July 12, 2005

Things I learned on my summer vacation

(inspired by the CheeseMistress)

1. Just because the locals recommend a place to eat, that doesn't mean the food will be any good. Be especially wary if told that the owner is a good friend.

2. At the end of a long day driving, fill up the tank before bed. Sometime overnight, the place up the hill jacked up the cost per gallon by a nickel. I was prepared though, and went to another station that had been much cheaper the day before. They'd upped their prices by a dime.

3. Yahoo puts a little disclaimer at the bottom of their maps, telling you to verify their directions with another source. Believe them.

4. I will forever wonder about the story behind the FMDRP* hanging from a mile marker on the side of the interstate. Someone carefully placed it there... like a trophy.

5. Every Wednesday, all the dancers at the Diamond Club are dressed in schoolgirl uniforms.

6. Much like the country is peppered with towns named Springfield, in some regions you can't swing a dead cat without hitting Lime Kiln Road or Old Quarry Road. So remember, if you need an instant fake address: 13 Lime Kiln Road, Springfield, (any state). Odds are good that such an address actually exists in more than one county and/or state.

*FMDRP = "Fuck Me Dead" Red Pumps

Posted by: Ted at 07:58 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

New Gig

I've now joined the ranks of people getting paid to write, which is odd because unlike so many bloggers, that's never been my dream.

Anyway, visit Mozongoware.com and read the first PDA software review by yours truly (Spb Finance v2.0). This is an ongoing job and four times a month I'll be talking about a newly released application in PDA software.

This also marks the first of a new category: PDA Reviews. And in the very near future a link will be added over on the right for Monzongo, which is a nifty place to find out the latest about PDA's, Smart Phones, and other latest and greatest in gadgetry (nope, didn't get paid to write that).

Tell 'em Ted sent ya.

Posted by: Ted at 07:05 AM | Comments (11) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

July 11, 2005

Go here and win trivial prizes

Jennifer of the inexplicably named Jennifer's History and Stuff is closing in on 200,000 visitors, and she's giving a prize to the happy visitor. So go, be counted, and dammit, be happy!

Posted by: Ted at 10:49 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Opera Gloves, from Classy to Trashy

An outstanding collection of history in words and pictures, devoted to that most elegant of high style: For the Love of Opera Gloves. The photo gallaries are extensive, and the entire site is a wonderful way to lose yourself for a while.

Posted by: Ted at 09:33 AM | Comments (5) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Happy Anniversary

24 years ago today, Liz made an honest man of me.

Posted by: Ted at 01:44 AM | Comments (13) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Not a single "hockey puck"

We saw Don Rickles last night (tonight actually, since I haven't gone to bed yet). He's still funny as hell, and I can only hope that I'm half as spry and energetic as he is at that age.

Jerry Vale was in the audience. Cool.

Posted by: Ted at 01:23 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

July 09, 2005

Yocumtown, Pennsylvania

I guess Hicksville was already taken.

(posted from the road, in Scranton, PA)

Posted by: Ted at 07:52 PM | Comments (5) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Intermittent Connectivity

Since it's highly unlikely that the entire internet has been crashing repeated since last night, the process of elimination leaves me to conclude that I'm having a problem at my end. So begins the "dealing with the help desk" process...

Posted by: Ted at 07:49 AM | Comments (5) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

July 08, 2005

Torture Level

Now that cranking up the stereo has been redefined as torture, and we've all been tragically reminded about what this whole "war on terror" is about, I think it's time to codify our official "torture" response. In ascending order of harshness:

• Christine Aguilara


• Hanson


• Pat Boone


• Tiny Tim


• Roseanne Barr

Yeah, call me barbaric.

Posted by: Ted at 05:16 AM | Comments (14) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

July 07, 2005

I thought we already knew all the answers?

At least that's what some folks want you to believe when it comes to climate change. Some scientists have even suggested that an increase in certain clouds over the Earths' poles could be indication that the process is speeding up.

Or maybe not.

Polar mesospheric clouds - also called noctilucent clouds - form in the summer over the poles at altitudes of about 52 miles (84 kilometers), making them the highest clouds in the Earth's atmosphere. They have been monitored in recent years because they are thought to be sensitive to the temperature and humidity of the atmosphere.

That part is correct.

Researchers using satellite and ground-based instruments tracked the exhaust plume from Columbia's liftoff from Kennedy Space Center in Florida on Jan. 16, 2003. The plume was roughly 650 miles long and two miles wide.

As with all shuttle launches, about 97 percent of this exhaust turns into water - a by-product of the liquid hydrogen and liquid oxygen fuel. The resulting 400 tons of extra water in the atmosphere has an observable effect on cloud formation.

Stevens and his colleagues observed a significant increase in polar mesospheric clouds over Antarctica in the days following the launch.

Oops, this sounds like one of those "ignore the man behind the curtain" moments. During discussions on the subject, I like to remind folks that Earth has *never* had a stable climate in its history. That always makes 'em stop, but it doesn't always make them think.

Posted by: Ted at 11:33 AM | Comments (7) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Mr. Raider comes home

Tim Brown will sign a one-day contract so that he can retire as an Oakland Raider.

Brown, who turns 39 on July 22, played the first 16 of his 17 seasons with the Raiders, and always hoped to be remembered as the organization's greatest receiver. He was the last former member of the Los Angeles Raiders and the person young players turned to for advice.

The self-proclaimed "Mr. Raider" holds most of the club's receiving records, and his 240 games with the team are the most in franchise history.

Brown was a first-round draft choice by the Raiders in 1988 out of Notre Dame.

Thank you Tim Brown, you've always been a class act and quietly built your credentials proving that you're one of the all-time greats.

Posted by: Ted at 06:10 AM | Comments (5) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Explosions rock London mass transit (UPDATED)

Reports are mixed, with authorities saying some blasts were caused by electrical overloads, yet at least one packed bus was devastated by a bomb. There's no word on the casualty count, except to confirm that deaths have occurred.

This is a police matter only long enough to stabilize the situation and to do the forensic investigations. After that, it becomes a military action to find and neutralize the monsters who intentionally target civilians.

ACLU, obstructionists and revisionists, and the rest of the human ostriches who refuse to acknowlege reality, please crawl back under your rock, slither back into your holes, and rebury your head in the sand, respectively, so that the rest of us can deal with this terrorist threat.

(revised after reflection that this could be an IRA action, although I think that's a rather remote possibility)

UPDATE: Helen of Everyday Stranger has posted that she, her beloved Angus, and her coworkers are all safe and accounted for.

Posted by: Ted at 06:05 AM | Comments (5) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

July 06, 2005

Sexy Album Covers

You might remember them, I sure do.

Thanks to Curmudgeonly & Skeptical for the trip down memory lane (nsfw).

Looks like some interesting links to follow way down at the bottom too.

Posted by: Ted at 08:40 PM | Comments (6) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

France Takes Silver!!!

London, England is awarded the 2012 Olympics.

Jolly good, that.

Posted by: Ted at 11:17 AM | Comments (5) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Thomas Jefferson: Blogger

Q&O posted a link to a thought-provoking article imagining what it would be like to construct the Declaration of Independence online today.

Stephen knows exactly what they're talking about.

Well worth the read.

Posted by: Ted at 06:07 AM | Comments (6) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Dear Mr. Policeman

I wasn't going to hit you. Honest! But I was so busted by the time I saw you standing there with your radar gun, and well, I had to do something to distract you before you got my license plate. I'm sorry about your uniform too, because I'm sure the ditch you dived into was muddy from the storms last night. I'd offer to pay the cleaning bill, but then that would kinda defeat the purpose of the whole thing, now wouldn't it?

Not that I'm admitting anything.

Posted by: Ted at 05:15 AM | Comments (5) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Would you, could you, list them all?

An alphabetical list of all the characters who've appeared in Dr. Seuss books.

It seems that a few,
Escaped the review,
But are marked plain to see,
To be completeness-y,
And you can tell which,
So just deal with it, bitch.

That's harder than it looks.

Posted by: Ted at 04:58 AM | Comments (6) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

July 05, 2005

Sweet & Sour

In the movie Exit to Eden, you get to see the delicious Dana Delaney in several exotic and kinky outfits. She gets naked too.

You also see Rosie O'Donnel dancing on a strip club stage in a bustier.

Posted by: Ted at 06:39 PM | Comments (14) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Briiiiiiiiiiiiing

Me (picking up phone): Hello?

Phone: Good afternoon Mr. Phillips. This is not a sales call, I'm taking a brief survey and ---

Me: *sigh* It's Phipps. You can't even be bothered to get the name right, so why should I talk to you?

Phone: I'm sorry sir. I have a few questions to ask and if you would give me a few minutes of your time to respond it would be appreciated.

Me: Questions about what?

Phone: Political issues.

Me: Go for it.

Phone: First, sir, some demographic information (asks about age, sex, zip code, etc., smooth sailing right up until...) Are you a registered voter?

Me: Yes.

Phone: Would you characterize yourself as a Democrat or as a Republican?

Me: That's a meaningless question.

Phone: Pardon?

Me: I'm a white male, raised in a christian home, so according to the head of the DNC, that makes me a Republican, regardless of what I'm registered as.

Phone: *long pause* Would you say your annual income is between --

Me: I make no reportable income. In fact, I've never worked an honest day in my life.

Phone: *longer pause* Of the following issues, which would you say is more important to you? Is it --

Me: Let me explain something to you. I decide who gets my vote based on the issues and who's position I agree with. Sometimes it's a Republican, sometimes it's a Democrat. But because of the rhetoric and namecalling coming from the Democrats and the asinine obstruction of any real debate, I've decided that for the first time in my life I'm going to vote straight Republican. I'm doing this to show Dean and Pelosi and that nitwit from Nevada that I'm tired of their childish antics and that I expect, no, I demand better from them. The Republicans could run Charles Manson for office, and right now I'd vote for him over Jesus Christ himself to make this point. Change the Democratic leadership and offer me some reasonable and rational alternatives, or I keep protesting with my vote.

Phone: *pause long enough to make me think he's hung up* Senator Reid.

Me: Excuse me?

Phone: The Senator from Nevada is Senator Reid.

Me: Well, you know what they say: the only things in Nevada are cactus and hookers. The man is a saguaro-sized prick, but he's got the ethics of a Vegas whore.

Phone (gallant attempt at a closing rally): Thank you Sir, for taking the time to respond --

Me: Nothing personal, son, but I want you to note that I'm pissed about what is happening and what I'm hearing.

Phone (pressing on): -- for taking the time to respond to this survey.

Me: Democrat.

Phone: Pardon?

Me: I'm a lifelong registered Democrat. *click*

I feel like I'm pissing into the wind, but you've gotta make the attempt.

Posted by: Ted at 04:45 AM | Comments (17) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Until we get the NHL, this'll have to do

Fortunately, it appeals to the history buff in me too. Check out this amazing site that shows the history of NHL jerseys. Each team, year by year, with a little commentary on trends, comings and goings, and uniforms so ugly they define "stinks on ice". Rollover the pictures to see who won the Stanley Cup that season, and look at the bottom of the pages for bonus uniforms!

Thanks to the Hockey Pundits for the pointer. I expect I'll visit them a lot more often once we get hockey back.

Posted by: Ted at 04:12 AM | Comments (12) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

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