First World Problems...

Do you see the problem? And it happens only to the right shoe!

Obviously the design of shoes with laces is woefully inadequate for these sorts of situations. A better design would include a hydraulic balancer that keeps length and tension equal on both ends of the lace.

And while they are at it it, maybe design a better grommet that doesn't chafe the lace. Perhaps one that pivots with the tension.

Posted by: CBD at 02:00 PM

Comments

(Jump to bottom of comments)

1 Oneith

Posted by: Skip at September 27, 2026 02:00 PM (Ia/+0)

2 Velcro CBD, your getting to old for shoe laces

Posted by: Skip at September 27, 2026 02:01 PM (Ia/+0)

3 How can you walk with such an imbalance?

Posted by: toby928(c) at September 27, 2026 02:01 PM (4NO2D)

4 Now that's a problem!

Posted by: LASue at September 27, 2026 02:02 PM (lCppi)

5 Slip ons.

Or Birkenstocks. With socks in the winter.

Posted by: nurse ratched at September 27, 2026 02:02 PM (yEz+x)

6 Kidding of course, happens to me, assume its pulling tight by same hand all the time.

Posted by: Skip at September 27, 2026 02:02 PM (Ia/+0)

7 You know what to do.

Posted by: The Cleansing Fire at September 27, 2026 02:02 PM (DxeM1)

8
I wear loafers myself. I was told at church one Sunday that my shoe lace was untied. I replied that I might trip and fall on it or I could fall leaning over to tie it.

Posted by: Hadrian the Seventh at September 27, 2026 02:03 PM (eRlcH)

9 Now we know which hand gets the most use!

Posted by: AZ deplorable moron at September 27, 2026 02:03 PM (NnhvP)

10 Obviously the design of shoes with laces is woefully inadequate for these sorts of situations. A better design would include a hydraulic balancer that keeps length and tension equal on both ends of the lace.
----
One word: Velcro.

Posted by: "Perfessor" Squirrel at September 27, 2026 02:03 PM (FZ29D)

11 Crocs FTW!

Posted by: toby928(c) at September 27, 2026 02:03 PM (4NO2D)

12 Nice shine on those. I can almost see my reflection in them. Ready for the parade ground at 8th & I they are.

Posted by: Duke Lowell at September 27, 2026 02:03 PM (2UnvF)

13 Cut the longer one to match.

Posted by: Bertram Cabot, Jr. at September 27, 2026 02:04 PM (Cqx++)

14 My 1WP is my garage door needs new spring and pulleys. Have looked a few times at Homey and Lowes but nothing

Posted by: Skip at September 27, 2026 02:04 PM (Ia/+0)

15 My ISP's Internet router took a dump this morning. Using my phone's "hot spot" to connect.

Limited bandwidth. My "browsing experience" is subpar.

It's like some 3rd world shithole here.

Posted by: Martini Farmer at September 27, 2026 02:04 PM (4QASh)

16 My new used car has an automatic sunscreen that rolls out and covers the back window to keep the sun out.

It now longer wants to roll up and out of the way.

FML.

Posted by: toby928(c) at September 27, 2026 02:05 PM (4NO2D)

17 From the last thread: I am so old that when I see the acronym CRT I read it as Cathode Ray Tube not Critical Race Theory.

Posted by: NemoMeImpuneLacessit at September 27, 2026 02:06 PM (h86Sx)

18
My 1WP is my garage door needs new spring and pulleys. Have looked a few times at Homey and Lowes but nothing
Posted by: Skip at September 27, 2026 02:04 PM (Ia/+0)

_________

DIY. And DIE.

Posted by: Hadrian the Seventh at September 27, 2026 02:07 PM (eRlcH)

19 Velcro CBD, your getting to old for shoe laces
Posted by: Skip

No lies detected.

Posted by: rickb223 at September 27, 2026 02:07 PM (0yFYJ)

20 A confession, I double knot my laces like a toddler, with the laces loose, and treat them like loafers.

Posted by: toby928(c) at September 27, 2026 02:09 PM (4NO2D)

21 Cut the longer one to match.
Posted by: Bertram Cabot, Jr.

How do you get a new aglet on?

Posted by: rickb223 at September 27, 2026 02:09 PM (0yFYJ)

22 "A better design would include a hydraulic balancer that keeps length and tension equal on both ends of the lace."
+++

At least a turnbuckle.

Posted by: Quarter Twenty at September 27, 2026 02:11 PM (2Ez/1)

23 Do you see the problem? "

Yeah. No Kiwi shoe polish.

Next...

Posted by: man at September 27, 2026 02:12 PM (8yyxb)

24 I have to fix my garage door soon, its old wood type so isn't light to lift without springs to assist

Posted by: Skip at September 27, 2026 02:12 PM (Ia/+0)

25 Do you see the problem? "

Yeah. No Kiwi shoe polish.

Next...
Posted by: man at September 27, 2026 02:12 PM

He used the finest milk chocolate.

Posted by: toby928(c) at September 27, 2026 02:13 PM (4NO2D)

26
The Big Dummy has gone home to Ohio. His Ohio mom picked him up at the show in Tennessee today.

On the one hand, I'm sad. He was a dimbulb but a perfect gentleman. On the other hand, I'm relieved. He had a number of problems with his gut, joints and prostate that meant constantly giving him a bewildering variety of medicines, probiotics and supplements, as well as frequent and expensive visits to the vet and chiropractor.

Posted by: Hadrian the Seventh at September 27, 2026 02:13 PM (eRlcH)

27 It's because your gait is just slightly uneven.

Posted by: San Franpsycho at September 27, 2026 02:14 PM (RIvkX)

28 Go Velcro. It'll match that powder blue jump suit for when you're mall walking.

Posted by: Diogenes at September 27, 2026 02:14 PM (2WIwB)

29 It's because your gait is just slightly uneven.

Posted by: San Franpsycho at September 27, 2026 02:14 PM

because of his hump.

Posted by: toby928(c) at September 27, 2026 02:14 PM (4NO2D)

30 Unlace the right shoe, scoot the lace over in the first eyelets so it’s even, the relace, following the pattern of the still laced left shoe. That’s what I did when I had the same problem with one pair of my own shoes. It didn’t take but a minute or two. Also if the eyelets are wearing on your laces, you can buy replacements at the dollar store cheaply. Be sure to take one lace off and measure its length to get the right length replacement. I’ve done that too, but it was due to one of my 🐈‍⬛s who had nibbled on the laces.

Posted by: NemoMeImpuneLacessit at September 27, 2026 02:15 PM (h86Sx)

31 Cut the longer one to match.
Posted by: Bertram Cabot, Jr.

How do you get a new aglet on?
Posted by: rickb223

A p[piece of shrink to fit.

Posted by: AZ deplorable moron at September 27, 2026 02:15 PM (NnhvP)

32 Au revoir le Big Dummy, he left them wanting more.

I hope you get to visit Hadrian.

Posted by: San Franpsycho at September 27, 2026 02:16 PM (RIvkX)

33 Skip, you can get the springs online. Need the tools for tensioning them and need to be extra careful because they can indeed kill you.

Posted by: Buck at September 27, 2026 02:17 PM (z6ONu)

34 My 1WP is my garage door needs new spring and pulleys.

Posted by: Skip at September 27, 2026 02:04 PM (Ia/+0)

Those springs are under a lot of tension (depending on the design)!

Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at September 27, 2026 02:17 PM (k5CNB)

35
I don't think anyone knows how to play football any more. Runners can't hit holes, linemen don't know how to block, QBs run around like it's a Chinese fire drill. But stylin' and celebrating, yeah we got that down pat.

Posted by: Hadrian the Seventh at September 27, 2026 02:17 PM (eRlcH)

36 because of his hump.
Posted by: toby928(c) at September 27, 2026 02:14 PM (4NO2D)
=====

I was trying to be kind!

Posted by: San Franpsycho at September 27, 2026 02:18 PM (RIvkX)

37 You have shoes? You lucky dog!

Posted by: Anonymous Rogue in Kalifornistan (ARiK's phone) at September 27, 2026 02:19 PM (QGaXH)

38 The average IQ is going down, so you would expect the average IQ of a football team to go down too. The QB has to have more brains than a lineman, but it’s all a relative thing: the other team is dumber too! Welcome to Idiocracy.

Posted by: NemoMeImpuneLacessit at September 27, 2026 02:21 PM (h86Sx)

39 You should hear one when it goes.
Been dealing with them for 33 years

Posted by: Skip at September 27, 2026 02:21 PM (Ia/+0)

40 I have to fix my garage door soon, its old wood type so isn't light to lift without springs to assist
Posted by: Skip

The house I grew up in had a detached garage with what felt like a solid wood door. Heavier than hell.

Posted by: Mr Aspirin Factory at September 27, 2026 02:22 PM (rujGJ)

41 The problem is old lace.

The solution is arsenic.

Posted by: Biden's Dog sniffs a whole lotta malarkey, at September 27, 2026 02:24 PM (kwzqw)

42 My FWP: I have a new briar pipe, and it needs to be broken in. Now I am forced to sit here on a fine fall day, gently puffing on my favorite tobacco blend, while the Moron Horde entertains me.

The horror. The horror.

Posted by: Idaho Spudboy at September 27, 2026 02:24 PM (P/woT)

43 Note: my ceramic toed desert boots have triangular wire grommets and kevlar cords. Never a problem like yours.

Posted by: epador at September 27, 2026 02:25 PM (Hh7uP)

44 Looking on line says Homey Depot should have them. Better stop by again

Posted by: Skip at September 27, 2026 02:27 PM (Ia/+0)

45 Nice shine on those. I can almost see my reflection in them. Ready for the parade ground at 8th & I they are.

Posted by: Duke Lowell at September 27, 2026 02:03 PM (2UnvF)

Those are my everyday shoes that I wear doing everyday stuff...like raking topsoil on the lawn. I'm surprised they look as good as they do!

Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at September 27, 2026 02:27 PM (k5CNB)

46 Will dtop tomorrow, Lowes also should have them.

Posted by: Skip at September 27, 2026 02:28 PM (Ia/+0)

47 It's because your gait is just slightly uneven.

Posted by: San Franpsycho at September 27, 2026 02:14 PM

because of his hump.

Posted by: toby928(c) at September 27, 2026 02:14 PM (4NO2D)

Hah! But LauraW is the only hunchback around these parts!

Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at September 27, 2026 02:28 PM (k5CNB)

48 At least no one is whining about us...yet.

Posted by: The aglets at September 27, 2026 02:30 PM (XeU6L)

49 The problem is old lace.

The solution is arsenic.
Posted by: Biden's Dog sniffs a whole lotta malarkey

ISWYDT.

Golf clap.

Posted by: rickb223 at September 27, 2026 02:30 PM (0yFYJ)

50 That's so close to the style in favor for my Army-issue boots in '64 … never could get a decent spit-shine on 'em, tho' …

Posted by: Dr_No at September 27, 2026 02:31 PM (ayRl+)

51 Note: my ceramic toed desert boots have triangular wire grommets and kevlar cords. Never a problem like yours.
Posted by: epador
----------

I'm envious of your resources.

Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc., etc. at September 27, 2026 02:31 PM (XeU6L)

52 Not everyone can do shoelaces correctly. I learned in boot camp.

Posted by: Eromero at September 27, 2026 02:31 PM (LHPAg)

53 The average IQ is going down, so you would expect the average IQ of a football team to go down too. The QB has to have more brains than a lineman, but it’s all a relative thing: the other team is dumber too! Welcome to Idiocracy.
Posted by: NemoMeImpuneLacessit at September 27, 2026 02:21 PM (h86Sx)

As the supply of smart boys allowed to play youth football (for fear of injury) diminishes, the supply of smart quarterbacks is severely reduced, thus the emergence of the running quarterback who lasts four years before he is carted off the field for the final time.

Posted by: Idaho Spudboy at September 27, 2026 02:31 PM (P/woT)

54 When I was teaching physics at the introductory level to college freshman (some of them sophomores repeating), year by year I saw the level of preparedness dropping. One year the university boasted that we were recruiting students with higher test scores than ever before. I looked into it and found that the tests (ACT, SAT, and the like) had been renormed, so that the incoming freshmen had higher scores than ever before, but were no brighter or perhaps even dimmer than their predecessors. We still had the occasional bright star go shooting through the department like a blazing comet: I had the honor of seeing those go by a handful of times in my tenure, so there are bright people at the upper levels, but most students are settling for mediocrity. I never passed a freshman engineering major who couldn’t master mechanics: too many bridges out there to let someone design it or build it who got by on DEI or some other set-aside.

Posted by: NemoMeImpuneLacessit at September 27, 2026 02:34 PM (h86Sx)

55 My FWP is already known to CBD. Indeed, I was whining about it all day yesterday.
I currently am on a small island. A small dry island. Which means no liquor stores. Closest one is across Vineyard Sound.
I am out of wine and the ferry hasn’t run for three days.
I’m afraid I might involuntarily dry out.

Posted by: RI Red at September 27, 2026 02:35 PM (PNPBi)

56 I have to fix my garage door soon, its old wood type so isn't light to lift without springs to assist
Posted by: Skip
---------

I once had one of those springs spontaneously fail during the wee hours. I'm lying in bed, the drive-under garage door is directly below the bedroom. 3:00 a.m., *THWANG*.

Me: "WTF!"

Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc., etc. at September 27, 2026 02:35 PM (XeU6L)

57 Restoring a derelict mountain bike that I picked up yesterday. Got most of the rust off the chain and sprockets and it looks pretty rideable for my non-trail needs. Brought the wheels over to the gas station next to Aldis, pumped eight quarters into the machine, and...

The fricken 10" long nozzle hits the wheel's axle so that it doesn't seat firmly on the tire valve. I did manage to get one tire inflated. The second seemed to seat better but it was not taking air. Could be a defective valve.

Of course, I've been promising myself a small air compressor for a lot of reasons, so maybe this will push me over that edge...

Posted by: Joe Kidd at September 27, 2026 02:36 PM (08OqX)

58 Had to order new laces for my sneakers, less than a year. Top lace loops are some grabby thing now, I suppose it's to reduce your effort.holding tight while making the final tie to the lacing.
I never had any issues tying my shoes, and these top clamps rip the shit out of the laces.

Posted by: From about That Time at September 27, 2026 02:37 PM (sl73Y)

59 I never passed a freshman engineering major who couldn’t master mechanics: too many bridges out there to let someone design it or build it who got by on DEI or some other set-aside.
Posted by: NemoMeImpuneLacessit
-------

This is about us, isn't it?

Posted by: Florida International University at September 27, 2026 02:38 PM (XeU6L)

60 Patriots playing like shit today, and quick scan shows a lot of others also. Upset Sunday seems to be doable all over the place. Except Miami.

Posted by: From about That Time at September 27, 2026 02:38 PM (sl73Y)

61 How do you get uneven laces, as in the photo? For me, I think I was pulling harder with my right hand than my left as I was tying them. Try balancing your pulls, right and left, and see if that helps.

Posted by: NemoMeImpuneLacessit at September 27, 2026 02:40 PM (h86Sx)

62 If not reminded would forget its football season

Posted by: Skip at September 27, 2026 02:41 PM (Ia/+0)

63 This is about us, isn't it?
Posted by: Florida International University at September 27, 2026 02:38 PM (XeU6L)

Yes!

Posted by: NemoMeImpuneLacessit at September 27, 2026 02:41 PM (h86Sx)

64 Wiilowing this in from the Weather Thread in case anybody is stooging around NE Az. because that's what manner of man I am...:

210 116 Haven't heard a final decision on Daylight Savings time year around yet. Rather standard time all year.
Posted by: Skip at September 27, 2026 01:19 PM (Ia/+0)

Arizona doesn't change their clocks. BUT on our recent RV odyssey we overnighted in Tuba City* Az in the Navajo 'Nation' (NE Az). It was a long day and we didn't get in until 8:30 PM. Upon check-in they informed that the Navajo 'Nation' DOES observe DST so now it was 9:30 PM! We left the next morning for Mesa Verde.

*We didn't see a single Tuba the entire time we were there. Guess they keep them in a warehouse out of sight somewhere.
Posted by: Anonymous Rogue in Kalifornistan (ARiK's phone) at September 27, 2026 02:05 PM (QGaXH)

Posted by: Anonymous Rogue in Kalifornistan (ARiK's phone) at September 27, 2026 02:44 PM (QGaXH)

65 I am out of wine and the ferry hasn’t run for three days.
I’m afraid I might involuntarily dry out.
Posted by: RI Red at September

Dude.

You can die from that.

And the Seahawks look awful.

Posted by: nurse ratched at September 27, 2026 02:45 PM (X1atC)

66 CBD, you are a very fortunate man to have this as a FWP.

Posted by: NaCly Dog at September 27, 2026 02:46 PM (u82oZ)

67 That reminds me...I have to buy some new boot laces this week.

Posted by: RedMindBlueState at September 27, 2026 02:46 PM (GfgtS)

68 This is about us, isn't it?
Posted by: Florida International University at September 27, 2026 02:38 PM (XeU6L)

Yes!
Posted by: NemoMeImpuneLacessit at September 27, 2026 02:41 PM (h86Sx)

Phew!!!

Posted by: Colin Simmons Weak Bladder at September 27, 2026 02:47 PM (lCppi)

69 Of course, I've been promising myself a small air compressor for a lot of reasons, so maybe this will push me over that edge...
Posted by: Joe Kidd
------
Well, a small bicycle pump would be a *lot* less expensive.

Posted by: Mike Hammer, given to parsimony at September 27, 2026 02:48 PM (XeU6L)

70 Football is a waste of time.
I much prefer to waste my time commenting on line.

Posted by: RI Red at September 27, 2026 02:48 PM (PNPBi)

71 Paracord shoelaces do not fray no matter what you have going on with the grommet. Get the ones with a steel tip for a shoe lace that will last the rest of your life. However, they are not self-lacing. The user must negotiate that difficulty by themself.

https://www.amazon.com
/s?k=paracord+shoelaces

Posted by: Anon Y. Mous at September 27, 2026 02:48 PM (syz1S)

72 My FWP is already known to CBD. Indeed, I was whining about it all day yesterday.
I currently am on a small island. A small dry island. Which means no liquor stores. Closest one is across Vineyard Sound.
I am out of wine and the ferry hasn’t run for three days.
I’m afraid I might involuntarily dry out.
Posted by: RI Red at September 27, 2026 02:35 PM

My FWP is some nickelf*cker who decided to play vehicle billiards last night with my car as the last ball. This is most vexing.

Posted by: RedMindBlueState at September 27, 2026 02:50 PM (GfgtS)

73 14 My 1WP is my garage door needs new spring and pulleys. Have looked a few times at Homey and Lowes but nothing

Posted by: Skip at September 27, 2026 02:04 PM (Ia/+0)

Garage door springs scare me. I'm a DIY kind of guy, and I've replaced more openers than I can remember, but when it comes to the springs, I call "The Guy".

I wonder if the DIY stores avoid stocking springs because of the potential for injuries, and the resulting potential liability.

Posted by: a.moron at September 27, 2026 02:52 PM (X5Jzz)

74 CBD, you are a very fortunate man to have this as a FWP.
Posted by: NaCly Dog
-----

I'm disappointed. Prior thread poster implied that this would be about immanentizing the escutcheon.

Posted by: Mike Hammer, given to parsimony at September 27, 2026 02:52 PM (XeU6L)

75 Not to worry, Nurse. There is an emergency bottle of tequila that has sat untouched all summer. And there may be some whiskey dregs from several years ago.
Beggars, choosers, ya know.

Posted by: RI Red at September 27, 2026 02:53 PM (PNPBi)

76 You have shoelaces?!

Luxury!!

We’d have killed for shoelaces!
We used to wrap our feet in yesterday’s newspaper held on with spit and optimism. Every morning we’d hop three miles to the mill on broken glass, work thirty-one hours for a farthing, and when we got home our dad would make us iron the road with our tongues before bed… and that was on a good day!
Shoelaces?

Luxury beyond the dreams of avarice!

We had to lace our boots with bits of old washing line we’d borrowed from a blind man, and even then we only got one boot between the five of us. We took turns wearing it on alternate Tuesdays. The rest of the week we just sort of… suggested feet.

And you try telling that to the young people of today.

They won’t believe you.

Posted by: Tonypete at September 27, 2026 02:53 PM (ktgTW)

77 3 straight days of rain and my basement is still dry. My flabber is gasted.

Posted by: JackStraw at September 27, 2026 02:53 PM (viF8m)

78 3 straight days of rain and my basement is still dry. My flabber is gasted.
Posted by: JackStraw at September 27, 2026 02:53 PM

I know, right? Three days of wind and a very fine, gentle rain. My grass seed is loving this.

Posted by: RedMindBlueState at September 27, 2026 02:57 PM (GfgtS)

79 I never passed a freshman engineering major who couldn’t master mechanics: too many bridges out there to let someone design it or build it who got by on DEI or some other set-aside.
Posted by: NemoMeImpuneLacessit at September 27, 2026 02:34 PM (h86Sx)
~~~~~

Wish we could be sure professors at med schools had your integrity.

Posted by: IrishEi ?! at September 27, 2026 02:59 PM (3ImbR)

80 >>I know, right? Three days of wind and a very fine, gentle rain. My grass seed is loving this.

Got the fall fertilizer down just in time.

Posted by: JackStraw at September 27, 2026 03:00 PM (viF8m)

81
We had to lace our boots with bits of old washing line we’d borrowed from a blind man, and even then we only got one boot between the five of us. We took turns wearing it on alternate Tuesdays. The rest of the week we just sort of… suggested feet.

___________

Washing line? Luxury! We had to hold the two sides together with our teeth. And we didn't even have them!

Posted by: Hadrian the Seventh at September 27, 2026 03:00 PM (eRlcH)

82 Get some help

Posted by: Hokey Pokey at September 27, 2026 03:01 PM (jjEYy)

83 Got the fall fertilizer down just in time.
Posted by: JackStraw at September 27, 2026 03:00 PM

*lawn nazi fistbump*

Posted by: RedMindBlueState at September 27, 2026 03:02 PM (GfgtS)

84 What this issue needs is obviously a governmental tax, federal oversight and outsourcing to China where their superior manufacturing could fix this.

Are you all new around here?

Old world problem, I'm incredibly tired of caregiving. I'll be better tomorrow.

Posted by: Stateless - Ralphy 105 years old - puppy at heart at September 27, 2026 03:03 PM (Sco7b)

85 >>*lawn nazi fistbump*

Everything will be fine as long as I don't see any of you kids on it.

Posted by: JackStraw at September 27, 2026 03:03 PM (viF8m)

86 When you get your shoes at the Thrift Store, they're going to look like that mess.

Posted by: Wealth of Riches Here at September 27, 2026 03:04 PM (Fn+3X)

87 My 1WP is my garage door needs new spring and pulleys. Have looked a few times at Homey and Lowes but nothing
Posted by: Skip at

Those things are dangerous, if you are talking front springs that attach to header board, even though you are far more mechanically competent than me.
I let the pro's do it. Under $200 last time, maybe ten years ago.

Posted by: From about That Time at September 27, 2026 03:04 PM (sl73Y)

88 Skip, I used Overhead Garage Doors, which I think is a national franchise.

Posted by: From about That Time at September 27, 2026 03:06 PM (sl73Y)

89 Eaglets>>Aglets

Posted by: John Audubon at September 27, 2026 03:06 PM (Fn+3X)

90 Always fun here when the Woodland Park Zoo does their annual sale of “zoo doo.” Shit from various animals. Sold in big bags to spread on your garden.

Between that and the cedar grove compost, the neighborhoods smell like poop.

Downtown always smells like poo. But that’s from the “unhoused.”

Posted by: nurse ratched at September 27, 2026 03:07 PM (yEz+x)

91 Eaglets>>Aglets
Posted by: John Audubon

What are baby Aglets?

Posted by: rickb223 at September 27, 2026 03:08 PM (0yFYJ)

92 Note: my ceramic toed desert boots have triangular wire grommets and kevlar cords. Never a problem like yours.
Posted by: epador
Those are what was bitching about in #58. My laces aren't kelvar, although they cost like it.

Posted by: From about That Time at September 27, 2026 03:08 PM (sl73Y)

93 The Shoelace Problem is the kind of thing Professor Jason Arday could have solved, had you raciss wypipo not hounded him out of his academic life.

Posted by: Down Wit Da Schtruggle at September 27, 2026 03:10 PM (Fn+3X)

94 I am a carpenter, I can do.it myself

Posted by: Skip at September 27, 2026 03:11 PM (Ia/+0)

95 He had a number of problems with his gut, joints and prostate that meant constantly giving him a bewildering variety of medicines, probiotics and supplements, as well as frequent and expensive visits to the vet and chiropractor.
Posted by: Hadrian the Seventh

How dare you call my hubby a big dumny!

😆

Kiddubg ofc. He does have sooo many supplements he loves to take, and I ammslowly getting the supplement bug vecause now I take 4.

Posted by: vmom deport deport stab deport at September 27, 2026 03:11 PM (Ydd86)

96 *kidding

Posted by: vmom deport deport stab deport at September 27, 2026 03:11 PM (Ydd86)

97 J is at a pumpkin stand asking if I want pumpkins. I told him to buy as many of the white ones as he will purchase and he is asking for an actual number. My FWP.

Posted by: Piper at September 27, 2026 03:12 PM (ZdaMQ)

98 Nice shine on those. I can almost see my reflection in them. Ready for the parade ground at 8th & I they are.
Posted by: Duke Lowell

Those are my everyday shoes that I wear doing everyday stuff...like raking topsoil on the lawn. I'm surprised they look as good as they do!
Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo

I assumed the scuffs were from kicking commenters who blow the margins, or take the First World Problems thread seriously.....

Posted by: mikeski at September 27, 2026 03:12 PM (VHUov)

99 yesterday.
I currently am on a small island. A small dry island. Which means no liquor stores. Closest one is across Vineyard Sound.
I am out of wine and the ferry hasn’t run for three days.
I’m afraid I might involuntarily dry out.
Posted by: RI Red at Septe
Did they build a hotel on No Mans Land?

Posted by: From about That Time at September 27, 2026 03:13 PM (sl73Y)

100 I replaced my old, heavy, wood garage door with a metal replacement from Homey Depot. Much lighter and not very hard to do.

Posted by: Handy Capable Hal at September 27, 2026 03:13 PM (Fn+3X)

101 2 Velcro CBD, your getting to old for shoe laces
Posted by: Skip at September 27, 2026 02:01 PM (Ia/+0)

____________________________

LMAO...my thoughts exactly. Someone is spending way too much time around Parisians.

Posted by: Orson at September 27, 2026 03:13 PM (dIske)

102 You have shoelaces?!

Luxury!!

We’d have killed for shoelaces!

--
Or killed with shoelaces

Posted by: vmom garrote garrote garrote at September 27, 2026 03:14 PM (Ydd86)

103 I see a market for a differential shoelace stretcher. Clip it on the shoe overnight and your laces are nice and even in the morning.

Posted by: mikeski at September 27, 2026 03:14 PM (VHUov)

104 I said to count them, and buy that many. I don’t know how humored he is right now.

Posted by: Piper at September 27, 2026 03:14 PM (ZdaMQ)

105 My FWP is failing at shaving. No problem for umpteen years until retirement. Did it less frequently, now I can't get a good shave. One blade, two blades, five blades, they can all go in the dumpster

Posted by: JM in Illinois at September 27, 2026 03:14 PM (RYmEM)

106 25 Do you see the problem?

Yeah. No Kiwi shoe polish.

Next...
Posted by: man at September 27, 2026 02:12 PM

I've got some to spare...

Posted by: Ralph Northam at September 27, 2026 03:15 PM (skR0U)

107 *looks innocent*

Posted by: vmom deport deport stab deport at September 27, 2026 03:16 PM (Ydd86)

108 A yard I pass on my bike ride has had an ever-growing Halloween display every year. This year, they dug up their side yard and planted it all in pumpkins. There must be 150 of them, all sizes, some white. Biggest ones are too large to carry.

Posted by: The Spice Must Flow at September 27, 2026 03:18 PM (Fn+3X)

109 Nurse, Vmom, if that man comes home with like 3 pumpkins, I will send out the signal.

Bring shovels.

Posted by: Piper at September 27, 2026 03:18 PM (ZdaMQ)

110 3 straight days of rain and my basement is still dry. My flabber is gasted.
Posted by: JackStraw at September 27, 2026 02:53 PM

I know, right? Three days of wind and a very fine, gentle rain. My grass seed is loving this.
Posted by: RedMindBlueState at September 27, 2026 02:57 PM (GfgtS)

Eight days of wind and three of rain, and my grass seed all washed down the hill.

Posted by: RI Red at September 27, 2026 03:18 PM (Fj7p/)

111 I'm disappointed. Prior thread poster implied that this would be about immanentizing the escutcheon.
Posted by: Mike Hammer

One letter off. We're discussing the Four Final Strings.

Posted by: mikeski at September 27, 2026 03:19 PM (VHUov)

112 Piper, I will keep an eye out 😉

Posted by: vmom deport deport stab deport at September 27, 2026 03:19 PM (Ydd86)

113 97 J is at a pumpkin stand asking if I want pumpkins. I told him to buy as many of the white ones as he will purchase and he is asking for an actual number. My FWP.

Posted by: Piper at September 27, 2026 03:12 PM (ZdaMQ

My beautiful friends brought over a bunch for my porch and flowers for pots in the driveway.

Because of the dog, Mom and I would usually ignore Halloween and Christmas stuff inside the house goes up in October. My friends kids wanted to decorate the tree and it kind of became an early Christmas party. With gifts for the kids.

I'm continuing that.

Posted by: Stateless - Ralphy 105 years old - puppy at heart at September 27, 2026 03:19 PM (Sco7b)

114 the kind of thing Professor Jason Arday could have solve

Who????

Posted by: From about That Time at September 27, 2026 03:19 PM (sl73Y)

115 Any man that immanentizes the escutcheon spends a night in the box.

Posted by: Carr, the Floorwalker at September 27, 2026 03:20 PM (skR0U)

116 94 I am a carpenter, I can do.it myself
Posted by: Skip

It's Shake 'n' Bake. And I hey-ulped!

Posted by: Saucy Young Maiden at September 27, 2026 03:21 PM (Fn+3X)

117 Eight days of wind and three of rain, and my grass seed all washed down the hill.
Posted by: RI Red at September 27, 2026 03:18 PM

That's what you get for building Schloss Red on a hill.

Posted by: RedMindBlueState at September 27, 2026 03:21 PM (GfgtS)

118 Oh this morning the priest said something during homily that struck such fear into my heart.

He said "as of yesterday it will be two months until Christmas!"

Aaahhhh
*panics*

Posted by: vmom deport deport stab deport at September 27, 2026 03:22 PM (Ydd86)

119 105 My FWP is failing at shaving. No problem for umpteen years until retirement. Did it less frequently, now I can't get a good shave. One blade, two blades, five blades, they can all go in the dumpster

Posted by: JM in Illinois at September 27, 2026 03:14 PM (RYmEM)

Can I sign up for alopecia?
It seems like a time saver.

Posted by: Stateless - Ralphy 105 years old - puppy at heart at September 27, 2026 03:22 PM (Sco7b)

120 Did they build a hotel on No Mans Land?
Posted by: From about That Time at September 27, 2026 03:13 PM (sl73Y)

Nah, next island to the west. No Man’s Land still has leftover bombs.

Posted by: RI Red at September 27, 2026 03:23 PM (Fj7p/)

121 My FWP is failing at shaving. No problem for umpteen years until retirement. Did it less frequently, now I can't get a good shave. One blade, two blades, five blades, they can all go in the dumpster
Posted by: JM in Illinois at September 27, 2026 03:14 PM (RYmEM)

Consider growing a beard?

Posted by: NemoMeImpuneLacessit at September 27, 2026 03:23 PM (TADlS)

122 Elastic shoelaces. I used them on my work boots, now I bought enough for all my shoes.
https://tinyurl.com/mthn8fd3

Posted by: TC at September 27, 2026 03:23 PM (F/t80)

123 I had a coworker once who got alopecia.
The lack of eyebrows was unnerving.

Posted by: vmom deport deport stab deport at September 27, 2026 03:23 PM (Ydd86)

124 Fun Fact: Tuba City was originally named Euphonium City, but the none of the natives could spell it.

Posted by: Valve Job Vinnie at September 27, 2026 03:23 PM (Fn+3X)

125 118 Oh this morning the priest said something during homily that struck such fear into my heart.

He said "as of yesterday it will be two months until Christmas!"

Aaahhhh
*panics*
Posted by: vmom deport deport stab deport at September 27, 2026 03:22 PM (Ydd86)

Chill!

It's three months til Christmas.

Thanksgiving on the other hand.....

Posted by: Anonymous Rogue in Kalifornistan (ARiK's phone) at September 27, 2026 03:24 PM (QGaXH)

126 Oh this morning the priest said something during homily that struck such fear into my heart.
He said "as of yesterday it will be two months until Christmas!"

*checks calendar

Posted by: stu-mick-o-sucks at September 27, 2026 03:25 PM (YcOeP)

127 105 My FWP is failing at shaving. No problem for umpteen years until retirement. Did it less frequently, now I can't get a good shave. One blade, two blades, five blades, they can all go in the dumpster
Posted by: JM in Illinois at September 27, 2026 03:14 PM (RYmEM)
------

I hated shaving until I switched to an old school double-edge safety razor. That and Cremo cooling formula shave cream. Takes a little longer but it's a great shave.

Blades are dirt cheap, too.

Posted by: ballistic at September 27, 2026 03:25 PM (oqH4h)

128 126 Oh this morning the priest said something during homily that struck such fear into my heart.
He said "as of yesterday it will be two months until Christmas!"

*checks calendar
Posted by: stu-mick-o-sucks at September 27, 2026 03:25 PM (YcOeP)

Counts on fingers.....

Posted by: Anonymous Rogue in Kalifornistan (ARiK's phone) at September 27, 2026 03:26 PM (QGaXH)

129 Chill!

It's three months til Christmas.

I got nine checks left in the checkbook, and two kids. I'm good.

Posted by: From about That Time at September 27, 2026 03:26 PM (sl73Y)

130 Of course, I've been promising myself a small air compressor for a lot of reasons, so maybe this will push me over that edge...
Posted by: Joe Kidd at September 27, 2026 02:36 PM (08OqX)

My wife got me a Jumper / battery pack / air compressor for the car, that is a nice collection to have available. I think it has an LED flasher / flashlight on it too.
If you just want a small compressor for tires, it is a good deal. It is not suitable for small air tools though

Posted by: Kindltot at September 27, 2026 03:26 PM (rbvCR)

131 114 the kind of thing Professor Jason Arday could have solve

Who????
Posted by: From about That Time at September 27, 2026 03:19 PM (sl73Y)

____________________

You know, the guy that fought off the band of cyclops monsters with toothpick, invented the blender, and helped build Mecca using his toy Tonka truck.

That guy.

Posted by: Orson at September 27, 2026 03:26 PM (dIske)

132 Chill!

It's three months til Christmas.

Thanksgiving on the other hand.....
Posted by: Anonymous Rogue

--

Oh, maybe he meant advent.
I really should pay more attention to the sermon.

Posted by: vmom deport deport stab deport at September 27, 2026 03:27 PM (Ydd86)

133 And for the grandkids,.e been picking up stuff on the beach and in the woods all year. A five year old loves a crab shell, and whatever story you can make up to go with it.

Posted by: From about That Time at September 27, 2026 03:28 PM (sl73Y)

134
You know, the guy that fought off the band of cyclops monsters with toothpick, invented the blender, and helped build Mecca using his toy Tonka truck.

That guy.

Posted by: Orson at September 27, 2026 03:26 PM (dIske)

And according to his resume, his resurrection abilities may get him back by New Year.

Impressive.

Posted by: Stateless - Ralphy 105 years old - puppy at heart at September 27, 2026 03:29 PM (Sco7b)

135 Recently filled out an online job application and got to the demographic questions. The choices for veteran status was:
Identify as a protected veteran
Not a veteran
Identify as a veteran but not a protected veteran

That last one threw me. I guess by "protected" they mean enlisted, served, and honorably discharged, so...?

For the record, I'm not a veteran, and would never think to identify as anything other than that..

Posted by: Joe Kidd at September 27, 2026 03:29 PM (08OqX)

136 $69 for a simple air tank.
In another world one could drive through a springtime apartment complex and collect all the 5 gal. tanks he needed from the dumpsters.
Thank heavens Congress and DuPont saved us.

Posted by: Braenyard - some Absent Friends are more equal than others _ at September 27, 2026 03:30 PM (VQ0bX)

137 Because of the dog, Mom and I would usually ignore Halloween and Christmas stuff inside the house goes up in October. My friends kids wanted to decorate the tree and it kind of became an early Christmas party. With gifts for the kids.

I'm continuing that.

Posted by: Stateless - Ralphy 105 years old - puppy at heart at September

Cute, Oct. 1, the studio will become haunted and the front yard here will also be haunted. I am finalizing the thoughts for this year. Since a pirate ship was purchased last year, I am thinking I should do a variation on that theme, though I may actually do a haunted forest path. Decisions, decisions. And also more FWP.

Posted by: Piper at September 27, 2026 03:30 PM (ZdaMQ)

138
Can I sign up for alopecia?
It seems like a time saver.
Posted by: Stateless - Ralphy 105 years old - puppy at heart at September 27, 2026 03:22 PM (Sco7b)

----‐--
Good idea. Bonus: i could see the divots in my skull from all the times as a kid I "split my head open" as we used to say.

Posted by: JM in Illinois at September 27, 2026 03:30 PM (RYmEM)

139 118 Oh this morning the priest said something during homily that struck such fear into my heart.

He said "as of yesterday it will be two months until Christmas!"

Aaahhhh
*panics*
Posted by: vmom deport deport stab deport at September 27, 2026 03:22 PM (Ydd86)

Statements like that could cause the faithful to doubt the veracity of everything else he says.....

'Cousin Vinney' voice: 'everyding dat guy just said...is bull****' '

Posted by: Anonymous Rogue in Kalifornistan (ARiK's phone) at September 27, 2026 03:30 PM (QGaXH)

140 >>> 104 I said to count them, and buy that many. I don’t know how humored he is right now.
Posted by: Piper at September 27, 2026 03:14 PM (ZdaMQ)

What are you going to do with all those pumpkins when they start rotting?

I'd say your FWP is not having any goats.

Posted by: Helena Handbasket at September 27, 2026 03:31 PM (+fdRY)

141
The problem with showing a specials dog is that they're the canine equivalent of an Formula 1 car. Amazing but finely tuned and requiring constant maintenance. Unfortunately, Her Majesty has perfect pitch for movement. Any imperfection and it's panic time.

Posted by: Hadrian the Seventh at September 27, 2026 03:31 PM (eRlcH)

142 My wife got me a Jumper / battery pack / air compressor for the car, that is a nice collection to have available. I think it has an LED flasher / flashlight on it too.
If you just want a small compressor for tires, it is a good deal. It is not suitable for small air tools though
Posted by: Kindltot at September 27, 2026 03:26 PM (rbvCR)

Wolf Box. I am familiar, and thanks for the reminder..

Posted by: Joe Kidd at September 27, 2026 03:32 PM (08OqX)

143 haunted forest path. Decisions, decisions. And also more FWP.

Posted by: Piper at September 27, 2026 03:30 PM (ZdaMQ

You could just steal stuff from the headlines.

Posted by: Stateless - Ralphy 105 years old - puppy at heart at September 27, 2026 03:32 PM (Sco7b)

144 I love my Skechers slip-ons. They have a Mark Nason series of slip-on dress shoes that I bought for more formal occasions. As I’ve gotten older, I have fewer formal occasions to attend anyway.

Posted by: Unkaren at September 27, 2026 03:32 PM (IXaAJ)

145 *Places Advent Candles back in storage*

Posted by: Whew!!! at September 27, 2026 03:33 PM (Fn+3X)

146 CUT ME SOME SLACK. WE DIDN'T MATH IN PRIEST SCHOOL.

Posted by: Vmom's Priest at September 27, 2026 03:34 PM (skR0U)

147 Here's AOP's doppelganger on the Ryobi 18v compressor.

Posted by: Braenyard - some Absent Friends are more equal than others _ at September 27, 2026 03:35 PM (VQ0bX)

148 >>Eight days of wind and three of rain, and my grass seed all washed down the hill.

Are you near the harbor?

Posted by: JackStraw at September 27, 2026 03:35 PM (viF8m)

149 I pulled the saw out and bucked up some wood. I then let it cool and pulled it apart and dug out the bar-oil impregnated sawdust out of the crannies and nooks, and regreased the drive clutch bearings.

What is good in life? A sharp chain, the blue smoke, and a saw that walks through fir logs, that is what is good in life.

Posted by: Kindltot at September 27, 2026 03:35 PM (rbvCR)

150 149 I pulled the saw out and bucked up some wood. I then let it cool and pulled it apart and dug out the bar-oil impregnated sawdust out of the crannies and nooks, and regreased the drive clutch bearings.

Exactly what I would have done.

Posted by: Tim Walz at September 27, 2026 03:36 PM (skR0U)

151 144 I love my Skechers slip-ons. They have a Mark Nason series of slip-on dress shoes that I bought for more formal occasions. As I’ve gotten older, I have fewer formal occasions to attend anyway.
Posted by: Unkaren

We recommend Skechers for all our clients!

Posted by: Hoveround Industries, Inc. at September 27, 2026 03:37 PM (Fn+3X)

152 And here's the link

www.youtube.com/watch?v=boHcJaAznwI

Posted by: Braenyard - some Absent Friends are more equal than others _ at September 27, 2026 03:39 PM (VQ0bX)

153 Good idea. Bonus: i could see the divots in my skull from all the times as a kid I "split my head open" as we used to say.
Posted by: JM in Illinois at September 27, 2026 03:30 PM (RYmEM)
=====
Pro tip: Head lacerations are great for scaring mom!

Posted by: San Franpsycho at September 27, 2026 03:43 PM (RIvkX)

154 Consider growing a beard?
Posted by: NemoMeImpuneLacessit at September 27, 2026 03:23 PM (

----

I do.Then, whack it off with the haircutters every month or so.

But I will try Cremo. Love the name

Posted by: JM in Illinois at September 27, 2026 03:44 PM (RYmEM)

155 What are you going to do with all those pumpkins when they start rotting?

I'd say your FWP is not having any goats.
Posted by: Helena Handbasket at September 27, 2026

I don’t even have a back yard, and barely a front one! There is no room for goats.

Posted by: Piper at September 27, 2026 03:45 PM (ZdaMQ)

156 I don’t even have a back yard, and barely a front one! There is no room for goats.
Posted by: Piper at September 27, 2026 03:45 PM (ZdaMQ)
-----------------
There's always room for goats!

Posted by: Mohammad Mohammad Abdul Mohammad at September 27, 2026 03:46 PM (skR0U)

157 Under Armour boots. Laces with zip up side like a military boot. Lace once for fit, then zipper from then on. I hate dealing with laces.

Posted by: Berserker-Dragonheads Division at September 27, 2026 03:51 PM (S41Gd)

158 I try to shave at least once a week, really should do it more often.

Posted by: Skip at September 27, 2026 03:52 PM (Ia/+0)

159 Oct. 1, the studio will become haunted and the front yard here will also be haunted. I am finalizing the thoughts for this year. Since a pirate ship was purchased last year, I am thinking I should do a variation on that theme, though I may actually do a haunted forest path. Decisions, decisions. And also more FWP.
Posted by: Piper at September 27, 2026 03:30 PM (ZdaMQ

My friend would build these elaborate Halloween walk throughs. Back in 2009 I helped him construct a scaffold next to his hot tub. He ran a tube from one of the jets that delivered water to a shallow reservoir on top. The water would then cascade down one side. On the far side of the hot tub he placed an LED projector aimed toward the waterfall. Folks walking past would see a still image of a pirate battle. The sound of cannons and men shouting was piped in over his home theater sound system speakers. The effect was damned impressive. He constructed the whole thing from his head. No plans. Impressive...

Posted by: Joe Kidd at September 27, 2026 03:53 PM (08OqX)

160 FOOD NOOD

Posted by: Skip at September 27, 2026 04:00 PM (Ia/+0)

161 Good idea. Bonus: i could see the divots in my skull from all the times as a kid I "split my head open" as we used to say.
Posted by: JM
---------

As I lose my hair, my skull is going to be quite a show piece, the divots/bumps/staple scars consequent of the craniotomy becoming more evident.

Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc., etc. at September 27, 2026 04:01 PM (XeU6L)

162 I'm a one trick pony on shoes, boots etc. I found a Rockport Outlet near me. I swear by them...The best being wing-tip dress shoes that look absolutely like any other wing-tip dress shoe, with the exception of the sole being soft, shock aborbing, non-slip rubber.

I understand that plains clothes law enforcement swear by them as well. You can run in them just as well as sneakers....but look funny doing it.

Posted by: Orson at September 27, 2026 04:03 PM (dIske)

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