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Just sayin'.
Warning: Indelicate Language Follows.
Ok, so remember when I said that my DVD drive went kaput a couple of weeks ago? The laptop was still under warranty, so I took it in to the "Geek Squad"* and they had it for two weeks. It came back in a reasonable time, called me when it arrived and when I picked it up the itemized receipt showed that they had replaced the DVD drive.
There was also a note saying that the DVD drive was not accessable from "My Computer" (or anywhere else, as it turns out) because of a software problem. You know what the software problem is? They didn't bother to install the fucking device driver for the new goddamned drive!!! They booted from the drive to ensure that it worked, and that was it. Installing the driver is my problem because the warranty doesn't cover "software".
Of course, finding and then installing the new driver from the internet turned into a bit of a hassle (translation: major fucking ordeal) that corrupted the Windows bootup, so I had to restore back two days to get back to normal. I still don't have a DVD drive working - yet - and once I calm down I'll try again.
*"Geek Squad" gets their own special rant. What is it with this juvenile cutsie bullshit? Do they think anyone is impressed with their psuedo-military codenames on their paperwork? C'mon... "Tactical Analysis"? I fucking told you that the goddamned DVD drive didn't work. If this is the best you can do with your mad computer skillz then I suggest immediate suicide, because you're a goddamned loser and there is no fucking hope for a dickhead like you.
Yesterday at an office luncheon, I was sitting at a table with some coworkers and they spent a good part of the time talking about American Idol and other reality TV. And people think *I* watch weird shit.
I watched the first of them last night. Let me tell you, it was like seeing your friend's mom (you know, the hot one) after she went out and got a complete makeover, and even though she looked good before, she looks amazing now and you'd risk a long-time friendship just for a shot at that.
Let me start this review by saying that the best way to watch the movie is in Spanish with English subtitles, which is great because that's the only way available on the DVD. Supposedly, there are no existing original copies of the film dubbed in English. If you absolutely cannot stand it that way, then you've only yourself to blame for missing out because this movie is worth the effort.
The English title really doesn't have much to do with the movie.
I'm all done with the downside. Read on.
This 1959 movie is simply astounding. The cast is virtually a who's who of famous faces from the Mexican movie industry (including several that we'll meet again in future reviews of the Casa Negra releases), and the acting is uniformly excellent. Unlike many contemporary Mexican horror movies, this one is played straight. There is almost no camp or melodrama, for this is a dark tale.
The main part of the story takes place in a hacienda where Dr. Masali operates a lunatic asylum. The sets here are rich and include a beautifully done courtyard full of tropical plants and misty shadows. Other than the hacienda the sets are almost minimalistic, seemingly dreamlike away from the reality of the hospital.
The overall atmosphere is haunting and gothic, and the details are extraordinary. Shadows and light play in the background in most scenes, and are an integral part of the staging. Two things combine to make it work so spectacularly, firstly the original genius of the cinematography, brought back to life in the beautiful remastering job that Casa Negra did on the film. The movie is in black and white (appropriately, in my opinion), yet looks crisp and brand new. There was a disclaimer at the beginning that due to some damage to the original source materials, portions of the soundtrack were "brassy". I never noticed.
Dr. Masali and his collegue Dr. Aldama make a pact that whichever one dies first will let the living one know the secrets of the afterlife. After Aldama dies, they're not even done shovelling dirt over his coffin before Dr. Masali has a medium contact his spirit. Dr. M is warned during the seance that there will be a horrible price to pay, but he brushes that aside in his obsession to know the truth. The deal is made, and Dr. Aldama's spirit will make it possible for Dr. Masali to die and then return to life with his newfound knowlege.
Thus begins a macabre series of seemingly unrelated events and coincidences that lead towards the fulfillment of the pact. More than once during the movie, you are literally told what will happen at some point in the future, yet you don't realize it until it happens and you get that chilling deja vu shiver running down your spine. You can see the ending coming from about two-thirds of the way through, yet there are still enough plot twists and surprises to make it different from what you almost but not quite guessed correctly.
This is a creepy scare-the-hell-out-of-you movie, not a gory bloodfest. I've intentionally not given most of the story, because you really do need to track this one down (or put it atop your Netflix queue) and see it for yourself.
The character of Dr. Masali is fascinating. Far from the mad-scientist type, his principle weakness (and ultimate undoing) is his self-confidence and utter faith in scientific reason. He truly cares for his patients, although we only meet the violently psychotic. There are few 'wasted' characters in the story. Everyone has an important part to play, even though that part might be small.
Ok, a little more about the DVD itself. Besides the
inspired by this movie, there are a couple of documentaries on the disk about Mexican horror and the industry in general, as well as a wonderful commentary track chock full of trivia and background to listen to as the movie plays.
I'll say it again. SEE THIS MOVIE!!! See, I'm even yelling at you! SEE THIS MOVIE!!! SEE THIS MOVIE!!! SEE THIS MOVIE!!! SEE THIS MOVIE!!! SEE THIS MOVIE!!! SEE THIS MOVIE!!! SEE THIS MOVIE!!!
* You came down here looking for dirt, didn't you? I only wanted to say that "autobiographal" doesn't look right, but the spell checker had no alternatives.
for the pointer.
Why is it that when I want onion rings with real onion "rings" inside I have to buy gourmet-style? If you buy regular onion rings, they're ring-shaped breaded minced onion.
Chip in with your examples.
The video is included with the extras on a classic horror DVD that I'll be reviewing in the near future. Very haunting music, very cool result.
! I haven't had time to explore everything there, so I don't even know if the video is online or not. It looks like the original loose affiliation of musicians and artists have evolved into a multimedia consulting group.
Did you know that they make synthetic saliva? My wife Liz recently started using it on her doctor's recommendation because one of her new medications just sucks the moisture out of her mouth.
. Even so,
.
Of course, in our family we call it "pseudo-drool" or just "fake spit".
(mental note: brownie-flavored saliva for dopers...niche market but has potential)
Last year, over $176,000 was raised.
Combine jicama (or apple), orange, bell pepper, onion, lime peel, lime juice, vegetable oil, sugar and a little salt to taste in medium bowl. Toss to mix. Cover and chill at least an hour to blend flavors.
Stir before serving.
This is wonderful on pork and over white rice. It would go nicely with chicken too. The recipe came from a giveaway card at a supermarket.
What a great idea for a movie! During WWII, a Nazi convoy carrying a fortune in gold is ambushed at a desert oasis. Forty years later, the oasis is shunned by the Arabs because of stories that the undead still protect their cargo.
disappoints on so many levels.
I'll start with the biggest annoyance first, the soundtrack. Much of the movie background music consists solely of long, drawn-out minor organ chords, interspersed with stock generic "arab" music and seemingly randomly placed sound effects. It becomes obvious early on that you're listening to the same 5-second clip of a bird, over and over and over again. There are never layers of sound, when it's the organ, you hear only the organ. When it's bird calls that's all you hear. The dubbing in this movie is atrocious, not even to the quality of a Japanese monster movie. Everyone, from Arab street merchant to ex-Nazi commander, speak in the same accentless English.
To give credit where due, the zombie makeup is pretty good, as are the bits of gore. Having said that, it spoils the effect when these supposedly WWII military veterans all return from the grave looking like a Beatles convention. For crying out loud, make the damn actors get a haircut before filming!
You know that continuity wasn't a priority when the sun rises, twice, in order to stop a zombie attack. Now if you know that the zombies only come out at night, then why in the world would you camp at the oasis? How about looking for the gold during the day, then getting the hell out of Dodge before sunset? Especially when you have to drive to get there in the first place.
Cinematography. Ha! Zooming in on the same spider-in-a-web three times in a movie is not artsy. Seeing the half-buried skull once would've sufficed, and the same goes for the box with the swaztika on it (by the way, after forty years I think the freakin' paint would've faded some, instead of looking like you painted it just that morning).
Do I sound pissed off? I am, because I'm so disappointed in this one after reading the synopsis and then seeing the movie itself.
Here's the plotline, assuming you care. I'm going to give it to you straight on, because like most everything else in this flick, they goofed it.
Modern day, and the commander of the Nazi gold guards has tracked down the only survivor of the battle. He wasn't there with his men, so he never knew where the ambush happened, only that his men didn't arrive at their destination.
Flashback: The only survivor was the commander of the British troops who ambushed the Nazis. All total, there were maybe 50 men in the battle, and apparently the battle scenes were lifted from an Italian war movie. They're very nicely done, but once again the effect is ruined when you see the same guys die the same way several times. Everyone 'cept the Captain is killed, and he's wounded, and he staggers off into the desert, where he's found by a Sheik.
The Sheik nurses him back to health, and the Captain and the Sheik's daughter fall in love. The Captain leaves to rejoin his army before a big battle, and doesn't return for almost a year. When he does, he discovers that the daughter died giving birth to his son.
Flashback over. The Nazi commander proposes to the British commander that they team up to recover the lost gold. Once the Brit tells the Nazi where the ambush happened, the Nazi poisons the Brit and heads off to find the money for himself. He takes along his wife and two strong backs to help.
The first night, the Nazi and wife go to bed, and the two strong backs decide to look around the oasis. One decides to dig a hole at random, and the zombies come up and kill him and his partner. Nazi's wife gets eaten and he manages to escape after being chewed up pretty good.
The British commander's illegitimate son (from the dead daughter) convinces three friends to skip their university finals and go to the desert to look for the lost money. He thinks he's figured out where the Sheik lives, and he can tell them where the oasis is.
I have no idea why nobody makes the connection that the Sheik is the grandfather of the kid. Through the whole movie this point is never once mentioned.
Moving right along. Find Sheik, find out location, find "Professor" who's also looking. Professor has female assistant who falls for one of the friends, providing reason for gratuitous nudity. They find "sick man", aka Nazi, who's dying from zombie bites. For some reason, the professor and assistant leave for the oasis immediately, but the kids wait for another day (honest, they never said why).
When kids find oasis, they discover professor and assistant wounded from zombie attack. They patch 'em up and start digging at random, looking for gold. That night, zombies attack. Kids panic, throw "exploding" torches (wtf?), and at dawn the son and maybe his girlfriend (unclear) are only survivors. Sheik shows up on camel, says, "did you find what you were looking for?". Kid says, "I mostly found myself", again, wtf? Sheik rides camel into sunset, kid driving beside him in land rover.
The End.
I'm disgusted with the utter dreck I've been watching lately. I love those movies that are so bad they're good, but I'm on a cold streak. This movie is a turkey through and through. But I have the answer. Four movies I've been saving, and I think it's time to queue them up. Reviews to come, and I'm almost certain there won't be a Nazi zombie to be found.
Thank God.
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yeesh. never found the gold eh? "mostly found myself" *hurl*
again, thanks for taking the hit on this one o/
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Around here, the common names are "Johnny on the Spot" and "Don's Johns". If I ever need a second career, maybe "Ted's Heads"...
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I've never seen an elephant wearing glasses, but then again, I'm sure I've never read a news story that begins:
