Delftsman

July 17, 2006

Koran Pork Rinds

NEW and IMPROVED!!! Be the first on your block to treat your Muslim friends to the newest taste sensation! Study the Holy verses of Mohammad (may bees piss upon him) as you chow down on some of the crunchiest treats to break a Ramadan fast you've ever had.

PORK, the other white meat!

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9 out of 10 Mullahs agree, new Koranic Pork Rinds™ can't be beat!

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 07:04 PM | Comments (4745) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

"Headlines from the Year 2029!"

Neal Booortz got a special delivery letter for the year 2029 warning of the times aheads of us.

* Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia , formerly known as California. White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia's third language.
* Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock.
* Baby conceived naturally. Scientists stumped.
* Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.
* Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the American Territory of the Middle East (formerly known as Iraq, Afghanistan, Syria and Lebanon).
* Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.
* France pleads f or global help after being taken over by Jamaica.
* Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.
* George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.
* Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.
* 85-years, $75.8 billion study: Diet and Exercise is the key to weight loss.
* Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.
* Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed, they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut. (Hummmmmmmmm) Now that's just wrong!!!!!!!!!!!!!
* Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.
* Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals, violates their civil rights.
* Average height of NBA players now nine feet, seven inches.
* New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2036.
* Congress authorizes direct deposit of formerly illegal political contributions to campaign accounts.
* IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.
* Florida voters still having trouble with voting machines

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 06:48 PM | Comments (4312) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

July 16, 2006

Ten commandments

Murphy showed up at Mass one Sunday and the priest almost fell down
when he saw him. Murphy had never been seen in church in his life.
After Mass, the priest caught Murphy and said, "Murphy, I am so glad
you decided to come to Mass, what made you come?"

Murphy said, "I got to be honest with you Father. A while back, I
misplaced me hat and I really, really love that hat. I know that
McGlynn had a hat just like me hat, and I knew that McGlynn came to
church every Sunday. I also knew that McGlynn had to take off his hat
during Mass and I figured he would leave it in the back of church. So,
I was going to leave after Communion and steal McGlynn's hat."

The priest asked, "Well, Murphy, I notice that you didn't steal
McGlynn's hat. What changed your mind?"

Murphy said, "Well, after I heard your sermon on the 10 commandments,
I decided that I didn't need to steal McGlynn's hat."The priest gave
Murphy a big smile and said, "After I talked about 'Thou Shalt Not
Steal' you decided you would rather do without your hat than burn in
Hell, right?"

Murphy shook his head and said, "No, Father, after you talked about
'Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery' I remembered where I left my hat."

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting to Jack AND Catfish

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 09:47 PM | Comments (790) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

July 14, 2006

War... Huh... What is it good for?

As of yet I haven't written anything about the events transpiring between Israel and Gaza...Lebanon...Syria...Iran..

Too many others can do a much better job of giving the history of the conflict and updates on the present state of the conflict better than I ever could.

Those that know me already know how I stand, it would just be self-indulgent fluff to try to just reiterate it.

For those that don't know me, let me just say that I believe that Israel has shown a remarkable forbearence in restraining itself in the face of overbearing provacations for many years, and it's far past time that the gloves to come off.

Israel is fighting for it's very right to exist...they tried appeasement, they tried political negotiation, they let their citizens live in an atmosphere of danger, not knowing where,when, or how bad the next act of terrorism would hurt them; without responding in a justified military fury. They have been subjected to UN resolutions calling them genocidal when they took any actions to defend themselves from these predations, and watched in silence as the rest of the world funded those that committed these brutal acts.

Enough is enough. I wonder if the IDF takes 52 year old cardiac patients that don't speak Hebrew?

The United State need do nothing at present other than to watch Irael show how it's done, oldstyle; and supply anything that the IDF/IAF need in the way of armament.

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 05:58 PM | Comments (415) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

A Little Culture--true art for art's sake

AutoBlog has a neat post up about an artist that uses a truly unique medium.

Like one commenter noted: "it reminds me of the transient sand paintings done by Buddist Lamas":

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I like his Texas politics too...


And if I didn't know better, I'd think he was paying homage to GuyK:

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But just to prove that Wade is a true artiste, he reproduces two of the classics, Da Vinci's "Mona Lisa" and Van Gogh's "Starry Night":

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Too much free time, or a devoted artiste? I just give you the links, the opinion on that, you have to decide for yourself.

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 04:48 PM | Comments (160) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Love and Devotion

It's amazing the love some people can have for their spouses. GuyK wanted Sweetthing just how much HE cared, so with a little help from WmH, he arranged for a certain sign in Hollyweird to be upgraded to a get well card for her:

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(Gee, I wish I had thought of that, and had the photoshop skills to DO it !...)

Last report is that she came through the surgury like the true trooper she is and is doing at or above expectations.

How about going over and leaving her a little note to buck up her spirits when she gets home? Speaking from experience, I know just how important attitude is in achieving a quick recovery, and knowing people really do care goes a long way in lifting those spirits when your going through the pain of rehab.

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 04:05 PM | Comments (5) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

July 13, 2006

SHAME!

Shame shame shame, Misha has indulged in hyperboly that was mean and demonstrated a wish to wreak mayhem to a stranger on the Interstate. How damageing to the Conservative cause we both espouse!

I felt compelled to write this lest Glen Greenwald accuse me of not being fair and balanced in my condemnation of such as Deb Frisch.

Sire, you KNOW how much I admire you, leave the hateful speech/wishes of bodily injury to sreangers to the the Leftists we both like to Cluebat...(/sarcastic portion for those the didn't get that)

Oh mighty Greenwald, may this condemnation of "one of my own" bring about a glorious new day of understanding and light, and if not, screw you anyway.

May I have my fatwa now?

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 02:28 PM | Comments (382) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

July 12, 2006

Redhead Jokes

I posted a blond joke the other day and it seemed to garner at least one rave response....I happened to see these redhead jokes over at Curmudgeonisms , and being married to a Redhead, I can attest to the validity of most, if not all of the stereotypes.


Q: How do you get a redhead to argue with you?
A: Say something

Q: How do you get a redhead’s mood to change?
A: Wait 10 seconds

If you love a Redhead, set her free …
If she follows you everywhere you go, pitches a tent in your front lawn and puts your new girlfriend in the hospital, she’s yours.

Q: What’s safer: a redhead or a piranha?
A: The piranha. They only attack in schools.

Q: What do you call a Redhead with an attitude?
A: Normal

Q: How do you know when a redhead has been using a computer?
A: There’s a hammer embedded in the monitor

Only two things are necessary to keep a redhead happy.
One is to let her think she is having her own way,
and the other is to let her have it.

Q: Why aren’t there any more redhead jokes?
A: Someone told them to a redhead.

Q: How do you know when you’ve satisfied a redhead?
A: She unties you.

Q: What is the difference between a redhead and a computer?
A: A redhead won’t accept a three and a half inch floppy.

Brunette after sex: "Oh that was great! Love you…wanna marry?"
Blonde after sex: "Next!"
Redhead after sex: "Better start chewing some VITAMINS, kid.

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 02:36 AM | Comments (205) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

A new Drink

Your "groan" of the day!! Thanks Catfish...just what I needed to start the day off..a groaner of a pun...

GUY WALKS INTO A BAR, SITS DOWN, AND SAYS, "BARTENDER, GOT ANY
SPECIALS TODAY?"

"YES, AS A MATTER OF FACT WE HAVE A NEW DRINK INVENTED BY A
GYNECOLOGIST PATRON OF OURS. IT'S A PABST BLUE RIBBON BEER
AND A DOUBLE SHOT OF SMIRNOFF VODKA."

"WHAT THE HECK DO YOU CALL IT?"

"A PABST SMIR."

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 01:49 AM | Comments (409) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

July 11, 2006

W.A.R is up and running

W.A.R (Wide Awakes Radio) finally seems to have overcome their server problem and is putting out product. It's grassroots commentary from the Right side at it's basic level.

Go help support them by listening/participating/and hitting the tip jar when you can.

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 04:54 PM | Comments (390) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

July 10, 2006

NYT's "Truth to Power", or collaborators?

Lifted this from Michelle Malkin; I thought it expressed my feeling towards the New York Times perfectly:

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I had a long, angry, post providing examples of why I believe the NYT's to be, in some cases, actively working against the security of the United States, but just as I was about to hit the "post" button, my screen blinked and it was all gone.....maybe someone up there was trying to tell me I had gone overboard?

Let it suffice to say: New York Times; you have every right to post whatever you wish to, that is what having a free press is all about, BUT with that right comes responsibility. I suggest that you look up the definition of that word, as you've not demonstrated much of it lately.

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 06:39 PM | Comments (233) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Perceptions

Situational Awareness Scenario

******************************************************

You are driving in a car at a constant speed.

On your LEFT side is a valley

and

on your RIGHT side is a fire engine traveling at your same speed.

IN FRONT of you is a galloping pig which is the same size as your car
and

you cannot overtake it.

BEHIND you is a helicopter flying at ground level.

Both the giant pig and the helicopter are also traveling at the same speed as you.

What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?

*****
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Get off the Merry-Go-Round!*

(You're Drunk again!*)

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting to Catfish, one of the most perceptive people I know

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 03:50 PM | Comments (30) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Worlds Thinnest Books

I am a voracious reader. My main interests for just pleasure reading are science fiction and fantasy. For Learning, history, political theory, and science.

I was thinking of making up a summer reading list to send my daughter, (who gets me books at deep discounts at Half Price Books, where she works) when Catfish sent me a list of some of the worlds thinnest books. I thought it might be good to try to get copies, since they can all be read at a single, VERY short, reading, and you all know how the summer months are the busiest, so short may be best.

Here's the list:


FRENCH WAR HEROES by Jacques Chirac


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THINGS I LOVE ABOUT MY COUNTRY by Jane Fonda & Cindy Sheehan. Illustrated by Michael Moore


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MY BEAUTY SECRETS by Janet Reno & Whoopi Goldberg

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ALL THE WOMEN I HAVE LOVED BEFORE by Barney Frank (D-Mass) & Boy George

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MY CHRISTIAN ACCOMPLISHMENTS & HOW I HELPED AFTER KATRINA by Rev Jesse Jackson & Rev Al Sharpton

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THINGS I LOVE ABOUT BILL by Hillary Clinton

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THINGS I LOVE ABOUT HILLARY By Bill CLinton


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MY LITTLE BOOK OF PERSONAL HYGIENE by Osama Bin Laden & Willie Nelson

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THINGS I CANNOT AFFORD by Bill Gates & The 'Donald'

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THINGS I WOULD NOT DO FOR MONEY by Dennis Rodman

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AMELIA EARHART'S GUIDE TO THE PACIFIC

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AMERICA 'S MOST POPULAR LAWYERS


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A COLLECTION of MOTIVATIONAL SPEECHES by Dr. J. Kevorkian


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ALL THE MEN I HAVE LOVED BEFORE by Ellen DeGeneres & Rosie O'Donnell


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THE GUIDE TO DATING ETIQUETTE by Mike Tyson

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DELICIOUS SPOTTED OWL RECIPES by PETA

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THE AMISH PHONE DIRECTORY

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MY PLAN TO FIND THE REAL KILLERS by O.J. Simpson

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HOW TO DRINK & DRIVE OVER BRIDGES by Ted Kennedy

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There you have it....A list of books I could read in a single hour or less....

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 03:42 PM | Comments (11) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

A Cautionary Tale

It started out innocently enough. I began to think at parties now and then -- just to loosen up. Inevitably, though, one thought led to another, and soon I was more than just a social thinker.

I began to think alone -- "to relax," I told myself -- but I knew it wasn't true. Thinking became more and more important to me, and finally I was thinking all the time.

That was when things began to sour at home. One evening I turned off the TV and asked my wife about the meaning of life. She spent that night at her mother's. I began to think on the job. I knew that thinking and employment don't mix, but I couldn't help myself.

I began to avoid friends at lunchtime so I could read Thoreau, Muir, Confucius and Kafka.
I would return to the office dizzied and confused, asking, "What is it exactly we are doing here?"

One day the boss called me in. He said, "Listen, I like you, and it hurts me to say this, but your thinking has become a real problem. If you don't stop thinking on the job, you'll have to find another job."

This gave me a lot to think about. I came home early after my conversation with the boss. "Honey," I confess, "I've been thinking..."

"I know you've been thinking," she said, "and I want a divorce!"

"But Honey, surely it's not that serious."

"It is serious," she said, lower lip aquiver. "You think as much as college professors and college professors don't make any money, so if you keep on thinking, we won't have any money!"

"That's a faulty syllogism," I said impatiently.

She exploded in tears of rage and frustration, but I was in no mood to deal with the emotional drama.

"I'm going to the library," I snarled as I stomped out the door.

I headed for the library, in the mood for some Nietzsche. I roared into the parking lot with NPR on the radio and ran up to the big glass doors. They didn't open. The library was closed.

To this day, I believe that a Higher Power was looking out for me that night. Leaning on the unfeeling glass, whimpering for Zarathustra , a poster caught my eye, "Friend, is heavy thinking ruining your life?" it asked.

You probably recognize that line. It comes from the standard Thinkers Anonymous poster. This is why I am what I am today: a recovering thinker. I never miss a TA meeting. At each meeting we watch a non-educational video; last week it was "Porky's."
Then we share experiences about how we avoided thinking since the last meeting.

I still have my job, and things are a lot better at home. Life just seemed...easier, somehow, as soon as I stopped thinking. I think the road to recovery is nearly complete for me.

Today I took the final step...........................


I joined the Democratic Party.

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 03:52 AM | Comments (6) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

GRRRR

Have the Brits lost their spine?!? When a maggot like Omar Brooks can freely spew his hate-filled bile in open forums and belittle the victims of terrorism as he's doing it, things have gone way too far across the big briny.

He's told an audience of teenagers and young families that "he did not want to go to Allah while sleeping in his bed “like an old woman”. Instead, he said: “I want to be blown into pieces with my hands in one place and my feet in another.”

Come over here, Omar, I know plenty of people that would be more than happy assisting you in achieving that goal. Do you mind if we tie you to a hog first ?, gives a little more movement to the procedings and makes the filming ever so much more lively.

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 03:13 AM | Comments (490) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

July 09, 2006

What do the Boots on the ground think?

MG of Iraqi Bloggers Central asked the two most important questions of those that are involved in the day to day grind of life in a war zone:

"In the end, do you feel that Iraq was worth your time and effort?"

"And could you tell us why?"

Not all the responses were positive, and thats to be expected,in fact it's good, because it shows that our men and women aren't the "jingoist rah-rah pawns" that the left would have you believe they are; but it seems that the overwhelming majority do believe that what they are doing/did was right and worth the sacrifices made.

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 03:54 AM | Comments (1539) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

OUCH!!!

One day a man has a terrible stomach complaint and goes along to see his doctor.

The doctor tells him that he is very ill, but that he can cure his condition with a course of suppositories inserted deep into his rectum every 6 hours.

"Right" says the doctor, "bend over and I'll do the first one for you." The man bends down and the doctor deposited the suppository. He then gives the man his course and sends him home.

At home 6 hours later the man realizes that he can't stick the suppository far enough up, by himself, so he asks his wife to help him insert the slippery bullet. After explaining to her what to do, the man bends over. His wife puts one hand on her husband's shoulder to brace herself and thrusts really hard. To her horror the man lets out a blood curdling scream.

"My God" she cries. "What's the matter? Did I hurt you?"

"No" replies the man. "But I have just realized that when the doctor did it, he had both hands on my shoulders."

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting to Catfish

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 03:23 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Shit: Through the eyes of the Military

This one is for my nephew, Robby, a newly minted TSgt in the AF. Congrats Rob!

*An Army grunt stands in the rain with a 35 pound pack on his back, 15 lb. weapon in hand, after having marched 12 miles, and says, "This is shit!"

*An Army Airborne Ranger stands in the rain with a 45 lb. pack on his back, weapon in hand, after having jumped from an airplane and marched 18 miles, and says with a smile, "This is good shit!"

*A Navy SEAL lies in the mud, 55 LB pack on his back, weapon in hand, after swimming 10 miles to shore, crawling through a swamp and marching 25 miles at night past the enemy positions, says with a grin, "This really is great shit."

*A Marine Scout/Sniper, up to his nose in the stinking, bug-infested mud of a swamp with a 65 LB pack on his back and a weapon in both hands after jumping from an aircraft at high altitude, into the ocean, swimming 12 miles to the shore, killing several alligators to enter the swamp, then stalking 30 miles through the brush to an FFP, says, "I love this shit."

*The Air Force NCO sits in an easy chair in an air conditioned, carpeted office and says, "My e-mail's out? What kind of shit is this?!?"

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 03:18 AM | Comments (6) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

July 08, 2006

THe Adventures of Dabney Winger

HERE'S a Carson Fire cartoon that describes the power of the bloggers in a humorous manner.

If you've never read the "Winger" series of cartoons, give yourself a treat and start from the beginning. You just may want to buy some of his original artwork too. Carson Fire deserves to get our support in his endeavors to become established as a full time cartoonist.

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 06:59 PM | Comments (4352) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Just another day in Indiana

Just got back from a pleasant afternoon with the ex and my elder daughter. We got started late, so we didn't go to the zoo as originally planned, which was fine with me. We ended up just driving aound in the pleasant afternoon sunshine and went to eat at the Olive Garden. (you HAVE to try their new appitizer, mussels steamed in a wine/lemon sauce, it was delicious!) Yeah, the food is generic Italian, but good and filling, at a decent cost.

All in all it was a pleasant afternoon spent. Even if I did have an unfortunate tendendcy to call my "first" family by my "second" family's names, which lead to some awkard pauses in conversation. Erin and I plan on having a father/daughter afternoon on Wednesday..maybe go go see a movie, if we can ever come to an agreement on what to go see. I managed to keep my mouth shut about politics, so there were no tearful anger tantrums. I wish I could do that more often, it makes for a much better time.

Erin is a moonbat, and she considers me a Conservative Facist, so those types of discussions are never an excercise in having a good time, but I have an unfortunate tendency to try to bring up the latest controversy of the day, because that is where my interests lie ...guns, politics, and the politics of guns.

I guess I'm just socially stunted.....I should know better at my age, but dammit, I'm just too old to censor my speech or quail at the thought that a topic may be too "controversial".

Enough for now, I'm going to go try and boil my first batch of peanuts, and pray that they come out to a close approximation of Catfish's. I've been having a real hankering for them ever since I got back from Georgia, and salt content or not, I'm giving in to the yen.

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 06:31 PM | Comments (237) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

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