Posted by: dantesed at August 19, 2019 02:56 PM (88xKn)

10 This is serious news.

If only there were a piece of land that could protect our eastern seaboard. Maybe there is something we could buy.

Posted by: SH at August 19, 2019 02:56 PM (sX1BW)

11 FIRST!!!!!

Posted by: Sponge at August 19, 2019 02:56 PM (9gDA7)

12 bet they have a plan, Russians always have a plan

Posted by: Rick in SK at August 19, 2019 02:56 PM (FZYNt)

13 Corgis called

Posted by: rickb223 at August 19, 2019 02:56 PM (3oX+R)

14 Did they put a laser on top of the torpedo?

Posted by: Puddin Head at August 19, 2019 02:56 PM (2LelM)

15 Offshore? Oh great, more two headed fish.

Posted by: Cannibal Bob at August 19, 2019 02:56 PM (gLmie)

16 Ace,

Clean up needed in previous thread

hash = gmo/4

Posted by: weft cut-loop at August 19, 2019 02:56 PM (DrqHq)

17 Yeah, Russia nuked itself.

Posted by: alexthechick - Ragebunny. Hopping all around. at August 19, 2019 02:57 PM (mf5HN)

18 In Russia, your torpedoes sink you.

Posted by: sniffybigtoe at August 19, 2019 02:57 PM (xfb67)

19 They're gonna need a bigger submarine.

Posted by: Puddin Head at August 19, 2019 02:57 PM (2LelM)

20 it will run so deep that it cannot realistically be countered with existing weapons."

Sounds like a line from that Delta commercial someone posted online.

"Our vessels run so deep, she be cryin'."

Posted by: Sponge at August 19, 2019 02:57 PM (9gDA7)

21 I buy that it was some kind of new weapon, not a new "power source."

If it was as big as the claim - "30 times larger" - it seems outlandish. A submarine is a very expensive delivery vehicle for what is probably a payload of 1-2 torpedoes. A giant target like an aircraft carrier, major undersea communications lines, port facilities, etc. *might* justify such an outlay, but something like that seems like Tsar Bomba - a one-off to prove it can be done, but not something that will become operationally effective.

Posted by: Joe Mannix (Not a cop!) at August 19, 2019 02:57 PM (I2dne)

22 Yay! Another chance to post this:

https://tinyurl.com/y5dg363b

The actual cause of the nuclear blast.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at August 19, 2019 02:57 PM (ptqGC)

23 3
Accident my ass.

Posted by: rickb223 at August 19, 2019 02:54 PM (3oX+R)

you rang!?

Posted by: Shep! at August 19, 2019 02:57 PM (gLmie)

24 Did they put a laser on top of the torpedo?
Posted by: Puddin Head

It's a torpedo Jim, not a shark!
Posted by: Dr. McCoy

Posted by: rickb223 at August 19, 2019 02:57 PM (3oX+R)

25 What's the point of making a torpedo 30 times larger?

Posted by: Deplorable Jay Guevara at August 19, 2019 02:58 PM (NRi/V)

26 Lotta sub casualties lately, Russia.

Water is incompressible, you know that, right? 30 times bigger means be further away

Posted by: t-bird at August 19, 2019 02:58 PM (Vhoaq)

27 A submarine is a very expensive delivery vehicle for what is probably a payload of 1-2 torpedoes.

----------

I took it to mean 30x yield, but who knows? Journalists are idiots who research nothing.

Posted by: Yudhishthira's Dice at August 19, 2019 02:58 PM (AzW6q)

28 25 What's the point of making a torpedo 30 times larger?
------------------
To instill penius envy and get all the girls.

Posted by: Puddin Head at August 19, 2019 02:58 PM (2LelM)

29 There is a Trump - Russia joke there somewhere, but it blew up.

Posted by: LeftCoast Dawg at August 19, 2019 02:58 PM (sy5kK)

30 it will run so deep that it cannot realistically be countered with existing weapons."

Sounds like a line from that Delta commercial someone posted online.

"Our vessels run so deep, she be cryin'."
Posted by: Sponge

Malaysia Flight 370?

Posted by: rickb223 at August 19, 2019 02:58 PM (3oX+R)

31 A heavyweight torpedo is generally 21 inches in diameter.Though I believe the Russians have 24 or 25 inch torpedoes.

Posted by: steevy at August 19, 2019 02:58 PM (l9mVC)

32 This business will get out of control and we'll be lucky to live through it.

Posted by: Glass Half Empty Guy at August 19, 2019 02:58 PM (+y/Ru)

33 What's the point of making a torpedo 30 times larger?

Posted by: Deplorable Jay Guevara at August 19, 2019 02:58 PM (NRi/V)

It goes to eleven.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at August 19, 2019 02:58 PM (ptqGC)

34 This is going to be a great thread

Posted by: G marks the spot at August 19, 2019 02:59 PM (mrrpb)

35 "Yay! Another chance to post this:
https://tinyurl.com/y5dg363b"

LOL! That's a good one.

Posted by: Chris M at August 19, 2019 02:59 PM (eAZVt)

36 So, was this actually a nuclear explosion, or an explosion that released nuclear material, like Chernobyl?

Posted by: Aetius451AD at August 19, 2019 02:59 PM (ycWCI)

37 Is the Russian submarine navy co-ed like ours is now?

Posted by: SH at August 19, 2019 02:59 PM (sX1BW)

38 The Russians haven't successfully built a nuclear powered aircraft carrier, but, sure, build a nuclear powered long-distance drone torpedo carrying the biggest bomb ever made. What could go wrong?

Posted by: Huck Follywood, dog hikest at August 19, 2019 02:59 PM (NVYyb)

39 22
Yay! Another chance to post this:

https://tinyurl.com/y5dg363b

The actual cause of the nuclear blast.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at August 19, 2019 02:57 PM (ptqGC)

Love it! I had a great boss once.I gave him a Far Side calendar and every Friday before we left we'd sit and look at the weeks cartoons. hilarious.

Posted by: Shep! at August 19, 2019 03:00 PM (gLmie)

40 Maybe it's a test. Maybe it's American espionage. Maybe it's Maybelline. Who knows?

I just hope a war doesn't start.

Posted by: trev006 at August 19, 2019 03:00 PM (LUJoE)

41 "You arrogant ass - you killed US!

Posted by: Frasier Crane (I'm coming back!) at August 19, 2019 03:00 PM (dmYb7)

42 it will run so deep that it cannot realistically be countered with existing weapons."

A number of their submarines are already running so deep that they cannot be countered with existing weapons.

But then, there's no need to counter them, either, because they're dead on the ocean floor, so there's that.

Posted by: Deplorable Jay Guevara at August 19, 2019 03:00 PM (NRi/V)

43 Not sure which is worse. The nuclear powered torpedo or the nuclear powered cruise missile. I think last week some sites were saying it was a cruise missile.

Project Pluto, anyone?

Posted by: Lickmuffin at August 19, 2019 03:00 PM (m/owh)

44 top 50

and as long as this works as well as the tests, I'm not concerned...

Posted by: SturmToddler at August 19, 2019 03:00 PM (8D42x)

45 >> it would virtually have unlimited range

Sure. If by unlimited you mean, limited.

Posted by: garrett at August 19, 2019 03:00 PM (LS29U)

46 I used to hang out with a guy who is an underwater spy. He would only tell me stuff that had been published and that usually ten years ago. So this story is more than twenty years old.

The Russians had a torpedo that could go 3,000 mph under water. That sounds impossible, but it's something about cavitation and creating a bubble to pass through.

Friend said we weren't shocked that it could be done but that they'd had it so long without us knowing about it.

Posted by: Bandersnatch, fish brag pics welcome at e-mail in nic at August 19, 2019 03:00 PM (fuK7c)

47 You know how has like a weird national complex about having the biggest "this that or the other thing" in the world . . .

Posted by: Russians at August 19, 2019 03:00 PM (t0f3o)

48 Not worried we have the finest men, top men, at our intelligence services and the FIB.

Posted by: Jukin the Deplorable and Profoundly Unserious at August 19, 2019 03:00 PM (pw+jk)

49 it will run so deep that it cannot realistically be countered with existing weapons."

If you guys ever run out of vodka, then we'll worry about something going according to spec.

Posted by: t-bird at August 19, 2019 03:00 PM (vyAx2)

50 Russian submarine boat has veapon dat kills self? Da?

Posted by: Archer at August 19, 2019 03:00 PM (gmo/4)

51 So, was this actually a nuclear explosion, or an explosion that released nuclear material, like Chernobyl?
Posted by: Aetius451AD at August 19, 2019 02:59 PM (ycWCI)
++++++++++
No idea. But if it had a giant delivery vehicle, then something going wrong could turn the warhead into a dirty bomb much more easily than something making the nuke going off accidentally.

Posted by: Joe Mannix (Not a cop!) at August 19, 2019 03:01 PM (I2dne)

52 It's Project Pluto! Except with Russian quality control.

Posted by: joncelli, because somebody had to at August 19, 2019 03:01 PM (RD7QR)

53 The current US submarine launched torpedo is the Mk 48 CBASS (Common Broadband Advanced Sonar System).

Someone has a sense of humor.

Posted by: sniffybigtoe at August 19, 2019 03:01 PM (xfb67)

54 I remember we used to get these kind of stories often in the 80s. Something horrendous is recorded happening in Russia. Russia stonewalls, then makes a ridiculous claim, then says something more serious, then silence, and the story goes away.

Like, a bright flash and enormous boom sound is heard through Europe. All communications from Minsk end. Dark clouds blow east, drifting ash.

Russians say it was an electrical storm.
Then a day later, admit there was a small explosion at a tractor factory.
Then after a week, a spokesman admits there was a fire in Moscow.
Satellite pictures show a crater were Moscow was.

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at August 19, 2019 03:01 PM (KZzsI)

55 Wow - 32-posts to get to the Adm. Painter quote from Red October. We must be slipping.

Posted by: DocJ at August 19, 2019 03:01 PM (77WPm)

56 38 The Russians haven't successfully built a nuclear powered aircraft carrier, but, sure, build a nuclear powered long-distance drone torpedo carrying the biggest bomb ever made. What could go wrong?
Posted by: Huck Follywood, dog hikest at August 19, 2019 02:59 PM (NVYyb)

#MeToo, Russian style.

Posted by: Deplorable Jay Guevara at August 19, 2019 03:01 PM (NRi/V)

57 12 bet they have a plan, Russians always have a plan
Posted by: Rick in SK at August 19, 2019 02:56 PM (FZYNt)

The Russians don't take a dump without a plan

Posted by: Biggs Darklighter at August 19, 2019 03:01 PM (N4xQB)

58
So then:

1 - Explosion occurs

2 - Two days later, the monitoring stations in Kirov and Dubna suffer "communication and network issues"

3 - Two days after that (?), Rosatom acknowledges the explosion

Anyway, the Fox article isn't very clear, and neither are the Russians.

Posted by: Blonde Morticia at August 19, 2019 03:01 PM (dstcr)

59 >>The Russians haven't successfully built a nuclear powered aircraft carrier

'What you have against wood fired boiler, Comrade?'

Posted by: garrett at August 19, 2019 03:01 PM (LS29U)

60 So someone violated the No One Set Off Any Nukes, Mkay? treaty?

Personally I'd like to see us test some bombs. Nothing like another Castle Romeo test (11 megatons and cotdamn did that things shine like the sun).

Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at August 19, 2019 03:01 PM (j3npP)

61 A new era of Russian superweapons. Reminds of the old era of USSR superweapons, or it would if I were alive for that. Regardless presumably bluster.

Posted by: Someguy at August 19, 2019 03:02 PM (yOykd)

62 If it has virtually unlimited range, why would you need a submarine to launch it. Launch it from mother Russia and let it go.

Oh yeah. Happy birthday to me!

Posted by: weirdflunky at August 19, 2019 03:02 PM (iqX2J)

63 Trump will never allow somebody else to have a bigger torpedo than he does.

Posted by: Mark1971 at August 19, 2019 03:02 PM (xPl2J)

64 COBS

Cleanup needed in previous thread

HASH = gmo/4

Posted by: weft cut-loop at August 19, 2019 03:02 PM (DrqHq)

65 So wait, size IS everything?

Posted by: Cannibal Bob at August 19, 2019 03:02 PM (gLmie)

66 I also run so deep I cannot be countered with existing weapons.

Posted by: Pablo at August 19, 2019 03:02 PM (9rM5k)

67 it killed five nuclear engineers and injured three others.

Serious question: how do the Russians get anybody to become a nuclear engineer?

You'd have to be out of your mind to either a Russian nuclear engineer or a Russian cosmonaut.

Posted by: Deplorable Jay Guevara at August 19, 2019 03:02 PM (NRi/V)

68 It's also been speculated it as a "dirty" cruise missile power plant of a type explored by both the US and USSR in the 1950s and 1960s.

These "wonder weapons" are gimmicks aimed at scaring leftists into arms control. They are the scary "assault weapons" of nuclear power projection. We need to modernize our nuclear triad to make sure they stay that way.

The Russian can field a hell of a first strike (hypersonic missiles and big doomsday torpedo); late strike clean up (nuclear powered cruise missile) but neither shields them from an effective counter strike that would annihilate the Russian population centers and infrastructure.

The torpedo is supposed to be very dirty with lots of long term fallout in coastal states but if that becomes a thing we can make our warheads far dirtier themselves.

Posted by: Keith at August 19, 2019 03:02 PM (jdGlx)

69 How often do those monitoring networks go off the air or have issues? In Russia, it probably happens weekly.

Posted by: Roy at August 19, 2019 03:02 PM (DDeWs)

70 Clearly a case of human error, Dave.

Posted by: andycanuck at August 19, 2019 03:03 PM (Dh1wo)

71 I look forward to some day reading about what actually happened. I hope they have good video!

Posted by: Chris M at August 19, 2019 03:03 PM (eAZVt)

72 The Sierra Nevada Torpedo has a 7.2% ABV. Can the Russians top that? I don't think so.

Posted by: mrp at August 19, 2019 03:03 PM (Pqytn)

73 Spongebob is a Russian weapons expert.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LY5h55duFUc

Posted by: DR.WTF at August 19, 2019 03:03 PM (aS1PU)

74 test

Posted by: locomotivebreath1901 at August 19, 2019 03:04 PM (4ceyg)

75 Oh yeah. Happy birthday to me!

Posted by: weirdflunky at August 19, 2019 03:02 PM (iqX2J)

Happy Birthday!

Posted by: Jane D'oh at August 19, 2019 03:04 PM (ptqGC)

76 you know back in the '80's when the USSR wasn't able to make a car that wasn't a total piece of shit, their farm equipment was engineered by idiots, but we were supposed to believe they were so close to total world domination with their super secret advancement.

the only thing they were ever close to was blowing themselves up and glowing in the dark for 100 years

Posted by: Rick in SK at August 19, 2019 03:04 PM (FZYNt)

77 1 - Explosion occurs

2 - Two days later, the monitoring stations in Kirov and Dubna suffer "communication and network issues"

3 - Two days after that (?), Rosatom acknowledges the explosion

4. Godzilla rises from the depths.

Posted by: Anonosaurus Wrecks, Tyrannosaur Wrangler at August 19, 2019 03:04 PM (+y/Ru)

78 Serious question: how do the Russians get anybody to become a nuclear engineer?

Posted by: Deplorable Jay Guevara at August 19, 2019 03:02 PM (NRi/V)

My quesses? Russian Vodka, and Russian Pu**y.

Posted by: DocJ at August 19, 2019 03:04 PM (77WPm)

79 Between this and that other incident a few months back, I'm beginning to suspect something very, very bad has been going down. I'm talking "Oh shit, our design was crap, now we're on the brink of accidentally unleashing major disasters on the world".

Either that or they declared war on C'thulu. Which, y'know, Russia.

Posted by: Brother Cavil, I can has inquisition? at August 19, 2019 03:04 PM (AM1GF)

80 72 The Sierra Nevada Torpedo has a 7.2% ABV. Can the Russians top that? I don't think so.
Posted by: mrp at August 19, 2019 03:03 PM (Pqytn)

120 proof, but it'll make you go blind.

Posted by: Roy at August 19, 2019 03:04 PM (DDeWs)

81 "Launched from a large submarine, potentially from under the protection
of the arctic ice cap, it would virtually have unlimited range and
Russia claims that it will run so deep that it cannot realisticallybe
countered with existing weapons...."

So we have what is claimed to be a massive 30 Megaton Nuclear tipped torpedo that has unlimited range and is so fast and runs so deep we can't defeat it with existing weapons.
Riiiiiiiiight..

Here is what I think happened..the Russians screwed up a test of some old Nuke Tech they are trying to sell to the highest bidder (Iran).

Posted by: The Great White Scotsman at August 19, 2019 03:04 PM (JUOKG)

82 Plan:
Step 1: remove pantsStep 2: sit on toiletStep 3: take dump

Posted by: Ivan at August 19, 2019 03:04 PM (9rM5k)

83 >>>Serious question: how do the Russians get anybody to become a nuclear engineer?

They get an extra bread ration.

Posted by: Mark1971 at August 19, 2019 03:04 PM (xPl2J)

84 Just last month we were questioning the bizarre circumstances surrounding "14 Sailors Die on Secretive Russian Nuclear Submarine" And now a super duper nuclear mega torpedo may have exploded accidentally?

Posted by: locomotivebreath1901 at August 19, 2019 03:05 PM (4ceyg)

85 Serious question: how do the Russians get anybody to become a nuclear engineer?

You'd have to be out of your mind to either a Russian nuclear engineer or a Russian cosmonaut.

Posted by: Deplorable Jay Guevara at August 19, 2019 03:02 PM (NRi/V)

Free vodka. its a blessing and a curse to the program.

Posted by: Cannibal Bob at August 19, 2019 03:05 PM (gLmie)

86 14 Did they put a laser on top of the torpedo?
Posted by: Puddin Head at August 19, 2019 02:56 PM (2LelM)

Why do you think I knocked it off the sub?

Posted by: Cat at August 19, 2019 03:05 PM (U2JQS)

87
'Member when the Kursk went down, and Russia refused assistance from the West?

They did a press conference I watched, where the family's of the sailors were in attendance.

One of the mom's got up, irate and shouting, and demanding answers.

Cool as a cucumber, with a "super easy, barely an inconvenience" attitude, this big, brute Army nurse waded through the audience, injected this lady in the neck with *something* and hauled her unconscious butt out of there.

Posted by: Yudhishthira's Dice at August 19, 2019 03:05 PM (AzW6q)

88 Just last month we were questioning the bizarre circumstances surrounding "14 Sailors Die on Secretive Russian Nuclear Submarine" And now a super duper nuclear mega torpedo may have exploded accidentally?

Posted by: locomotivebreath1901 at August 19, 2019 03:05 PM (4ceyg)

Clearly a mystery wrapped in an enigma.

Posted by: DocJ at August 19, 2019 03:05 PM (77WPm)

89 "Cleanup needed in previous thread
HASH = gmo/4"

He has other non-trollish posts, and is not a newbie.

Posted by: Chris M at August 19, 2019 03:05 PM (eAZVt)

90 Didn't the Soviets dig the deepest hole on earth?

Posted by: Puddin Head at August 19, 2019 03:06 PM (2LelM)

91 78
My quesses? Russian Vodka, and Russian Pu**y.

russian putty very good. keep windows in long time.

Posted by: Anachronda at August 19, 2019 03:06 PM (sGtp+)

92 >>the only thing they were ever close to was blowing themselves up and glowing in the dark for 100 years

I always laugh when you hear about 'Russian Anti-Aircraft Weaponry' being sold to some 3rd world warlords.

I'm betting the Warranty lasts about 3 hours and the Extended Service Plans don't cover much.

Posted by: garrett at August 19, 2019 03:06 PM (LS29U)

93 Whoops. Sorry Ivan, I thought that was the toaster plug.

Posted by: Marcus T at August 19, 2019 03:06 PM (VpIIl)

94 This business will get out of control. It will get out of control and we'll be lucky to live through it!

I gotta watch Red October again one of these days soon..

Posted by: Chi-Town Jerry at August 19, 2019 03:06 PM (so+oy)

95 Accident my ass.

Posted by: rickb223

Word

Posted by: Epstein's corpse at August 19, 2019 03:06 PM (786Ro)

96 Ve finally, get peskinski moose and squirrel! - Russian Defense Ministry

Posted by: Archer at August 19, 2019 03:06 PM (gmo/4)

97 Russia claims that it will run so deep"

The Paolo, he is not impressed

Posted by: Anon a mouse at August 19, 2019 03:06 PM (6qErC)

98 90 Didn't the Soviets dig the deepest hole on earth?
Posted by: Puddin Head at August 19, 2019 03:06 PM (2LelM)

Yeah a borehole.

Posted by: Aetius451AD at August 19, 2019 03:06 PM (ycWCI)

99 Cool as a cucumber, with a "super easy, barely an
inconvenience" attitude, this big, brute Army nurse waded through the
audience, injected this lady in the neck with *something* and hauled her
unconscious butt out of there.

Posted by: Yudhishthira's Dice at August 19, 2019 03:05 PM (AzW6q)

And now she works for Hillary.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at August 19, 2019 03:06 PM (ptqGC)

100 I wonder if Putinsky has ever seen "Dr. Strangelove"? Does he see himself in the Slim Pickins role?

Posted by: Huck Follywood, dog hikest at August 19, 2019 03:07 PM (NVYyb)

101 3 Accident my ass.
Posted by: rickb223 at August 19, 2019 02:54 PM (3oX+R)

Actually, it probably WAS. They meant to test it, but like that cosmonaut that was burned to a crisp on re-entry, I am sure they did not intend to have their test known.

Posted by: Curmudgeon at August 19, 2019 03:07 PM (ujg0T)

102 My quesses? Russian Vodka, and Russian Pu**y.
Posted by: DocJ at August 19, 2019 03:04 PM (77WPm)
++++++++++++++
What is so special about Russian Putty?

Posted by: Joe Mannix (Not a cop!) at August 19, 2019 03:07 PM (I2dne)

103 I'm sure our Top. Men. at the CIA will get right on this.
Any minute now.

Posted by: DocJ at August 19, 2019 03:07 PM (77WPm)

104 I wonder if you could trigger the San Andreas fault into a BIG ONE with a torpedo like that!

Posted by: Chi-Town Jerry at August 19, 2019 03:07 PM (so+oy)

105 slightly off topic, I know it's not to 100 yet, but I just got a yahoo finance alert saying that twitter and facebook are blocking and removing accounts that are "posting false information about the protests in Hong Kong"...

gee, any wonder WHICH sites are "fake"...

Posted by: SturmToddler at August 19, 2019 03:07 PM (8D42x)

106 Okay, I have to admit.

That's a pretty great weapon. Especially. given that most of our big important major cites our located on the eastern or western seaboard.

No warning for that first strike capacity.

I hope we're building the same...only better, bigger, and more kickass.

Posted by: naturalfake at August 19, 2019 03:07 PM (mIQCW)

107 Trust me, all our weapons have fail safes. No, really. Stop laughing comrade.

Posted by: Marcus T at August 19, 2019 03:07 PM (VpIIl)

108
Water is incompressible, you know that, right? 30 times bigger means be further away...

Which, to me, sounds like a good reason to be thirty times further away. But then there is the also plausible reason to be so far away as to claim deniability of said torpedo. Kind of like those antifa cowards, swing a bike lock and then scurry into a crowd.

Posted by: Daisy Cutter at August 19, 2019 03:07 PM (sM+h7)

109 Once again, the Horde Hive Mind strikes and it's a marvel to behold.

Posted by: DocJ at August 19, 2019 03:08 PM (77WPm)

110 One theory, according to his analysis, is that Moscow was testing a "mega-torpedo" nearby, which is reportedly 30 times larger than submarine torpedoes considered "heavyweight."

One Ping only

Posted by: Sean Connery at August 19, 2019 03:08 PM (U2JQS)

111 [rub, rub, rub]

Do you like torpedoes, or p*ssBOOOOOM!

Posted by: Don Le Mon at August 19, 2019 03:08 PM (m4x2V)

112 90 Didn't the Soviets dig the deepest hole on earth?
Posted by: Puddin Head at August 19, 2019 03:06 PM (2LelM)

They needed someplace to put the previous nuclear superweapon.

Posted by: joncelli, because somebody had to at August 19, 2019 03:08 PM (RD7QR)

113 102 My quesses? Russian Vodka, and Russian Pu**y.
Posted by: DocJ at August 19, 2019 03:04 PM (77WPm)
++++++++++++++
What is so special about Russian Putty?
Posted by: Joe Mannix (Not a cop!)

I thought it was a Russian puppy

Posted by: Rick in SK at August 19, 2019 03:08 PM (FZYNt)

114 Serious question: how do the Russians get anybody to become a nuclear engineer?

Math tests. And what comes later is not multiple choice.

Posted by: t-bird at August 19, 2019 03:08 PM (gfQAD)

115 79 Between this and that other incident a few months back, I'm beginning to suspect something very, very bad has been going down. I'm talking "Oh shit, our design was crap, now we're on the brink of accidentally unleashing major disasters on the world".

Either that or they declared war on C'thulu. Which, y'know, Russia.

Posted by: Brother Cavil, I can has inquisition? at August 19, 2019 03:04 PM (AM1GF)

They wanted to conquer the Far Realm.

Posted by: Someguy at August 19, 2019 03:08 PM (yOykd)

116 The shower in the Russian Decontamination Chamber is just 15 Hookers.

Posted by: garrett at August 19, 2019 03:08 PM (LS29U)

117 Is "depth" really an insurmountable obstacle any more? Especially for an unmanned weapon. The ocean only goes down 7 miles.

Posted by: Chris M at August 19, 2019 03:08 PM (eAZVt)

118 104 I wonder if you could trigger the San Andreas fault into a BIG ONE with a torpedo like that!

Posted by: Chi-Town Jerry at August 19, 2019 03:07 PM (so+oy)

It moved.

Posted by: DocJ at August 19, 2019 03:08 PM (77WPm)

119 I'm sure our Top. Men. at the CIA will get right on this.
Any minute now.
Posted by: DocJ

...........

yeah, yeah, yeah.. we'll get to it as soon as we're done with this Popadopoulis guy.. priorities!

Posted by: Top CIA Men at August 19, 2019 03:08 PM (so+oy)

120 Two days later, Russia's state-controlled nuclear agency Rosatom acknowledged that the explosion occurred on an offshore platform during tests of a "nuclear isotope power source," and that it killed five nuclear engineers and injured three others.

That's not how this works. Not how any of this works!

Posted by: Actual engineers at August 19, 2019 03:09 PM (NVYyb)

121 The ocean only goes down 7 miles.
Posted by: Chris M

I go down all night hun

Posted by: Stormy Daniels at August 19, 2019 03:09 PM (FZYNt)

122 It gets even better - they shipped the casualties from the accident to a civilian hospital, not a military hospital, and failed to tell the civilian hospital that the casualties were heavily contaminated with radiation, resulting in the radioactive contamination of several of the medical staff.

The FSB (successor to the KGB) then swooped in, made all the medical staff involved (including the contaminated staff) sign non-disclosure agreements, with heavy penalties for disclosure. (This is known because other medical staff at the hospital were not required to sign the NDAs, and provided a summary of what happened.)

The spirit of Chernobyl lives, Comrades!

Posted by: Newspeak Dictionary at August 19, 2019 03:10 PM (I2/tG)

123 Russian Puthy?

Posted by: Mike Tyson at August 19, 2019 03:10 PM (ppBhU)

124 Gozira!

Posted by: Chi-Town Jerry at August 19, 2019 03:10 PM (so+oy)

125 Their doomsday weapon is a very large nuke, in a special container that can withstand immense pressure. You successfully set off a nuke under a thousand feet of water in the right spot off a coast and you get a gigantic tidal wave. Water doesn't compress so you wind up moving a ginormous amount of water very quickly. The deliver vehicle is a torpedo like. They can't get the sub to the right spot because warning systems, but they can deliver a torpedo there.

Posted by: Clancy Tom at August 19, 2019 03:10 PM (QFieV)

126 There's breaking news over at the Washington Post that this was a non-conventional nuclear weapons platform, the Ilaru, which upon being deployed induces paranoia and hallucinations among the followers of the targeted political campaign and renders the leader incapable of winning anything more than "Most Improved" at a county pet show.

Personally I'm skeptical but it would explain some things.

Posted by: Alcoholic Asshole Shut In at August 19, 2019 03:10 PM (CPk08)

127 Water is incompressible, you know that, right? 30 times bigger means be further away...
-------------------
Then how do we get the bubbles in our pop?

Posted by: Puddin Head at August 19, 2019 03:10 PM (2LelM)

128 Well, the Russians may have nuclear doomsday torpedoes and hypersonic missiles, but I'm sure we're second to none in pioneering the discovery of new genders and things to stick up our asses. USA USA!!

Posted by: BunnyFooFoo at August 19, 2019 03:10 PM (Z0/+C)

129 Thanks Jane. Hope all is well on the coast.

Posted by: weirdflunky at August 19, 2019 03:10 PM (iqX2J)

130 90 Didn't the Soviets dig the deepest hole on earth?
Posted by: Puddin Head at August 19, 2019 03:06 PM (2LelM)

Yeah, but did they MEAN to create the deepest hole on earth?

Posted by: Deplorable Jay Guevara at August 19, 2019 03:10 PM (NRi/V)

131 >I thought it was a Russian puppy

Posted by: Rick in SK at August 19, 2019 03:08 PM (FZYNt)

I love puppys. Grilled.

Posted by: Barack Obama at August 19, 2019 03:10 PM (sjdRT)

132 I remember reading reports from people helping to decommission the Soviet nukes when the Berlin Wall fell. Like "half of them weren't even operable, the ones that were, maybe a third might have actually launched"

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at August 19, 2019 03:10 PM (KZzsI)

133 117 Is "depth" really an insurmountable obstacle any more? Especially for an unmanned weapon. The ocean only goes down 7 miles.
Posted by: Chris M at August 19, 2019 03:08 PM (eAZVt)

Given every 30 odd feet is another atmosphere of pressure, that might not even register on the surface if that far down?

Posted by: Curmudgeon at August 19, 2019 03:10 PM (ujg0T)

134 Harrison Ford in Widowmaker II.

It's 30x better.

Posted by: TexasDan at August 19, 2019 03:10 PM (yL25O)

135 90
Didn't the Soviets dig the deepest hole on earth?

Posted by: Puddin Head at August 19, 2019 03:06 PM (2LelM)

yep. they stopped just short of New Zealand.

Posted by: Cannibal Bob at August 19, 2019 03:10 PM (gLmie)

136 wait, we aren't allowed to say pussy here anymore?

Posted by: Rick in SK at August 19, 2019 03:10 PM (FZYNt)

137 6 Idk, our torpedoes are pretty big.

Go on...

Posted by: Shep Smith at August 19, 2019 03:11 PM (Vy7tf)

138 Yeah, I don't think it's hard to conceive that after the past few incidents, the Russians are trying to find the perfect first strike weapon. One where they could extort the West into some type of debilitating action.

Posted by: Marcus T at August 19, 2019 03:11 PM (VpIIl)

139 >>wait, we aren't allowed to say pussy here anymore?

Nope.

Gotta use Snizz.

Posted by: garrett at August 19, 2019 03:11 PM (LS29U)

140 John Brennan says this is nothing to worry about, "Our friends in the Chinese government assure me this is way overblown"

Heh.

Posted by: Huck Follywood, dog hikest at August 19, 2019 03:11 PM (NVYyb)

141 117 Is "depth" really an insurmountable obstacle any more? Especially for an unmanned weapon. The ocean only goes down 7 miles.

Posted by: Chris M at August 19, 2019 03:08 PM (eAZVt)

Pressure at 7-miles down is approx. 1000 atm so yeah, that's an obstacle.

Posted by: DocJ at August 19, 2019 03:11 PM (77WPm)

142
H.I. Sutton, a contributor to Forbes

When H.I. Sutton talks, people listen

Posted by: TheQuietMan at August 19, 2019 03:12 PM (mpeBU)

143 Run silent, run deep, kill engineers.

Posted by: mrp at August 19, 2019 03:12 PM (Pqytn)

144 I was assured during the 2012 debate that Russia was only a threat in the 1980s.

What's up with that?

Posted by: Lurking Lurker - Not In My Purview at August 19, 2019 03:12 PM (FiUMj)

145
it killed five nuclear engineers and injured three others.

Serious question: how do the Russians get anybody to become a nuclear engineer?

You'd have to be out of your mind to either a Russian nuclear engineer or a Russian cosmonaut.
Posted by: Deplorable Jay Guevara

======

I was just about to ask that.

The Russkies reported some deaths, and then without clarifying whether it was repeating or expanding, reported deaths (again). So that could have been even more deaths, like ten engineers dying.

That seems like a lot of nuclear engineers to lose at one go.

Posted by: Blonde Morticia at August 19, 2019 03:12 PM (dstcr)

146 I wonder if the Russian "fail deadly" system is still in place. The idea of such a system (and I am sure we had or have one, too) gives me the willies.

Basic concept: the opposite of a deadman switch. If it receives no inputs for some amount of time, it assumes the system has failed. If the system has failed, it is because they were the victim of a first strike. Since they were the victim of a first strike, retaliation is required. Since retaliation is required and the system is down, just automatically launch everything.

Posted by: Joe Mannix (Not a cop!) at August 19, 2019 03:12 PM (I2dne)

147 84 Just last month we were questioning the bizarre circumstances surrounding "14 Sailors Die on Secretive Russian Nuclear Submarine" And now a super duper nuclear mega torpedo may have exploded accidentally?
Posted by: locomotivebreath1901 at August 19, 2019 03:05 PM (4ceyg)

We are so lucky that the Corporate Press is spending so much time investigating these incidents and telling the public all of the details about it.

Oh, wait................

Posted by: LeftCoast Dawg at August 19, 2019 03:12 PM (sy5kK)

148 wait, we aren't allowed to say pussy here anymore?

We are. You're not. Suck it up, buttercup.

Posted by: Bandersnatch, fish brag pics welcome at e-mail in nic at August 19, 2019 03:13 PM (fuK7c)

149 144 I was assured during the 2012 debate that Russia was only a threat in the 1980s.

followed by lots of laughter and ridicule or Romney

but to be fair he was a douche anyway

Posted by: Rick in SK at August 19, 2019 03:13 PM (FZYNt)

150 145
it killed five nuclear engineers and injured three others.

Serious question: how do the Russians get anybody to become a nuclear engineer?

You'd have to be out of your mind to either a Russian nuclear engineer or a Russian cosmonaut.
Posted by: Deplorable Jay Guevara
...

It could be worse.

Posted by: Iranian Nuclear Scientists at August 19, 2019 03:13 PM (yL25O)

151 There's breaking news over at the Washington Post that this was a non-conventional nuclear weapons platform, the Ilaru

It could work. The CIA might not even notice construction of the Ilaru II platform offshore from DC until some youtuber points it out to them. "Nah, that's just an oil well"

Posted by: t-bird at August 19, 2019 03:13 PM (++ggZ)

152 Their doomsday weapon is a very large nuke, in a
special container that can withstand immense pressure. You
successfully set off a nuke under a thousand feet of water in the right
spot off a coast and you get a gigantic tidal wave. Water doesn't
compress so you wind up moving a ginormous amount of water very
quickly. The deliver vehicle is a torpedo like. They can't get the
sub to the right spot because warning systems, but they can deliver a
torpedo there.

Posted by: Clancy Tom at August 19, 2019 03:10 PM (QFieV)

==================
Yeah, maybe initiate a big continental shelf mudslide or something. Africa hardest hit.

Posted by: mrp at August 19, 2019 03:14 PM (Pqytn)

153 Isn't it time for Bernie and his wife to pay a visit to Russia for old time's sake?

Posted by: Jane D'oh at August 19, 2019 03:14 PM (ptqGC)

154 You arrogant ass, you nuked *us*!

Posted by: Andrei Bonovia at August 19, 2019 03:14 PM (t8hbk)

155 Torpedoes are the most phallic of all the weapons. Can't believe the SJW's haven't banned them yet.

Posted by: sniffybigtoe at August 19, 2019 03:14 PM (xfb67)

156 The current US submarine launched torpedo is the Mk 48 CBASS (Common Broadband Advanced Sonar System).

Someone has a sense of humor.
Posted by: sniffybigtoe at August 19, 2019 03:01 PM

Are they ill-tempered?

Posted by: RedMindBlueState at August 19, 2019 03:14 PM (ejd/p)

157 Orangemanbad was surely responsible but how?

Posted by: N.L. Urker. I will urk until I can't urk anymore. at August 19, 2019 03:14 PM (II6Oo)

158 Imagine a tidal wave big enough to cross the Florida Peninsula or hot the East Coast with such force it went to the Ohio Valley.
Then imagine a bunch of Russians sitting around all day figuring out how to do that.

Posted by: Marcus T at August 19, 2019 03:14 PM (VpIIl)

159 Are they ill-tempered?
Posted by: RedMindBlueState at August 19, 2019 03:14 PM (ejd/p)
++++++++++
Very.

Posted by: Number Two at August 19, 2019 03:14 PM (I2dne)

160 131
>I thought it was a Russian puppy

Posted by: Rick in SK at August 19, 2019 03:08 PM (FZYNt)

I love puppys. Grilled.

how about the traditional holiday turpuppen?

Posted by: Anachronda at August 19, 2019 03:15 PM (sGtp+)

161
We are so lucky that the Corporate Press is spending so much time investigating these incidents and telling the public all of the details about it.

They might look into it if there were some sort of LGBTQRZ angle.

Posted by: Bertram Cabot, Jr. at August 19, 2019 03:15 PM (aKsyK)

162 You'd have to be out of your mind to either a Russian nuclear engineer or a Russian cosmonaut.

Pay is probably really good, nice for the family that survives you.

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at August 19, 2019 03:15 PM (KZzsI)

163 Then imagine a bunch of Russians sitting around all day figuring out how to do that.

Posted by: Marcus T at August 19, 2019 03:14 PM (VpIIl)

You see comrades, we all saw that movie, right? All we need is a gigantic asteroid...

Posted by: DocJ at August 19, 2019 03:15 PM (77WPm)

164 The current US submarine launched torpedo is the Mk 48 CBASS (Common Broadband Advanced Sonar System).

Someone has a sense of humor.

Watch your ass, we got a CBASS.

Posted by: bonhomme at August 19, 2019 03:16 PM (9t0Zz)

165
I was assured during the 2012 debate that Russia was only a threat in the 1980s.

Yeah, and Romney sat there and took it. Because he's not some gauche creature like OrangeManBad.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at August 19, 2019 03:16 PM (ptqGC)

166 163 Then imagine a bunch of Russians sitting around all day figuring out how to do that.

Posted by: Marcus T at August 19, 2019 03:14 PM (VpIIl)

You see comrades, we all saw that movie, right? All we need is a gigantic asteroid...
Posted by: DocJ at August 19, 2019 03:15 PM (77WPm)

Da. Pass the vodka, comrade.

Posted by: Roy at August 19, 2019 03:16 PM (DDeWs)

167 If I were Russia, outsourcing weapons testing is starting to look pretty good.

Posted by: t-bird at August 19, 2019 03:16 PM (++ggZ)

168 We can't have AR-15s but the Russians can have nuclear powered torpedoes?

Posted by: sniffybigtoe at August 19, 2019 03:16 PM (xfb67)

169 The current US submarine launched torpedo is the Mk 48 CBASS (Common Broadband Advanced Sonar System).

But is it ill-tempered?

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at August 19, 2019 03:16 PM (KZzsI)

170 Orangemanbad was surely responsible but how?

Posted by: N.L. Urker. I will urk until I can't urk anymore. at August 19, 2019 03:14 PM (II6Oo)

Working on that angle right now.- This, is CNN.

Posted by: DocJ at August 19, 2019 03:16 PM (77WPm)

171 162
You'd have to be out of your mind to either a Russian nuclear engineer or a Russian cosmonaut.

Pay is probably really good, nice for the family that survives you.

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at August 19, 2019 03:15 PM (KZzsI)
Plus benefit for family is that family survive you! If you behave.
Not that I would know.

Posted by: Vladimir Ilych at August 19, 2019 03:16 PM (CPk08)

172 toiletStep 3: take dump

Step 4: seal off broken terlit Step 5: blame Yankees for the stinky Step 6: evacuate whole building

Step 7: NOTHING HAPPENED IN THERE

Posted by: Boulder t'hobo at August 19, 2019 03:17 PM (/DuNp)

173 >>Pay is probably really good, nice for the family that survives you.

Da. They get 3 Beets.

Posted by: garrett at August 19, 2019 03:17 PM (LS29U)

174 I was assured during the 2012 debate that Russia was only a threat in the 1980s.

Yeah, and Romney sat there and took it. Because he's not some gauche creature like OrangeManBad.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at August 19, 2019 03:16 PM (ptqGC)

___

Losing with dignity is superior to winning as a brute, dear madam.

Posted by: Lurking Lurker - Not In My Purview at August 19, 2019 03:17 PM (FiUMj)

175
Posted by: Clancy Tom at August 19, 2019 03:10 PM (QFieV)

=====

That does sound awesome and scary. I assume it would be applied to things like naval stations, major ports, critical infrastructure located on a coast.

Posted by: Blonde Morticia at August 19, 2019 03:17 PM (dstcr)

176 You see comrades, we all saw that movie, right? All we need is a gigantic asteroid...

And Leelee Sobieski on a motorcycle

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at August 19, 2019 03:17 PM (KZzsI)

177 Commie engineer: Look, we need to test the safety on the Peoples Nuclear Powered Cruise Missile. We don't want this to blow up the sub carrying it.
Commie zampolit: Wise, comrade. Suggestions?
Commie engineer: Second shift is due in an hour. Lets see... assuming the car will start..pick up the mistress..call the family...how about in three hours?
Commie zampolit: I will notify the airfield that I will need to attend a meeting in Omsk immediately. Yes, three hours.

Posted by: Headless Body of Agnew at August 19, 2019 03:17 PM (e1mEI)

178 118 104 I wonder if you could trigger the San Andreas fault into a BIG ONE with a torpedo like that!

---
Cut, jib, newsletter.

Posted by: Lex Luthor at August 19, 2019 03:17 PM (t8hbk)

179 This is why I laugh when the ChiComs say they are going to militarize atolls in the Pacific.

Posted by: Marcus T at August 19, 2019 03:18 PM (VpIIl)

180 I tawt I saw a Russian Puddy!

Posted by: Tw**ty at August 19, 2019 03:18 PM (XuBZu)

181 That does sound awesome and scary. I assume it would be applied to things like naval stations, major ports, critical infrastructure located on a coast.
Posted by: Blonde Morticia

A weapon like that is deployed against regions, not single targets. It's a pretty credible theory if you ask me.

Posted by: Brother Cavil, I can has inquisition? at August 19, 2019 03:19 PM (AM1GF)

182 One theory, according to his analysis, is that Moscow was testing a
"mega-torpedo" nearby, which is reportedly 30 times larger than
submarine torpedoes considered "heavyweight."

________

Not to worry -- we can always launch Michael Moore at them, so we've got that going for us ...

Posted by: ShainS -- in registry of disreputable federal law-abiding commenters at August 19, 2019 03:19 PM (eyk1N)

183 It would seem that a first strike on a coastal site is not going to do anything at all to prevent the second wave obliteration. Is this really the way you wanna play it, Ivan?

Posted by: Mr. Peebles at August 19, 2019 03:19 PM (oVJmc)

184 Any man says "pussy", gets a night in the box.

Posted by: Carr at August 19, 2019 03:19 PM (88+cf)

185 thought it was a Russian puppy

Da...schund

Posted by: N.L. Urker. I will urk until I can't urk anymore. at August 19, 2019 03:19 PM (II6Oo)

186 This is why I laugh when the ChiComs say they are going to militarize atolls in the Pacific.

Posted by: Marcus T at August 19, 2019 03:18 PM (VpIIl)

Fools! Don't they know they're all going to be under 10-feet of water in (checks latest propaganda checklist) like 3-weeks?!?!?!?!
- AOC

Posted by: DocJ at August 19, 2019 03:19 PM (77WPm)

187 Russians put their emphasis on reliability because their tech sucks. We put ours on safety and fallback.
It's two different mindsets.

Posted by: Marcus T at August 19, 2019 03:19 PM (VpIIl)

188 You'd have to be out of your mind to either a Russian nuclear engineer or a Russian cosmonaut.

Posted by: Deplorable Jay Guevara

...

It could be worse.

Posted by: Iranian Nuclear Scientists

pffffft.

Posted by: North Korean Nuclear Scientists, writing with prehensile tail at August 19, 2019 03:19 PM (T6t7i)

189 158 Imagine a tidal wave big enough to cross the Florida Peninsula or hot the East Coast with such force it went to the Ohio Valley.
Then imagine a bunch of Russians sitting around all day figuring out how to do that.
Posted by: Marcus T at August 19, 2019 03:14 PM (VpIIl)

And they may even escape retaliation since it would probably be blamed on climate change.

Posted by: Biggs Darklighter at August 19, 2019 03:20 PM (N4xQB)

190 We need to declare the coasts a torpedo free zone!!!1!!!1

Posted by: Nick in Tallahassee at August 19, 2019 03:20 PM (wGbBR)

191 This is why I laugh when the ChiComs say they are going to militarize atolls in the Pacific.

Built by corrupt businessmen using cardboard and a thin layer of cement over trash.

No, seriously, part of a bridge in China fell to pieces because they'd actually done that. The collapsed section was revealed to be concrete poured around a center of literal trash, like landfill.

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at August 19, 2019 03:20 PM (KZzsI)

192 So for the underwater nuke scene in Pacific Rim, we're saying they forgot to think about the tidal wave doing more damage to the coast than the Kaiju they were trying to kill?

Posted by: TexasDan at August 19, 2019 03:20 PM (yL25O)

193 Not to worry -- we can always launch Michael Moore at them, so we've got that going for us ...

Posted by: ShainS -- in registry of disreputable federal law-abiding commenters at August 19, 2019 03:19 PM (eyk1N)
That's pretty much a doomsday scenario. Accelerating that much mass would distort the earth's crust and send everyone spiralling into the sun.

Posted by: NASA at August 19, 2019 03:21 PM (CPk08)

194 191 This is why I laugh when the ChiComs say they are going to militarize atolls in the Pacific.

Built by corrupt businessmen using cardboard and a thin layer of cement over trash.

No, seriously, part of a bridge in China fell to pieces because they'd actually done that. The collapsed section was revealed to be concrete poured around a center of literal trash, like landfill.
Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at August 19, 2019 03:20 PM (KZzsI)

....

Shopping mall with a pool on top in South Korea.

Posted by: TexasDan at August 19, 2019 03:21 PM (yL25O)

195 And they may even escape retaliation since it would probably be blamed on climate change.
Posted by: Biggs Darklighter at August 19, 2019 03:20 PM (N4xQB)

Aren't irritable Muslims already blamed on climate?

Posted by: N.L. Urker. I will urk until I can't urk anymore. at August 19, 2019 03:21 PM (II6Oo)

196 >>Built by corrupt businessmen using cardboard and a thin layer of cement over trash.

Melamine!

Posted by: garrett at August 19, 2019 03:22 PM (LS29U)

197 The only reason to worry about Russia is their ability to ensure suffering - what's a few dozen engineers here or there?

Posted by: rammajamma at August 19, 2019 03:22 PM (PQRcz)

198 Oops

Posted by: Skip at August 19, 2019 03:22 PM (BbGew)

199 That's pretty much a doomsday scenario. Accelerating that much mass would distort the earth's crust and send everyone spiralling into the sun.

But on the bright side: no more Michael Moore

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at August 19, 2019 03:22 PM (KZzsI)

200 197 endure, not ensure, geez

Posted by: rammajamma at August 19, 2019 03:22 PM (PQRcz)

201 If I were Russia, outsourcing weapons testing is starting to look pretty good.

Hey Kim! We'll give you $100 and a chicken. Try this.

Posted by: Bandersnatch, fish brag pics welcome at e-mail in nic at August 19, 2019 03:22 PM (fuK7c)

202 How 'bout "puthy"? We can thay "puthy," wight?

Posted by: M. Tyson at August 19, 2019 03:22 PM (XuBZu)

203 192 So for the underwater nuke scene in Pacific Rim, we're saying they forgot to think about the tidal wave doing more damage to the coast than the Kaiju they were trying to kill?
Posted by: TexasDan at August 19, 2019 03:20 PM (yL25O)

No, no, no. They sent the nuke inside the interdimensional portal. So it's totes safe for us over here. It's science and shit.

Posted by: joe, living dangerously at August 19, 2019 03:22 PM (OJXf7)

204 But on the bright side: no more Michael Moore

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at August 19, 2019 03:22 PM (KZzsI)
I'll go fuel the rockets....

Posted by: NASA at August 19, 2019 03:23 PM (CPk08)

205 any woman that says pussy gets a night in my box

*hic*

Posted by: Hillary! at August 19, 2019 03:23 PM (FZYNt)

206 So for the underwater nuke scene in Pacific Rim, we're saying they forgot to think about the tidal wave doing more damage to the coast than the Kaiju they were trying to kill?
Posted by: TexasDan at August 19, 2019 03:20 PM (yL25O)

I read somewhere (maybe an old ONT link) that a nuke exploded at the bottom of the Marianas Trench might not be noticed because the pressure at that depth would mitigate the explosive pressure.

Posted by: DR.WTF at August 19, 2019 03:23 PM (aS1PU)

207 The Daily Beast@thedailybeast
Kellyanne Conway falsely claims antifa is short for "anti-First Amendment"

-
Lying bitch!

Posted by: Anonosaurus Wrecks, Tyrannosaur Wrangler at August 19, 2019 03:23 PM (+y/Ru)

208 178 118 104 I wonder if you could trigger the San Andreas fault into a BIG ONE with a torpedo like that!

---
Cut, jib, newsletter.
Posted by: Lex Luthor at August 19, 2019 03:17 PM (t8hbk)

...

He was set to attack HACKENSACK, NJ, iirc. And I do.

Posted by: TexasDan at August 19, 2019 03:23 PM (yL25O)

209 The Japanese will be scoooping up the Whales if Russia ever triggers a Ocean Nuke.

Posted by: garrett at August 19, 2019 03:23 PM (LS29U)

210 Since we're in the OT zone by now, Willowed comment from last thread:

Photo of the guy who sold the little girls to Epstein.

https://tinyurl.com/yyt526pl

The child catcher from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang is REAL!?!

Posted by: bonhomme at August 19, 2019 03:23 PM (9t0Zz)

211 What the Russians don't know is that we are well on our way to banning plastic straws.

I'm not sure how this combats against nuclear torpedoes, but the left assures me it is a top priority.

Posted by: SH at August 19, 2019 03:24 PM (sX1BW)

212 Scorched, swimming polar bear: "The Rooshians sank my ice floe!"

Posted by: mrp at August 19, 2019 03:24 PM (Pqytn)

213 If anyone has time or inclination, here's a 1958 documentary from AT&T on their development of broadband undersea cables and repeaters for their next-generation intercontinental telephone network.

https://youtu.be/QVRL4UcT1sQ

Bell Labs must have been one crazy place to work.

Posted by: Joe Mannix (Not a cop!) at August 19, 2019 03:24 PM (I2dne)

214 The Russians had a torpedo that could go 3,000 mph under water. That sounds impossible, but it's something about cavitation and creating a bubble to pass through.

Posted by: Bandersnatch

The VA-111 Shkval super cavitating torpedo runs at 200 knots. (230 mph)

Long way from 2,606.92873 knots.

Posted by: rickb223 at August 19, 2019 03:24 PM (3oX+R)

215 190 We need to declare the coasts a torpedo free zone!!!1!!!1
Posted by: Nick in Tallahassee at August 19, 2019 03:20 PM (wGbBR)

And put up signs, nothing bad ever happens in places protected by signs.

Posted by: Cato, Collectivism Delenda Est at August 19, 2019 03:24 PM (J+mig)

216 He was set to attack HACKENSACK, NJ, iirc. And I do.

Posted by: TexasDan at August 19, 2019 03:23 PM (yL25O)

I was sitting in a movie theater in Paramus, NJ when I first heard that line. The entire audience in the packed theater stood and applauded.

Posted by: DocJ at August 19, 2019 03:24 PM (77WPm)

217 Imagine a tidal wave big enough to cross the Florida Peninsula or hot the East Coast with such force it went to the Ohio Valley.
Then imagine a bunch of Russians sitting around all day figuring out how to do that.
=======
Yup.

Posted by: Clancy Tom at August 19, 2019 03:25 PM (qDqBl)

218 But on the bright side: no more Michael Moore

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at August 19, 2019 03:22 PM (KZzsI)
I'll go fuel the rockets....
Posted by: NASA at August 19, 2019 03:23 PM (CPk0

But if his funk got washed off into the ocean it could kill all life in the sea.

Posted by: N.L. Urker. I will urk until I can't urk anymore. at August 19, 2019 03:25 PM (II6Oo)

219 Not to worry -- we can always launch Michael Moore at them, so we've got that going for us ...
Posted by: ShainS
...........

Well.. we're still working on a propulsion system powerful enough to launch that much weight..

Posted by: Chi-Town Jerry at August 19, 2019 03:25 PM (so+oy)

220 Oh, shit , they're trying to disrupt the North Atlantic current!

Posted by: Ben Had at August 19, 2019 03:25 PM (cZUj+)

221 The collapsed section was revealed to be concrete poured around a center of literal trash, like landfill.
What a perfect metaphor for the Chinese economy.

There's a reason rich Chinese are exfiltrating money from China and investing in properties in the US and Canada.

Posted by: bonhomme at August 19, 2019 03:26 PM (9t0Zz)

222 The Russians had a torpedo that could go 3,000 mph under water. That sounds impossible, but it's something about cavitation and creating a bubble to pass through.

Posted by: Bandersnatch

The VA-111 Shkval super cavitating torpedo runs at 200 knots. (230 mph)

Long way from 2,606.92873 knots.
=======
He had the spirit of the thing correct, not the maths. So typical moron.

Posted by: Clancy Tom at August 19, 2019 03:26 PM (qDqBl)

223 Happy Birthday weirdflunky !

Posted by: JT at August 19, 2019 03:26 PM (arJlL)

224 Long way from 2,606.92873 knots.

You used a calculator, you didn't do that in your head.

Posted by: Bandersnatch, fish brag pics welcome at e-mail in nic at August 19, 2019 03:26 PM (fuK7c)

225 211 What the Russians don't know is that we are well on our way to banning plastic straws.

I'm not sure how this combats against nuclear torpedoes, but the left assures me it is a top priority.
Posted by: SH at August 19, 2019 03:24 PM (sX1BW)

==========

Hobbling our energy production while Russia benefits from increased energy prices...

Wait a second...

Who's a Russian stooge?

Posted by: TheJamesMadison, The Black Mamba at August 19, 2019 03:26 PM (iikV8)

226 No, seriously, part of a bridge in China fell to pieces because they'd actually done that. The collapsed section was revealed to be concrete poured around a center of literal trash, like landfill.
Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at August 19, 2019 03:20 PM (KZzsI)

They also shoot corrupt QA inspectors, so ... 50 - 50.

Posted by: Adriane the Uncorrupted QA Inspector Comrade Critic ... at August 19, 2019 03:27 PM (LPnfS)

227 The VA-111 Shkval super cavitating torpedo runs at 200 knots. (230 mph)

Long way from 2,606.92873 knots.

Posted by: rickb223

And ultra quiet. NOT!

Posted by: pep at August 19, 2019 03:27 PM (T6t7i)

228 So for the underwater nuke scene in Pacific Rim, we're saying they forgot to think about the tidal wave doing more damage to the coast than the Kaiju they were trying to kill?

Posted by: TexasDan at August 19, 2019 03:20 PM (yL25O)

Tidal wave vs. extinction-level event. Tidal wave = lesser evil.

Posted by: Cato, Collectivism Delenda Est at August 19, 2019 03:27 PM (J+mig)

229 There's a reason rich Chinese are exfiltrating money from China and investing in properties in the US and Canada.

Posted by: bonhomme at August 19, 2019 03:26 PM (9t0Zz)

China is going to become terrifyingly horrible once it goes pear-shaped.

Posted by: DocJ at August 19, 2019 03:27 PM (77WPm)

230 Dropping Michael Moore from 20 miles above a ocean would create a title wave

Posted by: Skip at August 19, 2019 03:27 PM (BbGew)

231 I read somewhere (maybe an old ONT link) that a nuke
exploded at the bottom of the Marianas Trench might not be noticed
because the pressure at that depth would mitigate the explosive
pressure.

Posted by: DR.WTF at August 19, 2019 03:23 PM (aS1PU)
Well, no: it would create a pressure wave for sure. But 7 miles of water is a LOT of water , so the effect on the surface (except for the heat and steam plume) would be considerably less than the effect 7 miles from ground zeto of an airburst.
https://what-if.xkcd.com/15/

Posted by: Alcoholic Asshole Shut In at August 19, 2019 03:28 PM (CPk08)

232 229 There's a reason rich Chinese are exfiltrating money from China and investing in properties in the US and Canada.

Posted by: bonhomme at August 19, 2019 03:26 PM (9t0Zz)

China is going to become terrifyingly horrible once it goes pear-shaped.
Posted by: DocJ at August 19, 2019 03:27 PM (77WPm)

=========

"It can get worse?!"
-1 billion Chinese peasants in the countryside

Posted by: TheJamesMadison, The Black Mamba at August 19, 2019 03:28 PM (iikV8)

233 206 So for the underwater nuke scene in Pacific Rim, we're saying they forgot to think about the tidal wave doing more damage to the coast than the Kaiju they were trying to kill?
Posted by: TexasDan at August 19, 2019 03:20 PM (yL25O)

I read somewhere (maybe an old ONT link) that a nuke exploded at the bottom of the Marianas Trench might not be noticed because the pressure at that depth would mitigate the explosive pressure.
Posted by: DR.WTF at August 19, 2019 03:23 PM (aS1PU)

...

I'm an internet expert, so stay with me here:

Water, incompressible, so the entire force of the explosion, or nearly so (water isn't *actually* incompressible) gets used in lifting up a cone-shaped chunk of water whose base is a circle with a radius equal to the depth of the charge.

So if you're 36,000 feet deep, the base is...a really big number and the volume of that cone is dear God that's a big number.

Moving that much water a significant distance (to propagate a tidal wave) probably takes even more energy than we can produce with nukes.

Posted by: TexasDan at August 19, 2019 03:28 PM (yL25O)

234 >>China is going to become terrifyingly horrible once it goes pear-shaped.

It'll be a tough time to be a Panda.

Posted by: garrett at August 19, 2019 03:28 PM (LS29U)

235 Obama assured us stupids that worry about Russia was silly 1980's foreign policy

It was a sick burn and so true, clapped the seals.

Posted by: RoyalOil, Vicroy Canadian Territories at August 19, 2019 03:28 PM (OKJic)

236 I wonder if the Russians have bagged H-HE fusion and have gone on to work on the Bethe CNO fusion.

It would fit with the mindset, especially if they though it was a workaround to the problems with "standard" fusion.

Posted by: Kindltot at August 19, 2019 03:28 PM (q2o38)

237 Dropping Michael Moore from 20 miles above a ocean would create a title wave
Posted by: Skip at August 19, 2019 03:27 PM (BbGew)

Blob from god.

Posted by: DR.WTF at August 19, 2019 03:28 PM (aS1PU)

238
The Japanese will be scoooping up the Whales if Russia ever triggers a Ocean Nuke.
Posted by: garrett

======

And as for us . . . Sharknado.

Posted by: Blonde Morticia at August 19, 2019 03:28 PM (dstcr)

239 You used a calculator, you didn't do that in your head.
Posted by: Bandersnatch

My brain has never worked that good on it's best day.

Posted by: rickb223 at August 19, 2019 03:28 PM (3oX+R)

240 They also shoot corrupt QA inspectors, so ... 50 - 50.
Posted by: Adriane the Uncorrupted QA Inspector Comrade Critic ... at August 19, 2019 03:27 PM (LPnfS)

I imagine the managers at that company ended up in "reeducation" rather quickly, and are probably still digging latrines in lower Mongolia.

Posted by: Cato, Collectivism Delenda Est at August 19, 2019 03:28 PM (J+mig)

241 Dropping Michael Moore from 20 miles above a ocean would create a title wave

Posted by: Skip at August 19, 2019 03:27 PM (BbGew)

I'd get excited about that, but am uncertain about an heavier-than-air craft that could get him up to that altitude.

Posted by: DocJ at August 19, 2019 03:28 PM (77WPm)

242 Antifa just protectin' those cities.

Posted by: Max Power at August 19, 2019 03:29 PM (q177U)

243 I know I get a lot of appreciation, but really guys, it's kind of triggering.

Posted by: The Lesser Weevil at August 19, 2019 03:29 PM (XuBZu)

244 I read an interesting article that said the energy release in the Boxing Day tsunami was on the order of 480 Mtons, or about 10 tsar bombas. I'm not sure exactly how you'd detonate that many nukes in parallel in a small area, especially considering... Russians.

I did not check the math.

Posted by: pep at August 19, 2019 03:29 PM (T6t7i)

245 The Seawolf class subs have torpedo tubes for much bigger torpedoes. Unfortunately, nobody ever developed or made them.

Posted by: JAS at August 19, 2019 03:29 PM (I5SAg)

246
Obama assured us stupids that worry about Russia was silly 1980's foreign policy

It was a sick burn and so true, clapped the seals.
Posted by: RoyalOil, Vicroy Canadian Territories

======

"The eighties called, they want their foreign policeh back!"

"The sixties called, they want their hallucinations back."

Posted by: Blonde Morticia at August 19, 2019 03:30 PM (dstcr)

247 "We need to declare the coasts a torpedo free zone!!!1!!!1 "

How about the outsides of our ships, as well?

Posted by: Village Idiot's Apprentice at August 19, 2019 03:30 PM (cqNba)

248 Dropping Michael Moore from 20 miles above a ocean would create a title wave

Posted by: Skip at August 19, 2019 03:27 PM (BbGew)

I'd get excited about that, but am uncertain about an heavier-than-air craft that could get him up to that altitude.

-------------

We choose to do these things, not because they are easy, but because they are hard.

Posted by: SH at August 19, 2019 03:30 PM (sX1BW)

249 Well, it's already horrifying for the Chinese.
Not so much for the rest of us. Yet.

Posted by: DocJ at August 19, 2019 03:30 PM (77WPm)

250 Posted by: The Lesser Weevil at August 19, 2019 03:29 PM (XuBZu)

I watched that movie this weekend. Good movie.

Posted by: DR.WTF at August 19, 2019 03:30 PM (aS1PU)

251 206 So for the underwater nuke scene in Pacific Rim, we're saying they forgot to think about the tidal wave doing more damage to the coast than the Kaiju they were trying to kill?
Posted by: TexasDan at August 19, 2019 03:20 PM (yL25O)

I read somewhere (maybe an old ONT link) that a nuke exploded at the bottom of the Marianas Trench might not be noticed because the pressure at that depth would mitigate the explosive pressure.
Posted by: DR.WTF at August 19, 2019 03:23 PM (aS1PU)

Exactly. I think the Frogs were still testing nukes deep underwater off Tahiti until recently with no visible surface effects.

Posted by: Curmudgeon at August 19, 2019 03:30 PM (ujg0T)

252 Oh good, more things to kill us. Thanks, democrats.

Posted by: BeckoningChasm at August 19, 2019 03:30 PM (19g6/)

253 216 He was set to attack HACKENSACK, NJ, iirc. And I do.

Posted by: TexasDan at August 19, 2019 03:23 PM (yL25O)

I was sitting in a movie theater in Paramus, NJ when I first heard that line. The entire audience in the packed theater stood and applauded.
Posted by: DocJ at August 19, 2019 03:24 PM (77WPm)

...

Fistbump--i watched it in Ridgewood, NJ.

Posted by: TexasDan at August 19, 2019 03:31 PM (yL25O)

254
off old smelly sock

Posted by: fixerupper at August 19, 2019 03:31 PM (8XRCm)

255 So, it looks like Planned Parenthood has done it and refused Title X funds.

I do wonder how much of a hole this will blow in their budget.

It'd be great if they get hurt so much by this that they end up reversing course, dropping abortion altogether, and then begging for the money back.

Posted by: TheJamesMadison, The Black Mamba at August 19, 2019 03:31 PM (iikV8)

256 245 The Seawolf class subs have torpedo tubes for much bigger torpedoes. Unfortunately, nobody ever developed or made them.

Posted by: JAS at August 19, 2019 03:29 PM (I5SAg)

Ah, the Seawolf. What a POS. So much promise, so much the Navy not having a fucking clue what they really wanted to follow-on the 688 Los Angeles class.

Posted by: DocJ at August 19, 2019 03:31 PM (77WPm)

257 84
Just last month we were questioning the bizarre circumstances
surrounding "14 Sailors Die on Secretive Russian Nuclear Submarine" And
now a super duper nuclear mega torpedo may have exploded accidentally?

Posted by: locomotivebreath1901 at August 19, 2019 03:05 PM (4ceyg)

Imagine when the captian order someone to the torpedo room to ready the torpedo. Guy runs to the hatch and opens it and then it looks like the trunk opening in Repoman. Door slams shut.
OK Ivan is not feeling well how bout you give it a try Jablonksi.

Posted by: Cuthbert the Witless at August 19, 2019 03:31 PM (ymnmz)

258 Concur. Excellent movie.

Posted by: The Lesser Weevil at August 19, 2019 03:31 PM (XuBZu)

259 So if you're 36,000 feet deep, the base is...a really big number and the volume of that cone is dear God that's a big number.

Yeah I'm not gonna even try to work out the volume of that much water, but its gotta be trillions of tons. Not even a nuke can displace THAT much water.

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at August 19, 2019 03:32 PM (KZzsI)

260 Well.. we're still working on a propulsion system powerful enough to launch that much weight.

The weight isn't the issue, keeping the payload in one piece is the issue. Imagine Aroldis Chapman trying to throw a handful of Jello.

Posted by: bonhomme at August 19, 2019 03:32 PM (9t0Zz)

261 "It can get worse?!"

-1 billion Chinese peasants in the countryside

Posted by: TheJamesMadison, The Black Mamba

IIRC, they're down to about 400-500M in the countryside now. The rest are crammed in to the cities and their suburbs.

Posted by: pep at August 19, 2019 03:32 PM (T6t7i)

262 China is going to become terrifyingly horrible once it goes pear-shaped.

Posted by: DocJ at August 19, 2019 03:27 PM (77WPm)

It may happen a lot sooner than you think, if they don't solve the Hong Kong protests in a way that doesn't damage the economy (either directly or by scaring off foreign investment).

If the rebellion festers and spreads, or the regime botches it, history tells us that the probability of some ambitious general claiming the Mandate of Heaven approaches 1.

Posted by: Cato, Collectivism Delenda Est at August 19, 2019 03:32 PM (J+mig)

263
Tidal wave vs. extinction-level event. Tidal wave = lesser evil.
========
See also nuking Houston - Independence Day

Posted by: Clancy Tom at August 19, 2019 03:32 PM (0AmmY)

264 Lets be clear .. this wasn't a nuclear blast.

This is more akin to a "dirty bomb".

Posted by: SMOD at August 19, 2019 03:32 PM (3aI0K)

265 I'm an internet expert, so stay with me here:

Imma going to assume you are and leave it in your hands.

Posted by: DanMan at August 19, 2019 03:32 PM (XTiHL)

266 258 Concur. Excellent movie.
Posted by: The Lesser Weevil at August 19, 2019 03:31 PM (XuBZu)

==========

"The bird's flightless, you say."

*Maturin nods*

"It's not going anywhere."

Baccharini plays.

Posted by: TheJamesMadison, The Black Mamba at August 19, 2019 03:32 PM (iikV8)

267 TJM @ 266
Classic.

Posted by: DocJ at August 19, 2019 03:33 PM (77WPm)

268 The US Navy developed a nuclear depth charge. They wisely gave up on the idea.

Too bad the Russians, after losing Kursk, are still trying to create the ultimate torpedo to fight an obsolete type of war.

Posted by: Anna Puma at August 19, 2019 03:33 PM (wsWjl)

269 Do those 4 losses in space include Komorov, who technically died in a crash (murdered by systemic incompetence.)

Posted by: Cato, Collectivism Delenda Est at August 19, 2019 03:34 PM (J+mig)

270 Did you know Ernest Borgnine spent 10 years in the US Navy?

Posted by: Puddin Head at August 19, 2019 03:34 PM (2LelM)

271 267 TJM @ 266
Classic.
Posted by: DocJ at August 19, 2019 03:33 PM (77WPm)

=========

That moment makes me kind of giddy every time I see it.

I love Master and Commander.

Posted by: TheJamesMadison, The Black Mamba at August 19, 2019 03:34 PM (iikV8)

272 Tidal wave vs. extinction-level event. Tidal wave = lesser evil.
========
See also nuking Houston - Independence Day
Posted by: Clancy Tom at August 19, 2019 03:32 PM (0AmmY)

...

WIN-WIN.

Posted by: TexasDan at August 19, 2019 03:35 PM (yL25O)

273 We were once parked at the same pier as the USS Connecticut (Seawolf Class) and I was offered a full tour. I passed.

Posted by: sniffybigtoe at August 19, 2019 03:35 PM (xfb67)

274 Just last month we were questioning the bizarre circumstances
surrounding "14 Sailors Die on Secretive Russian Nuclear Submarine" And
now a super duper nuclear mega torpedo may have exploded accidentally?

Posted by: locomotivebreath1901 at August 19, 2019 03:05 PM (4ceyg)

Imagine when the captian order someone to the torpedo room to ready the torpedo. Guy runs to the hatch and opens it and then it looks like the trunk opening in Repoman. Door slams shut.
OK Ivan is not feeling well how bout you give it a try Jablonksi.

Posted by: Cuthbert the Witless

Stuxnet.

Posted by: rickb223 at August 19, 2019 03:35 PM (3oX+R)

275 There's one shop in Master & Commander where (and this was done for real as near as I can find out) the camera starts on top of the ship and rotates UNDER it like 270 degrees, as the ship passes over. Amazing. And of course Corelli is playing as this takes place.

Such a work of art. Yeah some of the casting was wrong but it still really worked.

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at August 19, 2019 03:35 PM (KZzsI)

276 I have outside stuff to do but it's above 90

Posted by: Skip at August 19, 2019 03:35 PM (BbGew)

277 I love Master and Commander.

Read the books? I'm stuck on The Ionian Mission. Can't seem to get into it.

Posted by: DocJ at August 19, 2019 03:35 PM (77WPm)

278 And our nukuler launch codes when Clinton was president?

Well he was kinda busy trying to get Monica's number...

Posted by: Anna Puma at August 19, 2019 03:36 PM (wsWjl)

279 Fucking up with nuclear stuff is a long-standing Russian tradition.

Posted by: Insomniac at August 19, 2019 03:36 PM (NWiLs)

280 "Did you know Ernest Borgnine spent 10 years in the US Navy?"

PT Boats.

With Tim Conway.

Posted by: Village Idiot's Apprentice at August 19, 2019 03:36 PM (cqNba)

281 I have outside stuff to do but it's above 90

------------

I have not used a straw today, so I'm doing my part.

Posted by: SH at August 19, 2019 03:36 PM (sX1BW)

282 277 I love Master and Commander.

Read the books? I'm stuck on The Ionian Mission. Can't seem to get into it.
Posted by: DocJ at August 19, 2019 03:35 PM (77WPm)

=========

I've read the first two. I liked them, especially Aubrey walking around in a bear costume.

Posted by: TheJamesMadison, The Black Mamba at August 19, 2019 03:36 PM (iikV8)

283 274 Just last month we were questioning the bizarre circumstances
surrounding "14 Sailors Die on Secretive Russian Nuclear Submarine" And
now a super duper nuclear mega torpedo may have exploded accidentally?

Posted by: locomotivebreath1901 at August 19, 2019 03:05 PM (4ceyg)

These incidents are probably not unrelated...

Posted by: Cato, Collectivism Delenda Est at August 19, 2019 03:36 PM (J+mig)

284 I'm stuck on The Ionian Mission. Can't seem to get into it.

Its very worth pushing through. The entire series.

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at August 19, 2019 03:37 PM (KZzsI)

285 47
You know how has like a weird national complex about having the biggest "this that or the other thing" in the world . . .

Posted by: Russians at August 19, 2019 03:00 PM (t0f3o)

No. What do you mean?

Posted by: Texas at August 19, 2019 03:37 PM (ufFY8)

286 So if you're 36,000 feet deep, the base is...a really big number and the volume of that cone is dear God that's a big number.
=====
now do it at 1000 feet or so in front of a tidal basin.

Da, dat's whut I'm talking bout!

Posted by: Chain smooking Rooshian Scientistsky at August 19, 2019 03:37 PM (5U5fL)

287 @174

Well the left will say that Obozo had Russia contained and that Orange Man Bad has bungled Russia policy and that the only way to get Russia back in it's box is to elect people who's policies more close align with Russia's

I can easily see one of the Donks main policy pushes being repairing Russia relations that they helped destroy.

Posted by: Radical Centrist at August 19, 2019 03:37 PM (3hxXM)

288 Such a work of art. Yeah some of the casting was wrong but it still really worked.

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at August 19, 2019 03:35 PM (KZzsI)

I know Crowe gets a lot of well-deserved hate, but I actually loved him as Aubrey

Posted by: DocJ at August 19, 2019 03:37 PM (77WPm)

289 It Russia, Torpedo Launch Submarine!

Posted by: Russian Pikachu - Make Istanbul Constantinople Again at August 19, 2019 03:37 PM (+2ar+)

290 280 "Did you know Ernest Borgnine spent 10 years in the US Navy?"

PT Boats.

With Tim Conway.
---------------------
Nah, joined in 1935 did a five year hitch. Got out and then re-upped after Pearl Harbor. Did anti sub stuff on the east coast of US till 1945,

Posted by: Puddin Head at August 19, 2019 03:38 PM (2LelM)

291 would there be little nuclear fallout ... but it could still wipe out the Hamptons? hmmm, tactical nukes indeed ...

Posted by: illiniwek at August 19, 2019 03:38 PM (Cus5s)

292 Is "depth" really an insurmountable obstacle any more? Especially for an unmanned weapon. The ocean only goes down 7 miles.

Posted by: Chris M at August 19, 2019 03:08 PM (eAZVt)

Pressure at 7-miles down is approx. 1000 atm so yeah, that's an obstacle.

Posted by: DocJ at August 19, 2019 03:11 PM

---

Well manned submarines have reached the bottom of the Marianas Trench so I guess a Nuclear Torpedo should be possible at that depth.

Posted by: The Great White Scotsman at August 19, 2019 03:38 PM (JUOKG)

293 Truth is, the Russians are covering up the fact that it really was a nuclear bomb that went off.

Only, it was a failsafe trigger to stop the Old Ones from coming through the portal.

Just a bit of truth to deflect that it didn't work ....

Posted by: RoyalOil, Vicroy Canadian Territories at August 19, 2019 03:38 PM (OKJic)

294 They also shoot corrupt QA inspectors, so ... 50 - 50.
Here's how it works in corrupt places, like China. Everyone is corrupt. Everyone endangers the public.
Nobody cares until you screw someone higher up in the pecking order or your corruption causes a big enough disaster or you fall out of favor with the powers that be. Then, depending on circumstances, you either disappear, or all the things you've been doing, which has been carefully recorded for future use, comes to light against you.
Everyone has dirt on everyone. Nobody has clean hands.

Posted by: bonhomme at August 19, 2019 03:38 PM (9t0Zz)

295 I love Master and Commander.

Read the books? I'm stuck on The Ionian Mission. Can't seem to get into it.
Posted by: DocJ at August 19, 2019 03:35 PM (77WPm)

=========

I've read the first two. I liked them, especially Aubrey walking around in a bear costume.
=======
Blasted furries! They're everywhere!

Posted by: Mika at August 19, 2019 03:38 PM (Rzv5S)

296 You know how has like a weird national complex about having the biggest "this that or the other thing" in the world . . .

Posted by: Russians at August 19, 2019 03:00 PM (t0f3o)

No. What do you mean?

Posted by: Texas at August 19, 2019 03:37 PM (ufFY

....

It ain't braggin' if it's true.

Posted by: TexasDan at August 19, 2019 03:38 PM (yL25O)

297 293 Truth is, the Russians are covering up the fact that it really was a nuclear bomb that went off.

Only, it was a failsafe trigger to stop the Old Ones from coming through the portal.

Just a bit of truth to deflect that it didn't work ....
Posted by: RoyalOil, Vicroy Canadian Territories at August 19, 2019 03:38 PM (OKJic)

==========

I knew it!

Hellboy is real!

Posted by: TheJamesMadison, The Black Mamba at August 19, 2019 03:39 PM (iikV8)

298 So, it looks like Planned Parenthood has done it and refused Title X funds.

I do wonder how much of a hole this will blow in their budget.

It'd be great if they get hurt so much by this that they end up
reversing course, dropping abortion altogether, and then begging for the
money back.
Posted by: TheJamesMadison, The Black Mamba at August 19, 2019 03:31 PM (iikV

Locally they have these garish colored billboards advertising vasectomies. In Spanish.

Posted by: Kindltot at August 19, 2019 03:39 PM (q2o38)

299 Fucking up with nuclear stuff is a long-standing Russian tradition.

Why would you say that?

Posted by: Chernobyl at August 19, 2019 03:39 PM (O2RFr)

300 I liked them, especially Aubrey walking around in a bear costume.

Posted by: TheJamesMadison, The Black Mamba at August 19, 2019 03:36 PM (iikV

Pffft. It's been done.

Posted by: Nicholas Cage at August 19, 2019 03:39 PM (mIQCW)

301 270
Did you know Ernest Borgnine spent 10 years in the US Navy?

unpossible. there were only 4 seasons of mchale's navy.

Posted by: Anachronda at August 19, 2019 03:39 PM (sGtp+)

302 Old and busted: wooden ships and iron men

New hotness: Russian ships and radioactive men

Posted by: Anonosaurus Wrecks, Tyrannosaur Wrangler at August 19, 2019 03:39 PM (+y/Ru)

303 300 I liked them, especially Aubrey walking around in a bear costume.

Posted by: TheJamesMadison, The Black Mamba at August 19, 2019 03:36 PM (iikV

Pffft. It's been done.
Posted by: Nicholas Cage at August 19, 2019 03:39 PM (mIQCW)

=========

Careful, I have bees.

Posted by: TheJamesMadison, The Black Mamba at August 19, 2019 03:39 PM (iikV8)

304 Everyone has dirt on everyone. Nobody has clean hands.

______________________

And we're back to the Don Lemon story.

Posted by: sniffybigtoe at August 19, 2019 03:39 PM (xfb67)

305 Here's how it works in corrupt places, like China. Everyone is corrupt. Everyone endangers the public.
Nobody cares until you screw someone higher up in the pecking order or your corruption causes a big enough disaster or you fall out of favor with the powers that be. Then, depending on circumstances, you either disappear, or all the things you've been doing, which has been carefully recorded for future use, comes to light against you.
Everyone has dirt on everyone. Nobody has clean hands.
======
The kingdom of DIS.

Posted by: its not a fantasy at August 19, 2019 03:39 PM (Rzv5S)

306 would there be little nuclear fallout ... but it could still wipe out the Hamptons? hmmm, tactical nukes indeed ...

-----------

Its amazing that the Hampton loving crowd is against owning Greenland to protect our eastern flank.

I guess they would rather it just be Long Island.

Posted by: SH at August 19, 2019 03:39 PM (sX1BW)

307 Well he was kinda busy trying to get Monica's number...

Today's Bill's birthday

Happy Birthday... to you
**takes off article of clothing**
Happy Birthday... to you
**takes off article of clothing**
Happy Birthday... Mister
Prezzzident...

Posted by: Hillary! in a Marilyn Monroe get up at August 19, 2019 03:39 PM (786Ro)

308
Nobody cares until you screw someone higher up in the pecking order or your corruption causes a big enough disaster or you fall out of favor with the powers that be. Then, depending on circumstances, you either disappear, or all the things you've been doing, which has been carefully recorded for future use, comes to light against you.
Everyone has dirt on everyone. Nobody has clean hands.
Posted by: bonhomme at August 19, 2019 03:38 PM (9t0Zz)

--------

And this is exactly how the US government "works" too.

Posted by: Jeff Epstein at August 19, 2019 03:39 PM (AzW6q)

309 guys guys i know what happened.

they pushed Hillary's reset button.

Posted by: TexasDan at August 19, 2019 03:40 PM (yL25O)

310 308 And this is exactly how the US government "works" too.
Posted by: Jeff Epstein at August 19, 2019 03:39 PM (AzW6q)

=======

Hey, whatever happened to you?

Posted by: TheJamesMadison, The Black Mamba at August 19, 2019 03:40 PM (iikV8)

311 Well the left will say that Obozo had Russia contained and that Orange
Man Bad has bungled Russia policy and that the only way to get Russia
back in it's box is to elect people who's policies more close align with
Russia's
Yeah, they were so "contained" they HACKED OUR DEMOCRACY right under the un-watchful eye of the milk-chocolate messiah.

Posted by: DocJ at August 19, 2019 03:40 PM (77WPm)

312 268 The US Navy developed a nuclear depth charge. They wisely gave up on the idea.

Too bad the Russians, after losing Kursk, are still trying to create the ultimate torpedo to fight an obsolete type of war.
Posted by: Anna Puma at August 19, 2019 03:33 PM (wsWjl)

Wait....what?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/UUM-44_SUBROC

Posted by: Curmudgeon at August 19, 2019 03:40 PM (ujg0T)

313 293 Truth is, the Russians are covering up the fact that it really was a nuclear bomb that went off.

Only, it was a failsafe trigger to stop the Old Ones from coming through the portal.

Just a bit of truth to deflect that it didn't work ....
Posted by: RoyalOil, Vicroy Canadian Territories at August 19, 2019 03:38 PM (OKJic)

I have no idea what you're talking about. What do you mean my tentacles are showing? It's a skin condition, OK?

Posted by: Nyarlathotep, the Crawling Chaos at August 19, 2019 03:40 PM (J+mig)

314 311 Well the left will say that Obozo had Russia contained and that Orange
Man Bad has bungled Russia policy and that the only way to get Russia
back in it's box is to elect people who's policies more close align with
Russia's
Yeah, they were so "contained" they HACKED OUR DEMOCRACY right under the un-watchful eye of the milk-chocolate messiah.
Posted by: DocJ at August 19, 2019 03:40 PM (77WPm)

========

It's amazing what people can convince themselves of in contradiction to things that they already believe.

Posted by: TheJamesMadison, The Black Mamba at August 19, 2019 03:41 PM (iikV8)

315 I've ground a halt on The Hundred Days and missed The Yellow Admiral, but never miss the movie that's in my top 10

Posted by: Skip at August 19, 2019 03:41 PM (BbGew)

316 It's amazing what people can convince themselves of in contradiction to things that they already believe.
Posted by: TheJamesMadison, The Black Mamba at August 19, 2019 03:41 PM (iikV

+++++++++++++++++
It's a finely-honed skill and art called "Doublethink." Some dead white guy warned us about it.

Posted by: Joe Mannix (Not a cop!) at August 19, 2019 03:42 PM (I2dne)

317 Locally they have these garish colored billboards advertising vasectomies. In Spanish.

Posted by: Kindltot at August 19, 2019 03:39 PM (q2o3

How, exactly, do you advertise a vasectomy? I mean other than (in effect) "We'll slice open your scrotum, cheaply!"Seems counter-intuitive.

Posted by: Alcoholic Asshole Shut In at August 19, 2019 03:42 PM (CPk08)

318 I still trust the Russians more than I trust the democrats to run healthcare.

Posted by: sniffybigtoe at August 19, 2019 03:42 PM (xfb67)

319
Why would you say that?
Posted by: Chernobyl at August 19, 2019 03:39 PM (O2RFr)

Chernobyl is proof that EVERYTHING is a smoke machine if you run it wrong enough.

Posted by: Kindltot at August 19, 2019 03:42 PM (q2o38)

320
The Daily Beast@thedailybeast
Kellyanne Conway falsely claims antifa is short for "anti-First Amendment"

It's really about hating The Sound of Music

Posted by: Bertram Cabot, Jr. at August 19, 2019 03:42 PM (aKsyK)

321 I liked them, especially Aubrey walking around in a bear costume.

Posted by: TheJamesMadison, The Black Mamba at August 19, 2019 03:36 PM (iikV

Pffft. It's been done.
Posted by: Nicholas Cag

Nastassia Kinski in the The Hotel New Hampshire

Posted by: Hands at August 19, 2019 03:42 PM (786Ro)

322 China must be getting really worried about it's food situation. Between swine virus and embargoes of American soybeans, they may have to start eating like Norks. The alternative Russian suppliers are turning out not to be so alternative.

https://tinyurl.com/y6eofps9

Posted by: pep at August 19, 2019 03:42 PM (T6t7i)

323 316 It's amazing what people can convince themselves of in contradiction to things that they already believe.
Posted by: TheJamesMadison, The Black Mamba at August 19, 2019 03:41 PM (iikV
+++++++++++++++++
It's a finely-honed skill and art called "Doublethink." Some dead white guy warned us about it.
Posted by: Joe Mannix (Not a cop!) at August 19, 2019 03:42 PM (I2dne)

=========

Sorry, old ideas and white men aren't worth thinking about.

Now, how about some communism?

Posted by: TheJamesMadison, The Black Mamba at August 19, 2019 03:42 PM (iikV8)

324 305 Here's how it works in corrupt places, like China. Everyone is corrupt. Everyone endangers the public.
Nobody cares until you screw someone higher up in the pecking order or your corruption causes a big enough disaster or you fall out of favor with the powers that be. Then, depending on circumstances, you either disappear, or all the things you've been doing, which has been carefully recorded for future use, comes to light against you.
Everyone has dirt on everyone. Nobody has clean hands.
======
The kingdom of DIS.
Posted by: its not a fantasy at August 19, 2019 03:39 PM (Rzv5S)

So basically, DC after the Clintons arrived.

Posted by: Cato, Collectivism Delenda Est at August 19, 2019 03:42 PM (J+mig)

325 There is a movie on TCM now The Passionate Plumber with Buster Keaton from 1932.

Posted by: Skip at August 19, 2019 03:43 PM (BbGew)

326 Driving through South Carolina on I 95 I saw 3 Tulsi billboards.

Big TULSI lettering, a head shot of her, and a tagline at the bottom:

Heart of a Soldier

Posted by: blaster at August 19, 2019 03:43 PM (ZfRYq)

327 Today's Bill's birthday

Happy Birthday... to you

**takes off article of clothing**

Happy Birthday... to you

**takes off article of clothing**

Happy Birthday... Mister

Prezzzident...

Posted by: Hillary! in a Marilyn Monroe get up at August 19, 2019 03:39 PM (786Ro)
Thump...snooooorre...shart....

Posted by: Alcoholic Asshole Shut In at August 19, 2019 03:43 PM (CPk08)

328 China must be getting really worried about it's food situation. Between swine virus and embargoes of American soybeans, they may have to start eating like Norks. The alternative Russian suppliers are turning out not to be so alternative.

https://tinyurl.com/y6eofps9
==========
Winter is coming

Posted by: Donnie Two Scoops at August 19, 2019 03:43 PM (t0f3o)

329 Iz nothing for of worry about, situation iz entirely under the control. No nuclear missle, monitoring stations going offline merely result of car accident in parking lot of cuts off the traffics.

Posted by: RUSSIAN BOT at August 19, 2019 03:43 PM (tVQUs)

330 How, exactly, do you advertise a vasectomy? I mean
other than (in effect) "We'll slice open your scrotum, cheaply!"Seems
counter-intuitive.

Posted by: Alcoholic Asshole Shut In at August 19, 2019 03:42 PM (CPk0

Garish colored soccer players, apparently.

Posted by: Kindltot at August 19, 2019 03:43 PM (q2o38)

331 And we're back to the Don Lemon story.

-
Ecce Homo!

Posted by: Anonosaurus Wrecks, Tyrannosaur Wrangler at August 19, 2019 03:43 PM (+y/Ru)

332
they were so "contained" they HACKED OUR DEMOCRACY right under the un-watchful eye of the milk-chocolate messiah.
Posted by: DocJ at August 19, 2019 03:40 PM (77WPm)

=====

Lefties don't have much to say about that awkwardness. The hack of our democracy itself, the subversion of our nation's sacred electoral process, the delivery of our nation into the hands of BadOrangeMan occurred on WHOSE watch?

(Meanwhile the dirty secret is that they didn't hack spit.)

Posted by: Blonde Morticia at August 19, 2019 03:43 PM (dstcr)

333 324
So basically, DC after the Clintons arrived.
Posted by: Cato, Collectivism Delenda Est at August 19, 2019 03:42 PM (J+mig)

==========

"Yes, the Clintons..."
-Drunk Congressmen during Prohibition

Posted by: TheJamesMadison, The Black Mamba at August 19, 2019 03:43 PM (iikV8)

334 Tsar Bomba II

Posted by: wth at August 19, 2019 03:43 PM (v0R5T)

335 Happy Birthday... to you
**takes off article of clothing**
Happy Birthday... to you
**takes off article of clothing**
Happy Birthday... Mister
Prezzzident...

Posted by: Hillary! in a Marilyn Monroe

"We don't know exactly what happened, but it appears that he clawed into his own eyes so deeply he gore part of his frontal lobe out of his own skull. What horrors he must have witnessed to drive a man to such extremes, man was not meant to know"
--Group of scientists, talking to a reporter

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at August 19, 2019 03:44 PM (KZzsI)

336 318 I still trust the Russians more than I trust the democrats to run healthcare.

Posted by: sniffybigtoe at August 19, 2019 03:42 PM (xfb67)

"The Russians" aren't hard to figure out. They see the west committing collective cultural suicide, and want to be the first past the poll once we collapse into the putrid cesspool we've created for ourselves. They figure it's them of the ChiComs. Plus, like the ChiComs, they play the long game.

Posted by: DocJ at August 19, 2019 03:44 PM (77WPm)

337 >>>245 The Seawolf class subs have torpedo tubes for much bigger torpedoes. Unfortunately, nobody ever developed or made them.

Posted by: JAS at August 19, 2019 03:29 PM (I5SAg)
__________
If you think those are for torpedos, rather than AUVs - I got some ocean front property in Nebraska you should by.

Posted by: Duh Patrol at August 19, 2019 03:44 PM (g5spB)

338 Thing is, those guys sent to the hospital?

They were cleared of any radiation when they left

But, they were marked by a radiation wraith who tracked them to the hospital

Posted by: RoyalOil, Vicroy Canadian Territories at August 19, 2019 03:44 PM (OKJic)

339 Does this smell like large torpedo to you?

Posted by: Don Lemon at August 19, 2019 03:44 PM (eKV6K)

340

Bedford Incident

Posted by: Bertram Cabot, Jr. at August 19, 2019 03:44 PM (aKsyK)

341 Moving that much water a significant distance (to
propagate a tidal wave) probably takes even more energy than we can
produce with nukes.

Posted by: TexasDan at August 19, 2019 03:28 PM (yL25O)

========================
A wiki article on the Chicxulub crater, which was created from an asteroid strike that caused the Cretaceous extinction event, stated that if the asteroid had struck in the deep ocean, it would have created a tsunami with a height of about 2.9 miles. OTOH, that asteroid struck with the energy of 100 million Tsar Bomba (50 megaton) nuclear weapons.

Posted by: mrp at August 19, 2019 03:45 PM (Pqytn)

342 338 Thing is, those guys sent to the hospital?

They were cleared of any radiation when they left

But, they were marked by a radiation wraith who tracked them to the hospital
Posted by: RoyalOil, Vicroy Canadian Territories at August 19, 2019 03:44 PM (OKJic)

==========

I suddenly imagined The Frighteners...

Posted by: TheJamesMadison, The Black Mamba at August 19, 2019 03:45 PM (iikV8)

343 339 Does this smell like large torpedo to you?
Posted by: Don Lemon

I'll have a large torpedo and don't hold the mayo

Posted by: Shep! at August 19, 2019 03:45 PM (FZYNt)

344 The Daily Mail has a picture of Baron Trump standing next to Donald. Kid is 13 and already inches taller than his father. He's gotta be like 6'5"
https://tinyurl.com/y6yp97y8

Posted by: BEN ROTHLISBERGER at August 19, 2019 03:45 PM (CQ3Qb)

345 270
Did you know Ernest Borgnine spent 10 years in the US Navy?

He also spent 3 weeks in Ethel Merman before going over the side.

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at August 19, 2019 03:45 PM (zBaqJ)

346 (Meanwhile the dirty secret is that they didn't hack spit.)

Posted by: Blonde Morticia at August 19, 2019 03:43 PM (dstcr)

Not much of a secret - but don't try to confuse a leftist with facts and reality. Good way to get your car tires slashed.

Posted by: DocJ at August 19, 2019 03:45 PM (77WPm)

347
China must be getting really worried about it's food situation. Between
swine virus and embargoes of American soybeans, they may have to start
eating like Norks. The alternative Russian suppliers are turning out not
to be so alternative.

https://tinyurl.com/y6eofps9

Posted by: pep at August 19, 2019 03:42 PM

---

And by late fall they will come crawling back asking Trump for food that they refused to buy because of tariffs.

Posted by: The Great White Scotsman at August 19, 2019 03:46 PM (JUOKG)

348 Prager who has traveled the world extensively says most of it is a world of corruption. Every police stop is a bribe or jail, nothing gets done with even the smallest government office without a payoff.

Posted by: Skip at August 19, 2019 03:46 PM (BbGew)

349 Garish colored soccer players, apparently.

Posted by: Kindltot at August 19, 2019 03:43 PM (q2o3
? Kicking balls?

Again, does not seem like attractive metaphor.

Posted by: Alcoholic Asshole Shut In at August 19, 2019 03:46 PM (CPk08)

350 25 What's the point of making a torpedo 30 times larger?
Posted by: Deplorable Jay Guevara at August 19, 2019 02:58 PM (NRi/V)

The Russians claim the weapon is designed to produce a giant tidal wave, which would devastate the entire coast instead of vaporizing a single city. Who knows if it would actually work - how do you test something like that?

Posted by: Ace's liver at August 19, 2019 03:46 PM (h2Bdk)

351
"Yes, the Clintons..."
-Drunk Congressmen during Prohibition
Posted by: TheJamesMadison, The Black Mamba at August 19, 2019 03:43 PM (iikV

------

It's always been a problem of course, and I don't necessarily lay this at the feet of the Clintons alone, but the US government is absolutely corrupt down to the core in a way that I read as being unique in our history, and probably fatal, at this point.

Everyone is in on it. There is no honest rank-and-file. Just people in on the scam, and people who enable it through inaction.

Posted by: Yudhishthira's Dice at August 19, 2019 03:46 PM (AzW6q)

352 300+ comments and only one Don Lemon taker in a torpedo thread???!!

Posted by: theATL at August 19, 2019 03:47 PM (yFgwo)

353 It blows my mind that Master and Commander never got a sequel. So many less successful films have, and there's so much source material to work from.

Posted by: Biggs Darklighter at August 19, 2019 03:47 PM (N4xQB)

354 Tsar Bomba II
Posted by: wth at August 19, 2019 03:43 PM (v0R5T)

Bomba, huh.

https://youtu.be/SPe2EwzGK48

Posted by: Kindltot at August 19, 2019 03:47 PM (q2o38)

355 Ecce Homo!
Posted by: Anonosaurus Wrecks, Tyrannosaur Wrangler at August 19, 2019 03:43 PM (+y/Ru)

I love this place.

Posted by: DR.WTF at August 19, 2019 03:47 PM (aS1PU)

356 It's really about hating The Sound of Music

That's a long, long way to run for a gag.

Posted by: The Lesser Weevil at August 19, 2019 03:47 PM (XuBZu)

357 How, exactly, do you advertise a vasectomy? I mean other than (in
effect) "We'll slice open your scrotum, cheaply!"Seems
counter-intuitive.
The same way most medical things are advertised. Lots of shots of people in your target demographic doing fun things (barbecue, on a date at a nice restaurant, sailing, whatever), then a handsome guy turns to the camera and says something like,

"I have two grown kids, and I love them very much, but now it's time for me to focus on my and my future"

*pretty, younger woman puts her arms around handsome guy*.

"We're having the time of our lives!"

*both smile at the camera*
*Insert smooth voiceover advertising Dr Snippz's services*
Fin.

Posted by: bonhomme at August 19, 2019 03:47 PM (9t0Zz)

358 350 Who knows if it would actually work - how do you test something like that?
Posted by: Ace's liver at August 19, 2019 03:46 PM (h2Bdk)

Computer models. Then again, garbage in garbage out, like Global Warming. Although the variables would be quite limited.

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at August 19, 2019 03:47 PM (zBaqJ)

359 "My baby fits me like a flesh tuxedo
I'd like to sink her with my... pink torpedo!"
--Spinal Tap

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at August 19, 2019 03:47 PM (KZzsI)

360 Dropping Michael Moore from 20 miles above a ocean would create a title wave"

"title wave"?

"The End"

Posted by: Anon a mouse at August 19, 2019 03:48 PM (6qErC)

361
And by late fall they will come crawling back asking Trump for food that they refused to buy because of tariffs.
======
No.

Don't underestimate their national pride.

I expect they'll spend at least a month eating Uighers, before they want to negotiate.

Posted by: Donnie Two Scoops at August 19, 2019 03:48 PM (qDqBl)

362 Ecce Homo!
Posted by: Anonosaurus Wrecks, Tyrannosaur Wrangler at August 19, 2019 03:43 PM (+y/Ru)

Yes, Don Lemon is an icky homo...

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at August 19, 2019 03:48 PM (zBaqJ)

363 The Daily Mail has a picture of Baron Trump standing next to Donald. Kid is 13 and already inches taller than his father. He's gotta be like 6'5"
https://tinyurl.com/y6yp97y8

Posted by: BEN ROTHLISBERGER at August 19, 2019 03:45 PM (CQ3Qb)

Looks like they're walking uphill in the photo, might be an optical illusion.

Posted by: Surfperch at August 19, 2019 03:48 PM (tVQUs)

364
The Soviet Microchip: the largest microchip in the world!

Posted by: Hadrian the Seventh at August 19, 2019 03:48 PM (Wx/+I)

365 It blows my mind that Master and Commander never got a sequel. So many less successful films have, and there's so much source material to work from.

It lost money. Very expensive to film, and while it did enjoy a lot of critical acclaim and is beloved, wasn't a big box office event.

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at August 19, 2019 03:49 PM (KZzsI)

366 Damn BEN ROTHLISBERGER sock still on from a week ago

Posted by: Brian in New Orleans at August 19, 2019 03:49 PM (CQ3Qb)

367
BA-DA-DA-DA TSAR BOMBA!!!!

Posted by: Richie Valensovich at August 19, 2019 03:49 PM (mIQCW)

368 I love Master and Commander.
Posted by: TheJamesMadison, The Black Mamba at August 19, 2019 03:34 PM

I love that flick. I also love the whinging lefty critics who complained that the only female characters were Brazilian prostitutes. I was like, people...it's the early 19th century on a warship in the middle of the ocean. What, exactly, the F were you expecting?

Posted by: RedMindBlueState at August 19, 2019 03:49 PM (ejd/p)

369 Let's see, they got at least 5 guys with the first one - so if they build about 30 million of them we have something to worry about.

Posted by: DamnedYankee at August 19, 2019 03:49 PM (37IEG)

370 It blows my mind that Master and Commander never got
a sequel. So many less successful films have, and there's so much
source material to work from.

Posted by: Biggs Darklighter at August 19, 2019 03:47 PM (N4xQB)

Apparently it didn't make "enough" money ($212M) to "justify" a sequel. Crowe really wanted to do one, but it's gone nowhere and the time for it has probably come and gone.

Posted by: DocJ at August 19, 2019 03:49 PM (77WPm)

371 353 It blows my mind that Master and Commander never got a sequel. So many less successful films have, and there's so much source material to work from.
Posted by: Biggs Darklighter at August 19, 2019 03:47 PM (N4xQB)

===========

Master and Commander was expensive and didn't make much money considering the budget. Getting a sequel together presented even more challenges because Peter Weir, the director, works slowly (he's made one movie The Way Back, since) and Russell Crowe is expensive.

It cost $150 million and only made $212 million.

Based on the back of the envelope calculations (which are apparently correct), the movie needed to make $500 million to break even.

Math is this: Budget + promo (generally about the same as budget) = $300 million

Theaters take about 40% of ticket sales, so 300/.6 = $500 million.

That movie lost a lot of money.

Posted by: TheJamesMadison, The Black Mamba at August 19, 2019 03:50 PM (iikV8)

372 The same way most medical things are advertised. Lots of shots of people
in your target demographic doing fun things (barbecue, on a date at a
nice restaurant, sailing, whatever), then a handsome guy turns to the
camera and says something like,

"I have two grown kids, and I love them very much, but now it's time for me to focus on my and my future"

*pretty, younger woman puts her arms around handsome guy*.

"We're having the time of our lives!"

*both smile at the camera*
*Insert smooth voiceover advertising Dr Snippz's services*
Fin.
Ah. They are advertising to retards. Makes sense then.

Posted by: Alcoholic Asshole Shut In at August 19, 2019 03:50 PM (CPk08)

373 A nuclear torpedo is like a hand grenade, you only need to be in the ball park

Posted by: Skip at August 19, 2019 03:50 PM (BbGew)

374 317
Locally they have these garish colored billboards advertising vasectomies. In Spanish.

Posted by: Kindltot at August 19, 2019 03:39 PM (q2o3

How,
exactly, do you advertise a vasectomy? I mean other than (in effect)
"We'll slice open your scrotum, cheaply!"Seems counter-intuitive.

Posted by: Alcoholic Asshole Shut In at August 19, 2019 03:42 PM (CPk0

Don't want to spread your seed?
Or kids that you don't need?One slice of your nut sackTwo days with an ice pack
Then you'll be ready to do the deed.

Posted by: Our Country is Screwed at August 19, 2019 03:50 PM (N39Ws)

375 363 The Daily Mail has a picture of Baron Trump standing next to Donald. Kid is 13 and already inches taller than his father. He's gotta be like 6'5"
https://tinyurl.com/y6yp97y8

Posted by: BEN ROTHLISBERGER at August 19, 2019 03:45 PM (CQ3Qb)

Looks like they're walking uphill in the photo, might be an optical illusion.
Posted by: Surfperch at August 19, 2019 03:48 PM (tVQUs)

Wow, was it only a few years ago he was coming off of the plane playing with a fidget spinner. Damn, they do grow up fast.

Posted by: Curmudgeon at August 19, 2019 03:50 PM (ujg0T)

376 Well, they're called "radiation wraiths" but it's not really radiation.

It's something from the residue on them from their realm

And when they lay their eggs in a host, the hosts start exhibiting radiation

So .... Russians are scared enough to admit to setting of a nuke

Posted by: RoyalOil, Vicroy Canadian Territories at August 19, 2019 03:50 PM (OKJic)

377
I was like, people...it's the early 19th century on a warship in the middle of the ocean. What, exactly, the F were you expecting?

Posted by: RedMindBlueState at August 19, 2019 03:49 PM (ejd/p)

Buxom tavern wenches.

Posted by: Hadrian the Seventh at August 19, 2019 03:50 PM (Wx/+I)

378 368 I love Master and Commander.
Posted by: TheJamesMadison, The Black Mamba at August 19, 2019 03:34 PM

I love that flick. I also love the whinging lefty critics who complained that the only female characters were Brazilian prostitutes. I was like, people...it's the early 19th century on a warship in the middle of the ocean. What, exactly, the F were you expecting?
Posted by: RedMindBlueState at August 19, 2019 03:49 PM (ejd/p)

===========

Gender swap Jack Aubrey into Jackie Aubrey!

Posted by: TheJamesMadison, The Black Mamba at August 19, 2019 03:51 PM (iikV8)

379 I love that flick. I also love the whinging lefty critics who complained that the only female characters were Brazilian prostitutes. I was like, people...it's the early 19th century on a warship in the middle of the ocean. What, exactly, the F were you expecting?
Posted by: RedMindBlueState at August 19, 2019 03:49 PM (ejd/p)
++++++++++
Ugh. Like how Chris Nolan's excellent "Dunkirk" was excoriated by one of the Buzzfeed types for being a "celebration of male whiteness."

It was English and French soldiers fighting German soldiers...

Posted by: Joe Mannix (Not a cop!) at August 19, 2019 03:51 PM (I2dne)

380
I love that flick. I also love the whinging
lefty critics who complained that the only female characters were
Brazilian prostitutes. I was like, people...it's the early 19th century
on a warship in the middle of the ocean. What, exactly, the F were you
expecting?

Posted by: RedMindBlueState at August 19, 2019 03:49 PM (ejd/p)
The whinger obviously didn't read any of the books (or have a grasp of history). As you say, not a lot of space for the quarters of "Mr Prostitute" on board those ships.

Posted by: DamnedYankee at August 19, 2019 03:51 PM (37IEG)

381 I love that flick. I also love the whinging lefty critics who complained that the only female characters were Brazilian prostitutes

Personally I thought that was a feature, not a bug.

I like women in films but its not a bad thing to have a film about manly men doing men things in a manly way once in a while either, without the compulsion to add a love story.

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at August 19, 2019 03:51 PM (KZzsI)

382 Damn BEN ROTHLISBERGER sock still on from a week ago
Posted by: Brian in New Orleans at August 19, 2019 03:49 PM (CQ3Qb)

IT'S FUNNY BECAUSE YOU NOT ONLY UNWITTINGLY LEFT THE SOCK ON FOR A WEEK, BUT ALSO BECAUSE YOU USED LOWERCASE LETTERS WHEN WRITING THE COMMENT.

Posted by: BEN ROETHLISBERGER at August 19, 2019 03:51 PM (tVQUs)

383 *pretty, younger woman puts her arms around handsome guy*.

"We're having the time of our lives!"

*both smile at the camera*
*Insert smooth voiceover advertising Dr Snippz's services*
Fin.
Ah. They are advertising to retards. Makes sense then.
Posted by: Alcoholic Asshole Shut In at August 19, 2019 03:50 PM (CPk0

...

this commercial is also why for ever and ever there was a "vasectomy reversal" billboard here in Texas.

Posted by: TexasDan at August 19, 2019 03:52 PM (yL25O)

384 I like women in films but its not a bad thing to
have a film about manly men doing men things in a manly way once in a
while either, without the compulsion to add a love story.

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at August 19, 2019 03:51 PM (KZzsI)

Go on....

Posted by: Don Lemon at August 19, 2019 03:52 PM (CPk08)

385 379 Ugh. Like how Chris Nolan's excellent "Dunkirk" was excoriated by one of the Buzzfeed types for being a "celebration of male whiteness."

It was English and French soldiers fighting German soldiers...
Posted by: Joe Mannix (Not a cop!) at August 19, 2019 03:51 PM (I2dne)

============

"There were Indian soldiers there, too! Why didn't Nolan make a movie about them! We have so many movies about the white soldier's experience at Dunkirk already!"
-Apparently

Posted by: TheJamesMadison, The Black Mamba at August 19, 2019 03:52 PM (iikV8)

386 That movie lost a lot of money.
Posted by: TheJamesMadison, The Black Mamba at August 19, 2019 03:50 PM (iikV

---------

Yeah people always forget that P&A is usually equal to budget (as it includes distro along with ads).

Plus, H'wood has a high-ass bar for profitability in the age of nothing-but-big-budget films.

Even if it profits on total budget, it needs to profit a LOT, or it's considered a failure.

Posted by: Yudhishthira's Dice at August 19, 2019 03:52 PM (AzW6q)

387 One thing M&C did was not following 1 book script, so a sequel would have had to do the same thing.

Posted by: Skip at August 19, 2019 03:52 PM (BbGew)

388 Oh, and nood

Posted by: DocJ at August 19, 2019 03:52 PM (77WPm)

389 Don't want to spread your seed?
Or kids that you don't need?One slice of your nut sackTwo days with an ice pack
Then you'll be ready to do the deed.
Posted by: Our Country is Screwed at August 19, 2019 03:50 PM

Burma Shave?

Posted by: RedMindBlueState at August 19, 2019 03:52 PM (ejd/p)

390 Given the success Russian torpedos have had in sinking their own subs, they might want to reconsider this plan.

Posted by: DamnedYankee at August 19, 2019 03:52 PM (37IEG)

391 Damn BEN ROTHLISBERGER sock still on from a week ago
Posted by: Brian in New Orleans at August 19, 2019 03:49 PM (CQ3Qb)

IT'S FUNNY BECAUSE YOU NOT ONLY UNWITTINGLY LEFT THE SOCK ON FOR A WEEK, BUT ALSO BECAUSE YOU USED LOWERCASE LETTERS WHEN WRITING THE COMMENT.
==========
There can be only one.

Posted by: Donnie Two Scoops at August 19, 2019 03:53 PM (qDqBl)

392 Historically there were actually women on board warships back then, usually the wife of a warrant officer (gunner, for example). But they were not exactly specimens of feminine beauty, and they weren't common.

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at August 19, 2019 03:53 PM (KZzsI)

393 Wow, was it only a few years ago he was coming off of the plane playing with a fidget spinner. Damn, they do grow up fast.

*puts down fidget spinner*
What now?

Posted by: bonhomme at August 19, 2019 03:53 PM (9t0Zz)

394 I like women in films but its not a bad thing to have a film about manly men doing men things in a manly way once in a while either, without the compulsion to add a love story.
Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at August 19, 2019 03:51 PM (KZzsI)

Midway.

Posted by: DR.WTF at August 19, 2019 03:53 PM (aS1PU)

395
A new era of Russian superweapons. Reminds of the old era of USSR superweapons, or it would if I were alive for that. Regardless presumably bluster.

Posted by: Someguy at August 19, 2019 03:02 PM (yOykd)

Y'know, the Slavs have always exaggerated the capabilities of their military and weapons systems. And there's logical case to be made that it's a smart strategic move. The idea being, if you can make yourself appear stronger than you really are, your enemies are less likely to attack you.

It works, as long as you don't fuck up and do something stupid to pull back the curtains and show the doofus working the levers *koff koff The Winter War koff koff*. Then you're screwed.

On the other hand, the West (and more specifically the US) has always understated things. So if you actually DO go to war, you end up stomping the attacking enemy like a bug, because he has no idea just how much you've understated things.

But in the last 20 years or so, the Russians have turned the bluster up to 11, nearly to N Korea or Iran levels of bluster. That's actually a show of weakness, and fear. So the question is, what is it that's scaring the shit out of the Russians even more than normal?

Posted by: IllTemperedCur at August 19, 2019 03:53 PM (veoSD)

396 386 That movie lost a lot of money.
Posted by: TheJamesMadison, The Black Mamba at August 19, 2019 03:50 PM (iikV

---------

Yeah people always forget that P&A is usually equal to budget (as it includes distro along with ads).

Plus, H'wood has a high-ass bar for profitability in the age of nothing-but-big-budget films.

Even if it profits on total budget, it needs to profit a LOT, or it's considered a failure.
Posted by: Yudhishthira's Dice at August 19, 2019 03:52 PM (AzW6q)

===========

Lady Ghostbusters made its budget back, but it's not getting a sequel.

I wonder why....

Posted by: TheJamesMadison, The Black Mamba at August 19, 2019 03:53 PM (iikV8)

397 I once read a series of fantasy fiction novels set during the Napoleonic Wars. Except they had dragons.

They were pretty entertaining. Author was a chick, but I can't remember her name

Posted by: sniffybigtoe at August 19, 2019 03:53 PM (xfb67)

398 You must always choose the lesser of two ~~weasels~~ wessels!

Posted by: andycanuck at August 19, 2019 03:53 PM (Dh1wo)

399 368 I love Master and Commander.
Posted by: TheJamesMadison, The Black Mamba at August 19, 2019 03:34 PM

I love that flick. I also love the whinging lefty critics who complained that the only female characters were Brazilian prostitutes. I was like, people...it's the early 19th century on a warship in the middle of the ocean. What, exactly, the F were you expecting?
Posted by: RedMindBlueState at August 19, 2019 03:49 PM (ejd/p)

That reminds me of those having a fit about no "people of color" in Dunkirk.

Now in "The English Patient" there was a prominent Sikh character, and in other British war movies set in North Africa or the Far East, there actually plausibly WOULD be many India characters, but not in the Battle of Dunkirk.

Posted by: Curmudgeon at August 19, 2019 03:53 PM (ujg0T)

400 Whinging rhymes with binging.

Posted by: Chris M at August 19, 2019 03:53 PM (eAZVt)

401 So the question is, what is it that's scaring the shit out of the Russians even more than normal?

Posted by: IllTemperedCur

1.5 billion Chinese.

Posted by: pep at August 19, 2019 03:55 PM (T6t7i)

402 I love that flick. I also love the whinging lefty critics who complained that the only female characters were Brazilian prostitutes. I was like, people...it's the early 19th century on a warship in the middle of the ocean. What, exactly, the F were you expecting?

Again, we keep expecting liberals to live in reality including historical facts. They are incapable.

Great movie Master and Commander. Have the DVD. Also great soundtrack.

Posted by: Charles Martell at August 19, 2019 03:55 PM (ZcE3r)

403 It blows my mind that Master and Commander never got

a sequel. So many less successful films have, and there's so much

source material to work from.

Posted by: Biggs Darklighter at August 19, 2019 03:47 PM (N4xQB)

Apparently
it didn't make "enough" money ($212M) to "justify" a sequel. Crowe
really wanted to do one, but it's gone nowhere and the time for it has
probably come and gone.

Posted by: DocJ at August 19, 2019 03:49 PM

---

The ships alone cost over $100 Million to make from what I have read. They took two old sailing ships and essentially rebuilt them for the movie.

You are never going to make money spending that kind of $$$ on props.

Posted by: The Great White Scotsman at August 19, 2019 03:55 PM (JUOKG)

404 So the question is, what is it that's scaring the shit out of the Russians even more than normal?

Posted by: IllTemperedCur

1.5 billion Chinese.

Posted by: pep at August 19, 2019 03:55 PM (T6t7i)

1.5 billion hungry Chinese.

Posted by: DocJ at August 19, 2019 03:56 PM (77WPm)

405 "Emergency, everyone to get from street." - crew of Soviet submarine boat,vacationing in Maine.

Posted by: Archer at August 19, 2019 03:56 PM (BTVLo)

406 How, exactly, do you advertise a vasectomy? I mean other than (in effect) "We'll slice open your scrotum, cheaply!"Seems counter-intuitive.
_________________

Show some horny guy in a bar, a young woman in a tight dress sidles up to him and they leave together. Back at his place, they do the deed with him using a condom, which he then tosses in the trash. He goes to use the bathroom, and she hops up from the bed, takes the used condom out of the trash, ties it off and puts it in a ziploc bag in her purse. Then she leaves.

Six months later, and his phone rings: "Congratulations, you're going to be a daddy. My lawyer will be in touch soon about a payment schedule."

Voice-over: Men, if you want to avoid ending up like this sap, call my office to schedule your vasectomy today!

Posted by: TrivialPursuer at August 19, 2019 03:58 PM (k4dH2)

407 >>Driving through South Carolina on I 95 I saw 3 Tulsi billboards.

Big TULSI lettering, a head shot of her, and a tagline at the bottom:

Heart of a Soldier

Posted by: blaster

And complexion of the surface of the moon.

Posted by: Aviator at August 19, 2019 03:58 PM (2cuLk)

408 So the question is, what is it that's scaring the shit out of the Russians even more than normal?

Posted by: IllTemperedCur

1.5 billion Chinese.
=======
1.5 billion Chinese and the deep ones. Well, mostly the deep ones.

Posted by: Nikolai Bad Ass Russian Monster Hunter at August 19, 2019 03:58 PM (FdJsC)

409 A wiki article on the Chicxulub crater, which was created from an asteroid strike that caused the Cretaceous extinction event, stated that if the asteroid had struck in the deep ocean, it would have created a tsunami with a height of about 2.9 miles. OTOH, that asteroid struck with the energy of 100 million Tsar Bomba (50 megaton) nuclear weapons.
Posted by: mrp at August 19, 2019 03:45 PM (Pqytn)

...

again, i haven't even stayed at a Holiday Inn Express recently, but the dynamic of displacing fluid from a strike at the surface and a big pop at the bottom of a pool are pretty different.

I think the deal with the Indonesian Tsunami was the earthquake created a big uplift, and the tsunami was a result of that displaced water essentially finding level again.

I know there is a pulse wave too that becomes a shear wave at the surface, but I thought I read that the big part of the wave was from the actual physical uplift.

Point being that you need to actually displace the water to get a tsunami.

Posted by: TexasDan at August 19, 2019 04:04 PM (yL25O)

410 Show some horny guy in a bar, a young woman in a tight dress sidles up
to him and they leave together. Back at his place, they do the deed
with him using a condom, which he then tosses in the trash. He goes to
use the bathroom, and she hops up from the bed, takes the used condom
out of the trash, ties it off and puts it in a ziploc bag in her purse.
Then she leaves.

Six months later, and his phone rings: "Congratulations, you're
going to be a daddy. My lawyer will be in touch soon about a payment
schedule."

Voice-over: Men, if you want to avoid ending up like this sap, call my office to schedule your vasectomy today!
So like I said, their target demographic is retards.

Posted by: Alcoholic Asshole Shut In at August 19, 2019 04:04 PM (CPk08)

411
Voice-over: Men, if you want to avoid ending up like this sap, call my office to schedule your vasectomy today!
Posted by: TrivialPursuer

Also an argument for a burner phone and a real life sock

Posted by: Jean at August 19, 2019 04:05 PM (CwYup)

412 Russia has been developing a nuclear-powered cruise missile, the 9M730 Burevestnik or "Petrel" missile. To be clear, that's a missile powered by nuclear fission, not a missile "merely" carrying a nuclear warhead.

Posted by: SMOD at August 19, 2019 04:06 PM (3aI0K)

413 Oh yeah. Happy birthday to me!
Posted by: weirdflunky at August 19, 2019 03:02 PM

#MeToo!
Turned 29 today.
Also, Bill Clinton. And Fred Thompson, so there's that.

Posted by: Hawkpilot at August 19, 2019 04:11 PM (tYvwL)

414 Sure it's a lot bigger, but it goes off prematurely before it even hits the target.

Whereas I've never had any complaints about the size of my torpedo or its ability to perform.

Posted by: Bitter Clinger at August 19, 2019 04:28 PM (AkGlo)

415 Ryan Fournier
@RyanAFournier
BREAKING: President Trump has defunded Planned Parenthood.

Promises made. Promises kept.

Posted by: Deep State is in Deep Shit at August 19, 2019 04:31 PM (BqBId)

416 The Russians had a nuclear weapon accident and no one seems to care.

Can you imagine the world wide media screams if a member of NATO did the same.

Make no mistake this was a nuclear weapon failure. Not a propulsion system using nuclear.

Posted by: Parker Longbaugh at August 19, 2019 04:33 PM (Y1iuP)

417 Parker Longbaugh:

"Make no mistake this was a nuclear weapon failure. Not a propulsion system using nuclear."

Interesting. A hunch, or do you have specifics gleaned from the reports that lead you to be this firm?

(Not being rhetorical - straightup question.)

Posted by: JPS at August 19, 2019 05:24 PM (0WlsN)

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