Karoline Leavitt Will Leave Her Job as WH Spokeswoman at the End of the Month

She says she wants to mother her new baby, and for once I believe the "spend more time with my family" line.

Karoline Leavitt

@karolineleavitt

Serving as the White House Press Secretary over the past year and a half has been the honor and adventure of a lifetime. I am incredibly grateful to President Trump for granting me so many extraordinary opportunities, such as working in the West Wing and spending countless hours in the Oval Office, flying around the world and meeting foreign leaders, and traveling across our beautiful country and meeting Americans from all walks of life.
Most of all, I am thankful to the President for entrusting me with the distinct privilege of speaking on his behalf at the White House podium. I have spoken with great pride about the many historic accomplishments of this Administration, and I have relished holding the liberal media accountable and ensuring the American people hear the truth about President Trump's successes.
Being a mother and welcoming a new baby while working in one of the most demanding jobs in the world has been the most rewarding yet challenging season of my life, to say the least. The truth is since returning to the White House after the birth of my daughter, I have felt in my heart that I cannot be the best mom my two young children deserve while devoting the constant time, energy, and attention required of the White House Press Secretary -- and that is why I have ultimately made the bittersweet decision to depart the White House and embark on a new chapter in my life.
President Trump has asked me to continue serving as a top advisor to him on the outside, and I will always remain a vocal advocate for MAGA and the Republican Party.
Our country is facing an existential threat from an increasingly extremist Democrat Party that seeks to destroy everything great about America, and I believe it is incumbent upon all of us who care about this country to fight back against that threat. My fight is entering a new phase, but it is far from over.
Thank you again to the President, the First Lady, and the entire Trump family for your kindness and generosity over the years. Thank you to our amazing Chief of Staff Susie Wiles for empowering me since the day she hired me on the campaign, and to the President's cabinet, my staff, colleagues, and friends at the White House who work so hard on behalf of our nation. It has been a privilege to serve alongside so many accomplished and impressive people, and I look forward to cheering them on over the next two and a half years.
And of course, thank you most especially to my loving and supportive husband and family for the sacrifices they made for me to serve in this role.

Serving as the White House Press Secretary over the past year and a half has been the honor and adventure of a lifetime. I am incredibly grateful to President Trump for granting me so many extraordinary opportunities, such as working in the West Wing and spending countless hours… https://t.co/4jyW61DGGh pic.twitter.com/xny1yccuBn
— Karoline Leavitt (@karolineleavitt) August 12, 2026

I searched for "best of Karoline Leavitt" on YouTube. The first two hits were attacks on Karoline Leavitt by leftwingers. I'm so tired of Google and its constant election interference and reality distortion. I want it broken up into fifteen different companies.

That's my excuse for only being able to link this neutral/antagonisitic compilation of Leavitt battling the media. (If you know of a good one, one that Google is hiding, let me know.)

And Sisyphus trudges another weary step:

Marco Rubio finding out he’s about to also become the WH Press Secretary pic.twitter.com/7TkMxBgyKC
— Libs of TikTok (@libsoftiktok) August 12, 2026

Posted by: Disinformation Expert Ace at 01:28 PM

Comments

(Jump to bottom of comments)

1 Uno!

Posted by: The Paolo at August 13, 2026 01:28 PM (g47mK)

2 e5bhe5b5e

Posted by: Blonde Morticia at August 13, 2026 01:28 PM (XJ22o)

3 I hope she is well protected because the left are psychotic.

Posted by: steevy at August 13, 2026 01:29 PM (YwEeS)

4 She will be missed

Posted by: Doof at August 13, 2026 01:29 PM (S0M0K)

5
Of course. The Paolo.

Posted by: Blonde Morticia at August 13, 2026 01:29 PM (XJ22o)

6
She will be missed
Posted by: Doof

==============

She will be back.

Posted by: Blonde Morticia at August 13, 2026 01:29 PM (XJ22o)

7 Marco Rubio finding out he�s about to also become the WH Press Secretary pic.twitter.com/7TkMxBgyKC

— Libs of TikTok (@libsoftiktok) August 12, 2026

===

you people laff, but he did his stint as Press Sec when Leavitt was on leave

Posted by: runner at August 13, 2026 01:29 PM (g47mK)

8 SPONGE!!!

Posted by: RedMindBlueState at August 13, 2026 01:30 PM (kgE5c)

9 Another funny meme on Marco Rubio- thanks!

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at August 13, 2026 01:31 PM (JrHfD)

10
Who do we think will replace her?

Posted by: Blonde Morticia at August 13, 2026 01:31 PM (XJ22o)

11 I don't find fault with anyone who wants to raise her own children. Consuela from Honduras does not love them more than their mother.

Posted by: huerfano at August 13, 2026 01:31 PM (2Xqig)

12 Leavitt was excellent. Sorry she's going. But glad she's staying on in an advisory capacity. I take that as a sign she'll be back in some official capacity.

Posted by: Elric The Blade at August 13, 2026 01:31 PM (iFTx/)

13 He was given a collage of all the "MR finds out" memes for his birthday, signed by ...many people, including Trump. I think POTUS signed in gold.

Posted by: runner at August 13, 2026 01:32 PM (g47mK)

14 $10 says Trump hires another attractive femme. He likes blondes.

Posted by: Don Black at August 13, 2026 01:33 PM (ZxPkt)

15 Gladiators Hall of Fame.

Two in, one out.

Posted by: 13times at August 13, 2026 01:33 PM (6iKlf)

16 By the end of President Trump's term, Marco Rubio will be wearing more hats than Bartholomew Cubbins.

Posted by: "Perfessor" Squirrel at August 13, 2026 01:33 PM (FZ29D)

17 $10 says Trump hires another attractive femme. He likes blondes.
Posted by: Don Black

There's a stable to choose from.

Posted by: Mr Aspirin Factory at August 13, 2026 01:34 PM (7zn4w)

18 Yay for her. Sad for us.

Posted by: rickb223 at August 13, 2026 01:34 PM (lrRtF)

19 I wish her the best. She is fantastic.

Posted by: Stateless - Keeping 15 year old Ralphy happy and alive. He's a puppy at heart. at August 13, 2026 01:34 PM (Sco7b)

20 >>.you people laff, but he did his stint as Press Sec when Leavitt was on leave

oh right.

The internet has really given me brain damage and memory loss.

I wonder if Biden spent a lot of time online.

Posted by: ace at August 13, 2026 01:34 PM (1wjle)

21 The "Marco Rubio finds out" pix never get old.

Posted by: Captain Obvious, Laird o' the Sea at August 13, 2026 01:34 PM (amcLV)

22 She made the right call.

Posted by: Tom Servo at August 13, 2026 01:34 PM (3mtTi)

23 $10 says Trump hires another attractive femme. He likes blondes.
Posted by: Don Black at August 13, 2026 01:33 PM (ZxPkt)
_______

True, but he also probably thinks -- as I do -- that a lady as spokesperson has certain advantages over a man, especially if she's pretty and good at her job.

Posted by: Elric The Blade at August 13, 2026 01:35 PM (iFTx/)

24
IF she were smart, she would have had some of her eggs frozen, like me!

Posted by: AOC, Hoping Still to Foal a Triple Crown Winner One of These Days at August 13, 2026 01:35 PM (s9VOe)

25 The law of Trump resignations is: the replacement is worse, never better. How could you do worse than Leavitt?

Erika Kirk

Family. That’s what it always is with these ghouls. They want you to think they have morals but it’s just a facade.

The tales she'll be able to tell her Grandkids! "Let me tell you how I helped make sure your entire life will progressively get worse as you house floods, burns down, and you die of chemical exposure."

History will remember her as a vile, lying enabler of one of the worst humans to ever unfortunately stumble into power.

If you don't think this administration (including Leavitt) will be examined and studied for its corruption and lawlessness, I don't know what to tell you. Her lies and obfuscation are big parts of how they've been able to largely avoid consequences and accountability from the general population.

She's not a run-of-the-mill press secretary.

Posted by: Intercepted Reddit Transmissions brought by the Intrepid AoS Liaison at August 13, 2026 01:35 PM (K9nu8)

26 Who do we think will replace her?
Posted by: Blonde Morticia at August 13, 2026 01:31 PM (XJ22o)

I'd like to see Nick Searcy do that job

Posted by: Doof at August 13, 2026 01:35 PM (S0M0K)

27
There are so many "rules" about this ritual that don't make sense to me. Why can't the Press Secretary refuse to take questions from organizations that continually lie? Admittedly, she'd be taking questions from just a handful of organizations, but they could rotate in high school or college journalists, maybe some of those freebie Coast Weekly publications -- as they're called in California. Probably have some name like Plains Weekly elsewhere.

Posted by: Blonde Morticia at August 13, 2026 01:35 PM (XJ22o)

28 Nice palate-cleanser from the last thread, Ace. Thank you.

Hope we get another babe like her.

Posted by: Bulg at August 13, 2026 01:36 PM (77rzZ)

29 Gonna be hard to find someone as good as Karoline.

Posted by: Eromero at August 13, 2026 01:36 PM (qsfar)

30 The "Marco Rubio finds out" pix never get old.
Posted by: Captain Obvious, Laird o' the Sea at August 13, 2026 01:34 PM (amcLV)

Disagree. It really needs to be retired.

Posted by: Doof at August 13, 2026 01:36 PM (S0M0K)

31 $10 says Trump hires another attractive femme. He likes blondes.

==

as long as it's not that little roly-poly from Breitbart

Posted by: runner at August 13, 2026 01:36 PM (g47mK)

32 i doubt Kayleigh McEnany could be persuaded to come back...

Posted by: ace at August 13, 2026 01:36 PM (1wjle)

33 WH Press Sec is a demanding job. Have there been any recent ones who have lasted more than a couple of years?

Posted by: Captain Obvious, Laird o' the Sea at August 13, 2026 01:36 PM (amcLV)

34 > I wonder if Biden spent a lot of time online.

Hot Toddlers dot com

Posted by: bonhomme at August 13, 2026 01:36 PM (mkw2N)

35 Damn, Karoline in that green dress. I'll be in my bunk.

Posted by: Bulg at August 13, 2026 01:37 PM (77rzZ)

36 She made the right call.
Posted by: Tom Servo

Nuh-uh!!

Posted by: Massachusetts at August 13, 2026 01:37 PM (wppq6)

37 Rantingly had a picture of her in red that would make Bulg take notice. Me too, honestly

Posted by: 496 at August 13, 2026 01:37 PM (OaiXh)

38 AlextheChick!

Posted by: All Hail Eris, She-Wolf of the 'Ettes 'Ettes at August 13, 2026 01:37 PM (kpS4V)

39 Rantingly has a picture of her in red that would make Bulg take notice. Me too, honestly

Posted by: 496 at August 13, 2026 01:37 PM (OaiXh)

40 IF THE MARINE CORPS WANTED YOU TO HAVE A BABY THEY WOULD HAVE ISSUED YOU ONE!!!

Posted by: Company Gunny at August 13, 2026 01:38 PM (2UnvF)

41 I searched for "best of Karoline Leavitt" on YouTube. The first two hits were attacks on Karoline Leavitt by leftwingers. I'm so tired of Google and its constant election interference and reality distortion. I want it broken up into fifteen different companies.
======
FWIW, Ace, Pixy's story below today indicates that Cloudfare is getting ready to block a lot of the webcrawler activity that Google depends upon for access. And that the publishers have figured to do the same. That cripples the search engine acquisition of new data. My guess is the AI companies writ broadly want that new data for themselves, not the dying search indexing model web browsers.

I think AI augmented web browsers are going the be the first AI killer application that average folks have of AI along with virtual pron. Whether google retains the crown and revenues or slumps into IBM decline depends on their AI model ironically and Google in turn is depending on Android to bring that crown home, not desktops.

Posted by: whig at August 13, 2026 01:38 PM (E4rtv)

42 Oops

Posted by: 496 at August 13, 2026 01:38 PM (OaiXh)

43 Trump should find a well spoken bombshell who's been done dirty by the MSM mob.

Payback's a bitch in a suit with an ax to grind.

Posted by: Martini Farmer at August 13, 2026 01:38 PM (2Cry5)

44 She won't be eligible to run for President until the '36 election.

Posted by: Wi Tu Yung at August 13, 2026 01:38 PM (JM9I6)

45 Good for her!
Raising her kids is important, and her job requires 24x7 availability. Tough choice, but the right choice.

Posted by: Lizzy Clinton at August 13, 2026 01:38 PM (4KUe5)

46 $10 says Trump hires another attractive femme. He likes blondes.
Posted by: Don Black

True, but they must also possess superlative knife skills.

Posted by: Archimedes at August 13, 2026 01:39 PM (Riz8t)

47 1 Uno!
Posted by: The Paolo at August 13, 2026 01:28 PM

I promise you that commenting here is the only time I, how you say, go first.

Posted by: Paolo at August 13, 2026 01:39 PM (0sNs1)

48 38 AlextheChick!
Posted by: All Hail Eris, She-Wolf of the 'Ettes 'Ettes at August 13, 2026 01:37 PM (kpS4V)

Don't think she's blonde. But she will have the WH Press Corps begging for mercy after her first press conference. It would be an awesome show.

Posted by: Our Country is Screwed at August 13, 2026 01:39 PM (N39Ws)

49 i doubt Kayleigh McEnany could be persuaded to come back...

==

...they had a slight falling out during 2024 primary, he called her "Milktoast McEnany" and a "RINO" ...

Posted by: runner at August 13, 2026 01:39 PM (g47mK)

50 I found out today that Elvis was only 42 when he died. That dude lived a rough life.
Posted by: Bulg

I remember when Elvis died. I thought, "42, huh? Well, he had a good run."

Posted by: Anonosaurus Wrecks, Fear Me! at August 13, 2026 01:40 PM (ndZc7)

51 I wonder if Biden spent a lot of time online.
Posted by: ace
-------
No need, his own family provided him with plenty of live action pron.

Posted by: whig at August 13, 2026 01:40 PM (E4rtv)

52 Unspoken Narrative: "They have eggs. We have babies."

Posted by: ... at August 13, 2026 01:40 PM (iABCo)

53 Might I suggest Greg Gutfeld?

He has the proper attitude, and would laugh off their stupidity.

Posted by: Lizzy at August 13, 2026 01:40 PM (4KUe5)

54 $10 says Trump hires another attractive femme. He likes blondes.
Posted by: Don Black

True, but they must also possess superlative knife skills.
Posted by: Archimedes at August 13, 2026 01:39 PM

So, bluebell?

Posted by: Duncanthrax at August 13, 2026 01:40 PM (0sNs1)

55 Whoever replaces her, I hope they do a background check on the husband or wife first.

Noem sayin'?

Posted by: sifty boones at August 13, 2026 01:40 PM (i9sDw)

56 Give Eva Vlaardingerbroek citizenship and the gig.

Posted by: Biff Pocoroba at August 13, 2026 01:40 PM (XvL8K)

57 She says she wants to mother her new baby, and for once I believe the "spend more time with my family" line.

Posted by: Disinformation Expert Ace at 01:28 PM

Without reading any of the articles, my immediate thought was "She's got a newborn, of course she doesn't want to work 22 hours a day on something else."

Funny, all that programming and pushing women to be girl bosses and when they find the thing they were literally designed to do, most of them will pick that.

Posted by: Formerly Virginian at August 13, 2026 01:41 PM (N1tpc)

58 Karoline has been a treasure.

Posted by: Crusader at August 13, 2026 01:41 PM (TN0g+)

59 That’s: we have LIVE babies!

Posted by: Lizzy at August 13, 2026 01:41 PM (4KUe5)

60 Thank you Karoline and best wishes for you and your family. You will not be forgotten, nor your efforts to fight the good fight and steer this Country back onto a proper path.

Posted by: Rufus T. Firefly at August 13, 2026 01:41 PM (yyBU8)

61 AlextheChick!
Posted by: All Hail Eris, She-Wolf of the 'Ettes 'Ettes at August 13, 2026 01:37 PM (kpS4V)

Don't think she's blonde. But she will have the WH Press Corps begging for mercy after her first press conference. It would be an awesome show.
Posted by: Our Country is Screwed

When she mounts the stepstool of doom...

Posted by: rickb223 at August 13, 2026 01:41 PM (lrRtF)

62 I found out today that Elvis was only 42 when he died. That dude lived a rough life.
Posted by: Bulg

I remember when Elvis died. I thought, "42, huh? Well, he had a good run."
Posted by: Anonosaurus Wrecks, Fear Me! at August 13, 2026 01:40 PM (ndZc7)
----------
Groucho Marx died not long after.

Mere coincidence?

Posted by: Captain Obvious, Laird o' the Sea at August 13, 2026 01:42 PM (amcLV)

63 Give Eva Vlaardingerbroek citizenship and the gig.
Posted by: Biff Pocoroba

Ooooh, there ya go.

Posted by: Bulg at August 13, 2026 01:42 PM (77rzZ)

64
History will remember her as a vile, lying enabler of one of the worst humans to ever unfortunately stumble into power.

There really are Two Americas.

Posted by: Bertram Cabot, Jr. at August 13, 2026 01:42 PM (Cqx++)

65 for once I believe the "spend more time with my family" line.

-----

For my part, I don't believe her. She's a DC lizard. She's either fired, or left because there's nowhere further to go on this path. Look for her in some other seedy little venue soon.

Luckily, it doesn't matter, because PressSec is perhaps the least important sinecure in the history of empire.

They should replace her with a text-to-voice generator housed inside a Big Mouth Billy Bass, just for fun.

Posted by: Yudhishthira's Dice at August 13, 2026 01:42 PM (BI5O2)

66 Karoline was awesome. I feel sorry for anyone that has to replace her because those are pretty big shoes to fill.

Posted by: redridinghood at August 13, 2026 01:42 PM (NpAcC)

67 Leavitt is a class act. Much respect

I can’t get enough of all the hundreds of variations of that Rubio meme LoL

Posted by: LinusVanPelt at August 13, 2026 01:42 PM (MaA4a)

68 AlextheChick!
Posted by: All Hail Eris, She-Wolf of the 'Ettes 'Ettes at August 13, 2026 01:37 PM (kpS4V)

Don't think she's blonde. But she will have the WH Press Corps begging for mercy after her first press conference. It would be an awesome show.
Posted by: Our Country is Screwed

When she mounts the stepstool of doom...
Posted by: rickb223 at August 13, 2026 01:41 PM

MWR for Deputy Press Sec.

Posted by: RedMindBlueState at August 13, 2026 01:42 PM (kgE5c)

69 I hear Karine Jean-Pierre is available...

Posted by: It's me donna at August 13, 2026 01:43 PM (vQrSy)

70 A good moment, opportunity, to radically shake-up the paradigm of press relations. No more individuals; let's get a rotating team of people, tough, direct and aggressive communicators who personally challenge each and every the media lie. Let's begin every press briefing with a 5-10 minute video compilation of media lies over the past week (even dig bag to recent history) -- calling out individuals and networks and websites to their faces and showing the receipts. Enough with the bubbly greetings and pretense that they don't hate Trump, America and us, and let's go to war -- in a straightfoward, factually-based, dispassionate manner.

Posted by: Ordinary American at August 13, 2026 01:43 PM (b4LBp)

71 She will be missed
Posted by: Doof

==============

She will be back.
Posted by: Blonde Morticia at August 13, 2026 01:29 PM (XJ22o)
===

I can see her at the podium:

"See what you did? You made Achilles cry! And angry!"

Posted by: mrp at August 13, 2026 01:43 PM (rj6Yv)

72 (Insert Marco Rubio dreading an additional job meme here)

Posted by: Lizzy at August 13, 2026 01:43 PM (4KUe5)

73 Call me soft, but I want the mere presence of the next Press Secretary to actually dissuade the leftist media to even show up to the briefing room, and if they do they get verbally trashed so badly that they begin crying and actively cutting themselves.

Posted by: Stu Podaso at August 13, 2026 01:44 PM (wppq6)

74 ...they had a slight falling out during 2024 primary, he called her "Milktoast McEnany" and a "RINO" ...
Posted by: runner at August 13, 2026 01:39 PM (g47mK)

Didn't know that. Can't understand why he does that stuff to people on "our side".

Posted by: Doof at August 13, 2026 01:44 PM (S0M0K)

75 The Conservative Case for David French as PressSec

Posted by: sifty boones at August 13, 2026 01:44 PM (i9sDw)

76 I can’t get enough of all the hundreds of variations of that Rubio meme LoL
Posted by: LinusVanPelt at August 13, 2026 01:42 PM (MaA4a)
-----------
Don't tell Doof...

Posted by: Captain Obvious, Laird o' the Sea at August 13, 2026 01:44 PM (amcLV)

77 Elvis?! He died on the crapper!

Posted by: Red Foreman at August 13, 2026 01:44 PM (7zn4w)

78 Posted by: Lizzy at August 13, 2026 01:41 PM (4KUe5)

Ouch Lizzy - and yes

Posted by: ... at August 13, 2026 01:44 PM (iABCo)

79 53 Might I suggest Greg Gutfeld?

He has the proper attitude, and would laugh off their stupidity.

Posted by: Lizzy
=======
So does the Kill Tony guy.

And to be honest, it is long past the time to recognize that press conferences are dead--there is no news in them--only competing narratives between partisan players. And even worse when a Democrat is in the WH--then it is the media servicing the Dem propaganda machine by augmenting WH narratives.

Just put out press releases and live video if you are not Trump that enjoys dumping on the enemedia. No need to feed the hamsters pretending they are actually objective seekers of the news instead of partisan hacks.

The form exists but the underlying spirit of the idea is long dead and the media killed it along with any pretense of objectivity.

Posted by: whig at August 13, 2026 01:44 PM (E4rtv)

80
Might I suggest Greg Gutfeld?

He has the proper attitude, and would laugh off their stupidity.

Posted by: Lizzy

==================

He could broadcast his show live from the podium. "And tonight, we have... Yamiche Alcindor! She tried to follow her dreams, but her dreams retreated. Aaaand Kaitlin Collins! She's never been misgendered... by Stevie Wonder."

Posted by: Blonde Morticia at August 13, 2026 01:44 PM (XJ22o)

81 Karoline was awesome. I feel sorry for anyone that has to replace her because those are pretty big shoes to fill.
Posted by: redridinghood

Shoes aren't the clothing I think of when I think of Karoline and "pretty big."

Posted by: Bulg at August 13, 2026 01:45 PM (77rzZ)

82 I wonder if Biden spent a lot of time online.

Hot Toddlers dot com
Posted by: bonhomme

Mattlock reruns, if IIRC.

Posted by: AZ deplorable moron at August 13, 2026 01:45 PM (NnhvP)

83 75 The Conservative Case for David French as PressSec
Posted by: sifty boones
=======
Well, he does enjoy a good cucking.

Posted by: whig at August 13, 2026 01:45 PM (E4rtv)

84 Kayleigh McEnany was a wonderful press secretary.

Posted by: redridinghood at August 13, 2026 01:45 PM (NpAcC)

85 No one could survive an Alex the chick - MWR combination!

Would redefine “going nuclear on the press.”

Posted by: Lizzy at August 13, 2026 01:45 PM (4KUe5)

86 I hear Karine Jean-Pierre is available...

Posted by: It's me donna at August 13, 2026 01:43 PM (vQrSy)

I think she's too busy on the Supreme Court.

Posted by: ... at August 13, 2026 01:45 PM (iABCo)

87 54 $10 says Trump hires another attractive femme. He likes blondes.
Posted by: Don Black

True, but they must also possess superlative knife skills.
Posted by: Archimedes

I believe Kellyanne Conway is available, although her and Trump have been a bit rocky over the last few years as I recall.

Posted by: Moron Analyst at August 13, 2026 01:46 PM (K9nu8)

88 Max Headroom

Posted by: Bertram Cabot, Jr. at August 13, 2026 01:46 PM (Cqx++)

89 She's gonna be hard to replace

Posted by: It's me donna at August 13, 2026 01:46 PM (vQrSy)

90 I'd laugh my ass off if Ben Shapiro showed up for a day. Just as a joke.

The press would shit a live chicken.

Posted by: sifty boones at August 13, 2026 01:47 PM (i9sDw)

91 we need a New Face!

Posted by: runner at August 13, 2026 01:47 PM (g47mK)

92 He was given a collage of all the "MR finds out" memes for his birthday, signed by ...many people, including Trump. I think POTUS signed in gold.

Not The Bee has a picture. It is indeed gold.

Also there's a "MR finds out he's a WNBA player" one now. Those are fantastic.

Posted by: Ian S. at August 13, 2026 01:47 PM (2ocoG)

93 D-Lamp

Posted by: Bertram Cabot, Jr. at August 13, 2026 01:47 PM (Cqx++)

94 Marco Rubio finding out he’s about to also become the WH Press Secretary…

He looks like Sam Kinison.

Well, when Kinison was alive. Not now.

Posted by: Stephen Price Blair at August 13, 2026 01:47 PM (olroh)

95 I'd laugh my ass off if Ben Shapiro showed up for a day. Just as a joke.

The press would shit a live chicken.

Or Crowder. That would be epic.

Posted by: Ian S. at August 13, 2026 01:48 PM (2ocoG)

96 I would nominate Stephen Miller. He takes zero shits from the press. Or, if he wasn't so effective at Treasury, Bessent, for the same reason.

Posted by: Frasier Crane at August 13, 2026 01:48 PM (bNf8H)

97 stumble into power.
--------

People do tend to stumble when you shoot them in the ear.

Posted by: ... at August 13, 2026 01:48 PM (iABCo)

98 69 I hear Karine Jean-Pierre is available...
Posted by: It's me donna

HIVE MIND!

She's also rested, ready and naturally tanned, in addition to having quit the dems.

Posted by: Auspex at August 13, 2026 01:48 PM (Y8DZL)

99 $10 to the first new Press Sec to offer to shave Butch Collins' mustache during a briefing.

Posted by: sifty boones at August 13, 2026 01:48 PM (i9sDw)

100 I humbly submit my nomination for Dorángel "Hannibal" Vargas as PressSec. I may actually bother to watch a presser.

Posted by: Yudhishthira's Dice at August 13, 2026 01:48 PM (BI5O2)

101 Does she get to keep Secret Service protection ( which I assume she had) after she leaves ? Because I wouldn't put it past some leftist nutcase to go after her.

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at August 13, 2026 01:48 PM (wmzkx)

102 Didn't know that. Can't understand why he does that stuff to people on "our side".
Posted by: Doof
=======
Because GOP hanger ons don't understand political loyalty. They loudly proclaim muh principles while putting the knife firmly in the back of whoever brought them into the spotlight. And they do it to the cheers of the Democrats and media.

Save the petty crap for memoirs years down the road.

Posted by: whig at August 13, 2026 01:49 PM (E4rtv)

103 I can’t get enough of all the hundreds of variations of that Rubio meme LoL
Posted by: LinusVanPelt at August 13, 2026 01:42 PM (MaA4a)
-----------
Don't tell Doof...
Posted by: Captain Obvious, Laird o' the Sea at August 13, 2026 01:44 PM (amcLV)

Ha! Not sure why, but that meme got old very fast for me. Its moment of whelming me has passed.

Posted by: Doof at August 13, 2026 01:49 PM (S0M0K)

104 I'd laugh my ass off if Ben Shapiro showed up for a day. Just as a joke.

The press would shit a live chicken.
Posted by: sifty boones at August 13, 2026 01:47 PM (i9sDw)

The Woke Reich certainly would!

Posted by: runner at August 13, 2026 01:49 PM (g47mK)

105 ...and then they would fuck that chicken..

Posted by: runner at August 13, 2026 01:49 PM (g47mK)

106 Blast from the past:

https://www.youtube.com/
watch?v=8EsUNOIYyKg

Posted by: Captain Obvious, Laird o' the Sea at August 13, 2026 01:50 PM (amcLV)

107 How could it possibly be difficult to replace a PressSec?

Go to a newsroom. Select a person. There, you're done.

Posted by: Yudhishthira's Dice at August 13, 2026 01:50 PM (BI5O2)

108
Let's begin every press briefing with a 5-10 minute video compilation of media lies over the past week (even dig bag to recent history) -- calling out individuals and networks and websites to their faces and showing the receipts.

Posted by: Ordinary American

================

That's EXACTLY what I've fantasized about! Or just pick one organization to kick off the conference, exhibit their blatant lie, and tell them they'll be permitted to ask questions when and only when their organization issues a front-page or prime-time retraction ALONG WITH an honest explanation -- and by honest explanation, I mean "We didn't bother checking because we were lazy" or "We went with this narrative because we're biased," not "We regret this totally accidental error that we can't pinpoint on anyone as it is not up to our extremely high standards for factuality and objectivity. Death to MAGA."

Posted by: Blonde Morticia at August 13, 2026 01:50 PM (XJ22o)

109 That's too bad, she's great. But good for her and her young children to have that nice home life. Heh, and of course her husband too.

Posted by: Guy Mohawk at August 13, 2026 01:50 PM (n5tGW)

110 I believe Kellyanne Conway is available, although her and Trump have been a bit rocky over the last few years as I recall.
Posted by: Moron Analyst

She's done. She was one of the big leakers in the Trump I admin and you notice she was definitely on the outside for Trump II. Trump I had to take what he could get and most of them were treacherous snakes out for themselves.

Trump II had the scouring of the Democrats that scarred him and scared off the wannabees influence collectors. Left him with solid warriors this time instead of GOPe milksop surrender crap.

Posted by: whig at August 13, 2026 01:51 PM (E4rtv)

111 If you don't think this administration (including Leavitt) will be examined and studied for its corruption and lawlessness, I don't know what to tell you.
--
Tell me how you plan to reduce the size, scope and reach of the federal government so that no one like Trump can ever be this lawless and corrupt again.

Oh, nothing? All the laws and regulations in place that allow this lawlessness and corruption are fine?

Because you are fine with the lawlessness and corruption--if it's your side in power.
But then you call it "getting done what needs done for the American people."

Posted by: People's Hippo Voice at August 13, 2026 01:51 PM (3cUTc)

112 Posted by: Yudhishthira's Dice at August 13, 2026 01:50 PM (BI5O2)

I think you would make a great Press Secretary, YD.

If only you had cannons.

Posted by: Bulg at August 13, 2026 01:51 PM (77rzZ)

113 At the GatewayPundit right now...

Hours following Trump’s announcement, The New York Post reported that two front-runners have emerged as potential successors to Leavitt and both are staunch loyalists to the President.

Trump administration sources told the Post that Trump is looking at Alina Habba, who served as a defense lawyer for Trump and as a former acting attorney for New Jersey, and Breitbart Washington Bureau Chief Matthew Boyle.

For what it's worth...
Too bad Hannity's busy...

Posted by: Stateless - Keeping 15 year old Ralphy happy and alive. He's a puppy at heart. at August 13, 2026 01:51 PM (Sco7b)

114 Allen West would make an awesome press secretery

Posted by: what the cat drug in at August 13, 2026 01:52 PM (jrgJz)

115 Stephen Miller is single- focused on immigration.

As much as I’d enjoy him as press secretary, he has ONE JOB. He takes it very seriously. We are better for it.

Posted by: Lizzy at August 13, 2026 01:52 PM (4KUe5)

116 The best thing about the interwebs is that you get to hear from all the brilliant people that can come up with stuff like this, who would otherwise labor in obscurity.

Selections from H.P. Lovecraft’s Brief Tenure as a Whitman’s Sampler Copywriter

Chocolate Cherry Cordial
You must not think me mad when I tell you what I found below the thin shell of chocolate used to disguise this bonbon’s true face. Yes! Hidden beneath its rich exterior is a hideously moist cherry cordial! What deranged architect could have engineered this non-Euclidean aberration? I dare not speculate.

Caramel Chew
There is a dimension ruled by a blind caramel God-King who sits on a vast, cyclopean milk-chocolate throne while his mindless, gooey followers dance to the piping of crazed flutes. It is said that there are gateways in our world that lead to this caramel hell-planet. The delectable Caramel Chew may be one such portal.

https://tinyurl.com/yhd2jdrx

Posted by: Archimedes at August 13, 2026 01:52 PM (Riz8t)

117 bring back that Sean guy!

I thought he was good

plus we have to help out the 50ish white dudes

Posted by: Black Orchid (j+aD2) at August 13, 2026 01:52 PM (j+aD2)

118 Oooh, Alina Habba would be great. Nice cannons on that one.

Posted by: Bulg at August 13, 2026 01:53 PM (77rzZ)

119 "We have decided to switch things up a little in the White House Press room. We believe you, the media, should always be entertained. Therefore, we will be hiring Candace Owens as Press Secretary. And, while we are used to discussing the issues of the day, we will, instead, be focusing on entertainment. Ms. Owens will be standing on her head during Press Conferences, and journalists are encouraged to toss nickels at her nostrils to score points. PLEASE NO WAGERING."

Posted by: Orson at August 13, 2026 01:53 PM (dIske)

120 Might be onto something there. Just have a rotating schedule of all the worst enemies of the press.

Nick Searcy, Ben Shapiro, Nick Shirley.

Keep someone on hand for solemn and important shit, but day to day just fuck with 'em.

Posted by: sifty boones at August 13, 2026 01:53 PM (i9sDw)

121 I mean, I'm not telephonic enough, but I could "*easily* do this job, short of that problem.

1.) Read the President's talking point. SKILL LEVEL: 7th Grade literacy

2.) Respond viciously to retarded reporters. SKILL LEVEL: IQ >>> Retard

Posted by: Yudhishthira's Dice at August 13, 2026 01:53 PM (BI5O2)

122 Maybe it's proof of our differences but the Right can meme itself while the Left are clueless.

In the art thread I posted how Americans can take insults and embrace them and turn them into our own. Of course morons have to snark and began pointing out different cultural symbols that were cancelled instead of embraced. All that did was prove the Left aren't real Americans because they only cancel. They can't turn the tables. They hate being mocked.

Posted by: polynikes at August 13, 2026 01:53 PM (KC5Lt)

123 Posted by: Bulg at August 13, 2026 01:51 PM (77rzZ)

Are you seconding my YD nomination.

Posted by: ... at August 13, 2026 01:53 PM (iABCo)

124 38 AlextheChick!

Posted by: All Hail Eris, She-Wolf of the 'Ettes 'Ettes at August 13, 2026 01:37 PM (kpS4V)

She'd have the greatest fucking stepstool, from which she would rain fire and brimstone on those dummies.

Like AND subscribe, bitches!

Posted by: Washington Nearsider: Gotterdammerung at August 13, 2026 01:53 PM (AdHga)

125 Telegenic, I meant.

Posted by: Yudhishthira's Dice at August 13, 2026 01:54 PM (BI5O2)

126 107 How could it possibly be difficult to replace a PressSec?

Go to a newsroom. Select a person. There, you're done.
Posted by: Yudhishthira's Dice

Ron Ziegler for Nixon came from the J. Walter Thompson ad agency, not a newsroom. Notably Ziegler was loyal to Nixon until the very end and urged him to fight his impeachment all the way to a Senate trial.

Posted by: whig at August 13, 2026 01:54 PM (E4rtv)

127 >>> At the GatewayPundit right now...
Hours following Trump’s announcement, The New York Post reported that two front-runners have emerged as potential successors to Leavitt and both are staunch loyalists to the President.
Trump administration sources told the Post that Trump is looking at Alina Habba, who served as a defense lawyer for Trump and as a former acting attorney for New Jersey, and Breitbart Washington Bureau Chief Matthew Boyle.

I don't think it would be Matthew Boyle. It's been years and years since I talked to him, but when I met him, he had a anxious/nervous introvert's disposition and was not confident nor charismatic.

Posted by: ace at August 13, 2026 01:54 PM (1wjle)

128 Selections from H.P. Lovecraft’s Brief Tenure as a Whitman’s Sampler Copywriter
https://tinyurl.com/yhd2jdrx
Posted by: Archimedes

That's actually funny.

Posted by: weft cut-loop at August 13, 2026 01:55 PM (diia5)

129 107 How could it possibly be difficult to replace a PressSec?

Go to a newsroom. Select a person. There, you're done.

I have two words for you. Sean Spicer.

Actually, I have five words: Sean Spicer and Anthony Scaramucci

Posted by: Archimedes at August 13, 2026 01:55 PM (Riz8t)

130
Telegenic, I meant.
Posted by: Yudhishthira's Dice

===============

What we need is someone who's telepathic. Also psychopathic.

Posted by: Blonde Morticia at August 13, 2026 01:55 PM (XJ22o)

131 Are you seconding my YD nomination.
Posted by: ... at August 13, 2026 01:53 PM (iABCo)

Good one or Eric the Blade.. He could always sweep in to the press room with his first Blade retorts !

Posted by: It's me donna at August 13, 2026 01:55 PM (vQrSy)

132 MWR for Deputy Press Sec.

Posted by: RedMindBlueState at August 13, 2026 01:42 PM (kgE5c)

From the Trampoline of Magnificence.

Posted by: Washington Nearsider: Gotterdammerung at August 13, 2026 01:55 PM (AdHga)

133 Posted by: Yudhishthira's Dice

I nominated you for press sec yesterday because I thought your resume included a hypothetical "idea" to bar the doors and set fire to the place. I don't remotely advocate that kind of thing but I admire your spunk. Then again I don't want to put words in your mouth.

Posted by: ... at August 13, 2026 10:58 AM (iABCo)

Posted by: ... at August 13, 2026 01:55 PM (iABCo)

134 She'd have the greatest fucking stepstool, from which she would rain fire and brimstone on those dummies.

Like AND subscribe, bitches!
Posted by: Washington Nearsider: Gotterdammerung at August 13, 2026 01:53 PM (AdHga)
=====

Fire and brimstone seem pretty harsh. She'd get more done with a tray of lemon bars.

Posted by: mrp at August 13, 2026 01:56 PM (rj6Yv)

135 I have two words for you. Sean Spicer.

yeah! that guy!

he was awesome before

he'll be better Round Two

or ... Doocy?

Posted by: Black Orchid (j+aD2) at August 13, 2026 01:56 PM (j+aD2)

136 I would nominate Stephen Miller. He takes zero shits from the press. Or, if he wasn't so effective at Treasury, Bessent, for the same reason.

===
His wife was mentioned. She used to work for the WH during Trump v1.0. But they have 4 kids !

Posted by: runner at August 13, 2026 01:56 PM (g47mK)

137 Are you seconding my YD nomination.
Posted by: ...

Well, I guess. Too bad he's a dude, though.

Posted by: Bulg at August 13, 2026 01:56 PM (77rzZ)

138 Habba, Alina Habbaaaaa

*dances in a circle*

Posted by: ballistic at August 13, 2026 01:56 PM (oqH4h)

139 Side Scrollers is watching James O'Keefe's newest video.

He dressed as a muslim for Minnesota's primary in order to test their 'vouching' law and successfully got ballots for 8 men and women in burkas.

Obviously, no one should take that state's election results seriously.

Posted by: Methos, inauthentic X-bot account at August 13, 2026 01:56 PM (vSvIl)

140 meh on Alina

that's just .. too on the nose

Posted by: Black Orchid (j+aD2) at August 13, 2026 01:56 PM (j+aD2)

141 >>>https://tinyurl.com/yhd2jdrx
Posted by: Archimedes

so funny, man.

in his house in Ryleh dead Cthulhu waits deliciously

Posted by: ace at August 13, 2026 01:56 PM (1wjle)

142 AlextheChick!

Posted by: All Hail Eris, She-Wolf of the 'Ettes 'Ettes at August 13, 2026 01:37 PM (kpS4V)

She'd have the greatest fucking stepstool, from which she would rain fire and brimstone on those dummies.

Like AND subscribe, bitches!
Posted by: Washington Nearsider: Gotterdammerung at August 13, 2026 01:53 PM (AdHga)
-----------
Come for the press scorching. Stay for the Victory Tits.

Posted by: Captain Obvious, Laird o' the Sea at August 13, 2026 01:56 PM (amcLV)

143 Fire and brimstone seem pretty harsh. She'd get more done with a tray of lemon bars.

Posted by: mrp at August 13, 2026 01:56 PM (rj6Yv)

But what about the raptors?!

Posted by: Washington Nearsider: Gotterdammerung at August 13, 2026 01:57 PM (AdHga)

144 Might be onto something there. Just have a rotating schedule of all the worst enemies of the press.

Nick Searcy, Ben Shapiro, Nick Shirley.

Keep someone on hand for solemn and important shit, but day to day just fuck with 'em.

I'd bring in a guy who knows how to make shadow puppets. He could make a bird, and a dog, and whatever else comes to mind. Maybe have a balloon animal guy on special days.

The press doesn't take their job seriously, so why should we?

Posted by: Archimedes at August 13, 2026 01:58 PM (Riz8t)

145 I would like Adam Carolla as Press Secretary.

Posted by: polynikes at August 13, 2026 01:58 PM (KC5Lt)

146 This is so funny yet a real quote:

'This president is trying to push the SAVE Act, which would require proof of who you are to vote.' - Kamala Harris

Posted by: Guy Mohawk at August 13, 2026 01:58 PM (n5tGW)

147 Kid Rock finna backhand some press.

Posted by: sifty boones at August 13, 2026 01:58 PM (i9sDw)

148 Wait....I want a mime with a bad attitude and a large squirt gun.

Posted by: Orson at August 13, 2026 01:58 PM (dIske)

149 121 I mean, I'm not telephonic enough, but I could "*easily* do this job, short of that problem.

1.) Read the President's talking point. SKILL LEVEL: 7th Grade literacy

2.) Respond viciously to retarded reporters. SKILL LEVEL: IQ >>> Retard
Posted by: Yudhishthira's Dice at August 13, 2026 01:53 PM (BI5O2)
------

I could do the job, theoretically, but almost none of my responses could be aired on network television or radio without extensive bleeping of the strings of words I would hurl at the assembly of utter retards in front of me after every question.

Posted by: ballistic at August 13, 2026 01:58 PM (oqH4h)

150 so funny, man.

in his house in Ryleh dead Cthulhu waits deliciously
Posted by: ace at August 13, 2026 01:56 PM (1wjle)
-----------
Coincidentally, I played Eldritch Horror with friends last night.

One player's character has already been devoured by Deep Ones, and another's has gone insane.

Posted by: Captain Obvious, Laird o' the Sea at August 13, 2026 01:58 PM (amcLV)

151 oooooh

David Spade!

Posted by: Black Orchid (j+aD2) at August 13, 2026 01:59 PM (j+aD2)

152
She is smart and beautiful. What a wonderful job she did.

Best wishes to her.

Posted by: four seasons at August 13, 2026 01:59 PM (/QHx4)

153 I'm not the commenter who thought this up, but I second his/her motion to hire Rob Schneider for the next Press Secretary.

Posted by: 88C+u at August 13, 2026 02:00 PM (88C+u)

154
I could do the job, theoretically, but almost none of my responses could be aired on network television or radio without extensive bleeping of the strings of words I would hurl at the assembly of utter retards in front of me after every question.
Posted by: ballistic at August 13, 2026 01:58 PM (oqH4h)

Yeah, I'm afraid I would lose my temper from all the stupid "questions" they ask...

Posted by: It's me donna at August 13, 2026 02:00 PM (vQrSy)

155 David Spade would also be hilarious.
"That question was retarded. Buh-bye."

Posted by: 88C+u at August 13, 2026 02:00 PM (88C+u)

156 I could do the job, theoretically, but almost none of my responses could be aired on network television or radio without extensive bleeping of the strings of words I would hurl at the assembly of utter retards in front of me after every question.
Posted by: ballistic at August 13, 2026 01:58 PM (oqH4h)
---
I know I could have some fun with it. Anytime someone in the front row asks a stupid question, I'd make them go to the back of the room until they can think of a non-stupid question. Then they have to wait their turn to move back to the front. Whoever was behind them moves up a seat.

Posted by: "Perfessor" Squirrel at August 13, 2026 02:01 PM (FZ29D)

157 The stay I mentioned yesterday expired; injunction is live.

People in a bunch of states are cash-and-carry purchasing suppressors on 4473's from ffl's and assembling short barreled rifles/shotguns with no NFA paperwork. 3d printers are also going brrrrr.

The legal situation is a giant clusterfuck of non enforced and unenforceable regs, now, with some states being a gray area with state law referencing the NFA registry.

There are reports some ATF offices are telling ffls they are good to go; others are saying they have no guidance yet.

Posted by: heya at August 13, 2026 02:02 PM (23NNO)

158 115 Stephen Miller is single- focused on immigration.

As much as I’d enjoy him as press secretary, he has ONE JOB. He takes it very seriously. We are better for it.
Posted by: Lizzy

I can think of someone else focused on immigration that does great press interviews and pisses the media and Lefties (but I repeat myself) off.

Tom Homan

Posted by: Admiral Ackbar at August 13, 2026 02:02 PM (K9nu8)

159 I'd bring in a guy who knows how to make shadow puppets. He could make a bird, and a dog, and whatever else comes to mind. Maybe have a balloon animal guy on special days.

The press doesn't take their job seriously, so why should we?
Posted by: Archimedes

Worthwhile suggestion. The press conference as it was intended is dead. It is performative art nowadays.

Posted by: whig at August 13, 2026 02:02 PM (E4rtv)

160 I know I could have some fun with it. Anytime someone in the front row asks a stupid question, I'd make them go to the back of the room until they can think of a non-stupid question. Then they have to wait their turn to move back to the front. Whoever was behind them moves up a seat.
Posted by: "Perfessor" Squirrel at August 13, 2026 02:01 PM

I would support you in this role x100.

Posted by: Piper at August 13, 2026 02:03 PM (ZdaMQ)

161 Nicki Minaj, Press Secretary.

Checkmate

Posted by: sifty boones at August 13, 2026 02:03 PM (i9sDw)

162 My stint as Press Secretary

' that's a retarded question. next'

' are you a retard or what?''

' all retards go to the back of the line. Who's next?'

' I'll take the question because it's only a little retarded. You must be the half tard of the bunch'

Posted by: polynikes at August 13, 2026 02:03 PM (KC5Lt)

163 'This president is trying to push the SAVE Act, which would require proof of who you are to vote.' - Kamala Harris
——-

Sometimes, we forget just how brain dead these people really are.

Posted by: Common Tater at August 13, 2026 02:03 PM (X/q9i)

164 153 I'm not the commenter who thought this up, but I second his/her motion to hire Rob Schneider for the next Press Secretary.
Posted by: 88C+u

Why not. The more ludicrous the better and anyone you can think of is better qualified than the rabid gerbils of the Washington Press corp.

Posted by: whig at August 13, 2026 02:03 PM (E4rtv)

165 Dennis Miller.

Posted by: Bulg at August 13, 2026 02:04 PM (77rzZ)

166 160 I know I could have some fun with it. Anytime someone in the front row asks a stupid question, I'd make them go to the back of the room until they can think of a non-stupid question. Then they have to wait their turn to move back to the front. Whoever was behind them moves up a seat.
Posted by: "Perfessor" Squirrel
========
I'm afraid I cannot support you unless you penalize them with a dunce cap too.

Posted by: whig at August 13, 2026 02:04 PM (E4rtv)

167 I would come in on the first day and run the Pledge of Allegiance before answering any questions, just to watch their little heads go Scanners.

Posted by: ... at August 13, 2026 02:05 PM (iABCo)

168 I know I could have some fun with it. Anytime someone in the front row asks a stupid question, I'd make them go to the back of the room until they can think of a non-stupid question. Then they have to wait their turn to move back to the front. Whoever was behind them moves up a seat.

Nah, the chair on which the questioner sits would plunge onto a bed of coals underneath the floor. Either that, or the chair would electrocute him, leaving a heap of sizzling, smoking flesh for the others to contemplate.

Posted by: Archimedes at August 13, 2026 02:05 PM (Riz8t)

169

She was so great at shiving the aholes with words.

Posted by: four seasons at August 13, 2026 02:05 PM (/QHx4)

170 Dennis Miller isn't dead, so that makes him a contender to be Senate Majority Leader.

Posted by: 88C+u at August 13, 2026 02:05 PM (88C+u)

171 No matter who it is, I want the new Press secretary to use literal crayons and puppets during briefings to humiliate the journalice.

Posted by: sifty boones at August 13, 2026 02:05 PM (i9sDw)

172 160 I know I could have some fun with it. Anytime someone in the front row asks a stupid question, I'd make them go to the back of the room until they can think of a non-stupid question. Then they have to wait their turn to move back to the front. Whoever was behind them moves up a seat.
Posted by: "Perfessor" Squirrel
========
I'm afraid I cannot support you unless you penalize them with a dunce cap too.
Posted by: whig at August 13, 2026 02:04 PM (E4rtv)
---
DONE! Plus a three-legged stool where they can sit and seethe with envy while someone else gets to ask a semi-intelligent question (about the best anyone could hope for...)

Posted by: "Perfessor" Squirrel at August 13, 2026 02:05 PM (FZ29D)

173 I don't think it would be Matthew Boyle. It's been years and years since I talked to him, but when I met him, he had a anxious/nervous introvert's disposition and was not confident nor charismatic.
Posted by: ace

I'll take the job.

"FU. Next question"
"No. I already answered that stupid question"
"Did your parents have any children that lived? What kind of asinine question is that?"

Posted by: rickb223 at August 13, 2026 02:06 PM (lrRtF)

174 I know I could have some fun with it. Anytime someone in the front row asks a stupid question, I'd make them go to the back of the room until they can think of a non-stupid question. Then they have to wait their turn to move back to the front. Whoever was behind them moves up a seat.
Posted by: "Perfessor" Squirrel

Force them to eat a Carolina Reaper.

Posted by: I used to have a different nic at August 13, 2026 02:06 PM (ExV1e)

175 Press Secretary in Trump's administration is a confrontational position. You have be able shut the media whores down with sharp, accurate retorts and not be afraid to have singular assholes tossed from the room.

Daily.

And ban the repeat offenders. Because fuck them.

Posted by: Martini Farmer at August 13, 2026 02:06 PM (2Cry5)

176 No matter who it is, I want the new Press secretary to use literal crayons and puppets during briefings to humiliate the journalice.

Your idea wouldn't work. The press corps wouldn't know if the crayons were for illustration or snack time.

Posted by: Archimedes at August 13, 2026 02:06 PM (Riz8t)

177 165 Dennis Miller.
Posted by: Bulg

Like Norm MacDonald, his intellect is so above the press corp IQ and that of the average TV viewer so the effect would be lost. Course the rest of us could enjoy the replays for memes and laughs.

Posted by: whig at August 13, 2026 02:06 PM (E4rtv)

178 They should replace her with a text-to-voice generator housed inside a Big Mouth Billy Bass, just for fun.
Posted by: Yudhishthira's Dice at

Why can’t she just want to be a mama? She is very young. She married well. She is smart.

Posted by: Piper at August 13, 2026 02:06 PM (ZdaMQ)

179 David Spade and Adam Carolla are really quick on their feet. I'd watch every Press conference if one of them was the PS.

David Spade's autobiography, Almost Interesting, is a fun , quick read.

Posted by: polynikes at August 13, 2026 02:07 PM (KC5Lt)

180 Posted by: Archimedes at August 13, 2026 02:06 PM (Riz8t)

I'm ready to put you ahead of YD. I'm fickle.

Posted by: ... at August 13, 2026 02:07 PM (iABCo)

181 Nah, the chair on which the questioner sits would plunge onto a bed of coals underneath the floor. Either that, or the chair would electrocute him, leaving a heap of sizzling, smoking flesh for the others to contemplate.
Posted by: Archimedes at August 13, 2026 02:05 PM (Riz8t)

https://youtu.be/fNxvYX7zih8

Posted by: I used to have a different nic at August 13, 2026 02:07 PM (ExV1e)

182
I don't think it would be Matthew Boyle. It's been years and years since I talked to him, but when I met him, he had a anxious/nervous introvert's disposition and was not confident nor charismatic.
Posted by: ace at August 13, 2026 01:54 PM (1wjle)

good

Posted by: runner at August 13, 2026 02:07 PM (g47mK)

183 If I take the job can I make them contemplate their stupidity on the tree of woe?

Posted by: Duke Lowell at August 13, 2026 02:08 PM (2UnvF)

184 Trap doors on the floor would be a nice touch.

Posted by: Orson at August 13, 2026 02:08 PM (dIske)

185 I'm afraid I cannot support you unless you penalize them with a dunce cap too.
Posted by: whig at August 13, 2026 02:04 PM (E4rtv)
---
DONE! Plus a three-legged stool where they can sit and seethe with envy while someone else gets to ask a semi-intelligent question (about the best anyone could hope for...)
Posted by: "Perfessor" Squirrel
=========
You, sir, are a fine American and deserve the press sec. appointment. Might want to add a hickory stick while you are at it. Nice historical resonance.

Posted by: whig at August 13, 2026 02:08 PM (E4rtv)

186
I know I could have some fun with it. Anytime someone in the front row asks a stupid question, I'd make them go to the back of the room until they can think of a non-stupid question. Then they have to wait their turn to move back to the front. Whoever was behind them moves up a seat.
Posted by: "Perfessor" Squirrel

==================

I have a different concept: make them police themselves.

You do this with a new rule: the first overtly stupid question is the end of the press conference. This puts pressure on reporters to prevent stupid questions.

The reporters might do this by working out a seating arrangement, whether by vote or committee or whatever (it's up to them) that sets apart the Question Pool. Press Secretary picks from them. If you ask the stupid question that ends the conference, you get expelled for a week and someone else rotates in.

Something like that, needs finesse, but basically they police themselves and a stupid question from one gets a punishment for all.

Posted by: Blonde Morticia at August 13, 2026 02:09 PM (XJ22o)

187 Confident, charismatic, good memory, quick on his/her feet, can put in 14 hours ..yeah, not easy.

Posted by: runner at August 13, 2026 02:09 PM (g47mK)

188 David Spade's autobiography, Almost Interesting, is a fun , quick read.

he almost got killed by his assistant!!!

honestly tho he's very sharp. he would rock it.

Posted by: Black Orchid (j+aD2) at August 13, 2026 02:10 PM (j+aD2)

189 It's going to be a surprise!

Posted by: runner at August 13, 2026 02:10 PM (g47mK)

190 180 Posted by: Archimedes at August 13, 2026 02:06 PM (Riz8t)

I'm ready to put you ahead of YD. I'm fickle.
Posted by: ...
=======
No love for sharks with friggin laser beams?

Posted by: whig at August 13, 2026 02:10 PM (E4rtv)

191 No matter who it is, I want the new Press secretary to use literal crayons and puppets during briefings to humiliate the journalice.

Your idea wouldn't work. The press corps wouldn't know if the crayons were for illustration or snack time.

Posted by: Archimedes at August 13, 2026 02:06 PM (Riz8t)

We don't get it...

Posted by: USMC at August 13, 2026 02:11 PM (AdHga)

192 I'd bring in a guy who knows how to make shadow puppets. He could make a bird, and a dog, and whatever else comes to mind. Maybe have a balloon animal guy on special days.

The press doesn't take their job seriously, so why should we?
Posted by: Archimedes

Zombie Steven Stucker - Johnny from Airplane!

Posted by: rickb223 at August 13, 2026 02:11 PM (lrRtF)

193 169

She was so great at shiving the aholes with words.

Posted by: four seasons at August 13, 2026 02:05 PM (/QHx4)
----

I read this as "shaving the aholes" and was wondering what kind of AI videos of Leavitt you'd been watching

Posted by: ballistic at August 13, 2026 02:11 PM (oqH4h)

194 Trump is a media person after all, should be very interesting who he picks.

Posted by: runner at August 13, 2026 02:11 PM (g47mK)

195 You, sir, are a fine American and deserve the press sec. appointment. Might want to add a hickory stick while you are at it. Nice historical resonance.
Posted by: whig at August 13, 2026 02:08 PM (E4rtv)
----
I also thought of a game-show style approach.

Contestants are called down to the front row at random. We show them a media clip and they have to bid on how many lies are found in the media clip. The closest bidder (without going over) gets to ask a question and survives to the next round. Losers get kicked out of the Press Room until the next day.

We could call it "The Press is Wrong!"

Posted by: "Perfessor" Squirrel at August 13, 2026 02:11 PM (FZ29D)

196 Dennis Miller isn't dead, so that makes him a contender to be Senate Majority Leader.
Posted by: 88C+u

He'd have to be a Senator. However, he could be Speaker of the House.

Posted by: Dark Lixtiquatal at August 13, 2026 02:11 PM (DZ9Lv)

197
Lol

Posted by: four seasons at August 13, 2026 02:11 PM (/QHx4)

198 New Press Sec should publicly accuse Kaitlan Collins of farting during every briefing.

Posted by: sifty boones at August 13, 2026 02:11 PM (i9sDw)

199 Shane Gillis

Posted by: Black Orchid (j+aD2) at August 13, 2026 02:12 PM (j+aD2)

200 Shane could safely call the press idiots "tards"

Posted by: Black Orchid (j+aD2) at August 13, 2026 02:12 PM (j+aD2)

201 The press corps wouldn't know if the crayons were for illustration or snack time.

Posted by: Archimedes at August 13, 2026 02:06 PM (Riz8t)

We don't get it...
Posted by: USMC

I was waiting. 😂

Posted by: rickb223 at August 13, 2026 02:12 PM (lrRtF)

202 No love for sharks with friggin laser beams?

Posted by: whig at August 13, 2026 02:10 PM (E4rtv)

While you're bullshitting, during his recent interview, Rubio raised putting sharks in the Reflecting Pool.

Posted by: Washington Nearsider: Gotterdammerung at August 13, 2026 02:13 PM (AdHga)

203 I would love to see a press sec call on Kaitlin as Dylan.

Posted by: Guy Mohawk at August 13, 2026 02:13 PM (n5tGW)

204 Something like that, needs finesse, but basically they police themselves and a stupid question from one gets a punishment for all.
Posted by: Blonde Morticia at August 13, 2026 02:09 PM (XJ22o)
----
They are all egotistical narcissists, so I'd expect a lot of them to ask stupid questions if only to sabotage the others.

But that's also a win!

Posted by: "Perfessor" Squirrel at August 13, 2026 02:13 PM (FZ29D)

205 While you're bullshitting, during his recent interview, Rubio raised putting sharks in the Reflecting Pool.
Posted by: Washington Nearsider

So you're saying Rubio hangs out here?

Posted by: rickb223 at August 13, 2026 02:14 PM (lrRtF)

206 Justine Bateman is pretty feisty. Give her a shot.

Posted by: sifty boones at August 13, 2026 02:14 PM (i9sDw)

207 116 The best thing about the interwebs is that you get to hear from all the brilliant people that can come up with stuff like this, who would otherwise labor in obscurity.

Selections from H.P. Lovecraft’s Brief Tenure as a Whitman’s Sampler Copywriter

https://tinyurl.com/yhd2jdrx
Posted by: Archimedes at August 13, 2026 01:52 PM (Riz8t)

Thanks for that; it's hilarious.

Posted by: Dr. Fausti - I WAS The Science at August 13, 2026 02:14 PM (9ZFZd)

208 So you're saying Rubio hangs out here?

if he does, tell him he needs to give the no-sugar thing a bit more time before he starts destroying Paraguay

Posted by: Black Orchid (j+aD2) at August 13, 2026 02:14 PM (j+aD2)

209 Something like that, needs finesse, but basically they police themselves and a stupid question from one gets a punishment for all.
Posted by: Blonde Morticia

All their metal folding chairs are connected to an AED.

Posted by: rickb223 at August 13, 2026 02:15 PM (lrRtF)

210 Okay, fine. I will do it. I am going to answer every last question with southernisms and let them try to sort out what it means. We will deploy all the gems except the expected blessings of hearts. Things like telling the press they can’t put their boots in the oven and call them biscuits, or y’all look just as happy as if you had some sense. It will be great.

Posted by: Piper at August 13, 2026 02:15 PM (ZdaMQ)

211 Something like that, needs finesse, but basically they police themselves and a stupid question from one gets a punishment for all.
Posted by: Blonde Morticia at August 13, 2026 02:09 PM (XJ22o)

https://youtu.be/gweuuwNU1Sw

Posted by: I used to have a different nic at August 13, 2026 02:15 PM (ExV1e)

212 Rubio's response to RFK's diet and his defense of Pop Tarts was pretty funny.

Posted by: polynikes at August 13, 2026 02:17 PM (KC5Lt)

213 While you're bullshitting, during his recent interview, Rubio raised putting sharks in the Reflecting Pool.
Posted by: Washington Nearsider:
=======
Works for me. Except leftists might poison the sharks with malignant stupidity as it appears that it is now a thing for leftists women loons to get booster Covid vaxxes to show solidarity with that malignant gnome Fauci.

Posted by: whig at August 13, 2026 02:17 PM (E4rtv)

214 So you're saying Rubio hangs out here?
Posted by: rickb223 at August 13, 2026 02:14 PM (lrRtF

No, worse. He watched Sharknado III

Posted by: Kindltot at August 13, 2026 02:18 PM (rbvCR)

215 Posted by: Piper at August 13, 2026 02:15 PM (ZdaMQ)

That would indeed be great.

Posted by: Polliwog the 'Ette at August 13, 2026 02:18 PM (lFFaq)

216 Karoline Leavitt is the dream come true of any/all middle aged plus men...she married a man...32 years older than her

Posted by: zigggggy at August 13, 2026 02:19 PM (EDeJ/)

217 Ric Grenell would be awesome. I know he isn’t a journalist, but he is smart as all get out and snarky. I could see him just stare and sigh and some of the questions. Then move on.

Posted by: Piper at August 13, 2026 02:19 PM (ZdaMQ)

218 Posted by: Piper at August 13, 2026 02:15 PM (ZdaMQ

In Louisiana we would call going grocery shopping, 'going to make groceries today'

Posted by: polynikes at August 13, 2026 02:19 PM (KC5Lt)

219 Okay, fine. I will do it. I am going to answer every last question with southernisms and let them try to sort out what it means. We will deploy all the gems except the expected blessings of hearts. Things like telling the press they can’t put their boots in the oven and call them biscuits, or y’all look just as happy as if you had some sense. It will be great.
Posted by: Piper at August 13, 2026 02:15 PM (ZdaMQ)

Don't think for a second that you'd be excused from providing content for Sunday nights

Posted by: Doof at August 13, 2026 02:20 PM (S0M0K)

220 Selections from H.P. Lovecraft’s Brief Tenure as a Whitman’s Sampler Copywriter

https://tinyurl.com/yhd2jdrx
Posted by: Archimedes at August 13, 2026 01:52 PM (Riz8t)

Harumph! More like August Derleth, I would say.

Posted by: Kindltot at August 13, 2026 02:21 PM (rbvCR)

221 219 Don't think for a second that you'd be excused from providing content for Sunday nights
Posted by: Doof at August 13, 2026 02:20 PM (S0M0K)

Ooohhhh…wait a second here…we could review all the outfits I wore that week, why I chose them, who they are by….THE SHOES!

May I have the credit card back, please?

Posted by: Piper at August 13, 2026 02:22 PM (ZdaMQ)

222 218 Posted by: Piper at August 13, 2026 02:15 PM (ZdaMQ

In Louisiana we would call going grocery shopping, 'going to make groceries today'
Posted by: polynikes at August 13, 2026 02:19

Do you know they are not called buggies in the north?

Posted by: Piper at August 13, 2026 02:23 PM (ZdaMQ)

223 Who do we think will replace her?

Maybe Scott Jennings could be lured away from b*tch-slapping CNN hosts for the opportunity to b*tch-slap WaPo and NYT.

Posted by: Oddbob at August 13, 2026 02:24 PM (vTZFs)

224 Spencer Pratt

Posted by: InZona at August 13, 2026 02:24 PM (qwLiq)

225 Okay, fine. I will do it. I am going to answer every last question with southernisms and let them try to sort out what it means. We will deploy all the gems except the expected blessings of hearts. Things like telling the press they can’t put their boots in the oven and call them biscuits, or y’all look just as happy as if you had some sense. It will be great.
Posted by: Piper a

I always heard it as a cat can have kittens in the oven but that don't make em biscuits.

Posted by: BruceWayne at August 13, 2026 02:24 PM (YZ0Fo)

226 How about appointing nobody?

Show the press how unimportant they are.

Posted by: Auspex at August 13, 2026 02:25 PM (cnokD)

227 Who do we think will replace her?

Maybe Scott Jennings could be lured away from b*tch-slapping CNN hosts for the opportunity to b*tch-slap WaPo and NYT.

Too nice. We need someone to convey utter contempt. In a perfect world, it would be Elon Musk. The presstitutes are scared s***less of him because they know his IQ is multiples of theirs.

Posted by: Archimedes at August 13, 2026 02:26 PM (Riz8t)

228
Karoline Leavitt is great. Sorry to see her leaving.

The lovely and delightful Mrs naturalfake liked her so much, she would often watch her press conferences from the day before after breakfast and before work.

She loved the way she handled the press.

Posted by: naturalfake at August 13, 2026 02:26 PM (iJfKG)

229 if he does, tell him he needs to give the no-sugar thing a bit more time before he starts destroying Paraguay
Posted by: Black Orchid

No, it's working as intended. He just needs to learn how to redirect that toxic masculinity towards the right targets...like Iran, Palestine, illegal immigrants, etc.

Posted by: Admiral Ackbar at August 13, 2026 02:26 PM (K9nu8)

230 Arch you kind of made the sidebar

Posted by: ... at August 13, 2026 02:26 PM (iABCo)

231
I always heard it as a cat can have kittens in the oven but that don't make em biscuits.
Posted by: BruceWayne at August 13, 2026 02:24 PM (YZ0Fo)

I have never heard it that way! But my kid smooshed together butter my butt and call me a biscuit with the boot one and said “you can’t put your butt in the oven and call it a biscuit”. We should use that one.

Posted by: Piper at August 13, 2026 02:26 PM (ZdaMQ)

232 Spencer Pratt

I think I like that suggestion better than my own.

Posted by: Oddbob at August 13, 2026 02:26 PM (vTZFs)

233 207 116 The best thing about the interwebs is that you get to hear from all the brilliant people that can come up with stuff like this, who would otherwise labor in obscurity.

Selections from H.P. Lovecraft’s Brief Tenure as a Whitman’s Sampler Copywriter

https://tinyurl.com/yhd2jdrx
Posted by: Archimedes at August 13, 2026 01:52 PM (Riz8t)

Thanks for that; it's hilarious.

Posted by: Dr. Fausti - I WAS The Science at August 13, 2026 02:14 PM (9ZFZd)

The Free Trial by Franz Kafka looks promising...

Posted by: Tex Lovera at August 13, 2026 02:28 PM (wtvvX)

234 I have never heard it that way! But my kid smooshed together butter my butt and call me a biscuit with the boot one and said “you can’t put your butt in the oven and call it a biscuit”. We should use that one.
Posted by: Piper at August 13, 2026 02:26 PM (ZdaMQ)
-----

That dog won't hunt!

Posted by: ballistic at August 13, 2026 02:28 PM (oqH4h)

235 Too nice. We need someone to convey utter contempt. In a perfect world, it would be Elon Musk. The presstitutes are scared s***less of him because they know his IQ is multiples of theirs.

I'm sure he could just show up and ad lib an hour a couple of times a week but still that's a couple of hours not spent working on getting to Mars.

Posted by: Oddbob at August 13, 2026 02:28 PM (vTZFs)

236 Posted by: InZona at August 13, 2026 02:24 PM (qwLiq)

I like that suggestion.

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at August 13, 2026 02:28 PM (wmzkx)

237 have never heard it that way! But my kid smooshed together butter my butt and call me a biscuit with the boot one and said “you can’t put your butt in the oven and call it a biscuit”. We should use that one.
Posted by: Piper

The messed up smooshed together ones are always the best.

Posted by: BruceWayne at August 13, 2026 02:29 PM (YZ0Fo)

238 Do you know they are not called buggies in the north?
Posted by: Piper at August 13, 2026 02:23 PM (ZdaMQ)

You're making it seem like it's normal to call them buggies and odd to call them carts. Yet I've never once seen an online shopping site with "Add to Buggy" or "View Your Buggy".

Posted by: Doof at August 13, 2026 02:29 PM (S0M0K)

239 That dog won't hunt!
Posted by: ballistic at

Well I'll be, yall are all hat not cattle.

Posted by: BruceWayne at August 13, 2026 02:29 PM (YZ0Fo)

240 No cattle*

Posted by: BruceWayne at August 13, 2026 02:29 PM (YZ0Fo)

241 Yet I've never once seen an online shopping site with "Add to Buggy" or "View Your Buggy".

Because those sites are built by software guys who use that word completely differently.

Posted by: Oddbob at August 13, 2026 02:30 PM (vTZFs)

242 The messed up smooshed together ones are always the best.
Posted by: BruceWayne at August 13, 2026 02:29 PM (YZ0Fo)
----------
Jack Aubrey: ...but we shall know the pudding by its fruit.

Stephen Maturin: Might one also prove the tree by eating?

Jack Aubrey: What a fellow you are, Stephen. No one would eat a tree.

Posted by: Captain Obvious, Laird o' the Sea at August 13, 2026 02:30 PM (amcLV)

243 So, for the last 4 days every time I opened my F book feed, there were multiple stories about attempted suicides on the USS Lincoln, because of their long deployement.

This morning, when I saw this, I posted on the 4 posts in my feed that I wondered who was paying F Book for all this coverage.

Suddenly... they disappeared...

What a Co Ink E Dink!

Posted by: Romeo13 at August 13, 2026 02:31 PM (mP0Kj)

244 This is when I wish Rodney Dangerfield was still around.

Posted by: Dr. Pork Chops & Bacons at August 13, 2026 02:31 PM (g8Ew8)

245 nood

Posted by: fd at August 13, 2026 02:31 PM (MWfyi)

246 Too bad Senator Kennedy is not available. He could refer to the DSA by his pet names for them. Neiman Marxists and Lulu Lenins.

Posted by: Jen the original at August 13, 2026 02:34 PM (EiUt/)

247 Nood assassin.

Posted by: Washington Nearsider: Gotterdammerung at August 13, 2026 02:35 PM (AdHga)

248 This is when I wish Rodney Dangerfield was still around.

"No respect. No respect all, I tell ya. You know Jake, my wife asked if I liked your last story in the Post. I told her I didn't see but I'll ask the parrot what his butt thought of it."

Posted by: Oddbob at August 13, 2026 02:36 PM (vTZFs)

249 I really like the idea of Spencer Pratt as PressSec.

Good springboard.

Posted by: sifty boones at August 13, 2026 02:37 PM (OLnyK)

250 Sec Rubio did mess with the press and kick them around once in her absence but I think he's a little busy.

I hope someone can fill her place and do well.

She's a sweetie and I wish her well with her babies. They are the most important gift in life and I didn't work for almost 5yrs when we hatched ours.

Posted by: ChristyBlinkyTheGreat at August 13, 2026 02:37 PM (hzuYO)

251 Posted by: Archimedes at August 13, 2026 01:52 PM (Riz8t)

lol. Outstanding.

Posted by: front toward enemy at August 13, 2026 02:39 PM (TIizU)

252 Hmm. I nominate Al Sharpton as press secretary. In addition to comedy gold, he would try to trash Trump's actions and accidentally make them sound goo.

Posted by: Virginia SoCon at August 13, 2026 02:47 PM (KFbdf)

253 "sound good."

Posted by: Virginia SoCon at August 13, 2026 02:48 PM (KFbdf)

254 Might I suggest Greg Gutfeld?
He has the proper attitude, and would laugh off their stupidity
Posted by: Lizzy at August 13, 2026 01:40 PM (4KUe5)

Tyrus. He's pretty tight with Trump. They really like each other, and Tyrus would destroy the presstitutes. Physically. LOL!!

Posted by: thatcrazyjerseyguy at August 13, 2026 02:58 PM (hmYU4)

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