March 26, 2006

Grab popcorn and a Rosary, it's movie review time!

Sometimes you see a thing that you simply must have. For a year I made almost weekly visits to a music store in Grand Forks, North Dakota to sit and play "my" guitar while I saved the money to buy it (the one on the right).

That's kind of an extreme example, but recently I had a mini version of that emotion over a movie (surprise, surprise), and of course I'm going to tell you all about it.

Now this category isn't called "Cult Flicks" for nothing, and if you've visited before you already know that I love B-movies and old horror and things a little (or a lot) off of the beaten path. This film certainly falls into the last category. Before I tell you about it though, I'd like to take a moment to give a little background on a type of these crappy movies that I love so much.

Exploitation films are movies designed to appeal to those looking for things like nudity and/or gore. Back in the 30's and 40's, nudist camp "documentaries" filled the bill, as did "danger of drugs" movies. In the 50's Swedish "blue" movies found their niche. Some makers soon realized that actual product quality was optional as long as plenty of bare breasts or simulated gruesome violence was on display, so true exploitation flicks are always low budget and almost always feature rotten acting, directing, dialogue, etc. Go through the Rocket Jones Cult Flicks archives, and you'll find other reviews of just these types of films. Yes, I am a fan.

Within the exploitation umbrella, there are subgenres. Sexploitation movies focused on nudity and softcore porn - Russ Meyer was one leading director - and so-called Blaxploitation movies aimed at the African American audience (Abby, aka "the black Exorcist" is a fine example, although films like Shaft and Foxy Brown are much better known). There were gory cannibal movies and mondo "documentaries" that went for shock valuie by being about taboo subjects (like Toys Are Not For Children which explored psychotic incestual themes). Women in prison movies were popular, and included the sub-subgenre of Nazi women prison movies. I've got my eye on a couple of Hixsploitation collections, just to round out my library of crappy films. That wikipedia link above is a nice little introduction to the concept.

"Director Norifumi Suzuki doesn't have a clue about Christianity, but his delirious visual style is reminiscent of 60s Italian horror in its rich colors and hysterical zooming"
--Chicago Reader

So by now you've gathered that School of the Holy Beast is an exploitation film, and it's of a type I'd heard of but never seen before: nunsploitation. Actually, that was only one reason why I couldn't resist it, the other being that I never knew that any nunsploitation flicks were made anywhere but Europe. This unusual movie was made in Japan! Nunsploitation movies are generally set in a convent with plenty of nudity, sex, and frequent appearances by sleazy priests because apparently, unbeknownst to me, every nun is not a lesbian (kidding!). This type of movie is also critical of the Catholic Church and it's policies.

So what do we have here? The movie starts off with a girl named Maya having one helluva great day. She enjoys a hockey game, does some shopping, picks up a guy and later sleeps with him. When he finally asks her name (pillow talk!), she tells him that tomorrow she enters the abbey to become a nun.

Maya isn't particularly devout, instead she's on a private mission to discover how her mother died in that same convent eighteen years before. Along the way she manages to unravel a long-held secret and finds her answers. She also sneaks a couple of guys into the convent to gang rape the Mother Superior (who doesn't fight very hard once it's begun. I guess falling asleep to her private porn collection might have made her a bit receptive). There are scenes of drugs, self-flagellation, bondage, blasphemy; in other words, everything you'd expect from the Church (kidding!). In the end the bad guys all get what's coming to them, and you're left sitting there thinking "wow".

Unlike the typical trashy exploitation movie, this film is beautifully acted and full of spectacular imagery. One memorable scene involves Maya being punished by being whipped with bunches of long stem roses. The thorns draw blood of course, and before long each punishing stroke results in a cascade of slow motion rose petals in a halo around Maya. Uncomfortable to watch, but undeniably beautiful.

This movie far exceeded my expectations, and it's worth seeing. In Japanese with English subtitles.

Besides, how can you resist two topless nuns involved in a whip fight?

Posted by: Ted at 10:02 AM | Comments (7) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

1 Ted, I'm always learning new things from you. Nunsploitation, who'd've thunk it?

Posted by: nic at March 26, 2006 06:45 PM (l+W8Z)

2 I refuse to leave a comment to this post. It would only humiliate both of us.

Posted by: Tuning Spork at March 28, 2006 01:59 AM (LVz3N)

3 Spork: huh?

Posted by: Ted at March 28, 2006 08:22 AM (blNMI)

4 Heh. I knew you'd say that. Okay, I'll leave a comment:

That chick getting whipped by the sado-nuns with thorny rose stems as the petals float wistfully to the floor? She's pretty.

Posted by: Tuning Spork at March 28, 2006 12:37 PM (BTbiR)

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March 24, 2006

That wasn't helpful

My beloved Sharks are scrambling to make the playoffs, and despite playing great hockey lately, they lost last night to the Detroit Red Wings. Congrats to Machelle and David.

Posted by: Ted at 06:06 AM | Comments (5) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Girls with Guns

More pictures of women in the military than you can empty a magazine at. Safe for work, but definitely not boring.

Thanks to the Jawa Report for the pointer.

Posted by: Ted at 06:05 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

March 23, 2006

Bummer times two

Jennifer hangs it up.

The guys down at Whitakers, North Carolina lost their flying field. It's not actually lost, it's just been turned into a corn field without prior notice.

Posted by: Ted at 04:41 PM | Comments (6) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

March 19, 2006

Don't Overdo

Putting a roll cage on your jeep impresses the ladies.

Painting a roll pattern on your jeep, not so much.

Posted by: Ted at 09:13 AM | Comments (12) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

March 18, 2006

Got BUFF?

Uncle Sam does, and he's had it for half a century now.

Happy 50th Birthday to the B52 Stratofortress. One seriously bad mofo.

Thanks to Transterrestrial Musings for the pointer.

Posted by: Ted at 07:22 PM | Comments (6) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Pratt Hobbies Blog (aka "All the cool kids are doing it")

My friend Doug Pratt has started a rocketry blog, and named it, appropriately enough, Pratt Hobbies Blog. It will soon be on the sidebar.

He's off to a great start, including a post about how the BATFE is reacting to their recent smackdown by the Federal courts regarding rocket motors. Short answer: they are not taking it well, and it seems that the retaliation against the hobby has started. Read more over at Doug's blog, and, like most of us, he wanders off onto other topics as the fancy takes him. Check it out.

Posted by: Ted at 05:58 PM | Comments (9) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

1 Whoa! I didn't expect such a fanfare...and in big type too. Tanks, dood...you're my inspiration.

Posted by: Doug Pratt at March 18, 2006 07:33 PM (ia2zV)

2 LOL I have no idea what happened, but when I put the rocket doggie banner up top, it completely hosed my template.

Uh, I mean, yeah, your blog got the big type treatment, because it's worth it.

Posted by: Ted at March 18, 2006 08:43 PM (+OVgL)

3 Well, don't feel like the Lone Stranger. Something is hosed on the new blog, too. For some reason the messages are spaced down the page and don't start until after the sidebar. I've emailed customer support at Hostway, which has been very good in the past.

Posted by: Doug Pratt at March 18, 2006 09:19 PM (ia2zV)

4 Must be an IE thing, because it looks fine in Firefox.

Posted by: Ted at March 19, 2006 12:04 AM (+OVgL)

5 Yeah, I tried it late last night with Firefox and it works. This morning Hostway customer service emailed me and said they replicated it with IE but not with Firefox, and they're working on it. Pretty good service for a weekend! Hostway's been good to me.

Posted by: Doug Pratt at March 19, 2006 02:20 PM (ia2zV)

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March 17, 2006

I didn't even know there *was* a Mrs. Peanut!

Posted by: Ted at 01:35 PM | Comments (7) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Oh yeah, that's a winning marketing strategy

A pop up ad for weight loss surgery.

What they envision:

Dude, you mean I can get ready for the Summer beach trips *and* save big bucks doing it? I am so there!

Reality: posts like this.

Posted by: Ted at 01:25 PM | Comments (5) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Do it again and make the girl happy.

Princess Cat is closing in on her first MuNuversary and has a goal. Click the link and bump her hit counter.

Oh yeah, just like that.

Again.

Faster.

Don't stop.

And size does matter, so you higher traffic blogs should be joining in with a mention and links as well.

Treat the lady right.

Posted by: Ted at 10:52 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

March 16, 2006

Vid Hits and Kicks

Over at Off Wing Opinion, Eric has been on a video jag lately. Check out the Alexander Ovechkin and Sidney Crosby highlights, and don't miss my personal favorite, the New Zealand National Rugby team doing a Maori Haka. Awesome!

Posted by: Ted at 08:31 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Not So Different After All

I was visiting Wegglywoo and found a link to a new group blog that she's part of.

The post titiled The Rules of Life for Australian (Heterosexual) Men had me laughing out loud. Here's a sample:

11. It is permissible to quaff a fruity alcopop drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless supermodel and it's free.

26. The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason not to nail her again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was.

Posted by: Ted at 07:24 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

I never heard of it before, but I got it

I was griping last weekend about my personal head-start on the Summer cold season. I spent all weekend in bed, managed to work a half day Monday but felt lousy enough to take Tuesday off. Yesterday I cried uncle and called the doctor because the sore throat just wasn't getting better, and left work early today for the appointment.

Turns out I have Tracheitis, which is kind of a bacterial infection that settles into the windpipe instead of going north to become a sinus infection, or south to become bronchitis. I'm running a slight fever (which I didn't realize), and antibiotics have been prescribed. It's a good thing I went in, because this stuff can cause enough swelling to block off the airway.

It's supposed to rain and snow tonight. I've already let work know I'm probably not going in tomorrow.

My wife told me to quit whining. I called her Nurse Ratchet. Bad move.

Posted by: Ted at 06:54 PM | Comments (6) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

March 15, 2006

In which I tell a parable that has absolutely nothing to do with work. Honest.

And lo, the worker was given to construct a vehicle to convey information, and it was simple. Yet he toiled mightily, said vehicle being tossed to and fro amongst the waves of conflicting priorities.

And the worker was chastised for the delay.

From on high, the original requester was given to using faulty logic, as explained by Werner Von Braun:

"Crash programs fail because they are based on theory that, with nine women pregnant, you can get a baby in a month."

And when the duplication of effort was discovered, it was also revealed that the worker now had two conflicting sets of instructions to accomplish said task.

And the worker was chastised for the delay.

So with patience and fresh resolve, he worked with the requester to define the precise requirements and once achieved, set them into stone.

Three times.

When the requester said, "it would lighten my heart to see an adjustment made to the headlights," the worker did adjust the headlights and looked and saw that it was good.

And the requester looked upon it and said, "that is good, but those are not the headlights that needed adjustment." Upon which the requester pointed to the tires.

And the worker was chastised for the delay.

And lo, finally the vehicle was complete and ready for testing. When the worker discovered a blind-spot in a mirror, he brought it up to the requester, so that the worker might truthfully say that the task was thoroughly accomplished.

And the requester said, "a problem that will not be, just make it work like this other vehicle," upon which the requester pointed towards a shoe.

And the worker will be chastised for the delay.

Posted by: Ted at 07:22 PM | Comments (9) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Job Openings in Exciting Times

Mark Oakley hadn't posted anything for quite a long time, which is understandable since he's busy working for one of the original X-Prize challengers. They're still in business, because being the first to do it (Rutan) doesn't necessarily count for anything more than historical recognition (is the Wright Aircraft Corporation still around?).

Anyway. TGV Rockets is hiring.

Related to that, check this out from RocketForge:

You don't steer the elephant, you just drive around him in your new car.

Posted by: Ted at 11:57 AM | Comments (5) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

March 14, 2006

Ya don't gots to be no musish'nin to enjoy these

From Parkway Rest Stop, an abundance of amusing bass guitars.

Posted by: Ted at 01:15 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

March 13, 2006

There are female astronauts because the guys won't stop and ask for directions

Rich points out that there are now Google Mars and Google Moon. Very cool.

While you're there, check out his link to the worst Transformer and GoBot characters ever. Laugh out loud funny!

Posted by: Ted at 07:26 PM | Comments (5) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Disturbing Images and Pleasant Surprises

Suncoast Video's parent company filed for bankruptcy, so the company buying the chain is closing many of the stores, including the one closest to me. The last time I stopped by, they were in the middle of a huge clearance sale. I hadn't planned on getting anything, but walked out with a few items at a terrific price.

One of those items was a five-pack of oldies grouped under the title "Vampire Collection, Volume 2". One big selling point for this batch was that each film was international: one from Canada, one from Italy/Spain, one from Germany/Spain, and a pair of USA/Philippine offerings. So let's take a look at each of them, shall we? (in the extended entry).

Posted by: Ted at 05:33 AM | Comments (5) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

March 12, 2006

Pluto revisited

Not the frozen planet way out yonder, nor the Disney dog.

Project Pluto, which I talked about a couple of years ago, mostly in the context of the ramjet engine that was to be it's source of power.

For those needing a refresher, Pluto was to be a nuclear powered cruise missile, capable of Mach 3 at treetop level, dropping nuclear warheads in its wake. There were serious, ah, problems shall we say, with the concept. It was possible, but eventually people asked if it was desirable.

Thanks to Ghost of a Flea, we have a new link to a nicely detailed history of Project Pluto. Fascinating stuff.

Posted by: Ted at 11:10 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Is it time for 'tussin yet?

It's been a beautiful weekend, and I'm down with a big-time cold.

Posted by: Ted at 10:16 AM | Comments (5) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

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