20-Year-Old Man Rushed to Hospital With "Crunched" Lung Due to Masturbating Too Hard

Note that the NY Post files this under the "LIVING" vertical.

livingthelife.jpg

Living his best life:


This is not the happy ending for which he was groping.

A 20-year-old man survived after being admitted to an intensive care unit with an excruciating lung injury brought on by overly aggressive masturbation, according to a new study in the May issue of the journal Radiology Case Reports.

I had Overly Aggressive Masturbation's red vinyl Japanese import EP from Stiff Records.


The self-loving Swiss citizen recently rushed himself to Cantonal Hospital, in the city of Winterthur, after experiencing "crunching" pain and a shortness of breath amid his solo stroking session.

Subsequent X-rays revealed the man was suffering from spontaneous pneumomediastinum -- a painful but typically "benign disease" whereby air leaks from the lung and becomes lodged in the rib cage, the Journal of Thoracic Disease reported.

Is that what that is? I thought it was an invisible leprechaun whistling appreciatively at my Cuban Dick-Press variation.

Science Direct described the autoerotic emergency as "a rare condition that usually affects young men in their twenties." Researchers added that smokers are at an increased risk of SPM, which can be brought on by violent coughing, excessive vomiting or strenuous physical exercise.

I only smoke after masturbation, if there was too much friction.

...

According to Science Direct, the pleasure seeking patient is the first to suffer an SPM after masturbating.

No, he's just the first Glory Hound to run off to the hospital to get credit for it.

No but seriously, he has set the bar the rest of us will have to struggle huffily to clear.


A Brazilian man had to undergo emergency after reportedly shoving a dumbbell up his butt during an ill-advised attempt at self-gratification.

GAINZZZ.

...

So far in 2022, a 54-year-old Brazilian man was admitted to the hospital after shoving a 4.4-pound metal dumbbell up his anus in the pursuit of pleasure, and a 37-year-old self-proclaimed "virgin" from Indonesia got a 6-foot-long string stuck in his penis during a botched sex game.

The weird thing is, the botched sex game was just Parcheesi. I don't know how that even works.

Posted by: Ace at 04:34 PM




Comments

(Jump to bottom of page)

1 What?

Posted by: clutch cargo - processed in a facility that may contain lead at April 13, 2022 03:34 PM (wAnMi)

2 Giving yourself a reach around is dangerous too.

Posted by: clutch cargo - processed in a facility that may contain lead at April 13, 2022 03:35 PM (wAnMi)

3 The hell?

Posted by: Cannibal Bob at April 13, 2022 03:35 PM (FAxhf)

4 I've done dumb things in my life but nothing that would get me featured in an AOS post.

Posted by: Iris at April 13, 2022 03:36 PM (DibdT)

5 Noodebrated

Posted by: clutch cargo - processed in a facility that may contain lead at April 13, 2022 03:36 PM (wAnMi)

6 I really, really need to see this movie The Northman:

https://tinyurl.com/Northman-Epic-Trailer

Posted by: Sharkman at April 13, 2022 03:36 PM (HoBpT)

7 Was his name Pete!

Posted by: vmom stabby stabby stabby stabby stabamillion at April 13, 2022 03:36 PM (EGSGm)

8 I'll never be able to do crunches again without thinking of this story.

Cruel Ace is best Ace.

Posted by: ShainS at April 13, 2022 03:36 PM (Emy6L)

9 >>No, he's just the first Glory Hound to run off to the hospital to get credit for it.


Fucking hysterical. Well done Ace.

Posted by: garrett at April 13, 2022 03:36 PM (G9lTz)

10 I think someone is yanking us around.

Or something.

Posted by: Tonypete at April 13, 2022 03:36 PM (Msys3)

11 Prayers for Masturbatin Pete

Posted by: vmom stabby stabby stabby stabby stabamillion at April 13, 2022 03:36 PM (EGSGm)

12 I've done dumb things in my life but nothing that would get me featured in an AOS post.

Posted by: Iris at April 13, 2022 03:36 PM (DibdT)


Don't sell yourself short. There's still plenty of time.

Posted by: clutch cargo - processed in a facility that may contain lead at April 13, 2022 03:37 PM (wAnMi)

13 So he was admitted to the hospital in relation to a ... stroke?

I'll see myself out/

Posted by: The_Hoser at April 13, 2022 03:37 PM (7+4Wi)

14 So there's such a thing huh?

Posted by: Cannibal Bob at April 13, 2022 03:37 PM (FAxhf)

15 I've just realized I haven't been living my best life.

Posted by: N.L. Urker, oops, I commented again. Sorry, eh. at April 13, 2022 03:37 PM (VdGjU)

16 I've done dumb things in my life but nothing that would get me featured in an AOS post.

Posted by: Iris

Iris - c'mon now. Be honest with yourself. . .

Posted by: Tonypete at April 13, 2022 03:37 PM (Msys3)

17 This is Trump's fault !!!!!!!!! Impeach Trump now !!!!!

Posted by: Ferd Berfall at April 13, 2022 03:38 PM (odhPf)

18 Joe, This would be the perfect thread for Instagram cuties

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at April 13, 2022 03:38 PM (+5UtU)

19 I saw Overly Aggressive Masturbation open for Ah Hah at Club Soda.

Posted by: Alcoholic Asshole Shut In at April 13, 2022 03:38 PM (mZOHK)

20 What do you put on the insurance claim forms?

Posted by: The_Hoser at April 13, 2022 03:38 PM (7+4Wi)

21 I don't usually read masturbation articles twice, but when I do, it's at AoS HQ.

Posted by: clutch cargo - processed in a facility that may contain lead at April 13, 2022 03:38 PM (wAnMi)

22 How do you stick a dumb bell up your ass ????

Posted by: Ferd Berfall at April 13, 2022 03:38 PM (odhPf)

23 So far in 2022, a 54-year-old Brazilian man was admitted to the hospital after shoving a 4.4-pound metal dumbbell up his anus in the pursuit of pleasure, and a 37-year-old self-proclaimed "virgin" from Indonesia got a 6-foot-long string stuck in his penis during a botched sex game.
___________

Have the Disney people recruited them yet?

Posted by: TrivialPursuer--FJB at April 13, 2022 03:38 PM (k4dH2)

24 I only smoke after masturbation, if there was too much friction.

The moon of Endor is notorious for it's lack of lube and ever present smell of charred ewok fur.

Posted by: Flyguy at April 13, 2022 03:39 PM (dpJ62)

25 Joe, This would be the perfect thread for Instagram cuties

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at April 13, 2022 03:38 PM (+5UtU)

Lol. Fen, you amaze me sometimes.

Posted by: Cannibal Bob at April 13, 2022 03:39 PM (FAxhf)

26 Those are ROOKIE injuries!

Posted by: Jeffrey Toobin at April 13, 2022 03:39 PM (7+4Wi)

27 It's not like he went blind ...

Posted by: ShainS at April 13, 2022 03:39 PM (Emy6L)

28 How do you stick a dumb bell up your ass ????

Posted by: Ferd Berfall



"I was just walking down the stairs to get a glass of milk, slipped and boom! Million to one shot, Doc!!"

Posted by: Sharkman at April 13, 2022 03:39 PM (HoBpT)

29 I hope Muldoon tells us what the ICD numbers are

Posted by: vmom stabby stabby stabby stabby stabamillion at April 13, 2022 03:40 PM (EGSGm)

30 How do you stick a dumb bell up your ass ????

Vigorously. I guess.

Posted by: bear with asymmetrical balls - so bold, so brave at April 13, 2022 03:40 PM (KFhLj)

31 So a not so quick hit, huh?

Posted by: Mr Gaga at April 13, 2022 03:41 PM (KiBMU)

32 'GAINZZZZ!'

I LOL'd. I really did.

Posted by: William F. 'Buck' Dharma at April 13, 2022 03:41 PM (oedLL)

33 There's a haiku here
Somewhere but I'm not quite sure
Just where I should start

Posted by: Captain Haiku at April 13, 2022 03:41 PM (uYDdE)

Posted by: runner at April 13, 2022 03:41 PM (NxtrT)

35 I had Overly Aggressive Masturbation's red vinyl Japanese import EP from Stiff Records.

Accurate 80's reference, I can even see the album cover with that little Slip-band around the sleeve in Japanese.

Probably came out around the same time as Devo's "B Stiff" EP, and Lene Lovich's "New Toy" EP.

Posted by: clutch cargo - processed in a facility that may contain lead at April 13, 2022 03:41 PM (wAnMi)

36 Rectum??? It nearly killed him.

Don't forgot to tip your serving person.

Posted by: Greyman27 at April 13, 2022 03:41 PM (RKLPC)

37 If lungs crunched during masturbation you could call me Captain Dorito.

Posted by: ... at April 13, 2022 03:42 PM (aKLPu)

38 How do you stick a dumb bell up your ass ????

Vigorously. I guess.

Posted by: bear with asymmetrical balls - so bold, so brave



Like bankruptcy. Slooooowly, then all at once.

Posted by: Sharkman at April 13, 2022 03:42 PM (HoBpT)

39 >>Accurate 80's reference, I can even see the album cover with that little Slip-band around the sleeve in Japanese.


OBI

Posted by: garrett at April 13, 2022 03:42 PM (G9lTz)

40 How do you stick a dumb bell up your ass ??


===


It was an accident??

Posted by: runner at April 13, 2022 03:42 PM (NxtrT)

41 He overcame himself.

Posted by: klaftern at April 13, 2022 03:42 PM (taPSh)

42 What's "too hard" in joules?

Posted by: griff at April 13, 2022 03:42 PM (ojv2E)

43 Maybe you could choose posting about self-pleasuring gone wrong with a little more discernment, ace, because it really does seem rather inappropriate to have to have them on a blog containing threads about a mass shooting by a racist-in which people died, or about grooming of kids.

/s

Posted by: Insomniac - Outlaw. Hoarder. Wrecker. Honker. at April 13, 2022 03:42 PM (II3Gr)

44 So far in 2022, a 54-year-old Brazilian man was admitted to the hospital after shoving a 4.4-pound metal dumbbell up his anus in the pursuit of pleasure, and a 37-year-old self-proclaimed "virgin" from Indonesia got a 6-foot-long string stuck in his penis during a botched sex game.
___________

Quick somebody, get HR to give these guys a call! They sound like the perfect people to design new games and rides for the kiddies in our parks!

Posted by: Disney Executives at April 13, 2022 03:42 PM (k4dH2)

45 How do you stick a dumb bell up your ass ????
Posted by: Ferd Berfall at April 13, 2022 03:38 PM (odhPf)


Easy. A smart bell wouldn't get anywhere near you with that look in your eye.

Posted by: clutch cargo - processed in a facility that may contain lead at April 13, 2022 03:43 PM (wAnMi)

46 "spontaneous pneumomediastinum -- a painful but typically "benign disease" whereby air leaks from the lung and becomes lodged in the rib cage,"

I was going with tension pneumothorax

Posted by: Marcus T at April 13, 2022 03:43 PM (yN/vH)

47 I'm not makin' GAINNNNZZZ
But this dumbbell was big dough
Time to repurpose

Posted by: The_Hoser at April 13, 2022 03:43 PM (7+4Wi)

48 He was doing squats, etc ?

Posted by: runner at April 13, 2022 03:43 PM (NxtrT)

49 -
How do you stick a dumb bell up your ass ????

Posted by: Ferd Berfall at April 13, 2022 03:38 PM -
-

All it takes is love.

Posted by: Buttigieg's Hubby at April 13, 2022 03:43 PM (SchQD)

50 Oh the Times ...

Oh the Morels ...

Posted by: Adriane the S'hroom Critic ... at April 13, 2022 03:43 PM (okV1R)

51 Geez, I thought the worst that could happen to a guy was growing hair on his hand.

Posted by: nerdygirl at April 13, 2022 03:43 PM (+lVUW)

52 >>>Accurate 80's reference, I can even see the album cover with that little Slip-band around the sleeve in Japanese.
Probably came out around the same time as Devo's "B Stiff" EP, and Lene Lovich's "New Toy" EP.

Is it? I wondered if I went too far -- if it's a Japanese Import, would it have been a Stiff Records release?

I think I gilded the lily. Or did Stiff put out records in Japan?

Posted by: ace at April 13, 2022 03:43 PM (0G13K)

53 Has anyone heard from Masturbatin' Pete?

Or Jeffrey Toobin?

Posted by: chique l'African Viking Math Queen King of Greenland, the Merciless (don't/stop/believin') at April 13, 2022 03:43 PM (rF64X)

54 Honestly, some people shouldn't breed. We have to start a list.

Posted by: Marcus T at April 13, 2022 03:44 PM (yN/vH)

55 OBI
Posted by: garrett at April 13, 2022 03:42 PM (G9lTz)


Right you are!

Posted by: clutch cargo - processed in a facility that may contain lead at April 13, 2022 03:44 PM (wAnMi)

56 or did Stiff just import them and sell them in America?

Posted by: ace at April 13, 2022 03:44 PM (0G13K)

57 According to Science Direct, the pleasure seeking patient is the first to suffer an SPM after masturbating.

So does this mean that they'll name it after him? Like Lou Gehrig's Disease?

Posted by: Shooter McGavin at April 13, 2022 03:44 PM (zB5mP)

58 Is it that hard to buy a fucking dog for companionship?

Posted by: Marcus T at April 13, 2022 03:44 PM (yN/vH)

59 >> Geez, I thought the worst that could happen to a guy was growing hair on his hand.


How would he even know if he's blind!?

Posted by: garrett at April 13, 2022 03:44 PM (G9lTz)

60 51 Geez, I thought the worst that could happen to a guy was growing hair on his hand.
Posted by: nerdygirl at April 13, 2022 03:43 PM (+lVUW)

The blindness too. Don't forget that.

Posted by: Insomniac - Outlaw. Hoarder. Wrecker. Honker. at April 13, 2022 03:44 PM (II3Gr)

61 Well, so much for classing up the joint.

Posted by: Xipe Totec at April 13, 2022 03:45 PM (QSjkU)

62 I've done some fairly aggressive masturbation when I was 14. Not sure how aggressive you need to be to blow a lung gasket.

Posted by: Max Power at April 13, 2022 03:45 PM (k7+BO)

63 58 Is it that hard to buy a fucking dog for companionship?
Posted by: Marcus T at April 13, 2022 03:44 PM (yN/vH)

Bestiality is illegal. *gives a hard glare (you know who you are)*

Posted by: Red Turban Someguy - The Republic is already dead! at April 13, 2022 03:45 PM (z5Vrg)

64 That almost happened to me while watching the Dr. Phil special on transgender preschoolers!

Posted by: David French at April 13, 2022 03:45 PM (tp+tP)

65 63 58 Is it that hard to buy a fucking dog for companionship?
Posted by: Marcus T at April 13, 2022 03:44 PM (yN/vH)

Bestiality is illegal. *gives a hard glare (you know who you are)*
Posted by: Red Turban Someguy - The Republic is already dead! at April 13, 2022 03:45 PM (z5Vrg)

Love is love, bigot.

Posted by: Insomniac - Outlaw. Hoarder. Wrecker. Honker. at April 13, 2022 03:45 PM (II3Gr)

66 Lube and some PornHub
You got it right, New York Times
Now THIS is LIVING!

Posted by: The_Hoser at April 13, 2022 03:46 PM (7+4Wi)

67 Darwin just punched himself in the face.

Posted by: Marcus T at April 13, 2022 03:46 PM (yN/vH)

68 >>>really, really need to see this movie The Northman:

https://tinyurl.com/Northman-Epic-Trailer
Posted by: Sharkman at April 13, 2022 03:36 PM

Aww hell yeah!

Posted by: Max Power at April 13, 2022 03:46 PM (k7+BO)

69 I think I gilded the lily. Or did Stiff put out records in Japan?
Posted by: ace at April 13, 2022 03:43 PM (0G13K)


No, indeed Stiff had Japanese pressings done - I have one from Madness about 1981. They were kinda big for a little bit there.

Posted by: clutch cargo - processed in a facility that may contain lead at April 13, 2022 03:46 PM (wAnMi)

70 >> Is it that hard to buy a fucking dog


Those are the MOST tender.

Posted by: Barack Hussein Obama at April 13, 2022 03:46 PM (G9lTz)

71 Gotta be careful to not be Toobin' too hard

Posted by: Jeffrey Toobin at April 13, 2022 03:46 PM (ESjRY)

72 and a 37-year-old self-proclaimed "virgin" from Indonesia got a 6-foot-long string stuck in his penis during a botched sex game.


Which begs the question, What would the successful sex game entail?

Posted by: Tonypete at April 13, 2022 03:46 PM (Msys3)

73 I'm going to fetish shame dumbbell guy and boardgame string dude.

SHAME

Posted by: chique l'African Viking Math Queen King of Greenland, the Merciless (don't/stop/believin') at April 13, 2022 03:46 PM (rF64X)

74 So that's what the kids are calling nowadays huh? Crunching a lung? What happened to "rubbing one out"?

Posted by: rickb223 at April 13, 2022 03:47 PM (u9avC)

75
1975 - You're gonna go blind!

2022 - You're gonna crunch your lungs!

Posted by: Duke Lowell at April 13, 2022 03:47 PM (u73oe)

76 Pretty sure this can be prevented with use of a proper crusty jerk sock

Posted by: Greg61 at April 13, 2022 03:47 PM (99YkD)

77 >>>No, indeed Stiff had Japanese pressings done - I have one from Madness about 1981. They were kinda big for a little bit there.


oh okay, thanks. I had these words in my head. My GF was a punk rocker and she would babble about this stuff, but I'm not sure how much I retained.

She tried to get me into Buzzcocks, thinking that was a good entry-level punk bad, which I resisted. And then a couple of years ago I started listening and was like, "Wow, these guys are awesome, why was I being a dick?"

Posted by: ace at April 13, 2022 03:47 PM (0G13K)

78 Bestiality is illegal. *gives a hard glare (you know who you are)*
Posted by: Red Turban Someguy - The Republic is already dead! at April 13, 2022 03:45 PM (z5Vrg)

Love is love, bigot.
Posted by: Insomniac - Outlaw. Hoarder. Wrecker. Honker. at April 13, 2022 03:45 PM (II3Gr)


Didn't they legalize it in Washington state? I vaguely remember something about a guy and his horse, but maybe they realized they needed a law. That was quite some time back.

Posted by: clutch cargo - processed in a facility that may contain lead at April 13, 2022 03:47 PM (wAnMi)

79 Anyone see Masturbating Pete lately?

Posted by: lowandslow at April 13, 2022 03:47 PM (qH6FZ)

80 >>I think I gilded the lily. Or did Stiff put out records in Japan?


Stiff was a UK label, but pressed in Japan by a subsidiary of Universal most likely.

Posted by: garrett at April 13, 2022 03:48 PM (G9lTz)

81 These cases will give the ER nurses something to gossip about for a while.

Posted by: Jinx the Cat at April 13, 2022 03:48 PM (FfArO)

82 In the future everyone will have a six foot string stuck in their penis for 15 minutes.

It's for the children.

Posted by: ... at April 13, 2022 03:48 PM (dscaa)

83 "So far in 2022, a 54-year-old Brazilian man was admitted to the hospital after shoving a 4.4-pound metal dumbbell up his anus in the pursuit of pleasure, and a 37-year-old self-proclaimed "virgin" from Indonesia got a 6-foot-long string stuck in his penis during a botched sex game."

And here I thought decadence was watching 90's Skinemax movies. Shoving things in exit-only orifices transcends that, not even in the same universe.

Posted by: Thrawn at April 13, 2022 03:48 PM (Rl7KJ)

84 >>>Stiff was a UK label, but pressed in Japan by a subsidiary of Universal most likely

thanks. What did it mean when you said "OBI" up above?

Posted by: ace at April 13, 2022 03:48 PM (0G13K)

85 She tried to get me into Buzzcocks, thinking that was a good entry-level punk bad, which I resisted. And then a couple of years ago I started listening and was like, "Wow, these guys are awesome, why was I being a dick?"
Posted by: ace at April 13, 2022 03:47 PM (0G13K)


For a brief time, Buzzcocks rocked. Pete Shelly not so much. But he did have that hit.

Posted by: clutch cargo - processed in a facility that may contain lead at April 13, 2022 03:49 PM (wAnMi)

86 Ah, I remember when masturbation was fun...

Thanks for the 'Blister in the Sun' link, oldie but a good (?) one

Posted by: Mark Andrew Edwards, RIP Oregon Muse at April 13, 2022 03:49 PM (XvPQV)

87
I've done dumb things in my life but nothing that would get me featured in an AOS post.

Posted by: Iris


Allow us to send a team to observe you and we'll have something posted 'bout you before the mid-day Monkey(s) thread, easy-peasy!

Posted by: Krebs v Carnot: Epic Battle of the Cycling Stars (TM) at April 13, 2022 03:49 PM (pNxlR)

88 "Is that what that is? I thought it was an invisible leprechaun whistling appreciatively at my Cuban Dick-Press variation."

Poetry Ace. Have you considered compiling an anthology?

Posted by: kraken at April 13, 2022 03:49 PM (Vr12I)

89 37 If lungs crunched during masturbation you could call me Captain Dorito.

Posted by: ... at April 13, 2022 03:42 PM (aKLPu)

---------

LOL. Can't beat that ...

I'll remind you of it someday.

Posted by: ShainS at April 13, 2022 03:49 PM (Emy6L)

90 >>She tried to get me into Buzzcocks, thinking that was a good entry-level punk bad, which I resisted. And then a couple of years ago I started listening and was like, "Wow, these guys are awesome, why was I being a dick?"


Buzzcocks are super overrated. Most British stuff is.

Stick to the Ramones, The Bad Brains and the Minutemen.
People will respect you more.

Posted by: garrett at April 13, 2022 03:49 PM (G9lTz)

91 Kurt tried to get a one inch string stuck in his penis but he had a lot of string left over.

Posted by: ... at April 13, 2022 03:49 PM (dscaa)

92 Anyone see Masturbating Pete lately?
Posted by: lowandslow at April 13, 2022 03:47 PM (qH6FZ)


Hopefully he won't be getting any ideas from this.

Posted by: clutch cargo - processed in a facility that may contain lead at April 13, 2022 03:50 PM (wAnMi)

93 This thread could result in injuries.

Posted by: fluffy at April 13, 2022 03:50 PM (UnQlg)

94 How do you get a dumb bell up your ass? Same as any lifting, you start small and work your way up

Posted by: Greg61 at April 13, 2022 03:50 PM (99YkD)

95 and a 37-year-old self-proclaimed "virgin" from Indonesia got a 6-foot-long string stuck in his penis during a botched sex game."

I don't even want to know what this person was attempting to do.

Posted by: chique l'African Viking Math Queen King of Greenland, the Merciless (don't/stop/believin') at April 13, 2022 03:50 PM (rF64X)

96 I'll remind you of it someday.

Posted by: ShainS at April 13, 2022 03:49 PM (Emy6L)

Brings a whole new meaning (and temperature) to Cool Ranch.

Posted by: ... at April 13, 2022 03:51 PM (dscaa)

97 Impressive

Posted by: In Reel Life (yes, dummy, on purpose) at April 13, 2022 03:51 PM (QYPq3)

98 I resisted getting into Metal for a long, long time.
Razorfist finally convinced me to start listening to the classic stuff, like Maiden, Sabbath and Priest.

Now I dig it

Posted by: Mark Andrew Edwards, RIP Oregon Muse at April 13, 2022 03:51 PM (XvPQV)

99 Stick to the Ramones, The Bad Brains and the Minutemen.
People will respect you more.
Posted by: garrett at April 13, 2022 03:49 PM (G9lTz)


Ramones embodied punk, they started punk, they were punk. Everybody else was also rans. Just one man's opinion.

Posted by: clutch cargo - processed in a facility that may contain lead at April 13, 2022 03:51 PM (wAnMi)

100 I went to school with a girl who put one too many gherkins where they didn't belong. One of my friends mothers was a trauma nurse treated her. She was forever knows as "Pickles".

Posted by: Marcus T at April 13, 2022 03:51 PM (yN/vH)

101
He didn't have to tell them he was wanking. He could have told them anything.

Posted by: Semi-Literate Thug at April 13, 2022 03:51 PM (4/+v7)

102 >>>Buzzcocks are super overrated. Most British stuff is.


i just got into them 40 years later, give me fucking time dude

i just got into this because it's the theme song of Spirited, which has Matt King (Super Hans) from Peep Show in it

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MpMwMDqOprc

Posted by: ace at April 13, 2022 03:51 PM (0G13K)

103 >>What did it mean when you said "OBI" up above?


The OBI is the exterior product sleeve that is featured on all Japanese LPs.

It's like a cock ring for you vinyl and it has most of the Product Code and Pricing Structure printed on it.

Posted by: garrett at April 13, 2022 03:51 PM (G9lTz)

104
I've heard of black lung but whack-off lung?

O-kay.....

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at April 13, 2022 03:51 PM (s2VJv)

105 >>>94 How do you get a dumb bell up your ass? Same as any lifting, you start small and work your way up


lol

progressive resistance is the key

Posted by: ace at April 13, 2022 03:52 PM (0G13K)

106 Indonesian man no longer a Virginia?

Yes or No

Posted by: Steve_in_SoCal at April 13, 2022 03:52 PM (Yr1lv)

107 Spot the Dumb Bell

Posted by: ... at April 13, 2022 03:52 PM (dscaa)

108 >>>20-Year-Old Man Rushed to Hospital With "Crunched" Lung Due to Masturbating Too Hard

Totally worth it.

Posted by: 20 year old man at April 13, 2022 03:52 PM (SH2Zi)

109 I've heard of black lung but whack-off lung?

O-kay.....
Posted by: J.J. Sefton at April 13, 2022 03:51 PM (s2VJv)

But have you heard of Jack Off Jill?

Posted by: Mark Andrew Edwards, RIP Oregon Muse at April 13, 2022 03:52 PM (XvPQV)

110 "You're doing it wrong" is about all I can say

Posted by: 2009Refugee at April 13, 2022 03:52 PM (8AONa)

111 thanks, Kraken!

Posted by: ace at April 13, 2022 03:52 PM (0G13K)

112 Virgin.. dammit

Posted by: Steve_in_SoCal at April 13, 2022 03:52 PM (Yr1lv)

113 If you're allergic to crunching a lung don't continue crunching a lung. If you crunch your lung for more than 4 hours, call the tobacco companies' prostitute.

Posted by: In Reel Life (yes, dummy, on purpose) at April 13, 2022 03:52 PM (QYPq3)

114
I vaguely remember something about a guy and his horse, but maybe they realized they needed a law. That was quite some time back.


Was that the nimrod who mumbled something about making horse babies, or something equally inane? Ah, how fleeting is notoriety!

Posted by: Krebs v Carnot: Epic Battle of the Cycling Stars (TM) at April 13, 2022 03:52 PM (pNxlR)

115 How do you get a dumb bell up your ass?

You know those "resistance bands"?

Posted by: Marcus T at April 13, 2022 03:52 PM (yN/vH)

116 54 Honestly, some people shouldn't breed. We have to start a list.

Posted by: Marcus T at April 13, 2022 03:44 PM (yN/vH)

---------

We're gonna need more reams ...

Posted by: ShainS at April 13, 2022 03:53 PM (Emy6L)

117 I went to school with a girl who put one too many gherkins where they didn't belong. One of my friends mothers was a trauma nurse treated her. She was forever knows as "Pickles".
Posted by: Marcus T

Clearly she moved away from town as soon as practical. I wonder what ever became of her?

Posted by: Tonypete at April 13, 2022 03:53 PM (Msys3)

118 99 Stick to the Ramones, The Bad Brains and the Minutemen.
People will respect you more.
Posted by: garrett at April 13, 2022 03:49 PM (G9lTz)

Ramones embodied punk, they started punk, they were punk. Everybody else was also rans. Just one man's opinion.

Posted by: clutch cargo - processed in a facility that may contain lead at April 13, 2022 03:51 PM (wAnMi)


I dunno. Iggy Pop was...well, he was Iggy Pop. lol

Posted by: Alcoholic Asshole Shut In at April 13, 2022 03:53 PM (mZOHK)

119 Man, these guys are all over themselves like cheap suits.

Posted by: Joe Mannix (Not a cop!) at April 13, 2022 03:53 PM (DU+/6)

120 >>>Ramones embodied punk, they started punk, they were punk. Everybody else was also rans. Just one man's opinion.

Posted by: clutch cargo - processed in a facility that may contain lead at April 13, 2022 03:51 PM (wAnMi)

Whoa, hold on now, son.

Posted by: Johnny Cash at April 13, 2022 03:53 PM (QYPq3)

121 Was the dumbell up the ass named Tater by any chance?

Posted by: N.L. Urker, oops, I commented again. Sorry, eh. at April 13, 2022 03:53 PM (VdGjU)

122 109
But have you heard of Jack Off Jill?
Posted by: Mark Andrew Edwards, RIP Oregon Muse at April 13, 2022 03:52 PM (XvPQV)


"Look, fat. She's a doctor."

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at April 13, 2022 03:53 PM (s2VJv)

123 and a 37-year-old self-proclaimed "virgin" from Indonesia got a 6-foot-long string stuck in his penis during a botched sex game.

--------

The intense discussion of String Theory during the game just got out of hand.

Posted by: Pork Chops & Bacons at April 13, 2022 03:53 PM (Qhnrt)

124 >>Ramones embodied punk, they started punk, they were punk. Everybody else was also rans. Just one man's opinion.


NYC Punk.
No arguing that the British had the PRock thing going on as did LA.
Also, DC had a very distinct brand of Punk.

Ramones are quintissential american Punk.

The Minutemen are quintissential DIY Punk. Which lead drectly to the Hardcore Movement of the mid-late 80s.

The Bad Brains were/are simply better at it than anyone else ever was.

Posted by: garrett at April 13, 2022 03:54 PM (G9lTz)

125 117 I went to school with a girl who put one too many gherkins where they didn't belong. One of my friends mothers was a trauma nurse treated her. She was forever knows as "Pickles".
Posted by: Marcus T

Clearly she moved away from town as soon as practical. I wonder what ever became of her?
Posted by: Tonypete at April 13, 2022 03:53 PM (Msys3)

Got a job with Vlasic's?

Posted by: kraken at April 13, 2022 03:54 PM (Vr12I)

126 How do you stick a dumb bell up your ass ????
Posted by: Ferd Berfall at April 13, 2022 03:38 PM (odhPf)

I'm guessing the smart bells ran away.

Posted by: Alberta Oil Peon at April 13, 2022 03:54 PM (P3gRi)

127 "Clearly she moved away from town as soon as practical. I wonder what ever became of her?
Posted by: Tonypete at April 13, 2022 03:53 PM (Msys3)"

I heard from someone the she actually went to several reunions. They're still calling her Pickles.

Posted by: Marcus T at April 13, 2022 03:54 PM (yN/vH)

128 >>>Ramones embodied punk, they started punk, they were punk. Everybody else was also rans. Just one man's opinion.

Posted by: clutch cargo - processed in a facility that may contain lead at April 13, 2022 03:51 PM (wAnMi)


"We beg to differ."

- - The MC-5

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at April 13, 2022 03:54 PM (s2VJv)

129 High reps builds cardio. Just sayin'.

Posted by: Dr. Bone at April 13, 2022 03:54 PM (Wnd0C)

130 This busty bikini blonde has never given herself a masturbation-related injury:
https://is.gd/4EZDRR

Posted by: Joe Mannix (Not a cop!) at April 13, 2022 03:54 PM (DU+/6)

131 How do you stick a dumb bell up your ass ????
Posted by: Ferd Berfall at April 13, 2022 03:38 PM (odhPf)

I have no idea, but it gets you to Carnegie Hall years ahead of practice, practice, practice . . .

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at April 13, 2022 03:55 PM (s2VJv)

132 How does one go about getting a string up ones dickhole? Fish tape?

Posted by: Duke Lowell at April 13, 2022 03:55 PM (u73oe)

133 How do you stick a dumb bell up your ass ????
Posted by: Ferd Berfall at April 13, 2022 03:38 PM (odhPf)
++++
Lubrication and commitment?

Posted by: Joe Mannix (Not a cop!) at April 13, 2022 03:55 PM (DU+/6)

134 I mean, honestly, if you know any ED nurses on places like, Capitol Hill in Seattle they will all tell you these kinds of stories are not uncommon.

Posted by: In Reel Life (yes, dummy, on purpose) at April 13, 2022 03:55 PM (QYPq3)

135 >>>The OBI is the exterior product sleeve that is featured on all Japanese LPs. It's like a cock ring for you vinyl and it has most of the Product Code and Pricing Structure printed on it.

ok thanks

Posted by: ace at April 13, 2022 03:55 PM (0G13K)

136 Was that the nimrod who mumbled something about making horse babies, or something equally inane? Ah, how fleeting is notoriety!
Posted by: Krebs v Carnot: Epic Battle of the Cycling Stars (TM) at April 13, 2022 03:52 PM (pNxlR)

Ixion: "Everybody knows that the only way you make horse babbehs is by engaging in decadence with a cloud in the shape of Hera. Of course, more people would know if I wasn't bound to this damn wheel for all eternity."

Posted by: Thrawn at April 13, 2022 03:55 PM (Rl7KJ)

137 130 This busty bikini blonde has never given herself a masturbation-related injury:
https://is.gd/4EZDRR

Posted by: Joe Mannix (Not a cop!) at April 13, 2022 03:54 PM (DU+/6)


So she needs help, presumably.

Posted by: Alcoholic Asshole Shut In at April 13, 2022 03:55 PM (mZOHK)

138 How do you stick a dumb bell up your ass ????
Posted by: Ferd Berfall at April 13, 2022 03:38 PM (odhPf)

When a man and a dumb bell really love each other . . . .

Posted by: flounder, wrecker, hoarder, saboteur at April 13, 2022 03:55 PM (SH2Zi)

139 Bestiality is illegal. *gives a hard glare (you know who you are)*
Posted by: Red Turban Someguy


MENDOOOOOOZA!!!

Posted by: rickb223 at April 13, 2022 03:56 PM (u9avC)

140 I really hate those fucking lung crunchers!

Posted by: Max Power at April 13, 2022 03:56 PM (k7+BO)

141 >>>High reps builds cardio. Just sayin'.

Posted by: Dr. Bone at April 13, 2022 03:54 PM (Wnd0C)

Heehee

Posted by: Bunnies at April 13, 2022 03:56 PM (QYPq3)

142 Th dumbbell thing? Diligance, and Determination.

Posted by: kraken at April 13, 2022 03:56 PM (Vr12I)

143 Talk to any nurse who has done some time in the ER. A medic once told me all kinds of stories about guys getting their doinker stuck in all kinds of things. People are fucked up.

Posted by: Marcus T at April 13, 2022 03:56 PM (yN/vH)

144 130 This busty bikini blonde has never given herself a masturbation-related injury:
https://is.gd/4EZDRR
Posted by: Joe Mannix (Not a cop!) at April 13, 2022 03:54 PM (DU+/6)


In Soviet America, busty bikini blonde give you masturbation-related injury!

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at April 13, 2022 03:56 PM (s2VJv)

145 132 How does one go about getting a string up ones dickhole? Fish tape?
Posted by: Duke Lowell at April 13, 2022 03:55 PM (u73oe)

--------------------------

Where's the obligatory "asking for a friend..."? Or are you just waiting to see who provides an answer?

Posted by: No One of Consequence at April 13, 2022 03:56 PM (CAJOC)

146 'Twas never really a fan of punk. But I certainly don't hate it like I hate so much of what folks call music. I've heard enough good punk to know that while it's not for me, it's fun to hear now and then.

Posted by: Pug Mahon, Gen X Ne'er-Do-Well at April 13, 2022 03:57 PM (x8Wzq)

147 I went to school with a girl who put one too many gherkins where they didn't belong.
Posted by: Marcus T at April 13, 2022 03:51 PM


In one of the first episodes of the upcoming cable series The Real Housewives Of National Review, the ladies will candidly discuss their workarounds for the gherkin syndrome they all seem to be married to.

Posted by: Duncanthrax at April 13, 2022 03:57 PM (a3Q+t)

148 Lubrication and commitment?
Posted by: Joe Mannix (Not a cop!) at April 13, 2022 03:55 PM (DU+/6)
--------------

Yeah, I'd say a truck full of commitment and a teaspoon full of lube.

Posted by: blake - semi lurker in marginal standing (5pTK/) at April 13, 2022 03:57 PM (5pTK/)

149 138 How do you stick a dumb bell up your ass ????
Posted by: Ferd Berfall at April 13, 2022 03:38 PM (odhPf)

When a man and a dumb bell really love each other . . . .
Posted by: flounder, wrecker, hoarder, saboteur at April 13, 2022 03:55 PM (SH2Zi)


That sounds like the beginning of a Kamala speech.

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at April 13, 2022 03:57 PM (s2VJv)

150 130 This busty bikini blonde has never given herself a masturbation-related injury:
https://is.gd/4EZDRR
Posted by: Joe Mannix (Not a cop!) at April 13, 2022 03:54 PM (DU+/6)

How DARE you!

Posted by: Greta Thunberg, Committee for the Promotion of Virtue and Prevention of Vice at April 13, 2022 03:57 PM (II3Gr)

151
that's not funny!

Posted by: Kurt at April 13, 2022 03:57 PM (0G13K)

152 Collapsed lungs are not a pleasant thing.

My right lung collapsed after a gall bladder had gone bad. Really bad. The surgeon had to remove most of it using suction , the infection had effectively turned the organ to a liquid... I was supposedly slated for a week in the hospital. I walked out the next morning feeling so much better. The pain was real... Drugs where my friend's while i waited several hours in the er because... Holiday. I'm convinced the surgery saved my life.

Posted by: USNtakim deplorable still. at April 13, 2022 03:58 PM (0OmEj)

153 Th dumbbell thing? Diligance, and Determination.
Posted by: kraken at April 13, 2022 03:56 PM (Vr12I)

Singing Moooon River seems to help as well.

Posted by: Pug Mahon, Gen X Ne'er-Do-Well at April 13, 2022 03:58 PM (x8Wzq)

154 Lubrication and commitment?
Posted by: Joe Mannix (Not a cop!) at April 13, 2022 03:55 PM (DU+/6)

I saw Lubrication and Commitment open for Ram Jam at the Speculum, er, Spectrum in '77.


Posted by: J.J. Sefton at April 13, 2022 03:58 PM (s2VJv)

155 by the way, guy with lung issue to due over self pleasuring...there was a third party involved, and, the guy didn't want to name names or admit what really happened, so, he went for the least embarrassing story.

Posted by: blake - semi lurker in marginal standing (5pTK/) at April 13, 2022 03:58 PM (5pTK/)

156 >>>The weird thing is, the botched sex game was just Parcheesi.

lol

Posted by: flounder, wrecker, hoarder, saboteur at April 13, 2022 03:58 PM (SH2Zi)

157 She: "Whatcha reading, honey? "
Me: "Stuff about self abuse, crunched lungs, pickles, stuff like that."
She: "So, not Fox News then? "

Posted by: Cheerful Reprobate at April 13, 2022 03:58 PM (uYDdE)

158 one time I stuck a pickle jar up my ass

i shouldn't have opened the jar first, because then it wouldn't come out, because of the suction

oh and the Insurrection was real or something

Posted by: Kurt at April 13, 2022 03:58 PM (0G13K)

159 I'm Pretty sure a good woman trumps a barbell up the ass any day.

Posted by: Marcus T at April 13, 2022 03:58 PM (yN/vH)

160 How does one go about getting a string up ones dickhole? Fish tape?
Posted by: Duke Lowell at April 13, 2022 03:55 PM


Lasso a candiru.

Posted by: Duncanthrax at April 13, 2022 03:59 PM (a3Q+t)

161 How do you stick a dumb bell up your ass ????

--------

I suspect you need to up your game from KY.

Posted by: Undocumented at April 13, 2022 03:59 PM (8UYDR)

162 Perhaps he did not grasp the importance of taking it easy on the fapping front..

I sure hope he can get a grip and turn his life around..

Posted by: Chi-town Jerry at April 13, 2022 03:59 PM (CjFDo)

163 How do you stick a dumb bell up your ass ????

Posted by: Ferd Berfall at April 13, 2022 03:38 PM -

I swear I was just walking in the gym - naked because I just got out of the shower - when I realized I left my towel at the dumbbell rack. Well, my feet were all wet and so I slipped and, well, so here I am, doc.

Posted by: Emmett Milbarge at April 13, 2022 03:59 PM (VbI7r)

164 How do you stick a dumb bell up your ass ????
Posted by: Ferd Berfall at April 13, 2022 03:38 PM (odhPf)

A goal is important.

Posted by: N.L. Urker, oops, I commented again. Sorry, eh. at April 13, 2022 03:59 PM (VdGjU)

165 132 How does one go about getting a string up ones dickhole? Fish tape?

Posted by: Duke Lowell at April 13, 2022 03:55 PM (u73oe)


Google "Urethral Sounds".

I found out about this because I actually needed to price some urethral sounds about a decade ago (great...uh.. cocktail party chatter!). I thought I had a reasonable familiarity with the range of sexual weirdness, but it turns out I do not.....

Posted by: Alcoholic Asshole Shut In at April 13, 2022 03:59 PM (mZOHK)

166 >>>No, he's just the first Glory Hound to run off to the hospital to get credit for it.

He should have blamed Putin.

Posted by: flounder, wrecker, hoarder, saboteur at April 13, 2022 03:59 PM (SH2Zi)

167 >>>Lasso a candiru.

easily the best Tito Puente album

Posted by: ace at April 13, 2022 03:59 PM (0G13K)

168 148
Yeah, I'd say a truck full of commitment and a teaspoon full of lube.
Posted by: blake - semi lurker in marginal standing (5pTK/) at April 13, 2022 03:57 PM (5pTK/)


"Just a teaspoon full of lube helps the dumbbell go up. . . "

- - Mirror Universe Julie Andrews

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at April 13, 2022 03:59 PM (s2VJv)

169 The weird thing is, the botched sex game was just Parcheesi.

Thought that was "Sorry!"

Posted by: Insomniac - Outlaw. Hoarder. Wrecker. Honker. at April 13, 2022 04:00 PM (II3Gr)

170 130 This busty bikini blonde has never given herself a masturbation-related injury:
https://is.gd/4EZDRR
Posted by: Joe Mannix (Not a cop!) at April 13, 2022 03:54 PM (DU+/6)

Just think. There's some guy out in the world that got tired of fucking her.

Posted by: Pork Chops & Bacons at April 13, 2022 04:00 PM (Qhnrt)

171 Talk to any nurse who has done some time in the ER. A medic once told me all kinds of stories about guys getting their doinker stuck in all kinds of things. People are fucked up.
Posted by: Marcus T at April 13, 2022 03:56 PM (yN/vH)
-------------

"The Making of a Surgeon" talks about his hospital having a trophy board for such things.

Posted by: blake - semi lurker in marginal standing (5pTK/) at April 13, 2022 04:00 PM (5pTK/)

172 Lasso a candiru.
Posted by: Duncanthrax at April 13, 2022 03:59 PM (a3Q+t)

Candiru, I need you too.

(rejected Cars lyrics)

Posted by: Pug Mahon, Gen X Ne'er-Do-Well at April 13, 2022 04:00 PM (x8Wzq)

173 by the way, guy with lung issue to due over self pleasuring...there was a third party involved, and, the guy didn't want to name names or admit what really happened, so, he went for the least embarrassing story.
Posted by: blake - semi lurker in marginal standing (5pTK/) at April 13, 2022 03:58 PM (5pTK/)
++++
Makes ya wonder what they were *actually* up to.

Posted by: Joe Mannix (Not a cop!) at April 13, 2022 04:00 PM (DU+/6)

174 I'm Pretty sure a good woman trumps a barbell up the ass any day.
Posted by: Marcus T

You're gonna stick an entire good woman up your ass?

Duuuuude!

Posted by: Tonypete at April 13, 2022 04:00 PM (Msys3)

175 Imagine the rest of his workout if it starts with a barbell in the colon. Actually, please don't.

Posted by: Marcus T at April 13, 2022 04:00 PM (yN/vH)

176 Just when I think I've heard it all....

Posted by: Jewells45 at April 13, 2022 04:00 PM (nxdel)

177 Joe, This would be the perfect thread for Instagram cuties
Posted by: FenelonSpoke at April 13, 2022 03:38 PM (+5UtU)


This hot little model makes you wonder how fast is too fast, and how much fun can I stand?


https://tinyurl.com/44hdhxjh

Posted by: Kindltot at April 13, 2022 04:00 PM (xhaym)

178 >>> by the way, guy with lung issue to due over self pleasuring...there was a third party involved,

Wouldn't that be a second party?

Posted by: fluffy at April 13, 2022 04:01 PM (UnQlg)

179 Anus dumbbell curls are next level training techniques.

Posted by: N.L. Urker, oops, I commented again. Sorry, eh. at April 13, 2022 04:01 PM (VdGjU)

180 Google "Urethral Sounds".

I found out about this because I actually needed to price some urethral sounds about a decade ago (great...uh.. cocktail party chatter!). I thought I had a reasonable familiarity with the range of sexual weirdness, but it turns out I do not.....
Posted by: Alcoholic Asshole Shut In at April 13, 2022 03:59 PM (mZOHK)

I dated a girl who owned the book "The Encyclopedia of Unusual Sexual Practices". Fucked up shit doesn't begin to cover it.

Posted by: Mark Andrew Edwards, RIP Oregon Muse at April 13, 2022 04:01 PM (XvPQV)

181 163 I swear I was just walking in the gym - naked because I just got out of the shower - when I realized I left my towel at the dumbbell rack. Well, my feet were all wet and so I slipped and, well, so here I am, doc.
Posted by: Emmett Milbarge at April 13, 2022 03:59 PM (VbI7r)

"I'll take Penthouse Letters Opening Lines for $100, Alex."

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at April 13, 2022 04:01 PM (s2VJv)

182 130 This busty bikini blonde has never given herself a masturbation-related injury:
https://is.gd/4EZDRR
Posted by: J


In fairness fen does not have enough time to fight happiness everywhere

Posted by: Y5 at April 13, 2022 04:01 PM (8tNUK)

183 152 Collapsed lungs are not a pleasant thing.

My right lung collapsed after a gall bladder had gone bad. Really bad. The surgeon had to remove most of it using suction , the infection had effectively turned the organ to a liquid... I was supposedly slated for a week in the hospital. I walked out the next morning feeling so much better. The pain was real... Drugs where my friend's while i waited several hours in the er because... Holiday. I'm convinced the surgery saved my life.

Posted by: USNtakim deplorable still. at April 13, 2022 03:58 PM (0OmEj)


Honestly, I'd rather masturbate.

Posted by: Alcoholic Asshole Shut In at April 13, 2022 04:01 PM (mZOHK)

184 >>>Google "Urethral Sounds"

Disappointing follow-up to "Spanish Steps"

Posted by: ace at April 13, 2022 04:01 PM (0G13K)

185 Fun Fact: Tobacco companies were exempt from prostitution and dumbbells.

Posted by: Undocumented at April 13, 2022 04:01 PM (8UYDR)

186 20-Year-Old Man Rushed to Hospital With "Crunched" Lung Due to Masturbating Too Hard - Ace

I never saw this coming. Cue rim shot.

Posted by: Onaism Olympiad at April 13, 2022 04:01 PM (GNjuu)

187 159 I'm Pretty sure a good woman trumps a barbell up the ass any day.
Posted by: Marcus T at April 13, 2022 03:58 PM (yN/vH)

I would wager the dude is a homo.

Posted by: Red Turban Someguy - The Republic is already dead! at April 13, 2022 04:01 PM (z5Vrg)

188 Ho. Lee. Fok.

The school district collects an income tax and a property tax. I just found out they also tax every district resident over the age of 18 a $10 tax for just existing. And, every employed person is also levied an additional occupation tax based on their job, which will arrive soon. I just received the bill for my wife, whose tax I did not pay, because it is not clear on the form that it must be paid. They added an additional 10% late fee to the $10, plus a $12.50 pre-collections fee to pay for the potential collection agency if I don't pay. And if I do pay, I still have to pay the collection agency fee.

Posted by: Cat Ass Trophy at April 13, 2022 04:01 PM (qnVBz)

189 Talk to any nurse who has done some time in the ER. A medic once told me all kinds of stories about guys getting their doinker stuck in all kinds of things. People are fucked up.
Posted by: Marcus T at April 13, 2022 03:56 PM (yN/vH)
---
An episode of Scrubs has Turk find a neat pen for Carla in the "lost and found" box. Turns out it was actually the "ass" box...as in the stuff removed from peoples' asses...

Posted by: "Perfessor" Squirrel at April 13, 2022 04:01 PM (YIVH2)

190 179 Anus dumbbell curls are next level training techniques.
Posted by: N.L. Urker, oops, I commented again. Sorry, eh. at April 13, 2022 04:01 PM (VdGjU)


I recall a NYC performance artist from the late 70s called The Yam Shooter.

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at April 13, 2022 04:01 PM (s2VJv)

191 143 Talk to any nurse who has done some time in the ER. A medic once told me all kinds of stories about guys getting their doinker stuck in all kinds of things. People are fucked up.
---
My uncle was Chief Resident at a big urban ER for several years. He has a giant notebook filled with funny and bizarre stuff like that.

Posted by: Meade Lux Lewis, Domestic Terrorist at April 13, 2022 04:01 PM (sWM8x)

192 Candiru, I need you too.

(rejected Cars lyrics)


does anyone fucking knock any more?

Posted by: Brad Johnson at April 13, 2022 04:02 PM (0G13K)

193 What idiot looks at a barbell and says to himself, "yeah, I'd really like that in my ass"? What kind of a mouth breathing, window licking, Gomer Pyle, crackhead would make that connection?

Posted by: Marcus T at April 13, 2022 04:02 PM (yN/vH)

194
I found out about this because I actually needed to price some urethral sounds about a decade ago (great...uh.. cocktail party chatter!). I thought I had a reasonable familiarity with the range of sexual weirdness, but it turns out I do not.....
Posted by: Alcoholic Asshole Shut In at April 13, 2022 03:59 PM (mZOHK)

Please remind me to never open any of your links.

Posted by: Pork Chops & Bacons at April 13, 2022 04:02 PM (Qhnrt)

195 ace, we were discussing it at the end of last thread. Did you see SMH's link where there's no blood for a LONG time after the people who were shot left the train, a lady is caught on camera pouring blood out onto the clean floor, and an injured man only drops to the floor and begins bleeding after a man is caught on camera waving his hands at him to indicate that he should fall to the ground?

Don't get distracted by the numerology at the start. Watch until the lack of blood and the lady in the tacky brown shoes is discussed.


There's some weird sh*t going on these days. Probably has been for a long time.
**

https://www.bitchute.com/video/NPDG2YKIZ3mr/

Posted by: SMH

Posted by: Moron Robbie - The Black family survived slavery but not welfare at April 13, 2022 04:02 PM (BGev3)

196 184 >>>Google "Urethral Sounds"

Disappointing follow-up to "Spanish Steps"
Posted by: ace at April 13, 2022 04:01 PM (0G13K)

Beach Boys meet the Queen of Soul . . .

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at April 13, 2022 04:02 PM (s2VJv)

197 130 This busty bikini blonde has never given herself a masturbation-related injury:
https://is.gd/4EZDRR
Posted by: Joe Mannix (Not a cop!) at April 13, 2022 03:54 PM (DU+/6)

QUALITY fembot

Posted by: Mark Andrew Edwards, RIP Oregon Muse at April 13, 2022 04:02 PM (XvPQV)

198 Google "Urethral Sounds".

I found out about this because I actually needed to price some urethral sounds about a decade ago (great...uh.. cocktail party chatter!). I thought I had a reasonable familiarity with the range of sexual weirdness, but it turns out I do not.....
Posted by: Alcoholic Asshole Shut In

A bottle nose urethra makes a spooky sound. And a blue urethra makes a haunting sound. And a great sperm urethra...

Posted by: rickb223 at April 13, 2022 04:02 PM (u9avC)

199 Urethral Sounds was the nixed title for Brian Wilson's most influential album with the Beach Boys.

Posted by: Insomniac - Outlaw. Hoarder. Wrecker. Honker. at April 13, 2022 04:03 PM (II3Gr)

200 I am avoiding this thread furiously.

Posted by: Gentlemen, this is junta manifest at April 13, 2022 04:03 PM (wqNgG)

201 Was it a Bowflex Adjustable Dumbell??

If we just taught this to 2nd and 3rd graders earlier this would not have happened !!!! I blame the Governor of Florida's "Don't Say Bowflex law" for this disaster !!!!!

Posted by: Ferd Berfall at April 13, 2022 04:03 PM (odhPf)

202 Just think. There's some guy out in the world that got tired of fucking her.
Posted by: Pork Chops & Bacons at April 13, 2022 04:00 PM (Qhnrt)

----------------------------

Nah. They're all in the hospital with crunchy lungs.

Posted by: No One of Consequence at April 13, 2022 04:03 PM (CAJOC)

203 Too bad Gilbert Gottfried can't comment on this.

Posted by: Meade Lux Lewis, Domestic Terrorist at April 13, 2022 04:03 PM (sWM8x)

204 169 The weird thing is, the botched sex game was just Parcheesi.

Thought that was "Sorry!"
Posted by: Insomniac - Outlaw. Hoarder. Wrecker. Honker. at April 13, 2022 04:00 PM (II3Gr)

More like "Go To the Head of the Class" these days.

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at April 13, 2022 04:03 PM (s2VJv)

205 >>>ce, we were discussing it at the end of last thread. Did you see SMH's link where there's no blood for a LONG time after the people who were shot left the train, a lady is caught on camera pouring blood out onto the clean floor,

guys come on

COME ON

Yes I saw that earlier, and thought it was crazy.

NOT EVERYTHING IS CRISIS ACTORS

Posted by: Brad Johnson at April 13, 2022 04:03 PM (0G13K)

206 This busty bikini blonde has never given herself a masturbation-related injury:
https://is.gd/4EZDRR

Posted by: Joe Mannix (Not a cop!) at April 13, 2022 03:54 PM (DU+/6)

DO NOT RUIN THE FANTASY

Posted by: ... at April 13, 2022 04:04 PM (dscaa)

207 "I would wager the dude is a homo.
Posted by: Red Turban Someguy - The Republic is already dead! at April 13, 2022 04:01 PM (z5Vrg)"

Going way out on that limb, are you.

Posted by: Marcus T at April 13, 2022 04:04 PM (yN/vH)

208 I recall a NYC performance artist from the late 70s called The Yam Shooter.
Posted by: J.J. Sefton

Her sister could pluck a $20 out of the neck of a beer bottle and fold it.


Without using her hands. . . .

Posted by: Tonypete at April 13, 2022 04:04 PM (Msys3)

209 Ace socking Kurt is pretty damn funny.

Posted by: Joe Mannix (Not a cop!) at April 13, 2022 04:05 PM (DU+/6)

210 How do you get a dumbbell up your ass?

Hip draaaaahve.

Posted by: Mark Rippetoe at April 13, 2022 04:05 PM (VbI7r)

211 I don't get why he had to do it himself?

It seems so many women are so willing.

Posted by: Seems Legit at April 13, 2022 04:05 PM (DcKNO)

212 191 143 Talk to any nurse who has done some time in the ER. A medic once told me all kinds of stories about guys getting their doinker stuck in all kinds of things. People are fucked up.
---
My uncle was Chief Resident at a big urban ER for several years. He has a giant notebook filled with funny and bizarre stuff like that.

Posted by: Meade Lux Lewis, Domestic Terrorist at April 13, 2022 04:01 PM (sWM)


back when I was a resident, the cool thing was to arrange and frame all the stuff your departmemnt had pulled out of various orfices, passages and hollow visci. But sometime in the 80's the variety of...things and stories.... started to really change. Now you couldn't do that except as a sort of ironic hip art installation. You sure couldn't hang it on a wall in your ER.

Posted by: Alcoholic Asshole Shut In at April 13, 2022 04:05 PM (mZOHK)

213 This busty bikini blonde has never given herself a masturbation-related injury

Didn't click but I imagine there are some champion maturbators who have done some injury To themselves to using her picture to entertain themselves.

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at April 13, 2022 04:05 PM (UaOKj)

214 I recall a NYC performance artist from the late 70s called The Yam Shooter.
Posted by: J.J. Sefton


Who was gg alln

Posted by: Y5 at April 13, 2022 04:05 PM (8tNUK)

215 New take on quick hits I see

Posted by: Dave in Fla at April 13, 2022 04:06 PM (DFWJJ)

216 214 Posted by: Y5 at April 13, 2022 04:05 PM (8tNUK)

Bingo.

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at April 13, 2022 04:06 PM (s2VJv)

217
The weird thing is, the botched sex game was just Parcheesi.

Thought that was "Sorry!"
Posted by: Insomniac

More like "Go To the Head of the Class" these days.
Posted by: J.J. Sefton


Operation
The goofy game for dopey doctors.

Posted by: Bertram Cabot, Jr. at April 13, 2022 04:06 PM (63Dwl)

218 What idiot looks at a barbell and says to himself, "yeah, I'd really like that in my ass"? What kind of a mouth breathing, window licking, Gomer Pyle, crackhead would make that connection?
Posted by: Marcus T at April 13, 2022 04:02 PM (yN/vH)

-----------------

And idiots idiot?

Posted by: blake - semi lurker in marginal standing (5pTK/) at April 13, 2022 04:06 PM (5pTK/)

219 Kinda funny really, see trannie girls your not a guy so don't try this.

Posted by: Skip at April 13, 2022 04:06 PM (2JoB8)

220 What gets me is there was a point where he was looking at that dumbbell like "oh, baby".

Thinking about it all day and night.

Sitting there in conversation with someone else, mind wandering, just waiting, dreaming, hoping......

Posted by: ... at April 13, 2022 04:06 PM (dscaa)

221 seriously 50 crisis actors were organized to stage a fake shooting on a subway and also 16 bullet wounds were faked?!?

Based upon your belief that when a woman bends over and then you see blood on the ground that's her "pouring" blood rather than, you know, blood actually pouring from a wound in her forearm?

And then they blame this on a.. leftwing black nationalist?!?

WHY? WHY WOULD "THEY" DO THIS?! Why wouldn't it be a MAGA guy?

Posted by: ace at April 13, 2022 04:06 PM (0G13K)

222 Urethral Sounds was the nixed title for Brian Wilson's most influential album with the Beach Boys.

Posted by: Insomniac - Outlaw. Hoarder. Wrecker. Honker. at April 13, 2022 04:03 PM (II3Gr)

Enya's second most popular album title.

Posted by: flounder, wrecker, hoarder, saboteur at April 13, 2022 04:06 PM (SH2Zi)

223 207 "I would wager the dude is a homo.
Posted by: Red Turban Someguy - The Republic is already dead! at April 13, 2022 04:01 PM (z5Vrg)"

Going way out on that limb, are you.
Posted by: Marcus T at April 13, 2022 04:04 PM (yN/vH)

I'm an investor, not a speculator.

Posted by: Red Turban Someguy - The Republic is already dead! at April 13, 2022 04:06 PM (z5Vrg)

224 193 What idiot looks at a barbell and says to himself, "yeah, I'd really like that in my ass"? What kind of a mouth breathing, window licking, Gomer Pyle, crackhead would make that connection? Posted by: Marcus T

Calling Jesse a Gomer Pyle crackhead is a bridge too far. As for the rest, seems plausible.

Posted by: Onaism Olympiad at April 13, 2022 04:06 PM (GNjuu)

225 Then there is the story about the woman that masturbated with a lobster

Posted by: Y5 at April 13, 2022 04:07 PM (8tNUK)

226 Lol. Fen, you amaze me sometimes.

Posted by: Cannibal Bob

Posted by: Taqiyyologist, Rickrolled by Jesus at April 13, 2022 04:07 PM (OssQ4)

227 This busty bikini blonde has never given herself a masturbation-related injury

Didn't click but I imagine there are some champion maturbators who have done some injury To themselves to using her picture to entertain themselves.

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at April 13, 2022 04:05 PM (UaOKj)

It's not a competition, Fen.

Posted by: flounder, wrecker, hoarder, saboteur at April 13, 2022 04:07 PM (SH2Zi)

228 >>>Kinda funny really, see trannie girls your not a guy so don't try this.

Posted by: Skip at April 13, 2022 04:06 PM (2JoB

Men pleasure themselves because they're better at everything than women.

Posted by: In Reel Life (yes, dummy, on purpose) at April 13, 2022 04:07 PM (QYPq3)

229 I remember a Gilbert Gottfried joke.
Dad walks in on his son while the son is engaged in self gratification.
Dad says "Cut that out, or you'll go blind!"
Son says "Hey, Dad, I'm over here!".

Posted by: gourmand du jour at April 13, 2022 04:07 PM (jTmQV)

230 What idiot looks at a barbell and says to himself, "yeah, I'd really like that in my ass"? What kind of a mouth breathing, window licking, Gomer Pyle, crackhead would make that connectio


Are you doing fen's job now

Posted by: Y5 at April 13, 2022 04:08 PM (8tNUK)

231 >>> What idiot looks at a barbell and says to himself, "yeah, I'd really like that in my ass"?

Because it's there.

Posted by: The George Mallory of Anal Insertions at April 13, 2022 04:08 PM (0G13K)

232 Omg, Ace!
Love the Violent Femmes

Thanks! I needed the pick me up!

Posted by: nurse ratched at April 13, 2022 04:08 PM (W2Pud)

233 You're gonna stick an entire good woman up your ass?

Duuuuude!
Posted by: Tonypete at April 13, 2022 04:00 PM (Msys3)

Mister Slave did, with his slut-off with Paris Hilton.

Posted by: Thrawn at April 13, 2022 04:08 PM (Rl7KJ)

234 This thread is gonna get out of hand.

Posted by: Duke Lowell at April 13, 2022 04:08 PM (u73oe)

235 Calling BS. The guy was probably trying to perform oral on himself. Got in what he thought was a perfect position and crushed his long. Hope it was worth it.
Did I miss it somewhere or does anyone else think Tater looks like Garth Brooks?? Made me think of some alternate lyrics. None were good enough for this place. Not yet anyway.

Posted by: 22LR at April 13, 2022 04:09 PM (omaXJ)

236 Someone mentioned the second and third weeks in April are the "mass shooting" weeks.



I think we're past the point in our Country where we believe in coincidences.

Posted by: Seems Legit at April 13, 2022 04:09 PM (DcKNO)

237 Anyone consider that he was trying for some quick GAINZZZ?

Posted by: ... at April 13, 2022 04:09 PM (dscaa)

238 If you don't know how to dislodge air from your rib-cage, stop masturbating rookie.

Posted by: Dr Spank at April 13, 2022 04:09 PM (h3Lfd)

239 130 This busty bikini blonde has never given herself a masturbation-related injury:
https://is.gd/4EZDRR

Posted by: Joe Mannix (Not a cop!) at April 13, 2022 03:54 PM (DU+/6)

------

If she's in the nude volleyball scene in the Top Gun sequel, I might watch it.

Posted by: ShainS at April 13, 2022 04:09 PM (Emy6L)

240 >>>This thread is gonna get out of hand.

Posted by: Duke Lowell at April 13, 2022 04:08 PM (u73oe)

IT'S FUNNY BECAUSE THE GUY CRUNCHED HIS LUNG BECAUSE HE COULDN'T GET IT OUT OF HIS HAND

Posted by: BEN ROETHLISBER at April 13, 2022 04:09 PM (QYPq3)

241 i was listening to Gilbert and that led me to an anthony Jeselnik roast of Roseanne Barr.

He had a great line.

"Roseanne Barr had bariatric stomach surgery in 1998... and she beat it."

Roseanne howled with laughter. At least she can take a joke.

Posted by: The George Mallory of Anal Insertions at April 13, 2022 04:09 PM (0G13K)

242 If you don't know how to dislodge air from your rib-cage, stop masturbating rookie.
Posted by: Dr Spank at April 13, 2022 04:09 PM (h3Lfd)
++++
I have a quick-release valve embedded in my thorax, just in case.

Fortune favors the prepared.

Posted by: Joe Mannix (Not a cop!) at April 13, 2022 04:09 PM (DU+/6)

243 This thread is gonna get out of hand.

Posted by: Duke Lowell


Past tense, Duke, past tense.

Posted by: Brother Tim, #teamheadsonpikes at April 13, 2022 04:10 PM (OUMaO)

244
The weird thing is, the botched sex game was just Parcheesi.

Thought that was "Sorry!"
Posted by: Insomniac

More like "Go To the Head of the Class" these days.
Posted by: J.J. Sefton

Operation
The goofy game for dopey doctors.


"Twister"

Posted by: Krebs v Carnot: Epic Battle of the Cycling Stars (TM) at April 13, 2022 04:10 PM (pNxlR)

245 I don't often recommend shoving a dumbbell or two up your ass but when I do, I recommend these from Luis Vuitton:


https://tinyurl.com/3m9cp5j8

Posted by: Undocumented at April 13, 2022 04:10 PM (8UYDR)

246 I think both of the guys mentioned need to go in to the AOS deviant hall of fame, like "Horseman Boy" "Toaster Fucker" and "Couch Fucker"

Oh, I forgot about "Car Fucker"

Posted by: Hatari Somewhere on Ventura Highway at April 13, 2022 04:10 PM (iWIqo)

247 >>>by the way, guy with lung issue to due over self pleasuring...there was a third party involved, and, the guy didn't want to name names or admit what really happened, so, he went for the least embarrassing story.
Posted by: blake - semi lurker in marginal standing (5pTK/) at April 13, 2022 03:58 PM (5pTK/)


If he went to a fourth party he'd probably be dead by now.

Posted by: Max Power at April 13, 2022 04:10 PM (k7+BO)

248 Roseanne howled with laughter. At least she can take a joke.
Posted by: The George Mallory of Anal Insertions at April 13, 2022 04:09 PM (0G13K)
--------------

Roseanne turned out to be a far better person that Tom Arnold.

Still boggles my mind.

Posted by: blake - semi lurker in marginal standing (5pTK/) at April 13, 2022 04:11 PM (5pTK/)

249 WHY? WHY WOULD "THEY" DO THIS?! Why wouldn't it be a MAGA guy?

They didn't hire moi as showrunner.

Posted by: Jussie Smollett at April 13, 2022 04:11 PM (a3Q+t)

250 >>>by the way, guy with lung issue to due over self pleasuring...there was a third party involved

he did me a real solid

Posted by: Lizzo at April 13, 2022 04:11 PM (0G13K)

251
Swiss guy's Twitter handle is "MasterBlaster"

Posted by: Krebs v Carnot: Epic Battle of the Cycling Stars (TM) at April 13, 2022 04:11 PM (pNxlR)

252 I wish that mathematician who challenged Ben Shapiro would explain the math used to assume a 4-pound dumbbell and a regular asshole would be a good fit.

Posted by: Seems Legit at April 13, 2022 04:11 PM (DcKNO)

253 Just read this thread and wonder no more why people voted for. Oxen and Democrats. So you really believe "Barbell up my Ass Guy", "I broke my Dick and got spontaneous pneumomediastinum Guy, and "Too many Gherkins in my Vagina Lady", really are intellectual thinkers who took time and cogitated on the ballot?

I ask you, anybody?

Posted by: Marcus T at April 13, 2022 04:11 PM (yN/vH)

254 back in time for the self pleasure thread, Toobin free at least.

"I only smoke after masturbation, if there was too much friction."

choose your lubricant carefully, to avoid flash in the pan performance. (things your kids now learn in kindergarten)

Posted by: illiniwek at April 13, 2022 04:11 PM (Cus5s)

255 Posted by: Alcoholic Asshole Shut In at April 13, 2022 04:05 PM (mZOHK)
---
I should have been clearer--the notebook didn't contain any of the objects, just documentation. He'd blocked out identifying information. Truly strange.

Posted by: Meade Lux Lewis, Domestic Terrorist at April 13, 2022 04:12 PM (sWM8x)

256 He picked up the dumbbell at Ass's Sporting Goods.



You know, like Dick's? Get it?

No...?

Posted by: ... at April 13, 2022 04:12 PM (dscaa)

257 I don't often recommend shoving a dumbbell or two up your ass but when I do, I recommend these from Luis Vuitton:
https://tinyurl.com/3m9cp5j8
Posted by: Undocumented at April 13, 2022 04:10 PM (8UYDR)
++++
Emblazoned with the iconic LV monogram pattern, these designer dumbbells weigh 3 kgs (6.7 pounds) and will set you back $2,720.00 before shipping.

I wish I would have thought of that piece of absurdity. The idea of a Luis Vuitton dumbbell, I mean. Not taking it rectally.

Posted by: Joe Mannix (Not a cop!) at April 13, 2022 04:12 PM (DU+/6)

258
I imagine there are some champion maturbators

Are there any men trying to be women in those championships?

Posted by: Bertram Cabot, Jr. at April 13, 2022 04:12 PM (63Dwl)

259 I sorta think the dumb bell is the one with gym equipment stuffed up his ass.

Posted by: Madamemayhem (uppity wench) at April 13, 2022 04:12 PM (Vxu+H)

260 Shain she is in a volleyball game that top couldn't say on no matter what.

Posted by: Skip at April 13, 2022 04:12 PM (2JoB8)

261 In fairness, what is stranger, a guy shoving a barbell in his ass or somebody here bitching about girls in shorts

Posted by: Y5 at April 13, 2022 04:13 PM (8tNUK)

262 "Blister in the Sun" is not actually about masturbation. Its about heroin addiction, per Gordon Gano, the dude that wrote it.

Posted by: Hillary's Left Testicle at April 13, 2022 04:13 PM (zbSM/)

263 The weird thing is, the botched sex game was just Parcheesi.

Thought that was "Sorry!"
Posted by: Insomniac

They use Candyland for the sex games at the kindergarten. It's more age-appropriate for a sex game, see.

Posted by: Taqiyyologist, Rickrolled by Jesus at April 13, 2022 04:13 PM (OssQ4)

264 You know what else wasn't funny?

Andy Kaufman

Posted by: weft cut-loop at April 13, 2022 04:13 PM (p6Md5)

265 If you don't know how to dislodge air from your rib-cage, stop masturbating rookie.
Posted by: Dr Spank at April 13, 2022 04:09 PM (h3Lfd)


a large gauge needle, surgical tubing and some way to draw a gentle vacuum?

Otherwise you need to start a hole in the chest wall and use one of those self-burping pneumothorax dressings.

This used to be a problem with active TB cases, the lungs would pop or leak into the chest cavity. Howevcer, one of the treatments for TB was to let the lung "rest" by collapsing a lung by inducing a pneumothorax
It is not fatal, as long as it doesn't collapse the lung completely and suffocate the patient.

Posted by: Kindltot at April 13, 2022 04:13 PM (xhaym)

266 In fairness, what is stranger, a guy shoving a barbell in his ass or somebody here bitching about girls in shorts
Posted by: Y5 at April 13, 2022 04:13 PM (8tNUK)

----------------

What he said!

Posted by: Meghan McCain at April 13, 2022 04:14 PM (5pTK/)

267
I blame Russian porn.

Posted by: Yudhishthira's Dice at April 13, 2022 04:14 PM (SKVme)

268 Norm Macdonald loved Roseanne Barr.

Posted by: m at April 13, 2022 04:14 PM (4vwwZ)

269 237 Anyone consider that he was trying for some quick GAINZZZ?

Posted by: ... at April 13, 2022 04:09 PM (dscaa)

----------

I'm almost afraid to ask how many calories are burned in an average "session?"

Not to mention the apparent size differences between my right and left arms.

Posted by: ShainS at April 13, 2022 04:14 PM (Emy6L)

270 115 How do you get a dumb bell up your ass?

You know those "resistance bands"?
___________

All too well, my friend, all too well!

Posted by: Zombie Hairy Reid at April 13, 2022 04:14 PM (k4dH2)

271 "Turning Japanese," OTOH . . .

Posted by: Hillary's Left Testicle at April 13, 2022 04:14 PM (zbSM/)

272
resistance bands are futile

Posted by: Krebs v Carnot: Epic Battle of the Cycling Stars (TM) at April 13, 2022 04:15 PM (pNxlR)

273 261 In fairness
Posted by: Y5 at April 13, 2022 04:13 PM (8tNUK)

But why "in fairness"?

Posted by: m at April 13, 2022 04:15 PM (4vwwZ)

274 When reading these stories, one should remember that "Butt Sex" is an anagram of "Subtext".

Posted by: Bilwis Devourer of Innocent Souls, I'm starvin' over here at April 13, 2022 04:15 PM (cupoy)

275 Men pleasure themselves because they're better at everything than women.
Posted by: In Reel Life

I had a girl asked me if I knew what made a woman orgasm? I replied, who cares?

Yeah, that was wife number eight.

Posted by: rickb223 at April 13, 2022 04:15 PM (u9avC)

276 Long=lung. Heh
Fear is a good punk band.

Posted by: 22LR at April 13, 2022 04:15 PM (omaXJ)

277 resistance bands are futile
Posted by: Krebs v Carnot


Yah, no shit.

Posted by: zombie harry reid at April 13, 2022 04:16 PM (p6Md5)

278 If I had known that my shooting all those people would Geraldo Rivera the opportunity to blather on for 20 minutes straight about New York, subways, and video cameras in bodegas I would have stayed home and ordered a pizza from Domino's.

Posted by: St.James at April 13, 2022 04:16 PM (GNjuu)

279 I have a quick-release valve embedded in my thorax, just in case.

Fortune favors the prepared.
Posted by: Joe Mannix (Not a cop!) at April 13, 2022 04:09 PM (DU+/6)

You can always jam a sportsball inflation needle between your ribs in a pinch.

Posted by: Insomniac - Outlaw. Hoarder. Wrecker. Honker. at April 13, 2022 04:16 PM (II3Gr)

280
Is Hunter Biden Brazilian?

Posted by: Yudhishthira's Dice at April 13, 2022 04:16 PM (SKVme)

281 Andy Kaufman was ahead of his time, challenging women to wrestling matches.

Posted by: gourmand du jour at April 13, 2022 04:17 PM (jTmQV)

282
I had a girl asked me if I knew what made a woman orgasm? I replied, who cares?

Yeah, that was wife number eight.
Posted by: r


In fairness, if she was old enough to marry she should not need to ask you

Posted by: Y5 at April 13, 2022 04:17 PM (8tNUK)

283 If you don't know how to dislodge air from your rib-cage, stop masturbating rookie.
Posted by: Dr Spank at April 13, 2022 04:09 PM (h3Lfd)
++++
I have a quick-release valve embedded in my thorax, just in case.

Fortune favors the prepared.

Posted by: Joe Mannix (Not a cop!) at April 13, 2022 04:09 PM (DU+/6)

You know, what ever happened to good, old-fashioned, romantic spontaneous masturbation. Kids these days.

Posted by: flounder, wrecker, hoarder, saboteur at April 13, 2022 04:17 PM (SH2Zi)

284 I blame Russian porn.

Posted by: Yudhishthira's Dice at April 13, 2022 04:14 PM (SKVme)

-------

Out: Putin's inflation!
In: Putin's masturbation!

Posted by: ShainS at April 13, 2022 04:18 PM (Emy6L)

285 No but seriously, he has set the bar the rest of us will have to struggle huffily to clear.



He is the New JackOff King.

Posted by: DaveA at April 13, 2022 04:18 PM (FhXTo)

286 You can always jam a sportsball inflation needle between your ribs in a pinch.
Posted by: Insomniac - Outlaw. Hoarder. Wrecker. Honker. at April 13, 2022 04:16 PM (I

That's a sexy idea!

Posted by: Max Power at April 13, 2022 04:18 PM (k7+BO)

287 How do you get a dumb bell up your ass?

You know those "resistance bands"

So that is how Harry red got the shoner

Posted by: Y5 at April 13, 2022 04:18 PM (8tNUK)

288 Fapping harder losing all my breath
Making love to me was never second best

Posted by: Modern English at April 13, 2022 04:18 PM (ohIqQ)

289 280
Is Hunter Biden Brazilian?
___________

Just his crotch wax.

Posted by: Zombie Hairy Reid at April 13, 2022 04:18 PM (k4dH2)

290 This is funny : https://tinyurl.com/y4ucpkg3

Posted by: Dr Spank at April 13, 2022 04:19 PM (h3Lfd)

291 resistance bands are futile
Posted by: Krebs v Carnot

Yah, no shit.
Posted by: zombie harry reid at April 13, 2022 04:16 PM (p6Md5)

never bought that story. I still think he got tuned up by his brother.

Posted by: Pug Mahon, Gen X Ne'er-Do-Well at April 13, 2022 04:19 PM (x8Wzq)

292 Learn something new every day.

Posted by: gp's Prophecies Of Mood at April 13, 2022 04:19 PM (qpX6U)

293 Just got back from an event. Abbott is at the border again today.
I applaud him.

Posted by: LASue at April 13, 2022 04:20 PM (Ed8Zd)

294 ace, on initially reading this story:

'They should have sent a poet.'

Posted by: Aetius451AD Work Laptop at April 13, 2022 04:20 PM (F/J1O)

295 this is a fun thread. Y'all are making me LOL out loud.

Posted by: Pug Mahon, Gen X Ne'er-Do-Well at April 13, 2022 04:21 PM (x8Wzq)

296 Totally normal, totally usual...

LPGA star Nelly Korda had surgery to remove blood clot

4 days ago - Nelly Korda, a seven-time winner on the LPGA Tour with more than $6 million in career earnings, said she would soon begin rehabilitation after undergoing surgery to remove a blood clot in her left arm.

Posted by: weft cut-loop at April 13, 2022 04:21 PM (p6Md5)

297 This is probably the most Horde story, ever.

Posted by: Aetius451AD Work Laptop at April 13, 2022 04:21 PM (F/J1O)

298 The dude must have forearms like Popeye.

Posted by: Ron at April 13, 2022 04:21 PM (AtKtr)

299
I still think he got tuned up by his brother.
Posted by: Pug Mahon, Gen X Ne'er-Do-Well at April 13, 2022 04:19 PM (x8Wzq)

Or... a million people. I mean, I'd have liked to slap the taste out his bitchy old mouf, and I've never met him. Imagine all the people who had to work with him every day.

Posted by: Yudhishthira's Dice at April 13, 2022 04:21 PM (SKVme)

300 Rest assured, I'll be using extra disinfectant at the gym tomorrow. Especially the barbells.

Posted by: Marcus T at April 13, 2022 04:21 PM (yN/vH)

301 this is a fun thread. Y'all are making me LOL out loud.
Posted by: Pug Mahon


It's a fun thread for everyone who doesn't have a barbell stuck up their ass.

Posted by: rickb223 at April 13, 2022 04:21 PM (u9avC)

302 Geez, now I'm remembering stuff from the notebook. One guy came in with a Coke bottle up his butt past the big hump in the middle. They drilled a hole in the bottom of it to release the vacuum.

Posted by: Meade Lux Lewis, Domestic Terrorist at April 13, 2022 04:22 PM (sWM8x)

303 You know, I have never once thought of shoving anything INSIDE me while in the mood.

Goes against the idiom of the moment, if you take my meaning.

Posted by: Aetius451AD Work Laptop at April 13, 2022 04:22 PM (F/J1O)

304 The weird thing is, the botched sex game was just Parcheesi. I don't know how that even works.



Parcheesi is the perfect funny word.

Posted by: DaveA at April 13, 2022 04:22 PM (FhXTo)

305 >>>GAINZZZ.

Is this our occasional GAINZZZ thread?

Posted by: m at April 13, 2022 04:22 PM (4vwwZ)

306
He should do a documentary about this, like Arnold. Rumping Iron.

Posted by: Yudhishthira's Dice at April 13, 2022 04:23 PM (SKVme)

307 It's a fun thread for everyone who doesn't have a barbell stuck up their ass.
Posted by: r



In fairness, depends how it got there

Posted by: Y5 at April 13, 2022 04:23 PM (8tNUK)

308 never bought that story. I still think he got tuned up by his brother.
Posted by: Pug Mahon, Gen X Ne'er-Do-Well at April 13, 2022 04:19 PM (x8Wzq)

I thought it was the Mob?

Although, great quote 'If you look closely at the bruise, you can see the imprint of a tiny fist...'

Posted by: Aetius451AD Work Laptop at April 13, 2022 04:23 PM (F/J1O)

309 never bought that story. I still think he got tuned up by his brother.
Posted by: Pug Mahon, Gen X Ne'er-Do-Well at April 13, 2022 04:19 PM (x8Wzq)
---------------

Powerline floated a story claiming Reid got tuned up by the mob over Obamacare.

The mob made sure Reid was re-elected, as he should have lost, but, the mob took care of the cheat, but, expected Reid to kill Obamacare.

At least, that's what my rather hazy memory seems to think happened.

Posted by: blake - semi lurker in marginal standing (5pTK/) at April 13, 2022 04:23 PM (5pTK/)

310 Slipped and fell on a dumbbell right up the fartclam.

Posted by: Cuthbert the Witless at April 13, 2022 04:23 PM (IUETd)

311 It's not a competition, Fen.
Posted by: flounder, wrecker, hoarder, saboteur at April 13, 2022 04:07 PM (SH2Zi)

I I think competitve masturbation sounds like a possible moron activity. You could have masturbation related music and Joe could provide slides-be the dick uhh disc jockey as it were . I don't know that anyone would want to admit to being the winner-at least in public
I

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at April 13, 2022 04:23 PM (gMJhZ)

312 Shit, didn't see this yesterday:

@NewsPolitics 22h

SOURCE: Chris Wallace is "having daily breakdowns" over the "miserable launch" of @CNNplus. Wants a "CNN show or is threatening to walk" they go on. "He is having staffers count how many times a day his promo is playing"

Posted by: weft cut-loop at April 13, 2022 04:24 PM (p6Md5)

313 Imagine having to put out your IFAK and use a decompression needle on yourself because you yanked too hard.

Posted by: Marcus T at April 13, 2022 04:24 PM (yN/vH)

314 I I think competitve masturbation sounds like a possible moron activity. You could have masturbation related music and Joe could provide slides-be the dick uhh disc jockey as it were . I don't know that anyone would want to admit to being the winner-at least in public

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at April 13, 2022 04:23 PM (gMJhZ)

So, honor system?

Posted by: flounder, wrecker, hoarder, saboteur at April 13, 2022 04:25 PM (SH2Zi)

315 Although, great quote 'If you look closely at the bruise, you can see the imprint of a tiny fist...'

Trying to pin that on Trump too?

Posted by: Diesel Jones, Biologist at April 13, 2022 04:25 PM (Vu7A1)

316
Charles Assless

Posted by: Yudhishthira's Dice at April 13, 2022 04:25 PM (SKVme)

317 Might be right about the mob working on Hairy Reed. but I thought that maybe his brother was mobbed up, or something. Eh! Who cares. Fooker's dead.

Posted by: Pug Mahon, Gen X Ne'er-Do-Well at April 13, 2022 04:25 PM (x8Wzq)

318
I I think competitve masturbation sounds like a possible moron activity. You could have masturbation related music and Joe could provide slides-be the dick uhh disc jockey as it were . I don't know that anyone would want to admit to being the winner-at least in public
I
Posted by: Fe



If the hq had such an event you would be there showing pics of mooch

Posted by: Y5 at April 13, 2022 04:25 PM (8tNUK)

319 I once read an article by a guy (English, naturally) who got so addicted to internet porn he couldn't stop masturbating, to the point where he became rundown, exhausted and developed pneumonia. He realized he needed help when he was hospitalized and had to time to think, "Great. You've done it now. You've actually wanked yourself into the hospital." I never thought I'd have to think of that phrase again, but here we are.

Posted by: Dr. Mabusette at April 13, 2022 04:26 PM (t2S2s)

320 Amateurs use dumbbells up their anus.
Pros use kettlebells.

Posted by: Stateless at April 13, 2022 04:26 PM (FsZ2q)

321 Amateur!

Posted by: David Caradine at April 13, 2022 04:26 PM (cPRnX)

322 I I think competitve masturbation sounds like a possible moron activity.
---
New woke Olympics. They could play Barry White stuff at the medals ceremony.

Posted by: Meade Lux Lewis, Domestic Terrorist at April 13, 2022 04:26 PM (sWM8x)

323

If the hq had such an event you would be there showing pics of mooch

Posted by: Y5 at April 13, 2022 04:25 PM (8tNUK)

Well there needs to be some challenge in the event.

Posted by: Red Turban Someguy - The Republic is already dead! at April 13, 2022 04:27 PM (z5Vrg)

324 SOURCE: Chris Wallace is "having daily breakdowns" over the "miserable launch" of @CNNplus.

Good. I hope the little pussy has a full blown mental breakdown.

Posted by: Jewells45 at April 13, 2022 04:27 PM (nxdel)

325 I take it the Swiss don't have their version of HIPAA.

Posted by: Reuben Hick at April 13, 2022 04:28 PM (AHeqJ)

326 Does the competition rate volume?
Frequency? DISTANCE???

Posted by: gourmand du jour at April 13, 2022 04:28 PM (jTmQV)

327 woof, woof,

@DLoesch 6m

Dallas animal shelter out of space, in urgent need of fosters:

Posted by: weft cut-loop at April 13, 2022 04:28 PM (p6Md5)

328 You got both hands
You got both hands

Posted by: Dr. Varno at April 13, 2022 04:28 PM (vuisn)

329 Twerking with an anus dumbbell would be a good workout.

Posted by: N.L. Urker, oops, I commented again. Sorry, eh. at April 13, 2022 04:28 PM (VdGjU)

330 SOURCE: Chris Wallace is "having daily breakdowns" over the "miserable launch" of @CNNplus.

Good. I hope the little pussy has a full blown mental breakdown.
Posted by: Jewells45 at April 13, 2022 04:27 PM (nxdel)

Holy hell. I am sick about hearing about these delicate blossoms and their feels. Nut up, ya poof! Drive on!

Posted by: Pug Mahon, Gen X Ne'er-Do-Well at April 13, 2022 04:29 PM (x8Wzq)

331
Which begs the question, What would the successful sex game entail?
Posted by: Tonypete at April 13, 2022 03:46 PM (Msys3)

When the penguins go home safely and the bodies of the other errrr "participants" are never found?

Posted by: NZFrank with an M2 at April 13, 2022 04:29 PM (bgJ0E)

332 Illegal immigrants are free to travel wherever they want to go in the US while awaiting their immigration proceedings. Psaki thanks Gov Abbott for assisting the immigrants travel to their desired destination.

Posted by: Cat Ass Trophy at April 13, 2022 04:29 PM (qnVBz)

333 >>@DLoesch 6m


You ever try to listen to one of her radio shows?

Good god. It's fucking painful.

Posted by: garrett at April 13, 2022 04:29 PM (G9lTz)

334
"miserable launch" of @CNNplus.

------

I blame RT.

Posted by: Yudhishthira's Dice at April 13, 2022 04:30 PM (SKVme)

335 Dallas animal shelter out of space, in urgent need of fosters:
Posted by: weft cut-loop at April 13, 2022 04:28 PM (p6Md5)


For the past 2 years you couldn't find a dog to adopt for love nor money in our town. All grabbed by people who needed a friend during the WuFlu lockdown. Now I hear those pets are being given up for adoption, now that they're not "needed" anymore. People are really lousy.

Posted by: Dr. Mabusette at April 13, 2022 04:30 PM (t2S2s)

336 >>>Does the competition rate volume?
Frequency? DISTANCE???

Posted by: gourmand du jour at April 13, 2022 04:28 PM (jTmQV)

More like diving: difficulty and execution

Posted by: In Reel Life (yes, dummy, on purpose) at April 13, 2022 04:30 PM (QYPq3)

337 I blame RT.
Posted by: Yudhishthira's Dice at April 13, 2022 04:30 PM (SKVme)

I blame myself.

Posted by: Aetius451AD Work Laptop at April 13, 2022 04:30 PM (F/J1O)

338 Talking about your sexual preferences or practices to adults at work is sexual harassment, and is forbidden by law.

Talking about your sexual preferences or practices to little kids in public schools is free speech that is essential to the kids' proper education and social development!

Posted by: Zombie Hairy Reid at April 13, 2022 04:31 PM (k4dH2)

339 Dumbbell is a nice way of saying dildo. Imagine if the dildo looked like a kettleball?

Posted by: Dr. Bone at April 13, 2022 04:31 PM (Wnd0C)

340 The morning after the first night of marriage fen gazed lovingly into his eyes of her husband and bitched at him for having enjoyed the night before

Posted by: Y5 at April 13, 2022 04:31 PM (8tNUK)

341 >326 Does the competition rate volume?
Frequency? DISTANCE???
Posted by: gourmand du jour at April 13, 2022 04:28 PM (jTmQV)

Viscosity, of course.

Posted by: Heavy Meta at April 13, 2022 04:31 PM (gryET)

342 SOURCE: Chris Wallace is "having daily breakdowns" over the "miserable launch" of @CNNplus. Wants a "CNN show or is threatening to walk" they go on. "He is having staffers count how many times a day his promo is playing"
Posted by: weft cut-loop at April 13, 2022 04:24 PM (p6Md5)


Now that's the sort of thing one could...um...suffer a collapsed lung for.

Posted by: Dr. T at April 13, 2022 04:31 PM (tp+tP)

343 More like diving: difficulty and execution
Posted by: In Reel Life (yes, dummy, on purpose) at April 13, 2022 04:30 PM (QYPq3)

Hmmm, no one has even seen someone 'attempt' a Helen Thomas since '84...

Posted by: Aetius451AD Work Laptop at April 13, 2022 04:31 PM (F/J1O)

344 And that man was me! To praphrase our veep throat.

Posted by: t-dubya-d at April 13, 2022 04:32 PM (66jxp)

345 You ever try to listen to one of her radio shows?

Good god. It's fucking painful.
Posted by: garrett


No, but then again, I don't wear Crocs.

Posted by: weft cut-loop at April 13, 2022 04:32 PM (p6Md5)

346 Shakeweight >> Dumbbell

Posted by: Roy at April 13, 2022 04:32 PM (Ti+Tv)

347 Chris pulling a R Budd Dwyer on camera might give ratings a single boost for a day

Posted by: Skip at April 13, 2022 04:32 PM (2JoB8)

348 Abandoning a dog is the fastest way to eternal damnatin

Posted by: Y5 at April 13, 2022 04:32 PM (8tNUK)

349 Powerline floated a story claiming Reid got tuned up by the mob over Obamacare.

The mob made sure Reid was re-elected, as he should have lost, but, the mob took care of the cheat, but, expected Reid to kill Obamacare.

At least, that's what my rather hazy memory seems to think happened.

--------------

I'm going to buy this because it will be my new favorite conspiracy theory. Reminds me of the Seinfeld episode where the pimp wouldn't take Jerry's cash because of IRS purposes - she was an independent contractor.

Posted by: SH (Overturn Roe) at April 13, 2022 04:32 PM (sX1BW)

350 SOURCE: Chris Wallace is "having daily breakdowns" over the "miserable launch" of @CNNplus. Wants a "CNN show or is threatening to walk" they go on. "He is having staffers count how many times a day his promo is playing"
Posted by: w


Easier if they just count viewers

Posted by: Y5 at April 13, 2022 04:33 PM (8tNUK)

351 LPowerline floated a story claiming Reid got tuned up by the mob over Obamacare

Bag or oranges, never shit right agai

Posted by: Y5 at April 13, 2022 04:34 PM (8tNUK)

352 >>No, but then again, I don't wear Crocs.


Well. Whomever went down to where she works and knocked the cock out of her mouth?

He didn't do any of us any favors. I'd still hit it. But I would not hang around to entertain her thoughts.

Posted by: garrett at April 13, 2022 04:34 PM (G9lTz)

353 CNN Plus: The Lodged Anal Dumbbell of the Streaming World

Posted by: ... at April 13, 2022 04:35 PM (dscaa)

354 Nude.

Posted by: Dr Spank at April 13, 2022 04:35 PM (h3Lfd)

355 >The mob made sure Reid was re-elected, as he should have lost, but, the mob took care of the cheat, but, expected Reid to kill Obamacare.

At least, that's what my rather hazy memory seems to think happened.

If it was the mob, the Searchlight pederast would be facedown in a shallow grave somewhere in the Mojave Desert.

Posted by: Heavy Meta at April 13, 2022 04:35 PM (gryET)

356 Dallas animal shelter out of space, in urgent need of fosters:
Posted by: weft cut-loop at April 13, 2022 04:28 PM (p6Md5)


Same thing is happening here. KC Pet Project is at capacity.

Posted by: Jewells45 at April 13, 2022 04:36 PM (nxdel)

357 347 Chris pulling a R Budd Dwyer on camera might give ratings a single boost for a day

Posted by: Skip at April 13, 2022 04:32 PM (2JoB

Might be enough to give me a crunched lung

Posted by: ... at April 13, 2022 04:37 PM (dscaa)

358 Dallas animal shelter out of space, in urgent need of fosters:
Posted by: weft cut-loop at April 13, 2022 04:28 PM (p6Md5)

Same thing is happening here. KC Pet Project is at capacity.

--------------

Seems like shelters are always at capacity.

Regardless, this seems like a Biden Inflation problem as people cannot afford dog food anymore.

Soon enough, grandma will be eating it for real. And the Dems always blamed it on the GOP.

Posted by: SH (Overturn Roe) at April 13, 2022 04:37 PM (sX1BW)

359 NYC subway shooter now in federal custady on terrorism charges.

Posted by: Vic at April 13, 2022 04:37 PM (mZwKe)

360 Not that it matters, but the guy who famously bought a full size 4x4 Chevy pickup with a 4 cylinder engine just pre-ordered two Canoo electric trucks. One is a delivery vehicle and the other a multi purpose vehicle.

I guess it's time to step away from the computer.

Posted by: jwest at April 13, 2022 04:37 PM (/BlEx)

361 I was watching some Gottfried roast vids and I loved what a good sport Roseanne was. That was not fake laughing. I hated her show, but she really seems to be a lady with confidence, unlike so many others in the biz.

Posted by: Pug Mahon, Gen X Ne'er-Do-Well at April 13, 2022 04:37 PM (x8Wzq)

362 Regardless, this seems like a Biden Inflation problem as people cannot afford dog food anymore.

Soon enough, grandma will be eating it for real. And the Dems always blamed it on the GOP.
Posted by: SH

Not just can't afford it, can't find it.

Posted by: rickb223 at April 13, 2022 04:38 PM (u9avC)

363 For the past 2 years you couldn't find a dog to adopt for love nor money in our town. All grabbed by people who needed a friend during the WuFlu lockdown. Now I hear those pets are being given up for adoption, now that they're not "needed" anymore. People are really lousy.
__________

I adopted a 6-year old shelter dog almost two years ago. Had nothing to do with the pandemic, other than the fact that our local shelter sent out e-mails saying they were over-loaded with dogs and needed to adopt them out as quickly as possible. I'd been planning to get another dog after my last dog had passed on, at nearly 19 years of age, in 2019. So I decided it was the right time.

She's sitting here by my feet as I type this, and I wouldn't give her up for anything. She's a very sweet pooch.

Posted by: TrivialPursuer--FJB at April 13, 2022 04:38 PM (k4dH2)

364 Seriously, new post.

Posted by: Dr Spank at April 13, 2022 04:42 PM (h3Lfd)

365 78 Didn't they legalize it in Washington state? I vaguely remember something about a guy and his horse, but maybe they realized they needed a law. That was quite some time back.
Posted by: clutch cargo - processed in a facility that may contain lead at April 13, 2022 03:47 PM (wAnMi)


That was a guy who went by the moniker, "Mr. Hands." He died of massive internal injuries following a "meetup" with a horse. Quoth Nazareth, "love hurts."

Posted by: antisocial justice beatnik [DHS Verdict: MDM] at April 13, 2022 04:44 PM (DTX3h)

366 Popped lung pshaw.

Has he mastered the Popeye Scat

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M_aA09Y9t4g

Posted by: DaveA at April 13, 2022 04:52 PM (FhXTo)

367 We beg to differ."

- - The MC-5
Posted by: J.J. Sefton at April 13, 2022 03:54 PM (s2VJv)


----

JJ
I always love you but you mentioning the MC5 solidifies my respect of you! It reminds me of when I heard Bob Segar ion the radio in Florida. I had no idea that other people had heard of local bands.

Posted by: Chillin the most at April 13, 2022 04:54 PM (ZpuGY)

368 Abandoning a dog is the fastest way to eternal damnatin

You know you're really stuck in the mud when your dog won't let you climb out on him.

Posted by: DaveA at April 13, 2022 04:55 PM (FhXTo)

369 I'm feeling better you guys. Obviously I'm able to use my phone.

Which means I'm about to get much worse.

Posted by: Masturbatin' Pete at April 13, 2022 05:02 PM (jJjw9)

370 "Overly Aggressive Masturbation" is the name of my Polyphia cover band.

Posted by: Caiwyn at April 13, 2022 05:48 PM (+dHQK)

371 You can't f-ck with the Femmes!

Posted by: Not Enough Lampposts at April 13, 2022 06:17 PM (HHTlz)

372 Oh great, something else to worry about, damaging your lungs during one of the few enjoyable pasttimes left to us.

Posted by: mark at April 13, 2022 08:33 PM (hq+CF)

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