20th Anniversary Repost: I Must Eat Jim Acosta

Originally published July 31, 2018. This actually started out as a riff I did at dinner with friends. I announced, "I will eat Seth Mandel, and I don't mean when the apocalypse begins, I mean like next Wednesday at 3," and went off. A lot of the jokes in the column were from that Cannibalism Toast.

Wait, was it Noah Rothman? I forget it. I was one of those damp squibs of neocon shame.

For this column, I changed the target of cannibalism to Jim Acosta, because, I mean, most people don't know who Seth Mandel or Noah Rothman are. And I let Rich "Psycho" Giamboni take the blame.

I Must Eat Jim Acosta

by Rich "Psycho" Giamboni
Special Guest Columnist for Ace of Spades HQ

I must eat Jim Acosta.

Some of you probably think, "Ah, good ol' Psycho is being metaphorical here."

Look at my fucking face, asshole: Does this look like a face that does "metaphorical"?

It's a slippery fuckin' slope. One day you're talking in metaphors and the next day you've got a trucker's balls bouncing off your fucking eyes like he's a Crossfit Games medalist and the Workout of the Day is doing a hundred dick-squats in your face-rack.

This isn't a metaphor. This isn't a riddle. This isn't one of those back-of-the-McDonald's-tray-liner connect-the-dots where you connect all the dots and it says "Rich 'Psycho' Giamboni means he's gonna eat some nice McDonald's french-fries."

So screw your heads on straight for once, fuckbutts. When Rich "Psycho" Giamboni says I must eat Jim Acosta, Rich "Psycho" Giamboni means he's gonna fucking eat Jim Acosta.

I will eat Jim Acosta, I will consume his flesh, I will make little Jim Acosta burgers and call them CNN Sliders.

Simple math here, dummies. The End of Days are coming, and when they come, it's Thunderdome, baby. Two men enter, one man leaves with warm, sluggish "Jim Acosta" kind of feeling in his belly.

Now I know what you're thinking now. You're thinking: "Oh, Psycho means that when the country has turned into Road Warrior for a few months, and men have turned to animals scavenging for any kind of food, then, when Psycho's on the edge of starvation, he will descend into savagery and eat Jim Acosta."

Not even close, queerbaits. I mean the minute I even think I smell the End of Days are coming, I'm heading to Jim Acosta's house with a bottle of Mangria and a spork.

I mean, I'm not even waiting for the starvation. I'm not even waiting for the hangry.

Shit, I'm not even waiting for food-lines. I mean, the minute I get the sense that the country's sliding just a little bit sideways, it's Go-Time, and by "Go-Time," I mean it's time to eat Jim Acosta.

The early bird catches the worm, and I'm not waiting for some jabroni with the same idea to bag the first Jim Acosta of the fall season. I'm talking about early, brother. I mean, the grocery stores will still be filled with food and the credit card machines will all still be working.

And in that hour of waiting, Jim Acosta will hear the bell toll, and the bell is the one the farmer clangs to call the cows to the cull-shed.

I mean to treat this operation like it's a Best Buy Doorburster deal and the second best sale is a 68 inch Sony Ultra HD TV for four bucks and the best deal is the Jim Acosta Self-Propelled Steak Collection, and the only price is having the guts to beat the crowd.

And you know what second-in-line gets? Second in line gets a 30% Off Coupon for Not Eating Jim Acosta.

The minute I hear anything that has that Sign-of-the-Apocalypse ring to it, like hearing that the Renegade reboot is on hold due to creative differences with Lorenzo Lamas, I'm going to drive my F-150 to whatever mani-pedi joint Jim Acosta's getting made all pretty at, bait the crew cab with MAC for Men makeup samples, knock him unconscious with ether and begin seasoning him Old El Paso taco powder.

You think I'm joking? You think I'm "ribbing" with you, paizano? Well, the proof is in the eating, and you'll see how much I'm "ribbing" when you smell some barbecue action going down and you hear Jake Tapper crying that Jim Acosta is "missing, but presumed delicious."

I will eat Jim Acosta, and in consuming his flesh, I will add his weakness to my own.

Jim Acosta is the Cow That Walks on Two Legs, and I intend to gorge.

And that's the name of that tune, chumps.

Rich "Psycho" Giamboni is an occasional guest columnist for the Ace of Spades media empire. His previous column, If You Touch My Hoagie Again, I Will Literally Kill You, won the 2005 Polk Prize for Special Achievement in Journalistic Threats.

Posted by: Disinformation Expert Ace at 04:30 PM

Comments

(Jump to bottom of comments)

1 Nood Lord!

Posted by: Rolling Donut Unharmed By gp's Flying Leap at December 29, 2023 04:30 PM (MvF+J)

2 Pinkeye Jim probably won’t pass USDA stamp for human consumption.

Posted by: Eromero at December 29, 2023 04:32 PM (Omqq1)

3 Whatever happened to Jim Acosta? Did he get turned into dick cheese steak?

Posted by: Northernlurker at December 29, 2023 04:33 PM (x42Y3)

4 Eat Me

Posted by: The Cake at December 29, 2023 04:33 PM (gmo/4)

5 I miss the guest columns.

Posted by: sven at December 29, 2023 04:33 PM (X0I7i)

6 Acosta is probably not fit for human consumption.

Posted by: Northernlurker at December 29, 2023 04:34 PM (x42Y3)

7 3 Posted by: Northernlurker at December 29, 2023 04:33 PM (x42Y3)

The strangely punchable Diamond Jim ran out of gravitas when Orange Toupee Weasel left.

Posted by: sven at December 29, 2023 04:34 PM (X0I7i)

8 Lol.
Sangria and a spork. That's some funny shit right there.

Posted by: Bosk of Port Kar at December 29, 2023 04:34 PM (Rn/yD)

9 I getting a Silence of the Lambs vibe.

Posted by: redridinghood at December 29, 2023 04:35 PM (NpAcC)

10 Lord that man was the dick of all dicks. He was a dick's dick.

Posted by: Northernlurker at December 29, 2023 04:36 PM (x42Y3)

11 "It's a slippery fuckin' slope. One day you're talking in metaphors and the next day you've got a trucker's balls bouncing off your fucking eyes like he's a Crossfit Games medalist and the Workout of the Day is doing a hundred dick-squats in your face-rack."

This would usually be directed at garrett. Interesting to see how ace developed over the years.

Posted by: Aetius451AD at December 29, 2023 04:36 PM (di6C2)

12 Forgot Jim existed

Posted by: Skip at December 29, 2023 04:36 PM (ube+h)

13 CNN just reported this as a right wing death threat.

Posted by: Thomas Paine at December 29, 2023 04:36 PM (lTGtQ)

14 Acosta is the most annoying of my paisans rick sanchez had that honor he ebentually ended up at Rt having been run out of every network

Posted by: Miguel cervantes at December 29, 2023 04:36 PM (PXvVL)

15 They gave him his own show on cnn

Posted by: Miguel cervantes at December 29, 2023 04:37 PM (PXvVL)

16 I'm loving the blog flashbacks, ace.

Posted by: Notorious BFD at December 29, 2023 04:37 PM (V8he0)

17 "It's a slippery fuckin' slope. One day you're talking in metaphors and the next day you've got a trucker's balls bouncing off your fucking eyes like he's a Crossfit Games medalist and the Workout of the Day is doing a hundred dick-squats in your face-rack."

How this passage was not Pulitzer-worthy is beyond me.

Posted by: Tonypete at December 29, 2023 04:37 PM (NReIw)

18 Whatever happened to Jim Acosta? Did he get turned into dick cheese steak?
Posted by: Northernlurker at December 29, 2023 04:33 PM (x42Y3)

Silly. Rich Giamboni ate him.

Posted by: Dr. Pork Chops & Bacons at December 29, 2023 04:37 PM (BdMk6)

19 Booze coupled with raw meat & onions for a hearty Cannibal sandwich.

Pass.

Posted by: L - being Lady Macbeth for once at December 29, 2023 04:37 PM (GshMh)

20 "The minute I hear anything that has that Sign-of-the-Apocalypse ring to it, ..."

President Joe Biden.

Did you eat the ballsack too? Or did you settle for the thigh hocks?

Posted by: Aetius451AD at December 29, 2023 04:38 PM (di6C2)

21 "Forgot Jim existed"

Just like most folx have already forgotten Claudine Gay exists.

Posted by: Rolling Donut Unharmed By gp's Flying Leap at December 29, 2023 04:38 PM (MvF+J)

22 Where did Cannibal Bob disappear to?

Posted by: Northernlurker at December 29, 2023 04:38 PM (x42Y3)

23 12 Forgot Jim existed
Posted by: Skip at December 29, 2023 04:36 PM (ube+h)

He did disappear really quickly after being so vital to democracy.

Posted by: Aetius451AD at December 29, 2023 04:39 PM (di6C2)

24 22 Where did Cannibal Bob disappear to?
Posted by: Northernlurker at December 29, 2023 04:38 PM (x42Y3)

He was on... a couple weeks ago?

Posted by: Aetius451AD at December 29, 2023 04:39 PM (di6C2)

25 Im actually watching a bunch of old WWF events on Peacock from when I was in to wrestling in the early 90s, so picturing Jake the Snake reading this as a promo, is just perfect.

Posted by: Rbastid at December 29, 2023 04:40 PM (xjAjy)

26 I love this one. Laughing hysterically in a line at McD's while people backed away from the lunatic.

And Ace, when this came out, I joked that this was exactly how I feel about Noah Rothman. So I feel ya there. And, hands off - Rothman's mine.

Posted by: Yudhishthira's Dice at December 29, 2023 04:40 PM (0FoWg)

27 Can someone please pass the Jim Acosta sweetbreads? You haven't had kidneys till you've had Acosta's kidneys.

Posted by: Meatwood Flack at December 29, 2023 04:40 PM (+0goo)

28 Oh man. This is so good.

Posted by: Mark Andrew Edwards, anti-Marxist, buy ammo and keep your rifle by your side at December 29, 2023 04:42 PM (xcxpd)

29 I'm glad everybody that is here are alive. Keep up the good work.

Posted by: Humphreyrobot at December 29, 2023 04:42 PM (J8LnB)

30 Them that’s got, shall get …
Them that’s not, shall get Jim Acosta in a green banana thong wishing them Happy New Year’s …

Posted by: Zombie Lady Day at December 29, 2023 04:42 PM (4Winp)

31 When ace brings the hammer, it's hammer time.

Posted by: Notorious BFD at December 29, 2023 04:43 PM (V8he0)

32 Oh my. Defense Dept. will now have 'Special Counsels' to prosecute rape or sexual abuse or harassment charges.

These will NOT belong to Commands, and it looks like they will be Civilian Lawyers. Not sure if they will still be prosecuted under the UCMJ, or Civilian Law.

How this will work with Non Judicial Punishment, is unknown... but.. it looks like another attempt to demilitarize the military.

Posted by: Romeo13 at December 29, 2023 04:44 PM (xaFKb)

33 "I mean the minute I even think I smell the End of Days are coming, I'm heading to Jim Acosta's house with a bottle of Mangria and a spork."

*gets out of Rich's way right fucking now*

Posted by: Mark Andrew Edwards, anti-Marxist, buy ammo and keep your rifle by your side at December 29, 2023 04:44 PM (xcxpd)

34 Them that’s got, shall get …
Them that’s not, shall get Jim Acosta in a green banana thong wishing them Happy New Year’s …
Posted by: Zombie Lady Day at December 29, 2023 04:42 PM (4Winp)

Now THAT's a threat.

Posted by: Dr. Pork Chops & Bacons at December 29, 2023 04:45 PM (BdMk6)

35 31 When ace brings the hammer, it's hammer time.
Posted by: Notorious BFD at December 29, 2023 04:43 PM (V8he0)

You don't know he's sliced until you begin to bleed.

Posted by: Aetius451AD at December 29, 2023 04:45 PM (di6C2)

36 Bring back Tom Friedman's cab ride, Ace!

Absolutely fucking brutal. And not because of the dismemberment. Because of the cruelty. You perfectly captured that pompous fraud's entire faggy little shtick.

If I were him, I'd have retired after that.

Posted by: Yudhishthira's Dice at December 29, 2023 04:45 PM (0FoWg)

37 32 Oh my. Defense Dept. will now have 'Special Counsels' to prosecute rape or sexual abuse or harassment charges.

These will NOT belong to Commands, and it looks like they will be Civilian Lawyers. Not sure if they will still be prosecuted under the UCMJ, or Civilian Law.

How this will work with Non Judicial Punishment, is unknown... but.. it looks like another attempt to demilitarize the military.
Posted by: Romeo13 at December 29, 2023 04:44 PM (xaFKb)

Zampolits and poltiical officers. The military will be broken.

Posted by: Mark Andrew Edwards, anti-Marxist, buy ammo and keep your rifle by your side at December 29, 2023 04:46 PM (xcxpd)

38 How this will work with Non Judicial Punishment, is unknown... but.. it looks like another attempt to demilitarize the military.
Posted by: Romeo13 at December 29, 2023 04:44 PM (xaFKb)

Full of nothing but sterile, dazed, tranny drones.

Posted by: Aetius451AD at December 29, 2023 04:46 PM (di6C2)

39 Seeing a Google news that NBC reports the Chinese Spy Balloon used US internet supplier to transfer information

Posted by: Skip at December 29, 2023 04:47 PM (ube+h)

40 Breaking: Kathy Griffin has filed for divorce.

Posted by: Rolling Donut Unharmed By gp's Flying Leap at December 29, 2023 04:47 PM (MvF+J)

41 Extra points for using Jake The Snake

Posted by: thathalfrican - The One at December 29, 2023 04:47 PM (K1bCN)

42 I be the guy in that photo is pissed.

Posted by: sniffybigtoe at December 29, 2023 04:48 PM (b4o9z)

43 Did you know the fat behind Acosta's eyeballs tastes like pizza dough?

Posted by: Northernlurker at December 29, 2023 04:48 PM (x42Y3)

44 Breaking: Kathy Griffin has filed for divorce.
Posted by: Rolling Donut Unharmed By gp's Flying Leap at December 29, 2023 04:47 PM (MvF+J)

Usually, you just go to the pound when you divorce your cat.

Posted by: Yudhishthira's Dice at December 29, 2023 04:48 PM (0FoWg)

45 40 Breaking: Kathy Griffin has filed for divorce.
Posted by: Rolling Donut Unharmed By gp's Flying Leap at December 29, 2023 04:47 PM (MvF+J)

This dude must be a real winner if she is divorcing HIM.

I wonder what horrific crime he committed in a past life...

Her Husband was HITLER!

Posted by: Aetius451AD at December 29, 2023 04:49 PM (di6C2)

46
The 'end of days' will probably be decided at about 3 am some Election night in the very near future.

Are they gonna have to cheat so hard that they have to include the entire population of Latin America in the totals to win?

Posted by: Divide by Zero at December 29, 2023 04:49 PM (3qE2b)

47 Posted by: Divide by Zero at December 29, 2023 04:49 PM (3qE2b)

Yes.

In other news Mike DeWine is a true piece of shit.

Posted by: thathalfrican - The One at December 29, 2023 04:50 PM (K1bCN)

48 Is Griffin the one who decapitated Trump?

Posted by: Northernlurker at December 29, 2023 04:51 PM (x42Y3)

49 "Does this look like a face that does "metaphorical"?"

Rich, I'm stealing this line forever. Please don't eat me! I will attribute it to you, always. Unlike that fat lazy pos Joney Goldberg who regularly stole Ace's work, because he's a fat lazy pos.

Posted by: Ganowicz Commie Exterminators, LTD. at December 29, 2023 04:51 PM (zKVK1)

50 @46

>>Are they gonna have to cheat so hard that they have to include the entire population of Latin America in the totals to win?

Nah, we're talking about less than 100k votes across 6 states, easy as pie, barely an inconvenience.

Posted by: Thomas Bender at December 29, 2023 04:51 PM (XV/Pl)

51 Federal News Network, today - DoD special trial counsel offices become fully operational, giving more protections to sexual assault victims

> There were 8,942 reports of sexual assault across the military branches last year, but last year’s report estimated that nearly 36,000 active-duty personnel, both women and men, experienced sexual assault.

Posted by: L - being Lady Macbeth for once at December 29, 2023 04:51 PM (GshMh)

52 Where did Cannibal Bob disappear to?
Posted by: Northernlurker

He was on... a couple weeks ago?
Posted by: Aetius451AD

His stomach's felt funny ever since he had that stand-up rib roast for Christmas.

Posted by: mikeski at December 29, 2023 04:51 PM (DgGvY)

53 48 Is Griffin the one who decapitated Trump?
Posted by: Northernlurker at December 29, 2023 04:51 PM (x42Y3)

That's the one.

Posted by: Aetius451AD at December 29, 2023 04:52 PM (di6C2)

54 Jim Acosta is the Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez of Nancy Pelosis.

Posted by: Archer at December 29, 2023 04:52 PM (gmo/4)

55 These will NOT belong to Commands, and it looks like they will be Civilian Lawyers. Not sure if they will still be prosecuted under the UCMJ, or Civilian Law.

How this will work with Non Judicial Punishment, is unknown... but.. it looks like another attempt to demilitarize the military.
Posted by: Romeo13 at December 29, 2023 04:44 PM (xaFKb)

Geez. The UCMJ is pretty tough as it is. What exactly are they wanting from this?

Posted by: Dr. Pork Chops & Bacons at December 29, 2023 04:52 PM (BdMk6)

56 His stomach's felt funny ever since he had that stand-up rib roast for Christmas.

Posted by: mikeski at December 29, 2023 04:51 PM (DgGvY)

Made from the ribs of a standup comic?

Posted by: Archer at December 29, 2023 04:53 PM (gmo/4)

57 What do you mean, will NOW have special council?
All of the women I worked with thought I was special.
Well, okay, maybe not so much Lt Pike,,, but the rest of them did!!

Posted by: Harmon Rabb Jr at December 29, 2023 04:53 PM (3K/9t)

58 Merv should be ashamed of his daughter

Posted by: N at December 29, 2023 04:53 PM (8kfN9)

59 Didn't Acosta brag about how he's going to shriek questions on his way into hell?

Posted by: Northernlurker at December 29, 2023 04:53 PM (x42Y3)

60 In other news Mike DeWine is a true piece of shit.
Posted by: thathalfrican - The One at December 29, 2023 04:50 PM (K1bCN)
----
Sleeper cell Mike DeWine.

Posted by: Axeman at December 29, 2023 04:53 PM (OaZlZ)

61 When Rich "Psycho" Giamboni is done with Jim Acosta, maybe he can head on over to the BBC and eat Russell T. Davies for what he's done to Doctor Who.

I just watched Disparu's review of the Christmas Special. It was a complete and utter train wreck from start to finish.

Posted by: "Perfessor" Squirrel at December 29, 2023 04:53 PM (BpYfr)

62 > There were 8,942 reports of sexual assault across the military branches last year, but last year’s report estimated that nearly 36,000 active-duty personnel, both women and men, experienced sexual assault.
Posted by: L - being Lady Macbeth for once

So..... that number is going up now that we have a military full of insane alphabet people instead of sane straight ones? Who would have guessed?

Posted by: mikeski at December 29, 2023 04:53 PM (DgGvY)

63 Jim Acosta...Jim Acosta...

Oh, that guy.

Fuck him.

Posted by: Hairyback Guy at December 29, 2023 04:54 PM (R/m4+)

64 Who was that guy that ran the AoSHQ Elections Desk and then went rogue?

Posted by: mrp at December 29, 2023 04:54 PM (rj6Yv)

65 It's possible Acosta is not as smart as he thanks is.

Posted by: Northernlurker at December 29, 2023 04:54 PM (x42Y3)

66

I thought Jim did weekend coverage at the WH.

Posted by: L - being Lady Macbeth for once at December 29, 2023 04:54 PM (GshMh)

67 Breaking: Kathy Griffin has filed for divorce.
Posted by: Rolling Donut Unharmed By gp's Flying Leap at December 29, 2023 04:47 PM (MvF+J)

Well, if those kids can't make....wait isn't she about the same age a Granny Madonna? Anyway, hahahaha. I hope he bankrupts you ugly Kathy!

Posted by: Ganowicz Commie Exterminators, LTD. at December 29, 2023 04:54 PM (zKVK1)

68 I'm watching Hawk the Slayer (1980) for the first time. The soundtrack is good and the actors are hammy in a good way.

Posted by: BourbonChicken at December 29, 2023 04:54 PM (lhenN)

69 L - being Lady Macbeth for once

So..... that number is going up now that we have a military full of insane alphabet people instead of sane straight ones? Who would have guessed?

Posted by: mikeski
-------------------------

This is administration, Anything Goes.

Posted by: Braenyard at December 29, 2023 04:55 PM (cV0Dx)

70 Mike DeWine is a Republican. Sure he's a shitstains. But he had the (R) right next to his name. His voters knew he was a shitstain. Why be mad at him? He told them what he was, and they didn't care.

Posted by: Yudhishthira's Dice at December 29, 2023 04:56 PM (0FoWg)

71 So..... that number is going up now that we have a military full of insane alphabet people instead of sane straight ones? Who would have guessed?
Posted by: mikeski at December 29, 2023 04:53 PM (DgGvY)

Yeah, funny how my all Male commands on ships had no sexual her-ass-meant or sexual assault charges...

But the mixed commands did. Hell, watched two senior Officers get cashiered for having Sex with subordinates.

Posted by: Romeo13 at December 29, 2023 04:56 PM (xaFKb)

72 Or is it, Everything Goes?

Posted by: Braenyard at December 29, 2023 04:56 PM (cV0Dx)

73 It's possible Acosta is not as smart as he thanks is.
Posted by: Northernlurker at December 29, 2023 04:54 PM (x42Y3)
---
Highly probable is usually considered a subset of Possible, so yes.

Posted by: Axeman at December 29, 2023 04:56 PM (OaZlZ)

74 This dude must be a real winner if she is divorcing HIM.

I wonder what horrific crime he committed in a past life...

He probably said something like "Ya know, maybe things weren't so bad when Trump was president."

Posted by: Oddbob at December 29, 2023 04:56 PM (sNc8Y)

75 Everything anything

Tomato tomato

Posted by: N at December 29, 2023 04:56 PM (8kfN9)

76 20 years of being the very best the internet has to offer.

(Excluding busty lesbian porn.)

Posted by: davidt at December 29, 2023 04:57 PM (SYTee)

77 It's possible Acosta is not as smart as he thanks is.
Posted by: Northernlurker at December 29, 2023 04:54 PM (x42Y3)
---
Highly probable is usually considered a subset of Possible, so yes.
Posted by: Axeman at December 29, 2023 04:56 PM (OaZlZ)
---
Any more of that "math talk" around here, and Rich "Psycho" Giamboni might just be paying someone a visit, capiche?

Posted by: "Perfessor" Squirrel at December 29, 2023 04:58 PM (BpYfr)

78 Where did Cannibal Bob disappear to?
Posted by: Northernlurker

He was on... a couple weeks ago?
Posted by: Aetius451AD

His stomach's felt funny ever since he had that stand-up rib roast for Christmas.
Posted by: mikeski

Not a shock, comedian is bad eatin'.

Posted by: Brother Tim sez Max Headroom for President! at December 29, 2023 04:58 PM (OUMaO)

79
Who was that guy that ran the AoSHQ Elections Desk and then went rogue?

Posted by: mrp at December 29, 2023 04:54 PM

It might come to me in a minute. He was always predicting that Pennsylvania was gonna bust out red. But he was gone right before it actually happened in 2016.

CAC? Not sure.

Posted by: Divide by Zero at December 29, 2023 04:58 PM (3qE2b)

80 Zampolits and poltiical officers. The military will be broken.
Posted by: Mark Andrew Edwards, anti-Marxist, buy ammo and keep your rifle by your side at December 29, 2023 04:46 PM (xcxpd)

The military already is broken. Been that way for awhile.

Posted by: Ganowicz Commie Exterminators, LTD. at December 29, 2023 04:58 PM (zKVK1)

81 Outstanding cruelty in this post.

Posted by: Northernlurker at December 29, 2023 04:59 PM (x42Y3)

82 I've been clamoring for Ace's pappy and the snow wops. (The thread, not the band.) Does anyone know what that was titled so I can at least find it?

Posted by: Biff Pocoroba at December 29, 2023 04:59 PM (Dm8we)

83 "This dude must be a real winner if she is divorcing HIM."

She ran the numbers, and figures there's more money in divorcing him than in staying married. Just a guess.

Posted by: Rolling Donut Unharmed By gp's Flying Leap at December 29, 2023 04:59 PM (MvF+J)

84 Oh, and had a personal problem with this kind of crap, so pretty jaded.

Had a female subordinate, flat out disobey a direct order... one I had also given to Males... she went crying to the command saying it was because she was female and that I was being mean...

Sorry... Senior NCO here, ITS MY FUCKING JOB TO BE MEAN.

She was let off the hook... I was formally counseled. Fuck you.

Posted by: Romeo13 at December 29, 2023 04:59 PM (xaFKb)

85 80 Zampolits and poltiical officers. The military will be broken.
Posted by: Mark Andrew Edwards, anti-Marxist, buy ammo and keep your rifle by your side at December 29, 2023 04:46 PM (xcxpd)

The military already is broken. Been that way for awhile.
Posted by: Ganowicz Commie Exterminators, LTD. at December 29, 2023 04:58 PM (zKVK1)

Political officers are how it will stay broken. A separate judicial punishment setup, not accountable to uniformed officers.

And they're letting it happen to themselves. It's just....*chef's kiss*. Pure totalitarianism.

Posted by: Mark Andrew Edwards, anti-Marxist, buy ammo and keep your rifle by your side at December 29, 2023 05:00 PM (xcxpd)

86 Not even close, queerbaits. I mean the minute I even think I smell the End of Days are coming, I'm heading to Jim Acosta's house with a bottle of Mangria and a spork.
---

:chef's kiss:

Posted by: Midnight Rambler at December 29, 2023 05:00 PM (BMHsU)

87 Geez. The UCMJ is pretty tough as it is. What exactly are they wanting from this?
Posted by: Dr. Pork Chops & Bacons at December 29, 2023 04:52 PM (BdMk6)

For 'Justice' to turn out the way they want it to. They want to be able to strip anyone who they cannot completely ideologically trust out of the military at any time. They mean to be sure of it.

Posted by: Aetius451AD at December 29, 2023 05:01 PM (di6C2)

88 reprise:
Presidente Osama and Michelle at the fights.

https://is.gd/yULCzY

Posted by: Braenyard at December 29, 2023 05:01 PM (cV0Dx)

89 CAC? Not sure.
Posted by: Divide by Zero at December 29, 2023 04:58 PM (3qE2b)

aka 'Meatball' iirc.

Something art critic?

Posted by: Aetius451AD at December 29, 2023 05:02 PM (di6C2)

90 Somebody here said this would happen:

First Cybertruck accident reported in California after Tesla EV was hit head-on by a Toyota - but only one vehicle was demolished

@Daily Mail

Posted by: Don Black at December 29, 2023 05:02 PM (geLO8)

91 The long weekend is here!

Posted by: Skip at December 29, 2023 05:02 PM (fwDg9)

92 36 Bring back Tom Friedman's cab ride, Ace!

Posted by: Yudhishthira's Dice at December 29, 2023 04:45 PM (0FoWg)

I think that was yesterday- or possibly the day before that.

Posted by: sal: tolle adversarium et afflige inimicum at December 29, 2023 05:03 PM (fDjFn)

93 reprise:

Presidente Osama and Michelle at the fights.
this is the one

https://is.gd/add4iq

Posted by: Braenyard at December 29, 2023 05:03 PM (cV0Dx)

94 83 "This dude must be a real winner if she is divorcing HIM."
-------------

Did he not like the new botox make over? Refused to say she looked wonderful? What a disaster that was, will not even link to it... you will thank me.

Posted by: ET at December 29, 2023 05:03 PM (xrJLf)

95 This is why I lurk.

Posted by: Northernlurker at December 29, 2023 05:03 PM (x42Y3)

96 I am not an ev fan but if I were going to buy an ev it would be a tesla, easily the best ev

Posted by: N at December 29, 2023 05:04 PM (8kfN9)

97 Or maybe I skulk.

Posted by: Northernlurker at December 29, 2023 05:04 PM (x42Y3)

98
Something art critic?

Posted by: Aetius451AD at December 29, 2023 05:02 PM

Maybe 'conservative art critic' but I think his real name was kinda gay adjacent.

Posted by: Divide by Zero at December 29, 2023 05:04 PM (3qE2b)

99 95 This is why I lurk.
Posted by: Northernlurker at December 29, 2023 05:03 PM (x42Y3)

In the North

Posted by: Mark Andrew Edwards, anti-Marxist, buy ammo and keep your rifle by your side at December 29, 2023 05:04 PM (xcxpd)

100 92 36 Bring back Tom Friedman's cab ride, Ace!
-----------------

Epic journalism.

Posted by: Braenyard at December 29, 2023 05:05 PM (cV0Dx)

101 All of the crazy shit in the military is to the same end. Get rid of any Americans, leaving behind only Party-loyal NPCs. Sure, it dramatically reduces our troop numbers and readiness, but that's totally fine. They don't need these people for traditional combat roles. Murdering and starving civilians is easy.

Posted by: Yudhishthira's Dice at December 29, 2023 05:05 PM (0FoWg)

102 I Must Eat Jim Acosta

"Oh yes!" - Joy Reid

Posted by: wth at December 29, 2023 05:05 PM (v0R5T)

103 Wouldn’t you rather have Stelter for dinner?

Posted by: Elric Blade at December 29, 2023 05:05 PM (h9L9B)

104 Decision desk guy said we were racists and flounced. After I believe we all sent him baby shower gifts. And helped run decision desk for years. For free.

Posted by: nckate at December 29, 2023 05:06 PM (EPm6B)

105 Wouldn’t you rather have Stelter for dinner?
Posted by: Elric Blade at December 29, 2023 05:05 PM (h9L9B)

If you're on a high fat diet, sure.

Posted by: Northernlurker at December 29, 2023 05:06 PM (x42Y3)

106 103 Wouldn’t you rather have Stelter for dinner?
Posted by: Elric Blade at December 29, 2023 05:05 PM (h9L9B)

Too starchy.

Posted by: Aetius451AD at December 29, 2023 05:06 PM (di6C2)

107 103 Wouldn’t you rather have Stelter for dinner?
---------------------------------------------------------

Taters aren't keto.

Posted by: Meatwood Flack at December 29, 2023 05:07 PM (+0goo)

108 Reshaing

This, from 2008, with a flaming skull,

Is the funniest, most brutal hq offering ever.

It is the best of the best of the hq and to those day is whispered by the old hq in the shadows of the hq.

https://ace.mu.nu/archives/291110.php#291110

Posted by: N at December 29, 2023 05:07 PM (8kfN9)

109 Wouldn’t you rather have Stelter for dinner?
Posted by: Elric Blade

Too starchy.
Posted by: Aetius451AD
.......

"Needs moar butter." - Joy Reid

Posted by: wth at December 29, 2023 05:08 PM (v0R5T)

110 Fucking auto correct

Posted by: N at December 29, 2023 05:09 PM (8kfN9)

111 Or maybe I skulk.
Posted by: Northernlurker at December 29, 2023 05:04 PM (x42Y3)

There was a comic strip titled B.C., I think one of the characters was called the Midnight Skulker. Not a bad nic to use IMO.

Posted by: Rufus T. Firefly at December 29, 2023 05:09 PM (hEv4o)

112 All of the crazy shit in the military is to the same end. Get rid of any Americans, leaving behind only Party-loyal NPCs. Sure, it dramatically reduces our troop numbers and readiness, but that's totally fine. They don't need these people for traditional combat roles. Murdering and starving civilians is easy.
Posted by: Yudhishthira's Dice at December 29, 2023 05:05 PM (0FoWg)

Well, until they get to my house......

Posted by: Dr. Pork Chops & Bacons at December 29, 2023 05:09 PM (BdMk6)

113 Fucking auto correct
Posted by: N at December 29, 2023 05:09 PM (8kfN9)
......

AoS AI is not all it's cracked up to be.

Posted by: wth at December 29, 2023 05:10 PM (v0R5T)

114
She was married??!! Geez, twice.

She's like an old Taylor S. She'd never trust them and probably talked about them in her act.

Posted by: L - being Lady Macbeth for once at December 29, 2023 05:10 PM (GshMh)

115 Either the military will have to deter dramatically our growing number of opportunistic enemies, or it will descend into something like the French army between the world wars—plagued by ideology, ossified brass, corruption, mediocrity, misplaced investments, and bankrupt strategies. _VDH
---------------

Uh, Victor ...

Posted by: Braenyard at December 29, 2023 05:10 PM (cV0Dx)

116 Joy Behar would be like the green stuff at the back of the fridge.

Posted by: Northernlurker at December 29, 2023 05:10 PM (x42Y3)

117 Every 20th year AOSHQ commenter who achieves the platinum level of cruelty is presented with a platinum-plated fondue fork and a pass to the vault where hobos are cured like prosciutto and served with figs.

Posted by: Dr. Bone at December 29, 2023 05:10 PM (J3ryZ)

118
AoS AI is not all it's cracked up to be.
Posted by: w

It is my bad writing without glasses

Posted by: N at December 29, 2023 05:11 PM (8kfN9)

119 109 Wouldn’t you rather have Stelter for dinner?
Posted by: Elric Blade
-------------------

Can't have him, he's out on a date with Alex Jones.

Posted by: Braenyard at December 29, 2023 05:13 PM (cV0Dx)

120 The new Shakira statue resembles its subject quite closely. So weird. Something happening to the sculptural arts?

Posted by: Rolling Donut Unharmed By gp's Flying Leap at December 29, 2023 05:13 PM (MvF+J)

121 Kathy Griffin's snizz is almost certainly mouldy.

Posted by: Northernlurker at December 29, 2023 05:14 PM (x42Y3)

122 Albert Fish, real world cannibal and sex enthusiast, remarked that he enjoyed the rump flesh and penis of his victims but the testes was unchewable and he threw them down the toilet.

Posted by: Hairyback Guy at December 29, 2023 05:14 PM (R/m4+)

123 Shakira was way overrated.

She was famous because she was blonde , not fat, and slutty.

Posted by: N at December 29, 2023 05:15 PM (8kfN9)

124 MRC Newsbusters

The story, page, or video you were trying to get to might have been moved
It's possible there was a typo in the URL (Internet Address) you were trying to visit

Posted by: Braenyard at December 29, 2023 05:16 PM (cV0Dx)

125 Albert Fish, real world cannibal and sex enthusiast, remarked that he enjoyed the rump flesh and penis of his victims but the testes was unchewable and he threw them down the toilet.
Posted by: Hairyback Guy at December 29, 2023 05:14 PM (R/m4+)

I see he was never introduced to the miracles of tenderizing.

Posted by: Dr. Pork Chops & Bacons at December 29, 2023 05:17 PM (BdMk6)

126 The White House, President B.O.

Building a National Security Workforce That Fully Reflects America, October 5, 2016, By Ambassador Susan Rice
Summary: Today, President Obama released a Memorandum to promote diversity in the national security workforce. This is why that makes us safer and stronger.

In small part: Today’s presidential memorandum is a step toward cultivating a national security workforce that harnesses the best talent that America has to offer and the bedrock values that America embodies. It underscores our belief that the United States must lead the world not by preaching pluralism and tolerance, but by practicing it.
---
pluralism & tolerance

Posted by: L - being Lady Macbeth for once at December 29, 2023 05:18 PM (GshMh)

127
Brandon Finnigan.

Posted by: Divide by Zero at December 29, 2023 05:18 PM (3qE2b)

128 123 Shakira was way overrated.

She was famous because she was blonde , not fat, and slutty.
Posted by: N at December 29, 2023 05:15 PM (8kfN9)

Those hips tho

Posted by: Mark Andrew Edwards, anti-Marxist, buy ammo and keep your rifle by your side at December 29, 2023 05:18 PM (xcxpd)

129 >>>Shakira was way overrated.

She was famous because she was blonde , not fat, and slutty.

Posted by: N

>I've never met Shakira, but my understanding is that she's petite and tiny and tight and would make a good spinner.

Posted by: Dr. Bone at December 29, 2023 05:18 PM (J3ryZ)

130 There was a comic strip titled B.C., I think one of the characters was called the Midnight Skulker. Not a bad nic to use IMO.
Posted by: Rufus T. Firefly

The Midnight Skulker was the Batmanesque alter-ego of the strip's title caveman, B.C.

Batmanesque in an Adam West way, of course.

Posted by: mikeski at December 29, 2023 05:18 PM (DgGvY)

131 125 Albert Fish, real world cannibal and sex enthusiast, remarked that he enjoyed the rump flesh and penis of his victims but the testes was unchewable and he threw them down the toilet.
Posted by: Hairyback Guy at December 29, 2023 05:14 PM (R/m4+)

I see he was never introduced to the miracles of tenderizing.

Posted by: Dr. Pork Chops & Bacons at December 29, 2023 05:17 PM (BdMk6)

Sous Vide.

Posted by: davidt at December 29, 2023 05:18 PM (SYTee)

132 Albert Fish, real world cannibal and sex enthusiast, remarked that he enjoyed the rump flesh and penis of his victims but the testes was unchewable and he threw them down the toilet.
Posted by: Hairyback Guy

What a waste.

Posted by: Edmund Emil Kemper at December 29, 2023 05:19 PM (v0R5T)

133 Abilio James Acosta (born April 17, 1971) is an American broadcast journalist, anchor and the chief domestic correspondent for CNN.

"Abilio"??

Posted by: Question Authority bumper sticker at December 29, 2023 05:19 PM (Rbu5d)

134 "Bring back Tom Friedman's cab ride, Ace!"

Ya know Ace. Sometimes I get this feeling people skip your posts and go right to the comments.
Just a feeling.

Posted by: Bosk of Port Kar at December 29, 2023 05:19 PM (Rn/yD)

135 Pluralistic and tolerant deffskwads. Gotta love it.

Posted by: Yudhishthira's Dice at December 29, 2023 05:20 PM (0FoWg)

136 From what I have been told a good spinner just needs to be not fat and have bilateral symmetry

Posted by: N at December 29, 2023 05:20 PM (8kfN9)

137 After Rich shit Acosta out nobody could tell the difference.

Posted by: fd at December 29, 2023 05:20 PM (vFG9F)

138 >>> "Oh, My: MSNBC Carefully Crops Shot of Black Man Carrying AR-15 at Healt Care Rally to Avoid Skin Color..."
------------------

It appears that all destinations to ace's links have disappeared.
fancy that - they exist in private logs like those who memorized books in Fahrenheit 501.

Posted by: Braenyard at December 29, 2023 05:20 PM (cV0Dx)

139 I don’t know if Concerned Citizen is here, but I found a Satan Pit post. Apparently “The Satan Pit” was a Dr. Who episode that started being referenced around December 2010. One Ace post that used the term was Every Word This Guy Writes Is A Perfect Valentine from December 2011.

~~Link in nic.~~ Link would be in nic, but apparently the AOSHQ is banned from the AOSHQ. You can get there via hoboes.com/spit.

The Satan Pit then became a half-hearted shibboleth through 2013, and disappeared, with a one-mention resurgence in 2016.

Yeah, I’m pretty sure I’ve got a touch of OCD.

Posted by: Stephen Price Blair at December 29, 2023 05:21 PM (EXyHK)

140 Presidente Osama and Michelle at the fights.
this is the one

https://is.gd/add4iq
Posted by: Braenyard at December 29, 2023 05:03 PM (cV0Dx)

Michelle's taking it ok, but you just know BHO let out an audible "eek" with that posture. Ha!

Posted by: Dash my lace wigs! at December 29, 2023 05:22 PM (OX9vb)

141
It appears that all destinations to ace's links have disappeared.
fancy that - they exist in private logs like those who memorized books in Fahrenheit 501.
Posted by:

Was it not working with copy and paste?

Posted by: N at December 29, 2023 05:22 PM (8kfN9)

142 Abilio James Acosta (born April 17, 1971) is an American broadcast journalist, anchor and the chief domestic correspondent for CNN.

"Abilio"??
Posted by: Question Authority bumper sticker
.......

Spanish for Penis Aficionado.

Posted by: wth at December 29, 2023 05:22 PM (v0R5T)

143 I always thought Shakira was an African queen but not that movie with Humphrey Bogart and Katherine Hepburn.

Posted by: Northernlurker at December 29, 2023 05:22 PM (x42Y3)

144 Shakira - just another slut.

Posted by: Braenyard at December 29, 2023 05:23 PM (cV0Dx)

145 40 Breaking: Kathy Griffin has filed for divorce.
Posted by: Rolling Donut Unharmed By gp's Flying Leap at December 29, 2023 04:47 PM (MvF+J)

Wait.
She was MARRIED?

Posted by: Question Authority bumper sticker at December 29, 2023 05:23 PM (Rbu5d)

146 "It appears that all destinations to ace's links have disappeared."

Those links are hard coded into the blog. Remove them and no telling what could happen. It's kind of a Chesterton's fence kind of thing.

Posted by: fd at December 29, 2023 05:23 PM (vFG9F)

147 https://is.gd/add4iq
Posted by: Braenyard at December 29, 2023 05:03 PM (cV0Dx)

Michelle's taking it ok, but you just know BHO let out an audible "eek" with that posture. Ha!
Posted by: Dash my lace wigs!
.......

Gee, the guy looks gay or something.

Posted by: wth at December 29, 2023 05:24 PM (v0R5T)

148 I wear Fahrenheit 501 jeans.

Posted by: Bertram Cabot, Jr. at December 29, 2023 05:24 PM (63Dwl)

149 Which one was the one who stuck her mic next to her ass? Was that shakira? Or one of the other ones?

Posted by: Aetius451AD at December 29, 2023 05:25 PM (di6C2)

150 From what I have been told a good spinner just needs to be not fat and have bilateral symmetry
Posted by: N at December 29, 2023 05:20 PM (8kfN9)

I like spinners.

Posted by: Dr. Pork Chops & Bacons at December 29, 2023 05:25 PM (BdMk6)

151 "Barack Obama Releases Favorite Songs Of 2023 List"

Shakira at the top. Surprisingly, "Kill the Boer" is not on the list.

Posted by: Rolling Donut Unharmed By gp's Flying Leap at December 29, 2023 05:25 PM (MvF+J)

152 >>>Breaking: Kathy Griffin has filed for divorce.
Posted by: Rolling Donut Unharmed By gp's Flying Leap at December 29, 2023 04:47 PM (MvF+J)

Wait.
She was MARRIED?

Posted by: Question Authority bumper sticker

>I always believed Carrot Top was asexual? Who knew?

Posted by: Dr. Bone at December 29, 2023 05:25 PM (J3ryZ)

153 "Gee, the guy looks gay or something.
Posted by: wth"

Chemjeff on the firing line.

Posted by: fd at December 29, 2023 05:25 PM (vFG9F)

154 "It appears that all destinations to ace's links have disappeared."

You can't get there from here.

Posted by: Rolling Donut Unharmed By gp's Flying Leap at December 29, 2023 05:26 PM (MvF+J)

155 Kathy's body probably want to divorce her face.

Posted by: fd at December 29, 2023 05:26 PM (vFG9F)

156 Wait. Is that Zuckerberg?

Posted by: fd at December 29, 2023 05:27 PM (vFG9F)

157 I always thought Shakira was an African queen

It's not Shakria Zulu?

Posted by: Archer at December 29, 2023 05:27 PM (gmo/4)

158 Those links are hard coded into the blog. Remove them and no telling what could happen. It's kind of a Chesterton's fence kind of thing.

Posted by: fd
----------------

They aren't there. Give it a try. Maybe you can find the image of the black guy with a rifle. I get 404s and otherwise non.

Posted by: Braenyard at December 29, 2023 05:28 PM (cV0Dx)

159 So, is this showing the archived story?

https://ace.mu.nu/archives/291110.php#291110

If it's not I have to just share the money quote

Posted by: N at December 29, 2023 05:28 PM (8kfN9)

160 "I wear Fahrenheit 501 jeans.
Posted by: Bertram Cabot, Jr."

Watch out for that zipper.

Posted by: fd at December 29, 2023 05:28 PM (vFG9F)

161 156 Wait. Is that Zuckerberg?
Posted by: fd at December 29, 2023 05:27 PM (vFG9F)

Little too much testosterone there for Zuckerberg. Space aliens do not produce moustache.

Posted by: Aetius451AD at December 29, 2023 05:28 PM (di6C2)

162 If it's not I have to just share the money quote
Posted by: N at December 29, 2023 05:28 PM (8kfN9)

Worked fine for me.

Posted by: Aetius451AD at December 29, 2023 05:28 PM (di6C2)

163 Thanks

Posted by: N at December 29, 2023 05:29 PM (8kfN9)

164 About NBC(?) cropping out a black man from a picture of a protest and screaming about all the white nationalists protesting the first gay black president?

Posted by: Aetius451AD at December 29, 2023 05:29 PM (di6C2)

165 It would be Claudine gayish to have to quote that much

Posted by: N at December 29, 2023 05:29 PM (8kfN9)

166 >I always believed Carrot Top was asexual? Who knew?

Posted by: Dr. Bone
-----------------------

Better to be asexual than married to Kathy Griffin.

Posted by: Braenyard at December 29, 2023 05:30 PM (cV0Dx)

167 Barack Obama's favorite songs of 2023? Did anybody do a song about drowning a catamite?

Posted by: Yudhishthira's Dice at December 29, 2023 05:31 PM (0FoWg)

168 "Fucking auto correct "

Actually I admit that I would prefer to eff autocorrect- and I hate autocorrect- rather than eat -or see anyone else eat -Jim Acosta.

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at December 29, 2023 05:31 PM (rEWMP)

169 159 So, is this showing the archived story?
https://ace.mu.nu/archives/291110.php#291110
If it's not I have to just share the money quote

Posted by: N
---------------

When you get there follow the links and see where they go.

Posted by: Braenyard at December 29, 2023 05:31 PM (cV0Dx)

170 Wait.
She was MARRIED?

Posted by: Question Authority bumper sticker

I know, that’s both shocking and dismaying, I’ve made some bad decisions in my life, but nothing like that.

>I always believed Carrot Top was asexual? Who knew?

He reproduces vegetatively.

Posted by: Rufus T. Firefly at December 29, 2023 05:32 PM (hEv4o)

171 166 >I always believed Carrot Top was asexual? Who knew?

Posted by: Dr. Bone
-----------------------

Better to be asexual than married to Kathy Griffin.
Posted by: Braenyard at December 29, 2023 05:30 PM (cV0Dx)

I will take any excuse to link this clip:

http://tinyurl.com/29hrmnjz

Man was a genius.

Posted by: Aetius451AD at December 29, 2023 05:32 PM (di6C2)

172 https://ace.mu.nu/archives/291110.php

You may find an “acecomments.mu.nu” link more reliable:

http://acecomments.mu.nu/?post=291110

Posted by: Stephen Price Blair at December 29, 2023 05:32 PM (EXyHK)

173
When you get there follow the links and see where they go.
Posted by: B

It is not about the supporting material it is just the diatribe further into Ace's commentary

Posted by: N at December 29, 2023 05:33 PM (8kfN9)

174 Shouldn't Carrot Top's hair be green?

Posted by: Northernlurker at December 29, 2023 05:33 PM (x42Y3)

175
Wait.
She was MARRIED?

I thought that was still illegal in most states. But I haven't really been keeping up on the animal husbandry laws.

Posted by: Divide by Zero at December 29, 2023 05:34 PM (3qE2b)

176 One of my favorite "Ace postings" was actually a riff he did on twitter back in 2013, when Meghan McCain said something about how if she cured cancer the media would be more interested in her physical features than her accomplishment. I found a twitchy summation of it here:

http://tinyurl.com/meghan-cancer-cure

Posted by: Dr. Fausti - I AM The Science at December 29, 2023 05:34 PM (lg881)

177 You may find an “acecomments.mu.nu” link more reliable:

http://acecomments.mu.nu/?post=291110
Posted by: S

Thanks

Posted by: N at December 29, 2023 05:34 PM (8kfN9)

178 Don't comment on old threads.

Posted by: Northernlurker at December 29, 2023 05:35 PM (x42Y3)

179 Nood.

Posted by: Aetius451AD at December 29, 2023 05:40 PM (di6C2)

180 Wait.

ace has friends?

Posted by: NaCly Dog at December 29, 2023 05:43 PM (u82oZ)

181 It is not about the supporting material it is just the diatribe further into Ace's commentary

Posted by: N
--------------------

My initial comment is about the supporting links to ace's article.

Posted by: Braenyard at December 29, 2023 06:04 PM (cV0Dx)

182 I no longer have any guns. I gave almost all of my guns to two of my brothers who came up B4 Christmas. I only kept my SS 357. My neighbor who was supposedly coming by to feed my animals stole it and a lot of other stuff while I was in the hospital

Posted by: vic at December 31, 2023 07:14 PM (A5THL)

183 oops wrong thread

Posted by: vic at December 31, 2023 07:37 PM (A5THL)

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