First-World Problems...

That took less than one month. The little bastard spawn of the Devil woodpecker started the damage, and probably a flying squirrel saw a target of opportunity and chewed the larger hole.

I'll deal with the squirrel the way I always have...scorched earth!

But that woodpecker is too damned flighty (SWIDT?). And I really don't want to do the repairs on the house if I do get him the way he deserves...#1 buckshot.

Posted by: CBD at 02:00 PM

Comments

(Jump to bottom of comments)

1 1st

Posted by: Skip at June 16, 2024 02:00 PM (fwDg9)

2 That little pecker...

Posted by: jim (in Kalifornia) at June 16, 2024 02:01 PM (ynpvh)

3 There were tasty bugs in there. I got them out for you.

Posted by: the woodpecker at June 16, 2024 02:01 PM (vFG9F)

4 Squirrels are agents of entropy.

Posted by: All Hail Eris at June 16, 2024 02:01 PM (FkUwd)

5 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bN2CxmMCl4U

Posted by: huerfano at June 16, 2024 02:02 PM (VGOMa)

6 Sad

Posted by: vmom stabby stabby stabby stabby stabamillion at June 16, 2024 02:02 PM (Ka3bZ)

7 Have a Red Headed Woodpecker around here but staying away from the house

Posted by: Skip at June 16, 2024 02:03 PM (fwDg9)

8 There is a reason to aluminum clad woodworking

Posted by: Skip at June 16, 2024 02:05 PM (fwDg9)

9 Our woodpeckers prefer the dead trees up on the hill that will one day fall on the house (one old tree did crash into a flower bed).

Posted by: All Hail Eris at June 16, 2024 02:05 PM (FkUwd)

10 We have pileated woodpeckers. Damn things are huge.

Posted by: Cat Ass Trophy at June 16, 2024 02:07 PM (rsqyi)

11 Squirrels are just rats that don't shave their tails.

Posted by: Raoul Ortega at June 16, 2024 02:07 PM (a/7LW)

12 I sent the woodpeckers to your house, CBD.

You're welcome.

Posted by: nurse ratched at June 16, 2024 02:07 PM (J58hQ)

13 "...do the repairs on the house if I do get him the way he deserves..."

Typo? I think you meant "...if I don't get him..."

Posted by: Picky pedant at June 16, 2024 02:07 PM (dg+HA)

14 Time to sell.

Posted by: Always the default answer at June 16, 2024 02:09 PM (dg+HA)

15 FIRST!!!!!

Posted by: Sponge - F*ck Joe Biden at June 16, 2024 02:09 PM (Zz0t1)

16 Heh. Woody Woodpecker.

Posted by: Sponge - F*ck Joe Biden at June 16, 2024 02:10 PM (Zz0t1)

17 This thread seems a bit woody.

Posted by: OrangeEnt at June 16, 2024 02:10 PM (NT83o)

18 Our woodpeckers prefer the dead trees up on the hill that will one day fall on the house (one old tree did crash into a flower bed).
Posted by: All Hail Eris at June 16, 2024 02:05 PM (FkUwd)

Homestead Rescue says shade is nice, sure, but remove all the trees that, should something happen, will destroy your home.

Posted by: Sponge - F*ck Joe Biden at June 16, 2024 02:11 PM (Zz0t1)

19 I sent the woodpeckers to your house, CBD.

You're welcome.
Posted by: nurse ratched at June 16, 2024 02:07 PM (J58hQ)

This is about me, isn't it......

Posted by: 9mm v .45 at June 16, 2024 02:11 PM (Zz0t1)

20 Ok.

Time to go see the old man......

Play nice. Dads, may there be a perfectly cooked steak in your future.

Posted by: Sponge - F*ck Joe Biden at June 16, 2024 02:12 PM (Zz0t1)

21 This is about me, isn't it......
Posted by: 9mm v .45 at June 16, 2024 02:11 PM (Zz0t1)

Stay in your lane. Let things happen naturally.

Posted by: #1 Buck vs #00 Buck at June 16, 2024 02:13 PM (xcIvR)

22 11 Squirrels are just rats that don't shave their tails.

Posted by: Raoul Ortega at June 16, 2024 02:07 PM (a/7LW)

Our own Perfessor Squirrel excepted.

Posted by: jim (in Kalifornia) at June 16, 2024 02:14 PM (ynpvh)

23 4 Squirrels are agents of entropy.

Posted by: All Hail Eris at June 16, 2024 02:01 PM (FkUwd)

Damn. Meant that comment for this.

Our own Perfessor Squirrel excepted.

Posted by: jim (in Kalifornia) at June 16, 2024 02:15 PM (ynpvh)

24 Toucan play at that game.

Posted by: It's National Dad's Jokes Day at June 16, 2024 02:15 PM (dg+HA)

25 12 I sent the woodpeckers to your house, CBD.

You're welcome.

Posted by: nurse ratched at June 16, 2024 02:07 PM (J58hQ)

Did they have french toast and maple syrup with them?

Posted by: jim (in Kalifornia) at June 16, 2024 02:15 PM (ynpvh)

26 My next house will be concrete.

Posted by: Martini Farmer at June 16, 2024 02:16 PM (Q4IgG)

27 I have a very good size maple dying with only a sycamore between it and the house, it's going to be a problem to get it gone when it's very dead. There is just 1 maple between that and my outbuilding too.

Posted by: Skip at June 16, 2024 02:16 PM (fwDg9)

28 27 I have a very good size maple dying with only a sycamore between it and the house, it's going to be a problem to get it gone when it's very dead. There is just 1 maple between that and my outbuilding too.

Posted by: Skip at June 16, 2024 02:16 PM (fwDg9)

Take it out before it falls, man.

Posted by: jim (in Kalifornia) at June 16, 2024 02:16 PM (ynpvh)

29 Good luck. In all of the documentaries I watched growing up, nobody ever managed to do away with Woody.

Posted by: mark at June 16, 2024 02:17 PM (l8wwz)

30 21 This is about me, isn't it......
Posted by: 9mm v .45 at June 16, 2024 02:11 PM (Zz0t1)

Stay in your lane. Let things happen naturally.
Posted by: #1 Buck vs #00 Buck at June 16, 2024 02:13 PM (xcIvR)

Shhhhh, you two.

Posted by: Subsonic .22 at June 16, 2024 02:17 PM (K5/Ef)

31 So go buy, rent, borrow or steal a pellet gun, say nothing and deal.

Posted by: IRONGRAMPA at June 16, 2024 02:17 PM (hKoQL)

32 There is a reason to aluminum clad woodworking

Posted by: Skip at June 16, 2024 02:05 PM (fwDg9)

I always use metal or plastic for replacement trim.

Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at June 16, 2024 02:17 PM (d9fT1)

33 Birds. They can drive you stork raven mad.

Posted by: E. A. Poe at June 16, 2024 02:18 PM (dg+HA)

34 Going to go get a pizza for my dad from his favorite pizzeria, so should be on the road at 4 somewhere then, hopefully waiting for it

Posted by: Skip at June 16, 2024 02:18 PM (fwDg9)

35 Aren't woodpeckers usually pecking for bugs? Do you have termites or something up there?

Posted by: Miley, okravangelist at June 16, 2024 02:19 PM (w6EFb)

36 Typo? I think you meant "...if I don't get him..."

Posted by: Picky pedant at June 16, 2024 02:07 PM (dg+HA)

No. I think he deserves being shot with #1 buckshot and splattered across half the house. The #1 will do a lot of damage to him..and to the house.

Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at June 16, 2024 02:19 PM (d9fT1)

37 4 Squirrels are agents of entropy.
Posted by: All Hail Eris

-------

Indeed - CBD may be biting off more than he can chew...... (although I definitely see him as Rick in this scenario)

https://tinyurl.com/43jjy2bd

Posted by: Matthew Kant Cipher at June 16, 2024 02:19 PM (kOluj)

38 Woodpecker pecking on your house might mean that you have termites. They don't just go around banging on houses for fun.

Posted by: Bob at June 16, 2024 02:20 PM (YiqZD)

39 Woodpeckers go for roting wood.
Might need to replace some trim.

Ukrain has too high a female:male ratio. Good deals to be had.

Posted by: Itinerant Alley Butcher at June 16, 2024 02:20 PM (cOq4q)

40 First get an anvil. And some dynamite.

Posted by: Wile E. Coyote at June 16, 2024 02:20 PM (dg+HA)

41 One problem onthis dying tree is besides size, no way to get a high reach near it.

Posted by: Skip at June 16, 2024 02:20 PM (fwDg9)

42 Good deals to be had.

Posted by: Itinerant Alley Butcher at June 16, 2024 02:20 PM (cOq4q)

Cheap Ukrainian trim?

Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at June 16, 2024 02:21 PM (d9fT1)

43 33 Birds. They can drive you stork raven mad.

Posted by: E. A. Poe at June 16, 2024 02:18 PM (dg+HA)

You don't wasnt to pigeon-hole all birds, though.

Posted by: jim (in Kalifornia) at June 16, 2024 02:21 PM (ynpvh)

44 38 Woodpecker pecking on your house might mean that you have termites. They don't just go around banging on houses for fun.

Posted by: Bob at June 16, 2024 02:20 PM (YiqZD)

Makes it sound like a sexually-frustrated woodpecker...

Posted by: jim (in Kalifornia) at June 16, 2024 02:21 PM (ynpvh)

45 My FWP: I saw a clip recently of Sam Harris trying to explain Norm MacDonald.

I swear, if I ever saw Sam in real life, I would punch his face until it caves in, not because I hate him, but because you can't be THAT stupid, and make your living as an intellectual.

It should be painful, every day, to be Sam Harris, but I'm afraid he just doesn't have the capability of recognizing it, so he just tra la la's through life, thinking he's smarter than everyone else.

Like I said, I don't hate him for it, I just think... he should feel it. Somehow. And I think face punching might be the only way.

Posted by: BurtTC at June 16, 2024 02:22 PM (JgqvA)

46 Toucan play at that game.

Posted by: It's National Dad's Jokes Day at June 16, 2024 02:15 PM (dg+HA)

Much more of this and I'll be 'owling at the moon!

Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at June 16, 2024 02:22 PM (d9fT1)

47 >>That little pecker...
Posted by: Jim

John Cornyn was in the last thread.

Posted by: Aviator at June 16, 2024 02:23 PM (HQ9Sl)

48 Woodpecker pecking on your house might mean that you have termites. They don't just go around banging on houses for fun.
Posted by: Bob

Makes it sound like a sexually-frustrated woodpecker...
Posted by: jim (in Kalifornia)

Knock three times on the siding if you want me.....

Posted by: mikeski at June 16, 2024 02:24 PM (DgGvY)

49 *Much more of this and I'll be 'owling at the moon!*

This could get unpheasant and hawkward.

Posted by: That took a tern at June 16, 2024 02:26 PM (dg+HA)

50 Birds. They can drive you stork raven mad.

Posted by: E. A. Poe at June 16, 2024 02:18 PM (dg+HA)

You don't wasnt to pigeon-hole all birds, though.
Posted by: jim (in Kalifornia) at June 16, 2024 02:21 PM (ynpvh)

That's a matter of a pinion.

Posted by: OrangeEnt at June 16, 2024 02:27 PM (K5/Ef)

51 Are we actually surprised that Chez Dildo is showing evidence of, um, unwonted holes?

Posted by: Matthew Kant Cipher at June 16, 2024 02:27 PM (kOluj)

52 This one goes out to Admiral Ackbar...

https://youtu.be/kEU0qcWEN2w

Posted by: jim (in Kalifornia) at June 16, 2024 02:28 PM (ynpvh)

53 Every time I see a woodpecker pecking on something, it's either got bugs, or is diseased. Two trees, both gone, had woodpeckers on 'em.

Posted by: Martini Farmer at June 16, 2024 02:28 PM (Q4IgG)

54 50 Birds. They can drive you stork raven mad.

Posted by: E. A. Poe at June 16, 2024 02:18 PM (dg+HA)

You don't wasnt to pigeon-hole all birds, though.
Posted by: jim (in Kalifornia) at June 16, 2024 02:21 PM (ynpvh)

That's a matter of a pinion.

Posted by: OrangeEnt at June 16, 2024 02:27 PM (K5/Ef)

Nice! LOL

Posted by: jim (in Kalifornia) at June 16, 2024 02:28 PM (ynpvh)

55 Get a bobcat.

Posted by: redridinghood at June 16, 2024 02:29 PM (NpAcC)

56 30 21 This is about me, isn't it......
Posted by: 9mm v .45 at June 16, 2024 02:11 PM (Zz0t1)

Stay in your lane. Let things happen naturally.
Posted by: #1 Buck vs #00 Buck at June 16, 2024 02:13 PM (xcIvR)

Shhhhh, you two.
Posted by: Subsonic .22 at June 16, 2024 02:17 PM (K5/Ef)

Nah. Send a message. A loud message.

Posted by: 50BMG at June 16, 2024 02:30 PM (UcAQV)

57 46 Much more of this and I'll be 'owling at the moon!
Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at June 16, 2024

This is a bit of ostrich.

Posted by: Piper at June 16, 2024 02:30 PM (/sySz)

58 Why have the Oaks forsaken us?

Posted by: Dead Maples at June 16, 2024 02:30 PM (xcIvR)

59 Got plenty of woodpeckers here.
All over a few dead trees.

Except when they are banging some lovesongs on the aluminum gutters when I am trying to sleep.

Posted by: Itinerant Alley Butcher at June 16, 2024 02:31 PM (cOq4q)

60 Thank you Mr. Dildo for the update on your house. Before commencing with repairs, please inform the Architectural Committee of the scope of your repair work. Once approved, make sure you get approval from the Neighborhood Appearance Committee for what paint color you plan on using to paint the repaired section of your soffit and fascia. Also, make sure your get the required building permits from the local Building Department before commencing work. Thank you!

Posted by: Karen Muddlumps, Local democrat scold and busybody at June 16, 2024 02:31 PM (R/m4+)

61 57 46 Much more of this and I'll be 'owling at the moon!
Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at June 16, 2024

This is a bit of ostrich.
Posted by: Piper at June 16, 2024 02:30 PM (/sySz)

A boobie thread?

Posted by: Our Country is Screwed at June 16, 2024 02:31 PM (UcAQV)

62 58 Why have the Oaks forsaken us?

Posted by: Dead Maples at June 16, 2024 02:30 PM (xcIvR)

Oh, don't be birch about it.

Posted by: jim (in Kalifornia) at June 16, 2024 02:31 PM (ynpvh)

63 Get a bobcat.
Posted by: redridinghood at June 16, 2024 02:29 PM (NpAcC)

Have you never read The King, the Mice, and the Cheese?

Do you not know how this turns out? The science is settled.

Posted by: BurtTC at June 16, 2024 02:31 PM (UYNJs)

64 Careful, there is at least one type of woodpecker that is on the endangered species list (red-cockaded woodpecker, Picoides borealis.)

Also, birdshot is designed for that type of target, and won't do as much damage to your structures.

Posted by: tankdemon at June 16, 2024 02:31 PM (ZbweD)

65 Still <100 comments and we've already started the puns, a 9mm vs .45 comments and boobies.

Posted by: Our Country is Screwed at June 16, 2024 02:32 PM (UcAQV)

66 62 58 Why have the Oaks forsaken us?

Posted by: Dead Maples at June 16, 2024 02:30 PM (xcIvR)

Oh, don't be birch about it.

Posted by: jim (in Kalifornia) at June 16, 2024 02:31 PM (ynpvh)

Don't be A birch about it....geesh, fingers.

Posted by: jim (in Kalifornia) at June 16, 2024 02:32 PM (ynpvh)

67 That Hatchet, Axe and Saw law was a MFer. Anyway.
Check out my new role as an outhouse about to be crushed by one of you whiney sunburnt to death Maples.

Posted by: Zombie Oaks at June 16, 2024 02:33 PM (xcIvR)

68 This could be a combo FWP and Food Thread thing, CBD.

Fire up that soo veed!

Posted by: All Hail Eris at June 16, 2024 02:33 PM (FkUwd)

69 I have heard...putting some blank cds/dvds on strings near may help. they see their reflection, and think another bird is in town...

Posted by: zigggyeeee at June 16, 2024 02:35 PM (K5Rdg)

70 65 Still
Posted by: Our Country is Screwed at June 16, 2024 02:32 PM (UcAQV)

All obviously first world problems, thus on topic.

Posted by: tankdemon at June 16, 2024 02:36 PM (ZbweD)

71 44 38 Woodpecker pecking on your house might mean that you have termites. They don't just go around banging on houses for fun.

Posted by: Bob
---------
Drumming by pecking on the side of a house is actually mating behavior for males. It isn't always about the bugs but drumming is noisier and thus reaches more females on something like the side of a natural wood house.

As far as cedar look wood trim, you can sheathe natural wood, you can replace it with PVC, or you can use something like LP Smartside which has borate products added into the resins so that it is distasteful and too hard from woodpeckers, carpenter bees, and squirrels to mess with.

Natural cedar is resistant to weathering but is vulnerable to all those three pests.

Posted by: whig at June 16, 2024 02:38 PM (/0X3E)

72 66 62 58 Why have the Oaks forsaken us?

They're pining for the F150s.

Posted by: Ford Motor Company at June 16, 2024 02:39 PM (dg+HA)

73 That little pecker...
Posted by: jim

Hey!!

Posted by: Totally not a sock of Paul at June 16, 2024 02:41 PM (WXNFJ)

74 One friend said he used hot pepper powder to get rid of raccoons in his attic. he threw little packets wrapped in tissue paper to form a sort of (cayenne?) pepper cloud. Apparently their sinuses can't handle it, and they came out one by one soon after that.

Not sure if that works on squirrels, or woodpeckers.

Posted by: illiniwek at June 16, 2024 02:41 PM (Cus5s)

75 Have had a few visits from a juvenile woodpecker in the last week, so we looked up this and that.

There's all sorts of bugs they may be after; don't presume termites. Soaking the targeted wood with various insecticides can remove the bait. Yes, you will be hearing from Karen.

Bird repellents are usually something gooey that makes the bird think it does not have secure footing. I used some to good effect on a wooden bird statue that songbirds wanted to dominate fecally. Applying goo-caulk to a fascia could get messy, but not into double-ought territory.

And for God's sake, make sure his bill is not ivory.

Posted by: Way, Way Downriver at June 16, 2024 02:41 PM (zdLoL)

76 Yeah. I'd have rather been firewood.
Once a magestic mighty Oak tree swaying in the breeze.
Now I'm a flat box structure constantly being forked from four different directions.

Posted by: The Pallet at June 16, 2024 02:42 PM (xcIvR)

77 Drumming by pecking on the side of a house is actually mating behavior for males. It isn't always about the bugs but drumming is noisier and thus reaches more females on something like the side of a natural wood house.
Posted by: whig

A, how you say, pro tip: those dinner-plate-sized plastic thermometers bring all the girls to your yard.

Posted by: a woodpecker named Paolo at June 16, 2024 02:42 PM (DgGvY)

78 Get a plastic owl. You'll have no egrets.

Posted by: They're im-peckable at June 16, 2024 02:46 PM (dg+HA)

79 We have more than a few of dead trees in our woods. We get them all, red-headed woodpeckers, pileated woodpeckers, Hairy, Downy, along with Red-bellied woodpeckers.

Some days, it's a regular peck-fest.

Posted by: Tonypete at June 16, 2024 02:47 PM (WXNFJ)

80 Have a can of WD-40, but no applicator straw.

Knew I had another can, with straw, at the old house, so, went to fetch it. Somehow, somewhere, in the short walk home, the straw fell out of my pocket.

Searched the path between over and over. You'd think the red straw would stand out, but never found it. Amazing how much long red clover stems look like it.

Apparently, I'd dropped it once I got back inside, because a day or two later, we found little pieces of red plastic the dog had chewed up.

This is how you end up with multiple cans of WD-40.

Posted by: mindful webworker - oily at June 16, 2024 02:47 PM (7rC9u)

81 You guys are throwing some serious shade with all these tree puns.

Posted by: Tonypete at June 16, 2024 02:48 PM (WXNFJ)

82 As if on que a woodpecker is outside my shop pecking at a dead tree.
Ima test that #1 Buck v #00 Buck thing right now.
Be back in 6 to 12 months.

Posted by: Reforger at June 16, 2024 02:49 PM (xcIvR)

83 Fooled you. We're not guys.

Posted by: Peckerettes at June 16, 2024 02:50 PM (dg+HA)

84 81 You guys are throwing some serious shade with all these tree puns.
Posted by: Tonypete at June 16, 2024 02:48 PM (WXNFJ)

I'd join in, but it's almost time for a new thread and I'm afraid my comment will be willowed.

Posted by: tankdemon at June 16, 2024 02:52 PM (ZbweD)

85 We feed the little Hairy one.
Then he goes and puts holes in the neighbors siding on the far side from us.
Doesn't bother the neighbor with the same siding 2 houses the other way.

Posted by: DaveA at June 16, 2024 02:57 PM (FhXTo)

86 We should be good here until 4pm

Posted by: Skip at June 16, 2024 02:57 PM (fwDg9)

87 I saw Fecal Domination open for the Butthole Surfers at a time and place I'd just as soon not remember.

Posted by: Captain Obvious, Laird o' the Sea, Radioactive Knight at June 16, 2024 02:59 PM (3Fz6p)

88 86 We should be good here until 4pm
Posted by: Skip at June 16, 2024

This might leaf you laughing, but tankdemon was using Willow as a tree pun.

Posted by: Piper at June 16, 2024 02:59 PM (ti/Vb)

89 I don't think it's anything other than being peckish that makes Woody tap the trees.

Posted by: OrangeEnt at June 16, 2024 02:59 PM (GVEub)

90 Not trying to duck the issue, but in a few short weeks you can use some firequackers.

Posted by: Make it stop! at June 16, 2024 03:01 PM (dg+HA)

91 As if on que a woodpecker is outside my shop pecking at a dead tree.
Ima test that #1 Buck v #00 Buck thing right now.
Be back in 6 to 12 months.
Posted by: Reforger at June 16, 2024 02:49 PM (xcIvR)

Woody chipper?

Posted by: OrangeEnt at June 16, 2024 03:01 PM (0eaVi)

92 Fecal domination? We got yer fecal domination right here, pal!

Posted by: Canada geese at June 16, 2024 03:03 PM (dg+HA)

93 A piece of hardware cloth cut to fit and painted will stop that problem.

Posted by: Ben Had at June 16, 2024 03:03 PM (7iAr4)

94 I'm thankful each day to be able to suffer through at least one first world problem. Not everyone is that fortunate.

Posted by: IRONGRAMPA at June 16, 2024 03:06 PM (hKoQL)

95 What does Walter Lantz have to say about this.

Posted by: Jinx the Cat at June 16, 2024 03:07 PM (/DjSI)

96 Hahahahaha!

Nothing short of popping those assholes in the tail feathers will stop a horny woodpecker. They will bash their skulls until they get laid or you shoot them. The louder the better, so putting up metal sheeting encourages them. The fake owl? Works for about a day. The flashy stiff? Same
Thing.

Burn the house down and collect the insurance money.

Posted by: nurse ratched at June 16, 2024 03:07 PM (qMklK)

97 Hahahahaha!

Nothing short of popping those assholes in the tail feathers will stop a horny woodpecker. They will bash their skulls until they get laid or you shoot them. The louder the better, so putting up metal sheeting encourages them. The fake owl? Works for about a day. The flashy stiff? Same
Thing.

Burn the house down and collect the insurance money.
Posted by: nurse ratched at June 16, 2024 03:07 PM (qMklK)

Seems like sound advice

Posted by: Hatari somewhere on Ventura Highway at June 16, 2024 03:10 PM (WF/xn)

98
95 What does Walter Lantz have to say about this.
Posted by: Jinx the Cat

Not sure, but I think it would sound something like this:

https://youtu.be/7SWvm5VdSF0

Posted by: Just a hunch at June 16, 2024 03:12 PM (dg+HA)

99 You guys are throwing some serious shade with all these tree puns.
Posted by: Tonypete at June 16, 2024 02:48 PM (WXNFJ)

I'll leave the punning to my alders.

Posted by: Tuna at June 16, 2024 03:14 PM (oaGWv)

100 Woody chipper?

Posted by: OrangeEnt at June 16, 2024 03:01 PM (0eaVi)

Not funny.
Okay. Funny but painful.

Cops should be here any minute. Birds didn't notice any difference between 1 and 00 Buck.
Neighbors may have.

Posted by: Reforger's left index finger at June 16, 2024 03:15 PM (xcIvR)

101 And if you need a scope and subsonic ammo, you're a shitty shot.

Try a BB gun and get back to me, you sissy.

Posted by: nurse ratched at June 16, 2024 03:15 PM (CkL1Y)

102 "This is how you end up with multiple cans of WD-40.
Posted by: mindful webworker - oily "

I have a collection of those little straws for when I lose one. But I'm not a hoarder. I only keep good stuff.

Posted by: the woodpecker at June 16, 2024 03:15 PM (vFG9F)

103 The woodpecker wouldn't attack your trim if there weren't bugs in it.

Posted by: Dark Force Thirsting For Power at June 16, 2024 03:17 PM (vTTFR)

104 You guys are throwing some serious shade with all these tree puns.
Posted by: Tonypete at June 16, 2024 02:48 PM (WXNFJ)

I'd join in, but it's almost time for a new thread and I'm afraid my comment will be willowed.

Son of a beech, I missed the whole thing!

Posted by: Blanco Basura - Z28.310 at June 16, 2024 03:17 PM (dZVON)

105 A lawn chair, a libation and a pellet gun. Urban hunting.

Posted by: Ben Had at June 16, 2024 03:17 PM (7iAr4)

106 Off woodpecker sock

Posted by: Guy who used to have a woodpecker sock at June 16, 2024 03:17 PM (vFG9F)

107 105 A lawn chair, a libation and a pellet gun. Urban hunting.
Posted by: Ben Had

This woman is wise. All you have to do is peg one of them in the assfeathers. The rest get the idea.

Posted by: nurse ratched at June 16, 2024 03:18 PM (CkL1Y)

108 I see CBD decided to put up the equivalent of catnip for Nurse.

Good job luring Nurse in, CBD.

Posted by: blake - semi lurker in marginal standing (tT6L1) at June 16, 2024 03:22 PM (tT6L1)

109 That’s a lot of damage. Best to chase them away at the first sound of trouble. I fill the smaller holes with grey Bondo then touch up with grey house paint

Posted by: 4thewin at June 16, 2024 03:23 PM (37cEZ)

110 Besides Woody Woodpecker, Walter Lantz drew Chilly Willy, so your home perforation problem is likely due to Big Penguin.

Posted by: Penguin Defense Fund 501c3 at June 16, 2024 03:23 PM (V5BDR)

111 Peck Peckerwood would be the Ralph Bakshi version.

Posted by: All Hail Eris at June 16, 2024 03:25 PM (FkUwd)

112 One often out in the yard with a thirty year old co2 bb gun, shooting at squirrels and mockingbird mostly. Never hit nothin' but everyone remains wary. Good enough.

Posted by: From about That Time at June 16, 2024 03:25 PM (4780s)

113 Peck Peckerwood would be the Ralph Bakshi version.
Posted by: All Hail Eris at June 16, 2024 03:25 PM (FkUwd)

If he wasn't one of the characters in "Fritz the Cat", he should have been.

Posted by: Nehemiah Scudder at June 16, 2024 03:27 PM (fPzjs)

114 How autocorrect gets from I'm to One ill never know.

Posted by: From about That Time at June 16, 2024 03:27 PM (4780s)

115 Well getting sick a more tree puns so better hot tje road.

Posted by: Skip at June 16, 2024 03:29 PM (fwDg9)

116 Bb pistol, I will add. Hope I'd never be as bad with a rifle.

Posted by: From about That Time at June 16, 2024 03:29 PM (4780s)

117 CBD, have you sous vide a wood pecker? If not, that's your mission in life now.

Report back soon.

Please

Posted by: Outside of Life at June 16, 2024 03:31 PM (89Sog)

118 I bet there's a samurai woodpecker anime out there somewhere. With a schoolgirl sidekick who has a tough time keeping her short skirt in place.

Posted by: Idaho Spudboy at June 16, 2024 03:31 PM (fPzjs)

119 Woodpecker???
I blame Nurse!

Posted by: Diogenes at June 16, 2024 03:31 PM (W/lyH)

120 Put big plastic owls on the side of your house. It keeps away Woodpeckers (They're mortal enemies), Put a piece of soda can over the hole and then paint it. They won't be able to get to the hole and'll give up if they do come back (owl).

Posted by: Ralph Wiggum at June 16, 2024 03:31 PM (Q/js5)

121 When starlings used to get into my grapes, I got an inflatable owl with shiny foil eyes. They pecked his eyes out.

Posted by: Way, Way Downriver at June 16, 2024 03:36 PM (zdLoL)

122 Well, it actually is a first world problem for those of us who miss Disney as founded, but it looks like O'Keefe might have something to say:
https://x.com/JamesOKeefeIII/status/
1802422850424332555

Posted by: uniparty, Raping and Mutilating the Children They Do Not Kill at June 16, 2024 03:38 PM (gxokI)

123 Well, it actually is a first world problem for those of us who miss Disney as founded, but it looks like O'Keefe might have something to say:
https://x.com/JamesOKeefeIII/status/
1802422850424332555
Posted by: uniparty, Raping and Mutilating the Children They Do Not Kill at June 16, 2024 03:38 PM (gxokI)

Gone.

Posted by: OrangeEnt at June 16, 2024 03:38 PM (0eaVi)

124 Mandatory

What do you call a guy who is not a dad but tells dad jokes?

A faux pa.

Posted by: Diogenes at June 16, 2024 03:39 PM (W/lyH)

125 I'd build an owl box at the apex of the roof to attract an owl family.

Posted by: Reforger at June 16, 2024 03:39 PM (xcIvR)

126 These little house-terrorist bastards come and go.

I'm thankful for the owls and hawks that lurk among the evergreens in this area.

Posted by: Dr. Bone at June 16, 2024 03:40 PM (dmXQN)

127 Chasing them away can be a real birden.

Posted by: Peckerwoods at June 16, 2024 03:42 PM (dg+HA)

128 123
There's a space(%20) you have to remove to get the link to work.
O'Keefe just says this week they're going after Disney.

Posted by: Dr. Claw at June 16, 2024 03:42 PM (roH4R)

129 Have a similar problem at my house. Carpenter bees attacked wood that is either rotted or compromised by moisture. Maybe your gutters. Woodpeckers go after the carpenter bee larvae in the wood. Squirrels are opportunistic and attack the soft wood looking for a nesting site in side. Fix the moisture/wood rot problem.

Posted by: Rufus T. Firefly at June 16, 2024 03:46 PM (XsuFr)

130 129
'Fix the moisture/wood rot problem.'

Sparrow no expense getting this done. The woodpeckers are robin CBD blind.

Posted by: Dr. Claw at June 16, 2024 03:49 PM (roH4R)

131 I'd build an owl box at the apex of the roof to attract an owl family.
Posted by: Reforger at June 16, 2024 03:39 PM (xcIvR)

If you know someone with a ferret, have them come by and let the critter run around in your attic putting its scent in the house. That would keep the others away.

Posted by: OrangeEnt at June 16, 2024 03:53 PM (0eaVi)

132 130 129
'Fix the moisture/wood rot problem.'

Sparrow no expense getting this done. The woodpeckers are robin CBD blind.
Posted by: Dr. Claw
----------
Agree. Otherwise leads to nothing but grousing about the problem.

Posted by: scampydog at June 16, 2024 03:54 PM (xsTaH)

133 Was going to keep commenting, but the thread seems dead. It would be terrible if there was a nood and I didn't notice it. That would leave egg on my face.

Posted by: OrangeEnt at June 16, 2024 04:00 PM (0eaVi)

134 Vermin. Get a big cat or three. Keep them hungry.

Posted by: Maj. Healey at June 16, 2024 04:01 PM (aFNOf)

135 My sympathies. Had a woodpecker dig out a hole in the top part of a column on our front porch. DH filled the hole in with insulating foam, smoothed a bit of stucco over it and painted it. Came home in a couple of days to find fluffs of yellow foam strewn about -- the critter had just pecked it all out and made itself a nest. Once it was done nesting, DH climbed back up there, filled the hole in with foam again, tacked a piece of tin over the spot, then painted it. For good measure he reinforced the other column the same way. No woodpeckers this year!

Posted by: tankascribe at June 16, 2024 04:06 PM (HWxAD)

136 You know who else had a wood pecker?

Posted by: Gepetto at June 16, 2024 04:06 PM (+o/4e)

137 71 Drumming by pecking on the side of a house is actually mating behavior for males. It isn't always about the bugs but drumming is noisier and thus reaches more females on something like the side of a natural wood house.

Every spring we get one drumming on the metal chimney flue for a few weeks, advertising his availability to potential mates.

It resonates loudly through the house, mostly in the kitchen and living room, and sounds as if we're under attack. First time I heard it, I thought it was something mechanical in the house.

Posted by: jix at June 16, 2024 04:12 PM (VghtP)

138 We aluminized all of our trim years ago. Pisses off the critters.

One less thing to paint.

Posted by: thatcrazyjerseyguy now with twice the crazy at June 16, 2024 04:30 PM (iODuv)

139 125 I'd build an owl box at the apex of the roof to attract an owl family.

Posted by: Reforger at June 16, 2024 03:39 PM (xcIvR)

Who?

Posted by: jim (in Kalifornia) at June 16, 2024 04:36 PM (ynpvh)

140 Simple solution: Electrify the hole. Problem is El Solved-O.

Posted by: Dr_No at June 16, 2024 04:42 PM (ayRl+)

141 Shootin' that Wood Pecker = Game Officers BIG mad. That might not be the best plan. At least since you've told everyone about it.

Posted by: Kevin at June 16, 2024 04:56 PM (MLxyj)

142 Woodpecker pecking on your house might mean that you have termites. They don't just go around banging on houses for fun.
Posted by: Bob
------
Yes, they do, if you define procreational activity as fun. (I do ;-) )
We had a woodpecker (actally, a flicker) who would pound the flashing around the plumbing vents - because it was a lot louder than the traditional hollow tree -as a territorial warning to other males and a "come up and see my etchings" to females.

Posted by: buddhaha at June 16, 2024 05:21 PM (CEWJ8)

143 You have a bigger problem; termites or carpenter ants.

Posted by: Iggy at June 16, 2024 05:30 PM (xX9zO)

144 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2T68vR07Q4w

Posted by: Ash is a damn robot! at June 16, 2024 06:04 PM (p2DNF)

145 @ 143 You have a bigger problem; termites or carpenter ants. ...
__________________________

I'ma go with Dry Wood Beetles for the win, Bob ...

Posted by: Dr_No at June 16, 2024 06:05 PM (ayRl+)

146 That little pecker is protected by federal law.

If he's not using the wood to drum for a mate, you may have a moisture and insect problem.

Posted by: Dirk Manley at June 16, 2024 06:05 PM (oZT7M)

147 My neighbor knows birds, and told me that woodpeckers can discern if insects are in wood.

They go after what they *already know* is there, unless they're just building a nest.

Cover it up with metal...that's what I did, problem solved.

Posted by: Ju at June 16, 2024 06:42 PM (aTmM/)

148 For the squirrel, .22 mag. CCI Snakeload (if you can find any). Should work on the "Pecker", too.

Posted by: FLA Bill at June 16, 2024 06:49 PM (iBb9V)

149 Too late. But I got rid of them in Virginia with 6-inch strips of plain old aluminum foil hung by their favorite locarion.

Posted by: JM in Ill -- Behold the Manchurian Candidate at June 16, 2024 07:11 PM (tzvIg)

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