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Delftsman

November 11, 2007

An Italian Anniversary

At the church's husband's marriage seminar, the Priest asked Luigi, on his upcoming 50th wedding anniversary, to take a few minutes and share some insight into how he managed to stay married to the same woman all these years.

Luigi replied to the audience "Well, I'v-a tried to treat-a her well, spend-a the money on her, but-a, da best-a is-a dat I took her to Italy for the 20th-a anniversary!

The Priest immediately commented, "Luigi, you are an amazing inspiration to all the husbands here! Please tell the audience what you are planning for your wife for your 50th anniversary..."

Luigi proudly replied, "I'm-a gonna go and-a get her."

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 05:33 PM | Comments (140) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

YOU think you have a bad job...

When you have a "I Hate My Job" day, try this:
> On your way home from work, stop at your pharmacy and go to the
> thermometer section and purchase a rectal thermometer made by Johnson
> &Johnson. Be very sure you get this brand.
>
> When you get home, lock your doors, draw the curtains and disconnect the
> phone so you will not be disturbed. Change into very comfortable clothing
> and sit in your favorite chair.
>
> Open the package and remove the thermometer. Now, carefully place it on
> a table or a surface so that it will not become chipped or broken.
>
> Now the fun part begins. Take out the literature from the box and read
> it carefully. You will notice that in small print there is a statement:
>
> "Every Rectal Thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson is personally
> tested and then sanitized".
>
> Now, close your eyes and repeat out loud five times, "I am so glad I do
> not work in the thermometer quality control at Johnson & Johnson."
>
> HAVE A NICE DAY AND REMEMBER, THERE IS ALWAYS SOMEONE ELSE WITH A JOB
> THAT IS MORE OF A PAIN IN THE A** THAN YOURS . . . .

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 05:28 PM | Comments (78) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

SCHOOL: 1967 vs. 2007

Scenario: Jack goes quail hunting before school, pulls into school parking lot with shotgun in gun rack.

1967 - Vice Principal comes over, looks at Jack's shotgun, goes to his car and gets his shotgun to show Jack.

2007 - School goes into lock down, FBI called, Jack hauled off to jail and never sees his truck or gun again. Counselors called in for traumatized students and teachers.

Scenario: Johnny and Mark get into a fistfight after school.

1967 - Crowd gathers. Mark wins. Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up buddies.

2007 - Police called, SWAT team arrives, arrests Johnny and Mark. Charge them with assault, both expelled even though Johnny started it.

Scenario: Jeffrey won't be still in class, disrupts other students.

1967 - Jeffrey sent to office and given a good paddling by the Principal. Returns to class, sits still and does not disrupt class again.

2007 - Jeffrey given huge doses of Ritalin. Becomes a zombie. Tested for ADD. School gets extra money from state because Jeffrey has a disability.

Scenario: Billy breaks a window in his neighbor's car and his Dad gives him a whipping with his belt.

1967 - Billy is more careful next time, grows up normal, goes to college, and becomes a successful businessman.

2007 - Billy's dad is arrested for child abuse. Billy removed to foster care and joins a gang. State psychologist tells Billy's sister that she remembers being abused herself and their dad goes to prison. Billy's mom has affair with psychologist.

Scenario: Mark gets a headache and takes some aspirin to school.

1967 - Mark shares aspirin with Principal out on the smoking dock.

2007 - Police called, Mark expelled from school for drug violations. Car searched for drugs and weapons.

Scenario: Pedro fails high school English.

1967 - Pedro goes to summer school, passes English, goes to college.

2007 - Pedro's cause is taken up by state. Newspaper articles appear nationally explaining that teaching English as a requirement for graduation is racist. ACLU files class action lawsuit against state school system and Pedro's English teacher. English banned from core curriculum. Pedro given diploma anyway but ends up mowing lawns for a living because he cannot speak English.

Scenario: Johnny takes apart leftover firecrackers from 4th of July, puts them in a model airplane paint bottle, blows up a red ant bed.

1967 - Ants die.

2007 - BATF, Homeland Security, FBI called. Johnny charged with domestic terrorism, FBI investigates parents, siblings removed from home, computers confiscated, Johnny's Dad goes on a terror watch list and is never allowed to fly again.

Scenario: Johnny falls while running during recess and scrapes his knee. He is found crying by his teacher, Mary. Mary hugs him to comfort him.

1967 - In a short time, Johnny feels better and goes on playing.

2007 - Mary is accused of being a sexual predator and loses her job. She faces 3 years in State Prison. Johnny undergoes 5 years of therapy.

SAD, BUT TRUE

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 05:25 PM | Comments (248) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Just for Grins

A South Carolina farm wife called the local phone company to report her telephone failed to ring when her friends called, and that on the few occasions when it did ring, her dog always moaned right before the phone rang.
The telephone repairman proceeded to the scene, curious to see this psychic dog or senile lady. Upon arriving at the residence he climbed the utility pole, plugged in his test set, and dialed the subscriber's phone number.
The phone didn't ring right away, but then the dog moaned and then the telephone began to ring.
Climbing down from the pole, the telephone repairman
discovered the following:
1. The dog was tied to the telephone system's ground wire with a steel chain and collar.
2. The wire connection to the ground rod was loose.
3. The dog was receiving 90 volts of signaling current when the number was called.
4. After a couple of jolts, the dog would start moaning and then urinate.
5. The wet ground would complete the circuit, thus causing the phone to ring.
Which demonstrates that some problems CAN be fixed by pissing and moaning.

H/T to Catfish

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 05:24 PM | Comments (16) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

November 02, 2007

R.I.P. Gen. Paul Tibbits

R.I.P.

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Paul Tibbits 2/23/1915 -- 11/2/2007

An Americon icon has died. Gen. Paul Tibbits died Thursday in Colunbus ,Ohio.

Gen. Tibbits commanded the Enola Gay, the plane that dropped the first atomic bomb over Hiroshima , Japan on August 6, 1945, leading to the surrender of Japan and the end of WW2 about a week later.

As pilot of one of the most famous flights of WW II, which brought about a quicker surrender from the enemy and a reduction in the loss of Allied lives, and for his leadership and skill with both airplanes and people in times of stress, Paul W. Tibbets, Jr. is enshrined with honor into the National Aviation Hall of Fame.

Gen. Tibbets held the following medals and awards:

Distinguished Flying Cross
Air Medal
Purple Heart
Legion of Merit
European Campaign Medal
Joint Staff Commendation Medal
American Defense Service Medal
W.W.II Victory Medal
Air Force Outstanding Unit Award
American Campaign Medal

Historical revisionists have tried to make Gen. Tibbits out to be the ultimate war criminal, but in the hearts of anyone that truly knows history, he should be revered as someone that saved at least a million lives. Because of the ongoing controversy over the use of the atomic bomb over sixty years later; Gen. Tibbits requested that there be no public funeral, and no headstone placed over his grave, as he did not wish to give detractors of his service a focal point on which to focus their activities upon.
Another example of his selflessness, even in death. This man should have received a state funeral and a monument in tribute to his service and his life; instead he was quietly laid to rest with no fanfare in an unmarked grave.

We have lost a hero and we are all diminished by that loss.

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 09:40 PM | Comments (561) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Arab Rally

Read the following explanation before looking at the picture!

This picture is not doctored. Most Syrians struggle to even read Arabic, much less have a clue about English.

So, how do a group of Syrian protest leaders create the most impact w ith their signs by having the standard "Death To Americans"(etc.) slogans printed in English?

Answer: They simply hire an English-speaking civilian! To translate and write their statements into English. Unfortunately, in this case, they were unaware that the "civilian" insurance company employee hired for the job was a retired US Army sergeant!

Obviously, pictures of this protest rally never made their way through the Arab TV networks, but the results were "Priceless."

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 03:06 PM | Comments (261) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

October 31, 2007

HAPPY HALLOWEEN

And remember to watch out for little ghosts and witch's on your drive home tonight and keep them safe.

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 06:35 PM | Comments (551) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Jamaican Sandals

A married couple walked in to a souvenir store in Jamaica. The Jamaican man said to them, "I have some special sandals I think you would be interested in. Dey make you wild at sex."

Well, the wife was really interested in buying the sandals after what the man claimed, but her husband felt he really didn't need them, being the sex god he was.

The husband asked the man, "How could sandals make you into a sex freak?"

The Jamaican replied, "Just try dem on, Mon."
So, the husband, after some badgering from his wife, finally gave in, and tried them on.
As soon as he slipped them onto his feet, he got this wild look in his eyes, something his wife hadn't seen in many years!

In the blink of an eye, the husband grabbed the Jamaican, bent him violently over a table, yanked down his pants, ripped down his own pants, and grabbed a firm hold of the Jamaican's hips.

The Jamaican then began screaming, "You got dem on the wrong feet! You got dem on the wrong feet!"

H/T to my Brother in Law for the joke

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 06:26 PM | Comments (276) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Phelps Phucked

Fred Phelps preparing to protest at a soldiers funeral

FINALLY ! A military family finally took the bull by the horns and used the courts to send a message to the hateful morons of the Westboro Baptist "Church" and let it be known that they wouldn't take the members of this so called church publically
disrupting their private grief without paying a price.

There are some commenters at Hot Air that decry the ruling against the Phelps as being a case of being a bad first step on the slippery slope towards making unpopular public speech actionable.

But does it really do this? The Phelps clan certainly have an unpopular view, but I think that the venue is what makes their speech actionable, not the speech itself. Funerals are not really public events to be disrupted by anyone wanting to get their name in the news, or at least, they shouldn't be.

The commenters at Hot Air say that the problem thay have is that the standard of what constitutes actionable speech is "too arbitrary" and "drawn differently for different people", and they are correct in that the standards ARE different in different circumstances.

Unpopular, especially radicaly unpopular speech, should be protected in the public arena without fear of legal censure. BUT with that right of public free speech comes responsibility. The courts have long held that you can't yell "fire" in a crowded theater without bearing a responsibllity for the consequences.

I believe that we can all agree that private funerals really aren't the correct venue for the type of antics that the Phelps clan seem to like to perform to bring publicity to their political/religious views.

I hope that Snyder family does receive a just recompense for the emotional pain that the Phelps tribe inflicted on them, not because they deserve cash for their grief, but because it seems that with some groups, only monitary pain can provide the common sense decency they otherwise seem to lack.

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 05:52 PM | Comments (361) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

October 11, 2007

History

It's been said that if you don't learn from history, your doomed to repeat it, so here's a little history lesson; If you don't know the answer make your best guess. Answer all the questions before looking at the answers. The answers are below the fold. No fair peeking!

Who said it?

1) "We're going to take things away from you on behalf of the common good."

A. Karl Marx
B. Adolph Hitler
C. Joseph Stalin
D. None of the above

2) "It's time for a new beginning, for an end to government of the few, by the few, and for the few...and to replace it with shared responsibility for
shared prosperity."

A. Lenin
B. Mussolini
C. Idi Amin
D. None of the Above

3) "(We)...can't just let business as usual go on, and that means something has to be taken away from some people."

A. Nikita Khrushev
B. Josef Goebbels
C. Boris Yeltsin
D. None of the above

4) "We have to build a political consensus and that requires people to give up a little bit of their own...in order to create this common ground."

A. Mao Tse Dung
B. Hugo Chavez
C. Kim Jong Il
D. None of the above

5) "I certainly think the free-market has failed."

A. Karl Marx
B. Lenin
C. Molotov
D. None of the above

6) "I think it's time to send a clear message to what has become the most profitable sector in (the) entire economy that they are being watched."

A. Pinochet
B. Milosevic
C. Saddam Hussein
D. None of the above

Thanks for the test, Sis!

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 01:24 PM | Comments (1789) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

October 10, 2007

War, Huh!

This is self explanitory, and should be the response to those that say "violence never solved anything", when clearly, sometimes violence is the ONLY answer...

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 07:40 PM | Comments (902) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

October 09, 2007

D is for.....

So. I went to my quarterly check-up with my Cardiologist yesterday just to make sure that the surgeons' handiwork was still working properly. And to reregister my usual plaint of "how the HELL do you expect me to be able to afford the plethora of pills you keep adding on to my list ?!". They drew the usual blood sample to test the usual factors and to ensure that I hadn't had a "silent" cardiac incident in the time since my last check-up.

The doctor on call for the Care Group called me in the evening and informed me that I should hie myself to the Emergency room and expect to be admitted, as my fasting blood sugar level had tested out at 398 and with my B/P and other risk factors, I was seemingly near a stroke or cardic incident occurring.

I went to the ER and they hooked me up to an IV and started drawing about 7 tubes of blood for lab tests. (The nurse/tech was cute, but when she thought it was "normal" for blood to be pooling around on the outside of the IV needle, I started questioning her abilities). They informed me that my glucose level was now at 500+, but that the IV would take care of that. An hour later they unhooked the IV and told me to go home and that I was to go see my Primary Care Physician first thing in the morning, unless I experienced any unusual pains or numbnesses. which I should regard as a sign to return to the ER asap. (they had me there, why not just keep me for observation if they were concerned of further developments?!).

I saw my PCP this morning....I didn't have an appointment, and the desk clerk was outraged at the lack of same, but my PCP is a good guy and slipped me in between some regularly scheduled ~~victims~~ patients and added two new drugs to my already overextensive list of daily meds and told me to come back in three weeks.

They took a blood draw to check my kidney and heart enzymes but never took a glucose reading, just assumed that a diagnosis of adult onset type 2 Diabetes was to be added to the list of my medical conditions. So I'm in limbo for the next three weeks as the newly added drugs (to) my already extensive list of daily medications start the process of trying to keep a stable blood glucose level in my system. What fun!

Sometimes you just have to sit back and laugh at it all, and remember that, no matter how seriously you take yourself; you aren't making it out alive at the end, so enjoy the ride while you can.

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 07:33 PM | Comments (1383) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

October 07, 2007

With Halloween coming up, naturaly our thoughts turn toward the macabre and horrifying, and sure enough, Da Catfish came up with something truly horrifying:

BE AFRAID--BE VERY AFRAID !

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 04:00 PM | Comments (982) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

October 03, 2007

"CLINTON'S DANGEROUS WORK ENVIRONMENT"

Having had an argument with an ardent Shillery supporter this morning, I thought that this list was apropos for the upcoming debates. And before you say it, yes there ARE legitimate accidents and/or suicides in any large group of people, but think of any large endeavor that you have been involved in and ask yourself if it isn't strange that so many had accidents/committed suicide in such a concentrated period of time and in such a way that investigations into various Clinton affairs/scandles were stymied because of those deaths.

Co-inky-dink? I dun't theenk so Lucy!.

Just a quick refresher course lest we forget what has happened to many "friends" of the Clintons.

1- James McDougal - Clinton's convicted Whitewater partner died of an apparent heart attack, while in solitary confinement. He was a key witness in Ken Starr's investigation. (I think that this one was "natural causes"...but you have to admit that the stress Mr. McDougal was under could be labled "Clintonian induced")

2 - Mary Mahoney - A former White House intern was murdered July 1997 at a Starbucks Coffee Shop in Georgetown. The murder happened just before she was to go public with her story of sexual harassment in the White House.

3- Vince Foster - Former White House counselor and colleague of Hillary Clinton at Little Rock's Rose Law firm. Died of a gunshot wound to the head, ruled a suicide (even though there were heel drag marks leading up to where his body lay in a park; there was very little blood found at the scene,and the fatal bullet was never found).

4- Ron Brown - Secretary of Commerce and former DNC Chairman, reported to have died by impact in a plane crash. A pathologist close to the investigation
reported that there was a hole in Brown's skull resembling a gunshot wound. At the time of his death Brown was being investigated, and spoke publicly of his willingness to cut a deal with prosecutors. The rest of the people on the plane also died.
A few days later the air Traffic controller committed suicide.

5- C. Victor Raiser II- Raiser, a major player in the Clinton fund raising
organization died in a private plane crash in July 1992.

6- Paul Tulley - Democratic National Committee Political Director found dead
in a hotel room in Little Rock, September 1992. He was described by Clinton
as a "Dear friend and trusted advisor".

7- Ed Willey - Clinton fund raiser, found dead November 1993 deep in the
woods in VA of a gunshot wound to the head.
Ruled a suicide, Ed Willey died on the same day his wife Kathleen Willey claimed Bill Clinton groped her in the oval office in the White House. Ed Willey was involved in several Clinton fund raising events.

8- Jerry Parks -Head of Clinton's gubernatorial security team in Little Rock.
He was gunned down in his car at a deserted intersection outside Little Rock. Park's son said his father was building a dossier on Clinton. He allegedly threatened to reveal this information.
After he died the files were mysteriously removed from his house.

9- James Bunch - Died from a gunshot suicide. His "Black Book" of people
which contained names of influential people who visited prostitutes in Texas
and Arkansas was never found.

10- James Wilson - Was found dead in May 1993 from an apparent hanging suicide. He had ties to Whitewater.

11- Kathy Ferguson - Ex-wife of Arkansas Trooper Danny Ferguson, was found
dead in May 1994, in her living room with a gunshot to her head. It was ruled a suicide even though there were several packed suitcases, as if she were going somewhere.

Danny Ferguson was a co-defendant along with Bill Clinton in the Paula Jones lawsuit. Kathy Ferguson was a corroborating witness for Paula Jones.

12- Bill Shelton - Bill Shelton, Arkansas State Trooper and fianc�=E9 of Kathy Ferguson. Critical of the suicide ruling of his fianc�=E9, he was found dead in June, 1994 of a gunshot wound. He also was ruled a suicide at the gravesite of his fianc�.

13- Gandy Baugh - Gandy Baugh, attorney for Clinton's friend Dan Lassater,
died by jumping out a window of a tall building January, 1994. His client was
a convicted drug distributor reputed to have sold drugs to the Clintons.

14- Florence Martin - Accountant & sub-contractor for the CIA, was related
to the Barry Seal Mena Airport drug smuggling case. He died of three gunshot
wounds.

15- Suzanne Coleman - Reportedly had an affair with Clinton when he was
Arkansas Attorney General. Died of a gunshot wound to the back of the head, ruled a suicide. She was pregnant at the time of her death.

16- Paula Grober - Paula Grober, was Clinton's speech interpreter for the
deaf, from 1978 until her death, December 9, 1992. She had vast information
about both Clinton's personal lives. She died in a one car accident on a
deserted Arkansas road.

17- Danny Casolaro - Danny Casolaro, an investigative reporter, was investi-
gating Mena Airport and Arkansas Development Finance Authority. He slit his
wrists apparently in the middle of his investigation.

18- Paul Wilcher - Attorney investigating corruption at Mena Airport with
Casolaro and the 1980 "October Surprise" was found dead on a toilet seat June
22, 1993 in his Washington DC apartment. He had delivered a report to Janet
Reno 3 weeks before his death.

19- Jon Parnell Walker - Jon Parnell Walker, Whitewater investigator for
Resolution Trust Corp., jumped to his death from his Arlington, Virginia
apartment balcony August 15, 1993. He was investigating the Morgan Guaranty scandal.

20- Barbara Wise - Commerce Department staffer, worked closely with Ron
Brown and John Huang. Cause of death unknown. She died November 29, 1996. Her bruised, nude body was found locked in her office at the Department of Commerce.

21- Charles Meissner - Assistant Secretary of Commerce who gave John Huang
special security clearance, died shortly thereafter in a small plane crash. (boy, small planes were really having problems in the Clinton Era, huh?)

22- Dr. Stanley Heard - Chairman of the National Chiropractic Health Care Ad-
visory Committee died with his attorney Steve Dickson in a small plane crash.
Dr. Heard, in addition to serving on Clinton's advisory council personally
treated Clinton's mother, stepfather and brother.

23-Barry Seal - Drug running pilot out of Mena Arkansas , death was no
accident.

24-Johnny Lawhorn Jr. - Mechanic, found a check made out to Bill Clinton in
the trunk of a car left at his repair shop. He was found dead after his car
had hit a utility pole.

25-Stanley Huggins - Investigated Madison Guaranty. His death was a purported suicide and his report was never released.

26- Hershell Friday - Attorney and Clinton fund raiser died March 1, 1994
when his plane exploded.

27- Kevin Ives & Don Henry - Known as "The boys on the track" case. Reports
say the boys may have stumbled upon the Mena Arkansas airport drug operation.

A controversial case, the initial report of death said, due to falling
asleep on railroad tracks. Later reports claim the 2 boys had been slain before being placed on the tracks. Many linked to the case died before their
testimony could come before a Grand Jury.

THE FOLLOWING PERSONS HAD INFORMATION ON THE IVES/HENRY CASE:

28- Keith Coney - Died when his motorcycle slammed into the back of a truck.
7/88.

29- Keith McMaskle - Died stabbed 113 times, Nov, 1988

30- Gregory Collins - Died from a gunshot wound January 1989.

31- Jeff Rhodes - He was shot, mutilated and found burned in a trash dump in

April 1989.

33- James Milan - Found decapitated. However, the Coroner ruled his death
was due to "natural causes". (yeah, Jihadi death by a knife/sword cutting through the throat is "natural causes" too!)

34- Jordan Kettleson - Was found shot to death in the front seat of his
pickup truck in June 1990.

35- Richard Winters - A suspect in the Ives / Henry deaths. He was killed in
a set-up robbery July 1989.

THE FOLLOWING CLINTON BODYGUARDS ARE DEAD:

36 -Major William S. Barkley Jr.

37-Captain Scott J . Reynolds

38-Sgt. Brian Hanley

39-Sgt. Tim Sabel

40-Major General William Robertson

41-Col. William Densberger

42-Col. Robert Kelly

43-Spec. Gary Rhodes

44-Steve Willis

45-Robert Williams

46-Conway LeBleu

47-Todd McKeehan

Quite an impressive list!

Talk about a dangerous work environment. Like I said at the outset, any single one of these deaths could be truly "accidental" or unrelated, but you take the sheer volume of the numbers and the fact that the only tie between all of them is that they were all involved in some way to the Clintons, and that they could testify against the Clintons.

How would you feel if you knew damaging information about either of the
Clinton's?

HILLARY FOR PRESIDENT? SURELY YOU JEST !!

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 04:38 PM | Comments (1260) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

September 19, 2007

MY LIVING WILL

Last night, my friend and I were sitting in the living room and I said to
her, "I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some
machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the
plug."

She got up, unplugged the TV, and threw out my beer.

She's such a bitch.....

H/T to Catfish

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 07:50 PM | Comments (1043) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

"Normal" Auschwitz

There are many photographs of the horror that was Auschwitz. But HERE ARE photographs of that time and place that are horror packed in that they are perfectly normal pics of normal people having fun and enjoying their lives...people like Joseph Mengela and Richard Baur (Commandant of Auschwitz)

That "normal" human beings can create such horror; it seems that we still have a long way to go before we can call ourselves truly civilized. The German people of the 30's and 40's weren't all that different than we are today. What frightens me is that call of 1945 that "We SHALL ALWAYS REMEMBER " is being forgotten, indeed there are many factions that state that the Holocaust never occurred, or if it did, it was on a far smaller scale scale than is being presented by an ambigious "Jooooish Conspiracy".

People, I KNOW it happened. My father was a victim caught up in the horror of those days. He is my link to those days....and his main statement about those days is simple: that IT HAPPENED, and we MUST NEVER FORGET.

IF we forget, we are doomed to repeat it. Don't believe that "it can't happen here"; I'm sure that if you asked the average German in 1939 about a hypothetical Holocaust, he'd deny any possiblity of it occuring in his homeland.

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 01:05 AM | Comments (709) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

September 17, 2007

JUST FOR GRINS

Grandmas Don't Know Everything

Little Tony was staying with his grandmother for a few days.

He'd been playing outside with the other kids for a while
when he came into the house and asked her, "Grandma,
what's that called when two people sleep in the same room
and one is on top of the other?"

She was a little taken aback, but she decided to just tell
him the truth. "It's called sexual intercourse, darling."

Little Tony just said, "Oh, OK," and went back outside to
play with the other kids.

A few minutes later he came back in and said angrily,
"Grandma, it isn't called sexual intercourse. It's called
Bunk Beds.

And Jimmy's Mom wants to talk to you."

CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS

A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles.
The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.
He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.
She directs him down the correct aisle.

A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter.

She says, confused, 'Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?

He answers, 'You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store
To get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco
And some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper.
So, I figure if I have to roll my own .......... So does she.

CREATION

A man said to his wife one day, 'I don't know how you can be
So stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
'
The wife responded, 'Allow me to explain.

God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!

FOOTBALL SCOUTING REPORT*

> >>>Well folks, it arrived ... the 2007 football scouting report. The
> >>>following scouting report is making the rounds of Division I football
> >>>coaches:

> >>>Wayfron P. Jackson: 6' 6", 215 lbs. Wide Receiver.
> >>>Hottest prospect
> >>>from Texas in the last ten years. Loves rap music.
> >>>Will demand a
> >>>mini-cassette in his helmet. Currently holds world record for the most
> >>>"do you knows" during an interview (62 in one minute). Wayfron can
> >>>print his complete name.

> >>>Cletis Quinticious Jenkins: 6' 3", 220 lbs. Running Back. Set state
> >>>scoring record out of Triton High School, Dunn, North Carol ina. & Also
> >>>led the state in burglaries, but has only 9 convictions. He has been
> >>>clocked at 4.2 seconds in the 40 yard dash with a 19" TV under each arm.

> >>>Roosevelt "Dude" Dansell: 6' 1", 195 lbs. Running Back. From Tyler,
> >>>Texas. Has processed hair and imitates Billy Dee Williams very well.
> >>>Before he signed his letter of intent, he wanted the school to change
> >>>colors to chartreuse and pink. Listed his church preference as "red
> >>>brick."

> >>>Woodrow Lee Washington: 6' 8", 310 lbs. Tackle. From a 4th generation
> >>>welfare family. At 19 he's the oldest of 21 children.
> >>>Mother claims Woodrow and child number 9 have same father. He has a
> >>>manslaughter trial pending but feels he will be found innocent because:
> >>>"The dude said something bad 'bout my Momma." On his entrance form, he listed his I.Q. as 20-20.

> >>>Willie "Night Train" Smith: 6'4", 225 lbs. Quarter back. Born on an
> >>>Amtrak train. Birth certificate indicates he is 27 years old. Thinks the
> >>>"N" on Nebraska's helmets stands for "Nowledge,"
> >>>but still meets this school's stringent entrance requirements. Insists on > >>>wearing number 32 jersey since it matches his score on his College
> >>>Entrance Exam.

> >>>Tyrone "Python" Peoples: 6'10", 228 lbs. Wide Receiver. Has a pending
> >>>paternity suit and two rape trials, but hopes none of his other
> >>>9 victims will file charges. Tyrone had already signed letters of intent
> >>>with six other colleges but was also willing to sign with us.
> >>>Likes wild women and red Cadillacs. Thinks Taco Bell is the Mexican
> >>>Telephone Company.

> >>>Abdul Hasheen Abba Ali: 6'10", 305 lbs. Guard. Played high school ball
> >>>under the name Sylvester LeRoy Jones until he discovered religion.
> >>>Abdul thinks Sherlock Holmes is a housing project in Jacksonville.
> >>>Doesn't know the meaning of the word "fear." (Doesn't know the meaning
> >>>of many other words, either.)

> >>>Note: College track coaches intend to use several of the above signees
> >>>in their track programs. However, instead of using a starting gun at
> >>>track meets, the NCAA has agreed to use a burglar alarm... This, they
> >>>hope, will keep the runners alert.

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 05:27 PM | Comments (873) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

CONSTITUTION DAY 2007

�We the People of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Union, establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defence, promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America... Done... the seventeenth day of September, in the year of our LORD one thousand seven hundred and eighty seven.� �George Washington and the delegates

Two hundred and twenty years ago today, this Nation embarked on a grand experiment. While there are problems that threaten that experiment;for the moment, it's still working as our forefathers had hoped. If that grand foray into the unknown fails, it will be due to OUR lack, not theirs. WE are the ones that strayed from the wise path they left us to follow.

I believe that this day should be made a day of National reflection on where we have been and where we may be heading. Just maybe there is yet time to change the course we are heading.

The Father of our Nation warned us to beware of what is happening in this latter day; with contemplation on the sage advice of those that went before us, we can still avoid the final dissolution, but time grows short.

�Should, hereafter, those incited by the lust of power and prompted by the Supineness or venality of their Constituents, overleap the known barriers of this Constitution and violate the unalienable rights of humanity: it will only serve to shew, that no compact among men (however provident in its construction and sacred in its ratification) can be pronounced everlasting an inviolable.� �George Washington, First Inaugural Address

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 05:04 PM | Comments (579) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

September 10, 2007

9/11

WE REMEMBER

Tomorrow is a day of rememberance of one of the saddest days of our Republic, and it seems that all too many citizens are prepared to forget it. That would be a mistake IMHO. Cal Thomas says it better than I ever could (emph. mine-D):

�As we approach the sixth anniversary of Sept. 11, there are suggestions that we should begin to forget the worst terrorist incident in America�s history. Recently, a front-page story in The New York Times suggested it is becoming too much of a burden to remember the attack, that nothing new can be said about it and that, perhaps, Sept. 11 �fatigue� may be setting in. ...9/11 forces us to be serious, not only about those who died and why they died at the hands of religious fanatics, but also so that we won�t forget that it could very well happen again and many of today�s living might end up as yesterday�s dead. That is the purpose of remembering 9/11, not to engage in perpetual mourning. The war goes on and to be reminded of 9/11 serves as the ultimate protection against forgetfulness. Terrorists have not forgotten 9/11. Tape of the Twin Towers is used on jihadist Websites for the purpose of recruiting new �martyrs.� What�s the matter with some people? Does remembering not only 9/11 but the stakes in this world war interfere too much with our pursuit of money, things and pleasure? Serious times require serious thought and serious action. In our frivolous times, full of trivialities and irrelevancies, to be serious is to abandon self-indulgence for survival, entertainment for the stiffened spine... Not to remember 9/11, is to forget what brought it about.�

As you go through your busy day, stop and take a moment to remember.

Remember what happened on that day six years ago.

Remember that on that day, we were made aware that we are engaged in a world wide conflict with an enemy that is implacably set to destroy us and everything we stand for.

Remember those that died that day.

Most of all, remember those that died to defend us on foreign soil and those that continue to fight on those faraway shores.

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 05:40 PM | Comments (61) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

September 05, 2007

Challenge

My hometown newsrag, The Indianapolis Star, has a feature called "Let it Out" which allows readers to opine on anything they should be thinking about. On Friday, August 31, 2007, a (IMHO) jackass/"progressive" (but I repeat myself) posited the following statement:

"I guess you could consider America the greatest country in the world when it would rather spend billions putting a piece of metal in space than aid those in need of jobs, food, and shelter."

I've heard this argument time and time again, ie: "why spend money on the space program when we have so many needs here on Earth ?", and usually it comes from a sincerely caring type of "progressive" that always bemoans any money spent other than welfare and other types of aid to "the poor"; whether here at home, or across the world.

I've had ~~knock down-dragout fights~~ arguments with family members over this issue.

My position is that the Space Program is the best thing that this country has done since first positing the idea of freedom of the individual. The fact is that every dollar that we have spent on space has returned tenfold to the good of our society in terms of new products, technology, and ability to help the greatest number for the lowest cost. I contend that money spent on space has helped more disadvantaged people than ANY of the "Great Society" welfare/Medicaid programs have.

WHY do I feel that way? Think about it. I'll wait.

You say you still think I'm talking out of my ass? Okay, YOU tell me of any major step forward in just about any area where it wasn't made possible by the space program within, at most, three degrees of separation.

NASA has a site that just touches some highlights of spin-offs, to include general areas such as:

1. Computer Technology
2. Consumer/Home/Recreation
3. Environmental and Resource Management
4. Health and Medicine
5. Industrial Productivity/Manufacturing Technology
6. Public Safety
7. Transportation

Those are main points, but remember that progress rarely develops in straight lines; many times, one piece of new technology often affects development in multiple other areas that you would not at first think connected.

James Burke has made a career of outlining historical "Connections" of progress through history. The fact is that the space program has exponentially increased the pace of those "connections" between various disciplines, to the betterment of the world in general.

Here is my challenge: Tell me any step of forward progress that hasn't benefited from/or been caused by the space program, within three degrees of separation, within the last thirty years.

That microwave you just used to pop some popcorn before an evenings stroll through the www? Space program.

That MRI that just alerted your doctor that he'd better treat you quickly before your (insert disease of choice here) has reached the stage that there is no treatment and you're soon to meet your maker? Space program again.

The PC/laptop that your're using to read this? Bingo! Space program.

Okay, let me have your best shot.

Posted by: Delftsman3 at 07:03 PM | Comments (342) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

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