First Hand Experiences With Awful Workplace Management / Motivation Gimmicks

Let’s have a little fun today with some first-hand experiences dealing with awful workplace motivation and management fads. I’ve been in the workforce full time for about 30 years, mainly working for large corporations, but also for one hip startup, and these stupid gimmicks have been the bane of my work life. Executives love these gimmicks and fads like little girls love ponies. And neither understands just how much excrement is involved in their passions.

Here are a few classic memories:

*****

UNLIMITED VACATION: This may be the most diabolical of all business fads. It sounds so generous, yet it is so cruel. In theory, the employee is free to take as much vacation as he wants, as often as he wants, so long as his work gets done.

But it didn’t take employees long to realize that since they were never completely caught up at work, they weren’t sure if they could take vacation at all. And if a person stayed caught up to the extent that he could frequently be taking time off, then it became legitimate to ask if there was even enough work to justify his job.

So, employees started trying to determine what was really tolerated, observing how much vacation other employees were taking, and making sure they didn’t put themselves at the too-much-vacation end of the bell curve. The effect was that people started taking less vacation and felt afraid to take more than two weeks. Even then, they often felt they were betraying the spirit of the policy, because others still had to cover them in their absence.

And then there were the employees that were not part of the laptop-class. How is the receptionist or the billing clerk ever supposed to feel it’s OK to take time off since their positions cannot go untended and the work regenerates every day? How does s/he determine how much time to take?

*****

GET OUT OF YOUR COMFORT ZONE: If an individual wants to challenge himself to get out of his own “comfort zone,” that’s great. For instance, I recently saw live music and there wasn’t even an upright bass in the band! Inspirational, huh?

But when an executive determines that he is going to help his employees “grow” by challenging them to get out of their comfort zones, cruelty will soon follow.

I was in an office where a manager (who was challenged by senior executives to get his employees out of their comfort zones) got sick pleasure out of making shy people perform embarrassing acts, and making them the center of unwanted attention. Among the cruel acts they had to perform were engaging in a primal scream (allegedly to release tension); race-walking across the office holding a pencil between their legs; and being forced to participate in a singalong while waving a boa.

The more uncomfortable an employee was, the more pleasure the manager got. And worst of all, this sadistic bully genuinely believed he was doing something good for the employees he tormented.

*****

PEER COACHING: This might be my all-time favorite example of just how badly a gimmick backfired in a workplace. After my employer embraced the “Peer Coaching” fad, it quickly become a debacle that hurt careers, damaged the chain of command, and resulted in anger and bitter recriminations.

The way this gimmick worked was that in Meeting #1 several employees were chosen to identify a coaching need in which they could benefit from a co-worker’s knowledge, and then they each chose a “peer” to coach them. The coaching was to occur over the next two weeks. After two weeks the team met again to report on how the peer coaching had helped the coached employees. Supervisors and management were present at both meetings.

The meetings quickly turned ugly, with the following sentiments expressed by management:

• Why are employees deficient in this area for which they sought coaching?
• Why didn’t employees issue a “cry for help” if they had these deficiencies?
• Who is to blame – employees or their supervisors - that management only learned of these deficiencies when they rolled out Peer Coaching?
• Why didn’t supervisors observe and report on these employee deficiencies?
• What have the consequence been of employees having these deficiencies until now?
• Why are employees having to turn to a peer for coaching when they should have long since approached their supervisors?

Of course, the employees caught up in this gotcha-trap were good employees who were confident in their job performances. They were required to come up with a subject on which to be peer coached and were simply playing along with this stupid gimmick.

*****

MY FRAUDULENT SIX SIGMA GREEN BELT: When asked in professional settings of what workplace accomplishment I am most proud of, I would dearly love to be able to tell this story. I am extremely proud of how I bailed my team out of trouble when we assertively and deliberately didn’t participate in our required Six Sigma “Green Belt” certification process.

This was about 20 years ago, when I worked for a well-known corporation. Following GE’s lead, our company was gung-ho about Six-Sigma, with everyone required to participate. My division wasn’t even involved in manufacturing, so the whole thing was just incredibly silly.

About the time we were supposed to start Six Sigma, a major client of ours went bankrupt and into liquidation, requiring an all-hands-on-deck crisis response. And then, tragically, one of our critical employees died unexpectedly. Meanwhile, we still had to service other customers and keep operations going. Our Region Manager advised us that we could forego our Six Sigma meetings, ignore the requests from home office for updates on it, and stay solely focused on our current crisis. He promised to take the heat.

Back then, the Six Sigma status reports were not done online. Instead, there was an electronic form that an employee would type the update on, and then submit it to the company’s Six Sigma Grand Poobah.

As we were getting past the worst of our crisis, the Region Manager was starting to get a lot of heat for the past due Six Sigma status reports. He assured the Poobah that we were working hard on the project, and having our meetings on time just like we were supposed to, but we were just a little behind on the actual reporting. He stressed the amazing work the team was doing with the bankruptcy crisis, especially with a key employee now deceased, but he was told in response that there are zero excuses, because there was no higher priority in this company than Six Sigma. In short, careers and employment status were at risk if this Six Sigma project was not completed on time.

This is when I had the idea to find some local process improvement that we had already implemented (but without all the time-wasting formality of Six Sigma) and then retroactively create all the “problem identification,” brainstorming, stupid graphs, etc.

It had already become a joke in the non-manufacturing operations of our company that the typical Six Sigma project simply resulted in the creation of a new Excel spreadsheet. So, I chose one of our local office’s already existing homemade spreadsheets, specifically, one that we had created to track the workflow of certain documents. I then spent about a day typing up minutes of imaginary meetings, documenting brainstorming that never happened, creating phony graphs and charts, and summarizing how the implementation of our “new” spreadsheet had reduced errors and increased efficiency.

We were awarded our Green Belts. More importantly, no one on my team faced any consequences for how we ignored our required participation in Six Sigma.

Suffice it to say, I have never put “Six Sigma Green Belt” on my resume. Being a Green Belt would be a badge of shame for me under any other circumstance, if not for the knowledge of how I “earned” it for me and my co-workers.

*****

How about y’all?

Do you have any fun stories about workplace motivation / management gimmicks you’ve had to endure? Or how about any examples of how you resisted or quietly subverted them?

(buck.throckmorton at protonmail dot com)

Posted by: Buck Throckmorton at 11:58 AM

Comments

(Jump to bottom of comments)

1 first.

Posted by: Mister Scott (Formerly GWS) at October 23, 2022 11:58 AM (bVYXr)

2 That Lean Six Sigma garbage invaded the Navy right before I retired. It was a complete and total load of crap and a huge waste of time.

Posted by: Mister Scott (Formerly GWS) at October 23, 2022 12:00 PM (bVYXr)

3 I just wanna say this regarding all the kids being encouraged to eat crickets.

BUG LIVES MATTER!

Posted by: Pussy Galore at October 23, 2022 12:00 PM (aoFfE)

4 Haven't took a vacation in 7 years

Posted by: Skip at October 23, 2022 12:01 PM (xhxe8)

5 Get out of your comfort zone

Buck you work for a Japanese run company?

Posted by: Skip at October 23, 2022 12:03 PM (xhxe8)

6 Whoa

Posted by: Clyde Shelton at October 23, 2022 12:04 PM (Do5/p)

7 Counting lines of code as a measurement of productivity.

As anyone with a functioning brain could guess, everyone's programs became laden with code that could not possibly be executed and damn near became unmaintainable.

Posted by: Tonypete at October 23, 2022 12:05 PM (LsEU/)

8 TQM invaded the military before this Six Sigma bullshit. Waste of time.

Posted by: Mr Aspirin Factory at October 23, 2022 12:05 PM (3Lw3j)

9 The only good thing about Motivational Posters was the spate of Demotivational Posters that they spawned.

Posted by: Tom Servo at October 23, 2022 12:07 PM (r46W7)

10 Any and all "team building exercises." Stupid, awkward, pointless, time-wasting bullshit.

Posted by: Insomniac, safe in the eye of the tornado at October 23, 2022 12:08 PM (II3Gr)

11 All stakeholders being required in all meetings: If you have 250,000 employees, and you are working on a system to enhance productivity for all hands, worldwide - even if only management is required, that call can easily morph into a 100-150 person call.

With every participant playing 'my dick's bigger than yours' and ask foolish questions to make sure the Big Guy knows he's there, it goes to hell in the first five minutes.

Posted by: Tonypete at October 23, 2022 12:09 PM (LsEU/)

12 ISO-2001

Our processes are crap. But now that our processes are documented, it's okay.

Posted by: Chatterbox Mouse at October 23, 2022 12:09 PM (C1rbv)

13 I hate fuckin meetings

Posted by: Nevergiveup at October 23, 2022 12:10 PM (dO/0d)

14 I had a big argument with management about calling problems issues.

A problem demanded a solution, but issues demanded discussion.

I wanted solutions.

This argument almost got me fired.

Posted by: Pork Chops & Bacons at October 23, 2022 12:10 PM (BdMk6)

15 I do get a kick out of demotivation posters

Posted by: Skip at October 23, 2022 12:11 PM (xhxe8)

16 No directly to the topic but - Every time I heard someone says "Good Meeting!' during the con calls, I wanted to throttle the ass-kisser.

It seemed to happen every meeting.

Posted by: Tonypete at October 23, 2022 12:11 PM (LsEU/)

17 Getting 3 levels of management to approve a change request.

Oh, and making all but 3 days in the month "high-risk" days for changes, so everybody schedules all their changes for those 3 days, thus overloading the support people.... *facepalm*

Posted by: I am the Shadout Mapes, the Housekeeper at October 23, 2022 12:12 PM (PiwSw)

18 Morale at my workplace is terrible. So the management has implemented silent auctions and door decorating contests.

Posted by: Darth Chipmunk at October 23, 2022 12:13 PM (ZC8hN)

19 That Six Sigma story is great and brings back nightmares of the hoops I had to jump through with it. Six Sigma was just a re-packaging of all the other old quality control fads. The only value I saw at all was in the identification of The Process (I think it was called DMAIC - or something like that) with the purpose of eliminating redundant processes.

I still rememeber our Black Belts and how much everyone hated them. Heh.

Posted by: Chairborne!...Desk From Above! at October 23, 2022 12:13 PM (6snul)

20 Motorcycle shop Lemco sales training. This by a failed former Honda dealer when that was a licence to print money. "There's no such thing as repeat business". "Service Writers should watch tv all day".
Have forgotten other groaners.

Posted by: Commissar of Plenty and Lysenko Solutions at October 23, 2022 12:13 PM (ybxl8)

21 OK, who took my Red Stapler?

Posted by: I am the Shadout Mapes, the Housekeeper at October 23, 2022 12:13 PM (PiwSw)

22 It had already become a joke in the non-manufacturing operations of our company that the typical Six Sigma project simply resulted in the creation of a new Excel spreadsheet. So, I chose one of our local office’s already existing homemade spreadsheets, specifically, one that we had created to track the workflow of certain documents. I then spent about a day typing up minutes of imaginary meetings, documenting brainstorming that never happened, creating phony graphs and charts, and summarizing how the implementation of our “new” spreadsheet had reduced errors and increased efficiency."

I firmly believe that what you did out of necessity and a sense of exasperation, is what almost everyone advancing in any corporate bureaucracy today does as matter of long practice. I also think it is spreading into most of the professions, including medicine and even engineering. Our professional fields are becoming filled with people who got their credentials by gaming the system, and who do not actually know what in the hell they're doing.

Posted by: Tom Servo at October 23, 2022 12:13 PM (r46W7)

23 Retired now, but worked many years for a Brit-led company and then our division was acquired by another Brit-led company just before I left. Fortunately, in my area we did a fair amount of actual work and only had to deal with the management fadism mostly around performance evaluation time.

Except for the team meetings about the "green objectives".

Posted by: Pleistocene Megafauna at October 23, 2022 12:14 PM (aoFfE)

24 I still remember a story - maybe apocryphal - where a guy built a concrete boat and passed his ISO 9000 certification with flying colors.

Posted by: Chairborne!...Desk From Above! at October 23, 2022 12:16 PM (6snul)

25 'Inclusion' sessions - they weren't called that back in the day but I figure they started in the early 80's.

Naturally, they were required and lead by some flavor of an aggrieved party so you couldn't bitch about it much. Thinking about it now, many our recently discharged vets refused to just sit there and take it.

Posted by: Tonypete at October 23, 2022 12:16 PM (LsEU/)

26 A couple of other morons have already mentioned the military adopting this sort of BS. The military usually adopts this sort of stupidity 3~5 years after it appears in the civilian word. By then, civilians have already figured out it's BS. But DoD buys into it, contractors get fat paychecks to implement it DoD wide, some become true believers, and the majority pencil whip/gun deck it and go back to doing what works. I remember how Total Quality Management became Total Quality Leadership. Early 2000s, I had a commander (definitely NOT a leader) who bought into the whole 7 Habits thing. Office was stacked with all the latest "Management" books. Sir, this is the Army, we lead not manage people. There's a difference. PMP is the new hotness

Posted by: Stacy0311 at October 23, 2022 12:17 PM (VfLe7)

27 Never worked at a office, obviously worked building new or renovations. Not my temperament but wonder what it like

Posted by: Skip at October 23, 2022 12:17 PM (xhxe8)

28 Been working in a large organization for long enough to have figured out how to keep the HR and Leadership (TM) locusts at bay, well enough to get stuff done.

And that's the key. Get stuff done. Don't be on their radar. Do your job, in spite of their existence.

I do have a dream of working for myself, but even then, the way to get paid involves these same types, so it doesn't make THAT much difference whether one has bosses or not.

Posted by: BurtTC at October 23, 2022 12:17 PM (TGNA8)

29 I was in Insurance claims for 35 years . It went from hands on investigation and direct handling of multiple lines of insurance claims to female clerks in-taking claims at a desk and contracting out the different claims handling duties to various vendors.

IIRC Ward Cleaver was an Insurance claims adjuster. How times have changed.

One of my companies did implement a program that I still use today . CFA. Critical Factor Approach. That is identifying the critical tasks to be completed by importance. In claims there are so many tasks that people get caught up in doing those tasks that have the least resistance while delaying the more difficult important stuff.

Posted by: polynikes at October 23, 2022 12:17 PM (P3l4J)

30 18 Casual Friday, pizza Tuesday, bottomless coffee pot nobody makes. Paycheck sucks, all the cars in the parking lot are beaters.

Posted by: bill in arkansas, not gonna comply with nuttin, waiting for the 0300 knock on the door at October 23, 2022 12:17 PM (lz5hY)

31 I was a vp of labor and employee relations for 2 large, well known companies. Unlimited vacation is to avoid paying out unused vacation when you resign or retire. Rule of thumb is take the vacation you would have accrued under the old system.

Posted by: Piper at October 23, 2022 12:19 PM (0GTCG)

32 The Elder Prezzy George Bush Hated the Military. Thought we were an antiquated bunch of barbarians, and so decided to 'streamline' military culture, you know, that 5000 year history of what WORKS, with modern corporate group think. So, he decided we needed Total Quality Leadership, which was Total Quality Management, for the Military.

So, meetings for entire crews given by young CIVILIAN 'facilitators'. Goal Statements... whole schmere.

Well, I was pretty well known as being a Crusty Sailor... so in one meeting, they asked us to go around and tell 'who our customers were, and how we serviced them'. Cook said,,, well, I guess my customers are the crew, and I service them by cooking eggs.... and on... and on... until it got to me... 'well, I guess my customers are those poor dumb SOBs who are on the other end of the missiles we just shot... and we deliver'... Facilitator was not amused, complained all the way to my CO, who just laughed about it.

Posted by: Romeo13 at October 23, 2022 12:20 PM (oHd/0)

33 Honest to goodness, I don't know how I lasted a bit over 4 decades in corporate America without killing someone.

Posted by: Tonypete at October 23, 2022 12:20 PM (LsEU/)

34 360 degree performance reviews. Total Quality Management.

Both were disasters.

Posted by: Count de Monet at October 23, 2022 12:20 PM (4I/2K)

35 What I did for a living I wanted as a kid and at first marveled they wanted to pay me for doing it. My goal was to be the best at it.

So for 44 years I was the friendly person who fixed your car right the FIRST time. Getting to be good was a hard job frequently. I caught such bullshit more than once but all it did was to drive me to get better than my tormentors. Never bothered with any of the stuff mentioned in this article, I always did the best I knew how. There was a good deal of company paid schooling offered and taken advantage of, I was the guy in back waving a hand and hollering "I'll go" when they offered.

At the end of it, I DID get pretty damn good at my job and I'm very proud of being a mechanic.

Posted by: irongrampa at October 23, 2022 12:21 PM (KATBx)

36 Did you have a theme song you had to sing? Did you have to dance? Did you have to hug senior management when you graduated? Did you have four days of inane classes and videos with Uncle Jesse? Then you too went through The Circle of Care.

Posted by: WiNO at October 23, 2022 12:21 PM (EpDzw)

37 Regarding implementing these civilian 'Quality' ideas in the military, I often recall wondering when was the last time that a corporate boardroom got raked by machine gun fire...and why the fuck we would want to listen to any ideas from these civilian assholes.

Posted by: Chairborne!...Desk From Above! at October 23, 2022 12:22 PM (6snul)

38 For the first time in a decade, I'm in an office environment.

Much rather be out in the field.

Posted by: Mr Aspirin Factory at October 23, 2022 12:23 PM (3Lw3j)

39 At the end of it, I DID get pretty damn good at my job and I'm very proud of being a mechanic.
Posted by: irongrampa

One night, over an overabundance of beers, I'd like to hear your "Customer States:" stories.

Posted by: Tonypete at October 23, 2022 12:23 PM (LsEU/)

40 ISO-2001

Our processes are crap. But now that our processes are documented, it's okay.

Or the way I like to state it: "We make the same mistakes every time because we have it in writing and it's easier to live with the mistakes than to fix the doc."

Posted by: Oddbob at October 23, 2022 12:23 PM (p9CE1)

41 I don't like guys who prove how smart they are by asking questions at the end of education sessions thus extending meetings that are long enough.

Posted by: That NLurker guy at October 23, 2022 12:24 PM (eGTCV)

42 Large companies can fall prey to these gimmick management fads - but single owner companies often fall prey to the whim of the owner. And if that owner is a bully or vindictive or insecure or simply a tyrant, mayhem at the management level under him ensues as there is nothing to constrain the owner's whims other than having his or her business fail, taking a lot of employees down with it.

I worked in both worlds - the latter one is the worse of the two. I've had owners who got a thrill in cruelly calling out executives in an all hands meeting for some perceived slights, always a gotcha surprise, and then brow beat the other executives in the meeting into dutiful also confessing their issues with same said executive. Needless to say, most executives quickly move on to other greener pastures.

Posted by: Boswell at October 23, 2022 12:24 PM (+Cgut)

43 When my Father worked for Boeing he was the President of the Local IAM . I heard him bitch after one negotiation that he had ' clowns to the left of me and jokers to the right' referring to his union members and Boeing's management.

Posted by: polynikes at October 23, 2022 12:25 PM (P3l4J)

44 30 18 Casual Friday, pizza Tuesday, bottomless

Wait, what?

Posted by: azjaeger at October 23, 2022 12:25 PM (3/XaG)

45 Posted by: Stacy0311 at October 23, 2022 12:17 PM (VfLe7)

The Army called it QMP (Qualitative Management Program). Basically "Up or Out".

It was designed by Stan himself.

Posted by: Pork Chops & Bacons at October 23, 2022 12:26 PM (BdMk6)

46 I get paid over $85 per hour working from home with 2 kids at home. I never thought I'd be able to do it but my best friend earns over 13k a month doing this and she convinced me to try. The potential with this is endless.
Here's what I've been doing.. www.Profit97.com

Posted by: www.Profit97.Com at October 23, 2022 12:26 PM (9CfVt)

47 Sexual Harassment Training

Ran by a VP that had banged at least 2 or his last 3 assistants.

Posted by: rhennigantx at October 23, 2022 12:26 PM (BRHaw)

48 Was Total Quality Management the one branded with the vertically elongated Q that looked like a spermatozoon?

Posted by: Oddbob at October 23, 2022 12:26 PM (p9CE1)

49 Office Christmas Party.

I don't particularly like these people sober.

Posted by: Werner Herzog's Shoe at October 23, 2022 12:26 PM (8mhde)

50 "Quality is Free"

Posted by: Pleistocene Megafauna at October 23, 2022 12:27 PM (aoFfE)

51 When I first started coming down to the Natural State, I was still capable of working, and I was snowbirding. Landed a temp job at a furniture manufacturer. They had a production and management company meeting, and it was among the wildest things I have ever seen. I swear, they had auction shills and people from the Church That's Happening Right Now behind the on stage management. Fuckers went out of business that Spring.

Posted by: bill in arkansas, not gonna comply with nuttin, waiting for the 0300 knock on the door at October 23, 2022 12:27 PM (lz5hY)

52
Looking back over my 35 years of corporate employment makes me happy I'm retired and never again have to drive to an office, sit in a meeting, make a presentation or talk to another employee.

Posted by: Hadrian the Seventh at October 23, 2022 12:27 PM (1Nxff)

53 I don't like guys who prove how smart they are by asking questions at the end of education sessions thus extending meetings that are long enough.
Posted by: That NLurker guy

Any questions?
Yes, you in the back.

"Hi, I'm Joe Bagofdonuts and I'm in (some group no one ever even knew we had). You mentioned blah blah blah - how does this fit with (the entire second half of the program that the instruction fully and completely covered).

Tonypete almost, but not quite, under his breath - "Oh fer Christ's sake. . . . "

Posted by: Tonypete at October 23, 2022 12:27 PM (LsEU/)

54 Statistical Process Control....Deming was a saint...'til he wasn't, and the next fad was implemented.

Posted by: BignJames at October 23, 2022 12:27 PM (AwYPR)

55
"Work smarter, not harder." Gaaah, I hated being fobbed off with that platitude.

Posted by: Hadrian the Seventh at October 23, 2022 12:28 PM (1Nxff)

56 Mike Judge worked for a corporate tech company. That's why his movies and TV series are so good. First hand experience.

Posted by: polynikes at October 23, 2022 12:28 PM (P3l4J)

57 33

Yup. Total agreement

Posted by: Pleistocene Megafauna at October 23, 2022 12:28 PM (aoFfE)

58 Sexual Harassment Training

Ran by a VP that had banged at least 2 or his last 3 assistants.
Posted by: rhennigantx

You worked at JP Morgan too?

And - why do I have to go to Sexual Harassment Training?
I already am expert at it.

Posted by: Tonypete at October 23, 2022 12:29 PM (LsEU/)

59 One Minute Manager - most transparently manipulative bs up to that point, I think. Also, whenever a cheerleader sales manager would post a Carpe Diem sign, I’d post random Carpe Collum handmade signs. The whole floor was covered by surveillance cams but if they knew it was me, they never let on.

Posted by: Longwing at October 23, 2022 12:29 PM (xlP2v)

60 "I get paid over $85 per hour working from home with 2 kids at home. "

Holy sheet! You let the kids watch?!!

Posted by: Tonypete at October 23, 2022 12:31 PM (LsEU/)

61 Opening up the floor for questions after any sort of meeting.

Posted by: Werner Herzog's Shoe at October 23, 2022 12:31 PM (8mhde)

62 The Army called it QMP (Qualitative Management Program). Basically "Up or Out".

It was designed by Stan himself.

Posted by: Pork Chops & Bacons at October 23, 2022 12:26 PM (BdMk6)

I remember losing some good soldiers to that. Had a Spec4 who just wanted to be the best 113 driver in the Army and nothing more. And he was the best at that (he drove my XO's 113). But he had to take a promotion to E-5, subsequently failed at that and ended up getting put out. A real shame, I thought.

Posted by: Chairborne!...Desk From Above! at October 23, 2022 12:31 PM (6snul)

63 My limited corporate experience involved me in the Quality Control. They hired me to break their software, which I could and did, repeatedly, with ease.
I wrote reports on what to fix.
Those reports where read by my superiors who determined that I was the only one on earth who could break their software.
So they fixed very little.
The company was dissolved 3 years later.

Posted by: gourmand du jour, in vino veritas at October 23, 2022 12:31 PM (jTmQV)

64
1) Get told you have to give a 20-minute presentation
2) Diligently prepare presentation
3) First presentation runs an hour
4) Get told there's no time for your presentation

Posted by: Hadrian the Seventh at October 23, 2022 12:31 PM (1Nxff)

65 I have to say that I have been very fortunate to have escaped just about all of this faddish nonsense. Being in tech probably contributed to that but in hindsight, there was a lot of luck involved. I managed to work for companies that didn't buy into this stuff.

Posted by: Notorious BFD at October 23, 2022 12:31 PM (Xrfse)

66 Try being an anarchist AND smart ass and working in the corporate world. Nearly everything you see is a joke. Our "manager" or whatever stupid ass title they invented for him informed us that not doing this certain thing (taking a photo of outgoing truck loads) would result in "counseling". So I asked if we had to pay out of pocket for the counseling, or if insurance covered it. He said he would provide it for us. What if I have a preferred counselor? I know a pretty good one.

Posted by: Jimco Industries at October 23, 2022 12:32 PM (buTO7)

67 I worked for a major metropolitan hospital, but was physically located 250 miles away, and operated largely independently doing clinical visits in rural and semi-rural towns. Constantly got short shrift from the home office administratively. The cardiology department at the main campus brought in a hotshot Hospital Administrator type who came up with a pretty silly motivational team-building idea. He spent who knows how much time coming up with a poster depicting the department as an orchestra. The conductor was labelled as "the patient", the musicians were" the doctors", the audience was "the parents", and so on (I don't recall the specifics). In the background were the Rocky Mountains. Actually was totally misconstrued as to the roles and functions of the department. An inapt analogy.

I subverted it in my own way by adding an arrow at the top, pointing behind the Rocky Mountains and labeling it "Me", and hanging it on the wall in my office,

Posted by: Muldoon at October 23, 2022 12:32 PM (kXYt5)

68 Posted by: www.Profit97.Com at October 23, 2022 12:26 PM (9CfVt)

After reading this post: "Where do I sign up?"

Posted by: Napoleon XIV at October 23, 2022 12:32 PM (AiZBA)

69 33 Honest to goodness, I don't know how I lasted a bit over 4 decades in corporate America without killing someone.
Posted by: Tonypete at October 23, 2022 12:20 PM (LsEU/)

Or at least cutting someone and watching them slowly bleed out to near death.

Posted by: Pork Chops & Bacons at October 23, 2022 12:32 PM (BdMk6)

70 ISO
HAH!

One company I worked for was aiming for an ISO. They were a contract, 2nd party manufacturer. There isn't an ISO for that nonsense, but god love 'em, they tried.

Posted by: weft cut-loop at October 23, 2022 12:32 PM (IyrhE)

71 Unlimited Vacation works just fine if you are provably the most productive worker in a dynamic environment that is intermittent in operations.

Trust me, it is a nice place to be to be able to wink and say "there is nothing to do right now that would aid operations, and I am not going to cost the contract money right now."

Posted by: sven at October 23, 2022 12:32 PM (Lzpvj)

72 I would have thought the response to "Carpe Diem" would be "Carpe Ho"

Posted by: Fox2! at October 23, 2022 12:32 PM (qyH+l)

73 The major problem with anything (besides \including the Hand of Stan) is that at least since the 70s society has selected for leaders who are the best at having absolutely no shame about public and easily documented lying and no morals beyond "what's best for me?" I don't know how many managers I have had who have bloviated endlessly about how this is the best company ever and how lucky they were to be there who suddenly left for a $2k a year wage bump somewhere else.

Posted by: azjaeger at October 23, 2022 12:32 PM (3/XaG)

74 I've had "unlimited" vacation for ten years. In the beginning I hated it, but now it's actually not so bad. It's great fot taking long weekends.

Posted by: Lost My Cookies at October 23, 2022 12:33 PM (/N8ur)

75 "He stressed the amazing work the team was doing with the bankruptcy crisis, especially with a key employee now deceased, but he was told in response that there are zero excuses, because there was no higher priority in this company than Six Sigma. "

Soooooo, your actual job and clients were not as important as this latest personnel management scheme? It helps to know what the poobahs truly value.

Posted by: Moki at October 23, 2022 12:33 PM (JrN/x)

76 'well, I guess my customers are those poor dumb SOBs who are on the other end of the missiles we just shot... and we deliver'... Facilitator was not amused, complained all the way to my CO, who just laughed about it.
Posted by: Romeo13 at October 23, 2022 12:20 PM (oHd/0)

Outstanding LOL.

Posted by: Nevergiveup at October 23, 2022 12:34 PM (dO/0d)

77 The cardiology department at the main campus brought in a hotshot Hospital Administrator type who came up with a pretty silly motivational team-building idea. He spent who knows how much time coming up with a poster depicting the department as an orchestra.

How many bazillions of $$ have been wasted on formulating Mission Statements for every three person group and above?

Posted by: Tonypete at October 23, 2022 12:34 PM (LsEU/)

78 2 Posted by: Mister Scott (Formerly GWS) at October 23, 2022 12:00 PM (bVYXr)

Let's plan to plan to meet to plan to plan to meet to do a meaningless thing having nothing to do with our actual goal....or you're fired.

//Six Sigma Polka Dot Belt

Posted by: sven at October 23, 2022 12:34 PM (Lzpvj)

79 I worked for four large corporations during my career. And three of them were pretty much the same. About once a year there would be either a new motivation program or safety program. They were all bullshit, jumping through hoops and filling out forms. Of course we had the suck ups telling the managers how great the programs were. But almost everyone was just doing what they had to to get by.
Motivation really boiled down to the beatings will continue until morale improves.

Posted by: Florida Peasant at October 23, 2022 12:34 PM (dr4Q1)

80 I often included in the"what are your goals for the next year" section of my annual employee evaluations the phrase "Endeavor to persevere".

Posted by: Muldoon at October 23, 2022 12:35 PM (kXYt5)

81
Try being an anarchist AND smart ass and working in the corporate world.

__________

That's what destroyed me. Had I just shut up and nodded my head, I would have been more successful.

Posted by: Hadrian the Seventh at October 23, 2022 12:35 PM (1Nxff)

82 You should see all the BULLSHIT diversity and touchy feeling training I have to do this year. Sigh

Posted by: Nevergiveup at October 23, 2022 12:35 PM (dO/0d)

83 Inflaiton is taking a beating on the trolls here lately..they are down to $85 an hour now.

Posted by: Mister Scott (Formerly GWS) at October 23, 2022 12:35 PM (bVYXr)

84 UNLIMITED VACATION: This may be the most diabolical of all business fads.

It is a truly evil idea - something Dilbert's Catburt would have thought up.

When I was working, for personal reasons I took a lot of vacations.

No problem - my work had busy periods and less busy periods, and I arranged to take unpaid vacation time during the slack periods. Everyone was happy - I was cheaper, because I wasn't taking a full salary, and I got to take the vacation I wanted.

Can't imagine what it would have been like with "unlimited vacation", where I suddenly would have become the guy who took the most vacations in the office.

Posted by: The ARC of History! at October 23, 2022 12:36 PM (I2/tG)

85 46 I get paid over $85 per hour working from home with 2 kids at home.

How much does it pay if you have more than two kids working?

Posted by: azjaeger at October 23, 2022 12:36 PM (3/XaG)

86 Who moved my cheese?

Posted by: Bertram Cabot, Jr. at October 23, 2022 12:36 PM (63Dwl)

87 76 Posted by: Nevergiveup at October 23, 2022 12:34 PM (dO/0d)

My crowning moment of awesome was pissing off a 2 star to the point he looked like he was orgasming with him storming off to talk to my supervisor winding up at the wrong department head who laughed at him and said "he was explicitly following a 3 star general's instructions."

Posted by: sven at October 23, 2022 12:36 PM (Lzpvj)

88 Buck,

I’ve been in manufacturing for 26 years as an engineer, project manager, and maintenance manager.

I’ve got plenty of stories. I thought about writing a book called Adventures in Manufacturing.

I’m a Green Belt, really a Black Belt but never finished the paperwork on second black belt project. Almost all of my projects on equipment could not be solved by fiddling with set points and required machine redesign (which we knew already).

Posted by: MAGA_Ken at October 23, 2022 12:36 PM (dtak3)

89 Let's plan to plan to meet to plan to plan to meet to do a meaningless thing having nothing to do with our actual goal....or you're fired.

//Six Sigma Polka Dot Belt
Posted by: sven at October 23, 2022 12:34 PM (Lzpvj)

That was a Dilbert. I think Wally was suggesting the pre-meeting planning meeting, and Dilbert says "You think you're funny, but you're not."

Posted by: I am the Shadout Mapes, the Housekeeper at October 23, 2022 12:36 PM (PiwSw)

90 Even then, they often felt they were betraying the spirit of the policy, because others still had to cover them in their absence.
----------------

and If they covered for you long enough did the company need you?

Posted by: Braenyard, _ want nuremberg trials? badger your congressman at October 23, 2022 12:37 PM (nhBb/)

91 Who moved my cheese?
Posted by: Bertram Cabot, Jr.

The guy that can't determine what color his parachute is.

Posted by: Tonypete at October 23, 2022 12:37 PM (LsEU/)

92 My professional career was in civil service, so I've seen a thing or two.

The "team building" exercises were always asininely stupid and awkward. Rotating "team leaders" helped make sure not a fucking thing got done. Changing from waterfall to agile project management styles 5 or 6 times during a software release was also a lot of fun. Requirements analysis after the release was probably a bad idea too. System testing in a sterile, literally foolproof environment instead of a quasi-production one allowed an awful lot of junk software to get released.

So, yea... I've seen a thing or two.

Posted by: Martini Farmer at October 23, 2022 12:38 PM (BFigT)

93 The Marine Corps came up with a really stupid Human Relations Discussion Leader program in the early 70s. Being in the S2 shop, with not very much to do, I got detailed for the assignment (got detailed for some really good jobs too). Realized the bullshit, everybody in the outfit from top down realized the bullshit, and my classes had the traditional breaks, like 10 minutes of class and a 50 minute break (Go back to your work center, things are busy). Guess I got confused about that break and class stuff. The program faded quickly.

Posted by: bill in arkansas, not gonna comply with nuttin, waiting for the 0300 knock on the door at October 23, 2022 12:38 PM (lz5hY)

94 I considered myself lucky that for the most part I liked the people that I worked for or worked for me. Of course there were the few exceptions.

If it wasn't for that , my occupation would have been the 5th level of Hell instead of just the first level.

Posted by: polynikes at October 23, 2022 12:38 PM (P3l4J)

95 Let's hear it for the Bronxville Bombers!

Posted by: Tom Cruise at October 23, 2022 12:39 PM (SJsWC)

96
I remember losing some good soldiers to that. Had a Spec4 who just wanted to be the best 113 driver in the Army and nothing more. And he was the best at that (he drove my XO's 113). But he had to take a promotion to E-5, subsequently failed at that and ended up getting put out. A real shame, I thought.
Posted by: Chairborne!...Desk From Above! at October 23, 2022 12:31 PM (6snul)

The Foreign Service does this too, resulting in people who are really really good at a certain level, and doing a good job in a small area (that is usually vital) being forced out because they can't perform at a higher level in a job to which they aren't suited. We don't all need to be managers, sometimes we need some exceptional workerbees. But management likes putting pressure on employees, hence the popularity of up and out.

Posted by: Moki at October 23, 2022 12:39 PM (JrN/x)

97 After two weeks the team met again...
-----

When TQM and 'Team Building' became pop fads with management, my bullshit detector began sounding an alarm, and it continued through the latter part of my career.

Virtually all of the enthusiasm for the sundry management programs that began to evolve in the late 70's was shared only by management, and NOT by the people who were getting the work done.

Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc., etc. at October 23, 2022 12:39 PM (esps4)

98 91 Who moved my cheese?
Posted by: Bertram Cabot, Jr.

The guy that can't determine what color his parachute is.
Posted by: Tonypete at October 23, 2022 12:37 PM (LsEU/)

That's similar to Eric Swalwell's new book "Who Cut the Cheese?"

Posted by: I am the Shadout Mapes, the Housekeeper at October 23, 2022 12:39 PM (PiwSw)

99
Three words: Forced Ranking System

Posted by: Hadrian the Seventh at October 23, 2022 12:39 PM (1Nxff)

100 I often say what I do and fun it is or isn't and wonder what you all do at work.

Posted by: Skip's phone at October 23, 2022 12:40 PM (xhxe8)

101 System testing in a sterile, literally foolproof environment instead of a quasi-production one allowed an awful lot of junk software to get released.

So, yea... I've seen a thing or two.
Posted by: Martini Farmer

System testing!?

Luxury!!

Posted by: Tonypete at October 23, 2022 12:40 PM (LsEU/)

102 What is it about the managerial mind that makes these people such suckers for every stupid idea that comes down the pike? I remember "Over the Top Customer Service". Our company's top execs were pushing that term hard. My wife finally got them to see that "over the top" means the Three Stooges or Jim Carrey (then at his peak.) Not Sherlock Holmes.

Or the "no transfer policy", in which whoever picked up the phone first had to handle a customer's problem, start to finish. A disaster. It could work ONLY if the company were such that everyone knew the entire process.

What gets me is that, despite what people are always saying, what we have IS "meritocracy". I realize that many will object that it's not. But I keep coming back to the question of how a "true meritocracy" would do things differently.

BTW, Bill James tells a story of Earl Weaver pulling a similar forgery ploy to Throckmorton's when he was a minor league manager.

Posted by: Eeyore at October 23, 2022 12:40 PM (TgBWG)

103 If you're a govt. contractor/vendor....lots of this bs stuff is mandated by the feds. How much $$ does this add to a product/service?

Posted by: BignJames at October 23, 2022 12:40 PM (AwYPR)

104
Let's hear it for the Bronxville Bombers!
Posted by: Tom Cruise at October 23, 2022 12:39 PM (SJsWC)

__________

They certainly have bombed so far.

Posted by: Hadrian the Seventh at October 23, 2022 12:40 PM (1Nxff)

105 I always pushed for a bonus system as a motivator. Only system that I've seen work.

Posted by: polynikes at October 23, 2022 12:40 PM (P3l4J)

106 Another is abuse of sales management tools like Salesforce. I just left a place where the sales manager in the group shamelessly lied and manipulated data to maximize his payout at the expense of actually looking to increase sales.

Posted by: Tom Cruise at October 23, 2022 12:41 PM (SJsWC)

107 You should see all the BULLSHIT diversity and touchy feeling training I have to do this year. Sigh

My diversity training at my current gig consists of our crew watching Mark Dice's latest episode over our lunch hour.

Posted by: Notorious BFD at October 23, 2022 12:42 PM (Xrfse)

108 I remember losing some good soldiers to that. Had a Spec4 who just wanted to be the best 113 driver in the Army and nothing more. And he was the best at that (he drove my XO's 113). But he had to take a promotion to E-5, subsequently failed at that and ended up getting put out. A real shame, I thought.
Posted by: Chairborne
-----

Both in and out of the service, I have seen people placed into positions that were simply outside of both their wants, and inclination/talent.

Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc., etc. at October 23, 2022 12:42 PM (esps4)

109 We were all forced to obtain LSS green belts as well. This was for a software development org. I kept telling them, "software development is not a repeatable process." Didn't matter.

Posted by: Halfhand at October 23, 2022 12:42 PM (DgtVq)

110 I left corporate America behind many years ago to do startups. Completely different culture. There's no place to hide in a startup, if you don't do your job it will be obvious to all.

No time for motivational BS or team building crap. Largely no need either since the majority of people who are attracted to startups are pretty damn motivated to begin with.

Posted by: JackStraw at October 23, 2022 12:43 PM (ZLI7S)

111 Who moved my cheese?

Posted by: Bertram Cabot, Jr. at October 23, 2022 12:36 PM (63Dwl)

....aka, We're doing away w/your job...get over it.

Posted by: BignJames at October 23, 2022 12:43 PM (AwYPR)

112 Our company was going through one of these phases, and all hands to participate - including senior management. At one of the sessions the facilitator was going through behavioral changes for enhancing the productivity of people, when I pointed out to her "I have worked long and hard for fifty years deliberately making myself who and what I am. This is not lightly tossed aside."

Apparently the rest of senior management agreed: the remaining sessions were cancelled. One of my proudest management accomplishments.

Posted by: LCMS Rulz! at October 23, 2022 12:43 PM (WbhNr)

113 7 Counting lines of code as a measurement of productivity.

As anyone with a functioning brain could guess, everyone's programs became laden with code that could not possibly be executed and damn near became unmaintainable.

Posted by: Tonypete at October 23, 2022 12:05 PM (LsEU/)
----
That's actually humorous. I learnt programming by using BASIC as a high level language and Motorola 6809 Assembler for speed, fun and total control. The computer and the CPU could only access 64K of memory (8 bit computer limit) so RAM usage was at a premium, hence the FEWER the lines of code the better was the program. Once I had a working program in assembler I would spend an inordinate amount of time trying to squeeze it in a smaller space by eliminating lines of code. The added benefit was that usually it meant it also ran faster.

Posted by: Ciampino cannot decide between lampposts, cement boots or woodchippers? at October 23, 2022 12:43 PM (qfLjt)

114 Three words: Forced Ranking System
Posted by: Hadrian the Seventh at October 23, 2022 12:39 PM (1Nxff)

That was a nightmare too.

Posted by: Count de Monet at October 23, 2022 12:43 PM (4I/2K)

115 You should see all the BULLSHIT diversity and touchy feeling training I have to do this year. Sigh.

Yeah, I would mention "diversity" training.

I was lucky enough not to work for large organizations, but my acquaintances who did universally hated the annual mandatory diversity training.

There is a military vet who works for the City of Portland (which makes him almost unfireable), who refused to take that BS, and would argue with the "diversity trainer". It made the papers, because several other people in the training officially reported him for making them feel "unsafe".

I don't think that they've managed to fire him yet (although they were trying). I suspect that he has been informally excused from future "diversity trainings".

Posted by: The ARC of History! at October 23, 2022 12:43 PM (I2/tG)

116 System testing in a sterile, literally foolproof environment instead of a quasi-production one allowed an awful lot of junk software to get released.

So, yea... I've seen a thing or two.
Posted by: Martini Farmer
-------

Why, it's almost as if the developers are nearsighted!

Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc., etc. at October 23, 2022 12:44 PM (/1cnq)

117 The only thing worse than lean six sigma is lean six sigma with a shit topping of Kaizan for extra measure.

Posted by: Thomas Bender at October 23, 2022 12:44 PM (dhvnu)

118 I do remember when they tried "morale" and "team" building of the "get out of your comfort zone" type. I had a simple response: no. Granted, you absolutely have to have a rep for competence. I couldn't have gotten away with it if there had been anyone else who understood the billing system. But there wasn't, so I could do that.

I flat out refused. Earlier, I'd refused to sign a sexual harassment policy, on the grounds that it was phrased to say I agreed with it. I insisted that they had the right to demand compliance, but not agreement.

Sometimes you can win these.

Posted by: Eeyore at October 23, 2022 12:45 PM (TgBWG)

119 Three words: Forced Ranking System
Posted by: Hadrian the Seventh at October 23, 2022 12:39 PM (1Nxff)

That was a nightmare too.
>>

And jobs ranked according to some Hay Point schedule, or somesuch BS.

Posted by: Count de Monet at October 23, 2022 12:46 PM (4I/2K)

120 The leader of my organization has a post-it note on her computer monitor that says, "Guard your reputation. It the most valuable asset you have." I laughed.

Posted by: Darth Chipmunk at October 23, 2022 12:46 PM (ZC8hN)

121 Once I had a working program in assembler I would spend an inordinate amount of time trying to squeeze it in a smaller space by eliminating lines of code. The added benefit was that usually it meant it also ran faster.
Posted by: Ciampino
------

I once spent 3 days looking for an additional 8 us of CPU time.

Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc., etc. at October 23, 2022 12:46 PM (/1cnq)

122 One of the solutions to this tripe is seniority. I found that after 20 years of employment I could choose to not participate in a lot of this bullshit.

Rank does have it's privileges.

Posted by: Pork Chops & Bacons at October 23, 2022 12:46 PM (BdMk6)

123
I was in an office where a manager (who was challenged by senior executives to get his employees out of their comfort zones) got sick pleasure out of making shy people perform embarrassing acts, and making them the center of unwanted attention.

That reminded me of a meeting we had once where we were each instructed to stand up and tell about our most embarassing experience.

That boss was always into the latest management fad.

Posted by: Bertram Cabot, Jr. at October 23, 2022 12:48 PM (63Dwl)

124 I was a fairly high ranking federal employee, who had recently taken over a fairly dysfunctional section. At one of my early meetings with my supervisor, I asked if I was meeting her expectations, or if there was something more or different she wanted from me. Her response?

"The jury is still out"

Obviously concerned, I asked for details, but she just said to keep doing things how I saw appropriate, and we'd see. Not inspiring leadership. Ultimately, various factions in my department were complaining to senior management about everything, trying to keep the section dysfunctional so they could get away with their sub-par performance.

It was miserable, and I transferred shortly thereafter, but not before cleaning house and firing/demoting the worst apples in the section to try and set the next guy up for success.

Posted by: Military Moron at October 23, 2022 12:48 PM (uKgFF)

125 I remember losing some good soldiers to that. Had a Spec4 who just wanted to be the best 113 driver in the Army and nothing more. And he was the best at that (he drove my XO's 113). But he had to take a promotion to E-5, subsequently failed at that and ended up getting put out. A real shame, I thought.
Posted by: Chairborne

One place I was working had a policy that a person couldn't post for a new assignment if they ranked below a certain level in their current (inappropriate) spot.

Lemme see if i got this right - You stuck me in a higher spot that I have no interest in and did not want. Not doing too well in it so, average or less review. Now I can't get out. Right?

Amazing some of these outfits stay in business at all.

Posted by: Tonypete at October 23, 2022 12:48 PM (LsEU/)

126 Another saying or motto I didn't care for was "Embrace Change" I usually replied (under my breath but audibly enough) "Embrace THIS" pointing to my 'junk'.

My subordinates loved it.

Subordinates sounds snooty. I really meant, "My guys".

Posted by: Chairborne!...Desk From Above! at October 23, 2022 12:49 PM (6snul)

127 Gotta love all the "Diversity" cheer-leading based on skin color and sexual orientation. I've already decided I'm not playing that game anymore.

My employer, a BIG multi-national, sent out their annual employee satisfaction survey. I submitted mine asking why we no longer value employees as persons, and the only groups mentioned for praise are based on immutable characteristics or the fact that they're not heterosexual. I told them that the DEI stuff is actually divisive and I was certain that most employees just ignored it.

Posted by: Retired Buckeye Cop is now an engineer at October 23, 2022 12:49 PM (pJWtt)

128 >>>This is when I had the idea to find some local process improvement that we had already implemented (but without all the time-wasting formality of Six Sigma) and then retroactively create all the “problem identification,” brainstorming, stupid graphs, etc.
------------------------

Yes, Perfect response, have a team meeting; coffee, donuts, and make up stuff. A month's work saved in an hour with donuts and coffee too.

Posted by: Braenyard, _ want nuremberg trials? badger your congressman at October 23, 2022 12:49 PM (nhBb/)

129 The practice of requiring senior management approval if you want to hire a white male (or sometimes any white person). No senior management approval is needed if you hire anyone other than a white male.

This is apparently rampant among large US corporations now.

I knew a guy thirty years ago who applied for an assistant professorship at a well-known university. His interviewers liked him, but explained that they needed the dean's permission to hire a white person.

He got the job. At the time I thought that it was really weird, but I had no idea how prevalent this was going to get.

Posted by: The ARC of History! at October 23, 2022 12:50 PM (I2/tG)

130 At another hospital the Medical Executive Committee (made up of reps from each of the major specialty groups) was meeting to discuss granting clinical privileges to a new hire EER doc. The guy was well trained, had good references, no outstanding malpractice claims. The only hiccup was that he had previously had issues with drug use. He had been through the rehab program prescribed by the State Medical Board and had all restrictions on his license lifted -> cleared for full medical practice. Someone suggested that we subject him to random monthly urine tests. Turns out that's not legal in that particular circumstance, as he had been cleared by the State Board. So someone suggested that we make it voluntary and the group murmured that this seemed like a great plan. I raised my hand and asked, "What if he refuses to submit a urine sample?" They said, "Well then, we'll release him."

I said, "Well then, it's not really voluntary is it?"

The room fell silent for about a minute. Then the chairman cleared his throat and called for a vote on the plan to administer 'voluntary' urine testing. The vote count was 11 to 1. Two guesses who the 1 was.

Posted by: Muldoon at October 23, 2022 12:50 PM (kXYt5)

131 At one of my early meetings with my supervisor, I asked if I was meeting her expectations, or if there was something more or different she wanted from me. Her response?

"The jury is still out"

Obviously concerned, I asked for details, but she just said to keep doing things how I saw appropriate, and we'd see.

Sounds like she didn't really know the job, and was putting the onus on you to fix the problems and get things running properly so she could take credit for it.

Posted by: Moki at October 23, 2022 12:51 PM (JrN/x)

132 Once I had a working program in assembler I would spend an inordinate amount of time trying to squeeze it in a smaller space by eliminating lines of code. The added benefit was that usually it meant it also ran faster.

In my very first gig as a junior programmer, I "inherited" about a dozen assembly language programs to maintain. I tells ya, my first 3 months on the job almost did me in but in the long run, the experience paid off big time.

Posted by: Notorious BFD at October 23, 2022 12:51 PM (Xrfse)

133
The four things a manager needs to do

1) Understand what your direct reports do.
2) Make sure they have the tools they need.
3) Defend them from upper management
4) Stay out of their way unless they ask

Posted by: Hadrian the Seventh at October 23, 2022 12:52 PM (1Nxff)

134 I work in manufacturing - maintenance side. I had to go to a week long "leadership training" at the corporate offices. Part of the training involved teams for competition and naming said teams. Our team took the name "Half-Fast Transport" at my recommendation. It was amusing to watch the facilitators squirm when they used our team name.

Posted by: Thomas at October 23, 2022 12:53 PM (MhC3h)

135 For a time I worked in IT for a well known university around here. One could tell which individuals of the management group had an Education School 'education', the Dr Jill types, by the little school level games they expected us to play at so called training periods once a year. I quickly learnt how to exit those without shame.
Then there were the buzzwords and buzz titles: 'who moved the cheese'; 'blue sky' meetings; 'working outside the box', ...... etc. Then I can never see 'Human Resources' without conjuring up a mental picture of a conical pile of arms, legs, torsos, heads, hands, and picking what you need out of there. I guess we'll be able to do that eventually with 'Robotic Resources'. Will the heads of those RRs always be called Daneel?

Posted by: Ciampino cannot decide between lampposts, cement boots or woodchippers? at October 23, 2022 12:53 PM (qfLjt)

136 By the way, my specialization is labor relations so touchy freely stuff is not in my bailiwick at all. I hate it, think it is patronizing, and would not do it. I made all my leaders live by just a few rules- we treat everybody with respect, we respond to questions from employees, and we don’t give exceptions to policies to people we like. Had the best performing teams ever.

Also, if you got yelled at in a meeting by a superior, well…did you earn it? Was your power point crap? Where your data sets wrong? I mean sometimes if you screw up, you need to be told you screwed up. Welcome to life!

Posted by: Piper at October 23, 2022 12:53 PM (0GTCG)

137 I worked for one corporation, during the tech boom. It was interesting because I'd previously worked factory jobs. Watched it go from boom to bust and got my severance pay. Decided I did not want to do that again. I did work for two more corporations but customer service.

Why do companies think it's smart to have tech support people do sales? If they liked sales, they would be doing it.

Posted by: Notsothoreau at October 23, 2022 12:53 PM (uz3Px)

138 At my place, we've had 5 engineering manager/directors in the span of 7 years and practically turned over the entire engineering department. The new COO who came over from Ops is now in charge of engineering and production and QA. One of her minions, who is not a degreed engineer but who does have some design and PM experience is now the 'Director of Design Engineering' and another minion with no engineering degree and a similar background is the 'Manager of Service Engineering'.

We are a totally serious engineering organization, and retirement in January cannot get here soon enough.

Posted by: CrotchetyOldJarhead at October 23, 2022 12:53 PM (tBR6g)

139 ISO 9000, Demings , Crosby, AND SIX SIGMA.
I have been out of management for 12 years and don't know what is the latest and greatest.

Posted by: MAC V SOG at October 23, 2022 12:54 PM (P4Pk9)

140 small company < 100 employees. Jumped on the Toyota kaisan/kanban system. Late delv. to customers, no/low inventory. Our metrics went from worldclass delivery/quality (96%), to below 75%. Of course, it was all our fault. This triggered all the B.S. mentioned in the post. Lost two huge OEMs. Competitors ate them up, company was swallowed up by foreign conglomerate.

Posted by: phydeaux at October 23, 2022 12:54 PM (RJyAJ)

141 Having to list "objectives" during performance reviews. My unstated one was "more money for less work"...was sometimes successful.

Posted by: BignJames at October 23, 2022 12:54 PM (AwYPR)

142 In my very first gig as a junior programmer, I "inherited" about a dozen assembly language programs to maintain. I tells ya, my first 3 months on the job almost did me in but in the long run, the experience paid off big time.
Posted by: Notorious BFD
------

Having been handed some assembly code for an existing product (the original programmer had moved on), I came across this comment for a section of code: 'This is just too difficult to explain'.

Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc., etc. at October 23, 2022 12:55 PM (95EcE)

143
That reminded me of a meeting we had once where we were each instructed to stand up and tell about our most embarassing experience.

That boss was always into the latest management fad.
Posted by: Bertram Cabot, Jr. at October 23, 2022 12:48 PM (63Dwl)

LOL. Make up a story about getting caught fucking the manager's wife.

Posted by: Pork Chops & Bacons at October 23, 2022 12:55 PM (BdMk6)

144 "The effect was that people started taking less vacation and felt afraid to take more than two weeks. Even then, they often felt they were betraying the spirit of the policy, because others still had to cover them in their absence."

180 degrees opposite from government. There, those dumb enough to have a work ethic and/or use a phone for customer service usually face abandonment by managers and peers. Regular ghost towns, many workplaces were (even bc) and still are.

Posted by: Lola at October 23, 2022 12:55 PM (NIYa7)

145 The dishonesty is the worst part. Just be honest. My place has a system of safety videos that must be watched once a year. Fine, I'll put them on my phone and let them play. Answer the three questions at the end using no information from the videos, because it's common sense.

Should you use a handrail?

Nobody needs to watch a video to find out.

But the lying enters when they say, we don't want anyone to be hurt. Well no sht, but thats not the reason for this. It is so if you ARE hurt, the lawyers can enter it into evidence at the civil trial that you saw the video and passed the test. Which is perfectly fine to say to employees because it is the honest reason. Not because they are lying awake at night worried sick that someone might fall down some stairs. I had a plant manager say, very poorly acted - I take it personal if someone is hurt! You do? If that is the case, you need counceling for that flaw.

Posted by: Jimco Industries at October 23, 2022 12:56 PM (buTO7)

146 When I worked in Silicon Valley in the late 80s early 90s we adopted "quality circles" and they had some benefit.

Posted by: San Franpsycho at October 23, 2022 12:56 PM (EZebt)

147 I have been through most of these fads, though not the military incarnations.

Why, yes. I do have PTSD from stupid fad management.

Posted by: Winston, GOPe, not one dime, not one vote at October 23, 2022 12:56 PM (TfRuS)

148 I got to see what the target "raise" rate is for my globo company this year.

Hat tip a LOT less then the 8 or 9% inflation is supposedly running at.

Well, I'm pretty sure most of my cow-workers voted for Biden so they are getting what they wanted right?

Posted by: 18-1 at October 23, 2022 12:56 PM (ESjRY)

149 Having been handed some assembly code for an existing product (the original programmer had moved on), I came across this comment for a section of code: 'This is just too difficult to explain'.

Heh. Well, that's maybe a tad better than no comments at all, right?

Posted by: Notorious BFD at October 23, 2022 12:57 PM (Xrfse)

150 Isn't most of the Six Sigma stuff applied to functions that can't really be measured in a way to actually get a distribution curve or calculate a standard deviation?

Like a subjective measure of supposed excellence?

Posted by: Muldoon at October 23, 2022 12:57 PM (kXYt5)

151 144 Posted by: Lola at October 23, 2022 12:55 PM (NIYa7)

Depends, in the contracting world you are punished for creativity, self-motivation, and a dedication to maximizing client happiness for anything less than a new revenue trickle.

Posted by: sven at October 23, 2022 12:58 PM (Lzpvj)

152 When I was in the government I gave a speech to a conference I called "We Don't Know What We're Doing, But We're Doing It Better Than You"

Posted by: San Franpsycho at October 23, 2022 12:58 PM (EZebt)

153 Missed the book thread, damnit. Just saw that Cormac McCarthy has written two new novels. First, "The Passenger", and second, a shorter companion novel called "Stella Maris".

The books are about a chap who's in love with his younger sister, who is in turn in love with him. She's dead as a door nail on the first page of The Passenger, and things escalate from there.

This LA Times reviewer thinks the novels are near perfection, despite the incest angle and some other politically incorrect aspects of the writing:

https://tinyurl.com/C-McCarthy-May-Be-Nuts

[My choice for the URL reflects my thoughts on the imperfections of Mr. McCarthy's major theme.]

Posted by: Sharkman at October 23, 2022 12:58 PM (Gda1b)

154 I'm sort of amazed large corporations have been able to be profitable in the last 20 years or so.

It's basically the same as government in terms of bureaucracy, add in all the silly fads like Six Sigma, plus the Human Resources, extreme litigiousness, plus now Woke garbage and Social Justice Warrior roles MegaCorps engage in. You would think every big company just barely gets by.

Posted by: Blago at October 23, 2022 12:58 PM (PwNLq)

155 139 ISO 9000, Demings , Crosby, AND SIX SIGMA.
I have been out of management for 12 years and don't know what is the latest and greatest.

Posted by: MAC V SOG at October 23, 2022 12:54 PM

I saw Crosby, Demmings, ISO 9000 and Six Sigma play at Lollapalooza 2008!

Posted by: Confused Musical Moron at October 23, 2022 12:58 PM (uKgFF)

156 149 Having been handed some assembly code for an existing product (the original programmer had moved on), I came across this comment for a section of code: 'This is just too difficult to explain'.

Heh. Well, that's maybe a tad better than no comments at all, right?
Posted by: Notorious BFD at October 23, 2022 12:57 PM (Xrfse)

It's also possible that if the code was updated, the comments don't reflect that so if you relied on the comments alone, you would not understand what the (new) code actually did...

Posted by: I am the Shadout Mapes, the Housekeeper at October 23, 2022 12:59 PM (PiwSw)

157 We are a totally serious engineering organization, and retirement in January cannot get here soon enough.

Wait until your firm starts hiring "engineering education" graduates.

Posted by: The ARC of History! at October 23, 2022 12:59 PM (I2/tG)

158 My last equal opportunity meeting in the army, at questions time, I asked why no white guys ever, in 20 years, have taught that class.
Silence.
The colonel looked at me and just said, " Diogenes, outside."
Heh. I was retiring in three weeks so I just didn't care.

Posted by: Diogenes at October 23, 2022 12:59 PM (anj39)

159 Nobody needs to watch a video to find out.

Questions I've had to answer for these type of "training" courses.

Is it ok to embezzle from the company?
Can you discriminate on race?
Can you bribe people, just a little bit?

Though the best one of these I ever did was a course where they built out a fictional company. The boss was banging the new project manager he was promoting and it was making the underlings mad. It was like a mexican soap opera...well with fewer blondes.

Posted by: 18-1 at October 23, 2022 12:59 PM (ESjRY)

160 The four things a manager needs to do

1) Understand what your direct reports do.
2) Make sure they have the tools they need.
3) Defend them from upper management
4) Stay out of their way unless they ask

I mean, how hard is that?

Posted by: Archimedes at October 23, 2022 12:59 PM (eOEVl)

161 I have luckily avoided most of the stuff you all are talking about, but just before I quit the airport, our new CFO decided the accounting department should attend monthly "airport 101" meeting that he would prepare and present, for us to learn more about the airport. Coworker and I went to the first one and halfway though I told him, "you DO know all this stuff you're 'teaching' us is something we do every year to satisfy the FAA, right? Right!?"

Posted by: Jordan61 at October 23, 2022 01:00 PM (9l7f+)

162 I'm sort of amazed large corporations have been able to be profitable in the last 20 years or so.

I suspect all the mega corps are carrying on based on regulatory capture.

Google, Microsoft, etc etc should all be facing much more serious competitors but they either buy them or keep them from starting by sicc'ing the government on them

Posted by: 18-1 at October 23, 2022 01:01 PM (ESjRY)

163
I mean, how hard is that?
Posted by: Archimedes at October 23, 2022 12:59 PM (eOEVl)

_________

It isn't, but how many managers do those things?

Posted by: Hadrian the Seventh at October 23, 2022 01:01 PM (1Nxff)

164 >>I mean, how hard is that?

No. 3 can be pretty difficult not to mention pretty costly.

Posted by: JackStraw at October 23, 2022 01:01 PM (ZLI7S)

165 Also, if you got yelled at in a meeting by a superior, well…did you earn it? Was your power point crap? Where your data sets wrong? I mean sometimes if you screw up, you need to be told you screwed up. Welcome to life!

I don't feel safe!

Posted by: Underperforming hires at October 23, 2022 01:02 PM (eOEVl)

166 Heh. I was retiring in three weeks so I just didn't care.

Liberatin', ain't it.

Posted by: Archimedes at October 23, 2022 01:02 PM (eOEVl)

167 All managers were required to read "Who Moved My Cheese" and then give a "presentation" on how it had changed their viewpoint of the company -- in front of the entire workforce.

When my turn came, I simply said that my most profound insight came from thinking about the question: "What would you do if you weren't afraid?"

I resigned on the spot.

Posted by: NHN Wombat at October 23, 2022 01:03 PM (2UIBX)

168 I remember in the 1980's how everything was Jap this and Jap that and look how disciplined the Japs are and how they are loyal to their companies and they will take over
this and that and how we need to be like them and their corporate masters blah blah blah.

All nonsense.

Posted by: Hairyback Guy at October 23, 2022 01:03 PM (R/m4+)

169 I used to announce football games at the high school where I work and coach. I’d coach freshmen on Thursday and call the varsity games on Friday. I had irate parents, on occasion, come at me after the game for getting their kids’ jersey numbers wrong. They would never accept my reason, that here’s the roster I was given or that I wasn’t even given one at all, but had to print it off the MaxPreps web site. Just before Covid hit, as was brought up to coach varsity, so one of my History department colleagues agreed to take over announcing, and right away he was getting mobbed after the games. So I told him to give a clear, effusive “shout out” to MaxPreps for providing rosters and ACCURATE jersey numbers. Not a word since.

Posted by: Chris Naron at October 23, 2022 01:03 PM (ayEvp)

170 Reading (and living through) stuff like this might inspires one to embrace anarchy....

Posted by: runner at October 23, 2022 01:03 PM (V13WU)

171 160 The four things a manager needs to do

1) Understand what your direct reports do.
2) Make sure they have the tools they need.
3) Defend them from upper management
4) Stay out of their way unless they ask

I mean, how hard is that?
Posted by: Archimedes at October 23, 2022 12:59 PM

C'mon, man. That staff's easy! I'm focusing on mastery of the true fundamentals, like not shitting my pants and speaking in complete, intelligible and coherent sentences!

Posted by: President Biden at October 23, 2022 01:03 PM (uKgFF)

172 Regular ghost towns, many workplaces were (even bc) and still are.

Forty percent of the City of Portland workforce has to show up for work (cops, firemen, sewer workers, etc.).

Sixty percent have laptop jobs. The sixty percent still hasn't come back to work (City Hall is still closed to the public), and are busily explaining that it would be racist, sexist, and transphobic to make them come back to work. (Really.)

They might - might - consider coming back to the office if you paid them more.

Posted by: The ARC of History! at October 23, 2022 01:04 PM (I2/tG)

173 Free food. On-site gym. Bring your dog to work. No dress code.

The joys of working for a company that wants to have a tech company atmosphere.

Downside? Pay is low compared to other industries, benefits are mediocre, and people dress like slobs and act unprofessionaly at work. And there's random dogs running around.

Posted by: brak at October 23, 2022 01:04 PM (lO5WT)

174 I may still be a little drunk.

Posted by: nurse ratched at October 23, 2022 01:04 PM (4GxFN)

175
One thing I eventually learned as a low-level schlub: if you make a mistake, own up to it right away. You're likely to be treated more leniently.

Posted by: Hadrian the Seventh at October 23, 2022 01:04 PM (1Nxff)

176 Liberatin', ain't it.

Posted by: Archimedes at October 23, 2022 01:02 PM (eOEVl)

Best job evah!

Posted by: BignJames at October 23, 2022 01:04 PM (AwYPR)

177 Having manager(s) that have absolutely zero experience in what you're doing yet feel compelled, daily, to tell you how you're doing it wrong is nice.

Telling said manager(s) if they're unhappy with the methods being utilized they are more than welcome to do it themselves is also nice. Mostly because they won't/can't and it shuts them right the fuck up.

Posted by: Martini Farmer at October 23, 2022 01:04 PM (BFigT)

178 Is it ok to embezzle from the company?
Can you discriminate on race?
Can you bribe people, just a little bit?
----
LOL

Posted by: Jimco Industries at October 23, 2022 01:04 PM (buTO7)

179 I remember in the 1980's how everything was Jap this and Jap that and look how disciplined the Japs are and how they are loyal to their companies and they will take over
this and that and how we need to be like them and their corporate masters blah blah blah.

All nonsense.

Eh, there was some good in it. An emphasis on build and parts quality, for one. Anyone who drove an America car in the 70s and 80s knows what I'm talking about.

Posted by: Archimedes at October 23, 2022 01:04 PM (eOEVl)

180 It's also possible that if the code was updated, the comments don't reflect that so if you relied on the comments alone, you would not understand what the (new) code actually did...

Absolutely spot on. It all depends on who is currently maintaining the code.

Posted by: Notorious BFD at October 23, 2022 01:05 PM (Xrfse)

181 19 That Six Sigma story is great and brings back nightmares of the hoops I had to jump through with it. Six Sigma was just a re-packaging of all the other old quality control fads. The only value I saw at all was in the identification of The Process (I think it was called DMAIC - or something like that) with the purpose of eliminating redundant processes.

I still rememeber our Black Belts and how much everyone hated them. Heh.

Posted by: Chairborne!...Desk From Above! at October 23, 2022 12:13 PM (6snul)

A lot of management techniques that probably work in a manufacturing environment have been imposed on other company functions, where they make no sense whatsoever. Square peg, meet round hole. And a BFH.

Posted by: a.moron at October 23, 2022 01:05 PM (F6Xpw)

182 I resigned on the spot.
Posted by: NHN Wombat at October 23, 2022 01:03 PM (2UIBX)

That's a baller move, right there.

Posted by: Jordan61 at October 23, 2022 01:05 PM (PC5Ge)

183 I suspect all the mega corps are carrying on based on regulatory capture.

This. They jump through the diversity hoops, and they expect the government to protect them from competition in return.

Posted by: The ARC of History! at October 23, 2022 01:06 PM (I2/tG)

184 how disciplined the Japs are and how they are loyal to their companies

If you are working for a small company things are potentially different, but if you work for a mega corp there is literally no loyalty to you...so why should you have it for them?

My company will lay me off if it thinks it will make them more money. So I have the same attitude to them. Now, loyalty to individual coworkers is different of course.

Posted by: 18-1 at October 23, 2022 01:06 PM (ESjRY)

185 Lord, I could fill a whole post with silly corporate nonesense. I work for the largest US LTL shipper that has several other "profit centers". It almost weekly that a new policy arrives.

Posted by: Connielu at October 23, 2022 01:06 PM (izlvr)

186 I remember a picture of a sign saying "This facility has gone _0_ days since our last accident" and hand written underneath was "thanks a lot Todd!!!"

Posted by: Tom Servo at October 23, 2022 01:07 PM (r46W7)

187 Deming actually knew how to do this. But he called for preventing problems from getting into the assembly line. It's much easier to do those other things where you tell workers to just work harder.

Posted by: Notsothoreau at October 23, 2022 01:08 PM (uz3Px)

188 My biggest bitch was "sick leave tracking" where the management would counsel a worker who took too many sick days next to weekends, or a particular day or days of the week that established a regular pattern of absences.

In a work schedule that had split weekends.

Which meant there were three or four days a week "next to" a scheduled day off.
And if you took the other day or days off to comply, that raised a flag as a pattern of absences as well.

BASTARDS. Why not just issue floor managers with electric cattle prods?

Posted by: Kindltot at October 23, 2022 01:08 PM (xhaym)

189 I resigned on the spot.
Posted by: NHN Wombat at October 23, 2022 01:03 PM (2UIBX)

That's a baller move, right there.

I remember a link Ace had some 10 years ago. Air steward waited until the plane pulled up to the terminal after a flight, then downed a beer, opened a door, and slid down the emergency chute while yelling something to the effect of "later, losers".

That's a baller move.

Posted by: Archimedes at October 23, 2022 01:08 PM (eOEVl)

190
Telling said manager(s) if they're unhappy with the methods being utilized they are more than welcome to do it themselves is also nice.

When I've managed I always try to make sure to give the big picture to my reports, and for the ones that are more senior reports wide latitude to get whatever their part of the work is done...because that is what I need from them.

Posted by: 18-1 at October 23, 2022 01:08 PM (ESjRY)

191
I spent 25 years in R&D and I can assure you almost every management fad will fall on its face when given to scientists and engineers.

Posted by: Hadrian the Seventh at October 23, 2022 01:08 PM (1Nxff)

192 Once, during a lull in the middle of a remote departmental teleconference I unmuted my mic and played a wav file "sad trombone" clip

"Wah-wah-waaaaaah"

Posted by: Muldoon at October 23, 2022 01:09 PM (kXYt5)

193 One part of all this - if you are a mid/high level manager how do you justify your job? Well implement some stupid new policy. Tell them it will generate some metric of value and then...just give status updates on your implementation of it with no care about whether you generate that value or not

Posted by: 18-1 at October 23, 2022 01:10 PM (ESjRY)

194 I'm retired from the workforce now, and while I don't have any particular horror stories to relate, the Corporate Bullshit is so thoroughly destructive to actual productivity that I have nothing but contempt for it. It began with "elevating" Personnel to Human Resources.

I would be happy to see Human Resources departments outlawed.

Oh, and company swag. 4Imprint commercials make me want to vomit. Seeing actresses squee over getting a sippy cup is nauseating.

Oh yeah, and Diversity. *retch*

I really feel for all of you 29-year-olds who still have to deal with this crapola on a daily basis.

Posted by: Miley, okravangelist at October 23, 2022 01:10 PM (Mzdiz)

195 183 I suspect all the mega corps are carrying on based on regulatory capture.

This. They jump through the diversity hoops, and they expect the government to protect them from competition in return.
Posted by: The ARC of History! at October 23, 2022 01:06 PM

Nonsense! And fake news about "too big to fail" bailouts are rightwing racist talk!

Posted by: GM, Bear Stearns, BofA, Citigroup, etc at October 23, 2022 01:10 PM (uKgFF)

196 I spent 25 years in R&D and I can assure you almost every management fad will fall on its face when given to scientists and engineers.

Heh. True.

Posted by: Archimedes at October 23, 2022 01:11 PM (eOEVl)

197 I spent 25 years in R&D and I can assure you almost every management fad will fall on its face when given to scientists and engineers.

Posted by: Hadrian the Seventh at October 23, 2022 01:08 PM (1Nxff)

Not a problem...we'll just repackage it with new nomenclature and sell it to you again.

Posted by: BignJames at October 23, 2022 01:11 PM (AwYPR)

198 The "unlimited vacation time" is, I believe, a direct response to a California court ruling that unused vacation time had to be recompensated (i.e. pay you for vacation time you didn't use). Therefore, if you don't specifically have allocated vacation time, they don't have to pay you for unused vacation time.

Posted by: Grouchy Dino at October 23, 2022 01:11 PM (CHt+W)

199 We dont want anyone being hurt!

You don't? Nobody? Because I can think of a couple of dumb asses I'd laugh about if they fell down the stairs. Some I'd be sad about, and be glad it wasn't me. But I wouldn't stand there trying to lie and say what you just said. NOBODY?

Posted by: Jimco Industries at October 23, 2022 01:11 PM (buTO7)

200 Oh, and remember "Who Moved My Cheese"? My bf had to read a copy of that drivel, so I got to peruse it. Poor s.o.b.

Posted by: Miley, okravangelist at October 23, 2022 01:12 PM (Mzdiz)

201 "Wah-wah-waaaaaah"
Posted by: Muldoon at October 23, 2022 01:09 PM (kXYt5)

LOL

Posted by: Jordan61 at October 23, 2022 01:12 PM (PC5Ge)

202 The "unlimited vacation time" is, I believe, a direct response to a California court ruling that unused vacation time had to be recompensated (i.e. pay you for vacation time you didn't use). Therefore, if you don't specifically have allocated vacation time, they don't have to pay you for unused vacation time.
Posted by: Grouchy Dino at October 23, 2022 01:11 PM (CHt+W)

That tracks.

Posted by: Jordan61 at October 23, 2022 01:14 PM (PC5Ge)

203 I can't even imagine myself surviving in today's corporate environment. I just could not tolerate the bullshit.

Posted by: Notorious BFD at October 23, 2022 01:14 PM (Xrfse)

204 At the multinational company where I worked, I flew a kite as a "team building exercise" and sat through struggle sess... I mean, EOS meetings with executives who had to justify cutting down my bonus.
I also was a "corporate trainer" for a year. Because my employer was a group of cheap bastards.

Managers were sent to a "training-the-trainer" weekend. They, in turn, trained a five of us pulled from various departments. Then the company signed up for ONE comprehensive training program and sent each of us to a different session. When we returned, we regurgitated what we heard, retyped any materials we received, and presented it as in-house.

Problem was I attended "English for business" for executives or non-English-speaking business-owners. Our employees worked in Manufacturing or Shipping/Receiving.

I made some examples of memos, introductory emails of new-hires, and how to clearly explain a problem and possible solutions in writing. I got excellent feedback from old-timers who had attended multiple trainings. One manager said it was the only one applicable to his job, and that I should be a school teacher.

BTW I was never asked to train again.

Posted by: NaughtyPine at October 23, 2022 01:14 PM (/+bwe)

205 Well there's something you don't see every day. Guy on a bike being chased by cops gets tased, and explodes into a fireball. He was carrying a jerry can filled with gas.

https://tinyurl.com/yck5a8jz

Posted by: Archimedes at October 23, 2022 01:15 PM (eOEVl)

206 During a downsizing move, the employees found out before they were supposed to, which prompted people to play a clip of "Should I Stay or should I Go" on the business band radio. It was hilarious.

Posted by: Connielu at October 23, 2022 01:15 PM (izlvr)

207 One thing I eventually learned as a low-level schlub: if you make a mistake, own up to it right away. You're likely to be treated more leniently.
Posted by: Hadrian the Seventh at October 23, 2022 01:04 PM (1Nxff)

One thing I learned leading large divisions - know when a mistake matters and when it doesn't and adjust your management style accordingly. You want to devote people? Have a "zero defect" mentality. Your folks will immediately do the bare minimum to ensure you get your wish.

Posted by: Boswell at October 23, 2022 01:15 PM (+Cgut)

208 62
I remember losing some good soldiers to that. Had a Spec4 who just wanted to be the best 113 driver in the Army and nothing more. And he was the best at that (he drove my XO's 113). But he had to take a promotion to E-5, subsequently failed at that and ended up getting put out. A real shame, I thought.

Posted by: Chairborne!...Desk From Above! at October 23, 2022 12:31 PM (6snul)

I guess "Career Corporal" isn't a thing anymore. When I was in the Air Force many years ago, you had to make E-5 by 8 years, then could stay 20 years and retire as E-5.

Posted by: a.moron at October 23, 2022 01:15 PM (F6Xpw)

209 That's a baller move, right there.
Posted by: Jordan61 at October 23, 2022 01:05 PM (PC5Ge)

Well, to be fair, I had been planning to leave for a while, that was just the last straw.

The look on the face of the "management consultant" that the boss had brought in to oversee that farce certainly made it all worthwhile.

Posted by: NHN Wombat at October 23, 2022 01:16 PM (2UIBX)

210 The "unlimited vacation time" is, I believe, a direct response to a California court ruling

Possibly. But it's a very tech thing to do - "we have free food, concierges to pick up your laundry, foosball tables, and unlimited vacation!"

Translation - we expect you to be in the office all the time.

Posted by: The ARC of History! at October 23, 2022 01:16 PM (I2/tG)

211 One of our vendors has a sales rep who's email signature includes "Six Sigma Green Belt". I ask him what that was all about and much to my surprise it had nothing to do with the 5th degree black belt my friend trained 23 yrs to obtain.

Posted by: sidney at October 23, 2022 01:16 PM (itAo5)

212 demotivate - not devote - my management weakness - can't SPELL!

Posted by: Boswell at October 23, 2022 01:16 PM (+Cgut)

213 My boss had a ritual of making the new hire stand up and sing a song at their first department meeting. So we had just hired this very Romanian guy who tried to beg off with a very thick accent by saying he couldn't sing and didn't know any songs in English. The boss said he had to know some song, somewhere and not to worry, just let it rip.

So Plaven, who had spent an extraordinary amount of time in the military, started into some extremely bawdy drinking song, mostly in Romanian but substituting a lot of the foul words with English ones, he was smiling the whole time away and completely tone deaf. A master level cringe event.

The boss got all flush faced and shut him down just as he was getting into the second chorus. Everyone burst out laughing, one of those laughs where you are pounding the table and you just can't stop. He was now an instant celebrity especially with the two extremely hot women engineers we had.

Posted by: pawn at October 23, 2022 01:16 PM (wsHtO)

214 I never cared for motivational signs on the walls. I hated that shit. My motivation was my paycheck.

Why do I work here? What are my goals? I work here because of the health plan. My goals are to pay my mortgage, my car insurance, my electric bill, etc.

See, I never had a career. But I had 3 good jobs over 41 years. Bought 2 houses, several cars and trucks, and always had roof over my head and a bed up off the ground.

Thank you Jesus.

Posted by: DB at October 23, 2022 01:17 PM (geLO8)

215 The Japanese management style was a fad some time ago. In fact, at some Japanese owned companies here in the US they still use it. But not always to great success. Case in point; there's a Japanese forklift company in a small town in West Virginia. A nephew used to work there. The locals, all rednecks, hicks or whatever derogatory term you want to use could never abide by the "rules" of Japanese business culture and the company folded that facility after only 2 years.

Posted by: Martini Farmer at October 23, 2022 01:17 PM (BFigT)

216 When I worked for a big company, "Continuous Improvement' was the bs they were throwing around. Oh, and everyone needed to be mindful of their "Wellness". I don't miss it.

Posted by: irright at October 23, 2022 01:18 PM (SchQD)

217 Damn, just passed a sign for a town called gun barrel city. Gotta love texas.

Posted by: Berserker-Dragonheads Division at October 23, 2022 01:18 PM (5Zo8i)

218 I was a Six Sigma Black Belt. Hi-Yah!!!
chop chop chop. thwump thwump

Posted by: Maj. Healey at October 23, 2022 01:18 PM (oyfLT)

219 Posted by: pawn at October 23, 2022 01:16 PM

Great story.

Posted by: Notorious BFD at October 23, 2022 01:18 PM (Xrfse)

220 Another example of my sheltered life. Until the DIE woke BS my workplace was pretty free of stupid motivation gimmicks. Probably the worst was the annual retreats back before fed regulations forced them to become program reviews. In the retreat years many years the evening team building was a voluntary 'share your musical talents.'

I have zero but they didn't push participation and several talented co-workers were good entertainment but I sure hated sitting thru the handful who treated it like a recital, choosing some awful or awful as they played it, technical piece of music instead of something they could play well that was fun to listen to.

Posted by: PaleRider is simply irredeemable at October 23, 2022 01:18 PM (3cGpq)

221 The only thing worse than lean six sigma is lean six sigma with a shit topping of Kaizan for extra measure.
Posted by: Thomas Bender at October 23, 2022 12:44 PM (dhvnu)

There's a language to this stuff, all the HR/Leadership nonsense, that I don't speak. If I've ever had this "six sigma/lean/green or yellow belt" garbage explained, I understood it about as well as I understand the dialog at the beginning of a German scheisse pron video.

Posted by: BurtTC at October 23, 2022 01:19 PM (TGNA8)

222 Don't have to deal with a HR department but seems to me to be the Commasars of the corporate world.

Posted by: Skip's phone at October 23, 2022 01:19 PM (xhxe8)

223 >>I never cared for motivational signs on the walls. I hated that shit. My motivation was my paycheck.

Yeah, we used to derisively call it "management by slogan"

Never works.

Posted by: Boswell at October 23, 2022 01:19 PM (+Cgut)

224 One of my great failings as a boss , and there are many, is that I never had a boss

Posted by: REDACTED at October 23, 2022 01:20 PM (us2H3)

225 You forgot the Meetings With Candy and Post-it Notes. The motivational meetings, required of course, that treat employees like kindergartners.

Posted by: Ken at October 23, 2022 01:20 PM (Sxi73)

226 "Who moved my cheese?" is usually brought in when the company knows it's about to fuck over the employees and wants them to be happy about it.

Posted by: irright at October 23, 2022 01:21 PM (SchQD)

227 Jordan, is there any leftover bacon? *wags tail hopefully*

Posted by: I am the Shadout Mapes, the Housekeeper at October 23, 2022 01:21 PM (PiwSw)

228 The 360 feedback loop. LOLOL

Posted by: Maj. Healey at October 23, 2022 01:21 PM (oyfLT)

229 The major problem with anything (besides \including the Hand of Stan) is that at least since the 70s society has selected for leaders who are the best at having absolutely no shame about public and easily documented lying and no morals beyond "what's best for me?" [ . . . ]
Posted by: azjaeger at October 23, 2022 12:32 PM (3/XaG)

Gato Malo claims this is a process to arrive at rule by credulous idiots

First ran things for profit, and then the grifters arrived and gave a good spiel about how the world would be better if they got power and ran things and everyone believed together. Then it was established that one got power by telling the best stories about how the world was going to get better.
And the people who tell the best stories are the true believers, and they only know how to believe, and can't change to meet problems outside of their belief system. Then things don't work.

Posted by: Kindltot at October 23, 2022 01:22 PM (xhaym)

230 Heh. I was retiring in three weeks so I just didn't care.

Liberatin', ain't it.
Posted by: Archimedes at October 23, 2022 01:02 PM (eOEVl)

On a battlefield its all about teamwork. Race, religion, economic status, friendly, enemy, it doesn't matter. Everyone bleeds the same co!or.

Posted by: Diogenes at October 23, 2022 01:22 PM (anj39)

231 I've been working in continuous improvement for 20 years and honestly, it doesn't fit every situation. And they really should have given you some latitude given your situation.

But what i find interesting is that you wasted so much effort lying about your project up and down the org chart.

And the people way above probably knew it. I can tell you from experience that everyone in lean six sigma knows 2 of 10 projects will be great. 5 will be mediocre. And 3 will either never get finished or will be made up. It's a feature, not a bug.

Generally continuous improvement programs are about finding leadership ability as much as the improvements.

Posted by: MJ at October 23, 2022 01:23 PM (zwDuR)

232 192 Once, during a lull in the middle of a remote departmental teleconference I unmuted my mic and played a wav file "sad trombone" clip

"Wah-wah-waaaaaah"
Posted by: Muldoon at October 23, 2022 01:09 PM

You remind me of a Dr I used to work with. He liked to insert Dr Demento or other goofy things into his transcription tapes. He was a really funny radiologist.

Posted by: CaliGirl at October 23, 2022 01:23 PM (4XsZ/)

233 Yeah, it's what I liked about IT. Anyone can make a mistake. I was messing around with a SCSI drive and manged to cause a power outage that took down the servers. I told them "If I can do that, you might want to make sure it can't happen again. ". And that was all that was said about it. They put in backup power for the servers and set up a different area to work on equipment.

Posted by: Notsothoreau at October 23, 2022 01:23 PM (uz3Px)

234 At least NeverTrump AmishDude likes DeSantis...
@AlecMacGillis
Yikes: "According to a friend, DeSantis would tell dates he liked Thai food, but pronounced it 'thigh.' If they corrected him, Finch wrote, he would find an excuse to leave. 'He didn’t want a girlfriend who corrected him.'"

Vanessa: I dont buy this. Casey is no wallflower.

AmishDude: They’re trying desperately to create a narrative.

Vanessa: I mean can you imagine if Desantis closed down schools and sent his kids to private school? Or closed restaurants only to eat at French Laundry? Instead he ProNouNced Thai like "thigh" and walked out on dates that corrected him. 🙄

AmishDude: I guess this story is going to be a thing, but the “why” is not proven. There are a lot of reasons why someone would walk out on a date.

Especially if the date is the kind of douchenozzle who would spread ridiculous gossip about it decades after the fact.

Posted by: andycanuck (yikp0) at October 23, 2022 01:24 PM (yikp0)

235 How many bazillions of $$ have been wasted on formulating Mission Statements for every three person group and above?
Posted by: Tonypete at October 23, 2022 12:34 PM (LsEU/)

Best mission statement: We keep you alive to serve this ship -- row well and live

Posted by: Kindltot at October 23, 2022 01:24 PM (xhaym)

236 I well remember the motivational sales meetings at the car dealership.

Posted by: That NLurker guy at October 23, 2022 01:24 PM (eGTCV)

237 35
At the end of it, I DID get pretty damn good at my job and I'm very proud of being a mechanic.

Posted by: irongrampa at October 23, 2022 12:21 PM (KATBx)
----
That was my Dad to a T. Occasionally the boss would 'complain' that he was slower than the other mecjanics so he would say that he didn't take shortcuts. And guess who got to fix the boss' car or the managing director's car every single time?

Posted by: Ciampino cannot decide between lampposts, cement boots or woodchippers at October 23, 2022 01:24 PM (qfLjt)

238 What's also interesting is when you, a mid-level nobody are tagged to go to a meeting in your supervisor's place and most of the meeting is taken up slamming your boss as an idiot.

The closer to retirement I got the more I was tempted to affirm their suspicions.

Posted by: Martini Farmer at October 23, 2022 01:25 PM (BFigT)

239 I guess "Career Corporal" isn't a thing anymore. When I was in the Air Force many years ago, you had to make E-5 by 8 years, then could stay 20 years and retire as E-5.

Posted by: a.moron at October 23, 2022 01:15 PM (F6Xpw)

I knew some Brits and I knew that in their Army, you could be a 'professional corporal', if that was what you were best at. They would adjust pay to allow for seniority/time in service and would have very good professional soldiers out of the deal. This was back during the Cold War so I don't know if they still do that.

Posted by: Chairborne!...Desk From Above! at October 23, 2022 01:25 PM (6snul)

240 You know what would straighten all of this out? Why, a 'Mission Statement', to be posted in the reception area. Formulated by management and HR.

"It is our mission to continue to authoritatively provide access to diverse services to stay relevant in tomorrow's world."

Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc., etc. at October 23, 2022 01:25 PM (esps4)

241 Another one I remember is where this hippie chick HR broad had everyone typed as a certain "color" depending on your work habits and traits and if your were red you were a early riser go getter but not imaginative and if you were blue you were laid back and liked to get things done over time, if you were orange you were somewhere in the middle blah blah blah.

She never did have a color for "Asshole".

Posted by: Hairyback Guy at October 23, 2022 01:25 PM (R/m4+)

242 Who Moved My Cheese?

******

When I graduated from my cardiology training my advisor gave me a gift-wrapped copy of that insipid Dr. Seuss book "Oh The Places I Will Go"

I cracked it open long enough to make sure he hadn't slipped a hundred dollar bill inside (or a twenty, he was pretty tight with money), then threw it away.

I'm a grown damn man! Don't give me a kindergarten book!

Posted by: Muldoon at October 23, 2022 01:25 PM (kXYt5)

243 139 ISO 9000, Demings ,...

Posted by: MAC V SOG
--------------------------

Demings bankrupted more than one company.

Posted by: Braenyard, _ want nuremberg trials? badger your congressman at October 23, 2022 01:26 PM (nhBb/)

244 Jordan, is there any leftover bacon? *wags tail hopefully*
Posted by: I am the Shadout Mapes, the Housekeeper at October 23, 2022 01:21 PM (PiwSw)

I saved some just for you!

*shoves a piece I may or may not have dropped on the ground through the USB*

Posted by: Jordan61 at October 23, 2022 01:26 PM (PC5Ge)

245 the one thing I've noticed is one's ability to rationalized situations diminishes with age

greatly

Posted by: REDACTED at October 23, 2022 01:27 PM (us2H3)

246 I put that quote, "We keep you alive to serve this ship -- row well and live" on my Instant messaging for work for a while. Never got called on it.
Nor the 3/4 of the poem Xanadu by Coleridge
Or the brownie recipe
or the other stuff I started posting to see who I could get to notice.

Posted by: Kindltot at October 23, 2022 01:27 PM (xhaym)

247 Reading all this reminds me of what happens when "Up or out" meets "The Peter Principle" (everyone is promoted to the level where they are no longer competent).

By comparison, supposedly the Israeli army runs on the philosophy that if you want to run a tank platoon for 20 years and can do the job, more power to you. Seems to work for them, but it also helps that they are fighting Arabs (ht to Moshe Dayan).

Posted by: Grouchy Dino at October 23, 2022 01:27 PM (CHt+W)

248 Vanessa: I dont buy this. Casey is no wallflower.

AmishDude: They’re trying desperately to create a narrative.

Bingo!

Posted by: Archimedes at October 23, 2022 01:27 PM (eOEVl)

249 Get out of your comfort zone. And get your coworkers out of theirs.

Open carry at work.

Posted by: Darth Randall at October 23, 2022 01:28 PM (YyZoH)

250 As said work in many offices, mission statements crack me up.

Posted by: Skip's phone at October 23, 2022 01:28 PM (xhxe8)

251 OMG
That southbound luster fuck at Texarkana still is in place.
Glad I’m going north this time…

Posted by: browndog on his cellphone at October 23, 2022 01:28 PM (WJqnN)

252 SarbOx. YOU AIN'T FOLLOWING THE PROCESS !!!!!!

Posted by: Maj. Healey at October 23, 2022 01:28 PM (oyfLT)

253 or the other stuff I started posting to see who I could get to notice.
Posted by: Kindltot at October 23, 2022 01:27 PM (xhaym)

One of the people I worked with had "All unaccompanied children will be given an Espresso and a free puppy."

Posted by: I am the Shadout Mapes, the Housekeeper at October 23, 2022 01:28 PM (PiwSw)

254 I worked my whole life for this comfort zone

I'll be damn if I'm abandoning it now

Posted by: REDACTED at October 23, 2022 01:29 PM (us2H3)

255 Who moved my cheese?
Posted by: Bertram Cabot, Jr. at October 23, 2022 12:36 PM (63Dwl)

FISH training. Goddamned FISH training. Because what could be more useful and motivating to an office environment with hostile clients that exhortations to be as cheerful as the stoners who had to work at the Pike Place Fish Market in Seattle to survive.

They were our clientele, not our inspiration

Posted by: Kindltot at October 23, 2022 01:30 PM (xhaym)

256 For once would love to see a mission statement

We are out to make money, trying not to run over to many people doing it.

Posted by: Skip's phone at October 23, 2022 01:30 PM (xhxe8)

257 DeSantis liked "thigh" food? That was a hint ;-)

Posted by: Grouchy Dino at October 23, 2022 01:30 PM (CHt+W)

258 By comparison, supposedly the Israeli army runs on the philosophy that if you want to run a tank platoon for 20 years and can do the job, more power to you.

Sounds good, but there is a potential downside in that if people stay in place for 20 years, there's no next generation to take over when they're killed. The Japanese found out about that when all their carrier pilots were killed, and there was no pipeline of replacements.

Posted by: Archimedes at October 23, 2022 01:30 PM (eOEVl)

259 The Japanese management style was a fad some time ago. In fact, at some Japanese owned companies here in the US they still use it.

Long ago, I was a database administrator, contracted out to one of those companies. I was a project leader on a hot systems implementation. The project was falling behind and the CIO actually flew in from Japan to be briefed. It was my turn in the hot seat during the briefing and I basically told him that the project was in danger of sliding into FUBAR territory if we weren't allocated some more top gun technical people ASAP. I sat down and figured I had 15 minutes to collect my stuff and exit the premises. When the briefing was over he came up to me and thanked me for my honesty and marveled at the concept of FUBAR. We got what we needed and the project succeeded. Heh.

Posted by: Notorious BFD at October 23, 2022 01:31 PM (Xrfse)

260 Safe travels MoMe hordemates.

Posted by: Diogenes at October 23, 2022 01:31 PM (anj39)

261 234 Posted by: andycanuck (yikp0) at October 23, 2022 01:24 PM (yikp0)

AD will get back on the plantation when "totally spontaneous you guys!" DeSantis becomes LITERALLY Hitler.

Posted by: sven at October 23, 2022 01:32 PM (Lzpvj)

262 For once would love to see a mission statement

We are out to make money, trying not to run over to many people doing it.
Posted by: Skip's phone at October 23, 2022 01:30 PM (xhxe

Then there's the Ferengi Rules of Acquisition.

Posted by: Count de Monet at October 23, 2022 01:32 PM (4I/2K)

263 exactly Skip

Private enterprise mission statement: to make money for our shareholders and employees

government mission statement: to NOT fuck up that ONE THING you've been tasked to do

Posted by: DB at October 23, 2022 01:33 PM (geLO8)

264 We are out to make money, trying not to run over to many people doing it.

I like it.

Posted by: Notorious BFD at October 23, 2022 01:33 PM (Xrfse)

265 my favorite motivational sign is

labor $50/hr

if you watch $75/hr

if you help $100/hr

Posted by: REDACTED at October 23, 2022 01:33 PM (us2H3)

266 I ran a web hosting business for about 20 years. Worked a few hours a month making sure servers stayed up and running, and the less YOU do the better they run, in general. Wife did the billing which took about an hour a day. The time that it got to be where I needed to hire someone I quickly found out I was the worst possible manager anyone could be. Basically as soon as someone became a pain in the ass or lost me customers by being inept, they were fired and they found that out when none of their credentials worked anymore. No counseling, no teaching.

Posted by: Jimco Industries at October 23, 2022 01:34 PM (buTO7)

267 government mission statement: to NOT f*** up that ONE THING you've been tasked to do

But if you do, blame systemic racism.

Posted by: Archimedes at October 23, 2022 01:34 PM (eOEVl)

268 He liked to insert Dr Demento or other goofy things into his transcription tapes.

******

When I was at Fitzsimons AMC we had a guy to do our transcription who let's say was not the brightest tool in the pencil drawer. Bit of a day drinker too. One of my colleagues recorded a clinical note (this was on cassette tape), but in the course of it would s l o w d o w n h i s v o i c e, then return to normal , then go really fast and make a noise like when a tape recorder fast forwards. We would walk past the transcriptionist's cubicle and watch him mashing on the fast forward and slow down pedals and scratch his head trying to decipher the unintelligible speech. Come to think of it, that may have been the impetus for his day drinking.

Posted by: Muldoon at October 23, 2022 01:35 PM (kXYt5)

269 "Open carry at work."

I always asked for a "Bring your gun to work day" when HR asked for ideas for special events they could have.

Posted by: pawn at October 23, 2022 01:36 PM (wsHtO)

270 US Grand Prix from Texas is on, pre race now, race at 3.
Still looks to be a great day there

Posted by: Skip's phone at October 23, 2022 01:37 PM (xhxe8)

271 Danica Patrick still looks quite nice

Posted by: Skip's phone at October 23, 2022 01:39 PM (xhxe8)

272 One of the most idiotic, and there have been many, plans put forth by the administration of my last hospital (and their consultant friends) was the idea that the entire facility was a team and all on one level (except for high level administration). So, the input of physicians, psychologists, nurses and pharmacists was "no better" than that of nursing assistants and dietary staff and everyone should have a "voice". Well not everyone must take responsibility so this was going to fail, and of course it did. Brilliantly they developed a "seclusion and restraint reduction" committee and put a dietician and a junior accountant in charge. They could not even define what they were attempting to measure and improve. The idea that nursing assistants were "just as important" as the RNs, was also a huge disaster, as the state and regulatory agencies make it very clear who makes and is accountable for decisions.

Posted by: CN at October 23, 2022 01:40 PM (Zzbjj)

273 Posted by: Muldoon at October 23, 2022 01:35 PM

lol

Posted by: Notorious BFD at October 23, 2022 01:41 PM (Xrfse)

274 LOL. Make up a story about getting caught fucking the manager's wife.
Posted by: Pork Chops & Bacons at October 23, 2022 12:55 PM (BdMk6)

You are either my spirit animal or I must never play poker with you
That was my exact thought

Posted by: Kindltot at October 23, 2022 01:41 PM (xhaym)

275 I still remember a story - maybe apocryphal - where a guy built a concrete boat and passed his ISO 9000 certification with flying colors.

Posted by: Chairborne!...Desk From Above! at October 23, 2022 12:16 PM (6snul)

Well, you can build concrete boats. Ferro-cement is a boat (and ship) construction technique of long standing.

But the whole ISO-xxxx crapola is also crapola of long standing.

Posted by: Alberta Oil Peon at October 23, 2022 01:41 PM (ufw8e)

276 We have a company wide Continuous Improvement Program where each employee has to submit an improvement idea every quarter. On the surface, this sounds like a good idea but the quota has resulted in countless stupid or non value added "improvement" ideas. I am in charge of engineering and maintenance so my people are responsible for implementing nearly all of these things whether they are good or bad.

Posted by: Lemmiwinks at October 23, 2022 01:43 PM (h1jJh)

277 **He didn’t want a girlfriend who corrected him.'"**

Is that a tak-it agreement?

Posted by: Shirtless Darrow at October 23, 2022 01:44 PM (nDOa2)

278 I guess my quasi-autism makes me not understand why Brandon thinks it OK to touch the other person without asking for permssion

totally freaks me out

Posted by: REDACTED at October 23, 2022 01:44 PM (us2H3)

279 Posted by: Muldoon at October 23, 2022 01:35 PM

Thats cold man.

Kinda like when we'd brief the colonel on field exercises. He was colorblind. So we'd always highlight something in green. Drove him nuts.

Posted by: Diogenes at October 23, 2022 01:45 PM (anj39)

280 "Team building" meetings where everyone shares their favorite color and ethnic foods so you get to know each other. Do I have a favorite color? No, because I'm not a child.

I remember one where you had to name a person you'd like to have dinner with, and at least 3 said Obama "because he was so intelligent." One of them was the big boss.

Do you think I said "Donald Trump" at that meeting? I don't fucking think so.

Posted by: Miley, okravangelist at October 23, 2022 01:45 PM (Mzdiz)

281 275 Posted by: Alberta Oil Peon at October 23, 2022 01:41 PM (ufw8e)

Pykrete is the most awesome Six-Sigma ISO 90210 endeavor ever.

It is a profit maker because it deteriorates by design over time, it is a boon to the wage we can charge clients because it steers literally like a brick so we would have an extremely specialized crew structure, it moves slowly enough it would increase the need for a big crew.

We need to dust off the Habakkuk

Posted by: sven at October 23, 2022 01:46 PM (Lzpvj)

282 I guess my quasi-autism makes me not understand why Brandon thinks it OK to touch the other person without asking for permssion

Its power. He wants them to know he is in charge and can do what he wants.

And we he wants to do is touch tween girls.

Posted by: 18-1 at October 23, 2022 01:46 PM (ESjRY)

283 forward and slow down pedals and scratch his head trying to decipher the unintelligible speech. Come to think of it, that may have been the impetus for his day drinking.
Posted by: Muldoon at October 23, 2022 01:35 PM

I actually laughed out loud.

Posted by: CaliGirl at October 23, 2022 01:46 PM (4XsZ/)

284 I remember in the 1980's how everything was Jap this and Jap that and look how disciplined the Japs are and how they are loyal to their companies and they will take over
this and that and how we need to be like them and their corporate masters blah blah blah.
All nonsense.
Posted by: Hairyback Guy at October 23, 2022 01:03 PM (R/m4+)

Just in time manufacturing and ordering is what is required when you are taxed on unsold inventory, stocks and you are running your current business on bank loans to be paid off in eventual sales.

To be successful you either need long term sales contracts, regular customers, or a crystal ball.

Posted by: Kindltot at October 23, 2022 01:47 PM (xhaym)

285 I didn't bother reading the DeSantis piece but the source is "a friend" although I don't know if a 'friend' from 20 years ago at university when it allegedly used to happen or, shockingly, a current 'friend'.

They're using it to attack him as being unable to take criticism/correction, especially from women.

Now they've got him! Just like Trump's walls!

Posted by: andycanuck (yikp0) at October 23, 2022 01:48 PM (yikp0)

286
Do you think I said "Donald Trump" at that meeting? I don't fucking think so.
Posted by: Miley, okravangelist at October 23, 2022 01:45 PM (Mzdiz)

LOL. I never liked these sort of time wasters and was voted "The least likely to participate in team building exercises". I usually added something like " Who came up with that stupid idea", or "I don't speak this language," and left. Soon I was not invited.

Posted by: CN at October 23, 2022 01:48 PM (Zzbjj)

287 I don't remember much from our Learning Organization training

I do remember the consultant running it had a life sized cardboard Hillary Clinto included in her room setup

I also remember you had to have a coosh ball in your hand to speak

I also remember the coosh ball had enough mass to topple the Hillary cutout

Posted by: 2009Refugee at October 23, 2022 01:49 PM (8AONa)

288 The six sigma green belt. What a trip for so little return. Upper mgmt gung ho for implementation then no support.

Mentoring partners sifting knee to knee reviewing work practices, issues with the company, etc. Supposed to be private but somehow made it into the annual review.

Posted by: Lurking in Garland at October 23, 2022 01:49 PM (MZKUL)

289
Posted by: 2009Refugee at October 23, 2022 01:49 PM (8AONa)

Well done!

Posted by: CN at October 23, 2022 01:50 PM (Zzbjj)

290 word on the street is congress is gonna push thru another 50 billion for Ukraine in the lame duck

can you get 50 billion in a duck ?

Posted by: REDACTED at October 23, 2022 01:50 PM (us2H3)

291 "Lunch with Trump to kill him!!!"
[under breath "... with laughter."]

Posted by: andycanuck (yikp0) at October 23, 2022 01:51 PM (yikp0)

292 Fun thread. Thanks Mr. Buckmorton!

Posted by: Muldoon at October 23, 2022 01:51 PM (kXYt5)

293 I remember one where you had to name a person you'd like to have dinner with, and at least 3 said Obama "because he was so intelligent." One of them was the big boss.

Do you think I said "Donald Trump" at that meeting? I don't fucking think so.
Posted by: Miley, okravangelist at October 23, 2022 01:45 PM (Mzdiz)

I would have said Pinochet.

Posted by: Pork Chops & Bacons at October 23, 2022 01:52 PM (BdMk6)

294 can you get 50 billion in a duck ?

Depends. Is it an African or European duck?

Posted by: Archimedes at October 23, 2022 01:52 PM (eOEVl)

295 Keep Calm and ...

Posted by: Chuck C at October 23, 2022 01:53 PM (bIXcJ)

296 About vacation time. I was heading a project that was vital to the company, the last one I was ever an employee, and the accounting-HR bitch told me I would lose my vacation time if I didn't take it. I went to the president and told him I was going on a four week vacation and why. He said he would be right back and went to the accounting-HR bitch's office, came back with her. Dressed her down. Told her of the importance of the project and I did not need to use up my vacation time. She had the balls to go after him about this. HE eventually won but pretty sure he wouldn't have today as HR bitch run all the companies.

Posted by: Jukin the Deplorable a Clear and Present Danger at October 23, 2022 01:53 PM (u4CEu)

297
I would have said Pinochet.
Posted by: Pork Chops & Bacons at October 23, 2022 01:52 PM (BdMk6

They would have thought it was a type of wine

Posted by: CN at October 23, 2022 01:53 PM (Zzbjj)

298 Oldie but goody - Meetings: Where minutes are taken and hours are wasted.

Posted by: washrivergal at October 23, 2022 01:53 PM (FjZQA)

299 Well done!

Posted by: CN

======

*read this in Gunny voice*

"30feet from his table, no warmup throws, and a head shot to boot"

Posted by: 2009Refugee at October 23, 2022 01:53 PM (8AONa)

300 You know who does Six Sigma (aka Zero Defects) right? Ants, that's who.

Six Sigma is a great idea (*spit*) but made for the wrong species.

Posted by: Chairborne!...Desk From Above! at October 23, 2022 01:53 PM (6snul)

301 Obama was good at reading things other people wrote.

For some reason in Soviet America that is considered a sign of intelligence - see also actors and news anchors.

Posted by: 18-1 at October 23, 2022 01:54 PM (ESjRY)

302 Obama was good at reading things other people wrote.

For some reason in Soviet America that is considered a sign of intelligence - see also actors and news anchors.

Posted by: 18-1 at October 23, 2022 01:54 PM (ESjRY)

Bingo!

Posted by: Chairborne!...Desk From Above! at October 23, 2022 01:56 PM (6snul)

303 Obama was good at reading things other people wrote.

I was looking for something to watch on Netflix, and saw a multi-episode series on parks. I figured "why not" until I read the blurb. Yup, narrated by the droning halfwit himself. Pass.

Posted by: Archimedes at October 23, 2022 01:56 PM (eOEVl)

304 Dietrich Mateschitz of Red Bull did die yesterday

Posted by: Skip at October 23, 2022 01:56 PM (xhxe8)

305 I do remember the consultant running it had a life sized cardboard Hillary Clinto included in her room setup

Red Alert.

Posted by: Notorious BFD at October 23, 2022 01:56 PM (Xrfse)

306 121 Once I had a working program in assembler I would spend an inordinate amount of time trying to squeeze it in a smaller space by eliminating lines of code. The added benefit was that usually it meant it also ran faster.
Posted by: Ciampino
------
I once spent 3 days looking for an additional 8 us of CPU time.

Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc., etc. at October 23, 2022 12:46 PM (/1cnq)
----
Been there. The really hard area was the bugrom, BIOS today, since that had already been optimized to a large extent, so adding a new jump vector or text, both required a tremendous amount of scrutiny as actual testing was difficult.

Posted by: Ciampino - I cannot decide between lampposts, cement boots or woodchippers at October 23, 2022 01:56 PM (qfLjt)

307 My employer jumped into a corporate-transformation based on Oracle ERP software -- largely on the rumor that (1) we were about to be forced into a merger with a competitor and (2) the competitor was in talks with Oracle. By GOD! if we were going be forced into an ERP we'd be designing it and make THOSE GUYS adapt to OUR preferences! (Note, our decision-makers started off with hostility to the ERP, but decided to implement it the least-worst way.) (The merger never happened.)

For TWO YEARS we all did our regular jobs on the plethora of old systems while simultaneously documenting how such systems (sorta) worked, how they disappointed us, how they might better work, and what priorities might go in front of other things. Waterfalls, Gantt charts, dependencies, buzzwords, paperwork, meeting. Training on development. Training on SQL. Training on how to train workforce on the new stuff. Training unrelated to how goods actually move from supplies to customers.

At implementation profitable work basically stopped. Systems crashed. Certain critical very high level (practically philosophical) notions were not implemented in the ERP -- having never been documented.

Posted by: Pouncer at October 23, 2022 01:56 PM (/eBA7)

308 I had a sign on the wall in my tattoo shop,

We do three kinds of work, Good, Fast and Cheap.
You can choose any two.

Good and cheap ain't gonna be fast.
Fast and Cheap ain't gonna be good.
Good and fast ain't gonna be cheap.

Posted by: Fra Fillipo at October 23, 2022 01:57 PM (0Vqqt)

309
But the whole ISO-xxxx crapola is also crapola of long standing.
Posted by: Alberta Oil Peon at October 23, 2022 01:41 PM (ufw8e)

As long as you could document your process and show it, you would have the certification.

Posted by: MAC V SOG at October 23, 2022 01:57 PM (P4Pk9)

310 The best thing, about my current job, is they don't limit call time. They want you to answer calls of course, but it's okay to have a real conversation with a customer. I think it is one of the things that keeps us in business.

Posted by: Notsothoreau at October 23, 2022 01:57 PM (uz3Px)

311 Six Sigma is a great idea (*spit*) but made for the wrong species.

Posted by: Chairborne!

=====

Six sigma has one redeeming value - if you are serious about not making defects, you must have no illusions about how many things you must do correctly.

Posted by: 2009Refugee at October 23, 2022 01:57 PM (8AONa)

312 Dietrich Mateschitz of Red Bull did die yesterday

Here's the ingredients list for Red Bull: Ingredients Carbonated Water, Sucrose, Glucose, Citric Acid, Taurine, Sodium Bicarbonate, Magnesium Carbonate, Caffeine, Niacinamide, Calcium Pantothenate, Pyridoxine HCI, Vitamin B12, Natural and Artificial Flavors, Colors.

IOW, this guy made himself stinking rich by selling adulterated coffee.
*kicks dog*

Posted by: Archimedes at October 23, 2022 01:58 PM (eOEVl)

313 298 Oldie but goody - Meetings: Where minutes are taken and hours are wasted.

Posted by: washrivergal at October 23, 2022 01:53 PM (FjZQA)
----
I think it's "Where minutes are saved and hours are wasted."

Posted by: Ciampino -- I cannot decide between lampposts, cement boots or woodchippers at October 23, 2022 01:58 PM (qfLjt)

314 Obama was good at reading things other people wrote.

I was looking for something to watch on Netflix, and saw a multi-episode series on parks. I figured "why not" until I read the blurb. Yup, narrated by the droning halfwit himself. Pass.

Posted by: Archimedes at October 23, 2022 01:56 PM (eOEVl)

Me too! I quit Netflix shortly after that. I like to think that that was the precipitating factor.

Posted by: Chairborne!...Desk From Above! at October 23, 2022 01:59 PM (6snul)

315 Me too! I quit Netflix shortly after that. I like to think that that was the precipitating factor.

I just hope this is all Netflix got from him for their $50M.

Posted by: Archimedes at October 23, 2022 02:00 PM (eOEVl)

316 1st NOOD

Posted by: Skip at October 23, 2022 02:01 PM (xhxe8)

317 My all time favorite motivational poster was a printed poster...

It's not my job to run the train,
the whistle I cannot blow.
I'm not allowed to say how far
or fast the trains allowed to go.
It's not my job to pull the brake
or even ring the bell.
But let the damn thing jump the tracks
and see who catches hell.

Posted by: Fra Fillipo at October 23, 2022 02:02 PM (0Vqqt)

318 151. I understand. Sad. Volumes could be written.

Under orders to come up with new, exciting topics for semi-annual and annual managerial conferences.
Placed in windowless ofc in DC for weeks with abatement plans from certain major corporations to ensure proposed abatement was adequate & develop a system for corporate monitoring over a period of years. (Began as team effort but within hours went to only me & one other woman who tried to stop in periodically.)
Dropped off at a hotel by a manager & a lawyer, told to 'lead" an important team inspection - from inside the hotel. The lead was either lit & walking across furniture or MIA. Took a manager's head out of a toilet bowl after "medication mismanagement.'
Warned my crew not to even look @ hot HR lady who came to the office for a review. (A firing setup. 3 fired afterwards.) Wrote comments annually for PRE but management removed them before HR review. Denied an award (lacked adaptability) after I told a big boss lead eng was handsy - I was a kid then.

But left alone, I loved my actual work.

Posted by: Lola at October 23, 2022 02:03 PM (NIYa7)

319 ----
I think it's "Where minutes are saved and hours are wasted."

Posted by: Ciampino -- I cannot decide between lampposts, cement boots or woodchippers at October 23, 2022 01:58 PM (qfLjt)

++++

I don't know about that. "Minutes" was referring to the recording of the meeting either by a tape recorder or short-hand done by a steno. The present meeting was always opened with the reading of the "minutes" from the last meeting.

Posted by: washrivergal at October 23, 2022 02:04 PM (FjZQA)

320 Bonus Objectives:

At one company there were bonuses given out if you met extra objectives. There was a pool of money set aside for these bonuses. Of course the objectives were very difficult to achieve and had to be done on top of your already way too full workload.

The actual percentage of the bonus also depended upon the good graces of your manager. After about 3 years of this I told my manager that I don't want a bonus so I'm not going to kill myself for a maybe, a possible 2% bonus of my salary. It just wasn't worth it.

Later we saw what some of the objectives were for management and their bonus percent. Difficult objectives like attending a conference in Florida and their bonus percents were in the 20 - 30 % range.

Posted by: Beartooth at October 23, 2022 02:04 PM (4+bFW)

321 The idea that nursing assistants were "just as important" as the RNs, was also a huge disaster, as the state and regulatory agencies make it very clear who makes and is accountable for decisions.
Posted by: CN at October 23, 2022 01:40 PM (Zzbjj)

No hierarchies and "flat structure" doesn't work because someone has to coordinate the flow of a workplace, no matter what it is

five guys cutting firewood need someone to say cut-split-coffee-stack if only to get more done in an afternoon. To pretend otherwise is to pretend perfect production and perfect communication.
Also, someone has to figure out what to do next and when to stop.

Posted by: Kindltot at October 23, 2022 02:06 PM (xhaym)

322 Favorite work sign:

Piss poor planning on your part does not make an emergency on my part.

Posted by: Jukin the Deplorable a Clear and Present Danger at October 23, 2022 02:06 PM (u4CEu)

323 We do three kinds of work, Good, Fast and Cheap.
You can choose any two.

Good and cheap ain't gonna be fast.
Fast and Cheap ain't gonna be good.
Good and fast ain't gonna be cheap.
Posted by: Fra Fillipo at October 23, 2022 01:57 PM (0Vqqt)

Works for costuming, too.

Posted by: sal at October 23, 2022 02:06 PM (y40tE)

324 Try being an anarchist AND smart ass and working in the corporate world.

__________

That's what destroyed me. Had I just shut up and nodded my head, I would have been more successful.

Posted by: Hadrian the Seventh at October 23, 2022 12:35 PM (1Nxff)

I've always been the one who asks uncomfortable questions and snorts at bullshit. You can imagine how far that got me.

One of my bosses screwed me over, so I quit. I lost track of the times I was asked to come back and help out. Why the fuck would I want to? There isn't enough money in the world.

Posted by: Miley, okravangelist at October 23, 2022 02:09 PM (Mzdiz)

325 9 The only good thing about Motivational Posters was the spate of Demotivational Posters that they spawned.
Posted by: Tom Servo at October 23, 2022 12:07 PM (r46W7)

I LOVE those demotivational posters.

Posted by: Lee Also at October 23, 2022 02:10 PM (DXqDw)

326 Oh, and fill out your own yearly review

I am from the results exceptional in all areas except attendance, for several years reviews.

Posted by: Kindltot at October 23, 2022 02:14 PM (xhaym)

327 I spent 45 years as a single dentist in my own office. 3, yes, three employees. When I retired last year my employees averaged 28 years with me. Our "management" meetings happened in the hallway every few hours when a patient was late or never showed up. The meetings lasted a minute or two. I could never work for a large group.

Posted by: free tibet at October 23, 2022 02:17 PM (iNp3L)

328 About 20 years ago, to prepare the team for its inevitable annual reorg, our division manager passed out copies of "Who Moved My Cheese" - to enlighten everyone about the need to embrace change.

As management theory, I thought it was total fluff. BUT... the real business insight provided was the plethora "Who Moved My Cheese" upsells laid out in the back of the book - stuffed animals, workbooks, DVDs, even consulting and seminars. It was clear to me that this cute little book was essentially the lead in for a vast array of revenue opportunities, which would potentially bring in far more money than selling books.

When I pointed this out to the manager who had spearheaded the effort, suggesting that he should instead consider the real strategic business message of the book, which was there are far more opportunities for our division than simply selling the one widget for which we were known, it was as if I had landed from Mars and was speaking an entirely different language.

He legitimately took the little mouse struggling with lost cheese as a serious business lesson.

Within 12-18 months the entire division was shut down and everyone's cheese vanished.

Posted by: TarzanTurk at October 23, 2022 02:20 PM (TZlQy)

329 I eorked in a fortune 100 company that had both "self-directed teams" and "Matrix Managrment.

Simce nothing was done without "consensus", we had one team member that stonewalled on everything, so we never hsd to do any "team" work.

As to the matrix management, I never met my indirect report, and first met my "direct" manager only on the day I resigned. Here is what they said after I handed them my resignation(weird phraseology and all):

"I'm sure you will be missed, even though I am not exactly sure just what it is that you do."

What do you say to that? I turned on my heel and left.

Posted by: Naked, sitting in a sensory deprivation room, smoking crack. at October 23, 2022 02:22 PM (QY+6a)

330 IOW, this guy made himself stinking rich by selling adulterated coffee.
*kicks dog*
Posted by: Archimedes at October 23, 2022 01:58 PM (eOEVl)

I bought one can, once, and drank it, It was nasty, and I did not get wings. I did have to pee, though.

Posted by: Alberta Oil Peon at October 23, 2022 02:23 PM (qwvUM)

331 I became clear in my office (again,3 employees) that more time off was preferable to more pay. By the time I retired they were all getting 5 weeks paid and a 3.5 day work week. I kinda miss the old office but my hands/fingers don't.

Posted by: free tibet at October 23, 2022 02:23 PM (iNp3L)

332 31

Correct

And companies no longer have to carry the vacation balances as an Accrued Liability on their balance sheets.

Disgusting practice - I know many people at my company afraid to take any vacation now. At least with earned 2-3 weeks vacation you took it , and got out of the office.

Oh, and if you are one of those who proudly state "Oh, I haven't taken a vacation in x years"

Yea, you are a fucking idiot/chump.

Posted by: Big Star at October 23, 2022 02:44 PM (Modkf)

333 When my dad worked for Texas Instruments in the 60s, his nickname was "The Straight Arrow."

It was not a compliment.

An honest man in the corporate world is the enemy, and they have only contempt for that man. Never forget that.

He won "Recruiter of the Year" several years running, then stopped because "I can't bring myself to lie anymore." I found his little statuettes in the trash soon after.

Posted by: Miley, okravangelist at October 23, 2022 02:45 PM (Mzdiz)

334 I always pushed for a bonus system as a motivator. Only system that I've seen work.
Posted by: polynikes

It would be nice if the bonus lined up with the tasks performed, and the time they were performed, though.

My last company tried paying bonuses on bookings. Great for sales guys, pretty meaningless for the engineering drones and manufacturing schlubs. Work your ass off, and maybe Customer A will book their next part with us too, and you'll get a quarterly bonus for that booking in 3 or 4 years. If you're still with the company, and in the same division, and they haven't re-orged into something else entirely.

Then they switched to bonuses based on total revenues. So it didn't matter how well you, individually, performed. They reinvented profit-sharing and called it a bonus program.

Posted by: mikeski at October 23, 2022 02:46 PM (P1f+c)

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Posted by: cheap auto insurance new hampshire at October 23, 2022 02:48 PM (dyV4y)

336 .

Posted by: Napoleon XIV at October 23, 2022 02:53 PM (AiZBA)

337 The Navy spent thousands of man-hours implementing Total Quality Leadership (TQL) in the early nineties based on Edward Demings continuous improvement methods. Every command had to develop their own mission, vision and guiding principles. Another short lived fad. I was a station pilot and my collateral duty was TQL Officer for a while.

Posted by: Esteve at October 23, 2022 02:54 PM (2IA0F)

338 At one of those obscene HR team building seminars, each group was given a flip chart and asked to write down "improvements" the company could adopt to further team building. Our group (the geologists) wrote one thing "no more cheap trinkets" ie logo-bearing cups, frisbees, lunch bags, t-shirts...you get the picture. The seminar leader got her feelings hurt and reported us to the VP. He reprimanded us (with a smile on his face) and we were excused from day two.

Posted by: rocdoctom at October 23, 2022 03:11 PM (NKIHl)

339 I think those stories of getting people out of their comfort zones are just awfu! I'm so sorry people experienced that. My former work experiences didn't have any of that egregiously bad stuff. I didn't enjoy the "examine your white privilege" stuff but that was sometime in the 90s I think and I put it out of my mind .

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at October 23, 2022 03:27 PM (TRJLp)

340 2 That Lean Six Sigma garbage invaded the Navy right before I retired. It was a complete and total load of crap and a huge waste of time.

Posted by: Mister Scott (Formerly GWS) at October 23, 2022 12:00 PM (bVYXr)

Before that, it was TQL. I 'member.

(FCCS SW/AW ret)

Posted by: Jeff Weimer at October 23, 2022 03:27 PM (4enNW)

341 Nothing so sophisticated as most others but years ago while working at Target there was the typical environmental, climate change, sustainability crap being force fed to the employees. Some of it took the form of a board mounted in an employee area on which the employees were encouraged to write trite messages on using that theme.

I wrote "Green is the new red". Red being Target's trademark color. I'm not aware of anybody getting my double entendre but I hope some did. So I was able to make a political protest statement directly contrary to corporate culture in an employee area without negative consequence because of plausible deniability.

I was always amused with myself when I saw it.

Posted by: SamIam at October 23, 2022 03:30 PM (oasF3)

342 Six sigma. Bah.

Posted by: Cat Ass Trophy, Christian Nationalist, Defiant! at October 23, 2022 03:36 PM (Tw9Rg)

343 One boss liked to invite the team out for lunch to meet the "new hire." That new employee was unexpectedly put on the spot to share his or her "most embarrassing moment" in front of this whole gang of strangers. To increase the level of difficulty, the boss would insist that the story include some phrase (for mine, I had to add "stab the doll" somewhere in the story). If I had known about this in advance, I could have crafted a good story, whipped up some tears, maybe embarrassed them a bit.

Posted by: Coki at October 23, 2022 03:44 PM (G7Avm)

344 Another boss scheduled a team bonding activity in an escape room - a lot of people packed into a tiny room with a horror theme.
As expected, dominant people saw it as a moment to perform for the boss, so they took charge, welcome or not, and ignored quieter folks' suggestions and epiphanies. Time ran out, and the group was released from the activity. As folks were all walking to their cars in the parking lot, the boss turned to one of the dominant types and said, "This was a good test to see who is a team player -- I should use this to evaluate people."

Posted by: Coki at October 23, 2022 03:52 PM (G7Avm)

345 I wrote "Green is the new Red" ...

Posted by: SamIam at October 23, 2022 03:30 PM (oasF3)

Awesome!

Posted by: Coki at October 23, 2022 03:56 PM (G7Avm)

346 My boss wasted a buttload of money on DiSC personality assessments for all the team, with the assessor returning to each quarterly meeting to probe further. It was such utter bullshit. But our boss was a government contractor, so she had those sweet inflated profits to waste away. Her staff turnover was insanely high, so she was always a sucker for the latest guru to deflect from bad management.

Posted by: Coki at October 23, 2022 04:01 PM (G7Avm)

347 Bad metrics. Gah.
I work for a national retail chain. My main task is replenishing customer stock from back stock. I'm supposed to scan "X" items from back stock in every aisle every day, and move items flagged by the system to the sales floor.

But for a long time, store management seemed to believe two myths: First, that back stock space is infinite, and can be added to without limit--especially by "distribution"--huge quantities of sales items sent by the warehouse above and beyond what we ordered. Second, that merely scanning "X" items per aisle per day to "make the numbers" to satisfy corporate requirements was equivalent to ACTUALLY PUTTING PRODUCT ON THE CUSTOMER SHELVES. The time "saved" left me free for other tasks.

Our store nearly choked to death. Guess whose fault it was deemed to be.

Posted by: checklight at October 23, 2022 04:10 PM (i9gEp)

348 "Who Moved My Cheese?", mentioned by several, is on my store manager's office window ledge, along with half a dozen other management fad books. She is far and away the worst manager I've ever had, believing that slogans fix everything, and that subordinates are subordinates because they know nothing worth listening to.

Posted by: checklight at October 23, 2022 04:35 PM (i9gEp)

349 " I found his little statuettes in the trash soon after."

Every single little lucite 'achievement' award went into the trash right after I got 'em.

If you are really appreciative, assholes, show me the money.

Posted by: West at October 23, 2022 04:57 PM (QY+6a)

350 Agile.

Posted by: NipsyAtTheJingoAteMyBaby at October 23, 2022 05:31 PM (/21VN)

351 Hmm is anyone else having problems with the images on this
blog loading? I'm trying to figure out if its a problem on my end or
if it's the blog. Any feed-back would be greatly appreciated.

Posted by: bodrumdishekimi.ra6.org at October 23, 2022 05:53 PM (j8CUr)

352 Great delivery. Solid arguments. Keep up the amazing effort.

Posted by: kizkalesi.ra6.org at October 23, 2022 06:33 PM (dyV4y)

353 Every new 'how to make us the next Tesla' program my outfit tried, the instructor would have a story about how the last company he helped had to get rid of one or two 30 year employees to get on the path to greatness. I knew they were talking about me.

Posted by: Nobody at October 23, 2022 06:56 PM (hNaZP)

354 Hmm is anyone else having problems with the images on this
blog loading? I'm trying to figure out if its a problem on my end or
if it's the blog. Any feed-back would be greatly appreciated.
--

Yes, they seem to take forever. There is also a lot of 'garbage' from the ads and such loading that slows things down. It would be nice if the text and comments were loaded first, so we could read it while the other loads

Posted by: the last to post at October 23, 2022 07:14 PM (gsSYj)

355 Profit sharing:
What started as an upper management process to encourage workers to over perform turned into fisticuffs and critical employee's quitting. A boiler fabrication shop was trying to up production and brought in Profit sharing.
Instead of sharing the overhead crane for lifts the guys monopolized the control console and cause back logs in the day's lifts. Hoses, cables and electrical cords were ripped out of vessels that had people working in them and thus creating friction and fights out on the floor. One guy would get set to weld inside a vessel and the guy next door would steal his power cords so he wouldn't have to go and set up his own. Total ignorance of how things work in the real life; these pencil pushers/bean-counters never have a clue.
This experiment lasted only 1 week. But the damage had been done and key people had left the company.

Posted by: polimath at October 23, 2022 09:27 PM (FN7XC)

356 Extreme programming. Utterly unworkable; but they had to try. God, I'm glad I'm retired!

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Posted by: Kristin Erickson at October 24, 2022 08:29 AM (hYMyl)

360 Muldoon@ #242,
A first edition with dust jacket of Seuss’s the places you’ll go is worth about $650.00
Nice gift you were given.

Posted by: BookLover at October 24, 2022 11:05 AM (kgBEw)

361 In the healthcare sector, the stupidest thing I've been forced to participate in was "Team STEPPS." Don't ask me what the letters stood for, I've tried to erase them from my memory. I recall having to build a LEGO tower with other team members, competing with other teams to see who could do it in the least time, with the most "teaminess." And this was supposed to somehow translate into better caring for a trauma patient bleeding out, or someone with an acute airway emergency. Right.

Pretty much any outside healthcare consultants I've met are what I call "locusts." They fly from system to system, pitch some BS solution, pocket exorbitant fees, and then fly off to the next target.

Posted by: Dr. Mabuse at October 24, 2022 04:20 PM (NckWU)

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Posted by: raised at October 29, 2022 11:08 PM (YZHRt)

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