New York Times Writer Attempts to Explain What It Is To Be a "Modern Man," to Everyone's Great Embarrassment

It is often unmanly to even discuss "being a man" at all, but it can be done.

But describing "being a man" as nothing more than a series of trivial consumer choices reduces "being a man" to being a woman, but with these fashion preferences swapped out for women's.

The other things that make someone a "modern man" are, apparently, simply behaving like a liberal, urban white woman (the actual target demographic of this piece), as in:

25. The modern man has no use for a gun. He doesn’t own one, and he never will.
26. The modern man cries. He cries often.
27. People aren’t sure if the modern man is a good dancer or not. That is, until the D.J. plays his jam and he goes out there and puts on a clinic.

Yes, crying and dancing and thinking guns are icky. That's pretty much an exact description of Rooster Cogburn and Chuck Yaegher.

This New York Times piece is pure hatebait -- hatebait, because it's written to be mocked, but linked each time it's mocked.

The Modern Man, it goes on to tell us, is obsequious to feminist demands:

1. When the modern man buys shoes for his spouse, he doesn't have to ask her sister for the size. And he knows which brands run big or small.
...
9. Having a daughter makes the modern man more of a complete person. He learns new stuff every day.

10. The modern man makes sure the dishes on the rack have dried completely before putting them away.

Watching this soft-handed sweetboy explain being a man to people is adorable. Sometimes he tries to butch up by talking super tough about trivial matters of eating and social media usage:

4. The modern man doesn't cut the fatty or charred bits off his fillet. Every bite of steak is a privilege, and it all goes down the hosta.

11. The modern man has never "pinned" a tweet, and he never will.

Wow! That's some manful defiance right there! It's like his closest experience with a real man is watching Ron Swanson on Parks and Recreation. Say, doesn't Ron Swanson sometimes talk about meat...? Oh yes, I'll say something manful about meat-eating.

By the way, Twinkie, there's not much fat at all on a fillet. That's the main thing about them, and why they're preferred by children and finicky eaters.

He has another burst of manful defiance in him -- this time, about his precious cellphone:

24. The modern man doesn't get hung up on his phone's battery percentage. If it needs to run flat, so be it.

Also, the modern man is apparently a prig and thinks military-derived slang is "gauche:"

8. The modern man uses the proper names for things. For example, he’ll say "helicopter," not "chopper" like some gauche simpleton.

The modern man is apparently super-into organization and planning his soap usage ahead of time:

12. The modern man checks the status of his Irish Spring bar before jumping in for a wash. Too small, it gets swapped out.

Wow, this Modern Man sure is breaking all the rules.

The Modern Man, as I said before, is very interested in shopping and advertising his fashion preferences:

14. The modern man still jots down his grocery list on a piece of scratch paper. The market is no place for his face to be buried in the phone.
15. The modern man has hardwood flooring. His children can detect his mood from the stamp of his Kenneth Cole oxfords.
...
18. The modern man has thought seriously about buying a shoehorn.

Why this Modern Man is very fixated on shoes, isn't it? Rather like another sex I could probably name if I gave it enough thought.

The modern man may hate guns and love crying like a little girl, but he'll... do something or other if there's an intruder in the house.

16. The modern man lies on the side of the bed closer to the door. If an intruder gets in, he will try to fight him off, so that his wife has a chance to get away.

Note he says try to fight him off. The Modern Man is admirably realistic about his capacity for physical confrontation.

Then the Modern Man does more Homemaking Projects he saw on GOOP or Martha Stewart:

17. Does the modern man have a melon baller? What do you think? How else would the cantaloupe, watermelon and honeydew he serves be so uniformly shaped?

Basically, the Modern Man is a tweener girl:

20. On occasion, the modern man is the little spoon. Some nights, when he is feeling down or vulnerable, he needs an emotional and physical shield.

Oh I can't quote it all, but he's got some stuff in there about collecting the phony artifacts of imaginary manhood, like making sure he has "All Michael Mann movies" on DVD, or whatever the most up-to-date recording format is.

Because, again, the Modern Man is a Fashion Consumer first and foremost, and adorns himself (or his little den) with various trinkets and baubles intended to prettify himself -- but in a Modern Man sort of way, you understand.

Posted by: Ace at 03:46 PM

Comments

(Jump to bottom of comments)

1 He sounds like a pussy

Posted by: phoenixgirl at October 01, 2015 03:47 PM (GRd8r)

2 By spouse he means his husband

Posted by: phoenixgirl at October 01, 2015 03:49 PM (GRd8r)

3 The modern man is oddly aroused by videos of women repeatedly kicking guys in the balls.

Posted by: Stateless Infidel at October 01, 2015 03:49 PM (AC0lD)

4
The modern man always sits when he pees.

Posted by: A safe place to pee at October 01, 2015 03:50 PM (q4hvt)

5 they keep misspelling homo.

Posted by: x at October 01, 2015 03:50 PM (57fhp)

6 On the certificate is he spouse 1 or spouse 2?

Posted by: phoenixgirl at October 01, 2015 03:50 PM (GRd8r)

7 He ovulates.

Posted by: Sgt. Hulka at October 01, 2015 03:50 PM (WhKqH)

8 Well, if he's wearing plaid pajamas and drinking a cup of cocoa, what seems to be the problem?

Posted by: GuyfromNH at October 01, 2015 03:51 PM (scUt2)

9 The modern man is sensitive to subtle evolutions in doily fashion.

Posted by: ace at October 01, 2015 03:51 PM (dciA+)

10 Sounds to me like modern man is a pussy.

Posted by: BlueBerry at October 01, 2015 03:51 PM (Lo/fN)

11 Oh no.

Posted by: redenzo at October 01, 2015 03:51 PM (WCnJW)

12
The modern man just love-love-LOVES watching TMZ!!!!

Posted by: ace at October 01, 2015 03:51 PM (dciA+)

13 I'm becoming more modern every day.

Posted by: Bruce Jenner at October 01, 2015 03:52 PM (zxnPQ)

14 The modern man raises his pinky when jerking off his wife's boyfriend.

Posted by: Colorado Alex at October 01, 2015 03:52 PM (+f3rQ)

15 The modern man can tell you the names of colors outside of red, blue, black, green, yellow, purple, brown and white.

Posted by: Stateless Infidel at October 01, 2015 03:52 PM (AC0lD)

16 Sounds like the kind of woman i'd like to meet.

Posted by: Buzzsaw90 at October 01, 2015 03:52 PM (/eTPT)

17 I would rather let the human race die off than actually try (notice I say try) to have a child with this... pajama boy.

Posted by: shibumi, RIP USA at October 01, 2015 03:52 PM (Zy+ZM)

18
So, this is supposed to be some sort of agit-prop to make SCOAMF look good in comparison to Putin?

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at October 01, 2015 03:52 PM (YtRdY)

19 33. The modern man makes sure his anus hair is trimmed neatly and liberally applies lube before 'spooning.'

Posted by: Sphynx at October 01, 2015 03:53 PM (OZmbA)

20 I know men & actually have better male friends that female. That article is BS.

Posted by: Carol at October 01, 2015 03:53 PM (sj3Ax)

21 The modern man knows what days to keep a few extra tampons at the ready,

Posted by: Buzzsaw90 at October 01, 2015 03:53 PM (/eTPT)

22 Also, I blame Alan Alda.

He started all this "sensitivity" cr@p.

Posted by: shibumi, RIP USA at October 01, 2015 03:53 PM (Zy+ZM)

23 Please make it stop! My son shoots guns, takes karate lessons, is in Civil Air Patrol and Junior ROTC is only 15 and still twice the man of this lactating clown.

Posted by: Steve Helgeland at October 01, 2015 03:53 PM (UqTyE)

24 17 I would rather let the human race die off than actually try (notice I say try) to have a child with this... pajama boy.
Posted by: shibumi, RIP USA at October 01, 2015 03:52 PM (Zy+ZM)

You'd need tweezers to milk the semen-like substance. Meh, smegma.

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at October 01, 2015 03:53 PM (YtRdY)

25 Is one of the rule of the 'modern man' to watch a 'bull' do his wife?

I hate these people. I wish they would get cancer of the testicle and die.

Posted by: Bevel Lemelisk at October 01, 2015 03:53 PM (88fBD)

26 caught my dick in my zipper: non modern man.

Posted by: redenzo at October 01, 2015 03:54 PM (WCnJW)

27 The modern man listens to Wu-Tang once a week while pouring out a forty for his dead homies.

Posted by: Colorado Alex at October 01, 2015 03:54 PM (+f3rQ)

28 "17. Does the modern man have a melon baller? What do you think? How else would the cantaloupe, watermelon and honeydew he serves be so uniformly shaped?"

And that is the ONLY thing he has involving the word "balls."

Posted by: zombie at October 01, 2015 03:54 PM (jBuUi)

29 I think the author's 'W' and 'O' keys were jammed during the penning of the article

Posted by: Dr Gorgonzola at October 01, 2015 03:54 PM (BeQwJ)

30
The modern man blushes without shame when he sees a doughnut hole. With sprinkles.

Posted by: Don't call me BRUCE! at October 01, 2015 03:54 PM (q4hvt)

31 The modern man pouts and isinconsolable because hiswifi doesn'tcover his kitchen.

Posted by: Mohito at October 01, 2015 03:54 PM (vnL7t)

32 "obsequious" REALLY !??

Dude, real men don't use words like this

Don't ban me Bro!!

Posted by: RonUSA at October 01, 2015 03:54 PM (Yv4O4)

33 I think the author was more likely than not raised by chopper parents.

Posted by: Dave (in MA) at October 01, 2015 03:54 PM (WhB4J)

34 The modern man isn't afraid to make nuclear deals with Iran.

Posted by: Buzzsaw90 at October 01, 2015 03:54 PM (/eTPT)

35 27. People aren't sure if the modern man is a good dancer or not. That is, until the D.J. plays his jam and he goes out there and puts on a clinic.

LOL.

Now that's some funny stuff!

Posted by: ThePrimordialOrderedPair at October 01, 2015 03:54 PM (zc3Db)

36

The modern man sounds kinda like this one cousin I have, only she teaches kickboxing.

Posted by: grammie winger, waiting for the trumpets at October 01, 2015 03:54 PM (dFi94)

37 So the modern man is gay.

I did not know that.

Posted by: Semper In Stercus at October 01, 2015 03:55 PM (BZAd3)

38 The modern man is going to be in for a bitch of a surprise after the debt bomb goes off and the welfare state collapses.

Posted by: Stateless Infidel at October 01, 2015 03:55 PM (AC0lD)

39 The Onion, right?

Posted by: Puddleglum at October 01, 2015 03:55 PM (clR7B)

40 The modern conservative man wants the modern liberal man to shut the f*** up

Posted by: Bevel Lemelisk at October 01, 2015 03:55 PM (88fBD)

41 I think Heinlein was an optimist ...

We're waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay past "the crazy years"!

Posted by: Adriane the Modernity Critic ... at October 01, 2015 03:55 PM (qOsoH)

42 I find it offensive and macroaggressive and triggering that you are implying that I am the epitome of the modern *man*. F*CK YOU, A**HOLES.

Posted by: Caitlyn Jenner at October 01, 2015 03:55 PM (E5UB0)

43 8. The modern man, when not in public, wears pants when he damn well pleases

17. Oh, by the way, the modern man knows there are no fucking "fatty" bits on fucking filet (proper spelling) of beef (unless improperly trimmed).

assdouches

Posted by: ghost of hallelujah at October 01, 2015 03:55 PM (7RXcs)

44 The modern man knows how to do a full tuck job of his dirty, smelly, man-bits. But he only uses this knowledge on rare occasions or when he's feeling especially vulnerable.

Posted by: yomomma at October 01, 2015 03:56 PM (1WOOu)

45 Aren't liberals always preaching that we shouldn't

1. Generalize, particularly when it involves gender issues?
2. Judge?

Oh. Never.

The New York Times is not a newspaper.

Posted by: Adirondack Patriot at October 01, 2015 03:56 PM (YqcVw)

46 The modern man knows when he needs help, and proudly brandishes his EBT card when he's buying food at Trader Joes.

Posted by: shibumi, RIP USA at October 01, 2015 03:56 PM (Zy+ZM)

47 Sounds like the "modern man" is a fruit.

Posted by: Jay Guevara at October 01, 2015 03:56 PM (oKE6c)

48
I read that article and cried, so I guess that makes me "modern" or something.

Dear Lord, this nation is in for a very rude awakening if we ever come to our senses.

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at October 01, 2015 03:56 PM (YtRdY)

49 He sounds so Butch

Posted by: CHris Hayes at October 01, 2015 03:56 PM (/eTPT)

50 Curious that they didn't mention whether the modern man farts when you pull his finger, because that would be kind of important to know...

wouldn't it?

Posted by: Semper In Stercus at October 01, 2015 03:56 PM (BZAd3)

51 31. The modern man bathes in quiche.

Posted by: NY Slimes Modern MANual at October 01, 2015 03:57 PM (zc3Db)

52 The modern man calls a firearm a gun, breaking his own stupid pedantic rule about using proper names to not sound gauche.

Posted by: Bevel Lemelisk at October 01, 2015 03:57 PM (88fBD)

53 The very ghey antipodean update to Real Men Don't Eat Quiche.

America? We're doomed. No, they're doomed. I'll be dead from natural causes/old age.

Posted by: 13times at October 01, 2015 03:57 PM (WHVu+)

54 Cripes. What a fucking walking vagina. There is zero testosterone in his/it's body. Wouldn't make a small chigger bite on a man's ass. Faggot.

Posted by: maddogg at October 01, 2015 03:57 PM (xWW96)

55 I've heard gay males speak of "modern men" in this mold. Nearly always in utmost contempt.

Just like, you know, most everyone else.

It's my one ray of hope...once things collapse to the point that the pervasive reach of media fails, large regions will revert to the norm in these things. The ones that don't will get stomped flat by the ones that do.

Posted by: Brother Cavil, down with Eph 6:12-13 at October 01, 2015 03:57 PM (9krrF)

56 A man wrote that?
Is he really a He or is He one with no specified gender?
I'm sorry but I forget what we call them, mostly because I thinks that not having a gender is BA.

Posted by: Carol at October 01, 2015 03:57 PM (sj3Ax)

57 40 The modern conservative man wants the modern liberal man to shut the f*** up
Posted by: Bevel Lemelisk at October 01, 2015 03:55 PM (88fBD)

Correction: the real modern man SHUTS the liberal man the fuck up.

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at October 01, 2015 03:57 PM (YtRdY)

58 Can I trade my "Man Card" in for a "Special Snowflake Card"?

Posted by: Misanthropic Humanitarian at October 01, 2015 03:57 PM (+c55T)

59 but then it is the New York Times ... so don't worry, be happy ...

Posted by: Adriane the Modernity Critic ... at October 01, 2015 03:57 PM (qOsoH)

60 The modern man talks like a fag and his shit's all retarded.

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero) at October 01, 2015 03:57 PM (8ZskC)

61 Greetings, fellow 'Rons and 'Ettes!

Only pre-Modern Men (and Wimmen!) will be at our reprise of last year's SW Ohio MoMe:

Saturday evening, October 17, 7-10 (ish), Beavercreek (I've also locked down a better venue).

Interested parties please let me know: swohmome @ mail.com (no spaces).

Thanks!

Posted by: speedster1 at October 01, 2015 03:58 PM (xfE5u)

62
The modern man sleeps on flannel sheets because they give him goosebumps.

Posted by: Grungemare at October 01, 2015 03:58 PM (q4hvt)

63 44. The modern man marries a ketchup heir and throws his ghastly military medals over the fence.

Posted by: Sphynx at October 01, 2015 03:58 PM (OZmbA)

64 26. The modern man cries. He cries often.
__________________

You see?

Booohoooohooo!!!!

Posted by: John Boehner at October 01, 2015 03:58 PM (YqcVw)

65 What a load of horseshit.

Posted by: Dirty Randy at October 01, 2015 03:58 PM (jjaLl)

66 The modern man is destined to be endlessly sodomized by the modern muslim.

Or Putin, if he gets there first.

Posted by: Methos at October 01, 2015 03:58 PM (ZbV+0)

67 Oh and I love Rooster Cogburn.

Posted by: Misanthropic Humanitarian at October 01, 2015 03:58 PM (+c55T)

68 the modern man knows that "fillet" sounds just like "filet" but does not know which one refers specifically to a cut of steak and which one refers to just about anything cut a certain way or a mcdonalds fish sandwich

do these asshole get paid to write poorly about stupid stuff?

Posted by: chelsea danger at October 01, 2015 03:58 PM (1nFsQ)

69 People freaked out when Will wrote his jeans article, but I thought he made some good points hidden in all the screaming because people reject propriety.

But this, this is just some man purse slinging metrosexual's bleating given a megaphone for clickbait.

Posted by: Christopher Taylor at October 01, 2015 03:58 PM (39g3+)

70 In automotive-speak, a contemporary car is called a "modern" car, while an old-school car is called a "classic" car.

Let's use that terminology for men:

------

The Classic Man weighs three pounds less after ejaculating.

The Classic Man doesn't need to know pick-up lines; his scent is a pickup line.

Posted by: zombie at October 01, 2015 03:59 PM (jBuUi)

71 The modern man is going to be in for a bitch of a surprise after the debt bomb goes off and the welfare state collapses.

Only when the cell networks switch off, the satellites go silent, and the long distance cables get cut.

Posted by: Brother Cavil, down with Eph 6:12-13 at October 01, 2015 03:59 PM (9krrF)

72 A real man is never politically correct, pretending to be something he's not, or doing and saying things to score political points with his friends or some girl he wants to get to like him. His yes means yes, his no means no. He'll humble himself when he has to, but he'll also fight when he needs to. He doesn't manipulate people and doesn't put up with people who do. He loves ferociously, hopes expectantly, and dreams big dreams for himself and his family.

This man has no clue.

Posted by: Akelm88 at October 01, 2015 03:59 PM (fydF3)

73
Anyone get R. Lee Ermey's reaction to this piece?

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at October 01, 2015 03:59 PM (YtRdY)

74 The modern man censors his speech for fear of offending the thirteenth century man.

Posted by: Bevel Lemelisk at October 01, 2015 03:59 PM (88fBD)

75 The modern man is often found in the feminine hygiene aisle, carefully comparing the competing brands for comfort and effectiveness.

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero) at October 01, 2015 03:59 PM (8ZskC)

76 A modern man has every Celine Dion CD.

Posted by: Puddleglum at October 01, 2015 03:59 PM (clR7B)

77 Does Ayatollah Khamenei or clock boy's father qualify as modern men? If not, why should we deal with them, until they become more modern in their beliefs?

Inquiring minds want to know.

Posted by: Caitlyn Jenner at October 01, 2015 03:59 PM (E5UB0)

78 The modern man has a vagina.

Posted by: Jollyroger at October 01, 2015 03:59 PM (t06LC)

79 Does the modern man consume the shit out of porn? Because I gotta tell ya, I'm not stacking up so well so far.

Posted by: Semper In Stercus at October 01, 2015 03:59 PM (BZAd3)

80 I'd say we're right smack in the middle of "the crazy years" and Heinlein was prophetic. I'm really, really hoping he wasn't prophetic about what followed the crazy years, though. (dictatorship).

Posted by: Ta-Nehisi Coates' Colon at October 01, 2015 04:00 PM (KuYKO)

81
We know how to wash our wives bra's properly..in the sink with gentle soap with a dash of chamomile.

Posted by: Modern man at October 01, 2015 04:00 PM (vnL7t)

82 The modern (new york) man drives a Subaru and sucks dick.

Posted by: maddogg at October 01, 2015 04:00 PM (xWW96)

83 we're not doomed yet, practically NOBODY pays attention to this foolishness - except to poke fun.

I mean, we ARE doomed, but just because of this brand of faggotry.

Posted by: ghost of hallelujah at October 01, 2015 04:00 PM (7RXcs)

84 The modern NYT reader sips cocoa in his onesie and giggles at Obamacare

Posted by: Christopher Taylor at October 01, 2015 04:00 PM (39g3+)

85 Come on. This wasn't a real article. You're using some kind of cookie redirection magic or something to make us think that the New York fucking Times actually posted this drivel - all just so that you would have a perfect setup to post about. There's no way a real national publication would really publish this, right?

Posted by: Anon Y. Mous at October 01, 2015 04:00 PM (IN7k+)

86 The Modern Man feels a curious sensation in his trousers when he watches old Jan Michael Vincent movies...

Posted by: The Other Andrew B at October 01, 2015 04:00 PM (wFZ+6)

87 9. Having a daughter makes the modern man more of a complete person. He learns new stuff every day.

_________________________

Yes, when Soon Yi was my daughter, I learned that she could also be my wife!

Posted by: Woody Allen at October 01, 2015 04:00 PM (YqcVw)

88 The modern man, when hit upon by another man, will at least dole out a handy, because that's what men do.

Posted by: Dr Spank at October 01, 2015 04:00 PM (TJCSB)

89 The modern man, if he lives in the Middle East, gets thrown off of buildings.

Posted by: Semper In Stercus at October 01, 2015 04:01 PM (BZAd3)

90 The modern man takes bubble baths at a modern bath house, and sucks dick.

Posted by: maddogg at October 01, 2015 04:01 PM (xWW96)

91 Well, the future Gibbons will just have to quote this piece of embarrassing twadwallow to cover the "fall of Western Civilisation."

Posted by: Gentlemen, this is democracy manifest at October 01, 2015 04:01 PM (LWu6U)

92 The pre-modern man was not available for comment, being too busy sexually satisfying the modern man's wife.

Posted by: Jollyroger at October 01, 2015 04:01 PM (t06LC)

93 The modern man shivers and quickly changes the radio station if he hears a hint of Rush Limbaugh's voice.

Posted by: Sphynx at October 01, 2015 04:01 PM (OZmbA)

94 When a Classic Man surveys the room in front of him, his eyes don't even perceive the Modern Man. He only sees other Classic Men, and women worthy of Classic Men. Other ephemera are invisible.

Posted by: zombie at October 01, 2015 04:01 PM (jBuUi)

95 "16. The modern man lies on the side of the bed closer to the door. If an
intruder gets in, he will try to fight him off, so that his wife has a
chance to get away."

Get away to where? "Her" pussy "husband" is blocking her way to the door.

Posted by: revolting peasant at October 01, 2015 04:01 PM (kQUKn)

96 I can agree with number 9, that bit about having a daughter:
"9. Having a daughter makes the modern man more of a complete person. He learns new stuff every day."But that's about it. Oh, and yeah: the use of the word 'try' in the context of protecting those you love really got under my skin. 'Try' is loser talk.

Posted by: troyriser at October 01, 2015 04:01 PM (fnCax)

97 To be fair, the piece works perfectly as satire.

Damn Poe and his Law.

Posted by: JSchuler at October 01, 2015 04:01 PM (6i4P9)

98 This country has fallen quite far indeed.

Posted by: Duncan MacLeod, the Highlander at October 01, 2015 04:01 PM (COpZ4)

99 I'm really, really hoping he wasn't prophetic about what followed the crazy years, though. (dictatorship).

Socrates called it over 2000 years ago. That's where Democracies go. Republic>Democracy>Oligarchy>Tyranny

Posted by: Christopher Taylor at October 01, 2015 04:01 PM (39g3+)

100
The modern man is going to be in for a bitch of a surprise after the ~~debt bomb~~ Russian EMP goes off and the ~~welfare state~~ country
collapses.

FTFM

Posted by: Vladimir Putin at October 01, 2015 04:01 PM (FwRqg)

101 so the author is just substituting "modern" for "metrosexual".

Posted by: Blooshier at October 01, 2015 04:02 PM (o3U8H)

102 the antidote to the modern man

Ron F****** Swanson

Posted by: memphodude at October 01, 2015 04:02 PM (P4GTk)

103 The modern man offers aiming and holding assistance to the other modern men in the men's room, and sucks dick.

Posted by: maddogg at October 01, 2015 04:02 PM (xWW96)

104 And he knows which [shoe] brands run big or small.
-------

instant disqualification from consideration of romantic involvement.

I don't even know which shoe brands run big or small.

And the whole crying thing? Did someone die, or was there a really touching story or situation? (e.g., one I watched where a family was finally able to adopt a kid after it seemed impossible. I didn't tear up to lack of functioning tear ducts, and also lack of a heart, but guys that were present did, and I found it acceptable.)

If the answer is yes, fine, go ahead and cry (for death) or tear up (touching incident, no, not that kind of touching you perverts).

Otherwise, um, no.

Posted by: chique d'afrique (the artist formerly known as african chick) at October 01, 2015 04:02 PM (iynDC)

105 I can agree with number 9, that bit about having a daughter:

But its true of having a son, too. Its just being a parent that does it, not daughters.

Posted by: Christopher Taylor at October 01, 2015 04:02 PM (39g3+)

106 The Modern Man discovers after five years of marriage that his "wife" is a Brazilian tranny.

Posted by: zombie at October 01, 2015 04:02 PM (jBuUi)

107 Great post ace! Why don't you take the rest of the day off?

Posted by: Buzzion at October 01, 2015 04:02 PM (z/Ubi)

108 The modern man sends sad transexual pedophiles pictures of his daughter to cheer them up.

Posted by: Bevel Lemelisk at October 01, 2015 04:02 PM (88fBD)

109 Those are all things that are written on Chuck Norris' toilet paper

Posted by: Lemmiwinks at October 01, 2015 04:02 PM (z+4T3)

110 I can sometimes hear the modern man in the closet sobbing while I fuck his wife.

Posted by: Gentlemen, this is democracy manifest at October 01, 2015 04:02 PM (LWu6U)

111 the modern man is a biological dead end and won't be around for long.

Posted by: x at October 01, 2015 04:02 PM (57fhp)

112 Modern is NYese for Nutless.

Posted by: Puddin Head at October 01, 2015 04:02 PM (oDCMR)

113 The modern man doesn't really like taking it up the ass but he appreciates how it lets him experience sex from the woman's perspective.

Okay, he really does like taking it up the ass.

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero) at October 01, 2015 04:03 PM (8ZskC)

114 The modern man isn't

Posted by: Chicago Vota at October 01, 2015 04:03 PM (N4yjS)

115 I have melon balls.

Posted by: Post postmodern man at October 01, 2015 04:03 PM (W5DcG)

116 this piece will keep us busy for the rest of the day.

Posted by: Akelm88 at October 01, 2015 04:03 PM (fydF3)

117 82 The modern (new york) man drives a Subaru and sucks dick.
Posted by: maddogg at October 01, 2015 04:00 PM (xWW96

Does he wear flannel?

Posted by: Misanthropic Humanitarian at October 01, 2015 04:03 PM (+c55T)

118 I'm gonna guess the author scored a 100 percent on this test.

Why do liberal pussies always feel the need to validate their own failings, insecurities and insignificance as being the 'in' thing? Hoping the rest of society will join them in miserable mediocrity and self-loathing?

I'm guessing the modern man gets buttfucked by Russia on foreign policy too.

Posted by: El Kabong at October 01, 2015 04:03 PM (MCmqp)

119 The modern man is a teacher, not a preacher.

Posted by: Dr Spank at October 01, 2015 04:03 PM (TJCSB)

120 78 The modern man has a vagina.
Posted by: Jollyroger at October 01, 2015 03:59 PM (t06LC)

Mine is attached to my wife, but point taken.

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at October 01, 2015 04:03 PM (YtRdY)

121 Here, let me give you the Reader's Digest Condensed Version.

(1) The modern man is a beta male.
(2) The modern man is an emo.
(3) The modern man is a metrosexual at best, and probably at least bi-curious.
(4) The modern man is a pussified, castrated victim, will get sand kicked in his face, and will never get the girl.
(5) The modern man has spent way too much time watching Project Runway and the Oprah Channel.

Posted by: Qoheleth at October 01, 2015 04:03 PM (iIzG7)

122 Onion worthy.

He might as well Jennerize and unite body and soul.

Posted by: Man from Wazzustan at October 01, 2015 04:03 PM (ocw+t)

123 The modern man puts on his manly footie jammies and does Obamacare commercials, and sucks dick.

Posted by: maddogg at October 01, 2015 04:03 PM (xWW96)

124 So the "modern man" is supposed to protect his wife by sleeping on the side of the bed closest to the door but should not own a weapon? Or does this "man" just mean not own a gun but he can own a sword or some other melee weapon? I must know so that I too may one day be a childless, wifeless, virgin (if someone else's cock doesn't count), faggot.

Posted by: "Syrian" "Refugee" at October 01, 2015 04:03 PM (r9mDd)

125 If it can be demonstrated that "Syrian refugees" are not modern men, would the NYT be against allowing them to emigrate here and to Europe?

I fucking hate these sleazy assholes and their con games.

Posted by: Caitlyn Jenner at October 01, 2015 04:04 PM (E5UB0)

126 Modern Man is Pajama Boy a few years down the line, but worse, because he has less of an excuse.

Posted by: MostlyRight at October 01, 2015 04:04 PM (RAGuf)

127 The modern man knows when to use interpretive dance to get his point across.

Posted by: Chicago Vota at October 01, 2015 04:04 PM (N4yjS)

128 So the modern man is gay? That's about what I'd expect the NY Times to wishcast.

Posted by: brak at October 01, 2015 04:04 PM (xwPSp)

129 Wait.

Ace, this is a parody, right?

Posted by: chique d'afrique (the artist formerly known as african chick) at October 01, 2015 04:04 PM (iynDC)

130 "47 Sounds like the "modern man" is a fruit."

You'll never work for National Review with comments like that, buster!

Posted by: Jason Lee Steorts at October 01, 2015 04:04 PM (OD2ni)

131 The modern man has a server in his house on the side for all those important work related emails. A true modern man never forgets to wipe.

Posted by: Jollyroger at October 01, 2015 04:04 PM (t06LC)

132 Hatebait.

Short, to the point, and rhymey.
---
This will end on a curb somewhere with rivulets of blood. I hope there are pictures.

Posted by: weft cut-loop at October 01, 2015 04:04 PM (JmGFJ)

133 Palate cleanser

http://www.amazon.com/Hoffmann-Bros-Damn-Sheer-Manliness/dp/1575440504

Posted by: Bandersnatch, whut is a proud Nitwit Lion at October 01, 2015 04:04 PM (JtwS4)

134 111 the modern man is a biological dead end and won't be around for long.
Posted by: x at October 01, 2015 04:02 PM (57fhp)

My counterargument to people accusing me of homophobia; you must not believe in science because homo is an evolutionary dead end.

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at October 01, 2015 04:04 PM (YtRdY)

135 107 Great post ace! Why don't you take the rest of the day off?
Posted by: Buzzion at October 01, 2015 04:02 PM (z/Ubi

Careful ace, it's a trap. He's just trying to get you to the other side. IYKWIMAITYD

Posted by: Misanthropic Humanitarian at October 01, 2015 04:04 PM (+c55T)

136 The modern man is skittish as hell because he gets beat up a lot.

Posted by: Semper In Stercus at October 01, 2015 04:04 PM (BZAd3)

137 I watched "the great santini" a few days ago.

I don't think he did any of that.

Posted by: Gentlemen, this is democracy manifest at October 01, 2015 04:05 PM (LWu6U)

138 The author has never actually seen a real steak.

He's been to restaurants where they cut fat from the steak like his mommy cuts crust from a slice of bread.

Posted by: 13times at October 01, 2015 04:05 PM (WHVu+)

139 The modern man thinks often and deeply about the path chosen by Caitlyn Jenner and wonders if that might be the right path for himself. And sighs.

Posted by: Sphynx at October 01, 2015 04:05 PM (OZmbA)

140 The modern (liberal) man wears a fanny pack

Posted by: Lemmiwinks at October 01, 2015 04:05 PM (z+4T3)

141 The writer needs to have the snot knocked out of them just because they invited it.

Posted by: navybrat at October 01, 2015 04:05 PM (ETxiG)

142 The Modern Man heals without a jerk on his chain.

Posted by: Chicago Vota at October 01, 2015 04:05 PM (N4yjS)

143 >>>128 So the modern man is gay? That's about what I'd expect the NY Times to wishcast.

I think gay men are a step above this self-pitying pussy bullshit.

Posted by: El Kabong at October 01, 2015 04:05 PM (MCmqp)

144 The Modern Women only feigns interest in the Modern Man so she can drain his trust fund. The moment he's off on a shoe-shopping spree, she's banging the Classic Man.

Posted by: zombie at October 01, 2015 04:05 PM (jBuUi)

145 117 Does he wear flannel?
Posted by: Misanthropic Humanitarian at October 01, 2015 04:03 PM (+c55T)

The Man in the Gay Flannel Suit?

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at October 01, 2015 04:05 PM (YtRdY)

146 The modern man keeps his handyman on speed dial. One never knows when a hinge will need a squirt of lubricant or a bag of refuse will need to be taken out.

Posted by: Countrysquire, feeling reasonably fresh down there at October 01, 2015 04:05 PM (eEBON)

147 Yes, its true, this man has no penis.

Posted by: Dr Peter Venkman at October 01, 2015 04:06 PM (39g3+)

148 The modern man pulls the covers over his OWN head when he farts in bed.

Posted by: OurCountryIsScrewed at October 01, 2015 04:06 PM (DlmoZ)

149 The only contest the Modern Man will ever win is the "Show Tunes" category on Jeopardy, IYKWIMAITYD.

Posted by: Qoheleth at October 01, 2015 04:06 PM (iIzG7)

150 The Modern Man keeps the number for the lawn service and plumber handy.

Posted by: Chicago Vota at October 01, 2015 04:06 PM (N4yjS)

151 The modern man lies on the side of the bed closer to the door. If an intruder gets in, he will try to fight him off, so that his wife has a chance to get away.

A good slapfight with an armed intruder can buy some time.

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero) at October 01, 2015 04:06 PM (8ZskC)

152 "9. Having a daughter makes the modern man more of a complete person. He learns new stuff every day."

It's true! Having a daughter, a man learns every day just how much stank can come out of the arse of such a delicate little flower as his own daughter.

Now, I don't know if that completes me in any meaningful way, but it is a learning experience, that's for sure.

Posted by: BurtTC at October 01, 2015 04:06 PM (TOk1P)

153 Can the Modern Man described by the NYT make a comfy room, complete will supplemental closet!, in the woods, make fire without matches and use said fire to cook tasty tasty steaks?

I think not.

Posted by: alexthechick - Yeah I give up at October 01, 2015 04:06 PM (mf5HN)

154 All life is duty. Fulfilling your duties is the measure of a man.

Posted by: Grump928(c) at October 01, 2015 04:06 PM (evdj2)

155 >>133 Palate cleanser
------------------
Here I was expecting boobehs, silly me.

Posted by: Misanthropic Humanitarian at October 01, 2015 04:06 PM (+c55T)

156 The modern man ain't worth a single one of my dingleberries.

Posted by: ghost of hallelujah at October 01, 2015 04:06 PM (7RXcs)

157 The modern man doesn't really understand most of your sports games, but he will prepare excellent guacamole if he's invited for a watching party.

Posted by: spongeworthy at October 01, 2015 04:06 PM (WbhVj)

158 The modern man doesn't wear facial hair around his mouth because:
1. he lacks the testosterone to grow it.
2. It might irritate other modern men's dicks.

Posted by: maddogg at October 01, 2015 04:06 PM (xWW96)

159 the modern man believes that grown adult males in wheel chairs or who have no legs through accident, war, or just some sort of infectious disease are not modern men because they have no way to click their super cool shoes on the hardwood floor they paid some other schmuck to install or refinish for them

Posted by: chelsea danger at October 01, 2015 04:07 PM (1nFsQ)

160 The modern (liberal) man wears a fanny pack

Might want to ask military types about that.

Posted by: Dr Peter Venkman at October 01, 2015 04:07 PM (39g3+)

161 The Modern Man discovers after five years of marriage that his "wife" is a Brazilian tranny, and then proceeds to suck the Brazilian tranny's dick.

Just seemed appropriate.

Posted by: Armando at October 01, 2015 04:07 PM (FwRqg)

162 The Modern Man wears onesies and sells ObamaCare to the great unwashed.

Posted by: MTF at October 01, 2015 04:07 PM (LISuA)

163 The modern man bravely holds his nose and reluctantly licks his wife's vagina upon her command.

Posted by: Sphynx at October 01, 2015 04:07 PM (OZmbA)

164 The modern man is into enabling not labeling.

Posted by: Dr Spank at October 01, 2015 04:07 PM (TJCSB)

165 This is somewhat related. Smalldeadanimals had a great article by Captain Capitalism "Blame Women (Disproportionately) For the Collapse of Western Civilization."

It was a great read.

http://tinyurl.com/o2p77eq

Posted by: Stateless Infidel at October 01, 2015 04:07 PM (AC0lD)

166 120 78 The modern man has a vagina.
Posted by: Jollyroger at October 01, 2015 03:59 PM (t06LC)

Mine is attached to my wife, but point taken.

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at October 01, 2015 04:03 PM (YtRdY)

Yeah I should have specified.

The modern man has a vagina, and he does not do gauche things like spend hours transfixed on it, touch, or play with it. Instead the modern man is into anal. Just so long as he is the catcher.

Posted by: Jollyroger at October 01, 2015 04:07 PM (t06LC)

167
The modern man knows anal bleaching makes you feel fresh and easy.

Posted by: Latte Licker at October 01, 2015 04:07 PM (q4hvt)

168 The Modern Man can bite moi. What a wuss.

Does the Modern Man watch football? Does he farht like a tuba or pass wind daintily like a constipated clarinet?

Sleeps near the door my fat arse. He would probably hide in the closet with his shoes if there was an intruder, leaving wife on her own.

Somehow I think of Shep reading this...they did not include eyeliner, however.

Posted by: ChristyBlinky, aging supermodel Redneck Queen at October 01, 2015 04:07 PM (LJ4iV)

169 37. The modern man plays ~~soccer~~ futbal.

Posted by: ThePrimordiaOrderedPair at October 01, 2015 04:07 PM (zc3Db)

170 Why does the modern man cry?

BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T USE A COASTER FOR YOUR DRINK! SAVAGE!

Posted by: Semper In Stercus at October 01, 2015 04:07 PM (BZAd3)

171 123 The modern man puts on his manly footie jammies and does Obamacare commercials, and sucks dick

That modern man does GE commercials now. He still sucks dick. I say that non judgmentally though.

Posted by: Puddleglum at October 01, 2015 04:07 PM (clR7B)

172 Sounds like a pussy.

Posted by: Me. Healthy Penis at October 01, 2015 04:07 PM (LYCUN)

173 I remember Tommy having a good cry, sharing melon balls with Jimmy and Henry and then doing his mother's dishes right before he stabbed the fuck out of Billy Batts.

Posted by: El Kabong at October 01, 2015 04:07 PM (MCmqp)

174 26. thinks only in terms of beyonce gifs.
27. pumpkin season, I mean hello
28. male male fellatio, don't h8!

Posted by: joe-impeachin44 at October 01, 2015 04:07 PM (Ojdnl)

175
Speaking of great embarrassments, check this out:

https://goo.gl/2e01Xw

Is this for real??

Posted by: Bruce With a Wang! at October 01, 2015 04:08 PM (iQIUe)

176 Somebody took this list and scrawled comments to the side. Pretty cute.

I cannot imagine why the modern man would need a mellonballer, above all things...

Posted by: Lea at October 01, 2015 04:08 PM (lIU4e)

177 A modern man isn't embarrassed to walk into an emergency room after getting a large segment of cork lodged in his rectum. He owns it!

Posted by: Gristle Encased Head at October 01, 2015 04:08 PM (+lsX1)

178 The modern man is not the sort of man who would take it any further.

Posted by: AltonJackson at October 01, 2015 04:08 PM (ZQfW9)

179 Michael Mann is a very good director. He should do the Die Hard remake.

Posted by: joe-impeachin44 at October 01, 2015 04:08 PM (Ojdnl)

180

Oh my, I can't stop laughing.

Posted by: artisanal 'ette at October 01, 2015 04:08 PM (qCMvj)

181 The modern man knows what type of purses his wife likes and buys them for her often. And the modern man is not ashamed to borrow his wife's purse if it goes really well with his carefully chosen outfit.

Posted by: chique d'afrique (the artist formerly known as african chick) at October 01, 2015 04:08 PM (iynDC)

182 38. The modern man sucks his thumb ... proudly.

Posted by: ThePrimordialOrderedPair at October 01, 2015 04:08 PM (zc3Db)

183 The modern man keeps a bottle of club soda on hand and knows damn well how to use it.

Posted by: Countrysquire, feeling reasonably fresh down there at October 01, 2015 04:08 PM (eEBON)

184 The modern man does not ask his wife for his testicles before he goes out with his guy friends because he already knows the answer is an emphatic NO.

Posted by: OurCountryIsScrewed at October 01, 2015 04:08 PM (DlmoZ)

185 The modern man gets kind of annoyed when old ladies rub up against him to curb their hot-flashes.

Posted by: irright at October 01, 2015 04:08 PM (pMGkg)

186 This is more wishful thinking on the left, like different pronoun sets and idiotic fashion initiatives like meggings. I don't think this will be significant. But I do think it's helpful to be aware of this stuff.

Posted by: Caitlyn Jenner at October 01, 2015 04:09 PM (E5UB0)

187
Jeez, this modern man makes Niles Crane look like Clint Eastwood.

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at October 01, 2015 04:09 PM (YtRdY)

188 "26. The modern man cries. He cries often."

Nope, except during Brian's Song and Old Yeller.

Posted by: Benji Carver at October 01, 2015 04:09 PM (OD2ni)

189 Ladies.... if your married to this man... you dont have a husband.... you have a girlfriend.

Posted by: fixerupper at October 01, 2015 04:09 PM (8XRCm)

190 I think I just wiped some Modern Man off my shoe.

Posted by: Chicago Vota at October 01, 2015 04:09 PM (N4yjS)

191 Hey Modern Man its Choppah not Chopper. 'Get to the choppah.'

Posted by: Puddin Head at October 01, 2015 04:09 PM (oDCMR)

192 Irish Spring? the horror

Posted by: REALLY modern man, what knows at October 01, 2015 04:09 PM (7RXcs)

193 #28. The modern man takes lots of estrogen because testosterone is icky.

Posted by: NYTimes at October 01, 2015 04:09 PM (q80AH)

194 If that's a Modern Man, then I'm a Neanderthal, and damn proud of it.

Posted by: Qoheleth at October 01, 2015 04:09 PM (iIzG7)

195 I'm pretty sure this list was compiled by asking "what is the opposite of everything Lee Marvin?"

Posted by: Blooshier at October 01, 2015 04:09 PM (o3U8H)

196 Well, the future Gibbons will just have to quote this piece of embarrassing twadwallow to cover the "fall of Western Civilisation."
---
Ape does not quote Man.

Posted by: Dr. Zaius at October 01, 2015 04:10 PM (/eTPT)

197 I think we're getting a pretty good view of a true modern man pitted against a classic man in the ongoing Obama vs. Putin kerfuffle.

It doesn't end well for Mr. Modern. (He may chip a nail or break a heel)

Posted by: Jollyroger at October 01, 2015 04:10 PM (t06LC)

198 194 If that's a Modern Man, then I'm a Neanderthal, and damn proud of it.
Posted by: Qoheleth at October 01, 2015 04:09 PM (iIzG7)

Homo sapiens. With the emphasis on "homo."

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at October 01, 2015 04:10 PM (YtRdY)

199 if you prick the modern man, will he not bleed????

Posted by: Lechfeld at October 01, 2015 04:10 PM (8CdUx)

200 80 TNCC

Spot on - if you look at Drudge on any given day, then compare to the headlines in Methuselah's Children, it's hard to tell which is which.

Posted by: speedster1 at October 01, 2015 04:10 PM (xfE5u)

201 Describes democrat men to a tee.

Posted by: Buckeye Abroad at October 01, 2015 04:10 PM (+4PTJ)

202 The modern man just wants to finish his waffle.

Posted by: tu3031 at October 01, 2015 04:10 PM (YFFpo)

203 Fanny pack? More like manly pack!!

Posted by: Dr Spank at October 01, 2015 04:11 PM (TJCSB)

204 The Modern Man gets "consent" before every touch, every kiss, every thrust.

That is, he would ask for "consent" if every chick he meets didn't immediately dump him in disgust.

Posted by: zombie at October 01, 2015 04:11 PM (jBuUi)

205
Nice to see that somebody put my theory of "The Emasculation of North American Males" to pen and paper.

Posted by: fixerupper at October 01, 2015 04:11 PM (8XRCm)

206 Modern Man is a fag. There I said it.

Posted by: Modern Woman at October 01, 2015 04:11 PM (CCPhT)

207 169 37. The modern man plays soccer futbal.
Posted by: ThePrimordiaOrderedPair "

Check your privilege.

Posted by: The Oberlin Micro-aggression police at October 01, 2015 04:11 PM (OD2ni)

208 Heat is one of my favorite movies. Guess I'm not one of them new "modern men." Here is my sad face.

Posted by: Mainah at October 01, 2015 04:11 PM (659DL)

209
I heard that Sam Peckinpah was going to do a movie based on the modern man attributes.

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at October 01, 2015 04:11 PM (YtRdY)

210 The modern man knows when a bottle of cabernet has a fine nose.

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero) at October 01, 2015 04:11 PM (8ZskC)

211 199 if you prick the modern man, will he not bleed????

Posted by: Lechfeld at October 01, 2015 04:10 PM (8CdUx)

You callin me a PRICK!

/punches the poster...

Posted by: Real Man at October 01, 2015 04:11 PM (qh617)

212 I cannot imagine why the modern man would need a mellonballer, above all things...

Men come equipped with the tool required to ball a pair of melons

..I apologize, I just couldn't let that one go.

Posted by: Dr Peter Venkman at October 01, 2015 04:11 PM (39g3+)

213 I guess I should be comforted to discover that I am a pre-modern man.

Posted by: Grump928(c) at October 01, 2015 04:11 PM (evdj2)

214 The modern man knows a handwritten thank you note is the best way to show your gratuity for a reach around.

Posted by: Countrysquire, feeling reasonably fresh down there at October 01, 2015 04:11 PM (eEBON)

215 The Modern Man greets his friends with squeals of sheer joy.

Posted by: Chicago Vota at October 01, 2015 04:12 PM (N4yjS)

216 Did the old man used to cut the fat off his steak?

Posted by: SH at October 01, 2015 04:12 PM (gmeXX)

217 If this is the "modern" man, I'll remain primitive, TYVM.

Posted by: Blanco Basura at October 01, 2015 04:12 PM (YEelc)

218 The modern man is secure in his masculinity and marriage. He does not question his wife's 'all nighter' sessions with her personal trainer, Paolo.

Posted by: El Kabong at October 01, 2015 04:12 PM (MCmqp)

219 if you prick the modern man, will he not bleed????
Posted by: Lechfeld

That's what lube is for, duh.

Posted by: Modern Man at October 01, 2015 04:12 PM (JmGFJ)

220 The modern man knows what the euphemism melonballer stands for and is a great melonballing enthusiast.

Posted by: chique d'afrique (the artist formerly known as african chick) at October 01, 2015 04:12 PM (iynDC)

221

I wonder what perfume he wears.

Posted by: artisanal 'ette at October 01, 2015 04:12 PM (qCMvj)

222 Enough with the Ghostbusters sock

Posted by: Christopher Taylor at October 01, 2015 04:12 PM (39g3+)

223 "The modern man marries a ketchup heir and throws his ghastly military medals over the fence."

Marries the late ketchup heir's alcoholic widow, more precisely.

Still laughing about Te-RAH-sa helping blow up Lurch's 2004 presidential run by sanctimoniously lecturing a packed auditorium full of American blacks that she too, a white woman raised in exclusive privilege in Mozambique, was "an African-American".

One huge thought balloon over the heads of the listeners: "Bitch be crazy."

Posted by: torquewrench at October 01, 2015 04:12 PM (noWW6)

224 the odd sad Thing is that Putin is a poseur ( posing shirtless on a horse, fer God's sake ), but this nekulturney Russkie poseur can make Obama his bitch

if even a poseur can brace you, you're a Lifelong Bitch, and that's that

Posted by: Lechfeld at October 01, 2015 04:13 PM (8CdUx)

225 The Modern Man pays for his wife's dates with less modern men.

Posted by: Chicago Vota at October 01, 2015 04:13 PM (N4yjS)

226 The modern man never gossips about a woman when the woman is around.

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero) at October 01, 2015 04:13 PM (8ZskC)

227 The Modern Man knows that boogers can be an important source of protein for the dedicated vegan.

Posted by: zombie at October 01, 2015 04:13 PM (jBuUi)

228 The modern man is not ashamed to admit he tapped to Lena Dunham

Posted by: ghost of hallelujah at October 01, 2015 04:13 PM (7RXcs)

229 Speaking of, where is TrumpetDaddyIssues?

Posted by: weft cut-loop at October 01, 2015 04:13 PM (JmGFJ)

230 The modern man knows anal bleaching makes you feel fresh and easy.
Posted by: Latte Licker at October 01, 2015 04:07 PM (q4hvt)

I don't know what anal bleaching is. I don't want to know what anal bleaching is.

Posted by: troyriser at October 01, 2015 04:13 PM (fnCax)

231 if you prick the modern man, will he not bleed????
Posted by: Lechfeld

If it's during his period, he will.

Posted by: chique d'afrique (the artist formerly known as african chick) at October 01, 2015 04:13 PM (iynDC)

232 206 Modern Man is a fag. There I said it.

Posted by: Modern Woman at October 01, 2015 04:11 PM (CCPhT)

And thus you have another category entirely... one that many Ladies appreciate...

I give you...

RetroMan...

Posted by: BB Wolf, proud RetroMan at October 01, 2015 04:13 PM (qh617)

233

WHat's this?

X X-tie declared a State Of Emergency in NJ at 11am today for Wah-keen, the trop storm that's not even gonna come close to NJ???

Posted by: Soothsayer at October 01, 2015 04:13 PM (1kKSG)

234 The modern man, with help from Google, has figured out the difference between pliers and crescent wrench.

Posted by: Sphynx at October 01, 2015 04:13 PM (OZmbA)

235 I save my slivers of soap and then crush them all together into a new wad with a hydraulic jack and a template I welded for the purpose. I always hated wasting those soap slivers.

Posted by: Speller at October 01, 2015 04:13 PM (hHs1b)

236 This post has literally turned my teeth sideways

Ace meet barrel
Barrel meet ace

One of you needs be in the other and I don't care which.

Posted by: Chico Escuela at October 01, 2015 04:13 PM (gOfxh)

237 Yep, stupid hatebait.

Posted by: Chupacabra at October 01, 2015 04:13 PM (XiVKO)

238 This is a fascinating article for those men modern enough to set aside their egos and learn.

Posted by: Corbin Uriah Cuthbertson-Klein at October 01, 2015 04:13 PM (Ui7Rt)

239 And people wonder why I'm still single.

Related: Best free anonymous advice I've ever seen on the Internet: "Never trust a man who doesn't like John Wayne."

Posted by: Elisabeth G. Wolfe at October 01, 2015 04:14 PM (iuQS7)

240 Can the Modern Man described by the NYT make a comfy room, complete will supplemental closet!, in the woods, make fire without matches and use said fire to cook tasty tasty steaks?

I think not.
Posted by: alexthechick - Yeah I give up at October 01, 2015 04:06 PM (mf5HN)

This man totally hearts alex.

Posted by: Bandersnatch, whut is a proud Nitwit Lion at October 01, 2015 04:14 PM (JtwS4)

241

And, you can find him at Bed, Bath & Beyond on weekends (kind of an Up, Up and Away! for him).

Posted by: artisanal 'ette at October 01, 2015 04:14 PM (qCMvj)

242 This should really be about PostModern Man. Modern men made history. Postmodern men suck ass.

Posted by: Puddin Head at October 01, 2015 04:14 PM (oDCMR)

243 The modern man loves pizza at weddings.

Posted by: Dr Spank at October 01, 2015 04:14 PM (TJCSB)

244 227 The Modern Man knows that boogers can be an important source of protein for the dedicated vegan.
Posted by: zombie at October 01, 2015 04:13 PM (jBuUi)

Wait, boogers are vegan? Tastes like chicken to me. Or so I was told!

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at October 01, 2015 04:14 PM (YtRdY)

245 The poor modern man. He has to buy his wife's shoes. And why does the spouse have to be a women (as this author clearly suggests)?

Posted by: SH at October 01, 2015 04:14 PM (gmeXX)

246 I think this piece helps explain why there are so many lonely, single women out there.

Posted by: Ghost of Lee Atwater at October 01, 2015 04:14 PM (JxMoP)

247 63 The modern man marries a ketchup heir and throws his ghastly military medals over the fence.
Posted by: Sphynx

Embroidery thread participation medal winner!

Posted by: zombie at October 01, 2015 04:14 PM (jBuUi)

248 And when his wife wants to sleep with another man, he offers to be the fluffer if necessary.

Posted by: jack at October 01, 2015 04:14 PM (XhzTz)

249 The modern man reads the New York Fucking Times

Posted by: tu3031 at October 01, 2015 04:14 PM (YFFpo)

250 Modern Man applauds Mattress Girl for her courage... for carrying the mattress...

Retro Man wonder why she isn't on it...

Posted by: BB Wolf, proud RetroMan at October 01, 2015 04:15 PM (qh617)

251 16. The modern man lies on the side of the bed closer to the door. If an intruder gets in, he will try to fight him off, so that his wife has a chance to get away.
_________________

Edit:

16. The modern man lies on the side of the bed closer to the door. If an intruder gets in, he will try to jack him off, so that things are less tense.

Posted by: Furious George at October 01, 2015 04:15 PM (UlJ3l)

252 The Modern Man covers his mouth when he belches after a long sip of penis.

Posted by: Grump928(c) at October 01, 2015 04:15 PM (evdj2)

253 A modern man doesn't waste energy by standing while he pees. Us guys like to sit a lot while watching sports games and peeing and whatnot!

Posted by: Gristle Encased Head at October 01, 2015 04:15 PM (+lsX1)

254 The modern man finds it gut-bustlingly hilarious that some people STILL need to be reminded not to wear white after Labor Day.

Posted by: ghost of hallelujah at October 01, 2015 04:15 PM (7RXcs)

255 I am a Jew. Hath not a Jew eyes? hath not a Jew hands, organs, dimensions, senses, affections ... a Christian is? If you prick us, do we not bleed? if you tickle us, do we not laugh?

Posted by: Lechfeld at October 01, 2015 04:15 PM (8CdUx)

256 Gingy had the best response on Twitter about this article. Someone said "the modern man eats too much soy", and Gingy quoted him, adding "and dick".

Posted by: Weirddave at October 01, 2015 04:15 PM (WvS3w)

257 I read some of it, and will go back and read the rest, but had to comment on not having to ask a woman her size.

You know if they just had four sizes, for bras as an example, and called them Meh, Palm, Big, and Huge I think I'd be happier and more successful as a man.

Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at October 01, 2015 04:15 PM (4ErVI)

258 We're gonna need some more pronouns.

Posted by: huerfano at October 01, 2015 04:15 PM (O2jYw)

259 The modern man is confused by locker-room horseplay.

Posted by: spongeworthy at October 01, 2015 04:15 PM (WbhVj)

260
The modern liberal man embraces the use of Tampons.

Posted by: Doctor Fish at October 01, 2015 04:15 PM (OiFtZ)

261
Did you see his #35??

35. The modern man has occasional gay sex because it makes him a better man for knowing how his feels during intimate moments.

Posted by: Soothsayer at October 01, 2015 04:15 PM (1kKSG)

262 This dude is a pussy. My husband is a real man and he sleeps with a hand cannon and a 12 gauge loaded. He will destroy anything in his way, he also doesn't eat filet. Or cry.

Posted by: CaliGirl at October 01, 2015 04:16 PM (BHl9S)

263 167
The modern man knows anal bleaching makes you feel fresh and easy.
Posted by: Latte Licker at October

I so don't want to be a modern man.

Posted by: Misanthropic Humanitarian at October 01, 2015 04:16 PM (J3phO)

264 251 16. The modern man lies on the side of the bed closer to the door. If an intruder gets in, he will try to jack him off, so that things are less tense.
Posted by: Furious George at October 01, 2015 04:15 PM (UlJ3l)

So this is what Kerry means by "deconfliction."

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at October 01, 2015 04:16 PM (YtRdY)

265 That list is gayer than my hairdresser.

Posted by: Liberace's Ghost at October 01, 2015 04:16 PM (Kpl3J)

266 The Modern Man known which brand of feminine hygiene products to pick up for his wife.

Posted by: Grump928(c) at October 01, 2015 04:16 PM (evdj2)

267 The modern man listens to Taylor Swift. And not country Taylor Swift which old man may have listened to. But the new pop - more edgy - Taylor Swift.

Posted by: SH at October 01, 2015 04:16 PM (gmeXX)

268 "26. The modern man cries. He cries often."

while he sits in the corner watching his wife having sex with classic men

Posted by: Lemmiwinks at October 01, 2015 04:16 PM (z+4T3)

269

This post is the war on women post of the day.

Bravo!

Posted by: artisanal 'ette at October 01, 2015 04:16 PM (qCMvj)

270 >>Chuck Yaegher

A modern man should at least be able to spell Yeager.

Posted by: MMW at October 01, 2015 04:16 PM (kt/h1)

271 If you prick Modern Man, he will show that he is accustomed to it.

Posted by: Chicago Vota at October 01, 2015 04:16 PM (N4yjS)

272 X X-tie declared a State Of Emergency in NJ at 11am today for Wah-keen, the trop storm that's not even gonna come close to NJ???

There's also a Nor'easter hitting Jersey - Joe Bastardi suggested they could get several inches of beach erosion even if Joaquin just disappears.

Posted by: Ian S. at October 01, 2015 04:17 PM (S+N7W)

273 Modern Man has sure Xe has 'Safe Place To Pee.'

Posted by: #Transneeds at October 01, 2015 04:17 PM (CCPhT)

274 The Modern Man can deliver a lengthy discourse on Quiche.

Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at October 01, 2015 04:17 PM (4ErVI)

275 OT:

Killer Posted Warning On #4chan Hours Before Umpqua College Massacre

http://preview.tinyurl.com/nhhu828

Posted by: The Political Hat at October 01, 2015 04:17 PM (vBeA5)

276 Why do all these homos keep sucking my dick?!?

Posted by: The Modern Man at October 01, 2015 04:17 PM (evdj2)

277 Come back, John Wayne, all is forgiven.

Posted by: Jay Guevara at October 01, 2015 04:17 PM (oKE6c)

278 I have the sadz. I don't have a melon baller. I am not even a Modern Redneck Queen.

I am thinking this "guy" got the gift of estrogen like that transgender kid.

We are remodeling our master suite in castle. Just informed husband he has to sleep near door. I am pretty sure, with feng shui crap, our bed faces door. Multiple choice for intruder...and he had better not wake me first.

Posted by: ChristyBlinky, aging supermodel Redneck Queen at October 01, 2015 04:17 PM (LJ4iV)

279 "Brian Lombardi lives in DeKalb, Ill., with his wife, Linda..."

I think we can be reasonably sure Linda may have to "stay late at the office" or "comfort an old friend who's feeling down" frequently.

Posted by: Just Some Guy at October 01, 2015 04:17 PM (vgIRn)

280 Contrast NYT Pajama Boy's "Modern Man" with Rudyard Kipling's "If"

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowances for their doubting too.
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies.
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk to wise:

If you can dream -- and not make dreams your master;
If you can think -- and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster;
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings -- nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And -- which is more -- you'll be a Man, my son!

Posted by: Dancing Queen at October 01, 2015 04:17 PM (PRcl7)

281 A modern man has complex feelings that need to be discussed openly and without embarrassment for up to fifteen hours a day.

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero) at October 01, 2015 04:17 PM (8ZskC)

282

I tried to look up this Brian Lombardi guy, the one who wrote this piece. The bio says he lives in DeKalb Il with his wife and three kids. But I tried googling his name and I get nothing. Some Facebook people, which none of them seem to be him. And then more nothing.

Does the NYT just run random pieces written by guys named Brian from DeKalb? I mean, if he's a writer, I would expect to see his name somewhere, on something.

Did they just do a drive-by thru DeKalb, shouting "Bring out your wimps!", or what.

Posted by: grammie winger, waiting for the trumpets at October 01, 2015 04:17 PM (dFi94)

283 The modern man has no use for a penis, except someone else's, IYKWIMAIKTYD.

Posted by: Caitlyn Jenner - Not that one at October 01, 2015 04:17 PM (1DH1V)

284 I'd suggest kicking this Modern Man in the nuts, but it would be in vain.

Posted by: weft cut-loop at October 01, 2015 04:17 PM (JmGFJ)

285 The modern man likes to go canoeing..

in Georgia

in a heavily wooded area

and make squealing noises.

Posted by: OurCountryIsScrewed at October 01, 2015 04:17 PM (DlmoZ)

286

The Modern Man is not Putin.

Posted by: artisanal 'ette at October 01, 2015 04:18 PM (qCMvj)

287 Modern man sniffs the wingtips of the guy pooning his wife in the ass.

Posted by: Chupacabra at October 01, 2015 04:18 PM (XiVKO)

288 Yeesh. Get out of NYC, ace.

It's Pajama Boys all the way down.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at October 01, 2015 04:18 PM (FsuaD)

289 Modern Man has Pualo on speed dial.

Posted by: Modern Woman at October 01, 2015 04:18 PM (CCPhT)

290 260
The modern liberal man embraces the use of Tampons.
Posted by: Doctor Fish at Octo

**Chortles**

A couple of years into our marriage (we've been married 31 years) Mrs. MH saw that I had several of her Tampons in my deer hunting box. Explained that I soaked them in doe urine to attract bucks during the rut.

Posted by: Misanthropic Humanitarian at October 01, 2015 04:18 PM (J3phO)

291 I think I can take this modern man in a fistfight and I fight like a girl

Posted by: CaliGirl at October 01, 2015 04:18 PM (BHl9S)

292 "I won't be wronged, I won't be insulted, and I won't be laid a hand on. I don't do these things to other people, and I require the same from them."

John Wayne...

Words to live by.

Posted by: BB Wolf, proud RetroMan at October 01, 2015 04:18 PM (qh617)

293 The modern man gladly stays home and watches the kids while his wife explores her own sexuality with a variety of other lovers, and later listens happily as she describes in detail how the lovemaking skills of these men are superior to his own.

Posted by: Cave Johnson at October 01, 2015 04:18 PM (2jQGY)

294 The Modern Man has memorized 17 different pronouns by which one is allowed to refer to people like himself -- and none of them are "he."

Posted by: zombie at October 01, 2015 04:18 PM (jBuUi)

295 The modern man doesn't drink whiskey.

Posted by: SH at October 01, 2015 04:18 PM (gmeXX)

296 The modern man doesn't scratch is ass. He caresses it, like cool autumn breeze, or a mothers kiss on a baby's cheek.

Posted by: Semper In Stercus at October 01, 2015 04:19 PM (BZAd3)

297

The Modern Man's favorite movie is Bridget Jones's Diary.

Posted by: artisanal 'ette at October 01, 2015 04:19 PM (qCMvj)

298 The modern man thinks that if you like your health insurance, you can keep your health insurance. Period.

Posted by: tu3031 at October 01, 2015 04:19 PM (YFFpo)

299 A modern man "gets" the importance of pegging.

Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at October 01, 2015 04:19 PM (4ErVI)

300
The modern man models his lifestyle after that of Shep Smith.

Posted by: Doctor Fish at October 01, 2015 04:19 PM (OiFtZ)

301 Putin's tiny giraffe has more ballz than this guy.

Posted by: Anna Puma at October 01, 2015 04:19 PM (WOKpd)

302 A modern man can make his own shoehorn out of nothing more than one of his husband's old riding crops and some glitter.

Posted by: Gristle Encased Head at October 01, 2015 04:19 PM (+lsX1)

303 The modern man doesn't bring a knife to a gunfight. He comes empty-handed but with a heart full of empathy, understanding and love.

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero) at October 01, 2015 04:19 PM (8ZskC)

304 Wow Ace. Talk about raw meat for the horde.

I was going to ask "what's wrong with this dude?", but quickly came to the conclusion "everything".

And just Another reason not to read that POS.

Posted by: GBruno at October 01, 2015 04:20 PM (u49WF)

305 The modern man is fixated on the trivial trappings of a man's life out of a justifiable fear that he isn't actually a man.

Posted by: Mikey NTH - Turbo-Charge What Agitates You at the Outrage Outlet! at October 01, 2015 04:20 PM (hLRSq)

306 The modern man drinks Zima

Posted by: OurCountryIsScrewed at October 01, 2015 04:20 PM (DlmoZ)

307
Did they just do a drive-by thru DeKalb, shouting "Bring out your wimps!", or what.
Posted by: grammie winger, waiting for the trumpets at October 01, 2015 0

*snorts*

In a whimpy NY accented voice.

Posted by: Misanthropic Humanitarian at October 01, 2015 04:20 PM (J3phO)

308 The whole article is pretty much just Othering, isn't it?

Posted by: Pappy O'Daniel at October 01, 2015 04:20 PM (oVJmc)

309 The modern man has thought seriously about buying a shoehorn.

------------------

While primitive man actually owns one that he took from the last hotel he stayed at.

Posted by: SH at October 01, 2015 04:20 PM (gmeXX)

310 Good gravy, by the time I was done reading the post I thought I'd watched an episode of Sex and the City.

Posted by: logprof at October 01, 2015 04:20 PM (vsbNu)

311 The modern man hunts bears, but he's not really in it for the hunting.

Posted by: Chupacabra, only the punchline at October 01, 2015 04:20 PM (XiVKO)

312 The modern man throws a hissy fit when he tries to turn on 60 Minutes on Sundays at 7, and the football game is still on.

Posted by: Benji Carver at October 01, 2015 04:20 PM (OD2ni)

313 Modern Man is unfailingly polite when he finds a strange dick in his mouth unexpectedly.

Posted by: Modern Woman at October 01, 2015 04:20 PM (CCPhT)

314 The modern man stoicly accepts when his wife wants to sleep with other men, and worldlessly picks her up at 9am from Jamal and Paolo's apartment in his Miata.

The modern man has a stiff upper lip. He doesn't complain when it's his wife's turn to "be the dad" and use her strap-on on him.

The modern man does not punish children, he is not so barbarous as to impose rules upon them.

The modern man rejects violence of any sort, unless with a folded steel Murasame Katana, and even then only the defence of his children (if he has any), and even then only if the attacker isn't a misunderstood snowflake.

Posted by: Brian Lombradi at October 01, 2015 04:21 PM (JVEmw)

315 So the classic Bronx accent now has a lisp?

Posted by: Anna Puma at October 01, 2015 04:21 PM (WOKpd)

316 modern man shore has a purty face

Posted by: Redneck at October 01, 2015 04:21 PM (/eTPT)

317 Sounds like a real creepy, smooth, hairless upper East Side pajama wearing fairy who likes to be used and abused by a real man.

Have him report to my next pool party pronto.

Posted by: Zombie Rock Hudson at October 01, 2015 04:21 PM (D0NZx)

318 the modern man lactates and menopauses too...

so Phil Donahue was simply an early adopter along with Alan Alda?

Posted by: Sven S Blade a.k.a. El Assassin@sven10077 at October 01, 2015 04:21 PM (g8Hfr)

319
The modern man would vote for Jeb Bush.

Posted by: Doctor Fish at October 01, 2015 04:21 PM (OiFtZ)

320 Jesus...

Talk about getting Willowed.

Posted by: jwest at October 01, 2015 04:21 PM (Zs4uk)

321 So basically the modern man is flamingly, fabuluthly gay.

Posted by: Insomniac at October 01, 2015 04:21 PM (2Ojst)

322 So Brian from DeKalb is actually Moochelle Obama?

Posted by: Misanthropic Humanitarian at October 01, 2015 04:21 PM (J3phO)

323 The modern man takes his political cues from Chuck Todd.

Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at October 01, 2015 04:21 PM (4ErVI)

324 313
Modern Man is unfailingly polite when he finds a strange dick in his mouth unexpectedly.

And is courteous enough to offer a HJ

Posted by: OurCountryIsScrewed at October 01, 2015 04:21 PM (DlmoZ)

325 The modern man knows which tea cups to use when his boyfriends come over to watch the Tony Awards.

Posted by: Heralder at October 01, 2015 04:21 PM (ECROs)

326 The Modern Man can find the author and beat him senseless with his left hand only.

Posted by: Picric at October 01, 2015 04:22 PM (QnQ+g)

327 The Modern Man wipes his ass with the New York Times.

Posted by: Pappy O'Daniel at October 01, 2015 04:22 PM (oVJmc)

328 Wouldn't it have saved a lot of time at the keyboard to simply say "The Modern Man is a Flaming Metrosexual"?

Posted by: Randy Westerfeld at October 01, 2015 04:22 PM (zp6Kj)

329 16. The modern (unarmed) man lies on the side of the bed closer to the door...

so he can quickly find an exit.

Posted by: Wendy at October 01, 2015 04:22 PM (bpemY)

330
The modern man knows instinctively when to change the potpourri.

Posted by: Heart flutterer at October 01, 2015 04:22 PM (q4hvt)

331 >>>301
Putin's tiny giraffe has more ballz than this guy.

Posted by: Anna Puma at October 01, 2015 04:19 PM (WOKpd)<<<

Putin has a 'tiny giraffe?' Explains the military agression.

Posted by: Sphynx at October 01, 2015 04:22 PM (OZmbA)

332 Modern Man I think is best described by this scene from Bedazzled. Bonus appearance at the end by Retro Man!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TVmCwmC5-kQ

Posted by: Mainah at October 01, 2015 04:22 PM (659DL)

333 A modern man likes to sidle up to strange men and get a whiff of that fresh hot man stench.

Posted by: Lindsay Graham at October 01, 2015 04:22 PM (1DH1V)

334 The modern man doesn't have a favorite Liza Minelli song because they're all equally fabulous.

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero) at October 01, 2015 04:22 PM (8ZskC)

335 The modern man would be too girly for my house and my three daughters would laugh at him and shame him until he ran crying out into the cold, cold night.

Posted by: Ken in NH at October 01, 2015 04:22 PM (MqjGP)

336 They tried this same sensitive-man crap in the 70s. (For some reason, Alan Alda was mentioned a lot.)

Then, in the 90s, they did it all over again. Watch the movie Regarding Henry. It's about turning an 80s man into a 90s man, by shooting him in the head.

So, here we are, another 20 years hence, and the New York media is recycling the same shit.

Posted by: Phinn at October 01, 2015 04:22 PM (cJiNU)

337 I like the Coach ad next to the column with the Modern Male Model Man holding a large man-purse.

I like the one where the Modern Man hides his emotions as things are always going "swimmingly." Who is this clown writer? Liberace?

Posted by: ChristyBlinky, aging supermodel Redneck Queen at October 01, 2015 04:22 PM (LJ4iV)

338 199 if you prick the modern man, will he not bleed????

Posted by: Lechfeld at October 01, 2015 04:10 PM (8CdUx)

For about 5 days.

Posted by: Buzzion at October 01, 2015 04:22 PM (XtIh8)

339 The modern man wishes his daughter's dresses came in his size, so he could know the joy of being a pretty, pretty princess.

Posted by: Cave Johnson at October 01, 2015 04:22 PM (2jQGY)

340 This isn't "hatebait" The writer is in fact earnest and perfectly describes the prototypical liberal/progressive/feminized man. No one on the left would describe a conservative man as modern. No, we're troglodytes.

Posted by: Rex Mundi at October 01, 2015 04:23 PM (X20+D)

341 The modern man rides a girl's bike; and knows how to ring its bell.

Posted by: USA at October 01, 2015 04:23 PM (tfM+W)

342 I don't think I ever learned one damn thing from my daughter. But I taught her a lot. She can pick up a hammer, a square, a circular saw, build a deck, paint a room, fix drywall, build a fire, cook a meal over an open flame, catch fish and clean them. Short list.

Real men teach their daughters. Then their daughters find a real man. Then they have children and the new mom teaches her boys to be real men.

The pussy who wrote this needs a vasectomy before he does any more damage to the world.

Posted by: se pa moron at October 01, 2015 04:23 PM (sI4OA)

343 The modern Man isn't a Man Baby

Posted by: donna at October 01, 2015 04:23 PM (hUdMz)

344 Appropriate music video????

https://youtu.be/ss_BmTGv43M

Posted by: Anna Puma at October 01, 2015 04:23 PM (WOKpd)

345 The modern man is very much against ISIS, but would like a nonviolent solution to their ousting. Failing that, the modern man recognizes the supremacy of ISIS in the region.

Posted by: Brian Lombradi at October 01, 2015 04:23 PM (JVEmw)

346 Lots of these "men" exist. One of them lives at 1600 Pennsylvania Ave

Posted by: Monsieur Mew Mew at October 01, 2015 04:23 PM (0LHZx)

347 The modern man is a dead ender. It's the virile burly men who procreate.

Posted by: Hayfield Volkovski at October 01, 2015 04:23 PM (mheYt)

348 Hey, let's lay off the Glitter comments. I'm not gay, I'm a pedo. Very different and Slate approved.

Posted by: Garry Glitter at October 01, 2015 04:23 PM (N4yjS)

349 Rage Clickbait

Posted by: Max Power at October 01, 2015 04:23 PM (q177U)

350
The Modern Liberal Man fag filmed the "leave Brittney alone" sequence.

Posted by: Doctor Fish at October 01, 2015 04:23 PM (OiFtZ)

351 The modern man makes sure the dishes on the rack have dried completely before putting them away.

-------

Primitive man didn't care because primitive man didn't put away dishes.

Posted by: SH at October 01, 2015 04:23 PM (gmeXX)

352

The modern man rides a bicycle with a ghey helmet and mom's jeans, and throws a baseball with a limp wrist.

Posted by: artisanal 'ette at October 01, 2015 04:24 PM (qCMvj)

353 Did you see that ludicrous display last night? The thing about Arsenal is they always try to walk it in.

Posted by: Maurice Moss at October 01, 2015 04:24 PM (Ui7Rt)

354 Modern men carry their accusers' mattresses for them.

Posted by: Emma Sulkowicz at October 01, 2015 04:24 PM (1DH1V)

355 The modern man would have his ass beat by the males around him in my neck of the woods. Also known as prey.

Posted by: CaliGirl at October 01, 2015 04:24 PM (BHl9S)

356 >>>>8. The modern man uses the proper names for things. For example, he'll
say "helicopter," not "chopper" like some gauche simpleton.
.
.
.
.It's a trap! The entire article is snark.

Posted by: The Great White Scotsman at October 01, 2015 04:24 PM (iONHu)

357 The Modern Man uses regular tampons and not the extra absorbent.

Posted by: Max Rockatansky at October 01, 2015 04:24 PM (Z9mio)

358

A modern man wins a Nobel Peace prize just before starting WWIII.

Posted by: artisanal 'ette at October 01, 2015 04:24 PM (qCMvj)

359
The modern man claims to know Brian Williams.

Posted by: Doctor Fish at October 01, 2015 04:24 PM (OiFtZ)

360 The thing about guns, by the way, is that the liberal "men" I know all take it as known fact that any man who buys a gun does it because its a psychological thing about hacking a small dick.

Yes, seriously.

Posted by: Harry Paratestes at October 01, 2015 04:24 PM (AkOaV)

361 The Modern Man still gets beaten up by little girls on his way to work. The constancy of being beaten up by little girls, since childhood, gives him a sense of comfort and security in this scary, scary world.

Posted by: chique d'afrique (the artist formerly known as african chick) at October 01, 2015 04:24 PM (iynDC)

362 The modern man goes to Planned Parenthood rallies because he really supports them not because he wants to pick up slutty chicks.

Posted by: Benji Carver at October 01, 2015 04:25 PM (OD2ni)

363 The modern man gets out of bed when he needs to let out some gas.

Posted by: SH at October 01, 2015 04:25 PM (gmeXX)

364 I would have been here earlier, but Brian Williams was explaining what a "community college" was.

Posted by: jwest at October 01, 2015 04:25 PM (Zs4uk)

365 352
This made me chortle out loud.

Posted by: CaliGirl at October 01, 2015 04:25 PM (BHl9S)

366 "The Modern Man can find the author and beat him senseless with his left hand only."

So can my eight-year-old daughter, or any random Pomeranian.

Posted by: Qoheleth at October 01, 2015 04:25 PM (iIzG7)

367 The modern man tried firing a gun once. He decided they were loud, smelled funny, and felt like vomiting after the rush of adrenaline subsided.

Posted by: Brian Lombradi at October 01, 2015 04:25 PM (JVEmw)

368 Modern Man consents to catching occasionally, to take one for the good of the team, but definitely prefers pitching.

Posted by: Modern Woman at October 01, 2015 04:25 PM (CCPhT)

369 Does the modern man check the air in his wife's tires? Or would that wreck his manicure?

Posted by: Chris M at October 01, 2015 04:25 PM (k3w9p)

370 It's a trap! The entire article is snark.
Posted by: The Great White Scotsman at October 01, 2015 04:24 PM (iONHu)

snarkbait

Posted by: artisanal 'ette at October 01, 2015 04:25 PM (qCMvj)

371 The Modern Man finds Shep Smith 'thoughtful'.

Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc., etc. at October 01, 2015 04:25 PM (Z58Xa)

372 hacking = having*

Posted by: Harry Paratestes at October 01, 2015 04:25 PM (AkOaV)

373 A modern man doesn't get into fist fights. Slap fights for the win.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at October 01, 2015 04:25 PM (FsuaD)

374 339
The modern man wishes his daughter's dresses came in his size, so he could know the joy of being a pretty, pretty princess.

Posted by: Cave Johnson at October 01, 2015 04:22 PM (2jQGY)

lol

Posted by: rebel flounder at October 01, 2015 04:25 PM (1DH1V)

375 The modern man is a dead ender. It's the virile burly men who procreate.

The original article claims this guy has 3 kids. Of course, we don't know how many are Paolo's.

Posted by: Ian S. at October 01, 2015 04:25 PM (S+N7W)

376 The modern man is aware of his overwhelming cis white male privilege, and hates himself intensely .

Posted by: radar at October 01, 2015 04:25 PM (kQfqk)

377 The modern man carries his testicles in a snappily buttoned pocket.

Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at October 01, 2015 04:25 PM (4ErVI)

378 366 "The Modern Man can find the author and beat him senseless with his left hand only."

So can my eight-year-old daughter, or any random Pomeranian.
Posted by: Qoheleth at October 01, 2015 04:25 PM (iIzG7)

Your daughter's a Pomeranian?

Posted by: Insomniac at October 01, 2015 04:25 PM (2Ojst)

379
Modern Man uses the smallest available weights at the hotel gym..... in front of his security detail.

Posted by: fixerupper at October 01, 2015 04:25 PM (8XRCm)

380 The Modern Man uses his shoe horn as a melon baller.

Posted by: ChristyBlinky, aging supermodel Redneck Queen at October 01, 2015 04:25 PM (LJ4iV)

381 48
I read that article and cried, so I guess that makes me "modern" or something.

Dear Lord, this nation is in for a very rude awakening if we ever come to our senses.

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at October 01, 2015 03:56 PM (YtRdY)

It will take an awakening for the country to come back to anything resembling rational.

The only upside is that since I probably won't get to retire until I'm 80 anyway I'll have plenty of job security since these special snowflakes are going to be worthless at actually doing anything resembling work.

Posted by: AdamPM at October 01, 2015 04:25 PM (xqhl+)

382 Can't wait for the equally risible sequel: The Modern Woman.

What's that? The NYTimes doesn't have the nads to publish such a thing? The fuck you say.

Posted by: weft cut-loop at October 01, 2015 04:26 PM (JmGFJ)

383 So the term now is Modern Man and not Metro Sexual?

Posted by: Max Rockatansky at October 01, 2015 04:26 PM (Z9mio)

384 My wife would never had gone out on a date with this Modern Man.
Sorry if repeating something already said. Had a project to complete at work and hadn't been here in a while. See in my world a man upholds his responsibilities before he gets a little downtime.

Posted by: rkinroanoke at October 01, 2015 04:26 PM (DOEXI)

385 My eyes rolled so hard I saw my own ass!

Posted by: Bigby's Dutch Rub at October 01, 2015 04:26 PM (3ZtZW)

386 This is not worthy of denunciation. It is *barely* worthy of mocking, and its potential for this will have been exhausted early.

It is a preening angry urban leftist swinging madly at shadows.

Posted by: Merovign, Dark Lord of the Sith at October 01, 2015 04:26 PM (bLnSU)

387 What's a melon baller?

Posted by: Phinn at October 01, 2015 04:26 PM (cJiNU)

388 " The modern Man isn't a Man Baby"

Is.

Posted by: navybrat at October 01, 2015 04:26 PM (ETxiG)

389 A modern man wears flannels and khakis and will go out and get a beer with the boys on Friday. But only to quiet those rumors that keep going around.

Posted by: Mikey NTH - Turbo-Charge What Agitates You at the Outrage Outlet! at October 01, 2015 04:26 PM (hLRSq)

390 360 Posted by: Harry Paratestes at October 01, 2015 04:24 PM (AkOaV)

right...it's a small penis thing that's why my wife buys guns...

her penis is too small...

me I buy Bonsai trees

Posted by: Sven S Blade a.k.a. El Assassin@sven10077 at October 01, 2015 04:26 PM (g8Hfr)

391 375 The modern man is a dead ender. It's the virile burly men who procreate.

The original article claims this guy has 3 kids. Of course, we don't know how many are Paolo's.
Posted by: Ian S. at October 01, 2015 04:25 PM (S+N7W)

He just can't for the life of him figure out why they're so damn...swarthy.

Posted by: Insomniac at October 01, 2015 04:26 PM (2Ojst)

392 The author is from DeKalb, IL. Only two things come from DeKalb, IL...

Posted by: Sgt. Foley at October 01, 2015 04:27 PM (nFdGS)

393
The modern man secretly wears girls pink "Tuesday" panties.

Posted by: Doctor Fish at October 01, 2015 04:27 PM (OiFtZ)

394 1 for 27 for me. The only one I agree with is number 5 about not wasting time looking for the best parking spot.

I guess I am not a modern man and I have to admit, that made my day a little better.

Posted by: JB1000 at October 01, 2015 04:27 PM (16OL0)

395 modern men pays for their girlfriends abortions when...nevermind.

Posted by: Redneck at October 01, 2015 04:27 PM (/eTPT)

396 A modern man's thumb tastes like poop.

Posted by: Reggie Love at October 01, 2015 04:27 PM (9qvXj)

397 Does this Modern Man know the Starbucks menu by heart? Even the pumpkin spice concoctions?

Posted by: Anna Puma at October 01, 2015 04:27 PM (WOKpd)

398 So the term now is Modern Man and not Metro Sexual?

Yeah, and do they still have man purses ?

Posted by: donna at October 01, 2015 04:27 PM (hUdMz)

399 What's a melon baller?

A sex thing. Don't google it.

Posted by: Bandersnatch, whut is a proud Nitwit Lion at October 01, 2015 04:27 PM (JtwS4)

400 What's a melon baller?
Posted by: Phinn

It's a great summer beverage, I believe.

Posted by: Prince Ludwig the #Problematic at October 01, 2015 04:27 PM (awspb)

401 The modern man is a one-generation thing because the modern women will not breed with the modern man.

Posted by: SH at October 01, 2015 04:27 PM (gmeXX)

402 360
The thing about guns, by the way, is that the liberal "men" I know all
take it as known fact that any man who buys a gun does it because its a
psychological thing about hacking a small dick.

Yes, seriously.

Posted by: Harry Paratestes at October 01, 2015 04:24 PM (AkOaV)

Too bad their wives and mothers know differently

Posted by: OurCountryIsScrewed at October 01, 2015 04:27 PM (DlmoZ)

403 387 What's a melon baller?
Posted by: Phinn at October 01, 2015 04:26 PM (cJiNU)

Do I really have to explain this?

Posted by: The Couch at October 01, 2015 04:27 PM (2Ojst)

404 The modern man has hardwood flooring.

-----

WHAT????

WHAT THE ACTUAL FCUK?????

Posted by: fixerupper at October 01, 2015 04:27 PM (8XRCm)

405 The modern man goes to Planned Parenthood rallies because he really supports them not because he wants to pick up slutty chicks.
Posted by: Benji
-----------------

Same is true re Slutwalks, except that he takes the demonstration seriously.

Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc., etc. at October 01, 2015 04:27 PM (Z58Xa)

406

The modern man has read all of Danielle Steel's novels.

Posted by: artisanal 'ette at October 01, 2015 04:27 PM (qCMvj)

407 The classic man can kill and field dress an antelope with a melon baller.

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero) at October 01, 2015 04:27 PM (8ZskC)

408 First thought upon reading Ace's post: Hey, sounds like Obama.

Second thought: There is absolutely no way that I am clicking through and reading this piece of shite. I hate the NYT with the white-hot fury of a thousand Hillary Clintons.

Posted by: Brass Bancroft at October 01, 2015 04:27 PM (hAFla)

409 The thing about guns, by the way, is that the liberal "men" I know all take it as known fact that any man who buys a gun does it because its a psychological thing about hacking a small dick.

Yet, they won't hesitate to call a person with a gun, (cop), when they need a spider squashed.

Posted by: rickb223 at October 01, 2015 04:27 PM (D5XRv)

410
"So the term now is Modern Man and not Metro Sexual?"

Back in my day we called them what they were- latent homosexuals.

Posted by: Tilikum Killer Assault Whale at October 01, 2015 04:28 PM (uhftQ)

411 Who is this Modern Man?

From the sound of it, I might like to fuck him.

Posted by: jwest at October 01, 2015 04:28 PM (Zs4uk)

412 What's a melon baller?
Posted by: Phinn

-----

Skull Fuckery???

Posted by: fixerupper at October 01, 2015 04:28 PM (8XRCm)

413 I thank God we are letting women fight in combat.

Posted by: @PeeteySDee at October 01, 2015 04:28 PM (CBgnv)

414 Witnesses saying shooting isolated to one classroom: a writing and/or speech class in Snyder Hall.

Prof Larry Levine, English

Posted by: Bruce With a Wang! at October 01, 2015 04:28 PM (iQIUe)

415
The modern man keeps a sybian handy for house guests.

Posted by: Doctor Fish at October 01, 2015 04:28 PM (OiFtZ)

416 Thank goodness "Heidi" will air on time!

Who cares about a stupid Raiders-Jets game, anyway?

Posted by: Modern Man, Back in the Day at October 01, 2015 04:28 PM (UlJ3l)

417 do they still have man purses ?

It's a European shoulder bag!

Posted by: Grump928(c) at October 01, 2015 04:28 PM (evdj2)

418 The original article claims this guy has 3 kids. Of course, we don't know how many are Paolo's.
Posted by: Ian S. at October 01, 2015 04:25 PM (S+N7W)

It is, how you say.....complicated.

Posted by: Paolo at October 01, 2015 04:28 PM (V+kmg)

419 My 13 year old daughter is more of a man than this Modern Man.

Posted by: Eric at October 01, 2015 04:28 PM (LiN1N)

420
Same is true re Slutwalks, except that he takes the demonstration seriously.
Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc., etc. at October 01, 2015 04:27 PM (Z58Xa)

Have you seen the chicks who do the slutwalks? Wouldn't touch a single one with a stolen dick.

Posted by: Insomniac at October 01, 2015 04:28 PM (2Ojst)

421 The modern man is Ready for Hillary.

Posted by: Roy at October 01, 2015 04:29 PM (VndSC)

422 A real man has no idea there is such a thing as a melon baller.

Posted by: CaliGirl at October 01, 2015 04:29 PM (BHl9S)

423
The modern man swims with little arm water wings.

Posted by: Doctor Fish at October 01, 2015 04:29 PM (OiFtZ)

424 Who is this Modern Man?

From the sound of it, I might like to fuck him.
Posted by: jwest at October 01, 2015 04:28 PM (Zs4uk)

Actually, this does not surprise me.

Posted by: Paolo, HOA President for Life at October 01, 2015 04:29 PM (V+kmg)

425 >>403
387 What's a melon baller?

Posted by: Phinn at October 01, 2015 04:26 PM (cJiNU)

Do I really have to explain this?

Posted by: The Couch at October 01, 2015 04:27 PM (2Ojst)<<<

Just keep that thing away from me!

Posted by: The Chicken at October 01, 2015 04:29 PM (OZmbA)

426 Posted by: Sven S Blade a.k.a. El Assassin@sven10077 at October 01, 2015 04:26 PM (g8Hfr)

Must be.

trust me, I've heard it from friends and everyone else.

"Why would you want a gun? Making up for having a small dick? hahahahah. Just like those idiots with 12 inch lifts on your pick up trucks"

Posted by: Harry Paratestes at October 01, 2015 04:29 PM (AkOaV)

427 A Real Man denies the existence of Melon Balls, and lesbians.

Posted by: Grump928(c) at October 01, 2015 04:29 PM (evdj2)

428 Rachel Madcow is a Modern Man.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at October 01, 2015 04:29 PM (FsuaD)

429 Thrawn linked to that in last nite's ONT; I went there and read the first 7 words of #1...

And bailed.

I liked to buy my wife stuff. I liked her buying me stuff. But never shoes. Shoes are too important to trust to anyone but yourself. The comfort of my feet way outrules any style or fashion considerations. You spend more time in your shoes than you do in your bed, fer cryin' out loud.

*sobs*

Posted by: GnuBreed at October 01, 2015 04:29 PM (gyKtp)

430 1 The modern man is Ready for Hillary.

Snaps! you forgot the exclamation point!

Posted by: donna at October 01, 2015 04:29 PM (hUdMz)

431 This "Modern Man" things sounds like a butler or some sort of high-tech robot sex toy/accessory for "Modern Woman."

Posted by: AMartel at October 01, 2015 04:29 PM (WWgnZ)

432 What a sissy!

Posted by: Bawney Fwank at October 01, 2015 04:30 PM (dvuhZ)

433 Someone is new here.

If you have never heard of a term, never admit to it.

But most importantly, never ever ever ever.... look the term up.

You WILL be sorry.

Posted by: Anna Puma at October 01, 2015 04:30 PM (WOKpd)

434 "Modern Man" is a lesbian.

Posted by: AMartel at October 01, 2015 04:30 PM (WWgnZ)

435
The modern man only purchases organic food.

Posted by: Doctor Fish at October 01, 2015 04:30 PM (OiFtZ)

436 411 Who is this Modern Man?

From the sound of it, I might like to fuck him.
Posted by: jwest
___________

* enthusiastic studio audience applause *

Posted by: Furious George at October 01, 2015 04:30 PM (UlJ3l)

437 The modern man gets his ass kicked by "exercise bands".

Posted by: tu3031 at October 01, 2015 04:30 PM (YFFpo)

438 352

The modern man rides a bicycle with a ghey helmet and mom's jeans, and throws a baseball with a limp wrist.
Posted by: artisanal 'ette at Octobe

Boy that rings a bell......Wonder who that could be.

Posted by: Misanthropic Humanitarian at October 01, 2015 04:30 PM (J3phO)

439 I keep trying to find just one distinguishing difference between Modern Man and a lesbian.

I got nuthin'

Posted by: Roy at October 01, 2015 04:31 PM (VndSC)

440 Have you seen the chicks who do the slutwalks? Wouldn't touch a single one with a stolen dick.
Posted by: Insomniac
--------------------

Those spots you see on them? That's where people have been touching them with ten foot poles.

Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc., etc. at October 01, 2015 04:31 PM (Z58Xa)

441 "so Phil Donahue was simply an early adopter along with Alan Alda?"

Heh. Rush used to say that a feminist's view of the ideal man was Michael Kinsley. They are now the "Modern Man."

Posted by: Benji Carver at October 01, 2015 04:31 PM (OD2ni)

442 C.S.Lewis: "We make men without chests and expect from them virtue and enterprise. We laugh at honor and are shocked to find traitors in our midst".

I just wanted an excuse to post one of my favorite quotes. The modern "man" gave the excuse.

Posted by: Puddleglum at October 01, 2015 04:31 PM (clR7B)

443 Back in my day we called them what they were- latent homosexuals.
Posted by: Tilikum Killer Assault Whale at October 01, 2015 04:28 PM (uhftQ)

"Confirmed bachelors."

Posted by: Just Some Guy at October 01, 2015 04:31 PM (vgIRn)

444 360 The thing about guns, by the way, is that the liberal "men" I know all take it as known fact that any man who buys a gun does it because its a psychological thing about hacking a small dick.

Yes, seriously.
Posted by: Harry Paratestes at October 01, 2015 04:24 PM (AkOaV)

There was a time, not long ago, that Ace took the very same perspective.

Posted by: maddogg at October 01, 2015 04:31 PM (xWW96)

445 425 >>403
387 What's a melon baller?
----------------------
A guy that likes to fuck fat chicks.

Posted by: Puddin Head at October 01, 2015 04:31 PM (oDCMR)

446
"The modern man has read all of Danielle Steel's novels."

The modern man identifies with the woman in a Danielle Steel novel.

Posted by: Tilikum Killer Assault Whale at October 01, 2015 04:31 PM (uhftQ)

447 The original article claims this guy has 3 kids.

===========

They're all little Asian grrls he plays dress up with

Posted by: Bigby's Dutch Rub at October 01, 2015 04:31 PM (3ZtZW)

448 College man just poked a hole in watermelon and emptied a vodka bottle down it.

Posted by: SH at October 01, 2015 04:31 PM (gmeXX)

449 Thank God, there are no modern men in my family. This guy needs an enema.

Posted by: Sick of phony refugees at October 01, 2015 04:31 PM (aFL58)

450 387 What's a melon baller?
Posted by: Phinn at October 01, 2015 04:26 PM (cJiNU)

Well, you see, when a man and a melon love each other very much ...

Posted by: Jay Guevara at October 01, 2015 04:31 PM (oKE6c)

451 >>Yeah, and do they still have man purses ?

It's European!

Posted by: JackStraw at October 01, 2015 04:31 PM (/tuJf)

452 433 Someone is new here.

If you have never heard of a term, never admit to it.

But most importantly, never ever ever ever.... look the term up.

You WILL be sorry.

That happened to Me with "motor boating" I didn't have a clue and was ridiculed mercilessly...

Posted by: donna at October 01, 2015 04:31 PM (hUdMz)

453 the modern man cried when he thinks of his inability to give birth.

the modern man would rather watch Ellen deGeneres than watch Dirty Work or that steakhouse show with Kix Brooks.

Posted by: mallfly at October 01, 2015 04:32 PM (qSIlh)

454 A Real Man denies the existence of Melon Balls, and lesbians.

A classic man doesn't give a shit about melon balls but deeply appreciates lesbians for their hot girl-on-girl action.

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero) at October 01, 2015 04:32 PM (8ZskC)

455 The modern man hates the smell of sawdust and used engine oil. The modern man doesn't even own or need a vehicle with a primitive "gas engine." Modern man can pedal his bicycle just fine. *ring ring*

Posted by: Brian Lombradi at October 01, 2015 04:32 PM (JVEmw)

456 433 Someone is new here.

If you have never heard of a term, never admit to it.

But most importantly, never ever ever ever.... look the term up.

You WILL be sorry.
Posted by: Anna Puma at October 0

An old fashioned real man will and not be bothered.

Posted by: Misanthropic Humanitarian at October 01, 2015 04:32 PM (J3phO)

457 I'm sure the author's 'wife' (or 'beard') has Angie's List on speed-dial. This tufted titmouse couldn't risk his manicure even on something as simple as hanging a picture frame.

Posted by: Brass Bancroft at October 01, 2015 04:32 PM (hAFla)

458 WHat's this?

X X-tie declared a State Of Emergency in NJ at 11am today for Wah-keen, the trop storm that's not even gonna come close to NJ???

Posted by: Soothsayer at October 01, 2015 04:13 PM (1kKSG)

Yeah ... he's a modern man.

Posted by: ThePrimordialOrderedPair at October 01, 2015 04:32 PM (zc3Db)

459

The Modern Woman must overdose on hormone treatments just to keep up with the Modern Man.

Posted by: artisanal 'ette at October 01, 2015 04:32 PM (qCMvj)

460 The modern man, like the modern woman, may or may not have a penis.

Posted by: Cave Johnson at October 01, 2015 04:32 PM (2jQGY)

461 Modern Man knows how to coordinate his outfit to compliment his partner's.

A real man's eyes glaze over and he mentally checks out when people start talking about clothes coordination.

Posted by: Prince Ludwig the #Problematic at October 01, 2015 04:32 PM (awspb)

462 Modern Man is fvcking Matt Damon. On the bed, on the floor. On a towel by the door.

Posted by: Modern Woman at October 01, 2015 04:32 PM (CCPhT)

463 The modern man Tivo's every episode of "Sex and the City" and "Girls." For fashion tips.

Posted by: Sphynx at October 01, 2015 04:32 PM (OZmbA)

464 415

The modern man keeps a sybian handy for ~~house guests~~ bouts of the hysterics.

Posted by: Doctor Fish at October 01, 2015 04:28 PM (OiFtZ)

Posted by: rebel flounder at October 01, 2015 04:32 PM (1DH1V)

465 Xe is a pajama boy.

Posted by: JackStraw at October 01, 2015 04:33 PM (/tuJf)

466 the modern man is ashamed of the fact that Sarah Palin can kill a moose and he has trouble with a mouse

Posted by: mallfly at October 01, 2015 04:33 PM (qSIlh)

467 439 I keep trying to find just one distinguishing difference between Modern Man and a lesbian.
I got nuthin'
Posted by: Roy at October 01, 2015 04:31 PM (VndSC)

Modern Man is less butch.

Posted by: Jay Guevara at October 01, 2015 04:33 PM (oKE6c)

468 15. The modern man has hardwood flooring. His children can detect his mood from the stamp of his Kenneth Cole oxfords....and his mood is always FABULOUS!

Posted by: Kasper Hauser in waiting at October 01, 2015 04:33 PM (HqpV0)

469 What's a melon baller?

Posted by: Phinn at October 01, 2015 04:26 PM (cJiNU)

I thought it was a guy what has teh secks with fruit from a vine.

Posted by: Country Singer at October 01, 2015 04:33 PM (nL0sw)

470 The classic man wears clothes. The modern man wears outfits.

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero) at October 01, 2015 04:33 PM (8ZskC)

471 In the tub, in the car
Up against the mini-bar

I'm fucking Matt Damon

Posted by: Modern Man at October 01, 2015 04:33 PM (CCPhT)

472 the modern man is ashamed of the fact that Sarah Palin can kill a moose and he has trouble with a mouse

Posted by: mallfly at October 01, 2015 04:33 PM (qSIlh)

and/or he uses mousse.

Posted by: Country Singer at October 01, 2015 04:33 PM (nL0sw)

473 "So the term now is Modern Man and not Metro Sexual?"

The modern man has a large, tastefully decorated, man-closet.

Posted by: Mikey NTH - Turbo-Charge What Agitates You at the Outrage Outlet! at October 01, 2015 04:33 PM (hLRSq)

474 The modern man bravely holds back the tears when his 'wife' tries out her newest strap on.

Posted by: Sphynx at October 01, 2015 04:33 PM (OZmbA)

475 Modern man shelters in place and evacuates from his inland residence four days prior to a storm.

Posted by: SH at October 01, 2015 04:34 PM (gmeXX)

476 this article has to be fake, written by a woman. I don't know any males like this. My gay hairdresser wants me to take him shooting.

Posted by: CaliGirl at October 01, 2015 04:34 PM (BHl9S)

477 SDCC 2015 cosplay video. Someone dressed up as Godzilla.

https://youtu.be/K6CYQc4sYpg

Posted by: Anna Puma at October 01, 2015 04:34 PM (WOKpd)

478 The modern man cries. He cries often.

When he's repeatedly kicked in the nuts for being a modern pajama boy.

Posted by: Uncle Busyhands at October 01, 2015 04:34 PM (Dwehj)

479 443 Back in my day we called them what they were- latent homosexuals.
Posted by: Tilikum Killer Assault Whale at October 01, 2015 04:28 PM (uhftQ)

"Confirmed bachelors."
Posted by: Just Some Guy

Lindsay Graham?

Posted by: Misanthropic Humanitarian at October 01, 2015 04:34 PM (J3phO)

480 "I am a Jew. Hath not a Jew eyes? hath not a Jew hands, organs, dimensions, senses, affections ... a Christian is? If you prick us, do we not bleed? if you tickle us, do we not laugh?"

Nope, none of that.

The other day I had Jew lecture me on the need for limiting the reproductive abilities of the lower classes, and then blood libeled me ("You just want people to die!") when I disagreed with their policy choices for poor people (Their plan: Spend more money. My plan: change the incentives).

I used to think that Jews had a good sense of history and the value of freedom and self-determination. Another misconception shattered. The worst part of it is, I am married to one.

Posted by: West at October 01, 2015 04:34 PM (1Rgee)

481 their hot girl-on-girl action.

====

You ever meet any fer reelz lesbos? Tain't hot no how

Posted by: Bigby's Dutch Rub at October 01, 2015 04:34 PM (3ZtZW)

482 You WILL be sorry.

Posted by: Anna Puma at October 01, 2015 04:30 PM (WOKpd)

Quite often, you will be sorry even if you are a regular here!

Posted by: Hrothgar at October 01, 2015 04:34 PM (ftVQq)

483 The modern man cries. He cries often.

So Boehners a Modern Man...

Posted by: donna at October 01, 2015 04:35 PM (hUdMz)

484 The modern man has hardwood flooring. His children can detect his mood from the stamp of his Kenneth Cole oxfords....and his mood is always FABULOUS!
Posted by: Kasper Hauser in waiting at October 01, 2015 04:33 PM (HqpV0)

Obligatory

http://tinyurl.com/qcmsk2r

Posted by: Sean Bannion at October 01, 2015 04:35 PM (V+kmg)

485

The Modern Man throws kisses at every mirror he meets.

Posted by: artisanal 'ette at October 01, 2015 04:35 PM (qCMvj)

486 454: Lipstick lesbos, only. Absolutely no *real* lesbians, which is Rosie O'Donnel and Rosanne Barr going at each other.

Posted by: publius (not Breitbart publius) at October 01, 2015 04:35 PM (dvuhZ)

487 Well, my modern man walked into a bar last night wearing black cowboy boots and a black leather full length duster, standing 6'-8" tall, with a bit of grey in his moustache and at the sides of his hair, and turned all heads in his direction, as he ordered a beer and offered his seat to a lady.

He also held the door open, just to be polite.

He wouldn't know the first thing about all this metrosexual crap because he is, as anyone could see, a real man.

Posted by: St. Margaret Atheling, Queen of Scotland, aka tcn in AK at October 01, 2015 04:35 PM (+YMhA)

488 For the record, I have never heard anyone refer to a helicopters as a "chopper"

Posted by: SH at October 01, 2015 04:35 PM (gmeXX)

489 The Modern Man, when he faps at all to women, faps to Michelle Obama.

Posted by: Armando at October 01, 2015 04:35 PM (FwRqg)

490 26. The modern man cries. He cries often....usually because Archaic man has just taken his modern woman up to the master bed room for a good shagging and insemination.

Posted by: Kasper Hauser in waiting at October 01, 2015 04:35 PM (HqpV0)

491 Modern man shelters in place and evacuates from his inland residence four days prior to a storm.
Posted by: SH

While evacuating his bladder and/or bowels on himself in the process.

Posted by: Prince Ludwig the #Problematic at October 01, 2015 04:35 PM (awspb)

492 I am liking the descriptors "Classic Man" & "Pussy".

Posted by: rickb223 at October 01, 2015 04:35 PM (D5XRv)

493 The Modern Man thinks a D8 Caterpillar has 16 legs.

Posted by: Randy Westerfeld at October 01, 2015 04:35 PM (zp6Kj)

494 I gotta agree with #9

Posted by: Myiq2xu at October 01, 2015 04:35 PM (5fSr7)

495 /looks at the guy who wrote this piece...

Man... you keepa using that word... I done think it means what you think it means...

Posted by: Inigo Montoya, you killed my Father, and I'm going to act like a real Man at October 01, 2015 04:35 PM (qh617)

496 An old fashioned real man will and not be bothered.

====

REAL MEN LOVE MENTAL SCARRING

Posted by: Bigby's Dutch Rub at October 01, 2015 04:35 PM (3ZtZW)

497 Who is this Modern Man?

From the sound of it, I might like to fuck him.
Posted by: jwest

Dude.

Posted by: weft cut-loop at October 01, 2015 04:35 PM (JmGFJ)

498 The modern man cries. He cries often.

So Boehners a Modern Man...
Posted by: donna at October 01, 2015 04:35 PM (hUdMz)

The Modern Man comes in many colors.

Posted by: artisanal 'ette at October 01, 2015 04:36 PM (qCMvj)

499 The modern man lies on the side of the bed closer to the door. If an intruder gets in, he will try to fight him off

With what? A sharpened tampon applicator?

Posted by: Uncle Busyhands at October 01, 2015 04:36 PM (Dwehj)

500 Why do I have the feeling this writer not only pictured Obama when he was writing this, but secretly wants to have his baby too?

Posted by: alleninhawaii at October 01, 2015 04:36 PM (Hv1Dk)

501 The modern man has three kids. Ok, no, wait. The author of the article about the modern man, he isn't claiming to be a modern man, right?

I'm still throwing a flag on the play. Three kids is above the national average, especially since this is a one child world, and they might be adopted minorities from third world nation states. . . orphaned...by evil republican wars on poor brown people.

After further review, the comment stands as posted.

Posted by: Hayfield Volkovski at October 01, 2015 04:36 PM (mheYt)

502 Say, does the "Modern Man's" home address happen to be 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue??

Posted by: Uncle Jefe at October 01, 2015 04:36 PM (CzSs6)

503 Here is a link that does not give clicks to the New York Times:

http://pjmedia.com/instapundit/215586/

Posted by: pst314 at October 01, 2015 04:37 PM (T4dRn)

504 387 What's a melon baller?
Posted by: Phinn at October 01, 2015 04:26 PM (cJiNU)

INFERIOR PRODUCT AND MARKETING

Posted by: George Bluth, Sr., Inventor of the Cornballer at October 01, 2015 04:37 PM (sJuWI)

505 488 For the record, I have never heard anyone refer to a helicopters as a "chopper"
Posted by: SH at October 01, 2015 04:35 PM (gmeXX)

You must not watch Arnold's movies.

Posted by: Max Rockatansky at October 01, 2015 04:37 PM (Z9mio)

506 Don't forget, the modern man gladly shares his wife/girlfriend with complete strangers and ALWAYS pays for any expenses incurred.

Posted by: Paolo at October 01, 2015 04:37 PM (1BQGO)

507 For the record, I have never heard anyone refer to a helicopters as a "chopper"

Get to da choppa!

Posted by: rickb223 at October 01, 2015 04:37 PM (D5XRv)

508 Meanwhile, Putin rolls into the Crimea and sets up a forward operating base in Syria.

Posted by: Caesar North of the Rubicon at October 01, 2015 04:37 PM (5f5bM)

509 Sefton, you seen the subway ad with "they like musicals but love their storage space"?

Modern NYC Men.

Posted by: mallfly at October 01, 2015 04:37 PM (qSIlh)

510 488 For the record, I have never heard anyone refer to a helicopters as a "chopper"
Posted by: SH at October 01, 2015 04:35 PM (gmeXX)

*cough*

Posted by: Major "Dutch" Schaefer at October 01, 2015 04:37 PM (2Ojst)

511 369 Does the modern man check the air in his wife's tires? Or would that wreck his manicure?Posted by: Chris M at October 01, 2015 04:25 PM (k3w9p)

I checked the wifes tires this morning, real man style. Kicked each one while I ticked off the psi to the wife. 25, 24, 26, 27.
Then attached the pump and kicked them until they felt like 32 psi. Then checked my work, though I knew I had already nailed it.

Modern man is neither.

Posted by: se pa moron at October 01, 2015 04:38 PM (sI4OA)

512 I'm about to go to a Steakhouse, order a wedge salad, a crusted ribeye, a few beers, and then my Liberal father-in-law is going to pay for it all. Don't know if it's manly, but it's fun. And I've never been to this Steakhouse before. $79.99 for a 42 ounce ribeye, that's a bargain.

Posted by: Lincolntf at October 01, 2015 04:38 PM (2cS/G)

513 President Modern Man aka Pussy

Posted by: RWC - Team BOHICA at October 01, 2015 04:38 PM (KjYBZ)

514 488 For the record, I have never heard anyone refer to a helicopters as a "chopper"
Posted by: SH at October 01, 2015 04:35 PM (gmeXX)

You must not watch Arnold's movies.

------

Yeah, but wasn't that merely because he couldn't pronounce four syllable words?

Posted by: SH at October 01, 2015 04:38 PM (gmeXX)

515 Modern Man works out using Prancercize.

Posted by: Jay Guevara at October 01, 2015 04:38 PM (oKE6c)

516 I guess Putin is the polar opposite of the Modern Man.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at October 01, 2015 04:38 PM (FsuaD)

517 this article has to be fake, written by a woman. I don't know any males like this. My gay hairdresser wants me to take him shooting.
Posted by: CaliGirl at October 01, 2015 04:34 PM (BHl9S)

Gay men are more manly than the Modern Man.

Posted by: artisanal 'ette at October 01, 2015 04:38 PM (qCMvj)

518 488
That one would have been more believable if it were dropping the g's. Huntin fishin boatin. A modern man says hunting. But I would guess a modern man doesn't do these activities.

Posted by: CaliGirl at October 01, 2015 04:38 PM (BHl9S)

519 DeKalb, IL is the home of Northern Illinois University, so one would expect the occasional buttmunch like Brian to show up; but good lord, it's the type of place where one meets university professors at Farm 'n Fleet, and not just smirking at the items in the cow fertility aids aisle.

It's in the middle of farm country, for chrissakes. Sometimes the snow piles up on the sides of the road high enough to threaten the utility transformers on the power poles.

This guy's doomed!

Posted by: Sort-of-Mad Max at October 01, 2015 04:38 PM (DLu2s)

520 The Modern Man will be let out of his cage just long enough to taste freedom, and Eris's boots, and make her a dirty martini.

And he will be thankful.

Posted by: Cardinal Eris (weapons: fear, surprise, ruthless efficiency, fanatical devotion to the Pope) at October 01, 2015 04:38 PM (jR7Wy)

521 The modern man lies on the side of the bed closer to the door. If an intruder gets in, he will try to ~~fight~~ suck him off.

That's what I'd do in that situation, really.

Posted by: Brian Lombardi at October 01, 2015 04:38 PM (FwRqg)

522

60 The modern man talks like a fag and his shit's all retarded.

Posted by: Cicero

that, my friends is how it's done

Posted by: imp at October 01, 2015 04:38 PM (XIXZz)

523 For the record, I have never heard anyone refer to a helicopters as a "chopper"

-------

Get to da choppa!

Posted by: rickb223 at October 01, 2015 04:37 PM (D5XRv)

https://youtu.be/-9-Te-DPbSE

Posted by: Country Singer at October 01, 2015 04:38 PM (nL0sw)

524 Modern Man sounds just like Obama......being Pooty-Poot's prison bitch, ball gag and all.

Posted by: publius (not Breitbart publius) at October 01, 2015 04:39 PM (dvuhZ)

525

The Modern Man has a scarf for every day of the week.

Posted by: artisanal 'ette at October 01, 2015 04:39 PM (qCMvj)

526 488 For the record, I have never heard anyone refer to a helicopters as a "chopper"
Posted by: SH at October 01, 2015 04:35 PM (gmeXX)

To be fair, they were hopter copters when we were among the under six crowd.

Posted by: St. Margaret Atheling, Queen of Scotland, aka tcn in AK at October 01, 2015 04:39 PM (+YMhA)

527 Just the brief list Ace posted convinces me that the article does not define a man, but a metrosexual.

Posted by: Vashta Nerada at October 01, 2015 04:39 PM (oEDuY)

528 the modern man wears shorts that he macramed himself

Posted by: Lemmiwinks at October 01, 2015 04:39 PM (z+4T3)

529 An old fashioned real man will and not be bothered.

====

REAL MEN LOVE MENTAL SCARRING

Gives you something to pick at in the deer blind.

Posted by: rickb223 at October 01, 2015 04:39 PM (D5XRv)

530 Diana and Catherine are more manly than Modern Man.

http://astore.amazon.com/aoshq-20/detail/B014BTSEYO

Posted by: Anna Puma at October 01, 2015 04:39 PM (WOKpd)

531 I knew it would be pointless to try making an Ahnuld "Get to da Choppa!" post before everyone else.

Posted by: Pug Mahon, Slow Typer at October 01, 2015 04:39 PM (RwwCT)

532

The Modern Man drinks green tea.

Posted by: artisanal 'ette at October 01, 2015 04:39 PM (qCMvj)

533 We're going to the first oyster roast of the season tonight.

Modern Man would probably ask his wife to open his oysters so he wouldn't damage his precious manicure.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at October 01, 2015 04:40 PM (FsuaD)

534 530 Diana and Catherine are more manly than Modern Man.

http://astore.amazon.com/aoshq-20/detail/B014BTSEYO
Posted by: Anna Puma at October 01, 2015 04:39 PM (WOKpd)

Subtle.

Posted by: Insomniac at October 01, 2015 04:40 PM (2Ojst)

535 The Modern Man can tell, blindfolded, the race of the man whose penis he is tasting.

Also, whether he shops at Whole Foods or Krogers.

Posted by: GnuBreed at October 01, 2015 04:40 PM (gyKtp)

536

Modern Man works out using Prancercize.

Posted by: Jay Guevara

Shakeweight

Posted by: imp at October 01, 2015 04:40 PM (XIXZz)

537 The pussy who wrote this needs a vasectomy before he does any more damage to the world.

Posted by: se pa moron at October 01, 2015 04:23 PM (sI4OA)

+1.....

Posted by: Zombie Eunech Moreschi at October 01, 2015 04:40 PM (D0NZx)

538 I banged Modern Man once...In my defense I have a drinking problem.

Posted by: The Most Interesting Man in the World at October 01, 2015 04:40 PM (CCPhT)

539 512 I'm about to go to a Steakhouse, order a wedge salad, a crusted ribeye, a few beers, and then my Liberal father-in-law is going to pay for it all. Don't know if it's manly, but it's fun. And I've never been to this Steakhouse before. $79.99 for a 42 ounce ribeye, that's a bargain.
Posted by: Lincolntf
_______

Careful. If he's a true Liberal, then he'll be really stingy on the tip.

Posted by: Furious George at October 01, 2015 04:40 PM (UlJ3l)

540 After 500 posts, everything is fair game Insomniac.

Posted by: Anna Puma at October 01, 2015 04:40 PM (WOKpd)

541 The modern man has an angle to his dangle.

Posted by: Ready For Hillary!!11!! at October 01, 2015 04:40 PM (Dwehj)

542 There have been other instances of this kind of man throughout history:
http://tinyurl.com/pghe5hb

Posted by: Brass Bancroft at October 01, 2015 04:40 PM (hAFla)

543 The Modern Man has a scarf for every day of the week.

To match his socks.

Posted by: Grump928(c) at October 01, 2015 04:41 PM (evdj2)

544 Modern Man works out using Prancercize.

Posted by: Jay Guevara at October 01, 2015 04:38 PM (oKE6c)

For those of you unfamiliar: https://youtu.be/565tXd1UyYI

Posted by: Country Singer at October 01, 2015 04:41 PM (nL0sw)

545 We're going to the first oyster roast of the season tonight.

----

Hmmmm...... in the big square states in the middle.... an "oyster roast" doesnt include any real oysters.

Posted by: fixerupper at October 01, 2015 04:41 PM (8XRCm)

546 The Modern Man ensures his scarf, socks, and panties match...

Posted by: Anna Puma at October 01, 2015 04:41 PM (WOKpd)

547 The Modern Man does not wear socks with his oxfords and appears with his husband in decorator magazines in his seersucker summer togs and a pair of innocent doggies (note to Morons: I have been known to cancel these magazines upon reading of Modern Man).

In these magazines, also, Modern Man's decor features either paintings or sculptures of nude men or young boys (I know, this describes Reid's suite at the Ritz or Bwany Fwank's brothel). I always worry about what horrors the two innocent dogs have witnessed as the "husbands" always have an 18th century dining table that seats 12.

Posted by: ChristyBlinky, aging supermodel Redneck Queen at October 01, 2015 04:41 PM (LJ4iV)

548 The Modern Man pees sitting down.

Posted by: Sean Bannion at October 01, 2015 04:41 PM (V+kmg)

549 537 The pussy who wrote this needs a vasectomy before he does any more damage to the world.

Posted by: se pa moron at October 01, 2015 04:23 PM (sI4OA)

+1.....
Posted by: Zombie Eunech Moreschi at October 01, 2015 04:40 PM (D0NZx)

I'm fairly certain his chances of procreating are next to nothing already.

Posted by: St. Margaret Atheling, Queen of Scotland, aka tcn in AK at October 01, 2015 04:42 PM (+YMhA)

550 The Modern Man's kilt is always freshly pressed.

Posted by: Grump928(c) at October 01, 2015 04:42 PM (evdj2)

551
A Modern Man WISHES he was the woman in a Danielle Steel novel.
An old fashioned real man will look up a term he is not familiar with only to discover he has done it many times.

Posted by: Tilikum Killer Assault Whale at October 01, 2015 04:42 PM (m3iiU)

552 Sounds like the modern man smokes Virginia Slim ultra lite 120's and drinks appletinis.

Posted by: Harry Paratestes at October 01, 2015 04:42 PM (AkOaV)

553 The Modern Man pees sitting down.

-----

And indoors.

Posted by: SH at October 01, 2015 04:42 PM (gmeXX)

554 Hmmmm...... in the big square states in the middle.... an "oyster roast" doesnt include any real oysters.

Posted by: fixerupper at October 01, 2015 04:41 PM (8XRCm)

Well, we're on the GA coast, so...

Posted by: Jane D'oh at October 01, 2015 04:42 PM (FsuaD)

555 With what? A sharpened tampon applicator?

Posted by: Uncle Busyhands at October 01, 2015 04:36 PM (Dwehj)

His girlfriend's peg.

Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at October 01, 2015 04:42 PM (4ErVI)

556 The Modern Man can voxsplain it to you.

Posted by: Max Rockatansky at October 01, 2015 04:42 PM (Z9mio)

557 looks like Putin found himself another whipping boy.

Posted by: Akelm88 at October 01, 2015 04:42 PM (fydF3)

558 So now "modern" means "faggot?" Good to know.

Posted by: St. Margaret Atheling, Queen of Scotland, aka tcn in AK at October 01, 2015 04:43 PM (+YMhA)

559 A Modern Man WISHES he was the woman in a MANDINGO novel.

----

FIFY

Posted by: fixerupper at October 01, 2015 04:43 PM (8XRCm)

560 I saw Green Inferno earlier this week. There's a part where the activists are going down a river and one of them has to make a pit stop.

Their local river boat guide tries to give him a machete for snakes but he's reluctant to take it so a girl who has to grabs it and takes off. The guy asks the river boat guide if he has any more machetes and the guide hands him a gun.

He reacts and carries the gun about like a modern man would I guess.

Posted by: Me. Healthy Penis at October 01, 2015 04:43 PM (LYCUN)

561 The Modern Man drinks green tea.
Posted by: artisanal 'ette

Woah, missy, slow down there. Samurais and shoguns can't all be wrongu.

Posted by: weft cut-loop at October 01, 2015 04:43 PM (JmGFJ)

562 The Modern Man will be let out of his cage just long enough to taste freedom, and Eris's boots, and make her a dirty martini.

And he will be thankful.

As long as he has time for a cigarillo, yes.

Posted by: Bandersnatch, whut is a proud Nitwit Lion at October 01, 2015 04:43 PM (JtwS4)

563 When I read this article I hear the Monte Python "Lumberjack" song playing in my head. I would link it but I cannot figure out how to do it.

Posted by: Picric at October 01, 2015 04:43 PM (QnQ+g)

564 Hell, Liberace would say Modern Man is a sissy fag and walk away in disgust.

Posted by: publius (not Breitbart publius) at October 01, 2015 04:43 PM (dvuhZ)

565
A modern man can lose multiple wars already won, even those won years ago.

A modern man can be humiliated on the world stage and keep smiling.

Posted by: Vashta Nerada at October 01, 2015 04:43 PM (oEDuY)

566

The Modern Man is ashamed to wear Spanx.

Posted by: artisanal 'ette at October 01, 2015 04:43 PM (qCMvj)

567 The Modern Man pees sitting down.
Posted by: Sean Bannion

I would bet real money that that is in the actual article vis-a-vis "not leaving the toilet seat up".

Posted by: Prince Ludwig the #Problematic at October 01, 2015 04:43 PM (awspb)

568 The Modern Man rides a scooter so he can feel the wind on his vagina.

Posted by: Phinn at October 01, 2015 04:43 PM (cJiNU)

569 The modern man has sand in his vagina.

Posted by: Drill_Thrawl at October 01, 2015 04:43 PM (JOG+K)

570 That one would have been more believable if it were dropping the g's. Huntin fishin boatin. A modern man says hunting. But I would guess a modern man doesn't do these activities.

==========

Hee. I'm reminded of when Average Joe [or maybe that Capt. America fan] was trying to show his bonafides as a hunter by discussing "upland birds" and a moron dissed him roundly talking about Doggin

Posted by: Bigby's Dutch Rub at October 01, 2015 04:43 PM (3ZtZW)

571 Modern Man likes the feel of lace on his tiny 'irish spring bar.'

Posted by: RWC - Team BOHICA at October 01, 2015 04:43 PM (KjYBZ)

572 "looks like Putin found himself another whipping boy."

And in my head I read that as "... a new bitch..."

Posted by: Qoheleth at October 01, 2015 04:43 PM (iIzG7)

573

The Modern Man isn't ashamed to wear Spanx.

Posted by: artisanal 'ette at October 01, 2015 04:43 PM (qCMvj)

574 If the modern man had a son he'd name him Modern Clock Boy.

Posted by: Ready For Hillary!!11!! at October 01, 2015 04:44 PM (Dwehj)

575 *wanders in*

https://twitter.com/TimTebow/status/649685506461171713

*wanders out*

Posted by: alexthechick - Yeah I give up at October 01, 2015 04:44 PM (mf5HN)

576 Hah. Hahahahaha.

"@lombardi_brian's Tweets are protected.

Only confirmed followers have access to @lombardi_brian's Tweets and complete profile. Click the "Follow" button to send a follow request.
"

The modern man is too chickenshit to face his critics on Twitter, apparently.

Posted by: radar at October 01, 2015 04:44 PM (kQfqk)

577 545
Rocky Mountain oysters

Posted by: CaliGirl at October 01, 2015 04:44 PM (BHl9S)

578 Hmmmm...... in the big square states in the middle.... an "oyster roast" doesnt include any real oysters.

Rocky Mountain Oysters are not from the Rockies, nor are they oysters. Discuss.

Posted by: rickb223 at October 01, 2015 04:44 PM (D5XRv)

579 Shep Smith is the Most Modern Man in the World.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at October 01, 2015 04:45 PM (FsuaD)

580 As long as he has time for a cigarillo, yes.
Posted by: Bandersnatch, whut is a proud Nitwit Lion at October 01, 2015 04:43 PM (JtwS4)
--
Modern Man will always find time to smoke your cigarillo.

Posted by: Cardinal Eris (weapons: fear, surprise, ruthless efficiency, fanatical devotion to the Pope) at October 01, 2015 04:45 PM (jR7Wy)

581 What a poof!!!

Posted by: Squadron Cmdr. The Lord Flasheart at October 01, 2015 04:45 PM (KrAjA)

582 The Modern Man plucks his unibrow.

Posted by: Grump928(c) at October 01, 2015 04:45 PM (evdj2)

583 The modern man will make somebody a fine wife.

In prison.

Posted by: jwpaine, otherized for your protection at October 01, 2015 04:45 PM (wKcQA)

584 20. On occasion, the modern man is the little spoon. Some nights, when
he is feeling down or vulnerable, he needs an emotional and physical
shield.

Apparently "little spoon" is a new euphemism for "the bottom".

Posted by: alleninhawaii at October 01, 2015 04:46 PM (Hv1Dk)

585 387
What's a melon baller?

Posted by: Phinn at October 01, 2015 04:26 PM (cJiNU)

It's kind of like a Cleveland Steamer I think.

Posted by: Heralder at October 01, 2015 04:46 PM (ECROs)

586 re 503: thanks for the link. embarrassing stuff

#22: "the modern man still ambles half naked down his driveway each morning to scoo[ up a crisp news paper"
You mean the modern man doesn't live in an environmentally responsible condo or co-op like the libs keep say the rest of us should should?

the comments in red at 25 and 26 are pretty funny.

Posted by: mallfly at October 01, 2015 04:46 PM (qSIlh)

587 The modern man listens to Wu Tang once a week?

WTF? It's like this beta asshole just described the shit he does as being the epitome of modern man. That shit is like 25 year old rap.

Posted by: Jollyroger at October 01, 2015 04:46 PM (t06LC)

588 Now I have this song running through my head

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lFFipn0CgWY

Posted by: Akelm88 at October 01, 2015 04:46 PM (fydF3)

589 548 The Modern Man pees sitting down.
Posted by: Sean Bannion at October 01, 2015 04:41 PM (V+kmg)

I admit that's pretty hard on a urinal.

Posted by: Max Rockatansky at October 01, 2015 04:46 PM (Z9mio)

590 Let me defend myself!!11!!

Posted by: Brian Slumberpardi at October 01, 2015 04:46 PM (Dwehj)

591 Posted by: alexthechick - Yeah I give up at October 01, 2015 04:44 PM (mf5HN)

Goodness!!!

Yep, that's the real deal.

Posted by: St. Margaret Atheling, Queen of Scotland, aka tcn in AK at October 01, 2015 04:46 PM (+YMhA)

592 Ace,

For this "hatebait" and other Buzz/Vox/HuffPo 'splained stuff, definitely grab it all for mockery. Do not give these half-wits the satisfaction of a click-through just to make fun of them. They deserve the jeering laughter, but certainly not the ad revenue.

Posted by: Croaker at October 01, 2015 04:46 PM (IhK8Y)

593 LOL @ AlextheChick

Posted by: Anna Puma at October 01, 2015 04:46 PM (WOKpd)

594

The Modern Man has his manicurist on speed-dial.

Posted by: artisanal 'ette at October 01, 2015 04:46 PM (qCMvj)

595 Oh, c'mon now, ace , we know you can sum up the Treu Modern Man in two sentences:

1. The Modern Man has a serious mancrush on Bradley Cooper.

2. The Modern Man IS Bradley Cooper.

Posted by: Donna and V. (sans ampersands) at October 01, 2015 04:46 PM (u0lmX)

596 A modern man goes on feminist retreats with a woman called Ms. Ironbox so he can get in touch with his inner feminine side. He gets home and looks longingly at his children and feels inadequate because he can't breastfeed them. Then, when coast is clear, he thinks he'll try to do it anyway....

Posted by: OurCountryIsScrewed at October 01, 2015 04:46 PM (DlmoZ)

597 Update on Oregon:

Sheriff knows nothing and will only confirm that the shooter is dead and that the shooter was a man.

Unbelievable. The sheriff just keeps saying "idk" over and over again. This situation seems to be being managed from the higher ups.

Posted by: L, Elle at October 01, 2015 04:46 PM (oBghv)

598 I think the title should be changed from Modern Man to I am my wifes Bitch.

Posted by: cathymv at October 01, 2015 04:46 PM (5HStK)

599 wait, if the Modern Man stays away from twitter, why is Piers Morgan still there to spread his crap..?

Posted by: mallfly at October 01, 2015 04:47 PM (qSIlh)

600 Modern man talks like a fag, and his shit's all retarded.

Posted by: Jollyroger at October 01, 2015 04:47 PM (t06LC)

601 I treat Modern Man's wife like I treat my Sopwith Camel - I get into her five times a day and take her to heaven! Woof!" - Lord Flasheart

Posted by: Mikey NTH - Turbo-Charge What Agitates You at the Outrage Outlet! at October 01, 2015 04:47 PM (hLRSq)

602 One of the things I learned from watching the Yazidi crisis is that the safety of the women and children still relies on the strength of the men. And it will be true no matter how many rules you bend to get women into combat roles in the service.

Feminism seems to have given us hysterical women and girly men.

Posted by: Notsothoreau at October 01, 2015 04:47 PM (Lqy/e)

603 582
He doesn't pluck, he has his brows waxed and shaped.

Posted by: CaliGirl at October 01, 2015 04:48 PM (BHl9S)

604 18. The modern man has thought seriously about buying a shoehorn to go with his butt plugs.

Posted by: Modern Woman at October 01, 2015 04:48 PM (CCPhT)

605 The modern man has a higher risk for breast cancer.

Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at October 01, 2015 04:48 PM (4ErVI)

606 The modern man in question is looking for a few transgender hormones

Posted by: Skip at October 01, 2015 04:48 PM (HbCsM)

607 OK, What does THIS mean?

http://www.usatoday.com/story/newsnation/2015/10/01/officials-active-shooter-oregon-college/ 73153610/

"Kortney Moore, 18, told News Review-Today that she in her Writing 115 class in Snyder Hall when one shot came through a window. She said she saw her teacher get shot in the head.

The shooter was inside at that point, and he told people to get on the ground, Moore told the newspaper. The shooter was asking people to stand up and state their religion and then started firing, Moore said.."

??????

One imagines that there are VERY few (if any) Muslim students at a school like this.

Thus, it seems very unlikely that he was seeking to identify and then shoot Muslim students, since he'd know there weren't ay -- instead, he was asking their religion to see who either identified as

a. Christian; or
b. Jewish,

before shooting them.

Anti-religious atheist nutcase?

The fact that he posted on 4chan makes it even more likely that he is an atheist.

Story pending.

Posted by: zombie at October 01, 2015 04:48 PM (jBuUi)

608
Feminism seems to have given us hysterical women and girly men.

--

I'm pretty sure that was the goal

Posted by: Vashta Nerada at October 01, 2015 04:48 PM (oEDuY)

609 The modern man thanks his wife for his chastity cage, and for their pool boy Paulo.

Posted by: Jollyroger at October 01, 2015 04:48 PM (t06LC)

610 575 *wanders in*

https://twitter.com/TimTebow/status/649685506461171713

*wanders out*
Posted by: alexthechick - Yeah I give up at October 01, 2015 04:44 PM
----
Is this the 42 oz T-Bow steak? Yum.

Posted by: Cardinal Eris (weapons: fear, surprise, ruthless efficiency, fanatical devotion to the Pope) at October 01, 2015 04:49 PM (jR7Wy)

611 After 600? So here comes the Trashy catalog again.

http://www.trashy.com/new-bad-girl-bargains-bycatalog.htm

Posted by: Anna Puma at October 01, 2015 04:49 PM (WOKpd)

612 @Reuters 9m
BREAKING: Officers exchanged gun fire with college shooter, neutralized him: Oregon sheriff http://reut.rs/1OKcyX4

Posted by: weft cut-loop at October 01, 2015 04:49 PM (JmGFJ)

613 A modern man goes on feminist retreats with a woman called Ms. Ironbox so he can get in touch with his inner feminine side. He gets home and looks longingly at his children and feels inadequate because he can't breastfeed them. Then, when coast is clear, he thinks he'll try to do it anyway....

==========

EXACTLY.

These fkn weirdos are creepy as Hell and ought to be kept away from kids as a precaution.

Posted by: Bigby's Dutch Rub at October 01, 2015 04:49 PM (3ZtZW)

614 Unbelievable. The sheriff just keeps saying "idk"
over and over again. This situation seems to be being managed from the
higher ups.

Posted by: L, Elle at October 01, 2015 04:46 PM (oBghv)

Here, take a look at this pen!

Posted by: T L Jones at October 01, 2015 04:49 PM (ftVQq)

615 Bow Chik-a-Wow-Wow T-Bow?

Posted by: Anna Puma at October 01, 2015 04:49 PM (WOKpd)

616 Never have understood women who are interested in these nancy-boys. I have girlfriends, and I don't need one for a husband. For that, I chose a real man, the kind that leaves the toilet seat up when he forgets, and leaves whiskers on the sink about half the time. The kind that not only owns firearms but knows how to use them and when. The kind that remembers what everyone is drinking but might not remember their names.

Posted by: St. Margaret Atheling, Queen of Scotland, aka tcn in AK at October 01, 2015 04:49 PM (+YMhA)

617 558 So now "modern" means "faggot?" Good to know.
Posted by: St. Margaret Atheling, Queen of Scotland, aka tcn in AK at October 01, 2015 04:43 PM (+YMhA)

It's Newspeak, comrade. Just like "historic" means "not worth a shit."

Posted by: Jay Guevara at October 01, 2015 04:49 PM (oKE6c)

618
"*wanders in*

https://twitter.com/TimTebow/status/649685506461171713

*wanders out*"

What's that buzzing noise?

Posted by: Tilikum Killer Assault Whale at October 01, 2015 04:50 PM (uhftQ)

619 Modern Man will make sure that his scarf is color coordinated with Hillary's Pantsuit Of The Day.

Posted by: GnuBreed at October 01, 2015 04:50 PM (gyKtp)

620
If this "modern man" doesn't use a gun or own one, then the only positive spin on that is because he is a ripped 260 pound erudite gentleman gorilla with a20" neck who beat the 21 foot drill and open anattacker's guts with a bowie knife before they can blink.

Since that isn't the tone of the article, this interpretation falls flat.

Posted by: lurkingestlurker at October 01, 2015 04:50 PM (k8xvx)

621 @597...I'm betting on mooslem since it is not, apparently, a white Billy Rae Redneck so far.

Back to Modern Man...I had a gay hairdresser, who might have been the best so far, but I quit going after he confessed to me that he really liked vampire stuff. At the time he was looking at my neck.

Posted by: ChristyBlinky, aging supermodel Redneck Queen at October 01, 2015 04:50 PM (LJ4iV)

622 so the modern man is basically this:

https://vine.co/v/eZabAJLAbDT

Posted by: Akelm88 at October 01, 2015 04:50 PM (fydF3)

623 We need a crash testosterone program. I'd say put in the drinking water, but that would get the women too. We've got to do something. Hell, maybe the femiNazis have been secretly putting estrogen in the drinking water already.

Posted by: publius (not Breitbart publius) at October 01, 2015 04:50 PM (dvuhZ)

624 If the modern man ~~had~~ adopted a son he'd name him Modern Clock Boy.

Remember, the modern man is incapable of getting it up in the presence of a woman. Adoption is his only option.

Posted by: Armando at October 01, 2015 04:50 PM (FwRqg)

625 Hey Tilikum, where is the sushi???

Posted by: Anna Puma at October 01, 2015 04:50 PM (WOKpd)

626 The Modern Man asked the doctor for an operation to "transition" to female, but after a preliminary examination the doctor said it was impossible because for an operation like that you at least need to start out as male.

Posted by: zombie at October 01, 2015 04:50 PM (jBuUi)

627 After 600? So here comes the Trashy catalog again.

http://www.trashy.com/new-bad-girl-bargains-bycatalog.htm
Posted by: Anna Puma

They photoshop out the nipples on the shear stuff!
BOOOOOOO!

Posted by: Prince Ludwig the #Problematic at October 01, 2015 04:50 PM (awspb)

628 OK driving away

Posted by: Bigby's Dutch Rub at October 01, 2015 04:51 PM (3ZtZW)

629 What's so modern about castrati?

Posted by: mustbequantum at October 01, 2015 04:51 PM (MIKMs)

630 So, the modern man is entirely dependent on the existence of REAL MEN to protect his feckless ass and shoe collection from the mean people in the world.

No, not from just bad men, because I think even an ill tempered adolescent could take this candy ass down.

Posted by: TSgt Ciz at October 01, 2015 04:51 PM (xcAaF)

631 "Modern Man" is a lesbian.

Posted by: AMartel at October 01, 2015 04:30 PM (WWgnZ)

A little mood music:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ptC9N9YJ24Y

Posted by: The Muff-diving Hat at October 01, 2015 04:51 PM (vBeA5)

632 41 I think Heinlein was an optimist ...

We're waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay past "the crazy years"!

Now that was a man with Man characters. Lazarus Long FTW

Posted by: rkinroanoke at October 01, 2015 04:52 PM (DOEXI)

633 Now saying the shooter is 20 year old male, not 28 yr old

Posted by: L, Elle at October 01, 2015 04:52 PM (oBghv)

634 Modern man is a transgender.

Posted by: MWTexas at October 01, 2015 04:52 PM (N05oL)

635 I treat Modern Man's wife like I treat my Sopwith
Camel - I get into her five times a day and take her to heaven! Woof!" -
Lord Flasheart

Posted by: Mikey NTH - Turbo-Charge What Agitates You at the Outrage Outlet! at October 01, 2015 04:47 PM

Goggles on, chocks away, last one back's a Modern Man! Hooray!

Posted by: Squadron Cmdr. The Lord Flasheart at October 01, 2015 04:52 PM (KrAjA)

636 Obligatory

http://tinyurl.com/qcmsk2r
Posted by: Sean Bannion at October 01, 2015 04:35 PM (V+kmg)
---
That's the most homoerotic thing I've seen since the volleyball scene in "Top Gun".

Posted by: Cardinal Eris (weapons: fear, surprise, ruthless efficiency, fanatical devotion to the Pope) at October 01, 2015 04:52 PM (jR7Wy)

637 http://www.usatoday.com/story/newsnation/2015/10/01/officials-active-shooter-oregon-college/ 73153610/

----

404 error

page no longer esists

Posted by: fixerupper at October 01, 2015 04:53 PM (8XRCm)

638 The Modern Man would get "gay bashed" by pride marchers.

Posted by: Brian Lombradi at October 01, 2015 04:53 PM (JVEmw)

639 The modern man buys hiking boots and never goes hiking.

Posted by: L, Elle at October 01, 2015 04:53 PM (oBghv)

640 Is this a joke? Like that pussy who didn't mind his wife cheating on him?

Posted by: keena at October 01, 2015 04:53 PM (RiTnx)

641 PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE let Geraldo be on The Five, in a pissy, anti-gun mood.

And please let him threaten to fight Eric again.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at October 01, 2015 04:53 PM (FsuaD)

642 "Modern man has hardwood floors?"

*looks down*

*scratches head*

*shrugs*

Posted by: ManWithNoParty at October 01, 2015 04:53 PM (IAXFB)

643 Paolo likes the Modern Man because their women are dissatisfied...

Posted by: Mr Wizard at October 01, 2015 04:53 PM (eOpVe)

644 548 The Modern Man pees sitting down.
Posted by: Sean Bannion

Re-run so soon?

Posted by: Misanthropic Humanitarian at October 01, 2015 04:53 PM (J3phO)

645
26. The modern man cries. He cries often.

--

Every time his wife/girlfriend tells him about the real man that just had her.

Posted by: Vashta Nerada at October 01, 2015 04:53 PM (oEDuY)

646 http://www.usatoday.com/story/newsnation/2015/10/01/officials-active-shooter-oregon-college/ 73153610/

----

404 error

page no longer esists
Posted by: fixerupper at October 01, 2015 04:53 PM (8XRCm)

http://preview.tinyurl.com/n9ntf6w

Posted by: The 404 Hat at October 01, 2015 04:54 PM (vBeA5)

647 Hey, NYT: how are your circulation figures?

Oh.

Sorry.

Posted by: Jay Guevara at October 01, 2015 04:54 PM (oKE6c)

648 They photoshop out the nipples on the shear stuff!
BOOOOOOO!

Oh, that calls for a flogging. And not the happy fun kind.

Posted by: Bandersnatch, whut is a proud Nitwit Lion at October 01, 2015 04:54 PM (JtwS4)

649 A modern man goes on feminist retreats with a woman called Ms. Ironbox so he can get in touch with his inner feminine side. He gets home and looks longingly at his children and feels inadequate because he can't breastfeed them. Then, when coast is clear, he thinks he'll try to do it anyway....

==========

EXACTLY.

These fkn weirdos are creepy as Hell and ought to be kept away from kids as a precaution.

Posted by: Bigby's Dutch Rub at October 01, 2015 04:49 PM (3ZtZW)

Just ask Stewie:
https://youtu.be/rxaQsBXJRcs

Posted by: Country Singer at October 01, 2015 04:54 PM (nL0sw)

650 At a party, modern man uses candles and a lighter to create a romantic wonderland of flickering flames and yummy fragrant scents. At the same party, classic man borrows the lighter to flare off his farts.

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero) at October 01, 2015 04:54 PM (8ZskC)

651
So the modern man is barack obama then.

Glad I'm a caveman.

Posted by: Guy Mohawk at October 01, 2015 04:54 PM (ODxAs)

652 Posted by: zombie at October 01, 2015 04:48 PM (jBuUi)

Well, if he's a member of the religion of peace, this story will be buried faster then jimmy hoffa.

Posted by: Harry Paratestes at October 01, 2015 04:54 PM (AkOaV)

653 There must be fifty ways to say Modern Man takes it in the ass like a homo.

Posted by: Paul Simon at October 01, 2015 04:54 PM (7uSZO)

654 Is this a joke? Like that pussy who didn't mind his wife cheating on him?

Posted by: keena at October 01, 2015 04:53 PM (RiTnx)

Its no joke, and I think if you drew a Venn diagram with Modern Men and Cuckold men I'd bet you'd pretty much get a circle.

Posted by: Jollyroger at October 01, 2015 04:54 PM (t06LC)

655 I'll be stayin', playing with the boooys!

Posted by: Kenny Loggins at October 01, 2015 04:54 PM (LYCUN)

656 575 *wanders in*

https://twitter.com/TimTebow/status/649685506461171713

*wanders out*
Posted by: alexthechick - Yeah I give up at October 01,

The Modern Man's hard wood ~~floors~~.

Posted by: artisanal 'ette at October 01, 2015 04:55 PM (qCMvj)

657 The modern man has a vagina.
Posted by: Jollyroger at October 01, 2015 03:59 PM (t06LC)

The classic man has any vagina he wants.

Posted by: jwpaine, otherized for your protection at October 01, 2015 04:55 PM (wKcQA)

658 heh. Governor has ordered evacuation of Ocracoke Island. Just did the calculation. Storm is ~750 NM away, velocity(SW!) is 6 mph. That would put the center here in 125 hours, or 5 days, IF it was headed this way.

I ain't leaving for a while.

Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc., etc. at October 01, 2015 04:55 PM (Z58Xa)

659 26. The modern man cries. He cries often.

--

Every time his wife/girlfriend tells him about the real man that just had her.
Posted by: Vashta Nerada

That's half the fun of nailing modern man's wife, knowing it gives him teh sadz.

Posted by: Prince Ludwig the #Problematic at October 01, 2015 04:56 PM (awspb)

660 That's the most homoerotic thing I've seen since the volleyball scene in "Top Gun".

Posted by: Cardinal Eris (weapons: fear, surprise, ruthless efficiency,
fanatical devotion to the Pope) at October 01, 2015 04:52 PM

Do I have to? Yes. Yes, I do.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O2IIwYKposw

Posted by: RedMindBlueState at October 01, 2015 04:56 PM (KrAjA)

661 Well, if he's a member of the religion of peace, this story will be buried faster then jimmy hoffa.

Sounds like either an atheist or someone gunning for religion of peace members...

Posted by: donna at October 01, 2015 04:56 PM (hUdMz)

662 633 Now saying the shooter is 20 year old male, not 28 yr old
Posted by: L, Elle

I see that everywhere now too.

But...

IF THEY KNOW HIS EXACT AGE, THEN THEY ALSO NECESSARILY KNOW HIS NAME.

Release the name!!!

Why haven't they done so?

Posted by: zombie at October 01, 2015 04:56 PM (jBuUi)

663 Chuck Yaegher

Yeager will be along shortly to kick somebody's ass.

Posted by: dogfish at October 01, 2015 04:56 PM (0O2Lr)

664 This fella is quite high-maintenance.

Plus, doesn't #25 somewhat contradict the boyfriend-interview experience inherent in #9?

Also,tip: If your small Irish Spring is too small, Pert works on balls too.

Posted by: Gunslinger at October 01, 2015 04:56 PM (4S7hN)

665 Yeah, zombie, Fox is reporting that questions were asked about religion but they can't confirm it

Posted by: L, Elle at October 01, 2015 04:56 PM (oBghv)

666 I don't see what all the fuss is about.
*SNIIIFFFFF*

Posted by: turnippatty at October 01, 2015 04:57 PM (JmGFJ)

667 Modern Man knows that gender is a construct, like something he can make with scissors and paper.

Posted by: Garry Glitter at October 01, 2015 04:57 PM (N4yjS)

668
Hey Tilikum, where is the sushi???
[Reply Censored]

Posted by: Tilikum Killer Assault Whale at October 01, 2015 04:57 PM (m3iiU)

669 Why haven't they done so?
Posted by: zombie at October 01, 2015 04:56 PM (jBuUi)

they're still deconstructing that thing that looks like a homemade clock...

Posted by: artisanal 'ette at October 01, 2015 04:57 PM (qCMvj)

670 Release the name!!!

Why haven't they done so?
Posted by: zombie at October 01, 2015 04:56 PM (jBuUi)

Anti-muslim backlash.

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero) at October 01, 2015 04:57 PM (8ZskC)

671 Release the name!!!

Why haven't they done so?

Posted by: zombie at October 01, 2015 04:56 PM (jBuUi)

Nothing to see here, move along!

Posted by: Hrothgar at October 01, 2015 04:58 PM (ftVQq)

672

The Modern Man's name is Pat.

Posted by: artisanal 'ette at October 01, 2015 04:58 PM (qCMvj)

673 The Modern Man doesn't mind sniffing chairs or socks.

Posted by: Brian Lombradi at October 01, 2015 04:58 PM (JVEmw)

674 78 The modern man has a vagina.
Posted by: Jollyroger at October 01, 2015 03:59 PM (t06LC)

You tribe too weird for Obunta.

Posted by: Nose-bone Borneo Guy texting furiously at October 01, 2015 04:58 PM (7rAXc)

675 Sounds like either an atheist or someone gunning for religion of peace members...

Posted by: donna at October 01, 2015 04:56 PM (hUdMz)

4chan... I'm going radical nitzchean atheist for 100 Alex.

Posted by: Jollyroger at October 01, 2015 04:58 PM (t06LC)

676 The modern man will wear fuchsia shoes, but as he's the first to tell you- they have to be fuchsia, not pink.

Posted by: naturalfake at October 01, 2015 04:58 PM (0cMkb)

677 And now for the mayhem man!
Real men do not wear skinny jeans. Period. They can't because they have balls. They need those balls to fuck or fight, whichever is needed at the moment. And they are not afraid to do either one of those things
Real men do not wear douchy little metrosexual hipster glasses/scarves/goatees/ anything and suggest that they do this "ironically". There is nothing ironic about being a fucking idiot. And real men prefer sarcasm to irony.
Real men can sweat, swear, dance, argue, cook, take care of their families, and work at a full time job without whining or looking like a dumbass.
Real men will let the 7yr old daughter put ribbons in his hair as long as she doesn't get in front of the tv and cause him to miss the biggest play of the game. He will take the ribbons out before venturing out of the house.
Real men play for keeps.
Real men do not go to college and study womyns studies so they know what women want and need. They know instinctively that real women want a real man who will fight for her and fuck her senseless.

Posted by: madamemayhem (yes I did it, no I'm not sorry) at October 01, 2015 04:58 PM (WPm3x)

678
The modern man believes removing his penis and replacing it with a vagina is progressive and makes him a role model for young children.

Posted by: Doctor Fish at October 01, 2015 04:59 PM (OiFtZ)

679
4chan... I'm going radical nitzchean atheist for 100 Alex.

That's My feeling but of course I have no idea...

Posted by: donna at October 01, 2015 04:59 PM (hUdMz)

680 The coverage is all contradictory. They're saying the shots were fired from outside the classroom and that the teacher of the class was shot in the head.

It's a "Syrian". PR CYA in full play to manage our Muslim problem. It's gonna be some school place violence bullshit or something like that

Posted by: L, Elle at October 01, 2015 04:59 PM (oBghv)

681 I can't even...my modern man has hair on his balls. Oh, and he has balls. He can shoot a gun and use a chainsaw too.

Posted by: no good deed at October 01, 2015 04:59 PM (GgxVX)

682
I thought this was a joke till I went to the link.

The "modern man" is a FAG

Posted by: Nip Sip at October 01, 2015 05:00 PM (jJRIy)

683 >>>10. The modern man makes sure the dishes on the rack have dried completely before putting them away.

In theory, you could read all of these salaciously. They might then be bearable.

Posted by: m at October 01, 2015 05:00 PM (b5xwK)

684

The Modern Man has a house full of cats.
(sorry Andy Levy!)

Posted by: artisanal 'ette at October 01, 2015 05:00 PM (qCMvj)

685 Storm is ~750 NM away, velocity(SW!) is 6 mph. That would put the center here in 125 hours, or 5 days, IF it was headed this way.

I ain't leaving for a while.
----------------------

Modern Man curls into fetal position, sucks thumb, waits for 'authorities' to tell him what to do.

Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc., etc. at October 01, 2015 05:00 PM (Z58Xa)

686 Posted by: madamemayhem (yes I did it, no I'm not sorry) at October 01, 2015 04:58 PM (WPm3x)

***SWOON****

Posted by: St. Margaret Atheling, Queen of Scotland, aka tcn in AK at October 01, 2015 05:00 PM (+YMhA)

687 Modern Man is castrated before puberty so he doesn't get all messed up by that dreadful testosterone.

Also, he color coordinates his butt plugs with his shoes.

Posted by: publius (not Breitbart publius) at October 01, 2015 05:00 PM (dvuhZ)

688 these are the guys who in the previous generation went to those "men's conferences" so they could cry, bang on drums and spend time with the retard writer who gave us "Iron John"

I'd link to the American Spectator article from he 1990s but... you know, hard

Posted by: mallfly at October 01, 2015 05:00 PM (qSIlh)

689 The Modern Man uses the same brand of tampon as his wife.

Posted by: Tilikum Killer Assault Whale at October 01, 2015 05:00 PM (m3iiU)

690 The modern man cries a tear at the thought of man's inhumanity each time he passes the lobster tank at Krogers.

Posted by: naturalfake at October 01, 2015 05:00 PM (0cMkb)

691 The modern man knows how to fix the toppokita-toppokita machine with a ball-point pen, saving the patient's life!

Posted by: Walter Mitty at October 01, 2015 05:01 PM (DLu2s)

692
The modern man believes removing his penis and replacing it with a vagina is progressive and makes him a role model for young children.

--

The modern man also thinks that an award should be presented to anyone who does this.

Posted by: Vashta Nerada at October 01, 2015 05:01 PM (oEDuY)

693 [I[*wanders in* https://twitter.com/TimTebow/status/649685506461171713
*wanders out*
Posted by: alexthechick - Yeah I give up at October 01, 2015 04:44 PM (mf5HN)

Feel free to wander in anytime.

Posted by: Lea at October 01, 2015 05:01 PM (lIU4e)

694 Having a daughter makes the modern man more of a complete person. He learns new stuff every day.

Stuff like: The classic man has been putting it to her and her mother regularly.

Posted by: jwpaine, otherized for your protection at October 01, 2015 05:01 PM (wKcQA)

695 The modern man is named Lewis.

Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at October 01, 2015 05:01 PM (4ErVI)

696 "The modern man knows how to fix the toppokita-toppokita machine with a ball-point pen, saving the patient's life!"

And quickly, because coreopsis is setting in!

Posted by: Qoheleth at October 01, 2015 05:01 PM (iIzG7)

697 Ok, I like hardwood flooring which does conflict with my desire to marry a Korean woman.

Posted by: Stateless Infidel at October 01, 2015 05:01 PM (AC0lD)

698 Modern Man enjoys a good reach-around.

Posted by: Jay Guevara at October 01, 2015 05:02 PM (oKE6c)

699 A modern Man hates track lighting... It's so last century...

Posted by: donna at October 01, 2015 05:02 PM (hUdMz)

700 Modern man would never read my new book Life Unworthy because he's scared of Werewolves

Posted by: Christopher Taylor at October 01, 2015 05:02 PM (39g3+)

701 Enough of the jocularity, back to the writing.

Still debating on going to see RiffTrax tonight.

Posted by: Anna Puma at October 01, 2015 05:02 PM (WOKpd)

702 Still debating on going to see RiffTrax tonight.
Posted by: Anna Puma at October 01, 2015 05:02 PM (WOKpd)
---
There's a RiffTrax movie? What's playing?

Posted by: Cardinal Eris (weapons: fear, surprise, ruthless efficiency, fanatical devotion to the Pope) at October 01, 2015 05:03 PM (jR7Wy)

703 I love getting wedgies!

Posted by: Modern Man who loves Mauve at October 01, 2015 05:03 PM (/Vs1e)

704

The Modern Man has very small feet.

Posted by: artisanal 'ette at October 01, 2015 05:04 PM (qCMvj)

705 Rocket surgery accomplished. Back to goofing off....

Posted by: cthulhu at October 01, 2015 05:04 PM (EzgxV)

706 A modern man doesn't know who the hell this "Ernest Hemingway" fellow is and what the fuss is all about.

Posted by: Jollyroger at October 01, 2015 05:04 PM (t06LC)

707 Eris, Miami Connection.

Posted by: Anna Puma at October 01, 2015 05:04 PM (WOKpd)

708 Got off my interwebz, you damned dirty prissy pants.

Posted by: Zombie Charlton Heston at October 01, 2015 05:04 PM (1DH1V)

709 The Modern Man likes both oysters and snails.

Posted by: Grump928(c) at October 01, 2015 05:04 PM (evdj2)

710 The "modern man" is a FAG
Posted by: Nip Sip at October 01, 2015 05:00 PM (jJRIy)

Completely.

Posted by: 98ZJUSMC Staring at the Lake in the rain at October 01, 2015 05:04 PM (7rAXc)

711
The modern man loves asparagus tips, melon, and rice cakes for lunch.

Posted by: Doctor Fish at October 01, 2015 05:05 PM (OiFtZ)

712 Bruce Jenner => modern man/woman/it/ thingy.

Not releasing shooter's name implies Religion of Peace. i.e., terrorism.

Posted by: maddogg at October 01, 2015 05:05 PM (xWW96)

713 Hurricane Joaquin update:
(tmi3rd)

Every fucking time the MSM gloms onto a storm it's guaranteed to be a fucking blowout. How many times have we fucking seen this play out?

Posted by: weft cut-loop at October 01, 2015 05:05 PM (JmGFJ)

714 The modern man has no use for a penis. He doesn't own one, and he never will.

Posted by: 2008 election at October 01, 2015 05:05 PM (ucB75)

715

David Brooks enjoyed that article.
Immensely.

Posted by: artisanal 'ette at October 01, 2015 05:05 PM (qCMvj)

716 #TheModernMan remembers the names of all 4 main characters from Sex and The City

Posted by: kbdabear at October 01, 2015 05:05 PM (GrXXa)

717 The real men in my life do not cry except at a funeral, and then not sobbing like Boehner. I don't cry much. As I have said, I like to make it private as I turn into a blotched mess with a red nose like W.C. Fields. Not a dainty crier. I did shed tears when the flag was presented to my mother at Daddy's funeral (WWII 1st Marine Sgt). I hold it in, unlike Modern Man, who I would mock and smack around. Suck it up, Buttercup.

Should we have a betting pool or poll that the Oregon shooter is mooslem? I am thinking, yep, otherwise why no name yet, Morons?

Posted by: ChristyBlinky, aging supermodel Redneck Queen at October 01, 2015 05:05 PM (LJ4iV)

718 Modern man does not read AoSHQ comments with mouth full of beverage.

Posted by: Zombie Charlton Heston at October 01, 2015 05:06 PM (1DH1V)

719 Modern Man knows what "ecrue" is, and knows it's not something you sometimes step in.

Posted by: Jay Guevara at October 01, 2015 05:06 PM (oKE6c)

720 Modern man does not make love to women because penetration is rape. Instead modern man keeps a blow up doll handy. Unfortunately, he has not made love to it either as it feels he is too beta.

Posted by: Jollyroger at October 01, 2015 05:06 PM (t06LC)

721 If any hint of this article ever makes it to Heaven (or Hell, for that matter), you will hear the head-explosions of John Wayne, Winston Churchill, Alvin York, Gary Cooper, Robert A. Heinlein, and [fill in the names of your favorite real man personages from history].

Yes. Heinlein had no idea how crazy the Crazy Years were going to get. He knew they were coming . . . but the scope of the insanity was more than he could envision, or cared to write about.

Posted by: Wolfus Aurelius at October 01, 2015 05:06 PM (jTUfG)

722
The modern man would never snort a line of coke from a stripper's ass, but would suggest she cover up with a towel.

Posted by: Doctor Fish at October 01, 2015 05:06 PM (OiFtZ)

723 The modern man goes in the kitchen and makes the sammiches.

Posted by: tu3031 at October 01, 2015 05:06 PM (YFFpo)

724 re: Hurricane Joaquin

For historical purposes, the 1938 Long Island Express hurricane that killed 682 people.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1938_New_England_hurricane

Posted by: Anna Puma at October 01, 2015 05:06 PM (WOKpd)

725 #TheModernMan doesn't have a Fantasy Football team, but Beckham is on his Fantasy Soccer Team

Posted by: kbdabear at October 01, 2015 05:06 PM (GrXXa)

726 . Governor has ordered evacuation of Ocracoke Island. Just did the calculation. Storm is ~750 NM away, velocity(SW!) is 6 mph. That would put the center here in 125 hours, or 5 days, IF it was headed this way. I ain't leaving for a while.Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc., etc. at October 01, 2015 04:55 PM (Z58Xa)

I know it's tempting to be a real man in threads like this but those ferries stop running when the sound and Inlet get too rough. This thing is piling up the swells from even that distance. Sure, I think the governor is a tad premature but I'd keep a sharp eye on this one. Ocracoke without electricity, with the main road cut off for for weeks, can be a bummer.

Posted by: se pa moron at October 01, 2015 05:07 PM (sI4OA)

727 The Modern Man is upset over the price of arugala.

Posted by: Tilikum Killer Assault Whale at October 01, 2015 05:07 PM (0x/TW)

728 "Sweetboy" is my favorite putdown of these types.

Posted by: Kensington at October 01, 2015 05:07 PM (7Kbxu)

729 #TheModernMan can quickly find the AAA app when he gets a flat tire in the scary part of town that doesn't have a Trader Joes

Posted by: kbdabear at October 01, 2015 05:07 PM (GrXXa)

730 Modern man does not read AoSHQ comments with mouth full of beverage.

Posted by: Zombie Charlton Heston at October 01, 2015 05:06 PM

Modern Man does not read AoSHQ comments, but does have a mouth full of dicks.

Posted by: RedMindBlueState at October 01, 2015 05:08 PM (KrAjA)

731 Modern Man knows what "ecrue" is, and knows it's not something you sometimes step in.

Posted by: Jay Guevara at October 01, 2015 05:06 PM (oKE6c)

You mean "ecrue" isn't what comes after "Motl"?

Posted by: Country Singer at October 01, 2015 05:08 PM (nL0sw)

732
Not releasing shooter's name implies Religion of Peace. i.e., terrorism.

Posted by: maddogg at October 01, 2015 05:05 PM (xWW96)

Or "son of a celebrity or prominent Democrat party official"

Posted by: IllTemperedCur at October 01, 2015 05:08 PM (UBLhq)

733 Shep Smith, the modern man.

Posted by: Nip Sip at October 01, 2015 05:08 PM (jJRIy)

734 the modern man [does a multitude of pussy things] and sucks dick.

So... The modern man is Hector?

Posted by: jwpaine, otherized for your protection at October 01, 2015 05:08 PM (wKcQA)

735 Back to Modern Man...I had a gay hairdresser, who might have been the best so far, but I quit going after he confessed to me that he really liked vampire stuff. At the time he was looking at my neck.
Posted by: ChristyBlinky, aging supermodel Redneck Queen at October 01, 2015 04:50 PM (LJ4iV)

My gay hairdresser is a redneck at heart and we had an extensive discussion about the republican field last time I was in. And transsexuals.

Posted by: Lea at October 01, 2015 05:09 PM (lIU4e)

736 I ain't leaving for a while.
Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc., etc. at October 01, 2015 04:55 PM (Z58Xa

Math, what won't it do?

Posted by: Misanthropic Humanitarian at October 01, 2015 05:09 PM (J3phO)

737 You mean "ecrue" isn't what comes after "Motl"?

Posted by: Country Singer at October 01, 2015 05:08 PM (nL0sw)

/Golfclap

Well played Sir.... well played...

Posted by: BB Wolf at October 01, 2015 05:09 PM (qh617)

738 Classical Man uses a leaf blower to sweep the floor.
Modern Man knows every variation of Swiffer.

Posted by: rickb223 at October 01, 2015 05:09 PM (D5XRv)

739 If any hint of this article ever makes it to Heaven (or Hell, for that matter), you will hear the head-explosions of John Wayne, Winston Churchill, Alvin York, Gary Cooper, Robert A. Heinlein, and [fill in the names of your favorite real man personages from history].

Posted by: Wolfus Aurelius at October 01, 2015 05:06 PM (jTUfG)

Patton would have a repetitive motion injury from slapping people.

Posted by: Country Singer at October 01, 2015 05:09 PM (nL0sw)

740 They will release shooter's name when ISIS officially takes credit for the attack.

Posted by: maddogg at October 01, 2015 05:09 PM (xWW96)

741 Not releasing shooter's name implies Religion of Peace. i.e., terrorism.

Posted by: maddogg at October 01, 2015 05:05 PM (xWW96)

Nah it's taking them a little while to connect Him to the tea party...

Posted by: donna at October 01, 2015 05:09 PM (hUdMz)

742 The modern man hopes Shep Smith has a Wayne Gale moment in the near future.

Oh wait, no that's me hoping that.

Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at October 01, 2015 05:09 PM (4ErVI)

743 Modern Man is into facials, and toe manicures

Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc., etc. at October 01, 2015 05:09 PM (Z58Xa)

744 Hey ace, you should totally do a classical man countdown to refute this. It could be epic.

Posted by: Jollyroger at October 01, 2015 05:09 PM (t06LC)

745 Modern man would make Quiche the national food.

Posted by: Misanthropic Humanitarian at October 01, 2015 05:10 PM (J3phO)

746 Chuck Yaegher ?

Posted by: Chuck Yeager at October 01, 2015 05:10 PM (e8kgV)

747 23 Please make it stop! My son shoots guns, takes karate lessons, is in Civil Air Patrol and Junior ROTC is only 15 and still twice the man of this lactating clown.
Posted by: Steve Helgeland at October 01, 2015 03:53 PM (UqTyE)

Your son was more of a man BEFORE hitting puberty than this clown could ever hope to be. Pretty sure I'm right.

Posted by: LizLem at October 01, 2015 05:10 PM (1BDgs)

748 #TheModernMan knows the name of the guy who's screwing his wife, but he never brings it up when she's berating him

Posted by: kbdabear at October 01, 2015 05:10 PM (GrXXa)

749
#TheModernMan remembers the names of all 4 main characters from Sex and The City

Posted by: kbdabear at October 01, 2015 05:05 PM (GrXXa)

Slutty, Lesbo, Frigid, Secretariat, right?

Posted by: IllTemperedCur at October 01, 2015 05:10 PM (UBLhq)

750 Modern man is am azzhole

Posted by: President Azzhole Obama at October 01, 2015 05:10 PM (e8kgV)

751 Modern Man is into facials, and toe manicures

Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc., etc. at October 01, 2015 05:09 PM (Z58Xa)

I'm sure he is into facials. Probably likes to wear pearl necklaces too.

Posted by: Jollyroger at October 01, 2015 05:10 PM (t06LC)

752 The modern man does butt stuff.

Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at October 01, 2015 05:10 PM (4ErVI)

753 Same response to the NYT piece as to the pulp non from cation "Real men don't eat quiche" thirty years ago.
Real men eat anything they want . Modern real men don't care what the NYT says the do .

On the Oregon shooting, story in that the shooter at one point asked students to state their religion.

Posted by: Jimin Virginia at October 01, 2015 05:10 PM (nnh0+)

754 Classical Man uses a leaf blower to sweep the floor.

Modern Man ~~knows every variation of Swiffer~~ can suck start one.
Posted by: rickb223 at October 01, 2015 05:09 PM

FIFY

Posted by: RedMindBlueState at October 01, 2015 05:10 PM (KrAjA)

755 Math, what won't it do?
Posted by: Misanthropic
--------------
Calm Mrs. H and her sister.

Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc., etc. at October 01, 2015 05:11 PM (Z58Xa)

756 Damn i'm late to this party but...

Who Bitch is dis?

Posted by: cajun caret at October 01, 2015 05:12 PM (UZQM8)

757 Modern man knows its OK to ketchup on his vegan steak.

Posted by: Zombie Charlton Heston at October 01, 2015 05:12 PM (1DH1V)

758 OK, Horde, as time passes without the shooter's name being released, what's the over/under on his "Mohammed factor?" I make it 33%, i.e., at least one-third of his names will be "Mohammed."

Posted by: Jay Guevara at October 01, 2015 05:12 PM (oKE6c)

759 #TheModernMan has NEVER drank an alcoholic beverage straight from a bottle

Posted by: kbdabear at October 01, 2015 05:12 PM (GrXXa)

760 The modern man prefers the camerawork 1990s porn, when there was so much more male forearm and ass.

Posted by: wooga at October 01, 2015 05:12 PM (KVq/V)

761 People on 4chan are claiming this is a video the shooter made a month ago --he's a dorky pale 4chan nerd who founded a group called "beta uprising" -- dork virgins rebelling against the "normies" (normal people):

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCn1fwrq_QO0WkzBjdIM-8uQ

NO confirmation about any of this yet, tho.

Posted by: zombie at October 01, 2015 05:12 PM (jBuUi)

762 748 #TheModernMan knows the name of the guy who's screwing his wife, but he never brings it up when she's berating him

Posted by: kbdabear at October 01, 2015 05:10 PM (GrXXa)

Thats because he knows he deserves it.

Posted by: maddogg at October 01, 2015 05:12 PM (xWW96)

763 Modern Man's father tried the 'Iron John' program, but found it scary.

Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc., etc. at October 01, 2015 05:12 PM (Z58Xa)

764 755 Math, what won't it do?
Posted by: Misanthropic
--------------
Calm Mrs. H and her sister.
Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc., etc. at October 01, 2015 05:11 PM (Z58Xa

You guys stay safe and be well!!!

Posted by: Misanthropic Humanitarian at October 01, 2015 05:12 PM (J3phO)

765 The modern man would never have anything to do with a military hospital. If perforce he had to visit one, he might consider it his duty to cry with everyone who has so much as a hangnail.

The classic man goes to military hospitals in war zones with songs and jokes and pretty girls, with strict instructions to everyone with him Not To Cry under any circumstances. And he does so year after year until old age finally forces him to quit.

Guess which one's given name is Leslie.

Posted by: Elisabeth G. Wolfe at October 01, 2015 05:13 PM (iuQS7)

766 I remember this guy...In The Walking Dead early survivors threw him down the well on the Green's farm. Rick's group tried to drag him up and he ripped in half dumping his entire guts in the straw. Metros; Sweetmen; they all end up the same in Zombieland.

Posted by: Arkindole at October 01, 2015 05:13 PM (+rUu2)

767 The Banana Split man thought a melon baller was a nicer way to say tittyfucker. Live and learn.

Posted by: Asshole Banana Splits Guy at October 01, 2015 05:13 PM (NPi29)

768 @753

Thank you. F'ng quiche. Its scrambled eggs with ham and cheese in a pot pie crust. Nothing wrong with that.

Posted by: Jollyroger at October 01, 2015 05:13 PM (t06LC)

769 Modern Man's father is a turkey baster.

Posted by: Misanthropic Humanitarian at October 01, 2015 05:13 PM (J3phO)

770 758 OK, Horde, as time passes without the shooter's name being released, what's the over/under on his "Mohammed factor?" I make it 33%, i.e., at least one-third of his names will be "Mohammed."

Don't know bu My gut says if He was a gamer that doesn't fit... Of course I have no facts to back that up...

Posted by: donna at October 01, 2015 05:13 PM (hUdMz)

771 #TheModernMan has looked directly into the sun much longer than a woman's boobs or ass

Posted by: kbdabear at October 01, 2015 05:13 PM (GrXXa)

772
751 Modern Man is into facials, and toe manicures

Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc., etc. at October 01, 2015 05:09 PM (Z58Xa)

I'm sure he is into facials. Probably likes to wear pearl necklaces too.

Posted by: Jollyroger at October 01, 2015 05:10 PM (t06LC)

And waxing...because hurts so good.

Posted by: Modern Man who loves Mauve at October 01, 2015 05:13 PM (/Vs1e)

773 758 OK, Horde, as time passes without the shooter's name being released, what's the over/under on his "Mohammed factor?" I make it 33%, i.e., at least one-third of his names will be "Mohammed."
Posted by: Jay Guevara

See Comment 761 -- 4chan claims he's a pallid 4chan atheist type.

Posted by: zombie at October 01, 2015 05:13 PM (jBuUi)

774
#TheModernMan can quickly find the AAA app when he gets a flat tire in the scary part of town that doesn't have a Trader Joes

Posted by: kbdabear at October 01, 2015 05:07 PM (GrXXa)

Remember the bovine one's "I don't need to waste my time changing a tire when I have AAA" argument?

Posted by: IllTemperedCur at October 01, 2015 05:13 PM (UBLhq)

775 623
We need a crash testosterone program. I'd say put in the drinking water,
but that would get the women too. We've got to do something. Hell,
maybe the femiNazis have been secretly putting estrogen in the drinking
water already.
*
*
Soy milk. That's the culprit.

Posted by: Wolfus Aurelius at October 01, 2015 05:13 PM (jTUfG)

776 While the modern man has never experienced bukkake,

he thinks about it.

He thinks about it a lot.

Posted by: naturalfake at October 01, 2015 05:14 PM (0cMkb)

777 Good lord, if you search for Brian Lombardi on Zabasearch in Illinois, you get it all. Address, phone number, the works. Brian's not very bright to hang his swishy ass out there like this.

He lives in a townhouse, so no driveway. Figures.

Methinks Brian might want to rethink that 'no gun' stuff, because he's just hung a big 'burgle me' sign on his family. I know DeKalb thugs aren't likely to be big consumers of The New York Times, but word gets around.

Posted by: Sort-of-Mad Max at October 01, 2015 05:14 PM (DLu2s)

778 Hillary Rodham Clinton will in the coming days speak out against the
so-called Cadillac tax on certain health care plans, instead replacing
it with a tax on union dues.

Posted by: Sidney Blumenthal at October 01, 2015 05:14 PM (e8kgV)

779 The modern man knows that the best threesomes always have at least two dudes.

Posted by: wooga at October 01, 2015 05:14 PM (KVq/V)

780 Zombie, Revenge of the Murderous Dork over Atomic Wedgies???

Posted by: Anna Puma at October 01, 2015 05:14 PM (WOKpd)

781 If comment 761 proves to be true, then in a INCREDIBLE coincidence, the Oregon shoot will turn out to have been -- a Modern Man!!!

Posted by: zombie at October 01, 2015 05:14 PM (jBuUi)

782 726 Governor McAwful (definitely a Modern Man) has declared a state of emergency in Virginia and advised residents to prepare for several days without electricity. Because PANIC!!

Posted by: Jimin Virginia at October 01, 2015 05:14 PM (nnh0+)

783 See Comment 761 -- 4chan claims he's a pallid 4chan atheist type.

Posted by: zombie at October 01, 2015 05:13 PM (jBuUi)

Hey, no fair reading the comments upthread!

Posted by: Jay Guevara at October 01, 2015 05:15 PM (oKE6c)

784 People on 4chan are claiming

4chan guy was supposed to be 28. OR Gov says shooter was 20, so I'm treating 4chan stuff as buncombe.

Some reports do say that the shooter asked the victims to identify themselves by religion.

Posted by: Bandersnatch, Team Lefty and Scamp at October 01, 2015 05:15 PM (JtwS4)

785 Modern Man cries when he hears James Taylor play "You've Got A friend"... because he doesn't.

Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc., etc. at October 01, 2015 05:15 PM (Z58Xa)

786 #Modern Man has no use for Ace of Spades. He does not read it and never will.

Posted by: George Orwell de Leon at October 01, 2015 05:15 PM (1BQGO)

787 779 The modern man knows that the best threesomes always have at least two/s] three dudes.
Posted by: wooga at October 01, 2015 05:14 PM (KVq/V)

Posted by: Jay Guevara at October 01, 2015 05:16 PM (oKE6c)

788 1. When the modern man buys shoes for his spouse, he doesn't have to ask
her sister for the size. And he knows which brands run big or small.

... this set off my "Gay-dar"

Posted by: Boy George at October 01, 2015 05:16 PM (e8kgV)

789 crap.

Posted by: Jay Guevara at October 01, 2015 05:16 PM (oKE6c)

790 Modern Man thought 50 Shades of Grey had the rolls reversed...

Posted by: BB Wolf at October 01, 2015 05:16 PM (qh617)

791 Some reports do say that the shooter asked the victims to identify themselves by religion.

Which could mean atheist or Muslim hater... We just don't know...

Posted by: donna at October 01, 2015 05:16 PM (hUdMz)

792 [i\]Chuck Yaegher ?
Posted by: Chuck Yeager at October 01, 2015 05:10 PM (e8kgV)

Chuck Yeager? Even the Strike Witches character the Japanese turned him into (a big boobehed bunny girl that flies around in her pntsu) is mor manly than #TheModernMan

http://strikewitches.wikia.com/wiki/Charlotte_E._Yeager

Posted by: The Sonic Hat at October 01, 2015 05:16 PM (vBeA5)

793 Jay flirts with The Barrel

Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc., etc. at October 01, 2015 05:16 PM (Z58Xa)

794 from 4chan /r9k/? i always hoped those posters who claimed to be "robots" were kidding

Posted by: brak at October 01, 2015 05:17 PM (xwPSp)

795 See Comment 761 -- 4chan claims he's a pallid 4chan atheist type.

Posted by: zombie at October 01, 2015 05:13 PM (jBuUi)

Yep. That's what I think. In the coming weeks and days he'll be found to be obsessed with that Sandy Hook freak and that fucker who shot those girls in California because he had a BMW and was still somehow a virgin.

Posted by: Jollyroger at October 01, 2015 05:17 PM (t06LC)

796 So gay.

Posted by: Elton John at October 01, 2015 05:17 PM (0dcbp)

797 785
Modern Man cries when he hears James Taylor play "You've Got A friend"... because he doesn't.

Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc., etc. at October 01, 2015 05:15 PM (Z58Xa)

... we've got a winner

Posted by: Rodney King at October 01, 2015 05:17 PM (e8kgV)

798 Yo!

Posted by: Yo! at October 01, 2015 05:17 PM (GwIKd)

799 That modern man does GE commercials now.
Posted by: Puddleglum

I thought so and said that to the wife the other night. Reinforces my opinion of GE as a main driver in the pussification of America. They can't stomach incandescent light bulbs and beat off Al Gore at every chance.

Posted by: dogfish at October 01, 2015 05:18 PM (0O2Lr)

800 Same response to the NYT piece as to the pulp non from cation "Real men don't eat quiche" thirty years ago.
Real men eat anything they want.

Hell yes they do. Eat a Bacon, egg & cheese pie one handed.

Posted by: rickb223 at October 01, 2015 05:18 PM (D5XRv)

801 Who the fuck does not own a gun?

Posted by: Yo! at October 01, 2015 05:18 PM (GwIKd)

802 I'm treating 4chan stuff as buncombe

Hey, now!!!!!

Posted by: 98ZJUSMC Staring at the Lake in the rain at October 01, 2015 05:18 PM (7rAXc)

803 759 #TheModernMan has NEVER drank an alcoholic beverage straight from a bottle

Except Zima.

Posted by: wooga at October 01, 2015 05:19 PM (KVq/V)

804 Modern Men are sought out to do Subaru commercials.

Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc., etc. at October 01, 2015 05:19 PM (Z58Xa)

805 791 Some reports do say that the shooter asked the victims to identify themselves by religion.

Which could mean atheist or Muslim hater... We just don't know...
Posted by: donna
__________________

Or it may be yet another tragic disagreement over taking the chalice versus intincting.

Posted by: Furious George at October 01, 2015 05:19 PM (UlJ3l)

806 799: GE is also President Unicorn's favorite corporation. NRO had an article about that way back in 2009. Too lazy to look for it.

Posted by: Puddleglum at October 01, 2015 05:19 PM (clR7B)

807 Who the fuck does not own a gun?

Delicate little snow flake Modern Man...You silly!

Posted by: donna at October 01, 2015 05:19 PM (hUdMz)

808 Modern Man sounds like what we used to call 'women.'

Posted by: Pappy O'Daniel at October 01, 2015 05:20 PM (oVJmc)

809 My Modern Man knows not to say either "hue" or "ecru" when referring to paint colors. The word, "hue" makes me go on rampages (not sure why). On the other hand, the color I picked for foyer (fowy-eh) was "Beautiful On My Eyes" and I could hear the painters mocking it. Bite moi.

Re: evacuations in hurricanes. I confess, in previous life prior to looking like Duchess of Alba after move, I lived 1/4 mile from the Atlantic. When they made it "mandatory" and closed causeways I was outta there. If I am going to die it will not be due to a tidal wave nor cutting artery from can of beans and expiring in a pool of blood because causeways closed. Or being bit by a snake (hell, would die anyway if that happened from cardiac arrest). All I have to worry about now are earthquakes and gas explosions from various gas things I have to use.

I do hope the news is wrong about this Joaquin or however you say or spell it. I like a good old American-named hurricane like Spike or Beretta. Joaquin sounds like a pin cushion (not sure why, but prickly pear). Whatever. Guess I had better go ask what my cave man wants me to kill for dinner.

Posted by: ChristyBlinky, aging supermodel Redneck Queen at October 01, 2015 05:20 PM (LJ4iV)

810 Hell yes they do. Eat a Bacon, egg & cheese pie one handed.

Posted by: rickb223 at October 01, 2015 05:18 PM (D5XRv)

This is what I'm saying. If they added bacon it would almost be as good as a breakfast taco.

Posted by: Jollyroger at October 01, 2015 05:20 PM (t06LC)

811 The modern man? He get a story in the NY Slime. He's ghey and doesn't have a job, but gets a check from his mom.

He's Julia's older brother and sleeps with Pajama boy.

Posted by: Nip Sip at October 01, 2015 05:20 PM (jJRIy)

812 FB friend:

"I always feel a little sad when autumn comes and the school shooting season begins."

Posted by: Bandersnatch, Team Lefty and Scamp at October 01, 2015 05:21 PM (JtwS4)

813 Modern man is such a fag.

Posted by: Liberace at October 01, 2015 05:21 PM (0dcbp)

814 Has anyone pointed out the atrocious misspelling of "Yeager" or is this Yaegher fellow someone I've never heard of?

Posted by: Picky at October 01, 2015 05:21 PM (N1yvt)

815 Who the fuck does not own a gun?

Delicate little snow flake Modern Man...You silly!

Posted by: donna at October 01, 2015 05:19 PM (hUdMz)

I don't. Anymore. Not after that time I lost them sailing.

Posted by: Jollyroger at October 01, 2015 05:21 PM (t06LC)

816 Oh, Shep, please stop. Please, step off screen and take a deep breath. You are a disgrace, you soft little newscaster, you puke. I would love to see you run and try to rescue someone that you care about. It would be fun to watch you squirm as your family was under duress. It would be fun to see how liberal and nuanced you felt about things then, Shep. Why does this guy even have a stinking job? Please, CNN, MSNBC, hire him!

Posted by: goon at October 01, 2015 05:21 PM (gy5kE)

817 Modern Man sounds like what we used to call 'women.'
Posted by: Pappy O'Daniel at October 01, 2015 05:20 PM (oVJmc)

Except while modern man is manfully defending his wife by blocking the exit (?), she is in the closet grabbing a gun.

Posted by: Lea at October 01, 2015 05:21 PM (lIU4e)

818 nood reverse crusades

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero) at October 01, 2015 05:22 PM (8ZskC)

819 People on 4chan are claiming this is a video the shooter made a month ago --he's a dorky pale 4chan nerd who founded a group called "beta uprising" -- dork virgins rebelling against the "normies" (normal people):

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCn1fwrq_QO0WkzBjdIM-8uQ

NO confirmation about any of this yet, tho.
Posted by: zombie at October 01, 2015 05:12 PM (jBuUi)

Wouldn't be surprised. Males are biologically driven to be competative, aggressive, and physical. Modern Feminism and "gender theory" considers this all to be a social construct, and that boys are just defective little girls with dangly bits.

By trying to deny a man's nature, they destroy all the social mores that channeled those energies for socially good ends (e.g. protecting women and children, being providers), thus allowing negative aspects to rise up.

Posted by: The Gendered Hat at October 01, 2015 05:22 PM (vBeA5)

820 @816

I turned it off when he went on the how do we stop this stuff, guns, blah blah blah

Posted by: Nip Sip at October 01, 2015 05:23 PM (jJRIy)

821 Posted by: Bandersnatch, Team Lefty and Scamp at October 01, 2015 05:15 PM (JtwS4)

No, I don't think you read that right.

OP (original poster) does not say his age. Someone responding says something like "I'm 28 and don't go to CC, so..." in response to the OP.

I think. I'll have to go back and double check.

Posted by: Harry Paratestes at October 01, 2015 05:23 PM (AkOaV)

822 So the "modern man" is a woman??

Posted by: prescient11 at October 01, 2015 05:23 PM (W7w/T)

823 812: Sorry, but your friend is a dick.

Posted by: Puddleglum at October 01, 2015 05:23 PM (clR7B)

824 Has anyone pointed out the atrocious misspelling of "Yeager" or is this Yaegher fellow someone I've never heard of?

Posted by: Picky at October 01, 2015 05:21 PM (N1yvt)

Ace just realized he could not reference Modern Man up there in the same sentence with the Great Gen. Yeager, as modern man isn't worthy to suckle upon his ball sweat.

Posted by: Jollyroger at October 01, 2015 05:23 PM (t06LC)

825 Good lord, Zillow tells me he bought the place for $153,000 in 2005, and it's worth maybe $90,000 now.

Modern man always buys high and sells low!

Posted by: Sort-of-Mad Max at October 01, 2015 05:23 PM (DLu2s)

826 reading that made me menstruate.

Posted by: RightWingProf at October 01, 2015 05:23 PM (PMMxk)

827 After thinking about this, I don't own a gun either.

I own several guns.

I mean who only has one gun?
That would be embarrassing.

Posted by: Yo! at October 01, 2015 05:23 PM (GwIKd)

828 The modern man has a soundtrack for his life.

Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at October 01, 2015 05:24 PM (4ErVI)

829 Whose bitch is this?

Posted by: BackwardsBoy at October 01, 2015 05:24 PM (LUgeY)

830 Oops. Nevermind.

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero) at October 01, 2015 05:24 PM (8ZskC)

831 OP (original poster) does not say his age. Someone responding says something like "I'm 28 and don't go to CC, so..." in response to the OP.

Ah. Thanks.

Posted by: Bandersnatch, Team Lefty and Scamp at October 01, 2015 05:24 PM (JtwS4)

832 The Modern Man teases his readers like bitches.

Posted by: weft cut-loop at October 01, 2015 05:24 PM (JmGFJ)

833 Nood post disappeared.

Posted by: The Gendered Hat at October 01, 2015 05:25 PM (vBeA5)

834 Governor McAwful (definitely a Modern Man) has declared a state of emergency in Virginia and advised residents to prepare for several days without electricity. Because PANIC!!Posted by: Jimin Virginia at October 01, 2015 05:14 PM (nnh0+

I don't know about down there but we've had a month of rain the past couple days. With any high winds we're gonna have major tree droppings. Our soil is saturated.

That thing gets within a hundred miles of me I'm sleeping in the basement. Last time I got this concerned was dead of winter, and we lost power for four days. Along with half a million others. The potential is there, all i'm sayin.

Posted by: se pa moron at October 01, 2015 05:25 PM (sI4OA)

835 Oh I see how it is. Ace giveth and Ace taketh away. Is this a reverse Willow?

Posted by: dogfish at October 01, 2015 05:25 PM (0O2Lr)

836 Did the new thread disappear?

Posted by: donna at October 01, 2015 05:25 PM (hUdMz)

837 disappearing post?

Posted by: spypeach at October 01, 2015 05:25 PM (KTiWT)

838 Nood goes poof.

Better than 'Poof goes nood.'

Posted by: Pappy O'Daniel at October 01, 2015 05:25 PM (oVJmc)

839 All of Micheal Mann's movies? Including "The Keep"? I loved the book, but the movie was awful.

Posted by: Darth Randall at October 01, 2015 05:25 PM (6n332)

840 OR TV says shooter axed victims to state their religion.

What are the odds he's Amish?

Posted by: Nip Sip at October 01, 2015 05:25 PM (jJRIy)

841 I mean who only has one gun?

That would be embarrassing.

I'm not even sure exactly how many guns I own.

I mean, I'd know if one was missing, but I couldn't give you an accurate count within about, say, five.

Sheesh.

I need to get some range time in.

Posted by: Sort-of-Mad Max at October 01, 2015 05:26 PM (DLu2s)

842 That post went down faster than the Wilhelm Gustloff.

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero) at October 01, 2015 05:26 PM (8ZskC)

843 Where's the guy who always sings "First there is a thread, then there is no thread and then there is"?

Posted by: dartist at October 01, 2015 05:26 PM (J/n2N)

844 missing thread was a link to BNO news

Posted by: Big Star at October 01, 2015 05:26 PM (/wt4l)

845 I'm back!

Where is Buzzion!

Posted by: Idiocracy Civilian at October 01, 2015 05:26 PM (SJi0a)

846 823
812: Sorry, but your friend is a dick.

More importantly, does your friend have a dick? I feel a distinct need to suck it.

Posted by: A Modern Man at October 01, 2015 05:26 PM (FwRqg)

847 Disappearing post disappeared.

Posted by: rickl at October 01, 2015 05:26 PM (zoehZ)

848 The modern man pulls blog posts.

*ducks*

Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at October 01, 2015 05:26 PM (4ErVI)

849
828 The modern man has a soundtrack for his life.

Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at October 01, 2015 05:24 PM (4ErVI)

It consists entirely of music played at Lilith Fair

Posted by: Jollyroger at October 01, 2015 05:26 PM (t06LC)

850 Weird. I can post in the new thread..., but it isn't actually there.

Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc., etc. at October 01, 2015 05:26 PM (Z58Xa)

851 845
I'm back!

Where is Buzzion!

Posted by: Idiocracy Civilian at October 01, 2015 05:26 PM (SJi0a)

I think he's still dead?

Posted by: Nip Sip at October 01, 2015 05:27 PM (jJRIy)

852 Wow, I posted on a thread that disappeared, supposed I'm banned again.

Posted by: Misanthropic Humanitarian at October 01, 2015 05:27 PM (J3phO)

853 Chuck Yeager broke the effin' sound barrier with broken ribs.

Modern Man is a latte-sippin' puss.

Posted by: Pappy O'Daniel at October 01, 2015 05:27 PM (oVJmc)

854 Weird. I can post in the new thread..., but it isn't actually there.

Wonder if it was pulled because it was wrong information...

Posted by: donna at October 01, 2015 05:27 PM (hUdMz)

855 That post went down faster than the Wilhelm Gustloff.
Posted by: Cicero

Faster thanModern Man.

Posted by: rickb223 at October 01, 2015 05:27 PM (D5XRv)

856 850
Weird. I can post in the new thread..., but it isn't actually there.

...Dave?

Posted by: Mortimer at October 01, 2015 05:28 PM (0dcbp)

857 855 That post went down faster than the Wilhelm Gustloff.
Posted by: Cicero

Faster thanModern Man.

On other Modern Man

Posted by: donna at October 01, 2015 05:28 PM (hUdMz)

858
What are the odds he's Amish?
Posted by: Nip Sip at October 01

Explains the horse shit all over campus and the slow get away

Posted by: Misanthropic Humanitarian at October 01, 2015 05:28 PM (J3phO)

859 857 855 That post went down faster than the Wilhelm Gustloff.
Posted by: Cicero

Faster thanModern Man.

On other Modern Man

Posted by: donna at October 01, 2015 05:28 PM (hUdMz)

IN other modern men.

Posted by: Jollyroger at October 01, 2015 05:29 PM (t06LC)

860 The Modern Man asks his victims their religion before (if not muzzie) Killing them. With the gun he will never own (stolen?). And off damn sock. And fuck SHRillary! and TFG.

Posted by: OK, Thanks, Bye at October 01, 2015 05:30 PM (ucB75)

861 "No further details" means 'partisan Progtard psychopath' in Newspeak.

Posted by: Mortimer at October 01, 2015 05:30 PM (0dcbp)

862 Cripes. we're all becoming hardened by the increasing incidence of nut jobs shooting people.

Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc., etc. at October 01, 2015 05:30 PM (Z58Xa)

863 OT: Looks like the HQ has another H8r:

https://redd.it/3n3x1a

Posted by: The Horde Hat at October 01, 2015 05:30 PM (vBeA5)

864 The Modern Man is not a Man.

Posted by: ConservativeMonster at October 01, 2015 05:30 PM (0NdlF)

865 I never even saw the new thread

Posted by: Harry Paratestes at October 01, 2015 05:30 PM (AkOaV)

866 840 OR TV says shooter axed victims to state their religion.

What are the odds he's Amish?

Word from the less savory parts of the internet is that he was shooting christians. Just a rumor though.

It'll be 24 hours before we know anything.

Posted by: Bevel Lemelisk at October 01, 2015 05:30 PM (88fBD)

867 That missing thread sounded interesting this is getting boring..

Posted by: donna at October 01, 2015 05:30 PM (hUdMz)

868 This shooting is going to get my sorta senile MIL wacko (who fanatically watches CNN any moment awake). She is an anti-gun yapping dingbat. She knows I am not only a Redneck Queen but one who was raised with guns and conservative and she likes to bait. I have to gnaw holes in tongue to not reply and blast her skinny arse back to NY. I was raised to respect the elderly. No wonder I have gluten intolerance as I also have Yankee Intolerance.

Posted by: ChristyBlinky, aging supermodel Redneck Queen at October 01, 2015 05:30 PM (LJ4iV)

869 The 20 year old shooter? WTF is his name? You know his age. How?

Posted by: Nip Sip at October 01, 2015 05:31 PM (jJRIy)

870 Just how Social Justice is not Justice.

Posted by: ConservativeMonster at October 01, 2015 05:31 PM (0NdlF)

871 I never even saw the new thread

It was...wonderful...

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero) at October 01, 2015 05:31 PM (8ZskC)

872 I never even saw the new thread .
Posted by: Harry Paratestes
---------------

I can help:
http://acecomments.mu.nu/?post=359279

Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc., etc. at October 01, 2015 05:32 PM (Z58Xa)

873 My dad passed at about 3:25.Seemed pretty peaceful.

Posted by: steevy at October 01, 2015 05:32 PM (sPO3u)

874 @866..."axked" about religion? I see an ax mooslem.

What was the missing post about, y'all?

Posted by: ChristyBlinky, aging supermodel Redneck Queen at October 01, 2015 05:32 PM (LJ4iV)

875 Why does this guy even have a stinking job? Please, CNN, MSNBC, hire him!
Posted by: goon at October 01, 2015 05:21 PM (gy5kE)

Well, he absolutely rocks the eyeliner-and-middle-aged-gay-man-red-hairdye look.

Posted by: Modern Man at October 01, 2015 05:32 PM (vgIRn)

876

OT / I heard that Bibi gave a manly man speech at the UN today. From what I understand, he nailed those bastards. I am going to see if I can find his remarks somewhere, in total.

Posted by: grammie winger, waiting for the trumpets at October 01, 2015 05:32 PM (dFi94)

877 Shep Smith, the modern man idiot.

Posted by: Nip Sip at October 01, 2015 05:32 PM (jJRIy)

878 871 I never even saw the new thread

It was...wonderful...

I actually got to hold it for just a bit...

Posted by: donna at October 01, 2015 05:32 PM (hUdMz)

879 The modern man is a homo, in other words. Oh, Mary!

Posted by: Beverly at October 01, 2015 05:32 PM (TFCH1)

880 The 20 year old shooter? WTF is his name? You know his age. How?
---------------

Younger than 26, so juvenile protection invoked.

Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc., etc. at October 01, 2015 05:33 PM (Z58Xa)

881 Vester Flanagan was a modern man, as is Stephen Colbert. Why, there are literally millions of the self-loathing drones...I see more and more all the time. A burly grown six-footer this morning at the coffee shop, watching some type of anime on a ipad. When he noticed me looking as I waited to order, he narrowed his eyes, and quickly turned back to his screen. He knew, and I knew, just how fucking awful it was.

Posted by: Will at October 01, 2015 05:33 PM (GHb0U)

882 They know who he is, why won't they tell us?

Posted by: spypeach at October 01, 2015 05:33 PM (KTiWT)

883 My dad passed at about 3:25.Seemed pretty peaceful.

Condolences and prayers, steevy.

Posted by: Brother Cavil, down with Eph 6:12-13 at October 01, 2015 05:33 PM (9krrF)

884 TL;DR: The Modern Man is totes adorbs.

Posted by: A440Hz at October 01, 2015 05:33 PM (FAPxv)

885 Just checking in.

10. The modern man makes sure the dishes on the rack have dried completely before putting them away.

Ok, this made me laugh. Wife told me 35 yrs ago if I wanted dishes put up dry to do it myself. She wasn't into the whole drying thing.

Posted by: olddog in mo at October 01, 2015 05:33 PM (oKpFs)

886 Steevy @ 873...my condolences. Hard to lose your father. Prayers up for you. Find memories that make you smile.

Posted by: ChristyBlinky, aging supermodel Redneck Queen at October 01, 2015 05:33 PM (LJ4iV)

887 873 My dad passed at about 3:25.Seemed pretty peaceful.
Posted by: steevy at October 01, 2015 05:32 PM (sPO

Seriously?

Posted by: donna at October 01, 2015 05:33 PM (hUdMz)

888 I WAS IN THE POOL!

Posted by: Modern Man at October 01, 2015 05:33 PM (1DH1V)

889
_________________________

My dad passed at about 3:25.Seemed pretty peaceful.

Posted by: steevy at October 01, 2015 05:32 PM (sPO3u)
________________________________

Oh steevy. I am so very very sorry for your loss.

Posted by: grammie winger, waiting for the trumpets at October 01, 2015 05:34 PM (dFi94)

890 Prayers for you and your family, steevy. May God welcome him into Heaven.

Posted by: BackwardsBoy at October 01, 2015 05:34 PM (LUgeY)

891 Condolences, steevy

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero) at October 01, 2015 05:34 PM (8ZskC)

892 Oh steevy. I am so very very sorry for your loss.

Me too.... Prayers for You and Yours...

Posted by: donna at October 01, 2015 05:34 PM (hUdMz)

893 What was the missing post about, y'all?

Reports the Oregon CC shooter asked his targets about religion.

If they said they were Christian, he shot 'em in the head.

Either Sudden Jihadi Syndrome, or lefty hater.

Posted by: Brother Cavil, down with Eph 6:12-13 at October 01, 2015 05:34 PM (9krrF)

894 Condolences, Steevy.

Posted by: rebel flounder at October 01, 2015 05:35 PM (1DH1V)

895 Shep needs some Midol and a fresh tampon.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at October 01, 2015 05:35 PM (FsuaD)

896 My dad passed at about 3:25.Seemed pretty peaceful.

Posted by: steevy at October 01, 2015 05:32 PM

Prayers, Steevy. May his memory be eternal.

Posted by: RedMindBlueState at October 01, 2015 05:35 PM (KrAjA)

897 873
My dad passed at about 3:25.Seemed pretty peaceful.

Posted by: steevy at October 01, 2015 05:32 PM (sPO3u)

Sorry to hear that Steevy, I am betting he wasn't a "Modern Man"

Posted by: Nip Sip at October 01, 2015 05:35 PM (jJRIy)

898 868
This shooting is going to get my sorta senile MIL wacko (who fanatically
watches CNN any moment awake). She is an anti-gun yapping dingbat. She
knows I am not only a Redneck Queen but one who was raised with guns and
conservative and she likes to bait. I have to gnaw holes in tongue to
not reply and blast her skinny arse back to NY. I was raised to respect
the elderly. No wonder I have gluten intolerance as I also have Yankee
Intolerance.

Posted by: ChristyBlinky, aging supermodel Redneck Queen at October 01, 2015 05:30 PM (LJ4iV)

Wait a few years and then stand on her oxygen hose.

Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at October 01, 2015 05:35 PM (4ErVI)

899 >>>> Posted by: ChristyBlinky, aging supermodel Redneck Queen at October 01, 2015 05:30 PM (LJ4iV)

-----

My sympathies, Redneck Queen. I'm related to two like that. One is my evil bitch mom and the other is my stupid retard sister. They're still muttering about GWB and Hitler

Posted by: L, Elle at October 01, 2015 05:35 PM (oBghv)

900 @876...oh, hail, yeah, Bibi nailed them all to the wall. Love that guy and wish our "leaders" had a ml of his courage. But, nope! They could not even stay for his speech (enraged about that).

Posted by: ChristyBlinky, aging supermodel Redneck Queen at October 01, 2015 05:35 PM (LJ4iV)

901 Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc., etc. at October 01, 2015 05:32 PM (Z58Xa)

Its blank.

::shudder::

Posted by: Harry Paratestes at October 01, 2015 05:35 PM (AkOaV)

902 fuck this shit in particular

Posted by: Feh at October 01, 2015 05:36 PM (6iF5R)

903 steevy - Very, very sorry to hear that, steevy. I'm always at a loss for what to say. My thoughts will be with you.

Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc., etc. at October 01, 2015 05:36 PM (OLNwX)

904
My dad passed at about 3:25.Seemed pretty peaceful.

Posted by: steevy at October 01, 2015 05:32 PM (sPO3u)

So sorry, steevy.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at October 01, 2015 05:36 PM (FsuaD)

905 my stupid retard sister. They're still muttering about GWB and Hitler

I have a stupid Lib Sister too...

Posted by: donna at October 01, 2015 05:36 PM (hUdMz)

906 I shall call the nood that went poof Ralph.

I will love him and pet him squeeze him.........

Posted by: Yo! at October 01, 2015 05:36 PM (GwIKd)

907 My dad passed at about 3:25.Seemed pretty peaceful.

Posted by: steevy at October 01, 2015 05:32 PM (sPO3u)

Thoughts and prayers, Steevy.

Posted by: Country Singer at October 01, 2015 05:37 PM (nL0sw)

908 I'm starting my own list.

1. The modern fights over the internet as to whether crossbows or longbows are better.

2. The modern man knows that all chaps are assless but refers to them as assless chaps anyway.

3. The modern man's first thought on waking is, "What fresh hell awaits?"

Posted by: The Great White Snark at October 01, 2015 05:37 PM (XUKZU)

909 sorry stevie. may he rest in peace.

Posted by: Chavez the Hugo at October 01, 2015 05:37 PM (ucDmr)

910 So very sorry, steevy. It must be some solace that he died peacefully. I hope you're okay

Posted by: L, Elle at October 01, 2015 05:37 PM (oBghv)

911 My dad passed at about 3:25.Seemed pretty peaceful.

So sorry to hear that steevy. Prayers to you and your family.

Posted by: rickb223 at October 01, 2015 05:37 PM (D5XRv)

912 ::shudder::
Posted by: Harry Paratestes
------------------

Yeah. Damned scary in there. It's like being in The Barrel, without the stench. But lonely, so lonely.

Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc., etc. at October 01, 2015 05:38 PM (OLNwX)

913 Cripes. we're all becoming hardened by the increasing incidence of nut jobs shooting people.
Posted by: Mike Hammer,

State your evidence of said increase.

Posted by: weft cut-loop at October 01, 2015 05:38 PM (JmGFJ)

914 Reports the Oregon CC shooter asked his targets about religion.

If they said they were Christian, he shot 'em in the head.

Either Sudden Jihadi Syndrome, or lefty hater.

Posted by: Brother Cavil, down with Eph 6:12-13 at October 01, 2015 05:34 PM (9krrF)

If that's true I would lean towards lefty. A jihadi would have been looking for the Juice, primarily - not that a Community College is a place rife with Juice, but jihadis wouldn't know that.

Posted by: ThePrimordialOrderedPair at October 01, 2015 05:38 PM (zc3Db)

915

steevy - I hope you know that you have a group of people here who really care about you.

Posted by: grammie winger, waiting for the trumpets at October 01, 2015 05:38 PM (dFi94)

916 My dad passed at about 3:25.Seemed pretty peaceful.

Posted by: steevy at October 01, 2015 05:32 PM (sPO3u)

Really sorry to hear that. Prayers for you and your family.

Posted by: Jollyroger at October 01, 2015 05:39 PM (t06LC)

917 The death of one moron's father is more important than the "modern man".

Am I wrong here?

Posted by: Nip Sip at October 01, 2015 05:39 PM (jJRIy)

918 One is my evil bitch mom and the other is my stupid retard sister. They're still muttering about GWB and Hitler

Posted by: L, Elle at October 01, 2015 05:35 PM (oBghv)

I think I may be the anomaly: my brother is off to the right of me, somewhere close to "sovereign citizen" territory. He's just pretty quiet about it.

Posted by: Country Singer at October 01, 2015 05:39 PM (nL0sw)

919 Piltdown Man was the archetypal Modern Man.

Posted by: ThePrimordialOrderedPair at October 01, 2015 05:39 PM (zc3Db)

920 I bought my husband a pair of Kenneth Cole oxfords for work. He made me take them back he hated them so much.

Posted by: Adrienne at October 01, 2015 05:39 PM (lVcuh)

921 We going to make it to 1,000?

Posted by: Skip at October 01, 2015 05:40 PM (HbCsM)

922 steevy

Prayers for you and your Dad.

Posted by: Your friendly Danube River guide at October 01, 2015 05:40 PM (mcm0N)

923 918 The death of one moron's father is more important than the "modern man".

Am I wrong here?

No..... Brings things into perspective doesn't it...

Posted by: donna at October 01, 2015 05:40 PM (hUdMz)

924 ...When the modern man buys shoes for his spouse...

Ace, I don't recall such a hilarious post in quite a while. Nice comedy!

Browser says the term "metrosexual" appears more than a half-dozen times in comments already, so I don't have to go there.

Two things you quoted were close to pretty good, context notwithstanding.

1. Being between danger and the Mrs. Even in (seemingly) trivial situations, I find myself conscious of positioning like this. Feels silly sometimes, but, then, I've never been called upon (yet) to "try to" defend her.

2. A daughter will teach you things. Not the things that author thinks, of course. Like, for example, having a daughter makes me think more about firearms...!

Posted by: thoroughly modern mindful webworker at October 01, 2015 05:40 PM (Z8+SR)

925 prayers steevy

Posted by: Feh at October 01, 2015 05:40 PM (6iF5R)

926 @893...sounding like Sudden Jihad, no? I read about a little 5 yr old boy who died at the hands of isis because he wore a cross. I wear a cross and always will.

May God comfort those who lost a loved one today at the hands of evil.

Posted by: ChristyBlinky, aging supermodel Redneck Queen at October 01, 2015 05:40 PM (LJ4iV)

927 I have a stupid Lib Sister too...

Posted by: donna at October 01, 2015 05:36 PM (hUdMz)

I feel your pain.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at October 01, 2015 05:40 PM (FsuaD)

928 My dad passed at about 3:25.Seemed pretty peaceful.

Posted by: steevy at October 01, 2015 05:32 PM (sPO3u)

Prayers for you, your family, and your dad!

Posted by: Hrothgar at October 01, 2015 05:40 PM (ftVQq)

929 The modern man is going to get eaten by atavistic man the moment civilization gets shaky.

Posted by: Grey Fox at October 01, 2015 05:41 PM (bZ7mE)

930 nood nood

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero) at October 01, 2015 05:41 PM (8ZskC)

931 If they said they were Christian, he shot 'em in the head.
Posted by: Brother Cavil, down with Eph 6:12-13 at October 01, 2015 05:34 PM (9krrF)

Interesting if true, given the left's mocking of Christians lately when anyone points out persecution of Christians.

Posted by: Country Singer at October 01, 2015 05:41 PM (nL0sw)

932 Steevie, I trust Your Dad had a long and wonderful Life...

Posted by: donna at October 01, 2015 05:41 PM (hUdMz)

933 Posted by: Nip Sip at October 01, 2015 05:39 PM (jJRIy)

Spot on!

Posted by: Hrothgar at October 01, 2015 05:42 PM (ftVQq)

934 Damn. The computer models seem to be split 50/50 landfall vs clean miss. Now a Cat 4.

I like settled science, its so sciencey. One model, one variable, co2. None of this damn multiple choice stuff.

Posted by: se pa moron at October 01, 2015 05:42 PM (sI4OA)

935 So sorry, steevy.

Posted by: Elisabeth G. Wolfe at October 01, 2015 05:42 PM (iuQS7)

936 >>>> I think I may be the anomaly: my brother is off to the right of me, somewhere close to "sovereign citizen" territory. He's just pretty quiet about it.
Posted by: Country Singer at October 01, 2015 05:39 PM

-----

Geez, I wish they'd be quiet about their moonbattery and LIV talking points BS. Why can't the live shut the hell up? They bring up politics all the time and then get all butthurt when I argue with them and make them sound stupid and uniformed. My sister just told me to fuck off last night.

Posted by: L, Elle at October 01, 2015 05:43 PM (oBghv)

937 15. The modern man has hardwood flooring.

Hmmm. Gonna have to ask DC about this on the ONT. He's very open about his wife, but he's never commented about himself.

Posted by: bebe's boobs destroy at October 01, 2015 05:44 PM (+HxkQ)

938 State your evidence of said increase.
Posted by: weft cut-loop
--------------

I acknowledge that it is subjective, but prior to Whitman, I recall none. My point is that they have happened sufficiently often that we begin with dark humor within minutes

Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc., etc. at October 01, 2015 05:44 PM (yddCj)

939 873
My dad passed at about 3:25.Seemed pretty peaceful.

Posted by: steevy at October 01, 2015 05:32 PM (sPO3u)

I can only hope that are peaceful as well

Posted by: Albie Damned at October 01, 2015 05:45 PM (HzqYP)

940 The missing thread was beautiful. It was all about how the past seven
years were just an awful, awful mass delusion, and how, in reality, the world is at peace,
we've had spectacular economic growth after a scary economic crisis,
Vladimir Putin, the Chinese Communist Party, and the mullahs of Iran, if
they're not dead, are presently hiding from liberty-loving
revolutionaries, Al Sharpton, whoever ran Planned Parenthood, Barney Frank, a
solid percentage of Congress, and most of Hollywood are currently rotting in prison, the Red
Sox are going to the playoffs for the fifth year running, and the US is feared and respected by all.

It
wasn't all good news though. This one guy from Chicago, Barry Obronco
(sp?) and his "significant other" Reggie won't shut up about gay
marriage. Meh, c'est la vie.

Posted by: Armando at October 01, 2015 05:46 PM (FwRqg)

941 My dad passed at about 3:25.Seemed pretty peaceful.

Posted by: steevy at October 01, 2015 05:32 PM (sPO3u)

Thoughts & Prayers

Posted by: The Political Hat at October 01, 2015 05:47 PM (vBeA5)

942 New Nood.

Posted by: The Political Hat at October 01, 2015 05:48 PM (vBeA5)

943
Yes. Condolences, steevy. Gotta be in a better place?

Posted by: OK, Thanks, Bye at October 01, 2015 05:48 PM (ucB75)

944 100. The modern man drinks hot cocoa with footie pyjamas and shills at his relatives for Obamacare.

Posted by: Axeman at October 01, 2015 05:49 PM (2mC6G)

945 Steevy- My condolences to you and your family

Posted by: Skip at October 01, 2015 05:49 PM (HbCsM)

946 The modern man knows that the cut is "filet", and it doesn't have fat to char.

Posted by: Advo at October 01, 2015 05:50 PM (7vbG1)

947 The Modern Man traded in his penis for a clitoris a long time ago.

No need for that icky "penetration" stuff.

Posted by: Noam Sayen at October 01, 2015 05:51 PM (FkgZk)

948 OK, another "feel good about being old and out of touch" post.

Grazie.

Posted by: Meremortal at October 01, 2015 05:53 PM (3myMJ)

949 Condolences, steevy. Prayers up for you and your family.

Posted by: olddog in mo at October 01, 2015 05:54 PM (oKpFs)

950 The modern man courageously changes his gender to avoid being charged with vehicular homicide.

Posted by: SMOD Keeper at October 01, 2015 05:57 PM (pO/7q)

951 Perhaps THIS is the real point of this whole embarrassing drivel (emphasis mine):

22. The modern man still ambles half-naked down his driveway each morning to scoop up a crisp newspaper.

Because the only way to get a crisp newspaper on one's driveway is to subscribe to the Platinum Delivery Service offered by the New York Times, n'est-ce pas?

Posted by: Kay at October 01, 2015 05:58 PM (mwDwy)

952 I expect this to be translated into Arabic and passed around Dar Al Islam as a perfect description of the kind of limp-wristed pushovers the budding Jihadi can expect to encounter on the battlefield.

Posted by: Socratease at October 01, 2015 05:59 PM (FqHs5)

953 Sorry to hear of your dad's passing, Steevy. Prayers to you and your family.

Posted by: SMOD Keeper at October 01, 2015 05:59 PM (pO/7q)

954 >>> By the way, Twinkie, there's not much fat at all on a fillet. That's the main thing about them, and why they're preferred by children and finicky eaters.

Also: the word is "filet", as in "filet mignon".

And a real man orders a ribeye.

Posted by: dan-O at October 01, 2015 06:02 PM (ByqK7)

955 ugh...Hopefully "the modern man" gets pounded on a daily basis.......and NOT in the good way....

Posted by: Knightbrigade at October 01, 2015 06:02 PM (SKGXy)

956 My dad passed at about 3:25.Seemed pretty peaceful.
Posted by: steevy

Oh man. I am so, so sorry.

Posted by: dogfish at October 01, 2015 06:03 PM (0O2Lr)

957 >>> 8. The modern man uses the proper names for things. For example, he'll say "helicopter," not "chopper" like some gauche simpleton

How about words like "Coke" (instead of Coca-Cola), as seen in 7, directly above... what a nitwit. This is too easy.

Posted by: dan-O at October 01, 2015 06:06 PM (ByqK7)

958 So farting is out..?

Posted by: macleod at October 01, 2015 06:18 PM (Qf5bp)

959 Hmmm. Gonna have to ask DC about this on the ONT. He's very open about his wife, but he's never commented about himself.
Posted by: bebe's boobs destroy at October 01, 2015 05:44 PM (+HxkQ)
---
Beebs, we need to trap DC in a pincer movement and get him to 'fess up. With pics.

Posted by: Cardinal Eris (weapons: fear, surprise, ruthless efficiency, fanatical devotion to the Pope) at October 01, 2015 06:26 PM (jR7Wy)

960 I hate the thought that a great fillet was made girlish. Yes it has no fat, but a rare-to medium rare fillet is awesome! I can't belief the idea that soap made an appearance. The modern man saves the remainder of every soap bar and mashes it into a new bar. We do not throw away any soap!

Yes, i cry. but I only cry when hungover. It is strange what can happens after drinking a 5th of Beam the night before and watching commercials.

Posted by: Brock at October 01, 2015 06:36 PM (ECUyd)

961 My guess is that this whole "Modern Man" article was meant as a joke.

Because that's much less disturbing than assuming that the writer and his editors mean it literally.

Posted by: Joshua at October 01, 2015 06:36 PM (oCZ4e)

962 The Modern Man bakes his cookies at 35*1* degrees. Deal with it motherfuckers.

Posted by: The Modern Man at October 01, 2015 06:49 PM (amQXf)

963
By the way, Twinkie, there's not much fat at all on a fillet.

Suddenly, my preference for prime rib comes into focus: it's the fat, man!

Posted by: I R A Darth Aggie at October 01, 2015 06:51 PM (VvOZ5)

964 As usual,
Obama behaving stupidly.

(and politically)

Posted by: DaProf at October 01, 2015 06:52 PM (I/c8x)

965 24. The modern man doesn't get hung up on his phone's battery percentage. If it needs to run flat, so be it.

This explains a lot about the modern man's politics.

Posted by: Funkotron at October 01, 2015 07:01 PM (c7rW1)

966 9. Having a daughter makes the modern man more of a complete person. He learns new stuff every day.

Actually, I kind of agree with this one. Having a daughter (now 2) definitely changed me, my outlook on life and how I behave. I had nieces before I really enjoyed and loved and they loved me, but there's something about having a daughter that really changes you.

Posted by: docweasel at October 01, 2015 07:36 PM (XxzcU)

967 WOW. What color is the sky in that limp wristed nancy boy's world. I thought I read an effete lisp in that "article".

Posted by: RaiderJoe at October 01, 2015 07:43 PM (zG0EI)

968 So sorry for your loss, steevy.

Posted by: Sort-of-Mad Max at October 01, 2015 07:59 PM (DLu2s)

969 The modern man this guy (or maybe not) is talking about is a transsexual. So, yeah, a woman pretending to be a man. And not aware of all her tells.

Posted by: David at October 01, 2015 08:07 PM (dhQoG)

970 The modern man would NEVER attempt to
catch a bass on a woman's earring.

Also, he needs a good smack.

Posted by: JT at October 01, 2015 08:16 PM (qDhk+)

971 Very sorry for your loss Steevy.
T

Posted by: Farmer at October 01, 2015 08:36 PM (o/90i)

972 Ah, folks - note that the writer is from DeKalb, Illinois. That's farm country in central Illinois, where most of the neighbors are armed. I bet this is parody.

Posted by: RonF at October 01, 2015 09:11 PM (A+jSE)

973 Like social justice isn't justice, modern man isn't man. At all.

Posted by: simplemind at October 01, 2015 09:21 PM (BTnAK)

974 A melon baller is an Arab thing. Look it up.

Posted by: Tom at October 01, 2015 09:51 PM (3etFM)

975 Honestly, I have to speak up in defense of a guy who does know his spouse/significant other's preferences and size in clothing. I part-timed after retirement from the USAF and before I became partner in the Tiny Publishing Bidness as a sales associate at Talbots ... and really, the number of totally clueless male shoppers trying to purchase something for their Significant Female Others without having any clue at all...
it was pathetic. Our usual dodge was to ask them -- OK, look around the store; do you see any other shoppers or associates who are about the height and weight of your SO?
But there was one male shopper that I dealt with, on one memorable occasion: he had his wife's size in everything, written down on a small business-card-sized card in his wallet, along with her color preferences.
I thought this was just totally awesome and logical. I pointed him out to all the other associates - the perfect man! (In that respect. Usually, we just advised that they purchase a gift card...)

Posted by: Sgt. Mom at October 01, 2015 10:13 PM (95iDF)

976 The modern man is a candy-assed douchebag.

Posted by: ummmmmmm at October 01, 2015 10:31 PM (//ozn)

977 20. On occasion, the modern man is the little spoon. Some nights,
when he is feeling down or vulnerable, he needs an emotional and
physical shield.

"little spoon" ? Say What ? Doesn't he know .. there is no spoon.

Posted by: Neo at October 01, 2015 10:34 PM (e8kgV)

978 13. The modern man listens to Wu-Tang at least once a week.

Who the H is Wu-Tang, anyway?

The Wu-Tang Clan is an American hip hop group from New York City, originally composed of East Coast rappers RZA, GZA, Method Man, Raekwon, Ghostface Killah, Inspectah Deck, U-God, Masta Killa, Cappadonna and the late Ol' Dirty Bastard.

... hey, isn't that the cast of the next Mad Max film ?

Posted by: Ron Jeremy at October 01, 2015 10:52 PM (e8kgV)

979 - The Modern Man is a man of intelligence and discernment. As such, he stopped taking the New York Times seriously at least a decade ago, and possibly as long ago as the 1980 election, realizing that it had become a provincial parody of a newspaper.

Posted by: C. S. P. Schofield at October 02, 2015 12:36 AM (NuSMA)

980 The modern man spritzes his wife's feminist bookshelf with urine out of petty spite and childish impotence.

The modern man clenches his fists into tiny balls of rage when no one compliments his organic mustard recipe.

The modern man glowers at other soyboys if they order the same fair-trade Guatemalan 3rd-world roast as him.

Posted by: The Body at October 02, 2015 01:05 AM (v+/21)

981 The modern man can F off.

Posted by: Terry at October 02, 2015 08:52 AM (1tQG7)

982 steevy - My condolences on the loss of your father. He is gone, but he will be with you always in your heart, and in your memories of all that you lived and shared together.
Lost my mother last May, and the grieving is still there, but time eases the pain.
Hang in there, man.

Posted by: tlk428 at October 02, 2015 08:57 AM (0c9yp)

983 Actually this entire article can be 99% corrected by a simple search and replace:

For the phrase "modern man" substitute "douchebag" and the article becomes almost completely accurate, true, and correct.

The times author does make one error: the sort of douchebag he is describing doesn't put up a fight in the face of an intruder; he reverts to type and dunks his own head in the toilet in the hope that while the intruder is rolling on the floor laughing at him his spousal unit is able to flee to safety.

On second thought is the Times author implying that the modern woman can't protect herself and has to depend on something vaguely resembling a man to protect her? Alert the SJWs; their intense hen pecking, wing flapping and squawks are needed to correct this grievous wrong.

Posted by: An Observation at October 02, 2015 09:00 AM (NqbK8)

984 oh, and the "modern man"?

Sounds like those metrosexual ladyboys that the lefties seem so enamored of.

Just sayin' . . .

Posted by: tlk428 at October 02, 2015 09:12 AM (0c9yp)

985 As a woman, I'm reminded of my dating years where part of my criteria was 'never date a man that you can take'.

Posted by: tired at October 02, 2015 09:21 AM (adOUE)

986 Sorry Steevy. I can only offer the written hand on the shoulder. It is not much - but it lets you know your aren't alone.

Posted by: An Observation at October 02, 2015 09:34 AM (NqbK8)

987 sorry for the typo you instead of your

Posted by: An Observation at October 02, 2015 09:36 AM (NqbK8)

988 As a woman, I'm reminded of my dating years where part of my criteria was 'never date a man that you can take'.

Ronda Rousey has written that she has the same criteria. Her problem is that - in her case - that approach eliminates about 99.999 % of the men in the world.

Posted by: An Observation at October 02, 2015 09:48 AM (NqbK8)

989 So, the modern man will clearly disappear this generation as he's gay, unemployed, lives on his parents good fortune and will never procreate.

Thank God they're all up north.... and we, in Texas, will make sure the modern man stays right where he belongs.

Posted by: C Smith at October 02, 2015 11:14 AM (11GS5)

990 When reading the article, replace "man" with "eunuch". Then you'll what the author really intends.

Posted by: Brown Line at October 02, 2015 12:05 PM (zcbZo)

991
The modern man sounds like he has to squat to pee.

Posted by: Levin at October 02, 2015 01:17 PM (mgl7C)

992 260
The modern liberal man embraces the use of Tampons.

For bullet wounds.

Posted by: R Daneel at October 02, 2015 02:35 PM (ckQml)

993 Hmm? Oh, that? The modern man has been around since the beginning. He goes down as a silly ass drunk/druggy who never has a child, and ends up in a retirement home or dead rather young. Sad selfish men of no import who aren't worth leaving a name or progeny. Entertaining for real men, and we point them out to our children as what not to be or love, unless they want to be the end of their genetic line... a thing to be only if they are unworthy. If so, then go learn to dance.

Posted by: Doom at October 03, 2015 01:55 AM (7RdIv)

994 The modern man: *insert picture of Caitlyn Jenner*

Posted by: Dirtnap at October 03, 2015 05:54 PM (QmMLf)

995 The Modern Man, such as myself, wears my mom's jeans.

Posted by: Barack Obama at October 03, 2015 05:56 PM (QmMLf)

996 The Modern Man bends over for a real man like President Putin.

Posted by: Barack Obama at October 03, 2015 05:58 PM (QmMLf)

997 The Modern Man embraces equality and lets his wife have a chance to stick a dick in me.

Posted by: Barack Obama at October 03, 2015 06:00 PM (QmMLf)

998 The modern man is a hyper sensitive politically correct little snowflake who considers his ability to lactate and menstruate as crowning achievements.

Posted by: Fighterpilot562 at October 03, 2015 06:22 PM (F3CVm)

999 the modern man is the same as he was 30 years ago

Posted by: js at October 03, 2015 10:58 PM (P7ZhQ)

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