Rocket Jones

October 16, 2005

The center wasn't the only guy bent over today (updated)

Fantasy football, and two, repeat TWO of my starting wide receivers didn't play today. Both were game-time decisions, so thanks guys, for giving me a little warning. I'm glad the Steelers lost (Hines Ward), and I wish the Bengals had too (T.J. Houshmandzadeh).

Serves (half of) you right, dammit.

Update: Somehow I'm hanging in there. Now I need Edgerrin James to have a great Monday Night and the rest of the Colts to fall off the face of the planet, and I might just pull this one out.

Posted by: Ted at 05:20 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Millions More Miscount

There was a time when the National Park Service would provide an estimate of the crowd size for events held on the mall in Washington DC. After being criticized for not sufficiently inflating the estimates to soothe the egos of various organizers, the parks people did an intelligent and reasonable thing. They declined to provide crowd estimates any more.

That made everyone happy. The National Park Service no longer had to deploy people to "count" the crowds, and they deftly sidestepped various complaints ranging from bad mathematical skills to racism.

The organizers of various events were happy too, because now their "official" numbers were, in fact, official.

Yesterday was a classic example. After hearing reports throughout the day about "thousands massing at the mall" or "a throng numbering in the thousands", the Nation of Islam released their official crowd count at 1.8 million people.

I'm happy, because now I know for sure that every estimate I hear from these events is complete and utter bullshit.

Posted by: Ted at 10:53 AM | Comments (6) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

An Excellent Evening

Last night, I had the extreme pleasure of meeting several local - and one very not-local - bloggers for dinner in Olde Towne Alexandria. John Lanius of Texas Best Grok got the ball rolling a couple of weeks ago via email, because he would be in town on business, and was wondering if it would be possible to set up a blogmeet.

Besides John, those in attendance included Cat of A Swift Kick and a Bandaid, her blogless friend Matt, Dawn of Caterwauling, Lysander (who is alive and kicking, despite the evidence at his blog), Robert the Llamabutcher, Naked Villainy's Maximum Leader, and Buckethead of The Ministry of Minor Perfidy. Oh, and yours truly.

As usual, it was like getting together with old friends even if most of us had never met each other. The food was good (mine was, I don't recall hearing anyone else mentioning it), and the conversation excellent. Topics ranged from the history of communism to TShirt Hell, and just about anything and everything in between. Four and a half hours later, we settled up and on the way out the conversations continued on the sidewalk out front.

For the locals, Nic has suggested a get-together for a Washington Capitals hockey game one evening. I'm up for that!

Posted by: Ted at 12:50 AM | Comments (7) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

October 15, 2005

Inadvertant Humor

Earlier this week we had the headline:

Avian Flu Found in Turkey

Today we see:

Thousands Attend Millions More March

But of course, this is deliberate:

Rice Fails To Gain Russian Support Over Iran

When the more accurate statement would be:

Russians refuse to change mind despite Rice efforts. But hey, she failed, you know?

Posted by: Ted at 10:54 AM | Comments (5) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Things Mookie has learned in college

1. There are about 1/2 ton of termites living for each human being on the planet.

2. Termites fart.

3. Farting releases methane.

4. Methane is a greenhouse gas.

5. Therefore, killing termites can stop global warming.

(Chemistry in Context: Applying Chemistry to Society, 4th edition, page 125)

Hand me that aerosol can of bug spray, would you?

Posted by: Ted at 08:54 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Random *and* Pointless, because I'm dedicated to giving you more

You do realize that there's a salty side and a not-salty side to a Pringles, don't you?

Posted by: Ted at 08:04 AM | Comments (5) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

October 14, 2005

Happy Birthday!!!!

Oldest daughter Robyn turns 21 today! Yay!

Don't do anything stupid.

Posted by: Ted at 02:49 PM | Comments (9) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

So slanted that it falls over into a deep murky pit of its own stupidity

I feel like hell, which means that y'all get to listen to me rant. And boy, did I find a doozy.

Let's start with this headline:

Sea farmers struggle to save kelp from predatory urchins

Cool. I think I like sea farmers. All high-techy and stuff, feeding the hungry millions in our world. Check out this promising start to the story:

Not many farmers wear wet suits to work. But Tom Ford isn't running your average ranch. Instead of a tractor, he drives a motorboat. And rather than chase away insects and rodents, he fights off prickly sea urchins.

But something starts to smell fishy in the very next paragraph, when you find out that Tom's "farm" is all of one acre. Seems that Tom, along with other biologists in Southern California, are struggling to restore the great kelp forests to the coastal waters of Southern California.

Now, I don't have a problem with that, because kelp is an incredibly useful plant, as the story goes on to explain. It provides fish with an underwater habitat that allows them to thrive in great numbers and even when it washes up on shore it's a boon for beach critters like crabs and birds.

I bet those bastard humans have destroyed it, right?

But in the last 50 years, frequent episodes of warm-water El Nino have devastated kelp, which thrives at lower temperatures. California and Alaska are the only two places in the Northern Hemisphere where giant kelp grows.

Oops. Maybe not.

Scientists say humans also are to blame for kelp's demise because they pollute the ocean and overfish the urchins' natural predators--lobsters, sheep-head fish and sea otters.

Sorry about that. I forgot to provide a warning about the obligatory "it's all our fault" paragraph. I guess I should feel bad, because I do love to sit down to a nice sea otter steak. Sheep-head fish? Not on any menu I've ever seen.

But we're fighting back. According to the story, they've spent millions of dollars in their effort to restore the kelp beds. Results?

Only two acres of kelp were restored in Southern California from 2001 to 2004, say environmental groups that spent $2.5 million in state and federal grants.

But it's hard work. Here's how the intrepid "sea farmers" (translation: tree-huggers) fight back:

Armed with a rake and mesh satchels, he and volunteers purged the area of purple, red and white urchins--bagging 25,000 last year alone.

Got that? They artificially manipulate an ecosystem in a wholesale and arbitrary manner, because they're like, you know, protecting the environment. The paragraph after that even includes a gratuitous and totally unsubstantiated scary anecdote.

So far, we've learned that they've spent millions of dollars fighting the ecological effects caused by a cyclical change in the environment of an entire hemisphere. In three years, they've restored two acres of kelp forest, at a cost of over one million dollars per acre. They've also destroyed hundred of thousands of living creatures during that time, because they're not the "right" kind. Ok, I'm assuming that they destroyed them, because if they just collected them and then dumped them into another area, then that's two different places where they've drastically altered the ecosystem. Which way is better?

This quote just seals it:

"If you go into a kelp forest, the place is swarming with fish," said Paul Dayton, a marine ecology professor at Scripps Institution of Oceanography. "Take out that kelp and the fish won't go extinct, but they'll be much rarer because they don't have the habitat. ... We should protect it just on the grounds that it's for our grandchildren.

These people are supposedly scientists. Why do they righteously insist on preserving a single snapshot of the living, evolving, ever-changing world we live in?

I swear, if environmentalists had been around at the beginning of the universe, they'd have protested against God himself for destroying all the nothingness when he created the world.

Posted by: Ted at 12:15 PM | Comments (16) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

This is not my story

If it were, I'm not sure I would tell it.

“I was driving my wife’s car the other day and saw a little round thing in the cupholder, thought it was a cigarrette lighter. I looked at it, it had a little handle you turn and push down so I thought, yeah, it’s a lighter, I wonder what the wife is doing with this- she don’t smoke. So I pushed the button down to see if it still worked and maced myself. It weren’t any damned fun, I’ll tell you that.”

Thanks to Random Nuclear Strikes for the pointer.

Posted by: Ted at 10:10 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Recommendation

If you wanted to have the KFC chicken dinner last night, don't.

Uh oh. Gotta run.

Posted by: Ted at 04:32 AM | Comments (7) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Everything's better with a redhead

Derek is a mad genius.

girlsatwendys2.jpg

(click to add bacon, Dave would've wanted it that way)

Posted by: Ted at 04:11 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

October 13, 2005

Office Refrigerators

At my old worksite, there was the nog. At the current one, the fridge is full of whipped cream and beer.

Psychology paper? Coffee table book? Either way, there's an opportunity here.

Posted by: Ted at 11:44 AM | Comments (5) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Something to look at

Check out these beautiful galleries of photographs taken by Amy's anti-Mother-in-Law (must be a Krypton thing).

Posted by: Ted at 06:11 AM | Comments (5) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Damn, now I want a Double

girlsatwendys.jpg

Click for biggie size

Posted by: Ted at 04:13 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

October 12, 2005

Have you seen the softer side of Sears?

*checking trash can*

Yep.

Posted by: Ted at 05:13 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Star Cards - 11

Someone was kind enough to scan and post a whole heap of Players Cigarette cards. This particular set of 85 cards is of Actresses, and were released during the late 1930's (from clues like "her latest film was...").

I'll post one of these every once in a while, with a couple of simple links to IMDB.com or a bio if I can find one. You might be surpirsed at some of the familiar names you'll see. The category is "Star Cards" (over on the right column), and you can click there at any time to see all that I've posted. Hope you enjoy.

(in the extended entry)

Posted by: Ted at 06:09 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Sickos on the Internet

I heard on a radio news report this morning (and if it's on the radio then it must be true, right?), that according to an AOL (*snicker*) user survey, half of all bloggers list "therapy" as the reason they blog.

Or in my case, evidence of the need for.

Posted by: Ted at 05:59 AM | Comments (6) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

October 11, 2005

Rollery Coastery

I am still employed. To my mind, it was touch and go there for a bit.

See, last week I made an incredibly silly mistake which happened at precisely the wrong moment, resulting in spectacularly bad results all out of proportion to the size of the original mistake.

It took the entire team most of a day to put us back on track, and the fact that it's the beginning of a new fiscal year only added to the festivities. There was no finger pointing or gnashing of teeth, just professionals digging in and making things right.

Our boss was on vacation last week. I stressed big-time all weekend about this morning, and whether I would still have a job. I got the expected (and deserved) ass chewing, and then we moved on.

But the back of my neck is still cringy, and I've become rather maniacal about double-checking and triple-checking things. A little late, but better than never.

Posted by: Ted at 07:24 PM | Comments (14) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

October 10, 2005

Ok, this is really mean

I'm sorry, but I laughed so hard at this. Warning: animal lovers or people without a sense of humor should NOT click that link.

Thanks to the Llama Butchers for the link.

Posted by: Ted at 08:14 AM | Comments (17) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Star Cards - 10

Wow, it's been awhile, eh?

Someone was kind enough to scan and post a whole heap of Players Cigarette cards. This particular set of 85 cards is of Actresses, and were released during the late 1930's (from clues like "her latest film was...").

I'll post one of these every once in a while, with a couple of simple links to IMDB.com or a bio if I can find one. You might be surpirsed at some of the familiar names you'll see. The category is "Star Cards" (over on the right column), and you can click there at any time to see all that I've posted. Hope you enjoy.

(in the extended entry)

Posted by: Ted at 06:53 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

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