November 16, 2003
I don't own any of these
In fact, I don't even want any of these, so my ranking on the geek/fanatic scale should be adjusted downwards by a few points.
For the record, I don't own rocket jammies either. But for those who feel a bit rocket-deficient, I offer the following suggestions. Shaken, notPosted by: Ted at 07:09 AM | Comments (40) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
Things that sound dirty at Thanksgiving but really aren't
David Letterman Top-10 style...
Posted by: Ted at 06:01 AM | Comments (44) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
November 15, 2003
Rocket Launch today
Air Munuviana makes her maiden flight. I've got fresh batteries for the digital camera, so pictures will be posted tonight or tomorrow.
Update: Perfection! Details (and some pictures) tomorrow.Posted by: Ted at 06:31 AM | Comments (44) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
Application To Date My Daughter
NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, driving record, lineage, and current certified medical report (including drug tests) from your doctor.
Posted by: Ted at 05:49 AM | Comments (55) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
November 14, 2003
Sore Loser Good Sport
As agreed, I've posted the St. Louis Blues logo at the top of my page since they beat my San Jose Sharks last night in overtime.
Congrats Heather!Posted by: Ted at 11:53 AM | Comments (44) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
Spamming my way to Easy Street
I was trying to come up with a way to make some extra bucks for Christmas, and I think I've hit upon the perfect scam scheme plan!
Posted by: Ted at 07:30 AM | Comments (43) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
Kitchen Tips
* With Thanksgiving and Christmas coming up, it's time to buy new spices. Get rid of the old stuff in your spice rack or cabinet, and buy fresh. Do this every year around this time, and you'll notice the difference.
* Get a pepper grinder. You don't have to spend a fortune for one of those riot-baton sized monsters, small ones are available at Wal-Mart or kitchen specialty stores. Fresh ground pepper is a whole 'nother matter compared to the usual stuff folks buy. * Along the same lines, try kosher salt for cooking. It's not iodized, so it doesn't have that metallic taste we've grown used to. * Buy good knives. Unfortunately, quality costs. Even if you can only afford one a year (a present for yourself), it's worth the money. And regardless of the knife, keep it sharp. A sharp knife is safer to use. * You should have at least two cutting boards. A wooden board for veggies and general use, and a glass or non-porous plastic one for poultry. Believe it or not,wood is naturally anti-bacterial. That doesn't mean you don't have to clean them, just that the board itself is helping. * Ever see Rachel Ray on the Food Network? Love her or hate her, one excellent idea she taught me was to keep a big 'garbage bowl' close at hand. That way you're not running back and forth to the garbage can all the time. * The first time you make a recipe, follow the directions and measure carefully. That way, if you want to adjust things to your taste the next time, you have a known baseline to work from. * Something I've found that really works is to do like cooking shows and pre-measure spices and such into little bowls ahead of time. Yes, it causes a few extra dishes, but makes it much easier during the actual assembly and you're not running around snagging items from the pantry and fridge when things get cooking. * Keep up with the dishes if you can. It just makes things easier if your workspace isn't cluttered with bowls and pots and pans. Plus, if you do one or two when time allows during cooking, then you won't be discouraged by the memory of the mountain of dirty dishes created next time you feel like cooking. These are just common sense and little things, but it's stuff that I've learned or been taught over the years. They work for me.
Posted by: Ted at 06:33 AM | Comments (46) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
November 13, 2003
Rocketing Around The Blogosphere
This edition is the Happy Birthday celebration for Bill, who just turned the big five-oh! It's all downhill from here, guy, so just settle into your rocking chair, put on your reading glasses, and try not to doze off.
I was going to link to this article over at Rocket Man, about the most recent technology involved in tomorrow’s airships and how the US is planning to use them (you should read it and be amazed), but then I ran across the post where he relates his father’s experiences in WWII. Both well worth the visit. Over at Transterrestrial Musings, Rand Simberg points out an interesting discussion about how nanotechnology is described to everyday people, and how the metaphors used in that description could be part of the acceptance problem. Daniel, did you already see this? Kate of Electric Venom is dealing with her military husband leaving for situations unknown. Harvey says it so much better than I could, so my thanks and best wishes to Kate and her family, and to Harvey and his. This particularly touched me because at this time we don’t know exactly where our son is. I’ve talked about him before, he serves on a US Navy attack sub. His last message was a middle-of-the-night phone call from the Med to let us know he was ok, but heading right back out again. No details other than to forget Christmas plans. Also, on Jocularocracy, an excellent post about American sports figures who served their country. Genital Warts: the Musical. Seriously. Which is also what this guy is. Seriously funny that is, not genitally warted. Uh, that I know of. I mean, I don't know for sure either way, ok? Aaaaagh! My eyes! The flea must pay for this atrocity. Oh wait, he has. With this… I’m in lust! (This excerpt brought to you by Lithium, trusted by multiple personalities the world over.) StMack of Hold the Mayo goes on an analysis binge. He’s spot on about the current filibustermania and what it really means. He’s also done some introspection about his own postings and decided that it all breaks down into two categories: It Amuses Me, and It Pisses Me Off. Yin and Yang. Now Alice (who is married to a much older man) is posting pictures from a pig roast. At least they claim it's pig. Pretty grotesque if you’re not into whole roasted animals. Pretty yummy otherwise. Is it just me, or does that look like Alf lying there after the Feds finally caught up with him? Betcha Willie’s doing hard time for that one, or maybe spending the reward money… Speaking of throwing meat-flavored animals on the fire, the Meatriarch posts about objectivist pickup lines, which probably pleases Don no end, because to hear him tell it, he needs all the help he can get. Plus, Mr. A points to one of the coolest online toys/time wasters I’ve seen in a while. I love this kind of stuff! SantaHelpful has arrived. Be joyous and merry. This kind of stuff is why you should read this guy. Bill, wake up... Bill, we're almost done. The AnalogKid at Random Nuclear Strikes is planning to show up to support the troops because the screwballs from Not In Our Name are planning to show up to encourage troop mutiny. Here’s a followup post as well. Ross at Rocket Penguin is going active duty. Drop by and wish him well, and encourage caretaker Phil. Dead Pool anyone? The clock is ticking – no pun intended, Bill. Thanks to Paul for the pointer, and who hates the elderly (well, just one specific old guy). Homemade pies and strip joints and antique silver. McTroll meets TwoDragons and is warned: “you'll discover what "McAlteration of McComments" means.” Bill has been bitching about his job quite a bit lately. My advice is to quit. Maybe McDonalds is hiring greeters. He's such a people person, ya know? Besides, folks expect the elderly to be grouchy. Nic is riding the roller-coaster of Washington Capitals fandom, along with everyone else who roots for them. I won’t even mention mood-swings to Victor, because he’s undoubtedly going through them too. What was that about Yin and Yang? Oh yeah, which Capitals team will show up on any given night. All done. I'd call Bill a link-whore, but that would imply an active libido, and there's no evidence he can even get it up anymore. Anyway, stop by and say hello and wish him a happy birthday. Stop by again later, don't worry, he won't remember.Posted by: Ted at 11:51 AM | Comments (46) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
The next best thing to being there
Today, we have ways of observing the skies that previous generations of astronomers couldn't even conceive of. Software and computer generated star maps have reached the point where the simulations are almost as good as actually getting outside with a telescope.
Two popular titles are Starry Night and Redshift. Starry Night lets you plan your sky observations, pointing out selected items of interest and printing out simple maps that will let you locate them in the heavens. The price ranges from about $25 up to about $150, depending on the version you buy. I've never used it, but have heard good things about it from those who have. Redshift is another virtual planetarium. The latest version sells for around $100. Once again, I haven't used this one, but it's been recommended to me by people I trust. A neat feature of both of these titles is the ability to go backwards and forwards in time to view the sky, so if you missed the last eclipse because of clouds (as seen from the moon), you can catch it on screen. This next one isn't quite the same as the other two. Celestia is a 3D Space Simulator that you have to see to believe, and best of all, it's free! There are continuing updates to the software and extra libraries to add destinations like satellites and probes. It also has a guided tour and teaching mode. I've played around with this one for a year now, and it's fun, versatile and addictive. There is a version available for the Mac too.Posted by: Ted at 08:29 AM | Comments (44) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
Perfect Days
PERFECT DAY FOR A WOMAN
8:15 Wake up to hugs and kisses.
8:30 Weigh 5 lbs. lighter than yesterday.
8:45 Breakfast in bed, fresh squeezed orange juice and croissants.
9:15 Soothing hot bath with fragrant lilac bath oil.
10:00 Light workout at club with handsome, funny personal trainer.
10:30 Facial, manicure, shampoo, and comb out.
12:00 Lunch with best friend at an outdoor cafe.
12:45 Notice ex-boyfriend's wife, she has gained 30 lbs.
1:00 Shopping with friends.
3:00 Nap.
4:00 A dozen roses delivered by florist. Card is from a secret admirer.
4:15 Light workout at club followed by a gentle massage
5:30 Pick outfit for dinner. Primp before mirror.
7:30 Candlelight dinner for two followed by dancing.
10:00 Hot shower. Alone.
10:30 Make love.
11:00 Pillow talk, light touching and cuddling.
11:15 Fall asleep in his big, strong arms.
Posted by: Ted at 07:04 AM | Comments (48) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
Small town in the big city
All right, 'big city' is kind of a misnomer. I live in the burbs, one of those areas that started as a small town and grew up and filled in to become part of the endless sprawl around metro areas. Even so, if you look carefully you can still find the small town it used to be. I was reminded of that tuesday.
We live in a townhouse that's almost 40 years old, so when something breaks we have two options. Option one is replacing the item, which means heading out to HardwareChain to buy a new one. Option two is repairing the item, in which case I head to our local old-timey hardware store. I could spend hours there, browsing and talking to the employees, many of whom have been there for years. They stock all the specific parts for the houses that were built in our area, so if I need a left-threaded twaddle-stomper they probably have it, whereas at the HardwareChain they'd look confused and call the manager, who would tell me that everyone uses right-threaded twaddle-stompers now and I need to buy a whole new thing. Yeah, it costs more at the old-timey place, but I consider it money well spent. Thanks to the magic of digital cameras, I didn't have to dismantle the entire bathroom fixture and take it with me. I went in and met Roy (who probably did the original plumbing at Montecello), and we started looking for the needed replacement parts. We found them, I paid and headed home. Wrong parts. Looked the same as the picture, but the internals were completely different once disassembled. So I headed back to the hardware store, this time with the original in hand. My blood went cold when Roy looked at the part and said "I've never seen anything like this before." In my mind I'm hearing cha-chings and wondering how much a complete replacement is going to cost. Then Roy tells me to call Carter's Plumbing and see if they sell this brand of stuff, if so they're worth checking with first. He also told me to take the incorrect part to the register and just tell them that 'Roy said to accept it' and they did - refunding my money with no problems on a package already opened, just because Roy said so. Back home again, I looked up Carter's and gave them a call. First things first, yes they do carry that brand, and second, "where are you located?" I knew the general vicinity, and it was one of those streets that progress bypasses, close to everything, but unnoticed smack in between major roads and shopping centers. I found the place with no problem and walked in. Obviously a family business, because the girl behind the register would've been in high school on non-holiday tuesdays. When I mentioned what I was looking for she went back and got her mom. Mom looked at the part and immediately knew who made it, what it was for and how it worked. She also knew that Roy had mis-identified the manufacturer and showed me why, comparing it to a similar item. Lo and behold - they had two hanging on the wall. Maybe the last two on earth, because the company went out of business some time ago. I bought 'em both. She even showed me how to fix them, laughing that she shouldn't do that because it was probably costing her a service call. We talked for about a half-hour about this and that. They've been at that same address for 34 years. She knew Roy, they'd worked together for a long time. And next year when I do a complete remodel on the bathroom, I'll probably call Carter's for at least part of the work, just because they were kind enough to treat me like an individual and a friend and not just another customer.Posted by: Ted at 06:43 AM | Comments (44) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
November 12, 2003
Super-duper Nifty Cool
Not just another picture of the lunar eclipse.
Thanks to Professor Hall at Spacecraft for the pointer.Posted by: Ted at 10:32 AM | Comments (43) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
Wisdom of a child
A man and a woman were driving down the road arguing about his deplorable infidelity. Suddenly the woman reaches over and slices off the man's pecker. Angrily the woman tosses the pecker out the window of the car.
Driving behind the car is a fella in a pickup truck with his 10-year-old daughter, chatting away beside him. All of a sudden, the pecker smacks the pickup in the windshield, sticks for a moment, then flies off.
Posted by: Ted at 07:54 AM | Comments (41) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
That was so much fun
Let's do it again!
Another church sign in the extended entry.Posted by: Ted at 07:28 AM | Comments (42) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
I am da bomb!
Almost literally.
Yesterday I needed to take care of some emergency plumbing in the house. One thing you need for that is one of those little propane torches, which is cool, because it's an excuse to buy another toy.
I remembered that my father-in-law had given me a torch kit years ago, one that he had owned forever. All it needed was the torch propane tank, and I knew the hardware store had those. So I bought one while I was there getting plumbing parts.
Turns out I didn't need the torch since no copper pipes were involved. So after repairs were complete, I pulled out the torch kit and looked it over. It needed some cleanup, which I did, and it was time to try it out. I went out into the backyard and screwed on the nozzle and attached the whole thing to the tank. At the base of the torch part, near the top of the tank, is a wheel you turn to open and close the tank. So far, so good.
I turned the wheel and heard the hiss of propane. I tried the little scratch-sparker but it wasn't working right, so I reached for plan B, which was my long fireplace lighter. One click of that and *fwoof*, I had torch!
Well, not exactly. The nozzle assembly was so old that it leaked from every crack and crevice and opening, so what I was holding was a giant fireball. I stood there holding this thing while my hand singed, wondering how I could reach into the flames to shut off the propane again. I was holding a pressurized tank of propane that was enveloped in fire. Oh boy.
I threw it. Not far, just about 10 feet into a bare patch of dirt where the garden used to be. I immediately closed the back door, because even a glass door is better than nothing when the damn thing explodes, plus I didn't want the dogs to come out just then. I knew that if I went to call the fire department, it would take way too long. Thank God I had raked leaves a couple of days ago.
Finally I did the only thing I could think of, I got the garden hose (it was right there) and turned the water on full. I didn't know if I could put the torch out, but maybe I could keep the tank cool enough to keep from exploding. I imagined standing there like a fireman for hours, waiting for a neighbor to come out into their back yard or a kid to wander by out back that I could flag down. I wondered how long it would take for the tank to empty.
No worries. After a bit I managed to drown the entire flame. Another minute of spray to cool everything down, and then I turned the propane off, disconnected everything and threw that torch kit in the trash. It wasn't my father-in-law's fault. And now I get to buy a brand new torch. 
Mmmmm, hardware store...
Posted by: Ted at 05:37 AM | Comments (49) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
November 11, 2003
Air Force Blue (part 2)
Spork wants to hear about me losing my first 341 in basic training. For those who don’t know what he’s talking about, ‘341’ is the form number for a little slip of paper that all trainees are required to carry around and present on demand. They’re used to document minor offences and unmilitary stupidities committed by said winghead. When I went through basic, it was highly recommended that we carry two of them at all times, along with a pen. Not having the 341 or pen was itself punishable. Lose enough 341’s and the TI’s would whack your pee-pee or take away your birthday or something. Sorry amigo, but I never lost a 341, a fact that I’m rather proud of. Unfortunately, my originals were ruined when a whole bunch of us went into the water during the confidence course. This isn’t to say that I was the perfect little recruit, because I did manage to get confined to the barracks during liberty weekend, as well as having one ‘conversation’ (translation: I got yelled at while I stood at attention) with the section superintendent. I just never did anything trivial enough to warrant a 341. Instead, I present the continuing story of Airman Basic R T Phipps. I survived basic training and moved on to the next phase of my training. My selected (not by me) career field was Security Police. Yep, Ted was gonna be a cop. SP’s do important work, and many of them are intelligent and dedicated. I hold all SP’s in high esteem because they do their thankless jobs in extreme conditions. But to give you an idea of what it takes to be an Air Force Security Policeman, if you can’t make it through ‘cook’ school, they make you a cop. Too dumb to be a truck driver? Cop. I think you get the point. SP’s are the ‘grunts’ of the Air Force –Posted by: Ted at 04:30 PM | Comments (44) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
Veterans Day
Remember them. Thank them. Honor them. Fly the flag.
Me? I've got some plumbing to do (damn).Posted by: Ted at 08:03 AM | Comments (42) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
Chinese Proverbs
Virginity like bubble, one prick, all gone.
Man who run in front of car get tired.
Man who run behind car get exhausted.
Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.
Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.
Man with one chopstick go hungry.
Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.
Baseball is wrong: man with four balls cannot walk.
Panties not best thing on earth but next to best thing on earth.
Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ.
War does not determine who is right, war determine who is left.
Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house.
Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.
It take many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it.
Man who drive like hell bound to get there.
Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.
Man who fish in other man's well often catch crabs.
Man who fart in church sit in own pew.
Crowded elevator smell different to midget.
Posted by: Ted at 06:08 AM | Comments (46) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
November 10, 2003
American Science and Surplus
One of the essential catalogs to have handy, because they sell things you won't find anywhere else, and they're online too. Their service is first rate, prices are reasonable, and they have a twisted sense of humor. Thanks to Tod for pointing this one out.
Posted by: Ted at 08:37 PM | Comments (42) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
Save me a seat, I'll bring the sunscreen
I'm going to hell for this, I just know it.
My church sign is in the extended entry. Go here to make your own. Don't worry, we'll scoot over.Posted by: Ted at 09:36 AM | Comments (50) | Add Comment | Trackbacks (Suck)
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