July 12, 2003
Just Damn...
Man, my brain feels like an F-150 pulling a Peterbilt's trailer. I've got a ton of shit goin' on in my head that I will be blogging about in a little while. But, before I do, I want to do a few things. I need to send an Email, look into downloading a new browser because the one I've got now makes some blogs comments look all squished up and there's a blog by some chick with an attitude about Acidman that I want to check out. I'm betting it's one of those "gag ya" blogs.
Or so friggin' sanctimonious as to be overbearing and downright stupid.
What I need to figure out is how to get a father (not mine) to see his child for who he's becoming, not who he was when Dad last lived with him. And, I'm thinking about writing a "letter" to the BC, that I know she'll never see, just to get it said. To someone. Anyone. The "child" I'm talking about is 14 (God, help us, all) and the BC is a 50 year old, hard-hearted Melodrama Mama. And, they're related-which scares the BeJesus out of me because of how much worse the kid could become with her as his only full-time parent. I don't know if the shit he pulled this last (2 w-e-e-k- l-o-o-o-n-g) visit is because of his being 14 or because of his mother's influence. That's where I'm hoping to get some feedback from people who have been thru this shit....
So, let me go get this other stuff done...I'll be back as soon as I get done blowing up my computer (somehow) by (innocently) downloading a new browser.
Peace...
Posted by: Stevie at 01:13 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
July 11, 2003
HOT DAMN!!!!!
Kevin over at Whizbang is the coolest, smartest and just the best-est person!!!! Not only did he tell me what was wrong with my comments AND how to fix it, he also left me a comment before I actually fixed it. Sooo awesome!!!
(Part of me wants to know how he did that. The rest of me knows better than to try to get that deep into html... Yet.)
Thank you so very much, Kevin!!! You're the best, Dude!!!
Posted by: Stevie at 12:25 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
Here we go again, again...
with the comments, that is. Of the two parts, the one I thought I had right...was wrong. I'm not at all surprised about that. I AM surprised, however, that I didn't have them both in the wrong places....
Somebody needs to click the "Post & Publish" button for me...I've got sooo many fingers and other body parts crossed here, I can't reach the mouse!
Posted by: Stevie at 12:14 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
July 10, 2003
Here we go, again....
Well, the BC has done it again. She told Eric, Jr. a couple of months back, that he had until August to decide who he wants to live with-her or his Dad. Nothing else has been said for a while, so we decided to see what her thoughts are these days. Eric, Jr. called her and she has changed everything. She started out saying she was going to let him decide. Now, she's saying things like "I'm not going to make it easy for you. Your Dad is going to have to file court papers and you'll have to tell the Judge you want to live with your Dad. I'm not paying child-support. I'm not giving him one dime." Blah, blah, blah. This she is saying to a 14 year old. This is nothing, though-for her. He sees how she is now. No question. He (Eric, Jr.) understands now that she could not possibly care less about him or how he feels. That all she sees him as is a meal ticket/pawn to use against his father. She wants to lure big Eric back to Jersey so she can get him locked up for arrears. It's not for child support, though. It's the spousal support that we can't afford. Frankly, after the shit E.Jr and his little buddy pulled this past week, I have to admit, while I do still want E. Jr. to live here, it's okay if it doesn't happen in the next two seconds. This recent bullshit has got me a little worried about what it would be like full time and I don't think we did such a great job of handling this shit at the beginning. Plus, to be BLUNTLY honest, I'm not close to ready to giving up all my 'alone-time' with big E for the rest of my life. Or, at all. I sometimes wonder if I'll ever get it back again, to begin with. I'm not saying that I want George to move, I just wish I could live alone with big E on top of a mountain somewhere. Forever. Alone.. Ya know? The next best thing would be if someone (not sayin' WHO) would have the courtesy to just die. This person does not possess the capacity to ever change and this person is a miserable wretch and I believe this person would be a much happier person dead. At peace, finally, anyway. Much like the rest of us would be. And, NO, I do not have any personal wish, vendetta or plans to hasten this along. I just wish it would happen, all by itself, already. I did before. I figured it would be worth life in prison to know the world was rid of that evil...but, I really don't care about it enough anymore to carry that shit around with me 24/7. Besides, there really isn't anything on this planet or not, that's worth being away from big E like that. Besides, what kinda person would that make me? Wishing it's head would burst into spontaneous flame makes me a human person. Acting on it would make me a horrible person-like they are. So, no thanks. Not worth it. Besides, if we just maintain and keep controlled, we'll make out in the end. In that, I have faith. Because, I know that as long as Eric and I have each other, everything else "ain't nuthin' but a thing, man...." like they say in those Nam movies when something shitty happens. Little E understands that even if we can't get him here until he's 18, it's not because that the way we, or he, wants it. It's the way she's gonna make it be. So, since he gets that, who do ya think is gonna end up losing in the long run? And, honestly, even if the rest of the world ceased to exist, Eric and I will still have each other, so we'll be just fine. Besides, this is all God's doing and His plan. Do ya think He gives a crap if we don't like it right now? Noooo. He'll do it His way in His time. (Just to clear this up-Yes, I do believe in God. I also believe organized religion is a crock of shit and I do not belong to any church or anything. I believe in Him, have a cool relationship with Him, and I do tell people when it comes up. And, I'm of the opinion that Jesus was/is gorgeous, just like quite a number of rock stars from the '70's...) Anyway....
I had an epiphany the other day. Eric, my Eric, is NOT a genius. (Pauses to wait for the laughter to die down...)
I'm serious. I've been looking at him through some screwed up excuse for eyes lately and I do know why. And, I've cut it out. The reason I was doing that boils down to misconceptions on my part. Assumptions. And, honorable intent. Eric is a Nuclear Valve Tech by trade. He can fix more kinds of valves than I can remember the names of. There is this book that goes with his job. It's some kind of shop manual. I think it has specs in it or something. I looked at it one time, saw it had math with LETTERS in it and said "Forgit it..." He picks it up and reads it as easily as I would Dr. Seuss. So, I figure he's GOT to be pushing 120-125 (at least) on the old I.Q. scale and Wow! I put that together in my mind with the guy (dope) who can ride bull after bull, get knocked out, quit breathing, bleed from more places than I thought possible and add the fact that he withstood a BARGE LOAD of shit for a very long time and I'm now looking at a man who really is (should be) 10' tall and bulletproof. Able to control meetings with the much older, slightly manipulative Boss with a single thought...able to run the whole operation 24/7 without breaking a sweat....the ultimate Man's man/Ladies man. My own personal John Wayne/Alan Alda combo. And, it used to piss me to no end when he "let" things happen otherwise. I thought he was letting Bill get between us in every way he could. I thought he was purposely acting helpless when he didn't want to do things and didn't want to say so. (Well, he DOES do that a little, but no where near like I thought he was...) I thoght all kindsa stupid shit all because I jumped to a coupla conclusions a long time ago. I've spent untold hours trying to get him to be more of that guy I thought he was. He thought I was trying to change him. Sigh. He was beginning to resent it and so was I. I couldn't understand why, if he had it in him, he didn't use it. All of a sudden, a few days ago, it hit me. Oooohhhh. Okay. I get it. It's not that he's a complete retard, he's just not the Jeopardy material I thought he was. I can soooo handle that. Much better than when I thought he was being goofy on purpose. Goofy isn't exactly the right word, but I've been awake for over 24 hours and I can't think of the right one...I feel like I've got a whole new guy I that I've been in love with forever, if that makes any sense whatsoever. So, right when the house is the most full of people it can get, I discover the real Eric all over again and now I just want to be alone with him and hang out and talk and shit. That's not ALL I want to do, but that's been quashed for now, too. Stupid reproductive horseshit! I ain't never even been pregnant in my whole life. I'm freakin' 40! now, so why do I still have to put up with this particular stupid thing? It is so cramping my style-pun definitely intended. I swear to God, finally seeing the light about this has changed me. Everything is still the same-as in life marches on (up your back)-but, everything is different now. Better. Less pressure. Less anger. Less distance. More 'flowing love' feelings. We can see it in each other's eyes. What a relief. How cool. Thank God. Ya know? Life still isn't perfect-how boring would THAT be- but, we just about are. Just like we were in the beginning. All over again. And, I'll tell ya the truth-always-out of all the stuff that's been driving me bugfuck lately, I wouldn'ta picked a single different thing to have gotten straightened out. If I only get one thing in my life that's ever gonna be right, I'm grateful to God Himself that this is it.
Okay...I'm gonna go try to stand erect now. I'll be back...still gotta get those damnable comments working.
Til then-srv200163 at yahoo dot com
Peace to ya....
Posted by: Stevie at 05:18 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
July 09, 2003
I know. I forgot the "n". Sorry.
Posted by: Stevie at 06:09 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
It just occured to me...
when I "viewed my blog in a new window" and saw that the links didn't happen, that all the people I mention are right over there
Posted by: Stevie at 06:09 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
I'm back....
Of course, I'm back. I had a Jerry Lee Lewis moment. Or two. That man's got NUTTIN on me when it comes to sending a chair flying backwards with your legs, let me tell ya. I'm just glad I haven't (YET) put my fist right through the gdf moniter. I can picture it.....
I had to come back here and it's not because of those fucktard comments. Screw that, FOR NOW.
The reason(s) I had to come back are: Rob- -he's having his surgery today and I want to be around for his first post....Jett, whose weblog address I've seen so many times, but I'm not sure of (I'll add the link as soon as I get done here and go look at it again-I know that it has 'decablog' and her name in it, tho...)-I
want to know that she's okay with the school stuff and Aunt stuff that's been going on. I like her. I find myself wondering how she's doing different times during the day...I love going to read Social Reject-another address I need to see again-link will be added.) Then, there's John at (HA! Another address I actually remember!) , who usually makes drinking coffee while reading him a dangerous thing to do and a few other places in my blogroll I like to stop by.
Then, I've got this "totally-new-to-me" type parenting shit to figure out AS IT HAPPENS, no less. Talk about on-the-job-training. Then, there's my unique horseshit about feeling replaced by the soon-to-be-ex. He and Eric spend more time together watching WRESTLING while I sit here and go slowly insane tying to install fuckin' COMMENTS, than Eric and I have in ages. I'm starting to think that the fact that I can not get comments to work, is God's way of telling me to go reclaim my fiance AND the fuckin' remote. Then, there's "my little friend" as I refer to my monthly possession by Satan. If ya know what I mean....you know...first there's the PMS part (by the way, PMS stands for Putting up with Moronic Shit), then there's that next phase. Well, I hate it these days. It used to be three days. Coming, here and gone. I used to laugh at those T-shirts men wear that say "Don't trust anything that bleeds for more than five days and doesn't die." I always said "Mine's only three days. Further proof that, unlike a lotta women, you CAN trust me." But, the INSTANT I turn forty, it seems, everything changes. Even the PMS part has changed. Eric says he knows it's here when I start wanting to punch Bill every few hours. Then IT comes and as it's leaving, I get all affectionate and nice again. Well, this time, instead of wanting to kill Bill, I want to beat the ever-livin' DOG SNOT out of this computer and I've been crying over the STUPID-est shit for the last week. And, the "next phase"? Well, that's been doing this "I'm here. No, I ain't. I'm back. No, not yet. Okay, NOW I'm here..." shit for the last coupla months SINCE I TURNED FORTY. What the hell is UP with this shit? Eric thinks it MENOPAUSE, fer Pete's sake. If it is, I want to do it the patented Archie Bunker way: "If you're gonna change, CHANGE!!! And, I'm gonna give ya just thirty seconds to get it done!" I agree completely with that approach. I mean, my Gawd. All I wanna do, is get comments installed. You'd think it would take pity on me and just WORK, ya know? Seeing how no teenager on the planet isn't going to drive at least 87 people insane in the process of growing up and nobody is gonna voluntarily give back my chair, boyfriend and remote, this damn computer isn't gonna heal itself, my period won't just dry the fuck up already...I wish something would give...or stop. Besides my mind.
So, yeah. I'm back.
And, one way or the fuckin' other, I WILL HAVE COMMENTS.
Posted by: Stevie at 05:59 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
Fuck this shit completely and forever
Goodbye and comments can KISS MY ASS!!!!!
Posted by: Stevie at 03:57 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
And again...I'm about a quarter
And again...I'm about a quarter of an inch away from saying "Fuck this shit completely and forever...."
Posted by: Stevie at 03:54 PM | Comments (5) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
Trying again....
Trying again....
Posted by: Stevie at 03:44 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
July 08, 2003
Still working on it...
I'm still here. And, I'm STILL trying to get the comments going. I'm going to get in touch with Bill at B.I. and the Klink family. One way or the other, I will get this done. In the meantime, I'm also trying to deal with two teenage boys who think stealing peoples (packs of) cigarettes and lying about it are a good idea....sigh. One of them also thinks "I dunno..." is a good answer for how his head happened to get SHAVED BALD. Do I look like I need any crap from the comments html? If I do, let me know and I'll CHANGE MY EXPRESSION! Comments? JUST DAMN. (Love ya, Dax!)
Posted by: Stevie at 03:40 PM | Comments (5) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
July 07, 2003
Hey John!!!
help
Posted by: Stevie at 05:31 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
Fun-ny...
So close! Got a display under the comments-just not the right thing. Here we go again. damndamndamndamn
Posted by: Stevie at 04:23 AM | Comments (6) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
pleasepleaseplease...
Let the comments html WORK!!!
Posted by: Stevie at 04:13 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
July 06, 2003
Still tweakin'....
I think I reset the time and I'm still working on comments. I'll be in the template screwin' around for a wahile...so, email me or send a smoke signal or something...
Posted by: Stevie at 11:38 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
Stick a fork in me
All right...I got the site meter, the 'blogroll me' thing, my blogroll x3 and I'm trying to get comments. But, I'm exhausted. I've gotta go do something else for a while.
I'll be back....
Posted by: Stevie at 02:09 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
One more time...
Anna one, anna two, annaway we goo...
Posted by: Stevie at 12:48 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
I'm getting BORED with this...
If this doesn't work soon, I'm emailing John again!
Posted by: Stevie at 12:08 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
Now What?
Have I done?
Posted by: Stevie at 11:39 AM | Comments (6) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
Blogroll?
Yet?
Posted by: Stevie at 10:35 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
Processing 0.04, elapsed 0.7698 seconds.
35 queries taking 0.7672 seconds, 25 records returned.
Page size 26 kb.
Powered by Minx 0.8 beta.