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February 06, 2008

Must-See Movie

It didn't play in theaters, which is awful, because this movie should be seen by everyone. It's fictional, but plausible. There's no monsters or gore or jump-scares, but it's one of the scariest movies I've seen in a long, long time.

Right At Your Door is the story of a couple in Los Angeles and their experiences after terrorists set off a string of "dirty" bombs downtown. He's inside their home, sealed in according to government instructions. She's outside, contaminated.

Frightening, agonizing, frustrating, infuriating, terrifying and thought provoking; it's all of these things, delivered via a size-12 kick right to your gut.

If you have Netflix, bump it to the top of your queue. If you rent, look for it at Blockbuster or your local shop.

Posted by: Ted at 05:17 AM | Comments (72) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

February 03, 2008

Super Shnooper

I have zero interest in the Super Bowl this year. to the point that I'm going to watch a movie instead. I've been in the mood for Mystery Men, and I'll admit that I've had the hots for Janeane Garofalo for years. Yes, I understand that she's a far-left leaning whackjob, but there are ways to keep her quiet in bed.

Misogynistic? Only if I refuse to reciprocate.

Posted by: Ted at 06:41 PM | Comments (128) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

February 02, 2008

Unconditional Love Shouldn't Have To Be Moist

I'm sitting on the sleeper couch upstairs with a blanket over my legs, and the dog has been cuddled up next to me all morning. He knows I'm not feeling well*, and he's very empathic, so he's doing what he can to make me feel better. A few minutes ago he crawled out from under the blanket, stretched and walked out, presumably to go curl up next to Liz in bed. He left an enormous drool spot on the cushion next to me, and if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go make sure the little dear isn't sleeping on my pillow.

*Don't you love how I've managed to work in the fact that I'm sick into every post today? Whiny little baby? Moi?

Posted by: Ted at 08:10 AM | Comments (461) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

SACMAO

That stands for "Snorting and Choking My Ass Off" since I can't laugh out loud at the moment.

Following Buckethead's advice, first you go read this. Trust me. Er, if you find my kind of twisted humor funny, then trust me. Otherwise, don't... but still, go read.

Then, click this link to the Ministry of Minor Perfidy to see the "missing" picture. If you did this in the right order, i.e. read first, then missing picture, then you will howl with laughter. Or snort and choke. Or decide once and for all that I'm going to burn in hell for eternity. Or D, all of the above.

Posted by: Ted at 07:54 AM | Comments (34) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

50 Favorite Movies

We've been playing a game over on the Wildside Cinema forums where you list your favorite n movies. Like "top 10", etc.

You'd think that as the number got larger, it would get easier, but it doesn't. A lot of films that obviously aren't in your personal top 10 make it into your top 50, and it's a whole lot harder to narrow down that list. My first crack at my favorite top 50 had 90 movies on it, and there's no doubt that I've forgotten some.

Below are my "50 Favorite Movies".

Army of Darkness
Big Trouble in Little China
Black Pit of Doctor M
Brotherhood of the Wolf
Bubba Ho-Tep
Cannibal Women in the Avocado Jungle of Death
Carrie
Dog Soldiers
Dracula (1931)
Escape from New York
Father Goose
Frankenstein (1931)
Galaxy Quest
Ginger Snaps
Goin' South
Halloween
Idle Hands
Killer Klowns from Outer Space
King Ralph
Major Payne
McLintock!
Metropolis
Monty Python's Life of Brian
My Favorite Year
Night of the Living Dead
Omnyoji
Pan's Labyrinth
Psycho
Rear Window
Saving Private Ryan
Secretary
Seven Brides for Seven Brothers
Shaun of the Dead
Shogun Assassin
Slap Shot
ST: The Wrath of Khan
The Beast
The Blues Brothers
The Day the Earth Stood Still
The Descent
The Glenn Miller Story
The Incredibles
The Mummy (1932)
The Mummy (1999)
The Shawshank Redemption
Throne of Blood
Trading Places
Tremors
Whoops Apocolypse!
Zulu

It would have been nice if I could have put in things like "John Wayne's cavalry movies" or "Cary Grant movies" or "Directed by Alfred Hitchcock". I've reviewed many of these here on Rocket Jones and some over at Wildside Cinema.

Agree? Disagree? Leave comments. I'm stuck in bed sick this weekend. Amuse me or I'll start whining.

Posted by: Ted at 06:43 AM | Comments (737) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Gargling With Ground Glass

That's what my throat feels like. We've got something running through the office, and it's my turn to have my ass kicked (actually, there were five of us out at least one day last week). Fever, sore throat, aches - oh yeah, all the classic flu symptoms. I haven't posted much because I've been feeling so rotten that all I would be doing is pissing and moaning. That's fun once in a while, but you don't want to read a bunch of that, and I don't want to write like that.

When I come up with something pleasant, I'll post it. Ha, I almost said 'worthwhile' instead of 'pleasant'! As if...

Posted by: Ted at 02:19 AM | Comments (86) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

January 30, 2008

New Reviews are up at Wildside Cinema

Besides reviews for the recently released Cloverfield and There Will Be Blood, there are plenty more to check out, including my take on Jess Franco's Vampyros Lesbos (gotta love lesbian vampires!), Count Yorga, Vampire, and the aptly named Something Weird. I also revisit Bite Me!, featuring Misty Mundae as a stripper facing off against mutant spiders. Yowza!

Wildside Cinema.

Posted by: Ted at 05:22 AM | Comments (205) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

January 28, 2008

Movie Review: The Devil's Daughter

Disclosure: I was asked by the folks at Wild Eye if I�d like some screeners to watch, and if I felt so inclined, they�d apprecieate it if I posted reviews of their offerings. My answer to them was �Hell yeah!�, and in a surprisingly short time I had two of their movies in my grubby hands.

These guys are starting to release old made-for-TV thrillers and horror flicks. This is the Rocket Jones review of the second one, in my own informal style (the first, Crawlspace, can be found here). As an added bonus, Wildside Cinema has asked me to post reviews there as well (in their own format). So the astute businessmen at Wild Eye are getting a two-fer, which should be a lesson to all, Rocket Jones is an efficient use of your resources and you should all send me free screeners to review. End disclosure and shameless self-promotion.

When you or I hear someone ask, "who's yer daddy?", we chuckle (or pant, depending on the situation I suppose). Yet when Diane hears it, the correct answer is "SATAN", although she doesn't know it yet.

The Devil's Daughter (1973), tells the story of a young woman who has one helluva pedigree. Rosemary's Baby introduced us to the idea of the Dark Lord's child being born, and this movie (airing a few years later, and three years before The Omen), runs with the concept.

After Diane was born, her mother had misgivings about the agreement, so she found a loophole that kept the coven out of their lives for 21 years. Mom also found religion. This makes me wonder if the Devil is such a lousy lover that he drives women into the arms of Jesus.

So after mom dies, Diane returns home for the funeral and meets Lilith, an old family friend (translation: member of the coven). Lilith is played by Shelley Winters, who is one of Hollywood's most underappreciated actresses. Before you know it, Diane has moved into a spare room in Lilith's huge home, and is being introduced to more of her mom's circle of friends (translation: rest of the coven). More and more, Lilith tries to take control of Diane's life while Diane pushes back, trying to maintain her independence.

Besides the aforementioned Shelley Winters, Jonathan Frid (Dark Shadows) gives a fine performance and Abe Vigoda (Barney Miller) also makes an appearance. The acting from everyone is excellent, especially the sisters next door, who manage to be kooky eccentric and blood-chillingly creepy all at the same time.

Once again, this is a made-for-tv movie, so don't expect lots of action. Smart dialog rules here, and it works well to move the story along. Instead of scares, you get tension and edgy suspense. I honestly didn't see the twist ending coming.

The beginning of the movie shows a fair amount of damage from the original source. It clears up soon enough and the rest of the film looks good.

This movie was a lot of fun. I'm a sucker for most anything Shelley Winters appears in and you'll enjoy spotting many familiar faces in the cast.

After watching Crawlspace (which I liked) and now The Devil's Daughter (which I liked more), I think Wild Eye Releasing is off to a great start. I'm looking forward to seeing more of their stuff in the future.

Recommended.

Posted by: Ted at 05:44 AM | Comments (42) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

January 27, 2008

Not A Creature Was Stirring

After 11am and I'm the only one at home awake. The dog just wandered out after checking on me, no doubt he's headed back to the warmth and comfort of the bed, cuddled up against Liz, who's sleeping soundly. Even the rabbits are all dozing. I had quietly gone in a short bit ago, thinking that I'd get their morning feeding/cage tidying done, but all was quiet and still, so I crept back out and pulled the door to.

Our son was out very late. I have no idea what time he got home, because he beat us by a few hours at least. Yesterday, on a whim, I told Liz that if she let me nap from 6pm until 8 or so, I'd take her across the state line and she could spend some time playing the slots in West Virginia. We left the house around nine-ish and had dinner at an excellent 24-hour diner across from the Charlestown race track. The kind of place where the menu is about 15 pages of indecision-inducing variety including a full two pages of specials. It didn't hurt that our waitress was cute as a button and had that West Virginia country drawl. She also didn't hesitate to recommend that I stay away from the chili, since "I don't know who made it today, but it doesn't look good at all". It was busy, we had to wait a few minutes for a table, and when dinner arrived it came with an apology because there were nothing better than butter knives available. That last turned out not to be a problem because my pork chops (breaded with cracker meal) were fork tender and Liz's chicken parmesan was the same. We topped off our late dinner by sharing an enormous slice of heavenly cheesecake, easily big enough for two. A few weeks ago at some upscale eatery, Liz paid almost seven bucks for a slice of the same. This was half the price, twice the size and easily twice the quality.

Fat, dumb (me) and happy (Liz), we made the short run to the parking garage at the casino. Midnight on a Saturday is still prime gambling hours, but we found a space right next to the front entrance. Turned out to be the best luck of the night. I had brought a good book, and I settled in at the food court with a tall cuppa while Liz headed out to defy the odds.

A few hours later she pulled up in her power chair to check up on me. I'd gotten up a time or two for a quick stroll to stretch my legs, but mostly I'd been lost in my book. Neither of us had realized that it was after 3am, but Liz was ready to call it a night. The odds won as usual, but that's ok since she had fun and that was the main idea. Winning is gravy as far as I'm concerned.

Right down the street from the track was 24-hour super WalMart, and we had a short list of things we needed. We were going to have to go in the next few days anyways, so we made a quick shopping stop. Sharing the store with basically no one else except the stockers is different, dodging and weaving through the pallets and boxes stacked everywhere in organized chaos. The bunnies needed food, and the produce guy was kind enough to bring out the morning's freshest offerings early when he saw me picking through what was already out. After dealing with the surly drones at our local-est store, it was a little weird to have employees go out of their way to actually be, you know, helpful. I could get used to that.

Car loaded up again, we headed for home. Made one stop so I could get out and stretch and let the cold, cold morning air clear my sleepy head. I half expected a local cop to pull up to find out why we were parked in the darkened parking lot of a small-town strip mall. Got home about 6am, and Liz headed upstairs while I unloaded the groceries and got things put away. I whipped up a light breakfast and we were both asleep by 7:30.

The dog woke me up an hour ago to go out, and I just stayed up so my sleep cycle isn't completely out of whack. While typing this he came back and is curled up beside me, sharing the blanket I've got over my legs. It's Sunday noon now, and I've still got half a day left of a so-far excellent weekend. Hope yours was the same.

Posted by: Ted at 12:04 PM | Comments (1079) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

January 24, 2008

Dolphins Messing With Their Pet Humans Again

Check out this incredible video.

Now follow this link to get an explanation for what the hell it was you just watched.

Thanks to Mad William for the pointer. And yes, I could embed the video. I choose not to. Just because. I'm contrary that way.

Posted by: Ted at 05:33 AM | Comments (1688) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

January 23, 2008

Valentines Day is Fast Approaching

Don't get caught without something unique for your sweetie!

Or for those who prefer that "homemade" touch...

Here's another alternative for those crafty types. Who knows, maybe you did this as a kid?

Posted by: Ted at 11:10 AM | Comments (75) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

January 22, 2008

The Official Rocket Jones Guide to Survival During the Current Stock Market Troubles

Buy.

* Remember the old adage: buy low, sell high. Right now, prices are going down. You can afford more, and when the value increases, so will the return on your investments. And in the long run, the market always goes higher.

** I am not a professional financial analyst. I don't play one on TV. I didn't even sleep in a Holiday Inn last night.

Posted by: Ted at 05:45 AM | Comments (40) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Plan B is to Stop Digging

If you get pulled over for speeding by a cop, you can try to talk him out of a ticket. But if he looks in your back seat and sees this, you might as well not even try.

Posted by: Ted at 05:12 AM | Comments (31) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

January 21, 2008

Movie Review

Last night I watched Ran (translation: Chaos), which is another Japanese retelling of a Shakespeare story. This time, it's King Lear, and it's a dark and beautiful epic set (once again) in feudal Japan.

Storyline: A Great Lord decides to divide his kingdom into three, one for each son, with the oldest becoming the new Great Lord. When his youngest objects and calls his father naive, he is banished. Soon enough, intrigue and politics between the two older sons strip the old man of his standing and begin tearing the kingdom apart.

"Man is born crying, and when he's cried enough, he dies."

Like I said, dark and beautiful. There is no happy ending, and there are many disturbing scenes. The battles are frequent and huge, involving armies and castles. Even so, the very human story is never overwhelmed by the scope of the action. The entire film is heavily influenced by Noh theater, most noticable by the old man himself, who's face gradually changes from one mask-like visage to another during the course of the story.

The cinematography is gorgeous, as is the area of Japan that it was filmed in. It's not a quickie at 2 hours and 40 minutes, and there's not many chances to fast forward through the filler. All subtitles.

Like I said over at the Wildside Cinema forums, I think I'm Japanese'd out for a while. This one was wonderful but draining.

Posted by: Ted at 07:49 AM | Comments (35) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

January 20, 2008

New Lady in the House

Her name is Butterscotch, and she's a one year old doe (picture to come later). We're fostering her for now, but our single rabbit Ozzie has been showing signs of loneliness lately, so we've decided to try to pair them up. It doesn't always work, and it doesn't always go as smoothly as it did with our other pair, Fred and Java, but we'll give this a shot and if it doesn't work out, then we have other young ladies to try.

The rabbit rescue we work with is Bunny Lu. Give 'em a visit and hit their donation jar if you feel so inclined.

Posted by: Ted at 10:05 AM | Comments (110) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

New Banner in the Rotation

But rather than making you refresh repeatedly to find it and driving up my site stats and inflating my ego, I'll just post it here too.

I've got another one in mind, but it involves some tricky photography and I just haven't felt ambitious enough to take it on.

By the way, there are now 42 Rocket Jones banners, plus three special occasion ones that I trot out for Christmas, Halloween and my birthday. Thanks again to all the folks who sent entries into the banner contest. If you like a banner, odds are good that it wasn't my work.

Posted by: Ted at 09:45 AM | Comments (240) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

January 19, 2008

My Mom Said I Could!

Hilarious commercial.

Posted by: Ted at 09:34 AM | Comments (115) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

And Here I Was, Bragging About My 3-D Background

Thanks to the Queen of Slack for the pointer.

D-Day on a budget.

That's my title. It's a four minute video that is absolutely amazing.

Posted by: Ted at 09:00 AM | Comments (69) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

January 18, 2008

Ok, Other Than The Resemblance to Pokemon

This year, my beloved San Jose Sharks updated their logo.

Here's the old version (which I liked a lot):

And here's the new (which I also like a lot):

Solid update, says I.

Posted by: Ted at 07:15 PM | Comments (48) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

Whoa, Dude

I was just sitting here thinking about something and my eyes kinda went out of focus. The retro-style background on Rocket Jones works just like one of those magic eye pictures and if you're looking at it the right way, it goes 3-D!

Would you believe that I did that on purpose?

Posted by: Ted at 06:05 AM | Comments (97) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)

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