Hamas Political Leader Dies Of Bad Hummus And Israeli Missile...But Mostly Israeli Missile

Hamas leader Haniyeh assassinated in Tehran

Hamas leader Ismail Haniyeh was killed in Iran, Hamas claimed on Wednesday morning, while claiming Israel was behind the attack.
In a statement, the Islamist terror group said they mourned the death of Haniyeh, who they claimed was killed in "a treacherous Zionist raid on his residence in Tehran."

"Treacherous."

[Tech thread is below]

Posted by: CBD at 05:12 AM

Comments

(Jump to bottom of comments)

1 Morning!

Posted by: Bruce at July 31, 2024 05:08 AM (MVkXU)

2 Hehehe

Posted by: Skip at July 31, 2024 05:08 AM (fwDg9)

3 Good morning CBD

And Good more of that

Posted by: Skip at July 31, 2024 05:09 AM (fwDg9)

4 Birdbath status?

Posted by: Just Wondering at July 31, 2024 05:10 AM (dg+HA)

5 Hesballah wants to play in the big time, they need to feel it

Posted by: Skip at July 31, 2024 05:11 AM (fwDg9)

6 Those dastardly Zionists raided his residence. With a missile!? Go Mossad! It'd be pretty damn funny if the Mossad claimed the bounty on the other guy in Beirut, too.

Posted by: CrotchetyOldJarhead at July 31, 2024 05:12 AM (YRsIm)

7 And DAILY TECH IS UPSTAIRS

Posted by: Skip at July 31, 2024 05:13 AM (fwDg9)

8 Those dastardly Zionists raided his residence. With a missile!? Go Mossad!

Posted by: CrotchetyOldJarhead

Go big or go home?

Posted by: Bruce at July 31, 2024 05:13 AM (MVkXU)

9 Sorry CBD, you posted while I was still editing my thread.

Posted by: Pixy Misa at July 31, 2024 05:14 AM (BLOW1)

10 More news in addition to the Haniyeh elimination,

IDF strikes Beirut: Hezbollah commander responsible for Majdal Shams strike confirmed killed.

Do not fuck with the Israelis.

Posted by: SomeGuyNotThatOtherOne at July 31, 2024 05:16 AM (hd9zD)

11 Ah, nice to the return of the "X and Y... but mostly Y" headlines.

Posted by: Bitblt at July 31, 2024 05:18 AM (4t1fl)

12 ~~Sorry CBD, you posted while I was still editing my thread.~~

[ 100 comment rule ]

OOPS!!!!

Never mind.

My bad.

G'Morning to everyone.

Well, except for that one guy in Iran who started his day with an Israeli rocket up his ass.

Posted by: Village Idiot's Apprentice at July 31, 2024 05:19 AM (a1415)

13 I got nothing.

Posted by: Mary Poppins' Practically Perfect Piercing at July 31, 2024 05:20 AM (Q0kLU)

14 Sorry CBD, you posted while I was still editing my thread.

Posted by: Pixy Misa at July 31, 2024 05:14 AM (BLOW1)

No worries. If you want, bump the tech thread to the top in 30 minutes or so. The strike in Tehran is a very big deal.

Posted by: CharlieGray'sDildo at July 31, 2024 05:21 AM (d9fT1)

15 " I got nothing"

I got a rock[et]

Posted by: Zombie Ismail Haniyeh at July 31, 2024 05:23 AM (a1415)

16 FFS the guy in Beirut killed 83 Marines and lived another 40+ years. The IDF. Doing the things the US military won't.

Posted by: CrotchetyOldJarhead at July 31, 2024 05:23 AM (YRsIm)

17 Posted by: CharlieGray'sDildo at July 31, 2024 05:21 AM (d9fT1)

I know I'm not here every day, but is there a joke about CBDs nic change that I don't know about?

Posted by: Mary Poppins' Practically Perfect Piercing at July 31, 2024 05:23 AM (Q0kLU)

18 Posted by: CharlieGray'sDildo at July 31, 2024 05:21 AM (d9fT1)

I know I'm not here every day, but is there a joke about CBDs nic change that I don't know about?
Posted by: Mary Poppins' Practically Perfect Piercing at July 31, 2024 05:23 AM (Q0kLU)
----
A couple of weeks ago, ace changed the background on his posts to gray because he thought it would help his aching eyes. CBD/CGD changed his nic in solidarity...

Posted by: "Perfessor" Squirrel at July 31, 2024 05:26 AM (BpYfr)

19 Long ago at company I use to work for one of the heating/ air conditioning workers was at the Beirut bombing.

Posted by: Skip at July 31, 2024 05:26 AM (fwDg9)

20 The sandmaggots are getting a clue!!!!Haniyeh, in the bedroom, with a mortar up his ass.

The cartoon is outstanding.

Posted by: Ben Had at July 31, 2024 05:27 AM (5MvGY)

21 Getting whacked by the Jews is a bonus to the Piece People

Posted by: Jamaica at July 31, 2024 05:28 AM (5KunV)

22 Off to get ready for the walk.

BBL

Posted by: Village Idiot's Apprentice at July 31, 2024 05:37 AM (a1415)

23 Posted by: "Perfessor" Squirrel at July 31, 2024 05:26 AM (BpYfr)

Thanks.

See you all on the Morning Report. I have a lot of work to get through today.

Posted by: Mary Poppins' Practically Perfect Piercing at July 31, 2024 05:40 AM (Q0kLU)

24 hope he enjoyed the hummus...nah, not really

Posted by: DanMan at July 31, 2024 05:42 AM (8uzBS)

25 2 things here--killing leadership in this manner sows fear throughout the organization, i.e. who's next?

PLUS the Marine Corps needs to send Mossad a Thank You note.

Posted by: IRONGRAMPA at July 31, 2024 05:44 AM (hKoQL)

26 Evening and morning to all the AoSHQ satellites in space and beyond! I was good today, went to work out, and I come back from my shower to this cool news. Maybe this Wednesday will not be such a bad day after all.

Posted by: Wolfus Aurelius, Dreaming of Elsewhere at July 31, 2024 05:47 AM (omVj0)

27 Here I am, having finished a few morning chores, sitting down to read about baseball trades, and some good news is posted!

Posted by: Huck Follywood at July 31, 2024 05:47 AM (sjpTN)

28 Me and Fen will hold Ft. Tech Thread for as long as we can.

Endeavor to Persevere!

Posted by: Puddleglum, cheer up for the worst is yet to come at July 31, 2024 05:50 AM (sAmhv)

29 Gee, the high temps here will slide on Saturday and Sunday to a dizzying point of 94. However will I stand it.

Posted by: Wolfus Aurelius, Dreaming of Elsewhere at July 31, 2024 05:50 AM (omVj0)

30 Until proven otherwise, we have to assume that Haniyeh's body was found in bed, naked, underneath the naked body of his bodyguard/long-time companion.

Posted by: I am the science at July 31, 2024 05:52 AM (F+gpo)

31 *Sniffing* He was such a good boy. NYTimes: once again Israel has proven It is a rogue State full of war criminals has blown up in downtown Tehran six school buses of Iranian children according to a Hamas spokesperson. Meanwhile, in the United States Kamala Harris has called for Israel to be labeled a terrorist state enforced by the full weight of the US military if they can ever figure out what color high heels to wear. The Iranian leadership was remarkably quiet with rumors afoot that they had very very puckered assholes.

Never ever piss off a bunch of Hebrews with .50 caliber Desert Eagles, precision guided missiles, and a falafel cart downtown Tehran. How many times has Israel blown up stuff and dusted off their enemies in the middle of Iran over the years? A few.

Posted by: Alteria Pilgram at July 31, 2024 05:53 AM (G8tt9)

32 Go Israel. I hope Sinwar meets the same fate soon. Elimination is preferable to capture.

Posted by: Ben Had at July 31, 2024 05:53 AM (5MvGY)

33 I'm hoping this sends a very, very powerful message to the rest of Hamas' leadership:

"You are not safe. We will find you. We will kill you."

Posted by: "Perfessor" Squirrel at July 31, 2024 05:56 AM (BpYfr)

34 We haven't really got much from the ME goings on by the IDF so no comments yet.

Posted by: Ciampino - Humpday #02 at July 31, 2024 05:56 AM (qfLjt)

35 Until proven otherwise, we have to assume that Haniyeh's body was found in bed, naked, underneath the naked body of his bodyguard/long-time companion.
Posted by: I am the science at July 31, 2024 05:52 AM (F+gpo)
---
According to the article CBD linked, one of his bodyguards was killed as well, so your assumption might very well be correct.

Posted by: "Perfessor" Squirrel at July 31, 2024 05:57 AM (BpYfr)

36 30 Until proven otherwise, we have to assume that Haniyeh's body was found in bed, naked, underneath the naked body of his bodyguard/long-time companion.
Posted by: I am the science at July 31, 2024 05:52 AM (F+gpo)

Nope. It's not Thursday.

Posted by: NR Pax at July 31, 2024 05:58 AM (+4yJ5)

37 I was at home, sleeping.

Posted by: Biden's Dog sniffs a whole lotta malarkey, at July 31, 2024 05:59 AM (VCJQL)

38 is Haniyeh the guy Trump showed a picture of his house to?

Posted by: DanMan at July 31, 2024 05:59 AM (8uzBS)

39 That meme up top is great. I've seen it somewhere but different names. Those ME names are so foreign to my mind that they go in one eye and out the other eye. No long term memory. I do remember the Mohammeds and Ahmeds and Abdullas but, there's always a but, then I forget the spelling.

Posted by: Ciampino - Humpday #03 at July 31, 2024 05:59 AM (qfLjt)

40 FFS the guy in Beirut killed 83 Marines and lived another 40+ years. The IDF. Doing the things the US military won't.
Posted by: CrotchetyOldJarhead at July 31, 2024 05:23 AM (YRsIm)
-

Unfortunately, Israel didn't do this for a whopping 40 years!

Posted by: Biden's Dog sniffs a whole lotta malarkey, at July 31, 2024 06:00 AM (VCJQL)

41 is Haniyeh the guy Trump showed a picture of his house to?
Posted by: DanMan at July 31, 2024 05:59 AM (8uzBS)
---
No, that was a leader of the Taliban, I believe.

Posted by: "Perfessor" Squirrel at July 31, 2024 06:00 AM (BpYfr)

42 I believe that was one of the Taliban leaders

Posted by: Button-Pushing-Monkey at July 31, 2024 06:00 AM (EcHpA)

43 Choudray jailed for life. That should have happened 20 years ago.

Posted by: Ben Had at July 31, 2024 06:01 AM (5MvGY)

44 Choudray jailed for life. That should have happened 20 years ago.
Posted by: Ben Had at July 31, 2024 06:01 AM (5MvGY)
-

Should've stopped breathing 20 years ago.

Posted by: Biden's Dog sniffs a whole lotta malarkey, at July 31, 2024 06:03 AM (VCJQL)

45 I put this on the tech thread also.

The Marine Corps needs to send Mossad an engraved Thank You note.

Posted by: IRONGRAMPA at July 31, 2024 06:05 AM (hKoQL)

46 Biden's Dog, true but he lived in England and they coddled his sorry ass.

Posted by: Ben Had at July 31, 2024 06:05 AM (5MvGY)

47 I'm a bit slow here and haven't slept yet but remind me who is Choudray?

Posted by: Ciampino - Humpday #04 at July 31, 2024 06:06 AM (qfLjt)

48 I thought the Style Guide directs us to refer to these shitheads as "Austere Religious Scholar Ismail Haniyeh, (or "Arse" for short)

Posted by: Huck Follywood at July 31, 2024 06:07 AM (I0/hi)

49 I'm a bit slow here and haven't slept yet but remind me who is Choudray?
Posted by: Ciampino - Humpday #04 at July 31, 2024 06:06 AM (qfLjt
-

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/
Anjem_Choudary

Posted by: Biden's Dog sniffs a whole lotta malarkey, at July 31, 2024 06:07 AM (VCJQL)

50 Kudos, Israel. Kudos.

Posted by: Just saying at July 31, 2024 06:08 AM (rzwGB)

51 Hallelujah!

More please. Keep up the genetic pruning.

Posted by: NaCly Dog at July 31, 2024 06:09 AM (u82oZ)

52 Good Morning!

Let's smile & be happy & strike fear into the heart of killjoy leftists everywhere.

Posted by: NaCly Dog at July 31, 2024 06:10 AM (u82oZ)

53 Ciampino, jihadi in "cleric" costume
Head of the hamas wing in England

Posted by: Ben Had at July 31, 2024 06:10 AM (5MvGY)

54 Kudos, Israel. Kudos.
Posted by: Just saying at July 31, 2024 06:08 AM (rzwGB)
-

https://kudoswine.com/

Need kosher wine.

Posted by: Biden's Dog sniffs a whole lotta malarkey, at July 31, 2024 06:10 AM (VCJQL)

55 48
I like that, "How's your Arse doing?" to a muzzie terroristic friend. (Yes, how did toy know that friend was a FreeBeeEE?)

Posted by: Ciampino - Humpday #05 at July 31, 2024 06:10 AM (qfLjt)

56 55
toy = you

Posted by: Ciampino - Humpday #06 at July 31, 2024 06:11 AM (qfLjt)

57 Morning, 'rons and 'ettes.

Posted by: olddog in mo at July 31, 2024 06:12 AM (hoCmQ)

58 Whack-a-mole continues.

I imagine his role will not be filled by a DEI hire.

Posted by: Cat Ass Trophy at July 31, 2024 06:13 AM (d9LQi)

59
53
Thank you Ben Had.

Posted by: Ciampino - Humpday #07 at July 31, 2024 06:13 AM (qfLjt)

60 {{{Ben Had}}}

Israel, making the world safer, one person, and one Yemini port facility & tank farm at a time.

As Anna Puma says: Israel wins strategically, and our hapless military leadership goes after truck concentrations. Sigh. Why we lost every war since Vietnam. And all those dead Americans,

But the Vietnam sacrifices were not in vain, as Vietnam is now a capitalist society.

Posted by: NaCly Dog at July 31, 2024 06:16 AM (u82oZ)

61 Village Idiot's Apprentice

Top o ta mornin to ya, guv'nor

Did you add a routine of lifting to go with your walking? It sounds like your chores are good enough for that.

Posted by: NaCly Dog at July 31, 2024 06:17 AM (u82oZ)

62 reckon JD's childless cat lady comment struck a nerve? how many cats does Cumallah have?

Posted by: DanMan at July 31, 2024 06:18 AM (8uzBS)

63 .

NOOD Morning Report

Posted by: Grumpy and Recalcitrant at July 31, 2024 06:19 AM (O7YUW)

64 How many children does Commah Lah have?

Posted by: Unaskable Questions at July 31, 2024 06:20 AM (GY7aS)

65 NaCly, hopefully Erdogan and Abbas are reassessing their positions.

Posted by: Ben Had at July 31, 2024 06:21 AM (5MvGY)

66 Fetal.

Posted by: Erdogan and Abbas at July 31, 2024 06:22 AM (GY7aS)

67 58 Whack-a-mole continues.

Posted by: Cat Ass Trophy at July 31, 2024 06:13 AM (d9LQi)
----
Good description. This individualized, personal whacking is so much more effective in inducing the debilitating and nerve-wracking pucker effect. Imagine trying to sleep and knowing your name is on a list. Imagine that Organization DDD has killed some people and the IDF/Mossad is going to get them in Beirut BUT at the same time Ahmed MoreHamhead of MMM gets whacked out of the blue in Denmark!
We need a lot of Mitch Rapps.

Posted by: Ciampino - Humpday #08 at July 31, 2024 06:23 AM (qfLjt)

68 Ben Had

Erdogan is a true believer in his power as dictator, even if his country slides back into the 11th Century.

Posted by: NaCly Dog at July 31, 2024 06:34 AM (u82oZ)

69 This is the time for Hamas to seek a DEI candidate, proper representation of the Melanin, NON-Binary, testicle challenged, transgender, furry identifying community would significantly increase Hamas's popularity in the world and provide popular support among the marginalized communities. This would enable pushback against the reasonable defense of Israeli citizens that our world must not tolerate!

Posted by: AoS DEI officer at July 31, 2024 06:52 AM (WgD8k)

70 Another scholar finds his path to Paradise. Follow the blood stained road to Hell, courtesy of the IDF.

Posted by: jimmymcnulty at July 31, 2024 07:04 AM (6Qw2E)

71 31
NYTimes: once again Israel has proven It is a rogue State full of war criminals has blown up in downtown Tehran six school buses of Iranian children according to a Hamas spokesperson.

... Kamala Harris has called for Israel to be labeled a terrorist state enforced by the full weight of the US military ...
Posted by: Alteria Pilgram at July 31, 2024 05:53 AM (G8tt9)

Links?

Posted by: m at July 31, 2024 07:10 AM (64Zez)

72 they blow up so fast.

Posted by: yumper at July 31, 2024 10:13 AM (phkng)

73 But the Vietnam sacrifices were not in vain, as Vietnam is now a capitalist society.
Posted by: NaCly Dog

Regretfully I think we had we thing to do with it.

Asian IQ and hard work are a hard combo to bear, even with communism. Like Israel and India, they saw it was useless bs. Too bad the American left are such low iq morons.

Posted by: Justin Pinochet Castreau at July 31, 2024 10:31 AM (l5yVc)

74 I believe the recent Israeli assassinations bring a ceasefire CLOSER.

"For every one that falls, 10 will rise up to tale his place!" Baloney. Hamas' military* is a wasting asset.

* I always try to be careful not to call them "soldiers."

Posted by: mnw at July 31, 2024 11:10 AM (NLIak)

75 Sinwar is in a hole so deep they'll never find him.

Posted by: El Mariachi at July 31, 2024 12:24 PM (ARlwA)

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