Livecam of Expectant Giraffe, Awaiting Birth of Baby Giraffe<br>

Livecam of Expectant Giraffe, Awaiting Birth of Baby Giraffe

Not as good as a baby goat, but still something. I think. I guess we'll have to wait until she farrows* until we know for sure.

By the way, YouTube briefly pulled this livefeed of a pregnant giraffe for nudit and explicit content. No, really.

The owner of a New York zoo planning to live-stream a giraffe giving birth says the video feed was briefly removed from YouTube because animal rights activists labeled it sexually explicit....
In a video posted on the zoo’s Facebook page, Patch blamed "a handful of extremists and animal rights activists" for interrupting the stream from the "giraffe cam."

Why aren't users who lodge such obviously false and harassing complaints disbarred from every lodging a complaint again? That would stop this nonsense in a hurry.

* I got this word from Psych. I got "farrier" from Archer. I don't know if they're related.

Spoiler: If you want to see a giraffe being born, but can't wait around all day for this one, you can watch this video of a baby giraffe being born in Dallas 2015.

I'm sure it's pretty much the same thing.

It looks kinda weird.

Bonus Cute:

Best pic of a quokka you'll ever see. Straya! 🇦🇺 pic.twitter.com/E3oDEueZs1
— Rita Panahi (@RitaPanahi) February 26, 2017

WARNING: Quokkas are highly venomous mammals who leap at their prey's throats to inject them with a necrotizing poison that causes their heads to rot before their bodies die. They are known locally as "Springing Cobra-Rats of the Death-Kiss."

PS, not really. They're just cute little marsupials who like berries and hugs.

Just more #FakeNews.

Posted by: Ace at 05:27 PM

Comments

(Jump to bottom of comments)

1 speaking of rotisserie chicken, i don't understand why boston market isn't more successful. their chicken is very good, as are the sides, and it's about as healthy as fast food can get.

Posted by: musical jolly chimp at February 26, 2017 05:33 PM (WTSFk)

2 Giraffes are really cool animals.

Somebody should get the foodies.

Posted by: L, Elle at February 26, 2017 05:34 PM (W4LFA)

3 That's a long way to fall.

Posted by: Grump928(C) at February 26, 2017 05:34 PM (LTHVh)

4 You know what's coming next.....Rosie O'Fat live streaming you know what.

That will surely get the PETA freaks all freaked out.

Posted by: Hairyback Guy at February 26, 2017 05:34 PM (5VlCp)

5 live birth is a strange thing ... amazing, yet surreal.

slimy helpless thing ... gets up and walks ... life is a many splendored thang

Posted by: illiniwek at February 26, 2017 05:34 PM (YMJtx)

6 oops, did it again. wrong thread. sorry :-(

Posted by: musical jolly chimp at February 26, 2017 05:34 PM (WTSFk)

7 Boston Market is expensive

Posted by: Tilikum Killer Assault Whale at February 26, 2017 05:35 PM (hVdx9)

8 So am I wrong to assume that the baby giraffe will have like a 6 foot drop upon emerging?

Posted by: Tilikum Killer Assault Whale at February 26, 2017 05:36 PM (hVdx9)

9 Heh. I belong to a tennis club that's located in not the best neighborhood in Houston ( our zoning sucks. ). Anyway , I use it as an example as a warning to never say never.

When I've had the opportunity, I say ' yeah , just like the chances of a giraffe hanging out in this neighborhood '

Little do my warnees know that my tennis club has two giraffes housed there. It's almost as much a zoo as it is a tennis club. People from Houston would know the owner though his wife runs it. Mattress Mac.

Posted by: Sebastian Melmoth at February 26, 2017 05:36 PM (IDPbH)

10 A farrier can trim hooves and shoe your horse.

Posted by: gNewt at February 26, 2017 05:37 PM (1koXB)

11 trying to make up for my giraffe gaffe (!), i'll mention again a video available from youtube of male giraffes fighting. it's amazing, they don't use their legs and hooves, they fling their necks at each other!.

i thought that was amazing...

ciao,

Posted by: musical jolly chimp at February 26, 2017 05:37 PM (WTSFk)

12 Baby mammals are all adorable. It's in their coding so they can get fed.

Posted by: Grump928(C) at February 26, 2017 05:38 PM (LTHVh)

13 9 Heh. I belong to a tennis club that's located in not the best neighborhood in Houston ( our zoning sucks. ). Anyway , I use it as an example as a warning to never say never.

When I've had the opportunity, I say ' yeah , just like the chances of a giraffe hanging out in this neighborhood '

Little do my warnees know that my tennis club has two giraffes housed there. It's almost as much a zoo as it is a tennis club. People from Houston would know the owner though his wife runs it. Mattress Mac.

Posted by: Sebastian Melmoth at February 26, 2017 05:36 PM (IDPbH)

IIRC, Houston doesn't *have* zoning laws.

Posted by: Hugh Jorgen at February 26, 2017 05:40 PM (tapYd)

14 Apropos of nothing, we fed the feral cat that lives at our house some Mackerel yesterday and you would have thought it was ambrosia. This made me wonder how often cats in the wild get to eat fish? I mean, I've never seen them hanging out at the creek noodling for catfish or slapping them out of the water like bears so how do they know fish are tasty?

Posted by: Grump928(C) at February 26, 2017 05:41 PM (TYDJU)

15 So cool

Posted by: Quirky bookworm, at February 26, 2017 05:42 PM (gppsv)

16 Livecam of Expectant Giraffe, Awaiting Birth of Baby Giraffe

I'll click on one condition: You're certain the baby giraffe won't immediately give an anti-Trump speech right after it's born, right ace? ;-)

Posted by: qdpsteve at February 26, 2017 05:42 PM (u8kLQ)

17 Evening all.

Back from keeping America Safe by pushing Orders across a computer screen all day and taking CPR.

Wish I could spit on an Academy Award winner

Posted by: Nevergiveup at February 26, 2017 05:43 PM (SjImc)

18 My understanding on that complaint that was lodged was that it was PETA who did it just to screw with the zoo.

Posted by: Vic We Have No Party at February 26, 2017 05:44 PM (mpXpK)

19 14 Apropos of nothing, we fed the feral cat that lives at our house some Mackerel yesterday and you would have thought it was ambrosia. This made me wonder how often cats in the wild get to eat fish? I mean, I've never seen them hanging out at the creek noodling for catfish or slapping them out of the water like bears so how do they know fish are tasty?
Posted by: Grump928(C) at February 26, 2017 05:41 PM (TYDJU)

My cats like Kosher White Fish. But not that cheap kind from the Super market, only the real expensive kind for the Kosher Deli in my town. Spoiled brats

Posted by: Nevergiveup at February 26, 2017 05:44 PM (SjImc)

20 The owner of a New York zoo planning to live-stream a giraffe giving birth says the video feed was briefly removed from YouTube because animal rights activists labeled it sexually explicit....

--Ugh

Don't these imbeciles who claim to help animals realize that videos like these can increase appreciation and rrespect for the animal world? How stupid are they?

Posted by: logprof at February 26, 2017 05:45 PM (GsAUU)

21 20 Don't these imbeciles who claim to help animals
realize that videos like these can increase appreciation and rrespect
for the animal world? How stupid are they?

Posted by: logprof at February 26, 2017 05:45 PM (GsAUU)

PETA? Try brain dead.

Posted by: Vic We Have No Party at February 26, 2017 05:46 PM (mpXpK)

22 PETA has nothing to do with animal welfare. Just a bunch of loons who use animals to gain power and money.

Posted by: Tilikum Killer Assault Whale at February 26, 2017 05:47 PM (hVdx9)

23 Last summer on Animal Planet there was a documentary of naturalists trying to see if thylacines still existed in the wild (last known one died in Hobart Zoo in the '30s). Any people see quokkas and mistake them for thylacines, and indeed there were some quokkas spotted one night out in the bush.

Posted by: logprof at February 26, 2017 05:47 PM (GsAUU)

24 Quokka love

Posted by: Tilikum Killer Assault Whale at February 26, 2017 05:48 PM (hVdx9)

25
I'll click on one condition: You're certain the baby giraffe won't immediately give an anti-Trump speech right after it's born, right ace? ;-)
Posted by: qdpsteve

We must keep GiraffeCare!

Posted by: Perez Perez at February 26, 2017 05:49 PM (IqV8l)

26 You never know when there is a quokka out there with your name on it.

Posted by: Tilikum Killer Assault Whale at February 26, 2017 05:49 PM (hVdx9)

27 Ugh, no it's *quolls* who are carnivores and resemble thylacines.

Got my Q-marsupials confused.

Posted by: logprof at February 26, 2017 05:50 PM (GsAUU)

28 There is a place for all of God's animals.

Usually, on the plate right next to the mashed potatoes and gravy.

*stolenfromsomebillboardsomwhere*

Jim
Sunk New Dawn
Galveston, TX

Posted by: Jim at February 26, 2017 05:50 PM (v5iqM)

29 14 Apropos of nothing, we fed the feral cat that lives at our house some Mackerel yesterday and you would have thought it was ambrosia. This made me wonder how often cats in the wild get to eat fish? I mean, I've never seen them hanging out at the creek noodling for catfish or slapping them out of the water like bears so how do they know fish are tasty?
Posted by: Grump928(C) at February 26, 2017 05:41 PM (TYDJU)
---
That's a very good question. Cats are tuna junkies, but when would they get tuna in the wild? Answer: never. They have to slum on human ships and for a bit of light rodent hunting they get to partake in fish guts galore.

The Age of Exploration begat today's Fancy Feast fanatics.

Posted by: All Hail Eris, She-Wolf of the 'Ettes 'Ettes at February 26, 2017 05:54 PM (EnKk6)

30 ace, someone floated the theory that you are two different bloggers, a male and a female. If there is no female blogger, then why do the posts by you sometimes obsess on cute animals, like quokkas?

Posted by: Steve and Cold Bear at February 26, 2017 05:54 PM (W8bn5)

31 Koalas: filthy whores of eucalypt woodland

http://bit.ly/2lZzcTs

Posted by: Grump928(C) at February 26, 2017 05:54 PM (TYDJU)

32 So maybe the griaffe video *is* sexually explicit?

https://youtu.be/FQ-BuZBwTDg?t=1m1s

(Classic bit)

Posted by: logprof at February 26, 2017 05:54 PM (GsAUU)

33 22 PETA has nothing to do with animal welfare. Just a bunch of loons who use animals to gain power and money.

Posted by: Tilikum Killer Assault Whale at February 26, 2017 05:47 PM (hVdx9)

================

Pikers!

Posted by: Al Gore and other other wastes of good carbon at February 26, 2017 05:55 PM (mt8X9)

34 Boston Market always uses fresh quokka, not the left over ones like some places.

I've had better giraffe elsewhere, though.

Posted by: Mama AJ at February 26, 2017 05:55 PM (gTQoY)

35 30 ace, someone floated the theory that you are two different bloggers, a male and a female. If there is no female blogger, then why do the posts by you sometimes obsess on cute animals, like quokkas?
Posted by: Steve and Cold Bear at February 26, 2017 05:54 PM (W8bn5)

ace identifies as a cute animal lover though he has no plans to remove his penis.

Posted by: Sebastian Melmoth at February 26, 2017 05:55 PM (IDPbH)

36 Also, by chance I'm listening to Kate Bush's The Kick Inside.

Posted by: All Hail Eris, She-Wolf of the 'Ettes 'Ettes at February 26, 2017 05:55 PM (EnKk6)

37 Best pic of a quokka you'll ever see. Straya!

The first Australian creature you trust is also the last...

Posted by: t-bird at February 26, 2017 05:55 PM (eeTCA)

38 The quokka reminds me of my gay cousin who used to lunge at his relations as if they were also gay, and full of money.

Posted by: Fritz at February 26, 2017 05:56 PM (2Bv92)

39 Livecam of Expectant Giraffe, Awaiting Birth of Baby Giraffe

Meh. Now if it gave birth to a quokka, that would be something.

Posted by: Insomniac at February 26, 2017 05:56 PM (0mRoj)

40 JUDGE WAPNER DEAD.

(He was 97.)

Posted by: Walter Freeman at February 26, 2017 05:56 PM (3Vlkn)

41 40 JUDGE WAPNER DEAD.

(He was 97.)
Posted by: Walter Freeman at February 26, 2017 05:56 PM (3Vlkn)

Fuck.

Posted by: Rain Man at February 26, 2017 05:56 PM (0mRoj)

42 Meh. Now if it gave birth to a quokka, that would be something.

I'm going to need a slutty giraffe, and a step ladder.

Posted by: quokka at February 26, 2017 05:57 PM (TYDJU)

43 28 There is a place for all of God's animals.

Usually, on the plate right next to the mashed potatoes and gravy.

*stolenfromsomebillboardsomwhere*

Jim
Sunk New Dawn
Galveston, TX
Posted by: Jim at February 26, 2017 05:50 PM (v5iqM)

--From a numper sticker:

If we aren't supposed to eat animals, how come they're made of meat?

Posted by: logprof at February 26, 2017 05:57 PM (GsAUU)

44 >>>0 ace, someone floated the theory that you are two different bloggers, a male and a female. If there is no female blogger, then why do the posts by you sometimes obsess on cute animals, like quokkas?

1. Finding animals cute is not really a female thing. Boys find animals cute too, until they're taught that's unmanly or something. I kind of don't give a shit what people tell me so I ignore that.

2. The blog has a male feel and I do think it's a good practice to balance that. (Though I do find animals cute. Well, at least the cute one.)

Josh Homme first named his band Kings of the Stone Age. But thought that had too much of a masculine feel and wouldn't project the party-for-all-feeling he was looking for. He didn't just want a bunch of metal-haired dudes in the audience. He wanted chicks too.

So he called it Queens of the Stone Age.

Doesn't make him a woman!

Posted by: ace at February 26, 2017 05:58 PM (8rNrN)

45 @44: "Doesn't make him a woman!"

Might make him a wrestler though.

Posted by: Walter Freeman at February 26, 2017 05:59 PM (3Vlkn)

46 Animal porn on youtube?

*Yiff Yiff Yiff Yiff Yiff Yiff Yiff Yiff *

Posted by: Furry at February 26, 2017 05:59 PM (z/Ubi)

47 40 JUDGE WAPNER DEAD.

(He was 97.)
Posted by: Walter Freeman at February 26, 2017 05:56 PM (3Vlkn)

--R.I.P.

I loved the People's Court when I was a kid.

Does Rusty still live?

Posted by: logprof at February 26, 2017 06:00 PM (GsAUU)

48 Rusty died in 2002.

Posted by: Walter Freeman at February 26, 2017 06:00 PM (3Vlkn)

49 Giraffes are the tallest land animals. A giraffe could look into a second-story window without even having to stand on its tiptoes! A giraffe's 6-foot (1.8-meter) neck weighs about 600 pounds (272 kilograms). The legs of a giraffe are also 6 feet (1.8 meters) long. You may now continue.

Posted by: @SOEarpiece at February 26, 2017 06:00 PM (TYDJU)

50 Josh Homme, bringin' the warmth:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nl33poJNSE4

Posted by: ace at February 26, 2017 06:01 PM (8rNrN)

51 Give a man a fish and you'll feed him for a day.
Teach a man to fish and you won't see him for a month.

Posted by: Ben Had at February 26, 2017 06:01 PM (mi9+A)

52 And all this time (decades) I thought quokka was the name of a slow cooked over gentle heat French egg dish.

Posted by: colfax mingo at February 26, 2017 06:02 PM (Ik1WR)

53 19---My cats like Kosher White Fish. But not that cheap kind from the Super market, only the real expensive kind for the Kosher Deli in my town. Spoiled brats
Posted by: Nevergiveup at February 26, 2017 05:44 PM (SjImc)
-------------------------
A lot of cats are regular gourmets when it comes to fishy stuff. Nothing but the best!

I used to get my sister's cats super-fancy seafood for Christmas every year.
Until I found out that sister and BIL were eating it.

Now they get a can of Kroger tuna.
And they hate it.

Posted by: Margarita DeVille at February 26, 2017 06:02 PM (Nox3c)

54 * I got this word from Psych. I got "farrier" from Archer. I don't know if they're related.

Farrier (n ) : horse-shoeing specialist, from Latin ferrarius "blacksmith"

Farrow (n) : young pig, from Proto-Germanic *farkhaz "young pig"

Posted by: weft cut-loop at February 26, 2017 06:02 PM (4YGWz)

55 Quokka, please.

Posted by: eleven at February 26, 2017 06:02 PM (qUNWi)

56 Meh. Now if it gave birth to a quokka, that would be something.

I'm going to need a slutty giraffe, and a step ladder.

Posted by: quokka
****

That giraffe would shoot the babies out like tennis balls from a ball launcher.

Posted by: Tilikum Killer Assault Whale at February 26, 2017 06:02 PM (hVdx9)

57 Kate Bush "The Kick Inside"
INXS "The Devil Inside" from the "Kick" album.

Hmm...

Posted by: Moron Robbie at February 26, 2017 06:02 PM (/f1mm)

58 Quoll video:

https://youtu.be/aRLp39sGUfc

Posted by: logprof at February 26, 2017 06:03 PM (GsAUU)

59 *Disclaimer: Quokkas are venomous mammals who leap at their prey's throats to inject them with a necrotic venom that causes their heads to rot before their bodies die. They are known locally as "Springing Cobra-Rats of the Murder-Hug."*

PS, not really. Just more #FakeNews.

i wanted this to be true. A grinning little furry thing that kills you in a horrible fashion.

How cool would that be.

Posted by: tbodie at February 26, 2017 06:03 PM (6MUFb)

60 If you want cute venomous animal, there is always the "slow loris"

https://youtu.be/PZ5ACLVjYwM

Posted by: buzzion at February 26, 2017 06:03 PM (z/Ubi)

61 Quokka quokka!

Posted by: fluffy at February 26, 2017 06:03 PM (jw2Xw)

62 Then there's the quagga (not a marsupial):

https://youtu.be/OYWsvRXtb6E

Posted by: logprof at February 26, 2017 06:04 PM (GsAUU)

63 aaarg. "Necrotic venom" does not make sense: necrotic refers to tissue that was living and has become non-viable. Venom is not a tissue: it is a secretion. "Necrotizing venom" would be OK, and that is in fact the kind that quokkas make, and store, in their buccopharyngeal glands.

Posted by: Alcoholic Asshole Shut In at February 26, 2017 06:04 PM (o35V3)

64 That quokka has a cute "That farmer is stealing our carrots!" Chip & Dale chipmunks face, to keep your attention off of the claws that are about to gouge your eyes out.

Posted by: JuJuBee at February 26, 2017 06:04 PM (dargh)

65 51 Give a man a fish and you'll feed him for a day.
Teach a man to fish and you won't see him for a month.
Posted by: Ben Had at February 26, 2017 06:01 PM (mi9+A)

Teach a man to fish and he'll sit in a boat and drink beer all day. And won't catch a damn thing.

Posted by: buzzion at February 26, 2017 06:05 PM (z/Ubi)

66 Re: farrier

That's interesting because I thought that was one of those words everyone knows. I'm sure there are some I don't know that would make others have a similar reaction, too.

Posted by: Moron Robbie at February 26, 2017 06:05 PM (/f1mm)

67 The Rous? They're just legend.

Posted by: Grump928(C) at February 26, 2017 06:05 PM (TYDJU)

68 This Rita Panahi.... Hot? It's hard to tell from the 4x4 pixel photo.

Posted by: Weasel at February 26, 2017 06:05 PM (Sfs6o)

69
Giraffes are the tallest land animals. A giraffe could look into a second-story window without even having to stand on its tiptoes! A giraffe's 6-foot (1.8-meter) neck weighs about 600 pounds (272 kilograms). The legs of a giraffe are also 6 feet (1.8 meters) long. You may now continue.

I don't give a shit.

Posted by: The Honey Badger at February 26, 2017 06:05 PM (yfObW)

70 >>>i wanted this to be true. A grinning little furry thing that kills you in a horrible fashion.

there is actually exactly one venomous mammal but I can't remember which one it is now. A weird one.

Oh, looking it up, it turns out there are a handful, but the well-known one, the one I was thinking of, is the duck-billed platypus.

https://animalcorner.co.uk/venomous-mammals/

Posted by: ace at February 26, 2017 06:05 PM (8rNrN)

71 If you want cute venomous animal, there is always the "slow loris"

...

The slow Loris penetrates the shield.

Posted by: Brother Cavil at February 26, 2017 06:05 PM (66CWr)

72 Giraffes are oddly beautiful critters. I want my own herd of giraffes or else I'm going to boycott a press conference.

Posted by: colfax mingo at February 26, 2017 06:05 PM (Ik1WR)

73 You guys ever see that pic of a giraffe trying to get some donkey action?

Posted by: eleven at February 26, 2017 06:06 PM (qUNWi)

74 I saw Necrotic Venom open for Kate Bush at the Cats Cradle in '95.

Posted by: Moron Robbie at February 26, 2017 06:06 PM (/f1mm)

75 My understanding is, you gently lower the quokka into the boiling water, otherwise they will crack open.

Posted by: goatexchange at February 26, 2017 06:06 PM (YFnq5)

76 I thought you were talking about the Quagga, which is a type of zebra.

Ace, I think we need a learned discussion of Feelz

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ePExj1adYg

Posted by: Kindltot at February 26, 2017 06:06 PM (XMCn6)

77 The slow Loris penetrates the shield.

We would have joined each other in death.

Posted by: The Duckbill Playtpus at February 26, 2017 06:06 PM (TYDJU)

78 A platypus is a cute, venomous critter.

Posted by: Tilikum Killer Assault Whale at February 26, 2017 06:06 PM (hVdx9)

79 "Quokkas are venomous mammals who leap at their prey's throats to inject
them with a necrotic venom that causes their heads to rot before their
bodies die."

The final death is slow but the brain rot is quick. I was bitten by one at a Goldwater convention.

Posted by: Hillary at February 26, 2017 06:07 PM (W6Ch1)

80 If you want to see a giraffe being born, but can't wait around all day for this one, you can watch this video of a baby giraffe being born in Dallas 2015.

I did not find that to be a beautiful spectacle. Couldn't some vets have sedated her and done it more quickly? That was kind of gross.

Posted by: Steve and Cold Bear at February 26, 2017 06:07 PM (W8bn5)

81 yeah i meant necrotizing. I changed it.

"Necrotic" is a term Dungeons and Dragons made up to mean "something something death." Like magic that just kills you is necrotic, and poison is all necrotic (even though most poisons aren't necrotizing).

Posted by: ace at February 26, 2017 06:07 PM (8rNrN)

82 I'd hit it.

Posted by: quokka at February 26, 2017 06:08 PM (YFnq5)

83 At first I thought that was a wombat.

Now I just feel silly.

Posted by: eleven at February 26, 2017 06:08 PM (qUNWi)

84 Giraffe feeding stations at the zoo are brilliant, btw. $3 for ten cents of lettuce that the kids are going to drop as soon as the big ass tongue gets close to them, and then they cry when you won't give them three more dollars.

Posted by: Moron Robbie at February 26, 2017 06:09 PM (/f1mm)

85 actually I mean "necrotic" is a real word, as the commenter said, but my mistake was using Dungeon and Dragon's incorrect usage of "necrotic" to mean "necrotizing" or "having to do with death magic."

Posted by: ace at February 26, 2017 06:09 PM (8rNrN)

86 Giraffe feeding stations at the zoo are brilliant, btw. $3 for ten cents of lettuce that the kids are going to drop as soon as the big ass tongue gets close to them, and then they cry when you won't give them three more dollars.

Petting zoos are just money machines.

Posted by: Grump928(C) at February 26, 2017 06:09 PM (TYDJU)

87 If you want cute venomous animal, there is always the "slow loris
Posted by: buzzion at February 26, 2017 06:03 PM (z/Ubi)

well it looks like it speaks to the trees. But only in a dialect Tim Burton would understand

Posted by: Kindltot at February 26, 2017 06:10 PM (XMCn6)

88 Quokkas while I never heard of them before and may suck out your brains like a ravenous zombie, the one pictured seems to be a happy fellow.

Posted by: Skip at February 26, 2017 06:10 PM (HDU3V)

89 48 Rusty died in 2002.
Posted by: Walter Freeman at February 26, 2017 06:00 PM (3Vlkn)

--That sucks.

I checked, though, and Doug Llewellyn is still with is.

Posted by: logprof at February 26, 2017 06:11 PM (GsAUU)

90 85 actually I mean "necrotic" is a real word, as the commenter said, but my mistake was using Dungeon and Dragon's incorrect usage of "necrotic" to mean "necrotizing" or "having to do with death magic."

Posted by: ace at February 26, 2017 06:09 PM (8rNrN)

And you laughed at the witches casting spells on Trump.

Posted by: Moron Robbie at February 26, 2017 06:11 PM (/f1mm)

91 Maybe they should put quokkas in the Oscar swag bags.

Posted by: Walter Freeman at February 26, 2017 06:11 PM (3Vlkn)

92 88 Quokkas while I never heard of them before and may suck out your brains like a ravenous zombie, the one pictured seems to be a happy fellow.
Posted by: Skip at February 26, 2017 06:10 PM (HDU3V)

Wouldn't you be smiling if you were about to get a great big yummy dinner?

Posted by: buzzion at February 26, 2017 06:11 PM (z/Ubi)

93 Okay, so now, how do we tell fake news from real news?

Everybody is spoofing us.

I'm moving out to the desert and getting away from people.

Posted by: Bossy Conservative....outlaw in America at February 26, 2017 06:11 PM (S6Pax)

94 And I take it Rita is a witty gal I have a feeling someone we know follows her on Twitter.

Posted by: Skip at February 26, 2017 06:12 PM (HDU3V)

95 necrotic venom=brown recluse.

Posted by: Ben Had at February 26, 2017 06:12 PM (mi9+A)

96 I posted this earlier but it belongs here

livestream of 4 cats in a dollhouse

http://nutiminn.is/kattarshians/

Posted by: @votermom @vm at February 26, 2017 06:12 PM (Om16U)

97 @51:

Give a man a fish and you'll feed him for a day.

Teach a man to fish and he'll sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

FIFY.

Posted by: Bruce at February 26, 2017 06:12 PM (nIUnC)

98 90 85 actually I mean "necrotic" is a real word, as the commenter said, but my mistake was using Dungeon and Dragon's incorrect usage of "necrotic" to mean "necrotizing" or "having to do with death magic."

Posted by: ace at February 26, 2017 06:09 PM (8rNrN)

And you laughed at the witches casting spells on Trump.
Posted by: Moron Robbie at February 26, 2017 06:11 PM (/f1mm)

Well duh. His tie has +50 Magic Resistance.

Posted by: buzzion at February 26, 2017 06:12 PM (z/Ubi)

99 A farrier shoes horses. A quokka eats farriers and horses, even the shoes, because a quokka needs lots of iron to keep its claws spikey.

Posted by: colfax mingo at February 26, 2017 06:13 PM (Ik1WR)

100 Quokkas are good boiled in brine with creole seasoning.

Posted by: Weasel at February 26, 2017 06:13 PM (Sfs6o)

101 Oh, looking it up, it turns out there are a handful, but the well-known one, the one I was thinking of, is the duck-billed platypus.

https://animalcorner.co.uk/venomous-mammals/
Posted by: ace at February 26, 2017 06:05 PM (8rNrN)

--Solenodons are also mildly venomous, but not cute.

Posted by: logprof at February 26, 2017 06:14 PM (GsAUU)

102 Hitler designed his officer corps' uniforms to resemble the quokka.

Posted by: ace at February 26, 2017 06:14 PM (8rNrN)

103 ....but my mistake was using Dungeon and Dragon's incorrect usage of "necrotic" to mean "necrotizing" or "having to do with death magic."
Posted by: ace

What are you, some kind of necromonger?

Posted by: Riddick at February 26, 2017 06:14 PM (S6Pax)

104 6 Things to Know About the Super Cute Quokka

http://bit.ly/2lZN14o

2. The Quokka Will Cut A Bitch

Posted by: Grump928(C) at February 26, 2017 06:15 PM (TYDJU)

105 I'm thinking a stuffed quokka modestly displayed on a well-crafted shelf would be just the ticket, when combined with suitable mood lighting and Barry White playing in the background to bring a twinkle to the eyes of a New York woman.

Posted by: Duncanthrax at February 26, 2017 06:15 PM (DMUuz)

106 The quokka is the only species apart from man that hunts for sport. And also, rape.

Posted by: ace at February 26, 2017 06:15 PM (8rNrN)

107 Give a fish a bicycle and it will ride away to LA and become a movie star.

Posted by: colfax mingo at February 26, 2017 06:16 PM (Ik1WR)

108 So he called it Queens of the Stone Age.

Doesn't make him a woman!

Posted by: ace

Ok, I'll try that out on youtube, thanks. Of course you know that "Homme" is man in French.

Posted by: Steve and Cold Bear at February 26, 2017 06:17 PM (W8bn5)

109 If I was President I would say screw the border fence and have a chained Quokka with 50 feet of chain every 49 feet of the border.

Posted by: Skip at February 26, 2017 06:17 PM (HDU3V)

110 g'early evenin', 'rons

Posted by: AltonJackson at February 26, 2017 06:17 PM (KCxzN)

111 The quokka is the only species apart from man that hunts for sport. And also, rape.

They kill for pleasure, also, the necrophilia.

Posted by: Grump928(C) at February 26, 2017 06:17 PM (TYDJU)

112 Quokka, Quokka, candle light
Gives you a death hug and does right in the evening
From the venom you're wheezin'
Quokka Sheila, Quokka Sam
Eat off your face in Quokka Land
And they piddle, up your nose just a little

And they chew off your tongue, epiglottis
Claw off your nads for spaghottis
And meatballs that they never tire of
Looks like Quokka Love

Posted by: "Quokka Love" by Zombie Captain and Tennille at February 26, 2017 06:17 PM (9q7Dl)

113 Deviled quokka. Paprika or no paprika?

Posted by: Insomniac at February 26, 2017 06:17 PM (0mRoj)

114 The Tasmanian Devil always checks under the bed for Quokka.

Posted by: Grump928(C) at February 26, 2017 06:18 PM (TYDJU)

115 They kill for pleasure, also, the necrophilia.
Posted by: Grump928(C) at February 26, 2017 06:17 PM (TYDJU)

No. That's ducks.

Posted by: Kindltot at February 26, 2017 06:18 PM (XMCn6)

116 Most wars, like almost all quokkas, are started because of a misunderstanding between people. Well, that and an uncontrollable urge to hoard eucalyptus out of spite.

Posted by: Kneelon Da GrassatTysons Chicken at February 26, 2017 06:18 PM (YFnq5)

117 Tasmanian devils (related to quolls) are becoming extinct, partially from man's activities but mostly from a pathogen that is in the meat they eat, It does not harm them if merely infested, but infects them through cuts, which they inevitably get because of the nasty disposition that is their namesake, and their constant fighting each other over meals.

Posted by: logprof at February 26, 2017 06:18 PM (GsAUU)

118 8 So am I wrong to assume that the baby giraffe will have like a 6 foot drop upon emerging?
Posted by: Tilikum Killer Assault Whale at February 26, 2017 05:36 PM (hVdx9)

Most of the time.

Sometimes it's like a jump ball.

Posted by: Simba the lion at February 26, 2017 06:19 PM (1JnAL)

119 114 The Tasmanian Devil always checks under the bed for Quokka.
Posted by: Grump928(C) at February 26, 2017 06:18 PM (TYDJU)

Bleaarrghag blagarrble gargabargl!

Posted by: Tasmanian Devil at February 26, 2017 06:19 PM (0mRoj)

120 Remember Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdom? Exactly zero episodes involving the quokka. Marlin Perkins wanted one - wanted one badly - but Jim Fowler (with the capture bag) told Marlin to fuck off - no way was he going after a quokka.

Posted by: Weasel at February 26, 2017 06:19 PM (Sfs6o)

121 Quokkas are capable of constructing pit-traps and committing identity fraud.

Posted by: ace at February 26, 2017 06:20 PM (8rNrN)

122 Tell me this guy wasn't the model for Caddyshack

http://bit.ly/2lZZmFF

Posted by: Grump928(C) at February 26, 2017 06:20 PM (TYDJU)

123 >> Deviled quokka. Paprika or no paprika?

Trick question.

You lure it with paprika, so it eats some.

But to sprinkle on after cooking...no. Just no.

Posted by: Mama AJ at February 26, 2017 06:20 PM (gTQoY)

124 118 8 So am I wrong to assume that the baby giraffe will have like a 6 foot drop upon emerging?
Posted by: Tilikum Killer Assault Whale at February 26, 2017 05:36 PM (hVdx9)

Most of the time.

Sometimes it's like a jump ball.
Posted by: Simba the lion at February 26, 2017 06:19 PM (1JnAL)

If all goes right, the remains of the amniotic sac open up like a drag chute to slow descent.

Posted by: Insomniac at February 26, 2017 06:20 PM (0mRoj)

125 A Quokka will hide in your bed and surprise your wife.

Posted by: Ben Had at February 26, 2017 06:21 PM (mi9+A)

126 114

Is that really true or fake news?

Posted by: colfax mingo at February 26, 2017 06:21 PM (Ik1WR)

127 "Not as good as a baby goat, but still something."

Damn, Muslims have gotten to ace now too.

Posted by: Country Boy - just a humble, occasionally hotheaded poster at February 26, 2017 06:21 PM (D2vc1)

128 So how does a witty gal who is a conservative working in Australia for a probably Lefty newspaper have a follower on Twitter from New York?

Posted by: Skip at February 26, 2017 06:21 PM (HDU3V)

129 I have for to offer you very lucrative opportunity for accounts held by embassy. Please for to provide bank account information in anticipate receiving one million dollars US.

Posted by: Prince Quokka at February 26, 2017 06:22 PM (0mRoj)

130 The Most Dangerous Game was based on the original Australian story, "Oi, That Quokka's Got You Fixed In His Death-Gaze Now, Cobbeh"

Posted by: ace at February 26, 2017 06:22 PM (8rNrN)

131 >>Tasmanian devils (related to quolls) are becoming extinct

All part of our plan, dear Prof. All part of our plan.

Posted by: Quokkas at February 26, 2017 06:22 PM (gTQoY)

132 You can tell a victim of a Quokka because they will be completely exsanguinated, and their wallet will be missing.

Posted by: Grump928(C) at February 26, 2017 06:22 PM (TYDJU)

133 When I was a little girl, we were coming home from the horse races in Raton, NM and our car was passed by a pickup pulling a stock trailer with a giraffe in it. It was a small giraffe, but still, kind of unusual.

Posted by: huerfano at February 26, 2017 06:23 PM (jkkMG)

134 I have an ex who can be pretty venomous.

Might not qualify as a mammal, though.

Posted by: Alcoholic Asshole Shut In at February 26, 2017 06:23 PM (o35V3)

135 Quokkas invented raves

Posted by: ace at February 26, 2017 06:23 PM (8rNrN)

136 "It's my nature," the quokka said to the scorpion, avenging the frog.

Posted by: ace at February 26, 2017 06:24 PM (8rNrN)

137
If all goes right, the remains of the amniotic sac open up like a drag chute to slow descent.

Posted by: Insomniac at February 26, 2017 06:20 PM (0mRoj)
OK, that was a LOL.

Posted by: Alcoholic Asshole Shut In at February 26, 2017 06:24 PM (o35V3)

138 I was sleeping in a tent on an island in Auckland bay and was awoken by something jumping on my tent walls. It's a tiny tent backpacking tent, mind you. I figured it was a moron sheep trying to do whatever moron sheep do at 2am.

I grab my tiny, somewhat dim flashlight, zip open the storm flap, exit tent, and have a look-see. What do i see? dozens of small red eyes glowing back at me in the dark. Not sheep. Not cattle. Not Weka (friendly crazy birds) I know there's nothing actually dangerous living on the small island - but I'm rattled.

Find out later -Wallabies. Wallabies jumping on my tent and glaring back at me with those beady red glowing eyes.

Posted by: 13times at February 26, 2017 06:24 PM (WHVu+)

139 My co-pilot for 17 missions over Benghazi was a quokka. Decent bloke.

Posted by: Brian Williams at February 26, 2017 06:24 PM (YFnq5)

140 Yes, but you humans still haven't figured out WHY we invented raves.

*evil smile*

But I think the lemurs are onto us...

Posted by: Quokkas at February 26, 2017 06:25 PM (gTQoY)

141 Quokka! Quokka! Quokka!

Posted by: Fozzy Bear at February 26, 2017 06:25 PM (GsAUU)

142 Quokka mating rituals involve the male dressing up in the skin of its human prey and going to the grocery store to buy Vegemite and Fosters for the female quokka.

Posted by: naturalfake at February 26, 2017 06:25 PM (9q7Dl)

143 Quokka talons are revered by aboriginal people as a symbol of the warrior spirit.

Posted by: Weasel at February 26, 2017 06:26 PM (Sfs6o)

144 Quokka must molt twice a year as they grow larger.

Posted by: Grump928(C) at February 26, 2017 06:26 PM (TYDJU)

145 "Xenomorphs!? Hell, i can handle them. But QUOKKAS?!?!?!? Game Over man. Game! Over!!"

Posted by: Bill Paxton (too soon?) at February 26, 2017 06:27 PM (YFnq5)

146 >>> Quokka! Quokka! Quokka!

Is there anything he can't fuck up?

Posted by: Admiral Yamoto at February 26, 2017 06:27 PM (jw2Xw)

147 *Deviled quokka. Paprika or no paprika?
Posted by: Insomniac at February 26, 2017 06:17 PM (0mRoj)*

Chili powder. Paprika is nasty.

I'd sock this comment if i could remember tbe name of the nasty crazy lady.

Posted by: tbodie at February 26, 2017 06:27 PM (6MUFb)

148 I just read an article in the Sunday NYT and learned that a quokka is what happens when a black hole sucks in Ashley Judd and implodes. Basically a be big galaxtic very stinky fart. Science is important.

Posted by: colfax mingo at February 26, 2017 06:28 PM (Ik1WR)

149 I'd sock this comment if i could remember tbe name of the nasty crazy lady.

Momma June? Ethel Merman?

Posted by: Grump928(C) at February 26, 2017 06:28 PM (TYDJU)

150 89 48 Rusty died in 2002.
Posted by: Walter Freeman at February 26, 2017 06:00 PM (3Vlkn)

--That sucks.

I checked, though, and Doug Llewellyn is still with is.
Posted by: logprof at February 26, 2017 06:11 PM (GsAUU)

I'm still around, and hosting another show!

Posted by: Harvey Levin at February 26, 2017 06:29 PM (1JnAL)

151 Quokkas? I think you can play as one of those, but there's a Level Adjustment.

Posted by: broseidon on even newer magic glowy rectangle at February 26, 2017 06:29 PM (urgYo)

152 Break me off a piece of that human arm!

Posted by: Chance the Quokka at February 26, 2017 06:29 PM (GsAUU)

153 Oh yeah, how did the Shemonic Convergence go? Was Wiccan cock-blocking successful?

Posted by: All Hail Eris, She-Wolf of the 'Ettes 'Ettes at February 26, 2017 06:29 PM (EnKk6)

154 Build a Quokka a fire and it is warm for the evening.

Light a Quokka on fire and it's time to eat.

Posted by: Hairyback Guy at February 26, 2017 06:29 PM (5VlCp)

155 It's Clobbering Time.

Posted by: A Singed Quokka at February 26, 2017 06:31 PM (TYDJU)

156 When I hear President Trump, all I can think of is rape.

Posted by: Ashley the Puffy Quokka at February 26, 2017 06:31 PM (GsAUU)

157 Momma June? Ethel Merman?
Posted by: Grump928(C) at February 26, 2017 06:28 PM (TYDJU)

Both good guesses but the one I'm forgetting is from Kentucky, spoke at the crazy lady rally in DC recently.

Posted by: tbodie at February 26, 2017 06:31 PM (6MUFb)

158 Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary,
Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore--
While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,
As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door.
"'Tis some visitor," I muttered, "tapping at my chamber door--
Only this and nothing more."

Ah, distinctly I remember it was in the bleak December;
And each separate dying ember wrought its ghost upon the floor.
Eagerly I wished the morrow;--vainly I had sought to borrow
From my books surcease of sorrow--sorrow for the lost Lenore--
For the rare and radiant maiden whom the angels name Lenore--
Nameless here for evermore.

Burst over my threshold then,
without giving a word of explanation then,
without pausing for leave or license then,
a chubby-cheeked marsupial rushed through my open door.
A beguiling smile of mystery and mischief he wore,
A grinning secret hidden within his well-furred core,
This quokka scampered up to my foot and winked,
"I just fucked your gal Lenore."

Posted by: ace at February 26, 2017 06:32 PM (8rNrN)

159 If all goes right, the remains of the amniotic sac open up like a drag chute to slow descent.
Posted by: Insomniac at February 26, 2017 06:20 PM (0mRoj)

At which point I'm fixing Simba Giraffe Soup for dinner.

Posted by: Mufasa at February 26, 2017 06:32 PM (1JnAL)

160 I thought penguins were the only animals capable of identity theft.

Posted by: broseidon on even newer magic glowy rectangle at February 26, 2017 06:33 PM (urgYo)

161 In Russia, quokka rape dolphin!

Posted by: Quokka Smirnoff at February 26, 2017 06:34 PM (GsAUU)

162 This giraffe is not going to Mia Farrow, is she, because then the poor baby is probably going to be molested by its perverted baby daddy.

Posted by: TrivialPursuer at February 26, 2017 06:34 PM (riF5p)

163 157 Momma June? Ethel Merman?
Posted by: Grump928(C) at February 26, 2017 06:28 PM (TYDJU)

Both good guesses but the one I'm forgetting is from Kentucky, spoke at the crazy lady rally in DC recently.
Posted by: tbodie at February 26, 2017 06:31 PM (6MUFb)

Sigh, I belong to her.

Posted by: Ashley Judds Puffy Scamper at February 26, 2017 06:34 PM (1JnAL)

164 Posted by: Ashley the Puffy Quokka at February 26, 2017 06:31 PM (GsAUU)

Yes! The xrazy lady.

Posted by: tbodie at February 26, 2017 06:34 PM (6MUFb)

165 145 "Xenomorphs!? Hell, i can handle them. But QUOKKAS?!?!?!? Game Over man. Game! Over!!"
Posted by: Bill Paxton (too soon?) at February 26, 2017 06:27 PM (YFnq5)

Quokkas reproduce by implanting their embryos in the chests of xenomorphs.

Posted by: Insomniac at February 26, 2017 06:34 PM (0mRoj)

166 The only thing that Orcas fear is a Quokka with a snorkel.

Posted by: Grump928(C) at February 26, 2017 06:34 PM (TYDJU)

167 The Quokka's mortal enemy is the Emperor Penguin of Antarctica.

Posted by: naturalfake at February 26, 2017 06:35 PM (9q7Dl)

168 Both good guesses but the one I'm forgetting is from Kentucky, spoke at the crazy lady rally in DC recently.
Posted by: tbodie at February 26, 2017 06:31 PM (6MUFb)

AHEM

Posted by: Ashley the Puffy Quokka at February 26, 2017 06:35 PM (GsAUU)

169 162 This giraffe is not going to Mia Farrow, is she, because then the poor baby is probably going to be molested by its perverted baby daddy.
Posted by: TrivialPursuer at February 26, 2017 06:34 PM (riF5p)

Ugghhh. It's too old.

Posted by: Roman Polanski at February 26, 2017 06:35 PM (1JnAL)

170 I was in labor for 27 hours. This may take a while.

Posted by: grammie winger at February 26, 2017 06:35 PM (dFi94)

171 @163, LOL.

Posted by: tbodie at February 26, 2017 06:36 PM (6MUFb)

172 If Mia Farrow married a Charlie's Angel horse groomer, would that be Farrow's Fawcett's Farriar?

Posted by: goatexchange, NeverQuokka at February 26, 2017 06:37 PM (YFnq5)

173 A Quokka will be wearing a dress sequined with Lady Gaga at tonight's Oscars.

Posted by: BebeDahl at February 26, 2017 06:37 PM (yNyJy)

174 Orcas also fear Aquatic Herpes.

Posted by: eleven at February 26, 2017 06:37 PM (qUNWi)

175 Ethal Merman did wet work for the OSS in Nazi occupied Europe.

Posted by: Grump928(C) at February 26, 2017 06:37 PM (TYDJU)

176 Quokka opened for Amniotic Sac in Hobart under a blue moon July 29, 1967

Posted by: colfax mingo at February 26, 2017 06:38 PM (Ik1WR)

177 The Oscars are tonight?

Huh...could that be any more of a non-event to me?

Posted by: eleven at February 26, 2017 06:38 PM (qUNWi)

178 The quokka carries love and murder in its pouch. If encountered, eye contact will determine your fate.

Posted by: Fritz at February 26, 2017 06:38 PM (2Bv92)

179 Quokka and Penguin don't hunt each other out of professional courtesy. But they do engage in psychological warfare.

Posted by: broseidon on even newer magic glowy rectangle at February 26, 2017 06:39 PM (urgYo)

180 The only natural predator quokkas have is the garden hoe. Swearsies.

Posted by: Tilikum Killer Assault Whale at February 26, 2017 06:39 PM (hVdx9)

181 106 The quokka is the only species apart from man that hunts for sport. And also, rape.

Posted by: ace at February 26, 2017 06:15 PM (8rNrN)

=========================

My original handle was going to be Quokka Danger, but it was taken ...

Posted by: Anthony Weiner at February 26, 2017 06:39 PM (mt8X9)

182 Quokka don't spray their musk to mark their territory, they do it out of spite.

Posted by: Grump928(C) at February 26, 2017 06:40 PM (TYDJU)

183 Stuck in the ER with my kid and they are streaming live in the red carpet on the tele. Sigh. Kill me now.

Posted by: IC at February 26, 2017 06:40 PM (PmaYB)

184 Orcas also fear Aquatic Herpes.

Posted by: eleven
****

Dammed right. Open sores in salt water? Owwweeee!

Posted by: Tilikum Killer Assault Whale at February 26, 2017 06:40 PM (hVdx9)

185 >>Quokka and Penguin don't hunt each other out of professional courtesy. But they do engage in psychological warfare.

And we send them cases of Zima.

Well, I guess that's more of "as an example," rather than "and".

Posted by: Quokkas at February 26, 2017 06:41 PM (gTQoY)

186 If a quokka is caught eating your baby,

it will blame a dingo.

Posted by: naturalfake at February 26, 2017 06:42 PM (9q7Dl)

187 O/T I am hoping that PDT tweets and call him AchmedDinnerJacket.

Posted by: JAS at February 26, 2017 06:42 PM (4sHXv)

188 183 Stuck in the ER with my kid and they are streaming live in the red carpet on the tele. Sigh. Kill me now.
Posted by: IC at February 26, 2017 06:40 PM (PmaYB)

With pleasure.

Posted by: Quokka at February 26, 2017 06:42 PM (0mRoj)

189 True fact:

The Secret Service code name for Trump is Orange Quokka.

Posted by: logprof at February 26, 2017 06:43 PM (GsAUU)

190 Quokkas invented both fat-shaming and eating disorders for the lulz

Posted by: ace at February 26, 2017 06:43 PM (8rNrN)

191 178 The quokka carries love and murder in its pouch. If encountered, eye contact will determine your fate.
Posted by: Fritz at February 26, 2017 06:38 PM (2Bv92)

Are you eyeballin me Mayonaise?

Posted by: Gunnery Sergeant Quokka at February 26, 2017 06:43 PM (1JnAL)

192 Stuck in the ER with my kid and they are streaming live in the red carpet on the tele. Sigh. Kill me now.
Posted by: IC at February 26, 2017 06:40 PM (PmaYB)

Ok...that one slipped by me. I'm assuming your kid is alright, then?

Posted by: eleven at February 26, 2017 06:43 PM (qUNWi)

193 Little old lady got mutilated last night, Quokka again ..

Posted by: Grump928(C) at February 26, 2017 06:43 PM (TYDJU)

194 The female of the quokka species is only 71% as venomous as the male.

Posted by: Peyton Manning's Mutual oF OMAHA! at February 26, 2017 06:44 PM (YFnq5)

195 Hope someone is watching and keeps us informed if a giraffe head appears

Posted by: Skip at February 26, 2017 06:44 PM (HDU3V)

196 quokkas always leave one survivor, to tell the tale

Posted by: ace at February 26, 2017 06:44 PM (8rNrN)

197 I guess if someone killed you the ER would be the place to be.

Posted by: eleven at February 26, 2017 06:45 PM (qUNWi)

198 Quokkas reproduce by implanting their embryos in the chests of xenomorphs.
Posted by: Insomniac

Holy Lake TittyQuokka!

Posted by: weft cut-loop at February 26, 2017 06:45 PM (4YGWz)

199 They found a quokka with a Gen. Mattis rug.

Posted by: Insomniac at February 26, 2017 06:45 PM (0mRoj)

200 >>Stuck in the ER with my kid

Effing quokkas. What did they do??

Prayers offered.

Posted by: Mama AJ at February 26, 2017 06:45 PM (gTQoY)

201 Until hunted nearly to extinction, great herds of quokkas used to roam the land.

Posted by: Tilikum Killer Assault Whale at February 26, 2017 06:46 PM (hVdx9)

202 The quokka sharpen it's claws on your face, as it eats your face.

Posted by: 13times at February 26, 2017 06:46 PM (WHVu+)

203 "The female of the quokka species is only 71% as venomous as the male."

Cause they are only paid 71% of what a male earns, right?

Posted by: JAS at February 26, 2017 06:47 PM (4sHXv)

204 If a quokka is caught eating your baby,

it will blame a dingo.

Kind of like that giant asteroid killed the dinosaurs. Yeah, right! Never buy what a quokka is selling.

Posted by: t-bird at February 26, 2017 06:47 PM (7H/2n)

205 This was the last photograph taken by cambojones, his wife had to publish it in his memory.

Posted by: Skip at February 26, 2017 06:47 PM (HDU3V)

206 The appearance of quokkas in the fossil record-

coincides with the extinction of the dinosaurs.

And the appearance of crack.

Posted by: naturalfake at February 26, 2017 06:47 PM (9q7Dl)

207 Quokka launch attacks from tree's, small burrows and, apparently, from voting booths.

Posted by: 13times at February 26, 2017 06:47 PM (WHVu+)

208 "Until hunted nearly to extinction, great herds of quokkas used to roam the land."

Sadly, this massacre was committed by.... other quokkas.

Posted by: Peyton Manning's Mutual oF OMAHA! at February 26, 2017 06:47 PM (YFnq5)

209 The name quokka comes from an Aboriginal phrase, "quok quok," which means "Furry Horror Beast."

Posted by: broseidon on even newer magic glowy rectangle at February 26, 2017 06:48 PM (urgYo)

210 True fact:

The crest on the Territorial Seal of Norfolk Island is a quokka brandishing a Zweihaender.

Posted by: logprof at February 26, 2017 06:48 PM (GsAUU)

211 "Until hunted nearly to extinction, great herds of quokkas used to roam the land."

Sadly, this massacre was committed by.... other quokkas.

Posted by: Peyton Manning's Mutual oF OMAHA!
****

Clan wars. They are very Scottish like that.

Posted by: Tilikum Killer Assault Whale at February 26, 2017 06:49 PM (hVdx9)

212 The quokkas only true natural predators are nuclear winter and alcoholism.

Posted by: broseidon on even newer magic glowy rectangle at February 26, 2017 06:49 PM (urgYo)

213 Quokka gonna quok

Posted by: Random Joe at February 26, 2017 06:49 PM (PAwVG)

214 Quokkas?! Honey Badger DO care! Get me TFO of here...

Posted by: Honey Badger at February 26, 2017 06:50 PM (hBig8)

215 In all honesty, I don't have to outrun the Quokka, I just have to outrun you.

Posted by: Grump928(C) at February 26, 2017 06:50 PM (TYDJU)

216 195 Hope someone is watching and keeps us informed if a giraffe head appears
Posted by: Skip at February 26, 2017 06:44 PM (HDU3V)

Better hope a turtle head doesn't appear.

Posted by: Ashley Judd's Puffy Scamper, aka MrCaniac, the Deplorable at February 26, 2017 06:50 PM (1JnAL)

217 Good luck to mama and baby giraffe.
Our zoo's last baby giraffe fell and broke its neck.
Hope this story has a happier ending.

Posted by: LilBabyNewYear2017 at February 26, 2017 06:50 PM (NnnZy)

218 Expectant giraffes are small potatoes compared to expectorant giraffes.

Posted by: Cloyd Freud, Unemployed at February 26, 2017 06:51 PM (97XyN)

219 Our zoo's last baby giraffe fell and broke its neck.

You would think a bit of straw would help with that.

Posted by: Grump928(C) at February 26, 2017 06:51 PM (TYDJU)

220 195 Hope someone is watching and keeps us informed if a giraffe head appears

Posted by: Skip at February 26, 2017 06:44 PM (HDU3V)

======================

I have the pleasure of announcing that Ashton Kutcher just appeared ...

Posted by: ShainS at February 26, 2017 06:51 PM (mt8X9)

221 I'm too scared now after all your quokka stories.

Posted by: The Giraffe at February 26, 2017 06:51 PM (gTQoY)

222 In all honesty, I don't have to outrun the Quokka, I just have to outrun you.

You guys are like Pringles- who can stop at just one?

Posted by: Darth Quokka at February 26, 2017 06:52 PM (hBig8)

223 Blackie Lawless fronted the most extreme "Death Metal" band of all time, "Q.U.O.K.K.A."

Posted by: ace at February 26, 2017 06:52 PM (8rNrN)

224 Quokka, like Corvids, will cache shiny baubles, they especially like iphones and, for reasons unknown, hipster beards.

Posted by: 13times at February 26, 2017 06:52 PM (WHVu+)

225 The quokkas favorite method of torture is to leave their victims on the brink of death, then secretly finance their hospital bills with predatory loans.

Posted by: broseidon on even newer magic glowy rectangle at February 26, 2017 06:52 PM (urgYo)

226 Quokka eggs?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mtHZxysjtJI

Posted by: DaveA at February 26, 2017 06:52 PM (8J/Te)

227 Russians were forced to through passengers out of their sleigh when pursued by packs of Quokka.

Posted by: Grump928(C) at February 26, 2017 06:53 PM (TYDJU)

228 or throw,

Holy shit I can't type.

Posted by: Grump928(C) at February 26, 2017 06:54 PM (TYDJU)

229 Remember the land bridge to Asia? Yeah, we took care of that escape route, you filthy little snacks...

Posted by: Darth Quokka at February 26, 2017 06:54 PM (/wWB4)

230 This picture should have ominous music playing

http://bit.ly/2m00oBK

Posted by: Grump928(C) at February 26, 2017 06:55 PM (TYDJU)

231 I saw Blackie Lawless open for Sons Of Anarchy at Burning Man in '09 ...

Posted by: ShainS at February 26, 2017 06:55 PM (mt8X9)

232 Little Known Fact: the reason the Xena Warrior Princess series was cancelled was due to an outbreak of quokka. The infestation wiped out the crew. Only the farrier survived.

Posted by: Peyton Manning's Mutual oF OMAHA! at February 26, 2017 06:56 PM (YFnq5)

233 Over/under on quokka references in next Saturday's Pet Thread?

Posted by: ShainS at February 26, 2017 06:57 PM (mt8X9)

234 If quokkas could breath underwater, they would be the ocean's apex predator.

Posted by: Tilikum Killer Assault Whale at February 26, 2017 06:57 PM (hVdx9)

235 although men domesticated the dog, quokkas domesticated spiders

Posted by: ace at February 26, 2017 06:57 PM (8rNrN)

236 60 million years ago, saber-toothed quokka roamed Gondwanaland.

Posted by: logprof at February 26, 2017 07:00 PM (GsAUU)

237 I shot a quokka in Reno just to watch it die, but the damn thing laughed it off and swore vengeance on the unborn of all my generations.

Posted by: Bandersnatch, gentleman cad at February 26, 2017 07:00 PM (gIRsn)

238 As a teenager, I worked at The Bronx Zoo. While riding on one of the trams with a whole bunch of families we got to see the miracle of giraffes fucking.

Id you know that male giraffes have a long prehensile penis?

Posted by: Ignoramus at February 26, 2017 07:00 PM (bQxkN)

239 217 Good luck to mama and baby giraffe.
Our zoo's last baby giraffe fell and broke its neck.
Hope this story has a happier ending.
Posted by: LilBabyNewYear2017 at February 26, 2017 06:50 PM (NnnZy)

Depends on your definition of a "happy ending"

Posted by: Scar the lion at February 26, 2017 07:01 PM (1JnAL)

240 Depends on your definition of a "happy ending"

Definition is the same everywhere. Prices go up the nearer you get to the midtown hotels.

Posted by: Bandersnatch, gentleman cad at February 26, 2017 07:02 PM (gIRsn)

241 Yeh, yeh - laugh all you want, you Yank jokey jokesters. But I have only one leg, one ear, and one arm. Quokka's took the rest.

Posted by: Rita Panahi at February 26, 2017 07:03 PM (YFnq5)

242 Quokka have been observed using relatively advanced tools. For instance, they can use cameras, but have only been observed in the wild taking blackmail photos.

Posted by: broseidon on even newer magic glowy rectangle at February 26, 2017 07:04 PM (urgYo)

243 Why aren't users who lodge such obviously false and harassing complaints disbarred from every lodging a complaint again?

Because it's too useful to shutting down people they all want to shut down.

Like Milo.

Posted by: Mr. Peebles at February 26, 2017 07:04 PM (oVJmc)

244 Quokkas use, in parasitic fashion, use Kangaroo joey pouches to gestate their young.

Posted by: 13times at February 26, 2017 07:04 PM (WHVu+)

245 Been watching the last season of Black Sails. It's gotten quite good after they got past making Flint a bi

Posted by: Ignoramus at February 26, 2017 07:04 PM (bQxkN)

246 Despite their reputation, quokka actually make great pets. Just don't feed them after midnight or get them wet.

Posted by: Bacon Jeff at February 26, 2017 07:04 PM (VSenK)

247 A group of kangaroos is a mob.

A group of quokkas is a riot.

Posted by: logprof at February 26, 2017 07:04 PM (GsAUU)

248 Horses, cattle, sheep, lions and tigers and bears were only re-introduced to Australia after the invention of gunpowder.

I'm jus' sayin'.

Posted by: t-bird at February 26, 2017 07:05 PM (eeTCA)

249 It's time to replace the elephant as the symbol of the Republican Party. Any ideas?

Posted by: President Trump at February 26, 2017 07:05 PM (mt8X9)

250 >>Best pic of a quokka

Does President Trump know that his hair got out of the house?

Posted by: Aviator at February 26, 2017 07:06 PM (/Nite)

251 0T. The nominee for secretary of the Navy just withdrew his nomination

Posted by: Jen the original at February 26, 2017 07:06 PM (cWhln)

252 I thought a group of quokka was a genocide.

Posted by: Grump928(C) at February 26, 2017 07:07 PM (LTHVh)

253 Quokkas would stampede entire tribes of Plains Indians over cliffs then use their shattered bodies for food, shelter and making musical instruments.

Posted by: Insomniac at February 26, 2017 07:08 PM (0mRoj)

254 Though quokka have sharp teeth and claws, they rarely use them, as they prefer to bully their prey until they commit suicide.

Posted by: broseidon on even newer magic glowy rectangle at February 26, 2017 07:08 PM (urgYo)

255 Imagine a small child's fear when about to be hugged for the cameras by Hillary. Now you know about quokkas.

Posted by: t-bird at February 26, 2017 07:08 PM (9Q5BJ)

256 Quoakka, no problem.

** adjust hat, wades in **

AARRGGHH!!!!!! take me back to the bear, please.!

Posted by: Leonardo DiCaprio in a coonskin hat at February 26, 2017 07:09 PM (8J/Te)

257 Never shoot a quokka, it just pisses them off.

Posted by: Grump928(C) at February 26, 2017 07:10 PM (LTHVh)

258 So that's what they meant when they said barney frank likes lime in his Quoakka nut.

Posted by: Berserker- Dragonheads Division at February 26, 2017 07:12 PM (aMlLZ)

259

Posted by: Aviator at February 26, 2017 07:12 PM (/Nite)

260 Quokkas are dangerous and to be avoided in the wild.

But they're no drop bear!

Posted by: Aussie Tourists Everywhere at February 26, 2017 07:12 PM (bQxkN)

261 251 0T. The nominee for secretary of the Navy just withdrew his nomination

Posted by: Jen the original at February 26, 2017 07:06 PM (cWhln)

==================

Who's vetting these guys, Chris Christie?

Posted by: ShainS at February 26, 2017 07:14 PM (mt8X9)

262 The owner of a New York zoo planning to live-stream a giraffe giving birth says the video feed was briefly removed from YouTube because animal rights activists labeled it sexually explicit....

They should see my cat "cleaning herself" ... at least that's what she claims she's doing.

Posted by: ThePrimordialOrderedPair at February 26, 2017 07:16 PM (zc3Db)

263 Yeh, yeh - laugh all you want, you Yank jokey jokesters. But I have only one leg, one ear, and one arm. Quokka's took the rest.
Posted by: Rita Panahi at February 26, 2017 07:03 PM (YFnq5)

Yup....."Waltzing Matilda" was originally a folk song by the first inhabitants of Van Dieman's Land to encounter the Quokka.

Posted by: Hairyback Guy at February 26, 2017 07:16 PM (5VlCp)

264 Do you come from the land down under?
Where women glow and Quokkas plunder?
Can you hear, can you hear the thunder?
You better run, you better take cover

Posted by: Men at Work at February 26, 2017 07:17 PM (HDU3V)

265 They should see my cat "cleaning herself" ... at least that's what she claims she's doing.

There was a hilarious moment in this year's Westminster Kennel Club thingie where a dog that was already doing all the wrong things during the obstacle course stopped in the middle of the slalom and licked its balls for a while.

Posted by: Bandersnatch, gentleman cad at February 26, 2017 07:19 PM (gIRsn)

266 There is a Oscar Nood
If anyone cares

Posted by: Skip at February 26, 2017 07:20 PM (HDU3V)

267 Large numbers of quokkas in one place are known as an Armageddon.

Posted by: Tilikum Killer Assault Whale at February 26, 2017 07:20 PM (hVdx9)

268 241 Yeh, yeh - laugh all you want, you Yank jokey jokesters. But I have only one leg, one ear, and one arm. Quokka's took the rest.
Posted by: Rita Panahi at February 26, 2017 07:03 PM (YFnq5)

Nightriders crew slammed two shells into our side, Chief. We was comin' back from the Outback to Melbourne, just delivered the MFP Interceptor. Max's car. Eleven hundred men went into the bush. Bus went up in lfames in twelve minutes. Didn't see the first quokka for about a half an hour. Grey one. Thirteen-incher. You know how you know that when you're in the bush, Chief? You tell by lookin' from the eyes to the tail. What we didn't know... was our delivery mission had been so secret, no distress signal had been sent.

They didn't even list us overdue for a week. Very first light, Chief, quokkas come cruisin'. So we formed ourselves into tight groups. Y'know, it's... kinda like ol' squares in a battle like, uh, you see in a calendar, like the Battle of Waterloo, and the idea was, quokka comes to the nearest man and that man, he'd start poundin' and hollerin' and screamin', and sometimes the quokka'd go away... sometimes he wouldn't go away. Sometimes that quokka, he looks right into ya. Right into your eyes. Y'know the thing about a quokka, he's got... lifeless eyes, black eyes, like a doll's eyes. When he comes at ya, doesn't seem to be livin'... until he bites ya. And those black eyes roll over white, and then... oh, then you hear that terrible high-pitch screamin', the sand turns red, and spite of all the poundin' and the hollerin', they all come in and they... rip you to pieces.

Y'know, by the end of that first dawn... lost a hundred men. I dunno how many quokka. Maybe a thousand. I dunno how many men, they averaged six an hour. On Thursday mornin', Chief, I bumped into a friend of mine, Herbie Robinson from Cleveland. Baseball player. Bosun's mate. I thought he was asleep. Reached over to wake him up. Bobbed up and down in the sand just like a kinda top. Upended. Well... he'd been bitten in half below the waist. Noon the fifth day, Mr. Hooper, a Lockheed Ventura saw us, he swung in low and he saw us. Young pilot, a lot younger than Mr. Hooper. Anyway, he saw us and come in low and three hours later, a big fat C5 comes down and start to pick us up. Y'know, that was the time I was most frightened, waitin' for my turn. I'll never put on a leather jacket again. So, eleven hundred men went into the Outback, three hundred sixteen men come out, and the quokka took the rest, June the 29th, 1975.

Posted by: Quint at February 26, 2017 07:20 PM (1JnAL)

269 251 0T. The nominee for secretary of the Navy just withdrew his nomination

This sucks. Trump must understand that all of Washington is against him. He can't afford unforced errors.

Posted by: Cloyd Freud, Unemployed at February 26, 2017 07:21 PM (97XyN)

270 >>There was a hilarious moment in this year's
Westminster Kennel Club thingie where a dog that was already doing all
the wrong things during the obstacle course stopped in the middle of the
slalom and licked its balls for a while.

Posted by: Bandersnatch, gentleman cad

So kind of like the Presidency of the prior 8 years.

Posted by: Aviator at February 26, 2017 07:22 PM (/Nite)

271 Posted by: Quint at February 26, 2017 07:20 PM

Bravo!

Posted by: AltonJackson at February 26, 2017 07:23 PM (KCxzN)

272 Farrier isn't related to farrow. A farrier is a person who makes and attaches horseshoes.

Posted by: Prothonotary Warbler. Welcome to Trumpdome, bitch! at February 26, 2017 07:28 PM (0OG8D)

273 So kind of like the Presidency of the prior 8 years.

Except they weren't his balls.

Posted by: Reggie at February 26, 2017 07:28 PM (eeTCA)

274 a quokka has five natural weapons: claws, bite, stealth, cunning, and guns

Posted by: ace at February 26, 2017 07:29 PM (8rNrN)

275 >>.Farrier isn't related to farrow. A farrier is a person who makes and attaches horseshoes.

kind of both related to husbandry. I bet there's a connection somewhere.

Posted by: ace at February 26, 2017 07:30 PM (8rNrN)

276 The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself! And quokkas...

Posted by: FDR at February 26, 2017 07:31 PM (eeTCA)

277 okay, not related. Farrier derives from ferus, iron, or some word like ferus. Latin-derived.

Farrow derives from some old german word for young pig.

Posted by: ace at February 26, 2017 07:32 PM (8rNrN)

278 These quokkas scare me a bit.

Posted by: A Honey Badger at February 26, 2017 07:32 PM (kTF2Z)

279 Quokka are the mind killer, the little death that bring complete obliteration ..

Posted by: Grump928(C) at February 26, 2017 07:32 PM (Eg6YC)

280 Farrow derives from some old german word for young pig.

Which today is Ferkel, if I remember correctly.

Posted by: t-bird at February 26, 2017 07:33 PM (8zL5i)

281 >>So kind of like the Presidency of the prior 8 years.

Except they weren't his balls.

Posted by: Reggie

I think of them as mine.

Posted by: Barry at February 26, 2017 07:33 PM (/Nite)

282 There is something going on in the giraffes stomach....she stops and you can see the baby moving around....

Posted by: lindarising at February 26, 2017 07:34 PM (JNDQi)

283 I mean, this one time, I went back to my corner and my trainer told me I had to go back out for another round. A little pee came out.

Posted by: A Honey Badger at February 26, 2017 07:34 PM (kTF2Z)

284 That's one mean rodent! Look at the bones!

Posted by: A Honey Badger at February 26, 2017 07:35 PM (kTF2Z)

285 After seeing that picture I think I know what it's like to date Ace.

Posted by: Mr. Peebles at February 26, 2017 07:36 PM (oVJmc)

286 282 There is something going on in the giraffes stomach....she stops and you can see the baby moving around....
Posted by: lindarising at February 26, 2017 07:34 PM (JNDQi)

Not saying it's an alien, but from my experience, it is.

Posted by: Kane at February 26, 2017 07:37 PM (1JnAL)

287 Quokka: an aboriginal word, meaning "rape hamster".

Posted by: Sixgunsam at February 26, 2017 08:04 PM (FThrt)

288 Quokkas are one of the cutest animals ever. They always seem to be smiling. Koalas, apparently, are awful stinky creatures that happen to look cute but Quokkas are pretty much universally beloved.

Meanwhile BIll Paxton remains the only man ever killed by a Terminator, an Alien, and a Predator.

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at February 26, 2017 08:10 PM (39g3+)

289 Your days are numbered. Our invasion will begin soon.

Posted by: Nutria at February 26, 2017 08:11 PM (0wm3C)

290 Your days are numbered. Our invasion will begin soon.
Posted by: Nutria

Them's good eatin, I garontee

Posted by: Cajun at February 26, 2017 08:14 PM (39g3+)

291 Meanwhile BIll Paxton remains the only man ever killed by a Terminator, an Alien, and a Predator.

We're already established that he most like shares that honor with Lance Henrikson.

Posted by: Grump928(C) at February 26, 2017 08:15 PM (Eg6YC)

292 291 Meanwhile BIll Paxton remains the only man ever killed by a Terminator, an Alien, and a Predator.

We're already established that he most like shares that honor with Lance Henrikson.
Posted by: Grump928(C) at February 26, 2017 08:15 PM (Eg6YC)

Add me to the list.

Posted by: The Surgeon at February 26, 2017 08:21 PM (0wm3C)

293 Well I shall go a-wandering, having zero interest in the oscars. Or Daytona, for that matter.

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at February 26, 2017 08:31 PM (39g3+)

294 Quokka mating habots are so violent that some females have evolved an armored cloaca.

Posted by: logprof at February 26, 2017 08:38 PM (GsAUU)

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