One More Quick Update in Brown Shooter Case

I was going to include this in the Cafe, but that breaks a longtime rule of the Cafe. So I'll just post this brief update as I finish the Cafe.

🚨 BREAKING: FBI agents seen SURROUNDING storage facility in Salem, NH where the suspected Brown University shooter’s vehicle was found abandoned

This is heating up QUICKLY. Rifles are being drawn.

Get this scumbag! pic.twitter.com/QYGZGH0UUO
— Nick Sortor (@nicksortor) December 19, 2025

Assemblyman Lyle Culpepper addresses the Brown Shooter situation pic.twitter.com/PvXDBOH21O
— Lyle Culpepper (@ShutupLyle) December 17, 2025

Posted by: Ace at 07:35 PM

Comments

(Jump to bottom of comments)

1 1st

Posted by: GF at December 18, 2025 07:36 PM (iVUs+)

2 Lyle set off my gadar.

Posted by: neverenoughcaffeine at December 18, 2025 07:37 PM (2NHgQ)

3 Guy lives in a storage facility?

Posted by: Skip at December 18, 2025 07:38 PM (Ia/+0)

4 Lyle is a fag.

Posted by: nurse ratched at December 18, 2025 07:38 PM (3izFu)

5 What a pansy.

Posted by: Eeyore at December 18, 2025 07:39 PM (s0JqF)

6 Smh.

Posted by: Harpo Marx at December 18, 2025 07:39 PM (P5C/E)

7 I thought Lyle was a tranny who was really doing it wrong. Then it started talking and I think I might be right.

Posted by: Idaho Spudboy at December 18, 2025 07:39 PM (zZSxi)

8 Hey Lyle, save some chicks for us!

Posted by: Drink Like Vikings at December 18, 2025 07:39 PM (4lsAW)

9 Lyle looks like a tranny

Posted by: Teresa in Fort Worth, AoSHQ's Plucky Wee One - Eat the Cheesecake, Buy the Yarn. at December 18, 2025 07:39 PM (SRRAx)

10 Assemblyman Lyle Culpepper addresses the Brown Shooter situation

-
"Let's do better."

Posted by: Anonosaurus Wrecks, Now With Pumpkin Spice! at December 18, 2025 07:39 PM (L/fGl)

11 Time to send in the goats?

And what the haole hell is a Lyle Culpepper in that video?

Posted by: Anna Puma at December 18, 2025 07:39 PM (2GVsD)

12 Well, I guess it's the season for fruitcake.

Posted by: Eeyore at December 18, 2025 07:39 PM (s0JqF)

13 Lyle sounds really dumb.

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at December 18, 2025 07:39 PM (IeCgc)

14 4 Lyle is a fag.
Posted by: nurse ratched at December 18, 2025 07:38 PM (3izFu)

Not that there's anything wrong with that

Posted by: Jerry Seinfeld at December 18, 2025 07:40 PM (3sXRv)

15 Iranian sleeper cell.

Posted by: Going deep. Out. at December 18, 2025 07:40 PM (URO9T)

16 Iranian sleeper cell.

Posted by: Going deep. Out. at December 18, 2025 07:40 PM (URO9T)

17 Ok, but when can we haz 3am raids on the entire Brown board and faculty involved in the (apparent) cover-up?

Posted by: Helena Handbasket at December 18, 2025 07:40 PM (ULPxl)

18 Anybody in RI want to borrow my horn?

*beep beep*

Posted by: Harpo Marx at December 18, 2025 07:40 PM (P5C/E)

19 Who is the hippie?

Posted by: Case at December 18, 2025 07:41 PM (G1OIb)

20 I'm pretty sure lyle is a parody bit.

Posted by: banana melllow Dream at December 18, 2025 07:41 PM (3uBP9)

21 Lyle is also an idiot.

Posted by: Teresa in Fort Worth, AoSHQ's Plucky Wee One - Eat the Cheesecake, Buy the Yarn. at December 18, 2025 07:41 PM (SRRAx)

22 So is the Brown University suspect still Mustapha?

Posted by: Anna Puma at December 18, 2025 07:41 PM (2GVsD)

23 Lyle talks like a timwalz, and his shit's all timwalzed.

Posted by: Helena Handbasket at December 18, 2025 07:42 PM (ULPxl)

24 I'm pretty sure lyle is a parody bit.
Posted by: banana melllow Dream

New game idea. Lefty or parody?

Posted by: Anonosaurus Wrecks, Now With Pumpkin Spice! at December 18, 2025 07:43 PM (L/fGl)

25 not to be confused with a parity bit.

Posted by: banana melllow error detecting Dream at December 18, 2025 07:43 PM (3uBP9)

26 >> So is the Brown University suspect still Mustapha?

Not sure. But he’s been reported as the campus head of Hamas.

Posted by: Harpo Marx at December 18, 2025 07:43 PM (P5C/E)

27 Is that a wig Lyle is wearing, or is it a bad dye job?

Posted by: Duncanthrax at December 18, 2025 07:43 PM (0sNs1)

28 having guns drawn means nothing the fbi will shoot anybody

Posted by: n at December 18, 2025 07:43 PM (8NRH3)

29 Lyle could be a Palestinian Goat in a people disguise. Demand your $20, Lyle.

Posted by: An Observation sez Trump is my President at December 18, 2025 07:43 PM (Da7Vv)

30 So is the Brown University suspect still Mustapha?
Posted by: Anna Puma

Wasn't there a 'Big Ed Mustapha' character in one of the Enforcer movies?

Posted by: Tonypete at December 18, 2025 07:43 PM (cYBz/)

31 22 So is the Brown University suspect still Mustapha?
__

No, it's now Pat.

Posted by: My Shireena at December 18, 2025 07:44 PM (qUkBO)

32 Can't blame Islam but its always a Muslim

Posted by: Skip at December 18, 2025 07:44 PM (Ia/+0)

33 20 I'm pretty sure lyle is a parody bit.
Posted by: banana melllow Dream at December 18, 2025 07:41 PM (3uBP9)

These days, it's hard to know....

Posted by: Teresa in Fort Worth, AoSHQ's Plucky Wee One - Eat the Cheesecake, Buy the Yarn. at December 18, 2025 07:44 PM (SRRAx)

34 I know it's hard to tell sometimes but "Lyle" is doing a bit.

Posted by: Blast Hardcheese at December 18, 2025 07:44 PM (V362x)

35 On the bright side of things, look at all the people who have been on the news in the past few days and have provided us with video evidence for their upcoming tribunals.

Posted by: Idaho Spudboy at December 18, 2025 07:44 PM (zZSxi)

36 Is that a wig Lyle is wearing, or is it a bad dye job?

Embrace the healing power of "and."

Posted by: Anna Puma at December 18, 2025 07:44 PM (2GVsD)

37 Am I the only one who wants to know how many other universities got the whiny letters from commies demanding that Brown turn off its cameras and did the same as Brown?

Posted by: Helena Handbasket at December 18, 2025 07:44 PM (ULPxl)

38 not to be confused with a parity bit.
Posted by: banana melllow error detecting Dream at December 18, 2025 07:43 PM

Newsletter?

Posted by: ECC at December 18, 2025 07:44 PM (0sNs1)

39 Lyle surely is, or has, dated the shooter, perhaps back when they were each living as the gender they were born to. Or not.

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor at December 18, 2025 07:44 PM (Vvh2V)

40

Readers added context they thought people might want to know

This video is a satirical parody by comedian L.E. Staiman featuring his fictional character "Lyle Culpepper." It does not show a real police spokesperson or event.

Posted by: Bertram Cabot, Jr. at December 18, 2025 07:44 PM (pkeXY)

41 Woke as you would expect him to be

Posted by: Skip at December 18, 2025 07:44 PM (Ia/+0)

42 We're living in a simulation. We must be.

Posted by: BurtTC at December 18, 2025 07:44 PM (/JzDT)

43 I really don't want this one taken alive.

Posted by: steevy at December 18, 2025 07:45 PM (YwEeS)

44 He needs to wash and comb his hair. I can't take him seriously.

Posted by: Case at December 18, 2025 07:45 PM (G1OIb)

45
I'm pretty sure lyle is a parody bit.
Posted by: banana melllow Dream

You think?

Posted by: Soothsayer at December 18, 2025 07:45 PM (zqNUY)

46 That's Assemblyprsyn you h8rs.

Posted by: I am the Shadout Mapes, the Housekeeper at December 18, 2025 07:45 PM (R4xlI)

47
Yes, "Lyle Culpepper" is parody character played by this guy:
https://is.gd/LaxzPJ

He's a Jewish punk rocker. His character has a website for donations called "coveredincome.com" Get it, covered in come?

Posted by: publius, Rascally Mr. Miley (w6EFb) at December 18, 2025 07:45 PM (w6EFb)

48 So straight dude wears a scarf like that.

Posted by: Aetius451AD work phone at December 18, 2025 07:46 PM (zZu0s)

49 Is Mufasa Carnack a Tonight Show character, or the Lion King's other gay uncle?

Posted by: BurtTC at December 18, 2025 07:46 PM (/JzDT)

50 This video is a satirical parody by comedian L.E. Staiman featuring his fictional character "Lyle Culpepper." It does not show a real police spokesperson or event.
Posted by: Bertram Cabot, Jr.

Dude, you're harshing my buzz.

Posted by: Anonosaurus Wrecks, Now With Pumpkin Spice! at December 18, 2025 07:46 PM (L/fGl)

51 Am I the only one who wants to know how many other universities got the whiny letters from commies demanding that Brown turn off its cameras and did the same as Brown?
Posted by: Helena Handbasket at December 18, 2025 07:44 PM (ULPxl)

All of them they contacted.

Posted by: Oldcat at December 18, 2025 07:46 PM (8avO+)

52 At some point we have to strip RI and Del of their statehood.

Maybe break up CA to keep it at 50

Posted by: bob (moron incognitus) at December 18, 2025 07:46 PM (M/kBn)

53 This video is a satirical parody by comedian L.E. Staiman featuring his fictional character "Lyle Culpepper." It does not show a real police spokesperson or event.
Posted by: Bertram Cabot, Jr.

oh good. I was afraid satire had been overtaken by reality again

Posted by: FeatherBlade at December 18, 2025 07:46 PM (a+4eV)

54 >>I know it's hard to tell sometimes but "Lyle" is doing a bit.

No way.

Posted by: JackStraw at December 18, 2025 07:47 PM (viF8m)

55 Here's his picture.

https://tinyurl.com/ymrhcnc9

Posted by: Braenyard - some Absent Friends are more equal than others _ at December 18, 2025 07:47 PM (CHW5l)

56 Assemblyman Lyle Culpepper addresses the Brown Shooter situation

Heh. Not bad.

Posted by: t-bird at December 18, 2025 07:47 PM (kACBq)

57 I'd rather go to Stanford than fucking Brown.

Posted by: Rev. Wishbone at December 18, 2025 07:47 PM (nljXp)

58 Do they have anything with this building?

Posted by: Boss Moss at December 18, 2025 07:47 PM (NS3dP)

59 That last video was meant as a comedic AI mashup, right?

Posted by: Angzarr the Cromulent at December 18, 2025 07:47 PM (XMwZJ)

60 New game idea. Lefty or parody?

Only the Babylon Bee knows for sure.

I did like his "We need to stop blaming Islamics for every act of violence they commit."

Posted by: An Observation sez Trump is my President at December 18, 2025 07:47 PM (Da7Vv)

61 This video is a satirical parody by comedian L.E. Staiman featuring his fictional character "Lyle Culpepper." It does not show a real police spokesperson or event.
Posted by: Bertram Cabot, Jr. at December 18, 2025 07:44 PM (pkeXY)

Parody so dead-nuts on, it's indistinguishable from reality.

Posted by: Alberta Oil Peon at December 18, 2025 07:47 PM (npFr7)

62 We're living in a simulation. We must be.

Posted by: BurtTC

Even if so, how would we know?

Posted by: Tonypete at December 18, 2025 07:47 PM (cYBz/)

63 Is it not worth commenting on the fact that a university has a "Head of Hamas" in the first place?

Posted by: Oldcat at December 18, 2025 07:48 PM (8avO+)

64 So is the Brown University suspect still Mustapha?
Posted by: Anna Puma

Wasn't there a 'Big Ed Mustapha' character in one of the Enforcer movies?

Posted by: Tonypete at December 18, 2025 07:43 PM (cYBz/)

Magnum Force, pimp. Same guy? Also in Dirty Harry, gets the famous line, "44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world . . . ."

Posted by: Comrade Flounder, Disinformation Demon at December 18, 2025 07:48 PM (dK+Kv)

65
Here's his main X feed:
https://is.gd/3lDrGv

It's clear it's a parody.

Posted by: publius, Rascally Mr. Miley (w6EFb) at December 18, 2025 07:48 PM (w6EFb)

66 You think his glasses are big enough?

Posted by: Case at December 18, 2025 07:48 PM (G1OIb)

67 Chelsea opted for Stanford after visiting Brown.

Posted by: Boss Moss at December 18, 2025 07:48 PM (NS3dP)

68 Readers added context they thought people might want to know

This video is a satirical parody by comedian L.E. Staiman featuring his fictional character "Lyle Culpepper." It does not show a real police spokesperson or event.
Posted by: Bertram Cabot, Jr. at December 18, 2025 07:44 PM (pkeXY)

Next you're going to tell me that Jonathan Swift's "A Modest Proposal" isn't actually a cookbook.

Whoops! Whoopsie!

Posted by: Idaho Spudboy at December 18, 2025 07:48 PM (zZSxi)

69 NO straight dude wears a scarf like that.

Hell, only maybe 1 or 2 in history can pull off an ascot. CBD is not one of them.

Posted by: Aetius451AD work phone at December 18, 2025 07:48 PM (zZu0s)

70 32 'Can't blame Islam but its always a Muslim'

That's right. You have to wait until every single Muslim commits an act of terror before you can blame Islam.

Posted by: Dr. Claw at December 18, 2025 07:48 PM (fd80v)

71 Yes, "Lyle Culpepper" is parody character played by this guy:
https://is.gd/LaxzPJ

He's a Jewish punk rocker. His character has a website for donations called "coveredincome.com" Get it, covered in come?

Posted by: publius, Rascally Mr. Miley (w6EFb) at December 18, 2025 07:45 PM (w6EFb)

Now I'm confused, are you saying the above video is a joke? Or that Lyle Cumpepper is a joke (but quite real)?

Posted by: BurtTC at December 18, 2025 07:48 PM (/JzDT)

72 This video is a satirical parody by comedian L.E. Staiman featuring his fictional character "Lyle Culpepper." It does not show a real police spokesperson or event.
Posted by: Bertram Cabot, Jr.

So artificial unintelligence?

Posted by: Anonosaurus Wrecks, Now With Pumpkin Spice! at December 18, 2025 07:49 PM (L/fGl)

73 Rob Reiner paid with his life.

Posted by: Hokey Pokey at December 18, 2025 07:49 PM (YlWIZ)

74 It's a joke video.

sheesh

Posted by: JackStraw at December 18, 2025 07:49 PM (viF8m)

75 Magnum Force, pimp. Same guy? Also in Dirty Harry, gets the famous line, "44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world . . . ."
Posted by: Comrade Flounder, Disinformation Demon at December 18, 2025 07:48 PM (dK+Kv)

He's in a third movie as a cop IIRC.

Posted by: Oldcat at December 18, 2025 07:49 PM (8avO+)

76 9 NO straight dude wears a scarf like that.

Hell, only maybe 1 or 2 in history can pull off an ascot. CBD is not one of them.
Posted by: Aetius451AD work phone at December 18, 2025 07:48 PM (zZu0s)

Thurston Howell III could rock an ascot.

Posted by: I am the Shadout Mapes, the Housekeeper at December 18, 2025 07:50 PM (R4xlI)

77
Is it not worth commenting on the fact that a university has a "Head of Hamas" in the first place?
Posted by: Oldcat

On a pike?

Posted by: Bertram Cabot, Jr. at December 18, 2025 07:50 PM (pkeXY)

78 Am I the only one who wants to know how many other universities got the whiny letters from commies

I just want to know their scheduled outages. If Harvard is turning off its cameras first week of February, I'm staying home.

Posted by: t-bird at December 18, 2025 07:50 PM (kACBq)

79 >>> 77
Is it not worth commenting on the fact that a university has a "Head of Hamas" in the first place?
Posted by: Oldcat

On a pike?
Posted by: Bertram Cabot, Jr. at December 18, 2025 07:50 PM (pkeXY)

Comment of the week?

That's where a ham-ass head *should* be...

Posted by: Helena Handbasket at December 18, 2025 07:50 PM (ULPxl)

80 Actress Lyle Culpepper exposes why Brown University is such a mess.

Posted by: Braenyard - some Absent Friends are more equal than others _ at December 18, 2025 07:50 PM (CHW5l)

81 We may never know the gender.

Posted by: Brown Shooter at December 18, 2025 07:50 PM (krQz2)

82 NO straight dude wears a scarf like that.

Hell, only maybe 1 or 2 in history can pull off an ascot. CBD is not one of them.
Posted by: Aetius451AD work phone at December 18, 2025 07:48 PM (zZu0s)

Thurston Howell III could rock an ascot.
Posted by: I am the Shadout Mapes, the Housekeeper at December 18, 2025 07:50 PM (R4xlI)

Fred on Scooby Doo

Posted by: Oldcat at December 18, 2025 07:51 PM (8avO+)

83 Lyle the Effminate Homosexual

https://tinyurl.com/v4s28pwj

Posted by: BarelyScaryMary at December 18, 2025 07:51 PM (wRjAz)

84 It's a joke video.

sheesh
Posted by: JackStraw at December 18, 2025 07:49 PM (viF8m)

But it perfectly portrays the mindset of the Woketards.

Posted by: Alberta Oil Peon at December 18, 2025 07:51 PM (npFr7)

85 >> Now I'm confused, are you saying the above video is a joke? Or that Lyle Cumpepper is a joke (but quite real)?

"Lyle Culpepper" is a character LE Staiman created to mock the stupidity of the Queers for Palestine types. He's like Titania McGrath.

He's playing a stupid gay pro-Hamas moron.

Posted by: publius, Rascally Mr. Miley (w6EFb) at December 18, 2025 07:51 PM (w6EFb)

86 Jeopardizing American Lives for political gains since 2000!

Posted by: Democratic Party at December 18, 2025 07:52 PM (krQz2)

87 Fred on Scooby Doo

Posted by: Oldcat at December 18, 2025 07:51 PM (8avO+)

Obviously gay. That he was doing anything other than banging Velma and/or Daphne is ironclad evidence.

Posted by: Comrade Flounder, Disinformation Demon at December 18, 2025 07:52 PM (dK+Kv)

88 sheesh
Posted by: JackStraw at December 18, 2025 07:49 PM (viF8m)

But it perfectly portrays the mindset of the Woketards.
Posted by: Alberta Oil Peon at December 18, 2025 07:51 PM (npFr7)

the non woke can do Woke better than they can.

Posted by: Oldcat at December 18, 2025 07:52 PM (8avO+)

89 We're living in a simulation. We must be.

Posted by: BurtTC

Even if so, how would we know?
Posted by: Tonypete at December 18, 2025 07:47 PM (cYBz/)

I'm gonna get my drill, see if I can't disable the CPU in my mainframe (i.e. skull). If all you people disappear once I do, I'll know.

Posted by: BurtTC at December 18, 2025 07:52 PM (/JzDT)

90 This video is a satirical parody by comedian L.E. Staiman featuring his fictional character "Lyle Culpepper." It does not show a real police spokesperson or event.
Posted by: Bertram Cabot, Jr.

Soon we'll need the reverse disclaimer. "This video shows a real police spokespersonage. It is not satire, no matter how ridiculous he seems."

Posted by: t-bird at December 18, 2025 07:53 PM (kACBq)

91 I think the Brown University staff and student body need to be deported to Gaza so they can really stand in solidarity with Hamas.

Then raze all the buildings and build low-income housing.

Posted by: Anna Puma at December 18, 2025 07:53 PM (2GVsD)

92 Is Lyle a narcissist or is he just narcissistic?

Posted by: Braenyard - some Absent Friends are more equal than others _ at December 18, 2025 07:53 PM (CHW5l)

93 Hell, only maybe 1 or 2 in history can pull off an ascot. CBD is not one of them.
Posted by: Aetius451AD work phone

Thurston Howell III could rock an ascot.
Posted by: I am the Shadout Mapes

Fred on Scooby Doo
Posted by: Oldcat

Edward Fox in The Day of The Jackal.

Posted by: Tonypete at December 18, 2025 07:53 PM (cYBz/)

94 Now I'm confused, are you saying the above video is a joke? Or that Lyle Cumpepper is a joke (but quite real)?
Posted by: BurtTC at December 18, 2025 07:48 PM (/JzDT)

That scene in "Galaxy Quest" when the heroes discover the friendly aliens have no concept of "Fiction" and think the TV show was real.

Posted by: Idaho Spudboy at December 18, 2025 07:53 PM (zZSxi)

95 >>> 87 Fred on Scooby Doo

Posted by: Oldcat at December 18, 2025 07:51 PM (8avO+)

Obviously gay. That he was doing anything other than banging Velma and/or Daphne is ironclad evidence.
Posted by: Comrade Flounder, Disinformation Demon at December 18, 2025 07:52 PM (dK+Kv)

I guess he didn't have a million dollars, cause then he should have been doing both.

Posted by: Lawrence at December 18, 2025 07:53 PM (ULPxl)

96 Fred on Scooby Doo

Posted by: Oldcat at December 18, 2025 07:51 PM (8avO+)

Obviously gay. That he was doing anything other than banging Velma and/or Daphne is ironclad evidence.
Posted by: Comrade Flounder, Disinformation Demon at December 18, 2025 07:52 PM (dK+Kv)

The fact that he spent half of each episode off alone with Daphne says otherwise.

Posted by: Oldcat at December 18, 2025 07:54 PM (8avO+)

97 Brown University
Not the color of his skin

Posted by: nurse ratched at December 18, 2025 07:54 PM (OxX9V)

98 "Lyle Culpepper" is a character LE Staiman created to mock the stupidity of the Queers for Palestine types. He's like Titania McGrath.

He's playing a stupid gay pro-Hamas moron.
Posted by: publius, Rascally Mr. Miley (w6EFb) at December 18, 2025 07:51 PM (w6EFb)

Problem is, he sounds exactly like the Aussie politicians after the mishap there.

Posted by: BurtTC at December 18, 2025 07:54 PM (/JzDT)

99 >>> NO straight dude wears a scarf like that.

Hell, only maybe 1 or 2 in history can pull off an ascot. CBD is not one of them.
Posted by: Aetius451AD work phone at December 18, 2025 07:48 PM (zZu0s)

Thurston Howell III could rock an ascot.
Posted by: I am the Shadout Mapes, the Housekeeper at December 18, 2025 07:50 PM (R4xlI)

I'd have to be piloting a biplane in a dive with those leather goggle things to pull it off. And even then I'd make "rat-a-tat-tat-" machine gun sounds just to be safe.

Posted by: banana melllow Dream at December 18, 2025 07:54 PM (3uBP9)

100 >>>Chelsea opted for Stanford after visiting Brown.

Posted by: Boss Moss

>The Clinton Crime Family needed a stake on the West Coast and Berkeley has been picked clean like a carcass in Death Valley.

Posted by: Rev. Wishbone at December 18, 2025 07:54 PM (nljXp)

101 To be fair, there's hardly any difference anymore!

Posted by: Babylon Bee at December 18, 2025 07:54 PM (kACBq)

102 Many heads deserve to be on pikes so we can all be like Vir.

Posted by: Anna Puma at December 18, 2025 07:54 PM (2GVsD)

103 I want to knock the fucker down and shave his head.

Posted by: Mitt Romney at December 18, 2025 07:55 PM (jZ3ZM)

104 >>> 89 We're living in a simulation. We must be.

Posted by: BurtTC

Even if so, how would we know?
Posted by: Tonypete at December 18, 2025 07:47 PM (cYBz/)

I'm gonna get my drill, see if I can't disable the CPU in my mainframe (i.e. skull). If all you people disappear once I do, I'll know.
Posted by: BurtTC at December 18, 2025 07:52 PM (/JzDT)

Burt TC is Egon Spengler?!

Don't do it! It is NOT going to work!!!

Posted by: Lawrence at December 18, 2025 07:55 PM (ULPxl)

105 Ascots are for fags. Dickies are what's going on.

Posted by: JackStraw at December 18, 2025 07:55 PM (viF8m)

106 $@(%*&^ sock.

Posted by: Helena Handbasket at December 18, 2025 07:55 PM (ULPxl)

107 This is all Trump's fault. Also, I AM IN AGONY IN THIS FIRE.

Posted by: Rob Reiner at December 18, 2025 07:55 PM (TW4jY)

108 When will this country acknowledge that he Democrat party us a terrorist organization?

Posted by: Qix at December 18, 2025 07:55 PM (3nea4)

109 Burt is going to cross the streams?

Posted by: Anna Puma at December 18, 2025 07:56 PM (2GVsD)

110 The Mag Dumps are about to commence.

Posted by: Boss Moss at December 18, 2025 07:56 PM (NS3dP)

111 This is INSANE: The Colombia-born Providence police chief leading the investigation into the Brown shooting has a nephew who was recently sentenced to 22 years in prison for running a fentanyl ring in Rhode Island as his uncle was rising through the ranks of the police department.

Posted by: Anonosaurus Wrecks, Now With Pumpkin Spice! at December 18, 2025 07:56 PM (L/fGl)

112 (3nea4)

Could you glow a bit brighter?

Posted by: Anna Puma at December 18, 2025 07:56 PM (2GVsD)

113 That scene in "Galaxy Quest" when the heroes discover the friendly aliens have no concept of "Fiction" and think the TV show was real.
Posted by: Idaho Spudboy at December 18, 2025 07:53 PM (zZSxi)

Admit it, when Laliari, the squid chick started macking all over Tech Sgt. Chen with her tentacles, you'd have done her too.

Posted by: BurtTC at December 18, 2025 07:57 PM (83PrD)

114 Guns are out, they must have heard a dog.

Posted by: ... at December 18, 2025 07:57 PM (E0p3T)

115 This is all Trump's fault. Also, I AM IN AGONY IN THIS FIRE.

Posted by: Rob Reiner at December 18, 2025 07:55 PM (TW4jY)

Shoulda used a condom.
*Sad trombone*

Posted by: BarelyScaryMary at December 18, 2025 07:57 PM (wRjAz)

116 111 Fucker can't speak Englaize.

Posted by: Boss Moss at December 18, 2025 07:57 PM (NS3dP)

117 Providence imported the cultural enrichment of a third world narco state?

Posted by: Anna Puma at December 18, 2025 07:57 PM (2GVsD)

118 This is INSANE: The Colombia-born Providence police chief leading the investigation into the Brown shooting has a nephew who was recently sentenced to 22 years in prison for running a fentanyl ring in Rhode Island as his uncle was rising through the ranks of the police department.
Posted by: Anonosaurus Wrecks, Now With Pumpkin Spice! at December 18, 2025 07:56 PM (L/fGl)

We have to tell him the assassin is moving in on his drug turf to get any action from him.

Posted by: Oldcat at December 18, 2025 07:58 PM (8avO+)

119 >>> Admit it, when Laliari, the squid chick started macking all over Tech Sgt. Chen with her tentacles, you'd have done her too.
Posted by: BurtTC at December 18, 2025 07:57 PM (83PrD)

^ This

Posted by: Kurt Eichenwald at December 18, 2025 07:58 PM (3uBP9)

120 We're living in a simulation. We must be.

Posted by: BurtTC at December 18, 2025 07:44 PM (/JzDT)

A simulation of what though.

Posted by: ... at December 18, 2025 07:58 PM (E0p3T)

121 Burt is going to cross the streams?
Posted by: Anna Puma at December 18, 2025 07:56 PM (2GVsD)

Listen, at my age, when I get up in the middle of the night, I'm lucky if I DON'T cross the streams.

Posted by: BurtTC at December 18, 2025 07:58 PM (83PrD)

122 89
'I'm gonna get my drill, see if I can't disable the CPU in my mainframe (i.e. skull). If all you people disappear once I do, I'll know.'

Report back after you do.

Posted by: Dr. Claw at December 18, 2025 07:58 PM (fd80v)

123 Providence imported the cultural enrichment of a third world narco state?
Posted by: Anna Puma at December 18, 2025 07:57 PM (2GVsD)

I blame those Juan Valdez coffee commercials.

Posted by: Oldcat at December 18, 2025 07:58 PM (8avO+)

124 Prepositioning coffee and kruellers.

Posted by: Boss Moss at December 18, 2025 07:59 PM (NS3dP)

125 I'm gonna get my drill, see if I can't disable the CPU in my mainframe (i.e. skull). If all you people disappear once I do, I'll know.
Posted by: BurtTC at December 18, 2025 07:52 PM

When using a drill, remember clockwise in, counterclockwise out.

This is hard-won wisdom on this blog.

Posted by: Duncanthrax, a mid-tier AoSHQ commenter, according to Grok at December 18, 2025 07:59 PM (0sNs1)

126 @catturd2
33m
The Brown shooter was a hit job, followed by a cover-up
---

You're about two days late on that one, cat

Posted by: Braenyard - some Absent Friends are more equal than others _ at December 18, 2025 07:59 PM (CHW5l)

127 YOU HAVE IT IN REVERSE!

Posted by: Just the Punchline at December 18, 2025 07:59 PM (jc0TO)

128

Shots were fired at a Christmas event in Chicama, a town in northern Peru, local media reported. Many families and children were present at the public celebration when the incident happened.

Police said the shooting started suddenly. People ran to protect themselves as officers rushed to the spot to bring the situation under control.

Early reports say a local councilwoman may have been the target, but officials have not confirmed this. Several children were reported injured.

Posted by: Bertram Cabot, Jr. at December 18, 2025 07:59 PM (pkeXY)

129 over / under on "wrong guy again"?

Posted by: sock_rat_eez at December 18, 2025 08:00 PM (Cjt/F)

130 Report back after you do.
Posted by: Dr. Claw at December 18, 2025 07:58 PM (fd80v)

You'd like that, I know.

Posted by: BurtTC at December 18, 2025 08:01 PM (83PrD)

131 Wait, that was AI, right?

Posted by: Indy Bill at December 18, 2025 08:01 PM (rZKoi)

132 Nood.

Posted by: Duncanthrax, a mid-tier AoSHQ commenter, according to Grok at December 18, 2025 08:01 PM (0sNs1)

133 over / under on "wrong guy again"?

Agents Johnson and Johnson are on the case?

Posted by: Anna Puma at December 18, 2025 08:01 PM (2GVsD)

134 nood

cafe

Posted by: banana melllo Dream at December 18, 2025 08:01 PM (3uBP9)

135 that Lyle parody is funny and spot on.

I guess you have to draw guns even if the car is in the storage facility, because you never know.

Posted by: Guy Mohawk at December 18, 2025 08:02 PM (n5tGW)

136 Café does not appear to be accepting comments.

Posted by: Duncanthrax, a mid-tier AoSHQ commenter, according to Grok at December 18, 2025 08:02 PM (0sNs1)

137 130 'Report back after you do.

You'd like that, I know.'

Just concern for your welfare.

Posted by: Dr. Claw at December 18, 2025 08:02 PM (fd80v)

138 We're living in a simulation. We must be.

Posted by: BurtTC at December 18, 2025 07:44 PM (/JzDT)

A simulation of what though.
Posted by: ... at December 18, 2025 07:58 PM (E0p3T)
---
Thank you.

Posted by: Axeman at December 18, 2025 08:03 PM (krQz2)

139 nood!

Posted by: sock_rat_eez at December 18, 2025 08:03 PM (Cjt/F)

140 Café is, in fact, open.

Posted by: Duncanthrax, a mid-tier AoSHQ commenter, according to Grok at December 18, 2025 08:03 PM (0sNs1)

141 Assemblyman Lyle Culpepper addresses the Brown Shooter situation

-------------

Babylon Bee needs to hire this guy!

He could have also taken the alcohol interpretation of a "Brown Shooter" being a shot following a BVD (Brandy, Vermouth, and Dubonnet) cocktail.

Posted by: ShainS -- Bamboo Ruminant and GayFontoPhobe at December 18, 2025 08:04 PM (NNq22)

142 " This video is a satirical parody by comedian L.E. Staiman featuring his fictional character "Lyle Culpepper." It does not show a real police spokesperson or event.
Posted by: Bertram Cabot, Jr."

That was spot on. He has the kant down beautifully, which isn't hard because that is just Dem talking points passed out to every news reader, "journalist" and paid tik tok stooge. But somehow, he did it even better than them. Dang, son, you are pretty talented.

Posted by: moki at December 18, 2025 08:05 PM (wLjpr)

143 "police chief leading the investigation into the Brown shooting has a nephew who was recently sentenced to 22 years in prison for running a fentanyl ring in Rhode Island as his uncle was rising through the ranks of the police department."

I have three nephews that are all leftist retards, and six "grand-nieces" that will probably be raised as Karens. But indeed, for leftists, they tend to follow the tribe.

I do have a little hope that the four nieces of the "Christian Home Schooled" nephew will perhaps be influenced enough by their fellow home schoolers to have a chance at not being sold out to the leftist cult, but since they are all female, the odds are reduced.

Posted by: illiniwek at December 18, 2025 08:05 PM (vbXSk)

144 His parents named him Lyle. He had no chance.

Posted by: Ex Rex Reeder at December 18, 2025 08:21 PM (MZ+PY)

145
Lyle's testicles never descended.

Posted by: Krebs v Carnot: Epic Battle of the Cycling Stars (TM} at December 18, 2025 08:28 PM (xG4kz)

146 Now I feel the need to pick on Lyle vs Tinkle/Tingle. What a dikless nincompoop. Is he for real?

Y'all know I believe anything. Have mercy!

Posted by: ChristyBlinkyTheGreat at December 18, 2025 08:29 PM (WONhk)

147 I'm late, but I'd like to speak to Poe's Law. Hello, Poe's Law, how are you?

Posted by: me at December 18, 2025 11:01 PM (kK7U2)

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