Retirement Day Cafe

Stapeley Hill in Shropshire, England
Sarah/Larkspurr44

Why is the new guy so standoffish?

I've linked this dog before, but I think this is a new clip: Spinning, that's a good trick!

Who's there?

A sea otter production of Twin Peaks. Who killed Laura Otter?

Few people realize this, but Iceland has a lot of ice.

Chalten in Patagonia.

That's deep, man.

A big hippo wallow.

Baby teaches a dog.

Psychologists spend all day thinking up weird ish like this.

John Candy and Kevin Klein in parody of The Hustler from the 80s. The clip replaces the music used originally with copyright free music so that the video doesn't get deleted, but if you ignore that, it's pretty funny. (It's not from SCTV -- it's from this forgotten Lorne Michaels primetime show. Bonus: I just found this clip which I remember from ages ago.)

He’s helping.. 😊 pic.twitter.com/9Fw1huEPiI
— Buitengebieden (@buitengebieden) May 1, 2026

After 9 years of service, police dog gets his name called one last time before retirement.. 🥺 pic.twitter.com/aDkXMb9rQD
— Buitengebieden (@buitengebieden) May 1, 2026

Posted by: Disinformation Expert Ace at 07:30 PM

Comments

(Jump to bottom of comments)

1 Good evening everyone

Posted by: Skip at May 01, 2026 07:31 PM (Ia/+0)

2 ST

Posted by: Boss Moss at May 01, 2026 07:32 PM (in1PH)

3 Skip nooded.

*respectful nod*

Posted by: Nazdar at May 01, 2026 07:32 PM (NcvvS)

4 You havegot to be kidding? No comments yet.

Posted by: BifBewalski - at May 01, 2026 07:32 PM (QVmho)

5 Shropshire or, as it is properly named, the Welsh Marches.

Posted by: we must protect the honour of our sheep at May 01, 2026 07:32 PM (gKWVE)

6 Nope, read the content

Posted by: BifBewalski - at May 01, 2026 07:32 PM (QVmho)

7 And then there's Patagonia, aka Cymru Newydd

Posted by: gKWVE at May 01, 2026 07:33 PM (gKWVE)

8 I thknk doggie Ninka we saw but yes a new clip

Posted by: Skip at May 01, 2026 07:34 PM (Ia/+0)

9 For once the dog IS helping.

Posted by: toby928(c) at May 01, 2026 07:34 PM (4NO2D)

10 Seems like you could disassemble that hill.

Posted by: Boss Moss at May 01, 2026 07:35 PM (in1PH)

11 The Patagonia region is awesome. Highly recommended if you want an outdoor adventure vacation.

Bonus, it's a lot cheaper than going to Europe.

Posted by: JackStraw at May 01, 2026 07:37 PM (viF8m)

12 Bats!!! We have bats!!!!! O frabjous day !!!!

Thank you, Ace! Your work this week has been stellar, and appreciated muchly! Have a great weekend!

Posted by: Duncanthrax at May 01, 2026 07:38 PM (0sNs1)

13 I should know England geography by now but don't

Posted by: Skip at May 01, 2026 07:39 PM (Ia/+0)

14
Interestingly, the upper stage of the Falcon 9 that launched the Blue Ghost lander to the Moon back in Jan, 2025 is going to crash into the Moon on Aug 5, sometime around 6:44Z, or 2:44AM EDT.

It's going to hit close to Einstein Crater on the western limb, and the Moon will be near the 3rd quarter, so that region will be in sunlight.

Impact speed will be "only" around 5400 mph, and that's not enough to make any bright impact flash anyway. Biggest ground based telescopes couldn't see it if they tried even if it was in the dark (they did try one time with another planned impact).

Posted by: publius, Rascally Mr. Miley (w6EFb) at May 01, 2026 07:39 PM (w6EFb)

15 I was relaxing and settling in here, but the Bat content made me nervous and jittery.

Posted by: Penguin Pete at May 01, 2026 07:41 PM (oftw2)

16 I would not want to dredge the bottom of the Black Sea. The USSR dumped some nasty shit there.

Lake Erie is surprisingly shallow for a Great Lake.

Posted by: Harry Vandenburg at May 01, 2026 07:41 PM (kxLc1)

17 Sea otter!

Did you know they hold hands when they sleep?

Have a lovely weekend, ace.

Posted by: nurse ratched at May 01, 2026 07:42 PM (A5RD0)

18 Salutes Police Doggie

Posted by: Skip at May 01, 2026 07:43 PM (Ia/+0)

19 West of Birmingham.

Posted by: Boss Moss at May 01, 2026 07:43 PM (in1PH)

20 Prof T. liked Welsh. And Wales. And pretty much all the Midlands shires.

Posted by: gKWVE at May 01, 2026 07:44 PM (gKWVE)

21
We treat ourselves to one (1) frosted sugar cookie for dessert after dinner. Her Majesty shares hers with Diana, who gets the non-icing part. She watches HM with such intentness as to be almost comical.

Posted by: Hadrian the Seventh at May 01, 2026 07:44 PM (HdYcL)

22 Seems like you could disassemble that hill.
Posted by: Boss Moss at May 01, 2026 07:35 PM (in1PH)

That can be said for any hill.

Posted by: Oldcat at May 01, 2026 07:44 PM (8avO+)

23
Something else interesting. The US military tracks just about every piece of space junk up there, but that only extended to geostationary radius, call it 22,000 miles or so. They don't track cisulunar space. That's been the province of some civilian astronomers and trackers.

That is changing. Air Force is developing some tracking satellites and they will expand coverage out beyond the Moon a bit. Space Force will be in charge of it once it's operational.

They're calling it CHPS, the Cislunar Highway Patrol. Why now? Chicoms, mainly. They've got Moon ambitions, and we need to carefully watch so they don't try to sneak something in this region.

Posted by: publius, Rascally Mr. Miley (w6EFb) at May 01, 2026 07:45 PM (w6EFb)

24 They're calling it CHPS, the Cislunar Highway Patrol. Why now? Chicoms, mainly. They've got Moon ambitions, and we need to carefully watch so they don't try to sneak something in this region.
Posted by: publius, Rascally Mr. Miley (w6EFb) at May 01, 2026 07:45 PM (w6EFb)

Takes a lot of delta vee to get things up there, hard to call it sneaky.

Posted by: Oldcat at May 01, 2026 07:46 PM (8avO+)

25 Do they make you take a climate change seminar like they do with Time Shares sales if you visit Patagonia?

Posted by: Harry Vandenburg at May 01, 2026 07:47 PM (kxLc1)

26 That can be said for any hill.
Posted by: Oldcat at May 01, 2026 07:44 PM (8avO+)

IIRC there was a big hill in southern Colorado that had beautiful black granite or obsidian or some mix of both. It was an exposed extinct volcanic core.
It got disassembled for export.

Posted by: gKWVE at May 01, 2026 07:47 PM (gKWVE)

27
Chicoms, mainly. They've got Moon ambitions, and we need to carefully watch so they don't try to sneak something in this region.

Posted by: publius, Rascally Mr. Miley (w6EFb) at May 01, 2026 07:45 PM (w6EFb)

_____________

We don't want any threats to the Trump Lunar Base and Casino.

Posted by: Hadrian the Seventh at May 01, 2026 07:47 PM (HdYcL)

28 I should know England geography by now but don't
Posted by: Skip at May 01, 2026 07:39 PM

It's a long way to Tipperary.

Posted by: Duncanthrax at May 01, 2026 07:47 PM (0sNs1)

29 I should know England geography by now but don't
Posted by: Skip at May 01, 2026 07:39 PM

It's a long way to Tipperary.
Posted by: Duncanthrax at May 01, 2026 07:47 PM (0sNs1)

which is in Ireland.

Posted by: Oldcat at May 01, 2026 07:49 PM (8avO+)

30 England is the size of Alabama.

Posted by: Harry Vandenburg at May 01, 2026 07:49 PM (kxLc1)

31 And France is the size of Texas.

Posted by: Harry Vandenburg at May 01, 2026 07:50 PM (kxLc1)

32 I was relaxing and settling in here, but the Bat content made me nervous and jittery.
Posted by: Penguin Pete at May 01, 2026 07:41 PM

I can understand how the lack of mephitic bouquet could impact you that way.

Posted by: Duncanthrax at May 01, 2026 07:50 PM (0sNs1)

33
They're calling it CHPS, the Cislunar Highway Patrol. Why now? Chicoms, mainly. They've got Moon ambitions

Ponch and John will be patrolling the space lanes.

Posted by: Bertram Cabot, Jr. at May 01, 2026 07:51 PM (Cqx++)

34 >> Takes a lot of delta vee to get things up there, hard to call it sneaky.

Supposed they launch a peaceful scientific research mission putting something in lunar orbit, or landers which they've done. On the far side of the moon, that spacecraft deploys some sneaky little extra spacecraft, which then maneuvers off for some other purposes.

Posted by: publius, Rascally Mr. Miley (w6EFb) at May 01, 2026 07:51 PM (w6EFb)

35 The new wife of a double murderer screamed “I love you” and flailed against the window as her husband was executed in front of her in Texas.

British law graduate Tiana Krasniqi had married death row inmate James Broadnax just weeks before he died by lethal injection Thursday while professing his innocence for killing two men in a 2008 robbery.

The new wife — who struck up her relationship with the killer by writing to him in prison as part of her law studies — was inconsolable as he was finally executed hours after the US Supreme Court denied a request to stop it.

https://tinyurl.com/529b9m8h
(NY Post)

I'll never understand why a woman would fall in love with a jailbird, or serial killer, or death row inmate, but some do.

This gal fell in love with a guy in another country just writing to him for research while working for a masters degree in human rights.

She's not horrible to look at, so why??

I recall the woman who married Ted Bundy, of all people, while he was on trial for the murder of one of his many victims.
It's the craziest thing.

Posted by: SpeakingOf at May 01, 2026 07:51 PM (6ydKt)

36 30 England is the size of Alabama.
Posted by: Harry Vandenburg

well, one place is full of inbred retards which imported a race problem that will kill it
the other one has lynyrd skynyrd

Posted by: gKWVE at May 01, 2026 07:52 PM (gKWVE)

37
And France is the size of Texas.

Posted by: Harry Vandenburg at May 01, 2026 07:50 PM (kxLc1)

_____________

With

Posted by: Hadrian the Seventh at May 01, 2026 07:52 PM (HdYcL)

38 Have they renamed Slave Lake yet?

Posted by: Bertram Cabot, Jr. at May 01, 2026 07:52 PM (Cqx++)

39 >> Ponch and John will be patrolling the space lanes.

They need to name some of hardware after them. Also Broderick Crawford.

Posted by: publius, Rascally Mr. Miley (w6EFb) at May 01, 2026 07:52 PM (w6EFb)

40 Alabama and Mississippi have a higher percapita income than England.

Posted by: Boss Moss at May 01, 2026 07:52 PM (in1PH)

41 >>Do they make you take a climate change seminar like they do with Time Shares sales if you visit Patagonia?

The complete opposite.

Breathtakingly gorgeous around every turn.

https://tinyurl.com/3pf5zf48

Posted by: JackStraw at May 01, 2026 07:53 PM (viF8m)

42 drat, willowed!

Posted by: runner at May 01, 2026 07:53 PM (GD0B3)

43 I'll never understand why a woman would fall in love with a jailbird, or serial killer, or death row inmate, but some do.

This gal fell in love with a guy in another country just writing to him for research while working for a masters degree in human rights.

She's not horrible to look at, so why??

I recall the woman who married Ted Bundy, of all people, while he was on trial for the murder of one of his many victims.
It's the craziest thing.
Posted by: SpeakingOf at May 01, 2026 07:51 PM (6ydKt)

He's famous, and might be able to handle a Viking trying to sack your village and carry her off. What's not to like?

Posted by: Oldcat at May 01, 2026 07:54 PM (8avO+)

44 Texas could have a Emperor like France did

Posted by: Skip at May 01, 2026 07:54 PM (Ia/+0)

45 Have they renamed Slave Lake yet?
Posted by: Bertram Cabot, Jr. at May 01, 2026 07:52 PM (Cqx++)

Its Great Slave Lake, so its a complement.

Posted by: Oldcat at May 01, 2026 07:55 PM (8avO+)

46 He's famous, and might be able to handle a Viking trying to sack your village and carry her off. What's not to like?

Posted by: Oldcat at May 01, 2026 07:54 PM (8avO+)

Well, maybe, but not if the state executes him first.

Can you get a life insurance policy on a death row inmate?
Now that would at least make sense.

Posted by: SpeakingOf at May 01, 2026 07:56 PM (6ydKt)

47 Posted by: JackStraw at May 01, 2026 07:53 PM (viF8m)

I was snarking because climate advocates point to Patagonia is how we should be .

Posted by: Harry Vandenburg at May 01, 2026 07:56 PM (kxLc1)

48 Ace, if this is your rertriement, then CONGRATULATIONS! And welcome to the club, youngster!

Posted by: Nazdar at May 01, 2026 07:57 PM (NcvvS)

49 Do they make you take a climate change seminar like they do with Time Shares sales if you visit Patagonia?

The complete opposite.

Breathtakingly gorgeous around every turn.

https://tinyurl.com/3pf5zf48
Posted by: JackStraw at May 01, 2026 07:53 PM (viF8m)

Was watching a video on a town of some 20K or so people that was buried by a landslide in a big earthquake completely. only a few kids and teachers were evac-ed to a valleyside graveyard at higher elevation.

Posted by: Oldcat at May 01, 2026 07:57 PM (8avO+)

50 Can you get a life insurance policy on a death row inmate?
Now that would at least make sense.
Posted by: SpeakingOf at May 01, 2026 07:56 PM (6ydKt)

would you have to report that as a 'preexisting condition'?

Posted by: Oldcat at May 01, 2026 07:59 PM (8avO+)

51 Legalinsurrection.com 600 groups fronted 6,000 May Day cele

Posted by: Skip at May 01, 2026 07:59 PM (Ia/+0)

52 Been hanging out at the Retirement Day Cafe for a few weeks now, just retired myself. Now on to get busy with the things I want to do.

It's definitely underrated...I recommend it to everyone...

Posted by: Mudshark at May 01, 2026 08:00 PM (/HdGR)

53
The new wife of a double murderer screamed “I love you” and flailed against the window as her husband was executed in front of her in Texas for murdering two men in the course of robbery and car theft.

Amended for completeness.

Posted by: Hadrian the Seventh at May 01, 2026 08:00 PM (HdYcL)

54 They say Spirit Airlines is set to stop flights and cease operations tonight.

I guess there'll be no more Spirit in the sky.

Posted by: Duncanthrax at May 01, 2026 08:02 PM (0sNs1)

55 That fake hand body transfer illusion video is hilarious at the end.

Posted by: SpeakingOf at May 01, 2026 08:03 PM (6ydKt)

56 Supposed they launch a peaceful scientific research mission putting something in lunar orbit, or landers which they've done. On the far side of the moon, that spacecraft deploys some sneaky little extra spacecraft, which then maneuvers off for some other purposes.
Posted by: publius, Rascally Mr. Miley (w6EFb) at May 01, 2026 07:51 PM (w6EFb)
----
Don't we have permanent satellites around the moon? Ongoing scientific instruments? Wouldn't they be able to spot any Chinese lunar shenanigans?

Posted by: "Perfessor" Squirrel at May 01, 2026 08:03 PM (gnNyN)

57
They say Spirit Airlines is set to stop flights and cease operations tonight.

____________

Why, this could lead to disorderly conduct among their customers!

Posted by: Hadrian the Seventh at May 01, 2026 08:04 PM (HdYcL)

58 50 Can you get a life insurance policy on a death row inmate?
Now that would at least make sense.
Posted by: SpeakingOf

We ask no health questions at all.

Posted by: Jonathan Lawson @ Colonial Penn at May 01, 2026 08:04 PM (oftw2)

59 Retirement is awfully busy around here. Just started getting the greenhouse going, cleaned the inside of my car (once a year, whether it needs it or not), steam cleaned the bathroom and the kitchen, boxed up a bunch of stuff to get it out of the way for the remodelers, running the dogs, stacking firewood.....

Maybe I should go back to work where I can rest up.

Posted by: tcn in AK at May 01, 2026 08:05 PM (DwqWV)

60 >>Was watching a video on a town of some 20K or so people that was buried by a landslide in a big earthquake completely. only a few kids and teachers were evac-ed to a valleyside graveyard at higher elevation.

Chile is on the southeastern side of the Ring of Fire. Earthquakes are if anything more common there than here but for obvious reasons it doesn't get reported on here much.

But it is a truly spectacularly beautiful place with mostly friendly people. I'm a big fan of the southern hemisphere in general but the Patagonia region is a hugely overlooked area to visit.

Don't tell anyone. It'll get crowded.

Posted by: JackStraw at May 01, 2026 08:05 PM (viF8m)

61
Weren't "Highway Patrol" episodes regularly featured here?

Crawford bombed and a case solving road block every time!

Posted by: Auspex at May 01, 2026 08:06 PM (DECkL)

62 Why, this could lead to disorderly conduct among their customers!
Posted by: Hadrian the Seventh at May 01, 2026 08:04 PM (HdYcL)

How could that be?

Posted by: tcn in AK at May 01, 2026 08:06 PM (DwqWV)

63
Wouldn't they be able to spot any Chinese lunar shenanigans?

Posted by: "Perfessor" Squirrel at May 01, 2026 08:03 PM (gnNyN)

____________

Screw that "for all mankind" bushwah. It's OUR moon, dammit!

Posted by: Hadrian the Seventh at May 01, 2026 08:06 PM (HdYcL)

64
Can you get a life insurance policy on a death row inmate?
Now that would at least make sense.
Posted by: SpeakingOf

Call Big Lou

Posted by: Bertram Cabot, Jr. at May 01, 2026 08:07 PM (Cqx++)

65 Have they renamed Slave Lake yet?
Posted by: Bertram Cabot, Jr. at May 01, 2026 07:52 PM (Cqx++)

Yes, Ottawa has sent out the directive that it will be henceforth called "Lake That Was Formerly Free" (Fr, Lac Autrefois Libres ) since that is "in line with the current mores and attitudes of the Canadian State and reflexive of the realities facing the Canadian people"

Posted by: Kindltot at May 01, 2026 08:07 PM (rbvCR)

66 Screw that "for all mankind" bushwah. It's OUR moon, dammit!
Posted by: Hadrian the Seventh at May 01, 2026 08:06 PM (HdYcL)

To be fair, most of mankind is asshoe.

Posted by: tcn in AK at May 01, 2026 08:07 PM (DwqWV)

67 Sunday night Gun Thread features a Highway Patrol episode.

Posted by: Bertram Cabot, Jr. at May 01, 2026 08:09 PM (Cqx++)

68 The return of pumas to Patagonia is helping reduce the penguin menace there substantially, according to reports.

Posted by: Duncanthrax at May 01, 2026 08:09 PM (0sNs1)

69 Who is retiring??

Posted by: runner at May 01, 2026 08:10 PM (GD0B3)

70 Don't we have permanent satellites around the moon? Ongoing scientific instruments? Wouldn't they be able to spot any Chinese lunar shenanigans?
Posted by: "Perfessor" Squirrel at May 01, 2026 08:03 PM (gnNyN)

its actually pretty hard to keep something in orbit of the moon for long periods. They keep wandering off into solar orbits, and back.

Posted by: Oldcat at May 01, 2026 08:11 PM (8avO+)

71 Hey, all. Probably the last post I'll make on the subject, but I know you guys have helped me and my dad out in the past with donations. If you'd like to help my family and myself, here is the gofundme link to do so. If not that's okay, too. I know some people were asking about it.

https://tinyurl.com/whitebreadfund

Posted by: Captain Whitebread Jr. at May 01, 2026 08:11 PM (y9QM6)

72 Who is retiring??
Posted by: runner at May 01, 2026 08:10 PM (GD0B3)

I assumed the police dog.

Posted by: Oldcat at May 01, 2026 08:11 PM (8avO+)

73 >> Wouldn't they be able to spot any Chinese lunar shenanigans?

Nope. LRO and the others aren't designed for tracking small objects at all. Their mission was precision mapping of the lunar surface.

We don't have anything capable of small object cislunar tracking at all now. It's a big blind spot that the Chicoms could and likely would exploit. They have several spacecraft in lunar orbit now. Who knows what they may actually be doing beyond their stated purposes.

Posted by: publius, Rascally Mr. Miley (w6EFb) at May 01, 2026 08:12 PM (w6EFb)

74
Maybe I should go back to work where I can rest up.

Posted by: tcn in AK at May 01, 2026 08:05 PM (DwqWV)

____________

When asked where I worked, I replied that I worked at home and went to the office to get some rest.

Posted by: Hadrian the Seventh at May 01, 2026 08:12 PM (HdYcL)

75 >>The return of pumas to Patagonia is helping reduce the penguin menace there substantially, according to reports.

Just because one penguin touched you inappropriately is no reason to take it out on a while species. To truly be free you have to leave it behind.

Posted by: JackStraw at May 01, 2026 08:12 PM (viF8m)

76 It is no surprise that May 1st is also "Kiss A Patagonian Penguin Day". This blatant encouragement of polymorphic perversity has been brought about by Big Penguin's influence in the Southern hemisphere, and presages the unspeakable horror that will result should their relentless Northward expansion not be thwarted.

Posted by: Penguin Facts at May 01, 2026 08:12 PM (vFG9F)

77 Hey, all. Probably the last post I'll make on the subject, but I know you guys have helped me and my dad out in the past with donations. If you'd like to help my family and myself, here is the gofundme link to do so. If not that's okay, too. I know some people were asking about it.

https://tinyurl.com/whitebreadfund
Posted by: Captain Whitebread Jr. at May 01, 2026 08:11 PM (y9QM6)

I'm sorry for your loss CW Jr.

Posted by: Oldcat at May 01, 2026 08:12 PM (8avO+)

78 Retirement day cafe? What did I miss by working today?

Posted by: PaleRider at May 01, 2026 08:12 PM (PV+Zw)

79 K9 Indy's retirement vid gets me every time.

Posted by: Notorious BFD at May 01, 2026 08:13 PM (ceJ0R)

80 Have they renamed Slave Lake yet?
Posted by: Bertram Cabot, Jr. at May 01, 2026 07:52 PM (Cqx++)

Yes, Ottawa has sent out the directive that it will be henceforth called "Lake That Was Formerly Free" (Fr, Lac Autrefois Libres ) since that is "in line with the current mores and attitudes of the Canadian State and reflexive of the realities facing the Canadian people"
Posted by: Kindltot at May 01, 2026 08:07 PM (rbvCR)

Apparently it was named for an Amerindian tribe in the region and not for slavery at all. Liberal idiots.

Posted by: Oldcat at May 01, 2026 08:15 PM (8avO+)

81 I'm on meds, too!

Posted by: Big Lou at May 01, 2026 08:15 PM (2Ez/1)

82
K9 Indy deserves his pension. A good cop.

Posted by: Hadrian the Seventh at May 01, 2026 08:16 PM (HdYcL)

83 What did I miss by working today?
Posted by: PaleRider at May 01, 2026 08:12 PM
+++
Felt just like a Saturday.

Posted by: Quarter Twenty at May 01, 2026 08:17 PM (2Ez/1)

84 Psychologists spend all day thinking up weird ish like this.

That's not a psychological experiment, that's just a dumb prank.

Posted by: Oddbob at May 01, 2026 08:21 PM (vTZFs)

85 Indy is a Good Boy

Posted by: San Franpsycho at May 01, 2026 08:22 PM (RIvkX)

86 What did I miss by working today?
Posted by: PaleRider at May 01, 2026 08:12 PM

You were supposed to not go to work, not go to school, and not do any shopping today, comrade!

A report will be filed with the Central Committee.

Posted by: Denizen of Democratic Underground at May 01, 2026 08:25 PM (0sNs1)

87 72 Who is retiring??
Posted by: runner at May 01, 2026 08:10 PM (GD0B3)

I assumed the police dog.
Posted by: Oldcat at May 01, 2026 08:11 PM (8avO+)

His days of being exploited by cops to fabricate probable cause to unlawfully search people's automobiles are over.

Posted by: Bad cop, no donut at May 01, 2026 08:26 PM (TbWk/)

88 Fish Lake gets my vote.

Posted by: Eromero at May 01, 2026 08:27 PM (LHPAg)

89 Should have hit the street with hammer and scythe red flag

Posted by: Skip at May 01, 2026 08:28 PM (Ia/+0)

90 Quite a few morons have retired recently.

Don't let your name show up on the leaderboard. Don't ask me how I know.

Posted by: San Franpsycho at May 01, 2026 08:29 PM (RIvkX)

91 " I would not want to dredge the bottom of the Black Sea. The USSR dumped some nasty shit there."
*******
Visited a Black Sea beach in the Georgia Republic about 15 years after the USSR went under. The water was clean but you couldn't go barefoot because of all the debris: glass, metal, needles, etc.

Posted by: Cosda at May 01, 2026 08:31 PM (QBNIY)

92 Canadian lakes, streams, maybe a whole Province, will soon be named for penguins. Inroads, outroads, we're making them all!

Posted by: Penguin Liberation Front at May 01, 2026 08:32 PM (oftw2)

93
Old: Slave Lake

New: Tax Cow Lake

Posted by: Hadrian the Seventh at May 01, 2026 08:32 PM (HdYcL)

94 89 Should have hit the street with hammer and scythe red flag
Posted by: Skip at May 01, 2026 08:28 PM (Ia/+0)
I could have joined you with my Russian Major General garrison cap (pisscutter). We could have share a bottle of vodka. Da?

Posted by: Eromero at May 01, 2026 08:33 PM (LHPAg)

95 You were supposed to not go to work, not go to school, and not do any shopping today, comrade!

A report will be filed with the Central Committee.
Posted by: Denizen of Democratic Underground at May 01, 2026 08:25 PM (0sNs1)
----
Huh. Surprisingly, I passed...

Posted by: "Perfessor" Squirrel at May 01, 2026 08:33 PM (gnNyN)

96 >> its actually pretty hard to keep something in orbit of the moon for long periods.

The mascons make low orbits very unstable. Anything below about 60 miles will crash in very short order without active maneuvering, which requires fuel. However, the Moon has some tricks, the so-called frozen orbits, where all the perturbations cancel out, and they can remain stable for a long time. They mapped out the gravity field of the Moon to high precision by 2001 and confirmed these. They had suspected they existed for a good while.

There are four magic inclinations, 27, 50, 76, and 86 degrees. The LRO is parked in that 86 degree inclination right now. It's nearly polar, which is what you want for a mapping orbit.

Posted by: publius, Rascally Mr. Miley (w6EFb) at May 01, 2026 08:34 PM (w6EFb)

97 Mrs. F. just informs that our Supervisor Connie Chan and candidate to replace Pelosi was arrested today for blocking traffic at SFO.

Commie.

Posted by: San Franpsycho at May 01, 2026 08:35 PM (RIvkX)

98 Can you get a life insurance policy on a death row inmate?

Maybe. Since most of 'em die of old age.

Posted by: Oddbob at May 01, 2026 08:35 PM (vTZFs)

99
Edmonton and Ottawa have been eliminated from the Stanley Cup playoffs. Let us pray that Tampa can come back against the Canadiens and remove the Scourge of the North from further competition.

Posted by: Hadrian the Seventh at May 01, 2026 08:37 PM (HdYcL)

100 Nice, Federal Judge sanctions US Fed Attorneys for missing deadlines on filings for cases that... should not be in that court anyway as they are Immigration issues, and should be decided by Immigration Judges.

Posted by: Romeo13 at May 01, 2026 08:38 PM (mP0Kj)

101 95 You were supposed to not go to work, not go to school, and not do any shopping today, comrade!

A report will be filed with the Central Committee.
Posted by: Denizen of Democratic Underground at May 01, 2026 08:25 PM (0sNs1)
----
Huh. Surprisingly, I passed...
Posted by: "Perfessor" Squirrel at May 01, 2026 08:33 PM (gnNyN)

Weird, grocery store was just PACKED.

Posted by: Romeo13 at May 01, 2026 08:38 PM (mP0Kj)

102 Have they renamed Slave Lake yet?
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Yes, Ottawa has sent out the directive that it will be henceforth called "Lake That Was Formerly Free" (Fr, Lac Autrefois Libres ) since that is "in line with the current mores and attitudes of the Canadian State and reflexive of the realities facing the Canadian people"

I honestly don't know whether or not that's satire.

Posted by: Oddbob at May 01, 2026 08:39 PM (vTZFs)

103 75 >>The return of pumas to Patagonia is helping reduce the penguin menace there substantially, according to reports.

Just because one penguin touched you inappropriately is no reason to take it out on a while species. To truly be free you have to leave it behind.
Posted by: JackStraw at May 01, 2026 08:12 PM (viF8m)

I always KNEW Opus was a bit.... strange...

Posted by: Romeo13 at May 01, 2026 08:40 PM (mP0Kj)

104 "Federal Judge sanctions US Fed Attorneys for missing deadlines on filings for cases that... should not be in that court anyway as they are Immigration issues"

Those attorneys are going to pay a fine and be disbarred, right?

Posted by: Guy who expects something to happen at May 01, 2026 08:40 PM (vFG9F)

105 95 You were supposed to not go to work, not go to school, and not do any shopping today, comrade!

A report will be filed with the Central Committee.
Posted by: Denizen of Democratic Underground at May 01, 2026 08:25 PM (0sNs1)
----
Huh. Surprisingly, I passed...
Posted by: "Perfessor" Squirrel at May 01, 2026 08:33 PM (gnNyN)

Weird, grocery store was just PACKED.
Posted by: Romeo13 at May 01, 2026 08:38 PM (mP0Kj)
----
Actually, I take that back. I did go shopping at Walmart this morning, so I only get 2/3.

I'll report to the reprogramming facility immediately.

Posted by: "Perfessor" Squirrel at May 01, 2026 08:41 PM (gnNyN)

106 I've been on that road in Iceland, and will be going to Patagonia to see that place in October. I'm pumped.

Posted by: Archimedes at May 01, 2026 08:41 PM (Riz8t)

107 I've been on that road in Iceland, and will be going to Patagonia to see that place in October. I'm pumped.

Posted by: Archimedes at May 01, 2026 08:42 PM (Riz8t)

108 Well, darn.

Posted by: Archimedes at May 01, 2026 08:42 PM (Riz8t)

109 Wokers Unite!

Posted by: May B Day at May 01, 2026 08:42 PM (vFG9F)

110 Okay this has me laughing.

RFK Jr's son Tweets him asking if he is all right. And RFK Jr Tweets back he is still hungry.

It will take more than a crazed gunman apparently to ruin his appetite.

Posted by: Anna Puma at May 01, 2026 08:43 PM (2GVsD)

111 Can you get a life insurance policy on a death row inmate?

Maybe. Since most of 'em die of old age.
Posted by: Oddbob

Nope. You must have an "insurable interest" in the person to take out a life insurance contract on them. That means
you would suffer a financial loss or hardship if the insured person were to die.

Posted by: Tonypete at May 01, 2026 08:44 PM (Kyh8Y)

112 I didn't know this and you really can't make this stuff up but did you know that Minnesota's new flag looks like Somali's?

Posted by: fd at May 01, 2026 08:45 PM (vFG9F)

113 Coincidentally, I saw Chinese Lunar Shenanigans open for the Alan Parsons Project.

Posted by: Captain Obvious, Laird o' the Sea at May 01, 2026 08:45 PM (xvhJH)

114 >> I've been on that road in Iceland, and will be going to Patagonia to see that place in October. I'm pumped.

I hope you have a great time.

Posted by: JackStraw at May 01, 2026 08:47 PM (viF8m)

115 We spent 7 hours getting Mrs. E's second of four infusions. After some distress during the first one it's gone smooth. She claims no pains, nausea, joint aches, etc. We are blessed. Nobody was protesting at the cancer center.

Posted by: Eromero at May 01, 2026 08:47 PM (LHPAg)

116 106 I've been on that road in Iceland, and will be going to Patagonia to see that place in October. I'm pumped.
Posted by: Archimedes

Wow! Good for you! Honestly. That’s really cool.

Posted by: nurse ratched at May 01, 2026 08:48 PM (A5RD0)

117 Sorry, I got called away during the shit movie thread and was unable to post a link to the Casual Geographic hippo video. Here it is now. (Hippo talk is the first 1:20, after that he has other dark dimension animal content)

https://youtu.be/_y8IgEPP1IM

Posted by: tankdemon at May 01, 2026 08:48 PM (AADrA)

118 Good news Eromero. Halfway there. I hope the trend continues.

Posted by: fd at May 01, 2026 08:50 PM (vFG9F)

119 Retirement Day Cafe

On a somewhat related note, I may be retiring from my military service soon, and moving to Hawaii for my next job in a few months. Any Hawaiian Morons out there? Sadly that may impact the timing of my morning reports for everyone as the time zones will be all wrong.

Posted by: Intercepted Reddit Transmissions brought by the Intrepid AoS Liaison at May 01, 2026 08:51 PM (ycI94)

120 I was relaxing and settling in here, but the Bat content made me nervous and jittery.
Posted by: Penguin Pete at May 01, 2026 07:41 PM

Pretty sure i saw Mrs D hanging with them there in the back row...

Posted by: Diogenes at May 01, 2026 08:51 PM (2WIwB)

121 >>>Psychologists spend all day thinking up weird ish like this.

Could be worse. It could've been a video about what weirdish stuff proctologists spend all day thinking up.

Posted by: Anon Y. Mous at May 01, 2026 08:52 PM (syz1S)

122 Could be worse. It could've been a video about what weirdish stuff proctologists spend all day thinking up.
Posted by: Anon Y. Mous at May 01, 2026 08:52 PM (syz1S)
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They don't have to think about it--they routinely FIND it...Generally in other peoples' asses.

Posted by: "Perfessor" Squirrel at May 01, 2026 08:55 PM (gnNyN)

123 >>>Psychologists spend all day thinking up weird ish like this.

Could be worse. It could've been a video about what weirdish stuff proctologists spend all day thinking up.
Posted by: Anon Y. Mous at May 01, 2026 08:52 PM (syz1S)

I think my doc has me turn my head to the right instead of the left to cough. Just for kicks.

Posted by: Diogenes at May 01, 2026 08:55 PM (2WIwB)

124 Was on the Georgia Black Sea coast not long after the collapse of the USSR. Staying in an Intourist hotel (no electricity, or a few hours a day, can't remember, but definitely used stairs not elevator, as was SOP). Work trip. Very nice part of the coast, down near Batumi (province of Ajaria). Scenic tea plantations (semi-abandoned at the time) and persimmon orchards right up to the coast.

One morning I got especially early and took a swim in the ocean. Just swam parallel to the shore for a bit. Just to do it. My only concern was what was on the bottom, so I waded out only until it was deep enough to swim before leaving my feet, same procedure on the way in. Beach was pretty clean. But I didn't want some kind nasty cut on my foot under the circumstances.

Posted by: rhomboid at May 01, 2026 09:00 PM (U/Byj)

125 I honestly don't know whether or not that's satire.
Posted by: Oddbob at May 01, 2026 08:39 PM (vTZFs)

Thank you. I have never received such a heart-warming compliment.

Posted by: Kindltot at May 01, 2026 09:02 PM (rbvCR)

126 "Lake That Was Formerly Free"

Now it's twenty bucks to get in.

Posted by: fd at May 01, 2026 09:04 PM (vFG9F)

127 106 I've been on that road in Iceland, and will be going to Patagonia to see that place in October. I'm pumped.
Posted by: Archimedes

Wow! Good for you! Honestly. That’s really cool.

I hope you have a great time.

Thanks. My wife and I reckoned we'd better go now. We aren't getting any younger.

Posted by: Archimedes at May 01, 2026 09:05 PM (Riz8t)

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