First-World Problems...

Yup...that's Dildo's patented black thumb at work! I can't grow anything...including garlic. I even got it to sprout, but once I transferred it into actual dirt, it was only a matter of time before it gave up its garlicky ghost, and I will now have to buy garlic like all the other losers on the block.

This coming fall I will carefully follow the instructions from the best garlic growers around. I figure I'll get at least halfway to a crop before it rots or explodes or is snatched up by space aliens.

That's progress!

Posted by: CBD at 02:00 PM

Comments

(Jump to bottom of comments)

1 I have some

Posted by: Skip at May 21, 2023 02:01 PM (xhxe8)

2 Isn't failed crops a 3rd world problem?

Posted by: Uncledave at May 21, 2023 02:02 PM (zpKII)

3 Heck, CBD, garlic grew in our flower beds in TX, with NO encouragement from me at all. Pretty good, according to the other person in the house.

Posted by: LRob in Ok at May 21, 2023 02:04 PM (vWBWf)

4 Isn't failed crops a 3rd world problem?

Posted by: Uncledave at May 21, 2023 02:02 PM (zpKII)

I'm a gentleman farmer and garlic is a vanity crop!

Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at May 21, 2023 02:04 PM (ZCCyW)

5 Wrecked part of my hobby project and probably need to do other again

Posted by: Skip at May 21, 2023 02:04 PM (xhxe8)

6 Posted by: LRob in Ok at May 21, 2023 02:04 PM (vWBWf)

Fvcking braggart!

Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at May 21, 2023 02:04 PM (ZCCyW)

7 I put some seeds in a planter a few weeks ago. There's a few sprigs of green stuff now but nothing of any substance. I even used real dirt this time, not like the last attempt at gardening where I just scooped some from a suspected illegal dumping zone.

Posted by: CppThis at May 21, 2023 02:05 PM (PZvjL)

8 Garlic grows wild in our garden. It grows better than anything else we've ever put out there. I guess it likes the soil. Tomatoes and beans sure don't.

Posted by: fd at May 21, 2023 02:05 PM (iayUP)

9 Being that I'm currently residing in a rental, I noted when I moved in, the plants out back, but it was winter and I assumed they would all be dead when Spring sprung.

Nope. Pretty flowers all over the place.

I hate pretty flowers.

Posted by: BurtTC at May 21, 2023 02:05 PM (pjtAK)

10 "I can't grow anything"

this ^^^^

Posted by: Mrs Dildo at May 21, 2023 02:05 PM (us2H3)

11 Your soil needs just the right consistency. That looks too sticky! 😀

Posted by: Muldoon at May 21, 2023 02:08 PM (kXYt5)

12 What in the heck is in that pot? Try real dirt next time instead of a bunch of sticks.

Posted by: tcn in AK, Hail to the Thief at May 21, 2023 02:10 PM (LOVUx)

13 Sir, your dandelions will thrive there!

Posted by: Eromero at May 21, 2023 02:10 PM (Uv0D2)

14 I see the problem. You are using an Irish pot. Try growing Gaerlic.

Posted by: Diogenes at May 21, 2023 02:11 PM (YGqO/)

15 It may be that your soil is too rich CBD. Our soil is sandy with hard red clay 12-16" down.

Posted by: fd at May 21, 2023 02:11 PM (iayUP)

16 So reading the hidden message, it looks like "CBD" is showing us a picture of "pot" and some "weed".

Wink, wink, nudge, nudge!

Posted by: Muldoon at May 21, 2023 02:11 PM (kXYt5)

17 CBD try bamboo, it will work.
Of course in 10 years you will need to move or get a panda family

Posted by: Skip at May 21, 2023 02:11 PM (xhxe8)

18 Try real dirt next time instead of a bunch of sticks.

Posted by: tcn in AK, Hail to the Thief at May 21, 2023 02:10 PM (LOVUx)

A bit of mulch to keep it moist and warm.

Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at May 21, 2023 02:12 PM (ZCCyW)

19 You are using an Irish pot. Try growing Gaerlic.
Posted by: Diogenes

*******

Ha!

Posted by: Muldoon at May 21, 2023 02:12 PM (kXYt5)

20 growing your own food was the genisis of overt self expressionism

enjoy your immersion

Posted by: REDACTED at May 21, 2023 02:12 PM (us2H3)

21 Yea... that "dirt" seems to have a lot of stuff in it that's not specifically, you know, "dirt."

It's filler.

Posted by: Martini Farmer at May 21, 2023 02:12 PM (Q4IgG)

22 CBD's fields are barren.

Posted by: Napoleon XIV at May 21, 2023 02:14 PM (AiZBA)

23 CBD needs to start small, garlic is too ambitious. CBD, start with mold, see how it goes. then try varietal mold - bread mold, fruit mold, etc. when you succeed, move on to growing onion and garlic.

Posted by: runner at May 21, 2023 02:14 PM (V13WU)

24 Did you get your permit to plan? What about your license to harvest and consume?

Posted by: Eromero at May 21, 2023 02:15 PM (Uv0D2)

25 https://tinyurl.com/3r9fez8j

Wanna talk awkward. He stood up like a man though

Posted by: JEM at May 21, 2023 02:16 PM (8erNz)

26

Well, I've moved into the jungle of the agriculture rumble
To grow my own food
And I'll dig and plough and scrape the weeds
Till I succeed in seeing cabbage growing through

https://youtu.be/2Y-uiiAgcKc

Posted by: Bertram Cabot, Jr. at May 21, 2023 02:17 PM (63Dwl)

27
FWP-

Ordered groceries online. Store is out of Oscar Mayer Smokies-

all is lost...

Posted by: DB - watch out for that tree at May 21, 2023 02:18 PM (geLO8)

28 You could just stick a store bought garlic under the dirt and next time you are cooking for dinner guests proudly announce that you are going to use garlic fresh from your garden, dig it up and get to cooking. Just trying to think outside the box here.

Posted by: Muldoon at May 21, 2023 02:18 PM (kXYt5)

29 although this is a setback, it does not disquaify Mr CBD from our polymath deliberations

Posted by: duh.com at May 21, 2023 02:19 PM (us2H3)

30
I hate pretty flowers.

Posted by: BurtTC at May 21, 2023 02:05 PM (pjtAK)

++++

That is an unusual complaint.

Posted by: washrivergal at May 21, 2023 02:19 PM (/J5D9)

31 FWP, we have finally sprung a leak in the PEX pipe that I can't get to without cutting big sections of wall out. Up till now the leaks have always been accessible from the attic space.

I guess I will have to bite the bullet and call the plumber for a complete replumb.

Fucking PEX.

Posted by: G'rump928(c) at May 21, 2023 02:21 PM (b9Gb2)

32 I like the early food thread, but-

that's the worst looking bowl of chili that I've ever seen.

Do better, CBD.

Do better.

Posted by: naturalfake at May 21, 2023 02:21 PM (RJQ8g)

33 Keene Garlic has an article about soaking garlic (garlic fertilization soak) before planting. It's probably for farming but maybe it could be helpful even for growing small batches. That, soil that drains well and sun.

Posted by: Lola - ALL the videotapes from Alexandra and Jade, too. at May 21, 2023 02:21 PM (GshMh)

34 My compost looks better than that

Posted by: Skip at May 21, 2023 02:22 PM (xhxe8)

35 I like the early food thread, but-

that's the worst looking bowl of chili that I've ever seen.

Do better, CBD.

Do better.

Posted by: naturalfake at May 21, 2023 02:21 PM

Needs carrots.

Posted by: Mister Scott (Formerly GWS) at May 21, 2023 02:22 PM (ncXxy)

36 The big bamboo...my God that stuff is basically a weed.

If you have it find a use for it because you will have an endless supply

Posted by: JEM at May 21, 2023 02:22 PM (8erNz)

37 You could just stick a store bought garlic under the dirt and next time you are cooking for dinner guests proudly announce that you are going to use garlic fresh from your garden, dig it up and get to cooking. Just trying to think outside the box here.
Posted by: Muldoon at May 21, 2023 02:18 PM (kXYt5)

*ProTip: remove the bar code sticker before hiding the garlic in the dirt*

Posted by: Diogenes at May 21, 2023 02:22 PM (YGqO/)

38 Carrots have no place in chili but you knew that

Posted by: JEM at May 21, 2023 02:23 PM (8erNz)

39 garlic is cheap- why go the trouble of growing it

1x knob of garlic is 50 cents where I shop

Posted by: DB - watch out for that tree at May 21, 2023 02:24 PM (geLO8)

40 That looks like CBD's Field of Fucks.

Posted by: G'rump928(c) at May 21, 2023 02:24 PM (b9Gb2)

41 ACKshually, bamboo is a type of grass

Posted by: DB - watch out for that tree at May 21, 2023 02:25 PM (geLO8)

42 Form a Blue Ribbon Panel and a Focus Group - a limerick

Awww, home grown garlic. How cute!
In a clay pot and dry mulch to boot
Well what do you know?
The dang plant didn't grow
We need to address the problem at its root!

Posted by: Muldoon at May 21, 2023 02:25 PM (kXYt5)

43 Looks like chili with shredded beef I'd eat it

Posted by: JEM at May 21, 2023 02:25 PM (8erNz)

44 My garlic is looking pretty sad. I sprouted in in water (as CBD did) then transplanted to a raised bed. The soil was excellent and full of red wigglers. Still looking sad, not vigorous.

The shallots look great, though. The field onions seem to be doing OK, not great.

Posted by: Miley, okravangelist at May 21, 2023 02:27 PM (Mzdiz)

45 39 garlic is cheap- why go the trouble of growing it

1x knob of garlic is 50 cents where I shop
Posted by: DB - watch out for that tree at May 21, 202302:24 PM
that's probably chinee garlic.

Posted by: Eromero at May 21, 2023 02:29 PM (Uv0D2)

46 natural fake: that's the worst looking bowl of chili that I've ever seen.

muldoon: it tastes like dirt

cbd: That's odd, the beef was just ground this morning!

Posted by: Muldoon at May 21, 2023 02:29 PM (kXYt5)

47 Grass, weed, they're basically the same thing

It's whether they propagate themselves or not

Posted by: JEM at May 21, 2023 02:29 PM (8erNz)

48 Are you trying to grow that indoors? If so, that's your first problem. Garlic needs winter cold to be able to grow properly (at least the hardneck garlic up north here). We plant ours in early november in the garden, side dress with a little 10-10-10 (Delaware), no mulch or anything (you don't want things constantly moist or your bulbs will rot) and it's up by early spring, sometimes sooner. When the scapes grow, cut them off. Dig up eight months later (early July) and dry.

Posted by: DangerGirl the SanityProd (tm) is gone baby at May 21, 2023 02:30 PM (ssqLp)

49 17 CBD try bamboo, it will work.
Of course in 10 years you will need to move or get a panda family

Posted by: Skip at May 21, 2023 02:11 PM (xhxe

We have a bamboo plantation on the other property, and it's starting to look like Gilligan's island, what with my brother fashioning gates and other things with it.

Posted by: Miley, okravangelist at May 21, 2023 02:31 PM (Mzdiz)

50 natural fake: that's the worst looking bowl of chili that I've ever seen.

muldoon: it tastes like dirt

cbd: That's odd, the beef was just ground this morning!
Posted by: Muldoon at May 21, 2023 02:29 PM (kXYt5)

Ka-Zing!

Posted by: naturalfake at May 21, 2023 02:31 PM (RJQ8g)

51 well I don't want ChiCom garlic, and I have no capability to grow my own-

does this mean I need to go to Whole Foods or something

Posted by: DB - watch out for that tree at May 21, 2023 02:31 PM (geLO8)

52 Also, you don't need to sprout it, take the paper off the cloves and plant each clove individually, point side up in the ground.

Or am I being too serious for this topic?

Posted by: DangerGirl the SanityProd (tm) is gone baby at May 21, 2023 02:32 PM (ssqLp)

53 Hmmm.

There >😀^

Posted by: naturalfake at May 21, 2023 02:32 PM (RJQ8g)

54 Oh God we have Muldoon.

Blessing or curse?

(Oh my God now that's gonna be in verse)

Posted by: JEM at May 21, 2023 02:32 PM (8erNz)

55 I figure I'll get at least halfway to a crop before it rots or explodes or is snatched up by space aliens.
Posted by: CBD

Each and every time Smash gets some herbs, or some tomatoes sprouted and transferred into a pot or window box outside, the damned raccoons dig it up. Sometimes that very night, other times it lasts a day or so. Thuis is why I relocate all those criminal little assholes over to Northrup's employee cafeteria trash dumpsters.

Posted by: BifBewalski at May 21, 2023 02:33 PM (3CCua)

56 Innernet says 60% of garlic sold in the US is from China

80% worldwide

Posted by: DB - watch out for that tree at May 21, 2023 02:34 PM (geLO8)

57 We need a Strategic Garlic Initiative

Posted by: DB - watch out for that tree at May 21, 2023 02:35 PM (geLO8)

58 Now, this is a first world problem.

Just WOW: Jeffrey Epstein allegedly blackmailed Bill Gates over affair with a Russian bridge player

https://bit.ly/45xn9zY

Posted by: Anonosaurus Wrecks, Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy? at May 21, 2023 02:36 PM (FVME7)

59 Needs carrots.

Posted by: Mister Scott (Formerly GWS) at May 21, 2023 02:22 PM (ncXxy)

Speaking of which, the carrots next to the garlic are very happy!

Posted by: Miley, okravangelist at May 21, 2023 02:36 PM (Mzdiz)

60 Oh God we have Muldoon.

********

Odd. That's the same response I get from my friends and family.

Posted by: Muldoon at May 21, 2023 02:36 PM (kXYt5)

61 Bif, you have a problem with an alien invasion. If you aprehend and deport, they come right back. You need to have a more meaningful answer.

Posted by: Eromero at May 21, 2023 02:36 PM (Uv0D2)

62 Rodale's Encyclopedia of Organic gardening is a really good resource, CBD. I can also recommend Territorial Seeds, which gives planting instructions in the catalogue, as well as Baker Creek Seed Company, Gurney's and Johnny's Selected seeds (which is more for commercial growers, but they have excellent seeds!)

Good dirt. A drink now and then. Sun for those who need it. And praying helps to!

Posted by: Moki at May 21, 2023 02:38 PM (JrN/x)

63 Fucking PEX. (grump)

You are scaring me, I re piped my whole house with PEX
13 years ago, but I used ALL Sharkbite connections, no ring crimps. And to access the pipe runs, I cut holes in the floors to run the pipes, then put down the planned tile. Too many black widows and (probably) scorpions in the crawl space. But now there's no access to the pipes.
Please tell me you used ring crimps.

Sorry about the leaks.

Posted by: boynsea at May 21, 2023 02:39 PM (cx155)

64 https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=flPlUEozcos

Posted by: JEM at May 21, 2023 02:39 PM (8erNz)

65 I am the world's worst gardener and it's not even close.

Posted by: That Northern skulker at May 21, 2023 02:40 PM (VdGjU)

66 That looks like CBD's Field of Fucks.

Posted by: G'rump928(c) at May 21, 2023 02:24 PM (b9Gb2)

My favorite comment so far!

"IT'S FUNNY BECAUSE IT'S TRUE!" - Ben R.

Posted by: Miley, okravangelist at May 21, 2023 02:40 PM (Mzdiz)

67 65 I am the world's worst gardener and it's not even close.
Posted by: That Northern skulker at May 21, 2023 02:40 PM (VdGjU)

my man

Posted by: bonnie plants at May 21, 2023 02:41 PM (us2H3)

68 Joe Biden knows more about growing garlic than he understands the 14th Amendment to the US Constitution.

Posted by: mrp at May 21, 2023 02:43 PM (rj6Yv)

69 a person who can't even grow stuff wants to tell us how to cook stuff

2 funny

Posted by: REDACTED at May 21, 2023 02:44 PM (us2H3)

70 . If you aprehend and deport, they come right back. You need to have a more meaningful answer.
Posted by: Eromero

I've done research on the little criminals. Minimum. Relocation is 25 miles, better is 25 miles with at least one water crossing. I'm using 28 miles, a wildlife refuge with a swamp, and ready made people food garbage at the dump site. So far, I got all the big males in about a ko th, then the big sows without kits. Then half grown kit's, then adult females.

Probably around 25 or so total relocations overthe last two years. Spotted my first semi-laege male this last week. He may have been pushed into empty range by a more aggressive male.

Fucking city idiots here have got to be feeding them. Don't they know the damned things carry rabies? It's a never ending war, just like with coyotes and wild pigs.

Expecting to add feral urban youths to this list of kill on site pests eventually.

Posted by: BifBewalski at May 21, 2023 02:45 PM (3CCua)

71 *ProTip: remove the bar code sticker before hiding the garlic in the dirt*

Posted by: Diogenes at May 21, 2023 02:22 PM (YGqO/)

As a gag I bought some fake styrofoam apples and put them in a nice pot (from a cool place in Vermont). I even put one of those stickers on one of them for authenticity.

Yes, someone took a bite out of one!

Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at May 21, 2023 02:45 PM (ZCCyW)

72 Why does clove rhyme with stove and glove rhymes with love?

Posted by: mrp at May 21, 2023 02:45 PM (rj6Yv)

73 What the hell ... ? Did you borrow your garlic-growing technique from my tried and tested 'Ever-Fail' method? I'da sworn that picture was one I took of my garlic when it reached that stage ...

Posted by: Dr_No at May 21, 2023 02:45 PM (mu5GU)

74 Oh, and CBD, that pot of 'dirt' looks (as my Dad used to say) drier than a popcorn fart.

Posted by: boynsea at May 21, 2023 02:46 PM (cx155)

75 I can't grow anything

I don't even try.

Posted by: Notorious BFD at May 21, 2023 02:47 PM (Xrfse)

76 Good dirt. A drink now and then. Sun for those who need it. And praying helps to!

Posted by: Moki at May 21, 2023 02:38 PM (JrN/x)

You forget...I'm not talking to you.

I made another batch of thick pita from your perfect recipe to go with some excellent babaghanoush, and it might be my best batch yet!

I let it rise after forming...that works really well!

Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at May 21, 2023 02:47 PM (ZCCyW)

77
I want to grow some of them giant sunflowers on the side of my house. According to everything I read online, I've got the right soil, climate, and locale -- but I know they haven't got a chance with me. (Cf. yesterday's gardening thread in which I somehow banzai'd some hollies that were supposed to grow up to be privacy screens).

I'm thinking of advertising on craigslist. $?? a week for someone to plant and grow them. Just the sunflowers, nothing else. That's all I want.

Posted by: Blonde Morticia at May 21, 2023 02:48 PM (lCaJd)

78 I can't grow anything

I don't even try.

Posted by: Notorious BFD at May 21, 2023 02:47 PM (Xrfse)

This is like the opposite-of-gardening thread.

Posted by: Miley, okravangelist at May 21, 2023 02:48 PM (Mzdiz)

79 When I check out plants in a garden center the little green bastards curl up and die right in front of my eyes.
Little Green Bastards would be a good name a blog

Posted by: That Northern skulker at May 21, 2023 02:48 PM (VdGjU)

80 Migratory Waterfowl Act? The geese don't migrate they sit here and shit all day.

Posted by: JEM at May 21, 2023 02:49 PM (8erNz)

81 I'm not a plant grower of any kind. I think I can kill a good potted plant just by looking at it, much less watering it.

But I'm kinda sure that "bark-mulch" ain't the thing for growing stuff in a pot? The tannins in the bark are probably playing hell with the pH in the soil, one way or another.

I'd imagine just a good, black-earth topsoil, mixed with a bit of sandy loam and a pint or so of real worm-castings (worm poop), would make for a very Happy Place for the garlic?

My "lawn" fulla weeds would benefit thus, if it weren't for the frightful expense of treating an entire yard with such spendy materials!

Jim
Sunk New Dawn
Galveston, TX

Posted by: Jim at May 21, 2023 02:50 PM (e6UQI)

82 My secret is planting so much that the failures are hardly noticed.

Posted by: Miley, okravangelist at May 21, 2023 02:50 PM (Mzdiz)

83 As a gag I bought some fake styrofoam apples and put them in a nice pot (from a cool place in Vermont). I even put one of those stickers on one of them for authenticity.

Yes, someone took a bite out of one!
Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at May 21, 2023 02:45 PM (ZCCyW)
***

NOTE TO SELF:
Self, do NOT try CBD's apple pie.

Posted by: Diogenes at May 21, 2023 02:50 PM (YGqO/)

84 Little Green Bastards would be a good name a blog

We had one of those...

Posted by: JEM at May 21, 2023 02:50 PM (8erNz)

85 Folks...

This is a lighthearted thread. Please keep the serious stuff for the 90% of the threads on AoSHQ that require hair on fire!

Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at May 21, 2023 02:51 PM (ZCCyW)

86 SF could start a manure business for organic farmers called "Homeless Roots" using processed human manure.

Posted by: Chairman LMAO at May 21, 2023 02:51 PM (ssESX)

87 We tried onions and garlic a few years ago with little luck. I think our planting schedule was crap. Put them in too late in the season. A few of the onions were large enough to use, but very bitter.

Posted by: Martini Farmer at May 21, 2023 02:52 PM (Q4IgG)

88 My secret is planting so much that the failures are hardly noticed.
Posted by: Miley, okravangelist at May 21, 2023 02:50 PM (Mzdiz)

I planted 50 tulip bulbs last fall. I scored 9 blooms. I also had a dozen more green leaves.pop up but no flower. The rest have never been heard from.
I may as well try garlic.

Posted by: Diogenes at May 21, 2023 02:52 PM (YGqO/)

89 First world problem. I screwed up buying a MacBook. It makes editing my website a pain in the ass. It was easier when I was doing it on my friend's Windows computer.

Posted by: polynikes at May 21, 2023 02:53 PM (MNhXM)

90 Serious question for you, CBD ... Have you ever had your soil tested? ... One of the places we lived had a garden box which struggled to grow anything for 2-3 years after we moved in and added a half-truck load of what was sold to me as "topsoil" (from a local newspaper ad, not from a garden center) ... Anyway, testing the soil revealed the soil was off-the-charts alkaline -- so much so it took a good 5 years to neutralize ... Anyway, if your in-ground soil has issues, you could try growing garlic in pots using store-bought potting soil.

Posted by: Kathy at May 21, 2023 02:54 PM (JklXp)

91 77. I want to grow some of them giant sunflowers on the side of my house.

Once on the ground, sunflower seeds may attract a variety of unwanted visitors including rats & mice, tree squirrels, chipmunks, and even raccoons.

Grew sunflowers, fought vermin for ages.

Posted by: Lola - ALL the videotapes from Alexandra and Jade, too. at May 21, 2023 02:56 PM (GshMh)

92 I planted 50 tulip bulbs last fall. I scored 9 blooms. I also had a dozen more green leaves.pop up but no flower. The rest have never been heard from.
I may as well try garlic.
Posted by: Diogenes

I bet you planted them upside down!

Posted by: nurse ratched at May 21, 2023 02:57 PM (pYNjx)

93 Palestine, Ohio, is giving away free topsoil that I hear is good for growing giant, mutant vegetables. The only problem, I think, is that the garlic bulbs grown in their soil won't fit in the oven.

Posted by: Garden Expertise On the Cheep at May 21, 2023 02:57 PM (Nn3xT)

94 Of course the bushes I bought from Home Depot on the recommendation of the garden lady employee turned out to be crap and are dying. The bushes I bought for my other two planters are thriving now after being dormant ( but not dying) And yes the garden lady recommended I not buy them again but instead buy the crap that is now dying.

Posted by: polynikes at May 21, 2023 02:58 PM (MNhXM)

95 I bet you planted them upside down!
Posted by: nurse ratched at May 21, 2023 02:57 PM (pYNjx)

Well....crap!

Posted by: Diogenes at May 21, 2023 03:00 PM (YGqO/)

96 Can't seem to plant anything around here without the elk eating it. They'll even pull stuff out by the roots and just leave it there without eating it as a sort of review of what they think of your gardening choices.

Elk are dicks.

Posted by: Blanco Basura - Z28.310 at May 21, 2023 03:01 PM (Bd6X8)

97 My FWP:
The thingie in parentheses in the Posted By line changes from time to time. I have no idea why.
This vexes me.

Posted by: Diogenes at May 21, 2023 03:03 PM (YGqO/)

98 The thingie in parentheses in the Posted By line changes from time to time. I have no idea why.
This vexes me.
Posted by: Diogenes

We need common sense thingie control!!

Posted by: Tonypete at May 21, 2023 03:04 PM (qoGsy)

99 New Jersey is billed as the Garden State and people brag on Jersey tomatoes, but that's because of all the dioxin and PCBs dumped there. Also, the Mob corpses are quite caustic. You need to move South.

Posted by: Nutley Refugee at May 21, 2023 03:05 PM (Nn3xT)

100 If your bushes and trees are dying I think it's more on you than the store.

We have this Muir Woods redwood seedling my wife picked up a yard sale I told my daughter age 5 the day we planted it she would never again be taller than it is.

It's 50ft now. Maybe more. God it's huge

Posted by: JEM at May 21, 2023 03:06 PM (8erNz)

101 Anyway, if your in-ground soil has issues, you could try growing garlic in pots using store-bought potting soil.

Posted by: Kathy at May 21, 2023 02:54 PM (JklXp)

Everything our landscaper plants seems to do fine!

Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at May 21, 2023 03:06 PM (ZCCyW)

102 New Jersey is billed as the Garden State and people brag on Jersey tomatoes...

Posted by: Nutley Refugee at May 21, 2023 03:05 PM (Nn3xT)

New Jersey tomatoes are fine, but nothing special. The best tomatoes I have ever had came from Bakersfield CA (Thanks Jim!), with a close second Vermont!

Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at May 21, 2023 03:08 PM (ZCCyW)

103 It's 50ft now. Maybe more. God it's huge
Posted by: JEM at May 21, 2023 03:06 PM (8erNz)

not anymore

Posted by: deckrus.com at May 21, 2023 03:09 PM (us2H3)

104 In case I miss the Gub thread, Flash Email Traffic

Walther P38 9mm German-made Post War CURIO & RELIC Aluminium Frame Locked-Breech Pistol

$549.99

https://bityl.co/InGY

Posted by: G'rump928(c) at May 21, 2023 03:09 PM (b9Gb2)

105 the best tomatoes come from Phuket

Posted by: REDACTED at May 21, 2023 03:10 PM (us2H3)

106 I sorry CBD.

Posted by: That Northern skulker at May 21, 2023 03:11 PM (VdGjU)

107 Everyone should try to grow at least something edible or useful in the days to come. I'm as guilty of not doing it as anyone. I had a lemon tree, it died. Same with tomatoes in a box. I gonna try to grow some squash in a box. I need to grow something that wildlife won't eat. Considering my outdoor space is about 25' X 25' it's gonna be a challenge.

Posted by: gourmand du jour at May 21, 2023 03:12 PM (MeG8a)

108 New Jersey is billed as the Garden State and people brag on Jersey tomatoes, but that's because of all the dioxin and PCBs dumped there. Also, the Mob corpses are quite caustic. You need to move South.

Posted by: Nutley Refugee at May 21, 2023 03:05 PM

I dropped off a couple of pallets of nitrile gloves to a chemical place in Newark New Jersey once. Got the pallets off my truck and went up to get somebody to sign for the stuff. Walked up the ramp to the receiving office area and there was *water* running out to the dock area. I noticed a pallet jack off to the side that had it's solid rubber tires melted to the concrete. I jumped up and went looking for a hose to rinse my boots off. The guy said....don't worry that's just water as he signed the paperwork.

Yeah riiiiight......I found a hose and used it.

Posted by: Mister Scott (Formerly GWS) at May 21, 2023 03:12 PM (ncXxy)

109 Last year's first world problem -- bagged potting mix was nasty. It stunk like sewage, had huge wood chips in it, and had way too much charcoal added, probably to try to cover the stink. My raised bed stuff did not grow very well in it.

With all the agricultural sabotage, I think the bad potting soil was not an accident.

Posted by: Emmie -- MoMe-curious AR morons and Farmer, please email me at May 21, 2023 03:13 PM (Emce2)

110 This is like the opposite-of-gardening thread.

I'm all for gardening. I just suck at it.

Posted by: Notorious BFD at May 21, 2023 03:14 PM (Xrfse)

111 Elk are dicks.
Posted by: Blanco Basura - Z28.310 at May 21, 2023 03:01 PM (Bd6X

But elk is very very tasty, particularly if fed beer soaked grain for a few weeks prior to harves...errr...hunting season.

Posted by: Diogenes at May 21, 2023 03:15 PM (YGqO/)

112 Came back very early from morning fishing, the biting insect life is awake and prowling. Not even Deep Woods Off was any help. They were getting bad last time but I thought I might be able to squeeze one more trip in. No such luck, guess it's wait a bit for AM fishing.

Posted by: irongrampa at May 21, 2023 03:16 PM (KATBx)

113 I thought you might add some water and then mesquite smoke a roast and some ribs with that concoction.

(I wrote smoke three times and the fucking AI changed it to 'some.' Honest)

Posted by: Dr. Bone at May 21, 2023 03:16 PM (KVGVf)

114 Elk are dicks.
Posted by: Blanco Basura

Moose out front definitely told you!

Posted by: Tonypete at May 21, 2023 03:16 PM (qoGsy)

115 The Black Hand > A Black Thumb

Posted by: Hairyback Guy at May 21, 2023 03:17 PM (R/m4+)

116 You plant garlic in the fall, you know. And mulch after it comes up. Buy Steve Solomon's books, not Rodale.

Posted by: Notsothoreau at May 21, 2023 03:18 PM (ouTlx)

117 89 First world problem. I screwed up buying a MacBook. It makes editing my website a pain in the ass. It was easier when I was doing it on my friend's Windows computer.
Posted by: polynikes at May 21, 2023 02:53 PM (MNhXM)

You can install Windows on a MacBook.

I use both Windows machines and MacBooks. I've noticed a few minor differences.

Posted by: Emmie -- MoMe-curious AR morons and Farmer, please email me at May 21, 2023 03:18 PM (Emce2)

118 Came back very early from morning fishing, the biting insect life is awake and prowling. Not even Deep Woods Off was any help. They were getting bad last time but I thought I might be able to squeeze one more trip in. No such luck, guess it's wait a bit for AM fishing.

Posted by: irongrampa at May 21, 2023 03:16 PM

When we were stationed in Cuba we used Avon skin so soft as a bug repellent. I do not know if they still make that stuff.

I didn't care for the greasy feeling but that stuff kept everything insect away from you. We could be out there at 0200 catching the incoming tide and not have any bug problems.

Posted by: Mister Scott (Formerly GWS) at May 21, 2023 03:19 PM (ncXxy)

119 Rodale Press is a curse upon mankind.

Posted by: G'rump928(c) at May 21, 2023 03:19 PM (+3jTj)

120 I planted 50 tulip bulbs last fall. I scored 9 blooms. I also had a dozen more green leaves.pop up but no flower. The rest have never been heard from.
I may as well try garlic.

Posted by: Diogenes at May 21, 2023 02:52 PM (YGqO/)

I don't have a lot of success with bulbs. Perennials are my friend. I've got more cone flowers than you can shake a stick at. They self-seed like crazy. Purple, orange, yellow and white.

Posted by: Miley, okravangelist at May 21, 2023 03:19 PM (Mzdiz)

121 Grew sunflowers, fought vermin for ages.

Posted by: Lola - ALL the videotapes from Alexandra and Jade, too. at May 21, 2023 02:56 PM (GshMh)

We have 3 feline assassins.

Posted by: Miley, okravangelist at May 21, 2023 03:21 PM (Mzdiz)

122 I have killed my share but Heirloom Roses has good quality own root bushes. Did not do well with Stark but some plants survive.

Posted by: Notsothoreau at May 21, 2023 03:22 PM (ouTlx)

123 New Jersey is billed as the Garden State and people brag on Jersey tomatoes, but that's because of all the dioxin and PCBs dumped there. Also, the Mob corpses are quite caustic. You need to move South.
Posted by: Nutley Refugee at May 21, 2023 03:05 PM (Nn3xT)

You watch too many movies and TV shows.

Posted by: thatcrazyjerseyguy now with twice the crazy at May 21, 2023 03:22 PM (Zvtjl)

124 Blem SDS Imports 1911 A1 US Army 45 ACP 5" Dark Gray Finish Fully Checkered Grip Handgun

$319.99

https://bityl.co/InH1

Posted by: G'rump928(c) at May 21, 2023 03:24 PM (+3jTj)

125 I bought containers of garlic power and garlic salt for my BBQ rub. Seems to work OK. I’m growing cherry tomatoes. I expect it will cost me more in the long run that buying them at the store.

Posted by: 4thewin at May 21, 2023 03:24 PM (E9zkL)

126 yes the garden lady recommended I not buy them again but instead buy the crap that is now dying.

Posted by: polynikes at May 21, 2023 02:58 PM (MNhXM)

I would recommend going to a proper nursery for things like bushes and trees. Just visiting the garden section at Home Depot and Lowes shows you how they need more watering than the employees are able to provide. Even if you save a plant from death, it's weakened.

And they simply don't have the know-how to advise you on the best bushes etc to choose for your setting.

Posted by: Miley, okravangelist at May 21, 2023 03:25 PM (Mzdiz)

127 Came back very early from morning fishing, the biting insect life is awake and prowling. Not even Deep Woods Off was any help. They were getting bad last time but I thought I might be able to squeeze one more trip in. No such luck, guess it's wait a bit for AM fishing.
Posted by: irongrampa at May 21, 2023 03:16 PM (KATBx)

I have to go with maximum DEET and double dosage. Just enough that if I sit and stare at a wall, I can see the Charge of the Light Brigade over and over.

Posted by: Diogenes at May 21, 2023 03:26 PM (YGqO/)

128 Everyone should try to grow at least something edible or useful in the days to come.

Posted by: gourmand du jour at May 21, 2023 03:12 PM (MeG8a)

Amen!

Posted by: Miley, okravangelist at May 21, 2023 03:27 PM (Mzdiz)

129 We have a garlic patch in corner of our garden. It's near 15 years old, not nurtured but not quite abused either. Doing fine.

Posted by: Eromero at May 21, 2023 03:30 PM (Uv0D2)

130 We need to get some trees/bushes planted here. The right side of the house is unrelieved brick with a propane tank at the far end. Not attractive.

And fruit trees. Maybe some thornless blackberries. I just have to wait for some of that since we've got so much going on right now.

Posted by: Miley, okravangelist at May 21, 2023 03:32 PM (Mzdiz)

131 I quit gardening a few years ago. Got sick of providing a salad bar for the local wildlife.

Posted by: irongrampa at May 21, 2023 03:33 PM (KATBx)

132 Mr. Smith, Avon SSS still works.

Posted by: Eromero at May 21, 2023 03:33 PM (Uv0D2)

133 Miley,
Try elderberries. They make a nice sized bush and are hardy. The berries are protective against the flu (make a syrup) and you can make fritters with the flowers.

Posted by: Notsothoreau at May 21, 2023 03:36 PM (ouTlx)

134 I quit gardening a few years ago. Got sick of providing a salad bar for the local wildlife.

lol

Posted by: Notorious BFD at May 21, 2023 03:36 PM (Xrfse)

135 Something you don't think much about when you're not 29 yet, but later, you may find hair growing in nostrils and even ears that's really annoying.

A while back, my nose-hair trimmer fell apart, and I got a new and better one at the drug store. Lately, it seems to be getting, um, more use.

So, I got to thinking, maybe I should buy a couple more, for, you know, the possible bad times. Hate to try going back to those little scissors. Also, batteries.

I don't know if that's a first-world problem, but it must be a little bit more FWP than a flower pot of dead garlic?

Posted by: mindful webworker - Spring is in the hair at May 21, 2023 03:38 PM (jqrzj)

136 Herbs can be grown easily inside or out, and are wonderful fresh.

Posted by: Skip at May 21, 2023 03:38 PM (xhxe8)

137 ..Try elderberries. They make a nice sized bush and are hardy. The berries are protective against the flu (make a syrup) and you can make fritters with the flowers.
Posted by: Notsothoreau at May 21, 2023 03:36 PM (ouTlx)

And you can then credibly insult your opponents, deriding the reek of their progenitors, as you'll be familiar with the odor at it's root.

/python

Jim
Sunk New Dawn
Galveston, TX

Posted by: Jim at May 21, 2023 03:38 PM (e6UQI)

138 As I mentioned earlier this week, my FWP was replacing a hot water heater. Naturally, it decided to expire in the middle of the night, so by the time morning rolled around, I had a nice puddle of water in the laundry room, which is adjacent to the furnace room containing the hot water heater. The water also seeped under the wall into my kitchen and living room, causing a bit of mess under my laminate flooring.

Just all kinds of fun.

Fortunately, my plumber is amazing, so he had a new water heater installed by noon of that same day.

Posted by: "Perfessor" Squirrel at May 21, 2023 03:39 PM (BpYfr)

139 I don't know if that's a first-world problem, but it must be a little bit more FWP than a flower pot of dead garlic?
Posted by: mindful webworker - Spring is in the hair at May 21, 2023 03:38 PM (jqrzj)

I think it counts.

Posted by: Emmie -- MoMe-curious AR morons and Farmer, please email me at May 21, 2023 03:40 PM (Emce2)

140
Grew sunflowers, fought vermin for ages.
Posted by: Lola - ALL the videotapes from Alexandra and Jade, to

===========

WAIT, STOP -- you grew them??? How?

The vermin are here already. Squirrels, chipmunks whatever you call 'em. My cat would chase them halfway up a tree and then lose interest.

Posted by: Blonde Morticia at May 21, 2023 03:40 PM (lCaJd)

141 I didn't care for the greasy feeling but that stuff kept everything insect away from you. We could be out there at 0200 catching the incoming tide and not have any bug problems.

Posted by: Mister Scott (Formerly GWS) at May 21, 2023 03:19 PM (ncXxy)

Don't rub it on with your hands and try to play golf, unless you like throwing your clubs. One place I played would spray it on your exposed skin at the first T, except hands.

Posted by: Javems at May 21, 2023 03:42 PM (OqO0g)

142 >>>@101 Everything our landscaper plants seems to do fine! Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at May 21, 2023 03:06 PM (ZCCyW)
====================
Well, then ... It seems the solution would be to hire your landscaper to grow your garlic! ... Am sure you could barter the task for one of your kitchen successes!

Posted by: Kathy at May 21, 2023 03:43 PM (JklXp)

143 My potted plants are all still alive including my Thai Delight Bougainvillea that I love. This is some sort of world record for me! It seems very happy by the pool just hanging on a hook looking fabulous.

Posted by: Piper at May 21, 2023 03:49 PM (ZdaMQ)

144 Every thread can be gardening thread. This time of year, every thread ought to be.

Agree with Moki about Territorial. They are high priced but offer a range of oddities and special stuffbb, at a time when most small suppliers have been snatched up by a handful of majors. And the catalogue has that chatty and chummy "hand drawn" vibe that always went with Sierra Trading Post -- before they were snatched up.

Cute li'l evanescents, like arugula and specialty lettuces, thrive in our clayey swamp bottom. I sowed alfalfa last fall, thinking it would rush up and winter over, to manure-in for spring. Instead it didn't sprout until the snow melted. I've been a little lame this season so may not plant any beans and peas, just giving the old dirt a sabbatical until after the dry season. Even at that, we'll have volunteer leeks, a forest of garlic, asparagus, and cherry tomatoes.

Posted by: Way, Way Downriver at May 21, 2023 03:55 PM (jYCXf)

145 It seems the solution would be to hire your landscaper to grow your garlic! ... Am sure you could barter the task for one of your kitchen successes!

Posted by: Kathy at May 21, 2023 03:43 PM (JklXp)

Yeah...I actually considered asking him to plant an herb garden, but I was too embarrassed to admit that I was such an incompetent that I couldn't grow what are essentially weeds.

Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at May 21, 2023 03:56 PM (ZCCyW)

146 ||ROME -- Mount Etna, Europe's most active volcano, was erupting on Sunday, spewing ash on Catania, eastern Sicily's largest city, and forcing a shutdown of that city's airport.

Italy's National Institute of Geophysics and Volcanology, or INGV, which closely monitors Etna with instrumentation on the slopes, noted that cloud cover on a rainy day was impeding views of the eruption, which often serves up a spectacular display of flaming lava during the volcano's not infrequent eruptions.

The institute said that ash had fallen on Catania and at least one town on Mount Etna's inhabited slopes. No injures were reported.||

Also another photo here:
https://tinyurl.com/2p9mk8zz

Posted by: andycanuck (Vwz3I) at May 21, 2023 03:58 PM (Vwz3I)

147 On Topic: Ash is good for growing I understand.

Posted by: andycanuck (Vwz3I) at May 21, 2023 03:59 PM (Vwz3I)

148 The farmers grow seed garlic here in the Willamette valley for the growers in CA. The garlic grown up here looks dirty from the clay soil, and apparently the sandy soil in CA gives the white garlic they like to sell in stores, but any field dedicated to growing seed garlic reduces the acreage for crops to sell.
In July the trucks go by with totes of just dug garlic and the whole street smells "Italian"

Posted by: Kindltot at May 21, 2023 04:00 PM (xhaym)

149 I enclose the two open sides of the covered patio with 3 mm clear plastic every fall/winter, where I winter over the potted plants. Every other day or so I put a bucket of hot ash from the fireplace to heat the space. The geraniums usually keep flowering all winter.

Posted by: Beartooth at May 21, 2023 04:01 PM (QssvT)

150 Oh it's FOOD NOOD

get cleaned up and upstairs

Posted by: Skip at May 21, 2023 04:01 PM (xhxe8)

151 On Topic: Ash is good for growing I understand.

It's high in K and lime.

Posted by: G'rump928(c) at May 21, 2023 04:01 PM (b9Gb2)

152 On Topic: Ash is good for growing I understand.
Posted by: andycanuck (Vwz3I) at May 21, 2023 03:59 PM (Vwz3I)

and the Evil Dead.

Posted by: Kindltot at May 21, 2023 04:01 PM (xhaym)

153 Taco Sunday and watching a great PGA Championship. Doesn't get much better.

Posted by: Notorious BFD at May 21, 2023 04:03 PM (Xrfse)

154 145 It seems the solution would be to hire your landscaper to grow your garlic! ... Am sure you could barter the task for one of your kitchen successes!
Posted by: Kathy at May 21, 2023 03:43 PM (JklXp)
==============
Yeah...I actually considered asking him to plant an herb garden, but I was too embarrassed to admit that I was such an incompetent that I couldn't grow what are essentially weeds. Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo at May 21, 2023 03:56 PM (ZCCyW)
================
God does not bless everyone on Planet Earth with the same talents ... I do believe, however, that God puts people in our path for reasons we don't immediately see ... Who knows, maybe God put the landscaper in your "path" for the purpose of teaching you how to grow garlic.

Posted by: Kathy at May 21, 2023 04:38 PM (JklXp)

155 I believe that wild onions are a variety of garlic, which makes me a master gardener, where garlic is concerned.

Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc., etc. at May 21, 2023 05:39 PM (FSo+R)

156
More than $15k can be earned online by performing straightforward tasks from home. In the previous month, I got $18376. Even a young child may do this job and make money because it is so simple to complete and has higher pay than typical office occupations. Everyone needs to try this task by using the information on this page. www.Richepay.com

Posted by: Megan Haynes at May 22, 2023 02:20 AM (0gw/7)

Processing 0.02, elapsed 0.0281 seconds.
15 queries taking 0.0111 seconds, 165 records returned.
Page size 89 kb.
Powered by Minx 0.8 beta.