Unfunny Anti-Childbirth Hag Chelsea Handler Gets Destroyed at Netflix Roast of Kevin Hart

Ooof. "Speaking of dead kids, she's a big fan of abortions. She's been scraped more times than the grill at Benihana's."

These don't all seem in good fun.

Lizzo also get some abuse from Tony Hinchcliffe. She seems to roll with the punches pretty well. Though that might mostly be due to physiognomy.

Content warning, particularly for the Tony Hinchcliffe.

🇺🇸🇵🇸 Shane Gillis at the Netflix Roast of Kevin Hart calls out Chelsea Handler for being a ZIonist Epstein associate:

"Chelsea is a Zionist.. speaking of dead kids, she's a big fan of abortions. Chelsea's been scrapped more times than the grill at Benihana... speaking of tossing… pic.twitter.com/7VbqL5zxeO
— HOT SPOT (@HotSpotHotSpot) May 11, 2026

Tony Hinchcliffe’s entire segment at the Roast of Kevin Hart.

He killed. pic.twitter.com/A2JftVZLjd
— Hollywood Gump (@FirstNameJ0hn) May 11, 2026

Posted by: Disinformation Expert Ace at 03:40 PM

Comments

(Jump to bottom of comments)

1 FIRST!!!!!

Posted by: Sponge - F*ck Cancer at May 11, 2026 03:41 PM (Zz0t1)

2 Who?

Posted by: Sponge - F*ck Cancer at May 11, 2026 03:41 PM (Zz0t1)

3 Some roasts aren't in good fun.

Just like some prostate exams.

Posted by: Mark Andrew Edwards, Buy ammo at May 11, 2026 03:42 PM (xcxpd)

4 Oh.....her.......

Has been. Can't find anyone more relevant to roast?

Posted by: Sponge - F*ck Cancer at May 11, 2026 03:43 PM (Zz0t1)

5 I've heard of this woman. That's about the extent of my knowledge.

Posted by: Formerly Virginian at May 11, 2026 03:43 PM (N1DT3)

6 These don't all seem in good fun.

======

I watched a couple of the roasts when Comedy Central started them again.

They always feel deeply mean spirited from everyone except Norm Macdonald.

Posted by: TheJamesMadison, discovering British horror with Hammer Films at May 11, 2026 03:43 PM (tXqCv)

7 And congrats to Sponge

Posted by: Mark Andrew Edwards, Buy ammo at May 11, 2026 03:43 PM (xcxpd)

8 Now the Dean Martin roasts were Quality. There was rivalry but they were mostly peers, friendly if not always friends.

Posted by: Mark Andrew Edwards, Buy ammo at May 11, 2026 03:44 PM (xcxpd)

9 The roasts from the 1970s were smarter, funnier, and wittier.

Put them side by side. Cultural degradation on display.

Posted by: Formerly Virginian at May 11, 2026 03:44 PM (N1DT3)

10 Apparently Zionism is a bad thing in Hollywood now?

Posted by: Mark Andrew Edwards, Buy ammo at May 11, 2026 03:45 PM (xcxpd)

11 6 These don't all seem in good fun.

Forced levity and comity occupies a firm place in the Uncanny Valley: it's deeply unsettling and you can't wait to get somewhere else.

Posted by: Archimedes at May 11, 2026 03:45 PM (Riz8t)

12 Norm MacDonalds roast of Takei is epic cringe

Posted by: Accomack at May 11, 2026 03:45 PM (wkU1F)

13 Destroyed, as in a bare ass spanking?

Posted by: Skip at May 11, 2026 03:46 PM (Ia/+0)

14 10 Apparently Zionism is a bad thing in Hollywood now?
Posted by: Mark Andrew Edwards, Buy ammo at May 11, 2026 03:45 PM (xcxpd)

"Free Palestine" (with the purchase of a Palestine of equal or greater value) is still the Hollywood cause celebre.

Posted by: XTC at May 11, 2026 03:46 PM (FpHTM)

15 >>Just like some prostate exams.

Some?

I'm not judging. Yes I am.

Posted by: JackStraw at May 11, 2026 03:46 PM (a+Mdu)

16 14 10 Apparently Zionism is a bad thing in Hollywood now?
Posted by: Mark Andrew Edwards, Buy ammo at May 11, 2026 03:45 PM (xcxpd)

"Free Palestine" (with the purchase of a Palestine of equal or greater value) is still the Hollywood cause celebre.
Posted by: XTC at May 11, 2026 03:46 PM (FpHTM)

BOGO PALESTINE!

Posted by: Mark Andrew Edwards, Buy ammo at May 11, 2026 03:47 PM (xcxpd)

17 Pete Davidson from the roast:

“Tony reminds me of Charlie Kirk, in that he’s definitely been on camera letting a guy unload in his throat,” Davidson quipped, drawing gasps from the crowd.

Posted by: Mark1971 at May 11, 2026 03:47 PM (CNl8/)

18 What is that slur that works for both Chinese and Koreans?

These jokes are just not funny. Hers aren't even jokes, but Gills' are too raw. I have trouble finding humor in abortion.

Posted by: bob (moron inbobnitus) at May 11, 2026 03:47 PM (WnFiD)

19 Hinchcliff is a Trump fan. Kill Tony gets tiresome, but he is brutal on these roasts.

The Kill Tony with Biden and Trump is quite good.

Posted by: Aetius451AD work phone at May 11, 2026 03:47 PM (zZu0s)

20 Shane Gillis and Chelsea Handler deserve each other.
Last thread they were talking about Roman punishments. One of the ones I like was tying a parricide in a bag with a snake, a rooster, and a cat (if memory serves), and dumped in the river. I always felt bad for that cat.
Gillis and Handler can be thrown in a bag with a big snake and maybe some black rats.

Posted by: gKWVE at May 11, 2026 03:47 PM (sDWtc)

21 Never heard of either person, but that's increasingly the case with anything related to "entertainment". Sad!

Posted by: rhomboid at May 11, 2026 03:48 PM (U/Byj)

22 Once you've seen Norm's roast of Bob Saget, there's nowhere to go but down. But to be fair Cloris Leachman killed that night too.

Posted by: ... at May 11, 2026 03:48 PM (/YotI)

23
Pete Davidson is a shitbag.

Posted by: four seasons at May 11, 2026 03:48 PM (3ek7K)

24 The child is a demon, grotesque, even poisonous.

Posted by: Eromero at May 11, 2026 03:48 PM (JIOJb)

25 Now I wanna go watch old Norm MacDonald jokes...

Posted by: Mark Andrew Edwards, Buy ammo at May 11, 2026 03:49 PM (xcxpd)

26 BOGO PALESTINE!
Posted by: Mark Andrew Edwards, Buy ammo at May 11, 2026 03:47 PM (xcxpd)

There are already two. The UN insists we call them "Lebanon" and "Jordan".

Posted by: gKWVE at May 11, 2026 03:49 PM (sDWtc)

27 Is this a palate cleanser or time killer thread?

Posted by: Ben Had at May 11, 2026 03:49 PM (z2aPa)

28 22 But to be fair Cloris Leachman killed that night too.

Posted by: ... at May 11, 2026 03:48 PM (/YotI)

======

One of the best parts of Malcolm in the Middle.

But not as good as Kenneth Mars as Otto, who had to have been Franz Liebkind after he went into hiding.

Posted by: TheJamesMadison, discovering British horror with Hammer Films at May 11, 2026 03:49 PM (tXqCv)

29 this was funny

probably would have been funnier if I knew who any of these people were other than my dude Shane

Posted by: BlackOrchid (j+aD2) at May 11, 2026 03:50 PM (j+aD2)

30 22 Once you've seen Norm's roast of Bob Saget, there's nowhere to go but down. But to be fair Cloris Leachman killed that night too.
Posted by: ... at May 11, 2026 03:48 PM (/YotI)

And then there was Gilbert Gottfried's roast of Saget, which was... something else entirely.

Posted by: XTC at May 11, 2026 03:50 PM (FpHTM)

31 Just saw this at The Volokh Conspiracy

Elected Pennsylvania Supreme Court Justice David Wecht Switches from Democrat to Independent

From his statement:

"From 1998 to 2001, years that preceded my judicial career, I served as Vice-Chair of the Pennsylvania Democratic Party. In the quarter century that has passed since then, the Democratic Party has changed. Nazi tattoos, jihadist chants, intimidation and attacks at synagogues, and other hateful anti-Jewish invective and actions are minimized, ignored, and even coddled. Acquiescence to Jew-hatred is now disturbingly common among activists, leaders and even many elected officials in the Democratic Party."

Posted by: Mark1971 at May 11, 2026 03:50 PM (CNl8/)

32 Pete Davidson is a shitbag.

True, but he's recently spent a buttload of money to remove tattoos. If you don't know why that's relevant, I don't know what to tell you.

Posted by: Archimedes at May 11, 2026 03:51 PM (Riz8t)

33 Was anyone called a hockey puck? If not, then not a real roast.

Posted by: Old Man Yelling Get of My Lawn at Cloud at May 11, 2026 03:51 PM (sFNX2)

34 I dunno. I kind of grinned with one side of my mouth at one of the lines, so that kind of makes him the funniest man alive right now?

For fucks sake I guess I'm old, but holy shit please bring back Rodney and let someone defile his corpse on a stage in an empty theater. It would be funnier than all of current pedowood combined.

These people make Arsenio Hall look like the Godfather of Comedy.

Posted by: ... at May 11, 2026 03:52 PM (/YotI)

35 At the roast of Shatner he rode out on a white horse. Sulu said "Bill I've been waiting a long time to say this. Fuck you and the horse you rode in on"

Posted by: Smell the Glove at May 11, 2026 03:52 PM (gu0hJ)

36 These roasts are really pretty mean. Nothing like the old ones back in the day with Dean Martin, et al. Pretty vulgar and not funny.

Posted by: IrishEi ?! at May 11, 2026 03:52 PM (3ImbR)

37 I'm sorry, but I don't like any of these people and all their humor is vulgar and tends toward shock instead of funny.

(The one on about Lizzo describing stairs as "one battle after another" was good, but when I see lizzo all I can think of is that disgusting image that was on every website for months last year. yuch.)

Posted by: bob (moron inbobnitus) at May 11, 2026 03:52 PM (WnFiD)

38
True, but he's recently spent a buttload of money to remove tattoos. If you don't know why that's relevant, I don't know what to tell you.
Posted by: Archimedes at May 11, 2026 03:51 PM (Riz8t)

Hiding his true self?

Posted by: Sponge - F*ck Cancer at May 11, 2026 03:53 PM (Zz0t1)

39 35 At the roast of Shatner he rode out on a white horse. Sulu said "Bill I've been waiting a long time to say this. Fuck you and the horse you rode in on"

Posted by: Smell the Glove at May 11, 2026 03:52 PM (gu0hJ)

=====

Takei is a pathetic, whiny piece of shit.

Posted by: TheJamesMadison, discovering British horror with Hammer Films at May 11, 2026 03:53 PM (tXqCv)

40 Shane Gillis and Chelsea Handler deserve each other.
Last thread they were talking about Roman punishments. One of the ones I like was tying a parricide in a bag with a snake, a rooster, and a cat (if memory serves), and dumped in the river. I always felt bad for that cat.
Gillis and Handler can be thrown in a bag with a big snake and maybe some black rats.
Posted by: gKWVE at May 11, 2026 03:47 PM (sDWtc)

Not a cat - domestic cats might have been uncommon in ancient italy.

Wiki

Poena cullei under Roman law was a type of death penalty imposed on a subject who had been found guilty of parricide. The punishment consisted of being sewn up in a leather sack, with an assortment of live animals including a dog, snake, monkey, and a chicken or rooster, and then being thrown into water.

---------------------

I remember a fiction novel giving the exact religious meaning behind the list of animals. The sack was a reference to returning you to the mothers womb as such an unnatural a son and the water was to avoid you being accepted into mother earth.

Posted by: Oldcat at May 11, 2026 03:53 PM (8avO+)

41 I watched a couple of the roasts when Comedy Central started them again.

They always feel deeply mean spirited from everyone except Norm Macdonald.

----------------------

They are too cringe for me to watch. But I guess no one actually cares.

Posted by: SH at May 11, 2026 03:53 PM (sX1BW)

42 It's not really a roast if Foster Brooks isn't there.

Posted by: Mark1971 at May 11, 2026 03:53 PM (CNl8/)

43 Chelsea Handler during “The Roast of Kevin Heart” special: “Now that your favorite leader (to Tony Hinchcliffe) is making the draft mandatory, I assume all of you will be signing up to go fight in Iran. Or do you tough alpha males only go to the Middle East for comedy festivals?”

Chelsea Handler is a liberal Zionist, Even a broken clock is right twice a day.

Can we please stop normalising her? She is hateful AF. Didn’t she have dinner at Jeffrey Epstein‘s house?

I’m not praising this Zionist even when she says something true or a little funny

Her introduction was way funnier than her set lol she never recovered that Zionist joke.

I am tired of rich people "roasting" each other with pre approved, manufactured jokes to produce cheap outrage and clicks. It normalizes these sociopaths by giving them a plattform where they can act like they are a good sport. We saw where this led when Jimmy Fallon had Trump on before the election

Aw poor tony cant take a joke. Fuck all these guys and their heavy handed involvement in progressing Fascism in the US

Tony isn't funny, he did NOT do the ridyah fest, so the joke was a little off

Posted by: Intercepted Reddit Transmissions brought by the Intrepid AoS Liaison at May 11, 2026 03:54 PM (JCZqz)

44 42 It's not really a roast if Foster Brooks isn't there.
Posted by: Mark1971 at May 11, 2026 03:53 PM (CNl8/)

Or if he's sober

Posted by: Mark Andrew Edwards, Buy ammo at May 11, 2026 03:54 PM (xcxpd)

45 Chelsea's been scrapped more times than a grill at Benihana's

not certain whether typo or whether benihana generates epic amounts of scrap

Posted by: anachronda at May 11, 2026 03:54 PM (pVQ1I)

46 Garbage people slinging garbage at each other is almost amusing.

Almost.

Some of one liners were pretty good tho'.

Posted by: Martini Farmer at May 11, 2026 03:54 PM (jehhT)

47
Most of the celerys are stupid.

They say whatever their PR people tell them because good or bad it gets them in the news.

Posted by: four seasons at May 11, 2026 03:54 PM (3ek7K)

48 43 Chelsea Handler during “The Roast of Kevin Heart” special: “Now that your favorite leader (to Tony Hinchcliffe) is making the draft mandatory, I assume all of you will be signing up to go fight in Iran. Or do you tough alpha males only go to the Middle East for comedy festivals?”

Posted by: Intercepted Reddit Transmissions brought b

========

This joke doesn't make sense.

Posted by: TheJamesMadison, discovering British horror with Hammer Films at May 11, 2026 03:54 PM (tXqCv)

49 Pete Davidson is a shitbag.

True, but he's recently spent a buttload of money to remove tattoos. If you don't know why that's relevant, I don't know what to tell you.

---------------

Why is that relevant? From a cultural standpoint?

Posted by: SH at May 11, 2026 03:55 PM (sX1BW)

50 Is this a palate cleanser or time killer thread?

Posted by: Ben Had at May 11, 2026 03:49 PM (z2aPa)

I had palate killer and time cleanser on my index cards after watching that.

I know I'm picky about comedy and I mean I guess it was ok if you just like cruel humor without any real intelligence. Which has its place don't get me wrong but it's not hard. The funny thing about stepping over lines is when you use it for observation. The line stepping itself gets rather samey.

Posted by: ... at May 11, 2026 03:56 PM (/YotI)

51 49 Pete Davidson is a shitbag.

True, but he's recently spent a buttload of money to remove tattoos. If you don't know why that's relevant, I don't know what to tell you.

---------------

Why is that relevant? From a cultural standpoint?

Posted by: SH at May 11, 2026 03:55 PM (sX1BW)

====

All I know is that when he looked like an over-tatted and drugged out hobo, women were thirsty af for him.

Now that he stopped the drugs, got rid of his tats, and actually works out, the same women find him mid.

Posted by: TheJamesMadison, discovering British horror with Hammer Films at May 11, 2026 03:56 PM (tXqCv)

52 Poena cullei under Roman law was a type of death penalty imposed on a subject who had been found guilty of parricide.

i was not aware that the romans knew about parrots.

Posted by: anachronda at May 11, 2026 03:56 PM (pVQ1I)

53 50 I know I'm picky about comedy and I mean I guess it was ok if you just like cruel humor without any real intelligence. Which has its place don't get me wrong but it's not hard. The funny thing about stepping over lines is when you use it for observation. The line stepping itself gets rather samey.
Posted by: ... at May 11, 2026 03:56 PM (/YotI)

Cruelty is the Horde's purview.

But we're not on TV.

Posted by: XTC at May 11, 2026 03:57 PM (FpHTM)

54
Now that he stopped the drugs, got rid of his tits, and actually works out, the same women find him mid.

Posted by: TheJamesMadison, discovering British horror with Hammer Films at May 11, 2026 03:56 PM (tXqCv)

I guess he stopped sticking his cock in anything that would give him work too.

Posted by: Sponge - F*ck Cancer at May 11, 2026 03:57 PM (Zz0t1)

55 "I mean, her vagina smells so bad, it's like a big garbage dump."

There - I've just done "roast" comedy.

Posted by: ... at May 11, 2026 03:57 PM (/YotI)

56 Now that he stopped the drugs, got rid of his tits, and actually works out, the same women find him mid.

---------------

He got rid of his tits too? Wow.

Posted by: SH at May 11, 2026 03:58 PM (sX1BW)

57 51 All I know is that when he looked like an over-tatted and drugged out hobo, women were thirsty af for him.

Now that he stopped the drugs, got rid of his tits, and actually works out, the same women find him mid.
Posted by: TheJamesMadison, discovering British horror with Hammer Films at May 11, 2026 03:56 PM (tXqCv)

Because it takes away the "But I can fix him!" impulse.

Posted by: XTC at May 11, 2026 03:58 PM (FpHTM)

58 i was not aware that the romans knew about parrots.
Posted by: anachronda at May 11, 2026 03:56 PM (pVQ1I)
----------
They knew enough to know you don't want to own a dead one.

Posted by: Captain Obvious, Laird o' the Sea at May 11, 2026 03:58 PM (xvhJH)

59 Poena cullei under Roman law was a type of death penalty imposed on a subject who had been found guilty of parricide.

i was not aware that the romans knew about parrots.
Posted by: anachronda at May 11, 2026 03:56 PM (pVQ1I)

the species name for parrots is in Latin.

Posted by: Oldcat at May 11, 2026 03:58 PM (8avO+)

60 Last vid is gone.

Posted by: Boss Moss at May 11, 2026 03:59 PM (WQ5nn)

61 They knew enough to know you don't want to own a dead one.
Posted by: Captain Obvious, Laird o' the Sea at May 11, 2026 03:58 PM (xvhJH)

They're not much fun.

Just like dead puppies.

Posted by: Sponge - F*ck Cancer at May 11, 2026 03:59 PM (Zz0t1)

62 49 Pete Davidson is a shitbag.

True, but he's recently spent a buttload of money to remove tattoos. If you don't know why that's relevant, I don't know what to tell you.

---------------

Why is that relevant? From a cultural standpoint?

As I said, I don't know what to tell you, but perhaps you're on to something. Perhaps it's nothing more significant than that tats are now passe' and he's trying to remain cutting edge. Perhaps it's larger that that. IDK.

Posted by: Archimedes at May 11, 2026 04:00 PM (Riz8t)

63 Last vid is gone.

Posted by: Boss Moss at May 11, 2026 03:59 PM (WQ5nn

I guess I was the last one to watch it........

Posted by: Sponge - F*ck Cancer at May 11, 2026 04:00 PM (Zz0t1)

64 I would definitely watch an all Moron version of Hollywood Squares.

Posted by: Ben Had at May 11, 2026 04:00 PM (z2aPa)

65 Now that he stopped the drugs, got rid of his tits, and actually works out, the same women find him mid.

that seems a bit extreme

Posted by: anachronda at May 11, 2026 04:00 PM (pVQ1I)

66 well if you missed that video you didn't miss much

Posted by: BlackOrchid (j+aD2) at May 11, 2026 04:00 PM (j+aD2)

67 Chelsea’s been pounded more than the grinder at Parris Island. Haha.

Seriously though, Chelsea, I wrote you a poem.

Roses are red,
Violets are blue.
You’re a fucking whore
Die in a fire, skank.

Thanks, I’ll be here all night.

Posted by: Duke Lowell Roasts at May 11, 2026 04:00 PM (u73oe)

68 "Pedro Pascal is from Chile so I guess he only like to fuck the Chilean kids."

There. More "roast" comedy.

Posted by: ... at May 11, 2026 04:01 PM (/YotI)

69 Tattoo scrapping don't sound like any fun.

Posted by: Case at May 11, 2026 04:01 PM (NWIIQ)

70 55 "I mean, her vagina smells so bad, it's like a big garbage dump."

There - I've just done "roast" comedy.
Posted by: ...

I APPRECIATE YOUR SUBTLE AND NUANCED HUMOR.

Posted by: BEN ROETHLISBERGER at May 11, 2026 04:01 PM (JCZqz)

71 LIZZO!

I saw a colouring book of her at the dollar store a few times! I have to see if it's still available.

Perhaps one day the art thread will accept user submissions.

Posted by: Stateless - He ain't heavy, he's my dog at May 11, 2026 04:01 PM (Sco7b)

72 What exactly is a (an evil) Zionist? The term is tossed around like "Nazi" these days but never defined. Does being anti-zionist mean that one believes all Jews should be booted from (sacred) Palestine? The Jews that refuse to leave should be forcibly removed and put in camps?

I suppose the best current definition of Zionist is someone to be looked down on. Anti-zionists are cool! AmIright?

Posted by: Martin Tell at May 11, 2026 04:01 PM (sFNX2)

73 Yah, she's gross and unfixable but so is the guy who called her a zionist. These celeb roasts are super weird. It's like they want to get out ahead of/drown out the legitimate public criticism by totally destroying each other first.

Posted by: AMartel at May 11, 2026 04:01 PM (otvi3)

74 Uhm has Trump instituted a draft without me knowing? Oh they mean selective service which has been around for decades nevermind...

Posted by: steevy at May 11, 2026 04:02 PM (YwEeS)

75 64 I would definitely watch an all Moron version of Hollywood Squares.
Posted by: Ben Had

I'm afraid I can only give answers in image form.

Posted by: Admiral Ackbar at May 11, 2026 04:02 PM (JCZqz)

76
74 Uhm has Trump instituted a draft without me knowing? Oh they mean selective service which has been around for decades nevermind...

Posted by: steevy at May 11, 2026 04:02 PM (YwEeS)

=======

And all the males are signed up.

So...the joke doesn't make sense.

Posted by: TheJamesMadison, discovering British horror with Hammer Films at May 11, 2026 04:02 PM (tXqCv)

77 75 64 I would definitely watch an all Moron version of Hollywood Squares.
Posted by: Ben Had

I'm afraid I can only give answers in image form.

Posted by: Admiral Ackbar at May 11, 2026 04:02 PM (JCZqz)

======

I don't get it.

Posted by: TheJamesMadison, discovering British horror with Hammer Films at May 11, 2026 04:03 PM (tXqCv)

78 So glad to be able to say l don't know any of these names.

Posted by: Quarter Twenty at May 11, 2026 04:03 PM (2Ez/1)

79
And all the males are signed up.

So...the joke doesn't make sense.
Posted by: TheJamesMadison, discovering British horror with Hammer Films at May 11, 2026 04:02 PM (tXqCv)

TDS comedy usually fails to hit.....Just like bullets fired at him.

Posted by: Sponge - F*ck Cancer at May 11, 2026 04:03 PM (Zz0t1)

80 I watch those roasts and I think 99% of the jokes are just mean and nasty. I dont think I would want to hang out with them.

Posted by: Cuthbert the Witless at May 11, 2026 04:03 PM (7mCLy)

81 LIZZO!

I saw a colouring book of her at the dollar store a few times! I have to see if it's still available.

Perhaps one day the art thread will accept user submissions.
Posted by: Stateless - He ain't heavy, he's my dog at May 11, 2026 04:01 PM (Sco7b)

Gonna be hard on the crayons.

Posted by: Oldcat at May 11, 2026 04:04 PM (8avO+)

82 Coincidence: the NY Post has an article about how Kevin Hart's media company Hartbeat has laid off 1/4 of its workers and is losing a ton of money. But he had a good time at the roast

Posted by: Smell the Glove at May 11, 2026 04:04 PM (gu0hJ)

83 Tony Hinchcliffe’s entire segment at the Roast of Kevin Hart.

He killed.

------------

[Video deleted; here's an alternative URL:]

https://is.gd/Qq5E36

Posted by: ShainS at May 11, 2026 04:04 PM (ePd8V)

84 For a second I red it as Chelsea Clinton. 🤣

Posted by: Heroq at May 11, 2026 04:04 PM (9V6lq)

85 72 What exactly is a (an evil) Zionist? The term is tossed around like "Nazi" these days but never defined. Does being anti-zionist mean that one believes all Jews should be booted from (sacred) Palestine? The Jews that refuse to leave should be forcibly removed and put in camps?

I suppose the best current definition of Zionist is someone to be looked down on. Anti-zionists are cool! AmIright?
Posted by: Martin Tell at May 11, 2026 04:01 PM (sFNX2)

These days, it basically means anyone who won't submit to Islam. A Filthy Kuffar.

Posted by: XTC at May 11, 2026 04:04 PM (FpHTM)

86 >>>Content warning . . . .

Huh? What blog did I land on?

Posted by: Comrade Flounder, Disinformation Demon at May 11, 2026 04:04 PM (dK+Kv)

87 Hinchcliffe. Isn't that one of those towns in England or something?

Posted by: Quarter Twenty at May 11, 2026 04:05 PM (2Ez/1)

88
"Free Palestine" (with the purchase of a Palestine of equal or greater value) is still the Hollywood cause celebre.
Posted by: XTC at May 11, 2026 03:46 PM (FpHTM)

____________

"Oh look! I got this tres chic keffiyah at Antoinette's. Only $3500!"

Posted by: Hadrian the Seventh at May 11, 2026 04:05 PM (HdYcL)

89 What exactly is a (an evil) Zionist?

Anyone who is Jewish, or doesn't support the eradication of Jews, from what I can tell when scanning Lefty discussion sites.

Posted by: Intercepted Reddit Transmissions brought by the Intrepid AoS Liaison at May 11, 2026 04:05 PM (JCZqz)

90 The old roasts, which I have not seen since I was a teen and would stay up late, were different.

I saw Scorsese talk about "Goodfellas" once and he said he was trying to capture the feeling of the Ratpack, and how they "owned the town" in Vegas. (He said Ocean's Eleven was an inspiration) (This was at an introduction to a film series at the Met complex in the 90s.)

Those roasts were like that -- they were a bunch of talent all having a blast. Yeah, some of it was contrived and most was scripted, but it was fun because you felt like you were let into their world. Or at least bits of their Vegas act. Same with the old Johnny Carson, where guests would "pop in" and talk about things and it felt like a gab session and not a sales pitch for their next "project."

All that is missing. I think these people all hate each other, and they sit on a stage, set apart, and give their "reactions" to get camera time. Such a decadent culture. This is not fun, it is programmed.

Posted by: bob (moron inbobnitus) at May 11, 2026 04:05 PM (WnFiD)

91 82 Coincidence: the NY Post has an article about how Kevin Hart's media company Hartbeat has laid off 1/4 of its workers and is losing a ton of money. But he had a good time at the roast

Posted by: Smell the Glove at May 11, 2026 04:04 PM (gu0hJ)

======

Jordan Peale signed a huge first look deal with Universal like 5 years ago.

They've produced one film (Him, came out last year, did anyone notice? didn't think so), and Peale has written literally nothing (not even directed, just written) since Nope.

His production company is down to like 4 people and his contract with Universal is not going to be renewed.

Posted by: TheJamesMadison, discovering British horror with Hammer Films at May 11, 2026 04:05 PM (tXqCv)

92 Who gets to be Paul Lynde in the Moron version of Hollywood Squares? Garrett?

Posted by: PabloD at May 11, 2026 04:05 PM (bA3Gd)

93 "This roast is so ghetto, I thought I heard a fire alarm chirp at one point."

Funny.....

Posted by: Sponge - F*ck Cancer at May 11, 2026 04:06 PM (Zz0t1)

94 It's not really a roast if Foster Brooks isn't there.
Posted by: Mark1971 at May 11, 2026 03:53 PM (CNl8/)

Or the one guy. H something. Did a lot of take my wife jokes.

This is going to bug me.

Posted by: Aetius451AD work phone at May 11, 2026 04:06 PM (zZu0s)

95 Why is that relevant? From a cultural standpoint?

Posted by: SH at May 11, 2026 03:55 PM (sX1BW)

====

All I know is that when he looked like an over-tatted and drugged out hobo, women were thirsty af for him.

Now that he stopped the drugs, got rid of his tats, and actually works out, the same women find him mid.
Posted by: TheJamesMadison, discovering British horror with Hammer Films at May 11, 2026 03:56 PM (tXqCv)
___________

He was the hot ticket for a while when he was with other hot, popular women. The easiest way to get a hot girl is to already have one. Remember the 80s movie Can't Buy Me Love? The dork's plan would 100% work.

Posted by: Elric The Blade at May 11, 2026 04:06 PM (iFTx/)

96 Does being anti-zionist mean that one believes all Jews should be booted from (sacred) Palestine? The Jews that refuse to leave should be forcibly removed and put in camps?

-

Pretty much.

Posted by: Heroq at May 11, 2026 04:06 PM (9V6lq)

97 Chelsea handler has had more meat in her than a jersey Mike's sub. Skip the secret sauce.

Posted by: Danny devito at May 11, 2026 04:06 PM (7mCLy)

98 "I mean, her vagina smells so bad, it's like a big garbage dump."
.......

If she could only keep her legs closed the seagulls might leave.

Posted by: wth at May 11, 2026 04:06 PM (UjdFS)

99 Looking forward to AI roasts.

Posted by: Field Marshal Zhukov at May 11, 2026 04:06 PM (wBaIH)

100 It's only now that I can go back and comprehend that even when I was a child, CBS was carrying water for Islam and the PLO.

Posted by: XTC at May 11, 2026 04:07 PM (FpHTM)

101 Henny Youngman

Posted by: steevy at May 11, 2026 04:07 PM (YwEeS)

102 92 Who gets to be Paul Lynde in the Moron version of Hollywood Squares? Garrett?
Posted by: PabloD at May 11, 2026 04:05 PM
-----
The coveted center square!

Posted by: Quarter Twenty at May 11, 2026 04:07 PM (2Ez/1)

103 The Brady roast was amazing. If you have not seen it check it out.

Posted by: Heroq at May 11, 2026 04:08 PM (9V6lq)

104
99 Looking forward to AI roasts.

Posted by: Field Marshal Zhukov at May 11, 2026 04:06 PM (wBaIH)

======

"I told Gemini to draw me a picture of our president, and it drew a picture of a black alien from Mars. What a fucking retard."

"I told Grok to tell me what this video was, and he said it was your mom."

Posted by: TheJamesMadison, discovering British horror with Hammer Films at May 11, 2026 04:08 PM (tXqCv)

105 And yeah unfortunately the jew hate is not confined to the left. Take a look in any chat with young people like an Asmongold stream.

Posted by: steevy at May 11, 2026 04:08 PM (YwEeS)

106 @94 Henny Youngman
My wife said for our anniversary take me somewhere I've never been. So I took her to the kitchen

Posted by: Smell the Glove at May 11, 2026 04:08 PM (gu0hJ)

107 Or the one guy. H something. Did a lot of take my wife jokes.

This is going to bug me.

Henny Youngman

Posted by: Archimedes at May 11, 2026 04:08 PM (Riz8t)

108 98 "I mean, her vagina smells so bad, it's like a big garbage dump."
.......

If she could only keep her legs closed the seagulls might leave.
Posted by: wth at May 11, 2026 04:06 PM (UjdFS)

Word.

Posted by: Low tide in bridgeport at May 11, 2026 04:09 PM (7mCLy)

109 92 Who gets to be Paul Lynde in the Moron version of Hollywood Squares? Garrett?
Posted by: PabloD at May 11, 2026 04:05 PM (bA3Gd)

Miklos.

Posted by: XTC at May 11, 2026 04:09 PM (FpHTM)

110 "Kevin Hart you're looking good. I heard you're on a low-carb diet. Of course you're on a low everything diet. Whatever you can reach."

Thats roast comedy with one second of thought applied. I'm not saying it's gold.

Posted by: ... at May 11, 2026 04:09 PM (/YotI)

111 Henny Youngman
Posted by: steevy at May 11, 2026 04:07 PM (YwEeS)

Yes! Thank you. Those old ones were famn funny (more so if you know something of the people and time period.)

Good stuff. I did not like the 70s, Dean Martin ones as well.

Posted by: Aetius451AD work phone at May 11, 2026 04:10 PM (zZu0s)

112 Wait. Isn't this thread just begging for ace's "shit or garbage?" question?

Posted by: Quarter Twenty at May 11, 2026 04:10 PM (2Ez/1)

113 They're not much fun.

Just like dead puppies.
Posted by: Sponge - F*ck Cancer at May 11, 2026 03:59 PM (Zz0t1)

I'm not so sure about that...

Posted by: Monty Python at May 11, 2026 04:10 PM (N1DT3)

114 From the thread "Virginia Democrats Seethe," I present without comment...

Zombie's Law Of Political Conservation Of Craziness

>> 185 The reason that Democrats look crazier and crazier every day is because there are fewer and fewer of them every day.

>> There is a certain set amount of craziness in any political movement, but if it has huge number os adherents, the craziness get diluted to such a degree that you barely notice it. And the movement loses members, the amountt of craziness nonetheless remains constant, so the craziness gets concentrated in fewer and fewer people. Eventually there will just be a handful of Democrats, hut tey will all be like the Weather Underground or the Red Army Faction, glassy-eyed hyper-communist lunatics plotting terrorism and mass murder for reasons they themselves don't even understand anymore.
Posted by: zombie at May 11, 2026 01:54 PM (Av6i5)

>> 186 And the movement = As the movement
Posted by: zombie at May 11, 2026 01:55 PM (Av6i5)

Posted by: SciVo at May 11, 2026 04:10 PM (Sy6m/)

115 The roasts of old were great because they all knew each other and were legitimate stars. Now a bunch of "who" are theys and people with little or no talent beyond looking good

Posted by: Smell the Glove at May 11, 2026 04:10 PM (gu0hJ)

116 >>>Tony Hinchcliffe’s entire segment at the Roast of Kevin Hart.

They took it down. The shorter clip is still up, though.

Posted by: Anon Y. Mous at May 11, 2026 04:11 PM (syz1S)

117 i was not aware that the romans knew about parrots.
Posted by: anachronda at May 11, 2026 03:56 PM (pVQ1I)

Yes, they were quite familiar with them:

https://is.gd/Zg5Opl

Posted by: NemoMeImpuneLacessit at May 11, 2026 04:11 PM (ZVgZ4)

118 109 92 Who gets to be Paul Lynde in the Moron version of Hollywood Squares? Garrett?
Posted by: PabloD at May 11, 2026 04:05 PM (bA3Gd)

Miklos.
Posted by: XTC at May 11, 2026 04:09 PM (FpHTM)

First question always goes to The Blade.

Posted by: Cuthbert the Witless at May 11, 2026 04:11 PM (7mCLy)

119
116 >>>Tony Hinchcliffe’s entire segment at the Roast of Kevin Hart.

They took it down. The shorter clip is still up, though.

Posted by: Anon Y. Mous at May 11, 2026 04:11 PM (syz1S)

======

Who's they?

The government?!

Posted by: TheJamesMadison, discovering British horror with Hammer Films at May 11, 2026 04:11 PM (tXqCv)

120 Take my constitution, please.

>>@EricLDaugh

>>🚨 JUST IN: Democrats have just appealed to the US SUPREME COURT in a last-minute bid to REINSTATE Virginia's 10D-1R gerrymander, which was struck down by the State Supreme Court

>>This is STATE CONSTITUTION, yet Democrats want to usurp their own laws!

>>It was never about democracy.

Posted by: JackStraw at May 11, 2026 04:11 PM (a+Mdu)

121 Help me find my keys and we'll drive out of here.

Posted by: Just the punchline at May 11, 2026 04:11 PM (2Ez/1)

122 Poena cullei under Roman law was a type of death penalty imposed on a subject who had been found guilty of parricide.

i was not aware that the romans knew about parrots.
Posted by: anachronda at May 11, 2026 03:56 PM (pVQ1I)

They migrate. Like coconuts.

Posted by: Arthur Pendragon at May 11, 2026 04:11 PM (wVcYX)

123 105 And yeah unfortunately the jew hate is not confined to the left. Take a look in any chat with young people like an Asmongold stream.
Posted by: steevy at May 11, 2026 04:08 PM (YwEeS)

Or sites like KiwiFarms and Soyjak.Party

Posted by: XTC at May 11, 2026 04:11 PM (FpHTM)

124 Henny Youngman: "Now here's a fastidious couple. She's fast and he's hideous."

Posted by: Bulg at May 11, 2026 04:12 PM (77rzZ)

125 120 Take my constitution, please.

>>@EricLDaugh

>>🚨 JUST IN: Democrats have just appealed to the US SUPREME COURT in a last-minute bid to REINSTATE Virginia's 10D-1R gerrymander, which was struck down by the State Supreme Court

>>This is STATE CONSTITUTION, yet Democrats want to usurp their own laws!

>>It was never about democracy.

Posted by: JackStraw at May 11, 2026 04:11 PM (a+Mdu)

=======

It would be a shadow docket thing, but Jackson is going to write a 934 page dissent first.

Posted by: TheJamesMadison, discovering British horror with Hammer Films at May 11, 2026 04:12 PM (tXqCv)

126 A good news update

NPR (May 5th): Minneapolis grapples with the impact of Trump's largest immigration crackdown yet. Three months ago...agents arrested thousands of undocumented immigrants, in what the Border Patrol commander then in charge there, Gregory Bovino, called a "turn and burn" strategy. Agents also threatened journalists and activists documenting the arrests, and shot and killed two U.S. citizens

Today, Minneapolis looks different. The crackdown has receded, and arrests of immigrants have dropped 12%...But the surge left a mark that enforcement statistics can't capture, including a hollowed-out local economy that immigrants and their neighbors say they are struggling to rebuild.

"We were left traumatized," said Y, a woman who asked NPR to identify her by her middle initial because she worries speaking out will affect her ongoing immigration case.

Together, their stories map what the crackdown left behind: shuttered restaurants, households rationing groceries, mounting debt, mental health woes and, for some, a serious reckoning with whether to leave the United States to return to their home countries.

Posted by: Intercepted Reddit Transmissions brought by the Intrepid AoS Liaison at May 11, 2026 04:12 PM (JCZqz)

127 118 First question always goes to The Blade.
Posted by: Cuthbert the Witless at May 11, 2026 04:11 PM (7mCLy)

That's Sponge's privilege.

Posted by: XTC at May 11, 2026 04:12 PM (FpHTM)

128
I know we have talked about Jew hate.

I still don't understand it.

It is very sad.

Posted by: four seasons at May 11, 2026 04:12 PM (3ek7K)

129 Looking forward to AI roasts.
Posted by: Field Marshal Zhukov
.......

Your Mother is so fat she is considering Ozempic.

Posted by: wth at May 11, 2026 04:12 PM (UjdFS)

130 89 "[Zionist is] Anyone who is Jewish, or doesn't support the eradication of Jews, from what I can tell when scanning Lefty discussion sites."

You may be correct, but I am really troubled by what seems to me like an instant and explosive growth in tossing the term around like it's nothing and all decent folks need to hate Zionists. I recently had two people that I thought were solid conservatives turn the hate up on Zionists. I was shocked. Maybe I am too old, but until very recently, Jew hatred (that's what it really is) just was not done in America. Maybe AI is encouraging hatred. I don't know. I have a bad feeling about this.

Posted by: Martin Tell at May 11, 2026 04:13 PM (sFNX2)

131 I don't know who Kevin Hart, Shane Gillis and Tony Hinchcliffe are ,and the only Pete Davison I've heard is Peter Davison who is quite a fine actor and was Tristan Farnon in the 1978 version of "All Creatures Great and Small and in "Dr. Who" He sounds like a much nicer person than Pete Davison. So I didn't watch the clips.

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at May 11, 2026 04:13 PM (2sfNr)

132 Uhm has Trump instituted a draft without me knowing? Oh they mean selective service which has been around for decades nevermind...

Posted by: steevy at May 11, 2026 04:02 PM (YwEeS)

=======

And all the males are signed up.

So...the joke doesn't make sense.
Posted by: TheJamesMadison, discovering British horror with Hammer Films at May 11, 2026 04:02 PM (tXqCv)

Perhaps they are meaning in the UK?

Posted by: Oldcat at May 11, 2026 04:13 PM (8avO+)

133 126 Together, their stories map what the crackdown left behind: shuttered restaurants, households rationing groceries, mounting debt, mental health woes and, for some, a serious reckoning with whether to leave the United States to return to their home countries.

Posted by: Intercepted Reddit Transmissions brought by the Intrepid AoS Liaison at May 11, 2026 04:12 PM (JCZqz)

=======

America is a racist hellhole run by oligarchal capitalist fascists who employ the police to murder brown bodies for sport while forcing corporations to pay women only 77 cents for every dollar a man makes.

Yes, they should flee.

They should flee to post-racial paradise France instead.

Posted by: TheJamesMadison, discovering British horror with Hammer Films at May 11, 2026 04:13 PM (tXqCv)

134 I would've loved to have been at a Borscht Belt resort back in the day. What great entertainment it had.

Posted by: Bulg at May 11, 2026 04:14 PM (77rzZ)

135 132
So...the joke doesn't make sense.
Posted by: TheJamesMadison, discovering British horror with Hammer Films at May 11, 2026 04:02 PM (tXqCv)

Perhaps they are meaning in the UK?

Posted by: Oldcat at May 11, 2026 04:13 PM (8avO+)

=====

"Trump controls Keir Starmer" would be a take, but no, I don't think that's it.

Posted by: TheJamesMadison, discovering British horror with Hammer Films at May 11, 2026 04:14 PM (tXqCv)

136 Jack Benny, young Carson. Milton Berle. Red Buttons.

Seemed more genteel. Probably wasn't but they had wit.

Posted by: Aetius451AD work phone at May 11, 2026 04:14 PM (zZu0s)

137 117 i was not aware that the romans knew about parrots.
Posted by: anachronda at May 11, 2026 03:56 PM (pVQ1I)

Yes, they were quite familiar with them:

https://is.gd/Zg5Opl
Posted by: NemoMeImpuneLacessit
----------------------
Amazing. Question, answer, link -- "Everything the Romans and Greeks knew about parrots."

Posted by: bob (moron inbobnitus) at May 11, 2026 04:14 PM (WnFiD)

138 120 Take my constitution, please.

>>@EricLDaugh

>>🚨 JUST IN: Democrats have just appealed to the US SUPREME COURT in a last-minute bid to REINSTATE Virginia's 10D-1R gerrymander, which was struck down by the State Supreme Court

>>This is STATE CONSTITUTION, yet Democrats want to usurp their own laws!

>>It was never about democracy.
Posted by: JackStraw at May 11, 2026 04:11 PM (a+Mdu)

Aaaaaand Antifa will start the assassination threats against Kavanaugh any second now...

Posted by: XTC at May 11, 2026 04:15 PM (FpHTM)

139

Bulg,

Me too.

Posted by: four seasons at May 11, 2026 04:15 PM (3ek7K)

140 I guess I was the last one to watch it........
Posted by: Sponge - F*ck Cancer at May 11, 2026 04:00 PM (Zz0t1)
*******
You’re always first and even last.
Sadly, I missed it.

Posted by: redridinghood at May 11, 2026 04:16 PM (NpAcC)

141 So there is was Saturday night banging the crap out of Chelsea handler, and Richard Pryor walks in and says give me the hammer when your done.

Posted by: Zombie Rodney dangerfield at May 11, 2026 04:16 PM (7mCLy)

142
What exactly is a (an evil) Zionist? The term is tossed around like "Nazi" these days but never defined. Does being anti-zionist mean that one believes all Jews should be booted from (sacred) Palestine? The Jews that refuse to leave should be forcibly removed and put in camps?

I suppose the best current definition of Zionist is someone to be looked down on. Anti-zionists are cool! AmIright?
Posted by: Martin Tell at May 11, 2026 04:01 PM (sFNX2)

Antisemites know that it's still not socially acceptable to expose their true "Kill all the Joos" sentiments. So they equivocate. "I don't want to kill ALL the Joos, just the apartheid Zionists". Much more appropriate in polite company.

Posted by: IllTemperedCur at May 11, 2026 04:16 PM (y9nCu)

143 ,and the only Pete Davison I've heard is Peter Davison who is quite a fine actor and was Tristan Farnon in the 1978 version of "All Creatures Great and Small and in "Dr. Who" ...

-----------

Great TV Series -- and even better novels (if you haven't read them) by "James Herriot" (pseudonym for James Alfred Wight -- the original author and veterinarian).

Posted by: ShainS at May 11, 2026 04:16 PM (ePd8V)

144 > And yeah unfortunately the jew hate is not confined to the left.

When Trump started smacking Iran around, I was shocked by all the people on the right who immediately started screeching how they wouldn't die in a war for Israel. There's apparently a significant part of the right who think any action we take in the middle east is completely by the direction of Israel.

Posted by: bonhomme at May 11, 2026 04:16 PM (mkw2N)

145 >>JUST IN: Democrats have just appealed to the US SUPREME COURT in a last-minute bid to REINSTATE Virginia's 10D-1R gerrymander, which was struck down by the State Supreme Court

That's not how any of this works.

Posted by: garrett at May 11, 2026 04:17 PM (xkXS7)

146 It would be a shadow docket thing, but Jackson is going to write a 934 page dissent first.
Posted by: TheJamesMadison

"Write". Sure. Do her interns do it, does she chat GPT is, or maybe some text-to-speech program?

Posted by: Intercepted Reddit Transmissions brought by the Intrepid AoS Liaison at May 11, 2026 04:17 PM (JCZqz)

147 Greek and Roman satires were very parroty.

Posted by: Bulg at May 11, 2026 04:17 PM (77rzZ)

148 146 It would be a shadow docket thing, but Jackson is going to write a 934 page dissent first.
Posted by: TheJamesMadison

"Write". Sure. Do her interns do it, does she chat GPT is, or maybe some text-to-speech program?

Posted by: Intercepted Reddit Transmissions brought by the Intrepid AoS Liaison at May 11, 2026 04:17 PM (JCZqz)

=======

"I can't write more than 3,000 words at a time unless you pay for premium."
-ChatGPT

"Just keep going! Make it MORE like a rejected Huffington Post screed from 20 years ago!"

Posted by: TheJamesMadison, discovering British horror with Hammer Films at May 11, 2026 04:18 PM (tXqCv)

149 Together, their stories map what the crackdown left behind: shuttered restaurants, households rationing groceries, mounting debt, mental health woes and, for some, a serious reckoning with whether to leave the United States to return to their home countries.
Posted by: Intercepted Reddit Transmissions brought by the Intrepid AoS Liaison at May 11, 2026 04:12 PM (JCZqz)
______

This idiot is really trying to threaten me with a good time, isn't he? All that's missing from that list of results of Trump's crackdown is free blowjobs from Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders.

Posted by: Elric The Blade at May 11, 2026 04:18 PM (iFTx/)

150 "I mean, her vagina smells so bad, it's like a big garbage dump."

There - I've just done "roast" comedy.
Posted by: ... at May 11, 2026 03:57 PM (/YotI)

Nah, that's not a "roast". That's just an observation. A roast has to be in the form of a joke...Something like.

"Chelsea's vag smells so bad, even skunks won't fuck her."

Boom. There. That how it's done.

Posted by: naturalfake at May 11, 2026 04:18 PM (iJfKG)

151 Zionist = Jew

Posted by: ... at May 11, 2026 04:18 PM (/YotI)

152 144 When Trump started smacking Iran around, I was shocked by all the people on the right who immediately started screeching how they wouldn't die in a war for Israel. There's apparently a significant part of the right who think any action we take in the middle east is completely by the direction of Israel.
Posted by: bonhomme at May 11, 2026 04:16 PM (mkw2N)

With a lot of those influencers (especially Fuentes), a large part of their audience are from Muslim countries.

Posted by: XTC at May 11, 2026 04:18 PM (FpHTM)

153 wow, I remember when celebrity roasts were done in a spirit of fun ... those "people" seem to actually hate each other.
but, then, demonrats, amirite? it's all they know how to do, anymore.

Posted by: sock_rat_eez at May 11, 2026 04:18 PM (VyBeY)

154 145 >>JUST IN: Democrats have just appealed to the US SUPREME COURT in a last-minute bid to REINSTATE Virginia's 10D-1R gerrymander, which was struck down by the State Supreme Court

yeah that's .. not gonna work guys

maybe it will keep Barry in foreign leader junta things tho

Posted by: BlackOrchid (j+aD2) at May 11, 2026 04:18 PM (j+aD2)

155 @134 used to drive in the Borscht Belt for court. It's sad. Most of the old hotels are are gone, either burned down or collapsed. The Concord was torn down and replaced with a new hotel and casino. Not doing that well. Of course it's just outside Monticello which is a dump. Sullivan county is NYC gone rural and really weird

Posted by: Smell the Glove at May 11, 2026 04:18 PM (gu0hJ)

156 JUST IN: Democrats have just appealed to the US SUPREME COURT in a last-minute bid to REINSTATE Virginia's 10D-1R gerrymander, which was struck down by the State Supreme Court

That's not how any of this works.
Posted by: garrett

Would love to hear the "We decline to hear this case".

😂😂😂

Posted by: rickb223 at May 11, 2026 04:18 PM (S838b)

157 >>@EricLDaugh

>>🚨 JUST IN: Democrats have just appealed to the US SUPREME COURT in a last-minute bid to REINSTATE Virginia's 10D-1R gerrymander, which was struck down by the State Supreme Court

>>This is STATE CONSTITUTION, yet Democrats want to usurp their own laws!

>>It was never about democracy.
Posted by: JackStraw at May 11, 2026 04:11 PM (a+Mdu)
--------------

Action Jackson will need a few months to write her solo dissent.

Posted by: WisRich at May 11, 2026 04:18 PM (G0vdT)

158 >>"We were left traumatized," said Y, a woman who asked NPR to identify her by her middle initial because she worries speaking out will affect her ongoing immigration case.

How do you parody this? Have news crew interview car thieves about the crackdown on people leaving keys in their car?

The worst part is that NPR listeners don't even understand why this is so absurd.

Posted by: bob (moron inbobnitus) at May 11, 2026 04:19 PM (WnFiD)

159 "Just keep going! Make it MORE like a rejected Huffington Post screed from 20 years ago!"
Posted by: TheJamesMadison

HuffPo? Pffft. She's in Mother Jones/Jacobin territory.

Posted by: Intercepted Reddit Transmissions brought by the Intrepid AoS Liaison at May 11, 2026 04:19 PM (JCZqz)

160 NPR —Minneapolis grapples with impact of ICE actions …

And?
This is what people voted for.
Hope and CHANGE, baby!

Posted by: Lizzy at May 11, 2026 04:20 PM (4KUe5)

161 Who's they?
The government?!
Posted by: TheJamesMadison, discovering British horror with Hammer Films at May 11, 2026 04:11 PM (tXqCv)

It was a Twitter link, so Twitter.

Posted by: Anon Y. Mous at May 11, 2026 04:20 PM (syz1S)

162 When Trump started smacking Iran around, I was shocked by all the people on the right who immediately started screeching how they wouldn't die in a war for Israel. There's apparently a significant part of the right who think any action we take in the middle east is completely by the direction of Israel.
-----

I'd be careful in assuming most of that was from "people on the right". Many of those were the same ilk that wanted to mark Nic Fuentes and Cadence Ovens as "fellow righties" even though it was clear that neither were.

Posted by: Crusader at May 11, 2026 04:20 PM (TN0g+)

163 Posted by: ShainS at May 11, 2026 04:16 PM (ePd8V)

Yes, I've read the novels and enjoyed them . I did not see the recent remake of AGG& S because I don't have a working TV. I heard it was very good, however.

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at May 11, 2026 04:21 PM (2sfNr)

164 Chelsea's vag smells so bad, even skunks won't fuck her."

Boom. There. That how it's done.

Posted by: naturalfake at May 11, 2026 04:18 PM (iJfKG)

Well that's what I was trying to say. I guess I don't get roasts. Maybe because the British do it by default and manage to be funny with it.

Like "your face looks like a cunt".

Posted by: ... at May 11, 2026 04:21 PM (/YotI)

165 144" they wouldn't die in a war for Israel."

I don't want to die in a war period. Idea is to make other bastard die (paraphrasing Patton).

I've heard that about Israel lately as well, along with Trump being Israel's stooge by attacking Iran, etc. How do you think that makes those of us who may have family deployed in Epic Fury feel?

Posted by: Martin Tell at May 11, 2026 04:21 PM (sFNX2)

166 @134 used to drive in the Borscht Belt for court. It's sad. Most of the old hotels are are gone, either burned down or collapsed. The Concord was torn down and replaced with a new hotel and casino. Not doing that well. Of course it's just outside Monticello which is a dump. Sullivan county is NYC gone rural and really weird
Posted by: Smell the Glove

Too bad. I'm surprised that no historic status was bestowed on some of those sites to preserve them. I'm surprised New York Jews allowed their deterioration to take place.

Posted by: Bulg at May 11, 2026 04:21 PM (77rzZ)

167 "35 At the roast of Shatner he rode out on a white horse. Sulu said "Bill I've been waiting a long time to say this. Fuck you and the horse you rode in on" "

takei probably would if they stood still long enough

Posted by: sock_rat_eez at May 11, 2026 04:22 PM (VyBeY)

168 Jackson's dissent: you honkies, with all due respect, can suck my farts which is a legal term for "fuck you" .

Posted by: Smell the Glove at May 11, 2026 04:22 PM (gu0hJ)

169 Posted by: FenelonSpoke at May 11, 2026 04:21 PM (2sfNr)

Fen, I hope you had a wonderful Mother's Day.

Posted by: Bulg at May 11, 2026 04:22 PM (77rzZ)

170 Once again, Dems are for federalism until they don’t get what they want.
SCOTUS is an unwelcome branch of government until they don’t get what they want.

Toddlers are more subtle than these people.

Posted by: Lizzy at May 11, 2026 04:23 PM (4KUe5)

171 Democracy dies with Democrats.

Posted by: In Delaware at May 11, 2026 04:23 PM (2Ez/1)

172
I'm not impressed by that Shane douche. He keeps popping up on podcasts as some kind of amateur comedic expert in world history, but about half of what he spews out is provably wrong with a 30 second cruise through Wikipedia. Not just the politically debatable parts of Wiki, but down to basic facts that even the commie cocksuckers at Wiki doesn't try to fake.

Posted by: IllTemperedCur at May 11, 2026 04:23 PM (y9nCu)

173 Posted by: Lizzy at May 11, 2026 04:20 PM (4KUe5

i Mentioned that very early Sunday morning I was in a woodsy more rural area of NJ ( Yes, we have them) I passed a farm with a sign saying "ICE out of our neighborhoods " I thought it was odd for the person to assume that their views were ones of all their neighbors.

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at May 11, 2026 04:24 PM (2sfNr)

174 Note how libs claim all the "ists" are so bad. But then they're all proud social ist. Commun ist. Femin ist.

Posted by: ... at May 11, 2026 04:24 PM (/YotI)

175 149 This idiot is really trying to threaten me with a good time, isn't he? All that's missing from that list of results of Trump's crackdown is free blowjobs from Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders.

Posted by: Elric The Blade at May 11, 2026 04:18 PM (iFTx/)

=======

How does millions of illegal immigrants leaving America affect the housing market that every Democrat insists is in crisis because we have a shortage and that's the only reason New York isn't growing?

Posted by: TheJamesMadison, discovering British horror with Hammer Films at May 11, 2026 04:25 PM (tXqCv)

176 It's not really a roast if Foster Brooks isn't there.

Posted by: Mark1971 at May 11, 2026 03:53 PM (CNl8/)

THIS!

Posted by: Berserker-Dragonheads Division at May 11, 2026 04:25 PM (snZF9)

177
159 "Just keep going! Make it MORE like a rejected Huffington Post screed from 20 years ago!"
Posted by: TheJamesMadison

HuffPo? Pffft. She's in Mother Jones/Jacobin territory.

Posted by: Intercepted Reddit Transmissions brought by the Intrepid AoS Liaison at May 11, 2026 04:19 PM (JCZqz)

======

Fair.

Posted by: TheJamesMadison, discovering British horror with Hammer Films at May 11, 2026 04:25 PM (tXqCv)

178 Fen, did they also have one of those word salad signs that includes “all are welcome!”?

Posted by: Lizzy at May 11, 2026 04:26 PM (4KUe5)

179
161 Who's they?
The government?!
Posted by: TheJamesMadison, discovering British horror with Hammer Films at May 11, 2026 04:11 PM (tXqCv)

It was a Twitter link, so Twitter.

Posted by: Anon Y. Mous at May 11, 2026 04:20 PM (syz1S)

======

It's a Seinfeld reference, so laugh!

Posted by: TheJamesMadison, discovering British horror with Hammer Films at May 11, 2026 04:26 PM (tXqCv)

180 Hank begging Artie to let him be the emcee for Larry Sanders' roast. Language warning:

https://tinyurl.com/2zbxjd7n

Posted by: Biff Pocoroba at May 11, 2026 04:26 PM (XvL8K)

181 Dallas Morning News is so stupid.

TX school enrollment has declined by 76k.
Despite massive population growth.
Three main factors they list: "declining birth rates, shifting migration patterns and increased competition from private schools and home schooling."

Guess which one they focus their attack on as the key factor?
Yup. Charter schools.
Which they note, increased enrollment by 2.4%, while the schools lost 1.7%.

But, hilarious "shifting migration patterns."
You mean, deportations, right?

Posted by: People's Hippo Voice at May 11, 2026 04:26 PM (MtSIY)

182 Jack Benny, young Carson. Milton Berle. Red Buttons.

Seemed more genteel. Probably wasn't but they had wit.

Posted by: Aetius451AD work phone at May 11, 2026 04:14 PM (zZu0s)

---------------

Even as a young boy, Red Buttons used to make me cry with laughter during those (Las Vegas) Dean Martin Roasts:

Goliath’s mother, who said to Goliath, "Stop running around with David! You’re always coming home stoned!" Never got a dinner!

Donald Trump's mother, who said, Donnie! Stop playing Monopoly and get in that barber's chair! Never got a dinner!

Adam, who said to Eve, What do you mean you have nothing to wear? Never got a dinner!

Jack the Ripper's mother, who said to Jack, How come I never see you with the same girl twice? Never got a dinner!

[King Solomon, who said to his thousand wives, Who doesn't have a headache tonight? Never got a dinner!

George Washington, who said to his father, Dad, if I never tell I lie, how am I ever gonna become President? Never got a dinner!

Posted by: ShainS at May 11, 2026 04:27 PM (ePd8V)

183 181 But, hilarious "shifting migration patterns."
You mean, deportations, right?

Posted by: People's Hippo Voice at May 11, 2026 04:26 PM (MtSIY)

======

I've heard that smaller class sizes are good for students.

Posted by: TheJamesMadison, discovering British horror with Hammer Films at May 11, 2026 04:27 PM (tXqCv)

184 i Mentioned that very early Sunday morning I was in a woodsy more rural area of NJ ( Yes, we have them) I passed a farm with a sign saying "ICE out of our neighborhoods " I thought it was odd for the person to assume that their views were ones of all their neighbors.

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at May 11, 2026 04:24 PM (2sfNr)

Thats a leftist owned farm thats only there for the tax write off, and they're pissed about losing their farm slaves.

Posted by: Berserker-Dragonheads Division at May 11, 2026 04:27 PM (snZF9)

185 153 wow, I remember when celebrity roasts were done in a spirit of fun ... those "people" seem to actually hate each other.
but, then, demonrats, amirite? it's all they know how to do, anymore.
Posted by: sock_rat_eez at May 11, 2026 04:18 PM (VyBeY)
------

Yeah like everything else, celeb "roasts" have just turned into people being shitty to each other for clicks.
Tony Hinchcliffe is a REALLY funny insult comic when it's done in good fun but none of this was in good fun.

Posted by: ballistic at May 11, 2026 04:27 PM (oqH4h)

186
Anyone who has a sign supporting illegals should have a busload of them dropped at their house.

I bet they will change their tune.

Posted by: four seasons at May 11, 2026 04:28 PM (3ek7K)

187 Roast? No, I'll have the kale with a side order of chitlins.

Posted by: Case at May 11, 2026 04:28 PM (NWIIQ)

188 Posted by: Bulg at May 11, 2026 04:22 PM (77rzZ)

Thanks . just had a church service on Mother's Day I enjoyed it and I hope they did. FenSpouse was describing our Saturday celebration to someone at the church and he "We went out for a drink and potato peels." I told the woman he meant "potato skins" but she guessed that. Got lovely cards from spouse and son.

How was your MD and for Mrs. Bulg?

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at May 11, 2026 04:28 PM (2sfNr)

189 >>>I've heard of this woman. That's about the extent of my knowledge.

Chelsea Handler is like lupus: I've heard of it, and I have a vague notion that it's something bad and best avoided.

Posted by: Citizen Cake at May 11, 2026 04:29 PM (CwhoI)

190 “Shifting migration patterns “

All they really care about is less funding due to declining enrollment, and few young minds and bodies to manipulate.

Posted by: Lizzy at May 11, 2026 04:29 PM (4KUe5)

191
I guess he stopped sticking his cock in anything that would give him work too.
Posted by: Sponge - F*ck Cancer at May 11, 2026 03:57 PM (Zz0t1)

Well ya, he just became a father and is engaged. Now in a normal world those things happen in a different order, but it’s Hollywood. At least an attempt is being made.

Posted by: Piper at May 11, 2026 04:29 PM (OoFl2)

192 The government?!
Posted by: TheJamesMadison, discovering British horror with Hammer Films at May 11, 2026 04:11 PM (tXqCv)

It was a Twitter link, so Twitter.

Posted by: Anon Y. Mous at May 11, 2026 04:20 PM (syz1S)

======
https://youtu.be/wIH69amxUI8
It's a Seinfeld reference, so laugh!
Posted by: TheJamesMadison, discovering British horror with Hammer Films at May 11, 2026 04:26 PM
++++
The government?!
Posted by: TheJamesMadison, discovering British horror with Hammer Films at May 11, 2026 04:11 PM (tXqCv)

It was a Twitter link, so Twitter.

Posted by: Anon Y. Mous at May 11, 2026 04:20 PM (syz1S)
======

It's a Seinfeld reference, so laugh!

++++

Posted by: Here's a link at May 11, 2026 04:30 PM (2Ez/1)

193 Posted by: Berserker-Dragonheads Division at May 11, 2026 04:27 PM (snZF9)

Quite likely. I do know some actual other farmers who don't have that kind of sign and seem to employ what I'm guessing are mostly Americans

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at May 11, 2026 04:30 PM (2sfNr)

194 I wonder if scumy Chelsea Handler slept with Epstein?

Posted by: redridinghood at May 11, 2026 04:31 PM (NpAcC)

195 156 JUST IN: Democrats have just appealed to the US SUPREME COURT in a last-minute bid to REINSTATE Virginia's 10D-1R gerrymander, which was struck down by the State Supreme Court

That's not how any of this works.
Posted by: garrett

Would love to hear the "We decline to hear this case".

😂😂😂
Posted by: rickb223 at May 11, 2026 04:18 PM (S838b)

This is a real life Mortimer duke moment, yelling turn those machines back on.

Posted by: Cuthbert the Witless at May 11, 2026 04:31 PM (7mCLy)

196
194 I wonder if scumy Chelsea Handler slept with Epstein?

Posted by: redridinghood at May 11, 2026 04:31 PM (NpAcC)

======

Did he promise to degrade her and insist that she was nothing more than her sexual organs and that she wasn't good enough for his super human breeding program?

Then yes.

Posted by: TheJamesMadison, discovering British horror with Hammer Films at May 11, 2026 04:31 PM (tXqCv)

197 Well that's what I was trying to say. I guess I don't get roasts. Maybe because the British do it by default and manage to be funny with it.

Like "your face looks like a cunt".
-----

That's neither a "roast" nor funny.

Posted by: Crusader at May 11, 2026 04:32 PM (TN0g+)

198 194 I wonder if scumy Chelsea Handler slept with Epstein?
Posted by: redridinghood at May 11, 2026 04:31 PM

She only let him pee on her

Posted by: Cuthbert the Witless at May 11, 2026 04:32 PM (7mCLy)

199 Think it’s easier to imagine who Chelsea Handler hasn’t slept with within the celebrity set.

Posted by: Lizzy at May 11, 2026 04:32 PM (4KUe5)

200 195 This is a real life Mortimer duke moment, yelling turn those machines back on.

Posted by: Cuthbert the Witless at May 11, 2026 04:31 PM (7mCLy)

=======

Oh, that's going to be an exact quote in the emails around Fulton and 2020 and the 300,000 mysterious ballots.

Posted by: TheJamesMadison, discovering British horror with Hammer Films at May 11, 2026 04:32 PM (tXqCv)

201
Thats a leftist owned farm thats only there for the tax write off, and they're pissed about losing their farm slaves.
Posted by: Berserker-Dragonheads Division at May 11, 2026 04:27 PM (snZF9)

Jon Bon Jovi's bee farm was shot through the heart by publicity about his tax write off.

Posted by: IllTemperedCur at May 11, 2026 04:32 PM (y9nCu)

202 How was your MD and for Mrs. Bulg?
Posted by: FenelonSpoke

I had a tutoring gig on Sunday (scheduled it before I knew it was MD), so we had an early MD brunch on Friday at a restaurant called "First Watch" (highly recommended). Our son came over in the late afternoon yesterday and we all enjoyed takeout from Noodles & Company.

And I loaded my wife up on chocolate for her MD present. She's going through a bad patch at work right now, but chocolate always seems to cheer her up. So chocolate it was.

Posted by: Bulg at May 11, 2026 04:33 PM (77rzZ)

203 Quite likely. I do know some actual other farmers who don't have that kind of sign and seem to employ what I'm guessing are mostly Americans

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at May 11, 2026 04:30 PM (2sfNr)

A lot of family owned farms around me. No slave labor that I can see. I never saw any anti ICE signs around here.

Posted by: Berserker-Dragonheads Division at May 11, 2026 04:34 PM (snZF9)

204 Fen, how is your son doing? Does he like his job?

Posted by: Bulg at May 11, 2026 04:34 PM (77rzZ)

205 JUST IN: Democrats have just appealed to the US SUPREME COURT in a last-minute bid to REINSTATE Virginia's 10D-1R gerrymander, which was struck down by the State Supreme Court
---
Red states need to push a republican form of governance for their blue cites:
The entire state gets to vote for the mayor of the city.
And maybe a majority of the city council.

Because it is not at all fair that these cities are little blue fiefdoms free from any management by the rest of the state who must suffer their misrule.

IF your taxes go to the city, you should have a voice in how it's run.
Even sales tax.

Posted by: People's Hippo Voice at May 11, 2026 04:37 PM (MtSIY)

206 Does anybody know if birds/squirrels like pretzels? My wife got some Utz Pub Mix for our MD celebration, but it's overloaded with pretzel sticks, and neither I nor my wife like pretzels. So, I'm thinking of putting some sticks out for the critters.

Posted by: Bulg at May 11, 2026 04:38 PM (77rzZ)

207 Would love to hear the "We decline to hear this case".

😂😂😂
Posted by: rickb223 at May 11, 2026 04:18 PM (S838b)
-------

Just a recording of Thomas and Alito ripping a fart into a microphone in two-part harmony.

Posted by: ballistic at May 11, 2026 04:39 PM (oqH4h)

208 Does anybody know if birds/squirrels like pretzels? My wife got some Utz Pub Mix for our MD celebration, but it's overloaded with pretzel sticks, and neither I nor my wife like pretzels. So, I'm thinking of putting some sticks out for the critters.
Posted by: Bulg at May 11, 2026 04:38 PM (77rzZ)

The skunks like them, especially if you put out peanut butter as well, but the raccoons will come knocking on your patio door to ask for beer to go with them.

Posted by: Kindltot at May 11, 2026 04:40 PM (rbvCR)

209 206 Does anybody know if birds/squirrels like pretzels? My wife got some Utz Pub Mix for our MD celebration, but it's overloaded with pretzel sticks, and neither I nor my wife like pretzels. So, I'm thinking of putting some sticks out for the critters.
Posted by: Bulg at May 11, 2026 04:38 PM (77rzZ)
-----

It's just crunchy bread so yeah solid chance the birds will carry it all away post haste.

Posted by: ballistic at May 11, 2026 04:40 PM (oqH4h)

210 Posted by: Bulg at May 11, 2026 04:34 PM (77rzZ

He's not disliking it. He sometimes has very long days with a large amount of driving , but he's working hard , getting out of the house and making money so is glad about that. Thanks for asking.

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at May 11, 2026 04:40 PM (Yl2Ob)

211 JUST IN: Democrats have just appealed to the US SUPREME COURT in a last-minute bid to REINSTATE Virginia's 10D-1R gerrymander, which was struck down by the State Supreme Court

That's not how any of this works.
Posted by: garrett

Would love to hear the "We decline to hear this case".

😂😂😂
Posted by: rickb223

=============

With Jumanji Jackson's dissent.

Posted by: Blonde Morticia's Phone at May 11, 2026 04:41 PM (XJ22o)

212 Rowan and Martin, Foster Brooks, Jonathon Winters, Don Rickles. THEY were funny. Not this current bunch of clowns.

Posted by: turambar at May 11, 2026 04:41 PM (Q0yOR)

213 He's not disliking it. He sometimes has very long days with a large amount of driving, but he's working hard, getting out of the house and making money so is glad about that. Thanks for asking.
Posted by: FenelonSpoke

Good to hear, Fen.

Posted by: Bulg at May 11, 2026 04:42 PM (77rzZ)

214 Rowan and Martin, Foster Brooks, Jonathon Winters, Don Rickles. THEY were funny. Not this current bunch of clowns.
Posted by: turambar

I find it weird that Don Rickles' best friend was Bob Newhart. Both very funny, but very funny, but both very different in style.

Posted by: Bulg at May 11, 2026 04:43 PM (77rzZ)

215 Unas yest' NOOD.

Posted by: Bulg at May 11, 2026 04:45 PM (77rzZ)

216 Posted by: Bulg at May 11, 2026 04:33

Im glad that you had a nice dinner but im sorry that your wife is having a bad patch at work and good chocolate is usually much appreciated.

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at May 11, 2026 04:46 PM (Yl2Ob)

217 That's neither a "roast" nor funny.

Posted by: Crusader at May 11, 2026 04:32 PM (TN0g+)

This is where you and I differ.

Posted by: ... at May 11, 2026 04:48 PM (vE0+H)

218 Wow she's not funny. Who knew ?

Posted by: SOMEASSHOLESTOLEMYPEN at May 11, 2026 04:49 PM (FV5X0)

219 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ig-w2L6vw08

A real roast

Posted by: Ray's Cyst at May 11, 2026 04:51 PM (jrgJz)

220 My Father in Law is an odd guy. He's smart, but he's reflexively contrarian, extremely independent, and easily enticed by unconventional ideas.

I was chatting with him yesterday and he told me he's been on a liver cleanse. I'm already extremely suspicious of cleanses, but I'm holding my tongue. He says phase I just ended, and now he's on to phase II. Phase II involves ingesting Turpentine.

Alright, tongue holding time over. I look at him quizically and ask him, "Turpentine?" "Yes," he says. I immediately get on google and am looking for Turpentine toxicity concentration and other similar information. He assures me he's going to only take half a tablespoon per day and it's "pure" Turpentine, distilled from pine resin.

I tell him a fatal dose is somewhere around 8 to 12 tablespoons. I see it's a gastrointestinal irritant, a CNS depressant, and can cause pneumonitis if aspirated.

I tell him this. He tells me he trusts Dr Andrew Kaufmann. I ask him if he's sure he's not being pranked. Andy Kaufmann? Really? Like the comedian? He says no. I look this guy up. Apparently he's a real MD, but I'm skeptical. He tells me he'll text me later today, or maybe not.

Posted by: bonhomme at May 11, 2026 04:55 PM (mkw2N)

221 Norm Crosby, Charlie Callas. None like them today.

Posted by: free tibet at May 11, 2026 05:22 PM (iNp3L)

222 Zionist, huh? I never liked that fat cocksucker. Good to know my instinctual repulsion is validated by his libtard Party spew.

Posted by: Anti-anti-Zionist at May 11, 2026 06:23 PM (Dz7wk)

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