First-World Problems...

Great bottle opener! At least at first. It's heavy, fits my hand well, is made from robust materials, and doesn't work well at all!

Sure, it pops the bottle cap off (most recently the last of my Anchor Steam[insert crying emoji]).

It's that next step that is a pain in the ass. I have to peel the cap out of the damned thing. it gets wedged under those lips and simply doesn't drop out without significant effort.

It is a telling example of the failures in our educational system that American engineers can't design a good bottle opener!

Posted by: CBD at 02:00 PM

Comments

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1 Iz help

Posted by: Skip at July 30, 2023 02:00 PM (xhxe8)

2 I just break the bottle off at the neck.

Posted by: G'rump928(c) at July 30, 2023 02:02 PM (aD39U)

3 it gets wedged under those lips and simply doesn't drop out without significant effort.

I love.it when you talk dirty.

Posted by: Diogenes at July 30, 2023 02:03 PM (e4fEA)

4 The double opener middle looks to be the issue, take screws out and cut off the center rise, then screw back on just 1 side

Posted by: Skip at July 30, 2023 02:04 PM (xhxe8)

5 You don’t use a cavalry saber to open bottles?

Posted by: Duke Lowell at July 30, 2023 02:04 PM (u73oe)

6 Every tool box (and tool user!) should have one:
https://is.gd/RgDNB3

Posted by: AZ deplorable moron at July 30, 2023 02:04 PM (1S8t8)

7 It is a telling example of the failures in our educational system that American engineers can't design a good bottle opener!

1) Are you certain it was designed by an American engineer?

2) Was it built in America?

3) What's wrong with the other end of a church key?

Posted by: Duncanthrax at July 30, 2023 02:04 PM (a3Q+t)

8 Just put the side of the cap on the edge of a table and smack the ttop of the bottle with your palm. No bottle opener needed.

Posted by: stu-mick-o-sucks at July 30, 2023 02:04 PM (E4j6L)

9 Real men like a Scot would use a broadsword

Posted by: Skip at July 30, 2023 02:04 PM (xhxe8)

10 Ahhhh...rotate it 90 degrees.

Posted by: Diogenes at July 30, 2023 02:04 PM (e4fEA)

11 Can you form some sort of rudimentary lathe?

Posted by: Duke Lowell at July 30, 2023 02:05 PM (u73oe)

12 Have you tried twisting the cap off?

Posted by: G'rump928(c) at July 30, 2023 02:05 PM (aD39U)

13 If you can crimp a blasting cap with your teeth, you can remove a bottle cap with same.

Posted by: Duncanthrax at July 30, 2023 02:06 PM (a3Q+t)

14 I cried because I had no bottle opener until I met a man who had no bottle.

Posted by: Anonosaurus Wrecks, Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy? at July 30, 2023 02:06 PM (FVME7)

15 Have nurse come over and open your bottle for you, princess.

Posted by: Duke Lowell at July 30, 2023 02:06 PM (u73oe)

16 The double opener middle looks to be the issue, take screws out and cut off the center rise, then screw back on just 1 side
Posted by: Skip

But how will one then be able to open two bottles at the same time?

Posted by: Tonypete at July 30, 2023 02:06 PM (EJWxb)

17 Check out the vid on opening a beer in the ONT.

Posted by: Diogenes at July 30, 2023 02:07 PM (e4fEA)

18 3) What's wrong with the other end of a church key?
Posted by: Duncanthrax at July 30, 2023 02:04 PM (a3Q+t)

That's anti-Semitic bigotry. Temple or synagogue key, please. Or more inclusive still "house of worship key."

Posted by: People can't even open beer without Jew-hatred at July 30, 2023 02:07 PM (e8n94)

19 Slap a hot iron to the bottle cap. The thermal expansion will cause it to fall off.

Posted by: Duncanthrax at July 30, 2023 02:07 PM (a3Q+t)

20 Every tool box (and tool user!) should have one:
https://is.gd/RgDNB3
Posted by: AZ deplorable moron

No self-respecting sparky would use one of those. Just use your dykes like a man should!!

Posted by: Tonypete at July 30, 2023 02:07 PM (EJWxb)

21 There was never a need for a replacement of the good ol' church key.

Posted by: Tom Servo at July 30, 2023 02:08 PM (q3gwH)

22 What kinda asshole bottle opener is that?

Getcha one of those old fashioned one piece bottle openers with a naked lady for a handle and her hoohaw for the opener part.

Posted by: Hairyback Guy at July 30, 2023 02:08 PM (R/m4+)

23
... it gets wedged under those lips and simply doesn't drop out without significant effort.

I'll take "Most Commonly Cited Complaint About Kamala's Beejers on Her Post-Encounter Surveys" for $200, Alex.

Posted by: Krebs v Carnot: Vote for Fen (then do it again)! at July 30, 2023 02:08 PM (xG4kz)

24 Every tool box (and tool user!) should have one:
https://is.gd/RgDNB3
Posted by: AZ deplorable moron at July 30, 2023 02:04 PM (1S8t

Like a weapon, have one of these in every room.

Posted by: Diogenes at July 30, 2023 02:08 PM (e4fEA)

25 Have you tried twisting the cap off?
Posted by: G'rump928(c)

Good beers stopped using twist-offs in the '90s because the homebrewers stopped buying any beer with twist-offs.
The remaining twist-off beers are usually megaswill.

Posted by: AZ deplorable moron at July 30, 2023 02:09 PM (1S8t8)

26 Just use a pliers or vice grips like I do when camping and can't find a bottle opener

I don't think I've ever had an issue with having to pry the bottle cap out of an opener using the inelegant looking cheap plastic promotion ones or the dual use can punch one side bottle opener on the other side tools.

Posted by: PaleRider at July 30, 2023 02:09 PM (3cGpq)

27 8 Just put the side of the cap on the edge of a table and smack the ttop of the bottle with your palm. No bottle opener needed.
Posted by: stu-mick-o-sucks at July 30, 2023 02:04 PM (E4j6L)

at an afterwork party a few years ago, I did that around some twenty-somethings. They were astounded as none of them had ever considered the possibility of such a move.

Posted by: Tom Servo at July 30, 2023 02:09 PM (q3gwH)

28 Build a better bottle opener and the world something, something...

Posted by: That Northernlurker what lurkd at July 30, 2023 02:10 PM (VdGjU)

29 To quote my late grandpop, you can get a good 10 cent cigar but it's going to cost you a quarter.

Posted by: logprof at July 30, 2023 02:10 PM (LFU92)

30 Just put the side of the cap on the edge of a table and smack the ttop of the bottle with your palm. No bottle opener needed.
Posted by: stu-mick-o-sucks at July 30, 2023 02:04 PM (E4j6L)

I do that.

Posted by: That Northernlurker what lurkd at July 30, 2023 02:10 PM (VdGjU)

31 No self-respecting sparky would use one of those. Just use your dykes like a man should!!
Posted by: Tonypete

She objected to me calling her 'my dyke' and really objected when I used her to open my beer.

Posted by: AZ deplorable moron at July 30, 2023 02:11 PM (1S8t8)

32 at an afterwork party a few years ago, I did that around some twenty-somethings. They were astounded as none of them had ever considered the possibility of such a move.
Posted by: Tom Servo

I'll wager they didn't know how to use the desk handles to open a beer either. Their office parties must really suck.

Wow, kids these days.

Posted by: Tonypete at July 30, 2023 02:11 PM (EJWxb)

33 Ripple always came with a screw-off cap. Sticking to Ripple could have preserved precious mental health, but alas, Ripple went out of business like Anchor Steam. Where was their government bailout?

Posted by: Alcoholic Logic at July 30, 2023 02:11 PM (tO+U3)

34
Correct me if I am wrong, but a Klein bottle
is un-openable.

Posted by: Krebs v Carnot: Vote for Fen (then do it again)! at July 30, 2023 02:11 PM (xG4kz)

35 Well, this First World Problem was resolved in the first 30 comments. What shall we talk about now?

Posted by: Duncanthrax at July 30, 2023 02:11 PM (a3Q+t)

36 We’ve secretly replaced CBDs bottle opener with a broken doorbell. Let’s see if he notices!

Posted by: Duke Lowell at July 30, 2023 02:11 PM (u73oe)

37 Somewhere around here I have an old "church key" opener. Was my dad's back in the day.

Posted by: Martini Farmer at July 30, 2023 02:12 PM (Q4IgG)

38 it's like a hammer without a handle

Posted by: REDACTED at July 30, 2023 02:12 PM (us2H3)

39 You think bottle openers are a problem?

UK singer has exorcism to divorce the ghost she "married" last year: "Being married to a ghost is harder than most people think"

https://tinyurl.com/2p8mee32

There's a reason we have that saying, "Let the dead marry the dead."

Posted by: Anonosaurus Wrecks, Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy? at July 30, 2023 02:12 PM (FVME7)

40 28 Build a better bottle opener and the world something, something...
Posted by: That Northernlurker what lurkd at July 30, 2023 02:10 PM (VdGjU)

Beat a path to your door, beat you, take all your beer, and steal your bottle opener design.

Posted by: Then have it mass produced in China with Uyghur slave labor at July 30, 2023 02:12 PM (e8n94)

41 The handiest bottle opener was the old Marine Corps belt buckle, worn with both dress and utilities. Had to keep its appearance up with a little Brasso, but you sure could open a Stroh's long neck with it. By first reenlistment time, it had a little curve to it.

Posted by: bill in arkansas, not gonna comply with nuttin, waiting for the 0300 knock on the door at July 30, 2023 02:12 PM (0EOe9)

42 It’s been done,CBD. It’s called a church key.

Posted by: RI Red at July 30, 2023 02:13 PM (rAwyI)

43 Various beer brands in Europe have pull-tab bottle caps. My Serbian clan let me fight with one for the better part of 15 minutes before busting out laughing and explaining how to do it.

Posted by: LenNeal at July 30, 2023 02:13 PM (/BBNv)

44 Well, this First World Problem was resolved in the first 30 comments. What shall we talk about now?
Posted by: Duncanthrax

Boobs or movies, or, alternatively, Russ Meyer and cover both.

Posted by: Tonypete at July 30, 2023 02:13 PM (EJWxb)

45 I open all my bottles with my saber

Posted by: REDACTED at July 30, 2023 02:13 PM (us2H3)

46 There are so many bottles that can actually be screwed open. But when you come up with one that doesn't you get stuck plus tear the skin on your hand.

Posted by: That Northernlurker what lurkd at July 30, 2023 02:13 PM (VdGjU)

47 Insert a screw into a piece of wood (approx 1"x1"x6") about 1.5 inches from one end and so the head is about a half inch or so proud. Head of the screw goes under the lip of the bottle cap, lever it off with the wooden handle. Best bottle opener ever.

Posted by: starboardhelm at July 30, 2023 02:13 PM (cuoTr)

48 Pardon my ignorance, but I had no idea that there are now credit cards made out of metal. Mrs. Paco was trying to cut up one that had recently been replaced, and she wound up having to use some kind of metal-cutting shears to do it. Since Google claims to know everything, I looked into it, and apparently metal cards confer...prestige. The extra weight supposedly creates the illusion of greater intrinsic value.

So, there Mrs. Paco was, completely unaware that her card was made of metal. Her ignorance deprived her of the awareness that she was somebody, head and shoulders above the hoi polloi who carry...sniff... plastic cards. Such a waste.

Seriously, somebody, please tell me this isn't true. It just seems like such a dumb explanation.

Posted by: Paco at July 30, 2023 02:13 PM (njExo)

49
Glug Glug Glug Nuts - a limerick

A case of beer in bottles? I've got 'em
But all my bottle openers? I've fought 'em
'Til at last one day I found
I can tip 'em upside down
And drill myself a hole in the bottom!

Posted by: Muldoon at July 30, 2023 02:14 PM (zLLgI)

50
That metallic beastie would no doubt bring the favored customers of Tranheiser-Busch Lite to blubbering tears.

Posted by: Krebs v Carnot: Vote for Fen (then do it again)! at July 30, 2023 02:14 PM (xG4kz)

51 I SOLVED my FWP from last week, which if anyone recalls was the unknown British threads on my window hardware.
As such:

Posted by: LenNeal at July 30, 2023 02:14 PM (/BBNv)

52
The Amex Gold card is made of metal.

Posted by: Krebs v Carnot: Vote for Fen (then do it again)! at July 30, 2023 02:15 PM (xG4kz)

53 Umm...at a most recent MOME event, one of the free swag giveaways was a nifty stainless steel BOTTLE OPENER shaped just like a playing card and the card was even THE ACE OF SPADES!

Sorry, did I accidentally use my outside voice?

Posted by: Quarter Twenty at July 30, 2023 02:15 PM (NBVIP)

54 So my first world problem is fixing a couple battery powered wall clocks. The hour hand isn't keeping time in one, and the other one just stops after a couple days. Batteries are good. Suspect the cheap Chinese quartz movements are crap.

Took one apart this afternoon. It's crap.

Posted by: Martini Farmer at July 30, 2023 02:16 PM (Q4IgG)

55 wut mah front toof is for

Posted by: Florida Man at July 30, 2023 02:16 PM (us2H3)

56
The extra weight supposedly creates the illusion of greater intrinsic value.

One can hone its edges to a sharper state than ordinary plastic cards.

Posted by: Krebs v Carnot: Vote for Fen (then do it again)! at July 30, 2023 02:17 PM (xG4kz)

57 >>> 6 Every tool box (and tool user!) should have one:
https://is.gd/RgDNB3
Posted by: AZ deplorable moron at July 30, 2023 02:04 PM (1S8t

I have one.

Posted by: Helena Handbasket at July 30, 2023 02:17 PM (llON8)

58 Back in the day when we on drainage tours on forestry roads a guy popped the top off his beer, threw the beer into the ditch and kept the cap.
Doh.

Posted by: That Northernlurker what lurkd at July 30, 2023 02:17 PM (VdGjU)

59 I knew a girl in high school named Longenecker. She didn't drink beer, oddly enough.

Posted by: Muldoon at July 30, 2023 02:17 PM (zLLgI)

60 I'm so old I remember juice coming in metal cans that had to be opened with a church key opener, but soda and beers had already gone to the pull tab.

I must say the modern beer and soda cans with the push tab are better.

Posted by: PaleRider at July 30, 2023 02:17 PM (3cGpq)

61 The threads turned out to be close/enough to 7M-1.0. I then had to figure out how to attach a knob. Welding was a possibility, but then, where to find a steel knurled knob in about 1" diameter? Not To Be Had. I found a likely candidate in an Italian speargun shaft adapter, 6mm female to 7mm male, but a little long. Then, found the knob in the form of a camera hardware from Kupo, but, wouldn't you know it, aluminum(nium). No welding. So!

Posted by: LenNeal at July 30, 2023 02:18 PM (/BBNv)

62 My FWP is I have so much poison ivy growing under trees I need a goat.
Oh wait that is a 3WP solving a 1WP

Posted by: Skip at July 30, 2023 02:18 PM (xhxe8)

63 Insert a screw into a piece of wood (approx 1"x1"x6") about 1.5 inches from one end and so the head is about a half inch or so proud. Head of the screw goes under the lip of the bottle cap, lever it off with the wooden handle. Best bottle opener ever.
Posted by: starboardhelm

Wood, pocket hole, drywall, deck, masonry, or sheet metal screw?

Posted by: AZ deplorable moron at July 30, 2023 02:19 PM (1S8t8)

64 56. - One can hone its edges to a sharper state than ordinary plastic cards. - Krebs vs Carnot

Ahhhh! So there is another use for metal cards.

Posted by: Paco at July 30, 2023 02:20 PM (njExo)

65 56. - One can hone its edges to a sharper state than ordinary plastic cards. - Krebs vs Carnot

Ahhhh! So there is another use for metal cards.
Posted by: Paco at July 30, 2023 02:20 PM (njExo)

You can fling them across the room like Oddjob's hat.

Posted by: G'rump928(c) at July 30, 2023 02:20 PM (aD39U)

66 Want American?

Go to antique store and get one of the one piece cast bottle openers you bolt to the wall.

Get many. Put in random places throughout house like one does with guns and TV remotes.

Posted by: Itinerant Alley Butcher at July 30, 2023 02:21 PM (ga8qR)

67 Now, here's a solution to a first world problem, the hot car. Mentioned a day or two ago, friends got a two fer on those little swamp coolers they advertise on TV and gave me one. I went over to OK to play cards for a couple hours, and being a scientist took it with me. Had it charged, took a bottle of cold water and a baggy of ice. Set it on the passenger floor and went in and lost $22 over two hours. Things were comfortable in the car when I came out, thermometer showing outside temp of 90. Might be handy during a power outage or for the campers.

Posted by: bill in arkansas, not gonna comply with nuttin, waiting for the 0300 knock on the door at July 30, 2023 02:22 PM (0EOe9)

68 >>> 62 My FWP is I have so much poison ivy growing under trees I need a goat.
Oh wait that is a 3WP solving a 1WP
Posted by: Skip at July 30, 2023 02:18 PM (xhxe

I have one of those, too! More than one in fact.

Posted by: Helena Handbasket at July 30, 2023 02:22 PM (llON8)

69 Turns out I already have a 7M-1.0 die, but no tap. But the knob/knurled disc is aluminum (inium), so ordered up a cheap Chinee tap and drill.
The answer is a 25mm 7M-1.0 bolt with the head cut off, drill and tap the aluminum (inium) disc, thread it in, bevel the inner shaft of the bolt, secure the now 'threaded rod' into the disc/knob, Loctite/peen it in place (it's not a high-stress part), and maybe spraypaint the whole mess some brass-ish color before install and use.
Easy-Peasy!

Posted by: LenNeal at July 30, 2023 02:22 PM (/BBNv)

70 Muldoon Handy Advice #27: Keep your bottled beers super cold.

That way when you stab your palm trying to open it with a screwdriver you can wrap your hand around the bottle to reduce pain, swelling, and blood loss on your way to the ER.

Posted by: Muldoon at July 30, 2023 02:22 PM (zLLgI)

71 I have about 60-70 waiter corkscrews and they are scattered all over my house

one my nightstand, one on a wire on my mower, etc

Posted by: REDACTED at July 30, 2023 02:22 PM (us2H3)

72 My FWP, my Roku TV app for Plex is no longer connecting to the Plex Media Server on my desktop.

Posted by: G'rump928(c) at July 30, 2023 02:23 PM (aD39U)

73 I just use a paint can opener.

Posted by: Itinerant Alley Butcher at July 30, 2023 02:23 PM (ga8qR)

74 This started yesterday, AFAIK.

Posted by: G'rump928(c) at July 30, 2023 02:23 PM (aD39U)

75 That way when you stab your palm trying to open it with a screwdriver you can wrap your hand around the bottle to reduce pain, swelling, and blood loss on your way to the ER.
Posted by: Muldoon at July 30, 2023 02:22 PM (zLLgI)

so if you're mechanically inclined, you can drink warm beer

Posted by: REDACTED at July 30, 2023 02:24 PM (us2H3)

76 Ahhhh! So there is another use for metal cards.
Posted by: Paco at July 30, 2023 02:20 PM (njExo)

You can fling them across the room like Oddjob's hat.
Posted by: G'rump928(c) at July 30, 2023 02:20 PM (aD39U)

Also good for a close shave when you're out of razors and the store only stocks Gillette.

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero43) at July 30, 2023 02:24 PM (guGkK)

77 We have met the enemy and they is us!

Oakland NAACP Blasts City Leaders Over Crime

Posted by: Anonosaurus Wrecks, Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy? at July 30, 2023 02:25 PM (FVME7)

78 I just use a paint can opener.
Posted by: Itinerant Alley Butcher'

Same. I have a coffee can FULL of them, never counted them, must be 75 or so in there

Posted by: LenNeal at July 30, 2023 02:25 PM (/BBNv)

79 ~~Leverage~~ Beverage is your friend.

Posted by: Dr. Bone at July 30, 2023 02:25 PM (KVGVf)

80 Heh. Just went to my junk drawer and found the church key I knew I had. Iron City Brewing Company.

Posted by: bill in arkansas, not gonna comply with nuttin, waiting for the 0300 knock on the door at July 30, 2023 02:25 PM (0EOe9)

81
I have one.
Posted by: Helena Handbasket

I bought the Klein tool as soon as I saw it and had it in my tool bag the next time the BIL brought out bottled beer.
The laugh was priceless.

I like the Ace of Spades card openers... I'll slide one into the next online purchase I make.

Posted by: AZ deplorable moron at July 30, 2023 02:25 PM (1S8t8)

82 65. You can fling them across the room like Oddjob's hat. - G'rump928(c)

Sweet!

Posted by: Paco at July 30, 2023 02:26 PM (njExo)

83 Have nurse come over and open your bottle for you, princess.
Posted by: Duke Lowell at July 30, 2023 02:06 PM (u73oe)

I can’t stop laughing at this post.

Posted by: Rufus T Firefly at July 30, 2023 02:27 PM (HcwhT)

84 I'm so old, I remember when we used to fling 96 column punch cards across the room at coworkers like they were mini frisbees.

Posted by: G'rump928(c) at July 30, 2023 02:27 PM (aD39U)

85 I have one shaped like an armadillo that I got as a freebie when I bought a scope mount from LaRue Tactical.

Posted by: Halfhand at July 30, 2023 02:28 PM (jl8kv)

86

I can open beer bottles with my sphincter! Usually I just shove em in capped though. Extra mass you know...

Posted by: Don Lemonparty at July 30, 2023 02:28 PM (Uqpnr)

87 Hm, I realize now with a 25mm length 'threaded rod' it's longer than the one original knob I have, so I can just lock the knob in place with a nut/lock washer on the inside.

Further refinement.

Posted by: LenNeal at July 30, 2023 02:28 PM (/BBNv)

88 one should be careful about admitting to having a klein tool

cuz klein means, well you know the thing

Posted by: REDACTED at July 30, 2023 02:29 PM (us2H3)

89 I have to peel the cap out of the damned thing

..

You don't have a bottle cap remover-remover?

Posted by: Not trying to be mean but... at July 30, 2023 02:31 PM (yU+ZT)

90 Although then the knob, without nuts on both sides of the knob will probably eventually spin off so better peen it anyway. It cries out for a keyway but that seems like a lot of work.

Posted by: LenNeal at July 30, 2023 02:31 PM (/BBNv)

91 I can open beer bottles with my sphincter!

Posted by: Don Lemonparty at July 30, 2023 02:28 PM (Uqpnr)

I doubt that very much.

Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at July 30, 2023 02:32 PM (PHmov)

92 Posted by: starboardhelm

What kind of head? Round, oval, pan, truss, binding, fillister? Details are important.

Posted by: db at July 30, 2023 02:32 PM (wu87C)

93 Wine bottle openers is another ball of wax

Posted by: Skip at July 30, 2023 02:32 PM (xhxe8)

94 Didn't the blister-pack say, "Single Use Bottle Opener," ? ! ! !

Posted by: Marooned at July 30, 2023 02:32 PM (kt8QE)

95 Majority of Greek Wildfires Result of Arson, Admits Greece’s Climate Change Minister

-
The forests are boiling!

Posted by: Anonosaurus Wrecks, Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy? at July 30, 2023 02:32 PM (FVME7)

96 Went to the grocer the other day. No six-packs of 16oz Diet Coke. Just six-packs of 16oz Caffeine Free Diet Coke.

...all is lost

Posted by: DB - weekend edition at July 30, 2023 02:32 PM (geLO8)

97 I have always been a fan of the Swiss Army Knife, not the big ball busters, but the Officier Swiss model that has two knife blades, a can opener and bottle opener that double as screwdrivers, and the toothpick and stuff. About the size of a Scout knife. I have one Mom and Dad sent me in a CARE package in Nam that the big blade is less than half its original size. Bought another about fifteen years ago and it goes in the pocket with the keys.

Posted by: bill in arkansas, not gonna comply with nuttin, waiting for the 0300 knock on the door at July 30, 2023 02:33 PM (0EOe9)

98 I got a freebie bottle opener with some cigars. It's a squat barrel that you just push down over the top of a bottle and it pops off the cap.

Posted by: Martini Farmer at July 30, 2023 02:33 PM (Q4IgG)

99 The simple flat metal "speed opener" stuck in the back pocket of every bartender in the US is the bottle opener at its most efficient, effective, and inexpensive form. Works in both directions, nothing to get caught up on, long enough to be an effective lever.

Posted by: ballistic at July 30, 2023 02:34 PM (oXNqT)

100 I don't know about throwing credit cards, but this guy sure has throwing playing cards down to an art.

https://tinyurl.com/3xznzmj7

Posted by: Paco at July 30, 2023 02:34 PM (njExo)

101 91 I can open beer bottles with my sphincter!
Posted by: Don Lemonparty at July 30, 2023 02:28 PM (Uqpnr)
I doubt that very much.
Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo

Come on over Big Boy!

Posted by: Don Lemonparty at July 30, 2023 02:35 PM (Uqpnr)

102 Former ESPN Reporter Allison Williams: I Was "Bullied, Vilified" After Vaccine Firing

-
Ehh. Lay down with dogs . . .

Posted by: Anonosaurus Wrecks, Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy? at July 30, 2023 02:35 PM (FVME7)

103 my best bartender move was opening 2 bottles at the same time, using the bottles to open each other

Posted by: REDACTED at July 30, 2023 02:36 PM (us2H3)

104 Also built a rather elaborate shooting target stand out of PVC pipe and boards I had laying around. My club objects to sticking things into the ground, and I understand. So it has to sit on the grass if you're going to shoot pistol closer than 25 yards. This is harder than it sounds, to come up with something inexpensive and with replaceable parts that folds up easily for transport, yet is sturdy enough to handle wind/breezes and bullet impacts even on cardboard backers.

Posted by: LenNeal at July 30, 2023 02:36 PM (/BBNv)

105 And nobody here has mentioned the Galil rifle, with its opener that opens bottles of all nations.

Posted by: bill in arkansas, not gonna comply with nuttin, waiting for the 0300 knock on the door at July 30, 2023 02:37 PM (0EOe9)

106 Future crime.

Backup Driver Pleads Guilty to Endangerment in First Death by Fully Autonomous Car

Posted by: Anonosaurus Wrecks, Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy? at July 30, 2023 02:38 PM (FVME7)

107 So who gave the go ahead for Ukraine to attack Moscow? We know it wasn’t joe.

Posted by: Duke Lowell at July 30, 2023 02:38 PM (u73oe)

108 86

I can open beer bottles with my sphincter! Usually I just shove em in capped though. Extra mass you know...
Posted by: Don Lemonparty at July 30, 2023 02:28 PM (Uqpnr)

Pickle jar, maybe.

Posted by: And only then if he clenches REALLY hard at July 30, 2023 02:38 PM (e8n94)

109 I built the whole thing and then realized at the Goodwill I could have accomplished much the same thing with an old camera tripod, a wire to suspend a weight to keep it in place, and some sort of clamp to hold a cardboard backer on top to pin the targets to.
Probably $15 total and way lighter.
You can buy old camera tripods, which are always missing the adapters (which are proprietary and for older tripods Unobtanium), for USD$5-10.

Posted by: LenNeal at July 30, 2023 02:39 PM (/BBNv)

110 From BezosPrime:

https://tinyurl.com/y4m62jyd

Six bux for a pair.

Posted by: Quarter Twenty at July 30, 2023 02:40 PM (NBVIP)

111 First Death by Fully Autonomous Car
Posted by: Anonosaurus Wrecks

Car all by itself out cruising the streets at odd hours like teens used to do?

Posted by: Itinerant Alley Butcher at July 30, 2023 02:40 PM (ga8qR)

112 And nobody here has mentioned the Galil rifle, with its opener that opens bottles of all nations.
Posted by: bill in arkansas'

1911: slide racked back, between the front of the frame and the barrel.

Posted by: LenNeal at July 30, 2023 02:40 PM (/BBNv)

113 "It's heavy, fits my hand well, is made from robust materials, and doesn't work well at all!"
---

Sounds like an old boyfriend.

Heeeeeyyyooooo!

Posted by: All Hail Eris, She Wolf of the 'Ettes 'Ettes at July 30, 2023 02:41 PM (+RQPJ)

114 1911: slide racked back, between the front of the frame and the barrel.
Posted by: LenNeal'

"Alex, I'll take, 'Who hasn't seen SORCERER' for $500!"

(It does work. I immediately checked.)

Posted by: LenNeal at July 30, 2023 02:42 PM (/BBNv)

115 I don't know why petal-soft fancyboy CBD can't open bottles easily. I have at least three good bottle openers that all work well.

Maybe he doesn't want that Yoo-Hoo bad enough.

Posted by: All Hail Eris, She Wolf of the 'Ettes 'Ettes at July 30, 2023 02:43 PM (+RQPJ)

116 Cardi B? Cardi F!

Redneck Azn
@LMFireSystems1
Cardi B throws her microphone at a dan who throws their drink at her
Straight gangsta

EducatëdHillbilly™
@RobProvince
And yet the music doesn’t stop.

-
I guess she can throw her voice like a ventriloquist. Or at least like Milli Vanilli.

Posted by: Anonosaurus Wrecks, Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy? at July 30, 2023 02:45 PM (FVME7)

117 Throw that thing away and get yourself an F-Bomb opener

Posted by: Admirale's Mate at July 30, 2023 02:45 PM (V1lUW)

118 Les Claypool once walked off stage and canceled a concert right before it started when a fan threw a bottle. He demanded the head of the thrower, nobody identified them, and that was that. End of Show.

Posted by: LenNeal at July 30, 2023 02:46 PM (/BBNv)

119 CBD Did you buy the metric model by mistake instead of the english?

Posted by: TN someguy at July 30, 2023 02:46 PM (vSODx)

120 Holding a bottle with firm grip and the thumb at the bottom edge of the bottle cap you can pry the cap off with pretty much anything. Used to do it that way with the Bic plastic lighters.
In fact, if I don't have a bottle opener at hand but have lighter, that is what I use.

Posted by: Itinerant Alley Butcher at July 30, 2023 02:47 PM (ga8qR)

121 Car all by itself out cruising the streets at odd hours like teens used to do?
Posted by: Itinerant Alley Butcher

Some ~~people~~ get a cheap laugh, breaking up the speed limit
Scaring the pedestrians for a minute
Crossing up progress driving on the grass
Leaving just enough room to pass
Sunday driver never took a test
Oh, yeah, once upon a time in the West

Posted by: Anonosaurus Wrecks, Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy? at July 30, 2023 02:48 PM (FVME7)

122 Les Claypool once walked off stage and canceled a concert right before it started when a fan threw a bottle. He demanded the head of the thrower, nobody identified them, and that was that. End of Show.
Posted by: LenNeal at July 30, 2023 02:46 PM (/BBNv)

They make chain-link fence for that, you know.

Posted by: Elwood Blues at July 30, 2023 02:49 PM (guGkK)

123 Maybe he doesn't want that Yoo-Hoo bad enough.
Posted by: All Hail Eris, She Wolf of the 'Ettes 'Ettes at July 30, 2023 02:43 PM (+RQPJ)

Is that code? Axin’ for a friend

Posted by: Rufus T Firefly at July 30, 2023 02:49 PM (HcwhT)

124 Just bust the neck off and challenge somebody to a fight. Worked for Ernest Borgnine.

Posted by: bill in arkansas, not gonna comply with nuttin, waiting for the 0300 knock on the door at July 30, 2023 02:49 PM (0EOe9)

125 I think I'll take my 9mm and 10mm bottle openers out to the range...

Posted by: Itinerant Alley Butcher at July 30, 2023 02:50 PM (ga8qR)

126 Has anyone suggested a saber, or is that just for champagne?

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero43) at July 30, 2023 02:51 PM (guGkK)

127 90 Although then the knob, without nuts on both sides of the knob will probably eventually spin off so better peen it anyway. It cries out for a keyway but that seems like a lot of work.

AOP, is that you in disguise?

Posted by: The Neon Madman at July 30, 2023 02:51 PM (yNfcm)

128 >>> I don't know why petal-soft fancyboy CBD can't open bottles easily. I have at least three good bottle openers that all work well.

Maybe he doesn't want that Yoo-Hoo bad enough.

Posted by: All Hail Eris, She Wolf of the 'Ettes 'Ettes

>Damn, CBD! You've been outed. Just a reminder, all are welcome here.

Posted by: Dr. Bone at July 30, 2023 02:51 PM (KVGVf)

129 Babylon Bee: Family torn between putting grandpa in a nursing home and running him for the senate.

Posted by: Duke Lowell at July 30, 2023 02:51 PM (u73oe)

130 I completely reject the above opener

Posted by: archimedes at July 30, 2023 02:52 PM (us2H3)

131 UK singer has exorcism to divorce the ghost she "married" last year: "Being married to a ghost is harder than most people think"

https://tinyurl.com/2p8mee32

-
Brocade claims her other-worldly husband started having an affair with Marilyn Monroe's ghost, coming in late at night smelling of Chanel No. 5 and making inappropriate comments about the dead singer.

-
Proof that men are assholes even after death.

Posted by: Anonosaurus Wrecks, Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy? at July 30, 2023 02:53 PM (FVME7)

132 I pry caps off with the bottom of my lighter. Haven't used a bottle opener in 30 years.

Posted by: Reforger at July 30, 2023 02:53 PM (B705c)

133 They make chain-link fence for that, you know.
Posted by: Elwood Blues'

Ummm... that was chicken wire. Hate to be a pedant but...

Posted by: LenNeal at July 30, 2023 02:53 PM (/BBNv)

134 I have a bottle opener that is a steel Ace of Spades Card. Works really well. It hangs on my fridge door.

I also have a church key that was given to me the day I arrived in Germany for my hitch with 3/12 FA. It is a Heylands Bier opener (the local brew in Aschaffenburg). I still have it on my key ring.

Posted by: Pug Mahon, Lifelong Metal-head at July 30, 2023 02:54 PM (T/Lqj)

135 I completely reject the above opener
Posted by: archimedes"

"Hey, you old motherfucker, you got a bottle opener?"

Posted by: Centurion Cassius Maximus at July 30, 2023 02:54 PM (/BBNv)

136 Has anyone suggested a saber, or is that just for champagne?
Posted by: Cicero (@cicero43) at July 30, 2023 02:51 PM (guGkK)

I think champagne bottles have a line on the neck that helps for sobering.

Posted by: That Northernlurker what lurkd at July 30, 2023 02:55 PM (VdGjU)

137 I'm just gonna say it once.

Kegarator.

Posted by: Diogenes at July 30, 2023 02:55 PM (e4fEA)

138 Do like I did. Only date/marry chicks with a prominent overbite.

Posted by: Doktor of Dental Arts at July 30, 2023 02:55 PM (tO+U3)

139 I think champagne bottles have a line on the neck that helps for sobering.
Posted by: That Northernlurker what lurkd at July 30, 2023 02:55 PM (VdGjU)

The line that says "STOP DRINKING HERE"?

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero43) at July 30, 2023 02:56 PM (guGkK)

140 The only church key I've ever known was a instrument of the pathway to sanctity.

Posted by: Dr. Bone at July 30, 2023 02:56 PM (KVGVf)

141 The line that says "STOP DRINKING HERE"?
Posted by: Cicero (@cicero43) at July 30, 2023 02:56 PM (guGkK)

Yeah! Drink somewhere else!

Posted by: Pug Mahon, Lifelong Metal-head at July 30, 2023 02:57 PM (T/Lqj)

142 Aschaffenburg sounds like a place Don Lemon vacations in when he tires of the Hamptons and Fire Island.

Posted by: NTTAWWT at July 30, 2023 02:58 PM (tO+U3)

143 136 Has anyone suggested a saber, or is that just for champagne?
Posted by: Cicero (@cicero43) at July 30, 2023 02:51 PM (guGkK)

about 500 comments back

Posted by: REDACTED at July 30, 2023 02:58 PM (us2H3)

144 @mirandadevine
The DOJ is trying to arrest Devon Archer ahead of his bombshell testimony Monday about Joe Biden’s involvement in his son Hunter’s Ukraine business when he was VP. US attorney in the SDNY Damian Williams issued a menacing letter yesterday - Saturday - telling Judge Abrams to order Archer to go to jail immediately to serve a one year sentence for his fraud conviction.

-
Hell, that's not hardly banana republic at all!

Posted by: Anonosaurus Wrecks, Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy? at July 30, 2023 02:58 PM (FVME7)

145 The problem isn't the educational system or engineering.

The problem is consumerism.

The bottle opener has been fully actualized in its perfect form (link to follow). In order to keep the industry from being dominated by the simple design, and thus forever limiting profitability, Big Bottle Opener has tried to reimagine it with stylish new designs to get consumers to buy the latest gizmo. But none can compare to the simple perfection of the minimalist bottle opener.

One may as well purchase flip-flops with a thong place between the fourth toe and pinky-toe because it is the "new design".

The perfect bottle opener

https://tinyurl.com/y8t5ffe8

Posted by: Bitter Clinger at July 30, 2023 02:58 PM (+Tqnv)

146 I do all my beer drinking at the taproot and I only drink beer poured from the tspm

Posted by: That Northernlurker what lurkd at July 30, 2023 02:58 PM (VdGjU)

147 Oops.

Nic at cox dot net for writer's group.

Posted by: OrangeEnt at July 30, 2023 02:59 PM (Angsy)

148 NBC News has entered the chat.

NBC News
@NBCNews
A number of people are attempting to change their race by watching certain videos, hoping to manifest physical change.
“They have convinced themselves it works because there’s other people who have convinced themselves, as well,” says a media professor.
. . . .
Experts agree race is not genetic. [!!!] But they contend that even though race is a cultural construct, it is impossible to change your race because of the systemic inequalities inherent to being born into a certain race.

-
So race is not like sex which you can change every day and twice on Sundays?

Posted by: Anonosaurus Wrecks, Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy? at July 30, 2023 03:01 PM (FVME7)

149 My bottle opener has a name.
Candi
Sometimes Tiffani
And then Mrs.D returns from visiting her family.

Posted by: Diogenes at July 30, 2023 03:01 PM (e4fEA)

150 Of course my first world problem is that it is becoming more and more rare to find beer in bottles. So my openers may become museum pieces at some point.

New Belgium still distributes Voodoo Ranger Imperial IPA in bottles, but most of their other stuff is in cans.

Posted by: Pug Mahon, Lifelong Metal-head at July 30, 2023 03:01 PM (T/Lqj)

151 Chrissy and Janet pilfer my brews from the fridge at home, so I've been spending a lot of time down at The Regal Beagle, Mr. Furley in tow.

Posted by: Jack Tripper at July 30, 2023 03:02 PM (tO+U3)

152 I don't know. I got a perfectly fine bottle opener from the last NoVaMoMe, in the form of an Ace of Spades card. You should have one, too, CBD. Stop yer whining and use the right tool.

Posted by: GWB at July 30, 2023 03:03 PM (DrUgC)

153 My bottle opener has a name.
Candi
Sometimes Tiffani
And then Mrs.D returns from visiting her family.
Posted by: Diogenes at July 30, 2023 03:01 PM (e4fEA)

OH! HI, HONEY! YOU'RE HOME EARLY!

Posted by: Pug Mahon, Lifelong Metal-head at July 30, 2023 03:03 PM (T/Lqj)

154 Everything good comes in cans.

Posted by: Don Lemon at July 30, 2023 03:03 PM (tO+U3)

155 The bottle opener has been fully actualized in its perfect form (link to follow).

https://tinyurl.com/y8t5ffe8
Posted by: Bitter Clinger at July 30, 2023 02:58 PM (+Tqnv)

Indeed sir. See me at comment 99 lol.

Posted by: ballistic at July 30, 2023 03:04 PM (oXNqT)

156 This dude definitely has a FWP.

Transsexual Requests Euthanasia in Canada over Pain from Sex Change Surgery in 2009

Posted by: olddog in mo at July 30, 2023 03:04 PM (ju2Fy)

157 What is this "tpsm" from which you draw your beer?

Posted by: GWB at July 30, 2023 03:05 PM (DrUgC)

158 Err, tspm

Posted by: GWB at July 30, 2023 03:05 PM (DrUgC)

159 I used to have a Victory motorcycle. There is a little more thing under the side plate that is supposed to be a bottle opener. Intentionally that is, not just a side effect of something else. I once tried to use it and sprayed beer all over the side of the bike. I laughed uproariously like an idiot for at least a full minute.

Posted by: Oddbob at July 30, 2023 03:06 PM (GV+m6)

160 My FWP is finding a cork remover that won't cost me an arm and a leg.

Most of those things are shit.

Screw-cap wine is always an option for a cheap bastard like me, but WTF?

Posted by: Dr. Bone at July 30, 2023 03:06 PM (KVGVf)

161 CBD Did you buy the metric model by mistake instead of the english?

Posted by: TN someguy at July 30, 2023 02:46 PM (vSODx)

Even worse...it's the 10mm size!

Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at July 30, 2023 03:06 PM (PHmov)

162 Les Claypool once walked off stage and canceled a concert right before it started when a fan threw a bottle. He demanded the head of the thrower, nobody identified them, and that was that. End of Show.
Posted by: LenNeal at July 30, 2023 02:46 PM

bruce springstein did the same at a New Years eve concert at the Richfield Coliseum in 78. Somebody tossed a liquor bottle onto the stage from the upper deck level and it busted and threw glass all over the stage. He stopped playing and walked off. Can't recall exactly how long it was but he left the stage and stopped the concert for quiet a long time. I was working as a security guard at the time and we never found out who did it.

Posted by: Mister Scott (Formerly GWS) at July 30, 2023 03:07 PM (ncXxy)

163 Screw-cap wine is always an option for a cheap bastard like me, but WTF?

Posted by: Dr. Bone at July 30, 2023 03:06 PM (KVGVf)

I prefer screw top wines.

But...the original Rabbit corkscrew is the best one. Which sucks, because it is expensive.

Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at July 30, 2023 03:07 PM (PHmov)

164 Hmmm... I've got a bottle opener, which is at LEAST 60 years old, that works every time.

I would suggest it's the modern 'design' that is your issue.

Posted by: Romeo13 at July 30, 2023 03:08 PM (oHd/0)

165 Hi princess.

I'll open your bottle for you.

And then rack the slide on your 1911 because your wrists are too floppy.

Posted by: nurse ratched, otter 841 superfan! at July 30, 2023 03:08 PM (U2p+3)

166 Heh. The comic strip "Shoe" where the wine steward has pliers hanging from his neck.

Posted by: bill in arkansas, not gonna comply with nuttin, waiting for the 0300 knock on the door at July 30, 2023 03:09 PM (0EOe9)

167 Transsexual Requests Euthanasia in Canada over Pain from Sex Change Surgery in 2009
Posted by: olddog in mo at July 30,

I'm in emotional pain. The only cure is Trudeau being euthanized.

Posted by: That Northernlurker what lurkd at July 30, 2023 03:09 PM (VdGjU)

168 Aschaffenburg has a very nice little gasthaus just outside of town. It has its own brewery too. Damn fine bier!

Posted by: Diogenes at July 30, 2023 03:09 PM (e4fEA)

169 Also, almost every damn multi tool nowadays has a bottle opener. Including one from NitIze(?) that's fairly simple.

Posted by: GWB at July 30, 2023 03:10 PM (DrUgC)

170 and this guy was the USAG

twice

Barr threatens to go full blown Billy Joe McCallister if Trump is the nominee

me thinks he overrates his importance

Posted by: REDACTED at July 30, 2023 03:10 PM (us2H3)

171 Hi princess.

I'll open your bottle for you.

And then rack the slide on your 1911 because your wrists are too floppy.
Posted by: nurse ratched, otter 841 superfan! at July 30, 2023 03:08 PM (U2p+3)
***

Suddenly the thread goes silent...

Posted by: Diogenes at July 30, 2023 03:10 PM (e4fEA)

172 Indeed sir. See me at comment 99 lol.

Posted by: ballistic at July 30, 2023 03:04 PM (oXNqT)

It is worth noting that, as a man who opens upwards of 1000 aluminum pop-top cans on game days, the speed opener is equally as proficient at wedging open beer tabs on cans as well.

During down times at the bar, the circular opening at the end opposite the opener allows for the speed opener to be twirled around the pointer finger of the user to alleviate boredom.

Posted by: Bitter Clinger at July 30, 2023 03:10 PM (+Tqnv)

173 164 Hmmm... I've got a bottle opener, which is at LEAST 60 years old, that works every time.

But enough about your spouse

Posted by: REDACTED at July 30, 2023 03:11 PM (us2H3)

174 8 Just put the side of the cap on the edge of a table and smack the ttop of the bottle with your palm. No bottle opener needed.
Posted by: stu-mick-o-sucks at July 30, 2023 02:04 PM (E4j6L)

This. Plus, it impresses the babes..

Posted by: Joe Kidd at July 30, 2023 03:12 PM (bUGMk)

175 Hi princess.

I'll open your bottle for you.

And then rack the slide on your 1911 because your wrists are too floppy.
Posted by: nurse ratched, otter 841 superfan! at July 30, 2023 03:08 PM (U2p+3)
***

Suddenly the thread goes silent...
Posted by: Diogenes at July 30, 2023 03:10 PM (e4fEA)

Somewhere, a dog barks. A tumbleweed blows past. Mothers herd children indoors. The pastor whispers a prayer.

Posted by: Pug Mahon, Lifelong Metal-head at July 30, 2023 03:13 PM (T/Lqj)

176 During down times at the bar, the circular opening at the end opposite the opener allows for the speed opener to be twirled around the pointer finger of the user to alleviate boredom.
Posted by: Bitter Clinger
-----------

Hah. I was wondering what that was for.

Posted by: olddog in mo at July 30, 2023 03:13 PM (ju2Fy)

177 a bridge to Barr

Posted by: REDACTED at July 30, 2023 03:13 PM (us2H3)

178 >>>Hi princess.

I'll open your bottle for you.

And then rack the slide on your 1911 because your wrists are too floppy.
Posted by: nurse ratched, otter 841 superfan!

>I don't know if I should be aroused or frightened.

Posted by: Dr. Bone at July 30, 2023 03:13 PM (KVGVf)

179 Barr threatens to go full blown Billy Joe McCallister if Trump is the nominee

me thinks he overrates his importance
Posted by: REDACTED at July 30,

If he asks politely someone may help.

Posted by: That Northernlurker what lurkd at July 30, 2023 03:13 PM (VdGjU)

180 I started to figure out that everything was a con, sham, rigged, and false when I was at a Stevie Wonder concert, someone threw a bottle and Stevie ducked.

Posted by: Beware False Idols! at July 30, 2023 03:14 PM (tO+U3)

181 I got a text from someone named Myra looking for people to run as Democrats in local Angelina County races. Pretty sure it was meant for recent college grad daughter, but reply was:

The leader of your Party is a deeply corrupt old white man who hides behind his son's addictions to extort money and accept bribes. Your Party promotes the murder of infants in the name of "women's health." Your party promotes mentally dusturbed teens having irreversible and life-destroying surgeries and hormone treatments. Your party respects nothing but naked power and you could not care less about Americans or even humanity. Examine your life and make better choices. You are being used by a deeply corrupt system for their own ends.

Posted by: Erik In Texas at July 30, 2023 03:14 PM (z0PdS)

182 174 8 Just put the side of the cap on the edge of a table and smack the ttop of the bottle with your palm. No bottle opener needed.
Posted by: stu-mick-o-sucks at July 30, 2023 02:04 PM (E4j6L)

works great on Carrara marble

Posted by: REDACTED at July 30, 2023 03:15 PM (us2H3)

183 Barr threatens to go full blown Billy Joe McCallister if Trump is the nominee

He'll jump off the Tallahassee bridge? Gee, that'd be a shame.

Posted by: Oddbob at July 30, 2023 03:15 PM (GV+m6)

184 180 I started to figure out that everything was a con, sham, rigged, and false when I was at a Stevie Wonder concert, someone threw a bottle and Stevie ducked.
Posted by: Beware False Idols!

Dude. That was The Force. Stevie Wonder is a Jedi. Duh.

Posted by: nurse ratched, otter 841 superfan! at July 30, 2023 03:15 PM (U2p+3)

185 I started to figure out that everything was a con, sham, rigged, and false when I was at a Stevie Wonder concert, someone threw a bottle and Stevie ducked.
Posted by: Beware False Idols! at July 30, 2023 03:14 PM (tO+U3)

I am offended, good sir!

I mean ...

dfhkwrthporguissdgjd

Posted by: Stevie Wonder, legit Blind at July 30, 2023 03:16 PM (T/Lqj)

186 Barr threatens to go full blown Billy Joe McCallister if Trump is the nominee

me thinks he overrates his importance
Posted by: REDACTED at July 30,

If he asks politely someone may help.
Posted by: That Northernlurker what lurkd at July 30, 2023 03:13 PM (VdGjU)
***

Better use a big bridge. Gonna be a lot of folks there urging him on.

Posted by: Diogenes at July 30, 2023 03:16 PM (e4fEA)

187
My bottle opener failed, don't know why
"Send help from above!" was my cry
My neighborhood priest
Was a beer drinking beast
He knelt down and said, "Friends, let us pry!"

Posted by: Muldoon at July 30, 2023 03:17 PM (zLLgI)

188 43 Various beer brands in Europe have pull-tab bottle caps. My Serbian clan let me fight with one for the better part of 15 minutes before busting out laughing and explaining how to do it.
Posted by: LenNeal at July 30, 2023 02:13 PM (/BBNv)

Theakston's Old Peculiar! Wide mouth bottle with a pull tab top. Yes, there is a "way" with those..

Posted by: Joe Kidd at July 30, 2023 03:17 PM (bUGMk)

189 For what it's worth the term euthanasia clinic applied to human beings makes my blood run cold. It is so cold and inhumane sounding.

Posted by: That Northernlurker what lurkd at July 30, 2023 03:17 PM (VdGjU)

190 What is this "tpsm" from which you draw your beer?
Posted by: GWB at July 30, 2023 03:05 PM (DrUgC)

Tranny post-surgery mutilation

Posted by: Perineum Pale Ale, Extra Hopped at July 30, 2023 03:17 PM (e8n94)

191
Barr threatens to go full blown Billy Joe McCallister if Trump is the nominee

If he wants attention I suggest Niagara Falls.

Posted by: Bertram Cabot, Jr. at July 30, 2023 03:18 PM (63Dwl)

192 Bottle openers...first thing I taught the grandkids after they learned to open the fridge.

Posted by: Diogenes at July 30, 2023 03:18 PM (e4fEA)

193 The best beer bottle opener I've ever used is an inexpensive stamped steel one I bought in Russia 30 years ago. In hindsight I wish I'd bought 50. I call it a reverse bottle opener. I can't find a photo so I drew a side view, below. You hook the far edge of the cap then press down on the opener's handle by rotating your hand/wrist. Provides more leverage than push-up-on-near-edge openers. And the cap is trapped so it does not bend up but not off, or go flying, as can happen with typical bottle openers.
___
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|

Posted by: Gref at July 30, 2023 03:18 PM (AMIL/)

194 This. Plus, it impresses the babes..
Posted by: Joe Kidd at July 30, 2023 03:12 PM (bUGMk)

Especially when a chunk of their dead aunt's table goes with the cap. True story. She's still not over it.

Posted by: Reforger at July 30, 2023 03:19 PM (B705c)

195 Especially when a chunk of their dead aunt's table goes with the cap. True story. She's still not over it.
Posted by: Reforger at July 30, 2023 03:19 PM (B705c)

Who, the dead aunt? You having ghostly visitations, poltergeist activity?

Posted by: Those aunts sure can be vindictive at July 30, 2023 03:20 PM (e8n94)

196 Second thoughts on Ukraine? Russian engineering ain't what it used to be.

Posted by: Dr. Bone at July 30, 2023 03:21 PM (KVGVf)

197 Welp, that bottle opener diagram did not work out - another try

___
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|-----apply force here
|
|

Posted by: Gref at July 30, 2023 03:21 PM (AMIL/)

198 No matter how you try to justify it, throwing a beer bottle at Stevie Wonder is just dirty pool.

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero43) at July 30, 2023 03:21 PM (guGkK)

199 Billy Joe McCallister dd not jump off the Tallahatchee bridge. He and his girl threw something off, nobody knows what.

Posted by: Muldoon at July 30, 2023 03:21 PM (zLLgI)

200 Bottle openers...first thing I taught the grandkids after they learned to open the fridge.
Posted by: Diogenes
---------

Was that before they could walk? What a great grandpa.

Posted by: olddog in mo at July 30, 2023 03:22 PM (ju2Fy)

201 Niagara Falls!

Slowly I turn....

Posted by: OrangeEnt at July 30, 2023 03:23 PM (Angsy)

202 >>> 145 The problem isn't the educational system or engineering.

The problem is consumerism.

The bottle opener has been fully actualized in its perfect form (link to follow). In order to keep the industry from being dominated by the simple design, and thus forever limiting profitability, Big Bottle Opener has tried to reimagine it with stylish new designs to get consumers to buy the latest gizmo. But none can compare to the simple perfection of the minimalist bottle opener.

One may as well purchase flip-flops with a thong place between the fourth toe and pinky-toe because it is the "new design".

The perfect bottle opener

https://tinyurl.com/y8t5ffe8
Posted by: Bitter Clinger at July 30, 2023 02:58 PM (+Tqnv)

I have one of those! Possibly two even.

Posted by: Helena Handbasket at July 30, 2023 03:23 PM (llON8)

203 If he wants attention I suggest Niagara Falls.

Posted by: Bertram Cabot, Jr. at July 30, 2023 03:18 PM (63Dwl)

Barr would need an XXXXL barrel.

Posted by: That Northernlurker what lurkd at July 30, 2023 03:23 PM (VdGjU)

204 Assholes who throw cans, bottles, cups of beer, etc on stage at concerts should be beaten senseless by security then banned from every music venue worldwide.

Posted by: Not that I feel strongly about it or anything at July 30, 2023 03:23 PM (e8n94)

205 Owyowyow

Pixy is not posting what I type. The image is reversed due to deletion of spaces by Pixy.

Posted by: Gref at July 30, 2023 03:24 PM (AMIL/)

206 Who, the dead aunt? You having ghostly visitations, poltergeist activity?
Posted by: Those aunts sure can be vindictive at July 30, 2023 03:20 PM (e8n94)

The chick I "impressed". I married her.

Posted by: Reforger at July 30, 2023 03:24 PM (B705c)

207 I can't find a photo so I drew a side view, below.

I'm not a CAM expert but I don't think your schematic will be adequate for CNC machine production.

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero43) at July 30, 2023 03:24 PM (guGkK)

208 Pixy is not posting what I type. The image is reversed due to deletion of spaces by Pixy.
Posted by: Gref

I'm actually glad because I couldn't figure out how the hell that description would work with your line drawing!

Posted by: AZ deplorable moron at July 30, 2023 03:26 PM (1S8t8)

209 207 I can't find a photo so I drew a side view, below.

I'm not a CAM expert but I don't think your schematic will be adequate for CNC machine production.

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero43) at July 30, 2023 03:24 PM (guGkK)

The problem is input from me to output to blog translation error by Pixy

Posted by: Gref at July 30, 2023 03:26 PM (AMIL/)

210 Billy Joe McCallister dd not jump off the Tallahatchee bridge. He and his girl threw something off, nobody knows what.
Posted by: Muldoon

Didn't he jump off later ?

Posted by: JT at July 30, 2023 03:26 PM (T4tVD)

211 I have a church key that's prolly 35 years old. The last time I was on Maui with my boys, my youngest out a really cool bottle opener in my basket as I was shopping at one of the craft fairs. It's really cool, works well and I think of him every time I use it.

Posted by: nurse ratched, otter 841 superfan! at July 30, 2023 03:27 PM (eY0nO)

212 The perfect bottle opener

https://tinyurl.com/y8t5ffe8
Posted by: Bitter Clinger at July 30, 2023 02:58 PM (+Tqnv)

I have one of those! Possibly two even.
Posted by: Helena Handbasket at July 30, 2023 03:23 PM (llON

***

Magnetized...stays on the fridge.
Grandkids appreciate that.

Posted by: Diogenes at July 30, 2023 03:27 PM (e4fEA)

213 barproducts dot com

All the bar kit you need.

Posted by: Martini Farmer at July 30, 2023 03:27 PM (Q4IgG)

214 160 My FWP is finding a cork remover that won't cost me an arm and a leg.

Most of those things are shit.

Screw-cap wine is always an option for a cheap bastard like me, but WTF?
Posted by: Dr. Bone at July 30, 2023 03:06 PM (KVGVf)

Trader Joes $1.99 cork remover is ALMOST perfect...I do not understand why the blade to remove the foil is serrated. Seriously, why would you include a foil blade that by design will leave tiny flecks of lead foil around the lip of the bottle? I have an old pair of scissors that I keep just for this one simple task, then I use the TJ's cork puller, et viola!

Posted by: Joe Kidd at July 30, 2023 03:28 PM (bUGMk)

215 >>So who gave the go ahead for Ukraine to attack Moscow? We know it wasn’t joe.

I didn't ASK...
who gave the order...
This is the business we've chosen!

-H. Roth

Posted by: DB - weekend edition at July 30, 2023 03:28 PM (geLO8)

216 I argued with him at the checkout stand and he said, darn it mom, just get it. You'll thank me for it later.

Thank you, Marine r.

Posted by: nurse ratched, otter 841 superfan! at July 30, 2023 03:29 PM (eY0nO)

217 CBC, do you mean to tell us you can't ppen a beer bottle with your eye socket? Or at least your teeth? I know you can open one with a Ruger Blackhawk flat top, right?

Posted by: Eromero at July 30, 2023 03:29 PM (vlMl3)

218 Funny reply tweet to Scott Adams:

https://tinyurl.com/5akmpzn5

Not massively political, oddly enough.

Posted by: andycanuck (krqg6) at July 30, 2023 03:29 PM (krqg6)

219 -apply force here
|
|
Posted by: Gref'

I've seen a bunch of weird Soviet shit and I have no idea what you are talking about. Is it anything like the German pencil sharpener?

https://tinyurl.com/mr6s3hrv

Posted by: LenNeal at July 30, 2023 03:30 PM (/BBNv)

220 I have one of these and I can't imagine anything better at popping off a bottle cap. https://www.beerboxes.com/assets/images/2092%20BottleCan.jpg

Posted by: Chairman LMAO at July 30, 2023 03:30 PM (ssESX)

221 I have a P38 that's over 50 years olc.

Posted by: Eromero at July 30, 2023 03:32 PM (vlMl3)

222 Didn't he jump off later ?
Posted by: JT

******

I stand corrected. Misremembrage plagues me sometimes.

Posted by: Muldoon at July 30, 2023 03:32 PM (zLLgI)

223 I can't type worth spit.

Posted by: Eromero at July 30, 2023 03:32 PM (vlMl3)

224 Nor spell.

Posted by: Eromero at July 30, 2023 03:33 PM (vlMl3)

225 I have one of those! Possibly two even.

Posted by: Helena Handbasket at July 30, 2023 03:23 PM (llON

Speed openers are similar to Walgreen's reading glasses, in that a bartender must possess 3 at any given time in case they can't find the other two at a moments' notice.

Posted by: Bitter Clinger at July 30, 2023 03:33 PM (+Tqnv)

226 194 This. Plus, it impresses the babes..
Posted by: Joe Kidd at July 30, 2023 03:12 PM (bUGMk)

Especially when a chunk of their dead aunt's table goes with the cap. True story. She's still not over it.
Posted by: Reforger at July 30, 2023 03:19 PM (B705c)

I'll bet that same table has all kinds of dings and cigarette burns from previous generations. You just contributed the family narrative. Let me talk to her, I'm sure I can get her to calm down...

Posted by: Joe Kidd at July 30, 2023 03:33 PM (bUGMk)

227 LenNeal, you mean the rooskie spam can key?

Posted by: Eromero at July 30, 2023 03:34 PM (vlMl3)

Posted by: Bill Barr at July 30, 2023 03:35 PM (u73oe)

229 you sure that pic aint for tomorrow's art thread

looks like a Peecaso put together to me

Posted by: REDACTED at July 30, 2023 03:35 PM (us2H3)

230 It's true, the best for anything is what bartenders use and it's the flat tool that rests easily in the back pocket. It's the... I'm trying to compare it to any other tool I used to carry multiples of. The 1/8" drill bit. The 10mm socket/wrench. You litter them around in every tool box and pouch or bin so you always have one within reach.

Posted by: LenNeal at July 30, 2023 03:36 PM (/BBNv)

231 Search "speed bottle opener" it's what all bartenders use. I've had mine for.... well since birth, so at least 29 years. It has probably opened over 100,000 beer bottles back in the day.

Posted by: lin-duh at July 30, 2023 03:36 PM (UUBmN)

232 LenNeal, you mean the rooskie spam can key?
Posted by: Eromero'

Nobody had one of those despite them supposedly being issued with the cans. Everyone just used M48/Mauser bayonets.

Posted by: LenNeal at July 30, 2023 03:38 PM (/BBNv)

233 I'm sure I can get her to calm down...
Posted by: Joe Kidd at July 30, 2023 03:33 PM (bUGMk)

She hasn't killed me in my sleep yet. Tried once but I escaped.

Posted by: Reforger at July 30, 2023 03:39 PM (B705c)

234 219 -apply force here
|
|
Posted by: Gref'

I've seen a bunch of weird Soviet shit and I have no idea what you are talking about. Is it anything like the German pencil sharpener?

https://tinyurl.com/mr6s3hrv

Ha! Nope, my Russki opener is simplicity itself. A single piece of flat stainless steel cut to a pattern, stamped, then bent 90 degrees at the business end. Done. I cannot believe the Mighty Interwebs has no image. I'll bring it to the TXMoMe.

Posted by: Gref at July 30, 2023 03:40 PM (AMIL/)

235 Maybe he doesn't want that Yoo-Hoo bad enough.

I'm over 29 enough to remember when I lived in NY Yogi Berra shilling for Yoo-Hoo.

Posted by: stu-mick-o-sucks at July 30, 2023 03:40 PM (uU/Wx)

236 still one of the coolest thing any music artist has ever done

Bobby Gentry took some cash she got from Bill Harrah and became an original investor in the Phoenix Suns

turn 80K into 280 million in 20 years

not bad

Posted by: REDACTED at July 30, 2023 03:41 PM (us2H3)

237 You should have one, too, CBD. Stop yer whining and use the right tool.

Posted by: GWB at July 30, 2023 03:03 PM (DrUgC)

Ouch! No sympathy at all?

I haven't tried that one yet!

Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at July 30, 2023 03:42 PM (PHmov)

238 ...then bent 90 degrees at the business end. Done. I cannot believe the Mighty Interwebs has no image. I'll bring it to the TXMoMe.
Posted by: Gref'

I know what they look like, I just never used one. Yeah, they're super simple but it's one of those simple tools nobody thinks about, so I don't actually own one now! I don't think I ever have, actually. There was an equivalent made in the USA years ago I think.

Posted by: LenNeal at July 30, 2023 03:43 PM (/BBNv)

239 LenNeal @ 232-
7.63X39, green in color, I think 900 rds?

Posted by: Eromero at July 30, 2023 03:43 PM (vlMl3)

240 *Ctrl-F "church key"....*

Yup. I need add nothing.

Posted by: Warai-otoko at July 30, 2023 03:44 PM (9UlRk)

241 Bobby Gentry took some cash she got from Bill Harrah and became an original investor in the Phoenix Suns

turn 80K into 280 million in 20 years'

Bill Withers. That guy did it right. Same plan, Los Angeles real estate.

Posted by: LenNeal at July 30, 2023 03:44 PM (/BBNv)

242 Oh, Withers died in 2020. I missed it.
His reported net worth at departure was upwards of USD$40 million.

Posted by: LenNeal at July 30, 2023 03:45 PM (/BBNv)

243 CBD is looking for sympathy?

*Looks out the window to see if the apocalypse has started*

Posted by: blake - semi lurker in marginal standing(2YtOq) at July 30, 2023 03:46 PM (2YtOq)

244 238 ...then bent 90 degrees at the business end. Done. I cannot believe the Mighty Interwebs has no image. I'll bring it to the TXMoMe.
Posted by: Gref'

I know what they look like, I just never used one. Yeah, they're super simple but it's one of those simple tools nobody thinks about, so I don't actually own one now! I don't think I ever have, actually. There was an equivalent made in the USA years ago I think.

Posted by: LenNeal at July 30, 2023 03:43 PM (/BBNv)

If no one is producing them in the US or China, it might be a business opportunity! Me and my partners could reap uncountable quatloos of profit!

Posted by: Gref at July 30, 2023 03:46 PM (AMIL/)

245 the bars I worked at always used undercounter openers

that way if you open the wrong beer, you can ice it and wait for someone to ask for one

Posted by: REDACTED at July 30, 2023 03:46 PM (us2H3)

246 Poor baby.

Posted by: Flywheel at July 30, 2023 03:48 PM (nsARt)

247 LenNeal @ 232-
7.63X39, green in color, I think 900 rds?
Posted by: Eromero'

No, not at the time (1990s), mostly brass-cased new manufacture, some East German would turn up, some Russian but that was mostly 7.62x54R, which was weird as the PKM wasn't used all that much, as far as I could tell. Depends on where you were, I suppose. I never saw one of the Soviet AK tins at the time, only back in the USA later.

Posted by: LenNeal at July 30, 2023 03:49 PM (/BBNv)

248 To be honest, PBR has been my go to beer for several months after seeing it on the shelf at an attractive price. Everything requiring an opener has gotten beyond my modest means or is horrendously hopped or otherwise adulterated that it barely qualifies as beer. As a true lager, (and it's been years since I've had one) Pabst reminds me of simpler times. I do use a bottle opener on it at times just to complete my sepia-tinged nostalgia. Think I'll put one or two in the fridge now, so they're "at the ready"...

Posted by: Joe Kidd at July 30, 2023 03:51 PM (bUGMk)

249 Got off topic, no, I don't think I ever saw one of the Soviet tin openers until well into the 2010s!

Posted by: LenNeal at July 30, 2023 03:52 PM (/BBNv)

250 Erik in Texas that is perfectly too funny, bet recipient didn't get past the first 19 words

Posted by: Skip at July 30, 2023 03:54 PM (xhxe8)

251 Gref, this bottle opener is made of wood, but is this the general idea?

https://www.oneprojectcloser.com/
easy-diy-bottle-opener/

Posted by: Emmie -- Flash Cadillac at the Surf Ballroom Aug 4 at July 30, 2023 03:55 PM (Emce2)

252 To be honest, PBR has been my go to beer for several months ...
----

http://hipsterhitler.com/

Click on "beer"

Posted by: All Hail Eris, She Wolf of the 'Ettes 'Ettes at July 30, 2023 03:55 PM (+RQPJ)

253 Good Afternoon all

Back in the swamp

Posted by: Nevergiveup at July 30, 2023 03:56 PM (EVR4i)

254
----

http://hipsterhitler.com/

Click on "beer"
Posted by: All Hail Eris, She Wolf of the 'Ettes 'Ettes at July 30, 2023 03:55 PM (+RQPJ)

Is this gonna ruin my Sunday?

Posted by: Joe Kidd at July 30, 2023 03:57 PM (bUGMk)

255 It's not a FWP exactly but I have a record of addresses in Ukraine (various places, now...) because I decided I needed a nice watch for visits back to The Clan (it's sort of expected you look, you know, 'prosperous'), and discovered some 10 years ago watch repair/dealers in Ukraine selling really nice Soviet-era watches for absolutely dirt-cheap.
I have a few retirement watches, engraved, in both Russian and Ukrainian from the Lenin Steel Works, gold masterpieces, equal to anything from Swiss sources. I also ordered handmade leather bands from the same sources. I have all the addresses still, I kept all the envelopes. Cont'd:

Posted by: LenNeal at July 30, 2023 03:59 PM (/BBNv)

256 First world solutions...

I converted a Tuff-Shed into a home office. 100mbps wired Ethernet, nice floors, bookshelves, two workstations, TV, stereo, the works. For climate control, a portable A/C, oil-filled radiator, and a dehumidifier. Totally awesome. Or so I thought.

Turns out that in my digs in this beautiful valley, starting in mid-June, the blazing heat and stifling humidity are TOO MUCH for that climate control I cobbled together. I was lucky to keep it under 95F in that sucker on a given day.

So yesterday, Joe Mannix and I installed a mini-split HVAC unit. Coolant flow is reversible, so I can use it for a heat pump in winter, too. A lot of mess, so I went out to clean up today for a couple hours. It's 90 outside, and about a billion percent humidity.

That bad boy was as cool and dry as an operating theater. Beautiful. The best. Not sad.

And this is the first HVAC either of us have done, so I'm amazed we pulled it off... Only hiccup was a defective torque wrench. Popped a flare valve, and had to go buy a flaring kit to fix it.

Posted by: Yudhishthira's Dice at July 30, 2023 03:59 PM (0FoWg)

257 Occasionally I'll be at a motel that has a bottle opener by the sink. Old school.

Posted by: Stevie Wonder, legit Blind at July 30, 2023 03:59 PM (T/Lqj)

258 *totally not blind*

Posted by: Pug Mahon, Lifelong Metal-head at July 30, 2023 04:00 PM (T/Lqj)

259 There was never a need for a replacement of the good ol' church key.
Posted by: Tom Servo at July 30, 2023 02:08 PM (q3gwH)

This!

Posted by: Alberta Oil Peon at July 30, 2023 04:01 PM (ui7OP)

260 Get cleaned up and upstairs

FOOD NOOD

Posted by: Skip at July 30, 2023 04:01 PM (xhxe8)

261 People in The West were hesitant to order from some 'strange place with Cyrillic' so the stuff I got was absurdly cheap. Like, shamefully so.
I have envelopes with hand-knit flowers in them from the vendors' wife, with sweet notes expressing deep gratitude for the purchase. It was like, USD$40.
One of the female retirement watches, engraved on the back in Ukrainian, is absolutely unique probably in the world. I gave it to my daughter.

Posted by: LenNeal at July 30, 2023 04:02 PM (/BBNv)

262 ...And this is the first HVAC either of us have done, so I'm amazed we pulled it off... Only hiccup was a defective torque wrench. Popped a flare valve, and had to go buy a flaring kit to fix it.
Posted by: Yudhishthira's Dice at July 30, 2023 03:59 PM (0FoWg)
===
Teh awesome a/c

Posted by: San Franpsycho at July 30, 2023 04:02 PM (JvZF+)

263 There's a very dark Soviet watch I've mulled over buying.

Issued for NKVD counterintelligence. Face engraved with "Smert' Shpionam."

Posted by: Yudhishthira's Dice at July 30, 2023 04:04 PM (0FoWg)

264 Sunday status: Not ruined, if one does not overthink the narrative. Overthinking the narrative leads me to wonder why anyone would choose PBR over any of those wonderful sudz products mentioned in the first panel...

Posted by: Joe Kidd at July 30, 2023 04:04 PM (bUGMk)

265 I can vouch that hipster hitler is a hilarious webcomic.

"I fucking love juice. "

Posted by: Warai-otoko at July 30, 2023 04:09 PM (9UlRk)

266 256 First world solutions...

I converted a Tuff-Shed into a home office.
Posted by: Yudhishthira's Dice at July 30, 2023 03:59 PM (0FoWg)

You don't know how close you came to an ass-whoopin'.

Posted by: Arthur "Two Sheds" Jackson at July 30, 2023 04:09 PM (DTX3h)

267 Face engraved with "Smert' Shpionam."
Posted by: Yudhishthira's Dice at July 30, 2023 04:04 PM (0FoWg)

S M E R T

I am so smert

Posted by: Warai-otoko at July 30, 2023 04:11 PM (9UlRk)

268 NGU @ 253-
Tuesday's payday, too!

Posted by: Eromero at July 30, 2023 04:12 PM (vlMl3)

269 AOP, is that you in disguise?
Posted by: The Neon Madman at July 30, 2023 02:51 PM (yNfcm)

I think Ellen Page went through less grief to get a knob put on.

Posted by: Alberta Oil Peon at July 30, 2023 04:12 PM (oeRrB)

270 And this is the first HVAC either of us have done, so I'm amazed we pulled it off... Only hiccup was a defective torque wrench. Popped a flare valve, and had to go buy a flaring kit to fix it.
Posted by: Yudhishthira's Dice at July 30, 2023 03:59 PM (0FoWg)

The proof is a pic of a Joe Mannix lady who has been exposed to the chill...

Posted by: Diogenes at July 30, 2023 04:14 PM (e4fEA)

271 Transsexual Requests Euthanasia in Canada over Pain from Sex Change Surgery in 2009
Posted by: olddog in mo at July 30, 2023 03:04 PM (ju2Fy)

He'll get a two-fer. Cure his stupid, too.

Posted by: Alberta Oil Peon at July 30, 2023 04:19 PM (oeRrB)

272 Here's a first world problem I have.

You call 5 contractors to get work done.

3 Answer/return your voice mail

2 agree to come out and give an estimate

1 actually comes out

That one doesn't send you an estimate.

Posted by: Oppenheimer at July 30, 2023 04:21 PM (lc5cP)

273 The proof is a pic of a Joe Mannix lady who has been exposed to the chill...
Posted by: Diogenes at July 30, 2023 04:14 PM (e4fEA)

Carrying a lantern, looking for a wise man.... or pokies. Pokies would be nice, too.

Posted by: Warai-otoko at July 30, 2023 04:24 PM (9UlRk)

274 The proof is a pic of a Joe Mannix lady who has been exposed to the chill...
Posted by: Diogenes at July 30, 2023 04:14 PM (e4fEA)

Carrying a lantern, looking for a wise man.... or pokies. Pokies would be nice, too.
Posted by: Warai-otoko at July 30, 2023 04:24 PM (9UlRk)
***

I'll be honest. Pokies!!!

Posted by: Diogenes at July 30, 2023 04:35 PM (e4fEA)

275 When I don't have an opener, I use a bic lighter. If I don't have that either, any sharp strudy edge will do.

At first glance, I thought I was looking at broken rat trap from a bicycle shoe.

Posted by: sTevo at July 30, 2023 04:36 PM (iO4Ix)

276 80 Heh. Just went to my junk drawer and found the church key I knew I had. Iron City Brewing Company.
Posted by: bill in arkansas
-----
Mem9ries of a (somewhat) misspent youth:
17 years old, backdoor of Rabbits in Pitcairn, through the hall past the bathrooms, a dollar bill and 2 quarters on the end of the bar, " two quarts of Iron to go", grab the big cold bottles with dew already forming on them, out the door, into the car.
Duquesne is gone, but Iron City lives on. I like to think I helpec.

Posted by: buddhaha at July 30, 2023 04:54 PM (mNvHD)

277 C'mon, it's the 14th doohickey on your Swiss Army
knife! EVERYBODY has a Swiss Army knife, right?

Posted by: Doo-Dah, Doo-Dah at July 30, 2023 05:56 PM (WPqbX)

278 Have you tried painting your house?

Posted by: Clair Kiernan at July 30, 2023 07:45 PM (r80va)

279 New Belgium still distributes Voodoo Ranger Imperial IPA in bottles, but most of their other stuff is in cans.
Posted by: Pug Mahon, Lifelong Metal-head at July 30, 2023 03:01 PM (T/Lqj)
==
New can technology I've heard actually is better than bottles and much easier to ship and handle. Used to be that beer in bottles just tasted so much better than cans. That has changed.

Of course I have beer in my basement coming out of the tap - so that's the best.

Posted by: Black JEM at July 30, 2023 08:20 PM (UVyKP)

280 I started to figure out that everything was a con, sham, rigged, and false when I was at a Stevie Wonder concert, someone threw a bottle and Stevie ducked.
Posted by: Beware False Idols! at July 30, 2023 03:14 PM (tO+U3)
==
Apparently it is a big thing in black culture to note that they don't believe Stevie is blind. I heard a long dissertation on the topic on the radio on a show with a black host. He was adamant Stevie was not blind.

Posted by: Black JEM at July 30, 2023 08:22 PM (UVyKP)

281 I'm making $90 an hour working from home. I never imagined that it was honest to goodness yet my closest companion is earning sixteen thousand US dollars a month by working on the connection, that was truly astounding for me, she prescribed for me to attempt it simply. Everybody must try this job now by just using this website... www.Payathome7.com

Posted by: www.Payathome7.com at July 30, 2023 09:09 PM (DThjd)

282 Pro tip: the door strikeplate is a nearly perfect bottle opener. With practice one can open a bottle effortlessly without spill.

Posted by: meh at July 30, 2023 09:45 PM (jxz99)

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