No Matter How Hard We Run, We Can Never Escape Our Childhood Breakfast Cereals

Reposted from 2013. It's actually National Breakfast Cereal Day, so I'll make this my I'm-out-of-here Completely Open Thread post for the night.

...

I don't want to admit this, really, but -- and what you're about to read is pretty much actually true -- since I was a child, I've had a strong revulsion to Kaboom cereal, due to what may be called a early-childhood type of social dysmorphia.

And, ultimately, self-hatred.

You say you've never heard of Kaboom? You think I'm making Kaboom up?

Well let me explain this. You've heard of Apple Jacks, right? Sure you have. Everyone has.

I wanted to be an Apple Jacks kid.

Apple Jacks kids had so much fun in the commercials. Fresh-faced, healthy, and free, and hopeful for the future. Singing and dancing and just loving on their Apple Jacks.

And the cereal was awesome too. I had it once in a Snack-Pack that fell off a truck.

But there were no commercials for Kaboom.

It was just a dirty little secret, like massage parlors and the back room at a pawnbroker's.

That's why you never heard of it.

But Kaboom kids know. Kaboom kids understand.

Apple Jacks was for winners.
Kaboom was the cereal of The Defeated

I mean, look at this box. Who is that box for? Who is the intended demographic here ?

People who are coming up in the world? People who are upwardly mobile?

No. Kaboom was for people -- children, I mean -- who had decided to give up on life. And it's a sad thing for a six-year-old to have already thrown in the towel and said, "Ah well. The hopes and dreams of kindergarten are ultimately exposed as so much folly. Give me the Kaboom, Ma. I'm ready to settle."

Because that's all such a cereal is fit for, those who settle, who accept, those who lower their gaze in defeat and shame. This, this horrid Clown Cereal that looks like it's some kind of weird generic brand but it's actually marketed by General Mills. I suppose this was General Mills' attempt to tap the "downscale demographic" in six-year-olds.

First of all, children hate clowns. All children. There's a joke that everyone's afraid of clowns. Well that's not true. But everyone does hate them. Children most of all, because clowns get up in your grill with horrible jokes and diseased breath, eyes glassy with vodka and pedophilia.

So who's this cereal for exactly? I suppose clowns might buy it for their victims and abductees, but that's not a large market. Well, not that large, anyway. Couple hundred thousand units a year, tops.

When marketers found that most children
described the Kaboom clown as "creepy,"
they called a meeting, and then added
a creepy bear and creepy hippo into the mix.
Note that the hippo is not really your classic circus animal
but this is in line with Kaboom's "Who Cares?" design parameters

And look at that box. Look at the colors. They're horrible. And this was not a color scheme that was in vogue back in the day, either. No, among all the other breakfast cereals, Kaboom stood out as a cereal where the manufacturers simply were not even trying, because they wanted to appeal to children who had already decided that Track 3 in reading class was probably a bridge too far and not really worth the effort.

It's like they gave a bunch of crayons and construction paper to illiterate hobos and said, "Do your best. Or your worst. We don't care. We're aiming for the dregs of second grade. Try to include a clown. Or don't. It really won't matter either way."

And the cereal was not even good. You would think that if you're selling this abortion of a breakfast cereal to the primary school underclass -- the emerging nihilistic YOLO demographic -- you would at least load it up with sugar because, what does it even matter?, the sort of kids who eat Kaboom know they're going to die young anyway. They have no illusions.

But you'd be wrong. Actually Kaboom was not very sweet at all.

I think they decided to skimp on sugar so they could put extra sugar on the more upscale cereals like Frosted Flakes and Frosted Mini-Wheats.

It was mostly just... oats.

You know: Like what they feed to the animals.

Prize at the bottom of the box? Oh no way, not with Kaboom cereal. No way they're throwing a ha'penny whistle in there for the poor kids. You're lucky they even bothered putting the cereal into a box, instead of just distributing it off a government assistance truck into your cupped hands.

I think occasionally they had mail-in sweepstakes where you could win a welfare voucher.

Or maybe a coupon for the orphanage PX. So you could buy some extra gruel and sewing supplies for the weekend.

A "prize," if you can call it that, included in Kaboom cereal,
when they briefly offered such toys in 1972.
Kaboom cereal pioneered Choking Hazard technology
until tepid public criticism forced them to end the practice
and to issue a halfhearted apology.

And it was unappetizing looking in the bowl as well. The colors were off. They weren't bright friendly colors like you might find in more respectable, upwardly mobile cereals like Lucky Charms. They didn't even pay for regular food coloring. They made Kaboom with discount irregular food coloring usually used for cat treats.

Kaboom's color palette was like the bright hues of a poisonous toad designed to warn off predators, a mixture of the garishly day-glo and and bizzrrely dark (the purple was that of a deep bruise, still bleeding beneath the skin). When milk was added, Kaboom became a nightmarish swirl of ugly, angry colors not to be found in nature, making your milk look as if it was just curdling into a loathesome cheese produced by an alien mold.

Detail of Kaboom Cereal.
Nothing says "part of a balanced breakfast"
like the Faces of the Unquiet Dead.
The famous "death mask imagery" of Kaboom
teaches children that aspiration is vanity
and all dreams are lies

They should have called it "Kabul." Just come right out with it. Let the people know what they're in for.

This is a cereal intended for bulk purchase by the United States Department of Agriculture to feed dirty foreign children. And their animals, too. One stop shopping-- they can all feed out of the same trough.

The cereal's chief use was as a humanitarian insult.

You might wonder at this point, What possible connection is there between the clown theme and explosions, as suggested by the name "Kaboom"? Well, don't bother thinking about it too hard. They sure didn't. This product was slapped together more or less randomly by People Who Didn't Even Care, intended for sale to People Who Care Just a Little Bit Less Than That.

Kaboom is not really a product designed for those who enjoy the life of the mind. Quite the opposite. It's a product designed for those whose subnormal IQs locate them in the brutish twilight existence that divides, hazily, the crude human from the cunning beast.

The cereal is essentially designed with an eye towards the inevitable devolution of the species. Future-proof, if you will.

If the Morlocks had a cereal it would be Kaboom. But they'd insist on more flavor.

Wow, Kaboom, 45% of some vitamins and iron.
Way to swing for the fences on nutrition.
You know what 45% is in school? That's right, it's a failure.
Kaboom relentlessly transmits the message that Failure Is Freedom.
And I can't wait to cut out that "Circus Game" and
play with some cardboard, either.
It's like it's designed to teach kids that the power
of imagination will only end in embarrassment.

Kaboom was made with a special secret ingredient: Contempt.

Did I eat Kaboom as a kid? You bet I did. If I didn't, I wouldn't have such a strong memory about it. If I never ate Kaboom, I would have just said, "Oh, that's the cereal that other children whose parents don't love them eat."

But no. I ate Kaboom. Quite a few times. More times I care to remember. And every time my mom brought home that garish yellow box of sorrows, I had the same thought: "Ohhh... we're that sort of people then, eh? We're just not even keeping up appearances anymore, are we, Mother?"

We weren't. And although we struggled to deny it to ourselves, we were now Kaboom People.

The truth is a relentless hunter.

Oh, we didn't quite sink to Kaboom's level. Not at first.

We strove to endure.

We were fighters.

But the cereal did drag the family down. It very nearly ruined us all.

And this is hard to say, but -- in the end we surrendered ourselves to Kaboom.

The "New Look" of Kaboom attempted
to make the cereal more "relevant" to kids in the 80s,
apparently seeking to play on fears of nuclear holocaust.

Ultimately, our sin wasn't in consuming Kaboom. Our sin was in letting Kaboom consume us.

We Descended.

We found the Kaboom Folk, or rather, they found us. The Kaboom Folk know their own. The downcast eyes, the twitch in a shameful smile. The know the Signs.

And then together we went wild into the night, without shame and without shoe, running petty scams at the carnival, stealing newspapers out of boxes and selling them for a nickel, eking out a rough existence at the grubby margins of human habitation.

Half-feral urban nomads living in communion with packs of wild dogs. For six months I wore nothing but a a fur jerkin and a genital sock.

My pack name was Mokh-Mokh.

And each night we came back from our scavengings to our shelterpit to eat our Kaboom, our shabby bowl of weirdly-colored animal feed and shame. But we no longer cared. We were free, but it was not true freedom.

It was only the dark, oatey freedom of Kaboom. A freedom I would not wish upon my worst enemy, or even the urban dogs who would fight us for pigeon carcasses.

Nowadays I can afford any sort of cereal I like. I can even spring the extra quarter for the high-class muesli-inflected Eurocereals if I like.

But I'll never escape where I came from. And where I came from was Kaboomville. Population: A ghastly clown, his stupid pink-purple parasol, and me. With my spoon, crying into my oddly discolored milk.

Posted by: Ace at 07:30 PM

Comments

(Jump to bottom of comments)

1 Will I be the 1st banned

Posted by: DaveA at March 07, 2016 07:21 PM (DL2i+)

2 Maybe 2nd

Posted by: DaveA at March 07, 2016 07:21 PM (DL2i+)

3 Clown doesn't even look creepy. Clown looks like he's bleeding tears from the creases surrounding the haunted eyes of a long-wasted life.

Pity the clown, whose every last thought before blissful sleep overtakes him is "if only John Wayne Gacy had taken up Interning With Harry Reid instead".

Posted by: boulder terlit hobo at March 07, 2016 07:21 PM (6FqZa)

4 "Please buy my cereal", the clown says through his glassy stare. "Please tell me my existence still has meaning."

Posted by: boulder terlit hobo at March 07, 2016 07:23 PM (6FqZa)

5 And I thought his movie reviews were long.

Posted by: Minnfidel at March 07, 2016 07:23 PM (btH0m)

6 OkDokey

Get your bing-fu working morons. Michael Strahan sp? did IIRC a subway commercial where he says "Kaboom" while waving a sammich at the camera.

I couldn't find it in 2013 but it'd be a good update:

If this becomes a regular feature though we'll need a redub

https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embeddedv=wp2IyWM4ycs

Posted by: DaveA at March 07, 2016 07:24 PM (DL2i+)

7 Holy shit, it's been 3 years?

Posted by: VBJonny at March 07, 2016 07:25 PM (NX9H4)

8 The legend lives on.

Posted by: fluffy at March 07, 2016 07:26 PM (2hcmo)

9 I cannot believe it's been three years, but did y'all know the HQ is referenced in the Kaboom Wiki?

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at March 07, 2016 07:27 PM (bardA)

10 Yea!

The Kaboom post.

Surrender to the despair.

Posted by: NaCly Dog at March 07, 2016 07:27 PM (u82oZ)

11 Now with boners.

Posted by: jsg at March 07, 2016 07:27 PM (RWiVJ)

12 I read every single word of the cereal box when I was a kid.

EVERY.

WORD.

"Void in -- mommy, how do you say p-u-e-r-t-o r-I-c-o?"

"Porto reeko," she said. "It's an island near Cuba."

Not long after that, I was reading out loud in third-grade geography class and came to "Puerto Rico." I said it right out. The teacher stopped me. "Do you know what Puerto Rico is?"

"It's an island near Cuba."

KABOOM.

Posted by: iforgot at March 07, 2016 07:27 PM (5o5ek)

13 Those faces look like the apparitions that came out of the Ark of the Covenant.

Close your eyes. Don't look.

Posted by: Indiana Jones at March 07, 2016 07:27 PM (H9MG5)

14 Was waiting for it. National ceral day.

Posted by: redenzo at March 07, 2016 07:27 PM (WCnJW)

15 A classic.

And on further review it looks like that clown on the box has a flaming boner.

Posted by: Seamus Muldoon at March 07, 2016 07:27 PM (NeFrd)

16 2 things will never get old at the HQ, Ace banning himself from his own blog and the Kaboom post.

Posted by: bob in houston at March 07, 2016 07:27 PM (b7AU3)

17 an IUD in every box.

Posted by: wth at March 07, 2016 07:27 PM (HgMAr)

18 Someone out there likes this cereal. Feast your eyes:

http://www.amazon.com/Kaboom-Cereal-9-Ounce-Boxes-Pack/product-reviews/B000S85LDU

Also, Ace's original essay made Wikipedia.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kaboom_(breakfast_cereal)

Posted by: Hawkins Aquinas (new name) at March 07, 2016 07:28 PM (TZYqp)

19 I never even knew Kaboom existed until I started reading Ace. What else did I miss?

Posted by: Tim in Illinois. Evil SoCon at March 07, 2016 07:28 PM (WVsWD)

20 I didn't even get Kaboom. I got plain Cheerios. Not Honey Nut. Plain. Fucking. Cheerios.

Posted by: Insomniac at March 07, 2016 07:28 PM (0mRoj)

21 I like mine with a fifth.

Posted by: Hillary! at March 07, 2016 07:28 PM (HgMAr)

22 Wow..this is ace mailing it in.

Kaboom indeed.

Posted by: eleven at March 07, 2016 07:28 PM (qUNWi)

23 Well done Ace. Take the rest of the decade off.

Posted by: Seamus Muldoon at March 07, 2016 07:28 PM (NeFrd)

24 I WAS THERE!!

Posted by: Golfman at March 07, 2016 07:29 PM (Wdq2A)

25 I should check my privilege. I've never eaten Kaboom.

Posted by: El Kabong at March 07, 2016 07:29 PM (MCmqp)

26 OK. This perked me up. Classic.

Posted by: Weasel at March 07, 2016 07:29 PM (e3bId)

27 an IUD in every box.

And they're free!

Posted by: Sandra Flook at March 07, 2016 07:29 PM (Dwehj)

28 Millennials don't have time to clean the bowl.

Posted by: Peter Gabriel at March 07, 2016 07:29 PM (FkBIv)

29 I'm not the only one who does this but I detest soggy cereal so I don't put it in milk.

Posted by: Skip at March 07, 2016 07:29 PM (fizMZ)

30 Wow..this is ace mailing it in.

Kaboom indeed.
Posted by: eleven at March 07, 2016 07:28 PM (qUNWi)

You think you can leave Kaboom behind. But you don't. Ever.

Posted by: ReactionaryMonster browsing Bravely at March 07, 2016 07:30 PM (uURQL)

31 "It's an island near Cuba."

An island that - through Marco Rubio - hopes to bring Cuba to a HUD-funded, federally-mandated, affordable "temporary facility" next door to *you*. Racist.

Fun fact: Minnesota is also an island near Cuba.

Posted by: boulder terlit hobo at March 07, 2016 07:30 PM (6FqZa)

32 20 I didn't even get Kaboom. I got plain Cheerios. Not Honey Nut. Plain. Fucking. Cheerios.
Posted by: Insomniac at March 07, 2016 07:28 PM (0mRoj)

Plain Fucking Cheerios are ironically rather devoid of cheer.

Posted by: Hawkins Aquinas (new name) at March 07, 2016 07:30 PM (TZYqp)

33 I got cardboard pellets fried in shit oil.

Posted by: eleven at March 07, 2016 07:31 PM (qUNWi)

34

On the same table as this nutritious breakfast.

Posted by: BackwardsBoy at March 07, 2016 07:31 PM (LUgeY)

35
It pales in comparison to Shredded Wheat, which might as well be called the Because Your Mother Hates You cereal.

Posted by: Buckaroo Banzai at March 07, 2016 07:31 PM (8M9p5)

36 Kaboom?

Luxury.

Posted by: A Yorkshireman at March 07, 2016 07:31 PM (oVJmc)

37 Instant classic.

Posted by: VA GOP Sucks. at March 07, 2016 07:32 PM (16TRA)

38 34

On the same table as this nutritious breakfast.
Posted by: BackwardsBoy at March 07, 2016 07:31 PM (LUgeY)

That always cracked me up because they had so much other shit on the table. Toast, milk, orange juice. What was the point of the cereal?

Posted by: Insomniac at March 07, 2016 07:32 PM (0mRoj)

39 That cereal looks creepy.

*grabs Frosted Flakes*

Posted by: Meremortal at March 07, 2016 07:32 PM (3myMJ)

40 Do we have any saved up we could give to the Syrian refugees?

Posted by: wth at March 07, 2016 07:33 PM (HgMAr)

41 Were the Kaboom kids the ones who rode to school in the luggage compartment of the school bus?

Posted by: Seamus Muldoon at March 07, 2016 07:33 PM (NeFrd)

42 39 That cereal looks creepy.

*grabs Frosted Flakes*
Posted by: Meremortal at March 07, 2016 07:32 PM (3myMJ)

They're GRRRRREAT!!!

Posted by: Tony the Tiger, hanging out with little league boys at March 07, 2016 07:33 PM (0mRoj)

43 Sounds like the perfect cereal for the 52% and a stupid time to be alive.

Posted by: Blano at March 07, 2016 07:33 PM (3eoPa)

44 40 Do we have any saved up we could give to the Syrian refugees?
Posted by: wth at March 07, 2016 07:33 PM (HgMAr)

Those fuckers get Grape Nuts. And plain fucking Cheerios.

Posted by: Insomniac at March 07, 2016 07:34 PM (0mRoj)

45 I am sure I've never had Kaboom, still eat Apple Jacks, Fruit Loops.

Posted by: Skip at March 07, 2016 07:34 PM (fizMZ)

46 David Berkowitz' Kaboom! faces told him to kill.

Posted by: Pappy O'Daniel at March 07, 2016 07:34 PM (oVJmc)

47 Bernie will bring back Kaboom.

Posted by: Bertram Cabot Jr. at March 07, 2016 07:34 PM (FkBIv)

48 So if I eat Kaboom, will I get a flaming clown boner???

Posted by: PT Barnum at March 07, 2016 07:34 PM (12kBq)

49
No parent in the world served both milk and OJ at the same time. It was one or the other. And OJ was nearly a treat in my household!

Posted by: Buckaroo Banzai at March 07, 2016 07:34 PM (8M9p5)

50 It pales in comparison to Shredded Wheat, which might as well be called the Because Your Mother Hates You cereal.

Posted by: Buckaroo Banzai at March 07, 2016 07:31 PM (8M9p5)

Shredded Wheat, Grape Nuts and All-Bran. Awful.

Posted by: DangerGirl and her 1.21 gigawatt Sanity Prod at March 07, 2016 07:34 PM (+eR2D)

51 If Kaboom is good enough for Tarantino, it's good enough for me.

Posted by: SierraSpartan at March 07, 2016 07:34 PM (JEwYe)

52 Frosted Flakes 👍 Plain Cheerios 👎

That's all I got.

Posted by: Tim in Illinois. Evil SoCon at March 07, 2016 07:34 PM (WVsWD)

53 Those fuckers get Grape Nuts. And plain fucking Cheerios.

I remember failing to chew grape nuts. How were those edible?

Posted by: ReactionaryMonster browsing Bravely at March 07, 2016 07:35 PM (uURQL)

54 50 It pales in comparison to Shredded Wheat, which might as well be called the Because Your Mother Hates You cereal.

Posted by: Buckaroo Banzai at March 07, 2016 07:31 PM (8M9p5)

Shredded Wheat, Grape Nuts and All-Bran. Awful.
Posted by: DangerGirl and her 1.21 gigawatt Sanity Prod at March 07, 2016 07:34 PM (+eR2D)

A/K/A Colon Blow

Posted by: Insomniac at March 07, 2016 07:35 PM (0mRoj)

55 No less fantastic than the first time around. Now, all we need is the Blurred Lines post and all will be right with the world.

Posted by: no good deed at March 07, 2016 07:35 PM (GgxVX)

56 We had King Vitamin!

Posted by: Minnfidel at March 07, 2016 07:35 PM (btH0m)

57 "It's an island near Cuba."

An island that - through Marco Rubio - hopes to bring Cuba to a HUD-funded, federally-mandated, affordable "temporary facility" next door to *you*. Racist.

Fun fact: Minnesota is also an island near Cuba.

Posted by: boulder terlit hobo at March 07, 2016 07:30 PM (6FqZa)

Marco won Minnesota and PR. That's flyover country baby!!! He should be the nominee!!

Posted by: Blano at March 07, 2016 07:35 PM (3eoPa)

58 In the bottom of every Kaboom box a coupon for "Buy one box of Kaboom, get second at full price"

Posted by: Seamus Muldoon at March 07, 2016 07:35 PM (NeFrd)

59 I liked Grape Nuts.

What?

Posted by: eleven at March 07, 2016 07:35 PM (qUNWi)

60 Still laughing from the original.

Use Twitter to publicize this work of demented genius.

Be like the Jen Rubin exploiting dozens of sentences and themes from one post about Kaboom.

Posted by: aquaviva at March 07, 2016 07:35 PM (VDfmG)

61 Apple Cinnamon Cheerios rock.

Posted by: Skip at March 07, 2016 07:35 PM (fizMZ)

62 Carried over 'cause you can never have too much of Hilary the Lush busting her ass on a plane.

http://tinyurl.com/jc5eyqx

Posted by: RWC - Team BOHICA at March 07, 2016 07:36 PM (hlMPp)

63
I remember failing to chew grape nuts. How were those edible?
Posted by: ReactionaryMonster browsing Bravely at March 07, 2016 07:35 PM (uURQL)

They weren't. It's brown aquarium gravel.

Posted by: Insomniac at March 07, 2016 07:36 PM (0mRoj)

64 >>>So who's this cereal for exactly? I suppose clowns might buy it for
their victims and abductees, but that's not a large market. Well, not that large, anyway. Couple hundred thousand units a year, tops.<<<

We used to do a *lot* of business in Searchlight, NV. Wonder why?

Posted by: General Mills Kaboom distributors at March 07, 2016 07:36 PM (H9MG5)

65 A bowl a day keeps the bullies away.

https://youtu.be/NIQPXPHhZE0

Posted by: Bertram Cabot Jr. at March 07, 2016 07:36 PM (FkBIv)

66 I was never allowed to have sugary cereal as a kid.

As an adult, I enjoy buying Cap'n Crunch Crunchberries, Golden Grahams, Cinnamon Toast Crunch...

Do they still make that cereal that looks like little chocolate chip cookies?

Posted by: DangerGirl and her 1.21 gigawatt Sanity Prod at March 07, 2016 07:36 PM (+eR2D)

67 not related to cereal but, no more ac/dc. good thing i saw them when i did.

Posted by: chavez the hugo at March 07, 2016 07:36 PM (ucDmr)

68 So has any one of you guys ever eaten a single serving of cereal? Amirite???

Posted by: Shecky Soetoro at March 07, 2016 07:36 PM (12kBq)

69 Eat your Kaboom. There are children starving in Peruvia.

Posted by: Mommie Dearest at March 07, 2016 07:36 PM (Dwehj)

70
All cereal is pure crap, anyway. Except for Shredded Wheat, which is more like torture than a food. But Shredded Wheat is the least worst cereal.

Giving your kid cereal is like giving them an inheritance of diabetes and obesity.

Posted by: Buckaroo Banzai at March 07, 2016 07:36 PM (8M9p5)

71 OT, but AC/DC just postponed US tour. Brian Jonson reporting total hearing loss.

Had tickets for AC/DC on Saint Patrick's Day in DC. Crap!

Get well Brian.

Also, Quisp cereal ruled when I was a kid.

Posted by: M3tal H3ad at March 07, 2016 07:36 PM (cmE8J)

72 How were those edible?

You have to let them soak in milk, and then, add more milk. Two table spoons of sugar helps too.

Posted by: no good deed at March 07, 2016 07:36 PM (GgxVX)

73 Still makes me laugh after multiple readings.

Posted by: JackStraw at March 07, 2016 07:37 PM (/tuJf)

74 Do they still make that cereal that looks like little chocolate chip cookies?
Posted by: DangerGirl and her 1.21 gigawatt Sanity Prod at March 07, 2016 07:36 PM (+eR2D)

Damn right they do. Cookie Crisp FTW!

Posted by: Insomniac at March 07, 2016 07:37 PM (0mRoj)

75 I can't believe they sold Kaboom until 2010. I could have fed it to my kids...

Posted by: Timon at March 07, 2016 07:37 PM (KSonr)

76 Wow. New meds or doubling up on the old ones?

That was amazing.

Posted by: 29Victor at March 07, 2016 07:37 PM (Koq2Z)

77
Cookie Crisp?

Yes, they still make it.

Posted by: Buckaroo Banzai at March 07, 2016 07:37 PM (8M9p5)

78 Colon Blow....hahahahaha!

Posted by: DangerGirl and her 1.21 gigawatt Sanity Prod at March 07, 2016 07:37 PM (+eR2D)

79 I still eat a bowl or two of Fruity Pebbles a week.

1) They're awesome.

2) Running from my Kix past. Which will forever haunt me. Bad times.

Posted by: jsg at March 07, 2016 07:37 PM (RWiVJ)

80 So that '100 percent minimum' was really on the box. LOL.

Posted by: RWC - Team BOHICA at March 07, 2016 07:37 PM (hlMPp)

81 One of my favorite posts of all time.

Posted by: AlaBAMA at March 07, 2016 07:38 PM (pUDQf)

82 Apple Jacks and Cap'n Crunch with Crunch berries...

Posted by: CrotchetyOldJarhead at March 07, 2016 07:38 PM (MVoQU)

83 The Kaboom memorial.

https://youtu.be/Nmj4seQu63I

Posted by: Bertram Cabot Jr. at March 07, 2016 07:38 PM (FkBIv)

84 35 Buckaroo Banzai

We had a hungry bear steal a Kellogg's snack pack during my first family camping trip. We were in Yosemite, and clueless about camping and stowing food properly.

The next morning I went on the trail of the missing cereal boxes with my brother and sisters.
We found the Frosted Flakes, then the Sugar Pops. Eventually we found the rest of the cereal, with one, repeat one, Kellogg's cereal a hungry bear would not eat.

Shredded Wheat. To this day I avoid it, because if a hungry bear will not eat Shredded Wheat, why should I?

Posted by: NaCly Dog at March 07, 2016 07:38 PM (u82oZ)

85 79 I still eat a bowl or two of Fruity Pebbles a week.

1) They're awesome.

2) Running from my Kix past. Which will forever haunt me. Bad times.
Posted by: jsg at March 07, 2016 07:37 PM (RWiVJ)

Oh dear God. I tried some Kix a while back. It was awful. I'm rather partial to Cocoa Krispies and Cinnamon Toast Crunch these days.

Posted by: Insomniac at March 07, 2016 07:38 PM (0mRoj)

86
Damn right they do. Cookie Crisp FTW!

Posted by: Insomniac at March 07, 2016 07:37 PM (0mRoj)

Cookie Crisp, that's it. I'm gonna have to look for that here. I need to broaden my junk cereal horizons.

Posted by: DangerGirl and her 1.21 gigawatt Sanity Prod at March 07, 2016 07:39 PM (+eR2D)

87 Hairy-Os!

Posted by: OregonMuse at March 07, 2016 07:39 PM (3W980)

88 Did you know that you can eat a pine tree?

Posted by: Zombie Euell Gibbons at March 07, 2016 07:39 PM (Dwehj)

89 Bernie will bring back Kaboom.
----------------------

Waat, we need 56 different brands of cereals? We neeed that? The one percent in this country is eating Kaboom. They are eating Froot Loops. They are eating whatever they please. And the remaining 99 percent cannot afford tap watuh.

Posted by: iforgot at March 07, 2016 07:39 PM (5o5ek)

90
And it also continues to spawn posts from folks who can't seem to get over it.

Posted by: TheTruth at March 07, 2016 07:39 PM (Av8i6)

91 My grandma bought us Grape Nuts.

Posted by: redbanzai at March 07, 2016 07:39 PM (NPofj)

92 As a kid I remember Quisp and Quake, Quisp had the little space man I'm not remembering what was Quake's character.

Posted by: Skip at March 07, 2016 07:39 PM (fizMZ)

93 Yes, dangergirl, they still make Cookie Crisps.

Posted by: no good deed at March 07, 2016 07:39 PM (GgxVX)

94
Giving your kid cereal is like giving them an inheritance of diabetes and obesity.

That's called 'heritage.'

Posted by: Pappy O'Daniel at March 07, 2016 07:39 PM (oVJmc)

95 Euell Gibbons forgot to mention in his commercials for Grape-Nuts just how economical they were.

For instance, you could eat the same fucking bowl of cereal for about six months.

Posted by: Azathoth at March 07, 2016 07:39 PM (XN0hD)

96 Regarding the coming Apocalypse™ :

Good news: My neighbors are preppers and I think I could take them in a fire fight.

Bad news: Their basement is filled floor to ceiling with mylar bags of Kaboom.

Posted by: Seamus Muldoon at March 07, 2016 07:39 PM (NeFrd)

97 All cereal is pure crap, anyway. Except for Shredded Wheat, which is more like torture than a food. But Shredded Wheat is the least worst cereal.

Giving your kid cereal is like giving them an inheritance of diabetes and obesity.

Whaat?

Posted by: eleven at March 07, 2016 07:39 PM (qUNWi)

98 91 My grandma bought us Grape Nuts.
Posted by: redbanzai at March 07, 2016 07:39 PM (NPofj)

I'm sorry your grandma hated you. That must have been rough.

Posted by: Insomniac at March 07, 2016 07:39 PM (0mRoj)

99 Grape Nuts are fine.

WTH is wrong with you tards?

Posted by: eleven at March 07, 2016 07:40 PM (qUNWi)

100 We got corn flakes, cheerios, wheat chex and corn chex.

At least my mom lest us put sugar on it.

Posted by: Grampa Jimbo at March 07, 2016 07:40 PM (1ijHg)

101 Grape nuts pretty much bit the dust when Euell Gibbons died of a heart attack. so much for healthy eating

Posted by: Mario Romo at March 07, 2016 07:40 PM (12kBq)

102
Shredded Wheat. To this day I avoid it, because if a hungry bear will not eat Shredded Wheat, why should I?

That bear looked at that Shredded Wheat, sniffed that Shredded Wheat, and said, "Why are these people eating brillo pads?"

Posted by: Buckaroo Banzai at March 07, 2016 07:40 PM (8M9p5)

103 Ace, your best post ever. I laughed until I cried the first time you posted it. Pure Effing Poetry. I remember Kaboom as a kid but I steered clear for obvious reasons...it scared the hell out of me.

Posted by: Alf767 at March 07, 2016 07:40 PM (YVQAa)

104 96 Regarding the coming Apocalypse :

Good news: My neighbors are preppers and I think I could take them in a fire fight.

Bad news: Their basement is filled floor to ceiling with mylar bags of Kaboom.
Posted by: Seamus Muldoon at March 07, 2016 07:39 PM (NeFrd)

If that's the only option left, the course of action is clear.

Shoot yourself.

Posted by: Insomniac at March 07, 2016 07:40 PM (0mRoj)

105 Cap'n Crunch with fresh blueberries on it. One of my favorites during June/July when the berries are in season.

Plus, they give you the taste of your own blood as the Cap'n lacerates the top of your mouth.

Posted by: Bruce at March 07, 2016 07:40 PM (8ikIW)

106 Anyone remember Ghostbusters cereal?

Kinda looks like repurposed Kaboom. Maybe I did eat this shit after all.

Posted by: El Kabong at March 07, 2016 07:40 PM (MCmqp)

107 Shredded Wheat. To this day I avoid it, because if a hungry bear will not eat Shredded Wheat, why should I?

Frosted Mini-Wheats are the best cereal.

Posted by: ReactionaryMonster browsing Bravely at March 07, 2016 07:41 PM (uURQL)

108 Hell, I had two bowls of Cocoa Puffs for dinner Sunday night.

Posted by: no good deed at March 07, 2016 07:41 PM (GgxVX)

109 99 Grape Nuts are fine.

WTH is wrong with you tards?
Posted by: eleven at March 07, 2016 07:40 PM (qUNWi)

You also like Kristen Stewart and don't like garlic. Your input into matters of taste is questionable at best.

Posted by: Insomniac at March 07, 2016 07:41 PM (0mRoj)

110 Captain Crunch with Crunchberries. Had to let it soak in the milk for a while because the cereal was so hard it would cut like glass but a great sugar buzz.

Posted by: JackStraw at March 07, 2016 07:41 PM (/tuJf)

111 I do miss Buc Wheats.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Buc_Wheats_cereal

Posted by: Pappy O'Daniel at March 07, 2016 07:41 PM (oVJmc)

112 Dress up Cheerios with a 1/4 cup of sugar and savor the grey sugar sand in every spoonful.

Posted by: Baron Von Ottomatic at March 07, 2016 07:41 PM (Ixuea)

113 "dark, oatey freedom of Kaboom"

Posted by: ArthurK at March 07, 2016 07:42 PM (h53OH)

114
92 As a kid I remember Quisp and Quake, Quisp had the little space man I'm not remembering what was Quake's character.

Posted by: Skip at March 07, 2016 07:39 PM (fizMZ)

Miner

Posted by: RWC - Team BOHICA at March 07, 2016 07:42 PM (hlMPp)

115 I'm not creeped out by clowns but do see why some people are

Posted by: Skip at March 07, 2016 07:42 PM (fizMZ)

116 My favorite is Honey Bunches of Oats with Chocolate clusters.

It was too nice. They stopped making it.

Posted by: Grampa Jimbo at March 07, 2016 07:42 PM (1ijHg)

117 Without Kaboom there might be no Ace. Adversity build character.

Posted by: freaked at March 07, 2016 07:42 PM (BO/km)

118 20 I didn't even get Kaboom. I got plain Cheerios. Not Honey Nut. Plain. Fucking. Cheerios.

Posted by: Insomniac at March 07, 2016 07:28 PM (0mRoj)

Oh no. One of my kids is posting here.

Posted by: GnuBreed at March 07, 2016 07:42 PM (gyKtp)

119 Though I do enjoy Captain Crunch whenever I feel the need to shred the roof of my mouth.

It had it coming.

Posted by: ReactionaryMonster browsing Bravely at March 07, 2016 07:43 PM (uURQL)

120 Buy my cereal, foo'!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JOptQ0Ye1NU

Posted by: Mr. T at March 07, 2016 07:43 PM (oVJmc)

121 17 an IUD in every box.
Posted by: wth at March 07, 2016 07:27 PM (HgMAr)

It's better than an IED.

Posted by: rickl at March 07, 2016 07:43 PM (sdi6R)

122 A few months ago General Mills (I assume it's that company) re-released Boo Berries for a limited time. I'd never had it before. The first sitting I had three bowls full and it was glorious. I love breakfast cereal.

Posted by: Crump/Truz at March 07, 2016 07:43 PM (8EJen)

123 Grape Nuts are awesome..........When you use them for traction on the ice if your car gets stuck. My Mom would try to push them. Not only did it take you a half hour to eat a bowl, your jaw would ache for the rest of the day. I think you burned more energy chewing the little bastards then you gained.

Posted by: Minnfidel at March 07, 2016 07:43 PM (btH0m)

124 Kristen Stewart is cute.

Garlic is nasty.

Grape Nuts are fine with some sugar and milk.

Posted by: eleven at March 07, 2016 07:43 PM (qUNWi)

125
Posted by: eleven at March 07, 2016 07:43 PM (qUNWi)

You continue to make my point for me...

Posted by: Insomniac at March 07, 2016 07:44 PM (0mRoj)

126 Posted by: JackStraw at March 07, 2016 07:41 PM

You could eat a sandwich bag full of that shit and wash it down with a box of milk at lunch before PE and then sleep through English as your sugar rush cratered.

Posted by: CrotchetyOldJarhead at March 07, 2016 07:44 PM (MVoQU)

127 Eat your oatmeal and peas.

Posted by: wth at March 07, 2016 07:44 PM (HgMAr)

128 I had the best mom in the world. She would buy us the brand name cereals and never complained to us about how much sugar was in any of it. I was the envy of my best friend whose mother wouldn't buy the kids' cereal. I have fond memories of Cap'n Crunch cutting up the roof of my mouth, preferring Boo Berry while my sister liked Franken Berry, and Super Sugar Crisp before they removed the reference to 'sugar' in the name. I also remember the weird ones like Quisp, Waffelos, and Freakies. Tried them all, my friends. Every single one.

;-)

Posted by: K-E at March 07, 2016 07:44 PM (3VTle)

129 I was a cornflakes kind of guy.

Are we even allowed to mention Count Chocula any longer, or is that racial appropriation?

Not cereal, but does anyone remember the Granny Goose Goosicle? It was a short-lived frozen-flavored-sugar-water-in-a-bag thing, but I *cannot* forget the damn song.

I also cannot forget that I was reading a book about dirigibles the first time I heard it, so LZ129 and the Akron and the Macon are permanently attached to the Go-Go-Gobble-On-a-Gig-Gig-Giggly-Good Granny Granny Goose Goosicle! synapse.

I think I'll go kill myself now.

Posted by: JEM at March 07, 2016 07:44 PM (o+SC1)

130 I was an '80s kaboom kid. I lived in a house that had unfinished OSB board floors that had to be jacked up so they wouldn't collapse and all that clown shit presaged my decades long ICP fandom. This essay was one of the funniest things I've read on the Internet.

Posted by: Spud Magoober at March 07, 2016 07:44 PM (9IpUd)

131 123 Grape Nuts are awesome..........When you use them for traction on the ice if your car gets stuck. My Mom would try to push them. Not only did it take you a half hour to eat a bowl, your jaw would ache for the rest of the day. I think you burned more energy chewing the little bastards then you gained.
Posted by: Minnfidel at March 07, 2016 07:43 PM (btH0m)

And they're great for soaking up automotive oil spills in the garage.

Posted by: Insomniac at March 07, 2016 07:44 PM (0mRoj)

132 The Cap'n Crunch shredding the roof of the mouth thing is true tho.

Fuck that shit.

Posted by: eleven at March 07, 2016 07:44 PM (qUNWi)

133 17 an IUD in every box.
Posted by: wth at March 07, 2016 07:27 PM (HgMAr)

It's better than an IED.

Posted by: rickl at March 07, 2016 07:43 PM
.......The real Kaboom! A Jihadi's favorite breakfast!

Posted by: Minnfidel at March 07, 2016 07:44 PM (btH0m)

134 Pure genius, Ace.
While I remember kaboom we were a wheatena family

Posted by: cln at March 07, 2016 07:44 PM (Dv3kg)

135 Anyone remember Ghostbusters cereal?

Kinda looks like repurposed Kaboom.
------------------

Soylent green, soylent red.

Posted by: iforgot at March 07, 2016 07:44 PM (5o5ek)

136 Grape Nut Flakes were OK.

Posted by: Grampa Jimbo at March 07, 2016 07:44 PM (1ijHg)

137 I wonder who eats Uncle Sam cereal? Apparently it's a laxative.

Posted by: rickl at March 07, 2016 07:44 PM (sdi6R)

138 Speaking of Kaboom, Drudge headline says Rubio advisers recommend getting out before crushed.

Posted by: Baron Von Ottomatic at March 07, 2016 07:45 PM (Ixuea)

139 Grape Nuts are fine.

Yeah, if you're a beaver.

Posted by: Zombie Euell Gibbons at March 07, 2016 07:45 PM (Dwehj)

140 Vernita Green has a gun inside a Kaboom box in Kill Bill.

I thought it was a sight gag Tarantino made up.

I had no idea Kaboom was a real thing until He of the Furry Balls posted this.

Now, here's where I suck up. I've read this twenty times at least. I was tempted to just scan it and remind myself of the joke. Instead I read every word of it as if I were reading it for the first time.

Ace is a national treasure. Anyone else I can compare him to -- P.J. O'Rourke, Hitch, Hunter Thompson, Jeremy Clarkson -- every other absolutely unique wit has arisen in other media and migrated to the web.

Ace is just ace. What? A blogger. Oh.

FFS, this is the dawning of the age of the blogosphere, age of the blogosphere...Aquarius!

Posted by: Bandersnatch at March 07, 2016 07:45 PM (1xUj/)

141
I also cannot forget that I was reading a book about dirigibles the first time I heard it, so LZ129 and the Akron and the Macon are permanently attached to the Go-Go-Gobble-On-a-Gig-Gig-Giggly-Good Granny Granny Goose Goosicle! synapse.

Posted by: JEM at March 07, 2016 07:44 PM (o+SC1)

Um...no more cocaine for you.

Posted by: Insomniac at March 07, 2016 07:45 PM (0mRoj)

142 Nothing was better than drenching your cereal in carnation instant milk. If it wasn't lumpy and chewy, you weren't doing it right.

Posted by: Fritz at March 07, 2016 07:45 PM (37OkS)

143 At least your breakfast feed came in a box, and with a toy! I was lost to a slumpy plastic bag of Popeye's Puffed Wheat. It would go stale after the 1st day of being opened, no matter how stong your chip clip.

Posted by: Beerslinger at March 07, 2016 07:45 PM (JV3uj)

144 Ace, this post was the Grapes of Wrath of breakfast cereal commentary. The cereal we ate as kids has more of an effect on our individual worth than most of us would like to admit.

Posted by: Snicklefritz at March 07, 2016 07:45 PM (Moh0M)

145 Garlic is nasty.

Posted by: eleven at March 07, 2016 07:43 PM

Oooohhhh! Heretic! Burn the apostate!

Posted by: CrotchetyOldJarhead at March 07, 2016 07:46 PM (MVoQU)

146 Peanut Butter Cap'n Crunch.
About as healthy as a gunshot wound to the face.

I came home once from semester finals back in the 80s and, after not eating all day, ate an entire box of Peanut Butter Cap'n Crunch.

I swear I slept with my eyes open for the next three days. My room mate swore he could hear a faint hum coming from me.

Posted by: Azathoth at March 07, 2016 07:46 PM (XN0hD)

147 A "prize," if you can call it that, included in Kaboom cereal,

What is that, an IUD?

Posted by: ThePrimordialOrderedPair at March 07, 2016 07:46 PM (zc3Db)

148 Special K. With banana.

Posted by: John McLaughlin at March 07, 2016 07:46 PM (RWiVJ)

149
My grandma bought us Grape Nuts.
Posted by: redbanzai
.........................

did she also buy you some metal teeth to chew them with?

Posted by: wth at March 07, 2016 07:46 PM (HgMAr)

150 Ace, this post was the Grapes of Wrath of breakfast
cereal commentary. The cereal we ate as kids has more of an effect on
our individual worth than most of us would like to admit.

Posted by: Snicklefritz

Grapenuts of Wrath?

Posted by: Bruce at March 07, 2016 07:46 PM (8ikIW)

151 My grandma bought us Grape Nuts.

Posted by: redbanzai at March 07, 2016 07:39 PM (NPofj)

I'm sorry your grandma hated you. That must have been rough.

Posted by: Insomniac at March 07, 2016 07:39 PM (0mRoj)

She was a nurse who didn't feel like dealing with four children hopped up on sugar after her night shift

I quite like Grape Nuts now (but you do have to let them sit in milk for a minute before you eat them).

Posted by: redbanzai at March 07, 2016 07:46 PM (NPofj)

152 DID YOU KNOW THAT YOU CAN EAT A PINE TREE?

Posted by: The Wicked Witch of the East at March 07, 2016 07:46 PM (BO/km)

153 When milk was added, Kaboom became a nightmarish swirl of ugly, angry colors not to be found in nature, making your milk look as if it was just curdling into a loathesome cheese produced by an alien mold.

That is some fine writing. It was like that. It was just like that.

Posted by: Splunge at March 07, 2016 07:47 PM (iMxBJ)

154 Does Kaboom give you multicolor shits?

Posted by: DangerGirl and her 1.21 gigawatt Sanity Prod at March 07, 2016 07:47 PM (+eR2D)

155 118 20 I didn't even get Kaboom. I got plain Cheerios. Not Honey Nut. Plain. Fucking. Cheerios.

Posted by: Insomniac at March 07, 2016 07:28 PM (0mRoj)

Oh no. One of my kids is posting here.
Posted by: GnuBreed at March 07, 2016 07:42 PM (gyKtp)

So. You were one of THOSE parents. Why didn't you love your children? WHY??!!

Posted by: Insomniac at March 07, 2016 07:47 PM (0mRoj)

156 I came home once from semester finals back in the 80s and, after not eating all day, ate an entire box of Peanut Butter Cap'n Crunch.

I swear I slept with my eyes open for the next three days. My room mate swore he could hear a faint hum coming from me.

Hah...

Posted by: eleven at March 07, 2016 07:47 PM (qUNWi)

157 We could only afford generic Kaboom!

The box just said "LOSER!"

Posted by: Pappy O'Daniel at March 07, 2016 07:47 PM (oVJmc)

158 Grape Nuts are neither.

Posted by: Baron Von Ottomatic at March 07, 2016 07:47 PM (Ixuea)

159 Peanut Butter Cap'n Crunch.

Oh man, that's the bastard in the cereal line. That stuff is gross. Now, if you really want your sugar fix, they sell just the Crunch Berries.

Posted by: no good deed at March 07, 2016 07:48 PM (GgxVX)

160 I liked Grape Nuts.

Y'all are retarded.

Posted by: eleven at March 07, 2016 07:48 PM (qUNWi)

161 the cereal looks like Dexters bloody smily face!

Posted by: Avi at March 07, 2016 07:48 PM (fijdj)

162 The other morning I said I was leaving with a travel mug of coffee and a squirrel pouch. The squirrel pouch is a plastic container of cereal I eat while driving to work.

Posted by: Skip at March 07, 2016 07:48 PM (fizMZ)

163 honestly, this was posted in 2013? holy shit....time flies

Posted by: phoenixgirl, i was born a rebel at March 07, 2016 07:48 PM (0O7c5)

164 The Cap'n Crunch shredding the roof of the mouth thing is true tho.

-------------------
And a nice lactic acid bath to complete the damage.

Posted by: iforgot at March 07, 2016 07:49 PM (5o5ek)

165 A "prize," if you can call it that, included in Kaboom cereal,
-----------------
What is that, an IUD?
Posted by: ThePrimordialOrderedPair at March 07, 2016 07:46 PM (zc3Db)

Kaboom kids didn't need contraceptives.

Posted by: ReactionaryMonster browsing Bravely at March 07, 2016 07:49 PM (uURQL)

166 164 The Cap'n Crunch shredding the roof of the mouth thing is true tho.

-------------------
And a nice lactic acid bath to complete the damage.
Posted by: iforgot at March 07, 2016 07:49 PM (5o5ek)

Built character.

Posted by: Insomniac at March 07, 2016 07:49 PM (0mRoj)

167 S'mores Crunch was a fleeting, glorious memory of cereal in the 80s. I think they had to take it off the shelves because it was pretty much just candy, unlike the balanced breakfasts of Lucky Charms and Fruit Loops.

Posted by: El Kabong at March 07, 2016 07:49 PM (MCmqp)

168 grape nuts hurt my teeth when i bit into them

Posted by: phoenixgirl, i was born a rebel at March 07, 2016 07:49 PM (0O7c5)

169 Posted by: Bruce at March 07, 2016 07:40 PM (8ikIW)

I could never get that stuff my teeth. I still wonder what it's made out of.

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at March 07, 2016 07:49 PM (bardA)

170 OT: Shot Pastor doing well, bullet to the head failed to enter his skull (what the hell was this guy shooting, a BB gun?), no shots hit vital organs. Doctors calling it a miracle.

Speculation that shooting is related to Pastor's drug addiction work.

Posted by: Meremortal at March 07, 2016 07:50 PM (3myMJ)

171 FREEDOM!!!! Wi-Fi is back up.

I recently had a nostalgic desire for the cereal with the dried-up marshmallows in it.

*brain freeze--can't remember the name*

It wasn't as awesome as I remembered it.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at March 07, 2016 07:50 PM (FsuaD)

172 Smurfberry Crunch

Posted by: RWC - Team BOHICA at March 07, 2016 07:50 PM (hlMPp)

173 171 FREEDOM!!!! Wi-Fi is back up.

I recently had a nostalgic desire for the cereal with the dried-up marshmallows in it.

*brain freeze--can't remember the name*

It wasn't as awesome as I remembered it.
Posted by: Jane D'oh at March 07, 2016 07:50 PM (FsuaD)

Lucky Charms?

Posted by: Insomniac at March 07, 2016 07:50 PM (0mRoj)

174 when i was a kid, my brothers, sister and i would add sugar to our sugar cereal.....

Posted by: phoenixgirl, i was born a rebel at March 07, 2016 07:50 PM (0O7c5)

175 >> That is some fine writing. It was like that. It was just like that.

Oh, knock it off. Next thing you know the sumbitch will be filling out the voluminous paperwork for a $400K NSF grant on the impact of breakfast cereal selection on sexual identity.

All you have to spit out is 15 pages of text, and a couple pages of citations.

Posted by: JEM at March 07, 2016 07:50 PM (o+SC1)

176 It wasn't as awesome as I remembered it.

Lucky Charms?

Posted by: no good deed at March 07, 2016 07:50 PM (GgxVX)

177 I liked Grape Nuts.
Y'all are retarded.
Posted by: eleven

I still do and have some in the kitchen.

Posted by: Bertram Cabot Jr. at March 07, 2016 07:50 PM (FkBIv)

178 I liked Grape Nuts.

Y'all are retarded.
Posted by: eleven at March 07, 2016 07:48 PM (qUNWi)

Most of us don't have steel teeth, Jaws.

Posted by: ReactionaryMonster browsing Bravely at March 07, 2016 07:51 PM (uURQL)

179 I have the refrigerator magnet.

Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc., etc. at March 07, 2016 07:51 PM (ZxmMG)

180 Kaboom's great achievement was that the box looked like some fake product made by the prop department of a sitcom production company.

"Just make some yellow box with a clown on it. Call it whatever."

(Maybe you young ones don't know it, but back then TV shows and movies had fake products instead of product placement.)

Posted by: RKae at March 07, 2016 07:51 PM (lF8sf)

181 179 I have the refrigerator magnet.
Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc., etc. at March 07, 2016 07:51 PM (ZxmMG)

Shit, I was wondering where it went.

Posted by: Insomniac at March 07, 2016 07:51 PM (0mRoj)

182
Posted by: Jane D'oh at March 07, 2016 07:50 PM (FsuaD)

Lucky charms

Posted by: RWC - Team BOHICA at March 07, 2016 07:51 PM (hlMPp)

183 i always liked plain cereals, after my Quisp addiction, i mean. Best were Team flakes, but regular corn flakes were dandy too. Worst were shredded wheat and those oat flakes. and anything bran.

Posted by: Bigby's Knuckle Sandwich at March 07, 2016 07:51 PM (Cq0oW)

184 >> Grape Nuts are neither.

...but they go through your intestines like buckshot.

Posted by: JEM at March 07, 2016 07:51 PM (o+SC1)

185 "If the Morlocks had a cereal it would be Kaboom. But they'd insist on more flavor."

Morlock cereal is usually ok, but it varies from person to person.

Posted by: FaCubeItches at March 07, 2016 07:51 PM (rznWS)

186 I don't believe Kaboom cereal ever existed. This is some kind of elaborate hoax, isn't it?

Posted by: @votermom at March 07, 2016 07:51 PM (cbfNE)

187 Kaboom! is the #1 cereal with Palestinian kids.

Posted by: Pappy O'Daniel at March 07, 2016 07:52 PM (oVJmc)

188 170 - Thanks for the update on the Pastor

Posted by: Skip at March 07, 2016 07:52 PM (fizMZ)

189 184 >> Grape Nuts are neither.

...but they go through your intestines like buckshot.
Posted by: JEM at March 07, 2016 07:51 PM (o+SC1)

But with more lacerations and internal bleeding.

Posted by: Insomniac at March 07, 2016 07:52 PM (0mRoj)

190 Heat the gawt damned Grape Nuts, then put some berries and brown sugar on it and kwitcher bitchin'.

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at March 07, 2016 07:52 PM (bardA)

191 when i was a kid, my brothers, sister and i would add sugar to our sugar cereal.....

That's disgusting. Calvin would approve.

Posted by: eleven at March 07, 2016 07:52 PM (qUNWi)

192 Grape Nuts is a fine, fine cereal. *cha-ching*

Posted by: National Dental Association at March 07, 2016 07:53 PM (Dwehj)

193 Grape Nuts look like a bowl full of kidney stones.

Posted by: no good deed at March 07, 2016 07:53 PM (GgxVX)

194 >> But with more lacerations and internal bleeding.

Grape Nuts was the PBA Tour of breakfast cereal.

Posted by: JEM at March 07, 2016 07:53 PM (o+SC1)

195 Yes, Lucky Charms. They didn't meet my nostalgic expectations.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at March 07, 2016 07:53 PM (FsuaD)

196 While my taste buds want captain crunch, my bowls need Raisin bran.

Speaking of the Captain, that shit is lawsuit worthy. I've shredded the roof of my mouth with those concrete bricks of sugar.

Posted by: AlaBAMA at March 07, 2016 07:53 PM (pUDQf)

197 Forget adulthood.

I will never give up my Lucky Charms. Never.

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at March 07, 2016 07:53 PM (8PbKi)

198 I hated the marshmallows in Lucky Charms

Posted by: Skip at March 07, 2016 07:53 PM (fizMZ)

199 but srsly cereals in general are all awful because cold. cold food sucks

Posted by: Bigby's Knuckle Sandwich at March 07, 2016 07:53 PM (Cq0oW)

200 C3POs

Seems they tied in a lot of shit to cereals back in the day.

Mr. T's
E.T.

Frickin 'Nintendo Cereal System'

Posted by: RWC - Team BOHICA at March 07, 2016 07:53 PM (hlMPp)

201 OT: Shot Pastor doing well, bullet to the head failed to enter his skull (what the hell was this guy shooting, a BB gun?), no shots hit vital organs. Doctors calling it a miracle.

Someone in a previous thread said it was a 45. Can't find confirmation of it though.

Posted by: ReactionaryMonster browsing Bravely at March 07, 2016 07:53 PM (uURQL)

202 Posted by: phoenixgirl, i was born a rebel at March 07, 2016 07:50 PM (0O7c5)

Thor puts sugar on his Frosted Flakes.

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at March 07, 2016 07:53 PM (bardA)

203 Shot Pastor doing well,

That is good news. Glad to hear it.

Posted by: freaked at March 07, 2016 07:54 PM (BO/km)

204 Count Chocula, bitchez.

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at March 07, 2016 07:54 PM (bardA)

205 Don't be modest, Iowahawk called this "the greatest essay on a cereal ever written".

Posted by: kaboom boom at March 07, 2016 07:54 PM (3MNCs)

206 I liked Grape Nuts.

What?

Posted by: eleven at March 07, 2016 07:35 PM (qUNWi)

I still like 'em. But they changed the recipe, and the new ones aren't quite as good as the old ones were. And Shredded Wheat's not bad, either. My father ate that daily for years. Called it his "bale of hay".

Posted by: Alberta Oil Peon at March 07, 2016 07:54 PM (/i7Ua)

207 I don't believe Kaboom cereal ever existed. This is some kind of elaborate hoax, isn't it?

Posted by: @votermom at

BANNNED!!!!!

Posted by: Chas "Seat sniffer" Jahnson at March 07, 2016 07:54 PM (3myMJ)

208

No Matter How Hard We Run, We Can Never Escape Our Childhood Breakfast Cereals

Because these days they're genetically engineered and have become self-aware.

And they've grown pseudopods.

Posted by: BackwardsBoy at March 07, 2016 07:54 PM (LUgeY)

209 looks like "grins and smiles and giggles and laughs cereal"
except they were more quisp-ish colored.

Posted by: concrete girl at March 07, 2016 07:54 PM (0KgAM)

210 200 - That's why I've only eaten cereal in milk maybe 3 times since I was 6.

Posted by: Skip at March 07, 2016 07:55 PM (fizMZ)

211 Thor puts sugar on his Frosted Flakes.

The last bowl with all of the sugar condensed from the box is the best.

Posted by: no good deed at March 07, 2016 07:55 PM (GgxVX)

212 199
I hated the marshmallows in Lucky Charms

Posted by: Skip at March 07, 2016 07:53 PM (fizMZ)

I only liked it *because* of the marshmallows. I don't remember them being as "crunchy" as they are now.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at March 07, 2016 07:55 PM (FsuaD)

213 ...but they go through your intestines like buckshot.
***

So do Cheerios.
Feeling sorta irregular? Eat two or three bowls of Cheerios. You'll see things you can't unsee.

Posted by: Azathoth at March 07, 2016 07:56 PM (XN0hD)

214 Look, I just invented a new cereal **hold up box of Kaboooom**

Posted by: Clock Boy at March 07, 2016 07:56 PM (H9MG5)

215 186
I don't believe Kaboom cereal ever existed. This is some kind of elaborate hoax, isn't it?

Posted by: @votermom at March 07, 2016 07:51 PM (cbfNE)

it existed....in 5th grade i drew the clown on a poster board and entered it in the art show.....i decided it needed something extra so i went in the liquor cabinet and took the red yarn bon bon off the top of a scotch box....i won first place....i was actually embarrassed because it was so awful.....the "piece" is still at my mom's house......it's almost grotesque....no, it is grotesque......

Posted by: phoenixgirl, i was born a rebel at March 07, 2016 07:56 PM (0O7c5)

216 >>>138 Speaking of Kaboom, Drudge headline says Rubio advisers recommend getting out before crushed.

As Drew put it last night, we're about to find out how easily #NeverTrump can become #NeverCruz.

Posted by: El Kabong at March 07, 2016 07:56 PM (MCmqp)

217 My mom used to make Cream of Wheat in the winter. But she was crafty. She made it seem like it was some exotic treat.

Well I'm all grown up now, mom. I know what you did to me.

Posted by: JackStraw at March 07, 2016 07:56 PM (/tuJf)

218 Posted by: no good deed at March 07, 2016 07:55 PM (GgxVX)

Y'all some sick muthafuckas...

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at March 07, 2016 07:56 PM (bardA)

219 Grape Nuts were always like eating a mouthful of BBs.

Hard as steel and about the same flavor.

Posted by: DangerGirl and her 1.21 gigawatt Sanity Prod at March 07, 2016 07:56 PM (+eR2D)

220 Doubting very much a 45cal unless all grazing wounds.

Posted by: Skip at March 07, 2016 07:57 PM (fizMZ)

221 I hated the marshmallows in Lucky Charms

??????
I always ate around the marshmallows and saved them for last. Sometimes I'd eat them mixed in but some get corralled in the middle to eat last.

Posted by: freaked at March 07, 2016 07:57 PM (BO/km)

222 >>> Heat the gawt damned Grape Nuts, then put some berries and brown sugar on it and kwitcher bitchin'

Yep, nuke 'em in milk.

Can't do it anymore, personally. I'd end up chasing sugar all day.

Posted by: fluffy at March 07, 2016 07:57 PM (2hcmo)

223 Count Chocula, bitchez.

No relation.

Posted by: Ted Cruz at March 07, 2016 07:57 PM (oVJmc)

224 Kaboom is the breakfast cereal of Cruz supporters.

Well, I tell you Great Grains with dates, pecans and whatever else they throw in it is good stuff.

And Blueberry Morning before they changed the recipe was really good with the almonds and dehydrated blueberries.

And Lucky Charms, they've always been magically delicious...

Posted by: Mister Ghost at March 07, 2016 07:57 PM (DIKz/)

225 when i was a kid, my brothers, sister and i would add sugar to our sugar cereal.....
Posted by: phoenixgirl
-------------------

Hobbes: What's that cereal you're eating?
Calvin: It's my new favorite, "Chocolate Frosted Sugar Bombs". Have a taste.
Hobbes: Thank you. (clutching throat) MFFPBTH!!!!! S-Sw-Sw SWEET!!!!!!!!!
Calvin: Actually, they're kinda bland till you scoop sugar on 'em.

Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc., etc. at March 07, 2016 07:57 PM (ZxmMG)

226 but what about the marshmallows in Kaboom? What was their role?

Posted by: Christopher Taylor at March 07, 2016 07:57 PM (39g3+)

227 I remember when Bruce Jenner was the guy on a Wheaties box.

What do you think they'd call it's cereal now ?

Posted by: jsg. at March 07, 2016 07:57 PM (RWiVJ)

228 I liked Cream of Wheat.

Put some milk and sugar on top.

I lurved it.

Posted by: eleven at March 07, 2016 07:57 PM (qUNWi)

229 218
My mom used to make Cream of Wheat in the winter. But she was crafty. She made it seem like it was some exotic treat.

I actually loved my mom's Cream of Wheat. Especially when she let me put loads of brown sugar in it.

Suck it, Mooch.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at March 07, 2016 07:57 PM (FsuaD)

230 >>>227 but what about the marshmallows in Kaboom? What was their role?

Counteracting the gag reflex.

Posted by: El Kabong at March 07, 2016 07:58 PM (MCmqp)

231 Ha, Jackstraw! I still like Cream of Wheat and Malt-o-Meal.

Posted by: no good deed at March 07, 2016 07:58 PM (GgxVX)

232 Likely more nutrition if you ate the cardboard box.

Posted by: navybrat at March 07, 2016 07:58 PM (8QGte)

233 A guy I knew at work said his wife and daughter poured orange juice instead of milk on their cereal.

Posted by: Bertram Cabot Jr. at March 07, 2016 07:58 PM (FkBIv)

234 "My mom used to make Cream of Wheat in the winter. But she was crafty. She made it seem like it was some exotic treat."

My Dad was an Italian immigrant, Mom was a west Texan. When I was about 5, Dad poured me a little glass of wine at the dinner table.

Hilarity ensued.

Posted by: Chas at March 07, 2016 07:59 PM (3myMJ)

235 I do 2 helpings of something in the morning. Say oatmeal then cereal on the road or a donut.

Posted by: Skip at March 07, 2016 07:59 PM (fizMZ)

236 Puffed Wheat.

Posted by: Shot From Guns! at March 07, 2016 07:59 PM (ZxmMG)

237 Bacon + oatmeal is my hot breakfast of choice.

Posted by: ReactionaryMonster browsing Bravely at March 07, 2016 07:59 PM (uURQL)

238 Cream of Wheat? I don't know. If you're going to that much trouble why not steel cut oatmeal instead?

Posted by: Baron Von Ottomatic at March 07, 2016 07:59 PM (Ixuea)

239 I liked Shredded Wheat. I was a weird kid.

Posted by: rickl at March 07, 2016 07:59 PM (sdi6R)

240 JackStraw is anti-me.

If we met the galaxy would cease to exist.

Posted by: eleven at March 07, 2016 07:59 PM (qUNWi)

241 I want my Mapo. *hic*

Posted by: Ready For Hillary!!11!! at March 07, 2016 08:00 PM (Dwehj)

242 "Doubting very much a 45cal unless all grazing wounds."

Article said, "bullet stopped at the skull".

Super-light reloads?

Posted by: Chas at March 07, 2016 08:00 PM (3myMJ)

243 I like Shredded Wheat.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at March 07, 2016 08:00 PM (FsuaD)

244 I will do Cream of Wheat with a tbl spoon of preserves.

Posted by: Skip at March 07, 2016 08:00 PM (fizMZ)

245
Posted by: Mister Ghost at March 07, 2016 07:57 PM (DIKz/)

You, my good sir, have a most excellent taste in cereals.

I also enjoy the cranberry Great Grains, and Thor lurves the 'nanner one.

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at March 07, 2016 08:00 PM (bardA)

246 ...er...Maypo. *hic*

Posted by: Ready For Hillary!!11!! at March 07, 2016 08:00 PM (Dwehj)

247
I remember when Bruce Jenner was the guy on a Wheaties box.
What do you think they'd call it's cereal now ?
......................

Teaties?

Posted by: wth at March 07, 2016 08:01 PM (HgMAr)

248 Colon Blow!

Posted by: Ted Cruz at March 07, 2016 08:01 PM (oVJmc)

249 Frosted shredded wheat is fine.

Not the greatest meal ever but okay.

Posted by: eleven at March 07, 2016 08:01 PM (qUNWi)

250 It just dawned on me...
I scrub my dishes with a giant Kaboom faced thingy.
The emotions come rushing back to me. Where did I go wrong?...

Posted by: Gunslinger at March 07, 2016 08:01 PM (4S7hN)

251 Slayer's secret inspiration for "Dead Skin Mask".

Posted by: Eddie Baby at March 07, 2016 08:01 PM (etGXU)

252 you eat cereal on the road?

Posted by: Bigby's Knuckle Sandwich at March 07, 2016 08:02 PM (Cq0oW)

253 If I'm using the stove for breakfast there will be swine involved.

Posted by: Baron Von Ottomatic at March 07, 2016 08:02 PM (Ixuea)

254 Oh she did the oatmeal too. I actually like both of them to this day.

Posted by: JackStraw at March 07, 2016 08:02 PM (/tuJf)

255 I do love steel cut oatmeal. Soak it overnight to cut the cook time.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at March 07, 2016 08:02 PM (FsuaD)

256 Give it to eleven. He'll eat anything.

Posted by: Ready For Hillary!!11!! at March 07, 2016 08:02 PM (Dwehj)

257 An East End cafe that serves 120 varieties of breakfast cereal -- along with 30 kinds of milk -- has become a surprising flashpoint for protest in a city increasingly polarized between rich and poor.

Bitch bitch whine bitch bitch

Posted by: RWC - Team BOHICA at March 07, 2016 08:02 PM (hlMPp)

258 Honestly, I eat eggs and bacon just about every morning for breakfast nowadays. Cholesterol be damned. I'm livin' the dream.

Posted by: no good deed at March 07, 2016 08:02 PM (GgxVX)

259 He likes it. Hey Mikey!

Posted by: wth at March 07, 2016 08:02 PM (HgMAr)

260 I don't remember where I heard this but I think on the radio,
Guy said in prison he knew lots of guys shot with 9mm, no one ever by a 45.

Posted by: Skip at March 07, 2016 08:02 PM (fizMZ)

261 I can't believe no one has mentioned the perfect breakfast food.

That being grits, of course.

Posted by: Azathoth at March 07, 2016 08:03 PM (XN0hD)

262 Wheatena

Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc., etc. at March 07, 2016 08:03 PM (ZxmMG)

263 I never had Kaboom as a kid by I did have those 3 clown paintings glaring at me for at least 10 years. I was glad when those were gone.

Posted by: freaked at March 07, 2016 08:03 PM (BO/km)

264 My mom only bought us sugarless cereal, then we added sugar to them so I'm not sure what the benefit was. They were usually cheaper, at least. I like shredded wheat as a snack, just eating the little mini biscuits like crackers.

Posted by: Christopher Taylor at March 07, 2016 08:03 PM (39g3+)

265 Wait, you are supposed to eat Grape Nuts?? I've always just used it as media in my brass tumbler.

Posted by: bob in houston at March 07, 2016 08:04 PM (b7AU3)

266 Cream of Wheat with butter and sugar

Posted by: RWC - Team BOHICA at March 07, 2016 08:04 PM (hlMPp)

267 Steel cut Schmeel cut.

It's fucking oatmeal. What's with this Steel cut shit?

Posted by: eleven at March 07, 2016 08:04 PM (qUNWi)

268 259
Honestly, I eat eggs and bacon just about every morning for breakfast nowadays. Cholesterol be damned. I'm livin' the dream.

Posted by: no good deed at March 07, 2016 08:02 PM (GgxVX)

You and my husband. He's on every cholesterol and high blood pressure medicine known to man.

He loves to say, "Better living through chemistry." Sigh.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at March 07, 2016 08:04 PM (FsuaD)

269 Platinum cut oats.

Posted by: Mau Mau at March 07, 2016 08:04 PM (FkBIv)

270 Wheatena

Wasn't he one of the Little Rascals? *hic*

Posted by: Ready For Hillary!!11!! at March 07, 2016 08:05 PM (Dwehj)

271

Ace, your best post ever. I laughed until I cried the first time you posted it. Pure Effing Poetry. I remember Kaboom as a kid but I steered clear for obvious reasons...it scared the hell out of me.

This post pales in comparison to The Sex-for-Money Skankathon on the main page.

Warning: do not eat or drink ANYTHING whilst reading that one.

Posted by: BackwardsBoy at March 07, 2016 08:05 PM (LUgeY)

272 Most of my bad bad breakfast memories involve being forced to drink a glass of OJ after brushing my teeth.

Blah.

Posted by: AlaBAMA at March 07, 2016 08:05 PM (pUDQf)

273 Shredded Wheat, Like eating dried grass... it is dried grass.

Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc., etc. at March 07, 2016 08:05 PM (ZxmMG)

274 >> For six months I wore nothing but a a fur jerkin and a genital sock.

To this day, the best phrase Ace ever turned.

Posted by: garrett at March 07, 2016 08:05 PM (440T9)

275 I liked Grape Nuts.
Y'all are retarded.
Posted by: eleven

You like chewing on tasteless pebbles? I've got a ton outside for you. You're easy to feed.

Posted by: ThePrimordialOrderedPair at March 07, 2016 08:05 PM (zc3Db)

276 Grits and Cream of wheat are the same thing.

Oh go away with your protestations.

Posted by: eleven at March 07, 2016 08:05 PM (qUNWi)

277 perfect breakfast food.

That being grits, of course.

What's a grit?

Posted by: Vinny Gambini at March 07, 2016 08:05 PM (1xUj/)

278 There's a cereal out there called Uncle Sam that is like eating endless sand. The flavor isn't bad but its so dense and made of materials you have to chew like 87 times a spoonful to actually crush up enough to swallow. Binds you up like swallowing Elmer's glue, too.

Posted by: Christopher Taylor at March 07, 2016 08:06 PM (39g3+)

279
I remember when Bruce Jenner was the guy on a Wheaties box.
What do you think they'd call it's cereal now ?
...............................

Wheatlyns?

Posted by: wth at March 07, 2016 08:06 PM (HgMAr)

280 I actually like Grape Nuts, too.

Posted by: garrett at March 07, 2016 08:06 PM (440T9)

281
It's fucking oatmeal. What's with this Steel cut shit?
Posted by: eleven at March 07, 2016 08:04 PM (qUNWi)

Neck beard?

Posted by: AlaBAMA at March 07, 2016 08:06 PM (pUDQf)

282 262
I can't believe no one has mentioned the perfect breakfast food.

That being grits, of course.

Posted by: Azathoth at March 07, 2016 08:03 PM (XN0hD)

This. I buy locally sourced stone ground ones.

I'm horrified by the Yankees I know who say they love grits with milk and sugar. UGGGGH.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at March 07, 2016 08:06 PM (FsuaD)

283 Had some kind of Oat Clusters this morning, longer trip to work tomorrow so squirrel pouches are a must.

Posted by: Skip at March 07, 2016 08:06 PM (fizMZ)

284 Shredded Wheat, Like eating dried grass... it is dried grass.

Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc., etc. at March 07, 2016 08:05 PM (ZxmMG)

I used to use Shredded Wheat to wash pans. The big ones were more comfortable to hold.

Posted by: ThePrimordialOrderedPair at March 07, 2016 08:06 PM (zc3Db)

285 Chest ... hurts. Laughing ... so ... hard.

Ace, never, EVER let life get you down again. A talent like this, to spin such a yarn on the gloom personified that is Kaboom ... it is a talent from God ( or Cthulhu) that shall not, nay, DARE NOT, be wasted.

Thank you for the smile and the belly laugh (and I have lots of belly, so you can imagine the terrified children for blocks around thinking a hungry Hutt is coming for them).

Seriously.

Thank you. Hilarious. Love Kaboom, and despair!

Posted by: acethepug at March 07, 2016 08:07 PM (Z6yF/)

286 The only way I liked Grape Nuts was heated, its petty good that way.

Posted by: Christopher Taylor at March 07, 2016 08:07 PM (39g3+)

287 Wait, you are supposed to eat Grape Nuts?? I've always just used it as media in my brass tumbler.

Posted by: bob
---------------

Wait... does that work?

Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc., etc. at March 07, 2016 08:07 PM (ZxmMG)

288 What do you think they'd call it's cereal now ?

Posted by: jsg. at March 07, 2016 07:57 PM (RWiVJ)

Grape Nutless?

Posted by: Alberta Oil Peon at March 07, 2016 08:07 PM (/i7Ua)

289 DeMarco Murray to Tennessee ?

Posted by: jsg. at March 07, 2016 08:07 PM (RWiVJ)

290 perfect breakfast food.

That being grits, of course.

What's a grit?

Posted by: Vinny Gambini at March 07, 2016 08:05 PM (1xUj/)

GRITS

Girls

Raised

In

The

South

The perfect meal for any occasion.

Posted by: Blano at March 07, 2016 08:07 PM (3eoPa)

291 Grits are corn. Cream of Wheat is wheat.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at March 07, 2016 08:07 PM (FsuaD)

292 >>Count Chocula, bitchez.

Cocoa Krispies!

Posted by: garrett at March 07, 2016 08:07 PM (440T9)

293 After three years, we still don't know - how do you play the "circus game"? The instructions are on the side of the box, but we can't see them. Is this yet another metaphor for our hopes and dreams, which we can envisage but never reach?

Posted by: broseidon king of the brocean at March 07, 2016 08:07 PM (4/i9Y)

294 I like grits with milk and sugar, but I also like them with over easy eggs, salt, and pepper.

Posted by: no good deed at March 07, 2016 08:07 PM (GgxVX)

295 I don't Wheaties identify as a cereal anymore.

Posted by: wth at March 07, 2016 08:08 PM (HgMAr)

296 BRAAAAAAIIINNNSSSS----!

Posted by: Zombie Kids at March 07, 2016 08:08 PM (oVJmc)

297 277 Grits and Cream of wheat are the same thing.
***

Wars have started over less...

Posted by: Azathoth at March 07, 2016 08:08 PM (XN0hD)

298 Has it been three years already ? Wow.

Posted by: Noah Bawdy at March 07, 2016 08:08 PM (yOTlv)

299 One of my favorite Ace posts along with The Skandi one and Skank-A-Thon.

Will we get banned by posting here? If so, I will trust Maetenloch or Andy to help me get unbanned.

Posted by: L, Elle at March 07, 2016 08:08 PM (2x3L+)

300 Jane my grandpa liked grape jelly on his grits. He was from Maryland though so we didn't hold it against him.

Posted by: freaked at March 07, 2016 08:08 PM (BO/km)

301 Oatmeal is ground different ways. The finest is for instant. Quarter is 5 minutes I think, had steel ground this morning in micowave.

Posted by: Skip at March 07, 2016 08:08 PM (fizMZ)

302 19
I never even knew Kaboom existed until I started reading Ace. What else did I miss?

Posted by: Tim in Illinois. Evil SoCon at March 07, 2016 07:28 PM (WVsWD)
-----I lived thru the same experience in Israel with a cereal named "Boom-Ka"..I read they were actually products of the same company...but thats a story for another day. Boom-Ka was shaped like little weiners with a nob on one end........I can't go on.

Posted by: Cory Hiam at March 07, 2016 08:08 PM (aRUb8)

303 Kaboom wasn't around when I was a kid. Dumbest name ever thought up, I would say. I'm kind of surprised I don't see advertisements, now, for some new Kaboom drug to take care rectal itch or something. They love to put those sorts of ads on TV.

Posted by: ThePrimordialOrderedPair at March 07, 2016 08:08 PM (zc3Db)

304 How can you go wrong with a Breakfast that ends with a Bowl of Chocolate Milk?

Posted by: garrett at March 07, 2016 08:08 PM (440T9)

305 Grits and Cream of wheat are the same thing.
----

Not hardly.

Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc., etc. at March 07, 2016 08:08 PM (ZxmMG)

306 >>What do you think they'd call it's cereal now ?

Lucky Charms

Posted by: JackStraw at March 07, 2016 08:09 PM (/tuJf)

307 Steel cut Schmeel cut.

It's fucking oatmeal. What's with this Steel cut shit?

Posted by: eleven at March 07, 2016 08:04 PM (qUNWi)

Never heard of steel cut oatmeal 'til I watched The Big Short.

Posted by: Blano at March 07, 2016 08:09 PM (3eoPa)

308 I love granola, but you can get pretty sick of that stuff. My mom used to make cookies with bran flakes, they were really good. They were some kind of chocolate cookie that spread out thin and were crunchy with the bran flakes.

Posted by: Christopher Taylor at March 07, 2016 08:09 PM (39g3+)

309 I ate lots of different cereals when I was a kid. The ones I remember, in no particular order:

Cheerios
Frosted Flakes
Raisin Bran
Lucky Charms
Quisp (preferred to Quake since Quisp was a space guy and I was a space nut)
Corn Flakes
Wheaties
Quaker Oats
Cream of Wheat
Shredded Wheat
Rice Krispies
Count Chocula
Sugar Pops
Puffed Wheat
Puffed Rice

And I'm probably forgetting some.

It's entirely possible that I ate Kaboom, but have repressed that memory.

Posted by: rickl at March 07, 2016 08:10 PM (sdi6R)

310 Never had grits until in the USAF, I ate them like I do Cream of Wheat with preserves, southerners had theirs with a soft boiled egg on top

Posted by: Skip at March 07, 2016 08:11 PM (fizMZ)

311 Steel cut oats are very tasty. I like the texture better than rolled oats.

Posted by: no good deed at March 07, 2016 08:11 PM (GgxVX)

312 Husband bought a box of Uncle Sam when we were staying at the beach years ago.

He was unable to finish one bowl. Into the trash it went.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at March 07, 2016 08:11 PM (FsuaD)

313 >>>Most of my bad bad breakfast memories involve being forced to drink a glass of OJ after brushing my teeth.<<<

Some of us got a tablespoon of cod-liver oil, -- or some other form of nasty oil that would make you wish you had a hanky attached to your colon.

Posted by: Fritz at March 07, 2016 08:11 PM (37OkS)

314 >>And I'm probably forgetting some.

Trix, for one.

and Alpha-Bits.

Posted by: garrett at March 07, 2016 08:11 PM (440T9)

315 The best cereals are:

Apple Jacks
Fruit Loops
Lucky Charms (just the marshmallows)
A bowl of milk with 12 tablespoons of sugar in it

Posted by: ThePrimordialOrderedPair at March 07, 2016 08:12 PM (zc3Db)

316 Never had grits until in the USAF, I ate them like I do Cream of Wheat with preserves, southerners had theirs with a soft boiled egg on top

that's cause grits and cream of wheat are the same damn thing.

Posted by: eleven at March 07, 2016 08:12 PM (qUNWi)

317 While I've eaten oatmeal and Cream of Wheat, I've never had grits. That's because I'm a Northerner. I have seen Quaker Grits in the supermarket recently. I don't know whether it's a recent addition or whether it's been there all along and I just never noticed it.

Posted by: rickl at March 07, 2016 08:12 PM (sdi6R)

318 That Kaboom prize looks like my old diaphragm!

Posted by: HillAry! at March 07, 2016 08:13 PM (mcm0N)

319 As I said had steel cut this morning and will get through the box but would rather go back to 5 minutes or instant.

Posted by: Skip at March 07, 2016 08:13 PM (fizMZ)

320 45% of 7 essential vitamins is 3. 3 vitamins.

Posted by: scofflaw_x at March 07, 2016 08:13 PM (y9ZJX)

321 Did you know that grits and cream of wheat are the same thing?

Posted by: Zombie Euell Gibbons at March 07, 2016 08:13 PM (Dwehj)

322 318
While I've eaten oatmeal and Cream of Wheat, I've never had grits.
That's because I'm a Northerner. I have seen Quaker Grits in the
supermarket recently. I don't know whether it's a recent addition or
whether it's been there all along and I just never noticed it.

Posted by: rickl at March 07, 2016 08:12 PM (sdi6R)

Those Quaker Instant Grits are horrible.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at March 07, 2016 08:13 PM (FsuaD)

323 And I'm probably forgetting some.
-----------------------

I see nothing in the Chex family.

A tad on the intellectual side the Chexes were, but playful at times.

Posted by: iforgot at March 07, 2016 08:14 PM (5o5ek)

324 >>> The best cereals are:
Apple Jacks
Fruit Loops
Lucky Charms (just the marshmallows)
A bowl of milk with 12 tablespoons of sugar in it
Posted by: ThePrimordialOrderedPair at March 07, 2016 08:
------
You spoiled brat. I ate shredded wheat with no sugar added.

Posted by: L, Elle at March 07, 2016 08:14 PM (2x3L+)

325 There were Chex cereals, too. Wheat Chex, Corn Chex, and Rice Chex.

And Zoom. A hot cereal made with various grains. Probably floor sweepings from a grain elevator.

Posted by: Alberta Oil Peon at March 07, 2016 08:14 PM (/i7Ua)

326 Those Quaker Instant Grits are horrible.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at March 07, 2016 08:13 PM (FsuaD)

Grit snob.

Posted by: ThePrimordialOrderedPair at March 07, 2016 08:14 PM (zc3Db)

327 Sorry to contradict, but I'm pretty sure there were commercials for Kaboom. Maybe I grew up in a test market (Houston).

Anyway, what disturbs me most about this post is its dateline of 2013. I could've sworn it was just a few months ago.

Posted by: Michael Rittenhouse at March 07, 2016 08:14 PM (GcsJ9)

328 I liked Grits with cheese but not just straight. They're tolerable with sugar and milk.

I never really liked oatmeal, but when I went camping or hiking it tasted incredible. Something about the air or the effort of going to the mountains.

Posted by: Christopher Taylor at March 07, 2016 08:14 PM (39g3+)

329 322
Did you know that grits and cream of wheat are the same thing?

Posted by: Zombie Euell Gibbons at March 07, 2016 08:13 PM (Dwehj)

That's like saying corn and wheat are the same thing.

*tosses rabid squirrel*

Posted by: Jane D'oh at March 07, 2016 08:15 PM (FsuaD)

330 There different

Good night horde, I've got to get up at 03:45hrs

Posted by: Skip at March 07, 2016 08:15 PM (fizMZ)

331 315 >>And I'm probably forgetting some.

Trix, for one.

and Alpha-Bits.
Posted by: garrett at March 07, 2016 08:11 PM (440T9)

Yes to both, and Apple Jacks and Fruit Loops (in the next comment down).

Posted by: rickl at March 07, 2016 08:15 PM (sdi6R)

332 You spoiled brat. I ate shredded wheat with no sugar added.

Posted by: L, Elle at March 07, 2016 08:14 PM (2x3L+)

Those were banned by the 4th Geneva Convention. Your parents were war criminals.

Posted by: ThePrimordialOrderedPair at March 07, 2016 08:15 PM (zc3Db)

333 I never liked Rice chex, they had this weird texture that glues your teeth together.

Posted by: Christopher Taylor at March 07, 2016 08:15 PM (39g3+)

334 Life cereal is serviceable.

Fruity Pebbles I end up eating almost the whole box at a sitting.

Posted by: Baron Von Ottomatic at March 07, 2016 08:15 PM (Ixuea)

335 Buckwheat Crisp was another Cereal for Under-Achievers.

The Flakes were formed out of a meal. They weren't even real, like a Corn Flake.

Really disturbing looking.

Posted by: garrett at March 07, 2016 08:15 PM (440T9)

336 If you grew up in Indiana and your Dad worked seasonal construction and your Mom waited tables and they couldn't figure out that whole "save more than you spend" thing - they signed up for WIC. And signed you up for Free Lunch.

They couldn't make you eat Free Lunch ... because you had to go last in line and show that stupid fucking ticket that got punched five times a week.

But they could haul out a box of Kaboom - because that's what WIC gave ya'. And powdered milk. And the damn cheese blocks in the brown box.

I ate the Kaboom. But they got to shove their Free Lunch up their ass.

Posted by: ScoggDog at March 07, 2016 08:16 PM (qmMG2)

337 Quisp was my favorite too. Now I'm a Frosted flakes or cherios guy.

All the breakfast I really need is 2 country ham biskits and a coffee from the Nuway.

Posted by: freaked at March 07, 2016 08:16 PM (BO/km)

338 Got the instant grits once, and only once

Posted by: Skip at March 07, 2016 08:16 PM (fizMZ)

339 Fruity Pebbles I end up eating almost the whole box at a sitting.

Posted by: Baron Von Ottomatic at March 07, 2016 08:15 PM (Ixuea)

They were great but they got soggy in about 12 seconds.

Posted by: ThePrimordialOrderedPair at March 07, 2016 08:17 PM (zc3Db)

340 I never really liked oatmeal, but when I went camping or hiking it tasted incredible. Something about the air or the effort of going to the mountains.

Posted by: Christopher Taylor at March 07, 2016 08:14 PM (39g3+)

Must be related to the anticipated challenge of taking a massive dump, with nary so much as an outhouse in sight.

Posted by: Alberta Oil Peon at March 07, 2016 08:17 PM (/i7Ua)

341 Posted by: no good deed at March 07, 2016 08:02 PM (GgxVX)

Rock on, girl. There is absolutely no proof that cholesterol is anything to worry about anyway.

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at March 07, 2016 08:17 PM (bardA)

342 324 And I'm probably forgetting some.
-----------------------

I see nothing in the Chex family.

A tad on the intellectual side the Chexes were, but playful at times.
Posted by: iforgot at March 07, 2016 08:14 PM (5o5ek)

And you would be right! Corn Chex, Rice Chex, and Wheat Chex. All of them.

Posted by: rickl at March 07, 2016 08:17 PM (sdi6R)

343 I guess I was a child abuser. I never gave son sugar to put on his cereal, even plain Cheerios. He loved his cereal.

My mom let us pour sugar on everything. Hello, dentist!

Posted by: Jane D'oh at March 07, 2016 08:17 PM (FsuaD)

344 269>> I make 4 strips of bacon in the morning; cut 'em in half and cook hash browns and a pair of eggs in the same pan. The tiny pups (3) each get a half a piece and I get the remainder. We do not share the hash brown, the E ggs or the coffee. I make sausage links on some days but we always have some fruit of the pig in the breakfast at my place.

Can't let the American heart association intimidate you.

Posted by: CrotchetyOldJarhead at March 07, 2016 08:18 PM (MVoQU)

345 To date this may be my favorite thread, worthy of the re-post!

Posted by: BunkerinTheBurbs at March 07, 2016 08:18 PM (bA+CL)

346 Those Quaker Instant Grits are horrible.
***

Instant grits are to slow cooked stone ground grits what Cheez Whiz is to French Camembert.

Posted by: Azathoth at March 07, 2016 08:18 PM (XN0hD)

347 Grandma always used to serve my Alpha-Bits after noting, "...there's probably a good Obituary in that Bowl."

Posted by: garrett at March 07, 2016 08:18 PM (440T9)

348 "While I've eaten oatmeal and Cream of Wheat, I've never had grits. That's because I'm a Northerner."

I have always been amused by the rule that you can determine the point at which you have crossed over between North and South via the presence or absence of grits on the breakfast menu.

It's actually been pretty darn accurate in my experience.

Posted by: torquewrench at March 07, 2016 08:18 PM (noWW6)

349 Apple Jacks were so disappointing. The ads made it seem so cool to eat them.

Then I actually had a bowl.

Posted by: ReactionaryMonster browsing Bravely at March 07, 2016 08:18 PM (uURQL)

350 Grit snob.

Are you saying that grits absorb water faster in your kitchen than anywhere else in the South?

Posted by: Vinny Gambini at March 07, 2016 08:18 PM (1xUj/)

351 I remember when Bruce Jenner was the guy on a Wheaties box.
What do you think they'd call it's cereal now ?

-
Wheaties Surrealeal.

Posted by: The Great White Snark at March 07, 2016 08:19 PM (Nwg0u)

352 Pooping in the woods isn't so bad.

Pooping in the woods when you haven't brought a roll of TP, and all the leaves around are poison sumac - that's slightly worse

Posted by: boulder terlit hobo at March 07, 2016 08:19 PM (6FqZa)

353 335 Life cereal is serviceable.

Posted by: Baron Von Ottomatic at March 07, 2016 08:15 PM (Ixuea)

How in the world could I forget Life! I really liked that.

It had some sugar, but not too much.

Posted by: rickl at March 07, 2016 08:19 PM (sdi6R)

354 Oh, you people got cereal? Must've been nice to be so wealthy.

Posted by: Duke Lowell at March 07, 2016 08:19 PM (kTF2Z)

355 How can you go wrong with a Breakfast that ends with a Bowl of Chocolate Milk?
Posted by: garrett at March 07, 2016 08:08 PM (440T9)

I hearby add Surgeon General to your resume. AT&T Lily will be so proud of you.

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at March 07, 2016 08:19 PM (bardA)

356 "Doubting very much a 45cal unless all grazing wounds."

Article said, "bullet stopped at the skull".

Super-light reloads?

Posted by: Chas at March 07, 2016 08:00 PM (3myMJ)

God's intervention.

Posted by: redbanzai at March 07, 2016 08:19 PM (NPofj)

357 Grits and cream of wheat are in the same family. Specie nastiousus.

Posted by: AlaBAMA at March 07, 2016 08:19 PM (pUDQf)

358 Grape Nuts. Like chowing down on a bowl of gravel. (Ptui!)

Rather have store-brand puffed wheat or puffed rice, like at grandma's house.

Cream of wheat is great on a winter morn.

Posted by: JQ Flyover at March 07, 2016 08:20 PM (044Fx)

359 Instant grits are to slow cooked stone ground grits what Cheez Whiz is to French Camembert.

Posted by: Azathoth at March 07, 2016 08:18 PM (XN0hD)

I'd take Cheez Whiz over some snooty French cheese any day of the week.

Posted by: ThePrimordialOrderedPair at March 07, 2016 08:20 PM (zc3Db)

360 >>> Those were banned by the 4th Geneva Convention. Your parents were war criminals.
Posted by: ThePrimordialOrderedPair at March 07, 2016
------
Ha!
I don't eat breakfast anymore, just coffee or mostly tea. If I ate cereal, I'd eat;

Oh's
Captain Crunch also the peanut butter Captain Crunch
Cookie Crisp

Posted by: L, Elle at March 07, 2016 08:20 PM (2x3L+)

361 I have to admit to being raised in the 60's when no one cared about sugar. Breakfast was anything with sugar on it. If it wasn't "frosted" with something....and sometimes if mom wasn't looking, even if it was....we'd dump a couple three teaspoons (or was it tablespoons) of sugar on top and then head off to school just in time to enter into a diabetic coma. No kidding--Mom would treat us every now and then to a sugar sandwich: White bread, real butter, and sugar.

One of my favorite cereals was Sugar Pops (later softened to "Sugar Corn Pops", and then "Corn Pops", IIRC).
http://tinyurl.com/gmdajwt
What's not to love? A cowboy, an "authentic Colt Six-shooter", and a bowl of sugar.

Posted by: azlibertarian at March 07, 2016 08:20 PM (0SPyv)

362 Cocoa Krispies and Cocoa Puffs were fine as long as you ate it while it was still crispy.

Oh, and eating cereal with boxed milk was not a fun combination.

Yay fresh milk.

Posted by: ReactionaryMonster browsing Bravely at March 07, 2016 08:20 PM (uURQL)

363 It's all fun and games until you are eating KABOOM in goats milk... I was allergic to cows milk.

The horror.... The horror....

Posted by: Son of Liberty at March 07, 2016 08:21 PM (y/q/Q)

364 Cheerios

Frosted Flakes

Raisin Bran

Lucky Charms

Quisp (preferred to Quake since Quisp was a space guy and I was a space nut)

Corn Flakes

Wheaties

Quaker Oats

Cream of Wheat

Shredded Wheat

Rice Krispies

Count Chocula

Sugar Pops

Puffed Wheat

Puffed Rice

And I'm probably forgetting some.

Posted by: rickl at March 07, 2016 08:10 PM (sdi6R)

Rich kid 'eh?

Posted by: Toothless broken man at March 07, 2016 08:21 PM (aRUb8)

365 Great, I've just gotten over my night terrors from the last time he posted this. It looks like a cereal made for people with syphilis.

Posted by: Dr Spank at March 07, 2016 08:21 PM (TJCSB)

366 Shredded Wheat. To this day I avoid it, because if a hungry bear will not eat Shredded Wheat, why should I?

Posted by: NaCly Dog at March 07, 2016 07:38 PM (u82oZ)

A slightly similar though less dangerous situation scared me off rice cakes. Our blue heeler who would eat our parrot's shit and all types of vegetables, grain and meat would not eat rice cakes.

I was a Lucky Charms/Cap'n Crunch kid, bitchezz.

Posted by: stace at March 07, 2016 08:21 PM (ozZau)

367
Pooping in the woods when you haven't brought a roll of TP, and all the leaves around are poison sumac - that's slightly worse
Posted by: boulder terlit hobo at March 07, 2016 08:19 PM (6FqZa)

At least you had poison sumac leaves.

Posted by: AlaBAMA at March 07, 2016 08:21 PM (pUDQf)

368 >>Cookie Crisp

Sadly, like Trix, and Fruit loops, Cookie Crisp is not what it used to be.

Posted by: garrett at March 07, 2016 08:21 PM (440T9)

369 The milk from Honey Smacks was better than the cereal.

Posted by: no good deed at March 07, 2016 08:21 PM (GgxVX)

370 God's intervention.

No regular attender ... but I'd like to believe so.

Posted by: ScoggDog at March 07, 2016 08:21 PM (qmMG2)

371 I cook stone-ground grits properly.

Cooked for nearly an hour with whole milk and some cream. Add grated cheese of choice at the end.

Top with sauteed shrimp, mushrooms, garlic, and herbs.

Heaven.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at March 07, 2016 08:21 PM (FsuaD)

372 Does Cream of Wheat still have the jolly black guy in the chef's hat on the carton?

Posted by: Alberta Oil Peon at March 07, 2016 08:21 PM (/i7Ua)

373 Yall got me hungry and now I'm eating Pop Tarts.

Posted by: freaked at March 07, 2016 08:22 PM (BO/km)

374 Had the light out and it hit me

Not one mention of Pop Tarts.
I've been eating them since I was a kid and still do, virtually every day. I tell people at work I've easily eaten my weight in them.

Posted by: Skip at March 07, 2016 08:22 PM (fizMZ)

375 Cinnamon Toast Crunch, another good one.

Posted by: Baron Von Ottomatic at March 07, 2016 08:22 PM (Ixuea)

376 Pooping in the woods when you haven't brought a roll of TP, and all the leaves around are poison sumac - that's slightly worse

Posted by: boulder terlit hobo at March 07, 2016 08:19 PM (6FqZa

Use the gympie gympie!

Posted by: ThePrimordialOrderedPair at March 07, 2016 08:22 PM (zc3Db)

377 Yall got me hungry and now I'm eating Pop Tarts.

Put some butter on the back of 'em.

Posted by: no good deed at March 07, 2016 08:22 PM (GgxVX)

378 Cinnamon Toast Crunch was another mediocre cereal that seemed cool from the ads but didn't taste that great.

Posted by: ReactionaryMonster browsing Bravely at March 07, 2016 08:23 PM (uURQL)

379 Wheat Hearts

Posted by: JEM at March 07, 2016 08:23 PM (o+SC1)

380 >> Does Cream of Wheat still have the jolly black guy in the chef's hat on the carton?

I think they classed him up with a Monacle or some shit...like Aunt Jemimah's Cameo.

Posted by: garrett at March 07, 2016 08:23 PM (440T9)

381 Ha!

I don't eat breakfast anymore, just coffee or mostly tea.

Posted by: L, Elle at March 07, 2016 08:20 PM (2x3L+)

First thing every morning, I eat my soul and weep into my lap.

Posted by: Toothless broken man at March 07, 2016 08:23 PM (aRUb8)

382 Cinnamon Toast Crunch is good with vanilla ice cream and strawberries.

Posted by: no good deed at March 07, 2016 08:23 PM (GgxVX)

383 Jane D'oh, your grits 'recipe' sounds deee-lish!

Posted by: JQ Flyover at March 07, 2016 08:23 PM (044Fx)

384 >>Article said, "bullet stopped at the skull".
Super-light reloads?

Posted by: Chas at March 07, 2016 08:00 PM (3myMJ)

God's intervention.
Posted by: redbanzai
----------------------------
Bullets can do all kind of things when they hit the skull. Depends on the round and the angle. Skull can be tougher than you might think.

Posted by: Aviator at March 07, 2016 08:23 PM (c7vUv)

385 Weekend are the only time I get to toast them to perfect browness

Posted by: Skip at March 07, 2016 08:24 PM (fizMZ)

386 I remember Kaboom cereal. As we walked by it in the cereal aisle my mother would cover my eyes and push me past hurriedly. If you had suggested to her that she buy some, my small and mild mannered mother who was against spanking, would have slit your throat with her nail file.
Then, there were the Kaboom buyers. They were so distinctive. I don't mean in appearance so much as behavior. They would loiter in the area trying to wait until everyone had left, then they'd grab a box or two as quickly as possible and make a beeline for the cash registers before anyone saw them. If someone saw them before exfiltrating, they'd pretend they grabbed the wrong cereal and return it to the shelf. But we knew.
I was only 5 when I saw a Kaboom incident that scarred me for life. As I looked on, some unfortunate child's mother stealthily slipped a box of Kaboom into the cart when she thought no one was looking. At that moment I watched the child sitting in the grocery cart, slump, his eyes go glassy, his mouth opened, and what appeared to be his SOUL leave his body. I've hated Kaboom ever since.

Posted by: Tilikum Armored Killer Assault Whale at March 07, 2016 08:24 PM (hVdx9)

387 >>Not one mention of Pop Tarts.

Soothsayer's Favorite.

Posted by: garrett at March 07, 2016 08:24 PM (440T9)

388 Apple Jacks always smelled much better than they tasted, like coffee.

Life was one of my favorite cereals but you have to eat it fast because it turns into mush. On the other hand, Captain Crunch stayed crisp and unchanged by milk but tore your mouth up like eating bales of barbed wire.

Posted by: Christopher Taylor at March 07, 2016 08:24 PM (39g3+)

389 Cookie Crisp

Posted by: L, Elle at March 07, 2016 08:20 PM (2x3L+)

Awesome cereal.

Posted by: ThePrimordialOrderedPair at March 07, 2016 08:24 PM (zc3Db)

390 Corn Chex, Rice Chex, and Wheat Chex. All of them.

Posted by: rickl at March 07, 2016 08:17 PM (sdi6R)
-------------------------

Corn Chex, the yo-yo expert.

Rice Chex, the shy math major.

Wheat Chex, the gymnast who also arm-wrestled and played chess.

Posted by: iforgot at March 07, 2016 08:24 PM (5o5ek)

391 sock away

Posted by: Meremortal at March 07, 2016 08:25 PM (3myMJ)

392 I like grits with milk and sugar,

***

WTH is wrong with you?!

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at March 07, 2016 08:25 PM (8PbKi)

393 I think they classed him up with a Monacle or some shit...like Aunt Jemimah's Cameo.

Posted by: garrett at March 07, 2016 08:23 PM (440T9)

A Dodge Monacle, with real Corinthian leather-like upholstery?

Posted by: Alberta Oil Peon at March 07, 2016 08:25 PM (/i7Ua)

394 overnight at granny's...
got up all by myself...
make myself a big ol bowl...
takes first bite...

BUTTERMILK

lesson !

Posted by: concrete girl at March 07, 2016 08:25 PM (0KgAM)

395 For breakfast now ...

... I really like one of those bagels you can buy in a pack at Kroger, with two pieces of ham and slice of swiss - nuked for 45 seconds. I eat it with a fork.

Don't tell CBD.

Posted by: ScoggDog at March 07, 2016 08:25 PM (qmMG2)

396 373 Does Cream of Wheat still have the jolly black guy in the chef's hat on the carton?
Posted by: Alberta Oil Peon at March 07, 2016 08:21 PM (/i7Ua)

Checks cupboard. "Yes." Not so much jolly as happy dignified.

Posted by: Crump/Truz at March 07, 2016 08:26 PM (8EJen)

397 From the "you can't go home again" file:

I grew up eating those ridiculously high-sugar General Mills children's cereal products, as did all of my friends.

And then we would go Outside, and burn it all off with high intensity physical play and biking or hiking over long distances.

I ended up in a ski cabin with friends decades later, and I woke up early, and wandered out, and there was a box of one of my childhood favorites which someone else had brought along. (The stoner contingent. Prone to follow a bowl with a bowl.) Well, hell, why not. I'm going to go combust a lot of calories shortly on the slopes. One sugary indulgence can't hurt. Much.

Gah. I ate it all, but then felt incredibly crummy for the rest of the day. Wait, what? Has my metabolism changed all that much? Other childhood foods don't cause problems for me as an adult. Then... ah. Yes. Of course. That's it. The food is not the same. The sugar in the cereal when I was a kid was cane sugar. Now it's HFCS. Oh, my groaning liver.

Posted by: torquewrench at March 07, 2016 08:26 PM (noWW6)

398 I rarely eat breakfast, either. Coffee with fake cream for me.

I do enjoy a good hotel breakfast, however. After sleeping in, and knowing I don't have to prepare it or clean up.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at March 07, 2016 08:26 PM (FsuaD)

399 Cinnamon Toast Crunch was another mediocre cereal that seemed cool from the ads but didn't taste that great.

***

Cinnamon and cold milk? Just. No.

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at March 07, 2016 08:26 PM (8PbKi)

400 The only time we ever got "sugar cereals" was on vacation or at the family cabin. Sometimes my Mom would get the variety packs and there'd always be a few fun cereals like Sugar Smacks, Coco Crispies Fruity Pebbles etc. My brother and I would damn near kill each other trying to grab the one we wanted. As a bonus you could make a bowl out of the box so no dishes!

Posted by: Minnfidel at March 07, 2016 08:26 PM (btH0m)

401 Monocle. you knew what I meant, fucker.

Posted by: garrett at March 07, 2016 08:26 PM (440T9)

402 reposting, because corgis:

- The articles I'd read said he was shot "in" the skull. Very glad today that the MSM can't do prepositions.

Posted by: boulder terlit hobo at March 07, 2016 08:26 PM (6FqZa)

403 Chex with a sliced banana and raisins nowadays.

Posted by: RWC - Team BOHICA at March 07, 2016 08:26 PM (hlMPp)

404 Pooping in the woods when you haven't brought a roll of TP, and all the leaves around are poison sumac - that's slightly worse
Posted by: boulder terlit hobo
****

Couldn't catch a rabbit?

Posted by: Tilikum Armored Killer Assault Whale at March 07, 2016 08:26 PM (hVdx9)

405 >>> Cinnamon Toast Crunch was another mediocre cereal that seemed cool from the ads but didn't taste that great.
Posted by: ReactionaryMonster browsing Bravely at March
-----
Cinnamon Toast Crunch was such a disappointment. I have to agree. What a let down.

Granola with vanilla yogurt, however, always delivers.

Posted by: L, Elle at March 07, 2016 08:26 PM (2x3L+)

406 Weekend are the only time I get to toast them to perfect browness

Posted by: Skip at March 07, 2016 08:24 PM (fizMZ)

You're not supposed to toast pop-tarts. That's why they glaze the best ones.

Posted by: ThePrimordialOrderedPair at March 07, 2016 08:26 PM (zc3Db)

407 Actually, I haven't eater breakfast cereal in years. For a long time I was stopping at McDonald's for a sausage McMuffin with egg and cheese with hash browns.

Then I read that the latest evidence is that cholesterol isn't really that bad for you, but carbs are. So I cut out the hash browns. If I was going to be fanatical about it, I'd throw out the McMuffin and just eat the sausage, egg, and cheese.

My most recent bloodwork was fine.

Then the McDonald's changed management and the service at the drive-thru suffered. So now I get breakfast at Chick-fil-A.

Posted by: rickl at March 07, 2016 08:27 PM (sdi6R)

408 Remember those little cereal boxes you'd cut open and they supposedly were lined with wax paper so you could pour milk in and eat them out of the box? It never worked for me, always leaked and you couldn't actually eat all of the cereal due to the design.

Posted by: Christopher Taylor at March 07, 2016 08:27 PM (39g3+)

409 I remember Vic saying the cereal he ate was made of rusty cans and sadness.

Posted by: Dr Spank at March 07, 2016 08:27 PM (TJCSB)

410 I like shortnin' bread.

https://youtu.be/0F-Y69gGwGo

Posted by: Baron Von Ottomatic at March 07, 2016 08:28 PM (Ixuea)

411 Blame it on my dad, NDH. That's how I was first introduced to grits. He put butter in there too. We also ate boudin with Steen's Cane Syrup on it for breakfast.

Posted by: no good deed at March 07, 2016 08:28 PM (GgxVX)

412 No kidding--Mom would treat us every now and then to a sugar sandwich: White bread, real butter, and sugar.
------------------------

I think you should try lard instead of butter. But yeah, you try it . . . then tell me how it works out.

Posted by: iforgot at March 07, 2016 08:28 PM (5o5ek)

413 Speaking of breakfast, there was a curious lack of it in The Breakfast Club. Liars.

Posted by: AlaBAMA at March 07, 2016 08:28 PM (pUDQf)

414 Mmm, bagels.

Sliced bagel toasted to crunchy, with thick thick layers of cream cheese applied to each slice. Combine into sandwich, eat.

Used like quarter brick of cream cheese for each serving.

Posted by: ReactionaryMonster browsing Bravely at March 07, 2016 08:28 PM (uURQL)

415 I guess I was a weird kid....

I loved Shredded Wheat.

also, some weirdo cereal of the same ilk called

Weetabix.

Posted by: naturalfake at March 07, 2016 08:28 PM (2rmvw)

416 Kill Bill:
Tarantino's movies are completely accurate and era-specific when it comes to sugary breakfast cereal. He completely geeks out on this.

Posted by: BourbonChicken at March 07, 2016 08:28 PM (VdICR)

417 Weetabix was really strange but Shredded Wheat is great.

Posted by: Christopher Taylor at March 07, 2016 08:29 PM (39g3+)

418 At least it wasnt Alphabets. Another era

Posted by: butternut at March 07, 2016 08:29 PM (E8Ak3)

419 >>I like shortnin' bread.

https://youtu.be/0F-Y69gGwGo
Posted by: Baron Von Ottomatic at March 07, 2016 08:28 PM (Ixuea)

THE CRAMPS!

Posted by: garrett at March 07, 2016 08:30 PM (440T9)

420 If I remember right Kaboom tasted like licking sweat soaked Chuck Taylor high tops.

That's why I only had coffee and a cigarette for breakfast after the 2nd grade.

Posted by: Hairyback Guy at March 07, 2016 08:30 PM (ej1L0)

421 Posted by: Tilikum Armored Killer Assault Whale at March 07, 2016 08

This should be added to the permanent thread.

Posted by: Golfman at March 07, 2016 08:30 PM (48QDY)

422 When I do eat breakfast, I like to mix cereals: Shredded Wheat with whole wheat Cheerios is an example. No sugar.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at March 07, 2016 08:30 PM (FsuaD)

423 416 I guess I was a weird kid...

Me too ... When I got lucky enough to stay over at another kid's house - and they had Raisin Bran ...

... seriously. That shit was the bomb.

Posted by: ScoggDog at March 07, 2016 08:30 PM (qmMG2)

424 Kaboom looks like rejects from the emoji factory.

Posted by: Seamus Muldoon at March 07, 2016 08:30 PM (NeFrd)

425 You're not supposed to toast pop-tarts. That's why they glaze the best ones.
Posted by: ThePrimordialOrderedPair at March 07, 2016 08:26 PM (zc3Db)

I'm pretty sure that pop-tarts used to be delivered half-cooked when I was a kid, and so were completely gross if not toasted.

Now I think they toast them a little, so they're edible out of the package.

But for the best experience, toast them so that the gooey filling is lava.

Burn mouth, enjoy.

Posted by: ReactionaryMonster browsing Bravely at March 07, 2016 08:30 PM (uURQL)

426 I was a weird kid. I ate Raisin Bran for breakfast, and ate Froot Loops dry out of the box as a snack.

Posted by: Cato the Rebel Without a Party at March 07, 2016 08:30 PM (HalrA)

427 Cinnamon Life? Mikey can eat the plain shit.

Posted by: AlaBAMA at March 07, 2016 08:31 PM (pUDQf)

428 Fresh, warm Salt Bagel with an absurd amount of cold butter on it.

Posted by: garrett at March 07, 2016 08:31 PM (440T9)

429 Planet Fitness 'thunder pop' commercial.

What a bunch of effeminate frickin pussies.

They need to nuke those gyms.

We serve pizza because hey, no judgment here!

Stupid shit.

Posted by: RWC - Team BOHICA at March 07, 2016 08:31 PM (hlMPp)

430 also, some weirdo cereal of the same ilk called

Weetabix.

Posted by: naturalfake at March 07, 2016 08:28 PM (2rmvw)

And Muffets. Actually, Muffets are the reinforcing fiber used in hockey pucks, before they add the rubber and vulcanize it.

Posted by: Alberta Oil Peon at March 07, 2016 08:31 PM (/i7Ua)

431 Bullets can do all kind of things when they hit the skull. Depends on the round and the angle. Skull can be tougher than you might think.

Posted by: Aviator
****

Was it .22? .38? 9mm?

One story I read was where a hollow point bullet hit a bad guy in the head at the right angle for it to bounce off. The bad was in the process of ducking down when the bullet hit him. Knocked him cold at least.

Posted by: Tilikum Armored Killer Assault Whale at March 07, 2016 08:31 PM (hVdx9)

432 on fridays in lent my mom would make us sugar sandwiches or mayonnaise and butter sandwiches

Posted by: phoenixgirl, i was born a rebel at March 07, 2016 08:31 PM (0O7c5)

433 Posted by: concrete girl at March 07, 2016 08:25 PM (0KgAM)

My intro to buttermilk was similar, and I've hated it every since, although I cook with it a lot and it's my secret for killer fried chicken.

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at March 07, 2016 08:31 PM (bardA)

434 Couldn't catch a rabbit?

-
And you ain't no friend of mine.

Posted by: The Great White Snark at March 07, 2016 08:31 PM (Nwg0u)

435 Multi-grain cheerios are really tasty just straight. All the best cereal is.

Posted by: Christopher Taylor at March 07, 2016 08:31 PM (39g3+)

436 >>> Cinnamon and cold milk? Just. No.
Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at March 07, 2016
-----
Don't listen to NDH. She eats chocolate chip cookies dipped in koolaid or some horrible concoction like that.
* ducks *

Posted by: L, Elle at March 07, 2016 08:31 PM (2x3L+)

437 http://www.tennessean.com/story/news/crime/2016/03/07/erin-andrews-awarded-55-million/81367588/

Posted by: JEM at March 07, 2016 08:31 PM (o+SC1)

438 overnight at granny's...
got up all by myself...
make myself a big ol bowl...
takes first bite...

BUTTERMILK

lesson !

Posted by: concrete girl at March 07, 2016 08:25 PM (0KgAM)
------------------------

Happened to me with whiskey eggnog.

Posted by: iforgot at March 07, 2016 08:32 PM (5o5ek)

439 -you got cereal ? We were too poor, we stole cigarettes and coffee from our parents for breakfast.

Posted by: Pj at March 07, 2016 08:32 PM (cHuNI)

440 No. No, no, no. Sugar Crisp. And my second male role model after dear old Dad? Sugar Bear / Dean Martin. What's this in my closet? Three turtleneck sweaters...

Posted by: Skookumchuk at March 07, 2016 08:32 PM (/WPPJ)

441 Posted by: phoenixgirl, i was born a rebel at March 07, 2016 08:31 PM (0O7c5)

I've been known to use mayo instead of butter on my toast.

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at March 07, 2016 08:32 PM (bardA)

442 Cheerios. My favorite, though, was standing next to Mom as she cooked the sausage and dipping my bread in the grease. Had a quintuple bypass at 60 but it was worth it.

Posted by: Javems at March 07, 2016 08:32 PM (FdFgz)

443 I'm pretty sure that pop-tarts used to be delivered half-cooked when I was a kid, and so were completely gross if not toasted.

Now I think they toast them a little, so they're edible out of the package.

I think they're the same. That's how you're supposed to eat them.

But for the best experience, toast them so that the gooey filling is lava.

Burn mouth, enjoy.

Posted by: ReactionaryMonster browsing Bravely at March 07, 2016 08:30 PM (uURQL)

Nooooooo ......

Posted by: ThePrimordialOrderedPair at March 07, 2016 08:32 PM (zc3Db)

444 My mom used to take stale donuts, split and butter them, cover them in cinnamon sugar, and broil them.

She weighed all of 80 lbs. and my sister and I were twigs.

Sigh. I long for those days.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at March 07, 2016 08:33 PM (FsuaD)

445 My brothers and I used to try to spell words with our Kaboom cereal. The best we ever did was "oooooooo"

Posted by: Seamus Muldoon at March 07, 2016 08:33 PM (NeFrd)

446
Why?

Quentin Tarantino's 2003 movie Kill Bill: Volume 1 included a scene in which character Vernita Green uses a gun hidden in a box of Kaboom cereal in an attempt to kill The Bride.

-Wikipedia

Posted by: Randy Westerfeld at March 07, 2016 08:33 PM (zp6Kj)

447 "Then the McDonald's changed management and the service at the drive-thru suffered. So now I get breakfast at Chick-fil-A."

Special bonus! You'll also be much less likely to be criminally victimized by other patrons while on the premises.

Posted by: torquewrench at March 07, 2016 08:33 PM (noWW6)

448 >>Multi-grain cheerios are really tasty just straight. All the best cereal is.

Those with a banana are now my go to Cereal.
Which I rarely have for breakfast.

Posted by: garrett at March 07, 2016 08:33 PM (440T9)

449 Toaster Strudel.

With the pack of sugary icing.

Posted by: Golfman at March 07, 2016 08:33 PM (48QDY)

450 Anyone remember Surprise cereal? Crunchy spheres filled with frosting. I think mom bought it once.

Posted by: Duke Lowell at March 07, 2016 08:33 PM (kTF2Z)

451 Couldn't catch a rabbit?

-
And you ain't no friend of mine.
Posted by: The Great White Snark at March 07, 2016 08:31 PM (Nwg0u)

Thread winner, oh my God

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at March 07, 2016 08:34 PM (bardA)

452 OMFG...I had forgotten about this essay, the greatest treatise on cereal ever written.

I was just laughing so hard I fear I may have injured my spleen.

Posted by: Mister Christopher (in Atlanta!) at March 07, 2016 08:34 PM (SLJ40)

453 This should be added to the permanent thread.

Posted by: Golfman
****
Thanks.
Took years of therapy to get over that.

Posted by: Tilikum Armored Killer Assault Whale at March 07, 2016 08:34 PM (hVdx9)

454 >> https://youtu.be/0F-Y69gGwGo

Two minutes of pure wonderful.

Posted by: JEM at March 07, 2016 08:34 PM (o+SC1)

455 The proper use of chex is not as a breakfast cereal, but for that chocolate frosted treat recipe.

Posted by: ReactionaryMonster browsing Bravely at March 07, 2016 08:34 PM (uURQL)

456 .........now, when you say 'pellets'..........

Posted by: Corona at March 07, 2016 08:35 PM (ragzU)

457 My brothers and I used to try to spell words with our Kaboom cereal. The best we ever did was "oooooooo"

Posted by: Seamus Muldoon at March 07, 2016 08:33 PM
..................We did that with "Alphabits" When you're 10, it was really funny seeing the word fuck floating in your bowl.

Posted by: Minnfidel at March 07, 2016 08:35 PM (btH0m)

458 Buffalo skulls, at least the foreheads, are thick enough to repel soft lead balls fired with black powder. I remember reading, long ago, the account of some traveler out west who managed to hit one between the eyes to no avail, and after shooting it in some more tender spot discovered the ball flattened up against the skull.

Posted by: Grey Fox at March 07, 2016 08:35 PM (bZ7mE)

459 Tammy al-Thor thanks.
i left you a thank you somewhere.

you're great, and i'll leave it at that.

Posted by: concrete girl at March 07, 2016 08:36 PM (0KgAM)

460 438 http://www.tennessean.com/story/news/crime/2016/03/07/erin-andrews-awarded-55-million/81367588/

Posted by: JEM at March 07, 2016 08:31 PM (o+SC1)

Good. Pervert fucking stalkers.

Posted by: AlaBAMA at March 07, 2016 08:36 PM (pUDQf)

461 >>Multi-grain cheerios are really tasty just straight. All the best cereal is.

The one with light honey glaze?

I can eat the entire box in one sitting. *sigh*

Posted by: ReactionaryMonster browsing Bravely at March 07, 2016 08:36 PM (uURQL)

462 Good use of cereal: Rice Krispie Treats. Also, Chex Mix.

Posted by: L, Elle at March 07, 2016 08:36 PM (2x3L+)

463 Jane. Re: grits.

Boss went to Charleston Wine and Dine or something like that this past weekend. Long story short.

The Husk guy blessed some guys grits. Like the Pope.

Ugh.

Posted by: Golfman at March 07, 2016 08:37 PM (48QDY)

464 Quentin Tarantino's 2003 movie Kill Bill: Volume 1 included a scene in which character Vernita Green uses a gun hidden in a box of Kaboom cereal in an attempt to kill The Bride.

See #140.

Posted by: Bandersnatch at March 07, 2016 08:37 PM (1xUj/)

465 Nice one.

ace just triggered thousands of damaged souls to roll back down the mountain into despair and madness.

Posted by: eman at March 07, 2016 08:38 PM (MQEz6)

466 464
Jane. Re: grits.

Boss went to Charleston Wine and Dine or something like that this past weekend. Long story short.

The Husk guy blessed some guys grits. Like the Pope.

Ugh.

Posted by: Golfman at March 07, 2016 08:37 PM (48QDY)

Da fuq?

Posted by: Jane D'oh at March 07, 2016 08:38 PM (FsuaD)

467 This thread could use some S.O.D.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gLFuTHFTOIU

Posted by: garrett at March 07, 2016 08:38 PM (440T9)

468 OMG this had me rolling. thanks.

Posted by: Shefali at March 07, 2016 08:38 PM (tdnfQ)

469 When you're 10, it was really funny seeing the word fuck floating in your bowl.

-
Yeah, we're much more mature now.

Posted by: The Great White Snark at March 07, 2016 08:38 PM (Nwg0u)

470 Posted by: concrete girl at March 07, 2016 08:36 PM (0KgAM)

YOU are the great one, missy. Never forget that.

You're in my prayers (and heart!) daily.

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at March 07, 2016 08:39 PM (bardA)

471 I wonder what cereal MUMR was fed as a child?

Posted by: Jane D'oh at March 07, 2016 08:39 PM (FsuaD)

472 And of course, Rice Krispies were right out due to the questionable characters of Snap, Crackle, and Pop, but if not Sugar Pops, then Kellogg's Frosted Flakes.

Posted by: Skookumchuk at March 07, 2016 08:40 PM (/WPPJ)

473 OT, but my left eye is still watering. My cat decided to wake me up this morning by stabbing me in the cornea.

I know I should have posted this on the tiger thread, but I was busy working at work.

Posted by: rickl at March 07, 2016 08:40 PM (sdi6R)

474 I wonder what cereal MUMR was fed as a child?

Paint chips.

Posted by: Grey Fox at March 07, 2016 08:40 PM (bZ7mE)

475 When you're 10, it was really funny seeing the word fuck floating in your bowl.

-
Yeah, we're much more mature now.

Posted by: The Great White Snark at March 07, 2016 08:38 PM
.............Well OK you got me there.

Posted by: Minnfidel at March 07, 2016 08:40 PM (btH0m)

476 472 I wonder what cereal MUMR was fed as a child?
Posted by: Jane D'oh at March 07, 2016 08:39 PM (FsuaD)

I'm guessing paint chip?

Posted by: AlaBAMA at March 07, 2016 08:40 PM (pUDQf)

477 Posted by: L, Elle at March 07, 2016 08:36 PM (2x3L+)

Homemade Chex Mix.

Store bought original is bleh.

Bold and spicy is ok.

Posted by: RWC - Team BOHICA at March 07, 2016 08:40 PM (hlMPp)

478 I've got to get busy perfecting the recipe for Sausage and Biscuit Cereal ...

... with Milk Gravy Crystal Coating.

Posted by: ScoggDog at March 07, 2016 08:40 PM (qmMG2)

479 I wonder what cereal MUMR was fed as a child?

Posted by: Jane D'oh

*****

Sawdustios

Posted by: Seamus Muldoon at March 07, 2016 08:40 PM (NeFrd)

480 I can honestly say a box of Kaboom never made it into our house when I was a kid. Never even heard of it. I was a Tony the Tiger kinda kid when I had cereal for breakfast. That and oatneal/cream of wheat in the winter.

Posted by: Hank at March 07, 2016 08:40 PM (MCoXK)

481 472
I wonder what cereal MUMR was fed as a child?

Posted by: Jane D'oh at March 07, 2016 08:39 PM (FsuaD)

Hobo Flakes. Made from cardboard and HFCS, in the shape of guns, malt liquor bottles, shopping carts, and welfare checks.

Posted by: Cato the Rebel Without a Party at March 07, 2016 08:40 PM (HalrA)

482 Ha. Jinx.

Posted by: AlaBAMA at March 07, 2016 08:41 PM (pUDQf)

483 I posted in the old thread by accident, so I'll repost here:
(Been out solving the neighborhood plumbing woes all day. The old ladies on the block love me...)

316 Probably mentioned 100 times already, but Kaboom cereal looks like those Amazing! sponges they sell on QVC. Gross.

Side note, it's Better Call Saul night, so in the next half hour, I'm going to have a cold one & a rolled one, then watch 2 hrs of mindless entertainment (I missed last week).

Posted by: Chi at March 07, 2016 08:42 PM (1u6vQ)

484 MUMR got all the essential minerals. Lead, mercury, arsenic - all natural minerals

Posted by: boulder terlit hobo at March 07, 2016 08:42 PM (6FqZa)

485 I'm guessing paint chip?

Jinx.

Posted by: Grey Fox at March 07, 2016 08:42 PM (bZ7mE)

486 Jane.

Seriously. Long line for book signing. Boss in wrong line. Waded in. Hipster dude with blue jean jacket come in. Brock. Lady introduces him. Different guy wanders up with a bowl of uncooked grits. Brock fingers the grits and basically nods. Approved!!!

Posted by: Golfman at March 07, 2016 08:42 PM (48QDY)

487 Yeah, MUMR, but what cereal did you eat??

Posted by: AlaBAMA at March 07, 2016 08:42 PM (pUDQf)

488 Jinx Jinx

Posted by: Grey Fox at March 07, 2016 08:42 PM (bZ7mE)

489 Cheerios (yeah w/ sugar)

Frosted Flakes
(nope hated raisins)
Raisin Bran

Lucky Charms

Quisp (preferred to Quake since Quisp was a space guy and I was a space nut)

Corn Flakes (needed sugar)

Wheaties (blah, no)

Quaker Oats (maybe)

Cream of Wheat (w/ milk and sugar)

Shredded Wheat (sugar)

Rice Krispies (sugar)

Count Chocula
(didn't need sugar)

Sugar Pops

Puffed Wheat

Puffed Rice (sucked needed a lot of sugar)

And I'm probably forgetting some.

Posted by: rickl at March 07, 2016 08:10 PM (sdi6R)

Just my memories. I NEVER eat cereal anymore.

Posted by: Farmer at March 07, 2016 08:42 PM (o/90i)

490 MUMR's mom really loved him. It shows.

Posted by: boulder terlit hobo at March 07, 2016 08:43 PM (6FqZa)

491 I can't figure out where raisin bran came from. Who the hell came up with that idea?

EXECUTIVE: Boys we need a new cereal! Something fresh, something different, something with pop! Jackson what do ya got?

JACKSON: uh, we could add something to bran flakes, those sell well

EXECUTIVE: Not enough! You're fired! I need ideas here! Carstairs?

CARSTAIRS: What do people never want to eat for cereal?

EXECUTIVE: What are you, Socrates? Answer me with a question? I dunno.... Raisins. Our raisin division has a huge backlog, they aren't selling like we hoped after that film Raisin in the Sun came out.

CARSTAIRS: Raisins! We'll dust them with sugar and throw em in the bran flakes!

EXECUTIVE: ... what the hell is wrong with you, Carstairs?

Posted by: Christopher Taylor at March 07, 2016 08:43 PM (39g3+)

492 Ralston Purina Fruity Freakies

The Freakies (1971 - 1976) were a group of mutated critters who lived under the abundant Freakies tree and enjoyed eating their cereal. They were created by Jackie End. The original Freakies were named Boss Moss (John Wayne sound-a-like), Grumble, Cowmumble, Hamhose, Snorkeldorf, Gargle, and Goody-Goody. Upon its re-release, the new set of Freakies were Boss Moss, Grumble, Ace, Hot Dog, Hugger, Tooter, and Sweetie. "We are the Freakies... Oh we are the Freakies... And this is our Freakies tree... We never miss a meal... 'Cause we love our ce-re-el".

Note... "Ace". Coincidence?

Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc., etc. at March 07, 2016 08:43 PM (w35Hj)

493 I have a Big Ass Box of Cookie Crisp in my pantry.

Right. Now.

Posted by: Mister Christopher (in Atlanta!) at March 07, 2016 08:43 PM (SLJ40)

494
Posted by: Seamus Muldoon at March 07, 2016 08:40 PM (NeFrd

Add this too.

Posted by: Golfman at March 07, 2016 08:43 PM (48QDY)

495 Okay. I don't ever eat an actual breakfast outside of coffee or tea, but you have to try Wheaties with sliced bananas and whole milk if you do the breakfast thing.

You can thank me later.

Posted by: L, Elle at March 07, 2016 08:43 PM (2x3L+)

496 http://www.tennessean.com/story/news/crime/2016/03/07/erin-andrews-awarded-55-million/81367588/

Posted by: JEM at March 07, 2016 08:31 PM (o+SC1)

-------------------------

I'm a little curious how they dragged all those hotel companies in on it. Seems to me it was one very evil sick bastard and some negligent staffers.

Posted by: iforgot at March 07, 2016 08:43 PM (5o5ek)

497 Oatmeal was however the default cereal in my Scots-Irish household. It's wasn't until much later that I learned that back in Scotland, they would add a wee dram once taken off the stove. Which of course I do now.

Posted by: Skookumchuk at March 07, 2016 08:44 PM (/WPPJ)

498 Blame it on my dad, NDH. That's how I was first introduced to grits.

***

That is one of the saddest things I've ever read.

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at March 07, 2016 08:44 PM (8PbKi)

499 I would eat oatmeal with brown sugar and rasins every day. Grits, forina, cream of wheat all sucked. When I was 10, I started eating eggs and toast and juice for breakfast. I haven't eaten breakfast cereal in 47 years.

Posted by: Tinfoilbaby at March 07, 2016 08:44 PM (UWwOe)

500 Did y'all conjure the nutball or has he been posting throughout the thread and I'm just catching sightings now?

Posted by: RWC - Team BOHICA at March 07, 2016 08:44 PM (hlMPp)

501 You gots some serious childhood issues.

Posted by: Buffalbob at March 07, 2016 08:44 PM (8nL8o)

502 I can't figure out where raisin bran came from. Who the hell came up with that idea?

***

I LOVE Raisin Bran. I have cranberry-raisin bran in my pantry now

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at March 07, 2016 08:45 PM (8PbKi)

503 Oh my God.

The original "Kaboom" Thread.

*bows*

Posted by: Ricardo Kill at March 07, 2016 08:45 PM (IytJj)

504 And MUMR needs to stop with the obsession shit.

Posted by: RWC - Team BOHICA at March 07, 2016 08:45 PM (hlMPp)

505 OT, but my left eye is still watering. My cat decided to wake me up this morning by stabbing me in the cornea.

Might want to get that looked at. Cats do carry some nasty anaerobic bacteria in their mouths, IIRC, and while it seems unlikely that it could live on their claws long enough to be transferred, I'd be a bit worried about infection. Of course, I am a bit of a worrywart.

Posted by: Grey Fox at March 07, 2016 08:46 PM (bZ7mE)

506 Ooooh, Freakies! Still have a refrigerator magnet-- Snorkeldorf, I think....

Posted by: JQ Flyover at March 07, 2016 08:46 PM (044Fx)

507 So I see Bloomberg is a bigger asshole than I even thought. Basically he called all Republicans Nazis and said he is not running for hillary. Fuck him and and he is NOT Jewish and had NO relationship with any Jewish Community of Israel before he ran for Mayor. He is a phony and arch liberal

Posted by: Nevergiveup at March 07, 2016 08:46 PM (DUoqb)

508 ***Top 5 Least Popular Breakfast Cereals EVERRR***

5. Hillary! Cereal, complete with lots of extra fiber 'cuz it's made entirely from shredded emails

4. Nuclear Kaboom! (A 1980s version of the above cereal, which included actual Chernobyl fallout as an added ingredient)

3. Abe Vigoda's Chocolate-Coated Razor Stubble

2. "Girls" Cereal (based on the Lena Dunham show), with pink marshmallows containing valium and expired birth control pills

1. Mrs. O'Leary's Flaming Cow Chips

Posted by: qdpsteve at March 07, 2016 08:46 PM (ntObR)

509 Upon its re-release, the new set of Freakies were Boss Moss, Grumble, Ace, Hot Dog, Hugger, Tooter, and Sweetie. "We are the Freakies... Oh we are the Freakies... And this is our Freakies tree... We never miss a meal... 'Cause we love our ce-re-el".

Note... "Ace". Coincidence?
Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc., etc. at March 07, 2016 08:43 PM (w35Hj)

Tooter HQ was already a porn site, so he went with Ace.

Posted by: AlaBAMA at March 07, 2016 08:46 PM (pUDQf)

510 487
Jane.

Seriously. Long line for book signing. Boss in wrong line. Waded in.
Hipster dude with blue jean jacket come in. Brock. Lady introduces him.
Different guy wanders up with a bowl of uncooked grits. Brock fingers
the grits and basically nods. Approved!!!

Posted by: Golfman at March 07, 2016 08:42 PM (48QDY)

I think most celeb chefs nowadays are former or wanna be hipsters. Sad.

Anyone sticks their nasty finger in my grits gets a surprise.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at March 07, 2016 08:47 PM (FsuaD)

511 505 And MUMR needs to stop with the obsession shit.
Posted by: RWC - Team BOHICA at March 07, 2016 08:45 PM (hlMPp)

Methinks someone WAS stopped.

Posted by: Golfman at March 07, 2016 08:47 PM (48QDY)

512 >>> I LOVE Raisin Bran. I have cranberry-raisin bran in my pantry now
Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at March
-----
I don't eat breakfast anymore. If I did, it would be the Crunchy Raisin Bran. Has to be crunchy though. That is a quick and very good breakfast.

Posted by: L, Elle at March 07, 2016 08:48 PM (2x3L+)

513 I can't have sugar or milk so I had to get creative for breakfast. I eat a lot of Denver Sandwiches, omelets, and hash browns. If you mix chopped onions (optional jalapenos or other peppers), grated potato (use a cheese grater) and an egg, with salt and pepper, you can fry a great potato pancake/hashbrown patty. Best with gravy or sour cream.

Posted by: Christopher Taylor at March 07, 2016 08:49 PM (39g3+)

514 And MUMR needs to stop with the obsession shit.

Posted by: RWC - Team BOHICA at March 07, 2016 08:45 PM (hlMPp)

You mean "obsession" like the perfume?

Posted by: Hillary! at March 07, 2016 08:49 PM (GUBah)

515 I can't figure out where raisin bran came from. Who the hell came up with that idea?

I eat raisins in my oatmeal as a regular thing. It helps get some fruit into my diet and add some flavor.

Posted by: Grey Fox at March 07, 2016 08:49 PM (bZ7mE)

516 506
Might want to get that looked at. Cats do carry some nasty anaerobic bacteria in their mouths, IIRC, and while it seems unlikely that it could live on their claws long enough to be transferred, I'd be a bit worried about infection. Of course, I am a bit of a worrywart.
Posted by: Grey Fox at March 07, 2016 08:46 PM (bZ7mE)

Yes, I thought about that too. I'll keep an *ahem* eye on it.

Right now it just feels like that time when I washed my face in a men's room, dried it with one of those coarse brown paper towels, and gave myself a paper cut. Owie.

Posted by: rickl at March 07, 2016 08:49 PM (sdi6R)

517
When I was a kid, it was all about Cheerios and a dump truck of sugar, or Frosted Flakes.

Nowadays, the only cereal I consistently buy is raisin bran. But here's the weird thing, I don't care for the Kellogg's name brand stuff (raisins are soft like rabbit droppings), the bulk generic in the big trash bag is horribly inedible, but the store brand Great Value stuff from WalMart is actually pretty good.

Posted by: IllTemperedCur at March 07, 2016 08:50 PM (o98Jz)

518
Anyone sticks their nasty finger in my grits gets a surprise.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at March 07, 2016 08:47 PM (FsuaD)

Euphemisms are a wonderful thing.

Posted by: AlaBAMA at March 07, 2016 08:50 PM (pUDQf)

519 with this post, Ace entered the realm of Literature

sniff

I love you, man

*pushes Kaboom guiltily away*

Posted by: Feh at March 07, 2016 08:50 PM (Uk9e2)

520 OT, but my left eye is still watering. My cat decided to wake me up this morning by stabbing me in the cornea.

Ouch, Rickl! Definitely get it checked out-- or, at least consider rinsing with sterile saline (contact lens) solution.

Posted by: JQ Flyover at March 07, 2016 08:50 PM (044Fx)

521 Posted by: Jane D'oh at March 07, 2016 08:47 PM

What he told me blew my mind. You being from an area like Charleston, me be not so much.

Paula Deen would be a dishwasher nowadays.

Posted by: Golfman at March 07, 2016 08:50 PM (48QDY)

522 Heh. My Yankee uncle was chowing down on some Total one morning, and thought he was eating Raisin Bran that tasted weird, while on a camping trip with buddies.

The "raisins" were rat pellets. He never lived that down.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at March 07, 2016 08:51 PM (FsuaD)

523 Other very unpopular cereals:

- Bernie Sanders Choice Mueslix

- Metamucil-Os

- Hoisin Bran

Posted by: qdpsteve at March 07, 2016 08:51 PM (ntObR)

524 Oh geez, how did I forget Quaker Squares?

Another one of those cereals I can't stop eating once I open the box.

Posted by: ReactionaryMonster browsing Bravely at March 07, 2016 08:51 PM (uURQL)

525 I saw Mrs. O'Leary's Flaming Cow Chips open for Ralston Purina Fruity Freakies at the Kaboom Arena in 1969.

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at March 07, 2016 08:51 PM (bardA)

526 Oh Hills!

http://tinyurl.com/jc5eyqx

Posted by: RWC - Team BOHICA at March 07, 2016 08:51 PM (hlMPp)

527 MUMR's mom must have fed him Kiks (Kix?) (or however the hell they spelled it). Only half as exciting as shredded wheat.

Posted by: RedMindBlueState at March 07, 2016 08:51 PM (Q7bO0)

528 Tammy, that musta been some LSD trip. :-)

Posted by: qdpsteve at March 07, 2016 08:52 PM (ntObR)

529 Anyone sticks their nasty finger in my grits gets a surprise.

----------

Are there live piranhas in your grits?

Posted by: Duke Lowell at March 07, 2016 08:52 PM (kTF2Z)

530
Paula Deen would be a dishwasher nowadays.

Posted by: Golfman at March 07, 2016 08:50 PM (48QDY)

She's no longer a big deal down here. At all.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at March 07, 2016 08:52 PM (FsuaD)

531 The Freakies (1971 - 1976) were a group of mutated critters who lived under the abundant Freakies tree and enjoyed eating their cereal. They were created by Jackie End. The original Freakies were named Boss Moss (John Wayne sound-a-like), Grumble, Cowmumble, Hamhose, Snorkeldorf, Gargle, and Goody-Goody. Upon its re-release, the new set of Freakies were Boss Moss, Grumble, Ace, Hot Dog, Hugger, Tooter, and Sweetie. "We are the Freakies... Oh we are the Freakies... And this is our Freakies tree... We never miss a meal... 'Cause we love our ce-re-el".
Note... "Ace". Coincidence?

Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc., etc. at March 07, 2016 08:43 PM

I remember Freakies cereal. Still have a couple of t-shirts. LOL

Posted by: Farmer at March 07, 2016 08:52 PM (o/90i)

532 I don't eat breakfast anymore. If I did, it would be the Crunchy Raisin Bran. Has to be crunchy though. That is a quick and very good breakfast.

***

I can't eat sweets for breakfast or it screws me up for the rest of the day. It makes a great nighttime snack.

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at March 07, 2016 08:53 PM (8PbKi)

533 I don't get how people not like raisins. It's concentrated grape!

Posted by: ReactionaryMonster browsing Bravely at March 07, 2016 08:53 PM (uURQL)

534 Post raisin bran for me

is it made in China?

Posted by: Feh at March 07, 2016 08:53 PM (Uk9e2)

535 Christopher, your hash brown recipe sounds awesome. :-)

Posted by: qdpsteve at March 07, 2016 08:53 PM (ntObR)

536 Oh geez, how did I forget Quaker Squares?

They don't sell those in very big boxes. If you are going to do it, that's a good choice.

Posted by: no good deed at March 07, 2016 08:54 PM (GgxVX)

537
Tooter HQ was already a porn site, so he went with Ace.
Posted by: AlaBAMA at March 07, 2016 08:46 PM (pUDQf)

Sounds more like a fetish site than actual pron, just sayin'.

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at March 07, 2016 08:54 PM (bardA)

538 I eat raisins in my oatmeal as a regular thing. It helps get some fruit into my diet and add some flavor.

****

McDonald's oatmeal is really good and I regularly have it for dinner. It has raisins and fresh apple chunks in it.

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at March 07, 2016 08:56 PM (8PbKi)

539 Raisin Bern. It's free.

Posted by: freaked at March 07, 2016 08:56 PM (BO/km)

540 534 I don't get how people not like raisins. It's concentrated grape!

Posted by: ReactionaryMonster browsing Bravely at March 07, 2016 08:53 PM (uURQL)

or dead flies

Posted by: BignJames at March 07, 2016 08:56 PM (x9c8r)

541 Anybody else been around the world and see what other people eat for breakfast? It's not a half a cup of processed white sugar, that's for sure. We are a fat Nation. But nobody makes you put that crap in your mouth, we just use advertising to encourage you.

Posted by: Tinfoilbaby at March 07, 2016 08:56 PM (UWwOe)

542 I'm horrified by the Yankees I know who say they love grits with milk and sugar. UGGGGH.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at March 07, 2016 08:06 PM (FsuaD)

Grits should be eaten with butter, salt and pepper (or copious cheese and shrimp).

Posted by: redbanzai at March 07, 2016 08:56 PM (NPofj)

543 I have three bags of Great Value 'Tootie Fruities' for when the crunchy Cheetos run out.

Also have a gallon of fresh milk slowly aging; purchased because I wanted to make yogurt, and I'd better get to it before the milk goes bad.

How lazy does one have to be to be too lazy to pour fresh whole milk on Tootie Fruities?

You do not want to see my kitchen, and I am not a millenial.

Posted by: Gordon Lastherder at March 07, 2016 08:57 PM (n4leq)

544 And now for something completely different. I think that's Yoko and that's not the most disturbing thing about this vid.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=65ASzyUsOv0

Posted by: The Great White Snark at March 07, 2016 08:57 PM (Nwg0u)

545 Raisins are at the Mendoza Line of foods.

Posted by: eleven at March 07, 2016 08:57 PM (qUNWi)

546 Gym time. See ya on the ONT horde.

Posted by: RWC - Team BOHICA at March 07, 2016 08:57 PM (hlMPp)

547 Posted by: qdpsteve at March 07, 2016 08:52 PM (ntObR)

How's every little thing in the Arbor City these days?

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at March 07, 2016 08:58 PM (bardA)

548 56 We had King Vitamin!
Posted by: Minnfidel at March 07, 2016 07:35 PM (btH0m)

Oh, yes. "Have breakfast with the King." Also known as "Quake for kids with easily-connable mothers." It must be healthy!

Posted by: Splunge at March 07, 2016 08:58 PM (iMxBJ)

549 at Feh's Place, we soak raisins in Mad Dog and sprinkle them on ice cream

Posted by: Feh at March 07, 2016 08:58 PM (Uk9e2)

550 Never had grits.

Later.

Posted by: RWC - Team BOHICA at March 07, 2016 08:58 PM (hlMPp)

551 Tammy, you mean Long Beach? Good. At least we didn't get hail this morning. :-) Lotsa wind though, and a nice watering early this morning.

Posted by: qdpsteve at March 07, 2016 08:58 PM (ntObR)

552 I haven't had cereal in years. One word reason... Farina. I still get shivers thinking about it. For extra awfulness mom would put raisins in it.

Posted by: Molly k. at March 07, 2016 08:59 PM (4aaDj)

553 Raisin Bern. It's free.

Posted by: freaked
****

Nope. The person behind you pays for it.

Posted by: Tilikum Armored Killer Assault Whale at March 07, 2016 08:59 PM (hVdx9)

554 Posted by: Tinfoilbaby at March 07, 2016 08:56 PM (UWwOe)

eh, cold toast, half cooked bacon and beans is not terrible appealing to me.

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at March 07, 2016 09:00 PM (bardA)

555 When I was a kid, I couldn't believe there was such a thing as *wheat germ.*

My Mom said she felt the same way as a kid about sour cream. Some food items were named way before marketing was invented.

Posted by: qdpsteve at March 07, 2016 09:00 PM (ntObR)

556 550 at Feh's Place, we soak raisins in Mad Dog and sprinkle them on ice cream
Posted by: Feh at March 07, 2016 08:58 PM (Uk9e2)

Secret recipt for hobo Amarena cherries?

Posted by: Splunge at March 07, 2016 09:00 PM (iMxBJ)

557 Posted by: qdpsteve at March 07, 2016 08:58 PM (ntObR)

I meant Lakewood, but I lived in Long Beach for several years, too!

Glad y'all got some rain.

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at March 07, 2016 09:01 PM (bardA)

558 what, i've seen people in other countries eat fatty meat slices for breakfast

of course, we improve that by frying them

Posted by: Feh at March 07, 2016 09:01 PM (Uk9e2)

559 Homemade Chex Mix.

Store bought original is bleh.

Bold and spicy is ok.

Posted by: RWC - Team BOHICA at March 07, 2016 08:40 PM
....... I make it every year around the holidays and people love when I bring it. I took the original recipe and doctored it up a bit, first I double the butter. I have 8 spices that go into it then after the Worchester sauce. Then I bake it at 275 for over an hour and stir (gently) every 15 min or so while I drink beer! Don't EVER microwave it, ish.

Posted by: Minnfidel at March 07, 2016 09:01 PM (btH0m)

560 Tammy, thanks. Aren't you in Huntington Beach? I'd assume you got some rain too if you are.

Posted by: qdpsteve at March 07, 2016 09:01 PM (ntObR)

561 Posted by: Tinfoilbaby at March 07, 2016 08:56 PM (UWwOe)

Read a story from an American exchange student in Japan.....first breakfast w/her adopted family...raw squid...yum!

Posted by: BignJames at March 07, 2016 09:03 PM (x9c8r)

562 Cream O Wheat

Cause my mother loved me

Posted by: ThunderB at March 07, 2016 09:03 PM (zOTsN)

563 When we left the White House we were dead broke, and had to eat Kaboom.

**hic** **cough** **arf arf**

Posted by: the Cankles Spaniel at March 07, 2016 09:03 PM (H9MG5)

564 I eat raisins in my oatmeal as a regular thing. It helps get some fruit into my diet and add some flavor.
---------------

Chopped dates.

Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc., etc. at March 07, 2016 09:04 PM (w35Hj)

565 Been eating Jimmy Dean hot sausage for breakfast a lot of mornings lately.

Unfortunately they occasionally give me a reminder that they pretty much just shove the whole pig into the grinder to make that stuff.

Posted by: qdpsteve at March 07, 2016 09:04 PM (ntObR)

566 Posted by: Minnfidel at March 07, 2016 09:01 PM (btH0m)

I bet we have a very similar recipe. Does yours include allspice and Accent?!

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at March 07, 2016 09:04 PM (bardA)

567 56 We had King Vitamin!
Posted by: Minnfidel at March 07, 2016 07:35 PM (btH0m)

Oh, yes. "Have breakfast with the King." Also known as "Quake for kids with easily-connable mothers." It must be healthy!

Posted by: Splunge at March 07, 2016 08:58 PM
.Well it had the word vitamin in it dammnit!

Posted by: Minnfidel at March 07, 2016 09:04 PM (btH0m)

568 And then there was Tang.

As I recall, that stuff was pure sugar.

Posted by: qdpsteve at March 07, 2016 09:05 PM (ntObR)

569 "Life" cereal was pretty tasty, despite its strange pretensions to exclusively impart existence to human beings.

Posted by: An Observer at March 07, 2016 09:05 PM (x9Bsv)

570 Posted by: qdpsteve at March 07, 2016 09:01 PM (ntObR)

Left HB in 2012! I'm in the Ozarks now!

We're getting your rain Ties/Weds, I think.

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at March 07, 2016 09:05 PM (bardA)

571 Unfortunately they occasionally give me a reminder that they pretty much just shove the whole pig into the grinder to make that stuff.

Posted by: qdpsteve
****

Pig? Ha! You WISH!
Still can't find my cat...

Posted by: Jimmy Dean at March 07, 2016 09:06 PM (hVdx9)

572 who eats rice krispies?

it's fiendish genius

whoever invented the process deserved a million bucks: "hey boss, I know how we can get rich by selling air"

Posted by: Feh at March 07, 2016 09:06 PM (Uk9e2)

573 Tammy, oh boy. So you escaped California? Good for you. :-)

Posted by: qdpsteve at March 07, 2016 09:06 PM (ntObR)

574 >>I eat raisins in my oatmeal as a regular thing. It helps get some fruit into my diet and add some flavor.
---------------

Chopped dates.
Posted by: Mike Hammer
-------------
That's my favorite too.

Posted by: Jeffrey Dahmer at March 07, 2016 09:06 PM (c7vUv)

575 Tang was sugar and citric acid with orange coloring I think. Tough to eat. We had tomato juice or orange juice, V8 was too expensive.

Posted by: Christopher Taylor at March 07, 2016 09:07 PM (39g3+)

576 we were a Quisp family

Posted by: Feh at March 07, 2016 09:07 PM (Uk9e2)

577 >> I'm a little curious how they dragged all those hotel
>> companies in on it. Seems to me it was one very evil sick
>> bastard and some negligent staffers.

Good attorneys.

As for my position on the whole thing - yeah, her privacy was breached in highly unpleasant ways.

...but, hell, I'd take $55M to have my dork on youtube.

Posted by: JEM at March 07, 2016 09:07 PM (o+SC1)

578 569 And then there was Tang.

As I recall, that stuff was pure sugar.
Posted by: qdpsteve at March 07, 2016 09:05 PM (ntObR)

But we swore by it.

Posted by: Buzz Aldrin at March 07, 2016 09:07 PM (sdi6R)

579 I remember Tang and it reminds me of something else that maybe never existed, but it was these stick like things that they also claimed the astronauts ate?

Am I imagining this?!

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at March 07, 2016 09:08 PM (bardA)

580
Foster Brooks had a bit that every morning he drinks a glass a Tang except that he puts prunes in it.

Audience laughs

What's the matter? Don't you guys like a little prune Tang in the morning?

Posted by: TheQuietMan at March 07, 2016 09:08 PM (45oDG)

581 "As I recall, that stuff was pure sugar."

Yes, but still somehow not very tasty at the same time as I remember.

Posted by: Ricardo Kill at March 07, 2016 09:08 PM (IytJj)

582 I bet we have a very similar recipe. Does yours include allspice and Accent?!

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at March 07, 2016 09:04 PM
....No I don't care for allspice, I make mine with a bit of a bite. Onion powder, garlic powder, seasoned salt, paprika, onion salt. I make one batch with a little cayenne pepper added to the mix but not too much.

Posted by: Minnfidel at March 07, 2016 09:08 PM (btH0m)

583 Tammy, oh yeah, the Pillsbury Food Sticks.

Those things were delicious. I finally only recently figured out that yes, they were a real product, not just a fantasy.

Posted by: qdpsteve at March 07, 2016 09:08 PM (ntObR)

584 Chopped dates.
Posted by: Mike Hammer
-------------
That's my favorite too.
Posted by: Jeffrey Dahmer at March 07, 2016 09:06 PM[/]

ISWYDT

Posted by: AltonJackson at March 07, 2016 09:09 PM (KCxzN)

585 who eats rice krispies?

it's fiendish genius

whoever invented the process deserved a million bucks: "hey boss, I know how we can get rich by selling air"

Posted by: Feh at March

Same guy who came up with selling "pre-diluted" anti-freeze.
Hey boss, we can make even more money by selling HALF as much anti-freeze, and still charge the same price!!

Posted by: Tilikum Armored Killer Assault Whale at March 07, 2016 09:09 PM (hVdx9)

586 It was Quisp or Quake back in my day. Quake was like gravel. Kind of like Kink Vitamin.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q-sTnm_aPBY

and for creepy clowns... nothing tops Sugar Rice Krinkles (pre-dated Rice Krispies)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FDWXGcsMTHw

Posted by: Zombie Nancy Reagan at March 07, 2016 09:09 PM (l0lja)

587 Anybody else here remember Slender Diet Drinks in the can? They came in vanilla, chocolate, strawberry.

Loved those things. Now they're called Boost. Still drink 'em from time to time.

Posted by: qdpsteve at March 07, 2016 09:09 PM (ntObR)

588 I scrolled through and didn't see Freakies Cereal mentioned. Anyone in their mid to late forties remember that shit? I remember I had the collection of character refrigerator magnets. All I know is Lucky Charms must have done something to their green clovers because whenever I indulge on occasion I shit out a turd as green as that leprechaun on the front of the box.

Posted by: JROD at March 07, 2016 09:09 PM (wnwJC)

589

Space Food Sticks

Two flavored. Peanut butter and Fudge

Posted by: ThunderB at March 07, 2016 09:09 PM (zOTsN)

590 >> V8 was too expensive.

The cans of V8 juice back in the day tasted weird, like the can.

My parents used to buy lots of them. I'd drink as little of it as I could get away with.

Posted by: JEM at March 07, 2016 09:09 PM (o+SC1)

591 "This silent morning on Space Shuttle #28.."

Posted by: Skookumchuk at March 07, 2016 09:10 PM (/WPPJ)

592 580 I remember Tang and it reminds me of something else that maybe never existed, but it was these stick like things that they also claimed the astronauts ate?

Am I imagining this?!

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at March 07, 2016 09:08 PM (bardA)

Space Food Sticks. They were kind of choclatey. Maybe they had vitamins in them, or maybe not. I had one in my lunchbox every day at school.

Posted by: Buzz Aldrin at March 07, 2016 09:10 PM (sdi6R)

593 560 I took the original recipe and doctored it up a bit, first I double the butter. I have 8 spices that go into it then after the Worchester sauce. Then I bake it at 275 for over an hour and stir (gently) every 15 min or so while I drink beer! Don't EVER microwave it, ish.
Posted by: Minnfidel at March 07, 2016 09:01 PM (btH0m)

Sounds great. The home made stuff is tons better than what's in bags. You're not so much cooking it as drying it out. A convection fan helps, but you still have to stir it.

Someone mentioned upthread about Rice Chex gluing your teeth together. But this is what they are really for, providing another texture, combining with their corn and wheat brethren to produce a fine crunchy snack. One I don't make much any more because it is so easy to overindulge in.

Posted by: Splunge at March 07, 2016 09:10 PM (iMxBJ)

594 Tang mixed with Valurite and Kaboom. That's a day starter there!

Posted by: Minnfidel at March 07, 2016 09:10 PM (btH0m)

595 I just buy sacks of some kind of pellets from Fleet Farm.
Pretty good....good price.

Posted by: Toothless broken man at March 07, 2016 09:10 PM (aRUb8)

596 >> I scrolled through and didn't see Freakies Cereal mentioned.

We used to rewrite their nasty little song.

Posted by: JEM at March 07, 2016 09:10 PM (o+SC1)

597 Not sure that was actually a sock fail.

Posted by: rickl at March 07, 2016 09:10 PM (sdi6R)

598 I bet we have a very similar recipe. Does yours include allspice and Accent?!

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor

ALLSPICE? Crap! I've been putting Old Spice in mine. No wonder it tastes so bad.

Posted by: Tilikum Armored Killer Assault Whale at March 07, 2016 09:11 PM (hVdx9)

599 Oh yeah! Rice Krispies.

Pock, Snapple, Krap

Posted by: Seamus Muldoon at March 07, 2016 09:11 PM (NeFrd)

600 Posted by: Minnfidel at March 07, 2016 09:08 PM (btH0m)

I use all that, too, but I have to say I add a fair bit of cayenne, depending on who the attended receivers are, of course.

It's a most excellent recipe, isn't it??

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at March 07, 2016 09:11 PM (bardA)

601 Then there was the freeze-dried ice cream...

Posted by: Skookumchuk at March 07, 2016 09:11 PM (/WPPJ)

602 Hey boss, we can make even more money by selling HALF as much anti-freeze, and still charge the same price!!
Posted by: Tilikum Armored Killer Assault Whale
------------

Low-sugar instant oatmeal cost more than the same product with *more sugar*.

Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc., etc. at March 07, 2016 09:11 PM (w35Hj)

603 That's my favorite too.
Posted by: Jeffrey Dahmer

Ha! That's pretty funny you little debble.

Posted by: freaked at March 07, 2016 09:12 PM (BO/km)

604

Tilikum!

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at March 07, 2016 09:12 PM (bardA)

605 Then there was the freeze-dried ice cream...

Posted by: Skookumchuk at March 07, 2016 09:11 PM (/WPPJ)
-----------------------

Microwaveable toast.

Posted by: iforgot at March 07, 2016 09:12 PM (5o5ek)

606 My father's favorite was grapefruit juice, so that's what we had, unless he got on one of those Snap-E Tom kicks.

Posted by: Tinfoilbaby at March 07, 2016 09:12 PM (UWwOe)

607 >>Space Food Sticks

Two flavored. Peanut butter and Fudge
Posted by: ThunderB

I remember those. The PB ones were kinda edible, the fudge was as tasty as ExLax.

Posted by: Aviator at March 07, 2016 09:12 PM (c7vUv)

608 When we left the White House we were dead broke, and had to eat Kaboom.

**hic** **cough** **arf arf**

Posted by: the Cankles Spaniel

What? You coulda hocked that stolen WhiteHouse china, y'know....

Posted by: JQ Flyover at March 07, 2016 09:12 PM (044Fx)

609 Thanks for re-running this hilarious piece Ace!

Apple Jacks? You know it's the cereal of the GOPe

Kaboom is the cereal not of Trump but of Trump voters, and those Apple Jacks kids are finally going to get their payback!

Posted by: kbdabear at March 07, 2016 09:12 PM (Q2MND)

610 560 I took the original recipe and doctored it up a bit, first I double the butter. I have 8 spices that go into it then after the Worchester sauce. Then I bake it at 275 for over an hour and stir (gently) every 15 min or so while I drink beer! Don't EVER microwave it, ish.
Posted by: Minnfidel at March 07, 2016 09:01 PM (btH0m)

Sounds great. The home made stuff is tons better than what's in bags. You're not so much cooking it as drying it out. A convection fan helps, but you still have to stir it.

Someone mentioned upthread about Rice Chex gluing your teeth together. But this is what they are really for, providing another texture, combining with their corn and wheat brethren to produce a fine crunchy snack. One I don't make much any more because it is so easy to overindulge in.

Posted by: Splunge at March 07, 2016 09:10 PM

I add oatmeal squares as the sweet offsets the spices really well. Same with honey roasted peanuts. I love that stuff, but it's not exactly healthy. I didn't make it one year for Christmas as I was traveling etc. You would have thought I shit on their kitchen table. People were bummed that I didn't make it.

Posted by: Minnfidel at March 07, 2016 09:13 PM (btH0m)

611
Like Kaboom! itself, this never gets old...

I wonder how it stacks up against Cap'n Crunch, which is 40 grit sandpaper for your upper palette.

With waterboarding on the way out, were I am interrogator of nasties, I alternate between feeding them hot, hot, hot! cheese pizza, followed by heaoing bowlfuls of Cap'n Crunch. Whose upper palette could stand up to that sort of torture? Damn few, I'd wager.

Posted by: Krebs v Carnot: 'Who Decides?' at March 07, 2016 09:13 PM (XUMZv)

612 They still sell the "ice cream" at the Air and Space Museum in DC

Tastes like the scum on old ice cream

Not that I would know

Posted by: ThunderB at March 07, 2016 09:13 PM (zOTsN)

613 Low-sugar instant oatmeal cost more than the same product with *more sugar*.

Posted by: Mike Hammer
****

I am in the wrong line of work.

Posted by: Tilikum Armored Killer Assault Whale at March 07, 2016 09:13 PM (hVdx9)

614 Ha! I read this today from Instapundit's link. I was wondering if it would show up here.

I'm suddenly very hungry for cereal which I can't eat because CARBS!

Posted by: sinalco at March 07, 2016 09:14 PM (yODqO)

615 I use all that, too, but I have to say I add a fair bit of cayenne, depending on who the attended receivers are, of course.

It's a most excellent recipe, isn't it??

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at March 07, 2016 09:11 PM
.....It is! Now I am craving it. I do not recommend adding Kaboom to it though.

Posted by: Minnfidel at March 07, 2016 09:14 PM (btH0m)

616 588
Anybody else here remember Slender Diet Drinks in the can? They came in vanilla, chocolate, strawberry.

Loved those things. Now they're called Boost. Still drink 'em from time to time.

Posted by: qdpsteve at March 07, 2016 09:09 PM (ntObR)

I remember 'Boost'.
Boosts all right... right out your behind.

Posted by: Zombie Nancy Reagan at March 07, 2016 09:15 PM (l0lja)

617

Now that I think about it, they must all be constipated on the Space Station

Posted by: ThunderB at March 07, 2016 09:15 PM (zOTsN)

618 Space Food Sticks sounds about right.

It was one of the first things I ate on a rare trip down off the mountains of my childhood, and it formed opinions in my mind about city dwellers that I had a hard time shaking.

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at March 07, 2016 09:16 PM (bardA)

619 Then there was the freeze-dried ice cream...

Posted by: Skookumchuk
****

I remember that. As a child I thought it tasted like crap.
20+ years later I tried it again. Yup, crap. Nice to know I got a few things right as a kid.

Posted by: Tilikum Armored Killer Assault Whale at March 07, 2016 09:17 PM (hVdx9)

620 ...oh noes...!!!!...Ace busted out a Kaboom! thread...!

Posted by: Quisp at March 07, 2016 09:17 PM (INxoa)

621 Two words: Shredded Wheat

Posted by: Dickie Betts fan at March 07, 2016 09:17 PM (aUQgu)

622 V8 was too expensive.

Posted by: Christopher Taylor at March 07, 2016 09:07 PM (39g3+)

Not to mention, totally disgusting.

Posted by: ThePrimordialOrderedPair at March 07, 2016 09:17 PM (zc3Db)

623 The first time I read this essay was at work on my lunch break--my coworkers thought I was losing it. I was laughing and crying at the same time--the kind of laughter you'd expect from a guy on a ledge who finally gets The Punchline right before he goes full Greg Louganis. Your best essay evah, Ace, timeless....

Posted by: Jenk at March 07, 2016 09:17 PM (OtryE)

624 Posted by: Minnfidel at March 07, 2016 09:14 PM (btH0m)

LOL!!! You'd welcome the allspice!

I never heard of Kaboom before the original post. I thought ace was making it up.

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at March 07, 2016 09:17 PM (bardA)

625 Cracklin' Oat Bran was ok.

Honey Bunches of Oats is still the truth. Raisin Nut Bran too.

Posted by: thathalfrican - be water my friend at March 07, 2016 09:18 PM (R5HRU)

626 Kaboom Mix

1 box Kaboom
1 can sardines
1 jar artificial bacon bits
2 liters cheap vodka

Write all ingredients on shopping list. Remove the hose from your dryer. Grab a roll of duct tape. Drive to grocery store parking lot. Run hose from exhaust through windows. Duct tape to seal. Run car until done.

Posted by: Splunge at March 07, 2016 09:18 PM (iMxBJ)

627 Animal Crackers had clowns on the box. And circus animals. I found that all very compelling when I was 3.

Posted by: Jeanne del norte at March 07, 2016 09:19 PM (zCXWj)

628 " We had tomato juice or orange juice, "

Never thought about tomato juice at breakfast. But, I love V8 so may have to give it a go sometime.

Posted by: Ricardo Kill at March 07, 2016 09:19 PM (IytJj)

629 OT but re the Sharapova story, Jennifer Capriati has been going off for hours now

https://twitter.com/JenCapriati?lang=en

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at March 07, 2016 09:19 PM (8PbKi)

630 What would happen if you microwaved Kaboom? Would it open a space time portal?

Posted by: Minnfidel at March 07, 2016 09:19 PM (btH0m)

631 One last....

OMAHA!

Thanks, man. Four good seasons, two Super Bowls, one Championship.

Posted by: Meremortal at March 07, 2016 09:20 PM (3myMJ)

632 Been eating Jimmy Dean hot sausage for breakfast a lot of mornings lately

Sam's Club has a Jimmy Dean turkey sausage and bacon frittata that is quite tasty for mornings when you don't have a lot of time to cook.

Posted by: no good deed at March 07, 2016 09:20 PM (GgxVX)

633 Posted by: Ricardo Kill at March 07, 2016 09:19 PM (IytJj)

V8 is basically tomato flavored salt.

Posted by: thathalfrican - be water my friend at March 07, 2016 09:20 PM (R5HRU)

634 631 What would happen if you microwaved Kaboom? Would it open a space time portal?
Posted by: Minnfidel at March 07, 2016 09:19 PM (btH0m)

The smile turns into a frown and the cheap food coloring becomes toxic.

Posted by: Splunge at March 07, 2016 09:20 PM (iMxBJ)

635 I'm horrified by the Yankees I know who say they love grits with milk and sugar. UGGGGH.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at March 07, 2016 08:06 PM (FsuaD)

Grits should be eaten with butter, salt and pepper (or copious cheese and shrimp).
Posted by: redbanzai at March 07, 2016 08:56 PM (NPofj)

Years ago i was in middle Georgia on business. Go to restaurant for breakfast. Waitress asks me what i want. I ask for a bowl of oatmeal,

The whole place goes deadly quiet.

After giving me the stink eye for a full 10 seconds waitress finally says, "we only serve grits here".

Posted by: tbodie at March 07, 2016 09:21 PM (IjxMe)

636 Posted by: thathalfrican - be water my friend at March 07, 2016 09:18 PM (R5HRU)

Is Cracklin' Oat Bran the one that looks a little bit like...animal droppings? Long skinny droppings?

I remember liking that, despite the looks of it.

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at March 07, 2016 09:21 PM (bardA)

637 Actually Kaboom did have commercials. The clown sounded like he smoked a half a dozen packs before noon. And he promised that the cereal was "vitamin soaked" or something similar. The commercials saved a generation from Kaboom.

Posted by: BeckoningChasm at March 07, 2016 09:22 PM (AroJD)

638 "Been eating Jimmy Dean hot sausage for breakfast"

Banned in Germany!

Posted by: Meremortal at March 07, 2016 09:22 PM (3myMJ)

639 Pop worked on Atlas and Apollo, so I had to try all this crap. Once. I was a space oriented Strombecker, Renwal, and Revell man, as opposed to a space-themed cereal consumer.

Posted by: Skookumchuk at March 07, 2016 09:22 PM (/WPPJ)

640
Rice Krispies as breakfast cereal is......ugh.

Rice Krispies as the main ingredient in Rice Krispy Treats......Oh my sweet Lord.

*chorus of Angels sing*

Posted by: IllTemperedCur at March 07, 2016 09:22 PM (o98Jz)

641 What would happen if you microwaved Kaboom? Would it open a space time portal?
Posted by: Minnfidel at March 07, 2016 09:19 PM (btH0m)

The smile turns into a frown and the cheap food coloring becomes toxic.

Posted by: Splunge at March 07, 2016 09:20 PM
.You could probably make a very durable Frisbee from it.

Posted by: Minnfidel at March 07, 2016 09:22 PM (btH0m)

642 630 OT but re the Sharapova story, Jennifer Capriati has been going off for hours now
https://twitter.com/JenCapriati?lang=en
Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at March 07, 2016 09:19 PM (8PbKi)

Wow. She carries more baggage than a 747 jumbo jet.

Posted by: Splunge at March 07, 2016 09:23 PM (iMxBJ)

643 Wheatena was a step up from Ralston, which we referred to as Ralston Purina Kid Chow

Posted by: CLN at March 07, 2016 09:23 PM (u0hVo)

644
Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at March 07, 2016 09:21 PM (bardA)
IT could have been. I don't really remember.

OH YEAH! Rice Krispies Treats cereal. Dear God. OMNOM

Posted by: thathalfrican - be water my friend at March 07, 2016 09:23 PM (R5HRU)

645 I still eat Grape Nuts and live them. I'm a sucker for anything containing malt. They're best when you let them soak a few minutes till they reach that magic point where they're a bit soggy on the outside and crispy on the inside.

Mrs. Hobbit started feeding our Chihuahua a few spoonfuls of Honey Nut Cheerios with a dash of milk every night.

Posted by: Michael the Hobbit (a real Texan) at March 07, 2016 09:24 PM (dPpmC)

646 "V8 is basically tomato flavored salt."

Yeah. I don't eat salt otherwise so I'll be okay. Love to the spicy version.

Posted by: Ricardo Kill at March 07, 2016 09:24 PM (IytJj)

647 I longed for Cocoa Puffs as a child...sigh

Posted by: CLN at March 07, 2016 09:24 PM (u0hVo)

648 Is Cracklin' Oat Bran the one that looks a little bit like...animal droppings? Long skinny droppings?

I remember liking that, despite the looks of it.

***

It's kind of a squarish oval

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at March 07, 2016 09:25 PM (8PbKi)

649 OT, but my left eye is still watering. My cat decided to wake me up this morning by stabbing me in the cornea.

Might want to get that looked at. Cats do carry some nasty anaerobic bacteria in their mouths, IIRC, and while it seems unlikely that it could live on their claws long enough to be transferred, I'd be a bit worried about infection. Of course, I am a bit of a worrywart.
Posted by: Grey Fox at March 07, 2016 08:46 PM (bZ7mE)

the opthalmologist's daughter seconds that emotion...

Posted by: Sal at March 07, 2016 09:25 PM (MRX6w)

650 626
Cracklin' Oat Bran was o.k.

Posted by: thathalfrican - be water my friend at March 07, 2016 09:18 PM (R5HRU)

Cracklin' Rosey...was pretty good, if you know what I mean.

Posted by: Neil Diamond at March 07, 2016 09:26 PM (aRUb8)

651 Ralston though had this salt of the earth quality reminiscent of Bakersfield and tarpaper shacks. I still have this obtuse liking for it.

Posted by: Skookumchuk at March 07, 2016 09:26 PM (/WPPJ)

652 "Space Food Sticks."

Now certified halal in accordance with the redefinition of NASA's primary mission to be Muslim outreach.

"Two flavored. Peanut butter and Fudge"

Fudge flavor redefined as Fudge Packer, and new Carpet Muncher flavor under consideration, to reflect the new orientational diversity of the astronaut corps.

Posted by: torquewrench at March 07, 2016 09:26 PM (noWW6)

653 OT but re the Sharapova story, Jennifer Capriati has been going off for hours now

https://twitter.com/JenCapriati?lang=en

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse
****

Wow. People attacking her for stuff she did 23 years ago. Ugly out there.

Posted by: Tilikum Armored Killer Assault Whale at March 07, 2016 09:27 PM (hVdx9)

654 Skookumchuk at March 07, 2016 09:26 PM (/WPPJ)

That was where the CLN child drew the line in the breakfast sand.

Posted by: CLN at March 07, 2016 09:27 PM (u0hVo)

655 the opthalmologist's daughter seconds that emotion...

Posted by: Sal at March 07, 2016 09:25 PM (MRX6w)

I agree Sal...how old is she?
Smoky Robinson

Posted by: Neil Diamond at March 07, 2016 09:28 PM (aRUb8)

656 I've been known to use mayo instead of butter on my toast.

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at March 07, 2016 08:32 PM (bardA)

Seems reasonable. I make a version of the Sausage McMuffin with Egg at home, and about half the time I use mayo instead of butter on the muffins. Adds a bit of bite to the final product.

Posted by: HTL at March 07, 2016 09:28 PM (3TKkF)

657 Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at March 07, 2016 09:25 PM (8PbKi)

Not the one I was thinking of, but having Googled it, I do remember liking those to eat right out of the box more than as actual cereal with milk.

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at March 07, 2016 09:28 PM (bardA)

658 Not the one I was thinking of, but having Googled it, I do remember liking those to eat right out of the box more than as actual cereal with milk.

***

yes. They are good as a snack.

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at March 07, 2016 09:29 PM (8PbKi)

659 643 630 OT but re the Sharapova story, Jennifer Capriati has been going off for hours now
https://twitter.com/JenCapriati?lang=en
Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at March 07, 2016 09:19 PM (8PbKi)

Wow. She carries more baggage than a 747 jumbo jet.
Posted by: Splunge at March 07, 2016 09:23 PM (iMxBJ)

I have no idea what that's about, but she sounds like she's conservative.

Posted by: rickl at March 07, 2016 09:29 PM (sdi6R)

660 Wow. People attacking her for stuff she did 23 years ago. Ugly out there.

Posted by: Tilikum Armored Killer Assault Whale at March 07, 2016 09:27 PM (hVdx9)

Hows those knees doin' Nancy?

Posted by: Tonya Harding at March 07, 2016 09:30 PM (aRUb8)

661 Posted by: HTL at March 07, 2016 09:28 PM (3TKkF)

Yes! A little bit of tang. I used to really like to use safflower mayo, but I never see that any more.

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at March 07, 2016 09:30 PM (bardA)

662 Our Ralston Purina factory in town made chow, you name the animals, they make the chow. Soylent green is just chow after all.

Posted by: Tinfoilbaby at March 07, 2016 09:30 PM (UWwOe)

663 660 I have no idea what that's about, but she sounds like she's conservative.
Posted by: rickl at March 07, 2016 09:29 PM (sdi6R)

Noticed that too, scrolling down, so I'm inclined to give her a break. Would edit if I could.

Posted by: Splunge at March 07, 2016 09:31 PM (iMxBJ)

664 Kaboom

Posted by: Cereal of the Beast at March 07, 2016 09:31 PM (H9MG5)

665 No love for Shredded Wheat with butter and brown sugar broiled in the oven?

Posted by: Skookumchuk at March 07, 2016 09:31 PM (/WPPJ)

666 Kaboom!

Posted by: Cereal of the Beast at March 07, 2016 09:31 PM (H9MG5)

667 I have no idea what that's about, but she sounds like she's conservative.

Posted by: rickl
****
Yup. Some of the hate directed at her is entirely because of that.
Sharapova got caught using a banned substance. Claims a doctor had been prescribing it for her for a few years for legitimate health issues.
The league banned the med Jan of this year and she said she missed the notice.

Posted by: Tilikum Armored Killer Assault Whale at March 07, 2016 09:31 PM (hVdx9)

668 Has there been anything else about the alleged match fixing going on, NDH?

Posted by: no good deed at March 07, 2016 09:32 PM (GgxVX)

669 Damn. So close.

Posted by: Cereal of the Beast at March 07, 2016 09:32 PM (H9MG5)

670 Now that's funny, I don't care who you are

Posted by: Friendo at March 07, 2016 09:32 PM (XBEbT)

671 A very nicely done analogy on the state of the GOPe for the last 30 odd years.

Posted by: Grimmy at March 07, 2016 09:32 PM (uUsh9)

672 I love V8, I chug that stuff. Although adding a few ingredients makes it even tastier:

Worchestershire sauce
garlic powder
onion powder
salt
pepper
Tabasco sauce
Onion salt
lemon juice

Posted by: Christopher Taylor at March 07, 2016 09:33 PM (39g3+)

673 Hows those knees doin' Nancy?

Posted by: Tonya Harding
****

A $15 bracelet she accidently put on and left a store. Also getting caught with weed.

That the same as assault?

Posted by: Tilikum Armored Killer Assault Whale at March 07, 2016 09:33 PM (hVdx9)

674 Double the butter in the Chex Mix? I have got to try that.
I make about 5 custom order batches each Christmas. Nuts,
no nuts, no Wheat Chex, x-tra Wheat Chex, etc.

I do not use the damn bagel chips b/c I am a 1950's purist.

Posted by: Sal at March 07, 2016 09:34 PM (MRX6w)

675 OT but re the Sharapova story, Jennifer Capriati has been going off for hours now

I think she certainly is justified.

Posted by: VA GOP Sucks. at March 07, 2016 09:34 PM (16TRA)

676 Mokh-mokh.

If only we knew ewokinese, we could unravel the true, secret name of He Whom They Call Ace of the Spades.

Posted by: TexasDan at March 07, 2016 09:34 PM (TqXWc)

677 Jennifer Capriati has some issues of her own, no? She's not the one who got stabbed on the court by some whack job, but it seems to me she had some problems, too.

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at March 07, 2016 09:34 PM (bardA)

678 Jennifer Capriati has some issues of her own, no?

Yeah, she was terminally cute

Posted by: Christopher Taylor at March 07, 2016 09:35 PM (39g3+)

679 OT but re the Sharapova story, Jennifer Capriati has been going off for hours now

https://twitter.com/JenCapriati?lang=en

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse
-----------------------

I can't tell what's going on.

Posted by: iforgot at March 07, 2016 09:36 PM (5o5ek)

680 673 I love V8, I chug that stuff. Although adding a few ingredients makes it even tastier:

Worchestershire sauce
garlic powder
onion powder
salt
pepper
Tabasco sauce
Onion salt
lemon juice
Posted by: Christopher Taylor
-------------------
Substitute celery salt for the onion salt, add a goodly amount of vodka, and you just made a perfect Bloody Mary, sir.

Posted by: Chi at March 07, 2016 09:36 PM (1u6vQ)

681 Monica Seles was stabbed at a match.

Posted by: no good deed at March 07, 2016 09:36 PM (GgxVX)

682 680 OT but re the Sharapova story, Jennifer Capriati has been going off for hours now

https://twitter.com/JenCapriati?lang=en

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse
-----------------------

I can't tell what's going on.
Posted by: iforgot at March 07, 2016 09:36 PM (5o5ek)

I never did learn how to read Twitter.

Posted by: rickl at March 07, 2016 09:36 PM (sdi6R)

683 Crystal Louisiana Hot Sauce for the Tabasco, please.

Posted by: Skookumchuk at March 07, 2016 09:37 PM (/WPPJ)

684 Sorry, should have been celery salt, you're right Chi. I like it without the Vodka

Posted by: Christopher Taylor at March 07, 2016 09:37 PM (39g3+)

685 "aspiration is vanity and all dreams are lies"

Damn Ace, that sounds like something straight out of Ecclesiastes.

Posted by: Blano at March 07, 2016 09:38 PM (3eoPa)

686 Monica Seles was stabbed at a match.

Posted by: no good deed at March 07, 2016 09:36 PM (GgxVX)

Which is why Stefi Graff ended up winning so many majors.

Posted by: ThePrimordialOrderedPair at March 07, 2016 09:38 PM (zc3Db)

687 "pepper
Tabasco sauce "

If I can't find the Spicy variety that's what I do too. Also add in Cholula.

Posted by: Ricardo Kill at March 07, 2016 09:39 PM (IytJj)

688 Which is why Stefi Graff ended up winning so many majors.

Wasn't she the first one to squeak like she was cumming when she hit the ball or was that Monica?

Posted by: Christopher Taylor at March 07, 2016 09:39 PM (39g3+)

689 I've read shrimp boil or crab boil make for a great bloody mary...

Posted by: qdpsteve at March 07, 2016 09:39 PM (ntObR)

690 I can't tell what's going on.

Posted by: iforgot
****
Sharapova got caught using a banned substance. Claims a doctor had been prescribing it for her for a few years for legitimate health issues.
The league banned the med Jan of this year and she said she missed the notice.
Capriati is accusing her of deliberately cheating and now people are attacking Capriati for....existing it seems.

Posted by: Tilikum Armored Killer Assault Whale at March 07, 2016 09:40 PM (hVdx9)

691 Posted by: no good deed at March 07, 2016 09:36 PM (GgxVX)

That's it! Seles. That was freaking insane.

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at March 07, 2016 09:40 PM (bardA)

692 I feel compelled to mention that this is one of the funniest things I ever read on the Internet. I laughed hysterically at it in 2013, and just as madly at it today.

In fact, this was EXACTLY what I needed this evening, so thank you Ace for the fantastic pick-me-up. I can face the day tomorrow, with a little jump in my step, for at least I am not a Kaboom kid.

Posted by: Not A Kaboom Kid at March 07, 2016 09:40 PM (F4PRx)

693 >>I've read shrimp boil or crab boil make for a great bloody mary...
Posted by: qdpsteve

Old Bay in the drink and rim the glass with it.

Posted by: Aviator at March 07, 2016 09:41 PM (c7vUv)

694 >>>Monica Seles was stabbed at a match.

Posted by: no good deed at March 07, 2016 09:36 PM (GgxVX)

Which is why Stefi Graff ended up winning so many majors.
Posted by: ThePrimordialOrderedPair at March 07, 2016 09:38 PM (zc3Db)<<<

Sure, Stefi wasn't stabbed, but she suffered her own trauma... being beat with the ugly stick.

Posted by: already denouncing myself at March 07, 2016 09:42 PM (H9MG5)

695 Seles was the one who made the squeak/grunt noise.

Posted by: no good deed at March 07, 2016 09:42 PM (GgxVX)

696 Wasn't she the first one to squeak like she was cumming when she hit the ball or was that Monica?

Posted by: Christopher Taylor at March 07, 2016 09:39 PM (39g3+)

Seles. She had mental issues. ANd now having mental issues is the great women's tennis fad.

Most of this banned drug stuff is total BS but Sharapova should have been banned for her annoying shrieking. What a fucking pain in the ass. And it's poor sportsmanship, too. Tennis, sadly, has the worst sportsmen of almost any sport. They all seem to be lowlife cheaters who can't be trusted to do anything right. Outside of a handful of them (Federer, Djokovic, Nadal and some others) they are just the worst sorts of competitors.

Posted by: ThePrimordialOrderedPair at March 07, 2016 09:42 PM (zc3Db)

697 666
No love for Shredded Wheat with butter and brown sugar broiled in the oven?

Posted by: Skookumchuk at March 07, 2016 09:31 PM (/WPPJ)

Hey Satan (post #666).....Shredded Wheat can make a good crunchy alternative for bread crumbs, Shake n Baked etc.

Posted by: Martha Stewart at March 07, 2016 09:42 PM (aRUb8)

698 Seles started the grunting trend.

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at March 07, 2016 09:43 PM (bardA)

699 I can't tell what's going on.

***

Maria Sharapova has been busted for taking a drug after it was banned at the start of this year. People are making excuses for her. Capriati, who was a massive star in the sport, eventually retired due to pain from injuries sustained while playing. She's pissed that Sharapova would take a banned drug that could benefit her over those who play clean.

Capriati has had her own personal issues, but none of them were, IIRC, associated with tennis.

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at March 07, 2016 09:43 PM (8PbKi)

700 Seles was the one who made the squeak/grunt noise.

Posted by: no good deed
****

I used to watch tennis because of her and the women that did that. Well, I'd have the sound turned up anyway.

Posted by: Tilikum Armored Killer Assault Whale at March 07, 2016 09:44 PM (hVdx9)

701 "Doubting very much a 45cal unless all grazing wounds."

Article said, "bullet stopped at the skull".

Super-light reloads?
Posted by: Chas at March 07, 2016 08:00 PM (3myMJ)

Can we start calling him Pastor Neo now?

Posted by: OneEyedJack at March 07, 2016 09:44 PM (kKHcp)

702 Which is why Stefi Graff ended up winning so many majors.

Wasn't she the first one to squeak like she was cumming when she hit the ball or was that Monica?

Posted by: Christopher Taylor at March 07, 2016 09:39 PM (39g3+)

Flag on the play: no video evidence to back up said assertion.

10 yards, loss of down and more Kaboom for you.

Posted by: Blano at March 07, 2016 09:44 PM (3eoPa)

703 Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at March 07, 2016 09:43 PM (8PbKi)

Yea, not sure if it was even related to her game, just remember that something happened. Did she have a breakdown or something? I need to ask Thor.

That gawt damned grunting shit has forced me to mute the TV at times.

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at March 07, 2016 09:46 PM (bardA)

704 690 I've read shrimp boil or crab boil make for a great bloody mary...
Posted by: qdpsteve
------------------
I'm not a big Old Bay fan, but it works. I'm right here on the Chesapeake Bay - lots of places use it.
Zattarains crab boil makes the best hot boiled peanuts, I can tell you that...

Also, late eighties, I worked "maintenance" at a local tennis club (I basically drove a zamboni-like tractor over the clay courts most of the time).
I met plenty of Nationally ranked tennis pros. Dated a young one for a while. Crazy doesn't begin to cover it!

But that Gabriella Sabatini chick was one hot number...

Posted by: Chi at March 07, 2016 09:49 PM (1u6vQ)

705 Shredded Wheat can make a good crunchy alternative for bread crumbs, Shake n Baked etc.

Yeah, it works really well for deep fry, but it burns quick so use it with stuff that cooks pretty quickly. Its really crunchy.

Monica being squeaky, playing Capriati:

https://youtu.be/510BzHX9qa4

Posted by: Christopher Taylor at March 07, 2016 09:49 PM (39g3+)

706 Thanks for the repost, Ace. CW Jr. and I agree it's our favorite post.

I don't eat breakfast cereal anymore (stupid diabetes), but back in the day I loved Super Sugar Crisp, Corn Chex and Rice Chex. Then someone invented Crispix...the love child of Corn and Rice Chex. Heaven.

Posted by: Captain Whitebread at March 07, 2016 09:49 PM (rJUlF)

707 Well maybe they will take a look at that big weightlifting Chick who is dominating women's tennis now. Or maybe not.

Posted by: Tinfoilbaby at March 07, 2016 09:49 PM (UWwOe)

708 Aviator and Chi, thanks!!

Posted by: qdpsteve at March 07, 2016 09:50 PM (ntObR)

709 Well maybe they will take a look at that big weightlifting Chick who is dominating women's tennis now. Or maybe not.

Posted by: Tinfoilbaby

Sharapova = white

That "other" woman? Not so much, so no.

Posted by: Tilikum Armored Killer Assault Whale at March 07, 2016 09:50 PM (hVdx9)

710 Posted by: Chi at March 07, 2016 09:49 PM (1u6vQ)

Oh, crap... maybe it's Sabatini I'm think of with the issues?

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at March 07, 2016 09:51 PM (bardA)

711 Jennifer Capriati looked like she was dropped on her face as a child.

Anna still takes all the cakes.

Posted by: AlaBAMA at March 07, 2016 09:51 PM (pUDQf)

712 Posted by: Tilikum Armored Killer Assault Whale at March 07, 2016 09:40 PM (hVdx9)
-------------------------

That's a news story that's bound to fly by the likes of me. But thanks for filling me in.

Posted by: iforgot at March 07, 2016 09:51 PM (5o5ek)

713 Contempt. Priceless

Posted by: Misanthropic Humanitarian at March 07, 2016 09:52 PM (voOPb)

714 Capriati got busted with weed and spent a lot more time modeling and doing ads than tennis practice I think. Like Anna Kournikovina: super pretty, not top notch tennis.

Posted by: Christopher Taylor at March 07, 2016 09:52 PM (39g3+)

715 Posted by: Tinfoilbaby at March 07, 2016 09:49 PM (UWwOe)

I tell you what, they need to do dick-checks on Venus and Serena.

I saw Serena at a concert one time and you would not believe how masculine she looks.

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at March 07, 2016 09:53 PM (bardA)

716 Those Kaboom faces are like puffed out Scream masks, it might seem like "settling" but it's settling for Cereal of the Living Dead.

Posted by: CLN at March 07, 2016 09:53 PM (u0hVo)

717 Finally read the whole thing.

I hope to write like this someday.

Posted by: Blano at March 07, 2016 09:54 PM (3eoPa)

718 Quispmand Quake ruled.

Posted by: Down syndrome Abbey at March 07, 2016 09:54 PM (gwG9s)

719 There was a girl from South America that was sort of cute but I swear she had a mustache. Can't think of her name.

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at March 07, 2016 09:55 PM (bardA)

720

Posted by: Kindltot at March 07, 2016 09:55 PM (q2o38)

721 Capriati got busted with weed and spent a lot more time modeling and doing ads than tennis practice I think. Like Anna Kournikovina: super pretty, not top notch tennis.

***

Uh.

gold medal in the Olympics
3x Grand Slam singles champ
Ranked number 1
Hall of Fame

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at March 07, 2016 09:55 PM (8PbKi)

722 Caprioti was one of a few girls who trained with Nick Boliteri's schooling FL. He turned them pro when they were about 13 and they were all burned out and full of injuries by 17

Notice they turn pro older now

Posted by: ThunderB at March 07, 2016 09:56 PM (zOTsN)

723 Ace,
I've lurked on your site for quite some time and only now, in this time of crisis do I take the time to comment.

Your Kaboom saga mirrors my own.
Stay strong, brother, there are more of us out there.
Time heals all cereal trauma.

Posted by: Son Of The Godfather at March 07, 2016 09:56 PM (ubVHD)

724 Can't think of her name.

Gabriela Sabatini?

Posted by: no good deed at March 07, 2016 09:57 PM (GgxVX)

725 Can't think of her name.

Gabriela Sabatini?

***

Really pretty. Resembles Giada.

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at March 07, 2016 09:58 PM (8PbKi)

726 Sabatini was Argentinian

Posted by: AlaBAMA at March 07, 2016 09:58 PM (pUDQf)

727 Posted by: Christopher Taylor at March 07, 2016 09:52 PM (39g3+)

Capriati was a real force in tennis. She won majors. Her return to tennis was pretty impressive.

As to Kournikova, she gets a lot of shit for being gorgeous but she was a decent tennis player. Something like top 20, and she first hit the scene not for her looks but because she made the semi-finals at Wimbledon when she was 16 or 17. She was a legitimate tennis player but just smoking hot, as well. She deserved every penny she got.

Posted by: ThePrimordialOrderedPair at March 07, 2016 09:58 PM (zc3Db)

728 No, not Capriati. Not Sanchez-Vocarrio. Damn it.

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at March 07, 2016 09:59 PM (bardA)

729 Somewhere, there's a guy doing squat Kaboom videos.

A crying guy.

Posted by: Jimmy McGill at March 07, 2016 09:59 PM (H9MG5)

730 so my state has a group of people who opened a vegan butchershop(?) and now some folks are opening a water bar.

All they serve is water from the different cities.

This is what too much time on your hands looks like.

Posted by: thathalfrican - be water my friend at March 07, 2016 09:59 PM (R5HRU)

731 I'm old school, but I always thought Christina Evert was gorgeous.

Posted by: AlaBAMA at March 07, 2016 10:00 PM (pUDQf)

732 Anna was kinda like Agassi. If she'd have put more effort in it, she'd have ruled the game,but she had a life.

I mean, Andre was great, but I always felt like he wasn't as obsessed as the other guys.

I heart him big time.

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at March 07, 2016 10:00 PM (bardA)

733 732
so my state has a group of people who opened a vegan butchershop(?) and now some folks are opening a water bar.

All they serve is water from the different cities.

This is what too much time on your hands looks like.

Posted by: thathalfrican - be water my friend at March 07, 2016 09:59 PM (R5HRU)

And people pay for this unproductive madness?

Posted by: Cato the Rebel Without a Party at March 07, 2016 10:01 PM (HalrA)

734 Mexican president: Trump is damaging US/Mexico relations.

Oh no! Not US/Mexico relations!

See WZ.

Posted by: The Great White Snark at March 07, 2016 10:01 PM (Nwg0u)

735 That's a news story that's bound to fly by the likes of me. But thanks for filling me in.

Posted by: iforgot
****

Actually another moron posted about it (Tammy Al Thor I think) and looked into it.
Even then only because Capriati hates Obama.

Posted by: Tilikum Armored Killer Assault Whale at March 07, 2016 10:02 PM (hVdx9)

736 Huh I didn't know Capriati was that good, I just remember her being beat by the other tennis girls at the time.

And yeah, Chrissy Everett was pretty

Posted by: Christopher Taylor at March 07, 2016 10:02 PM (39g3+)

737 Wheaties, Breakfast of Champions!
Kaboom, Breakfast of the Neglected.

The box makes me cry.

Posted by: Malcolm X-Lax at March 07, 2016 10:02 PM (ugGOB)

738 it existed....in 5th grade i drew the clown on a poster board and entered it in the art show.....i decided it needed something extra so i went in the liquor cabinet and took the red yarn bon bon off the top of a scotch box....i won first place....

This. This is the moron success story. No; the origin story of the moronette superhero.

Posted by: boulder terlit hobo at March 07, 2016 10:02 PM (6FqZa)

739 I can face the day tomorrow, with a little jump in my step, for at least I am not a Kaboom kid.

Posted by: Not A Kaboom Kid at March 07, 2016 09:40 PM (F4PRx)

We're all Kaboom Kids now.

Posted by: Newsweek at March 07, 2016 10:02 PM (aRUb8)

740 Posted by: thathalfrican - be water my friend at March 07, 2016 09:59 PM (R5HRU)

Your state is weird in many ways. I hate to say it, but it's true. And I say this as a person who's inlaws are all from North Dakota.

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at March 07, 2016 10:02 PM (bardA)

741 There was a girl from South America that was sort of cute but I swear she had a mustache. Can't think of her name.

*****

You're thinking of Bjorn Borg.

Posted by: Seamus Muldoon at March 07, 2016 10:02 PM (NeFrd)

742 I mean, Andre was great, but I always felt like he wasn't as obsessed as the other guys.

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at March 07, 2016 10:00 PM (bardA)

I don't know. he played the game since he was like 3 weeks old. But Sampras was just better. Andre would always be number 2 behind Pete, no matter how hard he worked.

Posted by: ThePrimordialOrderedPair at March 07, 2016 10:03 PM (zc3Db)

743 Wait a second. How did this turn into a tennis thread?

Posted by: rickl at March 07, 2016 10:03 PM (sdi6R)

744 Posted by: Cato the Rebel Without a Party at March 07, 2016 10:01 PM (HalrA)

I guess.

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at March 07, 2016 10:02 PM (bardA)

Nothing but liberal policies will do that to a state.

Posted by: thathalfrican - be water my friend at March 07, 2016 10:04 PM (R5HRU)

745 Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at March 07, 2016 09:58 PM (8PbKi)

Maybe it IS her, but I don't remember her having a mustache.

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at March 07, 2016 10:04 PM (bardA)

746 In was wrong. She was coached by Macci and then Harry Hopman. But she did come up in the era of 13 year old pros and it ruined them.

Posted by: ThunderB at March 07, 2016 10:04 PM (zOTsN)

747 As an adult, I prefer Life original cereal, but when I was a kid in the 1950's it was Kellog's corn flakes, not frosted flakes. But the kicker was we had them with cream. Yep, fresh real cow cream skimmed off gently squoze milk from yesterday, and cold as ice. We usually had 2 jersey cows milking at any given time and they gave lots of milk. None of our dairy stuff was treated in any way. It was just consumed as GOD intended. And the congregation said 'Hallelujah!'

Posted by: Eromero at March 07, 2016 10:04 PM (zLDYs)

748 Tammy,
You're probably thinking of sabatini. Absolutely beautiful. Argentinian, I think.

As to the Boliteri school? The teen tennis star I dated went down there to train for a year. He was supposedly a freak.
But, so was she, to a degree. Grew up in her coaches' houses instead of her own rich parents' home. At 17, she was more mature than most women 10 years older. Looking back, it was pretty sad.

Posted by: Chi at March 07, 2016 10:05 PM (1u6vQ)

749 I actually have a box of Quisp in my cupboard. I feel a great deal of comfort in knowing it is there.

Posted by: GrandeMe at March 07, 2016 10:05 PM (xhawg)

750 What have I learned from this post? I have learned that being upwardly mobile in the Kaboom World means only that you can look-forward to Old Milwaukee and Parliament Cigarettes.

On a good day?

...your off-brand mower makes it through the whole lawn, your last three teeth come in handy and you aren't jeered by the neighborhood children because they've all been killed in an ambulance wreck.

Posted by: Slapweasel, (Cold1) (T) at March 07, 2016 10:05 PM (OQ9R7)

751 Capriati hates Obama.

Posted by: Tilikum Armored Killer Assault Whale at March 07, 2016 10:02 PM (hVdx9)
---------------------

I did get that impression. Very nice.

Posted by: iforgot at March 07, 2016 10:06 PM (5o5ek)

752 Tennis, sadly, has the worst sportsmen of almost any
sport. They all seem to be lowlife cheaters who can't be trusted to do
anything right. Outside of a handful of them (Federer, Djokovic, Nadal
and some others) they are just the worst sorts of competitors.

Posted by: ThePrimordialOrderedPair at March 07, 2016 09:42 PM (zc3Db)
You can't be serious.

Posted by: MacEnroe at March 07, 2016 10:06 PM (8aOqE)

753 A vegan butcher? Do they just make things like tofurkey? That's a head scratcher.

Posted by: no good deed at March 07, 2016 10:06 PM (GgxVX)

754 Posted by: ThePrimordialOrderedPair at March 07, 2016 10:03 PM (zc3Db)

Andre had a very active social life, though. Not saying Sampras wasn't better; maybe he was, he sure beat him all the time.

But Andre wasn't all tennis, all the time like Sampras was.

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at March 07, 2016 10:06 PM (bardA)

755 That Kaboom "prize" looks like a IUD.

Posted by: Hank at March 07, 2016 10:06 PM (MCoXK)

756 Corn flakes are good (also make good breading for frying) but they turn into mush very rapidly in milk so they're another one you have to fire back in a hurry.

Posted by: Christopher Taylor at March 07, 2016 10:07 PM (39g3+)

757 Sabatini had those enormous pokies.

Posted by: Ogleman at March 07, 2016 10:07 PM (8aOqE)

758 ... what is that Kaboom toy supposed to be, anyway?

Posted by: Christopher Taylor at March 07, 2016 10:08 PM (39g3+)

759 Does anyone remember Freakies? They were from about the same era, and in the same league as Kaboom.

Man this the Aceman at his best.

Posted by: Darrencardinal at March 07, 2016 10:08 PM (HJEUt)

760 I had Kaboom once when I was a kid. I think my aunt bought it. It was as horrible as Ace says. I don't have a phobia of clowns, but many people do. And Kaboom is the reason.

Posted by: San Franpsycho at March 07, 2016 10:09 PM (EZebt)

761 "... what is that Kaboom toy supposed to be, anyway?"
-Posted by: Christopher Taylor at March 07, 2016 10:08 PM (39g3+)

A small dome of failure. Its opening only large enough to fit your misshapen and deflated ego.

Posted by: Slapweasel, (Cold1) (T) at March 07, 2016 10:10 PM (OQ9R7)

762 Gabriela Sabatini

*bings*

Oh, my.

Posted by: rickl at March 07, 2016 10:10 PM (sdi6R)

763 Gabreila... http://tinyurl.com/jmbl9ah

Posted by: Ogleman at March 07, 2016 10:10 PM (8aOqE)

764 759 Sabatini had those enormous pokies.
Posted by: Ogleman at March 07, 2016 10:07 PM (8aOqE)

Sabatini kind of reminded me of Ralph Machio. Very, uh, could go either way.

Posted by: AlaBAMA at March 07, 2016 10:10 PM (pUDQf)

765 Homemade Chex Mix.
Store bought original is bleh.
Bold and spicy is ok.
Posted by: RWC - Team BOHICA at March 07, 2016 08:40 PM

....... I make it every year around the holidays and people love when I bring it. I took the original recipe and doctored it up a bit, first I double the butter. I have 8 spices that go into it then after the Worchester sauce. Then I bake it at 275 for over an hour and stir (gently) every 15 min or so while I drink beer! Don't EVER microwave it, ish.
Posted by: Minnfidel at March 07, 2016 09:01 PM

you've got the right idea. J always makes her own version, uses cashews and it rocks, folks love it.
the store bought version is sheet.

Posted by: Farmer at March 07, 2016 10:11 PM (o/90i)

766 We envied the kids that ate cereal that came in a box. We had big bags of store brand Oatie O's

Posted by: Paul at March 07, 2016 10:11 PM (wefpQ)

767 I laugh at your Kaboom. Talk to me after you have to eat....

KING VITAMIN!

Posted by: Picky at March 07, 2016 10:12 PM (ilSwI)

768 I remember in the days of Agassi, Sampras, Sabatini, Seles, etc... I played tennis a lot back then.

My favorite dude was Michael Chang. He ran-down almost everything.

Posted by: Slapweasel, (Cold1) (T) at March 07, 2016 10:12 PM (OQ9R7)

769 Sabatini kind of reminded me of Ralph Machio. Very, uh, could go either way.

***

She blossomed.

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at March 07, 2016 10:13 PM (8PbKi)

770 768 We envied the kids that ate cereal that came in a box. We had big bags of store brand Oatie O's
Posted by: Paul at March 07, 2016 10:11 PM (wefpQ)

Luxury. We used to bring spoons to the grocery store and wait for someone to drop one of those bags.

Posted by: One of the Four Yorkshiremen at March 07, 2016 10:14 PM (sdi6R)

771 King Vitaman was the cereal you bought your kids when you couldn't afford Cap'n Crunch. Mom would try to pass it off as the Cap'n, but we knew better, because our mouths weren't lacerated after we ate it.

Posted by: Captain Whitebread at March 07, 2016 10:14 PM (rJUlF)

772 Mexican president: Trump is damaging US/Mexico relations.

Oh no! Not US/Mexico relations!

See WZ.

Posted by: The Great White Snark at March 07, 2016 10:01 PM (Nwg0u)

Damn. Well I guess they should take all of their citizens back until things improve.

Posted by: TheQuietMan at March 07, 2016 10:14 PM (45oDG)

773 "Oh no! Not US/Mexico relations"

Just when things were going so swimmingly.

Posted by: Ricardo Kill at March 07, 2016 10:14 PM (IytJj)

774
My favorite dude was Michael Chang. He ran-down almost everything.
Posted by: Slapweasel, (Cold1) (T) at March 07, 2016 10:12 PM (OQ9R7)

Dude was pure hustle. Him and Agassi. I remember Agassi hitting that shot back between his legs. Still the most impressive thing I've seen in Tennis.

Posted by: AlaBAMA at March 07, 2016 10:15 PM (pUDQf)

775 Luxury. We used to bring spoons to the grocery store and wait for someone to drop one of those bags.
Posted by: One of the Four Yorkshiremen at March 07, 2016 10:14 PM (sdi6R)

Roight! We'd have to hide in the back of the shelves and hope someone would drop a bag and spill it on the floor. Then we'd fight for the crumbs and the dust and scurry back to our dark places before they sent someone to sweep the aisle.

Posted by: Captain Whitebread at March 07, 2016 10:15 PM (rJUlF)

776 When I was really little mom would make cornmeal mush. She thought the price of commercial cereals was uncalled for based on the nutrition.

Dad ate generic raisin bran, but I have memories of Kix

Posted by: Kindltot at March 07, 2016 10:16 PM (q2o38)

777 765
Gabreila... http://tinyurl.com/jmbl9ah

Posted by: Ogleman at March 07, 2016 10:10 PM (8aOqE)

Thats a maaan, Baby!

Posted by: Austin P. at March 07, 2016 10:16 PM (aRUb8)

778 Mexican president: Trump is damaging US/Mexico relations.

Oh no! Not US/Mexico relations!

See WZ.

Posted by: The Great White Snark at March 07, 2016 10:01 PM (Nwg0u)

Where is James Polk when you really need him?!!

Posted by: ThePrimordialOrderedPair at March 07, 2016 10:16 PM (zc3Db)

779 770 I remember in the days of Agassi, Sampras, Sabatini, Seles, etc... I played tennis a lot back then.

My favorite dude was Michael Chang. He ran-down almost everything.
Posted by: Slapweasel, (Cold1) (T)
------------------

Weren't you too busy playing soccer to pay attention to the cool kids playing tennis?

Posted by: Chi at March 07, 2016 10:16 PM (1u6vQ)

780 I remember when everything had a generic "equivalent". My brother and I used to crack each-other up by telling each-other that when we got to the checkout, the name tag on the cashier would read "Person", and stuff like that.

Posted by: Slapweasel, (Cold1) (T) at March 07, 2016 10:16 PM (OQ9R7)

781 >>>227 but what about the marshmallows in Kaboom? What was their role?

there were no marshmallows in Kaboom. They took the marshmallows that should be there and put them into cereals for rich folk, like Lucky Charms.

Kaboom was just oats and misery.

Posted by: ace at March 07, 2016 10:16 PM (dciA+)

782 Chang was awesome, but another one who couldn't beat Pete. No one could in his prime.

Was he the one that kind of rang in the era of the Big Serve? Men's tennis is almost not even fun to watch any more.

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at March 07, 2016 10:16 PM (bardA)

783
She blossomed.
Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at March 07, 2016 10:13 PM (8PbKi)

I agree. She got smokin hot when she lost the chick mullet and grew up ten years. She's still smoking.

Posted by: AlaBAMA at March 07, 2016 10:17 PM (pUDQf)

784 We'd have to hide in the back of the shelves and
hope someone would drop a bag and spill it on the floor. Then we'd
fight for the crumbs and the dust and scurry back to our dark places
before they sent someone to sweep the aisle.

Posted by: Captain Whitebread at March 07, 2016 10:15 PM (rJUlF)

Me Too!!!

Posted by: Giant Rat at March 07, 2016 10:17 PM (aRUb8)

785 So Allah is astounded to find there are plenty of GOPe who want to "get destroyed" in the 2016 election so the party can finally "break the fever" of righties pushing for something, anything in the way of a fucking reality check in Washington.

I guess civil war is the ultimate outcome, but I hope this election proves to the duplicitous, scumbag lefty Republicans in the United States Senate that their time has passed. Get out of Dodge, assholes.

A free box of Kaboom to each Republican and their lousy staff people who leave voluntarily? I mean, instead of unpleasant conversation (of course) if they have to be forcibly ejected.

Too much?

Posted by: MTF at March 07, 2016 10:17 PM (TxJGV)

786 Wait a second. How did this turn into a tennis thread?

Posted by: rickl

The deuce you say! Tennis thread?

Well, blogging is such a racket. They'll serve up anything.

Posted by: Bossy Conservative....tortured American at March 07, 2016 10:18 PM (+1T7c)

787 "Weren't you too busy playing soccer to pay attention to the cool kids playing tennis?"

...is what a kid who had his own "Nickle B.J. Corner" would say to a Cool Kid.

-I'm sorry for your childhood, but you can email me.

Posted by: Slapweasel, (Cold1) (T) at March 07, 2016 10:18 PM (OQ9R7)

788 Sabatini kind of reminded me of Ralph Machio. Very, uh, could go either way.

It really sounds like she's the one I'm thinking of!

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at March 07, 2016 10:18 PM (bardA)

789 Sabatini kind of reminded me of Ralph Machio. Very, uh, could go either way.

***

She blossomed.

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse
****

She is actually prettier now than when she was playing.

Posted by: Tilikum Armored Killer Assault Whale at March 07, 2016 10:19 PM (hVdx9)

790 607 My father's favorite was grapefruit juice, so that's what we had, unless he got on one of those Snap-E Tom kicks.
Posted by: Tinfoilbaby at March 07, 2016 09:12 PM (UWwOe)

Grapefruit juice is vile. It's like drinking a hobo's ball sweat.

Posted by: Insomniac at March 07, 2016 10:19 PM (0mRoj)

791 Was he the one that kind of rang in the era of the Big Serve? Men's tennis is almost not even fun to watch any more.

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at March 07, 2016 10:16 PM (bardA)

Big serves are the best part. Power is always fun to watch. And even more fun with the radar guns on court. ESPN likes to hide the speed readings every time they cover a tennis match ... when half the people are watching FOR the speed readings.

Posted by: ThePrimordialOrderedPair at March 07, 2016 10:19 PM (zc3Db)

792 Is Nadal's left arm still 3xs bigger than his right one?

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at March 07, 2016 10:20 PM (bardA)

793 The marshmallows tasted like the eraser at the end of a pencil.

Posted by: San Franpsycho at March 07, 2016 10:20 PM (EZebt)

794 I like grapefruit juice but my stomach doesn't. Its like battery acid.

Posted by: Christopher Taylor at March 07, 2016 10:21 PM (39g3+)

795 Anyone remember Trump cereal?

Posted by: Malcolm X-Lax at March 07, 2016 10:21 PM (ugGOB)

796 792 Grapefruit juice is vile. It's like drinking a hobo's ball sweat.
Posted by: Insomniac at March 07, 2016 10:19 PM (0mRoj)

And you know this because...

The funnest thing about grapefruit juice is all those interactions it has with medications.

Posted by: Splunge at March 07, 2016 10:21 PM (iMxBJ)

797 Is Nadal's left arm still 3xs bigger than his right one?

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at March 07, 2016 10:20 PM (bardA)

The way he's playing, these days, I would guess it's only half the size of his right arm.

Posted by: ThePrimordialOrderedPair at March 07, 2016 10:21 PM (zc3Db)

798 Where is James Polk when you really need him?!!
Posted by: ThePrimordialOrderedPair at March 07, 2016 10:16 PM (zc3Db)

Zachary Taylor and Winfield Scott. (And keep Femont and his crazy eyes far away from me)

Posted by: Kindltot at March 07, 2016 10:22 PM (q2o38)

799 Posted by: ThePrimordialOrderedPair at March 07, 2016 10:19 PM (zc3Db)

How old are you? Just curious if it's that big serves are what you're used to?

I agree big serves are amazing, but the game itself is not as interesting to me when all they do is serve.

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at March 07, 2016 10:22 PM (bardA)

800 "Anyone remember Trump cereal?"
-Posted by: Malcolm X-Lax at March 07, 2016 10:21 PM (ugGOB)

Trump cereal is Yuuuge.
Yeah-yeah-yeah
It is not puny, Mar-E-O

Posted by: Slapweasel, (Cold1) (T) at March 07, 2016 10:23 PM (OQ9R7)

801 Ok, it's just occurred to me how to get the "refugees" to self deport...

Kaboom is halal compliant, so serving it can't be construed as offensive.

Posted by: angela urkel at March 07, 2016 10:23 PM (uWZBp)

802 796 I like grapefruit juice but my stomach doesn't. Its like battery acid.
Posted by: Christopher Taylor at March 07, 2016 10:21 PM (39g3+)

Actually, I think that's not far off. But it's tastier, at least.

Posted by: rickl at March 07, 2016 10:23 PM (sdi6R)

803 Grapefruit juice is vile. It's like drinking a hobo's ball sweat.

Posted by: Insomniac

It made my nose hairs curl.

Years ago, my sister had a grapefruit tree in her yard (she lived outside of Tampa), and those fresh grapefruits were great mixers with vodka. And fresh grapefruit juice with a little sugar is ok. But I don't have a grapefruit tree in my yard, so I don't touch the stuff.

Posted by: Bossy Conservative....tortured American at March 07, 2016 10:23 PM (+1T7c)

804 A grapefruit is a failed orange.

Posted by: Slapweasel, (Cold1) (T) at March 07, 2016 10:23 PM (OQ9R7)

805 Posted by: ThePrimordialOrderedPair at March 07, 2016 10:21 PM (zc3Db)

He needs to retire.

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at March 07, 2016 10:24 PM (bardA)

806 798 792 Grapefruit juice is vile. It's like drinking a hobo's ball sweat.
Posted by: Insomniac at March 07, 2016 10:19 PM (0mRoj)

And you know this because...

The funnest thing about grapefruit juice is all those interactions it has with medications.
Posted by: Splunge at March 07, 2016 10:21 PM (iMxBJ)

Desperate times, desperate measures.

The medication thing is weird. Apparently there's some enzyme in grapefruit that blocks the breakdown and absorption of certain medications in the digestive tract.

Posted by: Insomniac at March 07, 2016 10:24 PM (0mRoj)

807 I poured grapefruit juice over Kaboom while watching the fortunate kids play tennis.

Posted by: Turd Ferguson at March 07, 2016 10:25 PM (/ciMI)

808 My father's favorite was grapefruit juice, so that's what we had, unless he got on one of those Snap-E Tom kicks.

***

I hate grapefruit juice. I purchased Tropicana Tangerine Lemonade and the very first sip, I got a mouthful of grapefruit juice. Flipped the bottle around and found that the pulp is grapefruit pulp. I was pissed.

I fired off a tweet to Tropicana which stated in no uncertain terms that they suck.

I'm doubly pissed because I'm not willing to die over a nasty freaking beverage. It's contraindicated with my heart meds.

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at March 07, 2016 10:25 PM (8PbKi)

809 How old are you? Just curious if it's that big serves are what you're used to?

51. But big serves are not all that I'm used to. They're just all I care about. I'm not into finesse. Just raw power. I prefer the long drive competitions to regular golf tournaments, too. I'f rather go smack balls at the range than play a round, any day.

I agree big serves are amazing, but the game itself is not as interesting to me when all they do is serve.

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at March 07, 2016 10:22 PM (bardA)

If you aren't into big serves ... that's what women's tennis is around for.

Posted by: ThePrimordialOrderedPair at March 07, 2016 10:25 PM (zc3Db)

810 788
Wait a second. How did this turn into a tennis thread?

Posted by: rickl

The deuce you say! Tennis thread?

Well, blogging is such a racket. They'll serve up anything.

Posted by: Bossy Conservative....tortured American at March 07, 2016 10:18 PM (+1T7c)

I Love that.

Posted by: Tennis Guy at March 07, 2016 10:25 PM (aRUb8)

811 Ace should overlay a Kaboom flake image over his logo.

Posted by: angela urkel at March 07, 2016 10:25 PM (uWZBp)

812 Mexico has a president? Who knew?

Posted by: chavez the hugo at March 07, 2016 10:26 PM (ucDmr)

813 The medication thing is weird. Apparently there's some enzyme in grapefruit that blocks the breakdown and absorption of certain medications in the digestive tract.

***

With heart meds it intensifies it and can result in digoxin poisoning

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at March 07, 2016 10:26 PM (8PbKi)

814 I remember when everything had a generic "equivalent".

Lol. Remember "Beer" beer? In this region, it was Lucky Lager-- even had the picture-puzzles under the caps!

Posted by: JQ Flyover at March 07, 2016 10:26 PM (044Fx)

815 Posted by: Insomniac at March 07, 2016 10:24 PM (0mRoj)

And fairly important drugs, too, lots of blood pressure meds iirc.

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at March 07, 2016 10:26 PM (bardA)

816 When I worked for the Scouts as a teenager, we used to get Pineapple grapefruit juice for breakfast (it was a mix). Still made my nose hairs curl, but it was palatable.

Posted by: Bossy Conservative....tortured American at March 07, 2016 10:26 PM (+1T7c)

817 He needs to retire.

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at March 07, 2016 10:24 PM (bardA)

Yeah. Something happened to him - after all, his method of play is so abusive to his body - but I think he's going to drag this out for a long time.

Posted by: ThePrimordialOrderedPair at March 07, 2016 10:27 PM (zc3Db)

818 Can you even buy Snap-E-Tom any more? That stuff was good. Spicy V8 is like chemical heat, just in the back of your throat.

Posted by: Christopher Taylor at March 07, 2016 10:27 PM (39g3+)

819 The deuce you say! Tennis thread?

Well, blogging is such a racket. They'll serve up anything.

Posted by: Bossy Conservative....tortured American at March 07, 2016 10:18 PM (+1T7c)

I Love that.

*****

Hey, this one's not my fault.

Posted by: Seamus Muldoon at March 07, 2016 10:27 PM (NeFrd)

820 809
I poured grapefruit juice over Kaboom while watching the fortunate kids play tennis.

Posted by: Turd Ferguson at March 07, 2016 10:25 PM (/ciMI)

I poured Jack Daniels over Kaboom while listening to Fortunate Son....but after that I checked into rehab.

Posted by: Daves here at March 07, 2016 10:27 PM (aRUb8)

821 Who designs breakfast cereals, I wonder.

Posted by: angela urkel at March 07, 2016 10:28 PM (uWZBp)

822 Posted by: ThePrimordialOrderedPair at March 07, 2016 10:27 PM (zc3Db)

He misses Roger!

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at March 07, 2016 10:28 PM (bardA)

823 823 Who designs breakfast cereals, I wonder.
Posted by: angela urkel at March 07, 2016 10:28 PM (uWZBp)

Breakfast cereal designers, I'd imagine.

Posted by: Insomniac at March 07, 2016 10:29 PM (0mRoj)

824 Come on, grapefruit juice isn't that bad. It's okay.

Posted by: Ricardo Kill at March 07, 2016 10:29 PM (IytJj)

825 823: Clark Griwswald.

Posted by: chavez the hugo at March 07, 2016 10:30 PM (ucDmr)

826 Hey, this one's not my fault.

Posted by: Seamus Muldoon

I'm just lobbing those up.

Posted by: Bossy Conservative....tortured American at March 07, 2016 10:30 PM (+1T7c)

827 can't say as i ever saw this cereal back in the day...

sure as hello it never made it to our house.

we only got "healthy" cereal, like Cherrios, corn flakes, grape nuts, etc...

onto which i piled tablespoons full of sugar.

and whole milk.

Posted by: redc1c4 at March 07, 2016 10:30 PM (pkP0k)

828 "Lol. Remember "Beer" beer? In this region, it was Lucky Lager-- even had the picture-puzzles under the caps!"
-Posted by: JQ Flyover at March 07, 2016 10:26 PM (044Fx)

I do, indeed, remember a black-and-white twelve pack labeled "Beer". My brother and I laughed about that to no end.

When we were laughing about a black-and-white car labeled "car", there appeared "The K Car".

...strange times, The Eighties. Strange and wonderful times.

Posted by: Slapweasel, (Cold1) (T) at March 07, 2016 10:30 PM (OQ9R7)

829
Hey, this one's not my fault.

Posted by: Seamus Muldoon at March 07, 2016 10:27 PM (NeFrd)

Are you kidding me?...Are you kidding me!?!?

Posted by: John McEnroe at March 07, 2016 10:30 PM (aRUb8)

830 Eromero at March 07, 2016 10:04 PM

Oh Dude! That brought back memories. Stayed overnight at Aunt & Uncle's dairy farm. Uncle brought in a pail of milk, still warm from the cow and it went right on cereal. I don't remember the cereal, but I do remember the milk. That was like sixty years ago, man.

That country is long gone, I fear.

Posted by: Gordon Lastherder at March 07, 2016 10:31 PM (4z0We)

831 826 Come on, grapefruit juice isn't that bad. It's okay.
Posted by: Ricardo Kill at March 07, 2016 10:29 PM (IytJj)

Next you're going to tell us Kristen Stewart is kinda hot...

Posted by: Insomniac at March 07, 2016 10:31 PM (0mRoj)

832 827 823: Clark Griwswald.
Posted by: chavez the hugo at March 07, 2016 10:30 PM (ucDmr)

Holy shit. I completely forgot about that being his job.

Posted by: AlaBAMA at March 07, 2016 10:31 PM (pUDQf)

833 Early morning meeting for me. Off to bed, be well Morons.

OK doggehs move upstairs.

Posted by: Farmer at March 07, 2016 10:31 PM (o/90i)

834 Who designs breakfast cereals, I wonder.>>>

Wall Street!

Posted by: Bernie Sanders at March 07, 2016 10:31 PM (On7rW)

835 828 Hey, this one's not my fault.

Posted by: Seamus Muldoon

I'm just lobbing those up.
Posted by: Bossy Conservative....tortured American at March 07, 2016 10:30 PM (+1T7c)

You may have met your match with this one.

Posted by: Insomniac at March 07, 2016 10:32 PM (0mRoj)

836 I like grapefruit juice with vodka.

Posted by: CaliGirl at March 07, 2016 10:32 PM (egOGm)

837 You're crossing the line with these ones, guys.

Posted by: andycanuck at March 07, 2016 10:32 PM (WOyz5)

838 "Come on, grapefruit juice isn't that bad. It's okay."
-Posted by: Ricardo Kill at March 07, 2016 10:29 PM (IytJj)

Mud is okay, as well. People should stop their bitching.

Posted by: Slapweasel, (Cold1) (T) at March 07, 2016 10:32 PM (OQ9R7)

839 what is that Kaboom toy supposed to be, anyway?"
-Posted by: Christopher Taylor at March 07, 2016 10:08 PM (39g3+)
-------------------------

I see a snap-together poison ring and maybe something else that I can't figure out.

Posted by: iforgot at March 07, 2016 10:32 PM (5o5ek)

840 "Breakfast cereal designers, I'd imagine."

Grain engineers.

Posted by: Ricardo Kill at March 07, 2016 10:33 PM (IytJj)

841 The deuce you say! Tennis thread?

Well, blogging is such a racket. They'll serve up anything.

Posted by: Bossy Conservative....tortured American at March 07, 2016 10:18 PM (+1T7c)

I Love that.

*****

Hey, this one's not my fault.
Posted by: Seamus Muldoon at March 07, 2016 10:27 PM (NeFrd)

Hey, this one's not my fault.

Posted by: Seamus Muldoon

I'm just lobbing those up.

********

I'm gonna backhand all y'all if you don't knock it off.

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at March 07, 2016 10:33 PM (bardA)

842 No bubble for me.

Posted by: DM at March 07, 2016 10:34 PM (j/tOh)

843 Here's a pH scale. OK, lemon juice is closer to battery acid than grapefruit juice, but not by much.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/PH#/media/File:216_pH_Scale-01.jpg

Posted by: rickl at March 07, 2016 10:34 PM (sdi6R)

844 Non-nutritive cereal varnish. It prevents the milk from entering the flake.

Posted by: AlaBAMA at March 07, 2016 10:34 PM (pUDQf)

845 That Kaboom thing looks like a helicopter type affair to me.

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at March 07, 2016 10:34 PM (bardA)

846 we only got "healthy" cereal, like Cherrios, corn flakes, grape nuts, etc...

onto which i piled tablespoons full of sugar.

and whole milk.

Yeah we put a spoon of sugar on each bowl with whole milk too. But whole milk is fine for you, despite hysterical hand waving for a while about fats.

Posted by: Christopher Taylor at March 07, 2016 10:35 PM (39g3+)

847 Actually, I just went back to verify and it doesn't intensify or lessen the effects. Grapefruit juice causes it not to digest properly so it just sits and accumulates in the system, which then leads to poisoning.

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at March 07, 2016 10:35 PM (8PbKi)

848 Isn't Gabriela Sabatinin gay?

Posted by: MTF at March 07, 2016 10:35 PM (TxJGV)

849 Mud is okay, as well. People should stop their bitching.

Posted by: Slapweasel

Okay, that was last 10 percent of the thread threadwinner.

You get the plastic toy inside the KaBoom box. You have to go to Kankakee Illinois to collect, though.

Posted by: Bossy Conservative....tortured American at March 07, 2016 10:35 PM (+1T7c)

850 "Next you're going to tell us Kristen Stewart is kinda hot..."

I think I did one time.

Posted by: Ricardo Kill at March 07, 2016 10:36 PM (IytJj)

851 Three years. I had no idea.

"But isn't this, really, also the story of Barack Obama?"

Posted by: t-bird at March 07, 2016 10:36 PM (ANVXm)

852
...is what a kid who had his own "Nickle B.J. Corner" would say to a Cool Kid.

Posted by: Slapweasel, (Cold1) (T)
---------------
I don't even know what this means, but I laughed for too long...
You know that I love you about as much as is legal for a hetero male to love another man, right?

Now, go put on your spandex & ride a century!

Posted by: Chi at March 07, 2016 10:36 PM (1u6vQ)

853 Who designs breakfast cereals, I wonder.

Nutritionists, dieticians, and food science people.

and Dr John Harvey Kellogg

Posted by: Gordon Lastherder at March 07, 2016 10:36 PM (4z0We)

854 I'm sharing this with all of you because I'm a caring person:

bit.ly/1SvVtlh

Posted by: Ghost of kari - fistbumps for my peeps at March 07, 2016 10:36 PM (ubByS)

855 Kristen Stewart

*bings*

Survey says: I'd hit it.

Posted by: rickl at March 07, 2016 10:38 PM (sdi6R)

856 Kristen Stewart is a beautiful girl, but half the time she looks like she stinks and hasn't bathed in weeks. She also looks like she'd have nicotine stains on her fingers.

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at March 07, 2016 10:38 PM (bardA)

857 "Mud is okay, as well. "

Mud has its purposes. You can make a house out of it.

Posted by: Ricardo Kill at March 07, 2016 10:38 PM (IytJj)

858 847: Or the cheapest gyroscope ever designed.

Posted by: chavez the hugo at March 07, 2016 10:38 PM (ucDmr)

859 856 I'm sharing this with all of you because I'm a caring person:

bit.ly/1SvVtlh
Posted by: Ghost of kari - fistbumps for my peeps at March 07, 2016 10:36 PM (ubByS)

That's both horrifying and positively awesome.

Posted by: AlaBAMA at March 07, 2016 10:39 PM (pUDQf)

860 Posted by: Gordon Lastherder at March 07, 2016 10:36 PM (4z0We)

Clark *fucking* Griswald, damn it!

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at March 07, 2016 10:39 PM (bardA)

861 and Dr John Harvey Kellogg
That retard?!

Posted by: 'Special' K at March 07, 2016 10:40 PM (WOyz5)

862 Posted by: chavez the hugo at March 07, 2016 10:38 PM (ucDmr)

Yes!

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at March 07, 2016 10:40 PM (bardA)

863 Kristin Stewart is okay, I know plenty of girls better looking than her. She's one of the few actresses that looks better in stills than movies where she displays almost no expression and the acting range of a suitcase.

Posted by: Christopher Taylor at March 07, 2016 10:41 PM (39g3+)

864 Kaboom makes kids' DVDs.

Posted by: Turd Ferguson at March 07, 2016 10:41 PM (/ciMI)

865 838 I like grapefruit juice with vodka.
Posted by: CaliGirl
----------------
AKA a "greyhound" to any bartender over 40 or so. Great Sunday morning alternative to a bloody mary.

Posted by: Chi at March 07, 2016 10:42 PM (1u6vQ)

866 862: Kiss his, kiss your ass, Merry Christmas.

Posted by: chavez the hugo at March 07, 2016 10:42 PM (ucDmr)

867 Posted by: Christopher Taylor at March 07, 2016 10:41 PM (39g3+)

That's an insult to suitcases.

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at March 07, 2016 10:42 PM (bardA)

868 ..."Now, go put on your spandex & ride a century!"
-Posted by: Chi at March 07, 2016 10:36 PM (1u6vQ)

Been there, done that. I had striped spandex and those sharp-angled sunglasses and I though I was pretty "cool".

Turns out that I was a goofball on a Schwinn.

...but at least I had Honeycombs and Froot-Loops. Poor Ace.

Posted by: Slapweasel, (Cold1) (T) at March 07, 2016 10:42 PM (OQ9R7)

869 Mud has its purposes. You can make a house out of it.

Posted by: Ricardo Kill at March 07, 2016 10:38 PM (IytJj)

You can make mud puppies too.....real low maintenance and pretty cheap pets.

Posted by: Toothless broken man at March 07, 2016 10:42 PM (aRUb8)

870 I think Ace and I share the same fears. The clown cereal is very scary, and I'm terrified of the Morlocks.

Posted by: jane at March 07, 2016 10:42 PM (gyE0W)

871 "Clark *fucking* Griswald, damn it!"

Holy shit, I forgot that.

Posted by: Ricardo Kill at March 07, 2016 10:43 PM (IytJj)

872 but at least I had Honeycombs and Froot-Loops. Poor Ace.
Posted by: Slapweasel,

Honeycomb is awful.

...At least, the store brand we had was awful...

Posted by: Turd Ferguson at March 07, 2016 10:43 PM (/ciMI)

873 Posted by: Ricardo Kill at March 07, 2016 10:43 PM (IytJj)

You're dead to me now, rickl.

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at March 07, 2016 10:44 PM (bardA)

874 She also looks like she'd have nicotine stains on her fingers.

Does she have a silver spoon, on a chain?

Posted by: Roger Waters at March 07, 2016 10:45 PM (DW4f1)

875 Even Bill Cosby's family could afford Cream Of Wheat but Berns says there are no poor white people, so what do I know?

Posted by: andycanuck at March 07, 2016 10:45 PM (WOyz5)

876 Anyone remember the flavored fizz tablets you could drop in your water like alka seltzer? You'd put them directly on your tongue instead. Intense.

Posted by: Joe Hallenbeck at March 07, 2016 10:45 PM (MNgU2)

877 Upon further reflection, it was the coating he designed, not the actual cereal.

The sled scene reminded me.

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at March 07, 2016 10:45 PM (bardA)

878 the acting range of a suitcase.

Posted by: Christopher Taylor at March 07, 2016 10:41 PM (39g3+)

Lol. Lines like that is why I keep buying your books.

Posted by: Polliwog the 'Ette at March 07, 2016 10:46 PM (GDulk)

879 I have a very important announcement to make.

In the Manhunt thread I observed that Ace spends "a certain amount of time" in police stations.

I am concerned that people might get the idea that Ace routinely falls afoul of the law. That is not true.

It was only the one time. After that, Ace began a lucrative side career as a line-up model, a trade for which some of the most experienced NYPD officers said, "He was a fucking natural."

Posted by: richard mcenroe at March 07, 2016 10:46 PM (Kucy5)

880 Posted by: Chi at March 07, 2016 10:42 PM (1u6vQ)
There's also the salty dog. I don't care for those.

Posted by: CaliGirl at March 07, 2016 10:47 PM (egOGm)

881 Anyone remember the flavored fizz tablets you could drop in your water
like alka seltzer? You'd put them directly on your tongue instead.
Intense.

Fizzies! (I think) Got pulled off the market 'cuz carcinogens of some kind....

Posted by: JQ Flyover at March 07, 2016 10:47 PM (044Fx)

882 875 Posted by: Ricardo Kill at March 07, 2016 10:43 PM (IytJj)

You're dead to me now, rickl.
Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at March 07, 2016 10:44 PM (bardA)

Now I'm confused.

Posted by: rickl at March 07, 2016 10:47 PM (sdi6R)

883 "Posted by: Ricardo Kill at March 07, 2016 10:43 PM (IytJj)

You're dead to me now, rickl."

Was it something I said?

Posted by: Ricardo Kill at March 07, 2016 10:47 PM (IytJj)

884 Seems too simple for someone like a graphic artist to be required. The CEO might as well walk into the room and say, "two eyeholes, a nose and a mouth" or "heart, star, moon, clover, diamond".

Posted by: angela urkel at March 07, 2016 10:48 PM (uWZBp)

885 879 Upon further reflection, it was the coating he designed, not the actual cereal.

The sled scene reminded me.
Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at March 07, 2016 10:45 PM (bardA)

Yup. I posted a few back. Called it non-nutritive cereal varnish.

Posted by: AlaBAMA at March 07, 2016 10:48 PM (pUDQf)

886 Turns out that I was a goofball on a Schwinn.

Posted by: Slapweasel
-------------------
I thought I was cool because I rode a Cannondale. I still had the thing (upgrade 50 times, I bet) until it was stolen from my front porch a few months ago. In broad daylight.

But yeah. I was a dweeb on a bike with too much gel in my hair, and more testosterone than common sense...

Posted by: Chi at March 07, 2016 10:49 PM (1u6vQ)

887 There's also the salty dog. I don't care for those.
Posted by: CaliGirl

Ugh. Are we just going to start listing sex acts now?

Wait, what?

Posted by: Turd Ferguson at March 07, 2016 10:49 PM (/ciMI)

888 I I'll be damned if it isn't raining here again, we had thunder and lightening this morning.

Posted by: Tinfoilbaby at March 07, 2016 10:49 PM (UWwOe)

889 Red Bull and vodka is the only way to take grapefruit.

Posted by: BourbonChicken at March 07, 2016 10:49 PM (VdICR)

890 Its some kind of thing you launch from a ring.

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at March 07, 2016 10:50 PM (bardA)

891 I liked Honeycomb, they were big

yeah yeah yeah

Posted by: Christopher Taylor at March 07, 2016 10:50 PM (39g3+)

892 Speaking of shit we had as kids that was banned. Wax guns with syrup water inside. Why did we eat that crap?

Posted by: AlaBAMA at March 07, 2016 10:50 PM (pUDQf)

893 The sled scene reminded me.

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor

Rosebud?

Posted by: Bossy Conservative....tortured American at March 07, 2016 10:51 PM (+1T7c)

894 Posted by: AlaBAMA at March 07, 2016 10:48 PM (pUDQf)

You're my new hero.

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at March 07, 2016 10:51 PM (bardA)

895 >>I like grapefruit juice with vodka.
Posted by: CaliGirl

I'm not big on grapefruit, but Palomas are pretty good. Grapefruit juice, tequila and seltzer.

Posted by: Aviator at March 07, 2016 10:51 PM (c7vUv)

896 Red Bull and vodka is the only way to take grapefruit.

I guess that's one way to see to colon health.

Posted by: Brother Cavil, hither and yon at March 07, 2016 10:51 PM (D0J8L)

897 Thanks for the trip down Memory Lane, got to get up early tomorrow.

Take care, all.

Posted by: JQ Flyover at March 07, 2016 10:51 PM (044Fx)

898 Best Ace post evah.

Has anybody here had British bacon? At the UK Telegraph a few weeks ago, a Brit author who now lives in NY was crying about not being able to get British bacon in the States. According to her, American bacon is awful. That's not the first time I've heard that from Brits.

It's been a long time since I was in the UK,but looking back, I know I had Brit bacon in B & Bs and I don't remember it as being some amazing culinary delight much better than ours. Actually,what stands out for me is cold toast. I liked the orange marmalade.

So does nobody who has been over there recently know why Brit expats think their bacon is far better than ours?

Posted by: Donna&&&&V (a white) (whitely brandishing ampersand privilege ) at March 07, 2016 10:51 PM (P8951)

899 Ah geez.

Cinnabon has its own cinnamon creme liqueur now.

Posted by: qdpsteve at March 07, 2016 10:51 PM (ntObR)

900 Posted by: Bossy Conservative....tortured American at March 07, 2016 10:51 PM (+1T7c)

I have never seen that movie, can you believe it?

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at March 07, 2016 10:51 PM (bardA)

901 894
Speaking of shit we had as kids that was banned. Wax guns with syrup water inside. Why did we eat that crap?

Posted by: AlaBAMA at March 07, 2016 10:50 PM (pUDQf)

It was chewy....kinda bad for the teeth though. Good times....Good times.

Posted by: Toothless broken man at March 07, 2016 10:52 PM (aRUb8)

902 Kellogg's has a cereal with whole fucking chunks of chocolate in it now. It's like eating corn flakes with a bag of toll house chocolate chips dumped in it.

Posted by: Malcolm Tent at March 07, 2016 10:52 PM (nAR3q)

903 That other Kaboom cardboard front looked like that silly rabbit wearing a wig.

Posted by: BourbonChicken at March 07, 2016 10:52 PM (VdICR)

904 Posted by: Donna&&&&V (a white) (whitely brandishing ampersand privilege ) at March 07, 2016 10:51 PM (P8951)

They prefer theirs raw, for starters.

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at March 07, 2016 10:53 PM (bardA)

905 but at least I had Honeycombs and Froot-Loops. Poor Ace.

Occasionally we got the real raisin bran (by Post) which had sugar on the raisins. A highlight reel breakfast! The generic stuff was just soggy Wheaties with raisin lumps.

Posted by: t-bird at March 07, 2016 10:53 PM (ZxmMG)

906 It will be raining all week in Dallas.

Posted by: BourbonChicken at March 07, 2016 10:53 PM (VdICR)

907 Posted by: Toothless broken man at March 07, 2016 10:52 PM (aRUb

I don't remember those, but I do remember little wax pop bottles with the syrupy water in them.

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at March 07, 2016 10:54 PM (bardA)

908 Posted by: AlaBAMA at March 07, 2016 10:50 PM (pUDQf)
I remember those.

Posted by: CaliGirl at March 07, 2016 10:54 PM (egOGm)

909
Cinnabon has its own cinnamon creme liqueur now.

Posted by: qdpsteve at March 07, 2016 10:51 PM (ntObR)

If you go down to Market St. in San Francisco, the have cinnamon jizzadrine....Just sayin'

Posted by: Street Homo in San Fran at March 07, 2016 10:54 PM (aRUb8)

910 My favorite cereal was cap'n crunch and cocoa krispies.

Posted by: CaliGirl at March 07, 2016 10:55 PM (egOGm)

911 I don't remember those, but I do remember little wax pop bottles with the syrupy water in them.

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at March 07, 2016 10:54 PM (bardA)

Those were actually "pop bottle" guns.

Posted by: Toothless broken man at March 07, 2016 10:56 PM (aRUb8)

912 Steve,
Cinnabon liqueur? That sounds repulsive.

Posted by: CaliGirl at March 07, 2016 10:57 PM (egOGm)

913 "It will be raining all week in Dallas."

It was supposed to rain all day today. 6-inches over Mon-Tue.

Nothing.

Posted by: Ricardo Kill at March 07, 2016 10:57 PM (IytJj)

914 CaliGirl, yup.

Probably tastes more like their goopy creme cheese...

Posted by: qdpsteve at March 07, 2016 10:57 PM (ntObR)

915 Posted by: Toothless broken man at March 07, 2016 10:56 PM (aRUb

Really? I don't remember the gun part!

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at March 07, 2016 10:57 PM (bardA)

916 "But yeah. I was a dweeb on a bike with too much gel in my hair, and more testosterone than common sense..."
-Posted by: Chi at March 07, 2016 10:49 PM (1u6vQ)

*HAH!* Freaking "Hair Gel"...lol. My hair was longer than Andre Agassi's. I'd "slick-up" the sides and "touch-up" the front.

My buddy was so adamant that I cut my hair at age Twenty-Three, that he searched all my moving boxes to find scissors.

I told him that if he could find them, he could cut it. He searched for a half-an-hour and finally cut that shit.

Posted by: Slapweasel, (Cold1) (T) at March 07, 2016 10:57 PM (OQ9R7)

917 When I was a kid I had the nutritional breakfast of a donut and a pint of chocolate milk that I'd get at Donut King on the way to school. Two working parents .

Posted by: Joe Hallenbeck at March 07, 2016 10:57 PM (MNgU2)

918 Flavored coffee creamers are the modern adult equivalent of sugar-bomb cereals.

Posted by: Malcolm Tent at March 07, 2016 10:58 PM (nAR3q)

919 It was only the one time. After that, Ace began a lucrative side career as a line-up model, a trade for which some of the most experienced NYPD officers said, "He was a fucking natural."

Somebody send central casting a headshot. Law & Order SVU needs "brothel patrons".

PS I luv you guys.

Posted by: BourbonChicken at March 07, 2016 10:58 PM (VdICR)

920 908
It will be raining all week in Dallas.

Posted by: BourbonChicken at March 07, 2016 10:53 PM (VdIC

Did they ever figure out who killed JR???

Posted by: Loyal Fan at March 07, 2016 10:59 PM (aRUb8)

921 I remember our mother getting on a health kick and buying us shredded wheat. We would shovel sugar on it. Like a half cup a bowl.

Posted by: CaliGirl at March 07, 2016 11:00 PM (egOGm)

922 We had raisin bran, cheerios, shredded wheat and grape nuts at our house during the warm months. Oatmeal or Cream of Wheat during the cold months. No sugary crap. Dad was an Air Force NCO, no whining, sniveling, or bitching allowed. Eat what was on the table or go hungry. And we liked it that way! And we stayed off the lawn!

Posted by: Sixkiller at March 07, 2016 11:01 PM (szEUw)

923 Man, we're gonna milk this topic four hours!

And Maet complained about the watches thread.

Posted by: Gordon Lastherder at March 07, 2016 11:01 PM (4z0We)

924 920
When I was a kid I had the nutritional breakfast of a donut and a pint
of chocolate milk that I'd get at Donut King on the way to school. Two
working parents .

Posted by: Joe Hallenbeck at March 07, 2016 10:57 PM (MNgU2)

Scrambled egg and fried hot dogs here.

Posted by: Not Broken but badly bent man at March 07, 2016 11:02 PM (aRUb8)

925 That was the first promising episode of Better Call Saul to date. Chuck's naked spite contrasted nicely with Mike's supposed pang of conscience.

Posted by: derit at March 07, 2016 11:02 PM (OC+TJ)

926 Trump will be the GOP nominee. Wish it were Cruz.

Posted by: cm9000 at March 07, 2016 11:02 PM (2TUVm)

927 If you need your colon scraped, try Shredded Wheat.

That was their first marketing add. Didn't go over well with the consumers.

Posted by: AlaBAMA at March 07, 2016 11:02 PM (pUDQf)

928 Now, about Rosebud and Citizen Kane...

check this little video out. It's pretty funny,

http://tinyurl.com/hyxa7uk

But don't tell redbanzai.

Posted by: Bossy Conservative....tortured American at March 07, 2016 11:02 PM (+1T7c)

929 I eat raisins in my oatmeal as a regular thing. It helps get some fruit into my diet and add some flavor.
---------------

Chopped dates.
Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc., etc. at March 07, 2016 09:04 PM (w35Hj)
--------------

Now you've gone and made me hungry!

Posted by: Jeff Dahmer at March 07, 2016 11:03 PM (AEYCm)

930 Posted by: Sixkiller at March 07, 2016 11:01 PM (szEUw)
We had cream of wheat and oatmeal. We dumped a lot of sugar on those as well.

Posted by: CaliGirl at March 07, 2016 11:04 PM (egOGm)

931 They prefer theirs raw, for starters.
Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at March 07, 2016 10:53 PM (bardA)

well, then the brit expats could try buying US bacon - and just not cooking it. Yeeechh.

Posted by: Donna&&&&V (a white) (whitely brandishing ampersand privilege ) at March 07, 2016 11:04 PM (P8951)

932 Posted by: Not Broken but badly bent man at March 07, 2016 11:02 PM (aRUb

Weekend breakfast was more traditional for me. It's the reason I still prefer breakfast style pork chops to the thick premium cut pork chops.

Posted by: Joe Hallenbeck at March 07, 2016 11:06 PM (MNgU2)

933 Really? I don't remember the gun part!

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at March 07, 2016 10:57 PM (bardA)

Thats cuz yer probably a gurl.....a rich gurl from Chicago ...you probably had "walls" and "doors" and stuff.

Posted by: Toothless broken man at March 07, 2016 11:07 PM (aRUb8)

934 I liked Honeycomb, they were big

Didn't Honeycomb have a bear who did a Bing Crosby impersonation?

I'm suddenly in the wayback machine.

Posted by: Bandersnatch at March 07, 2016 11:07 PM (1xUj/)

935 this thread is damn near as old as a box of kabom.

Posted by: chavez the hugo at March 07, 2016 11:07 PM (ucDmr)

936 They could have cereal shaped like Michael Moore torsos: KaMoobs.

Posted by: angela urkel at March 07, 2016 11:07 PM (uWZBp)

937 Steve,
How much rain did you get?
We had 2 1/2 inches here total since Friday.

Posted by: CaliGirl at March 07, 2016 11:07 PM (egOGm)

938
Didn't Honeycomb have a bear who did a Bing Crosby impersonation?

Sugar Crisp

https://youtu.be/7aXLyZIfDAE

Posted by: Bertram Cabot Jr. at March 07, 2016 11:09 PM (FkBIv)

939 Um... we didn't have sweetened cereals. I didn't know they existed, accept maybe on St. Patrick's Day... Lucky Charms.

My mom made me "milkshakes" with a whole bunch of vitamins and powders from the health food store. But it had ice cream... just ignore the grainy stuff at the bottom.

I like clowns, my favorite toy was a clown doll that talked. He was adorable. Patootie was his name.

Some other people must like clowns too. Because they never go away. It makes me sad people think they are scary. They throw you candy in the parade. Clowns are great! What's scary about candy?

This is probably why you like Cruz and I like Rubio. All the joy went out of your life in kindergarten.

This explains a lot.

Posted by: flower at March 07, 2016 11:09 PM (VoCyE)

940 " this thread is damn near as old as a box of kabom."

But maybe still just as interesting...?

Posted by: Ricardo Kill at March 07, 2016 11:10 PM (IytJj)

941 Cali, not sure. Maybe half an inch?

Admittedly we don't flood easy here in Lakewood. Too many control channels. :-)

Posted by: qdpsteve at March 07, 2016 11:10 PM (ntObR)

942 Weekend breakfast was more traditional for me. It's
the reason I still prefer breakfast style pork chops to the thick
premium cut pork chops.

Posted by: Joe Hallenbeck at March 07, 2016 11:06 PM (MNgU2)

You had breakfast on weekends too???

Posted by: Toothless broken man at March 07, 2016 11:10 PM (aRUb8)

943 I'm out, Horde.

G'Night, Ev'ry-Buddy!

*static*

Posted by: Slapweasel, (Cold1) (T) at March 07, 2016 11:11 PM (OQ9R7)

944 Got hungry reading the post and comments. So I went to the freezer and finished off a about a half a pint of Blue Bell Cookies ampersand Creme. Ice Cream. Now THAT's the breakfast of champions, damn it.

Posted by: Dead Parrot Society at March 07, 2016 11:11 PM (AJeMv)

945 Yeah Sugar Crisp had the faux Bing. Those were pretty good, too but the generic cheapo big bags taste exactly the same for a third the price. They got super nasty if you let them soak too long too.

Posted by: Christopher Taylor at March 07, 2016 11:13 PM (39g3+)

946 petunia / flower: 'Why you like Cruz... all the joy went out of your life in kindergarten'

You still smell of feline urea and fail, curious.

Posted by: boulder terlit hobo at March 07, 2016 11:13 PM (6FqZa)

947 Kaboom Rah!

Posted by: Boko Haram at March 07, 2016 11:13 PM (uWZBp)

948 I'm suing Froot Loops for topological plagiarism.

Posted by: Cheerios designer at March 07, 2016 11:16 PM (uWZBp)

949 Thread playing out and no ONT in sight.

Posted by: Ricardo Kill at March 07, 2016 11:18 PM (IytJj)

950 Has Maet been taken & sold to Arab cob drivers?

Posted by: Misanthropic Humanitarian at March 07, 2016 11:19 PM (voOPb)

951 Ma used to make her special breakfast of cereal and cheese...but the cereal was actually sawdust and the cheese was cured caulk picked off the floors of the various abandoned buildings we would squat in. That is still comfort food for me to this day.

Posted by: Toothless broken man at March 07, 2016 11:19 PM (aRUb8)

952 Haven't seen AOP in a few hours -
In case I don't make the ONT, I have an offer for him. Totally legit. Just an old book I came across today. I thought of AOP immediately...

Posted by: Chi at March 07, 2016 11:19 PM (1u6vQ)

953 If you hate fucking Fruit Loops, you are doing it wrong

Posted by: Misanthropic Humanitarian at March 07, 2016 11:19 PM (voOPb)

954 Thread playing out and no ONT in sight.

*shoots the thread*

Maybe a new thread will rise from its ashes.

Posted by: Bandersnatch at March 07, 2016 11:19 PM (1xUj/)

955 It takes time to create an even longer cat. Give Maet a while.

Posted by: Christopher Taylor at March 07, 2016 11:20 PM (39g3+)

956 Is this now the ONT? I mean, I'm on the West Coast and the daughter's still doing her homework, so I've got a little time yet, but...

Posted by: JEM at March 07, 2016 11:21 PM (o+SC1)

957 >> Ma used to make her special breakfast of cereal and
>> cheese...but the cereal was actually sawdust and the
>> cheese was cured caulk picked off the floors of the various
>> abandoned buildings we would squat in.

You must not be white.

Posted by: Bernie Sanders (S-Whitest State In The Union) at March 07, 2016 11:23 PM (o+SC1)

958 ONT is NOOD!

Posted by: Slapweasel, (Cold1) (T) at March 07, 2016 11:23 PM (OQ9R7)

959 @942 you gush over how you like clowns, and end up endorsing Rubio. You're not serious, are you?

Posted by: angela urkel at March 07, 2016 11:25 PM (uWZBp)

960 If you're looking for something to watch, I recommend Battle Creek on Netflix. Its pretty funny stuff, about a police department with a crappy budget starring "Mayhem" from the ads and Josh Duhamel. Its a fun cop drama

Posted by: Christopher Taylor at March 07, 2016 11:25 PM (39g3+)

961 You must not be white.

Posted by: Bernie Sanders (S-Whitest State In The Union) at March 07, 2016 11:23 PM (o+SC1)

I identify as a steam grate.

Posted by: Toothless broken man at March 07, 2016 11:25 PM (aRUb8)

962
Anyone remember the flavored fizz tablets you could drop in your water
like alka seltzer? You'd put them directly on your tongue instead.
Intense.
Posted by: Joe Hallenbeck at March 07, 2016 10:45 PM (MNgU2)

Alavert?

Posted by: Kindltot at March 07, 2016 11:28 PM (q2o38)

963 Anyone remember the flavored fizz tablets you could drop in your water
like alka seltzer? You'd put them directly on your tongue instead.
Intense.
-----------

Fizzies? Fizzys?

Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc., etc. at March 07, 2016 11:35 PM (w35Hj)

964 The little wax 'Coke' bottles, filled with sugar water.

Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc., etc. at March 07, 2016 11:36 PM (w35Hj)

965 This explains everything. I feel so, so sorry for you, Ace, and anyone related to or friends with. I will leave you know, for the attendants inform me that it's time for you pill and your even rest. Please give my regards to Nurse O'Toole and Baron Furtliebschonpoop.

Posted by: Herr Doktor Lutefisk Von Fraud at March 07, 2016 11:52 PM (lqeGC)

966 Haven't seen AOP in a few hours -
In case I don't make the ONT, I have an offer for him. Totally legit. Just an old book I came across today. I thought of AOP immediately...

Posted by: Chi at March 07, 2016 11:19 PM (1u6vQ)

I went out for beer and a burger. See you on the ONT.

Posted by: Alberta Oil Peon at March 08, 2016 12:13 AM (/i7Ua)

967 Remember Kaboom in 'Kill Bill'?

Posted by: deepred at March 08, 2016 12:39 AM (xv5cf)

968 Shit. I need counseling just from reading that, and the first question I ought to be asked is why did I go all the way to the end.

And I never even heard of freaking Kaboom!

Posted by: Lisl at March 08, 2016 05:06 AM (Wg7qe)

969 Saddest. Post. Ever.

If I had known you back then, I would have shared my Lucky Charms!

Posted by: GatorGirl at March 08, 2016 07:18 AM (H5eux)

970 All I know is that if you didn't soak Captain Crunch in milk for four hours before eating it, the roof of your mouth got shredded to pieces.

Posted by: kennyraisin at March 08, 2016 07:26 AM (rmvCQ)

971 Ace...get help. You'll thank me, later.

Posted by: The Hot Gates. at March 08, 2016 07:46 AM (KJZeR)

972 KABOOM the cereal of ISIS

Posted by: saf at March 08, 2016 08:26 AM (qKiBT)

973 When I was growing up, my father owned a bakery. He worked nights and would come home early morning. He would call and ask what I wanted for breakfast. I bet I was the only kid in school who had eclairs for breakfast.

Posted by: Sharon at March 08, 2016 08:57 AM (p7gB8)

974 My strongest memory of Kaboom is a stormy afternoon after school when there was nothing on TV but "Flipper" reruns and nothing in the house to eat but Kaboom.

I watched, and I ate. I don't remember whether the storm ever passed, or if it's still raging in that bleak corner of my soul.

Posted by: McGehee at March 08, 2016 09:21 AM (ax/6m)

975 You had kaboom in a box. Luck you :-)

Our cereal came in a bag with no name. Nothing to read, just clear plastic. What was in it, who knows, old car tires, rejected animal feed, left over military rations?

There were several different version that somewhat resembled major brands. The top half of the bag would contain something that looked like cheerios or puffs, the bottom half of the bag contained mostly powder or possibly grindings from machine parts or floor sweepings.

Needless to say, fiber was never an issue:-)

Posted by: SK at March 08, 2016 09:49 AM (E5ZoU)

976 Where art thou, Clackers and Sugar Jets? My lonely soul cries out for you.

Posted by: Wolfus Aurelius at March 08, 2016 09:50 AM (BnX0a)

977 Thinly veiled dog whistle about using nuclear weapons on Japan.

Posted by: biscuiteater at March 08, 2016 10:03 AM (tQREO)

978 I grew up on Frosted Flakes.

Nowadays, when I think of frosted flakes I'm reminded of Baby Boomer feminists at a Hillary rally.

Posted by: Texas 1836 at March 08, 2016 10:08 AM (y3ZTV)

979 In 1972 or so I got a prize castle tower in a box of King Vitamin. To this day I'm still trying to figure out how to put the goddamned thing together.

Posted by: CrustyB at March 08, 2016 11:28 AM (GvSpB)

980 but wasn't that "white-face" clown really some kind of rassis stereotype?

Posted by: Waldo Trout at March 08, 2016 11:36 AM (M1MpJ)

981 I still mourn for my Crispy Critters.

Posted by: Lurkette at March 08, 2016 12:00 PM (jY+fp)

982 I think I saw this somewhere from Ace and Tweeted it a couple of years back:
"#KABOOM was the oat cereal with tiny marshmallows in the shape of Despair"

Posted by: The Five Hole at March 08, 2016 12:16 PM (zj6oQ)

983 I feel better just reading that again. that shit never gets old.

Posted by: Shaftoe at March 08, 2016 12:52 PM (ixwZz)

984 Oh Ace. This post made me fall extra in love with you. Hilarious!

Posted by: LegzzzAkimbo at March 08, 2016 01:10 PM (659DL)

985
This is like a whole new genre of comedy. Bittersweet nostalgic despair comedy.
Its painfully funny and relentlesslysad at the same time. Not easy to do.
Once again great writing.

Posted by: simplemind at March 08, 2016 01:16 PM (JTwsP)

986

*This* is why I keep comin' back...

Posted by: Running Hobo at March 08, 2016 01:18 PM (l1oyw)

987 My favorite work by Ace, bar none.

Posted by: oddnot not liking these times at March 08, 2016 01:34 PM (g1MTt)

988
Plus, they give you the taste of your own blood as the Cap'n lacerates the top of your mouth.

Posted by: Bruce at March 07, 2016 07:40 PM

++++++

^THIS^

Posted by: oddnot not liking these times at March 08, 2016 01:35 PM (g1MTt)

989 Kaboom, Sugar Frosted Flakes, Super Sugar Crisp, Count Chocula, Frankenberry, Quisp, Quake, Cap'n Crunch, Lucky Charms, Cocoa Puffs... Jeez, why weren't *we* all on adderall or ritalin?

Posted by: mikey at March 09, 2016 01:02 PM (HAWZY)

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